May 13, 2025 • 36 mins
What happens when spiritual leadership in a marriage falls on just one person, usually the wife? In this expert-led episode of Married AF, we dive into the growing challenge of one-sided spiritual responsibility in relationships. Many women are exhausted from carrying the faith load alone, while their husbands remain distant or passive.
With powerful statistics and real questions from our community, we explore why spiritual leadership matters and how it shapes the direction of your family. You’ll get practical marriage help and relationship advice for encouraging your spouse’s faith journey without nagging, pressure, or guilt.
From praying together (even awkwardly), to setting boundaries with in-laws, to finding community through service, this episode is packed with expert insight on leading with grace and unity. Whether you’re struggling or just seeking stronger spiritual connection, this faith-centered episode offers real tools for a thriving marriage.
Looking for relationship advice from people who've weathered serious storms and emerged stronger? This episode delivers honest, experience based guidance for couples at any stage of their journey. Subscribe now to continue receiving practical wisdom for building a marriage that thrives through life's challenges.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
How do I help my husband grow in his faith?
Because men are not necessarilythe spiritual leaders in
relationships anymore.
Women are having to carry that.
So if they're going to churchand they're doing all the things
more or less a routine, how canI help my husband grow in his
(00:25):
face?
Here's a question for you ismarriage over?
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Why aren't people getting married anymore?
Speaker 1 (00:45):
A new Pew Research poll found that two in five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Marriage rates are at their lowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want to have just onepartner when you can have
multiple marriage is stupidwelcome to the married af
podcast, the self-proclaimedgreatest marriage relationship
podcast in the world whoa, whoa,whoa.
You want to try that one again?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
no, I don't.
I think it was done perfectly.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Thank you very much.
No, I don't.
I think it was done perfectly.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Thank you very much.
Blah blah blah blah, don't say.
The greatest marriage andrelationship podcast on the
planet.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
That sounded way easier to understand.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'm Matthew, you're the hot wife, monica, and today
is all you, in a way, for themost part.
So we had a small group andfinished it up with a q a from
our small group, which wasamazing.
It was so much fun all semesterlong, uh, getting to talk
marriage and relationships andfamilies and all the stuff with
(01:57):
all these people.
And we finished it with a q aand got a lot of different
questions from a lot of people.
So we thought you know, hey, ifthese people are talking about
this and want to know aboutthese things, others might too.
So they were all anonymous.
We don't know who asked what,and it was really really great
to be able to have thoseconversations.
So we thought why not bring itto the podcast?
(02:17):
So for this episode, probablyanother one, maybe even another
one after that, we're going totouch through these questions.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
probably another one, maybe even another one after
that we're going to touchthrough these questions.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
That's how many questions we have had a lot of
them.
We're going to touch throughthese questions, talk about them
, open, honestly and just giveour perspective.
Doesn't mean it's right all thetime, doesn't mean it's perfect
, but it's what we would do inthat situation and things we've
experienced worked for us.
So you have the questions.
I'm just going to sit back,relax, do absolutely nothing
Wrong and let you have it.
So the floor is yours, baby.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Let's start with this one, because this was aimed to
us.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
You seem to be very much in love.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Has it always been that way, and what?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
do you do to stay this way?
I would say, all right, yes,we're very much in love.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Has it always been this way?
No, yes and no.
All right, let me explain, atleast from my perspective.
You tell me if I'm completelywrong.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I will tell you.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yes, I've been head over heels in love with you
since the day I first saw youAbsolutely, absolutely Same here
.
There have been times where weare horrible to each other.
Right, we were selfish,manipulative, went behind each
other's back, tried being withother people behind each other's
back, talked to other peoplejust terrible to each other.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
We wanted our cake and we wanted to have our cake
and eat it too.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yes, we did, and a lot of distrust, a lot of hurt
through all of that and, yes,there were days where I felt
like I probably hated you, but Ithink it's because the deep
love I had for you for so longand so deep that love was, I
could not let you go, no matterwhat.
Felt the same exact way and Ithink that's what kept us
(04:08):
together by a thin thread barely, and most people would say,
well, that should have neverworked.
You're stupid for yeah taking,taking her back after what she
did to you.
But people said the exact samething to you about me.
I mean, we're horrible to eachother.
It's not like it was one doingone thing and the other did
nothing.
No, it was well.
(04:28):
We're just going to be selfishand we're going to be who we are
.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
It was not one sided.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
We're going to be with whoever we want.
No matter, it doesn't, didn'tmatter, terrible.
So I think, because of the lovethat I have for you and how
deep it is, that's what kept,kept it together, barely, but
together.
And then what's the last partof that question?
Um what do we do today?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
uh, what do you do to stay this way?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I mean a lot of different things.
I think it's it's mostlyknowing the love that I have for
you, knowing the crap we puteach other through to make sure
that you always know and feelthe love that I have for you, if
that makes sense that.
I do everything in my power tomake sure you feel the same
(05:14):
amount of love that I feel foryou, that you're able to see
that in everything that I do.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I like that.
That's a really good answer,but we also have full open
communication.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Oh, completely.
I wear open books.
There's nothing we can't talkabout that.
We won't talk about that.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
We won't say to each other whatever's on our mind if
we don't like something that youeither of us are doing, like if
I don't like something you'redoing, I will be very.
Hey, baby, this has got to gothis is what what I see.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
This is how I see it.
I don't like this.
Don't like it.
Help me understand and let'scorrect it.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
We keep each other accountable.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
And we've we've gave each other authority to be able
to do that in our lives andspeak that in our lives.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
You have to.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
It also how you say things matters, because I could
say oh my God, why are youwearing that shirt?
That would just come offhorrible it would that there's
nothing wrong with your shirt,but if I did not like that shirt
, it will not ever be a.
(06:19):
Oh my God, why did you wearthat shirt?
It would be a.
Do you really like that shirt?
It would be a.
Do you really like that shirt?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I'm not sure that I like you in green and here's why
.
But I think you would lookamazing in this and that's a
silly example, but it's just thetruth of where it is.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
I mean even something so silly.
That's how open it is.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
If we say it, we, we speak it and we know that.
There's no harm in that,there's no disrespect in that.
It's only because we want toeach other to be the absolute
best that we can be, not justfor each other, but for for
ourselves yeah, there's nofighting.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
There's no arguments we might not agree on, but we're
not going to continue to argueabout something we don't agree
on.
To be right.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
No, it's not about being right.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
We don't keep score as in, because you went out and
did this, you had lunch with so,and so I get to go do this.
There's zero of that.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
No, that's non-existent.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
And we never bring up the past.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
No.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
That's a huge thing.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Boy, if we did, it'd be ugly.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
There would be no point for us to be together.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
No, you're exactly right.
So how do we stay that much inlove?
Those are some simple thingsthat we do, and we make sure we
do those consistently all thetime.
It's not something that we willdo for a short amount of time
and then we're going to slackoff of that.
I mean, it's consistent it'sall the time there's nothing
that we can't talk about okay,here's the next one.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
We struggle to find good christian couples to be
friends with.
How can we find those couples?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
who are you surrounding yourselves with?
First, good Christian couples.
Obviously you're going to findthat more around the church
period, obviously, and justcoming out of a small group from
church.
Of course that's part of it.
This was so easy for us becausewe've lived this, we've
experienced this.
What are they?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
What are the two things we said?
Small groups and Get on a teamwith somebody, serve, serve.
Serve the church, serve otherpeople.
