October 15, 2024 • 31 mins
We argue that enduring joy—rather than fleeting happiness—is essential for a fulfilling relationship. Drawing wisdom from John, chapter four, we emphasize the need for lasting joy, much like an unending source of fulfillment rather than a temporary fix.
We then transition into the vital role of self-reflection in rebuilding strained marriages. Often, individuals hastily blame their partners for marital dissatisfaction, overlooking their own contributions to the issues at hand. We stress that mutual effort and open communication are key in effective marriage counseling. Both partners must be committed to the process to see real change. Furthermore, we consider the broader impact of relationship problems, which extends beyond the couple to affect children, friends, family, and careers. Our message is one of hope—true reconciliation and stronger relationships are achievable with the right approach and a willingness to seek help.
Finally, rational decision-making over emotional impulses can be a game-changer in relationships. Emotional reactions often lead to poor outcomes, and having friends who hold us accountable can make a significant difference. We emphasize honest communication, self-awareness, and collaborative problem-solving. Additionally, the misconception that ending a marriage will lead to greater happiness is critically examined, revealing that many regret such decisions. We close with a heartfelt message encouraging listeners to cherish their relationships, recognize their inherent worth, and appreciate the divine design for marriage and family. Tune in to find out why nurturing your current relationship may be the best decision you ever make.
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
here's a question for you is marriage overrated?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
why aren't people getting married anymore?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
a new pew research poll found that two and five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Marriage rates are at their lowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married.
So that's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
to have just one partner when you can have
multiple Marriage?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
is stupid.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Welcome to the Married AF podcast, the
self-proclaimed greatestmarriage and relationship
podcast in the world.
My name is Matthew Powers.
Alongside my beautiful wifeMonica, we are your hosts for
the show.
Baby, how you doing, how?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
you doing.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
How you doing the Joey Tribbiani how you doing.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
You know exactly what that means.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
You have no lipstick in your teeth whatsoever.
I love your lipstick, though.
How you doing.
Hey, everyone, welcome to thewhatsoever.
I love your lipstick, though.
How you doing.
Hey, everyone, welcome to theshow.
I got a quick question before wedive into everything, because
this is the meat and the heartof the show Is your relationship
worth saving?
Duh 53% of people do not knowif that is a duh answer or not,
(01:23):
and that is what we're going totalk about today.
But before we do, thank youeveryone who is here who is
watching.
If you haven't subscribed toYouTube, you need to.
You're really missing out onall the stuff.
If you aren't, you can watch us.
You can see everything thathappens here.
That's what you were doing.
It happens, but thank youeveryone who is here, who
watches, who listens.
(01:44):
Leave us a review, like it,share it with someone, subscribe
.
If this helps you, maybe itcould help somebody else.
Let someone else know about it,share it with people.
It's amazing what is happening,the reach that it has.
God, we are thankful for it andwe just want to try and have
people have the samerelationship experiences that
we've had.
They're not always sunshine andrainbows, but, man, they are
(02:07):
worth it.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yes, 100%, not 53%.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Not 53%, no, not whatsoever.
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So, baby, yep is yourrelationship worth saving?
Duh, absolutely it is.
(03:14):
But here was a a poll that wasdone recently that found that 53
of all people who are in aserious, committed relationship
whether that is someone who youare right there with you're not
married yet, you're not engagedyet, but it's a serious
relationship, people who areengaged, people who are married.
What we have learned is 53% ofthose people have a constant
(03:41):
question to themselves Is mycurrent relationship worth
saving?
What are your thoughts aboutthat?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
they're concerned about their current relationship
.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
More than half are saying is this worth it?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Because they're too worried and interested about the
one they have on deck.
They don't have relationship.
If they are worried that theirrelationship is worth saving,
they're not in a relationship.
They're in a situation ship.
They are too worried about whois on deck and who's in the hole
(04:24):
I'm sorry, I couldn't helpmyself.
You did that on purpose no, I'mseriously thinking baseball
terms and not being pervertedright now.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
The DOD Dong on deck.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
They're worried about the dong on deck.
Dong on deck sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
No, you're right.
If you are thinking this way.
I really need to ask yourselfthis question how serious is
this relationship really?
If you are looking for anotherrelationship or wondering, hmm,
what else might be out there?
Why do people feel that way?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Because they don't have joy, they only have
happiness.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
And happiness is fleeting, it does not last.
Joy is something that lastsforever.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Happiness is something you're always going to
be chasing because you're nevergoing to keep it.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
You're exactly right, you're not.
You're going to grab it for aminute and man going after and
getting that dong on deck, it'sgonna feel great for a minute
and you're gonna love it formaybe a month but then you're
gonna need to get another one.
But then you're gonna need tofind another one.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
You're gonna need more, because you're saying that
was great, that was fun, thatwas exciting, but it's not
filling the need that Icurrently have no, and the best,
the best way I can give apicture of what it's like is
when you put gas in your car andyou fill it all the way up.
(05:46):
You could only drive so faruntil you have to fill it up
again.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
You're correct.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
And when you have to fill it up again, you're going
to go until you have to fill itup again.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yes, you do not have an endless supply that just you
never have to fill up again,which is happiness.
It is.
You're totally right.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
But when you have joy , you don't have to worry about
what tank is going to run onempty.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
No, you're exactly right.
Well, it all goes back to John,chapter four, and Jesus and the
woman at the well, and that'sthe whole idea and the whole
purpose of the woman at the well, where?
And if you don't know thisstory, it's the longest recorded
conversation that Jesus haswith anybody in the Bible.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
You're not even supposed to talk to women of
different races.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I was going to say, in this time and in this culture
, men and women one.
We're not necessarily supposedto speak to each other, but
Jesus being of Jewish descentand this being a Samaritan woman
, from Samaria, they hated eachother.
Like Jewish people would not gothrough Samaria, they would go
the dangerous long way just sothey wouldn't have to deal with
the people.
It was just like nah, bro, wegot, we got a place, we got to
(06:52):
go.
And he stopped at this wellwhile while the disciples, they
went out and they were lookingfor food, doing whatever they
were doing.
And this woman comes and she'sgetting water from the well.
Now, another thing to note ofthis is that this was a
community thing.
When women would go draw waterfrom the well, they would
usually do it in groups, theywould do it together.
They'd go early in the morning.
She had to go later in the daybecause she was looked at as
(07:14):
less than by her whole community, and we learn throughout that
story why that is.
So she's getting water andJesus says hey, can I have some
of your water?
I'm thirsty.
And she's like well, you don'thave anything to drink out of.
You didn't bring anything.
You know, I can't help you.
