November 12, 2024 • 39 mins
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What would you do if you were next in line to scan your boarding pass for a work trip, expected at an important board meeting the next day—but your gut was telling you to not get on the flight?
In this powerful episode of MasterStroke, Executive Producer Georgianna Moreland and Host Monica Enand welcome back co-host Sejal Pietrzak, who recently returned from a leave of absence. Sejal shares a deeply personal story about the life-changing decision she made at that very moment. As she stood at the gate, just about to board her flight, a powerful sense of urgency took hold, prompting her to step aside, and go home. That choice led her to uncover the reason behind unexplained, subtle changes in her husband’s behavior—a discovery that ultimately revealed a brain tumor. Sejal’s journey illustrates the profound importance of listening to one’s inner voice, especially when it comes to health and family.
The episode also explores what it means to support a team member during a time of crisis. Georgianna, Monica, and Sejal discuss the importance of empathetic protocols, flexibility, and compassionate communication when someone needs to take leave to care for a loved one. They share strategies for creating a supportive work culture where team members feel secure stepping away and confident they’ll be met with understanding.
Beyond the immediate family dynamic, Sejal speaks to the critical role of community, friends, and family, who became her support system through her husband’s diagnosis and treatment.
Her story underscores the importance of being prepared as a partner for life’s unexpected turns!
Sejal’s experience offers a candid look at the courage, resilience and positive mindset required to manage personal challenges while balancing professional responsibilities. This episode reminds us that trusting our intuition, leaning on those around us, and fostering a culture of empathy at work can help us face life’s most difficult moments.
Georgianna Moreland - Creator, Executive Producer & Managing Editor;
Matt Stoker - Editor
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sejal Pietrzak (00:04):
I wanted to just be optimistic and for me
knowledge reduced the fear andanxiety, because the fear of the
unknown is the scariest thing.
We found out in July early Julythat my husband was diagnosed
with a brain tumor.
Georgianna Moreland (00:22):
Welcome to Masterstroke with Monica Enid
and Sejal Patrzak Music.
Monica Enand (00:33):
Welcome to another episode of Masterstroke.
We have an incredibly specialepisode.
We have all three of theMasterstroke sisters back and in
front of the camera and online.
I'm so glad that my co-host,sejal, is back.
Welcome back, sejal, hello Gladto be here yes, me too, and in
(00:55):
front of the camera, not justbehind the scenes.
Today we have joining usGeorgiana Moreland.
Georgianna Moreland (01:02):
Yes, welcome, welcome, welcome you
guys.
And for those of you that don'tknow me, you hear me in the
announcement I'm executiveproducer, all of that stuff.
Sejal and Monica we startedtalking about potentially doing
a podcast a year ago Septemberof 2023.
And in that time, we've alsowelcomed a guest co-host, ned
Renzi, and Ned has stepped in.
(01:24):
Sejal's had to step away for alittle bit and we would love for
her to tell us a little bitabout that today.
Monica Enand (01:32):
As I reflect back on the year, I think about all
the things we've tried to sharein terms of the infrastructure
that we, sejal and I, have hadto learn over the years and
accumulate over the years interms of making us productive
and able to balance all of thedemands of our lives, and we've
shared with you our tips andtricks, our calendar planning,
(01:58):
the ways we delegate, the way wework and how we plan and how we
plan and you know, I reallylove the quote that Mike Tyson
said.
Sejal Pietrzak (02:07):
You know, everyone has a plan until you
get punched in the face and Idon't know if.
Monica Enand (02:15):
Mike Tyson really said that, but he did, and it's
actually punched in the mouth.
Oh, punched in the mouth, Okay,All right.
So Mike Tyson did say it, youheard it here.
I always wondered if it was athing but but people always say
you know, it's nice to have aplan until you get punched in
the mouth, and you know.
I think that's an importanttopic because life happens to
everyone.
(02:35):
We want to talk about that.
What happens to your plan andhow do you function when you get
punched in the mouth?
Sejal, do you want to sharewith us what's happened recently
in your family.
Sejal Pietrzak (02:46):
You know we found out in July, early July,
that my husband was diagnosedwith a brain tumor and you know,
luckily it was not cancer, butit has been a crazy couple of
months.
You know we were just talkinglast night that it's been nine,
a little over nine weeks sincehis surgery and I'll tell you it
(03:08):
feels like nine months, ormaybe even longer than nine
months, even though it's onlybeen nine weeks.
