April 8, 2025 • 31 mins
When was the last time you really kissed your spouse? Not a quick peck as you rush out the door, but a genuine, meaningful connection? Matthew and Monica Powers tackle this deceptively simple question that reveals volumes about modern marriages.
The statistics might shock you – 16% of married couples kiss just once daily, while a staggering 10% kiss only once or twice weekly. These numbers correlate directly with relationship satisfaction, with couples who kiss less frequently reporting dramatically higher divorce rates. But why aren't people kissing their spouses? "We're too busy" tops the list of excuses, though the same individuals likely find time for social media scrolling and Netflix binges.
Science backs up what our hearts already know: kissing matters. Each kiss releases powerful chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine that reduce stress, boost immunity, and create feelings of connection. One fascinating study from the 1960s even found that men who kissed their wives before leaving for work lived an average of five years longer than those who didn't.
For couples wanting more physical affection, communication is key. Using "I statements" like "I miss feeling close to you" instead of accusatory "You never kiss me" language opens the door for honest conversation without triggering defensiveness. The podcast offers practical tips for better kissing – from the importance of oral hygiene to experimenting with different kissing styles – and suggests six seconds as the scientific "sweet spot" for a meaningful kiss.
Ask your spouse today: "Are we kissing enough?" Their answer might reveal more about your relationship than you realize – and could be the first step toward rekindling physical connection in your marriage.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Baby, I got a question for you.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I have an answer.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
I hope you do.
I'm anxious to hear what youranswer is, because it's the
topic of today's conversation.
Do we kiss enough?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Me and you.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Yes, no, no.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I mean, that's just my opinion, because I kiss you
every time I see you.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I will get on board with that opinion.
But this is a legitimatequestion from an article I read
a few weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Oh, you're just asking in general, in general,
not just me and you.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I'm asking you do we kiss enough?
The hope is.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
In my opinion no.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
No, because you want more of it, which I love.
Every single person listening.
Please ask your spouse thisquestion both ways.
Are we kissing enough?
Because?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Why aren't?
Speaker 1 (00:59):
people getting married anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
A new Pew Research poll found that two in five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Marriage rates are at their lowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou want to have just one
partner when you can havemultiple Marriage is stupid
welcome to the married afpodcast, the self-proclaimed
greatest marriage relationshippodcast in the world.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
We are your hosts, matthew and monica.
Powers and baby, I got aquestion for you I have an
answer I hope you do.
I'm anxious to hear what youranswer is, because it's the
topic of today's conversation.
Do we kiss enough?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
me and you yes, no, no I mean, that's just my
opinion, because I kiss youevery time I see you I will get
on board with that opinion, butthis is a legitimate question.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
From my article I read a few weeks ago.
In general, in general, I'masking you do we kiss, kiss,
enough, the hope is.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
In my opinion no.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
No, because you want more of it, which I love.
Every single person listening.
Please ask your spouse thisquestion both ways.
Are we kissing enough?
Because a recent study showedthat a lot of people are not
kissing as much as you wouldthink.
So on a daily basis.
For you and I, how often do youthink we would say we kiss On
(02:30):
average?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
how many times Whoa?
I don't know that I could get anumber.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
It's difficult for me to wrap my head around this.
The way I was thinking about itwas well, every morning, yes,
at least once Before we go tobed, yes, at least once.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
No, I get a couple more in there.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
You usually get a few more in there Anytime we're
gone and come back home, atleast once and multiple more
times throughout the day I wasthinking realistically, maybe
conservatively speaking, maybe12 to 15 times a day.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Easy.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Very conservatively speaking.
Maybe 12 to 15 times a day Easy, Very conservatively speaking.
Potentially much more if we'retogether or anything like that.
Here's the wild thing.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Hold on.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Yes.
This is strictly just kissing,because Just kissing, okay, just
kissing each other.
It doesn't include those littlelove taps when you pass each
other, that's like a hundred.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I've said it, a million times, but that leads to
a little love taps when youpass each other.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
That's like a hundred .
Speaker 2 (03:26):
I've said it a million times, but that leads to
a kiss.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
It does.
But I've said it a milliontimes, If you are not slapping
each other's butts, you need toevaluate some things in your
marriage.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I don't mind not just slap.
I'm not a slapper.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
You're more of a slap .
Speaker 2 (03:35):
You're a grab.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
You're a grabber.
But here's the crazy thing,because I'm thinking all right,
12 to 15 times a day, that'sextremely conservative.
And there's different levels ofkiss, obviously, and I kind of
rank them in three differentlevels.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
And I feel like that might be even lowballing it for
us.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
I think it probably is.
That's what I said, reallyconservatively speaking.
But even the levels of type ofkissing because we're not
full-on make-out type session,that's not an every single kiss
occurrence.
No there's that level of it.
There's the ones that I don'tlove, which we don't do this
hardly ever, which are just kindof those hard lipped like
(04:15):
almost like I'm only kissing youbecause I have to kiss you.
I really don't want to kiss you.
It's usually in the case of oneof us is sick and we just don't
want to pass anything on.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
We're sick.
We don't kiss each other.
Just just those types of, andthen kiss me on the forehead or
the cheek.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
And then there's kind of the in between.
That's just they're good.
They're just good kisses.
But here's the crazy stat thata survey done and this was just
a question thrown out there andpeople responding to it found
that 16% of all married couplesdo not kiss each other more than
(04:51):
one time per day.
10% only kiss each other maybeonce or twice per week.
Can you imagine?
Can you imagine?
(05:12):
I hope that number is strictlybecause they work out of town a
lot.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
It doesn't get into the details, but I'm gonna, I'm
gonna drastically say that itdoes not.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Uh, and some, some of the reasons were well, I'm just
not that affectionate.
Oh, we just don't kiss veryoften and I'm thinking how in
the world can you?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
not.
Why did you get your spouse?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
what's I mean?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
because I can kiss you anytime that's exactly where
I was going with that exactly agood old line from sweet home
alabama.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
But it blew my mind how in the world can you be
married to someone and neverkiss them?
Essentially Because when I say12 to 15 times a day,
realistically, especially ifwe've been together all day, we
may hit triple digits in a day.
Because it's something Ithoroughly enjoy doing.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I like your lips.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
And I think I hope most couples feel the exact same
way, but 10% kiss less thanonce a week.
Some of the reasons the biggestreason was well, me or my
partner, we're just notaffectionate.
Some of the other reasons were,well, we're just and this
pissed me off we're just toobusy.
(06:18):
We have kids and work andschedules and this and all of
the things that we just don'thave time to kiss each other.
Now.
I'd be willing to bet you stillhave time you have a horrible
marriage.