And it eventually goes on to say, hey, the water that I will
give you, you will never have tothirst again.
And she's like what are youtalking about?
(07:34):
And he's saying I had theliving water.
And what he is saying is hey,you couple, always be full with
me.
You will always have joy withme.
You will not have this fleetingemptiness of happiness that you
have to come back to the wellday after day after day after
day again to keep filling thatcup because I am here.
And eventually lets her knowhey, I'm the Messiah.
And he does this by saying, hey, why don't you go tell your
(07:57):
husband about this?
And that's how where we learnedthat, hey, she's not like
anyone, cause she's had five ofthose jokers and she's hooked up
with some dude now who isn'ther husband, and Jesus lets us
be known.
And she's like, oh, my God, yougotta be a prophet.
He's like, no, no one to say,hey, I'm here for everybody no
(08:20):
matter how screwed up you are,but the whole point of it is I
am more than enough than thethings that you need of this
world.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
My cup runneth over.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
So that's the perfect example of happiness versus joy
.
Now, when it comes to yourrelationship, if you're just
seeking happiness, you're goingto fall short and you're going
to miss out on it, because,especially if you're just
seeking happiness, you're goingto fall short and you're going
to miss out on it because,especially if you're married,
this is the single mostimportant relationship that you
have on earth.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Period Like you come second in my life Absolutely,
and you know that.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
But the moment I don't we got problems.
I'll smack you up.
We got problems but knock somesense into you.
And you most certainly have theright to do that.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
But this is the most important relationship.
So for you to question, hey, isthis worth saving?
Man, that raises some red flags.
And where I think that thistypically comes from is people
are always looking for the nextbest thing.
Like you said, the DOD they'relooking for the next person, the
next relationship.
That the DOD, they're lookingfor the next person, the next
relationship, that situationship because they're looking at
(09:21):
their current situation and wetalked about it a few episodes
ago.
They're looking at theircurrent situation and thinking
man, this isn't what I thoughtit was going to be.
Man, this isn't as exciting asit's portrayed on Instagram.
This isn't.
You know, he is not the man ofmy dreams who does all of these
things for me.
He's got to work and make aliving.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Heaven forbid.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
He's not fulfilling these needs, and it goes both
ways for men.
But I think the problem isyou're looking for the grass
being greener and you're lookingover the neighbor's fence
thinking his grass is muchbetter.
His lawn is well taken care of.
I need to try somethingdifferent, because we think the
grass is always greener on theother side, but when we think
(10:06):
that what we typically find outis we need to take care of our
own lawn first because it's notnecessarily better to get just
greener and you have to stoplooking for that from, uh, for
validation from other people,because that's exactly where
this is totally coming from.
So, to answer the question is myrelationship worth saving?
Heck, yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It should be now.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
There might be some, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I'll be the first to say there's a loophole for just
about everything.
I will say there are probablysome relationships that aren't
worth saving especially well,any men or women.
But if you're in any type ofabusive relationship, you, you
know we're not saying you stayin the relationship, no matter
what.
If you're being abusedphysically, mentally,
emotionally, however, no, that'snot okay I fully believe anyone
(10:57):
can change.
You know, when we find Jesus,anybody can change.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
We are living proof.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
There's millions of examples of that happening.
But if they are unwilling toseek help, if they're unwilling
to turn from their old ways, ifthey're unwilling to change in
any way, that's better for youand better for the relationship
then, yeah, you need to get outof the relationship, even if you
(11:22):
are married and hates divorceand he only really gives one
reason why you can divorce, andthat's infidelity.
But if you are in an abusiverelationship and that person is
not going to change and itcontinues to happen, your safety
is key and it's a major concern.
You have to get out of it.
Yeah, grass is probably greenersomewhere else if he's beating
on you every night.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
And men, if she is constantly verbally abusive to
you, yeah, those are things tolook out for and reasons to get
out of.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I mean don't think by any means that men don't get
beat in relationships too,Because it happens, it does they
just have the restraint to holdback and not do anything about
it, because they were probablyraised right.
Don't hit a woman.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, never.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Unlike children today .
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Well, you see this in the school.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Pisses me off.
I get so mad.
Why are you laying hands on agirl?
Should I hit you first?
Touch her again.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, don't.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
There is no fear of God in anyone anymore.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
No, no, there's not.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
And it makes me mad.
So if they're not afraid of God, they sure as hell better be
scared of me.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah, men, you don't put your hands on a woman Now to
defend yourself in a way, butyou're not retaliating anyways,
you can grab, you can hold.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Restrain.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
You can restrain, but you don't provoke whatsoever.
That's never okay, but I agreeit's a horrible thing to see.
So if you are contemplating,hey, is my marriage worth saving
?
I think you need to askyourself some serious questions.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
What are the questions?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
What caused you to get to this point?
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Why are you thinking like this?
What?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
are the things that happened.
What are the events?
What caused you to get to thispoint?
Why are you thinking like this?
What are the things thathappened?
You know, what are the eventsthat transpired over the last
however long six months, a year,last few years that has caused
you to get to this point andreally be able to answer those
questions of?
Not what caused you, buttypically, I think what people
are going to find is, at somepoint things got a little stale
(13:21):
and we just kind of went throughthe motions the honeymoon phase
ended we wake up, we get readydo the same things
Speaker 1 (13:27):
we go to work, it's tedious, it's monotonous.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
We come home, we eat dinner, we go to bed and we wake
up and we do that every singleday and that gets you so boring.
Where's the excitement in allof that?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Have we always lived like this?
I don't remember ever doinganything fun.
I just think of Eeyore totally,totally think of Eeyore.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
But so what caused you to get to this point?
Why did things get stale?
How did this happen?
When did you notice thishappening and kind of go back
and say, all right, what werethose top things?
Don't just look at it as I'munhappy.
And they got to go.
I got to find someone else,because that other person's
going to make me happy.
Chances are that's not going tohappen.
(14:11):
Chances are, if you did thisand you found that new person,
you're going to go through theexact same thing you just went
through and it's going to bejust a nasty cycle that goes
over and over and over again.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
And guess what?
You're never going to find thatit's a you problem.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
You don't want to find that it's a you problem.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
No one wants to take claim over themselves being a
problem now.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
And that's that's the difficult part of this is when
you ask, okay, what caused me toget to this point?
We're typically going to pointthe finger at the other person
and say, well, they don't dothis and he doesn't do this and
he doesn't treat me like thisand she acts like this and she
doesn't give me this and I'm notgetting what I need, and we're
just listing all these thingsthat they aren't doing.
But how often can we?
(14:58):
Can we turn, look ourselves inthe mirror, turn the finger back
on ourselves and say, okay, howdid I contribute to this
problem?