Monica Enand (03:15):
Yeah, tell us a little bit about how you learned
that this happened.
Sejal Pietrzak (03:19):
You know it's so interesting.
I definitely noticed, you know,change in personality, more
lethargy, just a differentperson in terms of lack of
emotional connection compared towhat my husband used to be, and
it was gradual over years.
And so when it's so gradual,it's so hard to notice truly and
(03:43):
you think, oh well, it's sohard to notice truly.
And you think, oh well, we'regetting older, maybe that's just
the way we are now.
Or, oh, you know, things aredifferent in our relationship
with his relationship with hisfamily, with his friends, with
everybody around work,colleagues, and maybe it's just
that you know things arechanging but you don't realize
(04:04):
that sometimes that change canactually be something that's
quite a big underlying issue,and so it's really important to
keep checking.
And even though you know wewent to our doctor and had
annual blood work, had theregular physicals and everything
would turn out perfect, but yougot to still follow your gut
(04:26):
instinct and say, well, maybeit's not, and then try to figure
out what it is if you feel thatsomething is not right.
And so that's what happened.
Monica Enand (04:39):
Yeah, no, and I think I hear you on the gradual
thing, because there is thistumor and it is growing
gradually right Over how manyyears?
Sejal Pietrzak (04:48):
They don't know.
They said it could be anywherefrom a handful of years to 20
years.
You don't know and it doesn't.
You know it doesn't reallyaffect you necessarily, because
the body is so resilient.
And so when the tumor wasgrowing and growing, growing
it's such a small and it'spushing the brain and you know
(05:10):
there were small little changesthat I noticed.
And then you know, little bylittle it got worse and you
could notice things even more.
And so I would just say foranybody if you see changes in
your family member, start askingwhat could be.
Georgianna Moreland (05:31):
Sejal, tell us about how you actually found
it, because you were intuitive,you knew he was just off,
something was different, butwhat action did you take to
actually find it?
Tell us about you getting onthat flight, because that to me
has just really stuck in my mind.
Sejal Pietrzak (05:49):
There's a quote in the Ernest Hemingway book the
Sun Also Rises where somebody'stalking about how did something
happen in the book and one ofthe characters says slowly at
first and then all of a sudden,for him it was so gradual at
(06:13):
first and then all of a suddenthings were different.
And when we were going throughthat, all of a sudden, my gut
instinct was telling me thatsomething was wrong.
I had to fly to a board meeting, actually, and I was, you know,
I packed up and it just it feltlike some.
(06:35):
It just felt like today was nota great day to be out of state
and I was going up to theNortheast and I live in Texas.
And I got to the airport and Iwas about to board the flight
and the next thing I knew I waswalking towards the gate agent
(06:55):
to give my boarding pass on myphone, and I literally just
turned around, walked out of theairport, got into an Uber and
all of a sudden I was on my wayhome and I canceled my flight,
you know.
And and that day, when I gothome, I started making calls and
(07:17):
that all led to the next stepsover the next two weeks, which
then led to us finding the tumor.
And then you know the surgery,and you know again it's being
proactive.
And even though everythingseemed fine, I said there's got
to be something wrong.
And we scheduled for a fullbody MRI and again it was being
(07:44):
persistent.
For a full body MRI, and againit was being persistent.
They told us it might be a fewweeks before we would get the um
, get the MRI done.
And I just kept saying, can anyany chance we can do it sooner?
And we were able to get anappointment, um, through a
cancellation or whatever, thevery next day.
Monica Enand (08:01):
So you went to this full body MRI, which, thank
goodness, you have theprivilege to do.
This is not covered byinsurance.
Is that correct?
It was not.
I mean, we're all thankful forour privilege that we have
access to things in the medicalsystem that not everybody does,
and I always remember thatbecause I think our medical
system is really hard tonavigate.
But, thank goodness, you havethe skills and the resources and
(08:25):
so you got this full-body MRI.
Tell us about what that day waslike.
You went there, you know yousaid blood tests were fine.
All of the other medical examsdiagnostic exams come back fine,
clean, full of health.
What were you thinking when youwent and got the MRI and how
did?
Sejal Pietrzak (08:44):
it go.
What were you thinking when youwent and got the MRI?
And how did it go?