I'd be willing to bet you stillhave time to scroll Instagram or
TikTok or any of those.
I bet you got time for that.
But you can't just take a fewseconds and kiss your spouse and
(06:39):
show them that affection.
And what the studies have shownand as the psychologist and
everyone looks deeper into it,the the happiness scale on your
marriage those who kiss eachother less than one time a day,
a day, have a drastically lesshappy and fulfilling marriage.
In fact the divorce ratesincreased by like 10 times If
(07:02):
you are not kissing your spouseon a daily basis.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So how much is enough ?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Well, I could kiss you all day.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I totally agree.
You most certainly could, butit blows my mind that that's not
happening for most people.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I don't know that I've ever really thought about
it.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
You typically don't.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Because I kiss you all the time.
You do, I kiss you anytime Iwant to.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Exactly, and I think that most people and most
conversations, when it revolvesaround marriage and not being
happy and you're talking aboutthe physical side of it it's
always just talking about sex,the intimacy side and the sex
side.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Kissing isn't sex.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
It's not that, and it can definitely lead to more
intimacy and more sex, but itgoes much further than that.
One psychologist said that hesaid smooching, which?
I love that smooching reducesstress by releasing feel-good
chemicals like oxytocin anddopamine, which may even help
lower cholesterol.
It also alleviates headaches.
(08:17):
So, women, I'll call you outreal quick.
Men, if you're listening, takeadvantage of this sucker.
I'm just saying all thosenights I just don't feel like it
.
Baby, I got a headache, anotherheadache, another headache,
another headache.
Well, listen.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Do women really do that?
I mean you see that in themovies, all the time.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Probably not to the extent that you see it in the
movies and TVs and stuff, butsure it has to happen for it to
continue to be out there.
But alleviates headaches bydilating blood vessels and
lowering blood pressure.
Can even reduce allergysymptoms people.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
And that just seems dumb to me.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It does and it probably is kind of dumb, but
there are great benefits tokissing your partner and kissing
them often.
Here's another little fun facthere that on average because
when you talk about thedifferent levels of kissing on
average six seconds is kind ofthat perfect little spot.
(09:22):
Now, obviously, going longercan lead to other things with
which people like, but this,this one psychologist said that
a kiss should last at a minimumof six seconds.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Noted.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Because it's the connection that you have there
with your significant other.
So people just aren't doing it.
But the biggest thing was I'mjust too busy.
So what do you do?
And here's another line herewhat do you do when one person
wants to kiss more than theother?
It says kissing is not aboutphysical affection and partners
(09:58):
may want different amounts of itin their relationship.
That's why it's important tocommunicate.
Shocker, there's that wordagain that everyone talks about
all the time.
I mean, realistically, everyepisode we ever do could just be
about communication, becauseevery single problem revolves
around communication.
That's why it's important tocommunicate with your partner
how much physical affection theywant, including kissing, Says
(10:22):
he agrees that communication isvital to keeping your bond
strong.
If one partner craves morecloseness while the other feels
overwhelmed, it's important tocommunicate a fine balance.
The key question is are bothpartners feeling valued, loved
and emotionally connected?
Because that's the other sideof it.
When you are not feeling valued, you're not feeling connected.
(10:45):
Why would you want to kiss thatperson?
Speaker 2 (10:46):
other side of it.
When you are not feeling valued, you're not feeling connected?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
You are not.
Why would you wanna kiss thatperson?
That's exactly right.
You're not gonna feel likebeing that connected with
someone else, because I mean,when you think about kissing,
obviously most people's memorieswill go back to and you always
think oh well, the first kissand oh, my first kiss.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I remember our first kiss.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I remember, tell me, sure was.
October 8th look at you, I'mimpressed around 9 o'clock.
I'm so impressed right now inAlabaster, alabama zip code 3507
(11:27):
.
Don't give the address.
People may end up.
People could show up.
Go too far.
There we go.
Our family doesn't live thereanymore.
That's true.
Someone else's problem.
Don't give the address.
People may end up.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know people could show up.
That might go too far.
There we go.
That's enough there.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Well, our family doesn't live there anymore.
That's true, it's someoneelse's problem.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
It was in my aunt and uncle's driveway and I could
not believe.
You actually kissed me.
It was not even our first date.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
No, it wasn't On our first date.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
You were such a gentleman I.
Our first date.
No, on our first date you weresuch a gentleman I was.
You held my hand and you putyour hand on my back and it took
my breath away.
I was like oh it's just my back.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
No, I still take your breath away.
You take my breath away.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Oh, there we go but the kiss it was.
Oh my gosh, this is happening.
This is happening.
I remember having to tell myfriends that were spending the
night with me that night at myaunt and uncle's house how
perfect it was.
It was 9 0, 8 PM.
(12:24):
The moon is out, the stars weresparkling.
I mean I'm pretty sure I havethis written down somewhere in a
journal.
I need to go back and get itand read it, because it was
magical for me.
I hope it was for you, it wastotally magical.
I mean, you went in for it and Iwas not expecting it, because I
expected you to try to kiss meon the first date and you didn't
(12:46):
.
And it was, oh, I got a realgentleman.
And then the next time we hungout, which was was I don't know
if it was a day later or twodays later- it was the next day
and I watched you out to youryour friend's car because you
couldn't drive this is true, uhand I was just gonna tell bye
(13:11):
and you gave me a hug and leanedback and just went in for it.
I was like, oh, oh, oh, herfirst kiss, her first kiss.
It's like on those cartoonswhere the steam comes out of the
ears and Pepe Le Pew, you knowthe heart, eyes are bulging.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
And they come up off the ground.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Floating.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Something like that.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
I'm so glad that's what it was.
Same thing for me and and in asense, still is today, and I
think that's where a lot ofpeople miss the boat is listen,
you married this person.
There was a point in time wherethat was the reaction.
Anytime they came around, whenyou kissed they, they got close
to you.
It was the heart was fluttering, you were feeling the
(13:55):
heartbeats and it was that typeof reaction.
I think it's so easy for us toforget what that feeling was
because we're so worried aboutall the other things and all the
other stuff.
So listen.
This might be too much tmi forpeople, but I don't know where
you're about to go, but okay, Ican edit it out later if I need
to.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
You can get out of the shower and just have your
towel wrapped around your waist,and I will still get
abso-freaking-lutely lost withwhatever I am doing, because I
cannot not stare at you andthink dear God, thank you for
letting me get to stare at thisevery single day, silly by him
(14:43):
every single night, and get todo things with him that only
married people should be doingall the time.
And then you catch me staringat you and you go what, what,
huh?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
you say something you typically have.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
No, because I am zoned out, going holy crap, I
get to do that all the time.
