Grace for the Journey - A First Marriage Meets a Second - 230 - Marriage Life and More

Episode Transcript
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Scottie Albious (00:06):
So me, I was ready to move on and I was ready
to move on with Vicky.
Now, in my mindset, I'm like,okay, make her feel like she's.
You know she's number one.
The other girl she's in thepast.
You know my daughter is goingto be in between and you know
we're going to navigate thistogether.
And during that time I realized,when things got serious, like
Vicky had a lot of, she broughta lot of wisdom into raising a

(00:28):
child, raising a daughter, youknow things like I would never
see.
And I said okay.
So I realized that I had totrust her.
I had to trust her with herwisdom and with her knowledge.
And you know it was crazybecause Vicki's never been
married before, but she knew howto.
She was navigating me throughthis season of, of, you know,
marriage, you know stepping intomarriage and and and raising a

(00:50):
daughter.
But I think, to answer yourquestion, I was.
I definitely.
I wanted her to feel secure and, hey, I'm not going anywhere.
You know we're, I'm in mythirties now.
I don't have time to waste.
You know we're going to, I'msticking through this and you
know I'm in for the halls.

Daniel Moore (01:06):
This week on Marriage Life More.
We welcome Scottie and VickyAlbious into the studio and
they're going to be sharingtheir testimony and some things
about the life that they'velived, and we'll be back with
that right after this.
Thank you, welcome to MarriageLife and More.

(01:58):
This is a podcast aboutmarriage, bible and book studies
.
We interview people withinspiring stories.
I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
I have Michelle, my beautifulco-host, here with me this week.
Thank you, guys, for joining usthis week.
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(02:20):
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So thank you, guys, for joiningus this week.

(02:41):
As I mentioned here in the intro, we have an awesome couple
sitting here with us this weekScottie and Vicky Albious, and
this week we're going to betalking a little bit about a
scenario where, when people cometogether to get married, one of
the spouses has been marriedbefore and the other one has not
, so it's going to be a verygood episode and we hope that

(03:03):
you'll enjoy that this week.

We're excited to be here.
First of all, I just want tosay thank you guys for having us
.
It's an honor to be here withyou and man.
I'm just excited for what God'sdoing in your ministries moving
forward and you know our prayeris that God uses you guys more
as a bright light in marriagesand relationships, pre-marriages
and things like that.
So it's a total honor to behere.

(03:37):
So thank you so much.

Yes, well, we're thankful to have you guys here.
And, of course, one thing I dowant to share with our listeners
Michelle and I just did apretty long about a four-month
study on the four laws of love,and throughout that series we
mentioned several times about acouple that has really been an
inspiration to us as we've beenthrough this walk in our own
marriage and everything, andScottie and Vicky are the couple

(04:03):
that we were referring to inthose.
They got us to go into XOConference and Scottie and
Vicky- are the couple that wewere referring to in those.
They got us to go into XOConference.
We went to a couple of thosewith you guys and that really
opened our eyes up to a lot ofnew things, just even with our
own marriages and everything andso we're super thankful and
excited to have you guys on thepodcast finally and let other
people get to meet you guys.

And can we say I think we felt the same way you
guys fed into us when it cameinto marriage things and blended
family things, and there wastimes in our life where the
enemy wanted us to feel like wewere lonely and left out.
No one can understand, and itwas almost like we ran into each
other at perfect timing.
So thank you guys as well.
It was awesome.

We go way back to Michelle, and I just mentioned a
few times about Altar'd.
It's a life group that we usedto lead at a different church.
We were going together at that.
We started that ministry fromthe ground up and that was just
an awesome.
I think about five years.
I think it was that we did that.
It was a college-aged lifegroup and young career adults,
young adults that were kind ofgetting career-minded and

(05:08):
whatever, and so that was areally exciting time to get to
serve next to you guys.

And it was a lot of fun.

So it's kind of crazy how God just takes us from
you know points in our life todifferent points in our life and
how things change, you know.
But the friendships were thereforever and that's just
something that I really am superthankful for.
So, as we get started here.
First, I want to just let youguys just have an opportunity.
Just tell us about you, yourfamily, just anything that our

(05:37):
listeners would like to knowabout Scotty and Vicki.

Vicky Albious (05:41):
Well, we've been married, for it'll be 11 years
this August and we have threebeautiful kiddos Our daughter's
17, Khira.
And then Israel is nine, almost10, which is hard to believe
and then Titus is seven, almosteight, in July.

(06:03):
And just lots of life andcraziness, but so good.
But we've known each otherprobably a good 14 or 15 years.
Went to church for a whilebefore we started dating and it
was just one of those thingswhere my dad actually was like

(06:25):
Vicky, why don't you dateScottie?
And I was like no, like weplayed volleyball and stuff
together at the church we wereat and he was like why don't you
date Scotty?
I'm like no, he's too short,what no?

Michelle Moore (06:40):
I totally understand that, Vicky.

And so you know, we just started becoming friends
, and more, and he actuallytried to prank me one night and
we ended up on the phone for sixhours after that just talking
about life and ministry andgrowing up and all this kind of
stuff and kind of just kickedoff from there.
I think we talked pretty muchevery day after that and it's

(07:08):
just been awesome and my dad wasso excited when we started
dating and he loves Scotty topieces.
She can blame your dad for allof that, then yes, I can't wear
high heels anymore because of mytower over him.

