12 Myths About Marriage that People Believe - 233 - Marriage Life and More

Episode Transcript
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Daniel Moore (00:09):
It's still possible for us to get irritated
at each other.
Well, like yesterday, youthought I was irritated.

Michelle Moore (00:14):
I did.
I actually just gave him a look.
It's that look that the wivesgive to husbands and I honestly,
was just sitting there and Iwas like and it confused me at
first and he's like we're gonnatalk this out and I'm like still
looking at him kind of weird.
He's like what, tell me?
Like tell me what you'rethinking, and I'm like nothing.
He's like I know better thanthat.

(00:35):
You've given me that look and Iwas like have I always given
you that look?
He goes every time you're madand I was like but I'm not mad,
he's.
Then why are you giving me thelook?
It was just so funny becauseI'm like man, we must have
fought a lot back in the daybecause that look is still with
him.

That's my trigger.

It was funny because I'm like well, nothing's
wrong, but I like the fact thatI can affect you like this.

This week on Marriage Life More.
We're going to be talking about12 myths about marriage that
most people believe.
We'll be back with this week'sepisode of Marriage Life and
More.
This is a podcast aboutmarriage, bible and book studies

(01:52):
.
We interview people that haveinspiring stories.
I'm Daniel Moore, your host,and sitting with me this week is
my beautiful wife over here,michelle.
Hey guys, she's our co-hostthis week and we thank you for
joining us.
If you're not familiar with ourshow, check out our website at
www.
marriagelifeandmore.
com.
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(02:14):
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That's what helps our podcasthere to grow, and we thank you
for doing that.

(02:36):
Well, this week we're going tobe diving into the topic that
every married couple, engagedpair or even a hopeful single
really needs to hear.
Marriage is one of the mostsacred covenants that we can
enter into.
It's a picture of Christ andthe church.
But you know, let's be a littlehonest here there's a lot of
ideas floating around about whatmarriage should be, and, of

(02:58):
course, not all of them are true.
Some of these ideas sound goodand they might even sound a
little bit spiritual, but theydon't really line up with God's
Word or real life and what itactually teaches.
So today we're going to makeour best effort to go through
about 12 common myths inmarriage, and these are beliefs
that may be holding couples back, causing confusion or even

(03:19):
stirring up a necessary conflict, and we're going to shine the
light on each one and some ofthese.
You might be just a little bitsurprised about what the Bible
does have to say about them.
Now, whether you've beenmarried for 30 years, three
months, or if you're stillpraying for that future spouse,
that perfect person that God hasfor you, well, this episode is
for you and get ready tochallenge some assumptions,

(03:41):
laugh a little and, mostimportantly, grow closer to the
truth and to each other as acouple.
So grab your Bibles, yourcoffee or your spouse and let's
get into it.
So this week, on Marriage, lifeand More, we're going to be

(04:04):
going through 12 myths and we'rejust going to go ahead and jump
right into these.
Michelle and I are going to gothrough all of these here and
talk about each one just alittle bit, and the first one
that we're going to cover ismarriage solves relationship
problems.
Well, this statement is acommon but misleading myth.
I know I've heard this commentmade before and I'm sure,

(04:26):
michelle, you probably have aswell People jumping into
marriage thinking it's going tosolve everything.
Well, many people believe thattying the knot will magically
fix their issues, like poorcommunication, trust struggles
or emotional distance.
The truth is, marriage doesn'teliminate problems.
It actually magnifies them.
A marriage is like a magnifyingglass and if there were little

(04:49):
cracks before, well, after awhile they're going to start
looking like big, huge canyons.
When two people make a lifelongcommitment, their unresolved
issues don't disappear.
Instead, they often become morenoticeable under the pressures
of shared responsibility, dailylife and deeper emotional
connection.
Now, from a biblical perspective, marriage is a covenant

(05:10):
designed to reflect God's love,not a cure-all for dysfunction.
Scripture encourages us to bearwith one another in love.
That's in Ephesians 4, verse 2.
And that's implying thatchallenges will come even in
godly relationships.
Healthy marriages are built ona foundation of honesty,
humility and mutual submission.

(05:32):
They are not built on wishfulthinking.
Instead of expecting marriageto fix relational problems,
couples really need to talkthrough your issues before your
marriage and you're going to betalking about them within your
marriage.
Otherwise they risk beingdisappointed when the wedding
day doesn't erase deeper issues.
It simply brings them intocloser quarters.

(05:55):
So, michelle, what do you thinkabout this little myth here
about marriage solvingrelationship problems?
What stands out to you?

You know, I sat there as you guys read it and I
was like I don't know that Iever really thought of it, that
when I got married, that itwould solve the relationship
problems, because I would thinkthat most people go into a
marriage thinking that it'sgoing to be well glorious.
You know what I'm saying.
You know I didn't ever go intoit that way, but I do like the

(06:27):
fact that when you were statingthe fact that you have to have
trust and I believe it was Ilost it, so sorry, can you see?

it?
Yeah, it's built on honesty,humility, mutual submission, Not
wishful thinking.
Yeah.

Definitely something that I you know.
That's what pointed out to me.

Yeah, and I know sometimes I think this may
happen more often, probably withcouples that date a long time,
rather than ones that, just youknow, date for just a short
period and then they decide, youknow they're madly in love and
they just decide to get marriedshort period and then they
decide, you know they're madlyin love and they just decide to
get married.
You know some people, afterthey've dated for a while, they
do kind of start to you knowsome of your flaws will start

(07:11):
coming out after a while becauseyou know we very first start
dating we try to sugarcoateverything and make everything
superficial and look perfect forthat new boyfriend or new
girlfriend, to make them thinkthat we're the best person for
them.
But you know, as it goes withany relationship, as we draw
closer to each other, then ourtrue colors start coming out

(07:32):
after a while and you know it'syou get more used to that person
.
You probably get a little bitmore safe with being around them
.
They're not just going to dumpyou for any little reason,
because there may be somefeelings there.
But definitely there are somethings within relationships,
especially communication.
If you can't communicate whileyou're dating and you're having

(07:53):
a major problem with that, eventrying to come to a resolution
about how to solve thatcommunication issue.

It's not going to work in your marriage either.

Yeah, the last thing to think is, hey, if we
just go ahead and get married,you know we can fix all this
later and everything should cometogether and we'll be fine.
But in all reality you know thestatement there about, you know
, marriage being like amagnifying glass I like to look
at it that way because, you know, when we're dating someone, if
we see little issues or littleflaws, a lot of times we're so

(08:22):
madly in love, we think, withthat person at the very
beginning.
We're willing to overlook that.
You know, we think it's just alittle crack, it'll fix itself
later and it'll be fine.
But in all reality, if we don'tget those issues fixed, then,
as that magnifying glasses wekeep watching that, those can
become those canyons thattotally separate people.
And you know, you know somepeople have actually been pushed

(08:44):
into divorce later on becausethey thought being married was
going to fix all of this.
But then they got, you know,deeper into their married life
and they realized they justcould not come to a resolution
between each other and it juststarted creating that bigger and
bigger divide between them.
So you know, especially forpeople that aren't married out

(09:04):
there yet you're still lookingfor the right one, or maybe
you're just dating and you'rejust not married yet.
But definitely make sure whenand not everything's gonna be
perfect when you get married, weknow that and after you get
married you're gonna find outmore about your significant
other that you didn't even knowbefore you got married.
You know you're not going tohave a time there over time, as

(09:26):
you're married, longer morethings come out.
But anything that is there upfront, it's best to try to make
sure you resolve your waythrough those things and don't
think that marriage is going tosolve all of those issues,
because that's not going tohappen and there might be some
people that's made it work, butI would say it's very rare.
I think the percentage isprobably going to be higher that

(09:49):
you're going to continue tohave issues unless you figure
out some way to resolve those.
So go ahead and tell us whatthe second myth is here.