How did I contribute to usgetting to where we are?
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Now would probably be a great time for us to say hey,
if this is you, we do marriagecounseling absolutely, it would
be and I know that that's what Iwas looking up to see if our
statistics of locations likewhere yeah, it's still New York,
(15:31):
los Angeles, san Jose, chicago,miami, dallas, arizona are top
listeners.
So thank you.
So obviously we can't be in NewYork all the time because we
live in Alabama and I'm startingto think that they just like us
because of our accent andthat's fine too.
Sure, maybe what we say you canget something out of, but
(15:54):
there's nothing that a facetime,a zoom call I said, there's
plenty of technology that can'twould not keep us from being
able to do that wherever you arelocated no, I totally agree.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
No, that that is a great point.
No, if this is you, um, this issomething that we can
definitely help with and we'rewilling to do.
No, if this is you, this issomething that we can definitely
help with and we're willing todo that.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
This is why we have the podcast.
It is the whole reason why weare very passionate about
relationships, and the mostimportant relationship that you
have on this earth with anotherhuman is your spouse.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It is, and it's got to be, something that you I hate
to use the word work, but youdo have to put in the effort
with it.
So, yeah, if you're, if you'rethinking this and like, well,
you know, we've, we've triedcounseling before.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Well, we did this, we did that.
And and you didn't do it in theway it should have been done.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Well, and secondly, in my experience, usually when,
when you go to couplescounseling, one of the two
parties doesn't want to be there.
And they're not putting theeffort in.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
They're dragged.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
They're there because they have to be and this is the
so-called last ditch effort,and they're just like, oh, let
me get through this and whatever.
But if both parties come into acounseling session or sessions,
it takes more than one comeinto it and they're both willing
to work, they're both willingto peel back the laters, they're
both willing to have opendialogue and open conversation
(17:21):
and they're willing to admittheir own faults and say, all
right, yeah, maybe this is whereI screwed up.
Or to take constructivecriticism.
And if you're willing to do allthat, it's amazing what can
come out of that.
I mean, you can see truereconciliation, true forgiveness
, and see you come out of thisstronger than you could have
(17:41):
ever possibly even thought.
So I agree, if this is you, wecan definitely we're happy to at
least have a conversation aboutit yeah.
And if that's you, just reachout to us.
Find us on the social medias,let us know, just send us a
message.
Send us a message.
Let us know We'll be happy toMatthew will find it.
Yeah, exactly, I'll find it.
We'll be happy to help, becausethat's the other half of it is
(18:02):
okay.
What are the I think ourstuff's on the website too,
though it is.
So, just find a way, aconversation about it, because
this is like you said, it's themost important relationship, not
just for you, because itaffects both of you so deeply,
not just as together, but asindividuals.
(18:24):
But you also have to thinkabout, when you are thinking
this way, who all else does thisactually impact?
I mean, if you have kids, itimpacts those kids tremendously.
It impacts your friends, yourfamily, your coworkers.
It does impact your career.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
It does Because, well , think about your friends.
If you decide, okay, this isnot worth saving, and you get a
divorce, if you have friendsthat are on friends with both of
you, those friends have to pick.
I don't know why that's a thingbut they do but they have to
(18:55):
because you want them and theother person wants them to be
their friends.
But they can't be friends withboth of you because they were
friends with both of you tobegin with, so they're going to
pick the one.
That was the reason why y'allbecame friends in the first
place.
Kids have to choose whichparents they're going to live
with, if it, if they're the agewhere they can choose they do
and actually they got to splityour weekends.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
I, I took grandparents um, and and you
hate to see that, but I didthrough this study there was a
part about this and who itimpacts in kids, and what this
study found was because you know, people think kids are.
They just don't get it, theydon't understand.
Uh, but they're a lot moreobservant than you think.
The studies showed that kidswould prefer a broken home where
(19:38):
the parents did split up overan unhappy home wow and think
about that and we see in ourcountry today especially what a
broken home does to kids.
I mean the the stats don't.
When a father figure is notthere, it's exponentially worse
(19:58):
for that child and them havingtrouble not just with learning
but having discipline problemstheir development.
It's important for both the momand the dad to be in the home
together and a happy hometogether, to raise children
together, and the benefits thatit has for children is so huge.
(20:19):
Yeah, I mean this.
God created it.
He designed it this way.
I know we've decided that, hey,we've got a better way of doing
it.
We don't we don't, god, wedon't need your plan in all of
this.
We got a better way to do it.
We're going to be separated,we're going to have our own
things.
We're going to hook up withwhoever wants it.
The kids will be fine.
When we went out of sight ofhis plan, we screwed it all up.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Well, now I'm finding those parents that do have
children and they're the singlemom type of homes.
If there's something going onat school and these children are
athletes, they do not care.
If you call parents, dad's notgoing to answer.
Anyways.
Mom, she's not going to dealwith it because she's too busy
(21:00):
working two jobs and taking careof all the kids.
These kids are now more worriedabout you telling their coach
than their parents.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Because that coach has stepped in as a father
figure or a parental figure, amother figure.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
It's sad.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
It's horrible because that's not how it's supposed to
be, and thank the Lord forcoaches and for teachers who are
in the schools and spend somuch time with the students and
who have taken, because there'snot many of them.
But there are coaches andteachers who take kids under
their wing and almost parentthem, and not in the way you
know, not in a negative way topush agendas or anything, but
(21:38):
just in a loving hey.
I recognize that this kid ismissing a whole lot at home and
I recognize that this kiddoesn't have the love at home
that they pot, that they reallyneed, so I'm going to give that
to them.
It may not be in the capacitythat they ultimately need, but
this is the best I can offer andit's more than they're
currently getting.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
And without coaches and everything, just imagine
what it would do, because theytake them in and they do so much
for them.
So listen, if this is you oneof the biggest things to
understand, because this is whathappens don't let your emotions
drive your decisions.
Feelings-based decisions neverwork out.
I mean, the Bible teaches us, Iknow you, know people, the
(22:18):
heart's the most deceitful thing.
The most deceitful you know.
Everyone says I'll just go withyou.
Know, go with your heart, letyour heart lead you.
Don't do that.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
It's deceitful.
Live your truth.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
The heart will mess you up in a heartbeat, so
quickly will it mess you upBecause you're thinking, because
I feel a certain way, I got todo this and I got to act on it
this way, or because someonesaid something well, now I have
to do this and this is how Ifeel about it.
No one cares how you feel.
The feeling is the feeling and,yeah, it can be justified and
it can be how you feel, but youdon't need to act on that
(22:49):
decision whatsoever.
