June 3, 2025 • 33 mins
In this eye-opening Q&A episode of The Married AF Podcast, we tackle the real problems married couples face behind closed doors straight from the hearts of our small group community. From intimacy challenges to emotional disconnect, we offer honest, faith-centered answers that speak to the soul of every marriage.
Join us as we dive into authentic questions about sex, boundaries, and balancing love with life’s chaos, including:
✔️ What to do when one spouse seems flirty but claims it’s harmless
✔️ How to set physical boundaries without losing emotional connection
✔️ Can intimacy between spouses ever cross a spiritual line?
✔️ How to prioritize your spouse when kids take over your world
✔️ Why authenticity, honesty, and God’s power are crucial for a happy marriage
This is marriage coaching meets real-life storytelling, with practical advice, biblical insight, and genuine conversation led by relationship experts who aren’t afraid to talk about the hard stuff. Whether you're seeking growth in your married life, struggling with marital issues, or just craving deeper romance and friendship with your spouse, this episode is for you.
💡 Tap into expert talk that blends Christianity, self-improvement, and God's truth to help you build a thriving, connected, faith-filled relationship.
🔗 Visit www.themarriedafpodcast.com for more marriage challenges, coaching resources, and bonus content.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I know sex in a marriage is important, but can
it ever become sinful?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Why aren't people getting married anymore?
A new Pew Research poll foundthat two in five young adults
think marriage is an outdatedtradition.
Marriage rates are at theirlowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want to have just onepartner when you can have
multiple Marriage is stupid.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Welcome to the Married AF podcast, the
self-proclaimed greatestmarriage and relationship
podcast in the world.
I'm Matthew, you're Monica.
We are back for episode two ofthe Q&A from our small group,
following up from last weekwhere we did Q&A from our small
group that just wrapped up andfigured if people are asking
(01:17):
these questions to us in a smallgroup, they may be asking these
questions all over the worldand all the different places,
all over the place that peopleare listening to us.
So just what's happening inshelby, county alabama alabama
could be happening anywhere elsein the world.
So we figured why not open thisup and talk to everyone about
(01:39):
this?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
would you say it like that because our son just
watched forrest Gump?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
yes, and he's been all about Forrest Gump and
especially Lieutenant Dan.
Oh man, lately, um, onehilarious takeaway that I told
you about, but it's just toofunny for me not to share of
Cash's takeaway from ForrestGump.
He watched this.
He was homesick from schoolwith some sort of virus and I
was working from home that daybecause you were, you were at
the school and he's watchingForrest gump and like two-thirds
(02:05):
of the way through, you know,closer to the end, he says dad,
like yeah, bud.
He said I just gotta sayjenny's a horrible person.
Like just horrible.
All force does is love her andhe takes care of her and will do
anything for her and she's justand she just leaves, leaves him
(02:25):
all the time and doesn't careanything.
She's just a terrible person.
It's like yeah he's dead on yeah, you're, you're, you're not
wrong, but he loved the movie.
So, yeah, green bow alabama,that's all I can think about
that.
So, uh, but yeah, we thought,you know, if people are asking
these questions here to us in amore personal setting, this
(02:47):
could be something that could behelpful to people.
So we figured let's answer themhere as well.
You've got the questions.
Yep, you've got the rightanswers.
I'll chime in with somethingthat's probably not accurate.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I don't know that I have right answers.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
You have all the right answers.
You're sweet, I love you.
You want to start?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Get going, baby All right.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
So these are a bit more on the physical side.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
PG-13 and above.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Ready.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
This is real marriage stuff, though, so I mean it has
to be talked about.
You can't not talk about thisstuff just because it makes you
uncomfortable.
I mean, come on, anyways, youcan't not talk about this stuff
just because it makes youuncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I mean come on, anyways, go ahead.
Okay, my wife can sometimescome off as flirty.
She means nothing by it, she'sjust very friendly.
How can I make sure that doesnot come between us?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I feel like this is a little bit.
Maybe she does mean something,but I don't know.
My wife comes off as flirty.
She means nothing by it.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
It already says.
How can we make sure this doesnot come between us?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Maybe it's beginning to just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I see you a bit jealous.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
I think maybe a little bit.
You seem a bit jealous.
I think maybe a little bit.
And yeah, there can be somejealousy there for sure,
especially if there's anyinsecurities in your
relationship at all or pasthurts or any past indiscretion.
I should say that could elevatejealousy like through the
freaking roof.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So she comes off a little flirty, but that's
something that needs to betalked about.
You know, with communication,yeah, it's a shocker.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Look at that.
And then other communicationthings.
If only people would actuallyspeak to one another.
But if this is something thatbothers you or that you
recognize, let's just say it isinnocent.
She's just overly friendly,she's an extrovert.
She's just out there, overlyfriendly, she's an extrovert,
she.
She's just out out there,enjoys conversation with people,
engages with conversation withpeople, openly talks to anyone
(04:50):
and everyone and laughs and thatcould clearly come off as
flirty to some people did youjust describe me to make people
go?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
that's just who my wife is.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
She's not flirting with you no, I mean, that mean
in a sense, that is you, I feelthat you just described me and
exposed me to everyone.
Well, I mean, maybe I did alittle bit.
Okay, you are very friendly,happy to talk to anybody, love
engaging with conversation withpeople because you like to talk
to people and get to know whopeople are.
You laugh at their jokes,you're very funny and you're
(05:24):
able to let people feel at peaceand at ease whenever you're
around, and it's amazing qualityto have.
And yes, there are bozos outthere who could say, oh my god,
she wants me, but all you'redoing is just having a
conversation with someone andbeing kind and just taking
interest in somebody because youcare about people.
Now, for us, no effectwhatsoever, because I know you
(05:48):
mean absolutely nothing by itand I can.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
You will know if I'm flirting with you and I I can.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
I can look at something and be like, oh, this
poor guy has no idea I know I'min the same way when that
happens to you.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Listen as bad as a flirt as I am, because you've
mentioned that before.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
You don't know how to .
I'm the word.
I'm like ross from friendswhenever he was trying.
When that happens to you andlisten as bad as a flirt as I am
because you've mentioned thatbefore.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
You don't know how to flirt.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I'm like Ross from Friends whenever he was trying
to flirt with the pizza girl.
You remember how awful that was.
I'm just like that and somehowI nabbed an absolute 10.
You with all inability to flirtDoes not exist in my body, but
I know, even having no flirtingability in my body, I know
(06:27):
exactly when you're flirting.
I know exactly how your voiceis, how your face looks, what
your smile looks like, what youdo with your hands, how you may
touch, how long I I can.
If you were to go flirt, Icould tell within five seconds
like oh, she's flirting.
Take no time at all for me tobe able to recognize that
(06:47):
because I know you that wellmaybe I should test you maybe
you should test me and seethat's gross.
