May 22, 2025 • 44 mins
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Cultural differences can either fracture relationships or become the foundation for something beautiful. For Scottie and Vicky Albious, navigating the chasm between Marshallese traditions and American expectations became an unexpected journey of growth, compromise, and spiritual transformation.
When Vicky first encountered Scottie's family, she stepped into a world where women served everyone without question. She watched as grown men expected their mothers to fetch drinks, clean up after them, and handle every domestic task while men maintained authority without responsibility. Coming from a completely different background, Vicky established early boundaries: "I will not do that. Marriage is a team, we're going to do this house stuff together, kids stuff together, life together."
Rather than dismissing Scottie's heritage outright, Vicky approached these differences with respect while clearly communicating her expectations. The language barriers complicated matters – Scottie's parents spoke English quickly with accents Vicki struggled to understand, creating misunderstandings that sometimes became family jokes. Through it all, they learned the delicate dance of honoring cultural roots while creating something new.
The true transformation came when Scottie began listening rather than defending. "I had to work on communication and part of communicating is I had to listen. I don't like that because it's humbling," he admits. This openness led to distinct changes that even his family noticed. His brothers observed the difference in how he respected his wife and considered her perspective – something revolutionary within his cultural framework where divorce was taboo but emotional connection between spouses was minimal.
Their story isn't about abandoning cultural identity but about consciously choosing which traditions to maintain. "You can be proud of your heritage, you can be proud of your background, but respect the other person's and start a new culture with your family," Scottie advises couples navigating similar waters. The spiritual dimension of their relationship provides common ground beyond cultural differences, helping them prioritize mutual respect and understanding.
Join us for this powerful conversation about crossing cultural divides, challenging assumptions, and creating a marriage that honors heritage while embracing growth. Their journey might just change how you approach differences in your own relationsh
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Episode Transcript
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Vicky Albious (00:06):
It's pretty funny because I am horrible with like
language.
You know, like his mom, theycould speak English, but it was
like they say everything so fast.
I could not and I would sitthere and look at Scotty like um
do you need an interpreter here?
And I can remember he didbecause there was one time she
(00:28):
was talking to you aboutsomething and I caught into some
words she was saying and I waslike okay, so I like started
this conversation with her andwe keep going.
And then I'm trying to answerand Scotty goes, she's not even
talking about that anymore.
And I'm like oh, why didn't youtell me?
Scottie Albious (00:44):
Or there were times where I had fun with it
and she would ask a simplequestion like Vicky, hi, how you
doing?
I'm like, hey, mom wants toknow where you got that dress.
And like Vicky would answerlike just random stuff, and mom
would like give a question.
You know, like, look at her,like what, what is she saying?
I'm like sorry, mom, she justdoesn't understand you.
Daniel Moore (00:59):
This week on Marriage Life and More.
We welcome back Scottie andVicky Albious.
They sat down with us last weekand they're going to be here
for another episode this weekand we pray you'll stick around
for that.
It's going to be a greatepisode.
We'll be back with that rightafter this.
Welcome.
(01:31):
Welcome to Marriage Life andMore.
(01:51):
This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and
every once in a while weinterview couples that have
inspiring stories.
I'm Daniel Moore, your host, mywife Michelle co-hosting over
here, and, of course, we haveScottie and Vicky Albious back
with us this week, so we'll getto them here shortly.
If you're familiar with ourshow, check out our website at
www.
marriagelifeandmore.
com For our platforms.
(02:13):
Our YouTube and Rumble linksare there.
We're also on the Christianpodcasting app, edify.
If you have Alexa and Googlesmart devices, you can catch us
there as well.
We're also on social Facebookand Instagram @ctgaponline.
If you're a fan of our show,please subscribe.
Feel free to leave a comment onour platforms, give us a thumbs
up or a five-star review onApple Podcasts, and we'd be
grateful to you for doing that.
(02:34):
That's what helps our podcastto grow Well.
Last week, as I just said here,we sat down with Vicky and
Scottie and talked to them alittle bit about their marriage.
Vicky came into this marriagenever being married before,
where Scottie had previouslybeen married, so if you've
missed that episode, make sureyou go back and check that out.
They give a little bit of theirhistory there as well.
(02:56):
She can kind of get to knowScottie and Vicky and who they
are.
This week, though, we're goingto change gears a little bit and
we're going to talk aboutcultural influence in marriage,
and we hope that you'll enjoythis episode.
So, as we come into thisepisode this week, we want to
(03:23):
talk a little bit about culture,and, for those of you that are
listening, this is a podcast, soyou can't see anything.
Vicky and Scottie are a littlebit different.
Vicky Albious (03:36):
It's probably a good way to put that.
Daniel Moore (03:38):
Just a little bit, and so we're going to explain
that this week in this episode.
Those that know Scottie andVicky know exactly what I'm
talking about.
But we know that sometimes inmarriage scenarios, God brings a
lot of different kinds ofpeople together.
And I think that's what's soawesome about marriage is, you
(03:58):
know, marriage really has noboundaries when it comes to that
kind of thing.
God can just take a couple fromtwo completely different
cultures or from different walksin life, whatever it may be,
and he can make somethingbeautiful out of it.
You know, you guys have aphenomenal testimony really
marriage-wise, because you havea lot of dynamics going on in
your relationship here and Ithink there are some people out
(04:20):
there probably that strugglewith some of these dynamics and
they have some issues with that.
So you guys have agreed to talkthis week a little bit about
that scenario.
So, scotty, let's go ahead aswe get started with this episode
here, just give us a little bitof background about you, your
culture that you come from, andjust kind of give us a little
insight into what that's like.
Scottie Albious (04:43):
Okay, so first of all, my parents.
They came from the MarshallIslands and that's out west
between Hawaii and Australia.
That's part of the Micronesianchain of islands.
So it was funny because youknow, I grew up mom and dad
telling me all these stories onthe islands and you know dad's
(05:03):
version of I walked to schoolbarefoot in the sand and you
know every day and you know.
So it was kind of cool knowingour culture.
There's a big influence in theSpringdale area in Arkansas.
There's also a growinginfluence of just islanders, the
Marshallese, micronesiancultures here in Neosho and
Springfield and Kansas City.
(05:23):
So I got to, you know I wasborn in Muskogee, oklahoma, you
know out of all places, raisedhere in Neosho since first grade
, so I got to see differentsides of our culture and the
American culture and just beingblended in it.
There were so many questions,like you know, I see this at mom
(05:44):
and you know at home, but thenI see this here at my friend's
houses, so I mean there was alot of dynamics in that when it
comes to marriage.
So you know, starting off withmarriage, I thought I knew what
marriage was because, like youmentioned earlier, you know our
parents are, you know the onlyinfluence that we have on
marriage.
So, seeing my parents marriedand you know they're married
(06:05):
until my dad passed away a fewyears ago, they, you know they
were always married.
They were always together.
I thought I knew all theanswers when it came to marriage
and when it came to howmarriage should be.
Well, I found out.
I didn't know all the answersand I found out the hard way and
but yeah, that's that.
Daniel Moore (06:22):
You know that's how I grew up and you know the
way, but yeah, that's how I grewup and the Marshallese culture
is very different when it comesto marriage.
Yeah, and I know we've learnedfrom our son-in-law.
Michelle Moore (06:32):
He's from Guatemala he married our
daughter.
Daniel Moore (06:34):
And it was interesting when we've talked to
him a few times, because he'stold us how everybody thinks
he's Hispanic.
Every time somebody sees himyou're Hispanic and it's like no
, there's a difference betweenHispanic and Guatemalan.
It's not the same thing.
Scottie Albious (06:49):
We're like what yeah?
Daniel Moore (06:51):
It's those things you learn, you know as you go
along, and I'm sure you probablyget that as well.
Scottie Albious (06:57):
All you have the Hispanics come up to me and
speak Spanish.
I'm like, ah, no, sorry.
I'm from the Hawai'iano, I'mfrom the East Lost, sorry, you
know you want some pineapple.
Wrong land, brother, you knowwrong language.
Daniel Moore (07:11):
Yeah.
So that's an interesting littletidbit there that Michelle and
I have learned from ourson-in-law and daughter how your
culture handles marriage.
What is the typical way thathusbands treat wives, wives
treat their husbands?
Kind of give us a little bit ofinsight into that culture.
Scottie Albious (07:38):
So in our culture, one you know divorce is
taboo, you know you don'tdivorce, you're stuck with them
forever.
And to be honest, with you inour culture it's almost like
you're set up, you're married,you find somebody and then it
goes from there.
You're just doing life together, you're friends.
I've never really seen muchemotion between mom and dad no
hand-holding, no kissing, nohugging.
(07:59):
So I thought that's howmarriage is.
We're married, I can dowhatever I want.
You just stay over there, takecare of the kids.
And that's not how it is.
And I come to find out even asan adult being saved later in my
20s, biblically that's not howmarriage is and it was tough to
(08:21):
learn.
And I say that and I'm stilllearning marriage and culture.
But at the same time it's oneof those things where I was like
you know, I want our culture torealize that we're not going to
.
There's much more to the justsay, hey, I'm married, you know
we have kids together, you knowthere's a life of intimacy and
you're living life with yourspouse and you're sharing things
and you're supposed to beconnected and holding hands and
(08:43):
you know, and showing affectionfor the kids.
Because here's the thing yourkids see how you walk through
marriage.
And I want my boys and I wantmy daughter to know hey, I want
a godly person as my spouse.
I want someone, boys, and Iwant my daughter to know hey, I
want a godly person as my spouse.
I want someone to lead my house.
I want somebody to lead me,encourage me in the Lord.
But in our culture it's like Isaid one, you don't get divorced
.
Two, you're just friends justhanging out, you're almost
(09:05):
roommates and you're just.
It's accepted that you'remarried and that's it You're.
You're getting old together.
Daniel Moore (09:17):
Does it seem like, as far as is there like any
different level of abuse or anyof that kind of thing?
Scottie Albious (09:19):
really, I think from the island culture, it's a
very prideful culture.
So if there's abuse-wise,there's more of like an
emotional abuse.
You know you're constantlyyelling and you're constantly,
you know, just, would you say,like forceful how you've seen
mom and dad, and like the reasonI'm asking my wife is because I
(09:41):
want more of an outsideperspective, because I was so in
it that I don't see, you know,I'll see it now, but she's seen
much more like she.
There's a lot of things thatshe pointed out like, wow, they
don't do this or they don't dothat, and I'm like, and what's
wrong with that?
You do this or they don't dothat, and I'm like, and what's
wrong with that?
You know what?
Yeah, so, and I'm like okay,then teach me what's, what's
going on, what's wrong, you know, cause I really want to know.
Daniel Moore (09:59):
Yeah, so, vicki, what did you see?