You know what's funny?
I wouldn't when we're gettingready to go on our cruise and I
want this elegant dress and I'mlike I can't wear high heels
because I'm going to be tallerthan you.
So I totally understand that.

Whenever that situation comes, dan and I we'll
wear the high heels for you.
There we go, problem solved,you're welcome.
No, I think what Vicki wassaying is, you know, being
married during that time of justboth of our singleness, I was
probably about two, three yearsin singleness and I was walking

(07:58):
through a divorce and that timeit was just really, really tough
because in that moment, youknow, I was in a dark place of
questioning God.
I did this in church and Iserved here and I helped lead
that and I'm going through this.
So I really I was just going tobe single for a while and then
I had my daughter, which at thetime she was five, four or five,

(08:20):
and I just wanted to focus onher.
And I told Vicki before meetingher, it was her I was just
going to focus on raising my kidand I wasn't going to date
until she was like in her teens,because I didn't want to deal
with the dynamics and deal withanother woman coming in, deal
with my ex-wife dealing withthis person.
So I had all these things thatI thought that I was going to
have to walk through.

(08:40):
But man, it was not like thatat all.
So I, you know, I started comingto volleyball and that's where
I met Vicki and we startedtalking more and I started going
to church and I just remember,you know, always she was helping
, she was leading worship at thetime, and one day she led a
song and I was just alwaysattending church.
And then, that's when I saw herin a different light.

(09:01):
I was like, oh, this girl,she's beautiful, you know.
And after that we started, youknow, kind of talking.
And I remember one time wasthis, right shortly after you
led, she was coming off thestage and normally she would go
off on the other end, but thistime she came off on my end and
I was like, wait a minute, she'strying to catch my attention.
Well, it was so cool.

(09:27):
That's exactly what happened, soit was so cool.
So she was coming down in herheels when I still wore them,
when she still wore them, and asshe was coming down off the
steps, she like tripped with herheels coming off the steps.
It caught in the carpet, that'swhen I tell people that's the
day that she fell for me.
So then I knew that wasconfirmation from the Lord.
I was like, okay, god, this isit, I'm going to pursue my wife.
But no, ever since then it'sbeen awesome, you know, just

(09:48):
living life and being married,and you know I wouldn't take
that back by any means.
And you know I'm just sothankful.

Yeah.

We had both went through a season of singleness.
I had actually been single forprobably nine, ten years and
just a big time of just growingin the Lord through my 20s.
And then he had been single foraround three years when we had
met and finally started talkingmore in our relationship.

(10:19):
But both in those times ofsingleness just such a growing
time in the Lord, you know, andfiguring out just the things in
our life and who we are and youknow what we really want in a
godly spouse, and so it's such acool time you know speaking
into that.

you know, a lot of times when we come out of high
school, a lot of people's mindsautomatically shift to the
boyfriend, girlfriend gettingmarried thing, having kids and
whatever.
But we know that that's notalways God's plan to immediately
have that happen as soon as weget out of school.
And a lot of people strugglewith if there's a significant
span of time after they get outof school and they start into

(11:00):
the workforce and whatever.
They don't seem to find theirsignificant other real quickly.
All their other friends aregetting whatever.
They don't seem to find theirsignificant other real quickly.
All their other friends aregetting married, they're having
kids, they're moving on, youknow.
And here's, you know we arejust sitting, we're God, where's
mine, and that kind of thing,you know.
So I always find it interestingwhen I find people, though, that
actually utilize that time togrow.

(11:21):
They do a positive thing withit.
A lot of it's negative a lot oftimes, because they start
thinking what's wrong with me?
You know, why can't I find myother person?
Is God, you know, doingsomething here?
You know, am I doing somethingwrong?
You know all these thoughts gothrough their head.
What would you speak just for asecond on that.
What would you speak to someonethat maybe they're in that
situation right at the moment,still in that waiting mode?

(11:43):
What would you tell them?

Man, god's timing is so everything.
And you know, just throughthose years of singleness, there
were definitely times that Ijust was like God, seriously
like, because my parents gotmarried young and they were like
20, I think, and so I was, youknow, growing up I was like I
want to be a mom, I want to be awife.
You know, I'm going to getmarried when I'm 20.

(12:06):
And I was 29 when we finallygot married.
But you know, through our 20sis such a growing time, like you
truly are learning who you areas a person and who you are in
God.
And you know, I had dated alittle bit in my teens, not very

(12:26):
much.
I had only dated two people,one I almost married and God
closed that door.
And you know, through some ofthose 20s I was just like God,
when, when, when, you know.
But then I just was like no,I'm going to take some of this
time, you know, just to reallyzone in and focus in on just

(12:48):
ministry and what are youcalling me to do?
You know, and I definitely,when Scotty came along, it was
just like okay, and it was justone of those things where, like,
I probably would have marriedhim within like three months
because I just knew, but itended up being 10 months.
We dated and then married, butdefinitely just take that time

(13:10):
to soak in the time and thepresence of the Lord, because
when you get married and youhave kids that all changes a lot
Such good advice.