I am very happy about that.
But I see you doing the samething to me and I'm like stop
looking at me like that.
And you're like uh-uh, yeah,you catch me, all thing to me.
And I'm like stop looking at melike that and you're like uh-uh
.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Yeah, you catch me all the time and I'm straight up
like no, I'm not going to stoplooking at you like that.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
You typically go come here, woman, with this little
giddy laugh.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Oh, that's how I feel , and it's great, and I wish
more people would be able toexperience that same thing.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
So maybe you don't have to edit that out.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
No, I'm not going to edit that out.
I'm not going to edit anythingout.
Why would I?
Okay, so you're not kissingenough, so you want to be able
to kiss your spouse more,because you still find them
incredibly attractive and youwant to be close to them.
You want to increase thatconnection and increase intimacy
with them.
So, if you're not getting it asoften as you would like, here's
(15:53):
some things that the articlesays that you can do, which I
tend to agree with.
A lot of this, um, just to tryagain, it all boils down to
communication, but it says use Istatements and I think this is
critical, not just in thisscenario, but so many other
things instead of saying younever kiss me anymore.
How many times have peopleheard that?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Like you never do this, you don't do that, you
never take me anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
How many times have people heard that, like you,
never do this.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
You don't do that.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
You never take me out on dates, you're never
spontaneous, you never thinkabout me, you know, said instead
of saying you never kiss meanymore, try, I miss feeling
close to you, I miss kissing you, I miss the touch of your lips
on mine.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
What a complete game changer yeah you're
communicating the exact samething it's all about how you say
it but it's in a totallydifferent way when you're saying
you, you're putting blame onthe other person, and when you
say I, you're letting them knowthat you want it totally.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I mean, it's a game changer.
They would go oh wait what?
Because when you're pushingblame, why would anybody want to
listen?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
you're letting them know that you want it Totally.
I mean, it's a game changer.
And then they would go oh wait,what?
Because when you're pushingblame, why would anybody want to
listen?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
When you push blame, you're pushing them away.
Yeah, because it's human nature.
We get really defensive reallyeasily anytime and even if we're
dead wrong, if someone comes atus like that, even if we know
we're wrong, we get quicklydefensive, we get a little angry
and you're going to push peopleaway.
(17:19):
And I totally agree with that,not just in this scenario but
other scenarios.
To try using the I statementsrather than you don't do this
and you don't do that and youjust are no good at this.
Um.
Second is acknowledge thedifferent comfort levels.
If people are more or lessphysical touch and we talked
about this at our small groupactually this week we talked
about love languages and if yourlove language is physical touch
(17:40):
and it's through the roof andyour spouse's love language is
very, very low and it's at thebottom of the list, you have to
be able to find a happy mediumin there somewhere.
So, again, it justacknowledging that, okay, my
spouse isn't a huge physicaltouch person Sucks for me.
I don't like that.
But we have to be able to cometo an agreement.
And if you are that person, whyI just don't like being touched
?
Um, you know, get out of yourcomfort zone just a little bit.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
It's not about you.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
No, we before me every single time.
And, uh, the last one is, um,make it about the connection,
and the last one is make itabout the connection.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
The goal is to strengthen intimacy, not force
someone into affection levelthey're not comfortable with.
All I think of when you saythat is Morticia and Gomez Adams
.
Why?
Because she can say anything inFrench and he instantly goes oh
mi amor.
And then just starts at herhand and kisses all the way up
(18:46):
her arm and gets to her andshe's just like this.
I don't know what is happening,I don't know.
Sorry for anyone who'slistening, Holy crap.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I think maybe the entire roof just caved in all
the way from the upstairs to thedownstairs and it stopped there
.
So I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
It could be the dog.
He's currently in a cone.
Poor guy's got a cone on hishead.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
He's got a little infection, something on his leg
and poor dude's walking aroundwith a cone and he is.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
So he'll stop licking his leg.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Listen, he is, so he'll stop licking his leg.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Listen, he is T-Dog is going through it right now.
It is.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
It is not his best day.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
It's OK, because he got blue ribbons this weekend.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
He did.
He's a famous little show dog.
But back to kissing and not ourhouse caving in.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Apparently it's.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
You know, use the I statements, talk about it,
communicate, check in.
See how talk about it.
Communicate check-in.
Uh see how you're.
I mean, check-ins are alwaysgreat, you know.
Talk about it, you know.
Hey, how are we doing with thisum?
Speaker 2 (19:38):
why is that such a big issue?
Speaker 1 (19:40):
because people are afraid of what the answer might
be.
I think.
I think people are afraid tocheck in because they're afraid
of that answer that they mightget.
And don't you know that everytime we worry about something,
usually it doesn't happenanyways.
We're usually so stressed outand worried about like, oh my
gosh, how's she going to takethis, what's she going to say,
what's she going to think andfinally muster up the courage to
(20:02):
do it?
Speaker 2 (20:03):
And it's like, oh that's you, it is me, I don't
worry.
I know you don't worry aboutthings at all it's no point to
get stressed out I want to wingames for my team.
(20:24):
I can't win those games.
I can only coach them, and ifthey're not going to do what
they're supposed to do, orlisten to us or practice the way
they're supposed to, they arethe ones losing.
And I'll hear but you have alosing record.
No, my team has a losing record.
I coach the team.
It's no different than arelationship.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
But when you put the worry in there, I say it all the
time at home to our kids, tothe teams that I coach.
If is a big word for twoletters, and usually that, if
never actually happens, and ifdoesn't happen, it's just like
(21:07):
if I win the lottery one day, wealready have all of our money
spent.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, that's one of the fun games about the lottery.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Right, well, if we don't win this week, we don't
host area.
Okay, then we don't host area.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
okay, well then we don't host area big deal, move
on.
But that that is typically theworry is yeah, how are they
going to take it and thenunderstone my experience?
You build it up and then youtalk about I was like, oh, that
wasn't bad at all.
Oh, she's actually on the exactsame page that I am.
We should have talked aboutthis a long time ago, like
looking at houses.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Right now I'm looking at houses that are maybe a
little bit out of our budget andyou absolutely hate it.
But as for me, do I know thatwe're going to possibly get that
house?
No, but do I also think, hey,it doesn't hurt to go in and
(22:05):
give an offer?
That's not what they're asking.
All they're going to do is sayno.
No might be one of my favoritewords, but I'm not going to ever
not do something becausesomebody might say no, or it
might not be what I like to hear, but maybe that is me being a
rare, whatever he's called me.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
You're a unicorn.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
A chubby unicorn, I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Chubby unicorn, you're ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
It's a rhino, but maybe that's.