Vicky Albious (10:01):
You know it was crazy the first time, one of the
first times I went over to hisparents' house well, probably
the first few times, and I would, you know, we'd go over there
for dinner and of course his mom.
You know, one of the firsttimes I went over there was like
these tubs of meat, cooked meat, and I'm like gosh, how many
(10:24):
people's coming over here.
No, like it was for just thefamily and I mean, like they can
kill some chicken, that's forsure.
Like they just tons of meat,all you know can kill some
chicken, that's for sure.
Like they just tons of meat,all you know.
But she just it didn't matter,you know what time it was,
whatever she's cooking and she'sdoing for everybody.
You know, um, his dad was alwayskind of quiet, but you knew
(10:47):
like he was in charge.
You know, um, but when, when wefirst started dating and I went
over there, I remember sittingaround the table, it was me and
him and Kira, and then, I think,garcia, you know some of the
families there and I rememberScotty saying, mom, I want a
drink and I'm sitting here likeget up your dang self and go get
(11:10):
your own drink.
Like what are you doing?
And I began to watch Kira.
You know she was doing the samething Grandma, get me this, do
that, do this, do that.
You know, and I was just.
I sat back and I observed thisI'm just like, no, like I'm, my
kids are not going to be raisedwhere mom is the walk-on, mom
does whatever the heck the kids.
(11:30):
And you know, like I didn't,you know, down the road, at that
point I was like gosh, if wehave kids down the road, like I
don't want my kids thinking thatthis was the way it was
supposed to be, you know, but Imean, that's their culture,
that's how they were.
But for me I just you know.
So I started talking to Scottyabout it and I'm like I, I'm not
(11:51):
going to be this person.
Scottie Albious (11:53):
You know, like you can get your own drink and
your kids can learn to do stufffor themselves, you know, and
yeah, and now keep in mind, I'min my 30s and and we're going
over there for dinner and Ifinish and I just get up and
walk off Vicki's like your plateand I was like, yeah, it's in
there for mom to get why she'slike.
Michelle Moore (12:11):
you can get it yourself.
Scottie Albious (12:11):
And I was like, yeah, it's sitting there for
mom to get why.
She's like you can get ityourself.
And I'm like who are you tryingto ruin my culture?
What?
is going on here, you know butit was one of those things like
a light bulb, you know, becausethat was such a normal thing.
Yeah, I sat there.
I was like why can't I get myplate?
That is weird, you know what Imean.
Yeah, myself, why can't I makemy own dish?
(12:33):
You know, it might be two inthe morning.
And mom, would you know?
That's how we're raised.
If mom I'd come in from youknow, hanging out with friends,
it'd be like midnight, two inthe morning.
I'd be like mom, I want to, Iwant something to eat.
No-transcript, if you know,she'd wait on us hand and foot.
(12:59):
I didn't know how to do mylaundry until I was in college.
I remember sitting there going,whoa, I've got a lot of dirty
clothes.
What do I do now?
And my roommate had to show me.
Vicky Albious (13:10):
To me it was just disrespectful in the fact of
just a human being.
Scottie Albious (13:15):
You know what I mean Of like for that person to
have to be doing everythingwhen you are fully capable of
doing it yourself, you know, butagain, that was culture and
what's crazy for her is likewhen she brought in the fact
like you know, if we have kids,and that's when it really
clicked in me I was like, wow,you know that's normal for me to
have mom clean up after myself,but I can't imagine my wife or
(13:39):
going to be my wife going to bewaiting, you know, after us, you
know hand and foot and you knowconstantly.
It's just really different.
You know, I always see mom asmom's going to do that, mom's
going to take care of it.
But I always saw like, ok, well, I'll help my wife if I need it
.
But I didn't see the visionthat was there.
Vicky Albious (13:56):
Like I do a ton for my kids and for Scotty, but
like I think there's sharing aload.
You know it's so important.
Yeah, it's a team, it's a teameffort, right yeah.
Daniel Moore (14:14):
So when you came, you know from looking at the
culture that you're from do yousee women just put up with that
all the time?
Did you ever see any rebel fromtrying to get away from that
type of leadership from the men,or is it just ingrained in them
?
It was just ingrained in them?
Scottie Albious (14:27):
And if anyone had a problem with it and they
left, then there's somethingwrong with that woman.
There's something wrong withher.
For her to leave the familyunit like that.
What a shame on her.
How dare she leave the kids andthe husband?
And you know, this was her job.
She's supposed to do it.
And you know, what's crazy islike nobody really taught me
that or taught us that.
(14:47):
It was just learned andobserved as we got older.
Even with relatives and thingslike that, mom and dad would be
like, oh no, she's got problems.
Like wow, that's weird.
I didn't really I never thoughtof it, you know.
Daniel Moore (14:59):
Yeah, just been going on for generations really.
Literally.
Do they carry jobs, the women,or do they mainly, primarily,
stay at home, mainly?
Scottie Albious (15:08):
stay at home and if they do jobs, it'll be at
nights, whenever dad comes home, and then they can do their
night job.
They come back, you know, takecare of the kids in the morning,
dad's going off to work.
Yeah, that's how.
That's basically how we wereraised.
Or, you know, if they hadparents that live with them, you
know the grandparents wouldtake care of the kids while mom
and dad would go work, but thengrandparents are in the house,
(15:29):
grandma's taking care ofeverything.
Daniel Moore (15:31):
Yeah.
Vicky Albious (15:32):
Did you see a lot of that Like where the
grandparents living.
Scottie Albious (15:36):
I did with other family members but not
ours, because both sets of mygrandparents had passed away, so
I didn't really see it.
So I saw mom carrying the load,but I did see with my cousins
and other relatives that thegrandparents would grandma
especially would take care ofMoms, would help too, but it was
always the women getting thingsready and getting things done.
(15:56):
The men would just sit back.
They knew that.
You know they were in charge.
That's just how I saw it andyeah, I'd punch you.
Daniel Moore (16:04):
I literally would punch you.
Scottie Albious (16:06):
Vicki did many times Don't let her be sweet and
everything.
She hit me many times.
Daniel Moore (16:13):
Well, everybody already knows my wife's violent
I know, yeah, I feel for you,that was a cry for help, I get
it.
So, Vicki, whenever you firstmet his family, was you guys
married already, or did you meethim before?
Vicky Albious (16:26):
No, I met him before and it's pretty funny
because I am horrible with likelanguage.
You know, like his mom theycould speak English, but it was
like they say everything so fast.
I could not and I would sitthere and look at Scotty like do
you need an interpreter here,and I can remember he did.
(16:49):
Because there was one time shewas talking to me about
something and I caught into somewords she was saying and I was
like okay, so I so I likestarted this conversation with
her and we keep going.
And then I'm trying to answerand Scotty goes, she's not even
talking about that anymore, andI'm like oh, why didn't you tell
me?
Scottie Albious (17:07):
or there were times where I had fun with and
she would ask a simple questionlike Vicki hi, how you doing?
I'm like, hey, mom wants toknow where you got that dress.
And Vicki would answer justrandom stuff and mom would give
a question.
Look at her like what, what isshe saying?
I'm like sorry, mom, she justdoesn't understand you.
Vicky Albious (17:20):
Well, it's funny because one time his mom cooked
at the church here in Neosho forsome of the Islander families.
I think the missionaries thatgot lost or something like that,
and she's cooking.
I'm standing there beside herand one of the other ladies his
mom, was saying something, andshe looks at me and I look at I
(17:44):
think it was Dee, actually, andI was like and she goes, she's
asking you for love and I'm like, oh my gosh, Like everyone
could understand her except me.
Scottie Albious (18:00):
And it was probably five years into our
marriage that I could finallylike understand what the heck
they were saying yeah, thatwould be quite a barrier to leap
over, I'm sure, and it was, Ithink, for me at that point it
was like I was like man, what'swrong with you?
How come you can't understandmom?
Vicky Albious (18:08):
You know, because I can understand her, just
perfect.
Well, it's funny because Iremember him telling me he would
like get on phone calls withyou know people, and he would be
mad at them because theycouldn't understand his parents
and he would like you know, chewthem out and stuff and be like,
what are you stupid,da-da-da-da you know?
Back before Jesus, I think, andI was like, are you kidding me?
(18:32):
Because, like I, you know, it'snot these people's fault.
Like you can't, we can'tunderstand them, you know, just
because they would talk so fastthat would even bring a you know
point.
Scottie Albious (18:42):
So I would get so angry and like just be mean
and rude to people that didn'treally understand my parents,
like whenever they're trying topay bills or you know, we go
into a bank or something, theywould to me.
From my perspective, I alwaysthought they were trying to make
them feel stupid.
Yeah, so in their defense, Iwould get so mad and I would,
with my English, like I wouldmake them feel, try to make them
(19:04):
feel stupid.
And I didn't realize untilVicki was like that's not it at
all.
They just they're trying tocome to an understanding of you
know what your parents aresaying.
And I was just like, oh wow, Ineed to be a meme.
Daniel Moore (19:29):
What was the adjustment like?
Did you ever when you saw howthe women were treated?
Like?
Did you ever when you saw howthe women were treated, yeah,
did that ever?
You know, bother you to thepoint where you think, okay, you
might be seeing my point ofview here a little bit, but what
about later on down the road,10 years from now?
Is this going to be an issue?
Did you ever have those worries, necessarily, or?
Vicky Albious (19:49):
no, because I told him from the get-go I will
not do that Like this is not whoI am.
Michelle Moore (19:55):
No, I didn't.
Vicky Albious (19:56):
Oh, you're violent too.
No, I was literally like thisis, I won't do that.
Like marriage is a team, we'regoing to do this house stuff
together, kids stuff together,life together.
Like I will not be walked on,you know.
And of course I think you know,like I had said in the last one
(20:16):
, like there was a point that Ihad almost got married when I
was in my late teens, early 20s,and you know, it's crazy how
God will walk us through otherrelationships to prepare us, you
know, for like anything we walkthrough, tough whatever, he's
always going to turn it and useit for our good.
And back, you know, in my laterteens or the 20s, I was kind of
(20:38):
that I'll do anything, you know,like I'll do this for you.
I'll do this because I kind ofgrew up like my grandparents
were very my Mimi did a lot ofthe cleaning and the cooking and
the serving my granddad, youknow, like that was just so.
I saw that and so you know I Iwas kind of in that, you know,
(20:59):
of like oh, this is how a wifeis, you know, and there's
definitely a balance to that.
And when I walked through thatrelationship almost got married,
and then you know, thank Godthat door closed.
He had other plans but itreally I realized it prepared me
for my marriage with Scotty tostand up for myself and say, no,
(21:20):
this is what I will or will notbe okay with, you know.
And so God's just cool that way.
Daniel Moore (21:29):
Well, it's kind of interesting because you know,
there's a lot of what I wouldcall white couples, I guess best
way to describe that.