Well, I wasn't there.
My husband went on his own andit was a Saturday and you know
they had told me, hey, it'll be,you know, 15 business days, up
to 15 business days before you'dget any results.
So I wasn't thinking anythingand I said to my husband hey,
it's like 20 minute drive awaywhen you're on your way home.
Let's go, let's meet up forlunch.
(09:05):
And?
And he said, great, and I hadactually offered to take him,
but he said, no, I can go bymyself, and he calls me on his
way back.
And I said, oh, great, I saidyou want to meet for lunch?
And he said actually, you know,as I was leaving the MRI, the
doctor came in and said we founda brain mass and we need you to
(09:29):
go directly to the emergencyroom and there is a trauma.
One hospital, you know, fiveminutes from our house, and the
doctor at the MRI place hadliterally called ahead.
And so my husband came home, I,we literally got straight into
the car, went straight over tothe emergency room at the
(09:50):
hospital and in 10 minutes hewas already in a bed.
Um, you know, doctors hadalready come and seen him and
all of a sudden you're startingto think, wow, this is not, this
is so serious and thankgoodness we found it when we did
.
You know who knows right whatcould have happened.
Georgianna Moreland (10:20):
Sato, I mean, life was happening at the
same time.
Your freshman daughter was onher way home from college, from
freshman year.
You have a son that justfinished his junior year, so the
preparation for going tocollege, I mean just you were in
the middle of all of that andyou know, I have to also applaud
John for listening to you andgoing for the scan, because the
(10:40):
person who's sick doesn't reallysee what's happening, right,
that's right.
Because the person who's sickdoesn't really see what's
happening, right, that's right.
So, and a lot of times theythink you're nagging, or I mean,
you know I'm not throwing anyshade on men, but sometimes
they're not the easiest to getto the doctor, right?
Monica Enand (10:55):
Yeah, I think everyone's that way when they're
talking about their own,because what you're talking
largely the symptoms, as Iunderstand what you've said is
mostly like personality changes,right, it's not like someone's
puking blood or something Like.
Sejal Pietrzak (11:12):
It's not some obvious symptom, right, it's a,
and it's so gradual over howmany years, you know, you don't
know, and so you know I think.
I think the it is.
It goes back to the thing youstarted with Monica to answer
your question, georgiana whichis you've got life happening and
sometimes, with so muchhappening in your life, people
(11:33):
might say I don't have time forthis medical procedure right now
or I don't have time, I'm sureit's fine, we'll get through it.
Oh, we've got vacation comingup, we've got something.
Get through it.
Oh, we've got vacation comingup, we've got something.
But you've got to take the time.
I mean, my advice and mylearning on this whole thing is
you know, I sometimes wish, wow,I wish I had done this sooner
(11:54):
when I started seeing some ofthe changes Even earlier.
You can't second guess, youcan't go back and ultimately
it's all worked out great andthe surgery was successful.
So you go back and you say Iwouldn't change a thing now, but
the sooner you can do it thebetter, because you never know,
and you know I think the biggestthing is we all kind of take
(12:15):
health for granted.
There's always something.
Yeah, there's always going to besomething, but you got it the
most important thing in ourlives is health, the whole.
Georgianna Moreland (12:21):
Thing it happens so quickly in our lives
is health the whole thing.
It happens so quickly.
I mean he goes to theappointment you're planning to
go to lunch.
They send him straight to theemergency room.
They started him on medicationand started the procedure to get
him ready for surgery soquickly, were you?
How do I ask this?
Were you organized?
Did you know where?
Who handled the finances in thehouse?
(12:43):
Who handled all of the detailsof everything?
I mean because we hear horrorstories of you know husband goes
to play basketball, falls downof a heart attack and the wife
is like, oh my God, he handledeverything.
I have no idea where you knowour bank is or any of those
details.
Sejal Pietrzak (13:00):
Yeah, it's interesting because you know, my
husband is in finance, a formerCPA, both in the house and out
of the house, and, and you know,managing the finances was one
(13:31):
that he did.
I mean, I didn't even, I didn'teven look at my paychecks.
He handled all of that I didn'tlook at.
You know, I didn't do any ofthat stuff.
Monica Enand (13:38):
It's important to share, because you and I are in
the same boat.
We have both.
