June 10, 2025 • 37 mins
What do you do when your marriage feels like it’s barely holding together? When love feels distant, communication is broken, and you're wondering if it's even worth the fight?
In this raw and genuine conversation, the Married AF Podcast dives headfirst into the real problems couples face behind closed doors. From marriage challenges to emotional disconnect, we're not afraid to talk about what’s really tearing couples apart — and how to turn things around through honesty, self-improvement, and God’s power.
We unpack three major marital issues threatening today’s relationships:
💔 Digital Infidelity – 83% of affairs now start through social media. Are your phone habits damaging your married life?
💸 Financial Conflict – Money arguments are one of the top reasons couples split. Learn how to turn financial tension into romance-fueling teamwork.
😶 Emotional Disconnect – The “silent divorce” is real. When you feel more like roommates than lovers, intimacysuffers — but there’s hope.
This is more than marriage coaching — it’s expert talk from relationship experts who believe that with God's power, no marriage is too far gone. Whether you're newly married or years in, you’ll find practical advice to rekindle connection, heal emotional wounds, and build a happy marriage rooted in love, faith, and mutual service.
If you're ready to strengthen your bond with your spouse, rediscover the friendship in your marriage, and invite Christianity back into your home, this episode is your sign to fight for your relationship.
🛑 Don’t let your marriage become another statistic. Tune in now for the hope, help, and honesty you’ve been looking for.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is your marriage on the edge, is your marriage on
the brink of just being finished, just being done, saying you
know what?
I quit, I'm done.
He's never going to change.
She's never going to change.
It's through.
There's no hope.
All hope is lost.
We've messed up too much.
He's too jacked up.
She's too selfish.
Are you at that point in time?
(00:21):
Because if you are, this is theepisode that you need to be
listening to.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Why aren't people gettingmarried anymore?
You is marriage overrated.
Why aren't people gettingmarried anymore?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
a new pew research poll found that two and five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Marriage rates are at theirlowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
more than half of marriages end in divorce if you
get married, you have to bestuck with this person for the
rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want to have just onepartner when you can have
multiple Marriage is stupid.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Welcome to the Married AF podcast, the
self-proclaimed greatestmarriage and relationship
podcast in the world.
We're your hosts, matthew andMonica Powers, and before we
really get started into things,I've got to thank every single
person who is listening, who isliking, who is subscribing, who
is a part of this.
You may not know this and we'renot going to go through it all
because we don't have the timeto do it, but we want to thank
(01:35):
everybody because we areapproaching 250,000 downloads of
the Married AF podcast, so wewant to thank.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I was literally logging in to see that.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
We want to thank all of the people who are listening,
who are liking, who aresubscribing.
Over the next few weeks we areprobably going to get to that,
mark, and thank you, thank you,thank you, thank you, thank you
for continuing to listen to usthrough all of that.
That's also the mostunbelievable thing, and we
thought we jacked up thealgorithm somehow, but for
(02:06):
whatever reason, if you searchrelationship experts on apple
podcasts, it is you and I whopop up number one at the very
top, which is just that notmind-blowing it still doesn't
make sense it doesn't make sense.
we are by no means.
I want to let everyone knowthat now we are not experts.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
We don't claim to be experts, not even close.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
We are just living the life God has called us the
very best we can.
We screw it up more than we getit right, but because he is
graceful, shows us so much graceand mercy, he does things that
are unbelievable.
So I just wanted to say a hugethank you to everybody who is
out there, who is listening.
Still, some reason, somehow Idon't understand it.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
But we're here.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
If anybody doesn't understand it, it's absolutely
me.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
It's absolutely us, but a huge thank you to everyone
who is listening to us.
It is absolutely incredible andunbelievable.
So let me ask this question toyou, baby, and this is mostly
for every single person who isout there listening.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Not necessarily for us.
I'm gonna go ahead and prefacethat for you right now.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
But Whoa, while I'm looking at the numbers that
you're trying to spit out here,Okay.
I always say, like our top 10cities One, two, three, four, 5,
6, 7.
Wait, I'm so excited to saythis, I'm going to mess this up.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
(03:37):
Yeah, we have three new citiesin the top 10.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
What you got.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Houston, Texas.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
All right, Houston Astros people.
Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Seattle Washington.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Mariners fans.
Okay, I like the Mariners Greatpitching, horrible offense and.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I love where you're going with this, because our
number 10 and new to the marriedAF top 10 is Boston.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Massachusetts.
Yes, let's go.
Red Sox this is the moment theBoston Red Sox turn it around,
because us and the Red Sox aretogether, yeah, and we're going
to be in Boston for practicallythe entire month of July it's
un-freaking-believable.
Good job, boston red socks.
(04:29):
I love that.
So if you're listening inboston, seattle, houston,
wherever you are, thank you somuch for listening to la is
still holding strong at numberone and new york at number two
well, I love, I love that aswell, but boston west coast.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
We were just it's freaking incredible.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
So the question for everybody to ask yourself Okay,
what are we talking?
about Telling you here's thequestion for people to answer
and ask themselves Is yourmarriage on the edge, is your
marriage on the brink of justbeing finished, just being done,
saying you know what?
I quit, I'm done.
He's never going to change.
(05:05):
She's never going to change.
It's through.
There's no hope.
All hope is lost.
We've messed up too much.
He's too jacked up.
She's too selfish.
Are you at that point in time?
Because if you are, this is theepisode that you need to be
listening to.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I'm sorry I heard nothing after you said on the
edge, because every song thathas edge in it just flashed
through my brain.
I heard nothing else that yousaid.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
If your marriage is falling apart, this is for you,
because I am convinced.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Okay, why are you convinced?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Marriages are under attack from the enemy more than
anything else in the world rightnow.
I firmly believe marriages aremore under attack than anything
else.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Why do you believe that the enemy is attacking the
family.
Well, yes.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
And I see it every single week.
I see prayer requests from ourchurch, but I hear it.
I see articles, I just I see iteverywhere we go.
Marriages are absolutelyfalling apart and under attack.
They're getting absolutelykilled and the enemy is
beginning to win in thatcategory.
So today we want to talkthrough some of these, we'll say
(06:14):
, hidden dangers.
They're not so hidden, butthey're probably hidden to us
because we're so blind to thethings that are going on in our
lives.
And it is destroying marriages,because let's paint the picture
of what marriage is alwaysthought to be of Okay, A lot of
people think marriages and wethink the hallmark love story
and it's just, it's fine, we,when you say that, because most.
(06:36):
This is not you, this is not me,this is not some people, but a
lot of people define whatmarriage should be and believe
what marriage should be.
Is that picture perfect lovestory happily ever after, her
prince charming his princess.
Everything falls into place,it's all perfect.
And I always think the hallmarkmovies and they're all the same
.
They don't change at all, butobviously it's working because
(06:57):
they're still making something'sdoing something right but
they're filled with this idea ofjust absolute perfection, and
it's always easy, and it'salways lovey-dovey and it's
always perfect, and it doesn'ttake long for us to be able to
see that that's not the case.
And when people have thatthought process and that
mentality, it does not take longfor people to say, oh my gosh,
(07:19):
what have I done?
It's all falling apart.
It's not what I saw in themovies.
It's not all perfection, it'sending.
It's over marriages.
Why do we under attack.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Why do we?
I feel like we want that, andthat is why these movies are
made, in a sense, because that'swhat people want.
They badly want it, but maybe,when they get it, they might
have it at the beginning, butthen they become attacked and
(07:57):
that's what maybe puts them onthe edge, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
And then when?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
you see these movies, you're just like well, I was
this, it was all this way, andthen all of a sudden, no, it
wasn't an all of a sudden.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Well, and that's that's kind of what cause.
All right, no one no one ontheir wedding day or no one when
they're thinking about marriageis thinking I can't wait for
this to fall apart, like Icannot wait to get married and
have a kid and then have anotherkid and in five or six years
we're divorced and we're doingseparate Christmases and
different families and we'regoing through custody battles.