Yeah, and there's.
You know, a lot of times peoplethey'll date, you know, during
that time and they'll just jumpand marry the wrong person
because they're so desperate tohave that relationship and that
connection to someone that theydon't give God time to work.
And that's a very dangerousplace to be, because that's one
reason some of our divorcestatistics are so high because

(13:42):
they ended up with the wrongperson.
You know they just got ahead ofGod and ahead of themselves and
all of that.
And so I think you know that'ssome good advice just to wait on
God and in his timing, becauseGod knows and he's got a reason
for that wait and I know we alllike to have things immediately.
We're in this fast fooddrive-thru mode these days, what

(14:05):
I call microwave popcorn days,where you just want things
instantly.
You know, you think about thisand you want it.
I want it right now and youjust want.
Just try to do whatever you canto get that.

I heard it said we're a microwave generation
serving a crockpot.
God, there we go Wow.

Yeah, that's a good way to put that, because
you know, god does move a littleslower than us sometimes, and
when he's doing that, weprobably need to try to figure
out why.
You know, just not jump that.
Put the cart before the horsethere.
So this week what we're goingto be talking about we're going
to have Scotty and Vicki herefor three episodes actually, and

(14:39):
this is the first one of threethis week.
What we're going to talk alittle bit about is, as you guys
have shared here in yourtestimony already, just a little
bit.
Vicki, you've never been marriedbefore, and then Scotty had
been married and was divorcedwhen you guys got married.
So that creates a little bit ofa dynamic where you have to
kind of figure things out.

(15:00):
You know, it's not like you'retwo individuals coming into
something that neither of youhave ever done before.
In all reality, one of you iscoming in with some baggage and
then you know the other one hasbaggage, but a different kind of
baggage probably.
So you have to try to figureout how to mesh all that
together.
And so as we get started intothis this week, vicki, I'm going

(15:21):
to ask you first here what wasit like, stepping into your
marriage knowing that Scotty hadbeen married before and you
hadn't.
How did you prepare your mind?
How did you get yourself ready?
Was there like, was it an easything for you to do?
Or you know what's your thoughtprocess on that?

You know I was very prayerful in it, just a lot
too, because he had a child andI did not want to, you know,
get so deep into it and haveKira attached if that wasn't
God's plan.
And so, very prayerfully, and Iremember sitting down with my

(15:56):
mom and dad and just talking tohim about it, you know, because
I honestly never thought I wouldmarry someone who had been
married and who had a child, youknow both of those, and so I,
you know, was talking to my momand dad about it and my dad,
well, both of them, mom and dad,both were just like, you know,

(16:18):
like Scotty is an amazing man ofGod and you know there's
definitely going to be somerough times, as in any marriage.
You know, it definitely addsmore dynamics when it is, you
know, there is an X in thesituation, but just very
prayerfully, you know, and we,you know, pretty early on in our

(16:41):
relationship, probably withinthat first month of dating or so
, you know, I told him one night.
I said I really feel like weneed to pray together and, you
know, ask the Lord if this is it.
God, we want to continueforward, if this is your will,
but if not, show us because wedon't.

(17:02):
You know, we don't want to hurtmore than what we should and we
definitely didn't want to hurtKira.
And so just yeah, veryprayerfully, you know, and
knowing you know, there would beobstacles to come, but I had an
awesome man of God to walkthrough those times with.

So, scotty, whenever you decided to pursue
this relationship, knowing thatwhat you were bringing into the
equation, how did you navigatewith the past experiences that
you'd had?
You know having a child already, and now you know having an ex
in the picture.
The things that you knew wasyou know having a child already,

(17:42):
and now you know having an exin the picture, the things that
you knew was you know going tobe some hurdles that you're
going to have to jump through.
At the same time, though, makingVicki feel like this was a safe
relationship.
What's some things that you hadto do to prepare for that?

You know, going into, you know, a relationship,
I think.
Well, what Vicki mentionedearlier, it was definitely led
in prayer.
I, you know, like I said, atfirst I was like God, is this
right?
That I'm having feelings?
And you know I've got to dealwith, you know, my daughter and
my ex-wife and you know thisdynamic is going to be totally
different.
You know God should show me,show me, and you know, just over

(18:13):
time and just building afriendship with Vicki and just
adding on to our relationshipand just talking, and you know,
we just had so many coffee datesand time to talk and I was able
to, I think for me to sharethat was one of my weaknesses.
I, you know it's hard to, as Ibelieve, as a guy, it's hard to
share our feelings, to share ourfears, you know, and as

(18:35):
learning and God saying, youknow, telling me, well, we'll
talk about this and tell herabout this, and tell her how you
feel.
And you know it was reallytough but at the same time it
was so freeing because us men,you know, we don't want to
expose those weaknesses, thoseareas, those fears and things
like that.
But you know, knowing Vicki andher compassion and just her

(18:58):
grace, for you know, this iswhat's going to happen and it
was just and to prepare myself.
You know, I had to just ask theLord to lead me because I
wanted my, the girl that I'mdating then.
I wanted her to know that, yes,I came from a past.
But that time was over.
I spent time alone, I spenttime with the Lord, I spent time

(19:18):
asking and, over time, godrevealing, god confirming some
things, my heart and I was readyto move on.
So, me, I was ready to move onand I was ready to move on with
Vicki.
Now, in my mindset, I'm like,okay, make her feel like she's.
You know she's number one.
The other girl, she's in thepast.
You know my daughter's going tobe in between's.

