May 6, 2025 • 34 mins
The conventional wisdom about why men leave marriages often misses the mark. Forget the stereotype of men simply wanting "another piece" – the truth is far more nuanced and surprisingly similar to why women initiate divorce.
Emotional disconnection tops the list of reasons men walk away from marriages. Just like women, men deeply crave meaningful connection with their partners and suffer when they feel like mere roommates in a stagnant relationship. When men feel unheard and neglected, they typically respond differently than women – they withdraw, swallow their feelings, and gradually disconnect without communicating their pain. This silent suffering creates a destructive cycle that erodes the foundation of even seemingly stable marriages.
Feeling unappreciated ranks second among reasons men leave. When daily interactions revolve solely around logistics and to-do lists, men begin to feel their efforts go unnoticed. The simple act of acknowledging contributions – "Thanks for filling my car with gas" – creates powerful moments of recognition that satisfy a fundamental human need. These small expressions of gratitude don't require grand gestures or financial investment; they just require mindfulness about your partner's contributions.
Loss of intimacy, both emotional and physical, completes the top three reasons. For men, physical intimacy isn't just about pleasure – it's a primary way they express and receive emotional connection. When this aspect of marriage diminishes, men experience profound feelings of rejection and loneliness while still in the relationship. The warning signs are clear: withdrawal from meaningful conversation, increased irritability, and reluctance to plan for the future together. These behaviors signal he's already mentally checking out.
Want to prevent disconnection before it leads to divorce? Start with open, honest communication about feelings. Show appreciation regularly through simple acknowledgments. Prioritize both emotional and physical intimacy, finding creative ways to connect despite busy schedules. These straightforward strategies can help couples navigate the natural peaks and valleys of marriage before small issues become irreparable rifts.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
So today, man, it's your turn.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
To get bashed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
To get bashed.
Well, I won't say bashed.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Bash is a mean word.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Bash is a mean word but to be able to bring
recognition to things that areactually happening out there.
So last week, the reasons womenare leaving their marriages.
Today, the hidden reasons menare leaving their marriages and
how to try to prevent it.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Why aren't people getting married anymore?
A new Pew Research poll foundthat two in five young adults
think marriage is an outdatedtradition.
Marriage rates are at theirlowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want to have just onepartner when you can have
multiple marriage is stupidwelcome to the married af
podcast, the self-proclaimedgreatest marriage relationship
podcast in the world.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
we're your hosts, matthew and monica powers, and
last week we got all over womenfor reasons why they're leaving
their men and why they'redivorcing, but I left with a
cliffhanger at the end of thelast one.
So if you haven't listened tothe last episode, make sure you
do, because we learned that 70%of women are now initiating the
(01:35):
divorces and all the divorcesthat we see, and we talked about
the reasons why that ishappening, things to create
that's happening and reasons tobe able to see it and hopefully
prevent it.
So today we're talking aboutwhat is it?
You're just all over it.
So today, man, it's your turn.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
To get bashed.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
To get bashed.
Well, I won't say bashed.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Bash is a mean word.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Bash is a mean word but to be able to bring
recognition to to things thatare actually happening out there
.
So last week the reasons womenare leaving their marriages.
Today, the hidden reasons menare leaving their marriages and
how to try to prevent it.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
You said hidden reasons.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Well, I think they're all kind of hidden because we
don't want to see them and wedon't want to admit when there's
something wrong.
We don't want to admit whenthere's something wrong.
We don't want to admit whenthere's trouble in paradise.
We want to put on the braveface and act that everything is
hunky-dory and perfect in ourmarriages.
That's when you expect.
When you especially start to seethose social media posts from
people that rave about therelationship and how incredible
(02:38):
the relationship is and that'sall they talk about all the time
and how amazing theirconnection is and they had the
best relationship ever, it'stypically a sign that there's
trouble in paradise becausethey're trying to put something
out there to not let anyone knowthat hey, there's really some
stuff going on.
Now I'm all for celebratingyour spouse Absolutely you
should.
But when it's a constant, everysingle day thing to talk about
(03:00):
how incredible they are all thetime, I mean let's be real.
I mean I think you're the mostincredible human on the planet,
but I know as incredible as youthink I am, I'm not incredible
every single moment of everysingle day.
No, so it's a little bit of athing.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
But here's the reason .
Neither am I.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Well, I mean, I'm just saying I think you kind of
are, but that's my opinion, andI, I think you kind of are, but
that's my opinion.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I'll keep it to my opinion.
Geez, you made me just lookstupid when I just said yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
No, I agree.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I agreed that you were not always human, Geez
Matthew.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
You're perfect in every way.
Just embrace the compliment andtake it.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Just push me in front of the bus.
Call me.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Regina George, I will protect you from the bus
because you must be protected atall costs, because you're
amazing and unbelievable andperfect in every single way.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Okay, enough about me .
Speaker 1 (03:54):
So I could talk about you all day long, I know.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
that's why I'm saying move on.
Let's just list the reasons ofwhy I think you're amazing.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
I love you.
I love you too.
So it's always been thoughtthat men are initiators of
divorce, and sure that happens.
But we learned that women areinitiating more.
Now.
Usually, men were thinkingbecause they just want another
piece, they just need more booty, they need another woman,
they're not getting it at home,so they're going to go off and
find.
Because men are men and men arepigs.
(04:19):
And this is what men do.
And yes, that can be true in asense, but it's not necessarily
the case that we see today.
Here are the top reasons menare leaving their marriages
today, and this one's going toring a bell from last week.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Oh boy.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
The same number one reason women are.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
No.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Emotional disconnection.
They feel like they are justroommates in a stagnant, boring,
non-fulfilled relationship,just completely emotionally
disconnected from their spouse.
I was shocked to see that menfeel the exact same way that
women do about that.
Does that surprise you a littlebit?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
yes, it's proof that men need an emotional connection
so badly, not just anotherpiece of you know what I know
another piece of beep, we'll say, but I was surprised to see
that.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
But then, as I kind of read more about it, I think
you see this a whole lot more inour culture and our world today
.
What it says whenever I waslooking through all this.
It says when they feel unheardand completely neglected, they
may withdraw, leading to thefeeling of a cycle of
disconnection and over time thiscan erode the foundation of the
(05:43):
marriage.
I see a lot of this now and Igo back to thinking.
Social media posts and we'veranted about this in the past.
But when women will post aboutthe things that their husband
(06:08):
will not do or are bad at forthe world to see, I feel and I
love you so much that you'venever, ever even thought about
doing that.
But I, when I see that I canfeel everything that the man is
feeling in that moment, I'm likeI'm worthless, I suck, I'm
awful, I suck, I'm awful.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
But just think of how it would be if it were opposite
.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Explain.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
If the man were to go to social media and post those
things that the wife posted,this is like the same type of
post.
So the guy goes and posts onsocial media about how horrible
his wife is, how all he does isall the things in the house and
(07:00):
all she does is just sit thereand do nothing and still demands
he's not doing enough.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
All right, so let's let's role play this for just a
second.
Now you are you and you are notlike most people, because if
that were us and I did somethinglike that, I mean you'd let me
know real quick how bad thatwould be.
