March 20, 2025 • 49 mins
Send Questions or comments here! We'll respond back in future episodes.
What's the first thing you think of when someone mentions "intimacy" in marriage? If you immediately thought "sex," you're not alone—but you're only scratching the surface of what true intimacy means.
Most couples don't realize they're missing three-quarters of the connection God designed for marriage. When intimacy feels lacking, many wrongly conclude they married the wrong person or that deep connection just isn't possible for them. These misconceptions lead to empty relationships or desperate attempts to fill the void through unhealthy means.
Through our personal journey and years of counseling couples, we've discovered that genuine intimacy encompasses four distinct dimensions: spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical. Each plays a crucial role in creating the fulfilling relationship we all desire. The spiritual dimension forms the foundation—when we commune with God together, He gives us peace about things we might otherwise fight about. Emotional intimacy allows us to become true "soulmates" by creating safe spaces to share our deepest feelings without judgment. Mental intimacy keeps us connected through thoughts and communication throughout each day. Physical intimacy, including both sexual connection and everyday affection, expresses love in tangible ways.
Most powerfully, we've witnessed how God can restore intimacy even after significant damage. Our own marriage stands as testimony that no relationship is beyond repair when couples commit to understanding and implementing all four dimensions of connection. As one businessman confessed after years of seeking fulfillment through casual encounters, "Everyone thinks that if you have sex like that, you will be happy, but no one tells you, it costs you your soul."
Ready to experience the complete intimacy God designed for your marriage? Listen now to discover practical ways to cultivate connection across all four dimensions and transform your relationship from the inside out.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Daniel Moore (00:05):
So I'm just going to put you on the spot.
When we first talk aboutintimacy, what is the very first
thing that pops into your mind?
Michelle Moore (00:14):
Sex.
Daniel Moore (00:15):
Okay, so that's probably what most people think
about it, right?
Probably so.
I think that whenever we thinkabout intimacy in marriage, for
some reason that is the veryfirst thing that pops up.
Is you think about the sexualpart of the relationship?
So if someone says, hey, areyou intimate in your marriage,
but yet you know, if they don'treally have much sex in their
(00:37):
marriage or have that kind ofrelationship, they may really be
inclined to say no.
But in all reality, intimacyisn't just about sex.
This week, on Marriage LifeMore, we are going to be talking
about everyday intimacy as wecontinue our study on the four
laws of love and we're goingthrough the law of purity.
(00:59):
We'll get back into that rightafter this.
(01:37):
Welcome to Marriage Life More.
This is a podcast aboutmarriage, bible and book studies
.
We also do interviews withpeople that have inspiring
stories.
I'm Daniel Moore, your host,and of course, I've got Michelle
Moore, my wife, here helping meto host this episode.
Thank you, guys, for joining usthis week.
If you're not familiar with ourshow, check out our website,
and that's atmarriagelifeandmoorecom For all
(01:57):
of our platforms.
Our YouTube and Rumble linksare there.
We're also on the ChristianPodcasting app, edify.
We're also on Alexa and GoogleSmart devices.
You can also visit us on socialon Facebook, instagram and X at
ctgaponline.
If you're a fan of our show,please subscribe and feel free
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Give us a thumbs up or afive-star review on Apple
(02:18):
Podcasts.
That is what helps our podcastto grow and we'd be thankful to
you to help us.
That's your way to be a part ofthis ministry here at
Connecting the Gap and MarriageLife and More Well.
As we are starting this week,we're getting close to finishing
up the study that we've beendoing on the four laws of love.
We're in the last law at thispoint the law of purity.
(02:40):
We've got just a coupleepisodes left here.
This week we're talking abouteveryday intimacy.
As we continue this study hereon Marriage Life and more, there
(03:01):
are two topics that themajority of people respond to
the most fervently passion andintimacy.
No one wants to be in apassionless relationship with no
sense of closeness.
The dream we all have is to bemarried to our lover and our
best friend.
That dream can come true if wewill just understand the truth
(03:22):
about intimacy and put it intopractice.
To help us do this this weekwe're going to begin by helping
you understand four common liespeople believe about intimacy.
So I'm just going to put you onthe spot.
When we first talk aboutintimacy, what is the very first
thing that pops into your mind?
Michelle Moore (03:44):
Sex.
Daniel Moore (03:47):
Okay, so that's probably what most people think
about it, right?
Probably so.
I think that whenever we thinkabout intimacy in marriage, for
some reason that is the veryfirst thing that pops up.
Is you think about the sexualpart of the relationship.
So if someone says, hey, areyou intimate in your marriage,
but yet you know, if they don'treally have much sex in their
(04:07):
marriage or have that kind ofrelationship, they may really be
inclined to say no.
But in all reality, intimacyisn't just about sex.
There's actually somemisunderstandings about what
intimacy really means.
It actually has a broader scopeof reality when it comes to the
(04:27):
marriage, and so this weekwe're going to try to debunk
some of that.
There's actually four lies ofintimacy that we're going to
talk about, and I'm going to goahead here.
Michelle's going to start withthe first one here of the four
lies of intimacy.
Michelle Moore (04:44):
So the first one is sex is intimacy.
The misconception aboutintimacy is the number one lie
that has caused untold damage tonumerous marriages.
Believing that sex equates tointimacy leads people to think
the more sexual activity theyengage in, the more intimate
(05:05):
their relationship will be.
However, this belief is simplynot true, as we will explain
later in this episode, intimacyencompasses four dimensions of
levels, with physical intimacyrepresenting only one aspect.
In essence, sex accounts forjust a quarter of true intimacy.
(05:28):
Disregarding the remainingthree quarters of the equation
hinders success in cultivatinggenuine love and connection.
Many individuals and couplesstruggle because they focus
solely on the physical aspect,failing to recognize the
importance of the otherdimensions of intimacy as
(05:49):
designed by God.
As a result, they feel emptyand devoid of passion.
A businessman once said thatbefore he got married, he was a
traveling salesman.
He said that it was common forhim to conclude his day of work
by going to the hotel bar fordrinks.
He said that almost everyevening he would meet a new
(06:11):
woman and end up having sex withher for a one-night stand.
He concluded his confessionwith this remark everyone thinks
that if you have sex like that,you will be happy, but no one
tells you, it costs you yoursoul.
I stopped sleeping aroundbecause it made me feel empty
and depressed.
(06:31):
Many people who watchpornography, and may even be
addicted to it, are seekinggenuine intimacy and attempting
to address a void in their lives.
However, relying onpornographic content or engaging
in promiscuous behavior willultimately not lead to success.
Strain from God's intended planhinders progress, resulting in
(06:57):
the need for increasingly moresexual encounters that provide
diminishing excitement.
This ultimately leads to anendless and unfulfilling cycle.
Daniel Moore (07:08):
Okay.
So what we're getting here fromwhat you've been reading, is
that lie, that sex is all that'sintimate basically and that if
you have sex, it will fulfillyour life's desires and make you
a very happy person.
And yes, we do believe that sex, when it's done in the right
(07:33):
context, when it's done in themarriage like it's supposed to
be done and it becomes a part ora portion of the marriage, like
it's supposed to be, it cancreate happiness.
Michelle Moore (07:45):
Yes.
Daniel Moore (07:46):
And it can help you be fulfilled, but when it
comes down to reality, sex isn'tthe only thing that creates
intimacy in our life.
Michelle Moore (07:56):
That's right.
Daniel Moore (07:57):
And with these two scenarios that you gave.
I know that.
You know pornography is a bigone these days.
It's just a huge addiction thata lot of people fight on a
daily basis and a lot of peopletry to replace that part of the
intimacy of their relationship.
If they're lacking that intheir marriage, they replace
that with the pornography.
(08:18):
But yet it's not a personaltype of intimacy, so it's not
fulfilling and it just leaves avoid there that creates more and
more anxiety and stress intheir life and it's sin.
I mean, that's the biggestproblem with it.
And then the story there aboutthe businessman.
You know he said that when hetraveled around he would go to
the bar and sleep with a lot ofwomen.
(08:39):
Well, at some point there herealized that what he was doing
was literally destroying hissoul.
I mean the very inner portion ofwho he was.
It was completely destroyingthat part of him, yep, and he
was getting more depressed andempty.
And so when people sit here andthey think well for me to just
(09:00):
have the fullness of intimacy inmy life, I'm just going to get
that from sex.
Aria (09:06):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (09:06):
From wherever it may come from.
That's not really the case Forme to just have the fullness of
intimacy in my life.
I'm just going to get that fromsex, yeah, from wherever it may
come from.
That's not really the case.
No, that's not how that's goingto work.
And especially a lot of times,if you're having sex outside of
marriage, that makes it evenworse, because we know that
intimacy through sex can only befully realized when it's with
someone that you truly love andit's someone that you truly want
(09:29):
to be with and share that with.
And so when you're just havingthese one night affairs or maybe
you date a lot and you have anew girlfriend or boyfriend once
a month, or however that may bein your life the more that you
sleep with those people, themore unfulfilling it becomes.
Aria (09:48):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (09:48):
Because that's not really what life is all about.
Michelle Moore (09:51):
No.
Daniel Moore (09:52):
So sex at this point then must be just one
dimension, correct?
Aria (09:57):
Yes.
Daniel Moore (09:57):
Yep, yep.
So that's where this comes in,that it's just one dimension of
our intimacy, and it's onlysatisfying when other elements
are present.
So it can't be just that alone.
Aria (10:07):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (10:08):
So this is the first truth that we have to
debunk when it comes to the fourlies of intimacy.
The second is intimacy isautomatic when you marry the
right person.
We refer to this as thesoulmate myth.
Oh, that's good Many individualsbelieve that marrying their
perfect soulmate guarantees alifetime of happiness.
However, as we have discussedin some of the previous episodes
(10:30):
here, in the Law of Pursuit,maintaining a fulfilling and
intimate marriage requireseffort and dedication.
No individual or couplepossesses inherent advantages
when it comes to achievinggenuine intimacy and happiness
in a marriage.
The purpose of this whole studythat we've been going through
(10:51):
is to help all of you comprehendthe universal laws of love that
foster security and success inour marriages.
Success is derived fromunderstanding and implementing
God's love and honoring Hisdesign for us, rather than
relying on factors such aschemistry, attractiveness,
wealth or any other externalelements.