I mean, we've sold companiesfor billions of dollars, we've
managed massive budgets, we'vemanaged massive P&Ls, we've
raised money.
We've done all these things.
We both have a division oflabor in our marriage, just like
everyone does.
(13:58):
My husband also handles all ofour personal finances.
He always did, and, and he'sbetter at it Now.
We periodically sit down andreview it, um, and we have done
that since the marriage began,but, but really it's been his
department.
Now, of course, if I were to go,he wouldn't even know how to
wash his clothes, but but that'slike the lesson.
(14:18):
He really wouldn't.
He would have no idea how tooperate the laundry, cause I
don't want him to touch thelaundry.
But here's the thing likethat's a very real.
Like Georgiana went right tothe like, very real.
Like, okay, something very realcould happen.
And now you have two childrenthat are dependent on you.
You have parents his parents,you have your dad, you have all
(14:42):
kinds of people that potentiallydependent on you.
Um, how do you?
How did you?
Sejal Pietrzak (14:50):
think about that .
What did you do?
It's a lesson, another lessonlearned, which is you know, make
sure you've got access toeverything, um, and that you
know, uh, you know if you're thespouse, that you know where
your finances are.
You know how to access yourbank accounts, that your name is
on every bank account.
(15:11):
I started making a list.
Here are all the things I justliterally wrote it down on a
piece of paper that I want tomake sure I talked to John about
before.
You know he goes into surgery,and one of those was okay, let's
talk about where all of ourfinances are.
What are all the passwords?
You know he goes into surgeryand one of those was okay, let's
talk about where all of ourfinances are.
What are all the passwords?
You know there's all thismulti-factor authentication.
Now you know there's passwordsthat you need.
(15:33):
Luckily, we have a passwordmanager, so you can.
You know there's online.
You know apps that you can usefor that kind of stuff, but I
needed to make sure I knewexactly where all that stuff was
, and you need to know the nittygritty and you need to be on
every account.
You need to have access toeverything, and so when he
started.
I asked him the question.
I was like look, you're goinginto surgery tomorrow.
(15:55):
I assume everything will begreat, but I need to know.
And I literally video recordedhim talking Because I knew I
wouldn't remember it all,especially when you've got so
much else going on.
And that's actually a reallyvaluable thing.
We all have phones, we all havevideo on our phones and even
though he was just sitting onthe couch, he wasn't behind a
(16:16):
desk, he wasn't behind acomputer, he wasn't going to do
any of that stuff, but he justtalked.
Any spouse that's out there, ifyou don't have all of that
understanding specifically onthe finances, I would I
definitely roll up your sleevesand and get in there and
(16:37):
understand what's happening.
You know what?
Georgianna Moreland (16:38):
and that's a wake-up call for everyone.
And I'm glad that you say anyspouse, because it's not a male
female thing, it's not that themale is handling.
I mean, that could happen toanyone at any time.
So it's a wake-up call, rightTo just be more aware because
life happens, life gets busy andwe really need to take the time
to understand the nitty-gritty.
Monica Enand (17:04):
Given that we just talked about all those things
going on in your life, sejal, Iwant you to share with us
emotionally, like were you justin survival mode and like, okay,
I gotta get this done.
Like everybody has a differentstress response.
Tell us about your stressresponse, like from the moment
(17:25):
that you, like somebody callsyou and says your husband calls
you and says I have a brain massand I've got to go to the
hospital immediately, I don'teven know.
I can't even have enoughempathy to put myself in that
position to know how I wouldfunction.
I can't imagine functioning.
Sejal Pietrzak (17:46):
You can't imagine it until you're doing it
, and when you're doing it, youjust get into the mode of okay.
In some ways it was great toknow why.
You know the personalitychanges, the you know you're
like okay, it was almostvalidating, to say, my gut
instinct.
(18:06):
I'm so thankful and gratefulthat we found out what it was
after a bunch of different testsand blood tests and everything,
and nothing was coming back.
But now you know what it is.
So, number one, there's alittle bit of a sense of relief
that and it's not relief in agreat way because it's still oh,
(18:27):
my God, what's going to happen,but it's at least okay.
Now this and we double checkedwith the doctor were these
personality did, all of thesethings?
That is it because of the braintumor?
And he said actually, yes,frontal lobe brain tumor, all of
those things you experiencedand you are experiencing is
because of the tumor.
(18:48):
So you have an answer.