All right, so I need you morethan likely.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I would hear it from somebody else.
You would, and then and I wouldsee red so fast.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yes, I mean hell would be raining down on top of
me in that moment, which I wouldfully deserve.
But take yourself out of youfor a second.
Okay, place yourself as just atypical normal female who's
married to a guy who may be alittle overbearing, but let's
put ourselves in that type ofmarriage for just a moment so
(07:52):
you're asking me to be a basicwhite girl, please?
For just a second.
All right, you basic whitegirls, just just that's just not
me breathe for a moment.
All right, put yourself in thatsituation.
And because you're on socialmedia a lot because we see both
men and women on social mediaway more than they should you
see that your husband, who youlove but just doesn't quite give
(08:16):
you what you need all the timebut you're doing the best you
can goes on social media and Italk how my wife doesn't do
anything and I talk how my wifedoesn't do anything and I make
some sort of stupid post and Iwake up at 5 am and I go to work
all day long and I have to comehome and cook dinner and I take
care of the kids and I do thelaundry and I do the dishes and
(08:37):
I mow the yard and I get thekids to bed, and she won't even
have sex with me.
I can't believe I got into this.
What is your initial feeling?
Not as Monica, but it's just anormal, what we would probably
see mostly in culture today.
How are you reacting to that orresponding to that?
What is the initial feeling youhave?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I feel like the average person or girl woman
whoever the female in today'sworld would probably cry all in
her feels and go talk to herfriends about it, or possibly I
(09:25):
don't know that she would seethis post, that she would
probably totally get this from afriend because the husband has
her blocked from this.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
It's very possible.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
No doubt, and if y'all are hearing some serious,
squishing noises.
I'm sorry.
This dog is right above usright now scratching on the
floor.
It's driving me insane.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah, anyways.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
But I don't definitely go to a therapist
talk about it.
I don't know that it would bebacklash on social media.
I don't even know that shewould go and ask about.
I see a major disconnect incommunication.
(10:08):
So I don't even know if shewould go to her husband and ask
if he did this or was he hackedin a sense.
You know, I think it would bepushed off to the point of we're
going to let our emotionscompletely run with this and
(10:33):
ignore the stuff because itwasn't told to me.
But I'm going to talk toeverybody else about it.
But when I'm in front of myhusband it would.
I would act like there'snothing there.
But I'm an emotional disconnectright now because I know that
you did that.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
I say I'm on the exact same page.
I think it would be looked at.
You feel sad, you feel terrible,you feel hurt, ashamed,
embarrassed, but you never say aword about it and you just eat
it and you take it and you justswallow those feelings and
you're depressed and you'remiserable and you hate
everything about life.
(11:12):
That's how I would see thattaking place, with maybe a
typical I won't say typical, buta woman's response in today's
culture and world.
Now I see men doing that exactsame thing.
Now I say, when we see thoseposts, cause we've seen them and
we've talked about, I've seenthe female side of the women's
(11:32):
make those posts.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm seeing the women make theseposts about their husbands, some
of it probably deserved, notthe way it should be handled.
Some of it may be deserved, butdefinitely not the way it
should be handled.
But I see men reacting thatexact same way.
Where they see it or they hearabout it, they look at it, it's
sent to them and they justswallow it and take it and
(11:52):
they're hurt and embarrassed.
But they will never say a wordto their wives to actually see
what the root cause was, to beable to determine what type of
repair they can do there.
That's what I see and I thinkthat's why we see so much
emotional disconnection on boththe man's side and the man's
side, because there's nocommunication.
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Don't swallow your feelings.
Feelings are real.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Feelings are real.
They're horrible leaders, butthey're real.
They're valid a lot of the time, but you have to be able to
talk it through, and the hopewould be, and the recommendation
would be, that if you run intothis and you're feeling this,
you got to go to your spouseimmediately and say, hey, this
is what's going on.
I can't maybe fully explain why.
(12:36):
Here's what I think, why I justneed your help.
I need to know that you're withme and we can get through this.
This sucks and I hate feelinglike this.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
But nobody wants to communicate about feelings,
unless you're a therapist.
No, because, and that isobviously why both sides won't
communicate and are emotionallydisconnecting and divorce
happens because it's number oneon both sides.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Number one on both sides, and I totally see that.
So number two, the reason menare leaving their marriages is
they feel unappreciated.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
How is that different from the first one?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Well, I think the result of being emotionally
disconnected is the reason whythey feel unappreciated, because
I think this kind of goes backto the roommate phase, where we
are just talking about thethings that we have to do and
the things that we need to getdone, like, hey, make sure you
pick up this, I need you to stopby and do this and make sure
you do this.
And, oh, honey, did you do this?
Hey, baby, did you take care ofthis?
Hey, what about this?
Don't forget, we got thistomorrow and we have this, and
(13:35):
that's where it is.
And I see this on both sides.
Where the effort that thehusband puts in is unseen and
unappreciated, I also see theeffort that wives put in can be
unseen and completelyunappreciated.
You know, we don't necessarilysee all of the things that
happen and we don't think aboutit, so we don't want to talk
(13:57):
about it.
We don't know all the thingsthat the man does while he's at
work or while he's at home andhe's taking care of the house or
taking care of the kids.
None of that's seen while thewife is at work or doing
whatever, and vice versa.
The typical olden days.
I say olden days, but how itused to be the man works, the
wife stays home, cooks, and this, a lot of unappreciated stuff,
(14:18):
goes on there.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
The 1900s.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yes, the 1900s.
Oh my God, we were born in the1900s, we're so old.
But it's unappreciated becausethe man would come home like
what have you been doing all day?
And I didn't even necessarilyrecognize this after we had kids
and you stayed home with thekids and I knew you stayed busy
and you worked hard and you madesure everything was always done
.
But until you do it, because Iremember those first time you
(14:44):
went, I don't even rememberwhere you were, it doesn't
matter, and I had to stay homewith kids for a couple of days
by myself and it was fine, it'sgreat.
I'm more than capable to beable to do that.
But, man, when you got back itwas like holy crap back.
It was like holy crap, it's on.
(15:05):
I underestimate how much youactually do and how much
attention those dadgum littlechildren need from you at all
times.
And it makes me feel a superappreciation for what you
through, what you, what you'vedone you really don't know what
you have until it's gone.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
That is true, and you have to.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
it's gone, that is true.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
And you have to do it all by yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yes, or even if it just takes a few days where you
walk through that person's shoesjust a little bit to see what
all it actually takes.
So men are leaving becausethey're emotionally disconnected
, they feel unappreciated.
And number three, thisshouldn't necessarily be a
shocker, but complete loss ofintimacy.
Not.
(15:45):
I really thought that would benumber one.
Yes, now this is actuallynumber three and I think this is
.
I think it's kind of a patternof they're disconnected, they
feel unappreciated.
It works on both sides and theyare completely at a loss for
any type of intimacy um, it saysboth physical and emotional
intimacy.
They're crucial for so many men.
A decline in affection, sexualconnection and shared
(16:05):
experiences can lead to feelingsof rejection and loneliness.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
We see this a lot.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
We've been told this a lot.