So, with Michelle and I, Ithink it's pretty obvious with
(11:13):
our testimony that we've given.
We both came into our marriagewith rose-colored glasses.
Aria (11:18):
Yes, we did.
Daniel Moore (11:20):
I mean, we both thought that, hey, we're
marrying my best friend, thisperson's not going to ever do
anything to compromise how wefeel about each other.
We had it on our pedestals.
You know just all this stuff,and you for sure have stated
that when stuff startedcrumbling that you were just
shocked because you neverexpected that to happen with me
(11:44):
of all people.
And so when, if someone isdating right now and they're
engaged and they have thisperson on a pedestal, what would
you say to that person fromyour aspect of it?
Since you've kind of walkedthat, what advice would you give
them, coming up to beingmarried, to maybe be a little
(12:05):
bit more careful with doing that?
Michelle Moore (12:07):
Well, one don't ever put anybody on a pedestal.
I mean, that's where I waswrong in the first part of it.
I mean I did put you on apedestal, not expecting you to
make mistakes, knowing that youshould never put someone on a
pedestal.
But my advice is people aregoing to make mistakes, you know
, talk it out, work it out anddefinitely, you know, put God
(12:31):
first.
Daniel Moore (12:32):
Yeah, you can't come into the relationship
thinking it's going to beperfect right off the bat.
That's just.
I don't know of a marriage I'venever talked to anybody.
There may be one out there, Idon't know.
But I have never in my wholelifetime ever talked to someone
that came into a marriage andjust immediately it was the
perfect thing until the day theydied and they had the most
(12:54):
happiness ever.
Michelle Moore (12:55):
Well, I think there's marriages out there.
I mean I definitely feel likeare they going to have their ups
and downs?
Yes, because there's a lot ofChristian couples I feel like
have great marriages all fromthe time because they put God in
the center.
Yeah, and they've.
Daniel Moore (13:11):
I mean I and they work at it.
Michelle Moore (13:12):
Yeah, it's not.
They went about it in the rightway.
I mean, I can think of severaldifferent people that actually
have had a really good marriageand when you ask them, like you
know, did you have fights?
Well, yeah, they're going tohave small disagreements, but
nothing like kind of what wewalk through, and I think it's
because God is the foundation.
Daniel Moore (13:34):
So I think the concept here is it's not
automatic, though, because theystill have to work at it.
Michelle Moore (13:40):
Oh, I think any marriage has to work at it.
Daniel Moore (13:42):
No, matter what marriage you have, you can't
just sit there and just cruisethrough it and never have to do
anything and it just beautomatic.
Michelle Moore (13:48):
You have to give 100% on both sides, right,
absolutely.
Daniel Moore (13:52):
And so that marriage may not end up as bad
as ours did.
But that's because they workedat it harder.
They wanted to make sure thateverything it didn't just fall
in their lap and everything wasgreat and hunky-dory till the
end of it.
It didn't just fall in theirlap and everything was great and
hunky-dory until the end of it.
So if you believe that intimacyis going to naturally occur
when you marry the perfectperson, you're setting yourself
up for possible disappointmentand failure.
(14:13):
And this is because when thereare days where you do not feel
like you're connected to yourspouse, the devil's going to
come in once again and he'sgoing to tempt you with thoughts
like you made a mistake, you'renot the right one, they're not
the right one for you.
(14:33):
You should go find somebodyelse.
I think there's times in ourmarriage that we both thought
that kind of stuff yeah.
And Satan was planning thoseseeds in there, because anytime
I was mad at you or our marriagewas failing, that's the first
thing that started popping up is, you know, did we really make a
mistake here?
You know, did we really notread this right?
Was there really somebody elseout there?
And here we are again in amarriage that wasn't meant to be
(14:55):
, that God didn't ordain, or youknow, satan's going to throw
all that stuff in there and he'sgoing to start causing all that
doubt and everything else tocome up, and we know where that
can take you.
I mean, it can totally destroya good thing.
It can destroy a God thing ifyou're not careful.
So true intimacy is a result ofdoing the right thing, not
(15:17):
simply feeling the right thing.
Being married to your spouseindicates that you share enough
common ground to create thehappiness and the success that
you desire.
So again, me and you is notexactly identical.
We have our differences, but wehave enough common ground there
between the two of us that wecan make it work, and then those
differences balance each otherout, right, right.
That's the beautiful thingsabout us that are different.
(15:40):
The third lie is intimacy is forcertain types of people, but
not for everyone, and I thinkthere's probably some people
that are married out there rightnow that really believe this,
because they've gotten into abad marriage and haven't figured
out how to fix it and sothey're starting to fall into
that lie that well, I guess thisis the marriage God had for me.
You know there's I don't seeany other way around it.
(16:03):
I'm not getting divorced, butI'm going to accept what I'm in.
But this must not have reallybeen for me.
You know that that couple overthere they've got it going on
and they're all happy and that'stheir thing.
But that's not my thing.
But that's not true.
Our inherent need to love is thefundamental aspect of our
creation by God.
It's a universal longing sharedby individuals of all genders
(16:25):
and ages.
Marriage provides us with thechance to express our love for
another person in the mostprofound and fulfilling way
possible.
Intimate love is something thatresonates with everyone.
Back in episode 208, it was anearlier episode of this study we
discussed romance, similar tothe misconceptions surrounding
intimacy.
(16:45):
Many believe that romance isprimarily for women, but that's
not accurate.
Men require romance just asmuch as women do, and they
benefit from it daily.
Albeit, we benefit from it in adifferent manner than say you
do you see romance differentlythan I do, but we both need it
and it's an everyday need forboth of us, not just a few.
God created all of us on thesame level playing.
(17:07):
He did not pick and choosepeople and say, okay, you're
going to have this much intimacyin your relationship, you're
going to hate your relationship,you're going to love your
relationship.
That's not God Right.
God did not do that.
No, and I think that, fromMichelle and I's experience, we
created our own issues.
We created the problems that wehad in our marriage.
(17:27):
It had nothing to do with God.
We made bad choices and didthings that we shouldn't have,
and so that's pretty much wherethat one's at.
So don't believe, if you're theone that's in that situation,
don't believe, that you deservethis and this is just the way
God created it.
You both need to start figuringout how to fix your problem
Right, because you both deserveto love each other to the
(17:48):
fullest extent of what God hascreated you to.
So.
Number four Once a certainamount of damage has been done
in a marriage, it is impossibleto restore the intimacy.
This is the fourth lie ofintimacy.
Michelle Moore (18:08):
So go ahead and start that one there.
Yeah, our marriage is atestament to the belief that
nothing is impossible with God.
Through His miraculousintervention, our marriage was
restored, and we have witnessedothers experience the same grace
.
Engaging in regularconversations with couples, we
often hear stories of marriageson the brink of collapse or even
(18:29):
legally dissolved, only for Godto mend their relationship.
When Jesus hung on the cross,he forgave the people who put
him there.
Not only that, he stated thereason he was forgiving them.
Here's what he said.
He stated the reason he wasforgiving them.
Here's what he said.
Then Jesus said Father, forgivethem, for they do not know what
(18:50):
they do.
Luke 6, 34.
Jesus knew the people whokilled him didn't know what they
were doing.
It didn't make crucifying himall right, but it made it
forgivable.
Daniel Moore (19:03):
So our marriage is definitely a testament to this.
Now there's a couple that weknow and I'm not going to say
any names, I don't think theywould mind, just using their
testimony but they actually gotdivorced and then got remarried
again.
They actually attend churchwith us.
(19:25):
And I think that's awesomebecause so you and I never got
divorced.
No, we fixed the problem beforeit happened.
But imagine, getting divorcedfrom someone gets that bad, but
then God brings you backtogether.
You would think that well, ifyou lost that intimacy with that
first relationship and youliterally got to the point you
got divorced?
(19:45):
In our finite minds it seemslike that would be impossible to
get that intimacy or even wantto be with that person again.
But somehow God fixed all ofthat.
Michelle Moore (19:55):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (19:56):
And created a whole new scenario for them,
just like he created for us,absolutely.
And so I think, and probablypeople you know, you guys that
are listening you may knowcouples like this.
You know the couple that we'retalking about.
That's not the only couple thatI've ever came across that got
remarried again after they gotdivorced, and you know God is in
(20:17):
the restoration business, andso it doesn't matter how much
damage has been done and thereare some marriages out there
that have had some severe damagedone, even abusive stuff.
I mean you can go to theextremes of what could happen in
a marriage.
That would make you justliterally hate somebody to the
(20:37):
core but it doesn't mean thatGod can't fix that.
That's right.
He can fix anything, and youknow people don't mess up their
marriages intentionally orbecause they're bad people.
They mess up because they don'tknow any better.
Who teaches us about marriage?
When we were growing up?
You know how many classes didthey teach in schools or
universities on the subject?
Few of us had good role modelswhen we were growing up, either
(21:00):
because, you know, our parentsin a lot of ways weren't really
good role models in that eitherand so that's why studies like
this are so important, orreading good marriage material
from Christian authors that arewell-versed and educated in this
kind of thing, that deal withmarriages on a daily basis.
They see so many things andthey understand how to bring the
(21:22):
Bible into that equation, andso it's very important for
marriages, I think, to make surethat you stay up current with
what's going on in your marriagehow to fix things biblically
using books or studies orwhatever it may be to help you
better understand in yourmarriage.
How to fix things biblicallyusing books or studies or
whatever it may be to help youbetter understand where your
marriage is at.
So, now that we've exposed thefour common lies about intimacy,
(21:45):
we're going to talk about fourlevels of intimacy that we
referred to earlier when westarted this episode.
When we started this episode, inresponse to the scribe's
question as to what the greatestcommandment was, here's how
Jesus answered that.
(22:06):
Jesus answered and said thefirst of all commandments is
Hear O Israel, the Lord, our God.
The Lord is one.
You shall love the Lord, yourGod, with all your heart, with
all your soul, with all yourmind and your strength.
This is the first commandment.
So Jesus' response here revealsthe truth that there are four
(22:26):
different levels of love.
Did you realize that your heart, which is your spirit, your
soul, which is your will andemotions, your mind and body
were primarily created by God tolove him?
That is truth.
Love isn't just experienced onan emotional level.
It is experienced on fourdifferent levels, and that is
(22:48):
why Jesus responded to thescribe's question as he did.