And it sounds silly oh, that'sjust the church trying to get
help and get people to volunteer.
No, it is.
It changes everything when youstart serving other people with
(08:45):
other people and you get on ateam with those people and you
see them, you start doing lifewith them Well you just see them
on Sundays, but then you talk,and then you start having lunch
together.
Your families get together, youstart doing a small group
together that meets at night andyou get to know each other a
little bit and the conversationslinger and you get to know who
those people are and then,you're right, you start doing
(09:06):
life with those people.
Our best friends in the worldcame for those exact reasons.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
They sure did, but world came for those exact
reasons.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
They sure did.
But you're never more likeJesus until you're serving.
You're exactly right.
When you're serving otherpeople, you're so much like.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Jesus.
Jesus came to serve, not beserved.
And that's the same thing.
When people say you're going to, we are the hands and feet of
Jesus and some people arefreaked out because they don't
like feet, but that that's thewhole thing behind being the
hands and feet of Jesus isserving.
That that's the whole thingbehind being the hands and feet
of Jesus is serving.
And when you are serving, andyou're serving along someone
(09:40):
else, it's kind of hard to notlike somebody or why are they
doing that?
It's hard to talk bad aboutsomebody.
It's.
There's no drama in serving.
There shouldn't be any drama inserving.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
No, there shouldn't be.
And the amazing thing is that,when you do start serving
alongside these people becauselife is hard sometimes and you
go through hard things you havepeople and because they are
trying to do everything they canto be like Jesus.
We don't get it right everytime, but they're doing
everything they can, thesepeople that you serve with every
single week and you're on ateam with, and you see them and
(10:14):
you get to know them a littlebit when you go through that
hard stuff.
Guess who the first person is,who's going to be there?
Those people on the team aregoing to be the ones who show up
at your house.
Those are going to be the oneswho call you or text you or you
can reach out to, and they'regoing to drop whatever they are
doing to be there for you,because that's the exact things
that Jesus would do, exactly.
And that's how you create thoserelationships.
So anyone looking for goodChristian couples to hang out
(10:37):
with church serve on a team,join a small group.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Find the church.
Yes, if you're not in a church,find, don't just go to a church
and go, okay.
Well, this is it Church shop.
There are all kinds of churchesand some that you don't want to
go back to because why?
They are crazy, they're weird,that's not something I'm into.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Well, and if I would say if you're out there, you
know church shopping, I get that.
I don't love that.
I get that.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
We did that.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Well, we did, but if you're looking for a church,
you're not looking for a church.
For what can I get out of this?
You know, do they do things theway that I want them to do when
you're looking for a church,you are looking for a place, is
do they put Jesus first aboveall other things?
And if they do, that's it.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Yes, because there's some things that our church does
that I don't necessarily thinkis something that has to be done
.
Like I don't necessarily agreewith it, I don't get it, but
that doesn't stop them fromdoing it, and it's not going to
stop me from going, becausetheir main thing is always the
main thing, and that's Jesus.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
It's always Jesus, and that's the only thing that
matters.
That's one of the things I lovewith you, jesus, and that's the
only thing that matters.
That's one of the things I lovewith you.
Never know who is speakingwhere you never know what
worship.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Who's on worship at what place?
Where about a?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
person, because they don't matter, because you're
there to experience Jesus.
So how do you find them?
Find the church who lifts Jesusup above everything else.
Start serving there, servingwith the other people.
Join a small group.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
That's a good one.
Okay, the next question whatare the best ways to make sure
you fight fair when you fight?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
You said it we don't fight.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Don't fight.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Now, we may have hefty, passionate debates from
time to time, but I think withfighting fair, it goes back to
something you said earlier,which you're you're not looking
to win.
You should, you shouldn't belooking to win, because if you
and I are fighting and one of ustrying to win, one of us will,
the other one will lose, whichmeans we both lose.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Exactly, that's that was beautiful.
This one is going to be for youto answer, just you, okay.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
What are some things that I can do to make my wife
better?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
What are the things I can do to make my wife better?
So, as the husband, what are,what are the things that I need
to do as a husband to make mywife better?
So, if I want to make my wifebetter one, you have to make
sure that you're meeting herneeds.
Make sure that she feels yourlove, but feels protected, and
not just a big, strong man.
I'm going to protect you fromthe boogeyman and the bad guys
(13:26):
at night, but she is safewhenever she's with you.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
That's the word.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
She is safe.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Yes, Not from just a boogeyman.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
She's safe from the boogeyman.
Absolutely, she's safe from thebad guy.
But she also feels safetyfinancially and emotionally and
mentally and spiritually,physically, sexually, the whole
thing.
Make sure when she is with youshe feels safety, that she is
comfortable, that she couldcompletely shut everything off,
(13:56):
shut off her brain, and shedoesn't have to be concerned
about anything.
And, man, live your life inthat way.
Go back to Ephesians wivessubmit to your husbands.
That's hated, but man trulylove your wives the way Christ
loved the church.
Which means you give upeverything for your wife,
everything that you desire oryou want.
You put your wife's needs aheadof your own and if you do that,
(14:19):
my goodness, things willdramatically take off like you
could never even imagine.
You want to have a marriage.
That's incredible, that's it.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I couldn't agree more .
Now, this one's a little bitopposite.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
We actually had several of these types of
questions, but I'm going tocondense it into one.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
All right.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
How do I help my husband grow in his faith?
Because men are not necessarilythe spiritual leaders in
relationships anymore.
Women are having to carry that.
So if they're going to churchand they're doing all the things
more or less a routine how can?
(15:03):
How can I help my husband growin his faith?
Speaker 2 (15:07):
This was something we saw a lot of.
My husband's not necessarily aspiritual leader.
I see he even sees that doesn'tfeel it.
Yes, we saw this a ton, um.
So you're right, women for themost part are carrying the
spiritual load.
And applaud you women who aredoing that, because that's not
easy and you're not supposed todo that at all.
(15:30):
It's not the way it was created, men.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I I'm so glad you said that and I'm sorry to cut
you off.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
No, no, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Because I feel like in today's society, someone
would come back with a well, whycan't a woman lead her family,
being the spiritual one?
Well, that's an easy argumentthere.
That's not what the Bible tellsus.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Exactly Because you're not supposed to Now.
Can you?
Yes, you most certainly can.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Obviously, we're seeing it.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Because so many women are doing it.
But how many of those women arespiritually exhausted Because
they are carrying that load forthe entire family?
And again, bravo to you womenwho are doing that, because
you're not quitting, you're notgoing to give up, you're going
to continue to do that.
So hats off to you.
(16:21):
Now.
You're not supposed to do it,you're not meant to do it.
So how do I get my husband todo what he is supposed to do?
First off, men.
You've been lacking, and we seethis in the church.
We see men are not being thespiritual leaders that they are
supposed to be at all.
So if you want to help yourhusband get to be a spiritual
leader, one you have toencourage him Now.
(16:44):
You can't force it, becauseit's a fine line to be able to
skate.
You can talk about it.
You can encourage him, but youcan talk about it.
You can encourage him, but youcan't say you better get your
rear end to church this morningno like you have to go to church
, like if you don't go to church, then you know you're not gonna
get to do this, or if you don'tstart going to church and the
(17:04):
kids and I are leaving it, thatthat's going to push him so far
away.
But you let him know how much,how much you need his help, how
much you want his help to be,for him to lead you.
Because, again, wives submit toyour husbands.