I'm not sure why.
I'm sure maybe in some casesthere's been some past trauma
with sex or sexual abuse inprevious relationships.
Absolutely, I feel like that'sa number one thing that can make
(16:36):
some situations maybe less timetogether in an intimate moment,
but at the same time they arenot.
Who did that to you?
right so you have to move pastthat you do, but you also have
to be very open and honest tothis person.
(16:59):
You know this happened to me inthe past.
I'm a little vulnerable.
I sometimes can't not not thinkabout those previous situations
when we are very intimate.
It's a trigger, maybe somethingwe need to work on, because
(17:21):
there's absolutely sextherapists out there and I'm
sure that they help big time inthose situations.
But I feel like if it's not oneof those situations, please,
women, tell me why you're notgiving your man what he needs.
Yes, not just wants, it's aneed.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
It is an absolute need.
It is and men are listen,you're not always as desirable
as you may think you are.
I mean you need to.
We've said it.
You need to.
If you want to do it, dosomething Like you need to put
the effort in Find that love.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Language Find that love language.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Find that love language.
Remember women are a crockpot,men are a microwave.
We men are just.
You say the word and it's gotime, we're ready to go.
Women take a little bit longerto just be ready to go.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
It's like preheating the oven.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Preheating the oven.
That's why I say they're like acrock pot.
I mean, it takes, you know, andcrock pots, amazing meals in a
crock pot, right, but it takeshours and hours, and hours to
cook, to be ready to be eaten.
Well, women are no different.
I wouldn't say hours upon hours,but you can definitely start it
way, like you can start it themorning of You're feeling this
(18:39):
and you need this.
Start the foreplay the morningof.
You can start before you leavefor work or you go your separate
ways for the day to go to workor your jobs or whatever you
have going on.
You can start there.
Text messages throughout theday, flirty messages throughout
the day, that will help out aton whenever it comes to women
needing to be fully ready to beable to go.
(19:01):
As far as men go, we're alwaysready at the drop of the hat.
But men, you have to put in theeffort and put in the work to
be able to do whatever it isthat you're needing to try and
do and trying to accomplishthere Absolutely 100% of the
time.
So that's emotionaldisconnection, feeling
underappreciated and loss ofintimacy.
(19:22):
So what are some warning signsthat you can see?
Man?
You may be able to detect thesewomen, you may be able to see
these in your marriage, um, thathe may be considering leaving.
First, one goes along withemotional disconnection.
You see withdrawal from him.
He becomes distance.
He become he.
He avoids any type ofmeaningful, meaningful
(19:43):
conversation.
He shows really no interest inlikes and wants and needs and
shared activities.
He just completely begins todisconnect from every bit of it.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Give me an example of what that would look like.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Um, where he is for a guy.
For a guy, example for a guy,what that may look like um,
where he is for a guy, for a guy, example for a guy, what that
may look like.
Um, you know, say typical.
Typically you're do a lot ofthings together, um, but
whenever you let's go as simpleas a conversation.
When you and I haveconversations, I mean I'm all in
, I want to hear all about it, Iask questions and you telling
(20:18):
stories can be difficultsometimes because listen I am
very detailed you're extremelydetailed, a little all over the
place, and we'll start a storyover here and something will
trigger when I'm telling you onestory about another story.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Oh, I'm just putting a pin in this.
So I can come back to thatexactly because we'll start the
story.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
We're going on the story and then bam bam, here's
something over here, and then,oh yeah, and over here.
And then we're going to pick upover here and I'm very patient
with that because I aminterested and I want to hear
about the stories.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I'm a very good storyteller.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
You're an amazing storyteller.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Okay, An example of being withdrawn from that is if
those stories and you're usuallyhaving those conversations and
good conversations like that,and then you start to notice
that he doesn't ask thequestions, he's not looking you
(21:10):
in the eye.
He picks up his phone, hebegins to cut you off.
But I see, I feel like thephone situation is always a big
deal.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
It's always a big deal but this, this, especially,
especially if you're noting achange in the behavior, if you
get a lot of yeah, uh-huh, huh.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Sure, yeah, you get a lot of those answers.
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
That's a beginning to see withdrawal from what is
normal.
Say, you typically go where yougo grocery shopping together.
It's something you've alwaysdone in your relationship,
whatever it looks like, and nowhe's not interested in doing
that.
You sit on the couch and hestarts to sit on the other side
of the couch and he's just.
You can just see it in him andin his behavior that he is no
(21:48):
longer really interested inbeing that close to you or
really being fully involved intoyour life.
For me, that's what emotionalwithdrawal would look like.
So if you start to see that,ladies or man, if you see this
in yourself, you see this paththat you're heading down.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I would go insane.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah, it'd be freaking terrible.
You kidding me Be awful.
The second one is increasedirritability or criticism.
If he becomes more critical,has a little bit shorter fuse,
he's easily frustrated.
This can be a sign that whenhe's feeling unappreciated and
that connection is not there andI totally see this happening
(22:24):
where if the fuse just seems soshort that he can, he can get
very visibly frustrated at thedrop of the hat over something
so simple and so small well, Ican do that, but it's because of
the type of day I probably had.
And I don't want to discountthat.
I mean that definitely happens.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
But if this is a multiple reoccurring kind of
situation, not just a random daywhere it happened, right.
Yes so it's a constant, nomatter what happens.
I would say with all this.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
It's a, it's noting a pattern.
I mean, we're all going to havedays where we're on different
sides of the spectrum and we'regoing to have, like you said, a
bad day and we lose our mindsover something stupid and
trivial.
But if you notice a patternwhere it continues to happen
over and over and over, and he'sconstantly irritable,
constantly he criticizes thingsthat he never criticized before.
(23:13):
That would be things to Allright.
What the heck's going on here?
How did we get to this point?
And the third one and this, Ithink, is a big one he avoids
future planning.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
He avoids planning and looking to the Like a family
vacation.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, he shows reluctance or disinterest in
making future plans together,such as vacations, family events
or long-term goals.
This would be for you and me,and I think this would go both
ways for us.
If either of us noticed this,this would be like red flag
number one, because we are allabout future planning.
I mean, we have a short tripcoming up.
(23:51):
We have a work trip that'scoming up that's been planned
for a little bit.
After that, we've already got asummer trip planned, and just
last week you've already plannedanother trip for us in april of
2026 and I could not be happierabout it.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Yeah I love the future things to look forward to
.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Well, one of you get to look forward to them.
But two, you get to kind of,you get to, I like researching
the stuff, like, all right, letme go on and let's let me watch
videos about this.
Let me read about this thiswhat can we expect?
Ooh, what can we do?
What's something we're not sureabout?
I love that idea and and youand we do this with family trips
, and we do this with justone-on-one trips for just you
and I too, cause those are in amarriage.
(24:33):
Those are so critical, like ifyou're married and you're not
taking solo trips with eachother, just you, no kids.
That needs to be something weneed.
And you don't have to goanywhere fancy, I mean, you can
go do a little staycation at ahotel.
That simple Go to a nice dinner,stay in a hotel overnight Just
(24:54):
something different than thenorm.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
But if this happened, I mean this would be red flag
number one.