I don't know, but I could tellvery, very quickly, very, very
easily, if that were happening,because I didn't know you so
well.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Put yourself in this guy's situation.
How would you feel if youwitness this?
You know how I'm flirty.
Or Put yourself in this guy'ssituation.
How would you feel If youwitness this?
You know how I'm flirty, orbecause I guess I do that with
you.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
I would say this, just knowing and this is for us
and again it's going to bedifferent for everybody If I saw
you flirting because I knowexactly what that looks like and
you touch and you just kind ofI know what that looks like
because you do that to me, Ilove it so much but if I saw
that I would pull you aside realquickly and just get alone,
(07:33):
want to have a conversationalone, not make a big stink out
of it, but just hey, I noticedthis, what, what am I doing or
not doing that may cause you tofeel the need to be able to, so
that you have to do that?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
What am I doing?
Because clearly, and this isfor you and I- but you also
would need to let me know howthat made you feel.
Yes, I almost certainly wouldNot ask me what am I not doing
to make you have to do this?
Yes, hey.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I noticed you were flirting.
It was very, very obvious to meand it made me feel jealous,
very insecure.
I did not like it, but I knowthat I had to have played a part
in you doing that, so let'stalk about that.
What was that?
Because, just knowing us,that's exactly the situation
that it would be.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Well, what if she does not know?
That's what she's doing thenyou need to.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
You need to set a clear boundary of you need to
video this so she can see it hey, baby, when we get home we need
to watch some tape and get thepointer out and point the whole
thing out and that's whatserious replays on that.
That's what needs to happen inthis situation.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
but no, I think if, if she doesn't know what's
happening and she has to knowright, because the question
literally says the last part ofit.
How can we make sure that thisdoes not come between us?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Well, if she does, that's a whole other
circumstance.
That's a deeper conversation.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
And it also says she is just very friendly.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
And let's just take it for what it is.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
It seems like it's bothering him more than it is.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Let's say she is like you because you are very
friendly, as all the things Imentioned before, and that
bothers him and he sees it topossibly come off as flirty, I
think, just making her aware ofhey I just want to let you know
that dude totally thinks you'reinto him and here's the reasons
why.
And she may say, oh my God, Ihad no idea.
She might not have known.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Honestly, that happens, but it's not to me.
But it's not like I'm not aflirt.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
No, you're not.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Because I can talk sports with anybody, oh, totally
Easily.
And that is an easyconversation to have and for a
guy to be able to talk to afemale that's giving him
attention and making eye contact, talking about something that
he's passionate about, and thischick likes sports, whoa yeah,
(10:01):
it's like holy smokes.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I hit the jackpot with this one exactly no.
So if there's something thatHoly smokes, I hit the jackpot
with this one Exactly no,totally.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
There's something that she might be doing with a
conversation that is justsomething that she like me
talking to.
I mean, I have more guys that Italked to than females,
essentially because maybe Idon't necessarily have that much
.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I wouldn't say that.
I would say um, don't take itthe wrong way, but you already
know this.
A lot of women are intimidatedby you.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And I don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Well, you're you.
You you walk into a room andyou exude so much confidence and
they're not like you're tryingto.
It's just that's who you are.
I'm not trying to, it's justthat's who you are.
You're very comfortable withwho you are.
You're very confident in whoyou are, that you are exactly
who you are supposed to be.
In every situation, you do notwaver, no matter what the
circumstance is or where you are.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Or how bad my hair is that day.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Or how bad your hair is that day Like this lipstick
I'm currently wearing.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
God, I love it so much you look incredible um.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You should wear it more often, but it doesn't
matter where you are like it'sall on my teeth right now.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
I promise it's not okay.
Good, wherever you are, you'rethe same person everywhere, you
and I.
On a podcast, you and I sit onthe couch watching tv, in a car
ride, at church, at school, atthe ballpark, at the grocery
store, on a trip where you arethe exact same person everywhere
that you are.
So that puts off a lot ofconfidence to people, especially
whenever they see that, likewell, she's the same person here
(11:30):
that she was there.
Holy smokes, how can she dothat?
Because most people can't.
They compartmentalize everylittle aspect of their life,
like I've got to be work versionof me and I get to be at home
version of me.
I've got to be work version ofme and I get to be at home
version of me, and I get to bechurch version of me and I got
to be coach person version of me, and it's all different
versions and you're justauthentic to who you are.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
I guess I didn't really realize that that's a
problem.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
It's not a problem, it's a great thing.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
It's just not many people.
Not that the things that I doare a problem, that other people
have to put on a mask to bedifferent people, and maybe
that's what this wife is doing.
Maybe so, and she doesn't knowany different, because that's
who she is when she's aroundcertain people.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
There's a billion different scenarios that could
play out with this, but if wejust take it for what it is,
she's extremely friendly, she'slike you are, but it can come
off as flirty to some people.
You just need to let her knowthat that's happening, and if it
is truly innocent and she hasno clue, she's probably gonna be
a little embarrassed about itand say hey, if you notice this,
please let me know, please helpme be aware of what it is
(12:40):
that's happening.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Yeah, I mean you would totally and come straight
to me and go.
That was a little awkward.
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
And don't run up like are you sleeping with him.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I mean because that's how some people would react to
that.
Yeah, don't do that.
That's not healthy at all.
You just say hey, this is whatI noticed and, as your spouse, I
thought you should know.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
It's the perfect way to do it.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Those are the perfect words.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Look at that, all right.
Moving on the next question,this sex menu is amazing.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Thank you, thank you, thank you it is incredible.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
How did you come up with this?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
We stole it If you don't want your content stolen,
don't put it on social media.
That's one of the great things.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Or speak about it at a conference.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Don't put it on social media, that's one of the
great things.
Or speak um about it at aconference, and that's one
that's.
I will say that's one greatthing about most churches is and
conferences, and this is nodifferent.
Um, steal all the material thatyou want, because it's not our
material, it's not for everybodyneeds to hear these things for
everyone and I've heard manypeople say you know, plagiarize
it all you want it.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It needs to be heard by the masses Because they're
not just going to be heard atthat one location.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
And if you can take it and make someone else's life
better in this case improvesomeone's marriage, take it.
Please take it, explain it, letthem use it, that's perfect.
So you know, we heard it at aconference and kind of ran with
it from there, because it's wejust thought it was a great idea
.
A great idea to be able to getconversations going about sex,
(14:11):
because it's very difficult forpeople to be able to do that and
it's a fun, easy way to let theguard down and be able to
explore things with each other.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Okay, so there's more to this question.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Might be a little awkward, because it kind of
sounds like they're interestedin our sex life.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
That made you like straight up giggle Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Have you ever had to where one of you really wanted
something but the other did not?
How did you handle that?