No one is looking towards that.
(08:34):
No one's thinking about that,it's all.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
That's never anybody's end goal.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
It's always a great outlook, which it should be a
great outlook, and it candefinitely be everything that
you ever wanted, but it takes alittle bit of effort into it and
it's.
You know, the movies don't showhim.
You don't think about whathappens when he loses his job,
what happens when someone diesin the family, what happens when
my wife gets sick and whathappens when he goes through
cancer treatment.
(08:58):
No one thinks about thedifficulty of what happens in
that and a lot of it boils downto the selfishness that we have
throughout it all.
So when we talk about marriagebeing on the edge, if it's
almost over, my hope is that, ifthat's you, that this is more
than just a wake-up call, thatthis is an action plan of okay.
I recognize that I'm there, Irecognize that a relationship
(09:20):
was there.
Here's some things that can beseen and ways that we can work
through that.
And I would say to anyone ifyou know someone who's going
through this, send them thisepisode, okay, because this is
going to be one that I think canstart to change things.
Now, as we walk through this,there's three major keys,
especially in the culture in theworld that we live today, that
(09:42):
I really want to walk throughthose three things in particular
, and the first being this ideaof infidelity.
And now the digital age, andI'm talking internet, social
media, the whole technologicalside of what we're seeing as
cheating.
Here's a stat for you.
Please explain this 59.6% ofdivorces cite infidelity as the
(10:06):
major reason I see that 31percent of marriages survive an
affair which is very rare very,very rare 20 of men and 23 of
women have admitted to cheating.
Here's the biggest side of thatof the 59.6% of divorces citing
infidelity, 83% of thosestarted through some sort of
(10:31):
relationship through socialmedia.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Social media and it is now being called
micro-cheating.
Let me explain Because itstarts there.
It starts so small.
It starts with that flirtylittle direct message to
somebody.
It starts with him liking thatgirl's picture there it is it
starts.
I've talked to you about thisbefore it starts with that
(10:59):
comment and that other comment,and then the comments back and
forth, and then liking thephotos and liking this, and it
starts there and what istypically seen as innocent turns
into something very, veryquickly.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
See, I don't ever see it as innocent.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
I don't either.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
And I've told you that because sometimes I mean it
makes me just, it grosses meout to even see that you're
liking the opposite sex.
Now you can like their picturesor whatever.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
There's a difference.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
There's a certain type of picture, whatever.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
There's a difference, but there's a certain type of
picture.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
If she's on the beach and maybe showing more leg and
some toes and you like thatpicture, but you didn't like the
one where she was at church.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Or maybe the family picture.
Or the one with the kids theone with her husband, something
like that, and those littlethings.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
That's a bit of a red flag for me.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And I totally agree with you, Completely agree with
you, because and again, I thinkthat can be seen as innocent,
but ultimately this all stemsfrom well, I'm not getting the
the attention that I want athome.
I'm not getting the attentionthat I desire at home, and it's
so easy to just pick up thisthing and just start scrolling
(12:31):
and go over and over and, beforeyou know it, you're spending
more time on this which, let'sbe real, Everyone they do social
media on their phones.
Very few people are doing itthrough their computers or
anything else.
They're doing it through theirphones and it's just so easy to.
Oh, she's cute.
Oh, my wife doesn't look likethat.
My wife doesn't take care ofherself like she does.
(12:52):
So, ooh, I like that picture.
Comparison Comparison,comparison is what the thief of
joy Every single time.
So this idea of infidelity inthe digital age, it is real, it
is happening.
So what are some ways to beable to spot this?
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Number one for you and I, and we see this and we
talked to our son about thiswith his phone.
It's with the phones, when theybegin to have these things and
they are, you know they're notgoing to let you look at it.
They're looking at messageslike this and this is a big one
when they take it and it's facedown all the time.
I know my it stays and our sondoes that and I a lot, I think
it's just, he did that at school.
(13:35):
He did that at school.
Cause so many people do this.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
And.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I understand that some people will set it down
this way for it not to be adistraction.
There's these amazing thingscalled Do Not Disturbs that you
can put a phone on.
You can have all sorts ofdifferent settings Mine, I've
got to go in and fix it.
It has a personal setting thatanytime I enter this house it
goes into a personal settingwhere really the only people who
can reach me are you.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Your favorites.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
And the kids, and that's it, and you're usually
here with me.
You don and the kids and that'sit and you're usually here with
me, so you don't have your mamaon that.
Mom and dad are on there.
Yes, mom and dad are definitely.
There's very few people who areon this, but it goes in as soon
as I enter the garage.
It's personal mode because itknows where I am and nothing can
come.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Nothing can come through where you are it knows,
everywhere I'm in.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
You definitely need to fix, but I get that if you're
in a meeting or you're you'rehaving lunch with somebody and
you don't want to be a distract,you can do that.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
I can kind of understand that Do not disturb
right now.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Same type of thing.
Because we're recording whenyou're at home, when you're with
your spouse at dinner, and youdo that, you turn it over that
for me and for you, that is ahuge red flag.
If you notice that your spousecannot leave the room, cannot be
more than a foot away fromtheir phone at all time, that
(14:47):
may raise some concern.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
If you can't get into their phone.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
No, that's even a big one If you don't know their
passcode or your face ID hasbeen removed or they've changed
it and haven't told you about it.
Those are just red flags, notsaying that dead set.
Yeah, absolutely something'sgoing on there, but that is a
major, major red flag that theremay be something going on with
that.
Another way to spot this wholeindefidelity but hold on.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
The reason why that's a red flag is because obviously
you've got something to hide.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Totally agree.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Because my phone's up like this, even at school on
the desk All the time.
Most of the time the kids takemy phone to take pictures of
whatever.
Usually they'll do some selfiewith me in the background at the
desk or doing something.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Yeah, and when it comes to my phone, there is and
I love this about our phones andus and our relationship.
There is nothing on there thatI would not want you to see.
But, most importantly, there isnothing on my phone that our
kids should not see, nothing atall.
They could scroll through everylittle piece of my phone and
it's all going to be perfectlyfine.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
And we've even gotten it such a foolproof thing.
If we are on social media forany length of time to just kill
time, and something pops up thatwe instantly deem inappropriate
, that's an easy unfollow.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Oh, easy, easy unfollow.
And I had to do that with WWE.
I had to stop because, crap.
I'd follow him on instagram andnext thing I know it's nothing
but girls in underwear.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I'm like nope, get rid of this, get rid of this
algorithm because of they'vetriggered that to men, ages this
to that and of course, you fallinto that.
So if our son had one, he wouldfall into that and that would
be all he would see it would bevery easy not.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
It's hard for a married couple not to look at
stuff like that because of thealgorithm crap and that's that
was kind of my next point withthe dangers and social media and
then the digital age withinfidelity.
Is your social media and whatyou're looking at and who you
follow, because it's going tofeed you so much crap if you are
not careful and it's easy tostart to like stuff and hit this
(17:16):
and hit that and then, beforeyou know it, you're thinking, oh
my gosh, my wife shouldn't seethis.
And then we start to turn and westart to hide that just a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
It makes me think of today's message at church.
Is your eternity worth it?
Is what you're doing right nowworth not spending eternity in
heaven?
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Is it worth your soul ?
Yeah, is it?
And the answer for all of it is, every single time, absolutely
not.
It is never, ever, ever worthit.
So that's one thing in yourmarriage, with the digital age,
that we're in A huge thing,something to spot.
How secret are they with theirphones?
Passwords, logins, all that?
(18:02):
I mean.
It should be an open book withyour spouse.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Like when we both decided hardcore.
We're changing our lives, weare going to be followers.
I even changed my phone number.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Yes, you did.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Because the people that had my number I didn't want
they would be.
It would be the biggesttemptation, it would be a major
distraction and I knew if I gotany kind of phone call or text
from any of that BC life thatwould just be a red flag for you
(18:43):
going wait.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Hold up.