You'll always feel in love.
This idea is a romantic butunrealistic expectation of
marriage.
While the emotional highs oflove, butterflies, excitements
and constant affection arewonderful and often present in
early stages of a relationship,they naturally ebb and flow over

(10:18):
time.
Feelings are unpredictable andcan be influenced by stress,
fatigue, life changes orpersonal struggles.
If a couple bases the strengthof their marriage solely on
feelings, they may start toquestion the relationship the
moment those emotions fade.
Biblically, love is notprimarily a feeling.

(10:40):
It's a choice and a commitment.
A feeling, it's a choice and acommitment.
In 1 Corinthians 13, pauldescribes love as patient, kind,
not self-seeking, and enduring,not as something you feel but
something you do.
Real, lasting love is showingup forgiving, sacrificing and

(11:01):
staying faithful even whenemotions are low.
In a Christ-centered marriage,love is sustained not by the
constant emotional highs but bythe covenant commitment.
In God's grace.

Feelings will come and go but true love is rooted
in action and not mood.
And one thing that I like aboutthis is we always have to
remember that love is a verb,it's an action word, it's, and
there's even secular songs outthere I don't know if you
remember I forgot who sang thatbut it was a song called Love's

(11:38):
Not a Feeling.
It's more than the meaning ofthe word.
It's an action that you dobetween each other.
Because, michelle and I, we'regoing to be the first to say
that there are times in our,even in our, marriage,
especially when we first gotmarried, there was lots of times
we didn't feel like we lovedeach other.
I mean it's we were really ateach other's throats, we were
having problems, lots of issueswere taking place, and if we

(12:01):
were just going to try tosurvive on feelings, you know, I
think we tanked.
I just don't know that thatwould have happened.
And so when the Bible describesthis, and when Paul was talking
about love and exactly what itis, you know he was talking
about.
You know, you've known, youknow how there's times with love

(12:21):
.
We've got to be patient witheach other and we've got to make
sure that we work throughdifferent things and we've got
to be kind.
Yeah, and that self-seeking.
We can't be selfish, you know.
We can't be looking atourselves and expecting.
You know, I can't expect you towait on me hands and feet and
do every little thing that Iwant you to do.
It's going to have to be.
You know, I'm going to have tobe not selfish with all of that.

(12:44):
And then enduring.
You know, even if we have goodtimes, bad times, there's going
to be the highs, lows, thevalleys, the hilltops that love
has to endure through all ofthat regardless.
And so I think that you know alot of times, especially with TV
, you know movies and stuff likethat.
You know.
I think that a lot of times,the storylines that they give

(13:08):
you know there's always a livinghappily ever after and it's
like everything.
Just they ride off into thesunset and they always make it
look like that it was a perfectrelationship after that.
But in real life we know thatthat feeling is not always going
to be that way.
Now, is there anything that youhave to add to that one?

The only thing I really when I was reading.
In a Christ-centered marriage,love is sustained not by
constant emotional highs, but bycovenant commitment and God's
grace.

Good.

That's so good because you think about it.
You know it's not by myemotions.
My relationship with Christ isnot an emotional high.
You know I don't give and takelike, ok, god, I'm gonna give
you this part but I'm going totake this.
It's the same way with arelationship and a marriage and

(13:58):
it says feelings come and go,but true love is rooted in
action, not mood, and I thinkabout that goes back to your
relationship with Christ.
You know your actions are goingto know what's come out of your
heart and show your love forGod because you are doing what
God wants you to do.
But you love him so much, thesame as your spouse.
You love them so much thatyou're willing not only to do

(14:22):
that by actions but by givingthem grace too.

Yeah, and I'm glad you brought that up, because
you know that's like that in ourwalk with God, you know there
are times that we praise evenwhen we don't feel like it.
Right right, and that statementhas came up many times for many
different people.
You and I have even talkedabout that, and it's not that we
don't love God.
It's just as life happens andas things take place that messes

(14:47):
with our feelings and ouremotions, and that's why we
cannot base these relationshipsthat are most important to us.
We can't base those on feelingsand emotions, because it
doesn't take much just to wipethose feelings out.

Oh, absolutely.
I mean, especially if you'reupset with someone, or your
spouse, like I know we've haddisagreements and I'm like, ok,
Michelle, take a step back.
This is not your feelings, notyour emotions.
You need to just pray aboutthis for a few moments, and I
know we've had that conversationwhere, hey, I'm letting the

(15:23):
emotions and feelings get thebest of me.
We need to wait for a littlebit and then come back and
discuss it.

Yeah, and that's one mistake a lot of couples
make and we've talked about thatas well is anytime there's an
issue.
Sometimes we want to be reallyfast and try to jump into the
problem to solve it when we'restill angry and our emotions are
still really high, and usuallythat's a firecracker waiting to
explode.

And I think that comes to with maturity in
Christ.
Not only maturity in Christ,but maturity in within yourself
as well.

Yeah.

You know, with that spouse too, it's like you
know who that person is, so it'slike you know.
You can't just all of a suddenI snapped I don't know if you
guys heard me that like Isnapped because you can't see me
but you can't just turn aroundand just treat him like that.
You know, whatever you want todo, you have to have grace.
God gives you grace.
Do you think that at the sametime, all your stuff is

(16:17):
misgivings and you know that hedoesn't forgive us.
So we have to have that gracefor the other spouse.

Yeah, so we have to have that grace for the other
spouse.
Yeah, and just because you gothrough a moment where you don't
feel like you're in love withyour spouse it's just like when
you don't feel like you're inlove with God that's when we
need to work at it harder.
Don't give up.
Don't think, okay, this is justdone and over with.
I guess I don't feel like Ilove him anymore.
Well, if you feel that way andyou're ready to just end it and
call it quits, then that meansyou weren't really in love with

(16:44):
that person.
You were basing all of that offyour feelings and that's not
going to last forever.
So, that's where you're going tohave to try to.
You're going to have to learnhow to flip that switch and make
that love that you havesomething internal, make that
come from the heart, and sothat's very important.
So that's the second one.
Do you have anything else?
Okay, that's.
The second one is that you'renot always going to feel in love

(17:08):
with that person that you'rewith, but there's nothing wrong
with that.
It's going to work its way out.
It's going to work its waythrough, as long as your heart
is where it needs to be.
And that's when you need tocommunicate.
If you have issues, you know,that may require that you met to
communicate in that area.
It may require that you have tocommunicate in that area.
So the third one is couples mustshare all interest.