The guy will just sit there andexpect the woman to do
everything you know, and it'snot a cultural thing, I think
it's laziness myself.
They just want to have thatcontrol and all that kind of
(21:50):
thing.
You know, and I, you know, alot of times I feel like when we
come into the marriage scenario, I think that and I don't know
if it's because that's the wayit was in their family all along
and they've just picked up onthese bad habits or what the
exact situation is but it seemslike, you know, a lot of times
they'll be really helpful at thebeginning because they're
(22:12):
trying to win the spouse and getthem married and whatever, but
then all of a sudden, likesomething eventually flips, you
know, and it's like they expectthe wife to do it all and they
forget their team.
You know they forget that that'snot God didn't create me.
He, you know.
He created the guy as the headof the home obviously, but there
(22:33):
is a lot of do's and don'tsthat comes with that title.
You can't.
that doesn't mean that we justrule the roost and our wife bows
at every whim that we have, andthat's something that Michelle
and I, I think, over you know,the period of our marriage as
well I always try to do the bestI can to help her and do my
(22:54):
fair share.
We both work, so I feel likethat's just part of my
responsibility as well, and Isometimes don't get it why guys
feel like that they just need tobe the king of the mountain.
They're so mean actually.
I mean it's actually, it'sreally a mean way that they
treat their spouses, and Ireally hate seeing that you know
(23:16):
, when I see it.
So, as you guys were workinginto your relationship and
starting to you know, thisrelationship starting to grow
and everything, it's probablyuncommon, scotty, for the guys
from your culture probably tolet go of that control.
I would imagine to an extent tolet go of that control, I would
imagine to an extent.
What do you think made itdifferent for you to actually
(23:39):
have your eyes opened a littlebit, to actually listen to Vicki
and see some of the concernsthat she had, and for you to
look at that and say you know, Ido have an issue there that I
need to correct.
What do you think was some ofthe things that helped you to
change the way that you did,instead of just being a bull in
a china closet and saying, no,this is the way it's going to be
because I grew up this way.
Scottie Albious (23:56):
No, you know, speaking from you know a lot of
the men in our culture.
It is hard to give that up.
There's actually, you know,we've spoke, and your mom and
your dad, they ministered atthis, they're really close with
this island pastor that he wouldtake the men.
He would have all the familiescome to the church and he would
say, okay, now all the women gettogether and you guys have a
(24:18):
night out to hang out.
All you men take your kids homeand you watch the kids.
Oh, wow.
Vicky Albious (24:24):
They were going to have a prayer meeting at the
church for the women and kind ofa thing there and you know the
men were to stay at home withthe kids.
Scottie Albious (24:32):
And he said within what an hour, within
minutes, the dads would becalling me like hey, can we have
our wives back?
Vicky Albious (24:37):
Well, they'd be coming to the church and the
pastor was like uh-uh, get inyour cars and go home, Take care
of your kids.
Yeah, like he's trying to teachthem.
Scottie Albious (24:45):
Like no, and that's such a cultural thing for
us is to the ocean, missouri.
I got to see how relationships,american relationships work.
So I got to see both sides.
But yeah, there were questionsthere.
But like I look back on youknow, even that that testimony
of the parents like oh, we needthe wives to my thing is I want
(25:07):
to be a dad where I can takecare of my kids.
I don't want to be well, mom'snot here.
I don't know what we're goingto do.
Mom should be doing this, momshould be doing that.
No, like she was saying, it's ateam effort.
For me it was, like I said, Ihad to work on communication and
part of communicating is I hadto listen.
I don't like that because it'shumbling and I had to listen and
(25:31):
I had to take in and absorb.
And when, like I said, my wifecame to me and man, there's so
many Holy Spirit moments whereshe would say stuff that I was
just like, wow, that wasdefinitely needed.
You know, I needed to hear that.
Vicky Albious (25:45):
And I would feel like I was just hitting a brick
wall.
You know, I would say thesethings and he would just not
respond or he would, you know,whatever.
And then it'd be like a day orso later he'd come and be like
okay, so let's talk about this,because in the past.
Scottie Albious (25:58):
You know, even with other relationships I was,
I was being told this or this orthat and I would not listen.
You know she, you know I.
I would say I'm, I'm hardheadedand I would not listen.
I would not listen, I would dowhat I want to do.
But, like I said, when my wifecame to me and when we were
(26:19):
dating and she came to me inlove instead of being forceful,
that was different for me.
That softened my heart and Iwas like, okay, she's got, she
knows some things.
Maybe I should listen a littlemore.
And as I got to do that thathealed us and I know because you
know we've learned in themarriage conference women's
number one need is security.
Well how's she going to besecure with a hardheaded guy
that will not listen to a wordshe says?
Daniel Moore (26:35):
Yeah.
Scottie Albious (26:36):
So I was like, OK, she needs that security,
babe.
I feel like fill in the blank,you know she needs to hear it to
feel secure.
Daniel Moore (26:44):
Yeah, do you feel like sometimes, that you're like
did your family notice that youwere changing, that you were
different?
Scottie Albious (26:51):
Oh yeah, I think my brothers one.
They saw a huge difference inour relationship.
They're just like, wow, he's.
You know, he's definitelychanged.
And I think, mainly because ofhow I respect my wife, how I
will, I'll consider thingsbecause usually in the past like
nope, I'm going to do it, we'regoing to do this way, I don't
care what anyone says, you know.
And now it's like totallydifferent.
(27:11):
Yes, ma'am, that really works.
You know and you know.
Yes, babe, you know I'll do.
You know, this is how I feel,and things like that.
So I know my brothers have seenit, I know my parents have seen
it in the past and I thinkthere's a lot of things that
they even questioned, like whyis he doing that?
Why is he listening?
And I think, that was one of thethings.
So, as I was dating otherpeople and things like that, my
(27:34):
parents didn't like any of them.
There was only one person theyliked and it was her, and I
think, because they saw her do achange in me for good, they're
like this is a good one.
But, like I said, we're such aprideful culture we would never
come out and say and communicatehey, she's a good one, you need
to hold on to her.
They would just treat her withrespect and, you know, be nice
to her.
(27:54):
And I was like okay, theyreally like her.
Wow, that's different to me.
Daniel Moore (27:58):
Do you feel like you were influential at all on
your brothers and the way thatyou changed, or your sister?
Yeah, did you see any changesin any of them as far as?
Scottie Albious (28:08):
I would like to think so.
I, as far as I would like tothink so, I mean, yeah, I think
I do.
I want them not to see, youknow, I want them to see a
change in me, but it was becauseof the Lord.
Daniel Moore (28:16):
Yeah.
Scottie Albious (28:17):
And I want them to want that same change.
You know I haven't heardanything yet, I know, I know.
I think my sister said oh, ar,he can rely on God to change him
.
I want that same thing.
I want the Lord in my heart tobe able to change my heart and
(28:38):
soften that.
Daniel Moore (28:39):
Yeah, that's awesome, and your sister is
awesome.
Michelle Moore (28:43):
We know her.
Daniel Moore (28:45):
Yeah, she's a sweetheart, and so is there
areas that you guys haveactually just had to compromise
that you can think of to makethe marriage continue to
flourish and stay in a positiveaspect of things?
Is there anything you can thinkof that you've had to
compromise on?
Or do you think God's justworked it all out and he's just
(29:06):
made it all happen?
Scottie Albious (29:08):
I do whatever she says.
Vicky Albious (29:09):
Whatever happen, I do whatever she says no.
I think over the years you knowit's just learning as a couple
what works and what doesn't,I'll use one.
Scottie Albious (29:20):
So compromise like I don't like doing laundry,
but I, if I see it, you know,pile up, I'll do it because it's
going to give her a break.
And so, with that being said,compromise there's a lot of
learning.
Like she told me, there's a lotof things that I can't throw
into the dryer.
Like I'll wash a shirt and arug together, not even thinking
you know, oh gosh, well, she,you know, she told me you can't
(29:41):
dry this or you can't do that.
Yeah, so it's learning.
And you know, do I do it?
No, I'm learning myself.
I'm like, okay, this is how wedo it.
Vicky Albious (29:51):
Said I would go in the room and flip on the
light and like we're going totalk this through.
We're going to work this outand you know, just over the
years I kind of got to thisplace of like I had to.
It caused so much frustrationand irritation to me and like we
would eventually work throughit.
It is sometimes take two hoursthat night, you know, and it was
(30:13):
just so much more frustration,I would say, on me, whereas he
was like, okay, we're done orcan we go to sleep now?
you know, and I was just likebut I learned over the years
like I just need to let him likethink about it, you know, and I
would tell him this made mefeel this way, this way, this
way, and be like okay and way,and be like okay and just
wouldn't.
There were times, you know, hedidn't respond how I was hoping,
(30:36):
you know, to kind of mend it inthat moment.
But I would go to bed andusually the next morning before
he would leave for work, hewould hey, you know, sorry about
that.
I was thinking about that andyou're right, you know this or
that, you know, and it's justlearning each other and how to
make it work.
Scottie Albious (30:54):
I think what she does is like we'll have a
talk and she'll say she'll getin a quiet place and she'll be
like Lord, get him.
That's me every time.
Vicky Albious (31:01):
All this spirit, well, but I think a lot changed
too, though, honestly, when hewas filled with the spirit
Speaking in tongues because inthe first couple of years of our
marriage he was seeking thatand it was like when he was
filled.
I remember that night.
I remember standing on thatplatform, you know, singing Fill
my Cup, lord, and they werejust having this prayer line.
(31:23):
I remember that.
Yes, I remember it, and Iremember him coming up in front
of Sister Jeannie.
She prayed for him, he went on,and then she came around and
she got him again, and then she,at one point and I'm just
standing up there worshiping,you know, and she looks back at
me and basically like, lookedlike he got it, you know, and I
(31:45):
just was sobbing, but it changeda lot in our marriage.
Scottie Albious (31:50):
I remember trying to process the whole
thing.
I'm like what just happened?
And I remember talking to herthat evening and she was like so
how was I?
I was like, eh, it was okay.
And I'm like but no, it was, itwas awesome.
Vicky Albious (32:02):
It changed a lot in our marriage because it just
brought us into deeper unity andGod and leading our family
forward.
Scottie Albious (32:09):
You know, and I'm glad you said that because,
like men, please allow the HolySpirit to lead your heart in
your marriage.
Because I once heard a pastorsay a good friend of mine.
He said there is a differencewith a relationship with Jesus
and an intimacy with the HolySpirit.
And that's totally true,totally true.
And when you're hearing theHoly Spirit you can't ignore it.
That's why I said she's like goget them, god, you know,
(32:32):
because now I'm here I'm like,ok, yeah, you're right, lord,
and you know.
