April 15, 2025 • 34 mins
Ever found yourself wondering if you're falling short in the bedroom? You're not alone. In this refreshingly honest episode, Matthew and Monica Powers break down the taboo topic of sexual inadequacy with their trademark blend of humor, wisdom, and practical advice.
The conversation dives deep into recognizing the warning signs that your intimate life might need attention—from avoiding conversations about sex to treating intimacy as just another item on your to-do list. With characteristic candor, the hosts identify common issues like rushing through foreplay, focusing solely on your own pleasure, and sticking to predictable routines that leave both partners unfulfilled.
What makes this episode particularly valuable is the actionable advice Matthew and Monica provide. They emphasize that improving your sex life starts with communication outside the bedroom, building emotional connection, and understanding your partner's needs. Their "test kitchen" approach encourages couples to explore new experiences together without judgment, while their insights on how spontaneity and taking control can transform your intimate relationship offer immediate ways to create positive change.
The Powers don't shy away from addressing physical challenges either, particularly those facing men as they age. Their compassionate approach reminds listeners that seeking help for these issues isn't just about personal satisfaction—it's an investment in your relationship.
Whether you're newlyweds still finding your rhythm or long-time partners looking to reignite the spark, this episode offers wisdom that could transform your connection. Because as Matthew and Monica remind us, a fulfilling intimate life doesn't just improve your marriage—it positively impacts every aspect of your well-being, from your productivity at work to your effectiveness as a parent.
Ready to build more confidence, deepen your connection, and create a more satisfying intimate life with your spouse? This conversation might be exactly what you've been waiting for.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So, help me, I suck in bed.
What do I do?
Go through this?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Why aren't people getting married anymore?
Speaker 2 (00:24):
A new Pew Research poll found that two in five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Marriage rates are at their lowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right, that's why you get
married, so that's why it'sdeclining.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Why would you get?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
married if you want to have just one partner when
you can have multiple Marriageis stupid.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Welcome to the Married AF podcast, the
self-proclaimed greatestmarriage relationship podcast in
the world.
We're your hosts, Matthew andMonica Powers.
Got a serious question, baby.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I hope you're ready for it.
Is it serious, serious?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
For someone.
Here's my thought.
Somebody listening this isgoing to resonate for them, I'm
sure of it.
You don't want it to.
Anyone listening has maybe.
I would say the vast majorityof people, especially men, have
probably thought about this.
They've worried about this.
They've been concerned thatthis could be a problem for them
, but there's going to besomeone out there who says this
(01:24):
has to be about this.
They've been concerned thatthis could be a problem for them
, but there's going to besomeone out there who that says
this has to be about sex.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I don't even know where this is going, but this
has to be about sex.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
It is, it is.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Especially if a man's worried about it.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Well then, that's the brain of men a lot of the time,
but they're concerned aboutthis, but there's going to be
someone out there that's goingto say oh no, oh no.
And there may be a wife outthere that's saying yep, yep,
yep, and we're here to try andfix that.
So the topic of the day, thequestion of the day, is what if
(01:59):
I suck in bed?
Suck in bed, it's a legitimatefear.
Men are scared to death of this.
I think there may be some womentoo.
But what if I suck at sex?
What in the world do I do?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Well, I'll say this If we would have all left it the
way God had it designed, whereyou just sleep with the person
you marry, no one would have tothink about this.
This is 100 true because no onewould know you know what
episode over?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
that's all you need to know.
Just do it the way he createdit.
But but of course we didn't.
We screwed it up.
I I love how it's been put inour church so many times.
God made it, we broke it.
Jesus fixed it Plain and simple.
We screwed it all up.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
We suck.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
We suck so, but when it comes to sex, what do I do if
I suck?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
How do you know if you suck?
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Bam, here it comes.
I've got ways to tell thatmaybe, just maybe, you are
struggling in this area andmaybe you do kind of suck at sex
.
Wait what Things to be able torecognize in your sex life of.
Hey, maybe I'm not so great atthis, but we're not just going
(03:21):
to point out the bad.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I cannot wait to hear this.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
We're also going to do give you some, some tips of
things you can do to hopefullyimprove your sex life.
That way, if you suck right now, maybe you won't suck forever,
you'll be happier, your spousewill be happier, and this goes
goes both ways.
Okay, so you know all of thequestions.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yes, and this goes both ways.
Okay, so you know all of thequestions.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yes, I know all of the reasons.
I've got them right here, right.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
But have you diagnosed yourself yet?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
No, I don't feel like I should.
Should I Well, I don't have anycomplaints, I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
But I'm curious because if that's a dude thing
to think about because honestlyI don't think about it- I mean I
can kind of diagnose as we gothrough.
That's just TMI.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Well, for other ears it very well could be.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
But I mean, how did you find this?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It was an article I found while eating lunch one day
.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I was like you know what, oh, my gosh Bam, this is
probably going to be good.
What is your research historylike?
Speaker 1 (04:20):
You know, let's not talk about that.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Oh my gosh that needs to be an episode.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
It should be.
No, this one actually came froma website, marriagecom.
Oh, okay, so and that's,they're reputable sources.
Okay, I'm not looking for.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
You didn't get this from the View.
I just need to see the vein inyour head, just start bulging,
it's going to pulsate just alittle bit.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
The View yeah, see the vein in your head.
Just start bulging, pulsatejust a little bit.
You've.
And our view yeah, the view we.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
That's a different episode.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Get back to your sex questions my goodness okay so
sorry, here are some things thatmaybe these questions you'd ask
yourselves.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Analyze yourself um are these for boys and girls?
This is for any person at alldo I?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I suck at sex, and if I do, what can I do?
So number one and I think thisis a no brainer.
If you're just not a fan of sex, you've done it and it's just
not important to you.
You just don't like it, youjust don't care about it.
You're like, eh, I could takeit or leave it.
When you think about it, itdoesn't excite you at all.
(05:23):
This could be a sign that hey,maybe you're not doing it right.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Obviously.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Or your spouse isn't doing it right.
I think this could be a part ofit.
Hey, maybe your spouse isn't sogreat at it, but if you still
think about it and you're stillexcited about it and you're like
, oh my God, it's just terrible,then hey, maybe this is the
conversation to have with yourspouse.
So first way to tell that hey,maybe I'm not very good at this
is when the idea of it and thethought of it, you don't get
(05:53):
very, very excited about it,cause I think most people, when
it is good and they think aboutit, they're going to think about
it often and it gets them very,very excited and they want to
go and do the deed.
Second way, and I think thiskind of falls in line with the
first one, that anytime thetopic of conversation of sex
(06:15):
comes up or you begin that act,you begin to get embarrassed
about sex embarrassed about sex.
Embarrassed about sexEmbarrassed about sex as in I'm
just embarrassed, I'm ashamed ofit, and this could just be a
sign that, hey, I'm probablymore fearful than anything that
I'm no good at this.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Okay, this is just.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Maybe my small brain is not comprehending the
embarrassment of sex, that whensex is brought up, I'm just.
I'm too embarrassed to thinkabout it, to talk about it,
because we're fully, like youknow, very openly about sex and
the importance of it, and Ithink as in you and I yes, or
(06:59):
culture in general well, culturein general has got it all wrong
.