(17:29):
You know your spouse or yourpartner they may love model
trains, but you care more aboutsalsa dancing.
You know some people think thatthat's a problem, but in all
reality it isn't.
Having your own interest ishealthy, because it gives you
something unique to bring to thetable and keeps things
interesting.
So this is another commonmarriage myth that can create
unnecessary pressure.

(17:49):
While it's great when spouseshave shared hobbies or passions,
expecting complete alignmentand interest isn't realistic or
even really necessary in yourrelationship.
God created each personuniquely, with their own likes,
talents and their ways ofrecharging.
In fact, having differentinterests can add richness and
balance to a relationship,giving each spouse room to grow

(18:11):
individually while they stillsupport each other.
So scripture teaches us thatunity in marriage is about
purpose, it's not aboutpersonality.
In Amos, chapter three, versethree, it says can two walk
together unless they are agreed?
And that means unity indirection and values, not
necessarily in hobbies or dailypreferences.

(18:32):
What matters most is thatcouples are aligned in their
faith, their commitment to oneanother and their shared vision
for life.
So it's okay if one loveshiking and the other prefers
reading.
What's important is mutualrespect, encouragement and a
willingness to enter eachother's world from time to time,
not to be identical, but tostay connected.

(18:52):
Sharing a few hobbies is great,but so is having your own thing
.
The important part is that yourespect each other's passions.
So what do you think about thatone?

I like the fact that it states the important
part is that you respect eachother's passions.
So what do you think about thatone?
I like the fact that it statesthe important part is that you
respect each other's passions.
I think it's very important.
We're all different, we're allgoing to have different hobbies
and interests and I think thatis the respect thing of hey, you
do computers, you can chill outon that for hours and not even

(19:25):
really come downstairs.
I respect that While you'redoing that, I get to read, which
I absolutely love.
But then we go kayaking or wecan go for a bike ride,
something we both kind ofsomewhat enjoy.
But I couldn't imagine takingsomething away from you that you
really liked.
I mean, I think you wouldresent me and I would think you

(19:47):
know if someone, as a spouse anda husband and wife, if the wife
asked someone to give you knowthe husband something up that
respect, they're going to resentit.

Yeah, I'm going to love you more because you, even
though you don't do what I dosometimes with some of the
hobbies I do have you still see.
The importance of that makes mehappy.

You actually said that faster than what I got
to.
Yeah, vice versa.

And I do read some , but you read way more than I
do.
She's got the Amazon Kindlesubscription.
I like to read.
Yeah, many times I've alwaysasked her how in the world do
you keep finding books on there,Cause you read so many?
But there's just thousands andmillions of books out there to
read, I guess.
But you know, I know how youenjoy that, yeah, and you know

(20:35):
we've got you the Kindle for itand everything.
I mean, I want to set you upand I want to make sure that
you're happy with what you'redoing and that's something that
gives me joy and I don't have todo all that reading like you do
.

No you know, that's not my thing and I don't
expect you to, you know.

Yeah, and so that's.
I think that's very important,that we do respect each other's
likes and dislikes, and it andit does.
It gives you a little bit ofspace to be your own self a
little bit and and truthfully,those differences, especially if
you're newly married or gettingready to get married someday
you're going to appreciate thosedifferences because that's

(21:12):
going to add the variety in yourmarriage.
So everything's just not boringand mundane because you're both
exactly alike and you'll findthat there are things you like
to do together, just likeMichelle mentioned.

Now I think sometimes it's hard for when you
do have your differentinterests because, like me, for
example, I can sit in the pooland lay out all day long.
Dan wants nothing to do withthe water and I get frustrated
because I'm like why don't youcome out and swim with me?
And he's like I don't want to.

(21:44):
And I'm like Like, why don'tyou come out and swim with me?
And he's like I don't want to.
And I'm like why not?
And you know, after all theseyears, we still to this day.
I'll probably ask you the samething this summer, you know, why
don't you?
Well, I don't want to stay outin the sun.
You know I work all day, soit's in that part I can feel.
Sometimes it does frustrate mebecause I'm like why don't you
want to do that?
But I have to give him creditbecause he will come out without

(22:07):
me even asking.
He'll come out and I get soexcited He'll tell you because
I'm like you're out here, youknow, and but I think a lot of
times if you have to, just letthe other spouse do it in their
timing.
So if you get frustrated and belike I don't understand this,
sometimes you just need to prayand just say God, you know, help
me with this.
You know this is frustrating mebecause he already knows you're

(22:29):
frustrated, but you don't haveto speak that out, you know, to
your husband.
You can just speak it to Godand just say help me with this
and help me enjoy this moment bymyself.
And, you know, think of a way,you know, you can spend that
time with God.

You know, and you know think of a way you know you
can spend that time with God,you know, and I do eventually
come out, sometimes because Idon't totally hate the water,
it's just not my thing.
But there are times that I willgo and come out because I know
that you want me to, and I'll dothat to make you happy, because
I want to make sure I don'twant you to always resent me for
not ever getting in the pool.

And so I think that that's where that balance
comes in.

I would agree with that.
And there's things that youknow the same way with you.
There's things that you'll getinvolved with with me.
Sometimes that's not your thingat all, but you'll still get
involved a little bit from timeto time or ask me if there's
something you can do to help orthat kind of thing, and that
just shows that the other personcares a lot, and I think that
means more than anything in alot, and I think that means more

(23:33):
than anything in a relationship.

So what's the next one there?
Marriage means no more personalspace.
This idea is a harmful myththat can lead to burnout and
resentment in even the mostloving relationships.
While marriage does involvedeep intimacy and togetherness,
it doesn't mean the erasure ofindividuality.
God designed us as uniqueindividuals and that identity
doesn't vanish when we say I do.
Healthy marriages actuallythrive when both partners have

(24:10):
room to rest, recharge andmaintain a sense of self,
whether that's through quiettime, hobbies, friendships or
simply a moment to breathe.
Biblically, even Jesus modeledthe importance of personal space
.
He regularly withdrew from thecrowds and even his closest
followers to pray and be alonewith the Father.

(24:33):
That's found in Luke 5.16.
If Jesus needed moments aloneto stay spiritually grounded, so
do we In marriage.
Honoring each other's need forspace isn't selfish, it's wise.
Giving your spouse the room toreflect, grow and rest allows
them to bring their best selfback into the relationship,

(24:54):
deepening both love and respect.
I don't think that one reallyneeds much more to be said on
that one.

Oh, and you know, for me, most people that's
listened to our podcast knowsthat I have a white personality,
which means that I do requiresome personal space, the fray

(25:24):
and all the stuff that's goingon, and I never have a chance to
step back from that and have myquiet moments.
Then I would eventuallyprobably explode because I have
to have that.
So this is kind of apersonality thing.
I think so, and so if yourpersonality requires that you
get out of the get out of theway for a while and just
recharge for a minute, you needto do it, because it's going to
be worse your relationship ifyou don't.
And so if the other partnerdoesn't understand any of that,

(25:47):
I think over time, because ittook you all to understand my
personality- yeah, and now I'mkind of more somewhat like you
because I have to have my quiettime.
Yeah, and so you more understandwhere I come from now and
you're okay with that.
So so definitely make sure thatyou allow for that in your
relationships.
So the next one good marriagesdon't require work.
Boy, how many people think thisone's true, that was a good one

(26:11):
.
This is one of the mostmisleading myths about
relationships.
It assumes that if two peopleare truly compatible or, quote
unquote, meant to be, theirrelationship's going to be easy
and effortless.
But in reality, every strongmarriage involves intentional
effort, consistent communication, humility, forgiveness and
growth.
Even the healthiest couplesface challenges.