Men, if you're a man worthsubmitting to and you're leading
your wife and leading yourfamily, well, she'll submit.
(17:25):
And submit does not mean you'rea doormat.
Submit does not mean you justlay down and do whatever your
husband says, whenever it's notit at all, but let him know that
you need that.
And then, whenever you start tosee little things that happen,
just little small, little tweaksand improvements, applaud that.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Hugely Like man if he says, if he says the prayer
over dinner, and he's never doneanything like that and it was,
you know, thank God for the grubRub, a dub dub.
You know something stupid likethat.
Don't roll your eyes and justlike oh baby, that was amazing,
like that was incredible buildhim up, speak it to speak it
into existence.
Yes, and whenever it starts toget, I mean yeah, listen, man,
(18:05):
we're, we're, we're beings of,of liking that affirmation.
I mean you, baby, that was sohot oh my gosh.
You kidding me, she, she likesthat.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The confidence that gives a man.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
It'll build.
Oh my God, yes, the confidencethat will build him.
So yeah, don't force it, butencourage him.
Let him know how much you wantto be led and as they start to
do it, it will.
It will change everything.
I know there's some sort ofstat out there that when men go
to church regularly, they readtheir Bibles, they're involved
(18:38):
in the church.
It's like 90% of the time,their family will follow.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
But when just women are going to church and trying
to lead that way and readingtheir Bibles and do everything
that they can, it's only like15% of the rest of the family
follows.
Well, it shows men are to leadin that area.
It's just.
It's the way that God createdit.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
I mean, even TV shows show you that, because, for
example, young Sheldon Mary wasthe spiritual leader in that
family.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
And boy, she carried the load as well as she could,
but you can see how the familydid not follow in line.
No but.
And you can also see the tollthat it took on her.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I know it's it's just a scripted sitcom, but that's
so close to what we're trying tomake it as real as possible, I
mean we.
I see women every single weekwho are just dying to be led by
their husbands, and they'recarrying that load yes and when
you really dig deep, you can seethe toll that it takes on on
prayer team, you get to hear thethings that people are praying
(19:43):
over the most, because when theyget the courage to step from
their seat and go pray withsomeone being in community, with
someone's praying about wheretwo or three are gathered- his,
his presence is there also.
And he's going to hear.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
No, he's going to hear and he hears the press.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
But when there's, I would say the majority of the
people, even on prayer cardsthat we get to read and pray
over their marriages are hurting.
It doesn't explain in detailwhy or what.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
We just know that they're hurting.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
A major issue.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
We see it every single week and there's rarely a
conversation on a weekly basisthat's had and it doesn't
somewhere revolve around mymarriage.
I'm fighting for my life, formy marriage and for the sad part
is, most of the women are doingmost of the fighting, yeah, and
the men are just being.
They're just dragging theirheels, barely doing anything.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Yeah, that gives me to this next question.
It goes back to the faithsituation a little bit.
How can I stay content and notfear the future when my husband
is not strong in his faith and Ifeel the pull to start a family
so greatly?
(21:02):
So they might just be a couplethat's been married recently or
a couple years and she wants tostart a family but doesn't
necessarily want to start afamily because there's nothing
consistent and she's worriedabout that for the future.
There again is the femalestepping up being the spiritual
(21:24):
leader.
So how can I stay content andnot fear the future?
Speaker 2 (21:33):
It takes a whole lot of faith.
It takes a whole lot of faith.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
On your part.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
On your part.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
The wife.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
On the wife's part.
It takes a whole lot of faithto trust that the Lord is good
and if you feel this pull tostart a family, it's very
possible.
That is from the Lord, but it'sgoing to be on his time and
we're impatient beings and weusually want that right now.
And staying content in yourcurrent situation I get how
(22:01):
difficult that is.
At times it feels impossiblebecause we want to hurry, we
want to see the results now.
I think our culture of howeverything is in our face all
the time, posting the highlightsthat we see on social media and
we see everyone else'sexperience in that it's like why
can't that happen for me?
So staying content requiresstaying faithful.
At times it could even be atest from the Lord of let's see
(22:25):
how much you trust me in this.
I know how bad you want this,but let's see how much you trust
me to show you that I am goingto fulfill what I've told you
I'm going to fulfill.
And that can be difficult.
And then you can couple thatwith what we just talked about
in the husbands.
You need to let your husbandknow how badly you want to be
spiritually led and as you startto see the shift and see things
(22:49):
change talk about that talkabout that which makes this next
question really really powerful.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
How would you recommend to start praying
together?
I am not good with words at all, especially when I'm put on the
spot.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Yeah, this can be.
This can be hard.
Praying out loud is veryawkward for a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
It is.
It's weird.
It's probably equivalent topublic speaking.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Yes, the most feared thing that anyone has at all
public speaking.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Besides me.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Besides you, you not so much, but most all people are
scared to death, more so publicspeaking Besides me, besides
you, you not so much, but mostall people are scared to death,
more so public speaking thandeath itself.
So how do you start prayingtogether?
You just got to do it, it'sgoing to be so awkward.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
It's going to be weird but you might even giggle
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
You might, and you might even think to yourself
what did I just say?
That was so stupid, that madeno sense.
What am I doing here?
But you know what One?
If you're doing this with yourspouse and your spouse is there
while you're praying, thatperson is supposed to be for you
and everything.
So it shouldn't matter what yousay, shouldn't matter.
(24:06):
And they may even think my God,that was so dumb.
But you know what?
I probably say dumb things too,and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
But also Heck, say that in the prayer.
Let it be known.
Laugh about it.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Oh my gosh God, I don't even know why I said that
that was so stupid of me to saythat.
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Lord, give me the words to say yes, because I got
nothing, nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
And here's the thing about prayer, whether it's it's
with your spouse, your kids,with another person or just with
you, just you and the Lord.
He just wants you to talk tohim.
Yep, he really don't care whatyou're saying, what you're
praying for, what you're prayingabout, it does not matter to
him whatsoever.
He just wants to have thatconversation with you.
Know, we talked to our son wasasking or no?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
he was praying the other night and you just made a
mention and it wasn't anythingnegative or anything like that,
but his prayers had become verygod thank you for this day, I
pray we have a good night andgood day tomorrow and bless this
food and just.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
but you just mentioned that, hey, when you're
praying like this, this is good.
I'm so happy that you're doingthis, but kind of go a little
more in depth.
And he even was like well, Imean I don't know what to say.
And I told him I was likeanytime you don't know what to
say or what to pray about, andthere's a billion things we can
pray about.
But if you don't know what topray about, just start thanking
God.
Just thank him.
(25:22):
Thank him for everything thatyou have.
God, thank you for this couchthat I'm sitting on.
God, thank you for this house,that we have, these clothes that
I'm wearing, thank you for thisfood.
Thank you for my health.
Thank you for my family.
Thank you for waking me up thismorning.
Thank you for having a busdriver to drive me to school
(25:45):
today.
It doesn't matter, even thelittle things.
Even the little things.
God just wants to really whatyou're praying about.
I mean, he does, but he caresmore about the act of just.
Hey, they're in conversationwith me.
That's all he really wants.
He just wants our hearts.
And how do we get to know himand have that intimate
relationship Communication?
You got to be able to talk.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Shocker, okay, okay.
Well, this one's about talkingokay how would you approach an
issue with the in-laws?
