April 10, 2025 • 25 mins
Send Questions or comments here! We'll respond back in future episodes.
Rejection's invisible wounds cut deeper than we often recognize. This powerful opening episode in our three-part series on Rejection examines how today's rejections act as precision-targeted stealth bombs, unearthing our past hurts with excruciating intensity.
Through a personal airport story, we discover how negative self-talk becomes the most insidious form of rejection. When an unexpected encounter with an airport employee halted self-deprecating comments with the powerful statement "Not here in front of me will you talk that way about yourself," it revealed a profound truth—we often permit ourselves to speak about ourselves in ways we would never tolerate from others.
The episode unpacks how rejection operates: an initial comment like "I don't want you" transforms into the label "you aren't accepted," evolves into the lie "you aren't worthy," and ultimately becomes a script of self-rejection running in the background of our lives. This transformation creates significant barriers in our relationships, causing us to project past rejections onto new connections and misinterpret innocent interactions through rejection-colored lenses.
Most damaging is how this pattern extends to our relationship with God, leading us to question whether He shares the negative opinions others have expressed about us. The truth emerges clearly—we'll never experience enough human love to permanently free us from insecurity and rejection fears. Only God's love possesses that transformative power.
This raw, honest exploration doesn't promise tidy answers but offers something better: understanding and a path toward healing. By examining rejection's roots and mechanisms, we begin dismantling its power and reclaiming our authentic identities.
Contact us at Marriage Life and More and Connecting the Gap Ministries
- Website: https://www.marriagelifeandmore.com
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ctgaponline
- X and Instagram: @ctgaponline
- You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/@connectingthegap
- Rumble: https://rumble.com/c/c-1351356
- Email us at daniel@connectingthegap.net
- Spotify direct link: https://open.spotify.com/show/4Zg2rss7gRtCfzCggGVYl9
- Apple Podcast direct link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/connecting-the-gap-podcast/id1586240413
Connecting the Gap does not own the rights to any audio clips or bumper music embeds used in the episodes from third party resources.
Thanks for listening and please subscribe!
Sky High Broadcasting Corp.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Daniel Moore (00:09):
The rejections we face today, whether overt or
discreet, act as a stealth bombsthat are directly targeted at
our innermost core, unearthingpast wounds and causing them to
resurface with excruciatingintensity.
These rejections have theuncanny ability to pinpoint the
hurts from our past, bringingthem vividly back to the present
(00:32):
.
They disrupt the carefullyconstructed coping mechanisms we
have developed to maintainstability in our lives.
In this episode of Connectingthe Gap, we start a three-part
series on rejection.
We'll be back to get thatstarted right after this.
Welcome to Connecting the Gap.
(01:27):
This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and we
interview people that have astory.
I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
Thank you, guys for joining usthis week.
If not familiar with ourministry and our show, you can
check us out on our website atwwwconnectingthegapnet or
marriagelifeandmorecom.
There you'll find our platforms.
Our YouTube and Rumble linksare there.
We're also on the ChristianPodcasting app, edify.
(01:49):
We're also on your Google smartdevices and your Alexa smart
devices as well.
You can also visit us on social, on Instagram and Facebook at
ctgaponline.
If you're a fan of our show,please subscribe.
Feel free to leave a comment onour platforms.
Give us a thumbs up or afive-star review on Apple
Podcast and we'd be grateful toyou for doing that.
Well, hopefully you guys haveenjoyed the last several months
(02:13):
of our marriage series that mywife and I put together for you
and we really enjoyed bringingthat your way.
We have lots more marriagestuff coming your way as well.
But, as I've been telling you,we're going to also continue
with some book studies and justother things underneath the
Connecting the Gap podcast label, and this is one of those
(02:33):
mini-series that I'm going to bedoing, and this one is on
rejection.
A lot of us go through momentsin life when we feel rejected
and sometimes it's hard to dealwith that rejection in our life.
So we're going to kind of diginto that a little bit this week
, and this week we're going totalk about I'd Rather Ignore
Honesty In the quiet of theearly morning.
(03:06):
Honesty seeks me out.
It whispers through a gap in mybeing, urging the truest
version of myself to come out.
Come out wherever you are, notthe perfected facade I present
to the world, but the raw,unfiltered essence of who I am,
the unkempt, unvarnished soulthat can't be glossed over with
(03:29):
grooming and trendy accessories.
Honesty is a suitor withpiercing vision because, like a
suitor who carefully observesand evaluates their surroundings
.
Honesty sees through facadesand illusions.
It penetrates through anypretense or positioning, cutting
through the layers of deceit toreveal the truth beneath.
(03:52):
Just as a suitor is steadfastin their purpose and is not
easily swayed by distractions,honesty remains unwavering in
its commitment to truth,regardless of any attempts to
deceive or manipulate.
Honesty's sharp insight andunwavering dedication make it a
powerful force that cannot beunderestimated or disregarded.
(04:15):
No matter how hard you try tomake things appear better than
they actually are, honesty willnot be deceived.
Better than they actually are,honesty will not be deceived.
It sees past the embellishmentsand facades that you may try to
use to cover up the truth.
While you may attempt to painta rosier picture or distort the
reality of a situation, honestyremains steadfast in its
(04:39):
commitment to uncovering theunvarnished truth.