Daniel Moore (32:35):
Yeah, and that's a good discipleship piece because
a lot of times, you know, a lotof churches don't really teach
about the Holy Spiritnecessarily, right, right and
really to them all it is is haveyou accepted Christ into your
(32:56):
heart?
They come up, they say theirprayer with you and you're done.
In all reality, in this walkwith God, there's something way
deeper than that and I trulybelieve, like you guys have said
, when the Holy Spirit comes inand you actually allow Him to
come in and change you, that'swhere you become that clay in
that potter's hand.
God can just make things out ofyou.
That's just unbelievable.
Wouldn't you recognize yourselfin?
Michelle Moore (33:11):
a lot of cases.
Daniel Moore (33:13):
I know people that have just led brutal lives and
the Holy Spirit got a hold ofthem.
They tell you their testimonyfrom 20 years ago and you're
like you're the same person.
It's just like God just doesthat.
That's how the Holy Spiritworks.
And I think that's a good wayreally to end this episode,
because feel like you know a lotof things that we go through
(33:34):
within not only life, but withour marriages and the
relationships that we have.
I think that that's again itputs the icing on the cake as to
why it's so important to haveGod in the center of everything
and the Holy Spirit invitinginside of us, because we can't
do this on our own Right.
I think anybody that's beenmarried for any significant
amount of time knows you have towork at marriage.
Michelle Moore (33:55):
You can't just be a bystander, you know
observer, looking into theequation.
Daniel Moore (34:00):
You got to be in their hands on Right, and it's
always important to let God be abig part of that.
You can't just do that byyourself.
Vicky Albious (34:07):
Right, and it's not 50-50.
It's 100-100.
Daniel Moore (34:10):
Absolutely.
Vicky Albious (34:11):
Yeah, putting it all in.
Daniel Moore (34:13):
Yeah, the marriage is such a huge.
It's a support system.
You support each other and wherethere's lacking, the other one
needs to jump.
And I have kind of learned overtime, is you know, I constantly
watch what her needs are, whatshe's doing.
(34:35):
If there's something that she'sreally struggling to get
something done, or whatever,well, I've got a few moments, I
go help her, right, you know.
And if it's vice versa, if I'mhaving an issue like that, she's
right there waiting to jump inthere hands on, and that's you
know, that's so important handson and that's, you know, that's
so important and I think that'sthat you know.
Scottie Albious (34:57):
over the years, you know, Michelle, you've been
really good at being sensitiveto the Holy Spirit in a lot of
things in our marriage.
How we even started off ourcollege, you know our whole
college, our whole college, theministry back.
You know it was crazy becauseeven when I had that dream, the
person that came up to me andsaid, hey, scotty, I think we're
supposed to go door to dooragain college students and bring
them to church, and it was you.
(35:17):
You know what I mean.
It was cool because, like I gotto, you know, michelle and
Vicki are really good at makingus be emotional and I got to see
them use those as strengths andnot weakness, and it's mainly
it's a sensitivity to the HolySpirit and man.
I've always admired it.
I was like, wow, that's reallycool.
So, and I think that evenhelped us in our marriage to hey
(35:42):
, be sensitive to the HolySpirit, listen to the Holy
Spirit, acknowledge the HolySpirit's right there with you.
Daniel Moore (35:45):
Yeah, I've come to realize I can't do nothing in
secret because the Holy.
Vicky Albious (35:48):
Spirit reveals it to me.
Daniel Moore (35:52):
Yeah, he already knows.
We've got to think that sheknows what I'm talking about.
Yeah, she's like busting alaughing right now.
Yeah, downstairs in our bedroomright now.
Scottie Albious (36:02):
Okay, that's where we cut it off.
Daniel Moore (36:03):
It's getting deep.
We've got this little thingthat came in the mail here a
while back and I saw thisenvelope and I'm like what is
this?
And so I didn't recognize theaddress or nothing.
It's like one of the littlewhite you know packing things or
whatever.
And so I laid it down.
It had her name on it, andlater that day she comes in, she
goes.
Oh, I didn't realize.
Michelle Moore (36:24):
I ordered that.
I had it in the cart and Ididn't realize I hit order.
Daniel Moore (36:32):
And I hit order and I'm like well, what is it?
You know it was a joke.
So she opens it up and it's awooden carved out thing and it
says I saw that and it's got acarving of Jesus laying on his
side and they hook together.
Oh my, you can set them up likeright now.
It's up above our door on thebathroom downstairs, looking
into our bedroom.
You look up and it says I sawthat I'm like oh where in the
(36:57):
world?
Michelle Moore (36:58):
did you find that?
Daniel Moore (37:01):
like I made the funniest thing.
I did the funniest thing ever.
I'm like I'm proud of myself,because half the time I don't
get anything, and so so I wasjust like I love that.
One of our episodes that we didwe was talking about.
You know, a lot of times whenyou know especially if we're
cheating on our spouses orwhatever a lot of times our main
(37:22):
, our mind frame that we're inat that time is it's just us,
nobody's going to know.
You know this is a secret.
We're keeping it secret betweenus and we're not going to let
anybody find out that in allreality, god's there in the room
with you.
He's seeing this whole thingtake place and it's creepy, when
you think about it, that way,but it's true Even when we're
intimate he's a part of it.
(37:42):
So she saw that and thought, oh,that's an awesome joke, I'm
going to buy that.
I had to give her credit onthat one.
That was pretty awesome.
So now it has a permanent homein our bedroom.
Vicky Albious (37:54):
It does yeah.
So they're staring at us everynight.
Daniel Moore (37:56):
Love it.
Michelle Moore (37:57):
That's so nice.
Daniel Moore (37:57):
Nice.
So well, as we close thisweek's episode.
That was too, tmi, is thereanything that you guys can say
for encouragement to couplesthat are in your situation right
now, but maybe they're not inthe point where you guys are at?
There's still a little bit offight going on there and maybe
you know one's feeling a littlebit lesser than the other.
(38:20):
You know the the.
Vicky Albious (38:22):
Or the culture difference.
Yeah, just that kind of thing.
What's something?
Daniel Moore (38:25):
you can speak into somebody.
Vicky Albious (38:26):
You know, I'd say because when we first started
dating and I saw that culturaldifference, even though there
were things that were weird orthis or that to me, I still had
a respect for, like, that's howthey were raised.
You know like I'm not going tosit here and be like that's dumb
(38:47):
.
Like you know this is not rightor whatever.
And there were even times thatScotty would kind of say stuff
and I'm like but that's how yourmom was raised.
You know, like you can't justcall them stupid for that,
because that's how they wereraised, you know.
So just to have a grace inknowing you know there's reasons
(39:08):
why they do the things they do.
You know you don't have tobelieve the same or, you know,
do the same.
But just kind of a respect,that's good.
Scottie Albious (39:18):
She's always done really good things because
I'm the other person, I'm theone that's like that's dumb.
Why would they do?
You know things like that?
But she's always had this grace,that's really spoke to me that
I'm like, wow, that's how shesees you know this culture.
So how am I seeing that culture?
I need to lighten up a little.
But I would say, like you know,if you feel like you're in a
(39:38):
cultural, you know barrier,reach out.
Ask the Lord to give yousomebody to network you with the
right people that's dealingwith it, because I know it's not
just island culture.
You've got Hispanics, you've gotother types of you know races
that when they get with you know, when they get with Americans
and they get with you knowyou're bringing in your family
(40:00):
and you know they said they'rebringing in their family and
you're bringing in familiestogether and that's a whole new
culture.
You know that's different.
But you've got to realize too,what Vicki and I say you can be
proud of your heritage, you canbe proud of your background, but
respect the other persons andstart a new culture with your
family.
My kids I want them to getingrained in my culture.
At the same time, know that,hey, you're an American Islander
(40:22):
.
You're American too.
You're an Islander too.
This is where dad's family camefrom.
Vicky Albious (40:32):
But here's where mom's family comes from.
And then respect, you know eachother's sides.
It's funny kind of.
They have some superstitionsand stuff and Scotty being
Scotty, he would do exactly theopposite with his parents.
You know like just crazy Toprove a point Like you couldn't
clip your fingernails at night.
Scottie Albious (40:48):
You can't clip your fingernails at night, you
can't whistle at night, youcan't a lot of things, you can't
sweep the floor because what itdoes, it stirs up the spirits,
the evil spirits, to come andvisit you, and things like that.
And so I would intentionally belike well I can't be doing this
while I'm clipping my nails andmom would be like, oh my
goodness, what are you doing?
And I'll be sweeping the floorsthe only night.
I'm like, hey, what?
I can't be doing.
This umbrella, oops.
(41:10):
You know things like that andit was.
It was just to prove a point.
Like you know, that's not true.
We're not going to be visited,we're not going to.
You know, it's just.
Yeah, and allow the lord tolead whatever culture you're in,
allow god to lead your familywell, you know what's cool is
like.
Vicky Albious (41:27):
Over the last several years, of course, his
dad passed away, I think twothink two years ago, three years
ago.
Scottie Albious (41:32):
Yeah, going on three.
Vicky Albious (41:34):
And I think he came to know the Lord, you know
before.
Like we talked to him someabout it and I think he did in
his way, you know.
And then his mom, she goesevery service with us you know,
at church and she loves being inthe presence of the Lord and
being there, you know.
Daniel Moore (41:52):
And so it's really cool, that's awesome.
Life changers, that's what it'sall about.
And the loss, your familyespecially.
That's super important to knowthat your family, you know, is
headed the right direction,right, I mean, that means
volumes, and so I just want tothank you guys for your
testimony and for what you guyshave put out there for others to
(42:15):
see.
It's amazing to me, you knowsometimes just how much people
do watch us.
You know, you just don't know itsometimes.
And so, as Christians, that'swhy we've got to be so careful
with how we carry ourselves andlive and walk that walk that we
proclaim.
We've got to make sure that wedo do that to the best of our
abilities.
Scottie Albious (42:32):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (42:33):
Of course, none of us are perfect and we make
mistakes sometimes but, that Godhas grace.
Michelle Moore (42:38):
Right, and I'm so thankful for that.
Daniel Moore (42:39):
So thank you guys for doing this episode with us
and sitting here for another.
We've got one more to go andthis has been awesome, so it's
going by too quick yeahdefinitely We'll get to the next
one next week.
For the time now, though,that's going to end this week's
episode.
Just want to remind you guys tomake sure you subscribe so you
(43:00):
don't miss any of the episodes,as they're released every week,
and I'm Daniel Moore.
Michelle Moore, my co-host, hasbeen sitting over here with us
as well.
Michelle Moore (43:08):
Again.
Daniel Moore (43:08):
Thank you, Scottie and Vicky for being here this
this week, and if you guys are afan of our show, please leave a
review on Apple Podcast.
Or, if you'd like to help usout, just give us a few seconds
and give us a five star.
Click and subscribe to thispodcast on your favorite
platforms.