Yeah, cuz if, when I wasbooking the trip for next year,
I just said I think this mightbe something that could be fun
and you were yeah, I don't know,let's just think about it I
would have picked up the phoneand called you instead of Text
(25:20):
about it, because we'reconstantly texting anyways.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Throughout the day.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
But it would have been a are you okay?
Do we need to talk aboutsomething?
Is something going on that Idon't know about?
Because if you would not havebeen on board, it would have
been a major red flag saying, eh, we should pump the brakes on
(25:44):
doing stuff together, because weare all about doing stuff
together yeah, I mean ourschedules are jam-packed, but
the things we have going on, sowe take every opportunity
possible to spend time with oneanother, no matter what that
looks like so yeah, I mean it's,if I would have said you would
hey, this is going to be just ayou and I trip, and this is,
(26:08):
this is what the plan is andwhere we're going to go and what
we're going to do.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Had I said just, I don't, I don't know, I don't, I
don't know, me too, I mean, itwouldn't be a phone call, it'd
be a FaceTime, like okay, what'sgoing on?
Why?
Why would you not want to letme?
(26:32):
Let me hear it.
And then typically, if thathappens, it's going to be oh All
, right, now tell me the realreason.
What's really going on?
Let's go the level deeper withthat.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
But for us, we are really into our time together.
We typically do something as avacation I'm here quoting this
but it's more of a trip for us.
Sometimes it's a weekend,sometimes it's a week, it just
depends.
But when we do book these trips, we like to do little surprises
(27:09):
for each other.
We book that.
Well, we have the trip booked,we're going, we know we're going
, so we will do little things tosurprise each other, like the
trip that I just booked.
I told you.
I was like hey, okay, we've,we've decided we're going to do
this, so I'm going to book it.
But what the surprise was.
(27:30):
I got us a penthouse suiteinstead of just a little,
because it's a cruise.
So I got us the penthouse suiteinstead of the little room with
a balcony room with a window,circle window or the tiny little
balcony you went out.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
You went a little step further.
Which just adds that extralittle intrigue.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Excitement.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Because this penthouse is just going to be
for us.
It's going to be amazing.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
But you were not necessarily looking to get a
penthouse.
You were just like, yeah, let'sgo.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah, you know what I think that would be fun.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
It's just you and I for a few.
Yeah, absolutely, and this justadds that extra little level of
excitement.
So when I sent you that link,it was a wait a minute.
You did what?
Oh my gosh, oh my goodness, andthe same with our upcoming trip
oh I, I went all out for you onthis trip yeah I booked this
entire thing and I've got.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I can't keep it.
I wanted to keep it, mostly asecret from you, but I couldn't
keep secrets.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
I couldn't so even good secrets no it didn't.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
So I mean, I was like , all right, well, we've got
this and got this schedule, gotall this lined up.
Oh, by the way, you've got afull spa day, massage, nails,
the the manicure, pedicure, thewhole thing scheduled on this
day.
You know, the next week, thenext day, I booked you all day a
cabana at the pool, uh, andthen that night I've got a table
service, uh, already.
So I'm just yes and that's justthat little extra little more
(28:53):
stuff to get it and it's so muchfun when you do that for each
other and it's not somethingthat has hints, don't have to be
dropped for it.
It's not expected, but it'slike that just goes the other
step of oh, they're, they werethinking about me.
Yes, and it's not expected, butit's like, and that just goes
the other step of oh, they werethinking about me.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yes, and it's not like we're trying to outdo each
other.
No At all.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
No, it's, because it's about what can I do for her
.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Right, but this was also things that we would do for
each other, even when we didn'thave money.
Yes, money can be an issue forpeople and they're like well, I
can't book a penthouse suite fora cruise.
No, it's not something thatanybody can do, but you don't
have to do things like that tolet each other know you're
thinking about each other oryou're doing something special
(29:36):
for each other.
It doesn't have to be a certainamount of money.
We don't think about the dollarwhen we're trying to do
something for each other.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
It can be the smallest little thing, because
it just shows I'm thinking aboutyou.
Yeah, so that can be a huge redflag.
So what's?
Speaker 2 (29:50):
like you getting me gas, like you'll drive my car to
the gym in the morning knowingmy gas light or my gas is low
and I'll need it.
I'll need gas either that dayor the next.
You will go ahead and stop toget gas for me.
I'm going to need it anyways.
You will fill up the car for me.
That alone is, oh, my God.
I don't deserve you.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Well, yeah, it's just one less thing you have to do,
and then you have a.
You don't have a diet Coke?
I'll get you a diet Coke.
You don't have a little proteinshake that you drink in the
mornings.
I'm picking up a little proteinshake, so you'll have that too.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
So it little things.
It doesn't have to be somethingextravagant.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
No, those are huge warning signs.
Really quickly, three ways toprevent this from happening.
As always, you've got to talk.
Open communication.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
You've got to talk about it.
You cannot express that enough.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
You see any of these warning signs?
Talk, talk, talk.
The second one showappreciation for one another.
It only takes a second to sayhey, thanks for doing the dishes
, hey, thanks for taking it, hey, thanks for filling my car up
with gas.
That little three seconds ofsaying thank you, my goodness,
that could go such a long way.
(30:54):
It says I feel seen, I feelrecognized, my efforts were
noticed, and man, that feelsreally, really good and that can
be a little self-servingsometimes.
Sure, but we're humans, we'rebroken, we need this.
That's an emotional connectionthat we need and coming from the
most important person to us inthe world just means the
(31:14):
absolute world.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
I can't tell you how many times a week I tell you I
don't deserve you.
Yes, and it's true, I do not.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Every single time I'm like oh, you deserve the
absolute best.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
But deep down.
I know I don't deserve you.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
It feels good because I'm like I'm taking care of the
person I care about more thanany other human on the planet.
And the third you got tomaintain intimacy.
You have to prioritizeemotional but physical
connection.
Yes it is.
It is a need for men and womenconnection.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yes, it is a.
It is a need for men and women,a need for men, but it it's
also, it ties back into the one,that the reason why both people
are getting divorced or caughtthe leaving to cause the divorce
, that emotional connection,intimacy, is part of an
emotional connection oh, ittotally is.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
so, we've said it before but can't.
Sex is emotional and there aredeep emotions that are tied to
sex.
Whether you want to believe itor not, it is, it always has
been, it always will be.
But yes, so those you have tocommunicate, appreciate each
other and stay physical.
Stay physical as much aspossible.
(32:21):
So those are why men areleaving.
Not a huge shocker, theemotional disconnection probably
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
That was a little bit of a shock to me.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
But it just goes to show you where we are as a
culture today and where we are.
So listen, if that's you,there's some signs to it.
There's easy ways notnecessarily easy, but they're
simple.
You just have to put them intoaction.
You just have to go do them tobe able to get out of that rut.
(32:50):
You know, every marriage haspeaks and valleys at different
times.
So if you notice yourself goingthere, begin with the simple
conversation and being open andhonest with each other
completely.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Yes, don't let it get to the point where you don't
know how we got here.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
No, no, you definitely don't want to do that
, so we got to go.