I thought we were totally.
And here's the thing when youtalk about temptation, you're
not strong enough.
I'm not strong enough.
Nobody listening is strongenough to deny it on their own.
You may think you are at first,but eventually temptation is
going to get the best of you.
It absolutely is so when itcomes to the digital age.
(19:05):
Those are some huge things.
How to prevent this.
You need and we kind of talkedabout this set clear boundaries
when it comes to your technology.
Clear boundaries, the passwords, the site blockers, if you need
to have accountability partners, allow other people to be able
to log into your social mediastuff and have access to it.
That is going to keep youaccountable and set very, very
(19:27):
healthy boundaries.
One other thing is is thereanything that we aren't saying
out loud?
Are we keeping something hidden, especially on the social media
side?
Are we keeping something quietthat we don't want to talk about
out loud?
Is there something that we sawthat may be really really good,
maybe really entertaining, butbecause of maybe the source in
(19:47):
which it came from, we're afraidto share that with our spouse
for any reason whatsoever,because what path it may lead
down?
Like, if there's a funny video,am I going to share that with
my spouse, but it may have comefrom this account which shows
this from now on every now andagain, and I don't want my
spouse to see, to see this,because you know he may get
really mad that I'm followingthis guy.
That's about this, just thosetypes of little things.
(20:09):
And if we start to hide thatstuff, can I share this with my
spouse?
Easiest answer if it's a yes,absolutely, and you should share
those things with absolutelysocial media is a part of our
lives, whether we like it or not.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
well, I I've even told our children it's not that
I don't have accountability,people, because I do.
But if I'm going to postsomething or do a story or video
, whatever it may be, I alwayssay to myself is Gigi going to
(20:45):
approve of this?
Because if Marsha's going to bemad about this, I'm not going
to do this.
I feel like, okay.
So for people that don't know,that's my mother-in-law.
So if my mother-in-law would bereally ticked off because I'm
posting something like ahalf-naked picture of myself, is
she going to be embarrassed ofthat?
If she is, I Is she going to beembarrassed of that?
(21:06):
If she is, I'm not going to doit.
But you also have to thinkabout the children, because you
might put it on your story oryou might put it on your snap
and you think it goes away.
It doesn't trust me and sorryfor all you police detectives
out there that don't want thisinformation out, but they can go
back and get all the stuff.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
We know that it's happened.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
It does not disappear forever.
It does not, it simply does not.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
So if you're going to be embarrassed in 20 years that
your kids saw you like this Mom, you were doing that.
Oh my God.
God, that's disgusting.
That's why I always said ourchildren would never know that I
did wrestling, because, yeah,most of the time you don't wear
(21:57):
much no, women.
Women don't wear a ton in thatI try to be as conservative as
possible, but when you're justblessed in certain areas, it's
kind of hard to hide things nota whole lot you can do about
that baby.
You just table men and hope forthe best it's all you can do in
(22:17):
that situation but that's.
That's what you have to thinkof are are you going to be
embarrassed because yourmother-in-law saw it?
And it doesn't matter if youlike your mother-in-law or not.
I don't like my mother-in-lawat all.
I love her immensely, like,passionately, love her to death.
(22:39):
And if I'm going to remotelycome an ounce close to
embarrassing her or making hermad, nope, not happening.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Not worth it?
Nope, not worth it.
I think that's the biggestquestion to ask, as we kind of
wrap up the digital side of itis is it actually worth it?
Never worth it Not going to beworth it.
The second big thing that wesee now, especially in the
climate that we see today, isthe financial struggle that we
see within couples.
This has always been a hugestruggle in marriage.
(23:11):
It's always money, it's alwaysfinances, um, having different
ideas of money and differentspending habits.
And you know, one controls themoney, one doesn't, and there's
a there's a power imbalancewhenever it comes to that.
That's a huge thing, butespecially today, as we go back
to social media and we seeeveryone's perfect lives, we
feel like we have to keep upwith the Joneses and none of us
(23:33):
know who the Joneses are.
The Joneses don't hang out withus.
The Joneses don't come over fordinner.
You don't text with the Joneses, so why do we continue to try
and keep up with the Joneses?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Sorry if your last name is Jones.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah, you get what I'm saying.
We know some Joneses, but we'renot trying to keep up with
everybody, and the stress offinancial instability is
crushing for couples and here'ssome signs to be able to see
that.
Are they hiding receipts,hiding credit cards?
have a credit card that myspouse doesn't know about have a
(24:04):
secret bank account.
How often is that happening?
If you are this person andyou're hiding the receipts,
you're hiding spending, you havea secret credit card, you have
a secret bank account.
It is only a matter of timebefore this goes sideways, and
goes sideways fast.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Because what's going to happen when they find out?
Speaker 1 (24:26):
They're going to want to know all about it.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
And why?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
And why Exactly why?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Why.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
This is a huge red flag and your spouse may not
know about it yet.
They will find out.
It's going to happen.
Are you hiding that from them?
The only?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
secrets that you need to keep from each other are
presents.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
That's it, and we suck at that so bad.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I don't know.
I have a really incrediblepresent coming away for father's
day.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Oh boy.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Actually three.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Oh my God, what have you done?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
And our children know .
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I'm gonna have to get after the children just a
little bit.
So couples who argue aboutmoney more than once a week
here's a stat are 30% morelikely to get divorced if you're
arguing about money at leastonce a week.
So if money is an issue, youreally need to be able to grab a
hold of that.
You need to be able to have theconversations about it.
If you're recurring fights overyour spending and what you're
(25:20):
buying and you are hidingreceipts and there's resentment
towards unequal roles when itcomes to finances, that's
something that he controls allthe money.
Or the men used to think well,I make the money, I handle the
money.
There needs to be a balancethere.
(25:41):
Now, in our situation, youhandle all the money whenever it
comes to the how to ourfinances and everything, but
you're not hiding any of it If Iwanted to see anything you have
all the passwords.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I don't have a clue what they are.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
But if I wanted to see faces on all of them, well,
that is true, I could.
I probably don't even know howto get into all the ones, but if
I wanted to, it'd be like, yeah, baby, let let's, let's take a
look at all of it and you'llkeep me updated like, hey, we're
doing this, we're doing this,we're doing this, I'm doing this
, I'm doing that, which isperfect and great, and I love
that I haven't even told youstop using this stupid card
don't use this one, stop it stopit okay, done, not worth it
(26:16):
understand, uh, but you need tobe able to have that type of
relationship when it comes toyour money.
Same thing with our phones.
If, if we're hiding it.
It's a terrible, terrible thing, and this is something that's
leading to a lot of divorce,just like the infidelity.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
So you're saying in the power thing that one is
maybe the bigger spender.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
And wants to control the money, and if the other
didn't control the money theyprobably would't have, would
have less than they already do.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I think that's definitely one scenario.
I think probably a biggerscenario is the one who makes
the more, most more money in therelationship, probably thinks
they should control it becausethey earn more and they think
they have more power and they'remore entitled to be able to
control the money because, well,I bring more in, so I should be
able to control and have a sayin every little thing that we do
.
And I don't think that's thecase at all, because here's the
(27:09):
thing when you are married, itis not his money, it is not her
money, it is our money period.
I don't care if he is making$10 million a year and she is
making $10 a year.
It is your money together.
It doesn't matter if it's equal, if it's 99 to 1.
It is your money and it's yoursto spend together your debt is
(27:35):
Her debt and his debt.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
It's all one thing.
I don't care how many studentloans one might have more than
the other.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
It's yours together and you battle that together
Together, totally.
So what do you do with this?
For some, a lot would be createa shared budget, get together
on the finances, have a meeting.
I know that sounds awful in amarriage.
We don't want to have a meeting.
Have a meeting about yourbudget, about your finances,
about what you're spending Oncea week, once a month, whatever
(28:06):
works for you.