The same is true of theintimate love experienced by a
married couple.
It is four-dimensional it'sspiritual, it's emotional, it's
mental and it's physical.
This is why we stated at thebeginning of this episode that
sex is only one dimension ofthat intimacy, and we're going
(23:09):
to continue now to go intofurther detail about each level
of intimacy so that we can helpyou understand how to achieve
and maintain them.
So, michelle, I'm going to haveyou start here with the first
one of the four levels ofintimacy.
Michelle Moore (23:24):
The first one is spiritual intimacy.
When Jesus said we were to loveGod with all of our hearts, he
was referring to the dimensionof our lives where he resides
and communes with us.
Considering the following verseof Scripture Because of Adam's
(23:53):
and Eve's sins, the human racedied spiritually.
We are all born with deadspirits that cannot commune with
God unless they are regenerated.
That is what is commonly calledbeing born again.
This is an important text ofscripture to help you understand
this.
Jesus answered and said to him.
(24:13):
Jesus answered and Mostassuredly I say to you unless
(24:40):
one is born of water and of theSpirit, he cannot enter the
kingdom of God.
That which is born of the fleshis flesh and that which is born
of the Spirit is spirit.
Do not marvel that I said toyou.
3, verses 3-7.
Being born again means we askJesus to forgive us of our sins
(25:04):
and come into our hearts and tobe our Lord and Savior.
Here's a scripture from thebook of Romans that explains how
it occurs.
But what does it say?
The word is near you, in yourmouth and in your heart.
That is the word of faith whichwe preach that if you confess
(25:25):
with your mouth Lord Jesus, andbelieve in your heart that God
has raised him from the dead,you will be saved.
For with the heart one believesunto righteousness, and with
the mouth confession is madeunto salvation, and that's found
in Romans 10, 8 through 10.
The word salvation is synonymouswith the phrase born again.
(25:46):
It means that we put our faithin Jesus and believe his death
on the cross paid for our sins.
His death on the cross paid forour sins.
Now, as an act of grace, we canbe forgiven of all of our sins
and receive the gift of eternallife.
Also, once we are saved, theSpirit of God enters into us and
(26:06):
regenerates our dead spirits,and we are thus born again.
Daniel Moore (26:15):
Okay, so the first one here, then spiritual
intimacy.
So this brings us back to thefact that intimacy isn't just a
human thing, it's not justsomething that we, you know when
we look at it.
It's just sex.
Who does that benefit?
That benefits me and you, orthe couple, and that's not the
fullness of what intimacy is allabout.
(26:35):
And that's not the fullness ofwhat intimacy is all about.
And I think that whenever wehave and you'll hear people talk
a lot about having thatintimate relationship with God.
That does shine a whole newlight on the fact that there is
more to this intimacy thing inour life than just looking at
the physical intimacy thing inour life, than just looking at
(26:57):
the physical.
So if we don't have thatintimate relationship with
Christ, I think that that cancarry over into our physical
side and can make it not be asgood.
Yeah, so I think you can vouchfor this as well.
So when we were having ourissues, when we were in our
marriage and everything, untilwe got back with God like we
(27:19):
should be and got our lives backwhere it was supposed to be,
with our relationship with Him,do you feel like that was the
turning point for our marriage?
When that happened, do you feellike before we did that, our
marriage was pretty rotten atthat point.
Then, when we finally gave ourlives back to Christ, how did
that change?
Michelle Moore (27:38):
I feel like after I rededicated my life with
Christ, my eyes were set on Himand from there he changed me,
which changed our marriage.
Daniel Moore (27:53):
Or let me say he changed the outlook on our
marriage.
Michelle Moore (27:54):
Yeah, or let me say he changed the outlook on
our marriage.
Daniel Moore (27:56):
Right.
So the day that I gave my lifeto Jesus, I experienced
firsthand the incredible realityof what being born again means,
just like Michelle just said.
Immediately I felt differentand better on the inside, and
it's something that's hard todescribe, but the best way that
I can try is to compare beingborn again to being shot in the
chest with a syringe full ofinner life and fulfillment.
(28:17):
The emptiness I had wrestledwith for years was instantly
filled with God's love and lifethat I'd never known.
And that was over 35 years ago,and it's still occurring every
minute of every day in my lifeand has revolutionized
everything about me, hasrevolutionized everything about
me.
So, going into our marriage,even though you and I were both
(28:39):
saved, we both, you know,believed in God and tried to
keep Him in our life.
To an extent, I don't think wewere really where we needed to
be at all.
We didn't experience spiritualintimacy for the first several
years of our marriage.
You know we went to churchregularly and we were part of
church leadership in differentareas, but as a couple we didn't
know that there was any suchthing as spiritual intimacy or
(29:01):
how to achieve it.
We just had kind of put that tothe side.
At that point, after the Lordsaved our marriage, we began
praying more deeply, sometimestogether, and definitely on a
more regular basis.
It was a transformingexperience and I can tell you
this truth from experienceSpiritual intimacy is the
deepest intimacy that ispossible in a marriage and it
(29:22):
benefits all other levels ofintimacy.
So any other intimacy that wehave in our life, regardless of
what it is, there's nothing thattrumps that spiritual
relationship with God.
That is the very first thingthat actually transforms us and
should transform us into who weare from that day forward.
(29:43):
So a couple examples here.
First, when you pray, god givesyou a peace about things that
you otherwise worry or evenfight about.
And here's what Paul wroteabout that Be anxious for
nothing, but in everything.
By prayer and supplication,with thanksgiving, let your
requests be made known to God,and the peace of God, which
surpasses all understanding,will guard your hearts and minds
to Christ Jesus.
That's in Philippians 4.
(30:06):
Anxiety isn't a condition, it'sa choice.
When we choose not to pray, wehave chosen to worry instead,
and that worry consumesemotional energy and causes
tension in our marriage.
But when we pray, instead ofworrying, we are promised a
profound peace that guards ourhearts and minds.
We have a promise in the Biblewith that, and so anytime that
(30:28):
we allow ourselves to be anxiousand worry about things, we have
not put into play the fact thatif we pray about it, god will
give us a peace in all of thatand He'll come alongside us and
help us through that.
Secondly, we also must realizethat spiritual intimacy improves
our sex lives.
Dr Gary and Barb Rosberg wrote abook called the Five Sex Needs
(30:48):
of Men and Women.
According to their researchinto the subject, spiritual
intimacy is the fourth sex needof women.
Women want their husbands to bethe spiritual leaders of their
homes and to pray with them.
Praying together as a coupleinvites God into the
relationship.
So, if you remember, thissection of the study is all
about the law of purity.
When sin enters a marriagerelationship, what does it do?
(31:12):
It kills intimacy.
When God is invited into amarriage, the Holy Spirit, or
the spirit of ultimate purity,comes into the relationship, and
that is something that womenneed to relax and enjoy sex.
It is also something that Godblesses and causes true sexual
intimacy to occur as a result.
(31:34):
So make sure, above everything,if you're really trying to
strive for this intimacy inmarriage, the first thing you
need to go after is yourspiritual intimacy with God so
good.
That fixes so many things on somany levels.
Then all of these otherintimacies that are past, that
will fall into place as we do itthe biblical way.
(31:54):
So the second one is emotionalintimacy.
God told us to love God withall of our souls.
Your soul is the seat of yourwill and emotions.
Emotional intimacy occurs as weare free to share our feelings
with each other.
In the Garden of Eden, godcreated Adam and Eve naked and
(32:14):
without shame.
Their nakedness was notphysical only, it was spiritual,
emotional and mental.
Adam and Eve were able tofreely share their emotions with
each other without holdinganything back and without
anything to hold them back.
That is how God designed formarriage to operate and it's
essential for intimacy to occur.
(32:37):
You know, you and I had verylittle emotional intimacy in
some of the early parts in ourmarriage because of three
reasons.
Number one, I wouldn't sharemany of my true emotions with
you.
Secondly, I rejected yourdifferences and the emotions
that came with them.
And third, I was dominant withimportant issues that affected
us both and then you shut downemotionally as a result, such as
(33:01):
me getting fixed, for instance.
There were some things that Idid, that I forced upon you,
which then you reacted in theonly way you knew how, and that
was for you to shut down andkeep me out at that point.
So then both of us are fallingsubject to the issue of keeping
each other out of each other'sequations at that point.
(33:23):
Well, today we have wonderfulemotional intimacy and we have
had for many years now and weachieved this by removing those
three things that I just listed.
First of all, I share openlywith you and realize it is an
important need for you.
We also celebrate each other'sdifferences and know that we are
each other's safe place toshare anything that one's really
(33:44):
important.
We are equal partners, and I'mcareful with my words as well as
being verbally affectionate, soI try to compliment you as much
as possible, and you're alwayscomplimenting me.
The way that we handle ourconversation has even changed in
a lot of different areas, sothere's a lot to being said
these days about being soulmates.
Once you understand the truemeaning of the word soul, you
(34:07):
could exchange the phrasesoulmate with this one
emotionmate.
Your true soulmate isn'tsomeone out in the world that is
the only person God created foryou.
Your true soulmate is the wifeor husband you choose to open up
with emotionally and share yoursoul.
That's good.
You must cultivate emotionalopenness in your relationship in
(34:28):
order to build this level ofintimacy.
Allow your spouse to sharetheir feelings without judgment
or rejection.
Celebrate honesty as long asit's done in love, and share
your feelings every day.
Communication doesn't just meansharing facts.
It also means sharing yourfeelings.
Michelle Moore (34:45):
So good.
Daniel Moore (34:45):
The results of this is emotional intimacy.
So this one here is definitelyone that can break down a
marriage real quick If it's nothandled the correct way.
And because how important is itfor you for me to share my
innermost thoughts and feelingswith you?
Michelle Moore (35:06):
For me it's extremely important because I
know what's going on with youand you feel safe telling me
everything and it's being a partof your life, and that
communication, if you're sharingeverything with me, lets me
know that you trust me, you loveme and you're here for the long
(35:29):
haul.
Daniel Moore (35:29):
Yeah, and I mirror that.
Michelle Moore (35:31):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (35:32):
I mean, I'm not a over-emotional type of person,
necessarily just in the aspectsof the Word, but that safety
that I have in being able toexpress to you and open up to
you is the world to me, becauseI don't have to hold it inside
and let it build up and whatever.