You got any final thoughts?
I love you.
I love you so much let's getout of here.
God, we love you.
Oh, we are so thankful for allthat you do.
We're thankful for thisplatform that you have given us
and pray that we can just honoryou throughout every bit of it.
God, we pray for marriages.
We play for relationships forthem to be strong, so incredibly
(33:20):
strong that there's nothingthat can divide them whatsoever,
and we know that if you're inthe middle of it, that will be
the case.
God, what we've talked about onthis episode the one previously
, why men and women are leavingtheir marriages, god, I just
pray that blinders will be takenoff of people If they see these
, that they'll be open enough toactually talk about it, to be
able to have the marriage thatyou created them to have.
(33:41):
It's the greatest gift thatwe'll ever have and, god, I pray
people are able to experiencethat to the fullest.
God, we love you and we thankyou in Jesus name, amen.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Amen Play ball.
So today, man, it's your turn.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
To get bashed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
To get bashed.
Well, I won't say bashed.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Bash is a mean word.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Bash is a mean word but to be able to bring
recognition to things that areactually happening out there.
So last week, the reasons womenare leaving their marriages.
Today, the hidden reasons menare leaving their marriages and
how to try to prevent it.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Why aren't people getting married anymore?
A new Pew Research poll foundthat two in five young adults
think marriage is an outdatedtradition.
Marriage rates are at theirlowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want to have just onepartner when you can have
multiple marriage is stupidwelcome to the married af
podcast, the self-proclaimedgreatest marriage relationship
podcast in the world.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
we're your hosts, matthew and monica powers, and
last week we got all over womenfor reasons why they're leaving
their men and why they'redivorcing, but I left with a
cliffhanger at the end of thelast one.
So if you haven't listened tothe last episode, make sure you
do, because we learned that 70%of women are now initiating the
(01:35):
divorces and all the divorcesthat we see, and we talked about
the reasons why that ishappening, things to create
that's happening and reasons tobe able to see it and hopefully
prevent it.
So today we're talking aboutwhat is it?
You're just all over it.
So today, man, it's your turn.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
To get bashed.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
To get bashed.
Well, I won't say bashed.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Bash is a mean word.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Bash is a mean word but to be able to bring
recognition to to things thatare actually happening out there
.
So last week the reasons womenare leaving their marriages.
Today, the hidden reasons menare leaving their marriages and
how to try to prevent it.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
You said hidden reasons.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Well, I think they're all kind of hidden because we
don't want to see them and wedon't want to admit when there's
something wrong.
We don't want to admit whenthere's something wrong.
We don't want to admit whenthere's trouble in paradise.
We want to put on the braveface and act that everything is
hunky-dory and perfect in ourmarriages.
That's when you expect.
When you especially start to seethose social media posts from
people that rave about therelationship and how incredible
(02:38):
the relationship is and that'sall they talk about all the time
and how amazing theirconnection is and they had the
best relationship ever, it'stypically a sign that there's
trouble in paradise becausethey're trying to put something
out there to not let anyone knowthat hey, there's really some
stuff going on.
Now I'm all for celebratingyour spouse Absolutely you
should.
But when it's a constant, everysingle day thing to talk about
(03:00):
how incredible they are all thetime, I mean let's be real.
I mean I think you're the mostincredible human on the planet,
but I know as incredible as youthink I am, I'm not incredible
every single moment of everysingle day.
No, so it's a little bit of athing.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
But here's the reason .
Neither am I.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Well, I mean, I'm just saying I think you kind of
are, but that's my opinion, andI, I think you kind of are, but
that's my opinion.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I'll keep it to my opinion.
Geez, you made me just lookstupid when I just said yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
No, I agree.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I agreed that you were not always human, Geez
Matthew.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
You're perfect in every way.
Just embrace the compliment andtake it.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Just push me in front of the bus.
Call me.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Regina George, I will protect you from the bus
because you must be protected atall costs, because you're
amazing and unbelievable andperfect in every single way.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Okay, enough about me .
Speaker 1 (03:54):
So I could talk about you all day long, I know.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
that's why I'm saying move on.
Let's just list the reasons ofwhy I think you're amazing.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
I love you.
I love you too.
So it's always been thoughtthat men are initiators of
divorce, and sure that happens.
But we learned that women areinitiating more.
Now.
Usually, men were thinkingbecause they just want another
piece, they just need more booty, they need another woman,
they're not getting it at home,so they're going to go off and
find.
Because men are men and men arepigs.
(04:19):
And this is what men do.
And yes, that can be true in asense, but it's not necessarily
the case that we see today.
Here are the top reasons menare leaving their marriages
today, and this one's going toring a bell from last week.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Oh boy.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
The same number one reason women are.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
No.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Emotional disconnection.
They feel like they are justroommates in a stagnant, boring,
non-fulfilled relationship,just completely emotionally
disconnected from their spouse.
I was shocked to see that menfeel the exact same way that
women do about that.
Does that surprise you a littlebit?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
yes, it's proof that men need an emotional connection
so badly, not just anotherpiece of you know what I know
another piece of beep, we'll say, but I was surprised to see
that.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
But then, as I kind of read more about it, I think
you see this a whole lot more inour culture and our world today
.
What it says whenever I waslooking through all this.
It says when they feel unheardand completely neglected, they
may withdraw, leading to thefeeling of a cycle of
disconnection and over time thiscan erode the foundation of the
(05:43):
marriage.
I see a lot of this now and Igo back to thinking.
Social media posts and we'veranted about this in the past.
But when women will post aboutthe things that their husband
(06:08):
will not do or are bad at forthe world to see, I feel and I
love you so much that you'venever, ever even thought about
doing that.
But I, when I see that I canfeel everything that the man is
feeling in that moment, I'm likeI'm worthless, I suck, I'm
awful, I suck, I'm awful.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
But just think of how it would be if it were opposite
.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Explain.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
If the man were to go to social media and post those
things that the wife posted,this is like the same type of
post.
So the guy goes and posts onsocial media about how horrible
his wife is, how all he does isall the things in the house and
(07:00):
all she does is just sit thereand do nothing and still demands
he's not doing enough.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
All right, so let's let's role play this for just a
second.
Now you are you and you are notlike most people, because if
that were us and I did somethinglike that, I mean you'd let me
know real quick how bad thatwould be.
All right, so I need you morethan likely.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I would hear it from somebody else.
You would, and then and I wouldsee red so fast.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yes, I mean hell would be raining down on top of
me in that moment, which I wouldfully deserve.
But take yourself out of youfor a second.
Okay, place yourself as just atypical normal female who's
married to a guy who may be alittle overbearing, but let's
put ourselves in that type ofmarriage for just a moment so
(07:52):
you're asking me to be a basicwhite girl, please?
For just a second.
All right, you basic whitegirls, just just that's just not
me breathe for a moment.
All right, put yourself in thatsituation.
And because you're on socialmedia a lot because we see both
men and women on social mediaway more than they should you
see that your husband, who youlove but just doesn't quite give
(08:16):
you what you need all the timebut you're doing the best you
can goes on social media and Italk how my wife doesn't do
anything and I talk how my wifedoesn't do anything and I make
some sort of stupid post and Iwake up at 5 am and I go to work
all day long and I have to comehome and cook dinner and I take
care of the kids and I do thelaundry and I do the dishes and
(08:37):
I mow the yard and I get thekids to bed, and she won't even
have sex with me.