So they're obviously expectingus, to one of us, to do
something that the other doesn'tlike and want to know how we
handled it.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
All right, well, let me I will say I'm going to
assume here that there may bechallenge.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
You know what happens when you assume Well, I know,
and that may very well happenhere.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I'm going to assume that maybe one of them is
experiencing this right now andsaying because we've always said
, hey, we've lived quite a lifeand gone through some stuff, and
if anyone's going throughsomething, we've probably
experienced it in some way,shape or form, and seen it and
experienced that for ourselves.
(15:23):
So maybe that's where this iscoming from.
But let's just say that one ofthem wants something, the other
one is a hard no with it.
And our stance has always beenif you are not harming yourself
or the other physically,mentally, emotionally, all of
that and not bringing someoneelse into the bedroom, it's a
fair game.
Go nuts, have fun, experiment,enjoy.
(15:45):
To answer this question.
Not much help because the answeris no.
Have not had anything where theother was like a hard pass,
hard no.
Now we have hard set boundaries.
We've used the menu in a senseto say, yep, this works, tried
it Eh, not so great and gonefrom there.
(16:09):
So how to be able to handlewhen the other is against it.
Well, yeah, I can't speak forpersonal experience there.
I guess I mean your thoughts.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Well, if you're trying something, I mean, think
of it as an experiment.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It is.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Keep what did work with whatever you tried, and
maybe try something different tocompensate.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yes, I would say let's just go back to kind of
our original rules of what weset into place.
We're not physically, mentallyor emotionally harming ourselves
, the other, there's no otherperson that comes into the
picture and everything else isopen.
And I've always used the goofyexample where, listen, if my
(17:00):
wife says I need you, swingingup and down, upside down from
the ceiling, playing an airguitar, doing this and this and
this and this, and I think itand this, and I think it's crazy
and psychotic, you know what?
It's not harming me physically,mentally, emotionally, not
harming her and there's no otherhuman being involved.
You know, I'm at least gonnagive her that and I'm not into
(17:21):
air guitar just so we're clearour air drums.
They're saying but if that werea desire, you know what I may
say that's an odd one.
But okay, baby, your wish is mycommand.
Make it happen and we'll seewhat happens.
You may never know.
You may thought that was crazyand say you know what I love
(17:43):
swinging upside down playing airdrums.
Who would have ever thought?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Tommy.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Lee, exactly, he most certainly does.
He's playing the real drums.
That was really good.
But I would say listen, thoseare the set rules for us and it
has worked absolute wonders forus.
So if they want to try it, giveit a shot.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
no matter what you think about it, give it a shot
you said something that justhits the next question that I
have alright.
I know sex in a marriage isimportant, but can it ever
become sinful?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Okay, explain.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
There's more to this question.
Okay, I'm not asking aboutmasturbation or sex with other
people.
Okay, just direct sex betweenhusband and wife.
Okay, Just direct sex betweenhusband and wife.
If there is at any point wherethe sex between husband and wife
(18:45):
can become sinful, for examplethe use of sex toys using porn
during sex, could that beconsidered wrong?
What about the things that aresaid during sex, Like the dirty
talking?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Okay, can sex become sinful.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
That's a whole lot to digest right there, okay, but
when you said bringing otherpeople in, yes, that made me
think of this question, strictlybecause of the porn.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yes, and that's the only section of that where I
would say, yeah, it's a hardpass, because for me you bring
porn, and porn ruins everythingbut you bring.
You're gonna kill all theexpectations you are, but you
bring porn into into yourmarriage, you're essentially
(19:36):
beginning to lust after someoneelse.
You just are.
I mean, that's what it is.
So I would say, can it?
Can it become sinful, with theexception of porn?
No, now, if you allow it to beand it becomes, it becomes
(19:56):
something that you begin toidolize, then yeah sure, it most
certainly can, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
You are whatever you worship.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
And if you begin to worshipthat and idol that, then, yeah,
that's a problem.
That's going to take you down avery dark road, but we got to
remember sex between a husbandand a wife.
It was created by God.
It is incredible.
It is to bring connection toyou too and listen, as wild and
crazy as you want to get.
That's something you two canshare together and that all
(20:27):
you're the only people who sharethat.
As one of the beauties of thisis, you are the only two people
ever who get to share that typeof connection and that type of
experience, who get to sharethat type of connection and that
type of experience.
So can it become sinful?
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Now I remember us talking about this question in
our small group.
There was an addition thatsomeone who didn't do this
question added what about thedirty talk?
But I get, dirty talk is fineif it's just between you and
your spouse.
But what if you start cussingin this certain time?
(21:06):
What if you just yell out thebig?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Whatever that may look like, yes, with cussing,
and you know, you went right tomy favorite thing in the world.
What Thor says, it's a made-upword.
Well, all words are made up.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
All words are made up , it's just all in the content
of how you're.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
There's a lot of it in the context in which you're
using said word.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yeah, and if you're dropping the F-bomb while you're
doing the F-bomb, I mean, it'sexactly what it means.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
It does.
But ultimately, I mean, how doyou determine what words are
cuss words?
Because any word, if you use itin a negative manner, can be
seen as a bad, dirty word,whatever that may look like.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Fart I was not allowed to say fart when I was
growing up, because that is avery bad word, whatever that may
look like Fart.
I was not allowed to say fartwhen I was growing up, because
that is a very bad word.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Very, very, very bad word.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I could not even say the word freaking.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yes, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Because it was a very bad word.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Very bad word.
So who determines what thosebad words are?
I think we do.
Again, this is a conversationbetween you and your spouse and
again, the context in which itis being used matters
tremendously.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
In this manner, Now I know, with different
generations, words change.
Like we said, freaking all thetime, I mean some people still
use it.
Sure, they do but now.
The big thing for our kids isfrick.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Frick and a part of me is like, if you're going to
do it, just say it Just say thedang word.
Because I know exactly whatyou're talking about.
I know exactly what you'resaying.
So again, that's an instance ofthis.
Is the context in which you'reusing it.
Just say the dang word, thenalready All right, yeah, I mean,
they've changed the way we getskibbities, skibbity Ohio's and
(23:01):
toilets and Rizzlers and Phantom.
I don't know what the kids aresaying these days.
That makes me sound so old.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Wow, you just aged yourself oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Am I 80?
Get off my lawn.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
You're halfway there, baby.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Wow, thanks a lot.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
At least you still desire me.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
I do Now next question you ready?
I don't know.
Yeah, I'm ready.
Okay, I'm worried the sex isbecoming more physical than
connecting intimately oremotionally.
If that's even a concern, howwould you recommend to increase
(23:45):
our intimacy and emotionalconnection during sex?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
This is a female question all day long.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Oh, yeah, no doubt in my mind which I get.
That's my guys turning youaround and don't even need to
look at your face.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Wow, you're not wrong , though, you just went there.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
I just needed to see the look on your face.