(19:41):
You know she's number one, theother girl, she's in the past.
You know my daughter is goingto be in between and you know
we're going to navigate thistogether.
And during that time, I realized, when things are getting
serious, like Vicki had a lot of.
She brought a lot of wisdominto raising a child, raising a
daughter.
You know, things like I wouldnever see and I said okay.
So I realized that I had totrust her.
I had to trust her with herwisdom and with her knowledge
and you know it was crazybecause Vicki's never been
married before, but she knew howto she was navigating me

(20:03):
through this season of, you know, marriage, you know, stepping
into marriage and raising adaughter.
But I think, to answer yourquestion, I was, I definitely.
I wanted her to feel secure and, hey, I'm not going anywhere.
You know we're, I'm in my 30snow.
I don't have time to waste.
You know we're gonna.
I'm sticking through this andyou know I'm in for the haul.

So and it's a Kim reassuring me of that sometimes
, because I can remember we hadwent to a concert, and it was
before we were married and hisex-wife would had actually just
come through a second divorce orwas in the process of it.
And she was at that sameconcert with Kira, and she'd

(20:44):
come up to us and was liketalking, and she kind of had her
hand on Scotty's arm, like youknow, and I'm standing back and
I'm like, oh, this isinteresting, you know.
But my heart in that too,though, is you know, once we got
in the car and we were headedhome, I told him.
I said, if you feel that thingscould work out with her and
it'd be better for your kid, Idon't want to get in the way of

(21:07):
that.
And he was like I'm going totell you right here and now
absolutely not.
It's like I'm not going backthere.
God has completely shifted myheart and I'm not going back
there.
God has completely shifted myheart and I'm moving forward.

So there were moments that I needed that
reassurance, I would say, justcoming out of that.
I think that's pretty cool,though, that how you had told
him that If this is somethingthat you think that you could
work out with her, no matter howmuch you loved him and you knew
he was the one, but yet youwere willing to lay that down
for Scotty and Kira.
I love that I mean, I just lovethe fact that you loved him

(21:46):
that much that you would do that.

It kind of caught me off guard when she
said that, because I was likewhat?
No, I've moved on, I'm yoursman, you're not getting rid of
me, but no, I, you know, duringthat.
It's so crazy because, likewhenever that situation happened
I didn't even notice it, yeah,I wasn't even paying attention
to it.
But then I think the number onething, especially for men,
that's come through arelationship, stay single and

(22:10):
let God heal.

You might think you're strong enough.

You might think you've been married before.
You might think you have allthe answers.
You don't.
I'm just going to break it toyou.
You don't.
God knows the answers.
Let him do his thing.
Like you mentioned earlier, welive in a microwave society, dan
.
You and I we're technology guys.
We want things boom, boom, boom.
It's the Wi-Fi lags.

(22:34):
Worth't think you know theanswer.
You don't think you don't comeup with.
I always call these like littleconfirmations, like if
something happens, oh, that'sconfirmation.
Okay, god, I'm moving on.
You know things like that.
But no, just truly wait on Himand spend time with Him.

So earlier you were talking about like making
sure the communication was there.
Did you have communication inyour first marriage?

I thought I did , but look how it ended.
No, I'm kidding.

I just I mean, I guess my question is your
personality is very outgoing,but is it hard for you, when you
first met Vicki, to communicateand let her know everything
that you were feeling?

I think for some stuff it wasn't because I
was always an open book, but,like I said, going back to when
it came to the heart, when itcame to things that really
bothered and fear, it was hard.
I had to learn and she was justlike, just, you know, open up,
let me know.
And you know, we get in thoseruts where she's like, how's
work?
Eh, it was all right.
Yeah, what'd you do then?
No, it just worked, you know.

So you pressed him yeah, yeah, yep.

That and I feel like I'm doing it right now.
So we were going through youremember you guys were talking
about marriage conferences and Iwant to do this is what's going
to happen.
But now by saying I feel like,fill in the blank, I'm able to.

(24:06):
I know it sounds so simple, butcommunicate to her.
She understands where I'mcoming from.
She understands my heart.
You know the Bible talks aboutintimacy and the importance of
intimacy between husband andwife and guys.
We're I speak for guys andmyself we're one of the worst.
Intimacy doesn't always meansex, it just basically means
into me.
you see, they need to see insideof us, they need to understand
our hearts, where we're comingfrom.

(24:27):
They need to feel our fears,feel our pains.
We don't want to give it away,but we have to.
And then what happens is man,because I've done it so many
times the Holy Spirit healsthose areas and heals that bond
between you two, you know.

So good, so good .

So how did you guys because you've been married
before and you've already had alot of experiences throughout
that first marriage how did youaccomplish building something
new versus maybe rehashing offof Scotty what you had already
had in your past?
How did you keep thoseseparated?

It took some time .
Our first couple of years itwas pretty rough, you know there
was several times that I wouldhave to say I am not her Like
you need to stop this, you know,and I just have to be like I'm
saying this or doing thisbecause of this and it's to
benefit all of us, not justmyself, you know.