(26:32):
From a biblical standpoint, onthis, love and commitment are
active, they're not passive.
Ephesians 4.3 urges believersto make every effort to keep the
unity of the Spirit through thebond of peace.
That kind of unity doesn'thappen automatically.

(26:54):
It takes prayer, patience andperseverance.
Marriage is a covenant, not acontract, and maintaining that
covenant means choosing loveevery day, even when it's hard.
A good marriage isn't onewithout struggle, even when it's
hard.
A good marriage isn't onewithout struggle.
It's one where both people arecommitted to growing closer to

(27:16):
each other and to God throughevery season.

Through every season.
I love that.
Yes, every season.

Yeah.

Because you are going to have multiple seasons
of life within your marriage.

Yeah, and it's not going to fix itself.
No, it's just not going tohappen.
And a lot of people, I think weend up in divorce a lot of
times because we don't want towork at it.
You know, we feel like if itgets to be too much and it's too
much of a burden quote unquotea burden on ourselves, then our
first answer is just well, thisis what meant for me and I'm

(27:48):
done, I'm just going to forgetit, move on.
And that's not how God wants usto do that.
And you know, we talked to wehad one full episode on this
back when we'd done the fourlaws of love on how marriage
requires work to make it happen.
And I think for myself, youknow, I can, I can think of a
lot of my friends that have beendivorced and I can look at even

(28:10):
some of our previousrelationships that we've had
where we just gave up on them.
And a lot of the reason that itended up like it did is because
there was just a laziness thereand we weren't being active.
I like up there how it said,from a biblical standpoint, love
and commitment are active,they're not passive, they don't
just sit around like an observerand watch what's going to

(28:32):
happen and sit there with theirpopcorn and enjoy the show.
That's not how that works.
We're supposed to be active andright in the middle of it, you
know, doing the hard and dirtywork to make sure everything's
going to come out the way thatit should, and that's what God
expects.
I mean even our relationshipwith God's work.
I mean we can't have arelationship with God either if
we don't work at it.
That's right.

(28:52):
And so we have to make surethat with our marriages since
our marriages mirror thatrelationship we have with Christ
then if you're going to put thework into it to be a Christian,
then we should be putting thatsame effort into our marriage,
into our relationships, to makesure that those do happen.
So if you're a spouse out thereand you guys are having
problems in your marriage,probably both of you need to

(29:15):
step back for a minute and lookand see where is the laziness
taking place, where is it thatyou're not putting all the work
into it, like you need to be, toresolve those issues and try to
work on those and try to makesure that that happens.
So go ahead and give us thenext one here.

Children strengthens all marriages.
This is well-meaning butinaccurate assumption.
I want to laugh in this one too.
While children are a blessingfrom God, they don't
automatically make a marriagestronger.
In fact, they often introducenew pressures.
Raising children brings stress,exhaustion, financial strain

(29:55):
and less time for one-on-oneconnection.
If a couple's relationshipisn't already rooted in strong
communication, shared values andemotional intimacy, the demands
of parenting can actuallyexpose and intensify existing
cracks in the marriage.
So right, so true, yep, in somany ways.

(30:16):
It's important to remember thatchildren thrive best when their
parents have a healthy, unifiedrelationship, not when the
children become the glue holdingthe relationship together.
A marriage built solely aroundparenting can lose its sense of
partnership and romance, leadingcouples to feel like

(30:36):
co-managers instead of spouses.
While raising children cancertainly deepen love and
purpose in a marriage, itrequires even more intentional
effort to stay connected ashusband and wife.
So true, children can be asource of joy and growth, but
they were never meant to replacethe need for marital foundation

(30:58):
and mutual investment.
There's so many things on thisone.

Yeah.

I just want to sit there and checkmark,
checkmark, checkmark.
This is great, great, great.

Well, if you remember back in our study again
, we'll refer back to that theorder that God expects us to put
in our relationship between thehusband and wife and how that
gets lopsided so easily.
And so if it's God, then thehusband and the children and the
wife, or it's God, the wife,the children, the husband, or
it's God, the children, thehusband, the wife.

(31:28):
All of those are not correct.
That's or it's God, thechildren, the husband, the wife.
All of those are not correct.

That's right.

It's God husband, wife, children and that is
biblical.
That's the way the Bible putsit in order, and there's a
reason for that.
What happens if you put all ofthis into your kids?
The whole time you're marriedand then they're gone.

Well, you forget about your relationship with
your wife.

Yeah, you about your relationship with your wife
.
Yeah, you don't even know eachother half the time.
And I can sit here and think inmy mind of several
relationships that are in ourdivorce now.
And it happened right when thekids finally left the house.
Once all the kids were gone,the relationship crumbled and
failed and they got divorced andmoved on.
And that's such a horriblething because there goes the

(32:10):
family unit, so the kids didn'tnecessarily probably live in a
split home.
That was good.
At least they waited.

But it affects kids.
It does Even as adults itaffects them, to think that they
only stayed together because ofthem.
And then their mentality ofrelationships is I don't want
one.
Because why would I needsomeone?
Because, you know, I don't wantto be stuck with them and have
the same kind of relationship myparents have.

Yeah.

I mean, you got to think about the consequences
of everything that we do.

Yeah, and I'll tell you from personal
experience having childrendoesn't keep a rocky marriage
together either.
You know, if you're havingproblems in your marriage and
you're trying to resolve those,it's getting worse and worse.
The absolute worst thing youcan do is decide, ok, let's have
a child and that'll fix it,because that's not nine times
out of 10.
That's not going to happen,it's just going to make things

(33:01):
worse.
And then you're going to end upwith the divorce eventually
anyway, and then you're going tohave a split family and a
blended family, and the child,from that point on, is going to
be passed back and forth on thatschedule, and so that's not a
way to solve those issues.

Now, and you know that from experience.

Yeah, and I wouldn't trade my daughter for
anything.
But my daughter was a lastditch effort to keep my first
marriage together, and eventhough in my back of my mind I
really didn't think it wouldwork, but I still decided to do
it anyway.
And then, sure enough, beforemy daughter was even one year
old, I was going through adivorce, and so that just

(33:37):
creates a whole bunch of issuesand a whole bunch of problems,
and it's not a good thing to doso.
To just put it in a nutshellhere when you get into a
marriage and you start havingchildren, never let you or your
spouse put your kids in front ofeach other.
Make sure you keep that ordercorrect.
Make sure the children knowwhere they're at in that line of

(34:00):
order as well, because I'veseen a lot of homes.
They'll let the children rollthe roost and they let them call
the shots, and that's not theway that's supposed to work.
The children need to know theirlove, and they let them call
the shots, and that's not theway that's supposed to work.
The children need to know theirlove, they need to know that
they're important in the family,and the parents need to love
those children above all things.
But they also need to let thechildren know that when it's
mommy and daddy time, it's mommyand daddy time, and that's the

(34:21):
way it is.