It was great.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
You totally just went there.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
You did not expect that one.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
I was not expecting that at all.
Holy smokes, you're welcome.
But, you're not.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
I mean and that is how guys try to take emotions
out of sex yes even though itcannot be done.
I don't care what anybody saysit cannot be done.
There's got to be a reason thatyou two connected in the first
place to be able to hook up yeah, there was some sort of
emotional type connection therebefore the physical ever
(24:39):
happened.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Yeah, the people who say, oh, it's just sex, you know
, it's just so I can get mine.
No, there's more to it thanthat.
You just don't want to admitthat.
I do see where sex can becomejust a physical act rather than
the emotional side of it.
When that happens, you need toone have the conversation about
it Clearly.
Um, men, you have to rememberthat sex begins way before the
(25:03):
sex begins, whenever.
When it comes to your wife, Imean, you can, you can make it
more.
You can make it about theemotional connection before you
get into the bedroom, and Ithink, just being intentional
about that and being aware ofthat, and it's going to lead to
better sex rather than, as yousaid, just turn her around and
that's that you're not going tohave, that.
(25:26):
It's going to be much moreintimate.
I think that may be what I'mkind of getting out of.
That is, it seems like theintimacy is taken away and this
is just a let me let me, get mewham bam.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Thank you, ma'am let me get off be done and that's it
, and that's, that's the onlythought but there are people now
that just want to have as manypartners as they possibly can
with sex.
It's now called body count.
What's your count?
(25:58):
What's your body count?
You got more Body counts thanblah, blah, blah.
That's the new insult.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
I see what you're saying there.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
And what did I see?
Not too long ago, I thought Ithink I told you about this that
there was a girl who Now holdsthe record For having Sex With.
Now holds the record for havingsex with.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I think it was a hundred.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yes, you told me about this.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
In one day.
That's so gross.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Disgusting.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
And you say they not only her but those dudes.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Baby, you shared all them other penises.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah, you did Every one ofises.
Yeah, you did Every one of them, being guy 100 in that mix.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
You willingly committed to putting your name
on a record of that.
I was one of the 100 guys thathad sex with number 100.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
How cool is that?
I well, one thing you said withthat is there's this, there's
this want to sleep with as manypeople as possible.
I think that's the perception.
I don't think that's real.
I don't think that that is atrue want to have sex with as
many people as possible andincrease your body count.
(27:20):
I think that's what is put outthere and led people to believe
that.
It shows me that there is adeep, deep hole of trying to
feel fulfillment in your life.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Well, russell Brand had this girl on his podcast and
he was very open about his past, about how he would just want
to have sex with anybody andeverybody that would have sex
with him, and this is kind ofhow her record was.
(27:58):
But now he has changed his lifearound.
He is strictly living for Jesusand his family too, which is
really cool.
Big Aldous Snow fan.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Huge.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
When we saw that it was this is so awesome, you know
so, and having her on the show.
She's not religious, she'snever had any kind of thing.
Imagine that.
And he told her he was very.
(28:30):
He wanted her to know that Godloves her and that she is a
child of God and that she isloved.
Because he could obviously seethis child this child of God
needs serious love.
She has no self-worth.
And how huge and it's so sad itis.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
How big of him to show who Jesus truly is through
that and saying hey, justregardless of what you decide to
do and how you're going to liveyour life, I just need you to
know God loves you.
This wasn't necessarily what heplanned for you, but he still
loves you.
So, so, so much.
And there's more beyond it, butthat's when you talk about that
.
That's what I see Someone whois just desperately trying to
(29:11):
fill the void that they have intheir life.
It's the sinful chase ofhappiness, and I'm going to have
sex with as many people as Ipossibly can.
Ooh, it's enjoyable.
That was so much fun, god, thatwas so good.
But the next day I'm less, I'mnot fulfilled anymore and I
still feel empty inside and Ineed.
I need more.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I couldn't imagine.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
No.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Especially if there's children involved in a
relationship.
Which brings me to the nextquestion.
This might be one of our lastquestions how do you make time
for yourselves after kids?
It feels like we are neveralone.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Yep, absolutely, when they're young, especially and
to toddlers.
Totally agree with that.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
When they are not self-sufficient or you have not
been able to domesticate them.
Yes, no, I totally agree withthat when they are not
self-sufficient or you have notbeen able to domesticate them.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Yes, no, I totally agree with that.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Thank you 2020.
That's what I did.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
It worked.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Great that year I told you.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
I'm convinced our children could survive on their
own for 10 to 14 days.
Easy, no problem at all.
As long as there's food in thehouse, they could survive no
problem.
Yeah, you have to make time.
How do you make time foryourselves?
You have to make time, nomatter what that looks like and
(30:29):
it can be when they nap.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Right, I was about to say most of the time people say
when they sleep, you sleep.
No, sister, you get them kidsto bed, you put that sexy outfit
on.
I don't care if it's just fiveminutes, I mean it's, it's it's
time together.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yeah, no, I agree, you know.
Hey, send, send your husband alittle text message.
Hey, I need you to go get thekid to bed and I'll be waiting
for you.
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
you want him to bed and I'll be waiting for you.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Are you kidding me?
You want him to stop everythinghe's doing and just run to put
the kid to bed Because he's solonging and looking for that.
But you have to just make adecision.
I'm going to make time for myspouse, no matter what, and yes,
whether they're taking a nap,before they wake up, after they
go to bed, or if you'refortunate enough to let them
(31:22):
spend the night somewhere with arelative or your parents or
somebody or a very, very closefriend, or just babysit them for
a little while.
But use that time to beintentional and not oh, the
baby's asleep, I can finallyplay video games.
Oh, the baby's asleep, I canfinally read my book, or I can
finally scroll my social media,whatever that looks like.
(31:43):
No, reserve that time for yourspouse and make that time.
And then as they get older, itdoes become much easier and
you're even more look forward tothat time that you have
together and how important thatit is.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
But don't push them away all the time no.
So you can go and have araunchy little night.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
No, don't do that, that's not worth it.
No, it's not.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Cheat on your spouse, that kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
No, no, no, yeah, definitely not your spouse.
You have to remember, yourspouse is number one, the clear
number one.
So you have to make thedecision to make time together.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Those kids will grow up and move out.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Yes, and then you'll have all the time in the world
with your spouse.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
As long as you've made time for your spouse.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Totally agree.
Do we have any more?
Speaker 1 (32:28):
I'm good.
That's it, I'm out.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
You're done.
No more, no more thoughts.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Sorry.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
That's good.
Let's end it, let's go.
God.
God, we love you so much.
We are so thankful for whatyou're doing.
We're thankful for this.
We're thankful for questions.
We're thankful for openconversations.
It's the most important thingthat we can do when we're
talking about our relationshipsis to just ask questions and be
honest and be open and not thinkthat we have to have it all
together.