No amount of manipulation orexaggeration can sway honesty as
it cuts through the illusionsand reveals the raw, unfiltered
reality that lies beneath thesurface.
In the face of honesty,attempts to distort or improve
(05:00):
upon the truth are futile, as itstands as a steadfast guardian
of the unadulterated reality.
So I throw on my hat, splashsome water on my face I don't
suck in my gut or splash on anycologne.
I just appear.
I step out from behind thefacade of a carefully
(05:22):
constructed identity.
From behind the facade of acarefully constructed identity,
tentatively reaching out my handto greet honesty.
Uncertain of how honesty willrespond, I am prepared for
either a harsh rebuke or awelcoming embrace.
While I typically wouldn'tchoose conflict, in my case a
(05:43):
direct confrontation may be thesafer choice.
I'm not typically a hugger.
Sometimes in my awkwardnessit's even a stretch to shake
hands.
As a guy, you never know if theother person you are talking to
is comfortable with a hug orthe more distant option of a
handshake.
So rather than take the chanceon the awkwardness, I usually
choose neither.
(06:04):
I didn't want to hug honesty.
In the past, I have never beeneager to fully embrace honesty.
Though I have become more adeptat facing it now than ever
before, I still hesitate, awareof the potential risk involved.
As long as I perceive honestyas a threat with the intention
(06:25):
to uncover and potentially harmme, it will always feel like a
perilous endeavor.
It is simpler for me to createa more appealing narrative of my
life where I can connect eachpast hurt with the subsequent
healing I have undergone, ratherthan confronting the unfiltered
truth.
I find comfort in neatlyaligning with the challenging
(06:48):
chapter of my story with themoments of peace I discovered,
amidst God's grace, forgivenessand restoration, using it as
evidence that I am now living ina state of freedom, which
really I am most of the time.
But honesty doesn't want me totalk about that.
(07:12):
Honesty urged me to present theessence of who I perceive myself
to be and examine it againstthe reality of what truly exists
.
In doing so, I realized thatthere is no individual in this
world who will find a flawlessmatch between their
self-perception and the actualtruth.
Not one.
Regardless of how spirituallyadvanced, refined, mature or
(07:36):
liberated we may believeourselves to be, there are
inherent misalignments ingrainedwithin our beings.
This is the issue that honestyaimed to discuss with me.
The truth reveals itself.
The root cause of thesemisalignments is something we
typically wish had remainedconfined to our middle school
locker room, and that is thesubject of rejection.
(08:01):
When someone intentionallycrafts rejection tailored to
exploit my most vulnerableaspects, it has the power to
penetrate the core of my being.
While maturity in my faith canaid me in processing and
responding to such rejection,guiding me in extracting the
arrow and tending to the wound.
It does not serve as animpenetrable shield from the
(08:23):
pain of rejection.
It does not serve as animpenetrable shield from the
pain of rejection.
The rejections we face today,whether overt or discreet, act
as the stealth bombs that aredirectly targeted at our
innermost core, unearthing pastwounds and causing them to
resurface with excruciatingintensity.
These rejections have theuncanny ability to pinpoint the
(08:45):
hurts from our past, bringingthem vividly back to the present
.
They disrupt the carefullyconstructed coping mechanisms we
have developed to maintainstability in our lives.
In the midst of these challenges, the voices of doubt and
insecurity speak softly butpersistently, echoing the belief
(09:07):
that we are a disappointment.
These voices do not need toshout.
The pain itself resonates indeafening echoes.
As honesty stares at me, I givea nod in agreement.
I acknowledge that there isprogress yet to be made.
Eventually, I understand thathonesty's intent is not to harm,
(09:29):
but it's trying to heal me.
If you want to know what'sreally inside of a person,
listen to the words they speak.
Years ago, the Lord made surethat I had an acute awareness of
what some of my own words wouldreveal.
Hints of the misalignmentbetween what is true and what I
believe about myself leaked outone day at the airport, I had
(09:52):
been visiting a girl I wasdating at the time in
Bakersfield, california, and itwas time to get to the airport
in LA.
We jumped in the car severalhours early and headed toward my
flight.
Halfway into the journey weended up in a traffic jam.
Halfway into the journey, weended up in a traffic jam.
We sat and waited and waitedand crept slowly towards my
(10:19):
destination.
I was getting more anxious andworried as the time slipped by
that we were still on thefreeway when we should have been
turning into the airportparking lot.
Finally, an hour later into thetrip than was intended, we saw
the airport looming in thedistance.
We finally made it to theterminal.
I leaped out, grabbed my luggageand started running to my gate.
As I approached the check-in, Isaw the last few people trickle
(10:41):
into the passageway to boardthe plane.
My luggage was checked and downthe conveyor it went.
I ran over to the attendantstanding at the boarding lane
and, with one line spoken, myheart sank.
I heard the airport worker saysomething to the effect that the
doors had already shut.
My luggage made it on the plane, but I would not.
(11:05):
I had arrived a few minutes toolate, my mind started racing.
I had to go back to work thenext day.
I'm in one of the biggestmulti-floor airports in the USA.