I just don't understand theworry and the stress.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Well, you've taken what Paul says in the Bible to
don't worry about anything, prayabout everything, and you do it
well, and it's always been astruggle for me.
I'm like well, you know, Paul,what do you know, man?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
You will call stress out about work and it's like
okay well guess what it's overDay's done, you've dealt with it
.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Move on.
You can't go forward.
Looking in the rearview mirrorI know you nailed it, so people
listening you can't go forward,looking in the rearview mirror
so go kiss somebody to yourspouse and go kiss your spouse.
Just a couple other little notesreal quick, of what kissing
actually does.
Uh, it reduces stress.
We already talked about it.
Releases dopamine.
Dopamine uh reduces stress.
Uh, already talked about it.
(23:22):
Releases dopamine.
Dopamine uh reduces stress.
Uh boosts your immune system.
What can completely change yourmood?
Here's what I know for sure ifI've ever been in a bad mood and
I think you would say the samething if you're in a bad mood,
because sometimes you're just ina bad mood for no apparent
reason just because you're in abad mood and you can come kiss
me, everything can shift really,really quickly.
It may be a crap day, badthings happened, unexpected
(23:46):
things, stressed out aboutsomething, and a kiss completely
changes things on a dime.
It can do that.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
It's how the kiss is done too, though.
Well, yes, explain, I'm justgoing to though, Well yes,
explain, I'm just going to go,yeah, yippee-yi, no, I'm going
to put both my hands on yourface and bring yours to me and
give you a nice good long kiss.
Just lips, too, doesn't have tobe anything fancy.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
And that can completely change your mood.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
And usually after I do that, you go.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
It's just like one, it says I'm not alone in this
and two, it is going to be okay,so take note of that.
It obviously increasesattraction between each other,
which is always very, very good,which can heighten intimacy
with each other.
Now, just a couple of thingsreal quick, and then we'll be
(24:49):
done.
Ways to improve your kissing,they say here.
Oral hygiene is crucial.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
It is.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Fresh breath, clean teeth are the foundation to a
memorable kiss.
Good advice, even if you're notplanning an immediate intimate
encounter.
And I only think about.
We've talked about this inother episodes.
But when we talk about sex,especially, and you talk about
morning sex, I know one thingfor us, and it's both ways there
(25:18):
ain't no kiss until the teethare brushed, and that's not if
sex is involved.
It's period, not worried aboutno thanks on morning breath?
No, regardless.
You don't even speak until youbrush your teeth.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Listen, boys are completely different than girls.
Our daughter is.
She's like me.
One of the first things you'regoing to do in the morning is
you're going to go to thebathroom and you're going to go
brush your teeth.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Boys.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Weeks without brushing their teeth.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Boys can never brush their teeth, ever, and they'd be
okay.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
They'd be okay.
I can't tell you how many timeslately we have been telling our
son, cashman, you have to brushyour teeth for the love of your
future wife.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Brush your teeth go, take care of them.
Teeth in your mouth that'sgross.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Shut up and go brush your teeth, because I currently
have to smell your breath and Idon't want to.
I do do not want to.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
No.
So yes, if this is an issue,and hopefully you have a
communicative, a positivecommunication with your spouse
on this, where you've given themthe authority to say hey, you
need to.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I will tell you in a heartbeat, oh baby.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Oh, that breath it's like.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Thank you Noted, Let me go take care of this right,
this second, I mean you goinstantly and brush your teeth.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
It's brushing teeth.
It's getting deep in there.
She's a mouthwash floss.
I mean it's the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Get the tongue brush.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Tongue brush.
It's like I just finished goingto the dentist.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Drink more water, people.
That's one of the keys.
Get you some cinnamontoothpaste.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Cinnamon toothpaste, drink more water, cinnamon gum
that can help out a lot too.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
It kills.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
hal, don't be afraid to mix things up.
Experiment with different typesof kisses soft and tender,
passionate and fiery, playful orteasing.
Mix it up a little bit.
Have some bloody fun with it.
Yeah, because why would you not?
This is your spouse we'retalking about here.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
I like, when I give you kisses that are unexpected
kisses, the first thing you'llsay is whoa, you were coming in
hot and I did not expect thatCome here.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
I liked it.
Yep, Not expecting at all,that's the best kind, I mean,
it's spontaneous and again itcatches you off guard and it's
like okay all right, let's go.
Feels good.
So ask your spouse thatquestion Are you kissing enough?
Hey baby, are we kissing enough?
And if the answer is no, or ifthe answer is, I don't know,
(27:46):
let's kind of evaluate it, checkit out and see.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
So I'm curious to know now, of those couples that
don't kiss, what is an intimatelife like for them?
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I'm going to say it is non-existent.
It is an absolute dead bedroom,for sure I couldn't imagine.
Couldn't either.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
What's the point of even being married?
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Well, again, God didn't create it that way either
At all.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
You let me hear that you were too busy to kiss me you
make sure that don't happen soyeah make sure you ask your
spouse the question hey, baby,are we kissing enough?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
and if that answer is no, find out why and work on it
, fix, fix it, because I promiseit will make things better.
One other thing in the articlethat I did skip over is there
was a study done a long time agoit was in like the 1960s that
found especially in men whokissed their wife before they
left for work every single dayon average lived five years
(28:55):
longer.
Now it had little to do withthe actual act of kissing but
because of all those reasonsthat we talked about, change
their mood, put them in a bettermindset, the whole thing.
They would leave the house justwith a little more pep in their
step, a little more excitedabout the day, a little less
worried about what was going tohappen and on average would live
(29:16):
five years longer just simplyby kissing their wife by every
single morning.
So if that's not you, at leaststart there.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I think I get at least three kisses from you
before you leave.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
At a minimum at least .
Usually I don't want to go, so.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I've put 15 extra years on your life.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
I appreciate that.
I'll take it.
You got any final thoughtsbefore we get out of here.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
You got any final thoughts?
Speaker 2 (29:41):
before we get out of here, please talk to your spouse
about kissing.
It makes me so sad.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
It does.
It's a very, very sad thingwhenever you really think about
it.
But before we do get out ofhere, our friends at
KingdomAndWillcom make surey'all go check them out.
Kingdomandwillcom they gotgreat clothing a Christian-based
organization.
It's very comfortable clothing,it looks good.
They even have just like plainblack and white t-shirts for men
on there, just to, becauseevery guy likes just a plain
(30:10):
t-shirt.
They fit so well and they're socomfortable.
They got a little stretch inthem for the dad bods, but they
also show off the arms a littlebit.
So go see, go see our friendskingdomandwillcom.
Get 15% off every single orderwith the promo code married AF
at kingdomandwillcom.
Uh, but that'll be it for this.