And, god, I just pray that youbring those conversations to
(32:56):
light.
We're always here for them andif you bring more to us, we
welcome that and we enjoy thatand just want to be able to
speak wisdom through ourexperiences that you've given us
to other people, just so theycan know you better and know
their spouse better and justhave the marriages that they are
meant to have the way youcreated them, and they're the
greatest thing in the world andwe're thankful for ours.
(33:18):
I'm thankful for this amazingwoman next to me.
Could not imagine doing life orthis without her.
So thank you, thank you, thankyou in Jesus name, amen amen
play ball.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
I still say you should have read a book.
I know sex in a marriage is important, but can
it ever become sinful?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Why aren't people getting married anymore?
A new Pew Research poll foundthat two in five young adults
think marriage is an outdatedtradition.
Marriage rates are at theirlowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want to have just onepartner when you can have
multiple Marriage is stupid.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Welcome to the Married AF podcast, the
self-proclaimed greatestmarriage and relationship
podcast in the world.
I'm Matthew, you're Monica.
We are back for episode two ofthe Q&A from our small group,
following up from last weekwhere we did Q&A from our small
group that just wrapped up andfigured if people are asking
(01:17):
these questions to us in a smallgroup, they may be asking these
questions all over the worldand all the different places,
all over the place that peopleare listening to us.
So just what's happening inshelby, county alabama alabama
could be happening anywhere elsein the world.
So we figured why not open thisup and talk to everyone about
(01:39):
this?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
would you say it like that because our son just
watched forrest Gump?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
yes, and he's been all about Forrest Gump and
especially Lieutenant Dan.
Oh man, lately, um, onehilarious takeaway that I told
you about, but it's just toofunny for me not to share of
Cash's takeaway from ForrestGump.
He watched this.
He was homesick from schoolwith some sort of virus and I
was working from home that daybecause you were, you were at
the school and he's watchingForrest gump and like two-thirds
(02:05):
of the way through, you know,closer to the end, he says dad,
like yeah, bud.
He said I just gotta sayjenny's a horrible person.
Like just horrible.
All force does is love her andhe takes care of her and will do
anything for her and she's justand she just leaves, leaves him
(02:25):
all the time and doesn't careanything.
She's just a terrible person.
It's like yeah he's dead on yeah, you're, you're, you're not
wrong, but he loved the movie.
So, yeah, green bow alabama,that's all I can think about
that.
So, uh, but yeah, we thought,you know, if people are asking
these questions here to us in amore personal setting, this
(02:47):
could be something that could behelpful to people.
So we figured let's answer themhere as well.
You've got the questions.
Yep, you've got the rightanswers.
I'll chime in with somethingthat's probably not accurate.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I don't know that I have right answers.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
You have all the right answers.
You're sweet, I love you.
You want to start?
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Get going, baby All right.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
So these are a bit more on the physical side.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
PG-13 and above.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Ready.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
This is real marriage stuff, though, so I mean it has
to be talked about.
You can't not talk about thisstuff just because it makes you
uncomfortable.
I mean, come on, anyways, youcan't not talk about this stuff
just because it makes youuncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I mean come on, anyways, go ahead.
Okay, my wife can sometimescome off as flirty.
She means nothing by it, she'sjust very friendly.
How can I make sure that doesnot come between us?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I feel like this is a little bit.
Maybe she does mean something,but I don't know.
My wife comes off as flirty.
She means nothing by it.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
It already says.
How can we make sure this doesnot come between us?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Maybe it's beginning to just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I see you a bit jealous.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
I think maybe a little bit.
You seem a bit jealous.
I think maybe a little bit.
And yeah, there can be somejealousy there for sure,
especially if there's anyinsecurities in your
relationship at all or pasthurts or any past indiscretion.
I should say that could elevatejealousy like through the
freaking roof.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
So she comes off a little flirty, but that's
something that needs to betalked about.
You know, with communication,yeah, it's a shocker.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Look at that.
And then other communicationthings.
If only people would actuallyspeak to one another.
But if this is something thatbothers you or that you
recognize, let's just say it isinnocent.
She's just overly friendly,she's an extrovert.
She's just out there, overlyfriendly, she's an extrovert,
she.
She's just out out there,enjoys conversation with people,
engages with conversation withpeople, openly talks to anyone
(04:50):
and everyone and laughs and thatcould clearly come off as
flirty to some people did youjust describe me to make people
go?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
that's just who my wife is.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
She's not flirting with you no, I mean, that mean
in a sense, that is you, I feelthat you just described me and
exposed me to everyone.
Well, I mean, maybe I did alittle bit.
Okay, you are very friendly,happy to talk to anybody, love
engaging with conversation withpeople because you like to talk
to people and get to know whopeople are.
You laugh at their jokes,you're very funny and you're
(05:24):
able to let people feel at peaceand at ease whenever you're
around, and it's amazing qualityto have.
And yes, there are bozos outthere who could say, oh my god,
she wants me, but all you'redoing is just having a
conversation with someone andbeing kind and just taking
interest in somebody because youcare about people.
Now, for us, no effectwhatsoever, because I know you
(05:48):
mean absolutely nothing by itand I can.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
You will know if I'm flirting with you and I I can.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
I can look at something and be like, oh, this
poor guy has no idea I know I'min the same way when that
happens to you.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Listen as bad as a flirt as I am, because you've
mentioned that before.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
You don't know how to .
I'm the word.
I'm like ross from friendswhenever he was trying.
When that happens to you andlisten as bad as a flirt as I am
because you've mentioned thatbefore.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
You don't know how to flirt.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I'm like Ross from Friends whenever he was trying
to flirt with the pizza girl.
You remember how awful that was.
I'm just like that and somehowI nabbed an absolute 10.
You with all inability to flirtDoes not exist in my body, but
I know, even having no flirtingability in my body, I know
(06:27):
exactly when you're flirting.
I know exactly how your voiceis, how your face looks, what
your smile looks like, what youdo with your hands, how you may
touch, how long I I can.
If you were to go flirt, Icould tell within five seconds
like oh, she's flirting.
Take no time at all for me tobe able to recognize that
(06:47):
because I know you that wellmaybe I should test you maybe
you should test me and seethat's gross.
I don't know, but I could tellvery, very quickly, very, very
easily, if that were happening,because I didn't know you so
well.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Put yourself in this guy's situation.
How would you feel if youwitness this?
You know how I'm flirty.
Or Put yourself in this guy'ssituation.
How would you feel If youwitness this?
You know how I'm flirty, orbecause I guess I do that with
you.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
I would say this, just knowing and this is for us
and again it's going to bedifferent for everybody If I saw
you flirting because I knowexactly what that looks like and
you touch and you just kind ofI know what that looks like
because you do that to me, Ilove it so much but if I saw
that I would pull you aside realquickly and just get alone,
(07:33):
want to have a conversationalone, not make a big stink out
of it, but just hey, I noticedthis, what, what am I doing or
not doing that may cause you tofeel the need to be able to, so
that you have to do that?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
What am I doing?