Stuck in the waiting roombecause I got held up in a
traffic jam, I looked at theworker and asked the obvious
question how do I get on aflight to go home now, since I
(11:28):
missed mine?
Well, I was advised that Iwould have to wait until a seat
was open on a future flight.
I could jump on as an extrapassenger if a seat was open for
me to do so.
All day long, flights came andwent and my panic was setting in
.
I had no idea how long I wasgoing to be stuck there in that
(11:51):
waiting room.
Bummer, big, huge, stinkingbummer.
Eventually, after about six toseven hours of waiting for that
empty jump seat, I walked backup to the counter and asked if
there were any favors they coulddo to get me on a plane, to
which they replied Nope, we justhave to wait.
(12:13):
And then I started doing what Ido sometimes when life doesn't
cooperate with me.
I started talking to myself.
Impatient frustration lifted mynerves right up through my body
and right out of my mouth.
I am such an idiot.
I knew we should have leftsooner.
Why does this kind of stuffalways have to happen to me?
(12:35):
I mean, seriously, if I had abrain, I wouldn't even know how
to use it.
The desk attendant spun aroundand held up her hand for me to
stop.
Not here in front of me.
She said Not here in front ofme.
Will you talk that way aboutyourself?
Absolutely not.
As she wagged a finger at me.
Her defiant outburst startledme.
(12:58):
It also stopped me Suddenly.
I felt like I was talking tothe angel.
Gabriel Spit happens, onlyGabriel Spit happens.
Only she didn't say spit, shesaid well, you know I'm thinking
great.
I have an angel with a languageproblem.
So maybe she wasn't really aheavenly being.
But the words she said surewere divine.
(13:20):
They stuck to me.
You know, like everyone'sexperience.
You've had at least once inyour lifetime where you were
chewing a piece of bubble gumand it got stuck in your hair.
The only way to get it out waswith scissors.
You know, that kind of stuck Avery serious problem.
(13:40):
And this was a serious problemalso.
Those words not here in frontof me, will you talk that way
about yourself?
Stuck to me.
They don't brush off thateasily.
Sometimes, a particular phraseor set of words can resonate so
deeply with us that it leaves alasting impact on our soul.
(14:00):
These words may holdsignificant meaning or truth
that speaks directly to ourinnermost thoughts and emotions.
Such phrases have the power toevoke strong feelings or trigger
a huge sense of realization orunderstanding within us, leaving
an imprint on our soul that wecarry with us long after we
(14:21):
first hear them.
Those are the phrases you wantto collect in your memory bank,
like you might collect hotwheels or Barbie dolls.
Those words that can move youare treasures.
I wanted to write it down, butmy luggage was somewhere between
California and Missouri.
Maybe it can never be seenagain.
(14:42):
The airport terminal providedan unlikely backdrop for such a
deep lesson to be learned.
I then realized why those wordswere so necessary for me.
Negative self-talk was arejection from my past that
reared its head from time totime.
I had let it settle into thevery core of who I was.
(15:04):
I would later come to realizethat I permitted myself to talk
about me in ways I would neverlet anyone else do so.
In some ways, self-rejectionand words that would poison
myself scrambled my thoughtsmore than I would ever care to
admit.
When we reject ourselves, weessentially create an open
(15:24):
runway for external rejection tocome in and take hold within us
.
The self-criticism and negativebeliefs that we hold about
ourselves act as a magnet forsimilar criticisms from others
to land on the alreadyvulnerable grounds of our hearts
.
This is why it stings so muchwhen others say or do things
(15:46):
that make us feel rejected,because it often mirrors the
same vulnerabilities andinsecurities we have already
inflicted upon ourselves.
It's like adding insult toinjury, as the external
rejection exacerbates the painof the internal self-rejection
we are already grappling with.
(16:06):
The convergence of bothinternal and external rejection
can intensify the emotionalimpact and compound the hurt we
feel, making it even morechallenging to heal and move
forward.
I mean it's kind of likegetting kicked in the shin where
you were just kicked not evenfive minutes ago.
(16:27):
It hurts when someone doesn'tinvite you to their event.
It can trigger a cascade ofnegative thoughts and self-doubt
.
You may find yourselfrevisiting all the criticisms
and vulnerabilities you haveexpressed about yourself
recently and in that moment youstart associating those negative
thoughts with the person whodidn't invite you.
(16:49):
It's as if you project your owninsecurities onto them and hear
their words echoing yourself-criticism.
This can lead to a sense ofbeing labeled, judged and
ultimately rejected by thatperson, even if they may not
have intended to hurt you.
If they may not have intendedto hurt you, the convergence of
(17:13):
your own internal struggles andexternal events can amplify
feelings of rejection andinadequacy, making it difficult
to separate your ownself-perceptions from the
actions of others.
This can create a cycle ofself-blame and emotional
distress, highlighting theimpact that external actions can
have on our inner thoughts andfeelings of worthlessness.
Or maybe your spouse makes acomment about something that
(17:36):
you're already sensitive aboutand it triggers a heightened
emotional response that may seemdisproportionate to the
situation.
This could be due to the factthat you interpret their words
and actions through the lens ofyour own insecurities and
vulnerabilities, magnifyingtheir impact and intensifying
your emotional reaction.