And I like the fact that it says here why
raising children can certainlydeepen love and purpose in a
marriage, but it requires moreintentional effort to stay
connected as a husband and wife.
And that is true becausechildren bring on schedules.
You're exhausted if you havebabies and your children don't

(34:46):
sleep at night.
It's a lot of work and you knowthat's something.
They have to stay connectedthroughout their whole life I
mean even sometimes now I meanwe get pulled directions with
our grandchildren or ourchildren.
We still have to, you know,stay connected through all that.

Yeah, and there's got to be some stability there.
And you need to make sure youmaintain that stability through
it all, no matter what comesyour way, and love your kids to
the best you possibly can,because they're a gift from God,
as it says in Psalms 127.3.
But at the same time you've gotto make sure that you take care
of your relationship first anddon't let that fail, because

(35:27):
that's going to even let thechildren have a better example
too of what a good Christianmarriage looks like.

I was going to say that's a great example for
your children to show yeah.
Hey, mom comes before us.

It's going to train them in the long run Yep
For when they have a family.
So the next myth here isfinancial stability guarantees a
happy marriage.
Well, this is also a verycommon myth, but it places way
too much weight on materialsecurity.
While having financialresources can relieve certain

(36:03):
stresses, like paying bills,securing housing or planning for
your future, it does notguarantee emotional intimacy,
trust or spiritual unity.
A couple can have plenty ofmoney and still struggle with
communication, pride,selfishness or unresolved
conflict.
Money might ease externalpressures, but it can't fix
internal disconnection.
In fact, the Bible warns usagainst placing our trust in
wealth In 1 Timothy 6.10,.

(36:25):
It says the love of money isthe root of all kinds of evil,
and Jesus reminds us that aperson's life does not consist
in the abundance of possessionsin Luke 12, 15.
A happy, godly marriage isbuilt on faith, love, humility
and mutual service, not the sizeof a paycheck.
Financial stability is a tool,not a foundation.

(36:45):
True joy in marriage comes fromwalking in unity with one
another and with God, regardlessof the bank balance, and I
think this one does definitelybecome issues sometimes in some
people's marriages, and I thinkone thing that I always think
about when I read something likethis is you always think about

(37:06):
these millionaires.
You know the people that havemade it rich.
You know Bezos with Amazon, andthen you've got you know
Facebook, mark, whatever hislast name was I can't remember
all their names right at themoment, but you know a lot of
them, that a lot of these peoplethat you talk to.
If they make all this money andthey have tons of money in the
bank, if you actually sit downand talk to them, they'll tell

(37:27):
you that there's still a voidthere.
If they don't have God, there'sstill a void in their life and
they feel like that now theyhave all the money and
everything in the world thatthey can buy and yet they still
don't have that happiness deepdown inside of them.
And I think that that rollsover too into our marriages,
into our relationships and onthe flip side of this.

(37:48):
Being poor can also have thesame effect on someone, I think,
because that raises your stresslevels.
You know not being able to makeends meet, pay the bills, and
you know take care of the kidscorrectly and that kind of thing
.
There's a lot of worries there.
So there is a balance there, Ifeel, financially, that you need
to be at in order for thatrelationship to flourish like it

(38:23):
needs to.
But for the person, yeah, realsoon, you're going to find that
that's going to destroy thatrelationship you have, because
then that money becomes moreimportant.
You know, we talked about awhile ago about putting your
kids in front of you and yourspouse.
Well, some people put money infront of their kids and spouse
as well, and that will not work.
It's just not going to happen.

(38:43):
Is there anything you want toadd to that one?
No, okay, that was prettyself-explanatory and hopefully
no one out there listening ishaving an issue with this.
But there is plenty ofscriptures in the Bible that
backs up this myth aboutfinancial stability.
As it states here, god wants usto make sure that we have that
faith in him, that love betweenour spouses and us, that

(39:06):
humility between each other,willing to serve each other and
be servants.
God's more worried about thatthan he is the almighty dollar.
God helps us.
He supplies our needs accordingto his riches and glory.
If we stay in his will, he'sgoing to help us pay those bills
.
Yep, I truly believe that he'shelped us so many times.
And we're not rich.
No, by any means we are notrich at all, but God has helped

(39:29):
us sustain and he's helped usmeet the things that we needed
to, and you know ourrelationship has thrived.
Yeah, go ahead and tell us thenext one.

Successful couples never argue.
Just going to laugh on that oneand start out with this is a
harmful myth that can createunrealistic expectations and
unnecessary pressure inrelationships.
Disagreements and differencesof opinion are natural in any
partnership, even in thehealthiest of marriages.
That is so true.

Yep.

In fact, conflict itself is not the
problem.
It's how couples handle theconflict that makes the
difference.
Boom, I just dropped the mic onthat one.

Dropped the mic.

Successful couples know that arguments can
be the opportunity for growth,understanding and a deeper
connection if approached withlove, respect and a willingness
to listen.
It's unrealistic to expect twopeople to always agree on
everything, especially as theynavigate the challenges of life,

(40:45):
parenting and personal growth.
Parenting and personal growthBiblically, we're taught in
Ephesians 4.26 not to let thesun go down on our anger,
meaning that while disagreementswill happen, we should address
them quickly and constructively.
Proverbs 27.17 says as ironsharpens iron, so one person

(41:08):
sharpens another, which impliesthat healthy disagreement can
refine us.
Just as iron sharpens iron, soone person sharpens another,
which implies that healthydisagreement can refine us, just
as iron sharpens iron.
The key is to approacharguments with a mindset of
reconciliation, not rivalry, andto prioritize the relationship
over being right.
Successful couples don't avoidconflict.

(41:29):
They navigate it with humilityand love, aiming for resolution
and growth in their bond.
This really actually is very,very good.
We've talked about thismultiple times on our podcast.

Yes, we have.
You know, there's times, evenbetween you and I, that even
with everything that we've beenthrough and with our
relationship where it's at rightnow, it's still possible for us
to get irritated at each other.

Well, like yesterday, you thought I was
irritated.
I did.
I actually just gave him a look.
It's that look that the wivesgive those husbands and I
honestly, was just sitting thereand I was like and it confused
me at first and he's like we'regoing to talk this out and I'm
like still looking at him kindof weird.
He's like what, tell me, liketell me what you're thinking,
and I'm like nothing.

(42:17):
And he's like I know betterthan that.
You've given me that look and Iwas like have I always given
you that look?
He goes every time you're madand he's like then why are you
giving me the look?
It was just so funny.
Because I'm like man, we musthave fought a lot back in the
day because that look is stillwith him.

Yeah, that's my trigger.

It was funny because I'm like well, nothing's
wrong, but I like the fact thatI can affect you like this.
Yeah, I might have let her knowsomething a little bit more
than I really wanted to, BecauseI was like no, I'm not mad, and
that went back to the fact thatour personality differences and
how we handled the situation.
Yeah, you know, with your whitepersonality you didn't want to

(42:58):
do what I was like.
Well, we should be doing this,and I mean we talked it out, but
it wasn't.
We weren't really mad at eachother, it's just you were
stating yours and I was statingmine, because I mean how I felt
about it, there's a littledisagreement and so but the best
thing we've learned, though.

I knew that I wanted to talk through that, if
that was a problem, before wewent any further.
And that's what we did.
We sat there and talked throughthat and figured it all out and
moved on, you know.
So it's going to happen.