Because clearly, and this isfor you and I- but you also
would need to let me know howthat made you feel.
Yes, I almost certainly wouldNot ask me what am I not doing
to make you have to do this?
Yes, hey.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I noticed you were flirting.
It was very, very obvious to meand it made me feel jealous,
very insecure.
I did not like it, but I knowthat I had to have played a part
in you doing that, so let'stalk about that.
What was that?
Because, just knowing us,that's exactly the situation
that it would be.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Well, what if she does not know?
That's what she's doing thenyou need to.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
You need to set a clear boundary of you need to
video this so she can see it hey, baby, when we get home we need
to watch some tape and get thepointer out and point the whole
thing out and that's whatserious replays on that.
That's what needs to happen inthis situation.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
but no, I think if, if she doesn't know what's
happening and she has to knowright, because the question
literally says the last part ofit.
How can we make sure that thisdoes not come between us?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Well, if she does, that's a whole other
circumstance.
That's a deeper conversation.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
And it also says she is just very friendly.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
And let's just take it for what it is.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
It seems like it's bothering him more than it is.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Let's say she is like you because you are very
friendly, as all the things Imentioned before, and that
bothers him and he sees it topossibly come off as flirty, I
think, just making her aware ofhey I just want to let you know
that dude totally thinks you'reinto him and here's the reasons
why.
And she may say, oh my God, Ihad no idea.
She might not have known.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Honestly, that happens, but it's not to me.
But it's not like I'm not aflirt.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
No, you're not.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Because I can talk sports with anybody, oh, totally
Easily.
And that is an easyconversation to have and for a
guy to be able to talk to afemale that's giving him
attention and making eye contact, talking about something that
he's passionate about, and thischick likes sports, whoa yeah,
(10:01):
it's like holy smokes.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I hit the jackpot with this one exactly no.
So if there's something thatHoly smokes, I hit the jackpot
with this one Exactly no,totally.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
There's something that she might be doing with a
conversation that is justsomething that she like me
talking to.
I mean, I have more guys that Italked to than females,
essentially because maybe Idon't necessarily have that much
.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I wouldn't say that.
I would say um, don't take itthe wrong way, but you already
know this.
A lot of women are intimidatedby you.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And I don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Well, you're you.
You you walk into a room andyou exude so much confidence and
they're not like you're tryingto.
It's just that's who you are.
I'm not trying to, it's justthat's who you are.
You're very comfortable withwho you are.
You're very confident in whoyou are, that you are exactly
who you are supposed to be.
In every situation, you do notwaver, no matter what the
circumstance is or where you are.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Or how bad my hair is that day.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Or how bad your hair is that day Like this lipstick
I'm currently wearing.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
God, I love it so much you look incredible um.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You should wear it more often, but it doesn't
matter where you are like it'sall on my teeth right now.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
I promise it's not okay.
Good, wherever you are, you'rethe same person everywhere, you
and I.
On a podcast, you and I sit onthe couch watching tv, in a car
ride, at church, at school, atthe ballpark, at the grocery
store, on a trip where you arethe exact same person everywhere
that you are.
So that puts off a lot ofconfidence to people, especially
whenever they see that, likewell, she's the same person here
(11:30):
that she was there.
Holy smokes, how can she dothat?
Because most people can't.
They compartmentalize everylittle aspect of their life,
like I've got to be work versionof me and I get to be at home
version of me.
I've got to be work version ofme and I get to be at home
version of me, and I get to bechurch version of me and I got
to be coach person version of me, and it's all different
versions and you're justauthentic to who you are.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
I guess I didn't really realize that that's a
problem.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
It's not a problem, it's a great thing.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
It's just not many people.
Not that the things that I doare a problem, that other people
have to put on a mask to bedifferent people, and maybe
that's what this wife is doing.
Maybe so, and she doesn't knowany different, because that's
who she is when she's aroundcertain people.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
There's a billion different scenarios that could
play out with this, but if wejust take it for what it is,
she's extremely friendly, she'slike you are, but it can come
off as flirty to some people.
You just need to let her knowthat that's happening, and if it
is truly innocent and she hasno clue, she's probably gonna be
a little embarrassed about itand say hey, if you notice this,
please let me know, please helpme be aware of what it is
(12:40):
that's happening.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Yeah, I mean you would totally and come straight
to me and go.
That was a little awkward.
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
And don't run up like are you sleeping with him.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I mean because that's how some people would react to
that.
Yeah, don't do that.
That's not healthy at all.
You just say hey, this is whatI noticed and, as your spouse, I
thought you should know.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
It's the perfect way to do it.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Those are the perfect words.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Look at that, all right.
Moving on the next question,this sex menu is amazing.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Thank you, thank you, thank you it is incredible.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
How did you come up with this?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
We stole it If you don't want your content stolen,
don't put it on social media.
That's one of the great things.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Or speak about it at a conference.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Don't put it on social media, that's one of the
great things.
Or speak um about it at aconference, and that's one
that's.
I will say that's one greatthing about most churches is and
conferences, and this is nodifferent.
Um, steal all the material thatyou want, because it's not our
material, it's not for everybodyneeds to hear these things for
everyone and I've heard manypeople say you know, plagiarize
it all you want it.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It needs to be heard by the masses Because they're
not just going to be heard atthat one location.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
And if you can take it and make someone else's life
better in this case improvesomeone's marriage, take it.
Please take it, explain it, letthem use it, that's perfect.
So you know, we heard it at aconference and kind of ran with
it from there, because it's wejust thought it was a great idea
.
A great idea to be able to getconversations going about sex,
(14:11):
because it's very difficult forpeople to be able to do that and
it's a fun, easy way to let theguard down and be able to
explore things with each other.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Okay, so there's more to this question.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Might be a little awkward, because it kind of
sounds like they're interestedin our sex life.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
That made you like straight up giggle Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Have you ever had to where one of you really wanted
something but the other did not?
How did you handle that?
So they're obviously expectingus, to one of us, to do
something that the other doesn'tlike and want to know how we
handled it.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
All right, well, let me I will say I'm going to
assume here that there may bechallenge.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
You know what happens when you assume Well, I know,
and that may very well happenhere.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I'm going to assume that maybe one of them is
experiencing this right now andsaying because we've always said
, hey, we've lived quite a lifeand gone through some stuff, and
if anyone's going throughsomething, we've probably
experienced it in some way,shape or form, and seen it and
experienced that for ourselves.
(15:23):
So maybe that's where this iscoming from.
But let's just say that one ofthem wants something, the other
one is a hard no with it.