Go and kiss your spouse as muchas you possibly can.
(30:35):
Let's get out of here.
Lord we love you, god.
We are so thankful for whatyou're doing.
We're thankful for thisplatform and we are just
thankful for every single personwho will hear the message that
you're giving, no matter whatthe topic may be.
We all know this is giventhrough you and that's the goal,
god.
Let it reach the ears that needto hear it in the right moments
(30:55):
, that they need to hear it,just to be able to live a life
that is designed by you, amarriage that is designed by you
, and point to you in everythingthat we do.
God, we thank you, we honor you, we give you all the credit for
everything that you do, inJesus name, amen.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Amen, play ball, kiss me.
Baby, I got a question for you.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I have an answer.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
I hope you do.
I'm anxious to hear what youranswer is, because it's the
topic of today's conversation.
Do we kiss enough?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Me and you.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Yes, no, no.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I mean, that's just my opinion, because I kiss you
every time I see you.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I will get on board with that opinion.
But this is a legitimatequestion from an article I read
a few weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Oh, you're just asking in general, in general,
not just me and you.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
I'm asking you do we kiss enough?
The hope is.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
In my opinion no.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
No, because you want more of it, which I love.
Every single person listening.
Please ask your spouse thisquestion both ways.
Are we kissing enough?
Because?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Why aren't?
Speaker 1 (00:59):
people getting married anymore.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
A new Pew Research poll found that two in five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Marriage rates are at their lowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou want to have just one
partner when you can havemultiple Marriage is stupid
welcome to the married afpodcast, the self-proclaimed
greatest marriage relationshippodcast in the world.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
We are your hosts, matthew and monica.
Powers and baby, I got aquestion for you I have an
answer I hope you do.
I'm anxious to hear what youranswer is, because it's the
topic of today's conversation.
Do we kiss enough?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
me and you yes, no, no I mean, that's just my
opinion, because I kiss youevery time I see you I will get
on board with that opinion, butthis is a legitimate question.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
From my article I read a few weeks ago.
In general, in general, I'masking you do we kiss, kiss,
enough, the hope is.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
In my opinion no.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
No, because you want more of it, which I love.
Every single person listening.
Please ask your spouse thisquestion both ways.
Are we kissing enough?
Because a recent study showedthat a lot of people are not
kissing as much as you wouldthink.
So on a daily basis.
For you and I, how often do youthink we would say we kiss On
(02:30):
average?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
how many times Whoa?
I don't know that I could get anumber.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
It's difficult for me to wrap my head around this.
The way I was thinking about itwas well, every morning, yes,
at least once Before we go tobed, yes, at least once.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
No, I get a couple more in there.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
You usually get a few more in there Anytime we're
gone and come back home, atleast once and multiple more
times throughout the day I wasthinking realistically, maybe
conservatively speaking, maybe12 to 15 times a day.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Easy.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Very conservatively speaking.
Maybe 12 to 15 times a day Easy, Very conservatively speaking.
Potentially much more if we'retogether or anything like that.
Here's the wild thing.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Hold on.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Yes.
This is strictly just kissing,because Just kissing, okay, just
kissing each other.
It doesn't include those littlelove taps when you pass each
other, that's like a hundred.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I've said it, a million times, but that leads to
a little love taps when youpass each other.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
That's like a hundred .
Speaker 2 (03:26):
I've said it a million times, but that leads to
a kiss.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
It does.
But I've said it a milliontimes, If you are not slapping
each other's butts, you need toevaluate some things in your
marriage.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I don't mind not just slap.
I'm not a slapper.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
You're more of a slap .
Speaker 2 (03:35):
You're a grab.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
You're a grabber.
But here's the crazy thing,because I'm thinking all right,
12 to 15 times a day, that'sextremely conservative.
And there's different levels ofkiss, obviously, and I kind of
rank them in three differentlevels.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
And I feel like that might be even lowballing it for
us.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
I think it probably is.
That's what I said, reallyconservatively speaking.
But even the levels of type ofkissing because we're not
full-on make-out type session,that's not an every single kiss
occurrence.
No there's that level of it.
There's the ones that I don'tlove, which we don't do this
hardly ever, which are just kindof those hard lipped like
(04:15):
almost like I'm only kissing youbecause I have to kiss you.
I really don't want to kiss you.
It's usually in the case of oneof us is sick and we just don't
want to pass anything on.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
We're sick.
We don't kiss each other.
Just just those types of, andthen kiss me on the forehead or
the cheek.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
And then there's kind of the in between.
That's just they're good.
They're just good kisses.
But here's the crazy stat thata survey done and this was just
a question thrown out there andpeople responding to it found
that 16% of all married couplesdo not kiss each other more than
(04:51):
one time per day.
10% only kiss each other maybeonce or twice per week.
Can you imagine?
Can you imagine?
(05:12):
I hope that number is strictlybecause they work out of town a
lot.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
It doesn't get into the details, but I'm gonna, I'm
gonna drastically say that itdoes not.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Uh, and some, some of the reasons were well, I'm just
not that affectionate.
Oh, we just don't kiss veryoften and I'm thinking how in
the world can you?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
not.
Why did you get your spouse?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
what's I mean?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
because I can kiss you anytime that's exactly where
I was going with that exactly agood old line from sweet home
alabama.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
But it blew my mind how in the world can you be
married to someone and neverkiss them?
Essentially Because when I say12 to 15 times a day,
realistically, especially ifwe've been together all day, we
may hit triple digits in a day.
Because it's something Ithoroughly enjoy doing.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I like your lips.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
And I think I hope most couples feel the exact same
way, but 10% kiss less thanonce a week.
Some of the reasons the biggestreason was well, me or my
partner, we're just notaffectionate.
Some of the other reasons were,well, we're just and this
pissed me off we're just toobusy.
(06:18):
We have kids and work andschedules and this and all of
the things that we just don'thave time to kiss each other.
Now.
I'd be willing to bet you stillhave time you have a horrible
marriage.
I'd be willing to bet you stillhave time to scroll Instagram or
TikTok or any of those.
I bet you got time for that.
But you can't just take a fewseconds and kiss your spouse and
(06:39):
show them that affection.
And what the studies have shownand as the psychologist and
everyone looks deeper into it,the the happiness scale on your
marriage those who kiss eachother less than one time a day,
a day, have a drastically lesshappy and fulfilling marriage.
In fact the divorce ratesincreased by like 10 times If
(07:02):
you are not kissing your spouseon a daily basis.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
So how much is enough ?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Well, I could kiss you all day.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I totally agree.
You most certainly could, butit blows my mind that that's not
happening for most people.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I don't know that I've ever really thought about
it.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
You typically don't.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Because I kiss you all the time.