Yeah, yeah, it is.

You're going to have that time when something's
going to happen that's going toflip your trigger, because we
all have triggers and wheneverthat takes place, there's
probably going to be an argument.
But the best thing is I'm goingto actually one of our other
points.
Here is another myth is it'sokay to go to bed angry?

Oh yeah, it stated that earlier.

We're going to tie these two together.
Okay, because they really dokind of go hand in hand.
And I know in the worldly viewof this they totally, totally,
totally disagree with what we'regetting ready to say about this
.
Because if you look at theworldly view of going to bed
angry between two spouses, youknow, if you look at it worldly,
they think, well, if you'regoing to bed and you're just,

(44:14):
that gives you some time to mullthings over and cool off and
make things better.
So here's the thing, biblically, with that.
Yes, there are times that we'reprobably going to go to bed not
in the best frame of mind, butwe need to make sure that we do
try to resolve those conflictsthe best we possibly can before
we go to bed so that we can atleast be on a maybe like a

(44:37):
neutral plane with it and thentomorrow we can pick it back up
and maybe finish resolving theissue.
But if you don't even attemptto try to solve that issue
before you go to sleep andyou're furious at each other
when you go to bed, that givesSatan room to work in your minds
all night long.
That gives him that capabilityto come in and start making you

(44:57):
think bad thoughts about yourspouse.
You know, tomorrow I'm going to.
You know he's not going to getdinner because I'm not going to
make it for him.
He's on his own.
Or I'm going to make her go outand mow the yard something that
she hates to do, maybe, orwhatever.
Or I'm going to make her go outand mow the yard something that
she hates to do, maybe, orwhatever.
You know, just given this crazylittle examples here.
But that's what Satan will do.
He'll sit there and startplanting these little ideas and

(45:18):
these seeds in your mind and Godknows that.
And I think that's why here inEphesians, chapter four, why it
was talked about to not let thatsun go down on your anger.
And when we have disagreementsbiblically, we should address
them constructively and do itquickly.
Don't let that sit there andfester.
And I know sometimes we need to.

(45:40):
When I say quickly, I knowsometimes, when we're super
angry, we do need to step awayfrom each other for a little bit
to cool off.
We don't want to jump rightinto that or, like we talked
earlier, we don't just want tojump into that resolution right
off the bat while we're stillfurious at each other, because
it's probably not going to work,but if we do have those moments
where we just get angry andfrustrated and we pop off and

(46:01):
say things that we regret laterand wish we'd never said, it's
best to step back from that fora moment, take a little bit to
calm down and then come backtogether and at least come to
some type of a resolution whereyou can both come to some kind
of an agreement before you go tobed.
Even if it's not completelyresolved, at least you're

(46:22):
working on it.
And if you can get to a pointwhere you can go to bed not as
angry as what you were before,pray about it, pray together
before you go to bed.
If that's a problem, I thinkthat would be a good thing to do
and then allow God to workthrough that as you sleep
overnight, get up the nextmorning refreshed and finish the
conversation and try to come tothat resolution and work on

(46:43):
that and stay in the word withit, stay in prayer with it.
But that's something that a lotof couples make mistakes on.
You and I have done this plentyof times.
We've gotten furious at eachother.
We've once went to the bedroomand once slept on the couch.
You know it's like that stuffdoes happen.
We're not going to say that itdoesn't, but that's not how God
wants us to handle that.
He wants us to handle thatdifferently.

(47:05):
It can.
Basically, you know, underneaththis, what I had here is it
leads to unresolved conflict andemotional distance in a
marriage.
If you're not careful, it'llpush you apart.
And when couples allow anger tolinger overnight, they risk
building resentment and theissue could escalate the next
day and continue to keepescalating.
You know, higher and higher.

(47:25):
So when we go to bed angry, itrobs couples of the opportunity
for the reconciliation, healingand peace.
And while it's natural to feelupset in the heat of an argument
, it's essential, like we said,to pause, take a deep breath and
seek resolution to that beforethe day ends and take care of
that.
And that's something that Ithink you and I have done really
well, since we've fixed themajor issues we had within our

(47:49):
marriage.
I don't know when the last timewas we really went to bed mad at
each other.
It's been a long time, becausenow we make an effort, just like
we were just talking about thelast night.
If something does come upbetween you and I, we do, really
we try to fix it right then andthere.
We don't want to let thatlinger and create any issue.

Well, I think sometimes you may have a person
that, whether it may be husbandor the why, for example, they
want to.
You just had an argument.
And then one person's like,let's solve this, let's solve
this, let's get taken care of.
And the other person has tothink about it and really take
in what happened and pray aboutit before.

(48:32):
But you got this person like,let's talk about, let's get it
solved, we can't go to bed.
I think sometimes that you justliterally have to step away from
each other and even as you saythat, sometimes you can just say
, ok, hey, satan, I'm not goingto let you have any thoughts in
my head.
God, you know we're going towork this out.

(48:53):
But I think there are timesthat and I would say that you
are going to go to bed.
I mean, that's just biblically,maybe it's in Michelle's way, I
don't know, but I think therehas been times.
You know, even though I am notlike solely mad and we don't
discuss it, I mean I make surethat one my heart's in the right

(49:15):
place, and God knows, you know,and I pray with God and then
I'll come back and address itthe next day.
You know, and that's where I'mlike.
Ok, you know you hurt myfeelings in this or you said
this, but it wasn't something Itwelt upon.
So I think you know Iunderstand that statement and I
understand that where it'scoming from biblically, but I
think it's sometimes I'm tryingnot to justify it for myself,

(49:40):
but I think that there are goingto be other couples out there
that understand what I'm sayingthat you just are going to have
to separate and even though yougo to bed together, you're not
mad at each other.
But yet there's stuff there.
But you are worked it out withGod to know.
The next day we're going todiscuss that.

(50:00):
Does that make sense?

I mean, I think the difference here is the Bible
is basically God doesn't wantus to be full of anger when we
go to bed and that's Satancausing us to explode inside and
come up with these feelings ofanger towards our spouse or
whatever.
I think God at least wants usto try to resolve to calm that

(50:22):
anger down.
We may still go to bed in astate of not being in agreement,
you know.
I think that we can go to bedknowing that, okay, at least for
now we can deal with it like wehave it here.
We're not angry at each otheranymore like we were.
We know we still don't agree,but let's go to.

(50:42):
You know we need to go to sleeptonight and let's sleep on this
.
Next morning we'll get up.
Just make sure that you try tofix it eventually.

You know you try to fix it eventually.

Try to come to that resolution where it needs
to be, and don't waste that timethat time that you said I'm
going to step away here for alittle bit and think about this.
Well, make sure you do thinkabout it.
Don't go turn on CSI or FBI orsomething like that and start
watching TV when you need to bepraying and thinking about going
to God with some of this.

I resent that.

Is that what you do?
You don't do that.
No, but you picked on my showsWell that's the first two I
could think of, because youwatch them all the time.
I don't watch much TV, reallyWay to pick my shows out, yeah,
but anyway, whenever we havethat angry, those angry moments

(51:33):
between each other, you know,just make sure you don't waste
that time.
Yeah.
I get what you're saying Makesure that you are going to God
with it, because that problemdoes need to be resolved as soon
as possible.
Yeah, you know you don't wantthat to keep festering and
building.
So another myth here marriagewill make you happy.