Right, but I think if you cantalk openly with it and not just
saying in every conversation,hey, let me tell you about sex,
but when those conversationsarise, you're comfortable and
open to be able to talk about it, I believe that this is we are
good, that this is not aconversation enough people have.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
True.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Again, not saying that over every single dinner.
Well, let's talk about sex.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Let Again not saying that over every single dinner.
Well, let's talk about sex.
Let me tell you all about it,right?
But I don't think that makesyou bad at sex if you just don't
like talking about it?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Well, I think it could, because maybe you're a
little bit embarrassed about it.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I think embarrassed is the wrong word to use.
Well, I mean, I couldunderstand it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
I could understand it .
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Because I'm embarrassed for my performance,
so to speak.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
The third way Are there follow-ups to these?
Because there's so much that Ithink I need to say, but I'm not
saying it.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
No, so if you got it, you better say it Okay so what
you just said, repeat that.
The third way.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
No, the second one, but it was the.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Embarrassment.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
The ending that you just said.
Oh, my word.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Well, I'm not sure exactly what it is you're
looking for.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Something about the performance your performance is
lackluster.
You're not good.
Okay that there are times whenman we're ready and we want each
other.
Super bad, but I will be thefirst one to go.
It ain't happening tonight,cause I'm not going to half beep
sex.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yes, you're not going to, you're not going to, you're
not going to not go.
A hundred percent, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Because, uh, what happened before interrupted what
I wanted to do.
I had to exert too much energythat I didn't expect to exert,
because I was reserving thatenergy for sex.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (08:53):
It makes total sense and I think that's perfectly
fine because that's going tohappen.
Life happens, things happen,but when?
Speaker 2 (09:00):
it's that bad.
We're both laying there like,yeah, we'll pick this up
tomorrow.
Uh-huh, it happens when you arejust too exhausted to even kiss
you.
Better not be bumping uglies.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It happens from time to time, so I think that's where
you but it's an unexpectedsomething and it's a hey, we'll
press pause and we're definitelygoing to pick this up tomorrow,
no doubt about it Might dreamabout you real hard, but that's
a great, great thing.
The third one you have to planout the entire thing before you
do it.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
What is this?
A wrestling match.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I mean could be, but what it's saying is you can't be
as worse.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
You have to have the some of the people in the
business I still know you haveto have the whole thing planned
out.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Like I need one whole thing planned out, like I don't
make one, two, three and that'sit.
It also says that you stick tothe same one or two moves and
there is no flavor in it at all.
I could see that being the case.
The fourth way your partnerseems very disinterested in sex
and this kind of goes along withnumber one.
(10:02):
But yeah, if your partner islike no thanks, no thanks, no
thanks, Now sure that could be.
There could be other things.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
There could be a lot of different reasons.
Maybe they're getting it fromsomebody else because you ain't
interested or you suck.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Or you suck, and I think it could be a legitimate
thing that, hey, maybe you'rejust not so good and it's just
not happening.
Fifth one you've never askedyour partner what they like in
bed.
You've never had theconversation of hey, I really
like this, I want to try this.
Sex menu, people Sex menu.
Go get the sex menu.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Talk about it.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Test kitchen it.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Write the book Matthew Powers.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yep, we'll get there at some point in time maybe, but
you never ask your partner whatit is they like.
I think it's very, veryimportant to ask your partner
what do you like, what do?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
you want, Not one of those weird in the moment.
Oh, you like that.
You like that, that kind ofweird stuff that you see in
movies.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, no, that's not real.
I mean, I'm not sure thathappens.
And if that's you, that thathey, maybe you're not doing this
totally correct.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
But in a non-sexual moment you bring it up and you
talk about it.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Couples are treat is what I think about.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Oh yes, with trudy yes, when she calls him yes he
hates all of it hates every bitof it but he doesn't care, but
he does because he's trying toget over his wife.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
But, um, yeah, you can't, just you can't go about
it that way.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
You got to not in the moment not in the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Talk about it beforehand or after or any other
time.
Say, hey, I want to talk aboutthis.
It's been on my mind.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I would like to do this, don't do it right before
you.
You know, jump the gun of, knowwe're about to get it on or in
the moment of maybe a littleforeplay, that that's not the
time to start that conversation.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
No, have a.
Have it outside of that, forsure, that way your partner,
maybe when no one is thinkingabout sex.
Yes, Well, and I mean you'realways thinking about sex.
It's a dude thing, it's fine, itis but that way your partner
can kind of digest, digest it alittle bit Like okay, because I,
you know, speaking for us andthere's others out there.
(12:13):
Hopefully we can have the veryopen dialogue where it's a hey,
I want to try and this, this,this and this, and it may be
wild and crazy, but we have avery nonjudgment test kitchen,
like you know.
Hey, as long as we're notharming each other, ourselves or
our relationship, sure, we'llgive it a shot.
(12:33):
Doesn't matter what it lookslike, but we're going to give it
a shot.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Or bringing another person in, absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
that's not on the table, never will be on the
table.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
That's non-negotiable .
Speaker 1 (12:40):
But everything else it's like all right, well, let's
give it.
Your partner may need a momentto digest that and be like, okay
, all right, okay, we willcertainly get there.
Another way where you might notbe good at this how many of
these do you have?
I got about four or five moreand then we're going to get ways
that you can try to overcomethis.
You treat sex like just anothertask.
(13:04):
This kind of goes to me withthe, with the schedulable sex,
which is not for us and it canwork for some people, but if you
allow it to be just somethingon the schedule like oh God, I
got another 8am meeting.
Oh, I hate this meeting.
I have to do it every week.
If it can become like that,then that's, you're probably not
not very good at it.
(13:24):
You're probably not very goodat it.
Another one you never engage inforeplay.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
You only get right to the point.
You're thinking I don'tunderstand how you get right to
the point if you don't have somekind of something.
No, well, you have to have somekind of something, and foreplay
isn't Because if you're alreadysucking at it, how are you
supposed to get the other onewhere they need to be?
To jump right to it?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
oh, you're, you're, you're exactly exactly right.
Um, and I think you know,foreplay goes a lot further and
begins way ahead of time, notjust the 5, 10 minutes, 15
minutes, however long before.
I mean.
You can initiate this a wholeday in advance, yeah, and it's
way better when you do that.
But we'll get to that.
Another one you are onlyfocused on yourself, and I think
(14:14):
this is a huge one.
When you're worried about youand what you're getting and how
you're feeling, yeah, you cantotally kind of it can be bad,
very, very bad for the otherperson.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
That means you't know .
Speaker 1 (14:25):
If that means, you suck, though I think it could.
It doesn't only mean that yousuck, but it definitely could,
because your partner is notgetting.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It means you suck as a person.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Well, it means your partner is not getting what they
want or what they enjoy.
Another one you keepapologizing.
Could you imagine that you keepapologizing over and, over and
over again?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
What are you apologizing for?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Who knows, there could be a number of different
things that you're apologizingfor.
What exactly?
Oh my gosh, all.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
I think of is forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Does it hurt you?
Because it hurts me.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Would you do that for me?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
No, god put our mouths on our face for a reason.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
No.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
God was a city planner.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Last couple here you were way too pushy and this kind
of goes right off of the lastone Is you're only concerned
about yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You're too pushy because you're only worried
about getting what you want.
It's a classic sign that youcould be bad at sex if you are
constantly begging for it.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Wait, what do you mean?
You're bad at sex because youwant it all the time.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Wanting it and begging it are two totally
different things.