As a result, you may perceivetheir comments as more hurtful
(18:01):
or critical than they intended,leading to feelings of rejection
and emotional distress, leadingto feelings of rejection and
emotional distress.
This can then create a strainin the relationship, as your
partner may be left confused andunaware of the underlying
issues that are influencing yourreactions.
Perhaps a situation you weredeeply invested in doesn't pan
(18:22):
out as planned.
You attempt to encourageyourself, acknowledging that it
was a result of unexpectedevents.
Yet a sense of rejectionlingers within you.
You strive not to internalizeit, but the disappointment
leaves you feeling slightlyunsettled for the remainder of
the day, unable to fully shakeoff the letdown.
(18:44):
Or when one of your adultchildren intentionally goes
against the advice you providedthe more you insist, the further
they withdraw.
You start to see yourself asthe parent you vowed you would
never become intrusive anddomineering.
In response, they becomereserved and distant, leaving
(19:05):
you with a deep sense ofheartache.
Or when someone outrightrejects you, whether it's your
idea, invitation, children,project or anything else, it
impacts you more deeply than youexpect.
As relationships become moreuncertain and opportunities seem
(19:27):
riskier, life can feel like aseries of obstacles that are
difficult to navigate.
Despite these challenges, wepersist because perseverance is
ingrained in us.
That's just what we do.
However, the constant feelingof rejection, whether real or
imagined it, takes a toll on oursecurity.
(19:47):
It undermines our self-worthand amplifies the negative
messages we have internalizedabout ourselves.
In this way, rejection not onlyaffects our external
circumstances, but also chipsaway at our self-confidence and
identity, overshadowing the bestparts of who we are with the
(20:08):
lingering echoes of past hurts.
Rejection steals the best ofwho we are by reinforcing the
worst of what's been said to us.
Rejection is not merely anemotional response.
It serves as a powerful messagethat penetrates deep into our
inner being, shaping our beliefsabout ourselves, others and
(20:31):
even our faith in God.
When we experience rejection,it triggers memories of past
hurts and critical words spokenby others.
These words can becomeinternalized, forming labels
that we subconsciously attach toourselves.
Over time, these labels morphinto damaging lies that we start
(20:52):
to believe about our worth andcapabilities.
As these falsehoods take rootin our minds, they influence how
we perceive ourselves andimpact our interactions with
others in every new relationshipwe form.
The cycle continues as we carrythe burden of these perceived
liabilities, affecting ourself-esteem and the way we
(21:14):
engage with the world around us.
Let's look at an example of thisprocess.
The line is I don't want youbecomes the label you aren't
accepted.
The label you aren't acceptedbecomes the lie you aren't
worthy.
The lie you aren't worthybecomes the script of
(21:36):
self-rejection.
Believing that we are unworthycan trigger a cascade of
negative emotions and behaviorsthat act as barriers in current
relationships.
This mindset can lead tosuspicion, doubt and hesitancy,
creating obstacles to formingmeaningful connections with
others.
We may unknowingly project pastinstances of rejection onto new
(22:00):
relationships, unfairlyattributing words and actions to
others that they neverexpressed.
This cycle of self-doubt andmistrust can extend to our
relationship with God, ofself-doubt and mistrust can
extend to our relationship withGod.
We may find ourselvesquestioning if God shares the
same negative opinions about usas those who have caused us pain
(22:20):
in the past.
These doubts can breedinsecurity and further isolate
us from the possibility ofhealing and growth within
ourselves and our interactionswith others.
And you may be asking why didyou pick this topic of rejection
?
No, it isn't because I'vemastered it.
(22:42):
I chose it because I think weneed to dig deep inside the very
core of ourselves and exposeand hopefully finally heal
rejection's deep wounds.
There is a warning that I mustissue with this journey that
we're going to be taking overthe next couple of weeks.
It won't be tidy, but it willbe honest and it will be good.
(23:02):
I also may still not be readyto give hugs, but I am willing
to shake hands and walk forwardfrom here.
Oh, by the way, I did finallyget on a plane.
I made it home to lost luggageand worked my next day at work.
My luggage finally made it backhome about three weeks later.
(23:23):
I'm still not real sure whereit was lost.
To be honest, I never couldfind anyone that could give me a
straight answer.
But the fear of rejection is ananxiety that runs deep inside of
us.
Often we're not even aware ofhow significantly it is
influencing and affecting us.
When the fear of rejectiondominates us, we make lots of
(23:47):
bad decisions.
When we're insecure on theinside, we miss some of the best
that God has for us some of thebest that God has for us.
You will never experienceenough love from people to
successfully and perpetuallyfree you from insecurity and the
fear of rejection.
The only love that can and willdo this is God's love.
(24:09):
That's going to wrap it up forthis week.
Next week we're going to comeback with the second episode in
this mini series on rejection.
Please subscribe to be surethat you don't miss that episode
.
I'm Daniel Moore.
Thank you for joining us thisweek on Connecting the Gap
podcast.
This show really wouldn't bepossible without you.
If you're a fan of the show,please leave a review on Apple
(24:32):
podcast.
Or if you'd like to help us out.
Just give us a few seconds togive us a five-star click, and
please subscribe to us on yourfavorite platform.
The links for those are in theshow notes.
Well, that's all for this week,and we believe that God's Word
never fails us.