The links are in the show notes.
Well, that's all for this week,and we pray that your marriage
is stronger and your walk withGod is closer after this episode
(43:31):
.
Aria (43:31):
This is an extension of the Connecting the Gap
Ministries, our biblical walkwith God.
Each week we take a few momentsas we navigate God's Word and
(43:54):
peer into other people'stestimonies and encourage each
other to connect the gap.
We upload a new audio podcastevery Thursday and a video
version of it on YouTube andRumble.
We are also on the Christianpodcasting app, edify.
You can subscribe to ourpodcast on many of the available
podcasting platforms, includingApple Podcast, spotify, amazon
(44:18):
Music, iheart Radio, tuneinRadio and more.
We are also available on yourAlexa-enabled devices.
If you would like to contactour ministry for any reason,
visit our contact page and sendus a message.
We hope you are blessed by thisministry.
This is a production ofConnecting the Gap Ministries.
It's pretty funny because I am horrible with like
language.
You know, like his mom, theycould speak English, but it was
like they say everything so fast.
I could not and I would sitthere and look at Scotty like um
do you need an interpreter here?
And I can remember he didbecause there was one time she
(00:28):
was talking to you aboutsomething and I caught into some
words she was saying and I waslike okay, so I like started
this conversation with her andwe keep going.
And then I'm trying to answerand Scotty goes, she's not even
talking about that anymore.
And I'm like oh, why didn't youtell me?
Scottie Albious (00:44):
Or there were times where I had fun with it
and she would ask a simplequestion like Vicky, hi, how you
doing?
I'm like, hey, mom wants toknow where you got that dress.
And like Vicky would answerlike just random stuff, and mom
would like give a question.
You know, like, look at her,like what, what is she saying?
I'm like sorry, mom, she justdoesn't understand you.
Daniel Moore (00:59):
This week on Marriage Life and More.
We welcome back Scottie andVicky Albious.
They sat down with us last weekand they're going to be here
for another episode this weekand we pray you'll stick around
for that.
It's going to be a greatepisode.
We'll be back with that rightafter this.
Welcome.
(01:31):
Welcome to Marriage Life andMore.
(01:51):
This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and
every once in a while weinterview couples that have
inspiring stories.
I'm Daniel Moore, your host, mywife Michelle co-hosting over
here, and, of course, we haveScottie and Vicky Albious back
with us this week, so we'll getto them here shortly.
If you're familiar with ourshow, check out our website at
www.
marriagelifeandmore.
com For our platforms.
(02:13):
Our YouTube and Rumble linksare there.
We're also on the Christianpodcasting app, edify.
If you have Alexa and Googlesmart devices, you can catch us
there as well.
We're also on social Facebookand Instagram @ctgaponline.
If you're a fan of our show,please subscribe.
Feel free to leave a comment onour platforms, give us a thumbs
up or a five-star review onApple Podcasts, and we'd be
grateful to you for doing that.
(02:34):
That's what helps our podcastto grow Well.
Last week, as I just said here,we sat down with Vicky and
Scottie and talked to them alittle bit about their marriage.
Vicky came into this marriagenever being married before,
where Scottie had previouslybeen married, so if you've
missed that episode, make sureyou go back and check that out.
They give a little bit of theirhistory there as well.
(02:56):
She can kind of get to knowScottie and Vicky and who they
are.
This week, though, we're goingto change gears a little bit and
we're going to talk aboutcultural influence in marriage,
and we hope that you'll enjoythis episode.
So, as we come into thisepisode this week, we want to
(03:23):
talk a little bit about culture,and, for those of you that are
listening, this is a podcast, soyou can't see anything.
Vicky and Scottie are a littlebit different.
Vicky Albious (03:36):
It's probably a good way to put that.
Daniel Moore (03:38):
Just a little bit, and so we're going to explain
that this week in this episode.
Those that know Scottie andVicky know exactly what I'm
talking about.
But we know that sometimes inmarriage scenarios, God brings a
lot of different kinds ofpeople together.
And I think that's what's soawesome about marriage is, you
(03:58):
know, marriage really has noboundaries when it comes to that
kind of thing.
God can just take a couple fromtwo completely different
cultures or from different walksin life, whatever it may be,
and he can make somethingbeautiful out of it.
You know, you guys have aphenomenal testimony really
marriage-wise, because you havea lot of dynamics going on in
your relationship here and Ithink there are some people out
(04:20):
there probably that strugglewith some of these dynamics and
they have some issues with that.
So you guys have agreed to talkthis week a little bit about
that scenario.
So, scotty, let's go ahead aswe get started with this episode
here, just give us a little bitof background about you, your
culture that you come from, andjust kind of give us a little
insight into what that's like.
Scottie Albious (04:43):
Okay, so first of all, my parents.
They came from the MarshallIslands and that's out west
between Hawaii and Australia.
That's part of the Micronesianchain of islands.
So it was funny because youknow, I grew up mom and dad
telling me all these stories onthe islands and you know dad's
(05:03):
version of I walked to schoolbarefoot in the sand and you
know every day and you know.
So it was kind of cool knowingour culture.
There's a big influence in theSpringdale area in Arkansas.
There's also a growinginfluence of just islanders, the
Marshallese, micronesiancultures here in Neosho and
Springfield and Kansas City.
(05:23):
So I got to, you know I wasborn in Muskogee, oklahoma, you
know out of all places, raisedhere in Neosho since first grade
, so I got to see differentsides of our culture and the
American culture and just beingblended in it.
There were so many questions,like you know, I see this at mom
(05:44):
and you know at home, but thenI see this here at my friend's
houses, so I mean there was alot of dynamics in that when it
comes to marriage.
So you know, starting off withmarriage, I thought I knew what
marriage was because, like youmentioned earlier, you know our
parents are, you know the onlyinfluence that we have on
marriage.
So, seeing my parents marriedand you know they're married
(06:05):
until my dad passed away a fewyears ago, they, you know they
were always married.
They were always together.
I thought I knew all theanswers when it came to marriage
and when it came to howmarriage should be.
Well, I found out.
I didn't know all the answersand I found out the hard way and
but yeah, that's that.
Daniel Moore (06:22):
You know that's how I grew up and you know the
way, but yeah, that's how I grewup and the Marshallese culture
is very different when it comesto marriage.
Yeah, and I know we've learnedfrom our son-in-law.
Michelle Moore (06:32):
He's from Guatemala he married our
daughter.
Daniel Moore (06:34):
And it was interesting when we've talked to
him a few times, because he'stold us how everybody thinks
he's Hispanic.
Every time somebody sees himyou're Hispanic and it's like no
, there's a difference betweenHispanic and Guatemalan.
It's not the same thing.
Scottie Albious (06:49):
We're like what yeah?
Daniel Moore (06:51):
It's those things you learn, you know as you go
along, and I'm sure you probablyget that as well.
Scottie Albious (06:57):
All you have the Hispanics come up to me and
speak Spanish.
I'm like, ah, no, sorry.
I'm from the Hawai'iano, I'mfrom the East Lost, sorry, you
know you want some pineapple.
Wrong land, brother, you knowwrong language.
Daniel Moore (07:11):
Yeah.
So that's an interesting littletidbit there that Michelle and
I have learned from ourson-in-law and daughter how your
culture handles marriage.
What is the typical way thathusbands treat wives, wives
treat their husbands?
Kind of give us a little bit ofinsight into that culture.
Scottie Albious (07:38):
So in our culture, one you know divorce is
taboo, you know you don'tdivorce, you're stuck with them
forever.
And to be honest, with you inour culture it's almost like
you're set up, you're married,you find somebody and then it
goes from there.
You're just doing life together, you're friends.
I've never really seen muchemotion between mom and dad no
hand-holding, no kissing, nohugging.
(07:59):
So I thought that's howmarriage is.
We're married, I can dowhatever I want.
You just stay over there, takecare of the kids.
And that's not how it is.
And I come to find out even asan adult being saved later in my
20s, biblically that's not howmarriage is and it was tough to
(08:21):
learn.
And I say that and I'm stilllearning marriage and culture.
But at the same time it's oneof those things where I was like
you know, I want our culture torealize that we're not going to
.
There's much more to the justsay, hey, I'm married, you know
we have kids together, you knowthere's a life of intimacy and
you're living life with yourspouse and you're sharing things
and you're supposed to beconnected and holding hands and
(08:43):
you know, and showing affectionfor the kids.
Because here's the thing yourkids see how you walk through
marriage.
And I want my boys and I wantmy daughter to know hey, I want
a godly person as my spouse.
I want someone, boys, and Iwant my daughter to know hey, I
want a godly person as my spouse.
I want someone to lead my house.
I want somebody to lead me,encourage me in the Lord.
But in our culture it's like Isaid one, you don't get divorced
.
Two, you're just friends justhanging out, you're almost
(09:05):
roommates and you're just.
It's accepted that you'remarried and that's it You're.
You're getting old together.
Daniel Moore (09:17):
Does it seem like, as far as is there like any
different level of abuse or anyof that kind of thing?
Scottie Albious (09:19):
really, I think from the island culture, it's a
very prideful culture.
So if there's abuse-wise,there's more of like an
emotional abuse.
You know you're constantlyyelling and you're constantly,
you know, just, would you say,like forceful how you've seen
mom and dad, and like the reasonI'm asking my wife is because I
(09:41):
want more of an outsideperspective, because I was so in
it that I don't see, you know,I'll see it now, but she's seen
much more like she.
There's a lot of things thatshe pointed out like, wow, they
don't do this or they don't dothat, and I'm like, and what's
wrong with that?
You do this or they don't dothat, and I'm like, and what's
wrong with that?
You know what?
Yeah, so, and I'm like okay,then teach me what's, what's
going on, what's wrong, you know, cause I really want to know.
Daniel Moore (09:59):
Yeah, so, vicki, what did you see?
Vicky Albious (10:01):
You know it was crazy the first time, one of the
first times I went over to hisparents' house well, probably
the first few times, and I would, you know, we'd go over there
for dinner and of course his mom.
You know, one of the firsttimes I went over there was like
these tubs of meat, cooked meat, and I'm like gosh, how many
(10:24):
people's coming over here.
No, like it was for just thefamily and I mean, like they can
kill some chicken, that's forsure.
Like they just tons of meat,all you know can kill some
chicken, that's for sure.
Like they just tons of meat,all you know.
But she just it didn't matter,you know what time it was,
whatever she's cooking and she'sdoing for everybody.
You know, um, his dad was alwayskind of quiet, but you knew
(10:47):
like he was in charge.
You know, um, but when, when wefirst started dating and I went
over there, I remember sittingaround the table, it was me and
him and Kira, and then, I think,garcia, you know some of the
families there and I rememberScotty saying, mom, I want a
drink and I'm sitting here likeget up your dang self and go get
(11:10):
your own drink.