But now you've got to getthrough the part of how do you
actually manage it all?
You should ask for help.
So I immediately texted a veryclose friend of mine and she's a
doctor, and I said here'swhat's happening.
What are some of the things weshould do.
(19:10):
Um, I connected with our doctor, um, our primary care doctor,
and and she also gave us a lotof great information, uh, on on
suggesting you know things,things to think about and do.
And then, um, uh, my husband'sbrother and his wife, um,
they're scientists and doctor,and so we're lucky that we've
(19:32):
got these people around us andand they did a bunch of research
on what is this.
Oh, this is a brain tumor, it'smeningioma.
Okay, what, what are thedifferent diagnoses?
Having that support network andeven if it's not doctors, just
talk to people that you'reclosest with.
Sometimes, you know, it'sinteresting because my husband,
(19:53):
you know, is, you know,initially was like, oh, we're
not, let's not tell anybody.
And I'm like, well, I'vealready told people, you know.
I mean, because you have totell, you have to realize that
you have a community, you havepeople, they want to support you
, they want to be there for you,and that's not something I
(20:13):
normally have never experiencedbefore, in the sense that I've
always thought you kind of, Idon't know, I'm not one who, you
know, says I want everyone inthe community to help, but they
do want to help and they arethere for you and you would do
it for them.
Georgianna Moreland (20:32):
I love you saying that, sejal, because you
have a tremendous network offriends, right, like tremendous,
but, on the same token, you'realways doing for everyone.
I mean, you're a doer, you'rean action person, right, you
take care of a lot of things,people and everything.
So, in order to tap intoinfrastructure, which we spoke
about in an earlier episode, tocall and I'll say her name Dr
(20:55):
Mary Yang, to say Mary, this iswhat's going on.
I need help.
I can't understand this.
Can you help me navigate thisright To tap into your
infrastructure, your network,and to know that you are loved
and people do want to comealongside you and support you,
your family, the kids, duringthat time of crisis, right?
Sejal Pietrzak (21:16):
Yeah, and you won't believe it.
Like she was literally gettingon a plane, as I called her on
that Saturday afternoon andshe's like okay, I'm getting on
the plane, I'll get Wi-Fi on theplane and we will text back and
forth, like she didn't waste aminute, as Georgiana said you're
a doer and your stress responseis to, honestly, I think some
(21:41):
people become overproductive,honestly, become incredibly
productive as a stress response.
Monica Enand (21:46):
Because I mean you said you felt so much relief at
knowing a diagnosis because itactually felt like something you
could do something about, and Ithink that's a common.
I mean, to be honest, that'syou and I have very similar
stress responses, like when Ihear of it anything I go
immediately into okay, what canwe do?
Let's make a list, take onething off the list at a time,
(22:08):
only one thing.
Don't get overwhelmed by thelist, don't get overwhelmed by
the future, don't get otherpeople freeze, other people shut
down and and and you know,honestly I'm not I've used to
think, oh, my stress response isbetter than their stress
response.
You know, blah, blah, blah,like I, and honestly, as I've
gotten older I've learned thatthere's downsides to any stress
(22:31):
response.
And the downside to our stressresponse is the emotional
processing of what is actuallygoing on.
You can get so bogged down inthe doing that you're not
actually processing what ishappening.
And I imagine when John said,hey, let's not tell anyone, I
(22:52):
mean I don't know, but I'mguessing that he had not
processed it himself, and so hecouldn't really know how to deal
with anyone who might havetheir own worries.
He's got his own worries.
He's got kids.
He's got a wife.
He's got a mom dad.
He's got his own worries, hisown worries.
He's got kids.
He's got a wife.
He's got a mom dad like he's.
Sejal Pietrzak (23:09):
He's got his own worries, his own, and the
person, and the person who'ssick isn't the one truly, in
whatever situation it is, who isgoing to necessarily be able to
know the best thing at thatmoment, because, and and and.
If you ask john now, like youknow, when did you really know
(23:32):
and understand that you were not, that you had a tumor, that you
were sick, that you neededsurgery, that this was a bad
thing and that you weren't doingwell, and he will tell you not
until after the surgery yeahreally I don't even understand
what was happening, truly.
(23:52):
And he says that now and he'slike yeah, I didn't even.
He said I thought I was fineBecause it was so gradual so how
(24:19):
did you take care of yourselfduring this time?