I mean, it's going to endpoorly if you act on that
decision.
It's not the way that you wantto go, whatsoever.
So don't let your emotionsdrive your decisions at all.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
No, and most of the time, when you do follow your
feelings and your feelings gethurt, they probably need to be
hurt.
Most of the time For you to beable to make a right decision.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Because things are going to be called out in you
and if you're mature enough,you'll take that.
And yeah, you may be pissed offfor a minute.
It may take a few days, but youwill eventually get to the
point, like you know what theywere right.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
It might taste bitter coming out of your mouth.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Oh, you absolutely hate everything about it.
But you're like, yeah, you knowwhat they were they were right
about that.
And I got some things that Ineed to change, and this is why
it's important Making a rationaldecision with your brain, not
your heart or feelings.
Yes, and to be able to have thepeople in your life, be able to
have those close friends who youdo life with, who will call you
(23:46):
out and who aren't afraid tosay hey, this may hurt the
friendship for a week or two,you may hate my guts for a
little while, but this is thebest thing for you and because I
love you, I'm not going to letyou go down this path.
Instead, I'm going to let youknow hey, you're being a
complete jerk right now.
Hey, you're headed down a paththat's not good for you.
I'm going to let you know aboutit.
I'm going to let you know whata bad decision this is and you
(24:09):
need to freaking stop it, turnaround and stop doing this.
You're better than this.
And yeah, you're going to be madat them, but because they love
you and they would rather seeyou not go down this path than
what the friendship is and Idon't want to say anything that
may make them no, that's notwhat it's all about Let them
know, hey, you screwed up,you're awful, and you realize
like, oh man, okay, fine.
(24:32):
And then once you can kind ofask yourself those questions and
you realize that be able tohave that conversation with your
spouse that is open and you'reable to bring up and recognize
the all right.
This is what I see, this iswhat I felt, but this is how I
(24:53):
contributed to it.
This was my part to play.
This is how I contributed to it.
This was my part to play.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
It's a hard thing to do, but it needs to be done or
it has to be done.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Otherwise you're not going to make it.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Otherwise, 100% of that 53% will end the
relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Every time and it may be prolonged a little bit, but
until you really have thatconversation, say, okay, these
are the mistakes I brought tothe table, these are the ones
you brought to the table.
We need to work on thesetogether and work these out, and
that's how you get over this.
Don't be a part of this 53%who's thinking, ooh, would it be
better, is this actually worthsaving?
And one other thing I just wantto touch on real quick is
(25:36):
because some of this can beregards to what we said earlier,
that dong on deck, looking forsomeone who's a little bit
better, who's a little moreattractive.
What's the sex going to be like?
Because sex drives, it'semotional decisions and it
drives that and we say, ooh,that person looks good, ooh, I
think I'd like to hook up withthem, and it's that.
(25:59):
Let me get this little piece ofhappiness.
Let me get this little pieceand I'll be okay.
But when we really look at itand you really see, okay,
attractiveness and and and sexwho is really out there?
That's going to be involved.
I mean, if you really looked atthe options out there, the ones
(26:19):
you probably want to go afterare probably unattainable.
The ones you want to go after,probably already attached and
probably married.
That's not ever going to happen.
Hopefully, hopefully not.
What pool are you really goingto be drawing from and is that
really?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
going to be worth it.
You've got to take a gut checkto see what level you are on.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Yeah.
You might have high standards,but, sweetheart, they're not
attainable.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
No, because if you're , you know you might think you
have the power of the puseta.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Which women do.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
It's a.
Thing.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
But if you're going after that guy who has
everything together and he'sstable and he has a great job
and he makes good money and he'sgot everything you're desiring
and looking for, guess what?
Speaker 1 (27:13):
He ain't looking for you.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
No, he's married, he's got kids, he's got a wife,
he's got a family.
And that's why he's got it alltogether, and they are way more
important than that stuff thatyou, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Side hustle is going to it ain't going to do it.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Make him want to lose what he has, I mean ultimately
just look at what the optionsare, and are those options worth
everything that I currentlyhave?
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Just that one time that you have sex with him.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Is it going to be worth ruining your relationship?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
1,000% of the time, nope.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Does it matter who it is?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
No, it's not.
And we will say things likewell, I haven't been able to
have these experiences and Ihaven't been able to have these
experiences and I haven't beenable to have that.
And you know I've got a wildside that I just need cured, and
you know I haven't had this.
And you know we take after theexperience rather than the hope
of what is out there and what itcan be.
With my current situation, withmy current spouse, it's not
(28:13):
worth it.
Nope, not worth it at all.
So to answer the question isyour relationship worth saving
as long as it's not abusive?
Absolutely it is.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I'm just proud of the other 47%.
Yes, very proud.
That's not questioning.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
It's not questioning it at all and realistically,
that should be way, way, wayhigher.
And if this is you, if you arestruggling, listen, we said it,
reach out to us, we'll talk toyou.
At least have a singleconversation, just kind of talk
through.
Okay, if you were to considerthis, this is what it really
really looks like and youmarried this person for a reason
(28:51):
.
There are great qualities there.
So, yeah, let's make sure youremember that, let's reflect on
that, bring that back to thesurface.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
That makes me think of um hold on hold on couples
retreat okay at the end, where Ican't remember his name in the
movie.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Shane.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Shane sees his wife Jennifer.
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Because he was there with Trudy.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Because he was with Trudy Bang bang pow, pow.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
So he went out in the pool and found someone like 20
years younger than him.
Couldn't keep up, couldn't keepher satisfied, seemed great.
Seemed great because he's like,oh my God, I just pulled
somebody 20 years younger thanme and in reality he misses his
wife.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
All he wanted was his wife.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
And sometimes that's the seeing.
The grass on the other side isgreener.
Let me go find out.
Get some sprinklers, bro.
You need to water your owngrass.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
And I would be willing to say the people who
have decided you know what?
Yeah, I do want to see what'sout there.
I do want to end it with myspouse.
If you polled those people, Iwould say an extreme high
majority would say it wasn'tworth it.
I thought it was, but it wasn'tworth it.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
And when they realized that it wasn't worth it
, it was too late to be fixingthe things that needed to be
worked on, because they havemoved on and found someone who's
actually doing the things thatyou wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Who actually appreciates them and loves them
for them and wants that to buildthat life that you are supposed
to build with them.
So any final thoughts?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I love you.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
I love you.
I am of the 47%, Well.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I'm glad you're in the 47%.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I'm in the 47%.
Let's get out of here.
Lord, we love you, we are sothankful for what you're doing,
we're thankful for this platformand God, is your relationship
worth saving?