Like what are you doing?
And I began to watch Kira.
You know she was doing the samething Grandma, get me this, do
that, do this, do that.
You know, and I was just.
I sat back and I observed thisI'm just like, no, like I'm, my
kids are not going to be raisedwhere mom is the walk-on, mom
does whatever the heck the kids.
(11:30):
And you know, like I didn't,you know, down the road, at that
point I was like gosh, if wehave kids down the road, like I
don't want my kids thinking thatthis was the way it was
supposed to be, you know, but Imean, that's their culture,
that's how they were.
But for me I just you know.
So I started talking to Scottyabout it and I'm like I, I'm not
(11:51):
going to be this person.
Scottie Albious (11:53):
You know, like you can get your own drink and
your kids can learn to do stufffor themselves, you know, and
yeah, and now keep in mind, I'min my 30s and and we're going
over there for dinner and Ifinish and I just get up and
walk off Vicki's like your plateand I was like, yeah, it's in
there for mom to get why she'slike.
Michelle Moore (12:11):
you can get it yourself.
Scottie Albious (12:11):
And I was like, yeah, it's sitting there for
mom to get why.
She's like you can get ityourself.
And I'm like who are you tryingto ruin my culture?
What?
is going on here, you know butit was one of those things like
a light bulb, you know, becausethat was such a normal thing.
Yeah, I sat there.
I was like why can't I get myplate?
That is weird, you know what Imean.
Yeah, myself, why can't I makemy own dish?
(12:33):
You know, it might be two inthe morning.
And mom, would you know?
That's how we're raised.
If mom I'd come in from youknow, hanging out with friends,
it'd be like midnight, two inthe morning.
I'd be like mom, I want to, Iwant something to eat.
No-transcript, if you know,she'd wait on us hand and foot.
(12:59):
I didn't know how to do mylaundry until I was in college.
I remember sitting there going,whoa, I've got a lot of dirty
clothes.
What do I do now?
And my roommate had to show me.
Vicky Albious (13:10):
To me it was just disrespectful in the fact of
just a human being.
Scottie Albious (13:15):
You know what I mean Of like for that person to
have to be doing everythingwhen you are fully capable of
doing it yourself, you know, butagain, that was culture and
what's crazy for her is likewhen she brought in the fact
like you know, if we have kids,and that's when it really
clicked in me I was like, wow,you know that's normal for me to
have mom clean up after myself,but I can't imagine my wife or
(13:39):
going to be my wife going to bewaiting, you know, after us, you
know hand and foot and you knowconstantly.
It's just really different.
You know, I always see mom asmom's going to do that, mom's
going to take care of it.
But I always saw like, ok, well, I'll help my wife if I need it
.
But I didn't see the visionthat was there.
Vicky Albious (13:56):
Like I do a ton for my kids and for Scotty, but
like I think there's sharing aload.
You know it's so important.
Yeah, it's a team, it's a teameffort, right yeah.
Daniel Moore (14:14):
So when you came, you know from looking at the
culture that you're from do yousee women just put up with that
all the time?
Did you ever see any rebel fromtrying to get away from that
type of leadership from the men,or is it just ingrained in them
?
It was just ingrained in them?
Scottie Albious (14:27):
And if anyone had a problem with it and they
left, then there's somethingwrong with that woman.
There's something wrong withher.
For her to leave the familyunit like that.
What a shame on her.
How dare she leave the kids andthe husband?
And you know, this was her job.
She's supposed to do it.
And you know, what's crazy islike nobody really taught me
that or taught us that.
(14:47):
It was just learned andobserved as we got older.
Even with relatives and thingslike that, mom and dad would be
like, oh no, she's got problems.
Like wow, that's weird.
I didn't really I never thoughtof it, you know.
Daniel Moore (14:59):
Yeah, just been going on for generations really.
Literally.
Do they carry jobs, the women,or do they mainly, primarily,
stay at home, mainly?
Scottie Albious (15:08):
stay at home and if they do jobs, it'll be at
nights, whenever dad comes home, and then they can do their
night job.
They come back, you know, takecare of the kids in the morning,
dad's going off to work.
Yeah, that's how.
That's basically how we wereraised.
Or, you know, if they hadparents that live with them, you
know the grandparents wouldtake care of the kids while mom
and dad would go work, but thengrandparents are in the house,
(15:29):
grandma's taking care ofeverything.
Daniel Moore (15:31):
Yeah.
Vicky Albious (15:32):
Did you see a lot of that Like where the
grandparents living.
Scottie Albious (15:36):
I did with other family members but not
ours, because both sets of mygrandparents had passed away, so
I didn't really see it.
So I saw mom carrying the load,but I did see with my cousins
and other relatives that thegrandparents would grandma
especially would take care ofMoms, would help too, but it was
always the women getting thingsready and getting things done.
(15:56):
The men would just sit back.
They knew that.
You know they were in charge.
That's just how I saw it andyeah, I'd punch you.
Daniel Moore (16:04):
I literally would punch you.
Scottie Albious (16:06):
Vicki did many times Don't let her be sweet and
everything.
She hit me many times.
Daniel Moore (16:13):
Well, everybody already knows my wife's violent
I know, yeah, I feel for you,that was a cry for help, I get
it.
So, Vicki, whenever you firstmet his family, was you guys
married already, or did you meethim before?
Vicky Albious (16:26):
No, I met him before and it's pretty funny
because I am horrible with likelanguage.
You know, like his mom theycould speak English, but it was
like they say everything so fast.
I could not and I would sitthere and look at Scotty like do
you need an interpreter here,and I can remember he did.
(16:49):
Because there was one time shewas talking to me about
something and I caught into somewords she was saying and I was
like okay, so I so I likestarted this conversation with
her and we keep going.
And then I'm trying to answerand Scotty goes, she's not even
talking about that anymore, andI'm like oh, why didn't you tell
me?
Scottie Albious (17:07):
or there were times where I had fun with and
she would ask a simple questionlike Vicki hi, how you doing?
I'm like, hey, mom wants toknow where you got that dress.
And Vicki would answer justrandom stuff and mom would give
a question.
Look at her like what, what isshe saying?
I'm like sorry, mom, she justdoesn't understand you.
Vicky Albious (17:20):
Well, it's funny because one time his mom cooked
at the church here in Neosho forsome of the Islander families.
I think the missionaries thatgot lost or something like that,
and she's cooking.
I'm standing there beside herand one of the other ladies his
mom, was saying something, andshe looks at me and I look at I
(17:44):
think it was Dee, actually, andI was like and she goes, she's
asking you for love and I'm like, oh my gosh, Like everyone
could understand her except me.
Scottie Albious (18:00):
And it was probably five years into our
marriage that I could finallylike understand what the heck
they were saying yeah, thatwould be quite a barrier to leap
over, I'm sure, and it was, Ithink, for me at that point it
was like I was like man, what'swrong with you?
How come you can't understandmom?
Vicky Albious (18:08):
You know, because I can understand her, just
perfect.
Well, it's funny because Iremember him telling me he would
like get on phone calls withyou know people, and he would be
mad at them because theycouldn't understand his parents
and he would like you know, chewthem out and stuff and be like,
what are you stupid,da-da-da-da you know?
Back before Jesus, I think, andI was like, are you kidding me?
(18:32):
Because, like I, you know, it'snot these people's fault.
Like you can't, we can'tunderstand them, you know, just
because they would talk so fastthat would even bring a you know
point.
Scottie Albious (18:42):
So I would get so angry and like just be mean
and rude to people that didn'treally understand my parents,
like whenever they're trying topay bills or you know, we go
into a bank or something, theywould to me.
From my perspective, I alwaysthought they were trying to make
them feel stupid.
Yeah, so in their defense, Iwould get so mad and I would,
with my English, like I wouldmake them feel, try to make them
(19:04):
feel stupid.
And I didn't realize untilVicki was like that's not it at
all.
They just they're trying tocome to an understanding of you
know what your parents aresaying.
And I was just like, oh wow, Ineed to be a meme.
Daniel Moore (19:29):
What was the adjustment like?
Did you ever when you saw howthe women were treated?
Like?
Did you ever when you saw howthe women were treated, yeah,
did that ever?
You know, bother you to thepoint where you think, okay, you
might be seeing my point ofview here a little bit, but what
about later on down the road,10 years from now?
Is this going to be an issue?
Did you ever have those worries, necessarily, or?
Vicky Albious (19:49):
no, because I told him from the get-go I will
not do that Like this is not whoI am.
Michelle Moore (19:55):
No, I didn't.
Vicky Albious (19:56):
Oh, you're violent too.
No, I was literally like thisis, I won't do that.
Like marriage is a team, we'regoing to do this house stuff
together, kids stuff together,life together.
Like I will not be walked on,you know.
And of course I think you know,like I had said in the last one
(20:16):
, like there was a point that Ihad almost got married when I
was in my late teens, early 20s,and you know, it's crazy how
God will walk us through otherrelationships to prepare us, you
know, for like anything we walkthrough, tough whatever, he's
always going to turn it and useit for our good.
And back, you know, in my laterteens or the 20s, I was kind of
(20:38):
that I'll do anything, you know,like I'll do this for you.
I'll do this because I kind ofgrew up like my grandparents
were very my Mimi did a lot ofthe cleaning and the cooking and
the serving my granddad, youknow, like that was just so.
I saw that and so you know I Iwas kind of in that, you know,
(20:59):
of like oh, this is how a wifeis, you know, and there's
definitely a balance to that.
And when I walked through thatrelationship almost got married,
and then you know, thank Godthat door closed.
He had other plans but itreally I realized it prepared me
for my marriage with Scotty tostand up for myself and say, no,
(21:20):
this is what I will or will notbe okay with, you know.
And so God's just cool that way.
Daniel Moore (21:29):
Well, it's kind of interesting because you know,
there's a lot of what I wouldcall white couples, I guess best
way to describe that.
The guy will just sit there andexpect the woman to do
everything you know, and it'snot a cultural thing, I think
it's laziness myself.
They just want to have thatcontrol and all that kind of
(21:50):
thing.
You know, and I, you know, alot of times I feel like when we
come into the marriage scenario, I think that and I don't know
if it's because that's the wayit was in their family all along
and they've just picked up onthese bad habits or what the
exact situation is but it seemslike, you know, a lot of times
they'll be really helpful at thebeginning because they're
(22:12):
trying to win the spouse and getthem married and whatever, but
then all of a sudden, likesomething eventually flips, you
know, and it's like they expectthe wife to do it all and they
forget their team.
You know they forget that that'snot God didn't create me.
He, you know.
He created the guy as the headof the home obviously, but there
(22:33):
is a lot of do's and don'tsthat comes with that title.