Wanting it is letting yourpartner know you want it,
begging for it, it's a wholeother level.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I mean, I don't care who you are.
I've never experienced that.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
No, I don't care who you are.
I think if someone isconstantly begging, for it
begging is not a pretty sight.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
No, it doesn't look good on somebody.
No, but I mean, there couldalso be other reasons for
someone to have to beg for it,especially if one person's not
into sex.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
There could totally be so many different reasons.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Okay, go to your things, cause that.
Well, how to fix it?
Or?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
You don't do any of the work Could be very one-sided
.
You can suck at this Boring andI think this one I see this one
all day You're overconfidentwhen you hear people brag about
how you're overconfident youhear people talk about how great
they are at something you know.
I just related to guys in theirhigh school sports stories oh,
(16:38):
yeah, about how great they wereand how amazing they were.
I think of d'angelo at theoffice.
Um, whenever he takes over frommichael and he talks about how
he can dunk a basketball andremember he can't dunk a
basketball, so Jim gets him downthere in the warehouse to dunk
the basketball and he ends uphurting himself and going to the
hospital.
I think of that really, withthe whole overconfidence thing.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
I mean, you know overconfident people and they
just don't live up to the hypeyeah, yes a hundred percent of
the time.
Don't meet your heroes, peoplea hundred percent of the time,
all right.
So say you suck in bed.
Okay, you're bad at this I'mI'm sucking in bed you're no
good at this, I am no good atthis and you've kind of walked
through some of this stuff andyou're thinking, well, that
(17:25):
could be me.
How do you fix that number oneway?
What do you think the numberone way would be to how to begin
how to fix this?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I've never been told to suck in bed well, that's true
, but it goes along witheverything else tell me powers
that we've ever said work oncommunication in bed goodness,
what a freaking shocker that iswork on communication that word
is so powerful in everysituation what in the world
(17:57):
people think.
Sex is only physical.
It says and they could not bemore wrong.
Talking during sex is important.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
During sex.
During sex Well, I do talkduring sex.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Before sex, after sex all important.
So how do you begin to improve?
You talk about it.
If you're married to someonewho loves you so much, they will
openly talk to you about thisand they will let you know hey,
this is really good and thisreally isn't, and you can begin
to work on.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
But be prepared to hear things you don't want to
know.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Uh, totally.
But if you're, you're seriousabout trying to make it better,
this will work.
Work on your confidence levels.
And see, I think this is hugewith you because you were you're
one of these most confidentpeople ever.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I've been told this, but I don't understand that.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Well, you are, and if you can kind of divulge just a
little snippet, because yourconfident levels are through the
roof and a lot of people lack awhole lot of confidence, not
just in sex, but throughouttheir entire lives.
So what is it?
How are you so, dadgum,confident with not just here,
(19:04):
but just about everything thatyou do Someone who is lacking
confidence?
What is one little thing thatthey could begin to do that
maybe would start to turn thetide for them just a little bit?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
I get asked this question a lot and I don't
understand.
Because I don't see myconfidence?
Maybe because I don't seemyself?
I Maybe because I don't seemyself I'm not on the outside
looking in, but for me I guessit has a lot to do with my
personality.
I just want to prove a lot ofpeople wrong.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
When I'm told I cannot do something, when I'm
told I cannot do something thatstrikes a nerve from the head to
the toes of my body and I haveto do way more than they said I
couldn't do, not to show off,just to prove a point.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
And when I do that it's just like hmm, did that,
that is true.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
So I don't know if that can pertain to being better
at sex.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Maybe some of them, but I think, even with that, a
lot of people if they're toldthey can't do something, they
believe it If they are told theycan't do something they believe
it.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Someone tells you you can't do something.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I'm completely opposite.
You're opposite, but outside ofthe sex thing, I think, just in
general, people are told well,you can't do that.
They're going to be like, yeah,you know what?
They're probably right, I can't, I'm going to fail, I'm not
going to be able to do that.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
And that and most people are also afraid of
confrontation.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I welcome it, and maybe I need to beg people to
tell me you can't do that, maybe.
And when you say you welcomeconfrontation, you're not
looking to pick fights.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
It's not like I'm looking to fight.
I am not afraid of it and Iwill hit it head on, get the
problem out the way and moveforward.
That's a part of communication.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
That's exactly it.
If a problem arises, you're notgoing to run from it.
You're going to be like allright, well, let's not scared of
it.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I'm not scared to talk about it.
I welcome knowing you have adifferent perspective than I do.
But it's not going to be anarguing back and forth or even a
debate.
I just want to hear your side,Then I will let you know my side
and then most of the time, itchanges the person's mind who
(21:31):
has something.
When they hear me say why I dothis or do that they were, it's
a, usually a.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Oh, that makes sense.
That's just the important ofopen dialogue.
Yes, but most of the time I am.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
I'm not a pessimistic person and their mind, most
people's mindsets, are that way,and I'm the one who's gonna
find that itty bitty ounce oflight and whatever destruction
is going on, because I will notsit in doom and gloom no, you
will not if you do not thrive inthat well, this is for
everybody.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
you are going to find exactly what it is.
You're trying to look forPeriod, whether it's good
whether it's bad, you will speakit to existence.
No matter what the situation is, you're going to look for that.
You're going to find that.
So, when it comes to yourconfidence, I mean, you know,
remember what the Lord saysabout you you are his
masterpiece, absol, absolutemasterpiece.
So that goes along foreverything.
But how to overcome when yousuck in bed?
(22:27):
Here's another one, and wetalked about this briefly try
new things appetizers appetizerswhat are your appetizers?
What's going to get you to themain course, what's going to
help lead you there, which leadsinto foreplay, which you know
earlier, one of the things youdon't engage in foreplay, you
don't like foreplay.
That's going to be one of thethings.
(22:47):
Try something brand new.
What this says is switch thingsup, do things different.
It says play a dirty game, tryrole playing with one another.
Hey, it works.
It can be great.
It can be a lot of fun.
Go to the test kitchen, figureit out.
Like we said earlier, nothingor not nothing.
It may work and it may changethings for the better.
(23:14):
Here's another one that I likeDedicate a night to your
partner's needs Strictly yourpartner's needs, where you're
not worried about what happensto you, you're not worried about
getting yours, you're notworried about what feels good to
you and making sure that you'resatisfied.
Dedicate a night strictly foryour partner.
Dedicate everything to them andmaking them get what they want
(23:37):
I feel like that could be.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That could turn into an issue long term why is that?
Because when you are onlypushing for one person on that
time, at that time they're goingto be more excited about that
day for them than the day foryou.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
That is true.
I can see that.
Now my hope would be that, ifthis is you and you do something
like this, that it can becomesomething that is worked in
regularly, where you are focusedon your partner's needs but
that's reciprocated from them toyou, and that's the way it's
supposed to be.
Right, it just goes back tomaking sure you're doing
(24:20):
everything for your partner, andif both of you are doing that,
oh buddy things are going to begreat, but we are selfish people
.
We are.
We are selfish, selfish people,and only word about ourselves.
The next one work on yourexplain.
Well, I'm not very emotional Idisagree.
You have to have a strongemotional connection with your
(24:42):
spouse, okay.