I know that at this point inour marriage we can both discuss
(35:54):
things, whether if it's hardthings or if it's easy things,
it doesn't matter.
We can now openly discuss thosethings between each other
without the worry that you knowone of us is going to get
infuriated at the other one assoon as we start talking about
it.
We both know the importance ofworking through that emotionally
and to have that security there, to build that intimacy between
both of us so that we havethose safe spaces.
(36:16):
And so I'm truly thankful forhow God has changed that for us,
because we've mentioned severaltimes in this series that we
considered ourselves soulmates,so this has came up multiple
times.
Michelle Moore (36:30):
Very interesting , how that is.
Daniel Moore (36:32):
Yeah, but in all reality I like the definition
here of soulmate as far as being.
It's not, because a lot oftimes when we do say soulmate,
we do think of it in the aspectthat this is who God put in my
life.
That's the only thing we reallyassociate that with.
But in all reality a truesoulmate means that you're that
person that I can bear my soulto.
(36:52):
Yeah, and what is my soul?
That's my very innermost beingand core of who I really am.
Michelle Moore (36:57):
So good.
Daniel Moore (37:02):
And so if I can actually open my soul up and
share it with you in a safemanner, knowing that I'm not
going to get any repercussionback from that as we work
through things and vice versa,that's a true soulmate and
that's when you truly know thatyou're with that person, that
God has placed you with, yeah,and he's gave you the ability to
open up like that, yeah.
The third one is mentalintimacy, and, Michelle, go
ahead and share that one with us.
Michelle Moore (37:24):
Jesus instructed us to love God with all our
minds, urging us to use ourintellect to know, seek, worship
and follow him.
This serves as the primarypurpose for which God bestowed
us with the gift of thought.
Loving our spouse with ourminds involves actively thinking
about them, paying attention tothem, understanding their
(37:48):
preferences and dislikes, andengaging open communication with
one another regularly.
It necessitates creating a safespace where both partners are
encouraged to be truthful andshare thoughts without fear of
judgment or alienation.
While it is vital that ourthoughts are constructive and
not intended to cause harm oract in malice towards one
(38:12):
another, it is inevitable thatsome thoughts may touch upon
personal challenges or concernswithin the marriage.
Mental intimacy thrives whenboth individuals dedicate
themselves to focusing on eachother and openly exchanging
thoughts in a transparent andcandid manner.
(38:33):
Cultivating an environmentwhere there is an unrestricted
access to each other's innermostthoughts is key in fostering
mental intimacy.
Daniel Moore (38:43):
So if I'm thinking bad thoughts about you and I'm
allowing Satan to come in andslander you in my thought
processes, that pretty muchdemolishes the mental intimacy
Correct At that point?
And I really like you know how,when we started out, this
thought here about the mentalintimacy is.
This involves actively thinkingabout you and focusing my
(39:07):
attention on you and vice versa.
So you know how.
The Bible tells us to praywithout ceasing.
Aria (39:14):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (39:14):
They have that true intimate relationship with
God.
That's one of the processes andone of the steps that we have
to cultivate on a daily basis tokeep that communication open
between us and God and tocontinually build that
relationship.
And a lot of our relationshipwith God is mental.
Aria (39:32):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (39:32):
We live on faith, and so I think that plays over
into the relationship with ahusband and a wife.
Yeah, so I think that playsover into the relationship with
a husband and a wife?
Yeah, because I know throughoutthe day I think a lot about you
, even in the middle of all mywork and that kind of thing.
It seems like there's thingsthat will happen just regularly.
That will just kind of spurmoments of thought about
(39:52):
something you and I went through, yeah, or something that you
and I experienced.
Michelle Moore (39:55):
No, I'd agree with that.
Daniel Moore (39:56):
Or whatever, or I'll look down and you send me
an email.
Michelle Moore (40:01):
Or I send a stupid picture of myself working
.
Yeah, we tend to do that often.
We don't have Snapchat, so wejust text each other pictures.
Daniel Moore (40:09):
Showing off our sleep bags and our eyes because
we don't want to be at work andwe're exhausted.
Yes, so that kind of thing is ahealthy relationship.
(40:34):
Yeah, yes, or your significantother is a part of that mental
vibe that's going on all daylong, along with God and the
other things.
Those are what's most importantto you, the things that you
think about, right?
And so whenever it comes to therelationship, I think that you
know we had to come to a pointin our relationship where we had
to mentally flip that switch tomake sure that we concentrated
(40:57):
on each other more than thethings outside of us.
Right, all of that stuff outthere is distractions, and if we
focus on those distractions,then it's going to, for sure,
tear up the focus that we haveon each other, and I feel that
at one point we finally figuredout how to flip that switch and
quit doing that.
And so a lot of timesthroughout the day, you know, my
(41:18):
thoughts go to you just likeyour thoughts go to me, and
that's a healthy way to be.
And so that's the third part ofintimacy is the mental intimacy.
Now the fourth one is the onethat everybody thinks about the
physical intimacy.
So this next episode that'scoming up, we're going to
(41:39):
actually be discussing the issueof sex, so we're not going to
go into a lot of detail on thisone, but we did save the best
for last, I guess, if you couldcall it that.
I do want to say that physicalintimacy isn't just about the
issue of sex.
It's also about non-sexualaffection, which is one of the
women's most important needs.
(41:59):
I also believe that it's veryimportant for men as well, but
demonstrating physical affectionoutside the bedroom setting is
essential, not only for the sakeof our marriages, but also for
the benefit of our children, whoare comforted in witnessing the
love shared between theirparents.
Additionally, it is anopportunity to impart valuable
(42:32):
lessons to them on how to treattheir future spouses yeah,
mental and physical levels.
So, regardless of where you arecurrently standing in your
marital journey, make sure thatyou don't lose hope.
I think that with this physicalintimacy thing, a lot of times
we put this in a box Again whenwe first opened this episode up,
(42:53):
I asked you, even being a woman.
I asked you what the firstthing was that you thought of
when you heard the word intimacyand you pretty much answered it
.
Picture perfect with how 99% ofthe population probably would.
Automatically your mind shiftsto sex.
But as we've seen herethroughout all of these
different levels of intimacy,sex isn't really one of the most
(43:17):
important things in all of this.
Even the physical intimacy sideof things.
That also includes stuff likewhen we're riding in the car,
we'll hold hands, or I'll reachover and put my hand on your leg
, or you'll reach over and dothat to me.
Or we're out walking intochurch or out on a walk in the
park or whatever, we'll holdhands.
When we're sitting in theliving room watching TV, you
(43:41):
know, sometimes we'll you know,lay across you might lay across
put your head in their other'slap, or, you know you kiss each
other before you leave and go towork.
It's just there's so muchinvolved that goes into that and
that's a lot of the stuff that,as it mentioned here, that the
kids see, and I know, michelleand I, as we went through our
(44:01):
marriage with our kids, weprobably weren't the greatest
example of how to be physicallyintimate with each other as far
as trying to teach our kids howto be intimate with their
significant others, so I hopethey do much better than us in
the long run, as that comesalong, but we spent a lot of our
marriage at the first portionof it, mad at each other and in
(44:23):
a bad way, and so we got toremember, though, that as our
kids grow up, they're watchingus and they want to see how we
handle things.
They for sure see how we treateach other and that is kind of
the roadmap they use as they gointo life with their spouses.
And so we have to be supercareful with how we handle all
(44:46):
of that and make sure that onthat physical intimacy side of
things, that it's not justsequestered to the bedroom.
We have to make sure that weexpress that outside of that as
well.
Anybody that knows Michelle andI, they should be able to tell,
like if we're at church or ifwe're just out in public,
wherever we may be.
(45:06):
Anybody that knows us very wellshould know how we feel about
each other just by the way wetreat each other.
Michelle Moore (45:11):
Yeah, my eyes and everything should be set on
you.
Daniel Moore (45:15):
Yeah, and so they should see us sometimes walking
with our arms wrapped aroundeach other.
They should see us holdinghands sometimes as we're walking
through.
They should see us give a hugif we're all going off separate
directions like Michelle and Iserve in different places in
church sometimes, wheresometimes we serve together, but
then we have our places weserve separate, and a lot of
(45:37):
times whenever we see each otherfor the last moment we go our
separate ways We'll just give aquick hug or a quick kiss on the
cheek or something like that.
That's part of physicalintimacy as well.
This apart, so next week wewill be talking about the sex
(46:03):
and all of that part, becausethat is a huge, important part
of a marriage relationship, nodoubt about it.
We have to nurture that as welland do all of that in the
proper way, and sometimes issuescan come up that can cause
problems in those areas, and sowe're going to discuss a lot of
that next week on next week'sepisode.
So make sure you're subscribedso you don't miss that.
Michelle Moore (46:24):
It's going to be a good one.
Daniel Moore (46:27):
But see, do you have anything to add to this
week?
No, before we close it out.
So, as we leave this week, juststrive to cultivate intimacy
daily and make sure, when you doit, that you do it in
encompassing all four of thesedimensions.
It's more than just sex.
It's so much more.
It reflects God's divine planand the foundation on which
(46:49):
marriage is built.
And it just never ceases toamaze me how God went into such
detail when he created all ofthis stuff.
It's not just a simple one-waystreet.
He created so many aspects tothis relationship, and when you
put all of those together in agodly, biblical way, it creates
(47:10):
such a beautiful thing.
Michelle Moore (47:11):
It really does Such a fun thing yeah.
Daniel Moore (47:13):
And it can really make your life here on this
earth super enjoyable if youjust do it the correct way.
Yeah, so, as I said, make sureyou subscribe for next week's
episode, if you haven't, so youdon't miss it.
We're going to be probablywrapping up this study next week
(47:37):
, because that is the lastsegment.
As long as we can get throughthat one segment and one episode
.
We'll find out once we recordit, but everything going the way
that we think it will, nextweek will probably be the last
one of this study on the fourlaws of love, so we will be
moving on to other things atthat point.
But you don't want to miss this, so please subscribe and to
(47:57):
make sure you don't miss that,that's going to end this week's
episode.
I'm Daniel Moore.
Thank you for listening.
Missed in here with my wife,michelle Bye.
Guys, we've been going throughthis study and, of course, this
show wouldn't be possiblewithout you.