Have honest conversations aboutyour money, what you're doing
with it, what the plan is.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Take it serious.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Take it.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yes, it's a serious thing If you're having this
conversation way too much and itbecomes a fight and it's a
reason for divorce, be seriousabout it.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
You got to be serious about it, because this is a.
They're huge.
The infidelity, especially withthe social media world, money.
And then the third big one iswhat they're calling the silent
divorce Just being completelyemotionally disconnected forever
, essentially becoming roommatesbecause we get busy and I I
I'll be honest, I'm so tired ofthe constant.
(28:49):
My marriage has fallen apart, mymarriage has fallen apart.
My marriage has fallen apart,my marriage is in the dumps.
My marriage has fallen apartand you're not doing anything
about it.
I'm so sick and tired andyou're not doing anything about
it.
I'm so sick and tired of justhearing the complaints of what
he won't do, what she won't do.
Well, we're just busy and wehave jobs and we have the kids
and we have the schedules and wehave this and we don't have
(29:10):
time for each other and we can'tgo on dates because we can't
afford to go on dates and she'sdoing nothing but playing on her
phone and we never have sex andI'm not, and we can't and I'm
not, I can't.
We're getting so dadgum selfishand I'm sick and tired of it.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
You know what happens when this happens.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
What.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
They don't have their priorities right.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
They don't have their priorities together at all.
And if it's.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
They are busy as an individually.
They got work, they got this,and then it's the kids.
Obviously, that pushes thespouse way behind all those
things.
And can you tell me where godcomes into play in that?
He ain't there?
Nope, otherwise you would nothave this situation where you've
(29:53):
become roommates no, he, he,he's, he's not there, and it
just.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
It becomes so easy to become a roommate.
Your conversations aretransactional, like hey, did you
take out the trash?
Hey, did you do the laundry?
Hey, what's for dinner tonight?
Hey, did you do this?
Hey, so-and-so's got practice,make sure you get them from
there.
I gotta go do this.
And that's all yourconversations are all about.
You stop spending intentionaltime with each other and you
only want to point to the otherperson and never want to point
(30:21):
the finger back at yourself andlook in the mirror and say how
did I contribute to this?
The red flags.
You become roommates.
You're no longer lovers.
You're not touching each other,you're not in love with each
other.
You don't gaze into eachother's eyes.
You don't want to just spendtime with each other.
Yesterday we had a fantasticday.
Yes, and we didn't do nothing,but we did, but we did, but we
(30:44):
hung out together all day long.
We watched a show together.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I don't think I left your side All day long.
No, and it was phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
And that was pretty much it.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Doing tie-dye shirts with the girls.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
You were doing tie-dye shirts with the girls
and that was it.
But you become roommates andyou feel like you're so
disconnected and intimacy justfades away emotionally,
physically, it's all completelygone.
You don't have a deepconversation, what at all.
That is so quick to become thissilent divorce to just say
we're roommates and then you'rejust completely checked out
(31:15):
because you let life get moreimportant than your spouse.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
I mean, what was the point of getting married?
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
You're giving the enemy exactly what the enemy
wants totally do.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
So what do you need to do about this?
Not want your wedding you?
He only wants your marriage Idon't care about the wedding.
The wedding doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
He wants a hundred thousand dollars on a wedding.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Nobody cares nobody cares not even the enemy no,
he's just saying oh boy, theythink this is going to be good.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
The more you spend, the more I get to play.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I'm after the marriage and they don't have a
clue.
But I'm coming after them andthey're not prepared for it.
They're not ready for it.
You have to be able to beintentional with each other.
Schedule weekly date nights,schedule tech free date nights,
schedule time, like I talkedabout, my phone goes on personal
and it doesn't do anything.
I mean, you asked me like hey,have you got some text messages
(32:04):
about this and that we won't getinto that.
I'm like well, it's on personal, so I'm not getting anything
anyways.
Um, I have stuff like that.
Like when you're at home, whenyou're with your spouse, put
your phone away, do it for justa half an hour a day and watch
the change that that is going.
It will be absolutelyunbelievable.
Ask like thought provokingquestions.
Have real conversations.
(32:25):
You know, what do you thinkabout this?
How do you feel about this?
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Non-judgmental conversations.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Totally.
You're going to have to do thatto be able to.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Constructive criticism.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
To get the fire back in your relationship and get the
fire back in your marriage andbe excited to see each other and
spend time with each otheragain.
Be excited to see each otherand spend time with each other
again.
I'm just.
I'm so tired of peoplecomplaining but not wanting to
take the steps to do anything.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
They would rather complain than actually make the
marriage work.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Yeah, I mean, that's the definition of insanity.
I'm going to complain about itand I'm going to continue to do
what I've always done, and I'mshocked when it didn't get
better.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
But let's keep going and try again.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
I continue to do it.
I can't believe that thingsaren't changing.
You need to change some things.
We have to stop being soselfish about what I'm getting.
When you get married, we alwaysworry about well, what am I
going to get out of this and howdo they make me feel?
What are they going to do forme and are they going to satisfy
me?
We're so dadgum selfish, andthat's where all of this stems
(33:26):
from.
Is I'm only worried aboutwhat's in it for me.
If you would do nothing andstop worrying about yourself and
not worry about what you'regetting out of it, and your only
concern whenever it comes toyour marriage is how can I make
sure my spouse gets every littlething that they need, and I'm
only concerned about theirwell-being and their desires and
their satisfaction.
If you do that, if both husbandand wife do that, you will have
(33:48):
a marriage that will blow yourfreaking mind.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
And it's incredible.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Because my only concern is I'm going to serve my
spouse.
I don't care if they don't doanything for me ever.
I'm going to serve them fully100%.
Do anything for me ever.
I'm going to serve them fully100%.
And if both of you do that,your marriage will take a
complete change.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yeah, and then your kids kind of see that and
they're going to actually knowwhat a marriage should actually
look like 100%.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
So that is our advice Out-serve each other, do
everything in your power to onlybe concerned with what your
spouse is getting from you andnot what you're getting, and it
will completely changeeverything, because marriages
don't break up overnight.
It didn't just happen.
It's a slow, slow, slow process.
(34:37):
And then we wonder what in theworld happened, what's been
happening for the last fiveyears?
And it's all these little steps, these little things that we
talked about.
This is the reason that it ishappening.
Take a hold of it now.
Recognize the warning signs now.
Go ahead and put a stop to itnow and turn the thing around
and do everything you can togive your spouse everything that
(34:58):
they could ever desire, and ifyou both do that, you're going
to have the greatest marriageyou could ever possibly imagine,
even be better than what youcould have possibly imagined,
better than any dumb Hallmarkmovie that could have ever been
written.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
I agree, because that's us 100%.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Hadn't always been that way, but it changed and
it's been the greatestexperience and thing in my life.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Couldn't agree more.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Do you have any final thoughts on marriages on the
edge?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
It's shocking and sad .
Speaker 1 (35:31):
And it's a reality.
It's what we see.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
It's real.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
They're deeply, deeply under attack.
We want to do everything in ourpower to let people know that
the enemy shouldn't win.
Don't let him win.
He is currently winning andit's sad to see and I want to
put a stop to it.
I'm determined.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
We're too competitive .
Speaker 1 (35:49):
We are, dadgum, determined where we are not
going to let the enemy win.
Only God can do it.
But we're here to serve him andto be a voice for him and do
whatever he asks us to somarriages can win again.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Any marriages can win again.
I like it.
Any final thoughts I love you.
I love you, beautiful.
Let's get out of here.
Let's go.
God, we love you so much.
We are just so thankful forwhat you're doing.
We're thankful that you'reusing us and we just pray that
you continue to use us, Whateverthat looks like.
We are your servants and we arehere to do whatever you have
called us to do.
We want to pray over everysingle marriage, every single
person who is listening, thosewho are about to get married,
maybe those who have gonethrough their divorce.
(36:24):
God just pray for healing forthem.