You can't.
that doesn't mean that we justrule the roost and our wife bows
at every whim that we have, andthat's something that Michelle
and I, I think, over you know,the period of our marriage as
well I always try to do the bestI can to help her and do my
(22:54):
fair share.
We both work, so I feel likethat's just part of my
responsibility as well, and Isometimes don't get it why guys
feel like that they just need tobe the king of the mountain.
They're so mean actually.
I mean it's actually, it'sreally a mean way that they
treat their spouses, and Ireally hate seeing that you know
(23:16):
, when I see it.
So, as you guys were workinginto your relationship and
starting to you know, thisrelationship starting to grow
and everything, it's probablyuncommon, scotty, for the guys
from your culture probably tolet go of that control.
I would imagine to an extent tolet go of that control, I would
imagine to an extent.
What do you think made itdifferent for you to actually
(23:39):
have your eyes opened a littlebit, to actually listen to Vicki
and see some of the concernsthat she had, and for you to
look at that and say you know, Ido have an issue there that I
need to correct.
What do you think was some ofthe things that helped you to
change the way that you did,instead of just being a bull in
a china closet and saying, no,this is the way it's going to be
because I grew up this way.
Scottie Albious (23:56):
No, you know, speaking from you know a lot of
the men in our culture.
It is hard to give that up.
There's actually, you know,we've spoke, and your mom and
your dad, they ministered atthis, they're really close with
this island pastor that he wouldtake the men.
He would have all the familiescome to the church and he would
say, okay, now all the women gettogether and you guys have a
(24:18):
night out to hang out.
All you men take your kids homeand you watch the kids.
Oh, wow.
Vicky Albious (24:24):
They were going to have a prayer meeting at the
church for the women and kind ofa thing there and you know the
men were to stay at home withthe kids.
Scottie Albious (24:32):
And he said within what an hour, within
minutes, the dads would becalling me like hey, can we have
our wives back?
Vicky Albious (24:37):
Well, they'd be coming to the church and the
pastor was like uh-uh, get inyour cars and go home, Take care
of your kids.
Yeah, like he's trying to teachthem.
Scottie Albious (24:45):
Like no, and that's such a cultural thing for
us is to the ocean, missouri.
I got to see how relationships,american relationships work.
So I got to see both sides.
But yeah, there were questionsthere.
But like I look back on youknow, even that that testimony
of the parents like oh, we needthe wives to my thing is I want
(25:07):
to be a dad where I can takecare of my kids.
I don't want to be well, mom'snot here.
I don't know what we're goingto do.
Mom should be doing this, momshould be doing that.
No, like she was saying, it's ateam effort.
For me it was, like I said, Ihad to work on communication and
part of communicating is I hadto listen.
I don't like that because it'shumbling and I had to listen and
(25:31):
I had to take in and absorb.
And when, like I said, my wifecame to me and man, there's so
many Holy Spirit moments whereshe would say stuff that I was
just like, wow, that wasdefinitely needed.
You know, I needed to hear that.
Vicky Albious (25:45):
And I would feel like I was just hitting a brick
wall.
You know, I would say thesethings and he would just not
respond or he would, you know,whatever.
And then it'd be like a day orso later he'd come and be like
okay, so let's talk about this,because in the past.
Scottie Albious (25:58):
You know, even with other relationships I was,
I was being told this or this orthat and I would not listen.
You know she, you know I.
I would say I'm, I'm hardheadedand I would not listen.
I would not listen, I would dowhat I want to do.
But, like I said, when my wifecame to me and when we were
(26:19):
dating and she came to me inlove instead of being forceful,
that was different for me.
That softened my heart and Iwas like, okay, she's got, she
knows some things.
Maybe I should listen a littlemore.
And as I got to do that thathealed us and I know because you
know we've learned in themarriage conference women's
number one need is security.
Well how's she going to besecure with a hardheaded guy
that will not listen to a wordshe says?
Daniel Moore (26:35):
Yeah.
Scottie Albious (26:36):
So I was like, OK, she needs that security,
babe.
I feel like fill in the blank,you know she needs to hear it to
feel secure.
Daniel Moore (26:44):
Yeah, do you feel like sometimes, that you're like
did your family notice that youwere changing, that you were
different?
Scottie Albious (26:51):
Oh yeah, I think my brothers one.
They saw a huge difference inour relationship.
They're just like, wow, he's.
You know, he's definitelychanged.
And I think, mainly because ofhow I respect my wife, how I
will, I'll consider thingsbecause usually in the past like
nope, I'm going to do it, we'regoing to do this way, I don't
care what anyone says, you know.
And now it's like totallydifferent.
(27:11):
Yes, ma'am, that really works.
You know and you know.
Yes, babe, you know I'll do.
You know, this is how I feel,and things like that.
So I know my brothers have seenit, I know my parents have seen
it in the past and I thinkthere's a lot of things that
they even questioned, like whyis he doing that?
Why is he listening?
And I think, that was one of thethings.
So, as I was dating otherpeople and things like that, my
(27:34):
parents didn't like any of them.
There was only one person theyliked and it was her, and I
think, because they saw her do achange in me for good, they're
like this is a good one.
But, like I said, we're such aprideful culture we would never
come out and say and communicatehey, she's a good one, you need
to hold on to her.
They would just treat her withrespect and, you know, be nice
to her.
(27:54):
And I was like okay, theyreally like her.
Wow, that's different to me.
Daniel Moore (27:58):
Do you feel like you were influential at all on
your brothers and the way thatyou changed, or your sister?
Yeah, did you see any changesin any of them as far as?
Scottie Albious (28:08):
I would like to think so.
I, as far as I would like tothink so, I mean, yeah, I think
I do.
I want them not to see, youknow, I want them to see a
change in me, but it was becauseof the Lord.
Daniel Moore (28:16):
Yeah.
Scottie Albious (28:17):
And I want them to want that same change.
You know I haven't heardanything yet, I know, I know.
I think my sister said oh, ar,he can rely on God to change him
.
I want that same thing.
I want the Lord in my heart tobe able to change my heart and
(28:38):
soften that.
Daniel Moore (28:39):
Yeah, that's awesome, and your sister is
awesome.
Michelle Moore (28:43):
We know her.
Daniel Moore (28:45):
Yeah, she's a sweetheart, and so is there
areas that you guys haveactually just had to compromise
that you can think of to makethe marriage continue to
flourish and stay in a positiveaspect of things?
Is there anything you can thinkof that you've had to
compromise on?
Or do you think God's justworked it all out and he's just
(29:06):
made it all happen?
Scottie Albious (29:08):
I do whatever she says.
Vicky Albious (29:09):
Whatever happen, I do whatever she says no.
I think over the years you knowit's just learning as a couple
what works and what doesn't,I'll use one.
Scottie Albious (29:20):
So compromise like I don't like doing laundry,
but I, if I see it, you know,pile up, I'll do it because it's
going to give her a break.
And so, with that being said,compromise there's a lot of
learning.
Like she told me, there's a lotof things that I can't throw
into the dryer.
Like I'll wash a shirt and arug together, not even thinking
you know, oh gosh, well, she,you know, she told me you can't
(29:41):
dry this or you can't do that.
Yeah, so it's learning.
And you know, do I do it?
No, I'm learning myself.
I'm like, okay, this is how wedo it.
Vicky Albious (29:51):
Said I would go in the room and flip on the
light and like we're going totalk this through.
We're going to work this outand you know, just over the
years I kind of got to thisplace of like I had to.
It caused so much frustrationand irritation to me and like we
would eventually work throughit.
It is sometimes take two hoursthat night, you know, and it was
(30:13):
just so much more frustration,I would say, on me, whereas he
was like, okay, we're done orcan we go to sleep now?
you know, and I was just likebut I learned over the years
like I just need to let him likethink about it, you know, and I
would tell him this made mefeel this way, this way, this
way, and be like okay and way,and be like okay and just
wouldn't.
There were times, you know, hedidn't respond how I was hoping,
(30:36):
you know, to kind of mend it inthat moment.
But I would go to bed andusually the next morning before
he would leave for work, hewould hey, you know, sorry about
that.
I was thinking about that andyou're right, you know this or
that, you know, and it's justlearning each other and how to
make it work.
Scottie Albious (30:54):
I think what she does is like we'll have a
talk and she'll say she'll getin a quiet place and she'll be
like Lord, get him.
That's me every time.
Vicky Albious (31:01):
All this spirit, well, but I think a lot changed
too, though, honestly, when hewas filled with the spirit
Speaking in tongues because inthe first couple of years of our
marriage he was seeking thatand it was like when he was
filled.
I remember that night.
I remember standing on thatplatform, you know, singing Fill
my Cup, lord, and they werejust having this prayer line.
(31:23):
I remember that.
Yes, I remember it, and Iremember him coming up in front
of Sister Jeannie.
She prayed for him, he went on,and then she came around and
she got him again, and then she,at one point and I'm just
standing up there worshiping,you know, and she looks back at
me and basically like, lookedlike he got it, you know, and I
(31:45):
just was sobbing, but it changeda lot in our marriage.
Scottie Albious (31:50):
I remember trying to process the whole
thing.
I'm like what just happened?
And I remember talking to herthat evening and she was like so
how was I?
I was like, eh, it was okay.
And I'm like but no, it was, itwas awesome.
Vicky Albious (32:02):
It changed a lot in our marriage because it just
brought us into deeper unity andGod and leading our family
forward.
Scottie Albious (32:09):
You know, and I'm glad you said that because,
like men, please allow the HolySpirit to lead your heart in
your marriage.
Because I once heard a pastorsay a good friend of mine.
He said there is a differencewith a relationship with Jesus
and an intimacy with the HolySpirit.
And that's totally true,totally true.
And when you're hearing theHoly Spirit you can't ignore it.
That's why I said she's like goget them, god, you know,
(32:32):
because now I'm here I'm like,ok, yeah, you're right, lord,
and you know.
Daniel Moore (32:35):
Yeah, and that's a good discipleship piece because
a lot of times, you know, a lotof churches don't really teach
about the Holy Spiritnecessarily, right, right and
really to them all it is is haveyou accepted Christ into your
(32:56):
heart?
They come up, they say theirprayer with you and you're done.
In all reality, in this walkwith God, there's something way
deeper than that and I trulybelieve, like you guys have said
, when the Holy Spirit comes inand you actually allow Him to
come in and change you, that'swhere you become that clay in
that potter's hand.
God can just make things out ofyou.
That's just unbelievable.
Wouldn't you recognize yourselfin?
Michelle Moore (33:11):
a lot of cases.
Daniel Moore (33:13):
I know people that have just led brutal lives and
the Holy Spirit got a hold ofthem.
They tell you their testimonyfrom 20 years ago and you're
like you're the same person.
It's just like God just doesthat.
That's how the Holy Spiritworks.