God's Word has stood the testof time and through Jesus' death
on the cross, he has connectedthe gap.
Aria (24:55):
You've been listening to Connecting the Gap podcast.
In this world, there are manydisconnects that cause chaos in
our lives.
This podcast is birthed fromthe desire to share hope and
restoration of the power of thegospel by being transparent and
open in our biblical walk withGod.
Each week, we take a fewmoments as we navigate God's
word and peer into otherpeople's testimonies and
encourage each other to connectthe gap.
(25:15):
We upload a new audio podcastevery Thursday and a video
version of it on YouTube andRumble.
We are also on the Christianpodcasting app Edify.
You can subscribe to ourpodcast on many of the available
podcasting platforms, includingApple Podcast, spotify, amazon
Music, iheart Radio, tuneinRadio and more.
We are also available on yourAlexa-enabled devices.
(25:36):
If you would like to contactour ministry for any reason,
visit our contact page and sendus a message.
We hope you are blessed by thisministry.
This is a production ofConnecting the Gap Ministries.
The rejections we face today, whether overt or
discreet, act as a stealth bombsthat are directly targeted at
our innermost core, unearthingpast wounds and causing them to
resurface with excruciatingintensity.
These rejections have theuncanny ability to pinpoint the
hurts from our past, bringingthem vividly back to the present
(00:32):
.
They disrupt the carefullyconstructed coping mechanisms we
have developed to maintainstability in our lives.
In this episode of Connectingthe Gap, we start a three-part
series on rejection.
We'll be back to get thatstarted right after this.
Welcome to Connecting the Gap.
(01:27):
This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies, and we
interview people that have astory.
I'm Daniel Moore, your host.
Thank you, guys for joining usthis week.
If not familiar with ourministry and our show, you can
check us out on our website atwwwconnectingthegapnet or
marriagelifeandmorecom.
There you'll find our platforms.
Our YouTube and Rumble linksare there.
We're also on the ChristianPodcasting app, edify.
(01:49):
We're also on your Google smartdevices and your Alexa smart
devices as well.
You can also visit us on social, on Instagram and Facebook at
ctgaponline.
If you're a fan of our show,please subscribe.
Feel free to leave a comment onour platforms.
Give us a thumbs up or afive-star review on Apple
Podcast and we'd be grateful toyou for doing that.
Well, hopefully you guys haveenjoyed the last several months
(02:13):
of our marriage series that mywife and I put together for you
and we really enjoyed bringingthat your way.
We have lots more marriagestuff coming your way as well.
But, as I've been telling you,we're going to also continue
with some book studies and justother things underneath the
Connecting the Gap podcast label, and this is one of those
(02:33):
mini-series that I'm going to bedoing, and this one is on
rejection.
A lot of us go through momentsin life when we feel rejected
and sometimes it's hard to dealwith that rejection in our life.
So we're going to kind of diginto that a little bit this week
, and this week we're going totalk about I'd Rather Ignore
Honesty In the quiet of theearly morning.
(03:06):
Honesty seeks me out.
It whispers through a gap in mybeing, urging the truest
version of myself to come out.
Come out wherever you are, notthe perfected facade I present
to the world, but the raw,unfiltered essence of who I am,
the unkempt, unvarnished soulthat can't be glossed over with
(03:29):
grooming and trendy accessories.
Honesty is a suitor withpiercing vision because, like a
suitor who carefully observesand evaluates their surroundings
.
Honesty sees through facadesand illusions.
It penetrates through anypretense or positioning, cutting
through the layers of deceit toreveal the truth beneath.
(03:52):
Just as a suitor is steadfastin their purpose and is not
easily swayed by distractions,honesty remains unwavering in
its commitment to truth,regardless of any attempts to
deceive or manipulate.
Honesty's sharp insight andunwavering dedication make it a
powerful force that cannot beunderestimated or disregarded.
(04:15):
No matter how hard you try tomake things appear better than
they actually are, honesty willnot be deceived.
Better than they actually are,honesty will not be deceived.
It sees past the embellishmentsand facades that you may try to
use to cover up the truth.
While you may attempt to painta rosier picture or distort the
reality of a situation, honestyremains steadfast in its
(04:39):
commitment to uncovering theunvarnished truth.
No amount of manipulation orexaggeration can sway honesty as
it cuts through the illusionsand reveals the raw, unfiltered
reality that lies beneath thesurface.
In the face of honesty,attempts to distort or improve
(05:00):
upon the truth are futile, as itstands as a steadfast guardian
of the unadulterated reality.
So I throw on my hat, splashsome water on my face I don't
suck in my gut or splash on anycologne.
I just appear.
I step out from behind thefacade of a carefully
(05:22):
constructed identity.
From behind the facade of acarefully constructed identity,
tentatively reaching out my handto greet honesty.
Uncertain of how honesty willrespond, I am prepared for
either a harsh rebuke or awelcoming embrace.
While I typically wouldn'tchoose conflict, in my case a
(05:43):
direct confrontation may be thesafer choice.
I'm not typically a hugger.
Sometimes in my awkwardnessit's even a stretch to shake
hands.
As a guy, you never know if theother person you are talking to
is comfortable with a hug orthe more distant option of a
handshake.