That, if people's marriages areon the brink of divorce, if they
do feel like they're failingand they're just spinning their
wheels and they're not goinganywhere, that this will
resonate with them.
That the warning signs that wetalked about today or maybe
something we didn't talk aboutwill just come to the surface
for you to be able to recognize,for them to be able to
recognize that you just bring itto the surface.
Let them see that and just givethem the steps and the people
(36:47):
in their life that they need tobe able to have the marriage
that you created.
You created the most beautifulthing in the world with marriage
and we want people to be ableto experience that.
If we can play a part in it,allow us to do that.
We are here for that.
God, we love you and we thankyou in jesus name, amen amen
play ball.
Is your marriage on the edge, is your marriage on
the brink of just being finished, just being done, saying you
know what?
I quit, I'm done.
He's never going to change.
She's never going to change.
It's through.
There's no hope.
All hope is lost.
We've messed up too much.
He's too jacked up.
She's too selfish.
Are you at that point in time?
(00:21):
Because if you are, this is theepisode that you need to be
listening to.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Here's a question for you Is marriage overrated?
Why aren't people gettingmarried anymore?
You is marriage overrated.
Why aren't people gettingmarried anymore?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
a new pew research poll found that two and five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Marriage rates are at theirlowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
more than half of marriages end in divorce if you
get married, you have to bestuck with this person for the
rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want to have just onepartner when you can have
multiple Marriage is stupid.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Welcome to the Married AF podcast, the
self-proclaimed greatestmarriage and relationship
podcast in the world.
We're your hosts, matthew andMonica Powers, and before we
really get started into things,I've got to thank every single
person who is listening, who isliking, who is subscribing, who
is a part of this.
You may not know this and we'renot going to go through it all
because we don't have the timeto do it, but we want to thank
(01:35):
everybody because we areapproaching 250,000 downloads of
the Married AF podcast, so wewant to thank.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I was literally logging in to see that.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
We want to thank all of the people who are listening,
who are liking, who aresubscribing.
Over the next few weeks we areprobably going to get to that,
mark, and thank you, thank you,thank you, thank you, thank you
for continuing to listen to usthrough all of that.
That's also the mostunbelievable thing, and we
thought we jacked up thealgorithm somehow, but for
(02:06):
whatever reason, if you searchrelationship experts on apple
podcasts, it is you and I whopop up number one at the very
top, which is just that notmind-blowing it still doesn't
make sense it doesn't make sense.
we are by no means.
I want to let everyone knowthat now we are not experts.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
We don't claim to be experts, not even close.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
We are just living the life God has called us the
very best we can.
We screw it up more than we getit right, but because he is
graceful, shows us so much graceand mercy, he does things that
are unbelievable.
So I just wanted to say a hugethank you to everybody who is
out there, who is listening.
Still, some reason, somehow Idon't understand it.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
But we're here.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
If anybody doesn't understand it, it's absolutely
me.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
It's absolutely us, but a huge thank you to everyone
who is listening to us.
It is absolutely incredible andunbelievable.
So let me ask this question toyou, baby, and this is mostly
for every single person who isout there listening.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Not necessarily for us.
I'm gonna go ahead and prefacethat for you right now.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
But Whoa, while I'm looking at the numbers that
you're trying to spit out here,Okay.
I always say, like our top 10cities One, two, three, four, 5,
6, 7.
Wait, I'm so excited to saythis, I'm going to mess this up.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
(03:37):
Yeah, we have three new citiesin the top 10.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
What you got.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Houston, Texas.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
All right, Houston Astros people.
Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Seattle Washington.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Mariners fans.
Okay, I like the Mariners Greatpitching, horrible offense and.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I love where you're going with this, because our
number 10 and new to the marriedAF top 10 is Boston.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Massachusetts.
Yes, let's go.
Red Sox this is the moment theBoston Red Sox turn it around,
because us and the Red Sox aretogether, yeah, and we're going
to be in Boston for practicallythe entire month of July it's
un-freaking-believable.
Good job, boston red socks.
(04:29):
I love that.
So if you're listening inboston, seattle, houston,
wherever you are, thank you somuch for listening to la is
still holding strong at numberone and new york at number two
well, I love, I love that aswell, but boston west coast.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
We were just it's freaking incredible.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
So the question for everybody to ask yourself Okay,
what are we talking?
about Telling you here's thequestion for people to answer
and ask themselves Is yourmarriage on the edge, is your
marriage on the brink of justbeing finished, just being done,
saying you know what?
I quit, I'm done.
He's never going to change.
(05:05):
She's never going to change.
It's through.
There's no hope.
All hope is lost.
We've messed up too much.
He's too jacked up.
She's too selfish.
Are you at that point in time?
Because if you are, this is theepisode that you need to be
listening to.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I'm sorry I heard nothing after you said on the
edge, because every song thathas edge in it just flashed
through my brain.
I heard nothing else that yousaid.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
If your marriage is falling apart, this is for you,
because I am convinced.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Okay, why are you convinced?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Marriages are under attack from the enemy more than
anything else in the world rightnow.
I firmly believe marriages aremore under attack than anything
else.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Why do you believe that the enemy is attacking the
family.
Well, yes.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
And I see it every single week.
I see prayer requests from ourchurch, but I hear it.
I see articles, I just I see iteverywhere we go.
Marriages are absolutelyfalling apart and under attack.
They're getting absolutelykilled and the enemy is
beginning to win in thatcategory.
So today we want to talkthrough some of these, we'll say
(06:14):
, hidden dangers.
They're not so hidden, butthey're probably hidden to us
because we're so blind to thethings that are going on in our
lives.
And it is destroying marriages,because let's paint the picture
of what marriage is alwaysthought to be of Okay, A lot of
people think marriages and wethink the hallmark love story
and it's just, it's fine, we,when you say that, because most.
(06:36):
This is not you, this is not me,this is not some people, but a
lot of people define whatmarriage should be and believe
what marriage should be.
Is that picture perfect lovestory happily ever after, her
prince charming his princess.
Everything falls into place,it's all perfect.
And I always think the hallmarkmovies and they're all the same
.
They don't change at all, butobviously it's working because
(06:57):
they're still making something'sdoing something right but
they're filled with this idea ofjust absolute perfection, and
it's always easy, and it'salways lovey-dovey and it's
always perfect, and it doesn'ttake long for us to be able to
see that that's not the case.
And when people have thatthought process and that
mentality, it does not take longfor people to say, oh my gosh,
(07:19):
what have I done?
It's all falling apart.
It's not what I saw in themovies.
It's not all perfection, it'sending.
It's over marriages.
Why do we under attack.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Why do we?
I feel like we want that, andthat is why these movies are
made, in a sense, because that'swhat people want.
They badly want it, but maybe,when they get it, they might
have it at the beginning, butthen they become attacked and
(07:57):
that's what maybe puts them onthe edge, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
And then when?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
you see these movies, you're just like well, I was
this, it was all this way, andthen all of a sudden, no, it
wasn't an all of a sudden.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Well, and that's that's kind of what cause.
All right, no one no one ontheir wedding day or no one when
they're thinking about marriageis thinking I can't wait for
this to fall apart, like Icannot wait to get married and
have a kid and then have anotherkid and in five or six years
we're divorced and we're doingseparate Christmases and
different families and we'regoing through custody battles.
No one is looking towards that.
(08:34):
No one's thinking about that,it's all.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
That's never anybody's end goal.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
It's always a great outlook, which it should be a
great outlook, and it candefinitely be everything that
you ever wanted, but it takes alittle bit of effort into it and
it's.
You know, the movies don't showhim.
You don't think about whathappens when he loses his job,
what happens when someone diesin the family, what happens when
my wife gets sick and whathappens when he goes through
cancer treatment.
(08:58):
No one thinks about thedifficulty of what happens in
that and a lot of it boils downto the selfishness that we have
throughout it all.