You do, I kiss you anytime Iwant to.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Exactly, and I think that most people and most
conversations, when it revolvesaround marriage and not being
happy and you're talking aboutthe physical side of it it's
always just talking about sex,the intimacy side and the sex
side.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Kissing isn't sex.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
It's not that, and it can definitely lead to more
intimacy and more sex, but itgoes much further than that.
One psychologist said that hesaid smooching, which?
I love that smooching reducesstress by releasing feel-good
chemicals like oxytocin anddopamine, which may even help
lower cholesterol.
It also alleviates headaches.
(08:17):
So, women, I'll call you outreal quick.
Men, if you're listening, takeadvantage of this sucker.
I'm just saying all thosenights I just don't feel like it
.
Baby, I got a headache, anotherheadache, another headache,
another headache.
Well, listen.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Do women really do that?
I mean you see that in themovies, all the time.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Probably not to the extent that you see it in the
movies and TVs and stuff, butsure it has to happen for it to
continue to be out there.
But alleviates headaches bydilating blood vessels and
lowering blood pressure.
Can even reduce allergysymptoms people.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
And that just seems dumb to me.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
It does and it probably is kind of dumb, but
there are great benefits tokissing your partner and kissing
them often.
Here's another little fun facthere that on average because
when you talk about thedifferent levels of kissing on
average six seconds is kind ofthat perfect little spot.
(09:22):
Now, obviously, going longercan lead to other things with
which people like, but this,this one psychologist said that
a kiss should last at a minimumof six seconds.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Noted.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Because it's the connection that you have there
with your significant other.
So people just aren't doing it.
But the biggest thing was I'mjust too busy.
So what do you do?
And here's another line herewhat do you do when one person
wants to kiss more than theother?
It says kissing is not aboutphysical affection and partners
(09:58):
may want different amounts of itin their relationship.
That's why it's important tocommunicate.
Shocker, there's that wordagain that everyone talks about
all the time.
I mean, realistically, everyepisode we ever do could just be
about communication, becauseevery single problem revolves
around communication.
That's why it's important tocommunicate with your partner
how much physical affection theywant, including kissing, Says
(10:22):
he agrees that communication isvital to keeping your bond
strong.
If one partner craves morecloseness while the other feels
overwhelmed, it's important tocommunicate a fine balance.
The key question is are bothpartners feeling valued, loved
and emotionally connected?
Because that's the other sideof it.
When you are not feeling valued, you're not feeling connected.
(10:45):
Why would you want to kiss thatperson?
Speaker 2 (10:46):
other side of it.
When you are not feeling valued, you're not feeling connected?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
You are not.
Why would you wanna kiss thatperson?
That's exactly right.
You're not gonna feel likebeing that connected with
someone else, because I mean,when you think about kissing,
obviously most people's memorieswill go back to and you always
think oh well, the first kissand oh, my first kiss.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I remember our first kiss.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I remember, tell me, sure was.
October 8th look at you, I'mimpressed around 9 o'clock.
I'm so impressed right now inAlabaster, alabama zip code 3507
(11:27):
.
Don't give the address.
People may end up.
People could show up.
Go too far.
There we go.
Our family doesn't live thereanymore.
That's true.
Someone else's problem.
Don't give the address.
People may end up.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know people could show up.
That might go too far.
There we go.
That's enough there.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Well, our family doesn't live there anymore.
That's true, it's someoneelse's problem.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
It was in my aunt and uncle's driveway and I could
not believe.
You actually kissed me.
It was not even our first date.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
No, it wasn't On our first date.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
You were such a gentleman I.
Our first date.
No, on our first date you weresuch a gentleman I was.
You held my hand and you putyour hand on my back and it took
my breath away.
I was like oh it's just my back.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
No, I still take your breath away.
You take my breath away.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Oh, there we go but the kiss it was.
Oh my gosh, this is happening.
This is happening.
I remember having to tell myfriends that were spending the
night with me that night at myaunt and uncle's house how
perfect it was.
It was 9 0, 8 PM.
(12:24):
The moon is out, the stars weresparkling.
I mean I'm pretty sure I havethis written down somewhere in a
journal.
I need to go back and get itand read it, because it was
magical for me.
I hope it was for you, it wastotally magical.
I mean, you went in for it and Iwas not expecting it, because I
expected you to try to kiss meon the first date and you didn't
(12:46):
.
And it was, oh, I got a realgentleman.
And then the next time we hungout, which was was I don't know
if it was a day later or twodays later- it was the next day
and I watched you out to youryour friend's car because you
couldn't drive this is true, uhand I was just gonna tell bye
(13:11):
and you gave me a hug and leanedback and just went in for it.
I was like, oh, oh, oh, herfirst kiss, her first kiss.
It's like on those cartoonswhere the steam comes out of the
ears and Pepe Le Pew, you knowthe heart, eyes are bulging.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
And they come up off the ground.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Floating.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Something like that.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
I'm so glad that's what it was.
Same thing for me and and in asense, still is today, and I
think that's where a lot ofpeople miss the boat is listen,
you married this person.
There was a point in time wherethat was the reaction.
Anytime they came around, whenyou kissed they, they got close
to you.
It was the heart was fluttering, you were feeling the
(13:55):
heartbeats and it was that typeof reaction.
I think it's so easy for us toforget what that feeling was
because we're so worried aboutall the other things and all the
other stuff.
So listen.
This might be too much tmi forpeople, but I don't know where
you're about to go, but okay, Ican edit it out later if I need
to.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
You can get out of the shower and just have your
towel wrapped around your waist,and I will still get
abso-freaking-lutely lost withwhatever I am doing, because I
cannot not stare at you andthink dear God, thank you for
letting me get to stare at thisevery single day, silly by him
(14:43):
every single night, and get todo things with him that only
married people should be doingall the time.
And then you catch me staringat you and you go what, what,
huh?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
you say something you typically have.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
No, because I am zoned out, going holy crap, I
get to do that all the time.
I am very happy about that.
But I see you doing the samething to me and I'm like stop
looking at me like that.
And you're like uh-uh, yeah,you catch me, all thing to me.
And I'm like stop looking at melike that and you're like uh-uh
.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Yeah, you catch me all the time and I'm straight up
like no, I'm not going to stoplooking at you like that.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
You typically go come here, woman, with this little
giddy laugh.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Oh, that's how I feel , and it's great, and I wish
more people would be able toexperience that same thing.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
So maybe you don't have to edit that out.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
No, I'm not going to edit that out.
I'm not going to edit anythingout.
Why would I?
Okay, so you're not kissingenough, so you want to be able
to kiss your spouse more,because you still find them
incredibly attractive and youwant to be close to them.