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Even that helps our algorithms,helps us to grow, and subscribe
(48:20):
to us on your favoriteplatforms.
The links for those are in ourshow notes.
Well, that's all for this week,and we pray that your marriage
is stronger and your walk withGod is closer After this episode
.
This is an extension ofConnecting the Gap Ministries,
and we pray that you have ablessed week.
Aria (48:51):
You've been listening to Connecting the Gap Podcast.
In this world there are many ablessed week and encourage each
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(49:11):
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We hope you are blessed by thisministry.
This is a production ofConnecting the Gap Ministries.
So I'm just going to put you on the spot.
When we first talk aboutintimacy, what is the very first
thing that pops into your mind?
Michelle Moore (00:14):
Sex.
Daniel Moore (00:15):
Okay, so that's probably what most people think
about it, right?
Probably so.
I think that whenever we thinkabout intimacy in marriage, for
some reason that is the veryfirst thing that pops up.
Is you think about the sexualpart of the relationship?
So if someone says, hey, areyou intimate in your marriage,
but yet you know, if they don'treally have much sex in their
(00:37):
marriage or have that kind ofrelationship, they may really be
inclined to say no.
But in all reality, intimacyisn't just about sex.
This week, on Marriage LifeMore, we are going to be talking
about everyday intimacy as wecontinue our study on the four
laws of love and we're goingthrough the law of purity.
(00:59):
We'll get back into that rightafter this.
(01:37):
Welcome to Marriage Life More.
This is a podcast aboutmarriage, bible and book studies
.
We also do interviews withpeople that have inspiring
stories.
I'm Daniel Moore, your host,and of course, I've got Michelle
Moore, my wife, here helping meto host this episode.
Thank you, guys, for joining usthis week.
If you're not familiar with ourshow, check out our website,
and that's atmarriagelifeandmoorecom For all
(01:57):
of our platforms.
Our YouTube and Rumble linksare there.
We're also on the ChristianPodcasting app, edify.
We're also on Alexa and GoogleSmart devices.
You can also visit us on socialon Facebook, instagram and X at
ctgaponline.
If you're a fan of our show,please subscribe and feel free
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(02:18):
Podcasts.
That is what helps our podcastto grow and we'd be thankful to
you to help us.
That's your way to be a part ofthis ministry here at
Connecting the Gap and MarriageLife and More Well.
As we are starting this week,we're getting close to finishing
up the study that we've beendoing on the four laws of love.
We're in the last law at thispoint the law of purity.
(02:40):
We've got just a coupleepisodes left here.
This week we're talking abouteveryday intimacy.
As we continue this study hereon Marriage Life and more, there
(03:01):
are two topics that themajority of people respond to
the most fervently passion andintimacy.
No one wants to be in apassionless relationship with no
sense of closeness.
The dream we all have is to bemarried to our lover and our
best friend.
That dream can come true if wewill just understand the truth
(03:22):
about intimacy and put it intopractice.
To help us do this this weekwe're going to begin by helping
you understand four common liespeople believe about intimacy.
So I'm just going to put you onthe spot.
When we first talk aboutintimacy, what is the very first
thing that pops into your mind?
Michelle Moore (03:44):
Sex.
Daniel Moore (03:47):
Okay, so that's probably what most people think
about it, right?
Probably so.
I think that whenever we thinkabout intimacy in marriage, for
some reason that is the veryfirst thing that pops up.
Is you think about the sexualpart of the relationship.
So if someone says, hey, areyou intimate in your marriage,
but yet you know, if they don'treally have much sex in their
(04:07):
marriage or have that kind ofrelationship, they may really be
inclined to say no.
But in all reality, intimacyisn't just about sex.
There's actually somemisunderstandings about what
intimacy really means.
It actually has a broader scopeof reality when it comes to the
(04:27):
marriage, and so this weekwe're going to try to debunk
some of that.
There's actually four lies ofintimacy that we're going to
talk about, and I'm going to goahead here.
Michelle's going to start withthe first one here of the four
lies of intimacy.
Michelle Moore (04:44):
So the first one is sex is intimacy.
The misconception aboutintimacy is the number one lie
that has caused untold damage tonumerous marriages.
Believing that sex equates tointimacy leads people to think
the more sexual activity theyengage in, the more intimate
(05:05):
their relationship will be.
However, this belief is simplynot true, as we will explain
later in this episode, intimacyencompasses four dimensions of
levels, with physical intimacyrepresenting only one aspect.
In essence, sex accounts forjust a quarter of true intimacy.
(05:28):
Disregarding the remainingthree quarters of the equation
hinders success in cultivatinggenuine love and connection.
Many individuals and couplesstruggle because they focus
solely on the physical aspect,failing to recognize the
importance of the otherdimensions of intimacy as
(05:49):
designed by God.
As a result, they feel emptyand devoid of passion.
A businessman once said thatbefore he got married, he was a
traveling salesman.
He said that it was common forhim to conclude his day of work
by going to the hotel bar fordrinks.
He said that almost everyevening he would meet a new
(06:11):
woman and end up having sex withher for a one-night stand.
He concluded his confessionwith this remark everyone thinks
that if you have sex like that,you will be happy, but no one
tells you, it costs you yoursoul.
I stopped sleeping aroundbecause it made me feel empty
and depressed.
(06:31):
Many people who watchpornography, and may even be
addicted to it, are seekinggenuine intimacy and attempting
to address a void in their lives.
However, relying onpornographic content or engaging
in promiscuous behavior willultimately not lead to success.
Strain from God's intended planhinders progress, resulting in
(06:57):
the need for increasingly moresexual encounters that provide
diminishing excitement.
This ultimately leads to anendless and unfulfilling cycle.
Daniel Moore (07:08):
Okay.
So what we're getting here fromwhat you've been reading, is
that lie, that sex is all that'sintimate basically and that if
you have sex, it will fulfillyour life's desires and make you
a very happy person.
And yes, we do believe that sex, when it's done in the right
(07:33):
context, when it's done in themarriage like it's supposed to
be done and it becomes a part ora portion of the marriage, like
it's supposed to be, it cancreate happiness.
Michelle Moore (07:45):
Yes.
Daniel Moore (07:46):
And it can help you be fulfilled, but when it
comes down to reality, sex isn'tthe only thing that creates
intimacy in our life.
Michelle Moore (07:56):
That's right.
Daniel Moore (07:57):
And with these two scenarios that you gave.
I know that.
You know pornography is a bigone these days.
It's just a huge addiction thata lot of people fight on a
daily basis and a lot of peopletry to replace that part of the
intimacy of their relationship.
If they're lacking that intheir marriage, they replace
that with the pornography.
(08:18):
But yet it's not a personaltype of intimacy, so it's not
fulfilling and it just leaves avoid there that creates more and
more anxiety and stress intheir life and it's sin.
I mean, that's the biggestproblem with it.
And then the story there aboutthe businessman.
You know he said that when hetraveled around he would go to
the bar and sleep with a lot ofwomen.
(08:39):
Well, at some point there herealized that what he was doing
was literally destroying hissoul.
I mean the very inner portion ofwho he was.
It was completely destroyingthat part of him, yep, and he
was getting more depressed andempty.
And so when people sit here andthey think well for me to just
(09:00):
have the fullness of intimacy inmy life, I'm just going to get
that from sex.
Aria (09:06):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (09:06):
From wherever it may come from.
That's not really the case Forme to just have the fullness of
intimacy in my life.
I'm just going to get that fromsex, yeah, from wherever it may
come from.
That's not really the case.
No, that's not how that's goingto work.
And especially a lot of times,if you're having sex outside of
marriage, that makes it evenworse, because we know that
intimacy through sex can only befully realized when it's with
someone that you truly love andit's someone that you truly want
(09:29):
to be with and share that with.
And so when you're just havingthese one night affairs or maybe
you date a lot and you have anew girlfriend or boyfriend once
a month, or however that may bein your life the more that you
sleep with those people, themore unfulfilling it becomes.
Aria (09:48):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (09:48):
Because that's not really what life is all about.
Michelle Moore (09:51):
No.
Daniel Moore (09:52):
So sex at this point then must be just one
dimension, correct?
Aria (09:57):
Yes.
Daniel Moore (09:57):
Yep, yep.
So that's where this comes in,that it's just one dimension of
our intimacy, and it's onlysatisfying when other elements
are present.
So it can't be just that alone.
Aria (10:07):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (10:08):
So this is the first truth that we have to
debunk when it comes to the fourlies of intimacy.
The second is intimacy isautomatic when you marry the
right person.
We refer to this as thesoulmate myth.
Oh, that's good Many individualsbelieve that marrying their
perfect soulmate guarantees alifetime of happiness.
However, as we have discussedin some of the previous episodes
(10:30):
here, in the Law of Pursuit,maintaining a fulfilling and
intimate marriage requireseffort and dedication.
No individual or couplepossesses inherent advantages
when it comes to achievinggenuine intimacy and happiness
in a marriage.
The purpose of this whole studythat we've been going through
(10:51):
is to help all of you comprehendthe universal laws of love that
foster security and success inour marriages.
Success is derived fromunderstanding and implementing
God's love and honoring Hisdesign for us, rather than
relying on factors such aschemistry, attractiveness,
wealth or any other externalelements.
So, with Michelle and I, Ithink it's pretty obvious with
(11:13):
our testimony that we've given.
We both came into our marriagewith rose-colored glasses.
Aria (11:18):
Yes, we did.
Daniel Moore (11:20):
I mean, we both thought that, hey, we're
marrying my best friend, thisperson's not going to ever do
anything to compromise how wefeel about each other.
We had it on our pedestals.
You know just all this stuff,and you for sure have stated
that when stuff startedcrumbling that you were just
shocked because you neverexpected that to happen with me
(11:44):
of all people.
And so when, if someone isdating right now and they're
engaged and they have thisperson on a pedestal, what would
you say to that person fromyour aspect of it?
Since you've kind of walkedthat, what advice would you give
them, coming up to beingmarried, to maybe be a little
(12:05):
bit more careful with doing that?
Michelle Moore (12:07):
Well, one don't ever put anybody on a pedestal.
I mean, that's where I waswrong in the first part of it.
I mean I did put you on apedestal, not expecting you to
make mistakes, knowing that youshould never put someone on a
pedestal.
But my advice is people aregoing to make mistakes, you know
, talk it out, work it out anddefinitely, you know, put God
(12:31):
first.