And I think that's a good wayreally to end this episode,
because feel like you know a lotof things that we go through
(33:34):
within not only life, but withour marriages and the
relationships that we have.
I think that that's again itputs the icing on the cake as to
why it's so important to haveGod in the center of everything
and the Holy Spirit invitinginside of us, because we can't
do this on our own Right.
I think anybody that's beenmarried for any significant
amount of time knows you have towork at marriage.
Michelle Moore (33:55):
You can't just be a bystander, you know
observer, looking into theequation.
Daniel Moore (34:00):
You got to be in their hands on Right, and it's
always important to let God be abig part of that.
You can't just do that byyourself.
Vicky Albious (34:07):
Right, and it's not 50-50.
It's 100-100.
Daniel Moore (34:10):
Absolutely.
Vicky Albious (34:11):
Yeah, putting it all in.
Daniel Moore (34:13):
Yeah, the marriage is such a huge.
It's a support system.
You support each other and wherethere's lacking, the other one
needs to jump.
And I have kind of learned overtime, is you know, I constantly
watch what her needs are, whatshe's doing.
(34:35):
If there's something that she'sreally struggling to get
something done, or whatever,well, I've got a few moments, I
go help her, right, you know.
And if it's vice versa, if I'mhaving an issue like that, she's
right there waiting to jump inthere hands on, and that's you
know, that's so important handson and that's, you know, that's
so important and I think that'sthat you know.
Scottie Albious (34:57):
over the years, you know, Michelle, you've been
really good at being sensitiveto the Holy Spirit in a lot of
things in our marriage.
How we even started off ourcollege, you know our whole
college, our whole college, theministry back.
You know it was crazy becauseeven when I had that dream, the
person that came up to me andsaid, hey, scotty, I think we're
supposed to go door to dooragain college students and bring
them to church, and it was you.
(35:17):
You know what I mean.
It was cool because, like I gotto, you know, michelle and
Vicki are really good at makingus be emotional and I got to see
them use those as strengths andnot weakness, and it's mainly
it's a sensitivity to the HolySpirit and man.
I've always admired it.
I was like, wow, that's reallycool.
So, and I think that evenhelped us in our marriage to hey
(35:42):
, be sensitive to the HolySpirit, listen to the Holy
Spirit, acknowledge the HolySpirit's right there with you.
Daniel Moore (35:45):
Yeah, I've come to realize I can't do nothing in
secret because the Holy.
Vicky Albious (35:48):
Spirit reveals it to me.
Daniel Moore (35:52):
Yeah, he already knows.
We've got to think that sheknows what I'm talking about.
Yeah, she's like busting alaughing right now.
Yeah, downstairs in our bedroomright now.
Scottie Albious (36:02):
Okay, that's where we cut it off.
Daniel Moore (36:03):
It's getting deep.
We've got this little thingthat came in the mail here a
while back and I saw thisenvelope and I'm like what is
this?
And so I didn't recognize theaddress or nothing.
It's like one of the littlewhite you know packing things or
whatever.
And so I laid it down.
It had her name on it, andlater that day she comes in, she
goes.
Oh, I didn't realize.
Michelle Moore (36:24):
I ordered that.
I had it in the cart and Ididn't realize I hit order.
Daniel Moore (36:32):
And I hit order and I'm like well, what is it?
You know it was a joke.
So she opens it up and it's awooden carved out thing and it
says I saw that and it's got acarving of Jesus laying on his
side and they hook together.
Oh my, you can set them up likeright now.
It's up above our door on thebathroom downstairs, looking
into our bedroom.
You look up and it says I sawthat I'm like oh where in the
(36:57):
world?
Michelle Moore (36:58):
did you find that?
Daniel Moore (37:01):
like I made the funniest thing.
I did the funniest thing ever.
I'm like I'm proud of myself,because half the time I don't
get anything, and so so I wasjust like I love that.
One of our episodes that we didwe was talking about.
You know, a lot of times whenyou know especially if we're
cheating on our spouses orwhatever a lot of times our main
(37:22):
, our mind frame that we're inat that time is it's just us,
nobody's going to know.
You know this is a secret.
We're keeping it secret betweenus and we're not going to let
anybody find out that in allreality, god's there in the room
with you.
He's seeing this whole thingtake place and it's creepy, when
you think about it, that way,but it's true Even when we're
intimate he's a part of it.
(37:42):
So she saw that and thought, oh,that's an awesome joke, I'm
going to buy that.
I had to give her credit onthat one.
That was pretty awesome.
So now it has a permanent homein our bedroom.
Vicky Albious (37:54):
It does yeah.
So they're staring at us everynight.
Daniel Moore (37:56):
Love it.
Michelle Moore (37:57):
That's so nice.
Daniel Moore (37:57):
Nice.
So well, as we close thisweek's episode.
That was too, tmi, is thereanything that you guys can say
for encouragement to couplesthat are in your situation right
now, but maybe they're not inthe point where you guys are at?
There's still a little bit offight going on there and maybe
you know one's feeling a littlebit lesser than the other.
(38:20):
You know the the.
Vicky Albious (38:22):
Or the culture difference.
Yeah, just that kind of thing.
What's something?
Daniel Moore (38:25):
you can speak into somebody.
Vicky Albious (38:26):
You know, I'd say because when we first started
dating and I saw that culturaldifference, even though there
were things that were weird orthis or that to me, I still had
a respect for, like, that's howthey were raised.
You know like I'm not going tosit here and be like that's dumb
(38:47):
.
Like you know this is not rightor whatever.
And there were even times thatScotty would kind of say stuff
and I'm like but that's how yourmom was raised.
You know, like you can't justcall them stupid for that,
because that's how they wereraised, you know.
So just to have a grace inknowing you know there's reasons
(39:08):
why they do the things they do.
You know you don't have tobelieve the same or, you know,
do the same.
But just kind of a respect,that's good.
Scottie Albious (39:18):
She's always done really good things because
I'm the other person, I'm theone that's like that's dumb.
Why would they do?
You know things like that?
But she's always had this grace,that's really spoke to me that
I'm like, wow, that's how shesees you know this culture.
So how am I seeing that culture?
I need to lighten up a little.
But I would say, like you know,if you feel like you're in a
(39:38):
cultural, you know barrier,reach out.
Ask the Lord to give yousomebody to network you with the
right people that's dealingwith it, because I know it's not
just island culture.
You've got Hispanics, you've gotother types of you know races
that when they get with you know, when they get with Americans
and they get with you knowyou're bringing in your family
(40:00):
and you know they said they'rebringing in their family and
you're bringing in familiestogether and that's a whole new
culture.
You know that's different.
But you've got to realize too,what Vicki and I say you can be
proud of your heritage, you canbe proud of your background, but
respect the other persons andstart a new culture with your
family.
My kids I want them to getingrained in my culture.
At the same time, know that,hey, you're an American Islander
(40:22):
.
You're American too.
You're an Islander too.
This is where dad's family camefrom.
Vicky Albious (40:32):
But here's where mom's family comes from.
And then respect, you know eachother's sides.
It's funny kind of.
They have some superstitionsand stuff and Scotty being
Scotty, he would do exactly theopposite with his parents.
You know like just crazy Toprove a point Like you couldn't
clip your fingernails at night.
Scottie Albious (40:48):
You can't clip your fingernails at night, you
can't whistle at night, youcan't a lot of things, you can't
sweep the floor because what itdoes, it stirs up the spirits,
the evil spirits, to come andvisit you, and things like that.
And so I would intentionally belike well I can't be doing this
while I'm clipping my nails andmom would be like, oh my
goodness, what are you doing?
And I'll be sweeping the floorsthe only night.
I'm like, hey, what?
I can't be doing.
This umbrella, oops.
(41:10):
You know things like that andit was.
It was just to prove a point.
Like you know, that's not true.
We're not going to be visited,we're not going to.
You know, it's just.
Yeah, and allow the lord tolead whatever culture you're in,
allow god to lead your familywell, you know what's cool is
like.
Vicky Albious (41:27):
Over the last several years, of course, his
dad passed away, I think twothink two years ago, three years
ago.
Scottie Albious (41:32):
Yeah, going on three.
Vicky Albious (41:34):
And I think he came to know the Lord, you know
before.
Like we talked to him someabout it and I think he did in
his way, you know.
And then his mom, she goesevery service with us you know,
at church and she loves being inthe presence of the Lord and
being there, you know.
Daniel Moore (41:52):
And so it's really cool, that's awesome.
Life changers, that's what it'sall about.
And the loss, your familyespecially.
That's super important to knowthat your family, you know, is
headed the right direction,right, I mean, that means
volumes, and so I just want tothank you guys for your
testimony and for what you guyshave put out there for others to
(42:15):
see.
It's amazing to me, you knowsometimes just how much people
do watch us.
You know, you just don't know itsometimes.
And so, as Christians, that'swhy we've got to be so careful
with how we carry ourselves andlive and walk that walk that we
proclaim.
We've got to make sure that wedo do that to the best of our
abilities.
Scottie Albious (42:32):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (42:33):
Of course, none of us are perfect and we make
mistakes sometimes but, that Godhas grace.
Michelle Moore (42:38):
Right, and I'm so thankful for that.
Daniel Moore (42:39):
So thank you guys for doing this episode with us
and sitting here for another.
We've got one more to go andthis has been awesome, so it's
going by too quick yeahdefinitely We'll get to the next
one next week.
For the time now, though,that's going to end this week's
episode.
Just want to remind you guys tomake sure you subscribe so you
(43:00):
don't miss any of the episodes,as they're released every week,
and I'm Daniel Moore.
Michelle Moore, my co-host, hasbeen sitting over here with us
as well.
Michelle Moore (43:08):
Again.
Daniel Moore (43:08):
Thank you, Scottie and Vicky for being here this
this week, and if you guys are afan of our show, please leave a
review on Apple Podcast.
Or, if you'd like to help usout, just give us a few seconds
and give us a five star.
Click and subscribe to thispodcast on your favorite
platforms.
The links are in the show notes.
Well, that's all for this week,and we pray that your marriage
is stronger and your walk withGod is closer after this episode
(43:31):
.
Aria (43:31):
This is an extension of the Connecting the Gap
Ministries, our biblical walkwith God.
Each week we take a few momentsas we navigate God's Word and
(43:54):
peer into other people'stestimonies and encourage each
other to connect the gap.
We upload a new audio podcastevery Thursday and a video
version of it on YouTube andRumble.
We are also on the Christianpodcasting app, edify.
You can subscribe to ourpodcast on many of the available
podcasting platforms, includingApple Podcast, spotify, amazon
(44:18):
Music, iheart Radio, tuneinRadio and more.
We are also available on yourAlexa-enabled devices.
If you would like to contactour ministry for any reason,
visit our contact page and sendus a message.
We hope you are blessed by thisministry.
This is a production ofConnecting the Gap Ministries.
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