Georgianna Moreland (24:20):
how did you feel cared for and supported?
Because people receive thatdifferently also.
You know, as we know, anyone inour community that goes sick.
The first thing they sendthrough is a meal train right
and people are dropping off foodand stuff because people want
to help.
But how did you receive thelove and feel comforted during
this?
Sejal Pietrzak (24:36):
time.
I mean it's incredible, right?
I mean you know the communitygets together and the next thing
you know, you know your closestfriends are.
You don't even ask for it andthere's groceries waiting at
your front door.
But can I tell you how nice itwas to have home cooked meals
dropped off.
(24:57):
Even when somebody doesn't ask,just drop it off anyway.
Monica Enand (25:00):
I think it's the not having to think Because, yes
, you can order takeout and youprobably have Instacart and you
could get groceries and youcould go to the grocery store.
But all that thinking anddeciding and like.
Sejal Pietrzak (25:13):
Yep, yep.
It is so incredibly valued forthe people receiving it.
Georgianna Moreland (25:18):
Well, people care.
The feeling is helplessness.
Right.
How do we support her?
What can we do?
You know, so small token now,you would never want anything
that I cook.
So you know, I picked up fruitand dropped off fruit.
That was easy, because whowouldn't want fruit?
But just the simplest way toknow hey, we care about you,
we're thinking about you, we'repraying for you, we're worried
(25:38):
about you, we're here if youneed anything.
Sejal Pietrzak (25:48):
The day of the surgery.
You know, I think that wasprobably the third time I teared
up a little bit.
The first time was right whenJohn told me I could feel a bit
of emotion.
I was on the phone and he toldme that there was this brain
mass and he was driving, andthen all of a sudden I was like
after 30 seconds I was like,okay, we got to figure out the
(26:11):
next steps, right and, and thenI was done.
And then then one time when Iactually said it out loud was to
the two of you, monica andGeorgiana, and we were on um a
zoom call and and I shared withyou.
It was a couple days later and Idon't, I think I I't even know.
I just teared up a little bit,but it was, but it was.
(26:31):
Why was that?
The first time?
Like I guess the whole coupleof days prior in the hospital, I
was just like boom, boom, boom,getting stuff done, and then I
suddenly had a moment to be ableto sit back and get perspective
.
And then the third time waswhen I walked out of the
pre-operating area where Johnhad just been wheeled into
(26:52):
surgery.
I walk out and I suddenly gottears because five close friends
were just sitting there waitingfor me in the waiting room even
though the waiting room.
People had told us we only allow.
They were there.
Georgianna Moreland (27:20):
It meant so much to me to walk out and then
have them surrounding me, theage of being the self-sufficient
person that she has told us,because we texted, we have a
group text and she said, no,please don't come to the
hospital, I'll be fine, you know.
And we all texted each otheroffline and we're like, okay,
it's nice.
She said that, but you know,when a friend's in need, you
(27:46):
show up.
Monica Enand (27:55):
I imagine that time passes so much faster with
them there than it would have.
Imagine what five hours wouldhave felt like without them
there.
I don't, I just can't.
Sejal Pietrzak (28:05):
Yeah, it was.
I can't even imagine.
I'll tell you that.
Monica Enand (28:09):
I really struggled and I really struggled with how
to interact with you because Iwas thinking to myself, oh my
gosh, you've got so many peoplepulling on you for information
and so many things to do.
The last thing you want to dois respond to a million people
Talk to us about, like, managingthe work part of it, and not
(28:32):
just the work part of it, butall the people Like you know, we
were a team and we were workingtogether.
How do you deal with teammates?
And, yeah, how did you balance?
Sejal Pietrzak (28:44):
that, you know, I think everybody's different
and so it's really important tocommunicate around.
How do you want to connect?
You know, for me I like to bekept involved.
And then I will say you know,because there's a lot of
(29:08):
downtime, right?
I mean, even in thepost-recovery the first day, you
know John mainly slept, and soyou're sitting in the hospital
room and you know doctors andnurses come in and out and
you're talking to them, but youwant to be there in his presence
.
You know, be there for him, bethere for the person, the
(29:31):
patient, you know, your familymember or friend, but it's also
good to have things to do.
You know, I think it's best tojust communicate as much as
possible and if you're a teammember, don't make assumptions,
I think, on how different peoplewant to be interacted with.