Daniel Moore (12:32):
Yeah, you can't come into the relationship
thinking it's going to beperfect right off the bat.
That's just.
I don't know of a marriage I'venever talked to anybody.
There may be one out there, Idon't know.
But I have never in my wholelifetime ever talked to someone
that came into a marriage andjust immediately it was the
perfect thing until the day theydied and they had the most
(12:54):
happiness ever.
Michelle Moore (12:55):
Well, I think there's marriages out there.
I mean I definitely feel likeare they going to have their ups
and downs?
Yes, because there's a lot ofChristian couples I feel like
have great marriages all fromthe time because they put God in
the center.
Yeah, and they've.
Daniel Moore (13:11):
I mean I and they work at it.
Michelle Moore (13:12):
Yeah, it's not.
They went about it in the rightway.
I mean, I can think of severaldifferent people that actually
have had a really good marriageand when you ask them, like you
know, did you have fights?
Well, yeah, they're going tohave small disagreements, but
nothing like kind of what wewalk through, and I think it's
because God is the foundation.
Daniel Moore (13:34):
So I think the concept here is it's not
automatic, though, because theystill have to work at it.
Michelle Moore (13:40):
Oh, I think any marriage has to work at it.
Daniel Moore (13:42):
No, matter what marriage you have, you can't
just sit there and just cruisethrough it and never have to do
anything and it just beautomatic.
Michelle Moore (13:48):
You have to give 100% on both sides, right,
absolutely.
Daniel Moore (13:52):
And so that marriage may not end up as bad
as ours did.
But that's because they workedat it harder.
They wanted to make sure thateverything it didn't just fall
in their lap and everything wasgreat and hunky-dory till the
end of it.
It didn't just fall in theirlap and everything was great and
hunky-dory until the end of it.
So if you believe that intimacyis going to naturally occur
when you marry the perfectperson, you're setting yourself
up for possible disappointmentand failure.
(14:13):
And this is because when thereare days where you do not feel
like you're connected to yourspouse, the devil's going to
come in once again and he'sgoing to tempt you with thoughts
like you made a mistake, you'renot the right one, they're not
the right one for you.
(14:33):
You should go find somebodyelse.
I think there's times in ourmarriage that we both thought
that kind of stuff yeah.
And Satan was planning thoseseeds in there, because anytime
I was mad at you or our marriagewas failing, that's the first
thing that started popping up is, you know, did we really make a
mistake here?
You know, did we really notread this right?
Was there really somebody elseout there?
And here we are again in amarriage that wasn't meant to be
(14:55):
, that God didn't ordain, or youknow, satan's going to throw
all that stuff in there and he'sgoing to start causing all that
doubt and everything else tocome up, and we know where that
can take you.
I mean, it can totally destroya good thing.
It can destroy a God thing ifyou're not careful.
So true intimacy is a result ofdoing the right thing, not
(15:17):
simply feeling the right thing.
Being married to your spouseindicates that you share enough
common ground to create thehappiness and the success that
you desire.
So again, me and you is notexactly identical.
We have our differences, but wehave enough common ground there
between the two of us that wecan make it work, and then those
differences balance each otherout, right, right.
That's the beautiful thingsabout us that are different.
(15:40):
The third lie is intimacy is forcertain types of people, but
not for everyone, and I thinkthere's probably some people
that are married out there rightnow that really believe this,
because they've gotten into abad marriage and haven't figured
out how to fix it and sothey're starting to fall into
that lie that well, I guess thisis the marriage God had for me.
You know there's I don't seeany other way around it.
(16:03):
I'm not getting divorced, butI'm going to accept what I'm in.
But this must not have reallybeen for me.
You know that that couple overthere they've got it going on
and they're all happy and that'stheir thing.
But that's not my thing.
But that's not true.
Our inherent need to love is thefundamental aspect of our
creation by God.
It's a universal longing sharedby individuals of all genders
(16:25):
and ages.
Marriage provides us with thechance to express our love for
another person in the mostprofound and fulfilling way
possible.
Intimate love is something thatresonates with everyone.
Back in episode 208, it was anearlier episode of this study we
discussed romance, similar tothe misconceptions surrounding
intimacy.
(16:45):
Many believe that romance isprimarily for women, but that's
not accurate.
Men require romance just asmuch as women do, and they
benefit from it daily.
Albeit, we benefit from it in adifferent manner than say you
do you see romance differentlythan I do, but we both need it
and it's an everyday need forboth of us, not just a few.
God created all of us on thesame level playing.
(17:07):
He did not pick and choosepeople and say, okay, you're
going to have this much intimacyin your relationship, you're
going to hate your relationship,you're going to love your
relationship.
That's not God Right.
God did not do that.
No, and I think that, fromMichelle and I's experience, we
created our own issues.
We created the problems that wehad in our marriage.
(17:27):
It had nothing to do with God.
We made bad choices and didthings that we shouldn't have,
and so that's pretty much wherethat one's at.
So don't believe, if you're theone that's in that situation,
don't believe, that you deservethis and this is just the way
God created it.
You both need to start figuringout how to fix your problem
Right, because you both deserveto love each other to the
(17:48):
fullest extent of what God hascreated you to.
So.
Number four Once a certainamount of damage has been done
in a marriage, it is impossibleto restore the intimacy.
This is the fourth lie ofintimacy.
Michelle Moore (18:08):
So go ahead and start that one there.
Yeah, our marriage is atestament to the belief that
nothing is impossible with God.
Through His miraculousintervention, our marriage was
restored, and we have witnessedothers experience the same grace
.
Engaging in regularconversations with couples, we
often hear stories of marriageson the brink of collapse or even
(18:29):
legally dissolved, only for Godto mend their relationship.
When Jesus hung on the cross,he forgave the people who put
him there.
Not only that, he stated thereason he was forgiving them.
Here's what he said.
He stated the reason he wasforgiving them.
Here's what he said.
Then Jesus said Father, forgivethem, for they do not know what
(18:50):
they do.
Luke 6, 34.
Jesus knew the people whokilled him didn't know what they
were doing.
It didn't make crucifying himall right, but it made it
forgivable.
Daniel Moore (19:03):
So our marriage is definitely a testament to this.
Now there's a couple that weknow and I'm not going to say
any names, I don't think theywould mind, just using their
testimony but they actually gotdivorced and then got remarried
again.
They actually attend churchwith us.
(19:25):
And I think that's awesomebecause so you and I never got
divorced.
No, we fixed the problem beforeit happened.
But imagine, getting divorcedfrom someone gets that bad, but
then God brings you backtogether.
You would think that well, ifyou lost that intimacy with that
first relationship and youliterally got to the point you
got divorced?
(19:45):
In our finite minds it seemslike that would be impossible to
get that intimacy or even wantto be with that person again.
But somehow God fixed all ofthat.
Michelle Moore (19:55):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (19:56):
And created a whole new scenario for them,
just like he created for us,absolutely.
And so I think, and probablypeople you know, you guys that
are listening you may knowcouples like this.
You know the couple that we'retalking about.
That's not the only couple thatI've ever came across that got
remarried again after they gotdivorced, and you know God is in
(20:17):
the restoration business, andso it doesn't matter how much
damage has been done and thereare some marriages out there
that have had some severe damagedone, even abusive stuff.
I mean you can go to theextremes of what could happen in
a marriage.
That would make you justliterally hate somebody to the
(20:37):
core but it doesn't mean thatGod can't fix that.
That's right.
He can fix anything, and youknow people don't mess up their
marriages intentionally orbecause they're bad people.
They mess up because they don'tknow any better.
Who teaches us about marriage?
When we were growing up?
You know how many classes didthey teach in schools or
universities on the subject?
Few of us had good role modelswhen we were growing up, either
(21:00):
because, you know, our parentsin a lot of ways weren't really
good role models in that eitherand so that's why studies like
this are so important, orreading good marriage material
from Christian authors that arewell-versed and educated in this
kind of thing, that deal withmarriages on a daily basis.
They see so many things andthey understand how to bring the
(21:22):
Bible into that equation, andso it's very important for
marriages, I think, to make surethat you stay up current with
what's going on in your marriagehow to fix things biblically
using books or studies orwhatever it may be to help you
better understand in yourmarriage.
How to fix things biblicallyusing books or studies or
whatever it may be to help youbetter understand where your
marriage is at.
So, now that we've exposed thefour common lies about intimacy,
(21:45):
we're going to talk about fourlevels of intimacy that we
referred to earlier when westarted this episode.
When we started this episode, inresponse to the scribe's
question as to what the greatestcommandment was, here's how
Jesus answered that.
(22:06):
Jesus answered and said thefirst of all commandments is
Hear O Israel, the Lord, our God.
The Lord is one.
You shall love the Lord, yourGod, with all your heart, with
all your soul, with all yourmind and your strength.
This is the first commandment.
So Jesus' response here revealsthe truth that there are four
(22:26):
different levels of love.
Did you realize that your heart, which is your spirit, your
soul, which is your will andemotions, your mind and body
were primarily created by God tolove him?
That is truth.
Love isn't just experienced onan emotional level.
It is experienced on fourdifferent levels, and that is
(22:48):
why Jesus responded to thescribe's question as he did.
The same is true of theintimate love experienced by a
married couple.
It is four-dimensional it'sspiritual, it's emotional, it's
mental and it's physical.
This is why we stated at thebeginning of this episode that
sex is only one dimension ofthat intimacy, and we're going
(23:09):
to continue now to go intofurther detail about each level
of intimacy so that we can helpyou understand how to achieve
and maintain them.
So, michelle, I'm going to haveyou start here with the first
one of the four levels ofintimacy.
Michelle Moore (23:24):
The first one is spiritual intimacy.
When Jesus said we were to loveGod with all of our hearts, he
was referring to the dimensionof our lives where he resides
and communes with us.
Considering the following verseof Scripture Because of Adam's
(23:53):
and Eve's sins, the human racedied spiritually.
We are all born with deadspirits that cannot commune with
God unless they are regenerated.
That is what is commonly calledbeing born again.
This is an important text ofscripture to help you understand
this.
Jesus answered and said to him.
(24:13):
Jesus answered and Mostassuredly I say to you unless
(24:40):
one is born of water and of theSpirit, he cannot enter the
kingdom of God.