(25:22):
And so you know, I just reallyneed you to think about this or
this, you know, and then we cantalk about it.
But yeah, it took some time.

The first two years were really rough and
that's why, when Vicki wanted todo the marriage conference, I
was like I definitely want to domarriage conferences because it
fixed her.
Yeah, but man, god had adifferent, different plan Every
year.
I'd be like, oh my gosh, it wasme.
That's the issue, because whenwe walked into as soon as we got
married, I've been marriedbefore, so all of a sudden, I

(25:54):
know the answers, I know how tobe married, I know what it's
like to be married.
What's wrong with this woman?
How come she's not listening tome?
Because I've been experienced,and, man, I'll tell you what.
When God and when the HolySpirit opens up your heart to
show who you are, you're selfish, you're not listening.
You have to be comforting, youhave to secure her and, man, you
talk about humbling and so andI had to share that with her,

(26:16):
that's what was hard I was like,babe, here's what we're going
to do.
I'm sorry, and you know, repentto her, repent to the Lord and
man, just upon that I think overand over, we're not perfect.
You know, I've learned as awalking it helps heal both of us

(26:37):
.

Yeah, that's so good.

Those marriage conferences are brutal for us
guys.
Yeah, they are.
It's so funny because, you know, a lot of times we look at our
marriages and we think we justhave it all figured out to an
extent.
You know this is a no brainer.
This is easy, you know.
And then you find out you weredoing the whole thing all wrong
the whole time and it's like nowonder we're having all these

(27:01):
problems.
But that's a perfect.
Those, those conferences,definitely show you how, and a
lot of that comes from the waywe're brought up, right?
You know, oh, my goodness, youdon't want to blame your parents
for anything, obviously, but inall reality that's who we get
our training from for the mostpart on how we're going to be
doing our marriages later, andunfortunately our parents didn't

(27:23):
have it figured out either in alot of ways and you know that
just continues through thegenerations, unless that's ever
broken, and that's why I'm sothankful for the good marriage
conferences.
The one we went to with youguys, I thought was phenomenal.

Yes.

And it just really it did.
They read your mail.

I always say that the only reason we're together,
you know, still is, of course,God and our want to, but also
because of Jimmy Evans and theEXO conference, because that
changed our lives completely.
Yeah, we go into that everyyear just to really go deeper
and let God really go deep intoour hearts and dig out the

(28:03):
things that needed to be let goof.

And you guys were talking to Michelle and I about
it and we were trying to decide,you know, if we was going to be
able to go or whatever.
And you know it's easy to youknow, just a marriage conference
, I don't know, that's reallyimportant.

You know there's easy to you know, just a
marriage conference?
I don't know.

That's really important.
You know there's other thingswe could be doing right now or
whatever, but when we decided togo and experience that, it's
like we did need this, you knowit's like way more than we
thought we did.

Yeah Well, it's so funny because people that
would hear we go to thismarriage conference every year
they're like, oh, what's wrongwith your marriage?

You know I'm like, I thought it was it's like
no.

this is a great thing and it helps you build
your marriage.

It's to keep us from killing each other Right.

I just find it ironic that every time we go to
like a marriage conference, theenemy gets you fighting.
We were always arguing and andyou know it took Vicki to you
know many times saying, hey, doyou realize what's happening?
We're getting ready to go intoa marriage conference where the
Holy Spirit's going to be thereand it's going to work on our
marriage and it's going to buildonto, you know, our generations
and success.
You know, in marriage, andthat's when it was almost like

(29:07):
an instant light bulb, it waslike, oh okay, you're right,
let's move on, you know.
And then I was like, why are weeven arguing?
You know what I mean.

Yeah, marriage conferences are really a good
thing for your marriages.
There's no doubt about that atall.
I you know.
I feel like it doesn't matterhow old you get, how long you're
married, you're still going tolearn, it's a learning process.
And it's amazing how manythings we're really doing wrong.
You know, we just don't we thinkwe're doing it all right, but
it could be so much better.
You know, if we all knew theapplications of how God wanted

(29:37):
this marriage thing to work, ifwe could just put that into play
, I think all of us wouldrealize just how awesome, how
much more awesome marriage couldeven be.
You know to where we're at.
It only gets better from here.

Well, and I also think the marriage conferences.
Not only does it help with ourmarriages, but it also the
ministers that are speaking arethere for a reason and whatever
topic they have brought, there'ssomebody out there that needs
some healing inside, andsometimes we don't even know
that that's the healing that weneed because it's a closed off
door to God, but he brings inthat healing and restoration

(30:11):
within that person for thatmarriage to be better.

Right right.

Definitely.
So what's some?

insecurities and some fears that, especially for
you, vicki, probably that youhad to work with going into this
, and then Scotty, with youhaving won a failed marriage
already, what's some issues thatyou had to deal with as well.
Kind of, between the both ofyou share a little bit about
that.