It's a resounding yes, and God,we just pray that if anyone
gets anything out of this, thatthat's what they will know that
their relationship is worthsaving.
And ultimately, everythingpoints to you.
(31:00):
You designed relationships, youdesigned marriage.
You designed the family.
You know how it's supposed togo and God, we just pray this
will point people to you to findyou and follow the way that
you've designed it, so they canlearn what it is to have a
marriage that you created.
It's the greatest thing that wecould ever possibly have and we
are thankful for it.
Lord, we love you.
We thank you in Jesus name,amen.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Amen Play ball.
here's a question for you is marriage overrated?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
why aren't people getting married anymore?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
a new pew research poll found that two and five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Marriage rates are at their lowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married.
So that's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
to have just one partner when you can have
multiple Marriage?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
is stupid.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Welcome to the Married AF podcast, the
self-proclaimed greatestmarriage and relationship
podcast in the world.
My name is Matthew Powers.
Alongside my beautiful wifeMonica, we are your hosts for
the show.
Baby, how you doing, how?
Speaker 1 (00:52):
you doing.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
How you doing the Joey Tribbiani how you doing.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
You know exactly what that means.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
You have no lipstick in your teeth whatsoever.
I love your lipstick, though.
How you doing.
Hey, everyone, welcome to thewhatsoever.
I love your lipstick, though.
How you doing.
Hey, everyone, welcome to theshow.
I got a quick question before wedive into everything, because
this is the meat and the heartof the show Is your relationship
worth saving?
Duh 53% of people do not knowif that is a duh answer or not,
(01:23):
and that is what we're going totalk about today.
But before we do, thank youeveryone who is here who is
watching.
If you haven't subscribed toYouTube, you need to.
You're really missing out onall the stuff.
If you aren't, you can watch us.
You can see everything thathappens here.
That's what you were doing.
It happens, but thank youeveryone who is here, who
watches, who listens.
(01:44):
Leave us a review, like it,share it with someone, subscribe
.
If this helps you, maybe itcould help somebody else.
Let someone else know about it,share it with people.
It's amazing what is happening,the reach that it has.
God, we are thankful for it andwe just want to try and have
people have the samerelationship experiences that
we've had.
They're not always sunshine andrainbows, but, man, they are
(02:07):
worth it.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yes, 100%, not 53%.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Not 53%, no, not whatsoever.
And, as always, thank you toour friends at kingdomandwillcom
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So, baby, yep is yourrelationship worth saving?
Duh, absolutely it is.
(03:14):
But here was a a poll that wasdone recently that found that 53
of all people who are in aserious, committed relationship
whether that is someone who youare right there with you're not
married yet, you're not engagedyet, but it's a serious
relationship, people who areengaged, people who are married.
What we have learned is 53% ofthose people have a constant
(03:41):
question to themselves Is mycurrent relationship worth
saving?
What are your thoughts aboutthat?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
they're concerned about their current relationship
.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
More than half are saying is this worth it?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Because they're too worried and interested about the
one they have on deck.
They don't have relationship.
If they are worried that theirrelationship is worth saving,
they're not in a relationship.
They're in a situation ship.
They are too worried about whois on deck and who's in the hole
(04:24):
I'm sorry, I couldn't helpmyself.
You did that on purpose no, I'mseriously thinking baseball
terms and not being pervertedright now.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
The DOD Dong on deck.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
They're worried about the dong on deck.
Dong on deck sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
No, you're right.
If you are thinking this way.
I really need to ask yourselfthis question how serious is
this relationship really?
If you are looking for anotherrelationship or wondering, hmm,
what else might be out there?
Why do people feel that way?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Because they don't have joy, they only have
happiness.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
And happiness is fleeting, it does not last.
Joy is something that lastsforever.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Happiness is something you're always going to
be chasing because you're nevergoing to keep it.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
You're exactly right, you're not.
You're going to grab it for aminute and man going after and
getting that dong on deck, it'sgonna feel great for a minute
and you're gonna love it formaybe a month but then you're
gonna need to get another one.
But then you're gonna need tofind another one.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
You're gonna need more, because you're saying that
was great, that was fun, thatwas exciting, but it's not
filling the need that Icurrently have no, and the best,
the best way I can give apicture of what it's like is
when you put gas in your car andyou fill it all the way up.
(05:46):
You could only drive so faruntil you have to fill it up
again.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
You're correct.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
And when you have to fill it up again, you're going
to go until you have to fill itup again.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yes, you do not have an endless supply that just you
never have to fill up again,which is happiness.
It is.
You're totally right.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
But when you have joy , you don't have to worry about
what tank is going to run onempty.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
No, you're exactly right.
Well, it all goes back to John,chapter four, and Jesus and the
woman at the well, and that'sthe whole idea and the whole
purpose of the woman at the well, where?
And if you don't know thisstory, it's the longest recorded
conversation that Jesus haswith anybody in the Bible.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
You're not even supposed to talk to women of
different races.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I was going to say, in this time and in this culture
, men and women one.
We're not necessarily supposedto speak to each other, but
Jesus being of Jewish descentand this being a Samaritan woman
, from Samaria, they hated eachother.
Like Jewish people would not gothrough Samaria, they would go
the dangerous long way just sothey wouldn't have to deal with
the people.
It was just like nah, bro, wegot, we got a place, we got to
(06:52):
go.
And he stopped at this wellwhile while the disciples, they
went out and they were lookingfor food, doing whatever they
were doing.
And this woman comes and she'sgetting water from the well.
Now, another thing to note ofthis is that this was a
community thing.
When women would go draw waterfrom the well, they would
usually do it in groups, theywould do it together.
They'd go early in the morning.
She had to go later in the daybecause she was looked at as
(07:14):
less than by her whole community, and we learn throughout that
story why that is.
So she's getting water andJesus says hey, can I have some
of your water?
I'm thirsty.
And she's like well, you don'thave anything to drink out of.
You didn't bring anything.
You know, I can't help you.
And it eventually goes on to say, hey, the water that I will
give you, you will never have tothirst again.
And she's like what are youtalking about?
(07:34):
And he's saying I had theliving water.
And what he is saying is hey,you couple, always be full with
me.
You will always have joy withme.
You will not have this fleetingemptiness of happiness that you
have to come back to the wellday after day after day after
day again to keep filling thatcup because I am here.
And eventually lets her knowhey, I'm the Messiah.
And he does this by saying, hey, why don't you go tell your
(07:57):
husband about this?
And that's how where we learnedthat, hey, she's not like
anyone, cause she's had five ofthose jokers and she's hooked up
with some dude now who isn'ther husband, and Jesus lets us
be known.