That which is born of the fleshis flesh and that which is born
of the Spirit is spirit.
Do not marvel that I said toyou.
3, verses 3-7.
Being born again means we askJesus to forgive us of our sins
(25:04):
and come into our hearts and tobe our Lord and Savior.
Here's a scripture from thebook of Romans that explains how
it occurs.
But what does it say?
The word is near you, in yourmouth and in your heart.
That is the word of faith whichwe preach that if you confess
(25:25):
with your mouth Lord Jesus, andbelieve in your heart that God
has raised him from the dead,you will be saved.
For with the heart one believesunto righteousness, and with
the mouth confession is madeunto salvation, and that's found
in Romans 10, 8 through 10.
The word salvation is synonymouswith the phrase born again.
(25:46):
It means that we put our faithin Jesus and believe his death
on the cross paid for our sins.
His death on the cross paid forour sins.
Now, as an act of grace, we canbe forgiven of all of our sins
and receive the gift of eternallife.
Also, once we are saved, theSpirit of God enters into us and
(26:06):
regenerates our dead spirits,and we are thus born again.
Daniel Moore (26:15):
Okay, so the first one here, then spiritual
intimacy.
So this brings us back to thefact that intimacy isn't just a
human thing, it's not justsomething that we, you know when
we look at it.
It's just sex.
Who does that benefit?
That benefits me and you, orthe couple, and that's not the
fullness of what intimacy is allabout.
(26:35):
And that's not the fullness ofwhat intimacy is all about.
And I think that whenever wehave and you'll hear people talk
a lot about having thatintimate relationship with God.
That does shine a whole newlight on the fact that there is
more to this intimacy thing inour life than just looking at
the physical intimacy thing inour life, than just looking at
(26:57):
the physical.
So if we don't have thatintimate relationship with
Christ, I think that that cancarry over into our physical
side and can make it not be asgood.
Yeah, so I think you can vouchfor this as well.
So when we were having ourissues, when we were in our
marriage and everything, untilwe got back with God like we
(27:19):
should be and got our lives backwhere it was supposed to be,
with our relationship with Him,do you feel like that was the
turning point for our marriage?
When that happened, do you feellike before we did that, our
marriage was pretty rotten atthat point.
Then, when we finally gave ourlives back to Christ, how did
that change?
Michelle Moore (27:38):
I feel like after I rededicated my life with
Christ, my eyes were set on Himand from there he changed me,
which changed our marriage.
Daniel Moore (27:53):
Or let me say he changed the outlook on our
marriage.
Michelle Moore (27:54):
Yeah, or let me say he changed the outlook on
our marriage.
Daniel Moore (27:56):
Right.
So the day that I gave my lifeto Jesus, I experienced
firsthand the incredible realityof what being born again means,
just like Michelle just said.
Immediately I felt differentand better on the inside, and
it's something that's hard todescribe, but the best way that
I can try is to compare beingborn again to being shot in the
chest with a syringe full ofinner life and fulfillment.
(28:17):
The emptiness I had wrestledwith for years was instantly
filled with God's love and lifethat I'd never known.
And that was over 35 years ago,and it's still occurring every
minute of every day in my lifeand has revolutionized
everything about me, hasrevolutionized everything about
me.
So, going into our marriage,even though you and I were both
(28:39):
saved, we both, you know,believed in God and tried to
keep Him in our life.
To an extent, I don't think wewere really where we needed to
be at all.
We didn't experience spiritualintimacy for the first several
years of our marriage.
You know we went to churchregularly and we were part of
church leadership in differentareas, but as a couple we didn't
know that there was any suchthing as spiritual intimacy or
(29:01):
how to achieve it.
We just had kind of put that tothe side.
At that point, after the Lordsaved our marriage, we began
praying more deeply, sometimestogether, and definitely on a
more regular basis.
It was a transformingexperience and I can tell you
this truth from experienceSpiritual intimacy is the
deepest intimacy that ispossible in a marriage and it
(29:22):
benefits all other levels ofintimacy.
So any other intimacy that wehave in our life, regardless of
what it is, there's nothing thattrumps that spiritual
relationship with God.
That is the very first thingthat actually transforms us and
should transform us into who weare from that day forward.
(29:43):
So a couple examples here.
First, when you pray, god givesyou a peace about things that
you otherwise worry or evenfight about.
And here's what Paul wroteabout that Be anxious for
nothing, but in everything.
By prayer and supplication,with thanksgiving, let your
requests be made known to God,and the peace of God, which
surpasses all understanding,will guard your hearts and minds
to Christ Jesus.
That's in Philippians 4.
(30:06):
Anxiety isn't a condition, it'sa choice.
When we choose not to pray, wehave chosen to worry instead,
and that worry consumesemotional energy and causes
tension in our marriage.
But when we pray, instead ofworrying, we are promised a
profound peace that guards ourhearts and minds.
We have a promise in the Biblewith that, and so anytime that
(30:28):
we allow ourselves to be anxiousand worry about things, we have
not put into play the fact thatif we pray about it, god will
give us a peace in all of thatand He'll come alongside us and
help us through that.
Secondly, we also must realizethat spiritual intimacy improves
our sex lives.
Dr Gary and Barb Rosberg wrote abook called the Five Sex Needs
(30:48):
of Men and Women.
According to their researchinto the subject, spiritual
intimacy is the fourth sex needof women.
Women want their husbands to bethe spiritual leaders of their
homes and to pray with them.
Praying together as a coupleinvites God into the
relationship.
So, if you remember, thissection of the study is all
about the law of purity.
When sin enters a marriagerelationship, what does it do?
(31:12):
It kills intimacy.
When God is invited into amarriage, the Holy Spirit, or
the spirit of ultimate purity,comes into the relationship, and
that is something that womenneed to relax and enjoy sex.
It is also something that Godblesses and causes true sexual
intimacy to occur as a result.
(31:34):
So make sure, above everything,if you're really trying to
strive for this intimacy inmarriage, the first thing you
need to go after is yourspiritual intimacy with God so
good.
That fixes so many things on somany levels.
Then all of these otherintimacies that are past, that
will fall into place as we do itthe biblical way.
(31:54):
So the second one is emotionalintimacy.
God told us to love God withall of our souls.
Your soul is the seat of yourwill and emotions.
Emotional intimacy occurs as weare free to share our feelings
with each other.
In the Garden of Eden, godcreated Adam and Eve naked and
(32:14):
without shame.
Their nakedness was notphysical only, it was spiritual,
emotional and mental.
Adam and Eve were able tofreely share their emotions with
each other without holdinganything back and without
anything to hold them back.
That is how God designed formarriage to operate and it's
essential for intimacy to occur.
(32:37):
You know, you and I had verylittle emotional intimacy in
some of the early parts in ourmarriage because of three
reasons.
Number one, I wouldn't sharemany of my true emotions with
you.
Secondly, I rejected yourdifferences and the emotions
that came with them.
And third, I was dominant withimportant issues that affected
us both and then you shut downemotionally as a result, such as
(33:01):
me getting fixed, for instance.
There were some things that Idid, that I forced upon you,
which then you reacted in theonly way you knew how, and that
was for you to shut down andkeep me out at that point.
So then both of us are fallingsubject to the issue of keeping
each other out of each other'sequations at that point.
(33:23):
Well, today we have wonderfulemotional intimacy and we have
had for many years now and weachieved this by removing those
three things that I just listed.
First of all, I share openlywith you and realize it is an
important need for you.
We also celebrate each other'sdifferences and know that we are
each other's safe place toshare anything that one's really
(33:44):
important.
We are equal partners, and I'mcareful with my words as well as
being verbally affectionate, soI try to compliment you as much
as possible, and you're alwayscomplimenting me.
The way that we handle ourconversation has even changed in
a lot of different areas, sothere's a lot to being said
these days about being soulmates.
Once you understand the truemeaning of the word soul, you
(34:07):
could exchange the phrasesoulmate with this one
emotionmate.
Your true soulmate isn'tsomeone out in the world that is
the only person God created foryou.
Your true soulmate is the wifeor husband you choose to open up
with emotionally and share yoursoul.
That's good.
You must cultivate emotionalopenness in your relationship in
(34:28):
order to build this level ofintimacy.
Allow your spouse to sharetheir feelings without judgment
or rejection.
Celebrate honesty as long asit's done in love, and share
your feelings every day.
Communication doesn't just meansharing facts.
It also means sharing yourfeelings.
Michelle Moore (34:45):
So good.
Daniel Moore (34:45):
The results of this is emotional intimacy.
So this one here is definitelyone that can break down a
marriage real quick If it's nothandled the correct way.
And because how important is itfor you for me to share my
innermost thoughts and feelingswith you?
Michelle Moore (35:06):
For me it's extremely important because I
know what's going on with youand you feel safe telling me
everything and it's being a partof your life, and that
communication, if you're sharingeverything with me, lets me
know that you trust me, you loveme and you're here for the long
(35:29):
haul.
Daniel Moore (35:29):
Yeah, and I mirror that.
Michelle Moore (35:31):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (35:32):
I mean, I'm not a over-emotional type of person,
necessarily just in the aspectsof the Word, but that safety
that I have in being able toexpress to you and open up to
you is the world to me, becauseI don't have to hold it inside
and let it build up and whatever.
I know that at this point inour marriage we can both discuss
(35:54):
things, whether if it's hardthings or if it's easy things,
it doesn't matter.
We can now openly discuss thosethings between each other
without the worry that you knowone of us is going to get
infuriated at the other one assoon as we start talking about
it.
We both know the importance ofworking through that emotionally
and to have that security there, to build that intimacy between
both of us so that we havethose safe spaces.
(36:16):
And so I'm truly thankful forhow God has changed that for us,
because we've mentioned severaltimes in this series that we
considered ourselves soulmates,so this has came up multiple
times.
Michelle Moore (36:30):
Very interesting , how that is.
Daniel Moore (36:32):
Yeah, but in all reality I like the definition
here of soulmate as far as being.
It's not, because a lot oftimes when we do say soulmate,
we do think of it in the aspectthat this is who God put in my
life.
That's the only thing we reallyassociate that with.
But in all reality a truesoulmate means that you're that
person that I can bear my soulto.
(36:52):
Yeah, and what is my soul?
That's my very innermost beingand core of who I really am.
Michelle Moore (36:57):
So good.