For me, you know, in those first couple years of
kind of just the really toughtimes, it's kind of that thing
of like is this going to change,you know?
Is he ever going to realizelike we've got to get past this
part, you know, and be us, letyou know, our marriage, grow and
flourish?
And is he going to see me forwho I truly am, you know, and

(30:59):
who God is in me?
Because there were just thosemoments that I was like how, you
know, because I, my parentswere, you know, just we went to
church our whole life, we wereraised in it, you know, and my
parents, I wouldn't say reallyever fought in front of us, like
it was kind of always behind aclosed door, which I think

(31:22):
that's good.
And then in part, sometimes youneed to see kind of the resolve
of something you know.
But I, you know, went in aslike we have to, you know you
don't go to bed angry and stufflike that.
We have to, you know you don'tgo to bed angry and stuff like
that.
So in our first, you know,several years of marriage, if we
had something going on betweenus, they were nice I walked in

(31:44):
that room and I flipped thelight on, you know, because I'm
like so angry inside and thenhere he is just snoozing away
like nothing ever happened.

I was like, well, we're fighting.
What's going on?
Yeah?

And I'd flip it on and be like we're going to
work this out, like you know,and he'd roll over Whoa, what
are you talking about?
I'm like, that makes me evenmore mad.
But anyway, and you know, you,just you have those fears of

(32:22):
like, is this ever going to be?
Okay, you know, but God, like,just when things begin to change
and he began to, you know, seeme for who I was and to realize,
you know, we need to moveforward, yeah, I think,
insecurity for me going into asecond marriage.

you're caring so much already.
Yes, you're allowing God toheal areas in yourself, but you
still carry a bunch of memories,you still carry a bunch of
things that happened in theprevious time.
So for me, my insecurity was amI going to be walking on
eggshells when I come in thehouse and she finds out that I
stopped somewhere and grabbed?

(32:53):
You know, I spent some money.
Are we going to get into a hugefight?
Are we going to get into afight over just little things?
So I was always prepared toargue, yeah, but whenever, like,
we would get into an argumentinstead of her fighting me.
It was crazy because, like, shewould just always respond back
in like love, softness,tenderness.
And I'm like what is happening?
How come we're not yelling ateach other, you know?

(33:14):
And why am I the only oneyelling?
You know was just like, what isgoing on?
That's not right, you know,that's not the way to fight.
And it was weird because Irealized, like, okay, wow, I
don't have to fear that she'sgoing to yell and storm out or
leave, because I realized, likeyou know, the person she would
always go to whenever things gotheated was the Lord, and
whenever she did, I felt securein that.

That's awesome.
And you know there's nothing, Ithink, more powerful than
living that life, that way Right.
Because why do a lot of timesdo our fights extend on very
lengths of time between eachother?
Because we both are at eachother.
You know, instead of one personcoming in love or in a
Christlike manner, weautomatically respond to that

(34:01):
anger with anger, and so then itjust festers and keeps getting
bigger and bigger and you know,somebody has to give eventually
if it's going to stop.
And so I think that that's ahuge lesson that even Michelle
and I had to.
You've got to have God in yourmarriage From everything that
both of us have walked through,and we know a lot of your

(34:22):
history, your extensive history.
You guys have been in the sameboat in a lot of ways.
Oh yeah, you're very similar towhat Michelle and I have been
through in a lot of ways.

We're just old people.

But you know, without God in these marriages
both of our marriages it wouldbe rough.
You know you can't do thisstuff on your own and I think
that that's a good lesson reallyfor—I'm glad you brought that
up, because there's a lot ofpeople out there that they just
fight fire with fire you know,and whenever one spouse is
having a bad day or having a badsituation or whatever, the

(34:54):
other spouse just you know, justkindles that fire.
They come in just all hot andheavy and it makes it even worse
.

Well, I've always been a believer.
Like in the midst of your fight, in the midst of your feud, I'm
not going to take it to afriend and be like, guess what
she's doing.
I want her to, pastor, say, youknow, take it to the throne
before you even take it to thephone.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Or say, you know, take it tothe throne before you even take
it to the phone.
Yeah, that's awesome.
And so I remember always, evenlike you know, for Vicki she

(35:24):
would just go to the prayercloset or just start praying,
and for me that was weirdbecause I was like, are you not
going to go?
you know, tell someone to chewme off or anything like that,
but no, she was always going tothe Lord and everything, and so
to me that was almost, you know,that was always encouragement
for me, like I should be doingthe same, you know, and that
changed our whole.
She led by example, you know,to me, and that changed our

(35:45):
marriage.

Yeah, Well, and what was crazy is, you know, and
who I would talk to would be mymom, and my mom, just over all
these years, she's like you,married someone just like your
dad, and so she always justVicki.
I know this is tough but, likeI know, this is who God has put
in your life and you're going toget through this and it's going

(36:07):
to be good.
You know, and just alwaysencouraged instead of you know,
I think sometimes it's easy inmarriage.
You have those friends you youknow.
Well, this happened and thathappened, you know, and if that
friend is not directing you backtowards the Lord and to heal
your marriage, you need to findsome other friends.
That's right, Because they donot, you know, if they're not

(36:29):
for your marriage, you betternot be talking to them.