I can't believe I got into this.
What is your initial feeling?
Not as Monica, but it's just anormal, what we would probably
see mostly in culture today.
How are you reacting to that orresponding to that?
What is the initial feeling youhave?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I feel like the average person or girl woman
whoever the female in today'sworld would probably cry all in
her feels and go talk to herfriends about it, or possibly I
(09:25):
don't know that she would seethis post, that she would
probably totally get this from afriend because the husband has
her blocked from this.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
It's very possible.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
No doubt, and if y'all are hearing some serious,
squishing noises.
I'm sorry.
This dog is right above usright now scratching on the
floor.
It's driving me insane.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Yeah, anyways.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
But I don't definitely go to a therapist
talk about it.
I don't know that it would bebacklash on social media.
I don't even know that shewould go and ask about.
I see a major disconnect incommunication.
(10:08):
So I don't even know if shewould go to her husband and ask
if he did this or was he hackedin a sense.
You know, I think it would bepushed off to the point of we're
going to let our emotionscompletely run with this and
(10:33):
ignore the stuff because itwasn't told to me.
But I'm going to talk toeverybody else about it.
But when I'm in front of myhusband it would.
I would act like there'snothing there.
But I'm an emotional disconnectright now because I know that
you did that.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
I say I'm on the exact same page.
I think it would be looked at.
You feel sad, you feel terrible,you feel hurt, ashamed,
embarrassed, but you never say aword about it and you just eat
it and you take it and you justswallow those feelings and
you're depressed and you'remiserable and you hate
everything about life.
(11:12):
That's how I would see thattaking place, with maybe a
typical I won't say typical, buta woman's response in today's
culture and world.
Now I see men doing that exactsame thing.
Now I say, when we see thoseposts, cause we've seen them and
we've talked about, I've seenthe female side of the women's
(11:32):
make those posts.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm seeing the women make theseposts about their husbands, some
of it probably deserved, notthe way it should be handled.
Some of it may be deserved, butdefinitely not the way it
should be handled.
But I see men reacting thatexact same way.
Where they see it or they hearabout it, they look at it, it's
sent to them and they justswallow it and take it and
(11:52):
they're hurt and embarrassed.
But they will never say a wordto their wives to actually see
what the root cause was, to beable to determine what type of
repair they can do there.
That's what I see and I thinkthat's why we see so much
emotional disconnection on boththe man's side and the man's
side, because there's nocommunication.
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Don't swallow your feelings.
Feelings are real.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Feelings are real.
They're horrible leaders, butthey're real.
They're valid a lot of the time, but you have to be able to
talk it through, and the hopewould be, and the recommendation
would be, that if you run intothis and you're feeling this,
you got to go to your spouseimmediately and say, hey, this
is what's going on.
I can't maybe fully explain why.
(12:36):
Here's what I think, why I justneed your help.
I need to know that you're withme and we can get through this.
This sucks and I hate feelinglike this.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
But nobody wants to communicate about feelings,
unless you're a therapist.
No, because, and that isobviously why both sides won't
communicate and are emotionallydisconnecting and divorce
happens because it's number oneon both sides.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Number one on both sides, and I totally see that.
So number two, the reason menare leaving their marriages is
they feel unappreciated.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
How is that different from the first one?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Well, I think the result of being emotionally
disconnected is the reason whythey feel unappreciated, because
I think this kind of goes backto the roommate phase, where we
are just talking about thethings that we have to do and
the things that we need to getdone, like, hey, make sure you
pick up this, I need you to stopby and do this and make sure
you do this.
And, oh, honey, did you do this?
Hey, baby, did you take care ofthis?
Hey, what about this?
Don't forget, we got thistomorrow and we have this, and
(13:35):
that's where it is.
And I see this on both sides.
Where the effort that thehusband puts in is unseen and
unappreciated, I also see theeffort that wives put in can be
unseen and completelyunappreciated.
You know, we don't necessarilysee all of the things that
happen and we don't think aboutit, so we don't want to talk
(13:57):
about it.
We don't know all the thingsthat the man does while he's at
work or while he's at home andhe's taking care of the house or
taking care of the kids.
None of that's seen while thewife is at work or doing
whatever, and vice versa.
The typical olden days.
I say olden days, but how itused to be the man works, the
wife stays home, cooks, and this, a lot of unappreciated stuff,
(14:18):
goes on there.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
The 1900s.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yes, the 1900s.
Oh my God, we were born in the1900s, we're so old.
But it's unappreciated becausethe man would come home like
what have you been doing all day?
And I didn't even necessarilyrecognize this after we had kids
and you stayed home with thekids and I knew you stayed busy
and you worked hard and you madesure everything was always done
.
But until you do it, because Iremember those first time you
(14:44):
went, I don't even rememberwhere you were, it doesn't
matter, and I had to stay homewith kids for a couple of days
by myself and it was fine, it'sgreat.
I'm more than capable to beable to do that.
But, man, when you got back itwas like holy crap back.
It was like holy crap, it's on.
(15:05):
I underestimate how much youactually do and how much
attention those dadgum littlechildren need from you at all
times.
And it makes me feel a superappreciation for what you
through, what you, what you'vedone you really don't know what
you have until it's gone.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
That is true, and you have to.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
it's gone, that is true.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
And you have to do it all by yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yes, or even if it just takes a few days where you
walk through that person's shoesjust a little bit to see what
all it actually takes.
So men are leaving becausethey're emotionally disconnected
, they feel unappreciated.
And number three, thisshouldn't necessarily be a
shocker, but complete loss ofintimacy.
Not.
(15:45):
I really thought that would benumber one.
Yes, now this is actuallynumber three and I think this is
.
I think it's kind of a patternof they're disconnected, they
feel unappreciated.
It works on both sides and theyare completely at a loss for
any type of intimacy um, it saysboth physical and emotional
intimacy.
They're crucial for so many men.
A decline in affection, sexualconnection and shared
(16:05):
experiences can lead to feelingsof rejection and loneliness.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
We see this a lot.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
We've been told this a lot.
I'm not sure why.
I'm sure maybe in some casesthere's been some past trauma
with sex or sexual abuse inprevious relationships.
Absolutely, I feel like that'sa number one thing that can make
(16:36):
some situations maybe less timetogether in an intimate moment,
but at the same time they arenot.
Who did that to you?
right so you have to move pastthat you do, but you also have
to be very open and honest tothis person.
(16:59):
You know this happened to me inthe past.
I'm a little vulnerable.
I sometimes can't not not thinkabout those previous situations
when we are very intimate.
It's a trigger, maybe somethingwe need to work on, because
(17:21):
there's absolutely sextherapists out there and I'm
sure that they help big time inthose situations.
But I feel like if it's not oneof those situations, please,
women, tell me why you're notgiving your man what he needs.
Yes, not just wants, it's aneed.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
It is an absolute need.