And if that's not there, thatkind of emotion absolutely but
that's not there the way I wasunderstanding.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
That was you want to cry a lot or you have feelings
for weird things.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
No, how strong your emotional connection is with
your spouse, I understand thatthat's something, because the
physical side of it is nevergoing to excel if the emotional
side of it is not stronger thanever.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
So you need to work on your emotional connection.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
But how do you do that?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Intentional time with each other, focusing on your
partner's needs, making sureyou're meeting each other's
needs.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Putting them at number two.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yes, putting them at number two in your life, above
yourself and above your childrenand above other people.
And you begin to do that.
Work on their love languages.
Understand their love language,make sure you are working
towards their love language sothey know how much they are
loved, and then that just buildsthe emotional connection.
Spend quality time with oneanother.
Put these phones away.
(25:40):
Don't sit on opposite sides ofthe couch scrolling TikTok or
Instagram or any of that stuff.
Spend intentional time together.
Works on the emotionalconnection.
I like that.
This one kind of goes alongwith try new things, but
actually give foreplay a shotand let it start way, way in
advance, even days in advance.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Explain.
Give me an example.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Be flirty with one another, oh yeah.
Be touchy, feely.
Let the kiss last a littlelonger than it normally would.
Send flirty text messages toeach other, let your partner
know that, hey, I'm feeling this, I'm thinking about you, you
are on my mind in this way.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I love when I get those messages from you that can
be Thinking about.
Hey, beautiful, I can't get youoff my mind.
I've been thinking about youall day.
I'm like, ooh, yes, he has.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
That's an act of foreplay which can only help
enhance things down the road.
And let's see here Take thingsslowly.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
It's not a rush.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Don't just rush into it.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
I mean sometimes it has to be.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Yeah, there's great times, especially if you have
your children.
There's absolute great timesfor that to happen.
It can be quick, it can beamazing, it can be amazing, but
take things slow, enjoy it, paceyourself.
It's not a sprint.
It's not a sprint.
It's not how fast you can getto the finish line.
You're not running for theOlympics, you're not trying to
get there as soon as youpossibly can.
There's a whole lot more tothat.
(27:09):
Take your time and enjoy eachother.
Last one I have here Bespontaneous.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
That's my favorite.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Why.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Spontaneous sex.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Why is that?
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Because you don't know what's going to.
You don't know, you did notexpect it to happen.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
True.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
You don't know when it's going to happen, where it's
going to happen, how it's goingto happen.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
I would say, to go along with being spontaneous,
take control.
I think this goes both ways.
I think women probably reallyappreciate when their man will
take control.
But I know for men especially,they love when their wives will
just take full control, willinitiate and just be in control.
(27:56):
It's a turn on for guys.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Yeah, especially when they don't expect it.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Totally.
But I would say for men andwomen be spontaneous, but take
control of the situation.
Let your spouse know I'm incharge of this.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
And when they do rush uh-uh.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Uh-huh, let them know .
Speaker 2 (28:14):
No.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Openly communicate during.
Let them know open can openlycommunicate during.
Let them know they're trying torush through, they're getting a
little too excited.
You're in control.
You slow them down.
Let them know.
Hey, I'm in control and I'mgonna do this the way that I
want to do this, and if you areable to do that, it can change
the game you can.
Anything you'd like to add forhow to improve sex if you suck
at sex.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
I'll be honest, I was not prepared for you to say you
suck at sex.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
No, we talked about this briefly this week, but you
did not want all the details.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
I said please don't tell me anything.
I have to hear all of this forthe first time while we record,
because this has got to behilarious, because I never
thought about things like this.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I mean, I know it's real, I know it's and there's
different reasons for it.
I'm not just saying, well,you're bad, you suck.
I mean there can be trauma inthe past that causes things to
trigger, and I don't want todiscount that at all.
There's definitely, you know,need to talk to people, have to
go to therapy about it.
You know, men, especially asyou get older, you got a problem
with the stuff workingsometimes.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
That's a real thing and listen, females have the
same issues.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Females have the same issues, but men, especially if
that's you, listen, I know a guy, he can help correct that, for
sure, not going to mentionanything else.
He can help correct that forsure, not going to mention
anything else.
But listen, you need help.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
I know a guy, he can make sure you help out.
Not that he helped you, but wehear the stories.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
I hear the stories.
They're incredible.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I don't believe that those things actually happen.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
It's hard to believe it, but then again I can totally
see it because I mean it's abasic need for men.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
The amount of men buying Cialis right now yes, and
the amount of men buying Cialisright now?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Yes, and this goes to another level.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
And the success stories.
I've heard from it, frompatients that he's had Life
changing with their spouses.
Yes, changes their wives aretaking them to the doctor.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Changes the game, help him.
And if that's you, because it'snatural.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Because that could also make you suck in bed.
But then it also brings yourconfidence down and you don't
want to do it, but your wifetakes you to the doctor.
Fix him, because I need thistaken care of.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I need him, great open communication.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I want him and this is real, don't be?
Speaker 1 (30:21):
embarrassed if this is you, because this is not
unnatural.
A lot of men run into this.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Because we've heard that stress, anxiety, certain
medications that you're takingcan honestly kill all of the
things where you're supposed touse it and you can't yes and if
you don't use it, you lose it.
That's a real thing totally areal thing.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
You got to use it, so use it and also kills uh
prostate cancer it does.
It helps with that.
Yes, you need to.
I think the studies are.
You need to finish 21 times amonth and it reduces the risk of
prostate cancer dramatically,like almost wipes it out
completely.
So if you're listening, keepthat in mind, both men and women
(31:06):
.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
21 times a month is and the older you get, the worse
prostate becomes an issue.
It's a huge issue for menespecially, and uh does that
mean, there's not just people,aren't just having sex anymore?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Uh, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
But that doesn't make sense to me because the amount
of abortions that were happeningand we overturned abortion
stuff and now birth rates areout of control, which blows my
mind, because where are thesebabies coming from if nobody's
having sex?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Well, birth rates are down across.
I mean, there's a there's afear with people that if we
continue the decrease in theamount of births that we're
having worldwide, it willextinct the population.
It is the lowest it has everbeen in the history.
Since they've been keeping upwith this, yes, Prior to
abortions oh, yeah, yeah, since,like the 1800s, we're at the
(32:00):
lowest rates we have ever seenwhen it comes to births across
the world.
It's not just in the UnitedStates, it's in countries all
over the world where where thereis a fear of, if we keep this
up, not saying in 20 years we'regoing to be extinct, but in
thousands of years, if thiskeeps up, we will cease to exist
, all because we stopped havingkids.
(32:20):
And there's a proper way tohave kids.
I mean, like you said from thevery beginning, god created all
this.
He created it in a certain wayand if we did it according to
the way he did it, we wouldn'tbe in all this mess to begin
with.
And when it comes to sex, howhe created it, I mean there are
not really any limits thrown onthat thing.
So enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Read the book of Psalms no songs of Solomon.
I mean read Psalms also.
It's incredible.
You need to read the wholething.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Songs of Solomon.
So help me, I suck in bed.
What do I do?
Go Ed, what do I do?
Go through that.
Listen, see if that qualifiesyou at all.
And if you do, there are somesteps you can take to try and
get better.
And even if you don't, thereare some steps where you could
probably improve it anyways,because why would you not want
to continue to try and improvethis, not just for yourself, but
(33:07):
your spouse, your family, yourfuture?
You'll be more productive atwork.
You'll be a better parent.