Your parents start drama withyour spouse and try to drag you
in and put you in the middle ofit, expecting you to take their
side oh, the, the in-laws.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah, now, this can be a little difficult depending
on the situation and whateverthe in-law situation may be,
because everyone's in-laws aredifferent.
You know, when you get married,you're getting the family along
with it.
It's not always necessarilywhat you signed up for, but it
comes along.
So I would say, if you havedifficult in-laws and it sounds
(26:49):
like this is the case, that yourparents are really trying to
twist things from your husbandand put you at the middle of it,
it's not fair to you if you'regoing through this at all.
Um, but you have to set prettyclear boundaries with your
parents.
I know how difficult this can be.
It's your parents.
You love your parents, um, butyou have to set pretty clear
boundaries with your parents.
I know how difficult this canbe.
It's your parents, you loveyour parents, but you have to
(27:11):
let them know like this is myhusband and whatever you say,
whatever you do, whatever youthink, I've always got his back.
I don't care what happens, butI'm always taking his side and I
will never, ever take your sideover his, because it's not
supposed to be that way, notsupposed to be that way.
(27:32):
What did God say in Genesis?
A man shall leave and be joinedtogether with his wife where
the two become not two in-laws,no, where the two become one.
So when you get married, youoperate as one and it is just
you two and you are on a teamand you are always together,
even if you disagree with yourspouse.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
We're a team me and my lady we're a team.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Even like, if we're in that situation and something
like this happens, even if weare in complete disagreement and
yes, I've got my parents sideon this it will never in a
million years be known to them.
They're going to know.
I got my wife's back.
I'm on her side every singletime.
I hate that you feel this way,but I've got her back on this
(28:18):
and I'm in agreeance with her.
And then, behind closed doors,when you get home, you talk
about that situation.
Hey, here's the situation,here's my point of view.
Here's why I think you may havebeen wrong in that situation.
Here's the situation.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Here's my point of view.
Here's why I think you may havebeen wrong in that situation.
Let's talk about that and workthrough that, but I want you to
know I've always got your backin that situation.
It makes me think about aprevious episode where I don't.
I think it was where parentsdidn't like their spouses or
something and this one guy gotoffered $10,000 to leave.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Yes, His wife's dad offered him $10,000 to leave the
relationship and he didn't.
But his biggest question was Idon't know whether I should tell
my wife about this or not?
Yes, I mean that's yeah, I meanyou're yeah, I mean you're a
team, you were one.
Obviously an issue that the dadhad with a boyfriend or husband
(29:17):
, I think it was a fiance and itwas like hey, here's $10,000 to
not get married, so pleasedon't get married to my daughter
.
I think we got time for onemore.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Okay, one more how would you advise a wife to have
a conversation with her husbandabout spending time with friends
?
I'm doing your quotes that arenot good for him.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Oh, okay, so wife.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
The wife wants to know how to have a conversation
with her husband about hisfriends that are not good for
him.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
That one can be tricky.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
It's all about the tone.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
It's all about the tone, how you approach it,
timing how you say it.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Definitely do not bring this up after he's been
out with said friends no, allright.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
So let's, let's, let's, let's play this out for
just a second here.
If, if that's us and I've got a, a friend, that is not the best
for me, or a group of friendsthat's not the best for me.
You know this.
These are the boys from back inhigh school those good old boys
those good old boys.
That's from back in high school.
But you see that they're notthe best thing for me, but I
(30:35):
can't see that.
So how would you approach thatconversation with me if that
were the case?
Speaker 1 (30:40):
we've had this conversation before so what do
you say?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
how do you approach it?
How do you approach me withthat?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
it.
It was when we moved back toAlabama and the moment everyone
knew that we had moved back,they're like all right Powers,
you got to come.
Got to come play softball withus.
This is almost 20 years ago, 18years ago, and I knew right
(31:08):
away I didn't necessarily wantto hang out with that group of
people.
They would get absolutely drunkout of their minds at the
softball games, during thesoftball games, before the
softball games, after thesoftball games, before the
softball games, after thesoftball games.
And it was just horrible.
(31:32):
I couldn't stand it.
And this was us before.
It was our BC life.
It was before we could careless about any kind of Jesus,
anything.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
You're right.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
We didn't drink.
I just couldn't stand beingaround them.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
It was not a good lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
But you loved softball.
We had just left Florida wherewe were on a competitive co-ed
team and weren't necessarilyco-ed team back here yet, and so
I literally had to sit withthese guys.
I mean, we went to high schoolwith them, so they were always.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Yes, we knew everything about them.
So how's that conversation go?
Speaker 1 (32:17):
I didn't even want to be in the stands because I
could see.
I mean, it was just sloppy, soit was a hey.
Do you think we should try tosee if there's any other teams,
maybe one we could do together,because it's just, it's just a
little irritating watching thesegrown men act like they're 12.
(32:43):
It's irritating.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
But if you want to stay, I might not come as much
to these games with you, butmaybe they're just not the best
people to be around and I thinkthat's the best way to to put it
is a hey, this is what I see,this is how I see it, this is
how it makes me feel.
Here's how I see it for you.
(33:06):
I just need you to know that itgives you that option, and this
is what I'm going to do and ifyour husband's really for you
and you are to becoming one andyou've given your wife that
ability to speak that into youand to hold you accountable, it
should be a pretty quick eyeopener.
You know she sees this.
It's probably not the bestthing for me.
(33:28):
Maybe I need to rethink and notsaying you, you you just disown
them, dismiss them forever andever.
But you, you can stop doingevery little thing with them and
put yourself in thosesituations.
But and when they ask thequestions like what the heck's
going on, why are you?
You can let them know like, hey, this is, this is what I see.
This is not necessarily what Iwant to surround myself with all
the time, because I know thepath that it can take for me and
(33:49):
I've got bigger goals andbigger dreams for myself and my
wife, and you just let them knowthat, hey, I love you and you
know I'm still still here, um,and I'll still see you every now
and again.
But this is not something, thisis not a way I'm going to live
my life and that's that I'm gladyou said that, because years
later we did separate ourselvesfrom that.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Years later, even after we had cash, they changed
their lives a little bit.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Completely changed their lives.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
They were not drinking anymore, realized that
was not a good decision.
They all separated, broke offinto whatever.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
And really so many of them the vast majority of them
have all completely changedtheir lives.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Now it was a few years after when we first moved
back, when you started, hey,they needed somebody to fill in.
You're like, I don't know, I'lldo it here and there, but then
when we get there and it's not a, okay, they're not the same
they've made some tweaks, butnow I don't know that they all
(34:57):
do the play all together, butsome are still out there and
it's great.
But they also have completelychanged their lives and we've
been able to see.
Well, they've also seen how wecompletely changed our lives.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
Yeah, we're able to see the, you know they've all
come to Jesus.
And we've seen how Jesus hascompletely transformed.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And they are absolutely thriving.
Yes, it's so gratifying to see,it's exciting to see, and
sometimes that needs to happenfor people to know how horrible
they really are.
Because if you don't, they willnever know.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
You're completely right.
So that's how you do that,totally.
Any final thoughts Want to get?
Speaker 1 (35:45):
out of here.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Let's get out of here .
Lord, we love you.
We are so thankful for all youdo.
We're thankful for thisplatform.
I'm thankful for my wife andthat we get to do this together
and just talk about marriage andthings we've experienced, and
hopefully it will help someoneelse.
We just pray that you willallow it to reach the people
that need to hear that.