It is and men are listen,you're not always as desirable
as you may think you are.
I mean you need to.
We've said it.
You need to.
If you want to do it, dosomething Like you need to put
the effort in Find that love.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Language Find that love language.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Find that love language.
Remember women are a crockpot,men are a microwave.
We men are just.
You say the word and it's gotime, we're ready to go.
Women take a little bit longerto just be ready to go.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
It's like preheating the oven.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Preheating the oven.
That's why I say they're like acrock pot.
I mean, it takes, you know, andcrock pots, amazing meals in a
crock pot, right, but it takeshours and hours, and hours to
cook, to be ready to be eaten.
Well, women are no different.
I wouldn't say hours upon hours,but you can definitely start it
way, like you can start it themorning of You're feeling this
(18:39):
and you need this.
Start the foreplay the morningof.
You can start before you leavefor work or you go your separate
ways for the day to go to workor your jobs or whatever you
have going on.
You can start there.
Text messages throughout theday, flirty messages throughout
the day, that will help out aton whenever it comes to women
needing to be fully ready to beable to go.
(19:01):
As far as men go, we're alwaysready at the drop of the hat.
But men, you have to put in theeffort and put in the work to
be able to do whatever it isthat you're needing to try and
do and trying to accomplishthere Absolutely 100% of the
time.
So that's emotionaldisconnection, feeling
underappreciated and loss ofintimacy.
(19:22):
So what are some warning signsthat you can see?
Man?
You may be able to detect thesewomen, you may be able to see
these in your marriage, um, thathe may be considering leaving.
First, one goes along withemotional disconnection.
You see withdrawal from him.
He becomes distance.
He become he.
He avoids any type ofmeaningful, meaningful
(19:43):
conversation.
He shows really no interest inlikes and wants and needs and
shared activities.
He just completely begins todisconnect from every bit of it.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Give me an example of what that would look like.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Um, where he is for a guy.
For a guy, example for a guy,what that may look like um,
where he is for a guy, for a guy, example for a guy, what that
may look like.
Um, you know, say typical.
Typically you're do a lot ofthings together, um, but
whenever you let's go as simpleas a conversation.
When you and I haveconversations, I mean I'm all in
, I want to hear all about it, Iask questions and you telling
(20:18):
stories can be difficultsometimes because listen I am
very detailed you're extremelydetailed, a little all over the
place, and we'll start a storyover here and something will
trigger when I'm telling you onestory about another story.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Oh, I'm just putting a pin in this.
So I can come back to thatexactly because we'll start the
story.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
We're going on the story and then bam bam, here's
something over here, and then,oh yeah, and over here.
And then we're going to pick upover here and I'm very patient
with that because I aminterested and I want to hear
about the stories.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I'm a very good storyteller.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
You're an amazing storyteller.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Okay, An example of being withdrawn from that is if
those stories and you're usuallyhaving those conversations and
good conversations like that,and then you start to notice
that he doesn't ask thequestions, he's not looking you
(21:10):
in the eye.
He picks up his phone, hebegins to cut you off.
But I see, I feel like thephone situation is always a big
deal.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
It's always a big deal but this, this, especially,
especially if you're noting achange in the behavior, if you
get a lot of yeah, uh-huh, huh.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Sure, yeah, you get a lot of those answers.
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
That's a beginning to see withdrawal from what is
normal.
Say, you typically go where yougo grocery shopping together.
It's something you've alwaysdone in your relationship,
whatever it looks like, and nowhe's not interested in doing
that.
You sit on the couch and hestarts to sit on the other side
of the couch and he's just.
You can just see it in him andin his behavior that he is no
(21:48):
longer really interested inbeing that close to you or
really being fully involved intoyour life.
For me, that's what emotionalwithdrawal would look like.
So if you start to see that,ladies or man, if you see this
in yourself, you see this paththat you're heading down.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I would go insane.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah, it'd be freaking terrible.
You kidding me Be awful.
The second one is increasedirritability or criticism.
If he becomes more critical,has a little bit shorter fuse,
he's easily frustrated.
This can be a sign that whenhe's feeling unappreciated and
that connection is not there andI totally see this happening
(22:24):
where if the fuse just seems soshort that he can, he can get
very visibly frustrated at thedrop of the hat over something
so simple and so small well, Ican do that, but it's because of
the type of day I probably had.
And I don't want to discountthat.
I mean that definitely happens.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
But if this is a multiple reoccurring kind of
situation, not just a random daywhere it happened, right.
Yes so it's a constant, nomatter what happens.
I would say with all this.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
It's a, it's noting a pattern.
I mean, we're all going to havedays where we're on different
sides of the spectrum and we'regoing to have, like you said, a
bad day and we lose our mindsover something stupid and
trivial.
But if you notice a patternwhere it continues to happen
over and over and over, and he'sconstantly irritable,
constantly he criticizes thingsthat he never criticized before.
(23:13):
That would be things to Allright.
What the heck's going on here?
How did we get to this point?
And the third one and this, Ithink, is a big one he avoids
future planning.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
He avoids planning and looking to the Like a family
vacation.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, he shows reluctance or disinterest in
making future plans together,such as vacations, family events
or long-term goals.
This would be for you and me,and I think this would go both
ways for us.
If either of us noticed this,this would be like red flag
number one, because we are allabout future planning.
I mean, we have a short tripcoming up.
(23:51):
We have a work trip that'scoming up that's been planned
for a little bit.
After that, we've already got asummer trip planned, and just
last week you've already plannedanother trip for us in april of
2026 and I could not be happierabout it.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Yeah I love the future things to look forward to
.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Well, one of you get to look forward to them.
But two, you get to kind of,you get to, I like researching
the stuff, like, all right, letme go on and let's let me watch
videos about this.
Let me read about this thiswhat can we expect?
Ooh, what can we do?
What's something we're not sureabout?
I love that idea and and youand we do this with family trips
, and we do this with justone-on-one trips for just you
and I too, cause those are in amarriage.
(24:33):
Those are so critical, like ifyou're married and you're not
taking solo trips with eachother, just you, no kids.
That needs to be something weneed.
And you don't have to goanywhere fancy, I mean, you can
go do a little staycation at ahotel.
That simple Go to a nice dinner,stay in a hotel overnight Just
(24:54):
something different than thenorm.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
But if this happened, I mean this would be red flag
number one.
Yeah, cuz if, when I wasbooking the trip for next year,
I just said I think this mightbe something that could be fun
and you were yeah, I don't know,let's just think about it I
would have picked up the phoneand called you instead of Text
(25:20):
about it, because we'reconstantly texting anyways.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
Throughout the day.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
But it would have been a are you okay?
Do we need to talk aboutsomething?
Is something going on that Idon't know about?
Because if you would not havebeen on board, it would have
been a major red flag saying, eh, we should pump the brakes on
(25:44):
doing stuff together, because weare all about doing stuff
together yeah, I mean ourschedules are jam-packed, but
the things we have going on, sowe take every opportunity
possible to spend time with oneanother, no matter what that
looks like so yeah, I mean it's,if I would have said you would
hey, this is going to be just ayou and I trip, and this is,
(26:08):
this is what the plan is andwhere we're going to go and what
we're going to do.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Had I said just, I don't, I don't know, I don't, I
don't know, me too, I mean, itwouldn't be a phone call, it'd
be a FaceTime, like okay, what'sgoing on?