And our stance has always beenif you are not harming yourself
or the other physically,mentally, emotionally, all of
that and not bringing someoneelse into the bedroom, it's a
fair game.
Go nuts, have fun, experiment,enjoy.
(15:45):
To answer this question.
Not much help because the answeris no.
Have not had anything where theother was like a hard pass,
hard no.
Now we have hard set boundaries.
We've used the menu in a senseto say, yep, this works, tried
it Eh, not so great and gonefrom there.
(16:09):
So how to be able to handlewhen the other is against it.
Well, yeah, I can't speak forpersonal experience there.
I guess I mean your thoughts.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Well, if you're trying something, I mean, think
of it as an experiment.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It is.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Keep what did work with whatever you tried, and
maybe try something different tocompensate.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yes, I would say let's just go back to kind of
our original rules of what weset into place.
We're not physically, mentallyor emotionally harming ourselves
, the other, there's no otherperson that comes into the
picture and everything else isopen.
And I've always used the goofyexample where, listen, if my
(17:00):
wife says I need you, swingingup and down, upside down from
the ceiling, playing an airguitar, doing this and this and
this and this, and I think itand this, and I think it's crazy
and psychotic, you know what?
It's not harming me physically,mentally, emotionally, not
harming her and there's no otherhuman being involved.
You know, I'm at least gonnagive her that and I'm not into
(17:21):
air guitar just so we're clearour air drums.
They're saying but if that werea desire, you know what I may
say that's an odd one.
But okay, baby, your wish is mycommand.
Make it happen and we'll seewhat happens.
You may never know.
You may thought that was crazyand say you know what I love
(17:43):
swinging upside down playing airdrums.
Who would have ever thought?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Tommy.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Lee, exactly, he most certainly does.
He's playing the real drums.
That was really good.
But I would say listen, thoseare the set rules for us and it
has worked absolute wonders forus.
So if they want to try it, giveit a shot.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
no matter what you think about it, give it a shot
you said something that justhits the next question that I
have alright.
I know sex in a marriage isimportant, but can it ever
become sinful?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Okay, explain.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
There's more to this question.
Okay, I'm not asking aboutmasturbation or sex with other
people.
Okay, just direct sex betweenhusband and wife.
Okay, Just direct sex betweenhusband and wife.
If there is at any point wherethe sex between husband and wife
(18:45):
can become sinful, for examplethe use of sex toys using porn
during sex, could that beconsidered wrong?
What about the things that aresaid during sex, Like the dirty
talking?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Okay, can sex become sinful.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
That's a whole lot to digest right there, okay, but
when you said bringing otherpeople in, yes, that made me
think of this question, strictlybecause of the porn.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yes, and that's the only section of that where I
would say, yeah, it's a hardpass, because for me you bring
porn, and porn ruins everythingbut you bring.
You're gonna kill all theexpectations you are, but you
bring porn into into yourmarriage, you're essentially
(19:36):
beginning to lust after someoneelse.
You just are.
I mean, that's what it is.
So I would say, can it?
Can it become sinful, with theexception of porn?
No, now, if you allow it to beand it becomes, it becomes
(19:56):
something that you begin toidolize, then yeah sure, it most
certainly can, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
You are whatever you worship.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
And if you begin to worshipthat and idol that, then, yeah,
that's a problem.
That's going to take you down avery dark road, but we got to
remember sex between a husbandand a wife.
It was created by God.
It is incredible.
It is to bring connection toyou too and listen, as wild and
crazy as you want to get.
That's something you two canshare together and that all
(20:27):
you're the only people who sharethat.
As one of the beauties of thisis, you are the only two people
ever who get to share that typeof connection and that type of
experience, who get to sharethat type of connection and that
type of experience.
So can it become sinful?
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Now I remember us talking about this question in
our small group.
There was an addition thatsomeone who didn't do this
question added what about thedirty talk?
But I get, dirty talk is fineif it's just between you and
your spouse.
But what if you start cussingin this certain time?
(21:06):
What if you just yell out thebig?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Whatever that may look like, yes, with cussing,
and you know, you went right tomy favorite thing in the world.
What Thor says, it's a made-upword.
Well, all words are made up.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
All words are made up , it's just all in the content
of how you're.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
There's a lot of it in the context in which you're
using said word.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yeah, and if you're dropping the F-bomb while you're
doing the F-bomb, I mean, it'sexactly what it means.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
It does.
But ultimately, I mean, how doyou determine what words are
cuss words?
Because any word, if you use itin a negative manner, can be
seen as a bad, dirty word,whatever that may look like.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Fart I was not allowed to say fart when I was
growing up, because that is avery bad word, whatever that may
look like Fart.
I was not allowed to say fartwhen I was growing up, because
that is a very bad word.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Very, very, very bad word.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I could not even say the word freaking.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yes, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Because it was a very bad word.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Very bad word.
So who determines what thosebad words are?
I think we do.
Again, this is a conversationbetween you and your spouse and
again, the context in which itis being used matters
tremendously.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
In this manner, Now I know, with different
generations, words change.
Like we said, freaking all thetime, I mean some people still
use it.
Sure, they do but now.
The big thing for our kids isfrick.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Frick and a part of me is like, if you're going to
do it, just say it Just say thedang word.
Because I know exactly whatyou're talking about.
I know exactly what you'resaying.
So again, that's an instance ofthis.
Is the context in which you'reusing it.
Just say the dang word, thenalready All right, yeah, I mean,
they've changed the way we getskibbities, skibbity Ohio's and
(23:01):
toilets and Rizzlers and Phantom.
I don't know what the kids aresaying these days.
That makes me sound so old.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Wow, you just aged yourself oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Am I 80?
Get off my lawn.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
You're halfway there, baby.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Wow, thanks a lot.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
At least you still desire me.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
I do Now next question you ready?
I don't know.
Yeah, I'm ready.
Okay, I'm worried the sex isbecoming more physical than
connecting intimately oremotionally.
If that's even a concern, howwould you recommend to increase
(23:45):
our intimacy and emotionalconnection during sex?
Speaker 2 (23:50):
This is a female question all day long.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Oh, yeah, no doubt in my mind which I get.
That's my guys turning youaround and don't even need to
look at your face.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Wow, you're not wrong , though, you just went there.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
I just needed to see the look on your face.
It was great.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
You totally just went there.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
You did not expect that one.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
I was not expecting that at all.
Holy smokes, you're welcome.
But, you're not.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
I mean and that is how guys try to take emotions
out of sex yes even though itcannot be done.
I don't care what anybody saysit cannot be done.
There's got to be a reason thatyou two connected in the first
place to be able to hook up yeah, there was some sort of
emotional type connection therebefore the physical ever
(24:39):
happened.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Yeah, the people who say, oh, it's just sex, you know
, it's just so I can get mine.
No, there's more to it thanthat.
You just don't want to admitthat.