Daniel Moore (37:02):
And so if I can actually open my soul up and
share it with you in a safemanner, knowing that I'm not
going to get any repercussionback from that as we work
through things and vice versa,that's a true soulmate and
that's when you truly know thatyou're with that person, that
God has placed you with, yeah,and he's gave you the ability to
open up like that, yeah.
The third one is mentalintimacy, and, Michelle, go
ahead and share that one with us.
Michelle Moore (37:24):
Jesus instructed us to love God with all our
minds, urging us to use ourintellect to know, seek, worship
and follow him.
This serves as the primarypurpose for which God bestowed
us with the gift of thought.
Loving our spouse with ourminds involves actively thinking
about them, paying attention tothem, understanding their
(37:48):
preferences and dislikes, andengaging open communication with
one another regularly.
It necessitates creating a safespace where both partners are
encouraged to be truthful andshare thoughts without fear of
judgment or alienation.
While it is vital that ourthoughts are constructive and
not intended to cause harm oract in malice towards one
(38:12):
another, it is inevitable thatsome thoughts may touch upon
personal challenges or concernswithin the marriage.
Mental intimacy thrives whenboth individuals dedicate
themselves to focusing on eachother and openly exchanging
thoughts in a transparent andcandid manner.
(38:33):
Cultivating an environmentwhere there is an unrestricted
access to each other's innermostthoughts is key in fostering
mental intimacy.
Daniel Moore (38:43):
So if I'm thinking bad thoughts about you and I'm
allowing Satan to come in andslander you in my thought
processes, that pretty muchdemolishes the mental intimacy
Correct At that point?
And I really like you know how,when we started out, this
thought here about the mentalintimacy is.
This involves actively thinkingabout you and focusing my
(39:07):
attention on you and vice versa.
So you know how.
The Bible tells us to praywithout ceasing.
Aria (39:14):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (39:14):
They have that true intimate relationship with
God.
That's one of the processes andone of the steps that we have
to cultivate on a daily basis tokeep that communication open
between us and God and tocontinually build that
relationship.
And a lot of our relationshipwith God is mental.
Aria (39:32):
Yeah.
Daniel Moore (39:32):
We live on faith, and so I think that plays over
into the relationship with ahusband and a wife.
Yeah, so I think that playsover into the relationship with
a husband and a wife?
Yeah, because I know throughoutthe day I think a lot about you
, even in the middle of all mywork and that kind of thing.
It seems like there's thingsthat will happen just regularly.
That will just kind of spurmoments of thought about
(39:52):
something you and I went through, yeah, or something that you
and I experienced.
Michelle Moore (39:55):
No, I'd agree with that.
Daniel Moore (39:56):
Or whatever, or I'll look down and you send me
an email.
Michelle Moore (40:01):
Or I send a stupid picture of myself working
.
Yeah, we tend to do that often.
We don't have Snapchat, so wejust text each other pictures.
Daniel Moore (40:09):
Showing off our sleep bags and our eyes because
we don't want to be at work andwe're exhausted.
Yes, so that kind of thing is ahealthy relationship.
(40:34):
Yeah, yes, or your significantother is a part of that mental
vibe that's going on all daylong, along with God and the
other things.
Those are what's most importantto you, the things that you
think about, right?
And so whenever it comes to therelationship, I think that you
know we had to come to a pointin our relationship where we had
to mentally flip that switch tomake sure that we concentrated
(40:57):
on each other more than thethings outside of us.
Right, all of that stuff outthere is distractions, and if we
focus on those distractions,then it's going to, for sure,
tear up the focus that we haveon each other, and I feel that
at one point we finally figuredout how to flip that switch and
quit doing that.
And so a lot of timesthroughout the day, you know, my
(41:18):
thoughts go to you just likeyour thoughts go to me, and
that's a healthy way to be.
And so that's the third part ofintimacy is the mental intimacy.
Now the fourth one is the onethat everybody thinks about the
physical intimacy.
So this next episode that'scoming up, we're going to
(41:39):
actually be discussing the issueof sex, so we're not going to
go into a lot of detail on thisone, but we did save the best
for last, I guess, if you couldcall it that.
I do want to say that physicalintimacy isn't just about the
issue of sex.
It's also about non-sexualaffection, which is one of the
women's most important needs.
(41:59):
I also believe that it's veryimportant for men as well, but
demonstrating physical affectionoutside the bedroom setting is
essential, not only for the sakeof our marriages, but also for
the benefit of our children, whoare comforted in witnessing the
love shared between theirparents.
Additionally, it is anopportunity to impart valuable
(42:32):
lessons to them on how to treattheir future spouses yeah,
mental and physical levels.
So, regardless of where you arecurrently standing in your
marital journey, make sure thatyou don't lose hope.
I think that with this physicalintimacy thing, a lot of times
we put this in a box Again whenwe first opened this episode up,
(42:53):
I asked you, even being a woman.
I asked you what the firstthing was that you thought of
when you heard the word intimacyand you pretty much answered it
.
Picture perfect with how 99% ofthe population probably would.
Automatically your mind shiftsto sex.
But as we've seen herethroughout all of these
different levels of intimacy,sex isn't really one of the most
(43:17):
important things in all of this.
Even the physical intimacy sideof things.
That also includes stuff likewhen we're riding in the car,
we'll hold hands, or I'll reachover and put my hand on your leg
, or you'll reach over and dothat to me.
Or we're out walking intochurch or out on a walk in the
park or whatever, we'll holdhands.
When we're sitting in theliving room watching TV, you
(43:41):
know, sometimes we'll you know,lay across you might lay across
put your head in their other'slap, or, you know you kiss each
other before you leave and go towork.
It's just there's so muchinvolved that goes into that and
that's a lot of the stuff that,as it mentioned here, that the
kids see, and I know, michelleand I, as we went through our
(44:01):
marriage with our kids, weprobably weren't the greatest
example of how to be physicallyintimate with each other as far
as trying to teach our kids howto be intimate with their
significant others, so I hopethey do much better than us in
the long run, as that comesalong, but we spent a lot of our
marriage at the first portionof it, mad at each other and in
(44:23):
a bad way, and so we got toremember, though, that as our
kids grow up, they're watchingus and they want to see how we
handle things.
They for sure see how we treateach other and that is kind of
the roadmap they use as they gointo life with their spouses.
And so we have to be supercareful with how we handle all
(44:46):
of that and make sure that onthat physical intimacy side of
things, that it's not justsequestered to the bedroom.
We have to make sure that weexpress that outside of that as
well.
Anybody that knows Michelle andI, they should be able to tell,
like if we're at church or ifwe're just out in public,
wherever we may be.
(45:06):
Anybody that knows us very wellshould know how we feel about
each other just by the way wetreat each other.
Michelle Moore (45:11):
Yeah, my eyes and everything should be set on
you.
Daniel Moore (45:15):
Yeah, and so they should see us sometimes walking
with our arms wrapped aroundeach other.
They should see us holdinghands sometimes as we're walking
through.
They should see us give a hugif we're all going off separate
directions like Michelle and Iserve in different places in
church sometimes, wheresometimes we serve together, but
then we have our places weserve separate, and a lot of
(45:37):
times whenever we see each otherfor the last moment we go our
separate ways We'll just give aquick hug or a quick kiss on the
cheek or something like that.
That's part of physicalintimacy as well.
This apart, so next week wewill be talking about the sex
(46:03):
and all of that part, becausethat is a huge, important part
of a marriage relationship, nodoubt about it.
We have to nurture that as welland do all of that in the
proper way, and sometimes issuescan come up that can cause
problems in those areas, and sowe're going to discuss a lot of
that next week on next week'sepisode.
So make sure you're subscribedso you don't miss that.
Michelle Moore (46:24):
It's going to be a good one.
Daniel Moore (46:27):
But see, do you have anything to add to this
week?
No, before we close it out.
So, as we leave this week, juststrive to cultivate intimacy
daily and make sure, when you doit, that you do it in
encompassing all four of thesedimensions.
It's more than just sex.
It's so much more.
It reflects God's divine planand the foundation on which
(46:49):
marriage is built.
And it just never ceases toamaze me how God went into such
detail when he created all ofthis stuff.
It's not just a simple one-waystreet.
He created so many aspects tothis relationship, and when you
put all of those together in agodly, biblical way, it creates
(47:10):
such a beautiful thing.
Michelle Moore (47:11):
It really does Such a fun thing yeah.
Daniel Moore (47:13):
And it can really make your life here on this
earth super enjoyable if youjust do it the correct way.
Yeah, so, as I said, make sureyou subscribe for next week's
episode, if you haven't, so youdon't miss it.
We're going to be probablywrapping up this study next week
(47:37):
, because that is the lastsegment.
As long as we can get throughthat one segment and one episode
.
We'll find out once we recordit, but everything going the way
that we think it will, nextweek will probably be the last
one of this study on the fourlaws of love, so we will be
moving on to other things atthat point.
But you don't want to miss this, so please subscribe and to
(47:57):
make sure you don't miss that,that's going to end this week's
episode.
I'm Daniel Moore.
Thank you for listening.
Missed in here with my wife,michelle Bye.
Guys, we've been going throughthis study and, of course, this
show wouldn't be possiblewithout you.
If you're a fan of the show,please leave a review on Apple
podcast.
Or if you'd like to help us out, just take a few seconds and
just give us a five-star click.
Even that helps our algorithms,helps us to grow, and subscribe
(48:20):
to us on your favoriteplatforms.
The links for those are in ourshow notes.
Well, that's all for this week,and we pray that your marriage
is stronger and your walk withGod is closer After this episode
.
This is an extension ofConnecting the Gap Ministries,
and we pray that you have ablessed week.
Aria (48:51):
You've been listening to Connecting the Gap Podcast.
In this world there are many ablessed week and encourage each
other to connect the gap.
We upload a new audio podcastevery Thursday and a video
version of it on YouTube andRumble.
We are also on the Christianpodcasting app, edify.
You can subscribe to ourpodcast on many of the available
podcasting platforms, includingApple Podcast, spotify, amazon
(49:11):
Music, iheart Radio, tuneinRadio and more.
We are also available on yourAlexa-enabled devices.
If you would like to contactour ministry for any reason,
visit our contact page and sendus a message.
We hope you are blessed by thisministry.
This is a production ofConnecting the Gap Ministries.
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