And she's like, oh, my God, yougotta be a prophet.
He's like, no, no one to say,hey, I'm here for everybody no
(08:20):
matter how screwed up you are,but the whole point of it is I
am more than enough than thethings that you need of this
world.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
My cup runneth over.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
So that's the perfect example of happiness versus joy
.
Now, when it comes to yourrelationship, if you're just
seeking happiness, you're goingto fall short and you're going
to miss out on it, because,especially if you're just
seeking happiness, you're goingto fall short and you're going
to miss out on it because,especially if you're married,
this is the single mostimportant relationship that you
have on earth.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Period Like you come second in my life Absolutely,
and you know that.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
But the moment I don't we got problems.
I'll smack you up.
We got problems but knock somesense into you.
And you most certainly have theright to do that.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
But this is the most important relationship.
So for you to question, hey, isthis worth saving?
Man, that raises some red flags.
And where I think that thistypically comes from is people
are always looking for the nextbest thing.
Like you said, the DOD they'relooking for the next person, the
next relationship.
That the DOD, they're lookingfor the next person, the next
relationship, that situationship because they're looking at
(09:21):
their current situation and wetalked about it a few episodes
ago.
They're looking at theircurrent situation and thinking
man, this isn't what I thoughtit was going to be.
Man, this isn't as exciting asit's portrayed on Instagram.
This isn't.
You know, he is not the man ofmy dreams who does all of these
things for me.
He's got to work and make aliving.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Heaven forbid.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
He's not fulfilling these needs, and it goes both
ways for men.
But I think the problem isyou're looking for the grass
being greener and you're lookingover the neighbor's fence
thinking his grass is muchbetter.
His lawn is well taken care of.
I need to try somethingdifferent, because we think the
grass is always greener on theother side, but when we think
(10:06):
that what we typically find outis we need to take care of our
own lawn first because it's notnecessarily better to get just
greener and you have to stoplooking for that from, uh, for
validation from other people,because that's exactly where
this is totally coming from.
So, to answer the question is myrelationship worth saving?
Heck, yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It should be now.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
There might be some, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I'll be the first to say there's a loophole for just
about everything.
I will say there are probablysome relationships that aren't
worth saving especially well,any men or women.
But if you're in any type ofabusive relationship, you, you
know we're not saying you stayin the relationship, no matter
what.
If you're being abusedphysically, mentally,
emotionally, however, no, that'snot okay I fully believe anyone
(10:57):
can change.
You know, when we find Jesus,anybody can change.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
We are living proof.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
There's millions of examples of that happening.
But if they are unwilling toseek help, if they're unwilling
to turn from their old ways, ifthey're unwilling to change in
any way, that's better for youand better for the relationship
then, yeah, you need to get outof the relationship, even if you
(11:22):
are married and hates divorceand he only really gives one
reason why you can divorce, andthat's infidelity.
But if you are in an abusiverelationship and that person is
not going to change and itcontinues to happen, your safety
is key and it's a major concern.
You have to get out of it.
Yeah, grass is probably greenersomewhere else if he's beating
on you every night.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
And men, if she is constantly verbally abusive to
you, yeah, those are things tolook out for and reasons to get
out of.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I mean don't think by any means that men don't get
beat in relationships too,Because it happens, it does they
just have the restraint to holdback and not do anything about
it, because they were probablyraised right.
Don't hit a woman.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, never.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Unlike children today .
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Well, you see this in the school.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Pisses me off.
I get so mad.
Why are you laying hands on agirl?
Should I hit you first?
Touch her again.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, don't.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
There is no fear of God in anyone anymore.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
No, no, there's not.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
And it makes me mad.
So if they're not afraid of God, they sure as hell better be
scared of me.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah, men, you don't put your hands on a woman Now to
defend yourself in a way, butyou're not retaliating anyways,
you can grab, you can hold.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Restrain.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
You can restrain, but you don't provoke whatsoever.
That's never okay, but I agreeit's a horrible thing to see.
So if you are contemplating,hey, is my marriage worth saving
?
I think you need to askyourself some serious questions.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
What are the questions?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
What caused you to get to this point?
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Why are you thinking like this?
What?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
are the things that happened.
What are the events?
What caused you to get to thispoint?
Why are you thinking like this?
What are the things thathappened?
You know, what are the eventsthat transpired over the last
however long six months, a year,last few years that has caused
you to get to this point andreally be able to answer those
questions of?
Not what caused you, buttypically, I think what people
are going to find is, at somepoint things got a little stale
(13:21):
and we just kind of went throughthe motions the honeymoon phase
ended we wake up, we get readydo the same things
Speaker 1 (13:27):
we go to work, it's tedious, it's monotonous.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
We come home, we eat dinner, we go to bed and we wake
up and we do that every singleday and that gets you so boring.
Where's the excitement in allof that?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Have we always lived like this?
I don't remember ever doinganything fun.
I just think of Eeyore totally,totally think of Eeyore.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
But so what caused you to get to this point?
Why did things get stale?
How did this happen?
When did you notice thishappening and kind of go back
and say, all right, what werethose top things?
Don't just look at it as I'munhappy.
And they got to go.
I got to find someone else,because that other person's
going to make me happy.
Chances are that's not going tohappen.
(14:11):
Chances are, if you did thisand you found that new person,
you're going to go through theexact same thing you just went
through and it's going to bejust a nasty cycle that goes
over and over and over again.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
And guess what?
You're never going to find thatit's a you problem.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
You don't want to find that it's a you problem.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
No one wants to take claim over themselves being a
problem now.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
And that's that's the difficult part of this is when
you ask, okay, what caused me toget to this point?
We're typically going to pointthe finger at the other person
and say, well, they don't dothis and he doesn't do this and
he doesn't treat me like thisand she acts like this and she
doesn't give me this and I'm notgetting what I need, and we're
just listing all these thingsthat they aren't doing.
But how often can we?
(14:58):
Can we turn, look ourselves inthe mirror, turn the finger back
on ourselves and say, okay, howdid I contribute to this
problem?
How did I contribute to usgetting to where we are?
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Now would probably be a great time for us to say hey,
if this is you, we do marriagecounseling absolutely, it would
be and I know that that's what Iwas looking up to see if our
statistics of locations likewhere yeah, it's still New York,
(15:31):
los Angeles, san Jose, chicago,miami, dallas, arizona are top
listeners.
So thank you.
So obviously we can't be in NewYork all the time because we
live in Alabama and I'm startingto think that they just like us
because of our accent andthat's fine too.