I do see where sex can becomejust a physical act rather than
the emotional side of it.
When that happens, you need toone have the conversation about
it Clearly.
Um, men, you have to rememberthat sex begins way before the
(25:03):
sex begins, whenever.
When it comes to your wife, Imean, you can, you can make it
more.
You can make it about theemotional connection before you
get into the bedroom, and Ithink, just being intentional
about that and being aware ofthat, and it's going to lead to
better sex rather than, as yousaid, just turn her around and
that's that you're not going tohave, that.
(25:26):
It's going to be much moreintimate.
I think that may be what I'mkind of getting out of.
That is, it seems like theintimacy is taken away and this
is just a let me let me, get mewham bam.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Thank you, ma'am let me get off be done and that's it
, and that's, that's the onlythought but there are people now
that just want to have as manypartners as they possibly can
with sex.
It's now called body count.
What's your count?
(25:58):
What's your body count?
You got more Body counts thanblah, blah, blah.
That's the new insult.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
I see what you're saying there.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
And what did I see?
Not too long ago, I thought Ithink I told you about this that
there was a girl who Now holdsthe record For having Sex With.
Now holds the record for havingsex with.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I think it was a hundred.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yes, you told me about this.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
In one day.
That's so gross.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Disgusting.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
And you say they not only her but those dudes.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Baby, you shared all them other penises.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah, you did Every one ofises.
Yeah, you did Every one of them, being guy 100 in that mix.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
You willingly committed to putting your name
on a record of that.
I was one of the 100 guys thathad sex with number 100.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
How cool is that?
I well, one thing you said withthat is there's this, there's
this want to sleep with as manypeople as possible.
I think that's the perception.
I don't think that's real.
I don't think that that is atrue want to have sex with as
many people as possible andincrease your body count.
(27:20):
I think that's what is put outthere and led people to believe
that.
It shows me that there is adeep, deep hole of trying to
feel fulfillment in your life.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Well, russell Brand had this girl on his podcast and
he was very open about his past, about how he would just want
to have sex with anybody andeverybody that would have sex
with him, and this is kind ofhow her record was.
(27:58):
But now he has changed his lifearound.
He is strictly living for Jesusand his family too, which is
really cool.
Big Aldous Snow fan.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Huge.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
When we saw that it was this is so awesome, you know
so, and having her on the show.
She's not religious, she'snever had any kind of thing.
Imagine that.
And he told her he was very.
(28:30):
He wanted her to know that Godloves her and that she is a
child of God and that she isloved.
Because he could obviously seethis child this child of God
needs serious love.
She has no self-worth.
And how huge and it's so sad itis.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
How big of him to show who Jesus truly is through
that and saying hey, justregardless of what you decide to
do and how you're going to liveyour life, I just need you to
know God loves you.
This wasn't necessarily what heplanned for you, but he still
loves you.
So, so, so much.
And there's more beyond it, butthat's when you talk about that
.
That's what I see Someone whois just desperately trying to
(29:11):
fill the void that they have intheir life.
It's the sinful chase ofhappiness, and I'm going to have
sex with as many people as Ipossibly can.
Ooh, it's enjoyable.
That was so much fun, god, thatwas so good.
But the next day I'm less, I'mnot fulfilled anymore and I
still feel empty inside and Ineed.
I need more.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I couldn't imagine.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
No.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Especially if there's children involved in a
relationship.
Which brings me to the nextquestion.
This might be one of our lastquestions how do you make time
for yourselves after kids?
It feels like we are neveralone.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Yep, absolutely, when they're young, especially and
to toddlers.
Totally agree with that.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
When they are not self-sufficient or you have not
been able to domesticate them.
Yes, no, I totally agree withthat when they are not
self-sufficient or you have notbeen able to domesticate them.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Yes, no, I totally agree with that.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Thank you 2020.
That's what I did.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
It worked.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Great that year I told you.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
I'm convinced our children could survive on their
own for 10 to 14 days.
Easy, no problem at all.
As long as there's food in thehouse, they could survive no
problem.
Yeah, you have to make time.
How do you make time foryourselves?
You have to make time, nomatter what that looks like and
(30:29):
it can be when they nap.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Right, I was about to say most of the time people say
when they sleep, you sleep.
No, sister, you get them kidsto bed, you put that sexy outfit
on.
I don't care if it's just fiveminutes, I mean it's, it's it's
time together.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yeah, no, I agree, you know.
Hey, send, send your husband alittle text message.
Hey, I need you to go get thekid to bed and I'll be waiting
for you.
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
you want him to bed and I'll be waiting for you.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Are you kidding me?
You want him to stop everythinghe's doing and just run to put
the kid to bed Because he's solonging and looking for that.
But you have to just make adecision.
I'm going to make time for myspouse, no matter what, and yes,
whether they're taking a nap,before they wake up, after they
go to bed, or if you'refortunate enough to let them
(31:22):
spend the night somewhere with arelative or your parents or
somebody or a very, very closefriend, or just babysit them for
a little while.
But use that time to beintentional and not oh, the
baby's asleep, I can finallyplay video games.
Oh, the baby's asleep, I canfinally read my book, or I can
finally scroll my social media,whatever that looks like.
(31:43):
No, reserve that time for yourspouse and make that time.
And then as they get older, itdoes become much easier and
you're even more look forward tothat time that you have
together and how important thatit is.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
But don't push them away all the time no.
So you can go and have araunchy little night.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
No, don't do that, that's not worth it.
No, it's not.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Cheat on your spouse, that kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
No, no, no, yeah, definitely not your spouse.
You have to remember, yourspouse is number one, the clear
number one.
So you have to make thedecision to make time together.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Those kids will grow up and move out.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Yes, and then you'll have all the time in the world
with your spouse.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
As long as you've made time for your spouse.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Totally agree.
Do we have any more?
Speaker 1 (32:28):
I'm good.
That's it, I'm out.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
You're done.
No more, no more thoughts.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Sorry.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
That's good.
Let's end it, let's go.
God.
God, we love you so much.
We are so thankful for whatyou're doing.
We're thankful for this.
We're thankful for questions.
We're thankful for openconversations.
It's the most important thingthat we can do when we're
talking about our relationshipsis to just ask questions and be
honest and be open and not thinkthat we have to have it all
together.
And, god, I just pray that youbring those conversations to
(32:56):
light.
We're always here for them andif you bring more to us, we
welcome that and we enjoy thatand just want to be able to
speak wisdom through ourexperiences that you've given us
to other people, just so theycan know you better and know
their spouse better and justhave the marriages that they are
meant to have the way youcreated them, and they're the
greatest thing in the world andwe're thankful for ours.
(33:18):
I'm thankful for this amazingwoman next to me.
Could not imagine doing life orthis without her.
So thank you, thank you, thankyou in Jesus name, amen amen
play ball.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
I still say you should have read a book.
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