So when we talk about marriagebeing on the edge, if it's
almost over, my hope is that, ifthat's you, that this is more
than just a wake-up call, thatthis is an action plan of okay.
I recognize that I'm there, Irecognize that a relationship
(09:20):
was there.
Here's some things that can beseen and ways that we can work
through that.
And I would say to anyone ifyou know someone who's going
through this, send them thisepisode, okay, because this is
going to be one that I think canstart to change things.
Now, as we walk through this,there's three major keys,
especially in the culture in theworld that we live today, that
(09:42):
I really want to walk throughthose three things in particular
, and the first being this ideaof infidelity.
And now the digital age, andI'm talking internet, social
media, the whole technologicalside of what we're seeing as
cheating.
Here's a stat for you.
Please explain this 59.6% ofdivorces cite infidelity as the
(10:06):
major reason I see that 31percent of marriages survive an
affair which is very rare very,very rare 20 of men and 23 of
women have admitted to cheating.
Here's the biggest side of thatof the 59.6% of divorces citing
infidelity, 83% of thosestarted through some sort of
(10:31):
relationship through socialmedia.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Social media and it is now being called
micro-cheating.
Let me explain Because itstarts there.
It starts so small.
It starts with that flirtylittle direct message to
somebody.
It starts with him liking thatgirl's picture there it is it
starts.
I've talked to you about thisbefore it starts with that
(10:59):
comment and that other comment,and then the comments back and
forth, and then liking thephotos and liking this, and it
starts there and what istypically seen as innocent turns
into something very, veryquickly.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
See, I don't ever see it as innocent.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
I don't either.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
And I've told you that because sometimes I mean it
makes me just, it grosses meout to even see that you're
liking the opposite sex.
Now you can like their picturesor whatever.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
There's a difference.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
There's a certain type of picture, whatever.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
There's a difference, but there's a certain type of
picture.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
If she's on the beach and maybe showing more leg and
some toes and you like thatpicture, but you didn't like the
one where she was at church.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Or maybe the family picture.
Or the one with the kids theone with her husband, something
like that, and those littlethings.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
That's a bit of a red flag for me.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And I totally agree with you, Completely agree with
you, because and again, I thinkthat can be seen as innocent,
but ultimately this all stemsfrom well, I'm not getting the
the attention that I want athome.
I'm not getting the attentionthat I desire at home, and it's
so easy to just pick up thisthing and just start scrolling
(12:31):
and go over and over and, beforeyou know it, you're spending
more time on this which, let'sbe real, Everyone they do social
media on their phones.
Very few people are doing itthrough their computers or
anything else.
They're doing it through theirphones and it's just so easy to.
Oh, she's cute.
Oh, my wife doesn't look likethat.
My wife doesn't take care ofherself like she does.
(12:52):
So, ooh, I like that picture.
Comparison Comparison,comparison is what the thief of
joy Every single time.
So this idea of infidelity inthe digital age, it is real, it
is happening.
So what are some ways to beable to spot this?
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Number one for you and I, and we see this and we
talked to our son about thiswith his phone.
It's with the phones, when theybegin to have these things and
they are, you know they're notgoing to let you look at it.
They're looking at messageslike this and this is a big one
when they take it and it's facedown all the time.
I know my it stays and our sondoes that and I a lot, I think
it's just, he did that at school.
(13:35):
He did that at school.
Cause so many people do this.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
And.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I understand that some people will set it down
this way for it not to be adistraction.
There's these amazing thingscalled Do Not Disturbs that you
can put a phone on.
You can have all sorts ofdifferent settings Mine, I've
got to go in and fix it.
It has a personal setting thatanytime I enter this house it
goes into a personal settingwhere really the only people who
can reach me are you.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Your favorites.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
And the kids, and that's it, and you're usually
here with me.
You don and the kids and that'sit and you're usually here with
me, so you don't have your mamaon that.
Mom and dad are on there.
Yes, mom and dad are definitely.
There's very few people who areon this, but it goes in as soon
as I enter the garage.
It's personal mode because itknows where I am and nothing can
come.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Nothing can come through where you are it knows,
everywhere I'm in.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
You definitely need to fix, but I get that if you're
in a meeting or you're you'rehaving lunch with somebody and
you don't want to be a distract,you can do that.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
I can kind of understand that Do not disturb
right now.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Same type of thing.
Because we're recording whenyou're at home, when you're with
your spouse at dinner, and youdo that, you turn it over that
for me and for you, that is ahuge red flag.
If you notice that your spousecannot leave the room, cannot be
more than a foot away fromtheir phone at all time, that
(14:47):
may raise some concern.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
If you can't get into their phone.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
No, that's even a big one If you don't know their
passcode or your face ID hasbeen removed or they've changed
it and haven't told you about it.
Those are just red flags, notsaying that dead set.
Yeah, absolutely something'sgoing on there, but that is a
major, major red flag that theremay be something going on with
that.
Another way to spot this wholeindefidelity but hold on.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
The reason why that's a red flag is because obviously
you've got something to hide.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Totally agree.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Because my phone's up like this, even at school on
the desk All the time.
Most of the time the kids takemy phone to take pictures of
whatever.
Usually they'll do some selfiewith me in the background at the
desk or doing something.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Yeah, and when it comes to my phone, there is and
I love this about our phones andus and our relationship.
There is nothing on there thatI would not want you to see.
But, most importantly, there isnothing on my phone that our
kids should not see, nothing atall.
They could scroll through everylittle piece of my phone and
it's all going to be perfectlyfine.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
And we've even gotten it such a foolproof thing.
If we are on social media forany length of time to just kill
time, and something pops up thatwe instantly deem inappropriate
, that's an easy unfollow.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Oh, easy, easy unfollow.
And I had to do that with WWE.
I had to stop because, crap.
I'd follow him on instagram andnext thing I know it's nothing
but girls in underwear.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I'm like nope, get rid of this, get rid of this
algorithm because of they'vetriggered that to men, ages this
to that and of course, you fallinto that.
So if our son had one, he wouldfall into that and that would
be all he would see it would bevery easy not.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
It's hard for a married couple not to look at
stuff like that because of thealgorithm crap and that's that
was kind of my next point withthe dangers and social media and
then the digital age withinfidelity.
Is your social media and whatyou're looking at and who you
follow, because it's going tofeed you so much crap if you are
not careful and it's easy tostart to like stuff and hit this
(17:16):
and hit that and then, beforeyou know it, you're thinking, oh
my gosh, my wife shouldn't seethis.
And then we start to turn and westart to hide that just a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
It makes me think of today's message at church.
Is your eternity worth it?
Is what you're doing right nowworth not spending eternity in
heaven?
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Is it worth your soul ?
Yeah, is it?
And the answer for all of it is, every single time, absolutely
not.
It is never, ever, ever worthit.
So that's one thing in yourmarriage, with the digital age,
that we're in A huge thing,something to spot.
How secret are they with theirphones?
Passwords, logins, all that?
(18:02):
I mean.
It should be an open book withyour spouse.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Like when we both decided hardcore.
We're changing our lives, weare going to be followers.
I even changed my phone number.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Yes, you did.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Because the people that had my number I didn't want
they would be.
It would be the biggesttemptation, it would be a major
distraction and I knew if I gotany kind of phone call or text
from any of that BC life thatwould just be a red flag for you
(18:43):
going wait.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Hold up.
I thought we were totally.
And here's the thing when youtalk about temptation, you're
not strong enough.
I'm not strong enough.
Nobody listening is strongenough to deny it on their own.
You may think you are at first,but eventually temptation is
going to get the best of you.
It absolutely is so when itcomes to the digital age.
(19:05):
Those are some huge things.
How to prevent this.
You need and we kind of talkedabout this set clear boundaries
when it comes to your technology.
Clear boundaries, the passwords, the site blockers, if you need
to have accountability partners, allow other people to be able
to log into your social mediastuff and have access to it.
That is going to keep youaccountable and set very, very
(19:27):
healthy boundaries.