Yeah.
Great advice yeah, so you guys,especially you, vicki have
grown up in a background,church-wise, similar to what
Michelle and I have, and I knowyou're the same way at this
point too, when it comes to thedivorce thing.
So the fact that a lot ofchurches, especially the

(36:54):
background that I come from, youknow divorce is really looked
down on and that's a bad youknow, almost disassociate
yourself with anybody.
It's just very legalistic, Iguess is the best way to put
that.
So with that being an issue,you know a factor here in all of
this did you find where you hadcertain people sometimes that

(37:15):
had opinions about whether youknow you marry in Scotty with
him already being married beforeand having a child?
Did you find any negativitynecessarily from any of that?
And if you did, how did youhandle that?

You know, I honestly can't remember that I
really did.
You know, yeah, I really Ican't think of anybody that ever
really said anything to me,that I felt that way and maybe I
was just surrounded by a greatgroup of people, but you know,
for the most part, what I canremember is support and love,
and you know.

And that's what's needed during that time because
we all know that.
You know, life happens.
Michelle and I have both beendivorced.
Everybody that's listened toour podcast knows our history,
but that doesn't make usworthless.
That doesn't mean that we can'tbe loved again.
There are things that happensometimes in life that's just

(38:11):
kind of out of control, you know, and Satan has a lot to do with
a lot of that.
And if you know if we go intothings and our focus just isn't
quite right and we're not doingthings the way that we should,
biblically keeping God out ofthe equation.
There's so many things that can, you know, cause something
that's supposed to be good tojust totally implode and be a
disaster.
And but you know, I know a lotof people.

(38:34):
Sometimes they'll look atrelationships and it's all fine
and dandy when they think you'vebeen married since the very
beginning and, oh, one of you isdivorced.
And then you get this look intheir face and everything's like
what's wrong with that?
They're judging you right on thespot, and so I just I knew that
, with you guys being in thisscenario, you know if there's

(38:55):
anyone listening out therethat's you know had that take
place, where they're gettingjudged, or you know they've got
people that's just pouringnegativity trying to tell them
you shouldn't be doing this.
You know this is not right andwhatever you know, I think you
know from my aspect of it, if Iever see somebody doing that,
it's like you know I'm prayingabout this.
You know God's going to lead mein all of this.

(39:20):
You know people have theiropinions.
Opinions are a dime a dozen.

Everybody's got one.

You have to kind of just, you know, sift through
all of those and havediscernment with those opinions.
But in all reality, you know,if God has put somebody together
and he's ordained thatrelationship, then it can't go
wrong.
I truly believe that.
I think that as long as God'sin the middle of all of that,
then you're on the right pathand so you can't let that

(39:46):
negativity get to you.
Take that to prayer and to Godand let God handle that.

Yes.

So I was kind of curious about that.
So, as we wrap up this week'sepisode here, is there anything
that you guys kind of wish youwould have known before you
stepped into this relationship,or did you ever run across
anything like that that youthink, man, I wish I would have
thought of that before.
That might have caused a littlebit of a hiccup in your
relationship at one point.

Or good, solid advice for anybody that's going
into a marriage, for someonethat's not married and someone
that's been remarried.

I would say, for someone that's you know going
into a marriage, especially youknow if that person has been
married or has a child for you100% to know that this is God's
will, because you're going tohave some tough times and you're

(40:42):
going to have to know that.
Okay, you know this is tough,but God called me to it and he's
going to take me through it.
But just to be sure of that,and I think that's good.

I think for me it's whether you've got kids and
you're getting ready to go intoa new relationship.
Take your time.
And what I mean by that is giveit time for your kids to meet
the other person.
Say that Vicki and I didn'twork out, you know, and Kira
loved Vicki from the get-go.
Then she would have been hurt,you know.

(41:17):
And then if I would have datedsomeone else, then she would
have met another person.
Man, just take your time toknow the other person, wait on
the Lord, pray over thatrelationship and take your time
for the kids to meet the otherperson.
And another thing too you'renot alone.

There's so many resources out there.

There's so many friends in church.
You know this is not—divorceshappen.
Things happen for manydifferent reasons, many
different dynamics.
Don't feel ashamed like youcan't reach out for help.

There's help out there, and you're not alone in
this.
And, Scotty, he safeguardedKira.
I mean, she already knew mefrom church, but when we started
dating he didn't bring me intoher life until we had dated for
a little while dated for alittle while you know, just
because it's such a big thing tobring people into your kids'

(42:05):
lives for them to get attachedand then to be yanked out.
You know they've already beenthrough enough, you know, with a
marriage split and stuff likethat.
And so just safeguard your kids, because man, their hearts,
they just they need thatprotection, you know.

So, I was thankful he did that.
I want to say one thing.
One of the things that I havealways admired about both of you
guys is the fact that and I maystart crying, so I'm sorry if I
start crying- no, because Iwill.
One of the things that I haveadmired the most about you guys
that, no matter what's beingthrown at to you guys, you have
been positive, you've given,like, like, great advice and

(42:44):
wisdom, even though you didn'tknow that you gave it, and
everything you guys are walkingthrough.
But, vicki, your heart for Kirais unknown.
I mean, we've went through withBrooke, you know and you just
are.
So your wisdom and your gracethat you have toward her, and

(43:06):
even the ex, was just an amazingexample to me and I thought
what if I, what if, what, if,what, if we would have done that
what you guys have done?
And I just think about yourheart, what you guys have done,
and I just think about yourheart and when you said earlier,
you said God, and then the wantto.
I love that because the want tois when you're in a relationship

(43:32):
that, like, both of us had kids, one of us didn't.
So when one person doesn't,you're taking on everything else
.
Oh yeah, yeah, and it has to beGod, and it has to be that
fight for the one too, yeah.
And he has blessed you guys.