It's going to improve every areaof your life, I promise you
that On both sides, male andfemale, 100%.
So any final thoughts?
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
No.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
I want to know if I suck at sex.
Now I'm going no.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
No, not at all.
I can promise you that Ialready knew the answer to that
one.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
I know you did Just because of you.
I know You're welcome.
I love you.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Let's get out of here .
I love you, god.
We love you so much.
We are so thankful for what youare doing.
We're thankful for theseconversations, just the platform
that you have given us, lord.
(33:56):
We just pray that in the rightmoments for the people who need
to hear sex.
You created it.
We are thankful for it and, god, we pray that people will do it
according to your design,because your design is perfect
in every single way, lord, andwe thank you for that.
God, just thank you foreverything that you do.
We love you, we look to you andall that we do in Jesus name,
amen.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Amen.
So, help me, I suck in bed.
What do I do?
Go through this?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Why aren't people getting married anymore?
Speaker 2 (00:24):
A new Pew Research poll found that two in five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Marriage rates are at their lowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right, that's why you get
married, so that's why it'sdeclining.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Why would you get?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
married if you want to have just one partner when
you can have multiple Marriageis stupid.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Welcome to the Married AF podcast, the
self-proclaimed greatestmarriage relationship podcast in
the world.
We're your hosts, Matthew andMonica Powers.
Got a serious question, baby.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I hope you're ready for it.
Is it serious, serious?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
For someone.
Here's my thought.
Somebody listening this isgoing to resonate for them, I'm
sure of it.
You don't want it to.
Anyone listening has maybe.
I would say the vast majorityof people, especially men, have
probably thought about this.
They've worried about this.
They've been concerned thatthis could be a problem for them
, but there's going to besomeone out there who says this
(01:24):
has to be about this.
They've been concerned thatthis could be a problem for them
, but there's going to besomeone out there who that says
this has to be about sex.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I don't even know where this is going, but this
has to be about sex.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
It is, it is.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Especially if a man's worried about it.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Well then, that's the brain of men a lot of the time,
but they're concerned aboutthis, but there's going to be
someone out there that's goingto say oh no, oh no.
And there may be a wife outthere that's saying yep, yep,
yep, and we're here to try andfix that.
So the topic of the day, thequestion of the day, is what if
(01:59):
I suck in bed?
Suck in bed, it's a legitimatefear.
Men are scared to death of this.
I think there may be some womentoo.
But what if I suck at sex?
What in the world do I do?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Well, I'll say this If we would have all left it the
way God had it designed, whereyou just sleep with the person
you marry, no one would have tothink about this.
This is 100 true because no onewould know you know what
episode over?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
that's all you need to know.
Just do it the way he createdit.
But but of course we didn't.
We screwed it up.
I I love how it's been put inour church so many times.
God made it, we broke it.
Jesus fixed it Plain and simple.
We screwed it all up.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
We suck.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
We suck so, but when it comes to sex, what do I do if
I suck?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
How do you know if you suck?
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Bam, here it comes.
I've got ways to tell thatmaybe, just maybe, you are
struggling in this area andmaybe you do kind of suck at sex
.
Wait what Things to be able torecognize in your sex life of.
Hey, maybe I'm not so great atthis, but we're not just going
(03:21):
to point out the bad.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I cannot wait to hear this.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
We're also going to do give you some, some tips of
things you can do to hopefullyimprove your sex life.
That way, if you suck right now, maybe you won't suck forever,
you'll be happier, your spousewill be happier, and this goes
goes both ways.
Okay, so you know all of thequestions.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yes, and this goes both ways.
Okay, so you know all of thequestions.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yes, I know all of the reasons.
I've got them right here, right.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
But have you diagnosed yourself yet?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
No, I don't feel like I should.
Should I Well, I don't have anycomplaints, I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
But I'm curious because if that's a dude thing
to think about because honestlyI don't think about it- I mean I
can kind of diagnose as we gothrough.
That's just TMI.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Well, for other ears it very well could be.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
But I mean, how did you find this?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It was an article I found while eating lunch one day
.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I was like you know what, oh, my gosh Bam, this is
probably going to be good.
What is your research historylike?
Speaker 1 (04:20):
You know, let's not talk about that.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Oh my gosh that needs to be an episode.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
It should be.
No, this one actually came froma website, marriagecom.
Oh, okay, so and that's,they're reputable sources.
Okay, I'm not looking for.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
You didn't get this from the View.
I just need to see the vein inyour head, just start bulging,
it's going to pulsate just alittle bit.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
The View yeah, see the vein in your head.
Just start bulging, pulsatejust a little bit.
You've.
And our view yeah, the view we.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
That's a different episode.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Get back to your sex questions my goodness okay so
sorry, here are some things thatmaybe these questions you'd ask
yourselves.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Analyze yourself um are these for boys and girls?
This is for any person at alldo I?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I suck at sex, and if I do, what can I do?
So number one and I think thisis a no brainer.
If you're just not a fan of sex, you've done it and it's just
not important to you.
You just don't like it, youjust don't care about it.
You're like, eh, I could takeit or leave it.
When you think about it, itdoesn't excite you at all.
(05:23):
This could be a sign that hey,maybe you're not doing it right.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Obviously.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Or your spouse isn't doing it right.
I think this could be a part ofit.
Hey, maybe your spouse isn't sogreat at it, but if you still
think about it and you're stillexcited about it and you're like
, oh my God, it's just terrible,then hey, maybe this is the
conversation to have with yourspouse.
So first way to tell that hey,maybe I'm not very good at this
is when the idea of it and thethought of it, you don't get
(05:53):
very, very excited about it,cause I think most people, when
it is good and they think aboutit, they're going to think about
it often and it gets them very,very excited and they want to
go and do the deed.
Second way, and I think thiskind of falls in line with the
first one, that anytime thetopic of conversation of sex
(06:15):
comes up or you begin that act,you begin to get embarrassed
about sex embarrassed about sex.
Embarrassed about sexEmbarrassed about sex as in I'm
just embarrassed, I'm ashamed ofit, and this could just be a
sign that, hey, I'm probablymore fearful than anything that
I'm no good at this.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Okay, this is just.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Maybe my small brain is not comprehending the
embarrassment of sex, that whensex is brought up, I'm just.
I'm too embarrassed to thinkabout it, to talk about it,
because we're fully, like youknow, very openly about sex and
the importance of it, and Ithink as in you and I yes, or
(06:59):
culture in general well, culturein general has got it all wrong
.
Right, but I think if you cantalk openly with it and not just
saying in every conversation,hey, let me tell you about sex,
but when those conversationsarise, you're comfortable and
open to be able to talk about it, I believe that this is we are
good, that this is not aconversation enough people have.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
True.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Again, not saying that over every single dinner.
Well, let's talk about sex.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Let Again not saying that over every single dinner.
Well, let's talk about sex.
Let me tell you all about it,right?
But I don't think that makesyou bad at sex if you just don't
like talking about it?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Well, I think it could, because maybe you're a
little bit embarrassed about it.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I think embarrassed is the wrong word to use.
Well, I mean, I couldunderstand it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
I could understand it .
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Because I'm embarrassed for my performance,
so to speak.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
The third way Are there follow-ups to these?
Because there's so much that Ithink I need to say, but I'm not
saying it.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
No, so if you got it, you better say it Okay so what
you just said, repeat that.