(51:53):
You know you should never lookto marriage as your sole source
of joy.
Of course marriage should makeyou happy, but it's not a
pleasure vending machine, youknow.
Pop in those quarters and youget that happiness back out of
it.
This is a common but misleadingmyth that can set couples up
for disappointment.
While marriage brings joy,companionship and a shared
purpose, it does not guarantee apath to happiness.

(52:16):
If a person enters into amarriage with the expectation
that their spouse will fulfillall their emotional needs, solve
their problems and make themhappy all the time, guess what?
You're going to be let down.
Michelle can vouch for thathere in a minute.
Happiness is an inside job.

(52:36):
It's rooted in an individualwell-being, faith and personal
fulfillment, not in the actionsor behavior of another person.
Marriage, while a beautifulcovenant, is not a fix-all for
life's challenges.
From a biblical perspective,true happiness and contentment
come from God, not fromcircumstances or people.
In Philippians 4, 11 through 13, it teaches us to be content in
all situations, whether inabundance or in need.

(52:57):
A successful marriage requiresboth partners to be grounded in
their identity in Christ,pursuing joy in their
relationship, their ownrelationship with him.
Marriage can be a place of joyand fulfillment, but it should
not be seen as the ultimatesource of happiness.
Rather, when both spouses focuson serving God and each other,

(53:18):
joy will naturally follow.
That so good Marriage is aboutpartnership, love and mutual
growth.
It's not about findinghappiness through the other
person.
Yep.
So, good.
So what happens when you putsomebody on a pedestal and
expect them to solve all yourissues?

Let's go back to episode.
What was that episode?

It was probably several of them.

Yes, please, you know, don't put your husband on
the pedestal, or your wife.
Yeah, that's what I was gettingready to say.

Yeah.

Definitely, you know that is what I was getting
ready to say.
Yeah, definitely, you know,that is something I learned the
hard way and because I did thatand there was a lot of hurt and
a lot of anger and a lot of hate, because my poor husband let me
down, and you know, becausewe're human, it's going to
happen and my love was notrooted in what it should have

(54:12):
been.
So, I mean, literally go backand listen to our episodes,
because it will be everythingthat we talked about.

Yeah, It'll just lead you down a road to end up
It'll crush you inside.
I mean you described thatpretty extensively in our
episodes.
I mean you describe that prettyextensively in our episodes.
No-transcript, Because you putso much into that.

(54:39):
Well, you didn't trust them, somuch and they broke that and
you know how do you rebuildafter all that happens.
Yeah, I thank God that yourebuilt.
I'm so glad that you did.

God's been a part of both of us.
That is just something that'syou know, we both know, and he
was in a restoration business,not just in our marriage but
within ourselves.

Yeah, so it's very important to understand that
that happiness that we haveshould always come from God,
yeah, and then that tricklesdown into our marriage and our
relationships.
Just like I said, joy willfollow if we allow God to create
the happiness inside of us.
So what's the next one downhere?

Your spouse shouldn't be your best friend.
Your spouse shouldn't be yourbest friend Definitely a
misguided myth that canundermine the intimacy and
closeness of a marriage that ismeant to have In reality.
One of the most beautifulaspects of marriage is the
opportunity to be deeplyconnected with your spouse, not
only as a romantic partner, butas a trusted friend.

(55:41):
In fact, when a husband andwife are able to share their
hearts, dreams, and strugglesand joys with each other, openly
and without judgment, itstrengthens their bond.
The Bible speaks to this levelof unity in Genesis 2, 24, where
it says that is why a manleaves his father and a mother

(56:02):
and is united to his wife, andthey become one flesh.
The oneness described hereimplies just not physical unity,
but emotional and spiritualcloseness as well.
Having your spouse as your bestfriend means having someone who
knows you deeply, supports youunconditionally and challenges

(56:23):
you to grow in your faith andcharacter.
Amen why it's essential tomaintain the friendships outside
of the marriage.
Your spouse should be the oneyou turn to first, whether for
laughter, comfort, counsel orsimply companionship.
A strong friendship with yourspouse nurtures emotional

(56:44):
intimacy, trust and a sharedsense of purpose.
In a marriage, the best friendsare the ones who help each
other become more like Christ,walk through life's challenges
together and provide a safespace for vulnerability and
support.
I don't really think that youcan add anything to this,
because literally that states alot.

It does.

I mean I sit there and I think about okay,
you love me deeply, you supportme unconditionally, you
challenge me to grow my faith.
I mean we literally laugh allthe time.
You're there for comfort andcounsel and companionship.
And you know we both I mean Danand I will talk about like if

(57:33):
we go anywhere, we always wantto go together because it's so
much fun going with him and Ilook up to him and he looks up
to me and we have so much funjust picking on each other and
laughing that I couldn't, Idon't want anything else, like
because of us.

Yeah, I will tell you, though, not to Google this,
because I have Googled it.

Oh gosh.

And when you go, look at this from the worldly
side of it they truly sit thereand say that you can't be a best
friend with your spouse becausethere are some things that you
just can't tell your spouse.
And I'm sitting there thinkingwhat in the world would you not
want to tell your spouse?
That's the person that you'vegiven your heart to, that you've
committed your life to, that'sthe person you live with day in

(58:18):
and day out in the same home,under the same roof, and that is
exactly what God has called usto do.
He has called us to be open,open hearted, emotionally
spiritually physically,intimately, all of those
different aspects of our life.
We're to be open with our spouseand there are some things,
within even those fourdefinitions, that you can't be

(58:39):
with your best friend who youwould consider to be your best
friend.
You know, my guy best friendsI'm not going to be intimate
with them, you know.
I mean I'm not going to bephysical with any of them.
There are things that I sharewith you that I could never
share with my best friend.

Well, I think that scripture just puts it
perfectly.
I mean the oneness of it, Imean that's the reason why you
leave the father and the motherand you become one in one flesh,
because the two of you shouldbe so close.
So I resent the fact that theworld states that, the fact that
you can't be that way.
I mean, here we are, we'reproving everybody wrong and I'm

(59:15):
sure there's many marriages outthere that prove that wrong.

Yeah, if there's actually things that you feel
like you can't tell your spouse,then that's a very scary place
to be because if you're notcareful, that could open up the
door for other things to behidden and that could be sending
you right down the road for aseparation and divorce if you're
not careful, because thereshould not be anything that
happens in your life that youshould not be able to have a

(59:40):
safe space with your spouse tobe able to tell them and to be
completely open and transparentbefore them.
That's the godly way to be ahusband and a wife.
And so I mean I have reallygood friends, I have a lot of
them, but there's not one friendI have that I feel like I feel
about you.

(01:00:00):
I mean you're my ultimate bestfriend and I want to be that
person to share anything andeverything with you, not holding
anything back, and I don't wantto have to be the one walking
around with this little facade,this thing over you know, over
my head, scared you're going tofind out something I'm trying to
keep from you.
I've been in that situationbefore and that is not fun.