Whatever the situation is, ifour experiences and our past
(36:10):
troubles and trauma can helpanybody, then we're here to be
able to share that with others.
Because it was all by yourdesign and, as difficult as it
was at times, we are thankfulfor your design because it's led
us here today, god, and wecan't wait to see what you're
going to do further.
We fully trust you and we loveyou in Jesus name, amen.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Amen Play ball.
How do I help my husband grow in his faith?
Because men are not necessarilythe spiritual leaders in
relationships anymore.
Women are having to carry that.
So if they're going to churchand they're doing all the things
more or less a routine, how canI help my husband grow in his
(00:25):
face?
Here's a question for you ismarriage over?
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Why aren't people getting married anymore?
Speaker 1 (00:45):
A new Pew Research poll found that two in five
young adults think marriage isan outdated tradition.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Marriage rates are at their lowest right now.
Is marriage really even worthit?
More than half of marriages endin divorce.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
If you get married, you have to be stuck with this
person for the rest of your life, right?
That's why you get married, sothat's why it's declining.
Why would you get married ifyou don't?
If you want to have just onepartner when you can have
multiple marriage is stupidwelcome to the married af
podcast, the self-proclaimedgreatest marriage relationship
podcast in the world whoa, whoa,whoa.
You want to try that one again?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
no, I don't.
I think it was done perfectly.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Thank you very much.
No, I don't.
I think it was done perfectly.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Thank you very much.
Blah blah blah blah, don't say.
The greatest marriage andrelationship podcast on the
planet.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
That sounded way easier to understand.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'm Matthew, you're the hot wife, monica, and today
is all you, in a way, for themost part.
So we had a small group andfinished it up with a q a from
our small group, which wasamazing.
It was so much fun all semesterlong, uh, getting to talk
marriage and relationships andfamilies and all the stuff with
(01:57):
all these people.
And we finished it with a q aand got a lot of different
questions from a lot of people.
So we thought you know, hey, ifthese people are talking about
this and want to know aboutthese things, others might too.
So they were all anonymous.
We don't know who asked what,and it was really really great
to be able to have thoseconversations.
So we thought why not bring itto the podcast?
(02:17):
So for this episode, probablyanother one, maybe even another
one after that, we're going totouch through these questions.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
probably another one, maybe even another one after
that we're going to touchthrough these questions.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
That's how many questions we have had a lot of
them.
We're going to touch throughthese questions, talk about them
, open, honestly and just giveour perspective.
Doesn't mean it's right all thetime, doesn't mean it's perfect
, but it's what we would do inthat situation and things we've
experienced worked for us.
So you have the questions.
I'm just going to sit back,relax, do absolutely nothing
Wrong and let you have it.
So the floor is yours, baby.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Let's start with this one, because this was aimed to
us.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
You seem to be very much in love.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Has it always been that way, and what?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
do you do to stay this way?
I would say, all right, yes,we're very much in love.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Has it always been this way?
No, yes and no.
All right, let me explain, atleast from my perspective.
You tell me if I'm completelywrong.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I will tell you.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yes, I've been head over heels in love with you
since the day I first saw youAbsolutely, absolutely Same here
.
There have been times where weare horrible to each other.
Right, we were selfish,manipulative, went behind each
other's back, tried being withother people behind each other's
back, talked to other peoplejust terrible to each other.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
We wanted our cake and we wanted to have our cake
and eat it too.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yes, we did, and a lot of distrust, a lot of hurt
through all of that and, yes,there were days where I felt
like I probably hated you, but Ithink it's because the deep
love I had for you for so longand so deep that love was, I
could not let you go, no matterwhat.
Felt the same exact way and Ithink that's what kept us
(04:08):
together by a thin thread barely, and most people would say,
well, that should have neverworked.
You're stupid for yeah taking,taking her back after what she
did to you.
But people said the exact samething to you about me.
I mean, we're horrible to eachother.
It's not like it was one doingone thing and the other did
nothing.
No, it was well.
(04:28):
We're just going to be selfishand we're going to be who we are
.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
It was not one sided.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
We're going to be with whoever we want.
No matter, it doesn't, didn'tmatter, terrible.
So I think, because of the lovethat I have for you and how
deep it is, that's what kept,kept it together, barely, but
together.
And then what's the last partof that question?
Um what do we do today?
Speaker 1 (04:49):
uh, what do you do to stay this way?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I mean a lot of different things.
I think it's it's mostlyknowing the love that I have for
you, knowing the crap we puteach other through to make sure
that you always know and feelthe love that I have for you, if
that makes sense that.
I do everything in my power tomake sure you feel the same
(05:14):
amount of love that I feel foryou, that you're able to see
that in everything that I do.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I like that.
That's a really good answer,but we also have full open
communication.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Oh, completely.
I wear open books.
There's nothing we can't talkabout that.
We won't talk about that.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
We won't say to each other whatever's on our mind if
we don't like something that youeither of us are doing, like if
I don't like something you'redoing, I will be very.
Hey, baby, this has got to gothis is what what I see.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
This is how I see it.
I don't like this.
Don't like it.
Help me understand and let'scorrect it.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
We keep each other accountable.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
And we've we've gave each other authority to be able
to do that in our lives andspeak that in our lives.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
You have to.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
It also how you say things matters, because I could
say oh my God, why are youwearing that shirt?
That would just come offhorrible it would that there's
nothing wrong with your shirt,but if I did not like that shirt
, it will not ever be a.
(06:19):
Oh my God, why did you wearthat shirt?
It would be a.
Do you really like that shirt?
It would be a.
Do you really like that shirt?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I'm not sure that I like you in green and here's why
.
But I think you would lookamazing in this and that's a
silly example, but it's just thetruth of where it is.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
I mean even something so silly.
That's how open it is.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
If we say it, we, we speak it and we know that.
There's no harm in that,there's no disrespect in that.
It's only because we want toeach other to be the absolute
best that we can be, not justfor each other, but for for
ourselves yeah, there's nofighting.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
There's no arguments we might not agree on, but we're
not going to continue to argueabout something we don't agree
on.
To be right.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
No, it's not about being right.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
We don't keep score as in, because you went out and
did this, you had lunch with so,and so I get to go do this.
There's zero of that.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
No, that's non-existent.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
And we never bring up the past.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
No.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
That's a huge thing.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Boy, if we did, it'd be ugly.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
There would be no point for us to be together.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
No, you're exactly right.
So how do we stay that much inlove?
Those are some simple thingsthat we do, and we make sure we
do those consistently all thetime.
It's not something that we willdo for a short amount of time
and then we're going to slackoff of that.
I mean, it's consistent it'sall the time there's nothing
that we can't talk about okay,here's the next one.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
We struggle to find good christian couples to be
friends with.
How can we find those couples?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
who are you surrounding yourselves with?
First, good Christian couples.
Obviously you're going to findthat more around the church
period, obviously, and justcoming out of a small group from
church.
Of course that's part of it.
This was so easy for us becausewe've lived this, we've
experienced this.
What are they?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
What are the two things we said?
Small groups and Get on a teamwith somebody, serve, serve.
Serve the church, serve otherpeople.
And it sounds silly oh, that'sjust the church trying to get
help and get people to volunteer.
No, it is.
It changes everything when youstart serving other people with
(08:45):
other people and you get on ateam with those people and you
see them, you start doing lifewith them Well you just see them
on Sundays, but then you talk,and then you start having lunch
together.