So rather than take the chanceon the awkwardness, I usually
choose neither.
(06:04):
I didn't want to hug honesty.
In the past, I have never beeneager to fully embrace honesty.
Though I have become more adeptat facing it now than ever
before, I still hesitate, awareof the potential risk involved.
As long as I perceive honestyas a threat with the intention
(06:25):
to uncover and potentially harmme, it will always feel like a
perilous endeavor.
It is simpler for me to createa more appealing narrative of my
life where I can connect eachpast hurt with the subsequent
healing I have undergone, ratherthan confronting the unfiltered
truth.
I find comfort in neatlyaligning with the challenging
(06:48):
chapter of my story with themoments of peace I discovered,
amidst God's grace, forgivenessand restoration, using it as
evidence that I am now living ina state of freedom, which
really I am most of the time.
But honesty doesn't want me totalk about that.
(07:12):
Honesty urged me to present theessence of who I perceive myself
to be and examine it againstthe reality of what truly exists
.
In doing so, I realized thatthere is no individual in this
world who will find a flawlessmatch between their
self-perception and the actualtruth.
Not one.
Regardless of how spirituallyadvanced, refined, mature or
(07:36):
liberated we may believeourselves to be, there are
inherent misalignments ingrainedwithin our beings.
This is the issue that honestyaimed to discuss with me.
The truth reveals itself.
The root cause of thesemisalignments is something we
typically wish had remainedconfined to our middle school
locker room, and that is thesubject of rejection.
(08:01):
When someone intentionallycrafts rejection tailored to
exploit my most vulnerableaspects, it has the power to
penetrate the core of my being.
While maturity in my faith canaid me in processing and
responding to such rejection,guiding me in extracting the
arrow and tending to the wound.
It does not serve as animpenetrable shield from the
(08:23):
pain of rejection.
It does not serve as animpenetrable shield from the
pain of rejection.
The rejections we face today,whether overt or discreet, act
as the stealth bombs that aredirectly targeted at our
innermost core, unearthing pastwounds and causing them to
resurface with excruciatingintensity.
These rejections have theuncanny ability to pinpoint the
(08:45):
hurts from our past, bringingthem vividly back to the present
.
They disrupt the carefullyconstructed coping mechanisms we
have developed to maintainstability in our lives.
In the midst of these challenges, the voices of doubt and
insecurity speak softly butpersistently, echoing the belief
(09:07):
that we are a disappointment.
These voices do not need toshout.
The pain itself resonates indeafening echoes.
As honesty stares at me, I givea nod in agreement.
I acknowledge that there isprogress yet to be made.
Eventually, I understand thathonesty's intent is not to harm,
(09:29):
but it's trying to heal me.
If you want to know what'sreally inside of a person,
listen to the words they speak.
Years ago, the Lord made surethat I had an acute awareness of
what some of my own words wouldreveal.
Hints of the misalignmentbetween what is true and what I
believe about myself leaked outone day at the airport, I had
(09:52):
been visiting a girl I wasdating at the time in
Bakersfield, california, and itwas time to get to the airport
in LA.
We jumped in the car severalhours early and headed toward my
flight.
Halfway into the journey weended up in a traffic jam.
Halfway into the journey, weended up in a traffic jam.
We sat and waited and waitedand crept slowly towards my
(10:19):
destination.
I was getting more anxious andworried as the time slipped by
that we were still on thefreeway when we should have been
turning into the airportparking lot.
Finally, an hour later into thetrip than was intended, we saw
the airport looming in thedistance.
We finally made it to theterminal.
I leaped out, grabbed my luggageand started running to my gate.
As I approached the check-in, Isaw the last few people trickle
(10:41):
into the passageway to boardthe plane.
My luggage was checked and downthe conveyor it went.
I ran over to the attendantstanding at the boarding lane
and, with one line spoken, myheart sank.
I heard the airport worker saysomething to the effect that the
doors had already shut.
My luggage made it on the plane, but I would not.
(11:05):
I had arrived a few minutes toolate, my mind started racing.
I had to go back to work thenext day.
I'm in one of the biggestmulti-floor airports in the USA.
Stuck in the waiting roombecause I got held up in a
traffic jam, I looked at theworker and asked the obvious
question how do I get on aflight to go home now, since I
(11:28):
missed mine?
Well, I was advised that Iwould have to wait until a seat
was open on a future flight.
I could jump on as an extrapassenger if a seat was open for
me to do so.
All day long, flights came andwent and my panic was setting in
.
I had no idea how long I wasgoing to be stuck there in that
(11:51):
waiting room.
Bummer, big, huge, stinkingbummer.
Eventually, after about six toseven hours of waiting for that
empty jump seat, I walked backup to the counter and asked if
there were any favors they coulddo to get me on a plane, to
which they replied Nope, we justhave to wait.
(12:13):
And then I started doing what Ido sometimes when life doesn't
cooperate with me.
I started talking to myself.
Impatient frustration lifted mynerves right up through my body
and right out of my mouth.
I am such an idiot.
I knew we should have leftsooner.
Why does this kind of stuffalways have to happen to me?
(12:35):
I mean, seriously, if I had abrain, I wouldn't even know how
to use it.
The desk attendant spun aroundand held up her hand for me to
stop.