One other thing is is thereanything that we aren't saying
out loud?
Are we keeping something hidden, especially on the social media
side?
Are we keeping something quietthat we don't want to talk about
out loud?
Is there something that we sawthat may be really really good,
maybe really entertaining, butbecause of maybe the source in
(19:47):
which it came from, we're afraidto share that with our spouse
for any reason whatsoever,because what path it may lead
down?
Like, if there's a funny video,am I going to share that with
my spouse, but it may have comefrom this account which shows
this from now on every now andagain, and I don't want my
spouse to see, to see this,because you know he may get
really mad that I'm followingthis guy.
That's about this, just thosetypes of little things.
(20:09):
And if we start to hide thatstuff, can I share this with my
spouse?
Easiest answer if it's a yes,absolutely, and you should share
those things with absolutelysocial media is a part of our
lives, whether we like it or not.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
well, I I've even told our children it's not that
I don't have accountability,people, because I do.
But if I'm going to postsomething or do a story or video
, whatever it may be, I alwayssay to myself is Gigi going to
(20:45):
approve of this?
Because if Marsha's going to bemad about this, I'm not going
to do this.
I feel like, okay.
So for people that don't know,that's my mother-in-law.
So if my mother-in-law would bereally ticked off because I'm
posting something like ahalf-naked picture of myself, is
she going to be embarrassed ofthat?
If she is, I Is she going to beembarrassed of that?
(21:06):
If she is, I'm not going to doit.
But you also have to thinkabout the children, because you
might put it on your story oryou might put it on your snap
and you think it goes away.
It doesn't trust me and sorryfor all you police detectives
out there that don't want thisinformation out, but they can go
back and get all the stuff.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
We know that it's happened.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
It does not disappear forever.
It does not, it simply does not.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
So if you're going to be embarrassed in 20 years that
your kids saw you like this Mom, you were doing that.
Oh my God.
God, that's disgusting.
That's why I always said ourchildren would never know that I
did wrestling, because, yeah,most of the time you don't wear
(21:57):
much no, women.
Women don't wear a ton in thatI try to be as conservative as
possible, but when you're justblessed in certain areas, it's
kind of hard to hide things nota whole lot you can do about
that baby.
You just table men and hope forthe best it's all you can do in
(22:17):
that situation but that's.
That's what you have to thinkof are are you going to be
embarrassed because yourmother-in-law saw it?
And it doesn't matter if youlike your mother-in-law or not.
I don't like my mother-in-lawat all.
I love her immensely, like,passionately, love her to death.
(22:39):
And if I'm going to remotelycome an ounce close to
embarrassing her or making hermad, nope, not happening.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Not worth it?
Nope, not worth it.
I think that's the biggestquestion to ask, as we kind of
wrap up the digital side of itis is it actually worth it?
Never worth it Not going to beworth it.
The second big thing that wesee now, especially in the
climate that we see today, isthe financial struggle that we
see within couples.
This has always been a hugestruggle in marriage.
(23:11):
It's always money, it's alwaysfinances, um, having different
ideas of money and differentspending habits.
And you know, one controls themoney, one doesn't, and there's
a there's a power imbalancewhenever it comes to that.
That's a huge thing, butespecially today, as we go back
to social media and we seeeveryone's perfect lives, we
feel like we have to keep upwith the Joneses and none of us
(23:33):
know who the Joneses are.
The Joneses don't hang out withus.
The Joneses don't come over fordinner.
You don't text with the Joneses, so why do we continue to try
and keep up with the Joneses?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Sorry if your last name is Jones.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah, you get what I'm saying.
We know some Joneses, but we'renot trying to keep up with
everybody, and the stress offinancial instability is
crushing for couples and here'ssome signs to be able to see
that.
Are they hiding receipts,hiding credit cards?
have a credit card that myspouse doesn't know about have a
(24:04):
secret bank account.
How often is that happening?
If you are this person andyou're hiding the receipts,
you're hiding spending, you havea secret credit card, you have
a secret bank account.
It is only a matter of timebefore this goes sideways, and
goes sideways fast.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Because what's going to happen when they find out?
Speaker 1 (24:26):
They're going to want to know all about it.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
And why?
Speaker 1 (24:29):
And why Exactly why?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Why.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
This is a huge red flag and your spouse may not
know about it yet.
They will find out.
It's going to happen.
Are you hiding that from them?
The only?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
secrets that you need to keep from each other are
presents.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
That's it, and we suck at that so bad.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I don't know.
I have a really incrediblepresent coming away for father's
day.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Oh boy.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Actually three.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Oh my God, what have you done?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
And our children know .
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I'm gonna have to get after the children just a
little bit.
So couples who argue aboutmoney more than once a week
here's a stat are 30% morelikely to get divorced if you're
arguing about money at leastonce a week.
So if money is an issue, youreally need to be able to grab a
hold of that.
You need to be able to have theconversations about it.
If you're recurring fights overyour spending and what you're
(25:20):
buying and you are hidingreceipts and there's resentment
towards unequal roles when itcomes to finances, that's
something that he controls allthe money.
Or the men used to think well,I make the money, I handle the
money.
There needs to be a balancethere.
(25:41):
Now, in our situation, youhandle all the money whenever it
comes to the how to ourfinances and everything, but
you're not hiding any of it If Iwanted to see anything you have
all the passwords.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I don't have a clue what they are.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
But if I wanted to see faces on all of them, well,
that is true, I could.
I probably don't even know howto get into all the ones, but if
I wanted to, it'd be like, yeah, baby, let let's, let's take a
look at all of it and you'llkeep me updated like, hey, we're
doing this, we're doing this,we're doing this, I'm doing this
, I'm doing that, which isperfect and great, and I love
that I haven't even told youstop using this stupid card
don't use this one, stop it stopit okay, done, not worth it
(26:16):
understand, uh, but you need tobe able to have that type of
relationship when it comes toyour money.
Same thing with our phones.
If, if we're hiding it.
It's a terrible, terrible thing, and this is something that's
leading to a lot of divorce,just like the infidelity.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
So you're saying in the power thing that one is
maybe the bigger spender.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
And wants to control the money, and if the other
didn't control the money theyprobably would't have, would
have less than they already do.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
I think that's definitely one scenario.
I think probably a biggerscenario is the one who makes
the more, most more money in therelationship, probably thinks
they should control it becausethey earn more and they think
they have more power and they'remore entitled to be able to
control the money because, well,I bring more in, so I should be
able to control and have a sayin every little thing that we do
.
And I don't think that's thecase at all, because here's the
(27:09):
thing when you are married, itis not his money, it is not her
money, it is our money period.
I don't care if he is making$10 million a year and she is
making $10 a year.
It is your money together.
It doesn't matter if it's equal, if it's 99 to 1.
It is your money and it's yoursto spend together your debt is
(27:35):
Her debt and his debt.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
It's all one thing.
I don't care how many studentloans one might have more than
the other.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
It's yours together and you battle that together
Together, totally.
So what do you do with this?
For some, a lot would be createa shared budget, get together
on the finances, have a meeting.
I know that sounds awful in amarriage.
We don't want to have a meeting.
Have a meeting about yourbudget, about your finances,
about what you're spending Oncea week, once a month, whatever
(28:06):
works for you.
Have honest conversations aboutyour money, what you're doing
with it, what the plan is.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Take it serious.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Take it.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yes, it's a serious thing If you're having this
conversation way too much and itbecomes a fight and it's a
reason for divorce, be seriousabout it.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
You got to be serious about it, because this is a.
They're huge.
The infidelity, especially withthe social media world, money.
And then the third big one iswhat they're calling the silent
divorce Just being completelyemotionally disconnected forever
, essentially becoming roommatesbecause we get busy and I I
I'll be honest, I'm so tired ofthe constant.
(28:49):
My marriage has fallen apart, mymarriage has fallen apart.
My marriage has fallen apart,my marriage is in the dumps.