Your families get together, youstart doing a small group
together that meets at night andyou get to know each other a
little bit and the conversationslinger and you get to know who
those people are and then,you're right, you start doing
(09:06):
life with those people.
Our best friends in the worldcame for those exact reasons.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
They sure did, but world came for those exact
reasons.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
They sure did.
But you're never more likeJesus until you're serving.
You're exactly right.
When you're serving otherpeople, you're so much like.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Jesus.
Jesus came to serve, not beserved.
And that's the same thing.
When people say you're going to, we are the hands and feet of
Jesus and some people arefreaked out because they don't
like feet, but that that's thewhole thing behind being the
hands and feet of Jesus isserving.
That that's the whole thingbehind being the hands and feet
of Jesus is serving.
And when you are serving, andyou're serving along someone
(09:40):
else, it's kind of hard to notlike somebody or why are they
doing that?
It's hard to talk bad aboutsomebody.
It's.
There's no drama in serving.
There shouldn't be any drama inserving.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
No, there shouldn't be.
And the amazing thing is that,when you do start serving
alongside these people becauselife is hard sometimes and you
go through hard things you havepeople and because they are
trying to do everything they canto be like Jesus.
We don't get it right everytime, but they're doing
everything they can, thesepeople that you serve with every
single week and you're on ateam with, and you see them and
(10:14):
you get to know them a littlebit when you go through that
hard stuff.
Guess who the first person is,who's going to be there?
Those people on the team aregoing to be the ones who show up
at your house.
Those are going to be the oneswho call you or text you or you
can reach out to, and they'regoing to drop whatever they are
doing to be there for you,because that's the exact things
that Jesus would do, exactly.
And that's how you create thoserelationships.
So anyone looking for goodChristian couples to hang out
(10:37):
with church serve on a team,join a small group.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Find the church.
Yes, if you're not in a church,find, don't just go to a church
and go, okay.
Well, this is it Church shop.
There are all kinds of churchesand some that you don't want to
go back to because why?
They are crazy, they're weird,that's not something I'm into.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Well, and if I would say if you're out there, you
know church shopping, I get that.
I don't love that.
I get that.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
We did that.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Well, we did, but if you're looking for a church,
you're not looking for a church.
For what can I get out of this?
You know, do they do things theway that I want them to do when
you're looking for a church,you are looking for a place, is
do they put Jesus first aboveall other things?
And if they do, that's it.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Yes, because there's some things that our church does
that I don't necessarily thinkis something that has to be done
.
Like I don't necessarily agreewith it, I don't get it, but
that doesn't stop them fromdoing it, and it's not going to
stop me from going, becausetheir main thing is always the
main thing, and that's Jesus.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
It's always Jesus, and that's the only thing that
matters.
That's one of the things I lovewith you, jesus, and that's the
only thing that matters.
That's one of the things I lovewith you.
Never know who is speakingwhere you never know what
worship.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Who's on worship at what place?
Where about a?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
person, because they don't matter, because you're
there to experience Jesus.
So how do you find them?
Find the church who lifts Jesusup above everything else.
Start serving there, servingwith the other people.
Join a small group.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
That's a good one.
Okay, the next question whatare the best ways to make sure
you fight fair when you fight?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
You said it we don't fight.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Don't fight.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Now, we may have hefty, passionate debates from
time to time, but I think withfighting fair, it goes back to
something you said earlier,which you're you're not looking
to win.
You should, you shouldn't belooking to win, because if you
and I are fighting and one of ustrying to win, one of us will,
the other one will lose, whichmeans we both lose.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Exactly, that's that was beautiful.
This one is going to be for youto answer, just you, okay.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
What are some things that I can do to make my wife
better?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
What are the things I can do to make my wife better?
So, as the husband, what are,what are the things that I need
to do as a husband to make mywife better?
So, if I want to make my wifebetter one, you have to make
sure that you're meeting herneeds.
Make sure that she feels yourlove, but feels protected, and
not just a big, strong man.
I'm going to protect you fromthe boogeyman and the bad guys
(13:26):
at night, but she is safewhenever she's with you.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
That's the word.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
She is safe.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Yes, Not from just a boogeyman.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
She's safe from the boogeyman.
Absolutely, she's safe from thebad guy.
But she also feels safetyfinancially and emotionally and
mentally and spiritually,physically, sexually, the whole
thing.
Make sure when she is with youshe feels safety, that she is
comfortable, that she couldcompletely shut everything off,
(13:56):
shut off her brain, and shedoesn't have to be concerned
about anything.
And, man, live your life inthat way.
Go back to Ephesians wivessubmit to your husbands.
That's hated, but man trulylove your wives the way Christ
loved the church.
Which means you give upeverything for your wife,
everything that you desire oryou want.
You put your wife's needs aheadof your own and if you do that,
(14:19):
my goodness, things willdramatically take off like you
could never even imagine.
You want to have a marriage.
That's incredible, that's it.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
I couldn't agree more .
Now, this one's a little bitopposite.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
We actually had several of these types of
questions, but I'm going tocondense it into one.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
All right.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
How do I help my husband grow in his faith?
Because men are not necessarilythe spiritual leaders in
relationships anymore.
Women are having to carry that.
So if they're going to churchand they're doing all the things
more or less a routine how can?
(15:03):
How can I help my husband growin his faith?
Speaker 2 (15:07):
This was something we saw a lot of.
My husband's not necessarily aspiritual leader.
I see he even sees that doesn'tfeel it.
Yes, we saw this a ton, um.
So you're right, women for themost part are carrying the
spiritual load.
And applaud you women who aredoing that, because that's not
easy and you're not supposed todo that at all.
(15:30):
It's not the way it was created, men.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I I'm so glad you said that and I'm sorry to cut
you off.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
No, no, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Because I feel like in today's society, someone
would come back with a well, whycan't a woman lead her family,
being the spiritual one?
Well, that's an easy argumentthere.
That's not what the Bible tellsus.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Exactly Because you're not supposed to Now.
Can you?
Yes, you most certainly can.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Obviously, we're seeing it.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Because so many women are doing it.
But how many of those women arespiritually exhausted Because
they are carrying that load forthe entire family?
And again, bravo to you womenwho are doing that, because
you're not quitting, you're notgoing to give up, you're going
to continue to do that.
So hats off to you.
(16:21):
Now.
You're not supposed to do it,you're not meant to do it.
So how do I get my husband todo what he is supposed to do?
First off, men.
You've been lacking, and we seethis in the church.
We see men are not being thespiritual leaders that they are
supposed to be at all.
So if you want to help yourhusband get to be a spiritual
leader, one you have toencourage him Now.
(16:44):
You can't force it, becauseit's a fine line to be able to
skate.
You can talk about it.
You can encourage him, but youcan talk about it.
You can encourage him, but youcan't say you better get your
rear end to church this morningno like you have to go to church
, like if you don't go to church, then you know you're not gonna
get to do this, or if you don'tstart going to church and the
(17:04):
kids and I are leaving it, thatthat's going to push him so far
away.
But you let him know how much,how much you need his help, how
much you want his help to be,for him to lead you.
Because, again, wives submit toyour husbands.
Men, if you're a man worthsubmitting to and you're leading
your wife and leading yourfamily, well, she'll submit.
(17:25):
And submit does not mean you'rea doormat.
Submit does not mean you justlay down and do whatever your
husband says, whenever it's notit at all, but let him know that
you need that.