You want to increase thatconnection and increase intimacy
with them.
So, if you're not getting it asoften as you would like, here's
(15:53):
some things that the articlesays that you can do, which I
tend to agree with.
A lot of this, um, just to tryagain, it all boils down to
communication, but it says use Istatements and I think this is
critical, not just in thisscenario, but so many other
things instead of saying younever kiss me anymore.
How many times have peopleheard that?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Like you never do this, you don't do that, you
never take me anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
How many times have people heard that, like you,
never do this.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
You don't do that.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
You never take me out on dates, you're never
spontaneous, you never thinkabout me, you know, said instead
of saying you never kiss meanymore, try, I miss feeling
close to you, I miss kissing you, I miss the touch of your lips
on mine.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
What a complete game changer yeah you're
communicating the exact samething it's all about how you say
it but it's in a totallydifferent way when you're saying
you, you're putting blame onthe other person, and when you
say I, you're letting them knowthat you want it totally.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I mean, it's a game changer.
They would go oh wait what?
Because when you're pushingblame, why would anybody want to
listen?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
you're letting them know that you want it Totally.
I mean, it's a game changer.
And then they would go oh wait,what?
Because when you're pushingblame, why would anybody want to
listen?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
When you push blame, you're pushing them away.
Yeah, because it's human nature.
We get really defensive reallyeasily anytime and even if we're
dead wrong, if someone comes atus like that, even if we know
we're wrong, we get quicklydefensive, we get a little angry
and you're going to push peopleaway.
(17:19):
And I totally agree with that,not just in this scenario but
other scenarios.
To try using the I statementsrather than you don't do this
and you don't do that and youjust are no good at this.
Um.
Second is acknowledge thedifferent comfort levels.
If people are more or lessphysical touch and we talked
about this at our small groupactually this week we talked
about love languages and if yourlove language is physical touch
(17:40):
and it's through the roof andyour spouse's love language is
very, very low and it's at thebottom of the list, you have to
be able to find a happy mediumin there somewhere.
So, again, it justacknowledging that, okay, my
spouse isn't a huge physicaltouch person Sucks for me.
I don't like that.
But we have to be able to cometo an agreement.
And if you are that person, whyI just don't like being touched
?
Um, you know, get out of yourcomfort zone just a little bit.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
It's not about you.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
No, we before me every single time.
And, uh, the last one is, um,make it about the connection,
and the last one is make itabout the connection.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
The goal is to strengthen intimacy, not force
someone into affection levelthey're not comfortable with.
All I think of when you saythat is Morticia and Gomez Adams
.
Why?
Because she can say anything inFrench and he instantly goes oh
mi amor.
And then just starts at herhand and kisses all the way up
(18:46):
her arm and gets to her andshe's just like this.
I don't know what is happening,I don't know.
Sorry for anyone who'slistening, Holy crap.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I think maybe the entire roof just caved in all
the way from the upstairs to thedownstairs and it stopped there
.
So I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
It could be the dog.
He's currently in a cone.
Poor guy's got a cone on hishead.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
He's got a little infection, something on his leg
and poor dude's walking aroundwith a cone and he is.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
So he'll stop licking his leg.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Listen, he is, so he'll stop licking his leg.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Listen, he is T-Dog is going through it right now.
It is.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
It is not his best day.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
It's OK, because he got blue ribbons this weekend.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
He did.
He's a famous little show dog.
But back to kissing and not ourhouse caving in.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Apparently it's.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
You know, use the I statements, talk about it,
communicate, check in.
See how talk about it.
Communicate check-in.
Uh see how you're.
I mean, check-ins are alwaysgreat, you know.
Talk about it, you know.
Hey, how are we doing with thisum?
Speaker 2 (19:38):
why is that such a big issue?
Speaker 1 (19:40):
because people are afraid of what the answer might
be.
I think.
I think people are afraid tocheck in because they're afraid
of that answer that they mightget.
And don't you know that everytime we worry about something,
usually it doesn't happenanyways.
We're usually so stressed outand worried about like, oh my
gosh, how's she going to takethis, what's she going to say,
what's she going to think andfinally muster up the courage to
(20:02):
do it?
Speaker 2 (20:03):
And it's like, oh that's you, it is me, I don't
worry.
I know you don't worry aboutthings at all it's no point to
get stressed out I want to wingames for my team.
(20:24):
I can't win those games.
I can only coach them, and ifthey're not going to do what
they're supposed to do, orlisten to us or practice the way
they're supposed to, they arethe ones losing.
And I'll hear but you have alosing record.
No, my team has a losing record.
I coach the team.
It's no different than arelationship.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
But when you put the worry in there, I say it all the
time at home to our kids, tothe teams that I coach.
If is a big word for twoletters, and usually that, if
never actually happens, and ifdoesn't happen, it's just like
(21:07):
if I win the lottery one day, wealready have all of our money
spent.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, that's one of the fun games about the lottery.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Right, well, if we don't win this week, we don't
host area.
Okay, then we don't host area.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
okay, well then we don't host area big deal, move
on.
But that that is typically theworry is yeah, how are they
going to take it and thenunderstone my experience?
You build it up and then youtalk about I was like, oh, that
wasn't bad at all.
Oh, she's actually on the exactsame page that I am.
We should have talked aboutthis a long time ago, like
looking at houses.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Right now I'm looking at houses that are maybe a
little bit out of our budget andyou absolutely hate it.
But as for me, do I know thatwe're going to possibly get that
house?
No, but do I also think, hey,it doesn't hurt to go in and
(22:05):
give an offer?
That's not what they're asking.
All they're going to do is sayno.
No might be one of my favoritewords, but I'm not going to ever
not do something becausesomebody might say no, or it
might not be what I like to hear, but maybe that is me being a
rare, whatever he's called me.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
You're a unicorn.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
A chubby unicorn, I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Chubby unicorn, you're ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
It's a rhino, but maybe that's.
I just don't understand theworry and the stress.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Well, you've taken what Paul says in the Bible to
don't worry about anything, prayabout everything, and you do it
well, and it's always been astruggle for me.
I'm like well, you know, Paul,what do you know, man?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
You will call stress out about work and it's like
okay well guess what it's overDay's done, you've dealt with it
.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Move on.
You can't go forward.
Looking in the rearview mirrorI know you nailed it, so people
listening you can't go forward,looking in the rearview mirror
so go kiss somebody to yourspouse and go kiss your spouse.
Just a couple other little notesreal quick, of what kissing
actually does.
Uh, it reduces stress.
We already talked about it.
Releases dopamine.
Dopamine uh reduces stress.
Uh, already talked about it.