Not here in front of me.
She said Not here in front ofme.
Will you talk that way aboutyourself?
Absolutely not.
As she wagged a finger at me.
Her defiant outburst startledme.
(12:58):
It also stopped me Suddenly.
I felt like I was talking tothe angel.
Gabriel Spit happens, onlyGabriel Spit happens.
Only she didn't say spit, shesaid well, you know I'm thinking
great.
I have an angel with a languageproblem.
So maybe she wasn't really aheavenly being.
But the words she said surewere divine.
(13:20):
They stuck to me.
You know, like everyone'sexperience.
You've had at least once inyour lifetime where you were
chewing a piece of bubble gumand it got stuck in your hair.
The only way to get it out waswith scissors.
You know, that kind of stuck Avery serious problem.
(13:40):
And this was a serious problemalso.
Those words not here in frontof me, will you talk that way
about yourself?
Stuck to me.
They don't brush off thateasily.
Sometimes, a particular phraseor set of words can resonate so
deeply with us that it leaves alasting impact on our soul.
(14:00):
These words may holdsignificant meaning or truth
that speaks directly to ourinnermost thoughts and emotions.
Such phrases have the power toevoke strong feelings or trigger
a huge sense of realization orunderstanding within us, leaving
an imprint on our soul that wecarry with us long after we
(14:21):
first hear them.
Those are the phrases you wantto collect in your memory bank,
like you might collect hotwheels or Barbie dolls.
Those words that can move youare treasures.
I wanted to write it down, butmy luggage was somewhere between
California and Missouri.
Maybe it can never be seenagain.
(14:42):
The airport terminal providedan unlikely backdrop for such a
deep lesson to be learned.
I then realized why those wordswere so necessary for me.
Negative self-talk was arejection from my past that
reared its head from time totime.
I had let it settle into thevery core of who I was.
(15:04):
I would later come to realizethat I permitted myself to talk
about me in ways I would neverlet anyone else do so.
In some ways, self-rejectionand words that would poison
myself scrambled my thoughtsmore than I would ever care to
admit.
When we reject ourselves, weessentially create an open
(15:24):
runway for external rejection tocome in and take hold within us
.
The self-criticism and negativebeliefs that we hold about
ourselves act as a magnet forsimilar criticisms from others
to land on the alreadyvulnerable grounds of our hearts
.
This is why it stings so muchwhen others say or do things
(15:46):
that make us feel rejected,because it often mirrors the
same vulnerabilities andinsecurities we have already
inflicted upon ourselves.
It's like adding insult toinjury, as the external
rejection exacerbates the painof the internal self-rejection
we are already grappling with.
(16:06):
The convergence of bothinternal and external rejection
can intensify the emotionalimpact and compound the hurt we
feel, making it even morechallenging to heal and move
forward.
I mean it's kind of likegetting kicked in the shin where
you were just kicked not evenfive minutes ago.
(16:27):
It hurts when someone doesn'tinvite you to their event.
It can trigger a cascade ofnegative thoughts and self-doubt
.
You may find yourselfrevisiting all the criticisms
and vulnerabilities you haveexpressed about yourself
recently and in that moment youstart associating those negative
thoughts with the person whodidn't invite you.
(16:49):
It's as if you project your owninsecurities onto them and hear
their words echoing yourself-criticism.
This can lead to a sense ofbeing labeled, judged and
ultimately rejected by thatperson, even if they may not
have intended to hurt you.
If they may not have intendedto hurt you, the convergence of
(17:13):
your own internal struggles andexternal events can amplify
feelings of rejection andinadequacy, making it difficult
to separate your ownself-perceptions from the
actions of others.
This can create a cycle ofself-blame and emotional
distress, highlighting theimpact that external actions can
have on our inner thoughts andfeelings of worthlessness.
Or maybe your spouse makes acomment about something that
(17:36):
you're already sensitive aboutand it triggers a heightened
emotional response that may seemdisproportionate to the
situation.
This could be due to the factthat you interpret their words
and actions through the lens ofyour own insecurities and
vulnerabilities, magnifyingtheir impact and intensifying
your emotional reaction.
As a result, you may perceivetheir comments as more hurtful
(18:01):
or critical than they intended,leading to feelings of rejection
and emotional distress, leadingto feelings of rejection and
emotional distress.
This can then create a strainin the relationship, as your
partner may be left confused andunaware of the underlying
issues that are influencing yourreactions.
Perhaps a situation you weredeeply invested in doesn't pan
(18:22):
out as planned.
You attempt to encourageyourself, acknowledging that it
was a result of unexpectedevents.
Yet a sense of rejectionlingers within you.
You strive not to internalizeit, but the disappointment
leaves you feeling slightlyunsettled for the remainder of
the day, unable to fully shakeoff the letdown.
(18:44):
Or when one of your adultchildren intentionally goes
against the advice you providedthe more you insist, the further
they withdraw.
You start to see yourself asthe parent you vowed you would
never become intrusive anddomineering.
In response, they becomereserved and distant, leaving
(19:05):
you with a deep sense ofheartache.
Or when someone outrightrejects you, whether it's your
idea, invitation, children,project or anything else, it
impacts you more deeply than youexpect.