Why?
Why would you not want to letme?
(26:32):
Let me hear it.
And then typically, if thathappens, it's going to be oh All
, right, now tell me the realreason.
What's really going on?
Let's go the level deeper withthat.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
But for us, we are really into our time together.
We typically do something as avacation I'm here quoting this
but it's more of a trip for us.
Sometimes it's a weekend,sometimes it's a week, it just
depends.
But when we do book these trips, we like to do little surprises
(27:09):
for each other.
We book that.
Well, we have the trip booked,we're going, we know we're going
, so we will do little things tosurprise each other, like the
trip that I just booked.
I told you.
I was like hey, okay, we've,we've decided we're going to do
this, so I'm going to book it.
But what the surprise was.
(27:30):
I got us a penthouse suiteinstead of just a little,
because it's a cruise.
So I got us the penthouse suiteinstead of the little room with
a balcony room with a window,circle window or the tiny little
balcony you went out.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
You went a little step further.
Which just adds that extralittle intrigue.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Excitement.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Because this penthouse is just going to be
for us.
It's going to be amazing.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
But you were not necessarily looking to get a
penthouse.
You were just like, yeah, let'sgo.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah, you know what I think that would be fun.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
It's just you and I for a few.
Yeah, absolutely, and this justadds that extra little level of
excitement.
So when I sent you that link,it was a wait a minute.
You did what?
Oh my gosh, oh my goodness, andthe same with our upcoming trip
oh I, I went all out for you onthis trip yeah I booked this
entire thing and I've got.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I can't keep it.
I wanted to keep it, mostly asecret from you, but I couldn't
keep secrets.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
I couldn't so even good secrets no it didn't.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
So I mean, I was like , all right, well, we've got
this and got this schedule, gotall this lined up.
Oh, by the way, you've got afull spa day, massage, nails,
the the manicure, pedicure, thewhole thing scheduled on this
day.
You know, the next week, thenext day, I booked you all day a
cabana at the pool, uh, andthen that night I've got a table
service, uh, already.
So I'm just yes and that's justthat little extra little more
(28:53):
stuff to get it and it's so muchfun when you do that for each
other and it's not somethingthat has hints, don't have to be
dropped for it.
It's not expected, but it'slike that just goes the other
step of oh, they're, they werethinking about me.
Yes, and it's not expected, butit's like, and that just goes
the other step of oh, they werethinking about me.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yes, and it's not like we're trying to outdo each
other.
No At all.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
No, it's, because it's about what can I do for her
.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Right, but this was also things that we would do for
each other, even when we didn'thave money.
Yes, money can be an issue forpeople and they're like well, I
can't book a penthouse suite fora cruise.
No, it's not something thatanybody can do, but you don't
have to do things like that tolet each other know you're
thinking about each other oryou're doing something special
(29:36):
for each other.
It doesn't have to be a certainamount of money.
We don't think about the dollarwhen we're trying to do
something for each other.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
It can be the smallest little thing, because
it just shows I'm thinking aboutyou.
Yeah, so that can be a huge redflag.
So what's?
Speaker 2 (29:50):
like you getting me gas, like you'll drive my car to
the gym in the morning knowingmy gas light or my gas is low
and I'll need it.
I'll need gas either that dayor the next.
You will go ahead and stop toget gas for me.
I'm going to need it anyways.
You will fill up the car for me.
That alone is, oh, my God.
I don't deserve you.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Well, yeah, it's just one less thing you have to do,
and then you have a.
You don't have a diet Coke?
I'll get you a diet Coke.
You don't have a little proteinshake that you drink in the
mornings.
I'm picking up a little proteinshake, so you'll have that too.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
So it little things.
It doesn't have to be somethingextravagant.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
No, those are huge warning signs.
Really quickly, three ways toprevent this from happening.
As always, you've got to talk.
Open communication.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
You've got to talk about it.
You cannot express that enough.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
You see any of these warning signs?
Talk, talk, talk.
The second one showappreciation for one another.
It only takes a second to sayhey, thanks for doing the dishes
, hey, thanks for taking it, hey, thanks for filling my car up
with gas.
That little three seconds ofsaying thank you, my goodness,
that could go such a long way.
(30:54):
It says I feel seen, I feelrecognized, my efforts were
noticed, and man, that feelsreally, really good and that can
be a little self-servingsometimes.
Sure, but we're humans, we'rebroken, we need this.
That's an emotional connectionthat we need and coming from the
most important person to us inthe world just means the
(31:14):
absolute world.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
I can't tell you how many times a week I tell you I
don't deserve you.
Yes, and it's true, I do not.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Every single time I'm like oh, you deserve the
absolute best.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
But deep down.
I know I don't deserve you.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
It feels good because I'm like I'm taking care of the
person I care about more thanany other human on the planet.
And the third you got tomaintain intimacy.
You have to prioritizeemotional but physical
connection.
Yes it is.
It is a need for men and womenconnection.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yes, it is a.
It is a need for men and women,a need for men, but it it's
also, it ties back into the one,that the reason why both people
are getting divorced or caughtthe leaving to cause the divorce
, that emotional connection,intimacy, is part of an
emotional connection oh, ittotally is.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
so, we've said it before but can't.
Sex is emotional and there aredeep emotions that are tied to
sex.
Whether you want to believe itor not, it is, it always has
been, it always will be.
But yes, so those you have tocommunicate, appreciate each
other and stay physical.
Stay physical as much aspossible.
(32:21):
So those are why men areleaving.
Not a huge shocker, theemotional disconnection probably
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
That was a little bit of a shock to me.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
But it just goes to show you where we are as a
culture today and where we are.
So listen, if that's you,there's some signs to it.
There's easy ways notnecessarily easy, but they're
simple.
You just have to put them intoaction.
You just have to go do them tobe able to get out of that rut.
(32:50):
You know, every marriage haspeaks and valleys at different
times.
So if you notice yourself goingthere, begin with the simple
conversation and being open andhonest with each other
completely.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Yes, don't let it get to the point where you don't
know how we got here.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
No, no, you definitely don't want to do that
, so we got to go.
You got any final thoughts?
I love you.
I love you so much let's getout of here.
God, we love you.
Oh, we are so thankful for allthat you do.
We're thankful for thisplatform that you have given us
and pray that we can just honoryou throughout every bit of it.
God, we pray for marriages.
We play for relationships forthem to be strong, so incredibly
(33:20):
strong that there's nothingthat can divide them whatsoever,
and we know that if you're inthe middle of it, that will be
the case.
God, what we've talked about onthis episode the one previously
, why men and women are leavingtheir marriages, god, I just
pray that blinders will be takenoff of people If they see these
, that they'll be open enough toactually talk about it, to be
able to have the marriage thatyou created them to have.
(33:41):
It's the greatest gift thatwe'll ever have and, god, I pray
people are able to experiencethat to the fullest.
God, we love you and we thankyou in Jesus name, amen.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Amen Play ball.
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