(23:22):
Releases dopamine.
Dopamine uh reduces stress.
Uh boosts your immune system.
What can completely change yourmood?
Here's what I know for sure ifI've ever been in a bad mood and
I think you would say the samething if you're in a bad mood,
because sometimes you're just ina bad mood for no apparent
reason just because you're in abad mood and you can come kiss
me, everything can shift really,really quickly.
It may be a crap day, badthings happened, unexpected
(23:46):
things, stressed out aboutsomething, and a kiss completely
changes things on a dime.
It can do that.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
It's how the kiss is done too, though.
Well, yes, explain, I'm justgoing to though, Well yes,
explain, I'm just going to go,yeah, yippee-yi, no, I'm going
to put both my hands on yourface and bring yours to me and
give you a nice good long kiss.
Just lips, too, doesn't have tobe anything fancy.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
And that can completely change your mood.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
And usually after I do that, you go.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
It's just like one, it says I'm not alone in this
and two, it is going to be okay,so take note of that.
It obviously increasesattraction between each other,
which is always very, very good,which can heighten intimacy
with each other.
Now, just a couple of thingsreal quick, and then we'll be
(24:49):
done.
Ways to improve your kissing,they say here.
Oral hygiene is crucial.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
It is.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Fresh breath, clean teeth are the foundation to a
memorable kiss.
Good advice, even if you're notplanning an immediate intimate
encounter.
And I only think about.
We've talked about this inother episodes.
But when we talk about sex,especially, and you talk about
morning sex, I know one thingfor us, and it's both ways there
(25:18):
ain't no kiss until the teethare brushed, and that's not if
sex is involved.
It's period, not worried aboutno thanks on morning breath?
No, regardless.
You don't even speak until youbrush your teeth.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Listen, boys are completely different than girls.
Our daughter is.
She's like me.
One of the first things you'regoing to do in the morning is
you're going to go to thebathroom and you're going to go
brush your teeth.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Boys.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Weeks without brushing their teeth.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Boys can never brush their teeth, ever, and they'd be
okay.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
They'd be okay.
I can't tell you how many timeslately we have been telling our
son, cashman, you have to brushyour teeth for the love of your
future wife.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Brush your teeth go, take care of them.
Teeth in your mouth that'sgross.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Shut up and go brush your teeth, because I currently
have to smell your breath and Idon't want to.
I do do not want to.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
No.
So yes, if this is an issue,and hopefully you have a
communicative, a positivecommunication with your spouse
on this, where you've given themthe authority to say hey, you
need to.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
I will tell you in a heartbeat, oh baby.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Oh, that breath it's like.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Thank you Noted, Let me go take care of this right,
this second, I mean you goinstantly and brush your teeth.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
It's brushing teeth.
It's getting deep in there.
She's a mouthwash floss.
I mean it's the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Get the tongue brush.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Tongue brush.
It's like I just finished goingto the dentist.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Drink more water, people.
That's one of the keys.
Get you some cinnamontoothpaste.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Cinnamon toothpaste, drink more water, cinnamon gum
that can help out a lot too.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
It kills.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
hal, don't be afraid to mix things up.
Experiment with different typesof kisses soft and tender,
passionate and fiery, playful orteasing.
Mix it up a little bit.
Have some bloody fun with it.
Yeah, because why would you not?
This is your spouse we'retalking about here.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
I like, when I give you kisses that are unexpected
kisses, the first thing you'llsay is whoa, you were coming in
hot and I did not expect thatCome here.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
I liked it.
Yep, Not expecting at all,that's the best kind, I mean,
it's spontaneous and again itcatches you off guard and it's
like okay all right, let's go.
Feels good.
So ask your spouse thatquestion Are you kissing enough?
Hey baby, are we kissing enough?
And if the answer is no, or ifthe answer is, I don't know,
(27:46):
let's kind of evaluate it, checkit out and see.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
So I'm curious to know now, of those couples that
don't kiss, what is an intimatelife like for them?
Speaker 1 (28:02):
I'm going to say it is non-existent.
It is an absolute dead bedroom,for sure I couldn't imagine.
Couldn't either.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
What's the point of even being married?
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Well, again, God didn't create it that way either
At all.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
You let me hear that you were too busy to kiss me you
make sure that don't happen soyeah make sure you ask your
spouse the question hey, baby,are we kissing enough?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
and if that answer is no, find out why and work on it
, fix, fix it, because I promiseit will make things better.
One other thing in the articlethat I did skip over is there
was a study done a long time agoit was in like the 1960s that
found especially in men whokissed their wife before they
left for work every single dayon average lived five years
(28:55):
longer.
Now it had little to do withthe actual act of kissing but
because of all those reasonsthat we talked about, change
their mood, put them in a bettermindset, the whole thing.
They would leave the house justwith a little more pep in their
step, a little more excitedabout the day, a little less
worried about what was going tohappen and on average would live
(29:16):
five years longer just simplyby kissing their wife by every
single morning.
So if that's not you, at leaststart there.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I think I get at least three kisses from you
before you leave.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
At a minimum at least .
Usually I don't want to go, so.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I've put 15 extra years on your life.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
I appreciate that.
I'll take it.
You got any final thoughtsbefore we get out of here.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
You got any final thoughts?
Speaker 2 (29:41):
before we get out of here, please talk to your spouse
about kissing.
It makes me so sad.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
It does.
It's a very, very sad thingwhenever you really think about
it.
But before we do get out ofhere, our friends at
KingdomAndWillcom make surey'all go check them out.
Kingdomandwillcom they gotgreat clothing a Christian-based
organization.
It's very comfortable clothing,it looks good.
They even have just like plainblack and white t-shirts for men
on there, just to, becauseevery guy likes just a plain
(30:10):
t-shirt.
They fit so well and they're socomfortable.
They got a little stretch inthem for the dad bods, but they
also show off the arms a littlebit.
So go see, go see our friendskingdomandwillcom.
Get 15% off every single orderwith the promo code married AF
at kingdomandwillcom.
Uh, but that'll be it for this.
Go and kiss your spouse as muchas you possibly can.
(30:35):
Let's get out of here.
Lord we love you, god.
We are so thankful for whatyou're doing.
We're thankful for thisplatform and we are just
thankful for every single personwho will hear the message that
you're giving, no matter whatthe topic may be.
We all know this is giventhrough you and that's the goal,
god.
Let it reach the ears that needto hear it in the right moments
(30:55):
, that they need to hear it,just to be able to live a life
that is designed by you, amarriage that is designed by you
, and point to you in everythingthat we do.
God, we thank you, we honor you, we give you all the credit for
everything that you do, inJesus name, amen.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Amen, play ball, kiss me.
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