Sure, maybe what we say you canget something out of, but
(15:54):
there's nothing that a facetime,a zoom call I said, there's
plenty of technology that can'twould not keep us from being
able to do that wherever you arelocated no, I totally agree.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
No, that that is a great point.
No, if this is you, um, this issomething that we can
definitely help with and we'rewilling to do.
No, if this is you, this issomething that we can definitely
help with and we're willing todo that.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
This is why we have the podcast.
It is the whole reason why weare very passionate about
relationships, and the mostimportant relationship that you
have on this earth with anotherhuman is your spouse.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It is, and it's got to be, something that you I hate
to use the word work, but youdo have to put in the effort
with it.
So, yeah, if you're, if you'rethinking this and like, well,
you know, we've, we've triedcounseling before.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Well, we did this, we did that.
And and you didn't do it in theway it should have been done.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Well, and secondly, in my experience, usually when,
when you go to couplescounseling, one of the two
parties doesn't want to be there.
And they're not putting theeffort in.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
They're dragged.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
They're there because they have to be and this is the
so-called last ditch effort,and they're just like, oh, let
me get through this and whatever.
But if both parties come into acounseling session or sessions,
it takes more than one comeinto it and they're both willing
to work, they're both willingto peel back the laters, they're
both willing to have opendialogue and open conversation
(17:21):
and they're willing to admittheir own faults and say, all
right, yeah, maybe this is whereI screwed up.
Or to take constructivecriticism.
And if you're willing to do allthat, it's amazing what can
come out of that.
I mean, you can see truereconciliation, true forgiveness
, and see you come out of thisstronger than you could have
(17:41):
ever possibly even thought.
So I agree, if this is you, wecan definitely we're happy to at
least have a conversation aboutit yeah.
And if that's you, just reachout to us.
Find us on the social medias,let us know, just send us a
message.
Send us a message.
Let us know We'll be happy toMatthew will find it.
Yeah, exactly, I'll find it.
We'll be happy to help, becausethat's the other half of it is
(18:02):
okay.
What are the I think ourstuff's on the website too,
though it is.
So, just find a way, aconversation about it, because
this is like you said, it's themost important relationship, not
just for you, because itaffects both of you so deeply,
not just as together, but asindividuals.
(18:24):
But you also have to thinkabout, when you are thinking
this way, who all else does thisactually impact?
I mean, if you have kids, itimpacts those kids tremendously.
It impacts your friends, yourfamily, your coworkers.
It does impact your career.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
It does Because, well , think about your friends.
If you decide, okay, this isnot worth saving, and you get a
divorce, if you have friendsthat are on friends with both of
you, those friends have to pick.
I don't know why that's a thingbut they do but they have to
(18:55):
because you want them and theother person wants them to be
their friends.
But they can't be friends withboth of you because they were
friends with both of you tobegin with, so they're going to
pick the one.
That was the reason why y'allbecame friends in the first
place.
Kids have to choose whichparents they're going to live
with, if it, if they're the agewhere they can choose they do
and actually they got to splityour weekends.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
I, I took grandparents um, and and you
hate to see that, but I didthrough this study there was a
part about this and who itimpacts in kids, and what this
study found was because you know, people think kids are.
They just don't get it, theydon't understand.
Uh, but they're a lot moreobservant than you think.
The studies showed that kidswould prefer a broken home where
(19:38):
the parents did split up overan unhappy home wow and think
about that and we see in ourcountry today especially what a
broken home does to kids.
I mean the the stats don't.
When a father figure is notthere, it's exponentially worse
(19:58):
for that child and them havingtrouble not just with learning
but having discipline problemstheir development.
It's important for both the momand the dad to be in the home
together and a happy hometogether, to raise children
together, and the benefits thatit has for children is so huge.
(20:19):
Yeah, I mean this.
God created it.
He designed it this way.
I know we've decided that, hey,we've got a better way of doing
it.
We don't we don't, god, wedon't need your plan in all of
this.
We got a better way to do it.
We're going to be separated,we're going to have our own
things.
We're going to hook up withwhoever wants it.
The kids will be fine.
When we went out of sight ofhis plan, we screwed it all up.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Well, now I'm finding those parents that do have
children and they're the singlemom type of homes.
If there's something going onat school and these children are
athletes, they do not care.
If you call parents, dad's notgoing to answer.
Anyways.
Mom, she's not going to dealwith it because she's too busy
(21:00):
working two jobs and taking careof all the kids.
These kids are now more worriedabout you telling their coach
than their parents.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Because that coach has stepped in as a father
figure or a parental figure, amother figure.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
It's sad.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
It's horrible because that's not how it's supposed to
be, and thank the Lord forcoaches and for teachers who are
in the schools and spend somuch time with the students and
who have taken, because there'snot many of them.
But there are coaches andteachers who take kids under
their wing and almost parentthem, and not in the way you
know, not in a negative way topush agendas or anything, but
(21:38):
just in a loving hey.
I recognize that this kid ismissing a whole lot at home and
I recognize that this kiddoesn't have the love at home
that they pot, that they reallyneed, so I'm going to give that
to them.
It may not be in the capacitythat they ultimately need, but
this is the best I can offer andit's more than they're
currently getting.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
And without coaches and everything, just imagine
what it would do, because theytake them in and they do so much
for them.
So listen, if this is you oneof the biggest things to
understand, because this is whathappens don't let your emotions
drive your decisions.
Feelings-based decisions neverwork out.
I mean, the Bible teaches us, Iknow you, know people, the
(22:18):
heart's the most deceitful thing.
The most deceitful you know.
Everyone says I'll just go withyou.
Know, go with your heart, letyour heart lead you.
Don't do that.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
It's deceitful.
Live your truth.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
The heart will mess you up in a heartbeat, so
quickly will it mess you upBecause you're thinking, because
I feel a certain way, I got todo this and I got to act on it
this way, or because someonesaid something well, now I have
to do this and this is how Ifeel about it.
No one cares how you feel.
The feeling is the feeling and,yeah, it can be justified and
it can be how you feel, but youdon't need to act on that
(22:49):
decision whatsoever.
I mean, it's going to endpoorly if you act on that
decision.
It's not the way that you wantto go, whatsoever.
So don't let your emotionsdrive your decisions at all.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
No, and most of the time, when you do follow your
feelings and your feelings gethurt, they probably need to be
hurt.
Most of the time For you to beable to make a right decision.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Because things are going to be called out in you
and if you're mature enough,you'll take that.
And yeah, you may be pissed offfor a minute.
It may take a few days, but youwill eventually get to the
point, like you know what theywere right.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
It might taste bitter coming out of your mouth.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Oh, you absolutely hate everything about it.