My marriage has fallen apartand you're not doing anything
about it.
I'm so sick and tired andyou're not doing anything about
it.
I'm so sick and tired of justhearing the complaints of what
he won't do, what she won't do.
Well, we're just busy and wehave jobs and we have the kids
and we have the schedules and wehave this and we don't have
(29:10):
time for each other and we can'tgo on dates because we can't
afford to go on dates and she'sdoing nothing but playing on her
phone and we never have sex andI'm not, and we can't and I'm
not, I can't.
We're getting so dadgum selfishand I'm sick and tired of it.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
You know what happens when this happens.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
What.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
They don't have their priorities right.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
They don't have their priorities together at all.
And if it's.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
They are busy as an individually.
They got work, they got this,and then it's the kids.
Obviously, that pushes thespouse way behind all those
things.
And can you tell me where godcomes into play in that?
He ain't there?
Nope, otherwise you would nothave this situation where you've
(29:53):
become roommates no, he, he,he's, he's not there, and it
just.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
It becomes so easy to become a roommate.
Your conversations aretransactional, like hey, did you
take out the trash?
Hey, did you do the laundry?
Hey, what's for dinner tonight?
Hey, did you do this?
Hey, so-and-so's got practice,make sure you get them from
there.
I gotta go do this.
And that's all yourconversations are all about.
You stop spending intentionaltime with each other and you
only want to point to the otherperson and never want to point
(30:21):
the finger back at yourself andlook in the mirror and say how
did I contribute to this?
The red flags.
You become roommates.
You're no longer lovers.
You're not touching each other,you're not in love with each
other.
You don't gaze into eachother's eyes.
You don't want to just spendtime with each other.
Yesterday we had a fantasticday.
Yes, and we didn't do nothing,but we did, but we did, but we
(30:44):
hung out together all day long.
We watched a show together.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I don't think I left your side All day long.
No, and it was phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
And that was pretty much it.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Doing tie-dye shirts with the girls.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
You were doing tie-dye shirts with the girls
and that was it.
But you become roommates andyou feel like you're so
disconnected and intimacy justfades away emotionally,
physically, it's all completelygone.
You don't have a deepconversation, what at all.
That is so quick to become thissilent divorce to just say
we're roommates and then you'rejust completely checked out
(31:15):
because you let life get moreimportant than your spouse.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
I mean, what was the point of getting married?
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
You're giving the enemy exactly what the enemy
wants totally do.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
So what do you need to do about this?
Not want your wedding you?
He only wants your marriage Idon't care about the wedding.
The wedding doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
He wants a hundred thousand dollars on a wedding.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Nobody cares nobody cares not even the enemy no,
he's just saying oh boy, theythink this is going to be good.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
The more you spend, the more I get to play.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I'm after the marriage and they don't have a
clue.
But I'm coming after them andthey're not prepared for it.
They're not ready for it.
You have to be able to beintentional with each other.
Schedule weekly date nights,schedule tech free date nights,
schedule time, like I talkedabout, my phone goes on personal
and it doesn't do anything.
I mean, you asked me like hey,have you got some text messages
(32:04):
about this and that we won't getinto that.
I'm like well, it's on personal, so I'm not getting anything
anyways.
Um, I have stuff like that.
Like when you're at home, whenyou're with your spouse, put
your phone away, do it for justa half an hour a day and watch
the change that that is going.
It will be absolutelyunbelievable.
Ask like thought provokingquestions.
Have real conversations.
(32:25):
You know, what do you thinkabout this?
How do you feel about this?
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Non-judgmental conversations.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Totally.
You're going to have to do thatto be able to.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Constructive criticism.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
To get the fire back in your relationship and get the
fire back in your marriage andbe excited to see each other and
spend time with each otheragain.
Be excited to see each otherand spend time with each other
again.
I'm just.
I'm so tired of peoplecomplaining but not wanting to
take the steps to do anything.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
They would rather complain than actually make the
marriage work.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Yeah, I mean, that's the definition of insanity.
I'm going to complain about itand I'm going to continue to do
what I've always done, and I'mshocked when it didn't get
better.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
But let's keep going and try again.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
I continue to do it.
I can't believe that thingsaren't changing.
You need to change some things.
We have to stop being soselfish about what I'm getting.
When you get married, we alwaysworry about well, what am I
going to get out of this and howdo they make me feel?
What are they going to do forme and are they going to satisfy
me?
We're so dadgum selfish, andthat's where all of this stems
(33:26):
from.
Is I'm only worried aboutwhat's in it for me.
If you would do nothing andstop worrying about yourself and
not worry about what you'regetting out of it, and your only
concern whenever it comes toyour marriage is how can I make
sure my spouse gets every littlething that they need, and I'm
only concerned about theirwell-being and their desires and
their satisfaction.
If you do that, if both husbandand wife do that, you will have
(33:48):
a marriage that will blow yourfreaking mind.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
And it's incredible.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Because my only concern is I'm going to serve my
spouse.
I don't care if they don't doanything for me ever.
I'm going to serve them fully100%.
Do anything for me ever.
I'm going to serve them fully100%.
And if both of you do that,your marriage will take a
complete change.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yeah, and then your kids kind of see that and
they're going to actually knowwhat a marriage should actually
look like 100%.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
So that is our advice Out-serve each other, do
everything in your power to onlybe concerned with what your
spouse is getting from you andnot what you're getting, and it
will completely changeeverything, because marriages
don't break up overnight.
It didn't just happen.
It's a slow, slow, slow process.
(34:37):
And then we wonder what in theworld happened, what's been
happening for the last fiveyears?
And it's all these little steps, these little things that we
talked about.
This is the reason that it ishappening.
Take a hold of it now.
Recognize the warning signs now.
Go ahead and put a stop to itnow and turn the thing around
and do everything you can togive your spouse everything that
(34:58):
they could ever desire, and ifyou both do that, you're going
to have the greatest marriageyou could ever possibly imagine,
even be better than what youcould have possibly imagined,
better than any dumb Hallmarkmovie that could have ever been
written.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
I agree, because that's us 100%.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Hadn't always been that way, but it changed and
it's been the greatestexperience and thing in my life.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Couldn't agree more.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Do you have any final thoughts on marriages on the
edge?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
It's shocking and sad .
Speaker 1 (35:31):
And it's a reality.
It's what we see.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
It's real.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
They're deeply, deeply under attack.
We want to do everything in ourpower to let people know that
the enemy shouldn't win.
Don't let him win.
He is currently winning andit's sad to see and I want to
put a stop to it.
I'm determined.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
We're too competitive .
Speaker 1 (35:49):
We are, dadgum, determined where we are not
going to let the enemy win.
Only God can do it.
But we're here to serve him andto be a voice for him and do
whatever he asks us to somarriages can win again.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
I like it.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Any marriages can win again.
I like it.
Any final thoughts I love you.
I love you, beautiful.
Let's get out of here.
Let's go.
God, we love you so much.
We are just so thankful forwhat you're doing.
We're thankful that you'reusing us and we just pray that
you continue to use us, Whateverthat looks like.
We are your servants and we arehere to do whatever you have
called us to do.
We want to pray over everysingle marriage, every single
person who is listening, thosewho are about to get married,
maybe those who have gonethrough their divorce.
(36:24):
God just pray for healing forthem.
That, if people's marriages areon the brink of divorce, if they
do feel like they're failingand they're just spinning their
wheels and they're not goinganywhere, that this will
resonate with them.
That the warning signs that wetalked about today or maybe
something we didn't talk aboutwill just come to the surface
for you to be able to recognize,for them to be able to
recognize that you just bring itto the surface.
Let them see that and just givethem the steps and the people
(36:47):
in their life that they need tobe able to have the marriage
that you created.
You created the most beautifulthing in the world with marriage
and we want people to be ableto experience that.
If we can play a part in it,allow us to do that.
We are here for that.
God, we love you and we thankyou in jesus name, amen amen
play ball.
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