The third way.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
No, the second one, but it was the.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Embarrassment.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
The ending that you just said.
Oh, my word.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Well, I'm not sure exactly what it is you're
looking for.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Something about the performance your performance is
lackluster.
You're not good.
Okay that there are times whenman we're ready and we want each
other.
Super bad, but I will be thefirst one to go.
It ain't happening tonight,cause I'm not going to half beep
sex.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yes, you're not going to, you're not going to, you're
not going to not go.
A hundred percent, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Because, uh, what happened before interrupted what
I wanted to do.
I had to exert too much energythat I didn't expect to exert,
because I was reserving thatenergy for sex.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (08:53):
It makes total sense and I think that's perfectly
fine because that's going tohappen.
Life happens, things happen,but when?
Speaker 2 (09:00):
it's that bad.
We're both laying there like,yeah, we'll pick this up
tomorrow.
Uh-huh, it happens when you arejust too exhausted to even kiss
you.
Better not be bumping uglies.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It happens from time to time, so I think that's where
you but it's an unexpectedsomething and it's a hey, we'll
press pause and we're definitelygoing to pick this up tomorrow,
no doubt about it Might dreamabout you real hard, but that's
a great, great thing.
The third one you have to planout the entire thing before you
do it.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
What is this?
A wrestling match.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I mean could be, but what it's saying is you can't be
as worse.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
You have to have the some of the people in the
business I still know you haveto have the whole thing planned
out.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Like I need one whole thing planned out, like I don't
make one, two, three and that'sit.
It also says that you stick tothe same one or two moves and
there is no flavor in it at all.
I could see that being the case.
The fourth way your partnerseems very disinterested in sex
and this kind of goes along withnumber one.
(10:02):
But yeah, if your partner islike no thanks, no thanks, no
thanks, Now sure that could be.
There could be other things.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
There could be a lot of different reasons.
Maybe they're getting it fromsomebody else because you ain't
interested or you suck.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Or you suck, and I think it could be a legitimate
thing that, hey, maybe you'rejust not so good and it's just
not happening.
Fifth one you've never askedyour partner what they like in
bed.
You've never had theconversation of hey, I really
like this, I want to try this.
Sex menu, people Sex menu.
Go get the sex menu.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Talk about it.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Test kitchen it.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Write the book Matthew Powers.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Yep, we'll get there at some point in time maybe, but
you never ask your partner whatit is they like.
I think it's very, veryimportant to ask your partner
what do you like, what do?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
you want, Not one of those weird in the moment.
Oh, you like that.
You like that, that kind ofweird stuff that you see in
movies.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Yeah, no, that's not real.
I mean, I'm not sure thathappens.
And if that's you, that thathey, maybe you're not doing this
totally correct.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
But in a non-sexual moment you bring it up and you
talk about it.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Couples are treat is what I think about.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Oh yes, with trudy yes, when she calls him yes he
hates all of it hates every bitof it but he doesn't care, but
he does because he's trying toget over his wife.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
But, um, yeah, you can't, just you can't go about
it that way.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
You got to not in the moment not in the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Talk about it beforehand or after or any other
time.
Say, hey, I want to talk aboutthis.
It's been on my mind.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I would like to do this, don't do it right before
you.
You know, jump the gun of, knowwe're about to get it on or in
the moment of maybe a littleforeplay, that that's not the
time to start that conversation.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
No, have a.
Have it outside of that, forsure, that way your partner,
maybe when no one is thinkingabout sex.
Yes, Well, and I mean you'realways thinking about sex.
It's a dude thing, it's fine, itis but that way your partner
can kind of digest, digest it alittle bit Like okay, because I,
you know, speaking for us andthere's others out there.
(12:13):
Hopefully we can have the veryopen dialogue where it's a hey,
I want to try and this, this,this and this, and it may be
wild and crazy, but we have avery nonjudgment test kitchen,
like you know.
Hey, as long as we're notharming each other, ourselves or
our relationship, sure, we'llgive it a shot.
(12:33):
Doesn't matter what it lookslike, but we're going to give it
a shot.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Or bringing another person in, absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
that's not on the table, never will be on the
table.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
That's non-negotiable .
Speaker 1 (12:40):
But everything else it's like all right, well, let's
give it.
Your partner may need a momentto digest that and be like, okay
, all right, okay, we willcertainly get there.
Another way where you might notbe good at this how many of
these do you have?
I got about four or five moreand then we're going to get ways
that you can try to overcomethis.
You treat sex like just anothertask.
(13:04):
This kind of goes to me withthe, with the schedulable sex,
which is not for us and it canwork for some people, but if you
allow it to be just somethingon the schedule like oh God, I
got another 8am meeting.
Oh, I hate this meeting.
I have to do it every week.
If it can become like that,then that's, you're probably not
not very good at it.
(13:24):
You're probably not very goodat it.
Another one you never engage inforeplay.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
You only get right to the point.
You're thinking I don'tunderstand how you get right to
the point if you don't have somekind of something.
No, well, you have to have somekind of something, and foreplay
isn't Because if you're alreadysucking at it, how are you
supposed to get the other onewhere they need to be?
To jump right to it?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
oh, you're, you're, you're exactly exactly right.
Um, and I think you know,foreplay goes a lot further and
begins way ahead of time, notjust the 5, 10 minutes, 15
minutes, however long before.
I mean.
You can initiate this a wholeday in advance, yeah, and it's
way better when you do that.
But we'll get to that.
Another one you are onlyfocused on yourself, and I think
(14:14):
this is a huge one.
When you're worried about youand what you're getting and how
you're feeling, yeah, you cantotally kind of it can be bad,
very, very bad for the otherperson.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
That means you't know .
Speaker 1 (14:25):
If that means, you suck, though I think it could.
It doesn't only mean that yousuck, but it definitely could,
because your partner is notgetting.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It means you suck as a person.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Well, it means your partner is not getting what they
want or what they enjoy.
Another one you keepapologizing.
Could you imagine that you keepapologizing over and, over and
over again?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
What are you apologizing for?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Who knows, there could be a number of different
things that you're apologizingfor.
What exactly?
Oh my gosh, all.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
I think of is forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Does it hurt you?
Because it hurts me.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Would you do that for me?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
No, god put our mouths on our face for a reason.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
No.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
God was a city planner.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Last couple here you were way too pushy and this kind
of goes right off of the lastone Is you're only concerned
about yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You're too pushy because you're only worried
about getting what you want.
It's a classic sign that youcould be bad at sex if you are
constantly begging for it.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Wait, what do you mean?
You're bad at sex because youwant it all the time.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Wanting it and begging it are two totally
different things.
Wanting it is letting yourpartner know you want it,
begging for it, it's a wholeother level.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
I mean, I don't care who you are.
I've never experienced that.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
No, I don't care who you are.
I think if someone isconstantly begging, for it
begging is not a pretty sight.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
No, it doesn't look good on somebody.
No, but I mean, there couldalso be other reasons for
someone to have to beg for it,especially if one person's not
into sex.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
There could totally be so many different reasons.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Okay, go to your things, cause that.
Well, how to fix it?
Or?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
You don't do any of the work Could be very one-sided
.
You can suck at this Boring andI think this one I see this one
all day You're overconfidentwhen you hear people brag about
how you're overconfident youhear people talk about how great
they are at something you know.
I just related to guys in theirhigh school sports stories oh,
(16:38):
yeah, about how great they wereand how amazing they were.