As relationships become moreuncertain and opportunities seem
(19:27):
riskier, life can feel like aseries of obstacles that are
difficult to navigate.
Despite these challenges, wepersist because perseverance is
ingrained in us.
That's just what we do.
However, the constant feelingof rejection, whether real or
imagined it, takes a toll on oursecurity.
(19:47):
It undermines our self-worthand amplifies the negative
messages we have internalizedabout ourselves.
In this way, rejection not onlyaffects our external
circumstances, but also chipsaway at our self-confidence and
identity, overshadowing the bestparts of who we are with the
(20:08):
lingering echoes of past hurts.
Rejection steals the best ofwho we are by reinforcing the
worst of what's been said to us.
Rejection is not merely anemotional response.
It serves as a powerful messagethat penetrates deep into our
inner being, shaping our beliefsabout ourselves, others and
(20:31):
even our faith in God.
When we experience rejection,it triggers memories of past
hurts and critical words spokenby others.
These words can becomeinternalized, forming labels
that we subconsciously attach toourselves.
Over time, these labels morphinto damaging lies that we start
(20:52):
to believe about our worth andcapabilities.
As these falsehoods take rootin our minds, they influence how
we perceive ourselves andimpact our interactions with
others in every new relationshipwe form.
The cycle continues as we carrythe burden of these perceived
liabilities, affecting ourself-esteem and the way we
(21:14):
engage with the world around us.
Let's look at an example of thisprocess.
The line is I don't want youbecomes the label you aren't
accepted.
The label you aren't acceptedbecomes the lie you aren't
worthy.
The lie you aren't worthybecomes the script of
(21:36):
self-rejection.
Believing that we are unworthycan trigger a cascade of
negative emotions and behaviorsthat act as barriers in current
relationships.
This mindset can lead tosuspicion, doubt and hesitancy,
creating obstacles to formingmeaningful connections with
others.
We may unknowingly project pastinstances of rejection onto new
(22:00):
relationships, unfairlyattributing words and actions to
others that they neverexpressed.
This cycle of self-doubt andmistrust can extend to our
relationship with God, ofself-doubt and mistrust can
extend to our relationship withGod.
We may find ourselvesquestioning if God shares the
same negative opinions about usas those who have caused us pain
(22:20):
in the past.
These doubts can breedinsecurity and further isolate
us from the possibility ofhealing and growth within
ourselves and our interactionswith others.
And you may be asking why didyou pick this topic of rejection
?
No, it isn't because I'vemastered it.
(22:42):
I chose it because I think weneed to dig deep inside the very
core of ourselves and exposeand hopefully finally heal
rejection's deep wounds.
There is a warning that I mustissue with this journey that
we're going to be taking overthe next couple of weeks.
It won't be tidy, but it willbe honest and it will be good.
(23:02):
I also may still not be readyto give hugs, but I am willing
to shake hands and walk forwardfrom here.
Oh, by the way, I did finallyget on a plane.
I made it home to lost luggageand worked my next day at work.
My luggage finally made it backhome about three weeks later.
(23:23):
I'm still not real sure whereit was lost.
To be honest, I never couldfind anyone that could give me a
straight answer.
But the fear of rejection is ananxiety that runs deep inside of
us.
Often we're not even aware ofhow significantly it is
influencing and affecting us.
When the fear of rejectiondominates us, we make lots of
(23:47):
bad decisions.
When we're insecure on theinside, we miss some of the best
that God has for us some of thebest that God has for us.
You will never experienceenough love from people to
successfully and perpetuallyfree you from insecurity and the
fear of rejection.
The only love that can and willdo this is God's love.
(24:09):
That's going to wrap it up forthis week.
Next week we're going to comeback with the second episode in
this mini series on rejection.
Please subscribe to be surethat you don't miss that episode
.
I'm Daniel Moore.
Thank you for joining us thisweek on Connecting the Gap
podcast.
This show really wouldn't bepossible without you.
If you're a fan of the show,please leave a review on Apple
(24:32):
podcast.
Or if you'd like to help us out.
Just give us a few seconds togive us a five-star click, and
please subscribe to us on yourfavorite platform.
The links for those are in theshow notes.
Well, that's all for this week,and we believe that God's Word
never fails us.
God's Word has stood the testof time and through Jesus' death
on the cross, he has connectedthe gap.
Aria (24:55):
You've been listening to Connecting the Gap podcast.
In this world, there are manydisconnects that cause chaos in
our lives.
This podcast is birthed fromthe desire to share hope and
restoration of the power of thegospel by being transparent and
open in our biblical walk withGod.
Each week, we take a fewmoments as we navigate God's
word and peer into otherpeople's testimonies and
encourage each other to connectthe gap.
(25:15):
We upload a new audio podcastevery Thursday and a video
version of it on YouTube andRumble.
We are also on the Christianpodcasting app Edify.
You can subscribe to ourpodcast on many of the available
podcasting platforms, includingApple Podcast, spotify, amazon
Music, iheart Radio, tuneinRadio and more.
We are also available on yourAlexa-enabled devices.
(25:36):
If you would like to contactour ministry for any reason,
visit our contact page and sendus a message.
We hope you are blessed by thisministry.
This is a production ofConnecting the Gap Ministries.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.