(01:00:21):
I don't like that feeling.
I want to be able to know thatI can come to you with anything,
any issue that I have, andyou're going to be a support
system for that, or, if it'ssomething that's, you know, kind
of bad between the two of us,that we're able to work through
it, and that's what being a bestfriend's all about, yeah, and
so, yeah, I don't care what theworldly people out there want to
say and speak over couples butI'm sorry, but being married to

(01:00:50):
somebody, you marry your bestfriend that you share everything
with.

Michelle Moore (01:00:52):
And I think if you sit and just visit with a
bunch of couples like we have alot of good couple friends and
you're going to hear every oneof them saying my spouse is my
best friend.

Daniel Moore (01:01:02):
And we have a lot of Christian friends.
Yeah.
So I think I like the way that,the Christian faith, the way we
look at that, because we dolook at it a little differently
than what the world does.
But you can't go wrong havingyour spouse as your best friend
at all.
So the very last one here.
The last myth is marriagedoesn't change anything here.

(01:01:22):
The last myth is marriagedoesn't change anything.
Well, this is a myth thatdownplays the spiritual,
emotional and practicalsignificance of the marriage
covenant.
While some couples may thinkthat living together or dating
long-term is essentially thesame as being married, well, the
truth is that marriage brings aprofound shift in both
responsibility and relationship.
Biblically, marriage is acovenant before God.

(01:01:45):
It's not just a legal or socialarrangement.
Genesis 2.24, we refer to thatagain.
It says that a man leaves hisfather and mother and is united
to his wife and they become oneflesh.
This one flesh union marks adeep spiritual and emotional
bond that changes the way twopeople relate to each other and

(01:02:06):
to the world around them.
Practically speaking, marriageintroduces new dynamics that
require intentional adjustment,like shared finances, joint
decision-making, family planningand long-term commitment
through every season of life.
It also changes how couples areviewed by others and how they
should view themselves, not asindividuals pursuing separate
paths, but as a united team.

(01:02:27):
The commitment of marriageelevates the relationship from
casual to covenantal, requiringgreater sacrifice, deeper
communication and mutualaccountability.
Saying I do may not instantlychange your personality or
preferences, but it absolutelytransforms the nature of your
relationship in God's eyes andin your daily life.

(01:02:48):
So we see this a lot.
We see a lot of couples thatjust live together and they go
to church and they profess to beChristians.
They serve, they try to doeverything that a married couple
does, but we know biblicallythat's not the way God wants
that to be Christians, theyserve, they try to do everything
that a married couple does, butwe know biblically that's not
the way God wants that to be.
And there's obvious reasons forthat.
I know for you and I, therelationship I think that we

(01:03:10):
have we could never carry on ifwe were just cohabiting.

Right.

You know, if you and I just moved in and we
stayed that way, I mean what doyou think we would have?
The same type of relationshipthat we have now?

No, and I also think it's easier to leave if
you're not married.

Yeah.

There's no reason to stay.

Exactly Because that covenant's not there.
Yeah, and you know, whenever weget married, we make those
promises and those covenantsbefore God, and that means that
we dedicate ourselves solely toeach other.
That nobody's supposed to beable to divide that bond.
And so I totally agree with you.
I think that whenever we'rejust, you know, being live in

(01:03:51):
boyfriend and girlfriend, and wejust choose to stay that way
and have kids, have a home andall that kind of thing, all you
are is you're still just twofriends that now have shared
stuff you know, and it does makeit harder for you, because if
you're going to end up gettingmad at each other and say, well,
I'm not married to you, I'mjust going to leave, well then

(01:04:11):
you got to divide all this stuffup and it's almost like a
marriage.
But to me it just seems like itwould be so different.
I just can't even imagine whatthat would be like.
And I mean to me.
I think that the fact that yousaid, okay, I'll marry you, that
raises my marriage to you andmy love for you in a whole
different level.

Yeah, that just raises that bar, it should.

And so to me it really shows how much you really
do care and love about mebecause you're willing to go
into that covenant relationship.
So that's going to be the 12myths that we're going to cover
this week.
Did you have anything else thatyou want to add to any of that?
No, it was good.
I hope that maybe some of thesethings have shed some light if
you guys are in some of thesesituations and didn't really

(01:04:54):
know what the answer was, whichway you need to turn or how to
take care of these issues asthey come up.
And this is only 12.
I mean, there's hundreds ofmyths that are out there when it
comes to being married and thatkind of thing.
There's a lot of things,especially if you're newly
married.
You're going to run into a lotof stuff as time goes along and

(01:05:14):
hopefully you know, if you stayin the word and you keep praying
, have some good godly counsel,then I think you know that's the
best way to get through a lotof these issues as they come up.
So we just hope that as we wrapup today's episode, we hope
that you're feeling bothchallenged and encouraged in
your marriage.
Marriage is a sacred and abeautiful gift from God, but

(01:05:36):
it's also a relationship thatrequires truth, grace and
intentional effort.
The myths we've talked abouttoday might sound harmless or
even popular, but they canquietly distort our expectations
and slowly erode the foundationof a godly marriage if we leave
them unchecked.
The truth is, marriage isn'tabout perfection, it's about

(01:05:56):
persistence.
It's not held together byfeelings, convenience or
culture's advice, but by acovenant rooted in love,
humility and daily surrender toChrist.
When we replace the world'smyths with God's truth, we begin
to see marriage not just as aplace of happiness, but as a
place of holiness, where Godshapes us, stretches us and

(01:06:18):
draws us closer to himselfthrough one another.
So, whether you're newlymarried, walking through a rough
patch or simply wanting to growstronger together, remember
this A successful marriage isn'tbuilt on fairy tales.
It's built on faith, hard work,honesty and two people who keep
showing up day after day withopen hearts and surrendered

(01:06:39):
wills.
It day after day, with openhearts and surrendered wills,
and when God is at the center,no myth can compete with the
power of his truth.

So good Yep.

So keep seeking God's heart for your home,
because his design for marriageis not only good, it's life
giving.
Well, that's going to do it forthis week's episode.
Make sure you subscribe so youdon't miss any episodes that we
have each and every week.
I'm Daniel Moore.
My wife, michelle, has beensitting over here with me this
week.

Bye guys.

As we went through this episode.
I want to thank her for beinghere today as well.
Thank you, guys, for listening.
This show wouldn't be possiblewithout you.
If you're a fan of the show,please leave a review on Apple
Podcasts.
Or if you would like to help usout, just take a few seconds to
give us a five-star click andplease subscribe to us on your
favorite platform.
The links are in the show notes.

(01:07:29):
Well, that's all for this week,and we pray that your marriage
is stronger and your walk withGod is closer after this episode
.
This is an extension ofConnecting the Gap Ministries,
and we pray that you have ablessed week.

Aria (01:08:02):
You've been listening to the Gap Ministries and we
podcast every Thursday and avideo version of it on YouTube
and Rumble.
We are also on the Christianpodcasting app Edify.
You can subscribe to ourpodcast on many of the available
podcasting platforms, includingApple Podcast, spotify, amazon
Music, iheart Radio, tuneinRadio and more.
We are also available on yourAlexa-enabled devices.

(01:08:23):
If you would like to contactour ministry for any reason,
visit our contact page and sendus a message.
We hope you are blessed by thisministry.
This is a production ofConnecting the Gap Ministries.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}12 Myths About Marriage that People Believe - 233