I think of d'angelo at theoffice.
Um, whenever he takes over frommichael and he talks about how
he can dunk a basketball andremember he can't dunk a
basketball, so Jim gets him downthere in the warehouse to dunk
the basketball and he ends uphurting himself and going to the
hospital.
I think of that really, withthe whole overconfidence thing.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
I mean, you know overconfident people and they
just don't live up to the hypeyeah, yes a hundred percent of
the time.
Don't meet your heroes, peoplea hundred percent of the time,
all right.
So say you suck in bed.
Okay, you're bad at this I'mI'm sucking in bed you're no
good at this, I am no good atthis and you've kind of walked
through some of this stuff andyou're thinking, well, that
(17:25):
could be me.
How do you fix that number oneway?
What do you think the numberone way would be to how to begin
how to fix this?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I've never been told to suck in bed well, that's true
, but it goes along witheverything else tell me powers
that we've ever said work oncommunication in bed goodness,
what a freaking shocker that iswork on communication that word
is so powerful in everysituation what in the world
(17:57):
people think.
Sex is only physical.
It says and they could not bemore wrong.
Talking during sex is important.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
During sex.
During sex Well, I do talkduring sex.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Before sex, after sex all important.
So how do you begin to improve?
You talk about it.
If you're married to someonewho loves you so much, they will
openly talk to you about thisand they will let you know hey,
this is really good and thisreally isn't, and you can begin
to work on.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
But be prepared to hear things you don't want to
know.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Uh, totally.
But if you're, you're seriousabout trying to make it better,
this will work.
Work on your confidence levels.
And see, I think this is hugewith you because you were you're
one of these most confidentpeople ever.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I've been told this, but I don't understand that.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Well, you are, and if you can kind of divulge just a
little snippet, because yourconfident levels are through the
roof and a lot of people lack awhole lot of confidence, not
just in sex, but throughouttheir entire lives.
So what is it?
How are you so, dadgum,confident with not just here,
(19:04):
but just about everything thatyou do Someone who is lacking
confidence?
What is one little thing thatthey could begin to do that
maybe would start to turn thetide for them just a little bit?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
I get asked this question a lot and I don't
understand.
Because I don't see myconfidence?
Maybe because I don't seemyself?
I Maybe because I don't seemyself I'm not on the outside
looking in, but for me I guessit has a lot to do with my
personality.
I just want to prove a lot ofpeople wrong.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
When I'm told I cannot do something, when I'm
told I cannot do something thatstrikes a nerve from the head to
the toes of my body and I haveto do way more than they said I
couldn't do, not to show off,just to prove a point.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
And when I do that it's just like hmm, did that,
that is true.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
So I don't know if that can pertain to being better
at sex.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Maybe some of them, but I think, even with that, a
lot of people if they're toldthey can't do something, they
believe it If they are told theycan't do something they believe
it.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Someone tells you you can't do something.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I'm completely opposite.
You're opposite, but outside ofthe sex thing, I think, just in
general, people are told well,you can't do that.
They're going to be like, yeah,you know what?
They're probably right, I can't, I'm going to fail, I'm not
going to be able to do that.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
And that and most people are also afraid of
confrontation.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I welcome it, and maybe I need to beg people to
tell me you can't do that, maybe.
And when you say you welcomeconfrontation, you're not
looking to pick fights.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
It's not like I'm looking to fight.
I am not afraid of it and Iwill hit it head on, get the
problem out the way and moveforward.
That's a part of communication.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
That's exactly it.
If a problem arises, you're notgoing to run from it.
You're going to be like allright, well, let's not scared of
it.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I'm not scared to talk about it.
I welcome knowing you have adifferent perspective than I do.
But it's not going to be anarguing back and forth or even a
debate.
I just want to hear your side,Then I will let you know my side
and then most of the time, itchanges the person's mind who
(21:31):
has something.
When they hear me say why I dothis or do that they were, it's
a, usually a.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Oh, that makes sense.
That's just the important ofopen dialogue.
Yes, but most of the time I am.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
I'm not a pessimistic person and their mind, most
people's mindsets, are that way,and I'm the one who's gonna
find that itty bitty ounce oflight and whatever destruction
is going on, because I will notsit in doom and gloom no, you
will not if you do not thrive inthat well, this is for
everybody.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
you are going to find exactly what it is.
You're trying to look forPeriod, whether it's good
whether it's bad, you will speakit to existence.
No matter what the situation is, you're going to look for that.
You're going to find that.
So, when it comes to yourconfidence, I mean, you know,
remember what the Lord saysabout you you are his
masterpiece, absol, absolutemasterpiece.
So that goes along foreverything.
But how to overcome when yousuck in bed?
(22:27):
Here's another one, and wetalked about this briefly try
new things appetizers appetizerswhat are your appetizers?
What's going to get you to themain course, what's going to
help lead you there, which leadsinto foreplay, which you know
earlier, one of the things youdon't engage in foreplay, you
don't like foreplay.
That's going to be one of thethings.
(22:47):
Try something brand new.
What this says is switch thingsup, do things different.
It says play a dirty game, tryrole playing with one another.
Hey, it works.
It can be great.
It can be a lot of fun.
Go to the test kitchen, figureit out.
Like we said earlier, nothingor not nothing.
It may work and it may changethings for the better.
(23:14):
Here's another one that I likeDedicate a night to your
partner's needs Strictly yourpartner's needs, where you're
not worried about what happensto you, you're not worried about
getting yours, you're notworried about what feels good to
you and making sure that you'resatisfied.
Dedicate a night strictly foryour partner.
Dedicate everything to them andmaking them get what they want
(23:37):
I feel like that could be.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That could turn into an issue long term why is that?
Because when you are onlypushing for one person on that
time, at that time they're goingto be more excited about that
day for them than the day foryou.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
That is true.
I can see that.
Now my hope would be that, ifthis is you and you do something
like this, that it can becomesomething that is worked in
regularly, where you are focusedon your partner's needs but
that's reciprocated from them toyou, and that's the way it's
supposed to be.
Right, it just goes back tomaking sure you're doing
(24:20):
everything for your partner, andif both of you are doing that,
oh buddy things are going to begreat, but we are selfish people
.
We are.
We are selfish, selfish people,and only word about ourselves.
The next one work on yourexplain.
Well, I'm not very emotional Idisagree.
You have to have a strongemotional connection with your
(24:42):
spouse, okay.
And if that's not there, thatkind of emotion absolutely but
that's not there the way I wasunderstanding.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
That was you want to cry a lot or you have feelings
for weird things.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
No, how strong your emotional connection is with
your spouse, I understand thatthat's something, because the
physical side of it is nevergoing to excel if the emotional
side of it is not stronger thanever.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
So you need to work on your emotional connection.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
But how do you do that?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Intentional time with each other, focusing on your
partner's needs, making sureyou're meeting each other's
needs.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Putting them at number two.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yes, putting them at number two in your life, above
yourself and above your childrenand above other people.
And you begin to do that.
Work on their love languages.
Understand their love language,make sure you are working
towards their love language sothey know how much they are
loved, and then that just buildsthe emotional connection.
Spend quality time with oneanother.
Put these phones away.
(25:40):
Don't sit on opposite sides ofthe couch scrolling TikTok or
Instagram or any of that stuff.
Spend intentional time together.
Works on the emotionalconnection.