But you're like, yeah, you knowwhat they were they were right
about that.
And I got some things that Ineed to change, and this is why
it's important Making a rationaldecision with your brain, not
your heart or feelings.
Yes, and to be able to have thepeople in your life, be able to
have those close friends who youdo life with, who will call you
(23:46):
out and who aren't afraid tosay hey, this may hurt the
friendship for a week or two,you may hate my guts for a
little while, but this is thebest thing for you and because I
love you, I'm not going to letyou go down this path.
Instead, I'm going to let youknow hey, you're being a
complete jerk right now.
Hey, you're headed down a paththat's not good for you.
I'm going to let you know aboutit.
I'm going to let you know whata bad decision this is and you
(24:09):
need to freaking stop it, turnaround and stop doing this.
You're better than this.
And yeah, you're going to be madat them, but because they love
you and they would rather seeyou not go down this path than
what the friendship is and Idon't want to say anything that
may make them no, that's notwhat it's all about Let them
know, hey, you screwed up,you're awful, and you realize
like, oh man, okay, fine.
(24:32):
And then once you can kind ofask yourself those questions and
you realize that be able tohave that conversation with your
spouse that is open and you'reable to bring up and recognize
the all right.
This is what I see, this iswhat I felt, but this is how I
(24:53):
contributed to it.
This was my part to play.
This is how I contributed to it.
This was my part to play.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
It's a hard thing to do, but it needs to be done or
it has to be done.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Otherwise you're not going to make it.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Otherwise, 100% of that 53% will end the
relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Every time and it may be prolonged a little bit, but
until you really have thatconversation, say, okay, these
are the mistakes I brought tothe table, these are the ones
you brought to the table.
We need to work on thesetogether and work these out, and
that's how you get over this.
Don't be a part of this 53%who's thinking, ooh, would it be
better, is this actually worthsaving?
And one other thing I just wantto touch on real quick is
(25:36):
because some of this can beregards to what we said earlier,
that dong on deck, looking forsomeone who's a little bit
better, who's a little moreattractive.
What's the sex going to be like?
Because sex drives, it'semotional decisions and it
drives that and we say, ooh,that person looks good, ooh, I
think I'd like to hook up withthem, and it's that.
(25:59):
Let me get this little piece ofhappiness.
Let me get this little pieceand I'll be okay.
But when we really look at itand you really see, okay,
attractiveness and and and sexwho is really out there?
That's going to be involved.
I mean, if you really looked atthe options out there, the ones
(26:19):
you probably want to go afterare probably unattainable.
The ones you want to go after,probably already attached and
probably married.
That's not ever going to happen.
Hopefully, hopefully not.
What pool are you really goingto be drawing from and is that
really?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
going to be worth it.
You've got to take a gut checkto see what level you are on.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Yeah.
You might have high standards,but, sweetheart, they're not
attainable.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
No, because if you're , you know you might think you
have the power of the puseta.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Which women do.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
It's a.
Thing.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
But if you're going after that guy who has
everything together and he'sstable and he has a great job
and he makes good money and he'sgot everything you're desiring
and looking for, guess what?
Speaker 1 (27:13):
He ain't looking for you.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
No, he's married, he's got kids, he's got a wife,
he's got a family.
And that's why he's got it alltogether, and they are way more
important than that stuff thatyou, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Side hustle is going to it ain't going to do it.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Make him want to lose what he has, I mean ultimately
just look at what the optionsare, and are those options worth
everything that I currentlyhave?
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Just that one time that you have sex with him.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
It's not.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Is it going to be worth ruining your relationship?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
1,000% of the time, nope.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Does it matter who it is?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
No, it's not.
And we will say things likewell, I haven't been able to
have these experiences and Ihaven't been able to have these
experiences and I haven't beenable to have that.
And you know I've got a wildside that I just need cured, and
you know I haven't had this.
And you know we take after theexperience rather than the hope
of what is out there and what itcan be.
With my current situation, withmy current spouse, it's not
(28:13):
worth it.
Nope, not worth it at all.
So to answer the question isyour relationship worth saving
as long as it's not abusive?
Absolutely it is.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I'm just proud of the other 47%.
Yes, very proud.
That's not questioning.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
It's not questioning it at all and realistically,
that should be way, way, wayhigher.
And if this is you, if you arestruggling, listen, we said it,
reach out to us, we'll talk toyou.
At least have a singleconversation, just kind of talk
through.
Okay, if you were to considerthis, this is what it really
really looks like and youmarried this person for a reason
(28:51):
.
There are great qualities there.
So, yeah, let's make sure youremember that, let's reflect on
that, bring that back to thesurface.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
That makes me think of um hold on hold on couples
retreat okay at the end, where Ican't remember his name in the
movie.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Shane.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Shane sees his wife Jennifer.
Yes, that's it.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Because he was there with Trudy.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Because he was with Trudy Bang bang pow, pow.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
So he went out in the pool and found someone like 20
years younger than him.
Couldn't keep up, couldn't keepher satisfied, seemed great.
Seemed great because he's like,oh my God, I just pulled
somebody 20 years younger thanme and in reality he misses his
wife.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
All he wanted was his wife.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
And sometimes that's the seeing.
The grass on the other side isgreener.
Let me go find out.
Get some sprinklers, bro.
You need to water your owngrass.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
And I would be willing to say the people who
have decided you know what?
Yeah, I do want to see what'sout there.
I do want to end it with myspouse.
If you polled those people, Iwould say an extreme high
majority would say it wasn'tworth it.
I thought it was, but it wasn'tworth it.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
And when they realized that it wasn't worth it
, it was too late to be fixingthe things that needed to be
worked on, because they havemoved on and found someone who's
actually doing the things thatyou wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Who actually appreciates them and loves them
for them and wants that to buildthat life that you are supposed
to build with them.
So any final thoughts?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I love you.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
I love you.
I am of the 47%, Well.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I'm glad you're in the 47%.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I'm in the 47%.
Let's get out of here.
Lord, we love you, we are sothankful for what you're doing,
we're thankful for this platformand God, is your relationship
worth saving?
It's a resounding yes, and God,we just pray that if anyone
gets anything out of this, thatthat's what they will know that
their relationship is worthsaving.
And ultimately, everythingpoints to you.
(31:00):
You designed relationships, youdesigned marriage.
You designed the family.
You know how it's supposed togo and God, we just pray this
will point people to you to findyou and follow the way that
you've designed it, so they canlearn what it is to have a
marriage that you created.
It's the greatest thing that wecould ever possibly have and we
are thankful for it.
Lord, we love you.
We thank you in Jesus name,amen.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Amen Play ball.
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