And then, whenever you start tosee little things that happen,
just little small, little tweaksand improvements, applaud that.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Hugely Like man if he says, if he says the prayer
over dinner, and he's never doneanything like that and it was,
you know, thank God for the grubRub, a dub dub.
You know something stupid likethat.
Don't roll your eyes and justlike oh baby, that was amazing,
like that was incredible buildhim up, speak it to speak it
into existence.
Yes, and whenever it starts toget, I mean yeah, listen, man,
(18:05):
we're, we're, we're beings of,of liking that affirmation.
I mean you, baby, that was sohot oh my gosh.
You kidding me, she, she likesthat.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The confidence that gives a man.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
It'll build.
Oh my God, yes, the confidencethat will build him.
So yeah, don't force it, butencourage him.
Let him know how much you wantto be led and as they start to
do it, it will.
It will change everything.
I know there's some sort ofstat out there that when men go
to church regularly, they readtheir Bibles, they're involved
(18:38):
in the church.
It's like 90% of the time,their family will follow.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
But when just women are going to church and trying
to lead that way and readingtheir Bibles and do everything
that they can, it's only like15% of the rest of the family
follows.
Well, it shows men are to leadin that area.
It's just.
It's the way that God createdit.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
I mean, even TV shows show you that, because, for
example, young Sheldon Mary wasthe spiritual leader in that
family.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
And boy, she carried the load as well as she could,
but you can see how the familydid not follow in line.
No but.
And you can also see the tollthat it took on her.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I know it's it's just a scripted sitcom, but that's
so close to what we're trying tomake it as real as possible, I
mean we.
I see women every single weekwho are just dying to be led by
their husbands, and they'recarrying that load yes and when
you really dig deep, you can seethe toll that it takes on on
prayer team, you get to hear thethings that people are praying
(19:43):
over the most, because when theyget the courage to step from
their seat and go pray withsomeone being in community, with
someone's praying about wheretwo or three are gathered- his,
his presence is there also.
And he's going to hear.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
No, he's going to hear and he hears the press.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
But when there's, I would say the majority of the
people, even on prayer cardsthat we get to read and pray
over their marriages are hurting.
It doesn't explain in detailwhy or what.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
We just know that they're hurting.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
A major issue.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
We see it every single week and there's rarely a
conversation on a weekly basisthat's had and it doesn't
somewhere revolve around mymarriage.
I'm fighting for my life, formy marriage and for the sad part
is, most of the women are doingmost of the fighting, yeah, and
the men are just being.
They're just dragging theirheels, barely doing anything.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Yeah, that gives me to this next question.
It goes back to the faithsituation a little bit.
How can I stay content and notfear the future when my husband
is not strong in his faith and Ifeel the pull to start a family
so greatly?
(21:02):
So they might just be a couplethat's been married recently or
a couple years and she wants tostart a family but doesn't
necessarily want to start afamily because there's nothing
consistent and she's worriedabout that for the future.
There again is the femalestepping up being the spiritual
(21:24):
leader.
So how can I stay content andnot fear the future?
Speaker 2 (21:33):
It takes a whole lot of faith.
It takes a whole lot of faith.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
On your part.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
On your part.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
The wife.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
On the wife's part.
It takes a whole lot of faithto trust that the Lord is good
and if you feel this pull tostart a family, it's very
possible.
That is from the Lord, but it'sgoing to be on his time and
we're impatient beings and weusually want that right now.
And staying content in yourcurrent situation I get how
(22:01):
difficult that is.
At times it feels impossiblebecause we want to hurry, we
want to see the results now.
I think our culture of howeverything is in our face all
the time, posting the highlightsthat we see on social media and
we see everyone else'sexperience in that it's like why
can't that happen for me?
So staying content requiresstaying faithful.
At times it could even be atest from the Lord of let's see
(22:25):
how much you trust me in this.
I know how bad you want this,but let's see how much you trust
me to show you that I am goingto fulfill what I've told you
I'm going to fulfill.
And that can be difficult.
And then you can couple thatwith what we just talked about
in the husbands.
You need to let your husbandknow how badly you want to be
spiritually led and as you startto see the shift and see things
(22:49):
change talk about that talkabout that which makes this next
question really really powerful.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
How would you recommend to start praying
together?
I am not good with words at all, especially when I'm put on the
spot.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Yeah, this can be.
This can be hard.
Praying out loud is veryawkward for a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
It is.
It's weird.
It's probably equivalent topublic speaking.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Yes, the most feared thing that anyone has at all
public speaking.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Besides me.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Besides you, you not so much, but most all people are
scared to death, more so publicspeaking Besides me, besides
you, you not so much, but mostall people are scared to death,
more so public speaking thandeath itself.
So how do you start prayingtogether?
You just got to do it, it'sgoing to be so awkward.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
It's going to be weird but you might even giggle
a little bit.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
You might, and you might even think to yourself
what did I just say?
That was so stupid, that madeno sense.
What am I doing here?
But you know what One?
If you're doing this with yourspouse and your spouse is there
while you're praying, thatperson is supposed to be for you
and everything.
So it shouldn't matter what yousay, shouldn't matter.
(24:06):
And they may even think my God,that was so dumb.
But you know what?
I probably say dumb things too,and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
But also Heck, say that in the prayer.
Let it be known.
Laugh about it.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Oh my gosh God, I don't even know why I said that
that was so stupid of me to saythat.
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Lord, give me the words to say yes, because I got
nothing, nothing.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
And here's the thing about prayer, whether it's it's
with your spouse, your kids,with another person or just with
you, just you and the Lord.
He just wants you to talk tohim.
Yep, he really don't care whatyou're saying, what you're
praying for, what you're prayingabout, it does not matter to
him whatsoever.
He just wants to have thatconversation with you.
Know, we talked to our son wasasking or no?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
he was praying the other night and you just made a
mention and it wasn't anythingnegative or anything like that,
but his prayers had become verygod thank you for this day, I
pray we have a good night andgood day tomorrow and bless this
food and just.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
but you just mentioned that, hey, when you're
praying like this, this is good.
I'm so happy that you're doingthis, but kind of go a little
more in depth.
And he even was like well, Imean I don't know what to say.
And I told him I was likeanytime you don't know what to
say or what to pray about, andthere's a billion things we can
pray about.
But if you don't know what topray about, just start thanking
God.
Just thank him.
(25:22):
Thank him for everything thatyou have.
God, thank you for this couchthat I'm sitting on.
God, thank you for this house,that we have, these clothes that
I'm wearing, thank you for thisfood.
Thank you for my health.
Thank you for my family.
Thank you for waking me up thismorning.
Thank you for having a busdriver to drive me to school
(25:45):
today.
It doesn't matter, even thelittle things.
Even the little things.
God just wants to really whatyou're praying about.
I mean, he does, but he caresmore about the act of just.
Hey, they're in conversationwith me.
That's all he really wants.
He just wants our hearts.
And how do we get to know himand have that intimate
relationship Communication?
You got to be able to talk.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Shocker, okay, okay.
Well, this one's about talkingokay how would you approach an
issue with the in-laws?
Your parents start drama withyour spouse and try to drag you
in and put you in the middle ofit, expecting you to take their
side oh, the, the in-laws.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah, now, this can be a little difficult depending
on the situation and whateverthe in-law situation may be,
because everyone's in-laws aredifferent.
You know, when you get married,you're getting the family along
with it.
It's not always necessarilywhat you signed up for, but it
comes along.