I like that.
This one kind of goes alongwith try new things, but
actually give foreplay a shotand let it start way, way in
advance, even days in advance.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Explain.
Give me an example.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Be flirty with one another, oh yeah.
Be touchy, feely.
Let the kiss last a littlelonger than it normally would.
Send flirty text messages toeach other, let your partner
know that, hey, I'm feeling this, I'm thinking about you, you
are on my mind in this way.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I love when I get those messages from you that can
be Thinking about.
Hey, beautiful, I can't get youoff my mind.
I've been thinking about youall day.
I'm like, ooh, yes, he has.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
That's an act of foreplay which can only help
enhance things down the road.
And let's see here Take thingsslowly.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
It's not a rush.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Don't just rush into it.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
I mean sometimes it has to be.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Yeah, there's great times, especially if you have
your children.
There's absolute great timesfor that to happen.
It can be quick, it can beamazing, it can be amazing, but
take things slow, enjoy it, paceyourself.
It's not a sprint.
It's not a sprint.
It's not how fast you can getto the finish line.
You're not running for theOlympics, you're not trying to
get there as soon as youpossibly can.
There's a whole lot more tothat.
(27:09):
Take your time and enjoy eachother.
Last one I have here Bespontaneous.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
That's my favorite.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Why.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Spontaneous sex.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Why is that?
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Because you don't know what's going to.
You don't know, you did notexpect it to happen.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
True.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
You don't know when it's going to happen, where it's
going to happen, how it's goingto happen.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
I would say, to go along with being spontaneous,
take control.
I think this goes both ways.
I think women probably reallyappreciate when their man will
take control.
But I know for men especially,they love when their wives will
just take full control, willinitiate and just be in control.
(27:56):
It's a turn on for guys.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Yeah, especially when they don't expect it.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Totally.
But I would say for men andwomen be spontaneous, but take
control of the situation.
Let your spouse know I'm incharge of this.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
And when they do rush uh-uh.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Uh-huh, let them know .
Speaker 2 (28:14):
No.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Openly communicate during.
Let them know open can openlycommunicate during.
Let them know they're trying torush through, they're getting a
little too excited.
You're in control.
You slow them down.
Let them know.
Hey, I'm in control and I'mgonna do this the way that I
want to do this, and if you areable to do that, it can change
the game you can.
Anything you'd like to add forhow to improve sex if you suck
at sex.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
I'll be honest, I was not prepared for you to say you
suck at sex.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
No, we talked about this briefly this week, but you
did not want all the details.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
I said please don't tell me anything.
I have to hear all of this forthe first time while we record,
because this has got to behilarious, because I never
thought about things like this.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I mean, I know it's real, I know it's and there's
different reasons for it.
I'm not just saying, well,you're bad, you suck.
I mean there can be trauma inthe past that causes things to
trigger, and I don't want todiscount that at all.
There's definitely, you know,need to talk to people, have to
go to therapy about it.
You know, men, especially asyou get older, you got a problem
with the stuff workingsometimes.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
That's a real thing and listen, females have the
same issues.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Females have the same issues, but men, especially if
that's you, listen, I know a guy, he can help correct that, for
sure, not going to mentionanything else.
He can help correct that forsure, not going to mention
anything else.
But listen, you need help.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
I know a guy, he can make sure you help out.
Not that he helped you, but wehear the stories.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
I hear the stories.
They're incredible.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I don't believe that those things actually happen.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
It's hard to believe it, but then again I can totally
see it because I mean it's abasic need for men.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
The amount of men buying Cialis right now yes, and
the amount of men buying Cialisright now?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Yes, and this goes to another level.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
And the success stories.
I've heard from it, frompatients that he's had Life
changing with their spouses.
Yes, changes their wives aretaking them to the doctor.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Changes the game, help him.
And if that's you, because it'snatural.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Because that could also make you suck in bed.
But then it also brings yourconfidence down and you don't
want to do it, but your wifetakes you to the doctor.
Fix him, because I need thistaken care of.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I need him, great open communication.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I want him and this is real, don't be?
Speaker 1 (30:21):
embarrassed if this is you, because this is not
unnatural.
A lot of men run into this.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Because we've heard that stress, anxiety, certain
medications that you're takingcan honestly kill all of the
things where you're supposed touse it and you can't yes and if
you don't use it, you lose it.
That's a real thing totally areal thing.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
You got to use it, so use it and also kills uh
prostate cancer it does.
It helps with that.
Yes, you need to.
I think the studies are.
You need to finish 21 times amonth and it reduces the risk of
prostate cancer dramatically,like almost wipes it out
completely.
So if you're listening, keepthat in mind, both men and women
(31:06):
.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
21 times a month is and the older you get, the worse
prostate becomes an issue.
It's a huge issue for menespecially, and uh does that
mean, there's not just people,aren't just having sex anymore?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Uh, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
But that doesn't make sense to me because the amount
of abortions that were happeningand we overturned abortion
stuff and now birth rates areout of control, which blows my
mind, because where are thesebabies coming from if nobody's
having sex?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Well, birth rates are down across.
I mean, there's a there's afear with people that if we
continue the decrease in theamount of births that we're
having worldwide, it willextinct the population.
It is the lowest it has everbeen in the history.
Since they've been keeping upwith this, yes, Prior to
abortions oh, yeah, yeah, since,like the 1800s, we're at the
(32:00):
lowest rates we have ever seenwhen it comes to births across
the world.
It's not just in the UnitedStates, it's in countries all
over the world where where thereis a fear of, if we keep this
up, not saying in 20 years we'regoing to be extinct, but in
thousands of years, if thiskeeps up, we will cease to exist
, all because we stopped havingkids.
(32:20):
And there's a proper way tohave kids.
I mean, like you said from thevery beginning, god created all
this.
He created it in a certain wayand if we did it according to
the way he did it, we wouldn'tbe in all this mess to begin
with.
And when it comes to sex, howhe created it, I mean there are
not really any limits thrown onthat thing.
So enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Read the book of Psalms no songs of Solomon.
I mean read Psalms also.
It's incredible.
You need to read the wholething.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Songs of Solomon.
So help me, I suck in bed.
What do I do?
Go Ed, what do I do?
Go through that.
Listen, see if that qualifiesyou at all.
And if you do, there are somesteps you can take to try and
get better.
And even if you don't, thereare some steps where you could
probably improve it anyways,because why would you not want
to continue to try and improvethis, not just for yourself, but
(33:07):
your spouse, your family, yourfuture?
You'll be more productive atwork.
You'll be a better parent.
It's going to improve every areaof your life, I promise you
that On both sides, male andfemale, 100%.
So any final thoughts?
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
No.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
I want to know if I suck at sex.
Now I'm going no.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
No, not at all.
I can promise you that Ialready knew the answer to that
one.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
I know you did Just because of you.
I know You're welcome.
I love you.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Let's get out of here .
I love you, god.
We love you so much.
We are so thankful for what youare doing.
We're thankful for theseconversations, just the platform
that you have given us, lord.
(33:56):
We just pray that in the rightmoments for the people who need
to hear sex.
You created it.
We are thankful for it and, god, we pray that people will do it
according to your design,because your design is perfect
in every single way, lord, andwe thank you for that.
God, just thank you foreverything that you do.
We love you, we look to you andall that we do in Jesus name,
amen.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Amen.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
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The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.