Oh yeah, Not just as blessing.

But he has used you guys.
I just admire you guys bothlike immensely.
I mean, I've watched you walkthrough things with Kara and I'm
just like—.

Yeah, because you walked in with us.

Oh my gosh, I'm just like she didn't yell, she
didn't scream, she didn't throwthe phone, she didn't talk to
her.
I'm like—.

Call a hitman.

I mean seriously , hey there Most—.

Can we edit that part Most?

Can we edit that part?
Most wives wouldn't be that way.
Exactly, you are a godlyexample of what a stepmother and
I know that you're not astepmom, you're other mom but
thank you for that.
Thank you Because, honestly,your heart has been just
something that I just I'm likeGod.

(44:38):
I wish I could be like that.
When I walk through that, andso I know you're helping many
people as you walk, god justcomes out of you when it comes
to kids.
I mean he comes out of you allthe time.
Don't get me wrong, but it'shard to deal with exes kids from
other.
I mean Dan, and I have talkedabout it numerous times.

(45:01):
And you're just.
You're love, Right.
Thank you For not only Kira,but for your XY.

And can I add on to that?
You asked the question earlier.
You know what were some of theinsecurities?
I was always secure because ofher relationship with the Lord,
like you were saying, that shewas just very loving and tender
and she had all the knowledge.
And I'm like, where is all thiscoming from?
But I knew where it came fromand that was security for me.
It's like, man, she's got thatconnection with the Lord.

(45:31):
You know I need that and that'swhat encouraged me to go move
on with what we have.

Thank you for that.
Oh man, it's been a lot ofhours in a prayer closet and I
cannot say that I've done it allright, that's for sure.
It's been a lot of moments ofJesus saying you better check
your heart right now, you know,and you better straighten it up.
But thank you.

Yeah, in Proverbs 31, there's a Proverbs 31 woman.
Yes, and I actually in my Biblereading that I do.
I actually had read that onehere within this last month and
I'd forgotten a lot of what thatchapter actually says you know,
and as I was reading throughthat, I was like you know, I'm
so thankful for myself that evenwith Michelle, I can see so

(46:21):
many of those attributes in her.
Yes.
She's changed me I understand,scotty, what you're saying,
because you know I came into ourmarriage very stubborn in a lot
of ways.
I had my own opinions aboutthings.
I wanted my way or the highwayin a lot of things, and it
almost drove us to a divorce.
You know, it's like I thought Iwas doing it all right.

(46:41):
I mean, I had no idea.
You know, and that's a problemthat we have a lot of times is
when we come into theserelationships especially if
we've been in a relationshipbefore, we don't realize it but
a lot of those bad things thatcaused the first one to fail, we
start rehashing that again aswe come into the next one, if
we're not careful and end as wecome into the next one, if
we're not careful, yeah, andthen the next thing you know,
you're right back in a scenarioagain where you're about to lose

(47:04):
everything, and that's why it'sso important as we've said many
times on this podcast that yougot to keep God in the middle of
everything that you do.
Yes, and so I do.
I thank God for those Proverbs31 women.
That keeps us guys on track, ohyeah, keeps us lined out,
because it's so easy for us togo on our own little paths

(47:26):
sometimes and be troublemakers.
So God gives them a lot ofgrace, that's for sure.
Well, I want to thank you guysfor sitting here with us for
this first episode.
This has been awesome and, likeI said, we've got a couple more
to go here over the next coupleof weeks, as you guys are going
to be sitting with us heredoing a couple of different
episodes, so we're going to goahead and wrap this one up,

(47:47):
though, and call it good on thisone.
Don't forget that, if you wantall of these episodes.
make sure that you subscribe toour podcast so you don't miss
any of the episodes.
Daniel Moore and Michelle'sbeen sitting here with me, my
beautiful co-hosts.
We've been talking to Scottyand Vicki Albius.
They're our guests this week onour podcast and we just want
you to know that this showwouldn't be possible without you

(48:09):
.
If you're a fan of our show,please leave a review on Apple
Podcasts.
If you would like to help usout, just take a few seconds,
give us a five-star review or aclick, and please subscribe to
us on your favorite platform.
The links for those are in theshow notes.
Well, that's all for this week,and we pray that your marriage
is stronger and your walk withGod is closer After this episode

(48:29):
.
This is an extension of theconnecting the gap ministries,
and we pray that you have ablessed week.

Aria (48:35):
You've been listening to connecting the gap podcast.
In this world, there are manydisconnects that cause chaos in
our lives.
This podcast is birthed fromthe desire to share hope and
restoration of the power of thegospel by being transparent and
open in our biblical walk withGod.
Each week, we take a fewmoments as we navigate God's
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(48:55):
We upload a new audio podcastevery Thursday and a video
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(49:16):
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Grace for the Journey - A First Marriage Meets a Second - 230

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