So I would say, if you havedifficult in-laws and it sounds
(26:49):
like this is the case, that yourparents are really trying to
twist things from your husbandand put you at the middle of it,
it's not fair to you if you'regoing through this at all.
Um, but you have to set prettyclear boundaries with your
parents.
I know how difficult this can be.
It's your parents.
You love your parents, um, butyou have to set pretty clear
boundaries with your parents.
I know how difficult this canbe.
It's your parents, you loveyour parents, but you have to
(27:11):
let them know like this is myhusband and whatever you say,
whatever you do, whatever youthink, I've always got his back.
I don't care what happens, butI'm always taking his side and I
will never, ever take your sideover his, because it's not
supposed to be that way, notsupposed to be that way.
(27:32):
What did God say in Genesis?
A man shall leave and be joinedtogether with his wife where
the two become not two in-laws,no, where the two become one.
So when you get married, youoperate as one and it is just
you two and you are on a teamand you are always together,
even if you disagree with yourspouse.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
We're a team me and my lady we're a team.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Even like, if we're in that situation and something
like this happens, even if weare in complete disagreement and
yes, I've got my parents sideon this it will never in a
million years be known to them.
They're going to know.
I got my wife's back.
I'm on her side every singletime.
I hate that you feel this way,but I've got her back on this
(28:18):
and I'm in agreeance with her.
And then, behind closed doors,when you get home, you talk
about that situation.
Hey, here's the situation,here's my point of view.
Here's why I think you may havebeen wrong in that situation.
Here's the situation.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Here's my point of view.
Here's why I think you may havebeen wrong in that situation.
Let's talk about that and workthrough that, but I want you to
know I've always got your backin that situation.
It makes me think about aprevious episode where I don't.
I think it was where parentsdidn't like their spouses or
something and this one guy gotoffered $10,000 to leave.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Yes, His wife's dad offered him $10,000 to leave the
relationship and he didn't.
But his biggest question was Idon't know whether I should tell
my wife about this or not?
Yes, I mean that's yeah, I meanyou're yeah, I mean you're a
team, you were one.
Obviously an issue that the dadhad with a boyfriend or husband
(29:17):
, I think it was a fiance and itwas like hey, here's $10,000 to
not get married, so pleasedon't get married to my daughter
.
I think we got time for onemore.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Okay, one more how would you advise a wife to have
a conversation with her husbandabout spending time with friends
?
I'm doing your quotes that arenot good for him.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Oh, okay, so wife.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
The wife wants to know how to have a conversation
with her husband about hisfriends that are not good for
him.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
That one can be tricky.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
It's all about the tone.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
It's all about the tone, how you approach it,
timing how you say it.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Definitely do not bring this up after he's been
out with said friends no, allright.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
So let's, let's, let's, let's play this out for
just a second here.
If, if that's us and I've got a, a friend, that is not the best
for me, or a group of friendsthat's not the best for me.
You know this.
These are the boys from back inhigh school those good old boys
those good old boys.
That's from back in high school.
But you see that they're notthe best thing for me, but I
(30:35):
can't see that.
So how would you approach thatconversation with me if that
were the case?
Speaker 1 (30:40):
we've had this conversation before so what do
you say?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
how do you approach it?
How do you approach me withthat?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
it.
It was when we moved back toAlabama and the moment everyone
knew that we had moved back,they're like all right Powers,
you got to come.
Got to come play softball withus.
This is almost 20 years ago, 18years ago, and I knew right
(31:08):
away I didn't necessarily wantto hang out with that group of
people.
They would get absolutely drunkout of their minds at the
softball games, during thesoftball games, before the
softball games, after thesoftball games, before the
softball games, after thesoftball games.
And it was just horrible.
(31:32):
I couldn't stand it.
And this was us before.
It was our BC life.
It was before we could careless about any kind of Jesus,
anything.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
You're right.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
We didn't drink.
I just couldn't stand beingaround them.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
It was not a good lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
But you loved softball.
We had just left Florida wherewe were on a competitive co-ed
team and weren't necessarilyco-ed team back here yet, and so
I literally had to sit withthese guys.
I mean, we went to high schoolwith them, so they were always.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Yes, we knew everything about them.
So how's that conversation go?
Speaker 1 (32:17):
I didn't even want to be in the stands because I
could see.
I mean, it was just sloppy, soit was a hey.
Do you think we should try tosee if there's any other teams,
maybe one we could do together,because it's just, it's just a
little irritating watching thesegrown men act like they're 12.
(32:43):
It's irritating.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
But if you want to stay, I might not come as much
to these games with you, butmaybe they're just not the best
people to be around and I thinkthat's the best way to to put it
is a hey, this is what I see,this is how I see it, this is
how it makes me feel.
Here's how I see it for you.
(33:06):
I just need you to know that itgives you that option, and this
is what I'm going to do and ifyour husband's really for you
and you are to becoming one andyou've given your wife that
ability to speak that into youand to hold you accountable, it
should be a pretty quick eyeopener.
You know she sees this.
It's probably not the bestthing for me.
(33:28):
Maybe I need to rethink and notsaying you, you you just disown
them, dismiss them forever andever.
But you, you can stop doingevery little thing with them and
put yourself in thosesituations.
But and when they ask thequestions like what the heck's
going on, why are you?
You can let them know like, hey, this is, this is what I see.
This is not necessarily what Iwant to surround myself with all
the time, because I know thepath that it can take for me and
(33:49):
I've got bigger goals andbigger dreams for myself and my
wife, and you just let them knowthat, hey, I love you and you
know I'm still still here, um,and I'll still see you every now
and again.
But this is not something, thisis not a way I'm going to live
my life and that's that I'm gladyou said that, because years
later we did separate ourselvesfrom that.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Years later, even after we had cash, they changed
their lives a little bit.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Completely changed their lives.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
They were not drinking anymore, realized that
was not a good decision.
They all separated, broke offinto whatever.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
And really so many of them the vast majority of them
have all completely changedtheir lives.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Now it was a few years after when we first moved
back, when you started, hey,they needed somebody to fill in.
You're like, I don't know, I'lldo it here and there, but then
when we get there and it's not a, okay, they're not the same
they've made some tweaks, butnow I don't know that they all
(34:57):
do the play all together, butsome are still out there and
it's great.
But they also have completelychanged their lives and we've
been able to see.
Well, they've also seen how wecompletely changed our lives.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
Yeah, we're able to see the, you know they've all
come to Jesus.
And we've seen how Jesus hascompletely transformed.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And they are absolutely thriving.
Yes, it's so gratifying to see,it's exciting to see, and
sometimes that needs to happenfor people to know how horrible
they really are.
Because if you don't, they willnever know.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
You're completely right.
So that's how you do that,totally.
Any final thoughts Want to get?
Speaker 1 (35:45):
out of here.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Let's get out of here .
Lord, we love you.
We are so thankful for all youdo.
We're thankful for thisplatform.
I'm thankful for my wife andthat we get to do this together
and just talk about marriage andthings we've experienced, and
hopefully it will help someoneelse.
We just pray that you willallow it to reach the people
that need to hear that.
Whatever the situation is, ifour experiences and our past
(36:10):
troubles and trauma can helpanybody, then we're here to be
able to share that with others.
Because it was all by yourdesign and, as difficult as it
was at times, we are thankfulfor your design because it's led
us here today, god, and wecan't wait to see what you're
going to do further.
We fully trust you and we loveyou in Jesus name, amen.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Amen Play ball.
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