I think it's much better to beable to just say because
(29:54):
everybody processes itdifferently.
Some people will say I just Iwant to be, not involved at all,
don't copy me on anything,don't invite me to anything,
because I will feel overwhelmedif I see that on my calendar,
right?
Whereas for me I want to becopied on everything so that I
can stay engaged and involvedwhen I want to be when I can
(30:19):
right, and then that's my choice.
Georgianna Moreland (30:23):
Now, and this was a learning curve for us
and for our little team onMasterstroke right Now, and this
(30:50):
was a learning curve for us andfor our little team on
Masterstroke right BecauseMonica and I in caring for you
right decided okay we're goingto leave her off of emails,
because we're going to give herand her family the time and
respect that they need.
Monica Enand (30:55):
Because, in light of what you were going through
as a family, and your husbandhaving major brain surgery, what
we were doing seemedunimportant, exactly.
Sejal Pietrzak (30:58):
It seemed almost offensive to talk to you about
podcast stuff.
And what's so interesting is,you know, post-recovery.
For weeks I thought, oh,they're taking the summer off,
they're not, you know.
And then, all of a sudden, Isaw that we were post, that
there were episodes that werelaunching, and I thought, oh,
things are happening without me,but you were doing it based on
(31:19):
you know.
Hey, we want to.
You know, make sure we giveSejal space to be able to
emotionally handle the recovery,whereas my perspective was keep
me copied.
You know, I want to becommunicated with and to,
because that's my choice.
I want to have the choice ornot, and so different people
will handle it different ways,and I think that's one thing
(31:41):
that teams can all maybe take asa takeaway, which is just
communicate, ask.
Georgianna Moreland (31:48):
Now, and I'm going to take it one step
further.
Right, at what point in theprocess do we ask?
Because everything happens soquickly, right, and I think
right now more than ever, peopleare taking leave of absences
from work, family leave based on, you know, mental health, for
various different reasons.
Right, so people are leavingthe workforce in order to take
(32:11):
care of themselves.
So what point and how do youask that, especially in a
situation like this?
That came fast and furious.
Sejal Pietrzak (32:20):
It's a good question.
I don't know the answer.
You can't do it preemptively,because you never know how
you're going to handle asituation, so that's actually I
don't know.
For me, in this situation, thisis what I wanted and needed,
(32:42):
which is I wanted to be engaged.
After a week or so, like I feltlike at least you know what I'd
be laying in bed sometimes,instead of just thinking and
swirling, which sometimes canhappen when you have fear of the
unknown.
What could happen?
What will recovery be like,even post-surgery?
(33:05):
What will the next month be?
What will the next year be like?
You start spinning, but insteadof doing that, having for me
daily life happening, havingfriends to connect with, having
you know things to do so thatyou feel a little bit normal.
Monica Enand (33:25):
I have to applaud you and I think we have to
acknowledge that the amount ofmental toughness and strength
that you have to be able to saythat and to be able to say I
know that I will spin, because,by the way, for most people and
I think you are in the rarespace of being able to have that
(33:51):
kind of mental toughness,because most people will start
to spin and then they can'tunspin because honestly and I do
honestly think in the bellcurve distribution of responses,
that's a normal response tospin and to be obsessed with.
I think you're on the sort ofoutlier of like mental toughness
, of saying like I can't spin.
That's actually not productive.
(34:12):
I've gotten beyond.
I did the research, I delegatedsome of the research, I've got
information coming in, I watchedsome videos.
Like I talked to some doctors.
You know I did the work but I'mnot over doing the work because
that's not healthy.
There's a point at whichthere's diminishing returns and
negative not just diminishingreturns but negative returns and
(34:33):
that I actually need escapism,I need to distract my brain and
like I just think you're anincredibly mentally tough human
being and I'm so proud thatyou're my friend and I you know,
it, it, it it's interesting.
Sejal Pietrzak (34:48):
Um, you know, I, I it it's interesting.
You know I give this advice Ithink I may have even talked
about it on a previous podcastmore about, you know, having
kids and working and being a momand things like that, but it
was one of them was control whatyou can control.
Right, and that doesn't mean Idon't worry.
I worry a lot, but I always tryto keep coming back to that.
(35:14):
So if I was starting, if I evertry to spin or whatever, like
what will post-surgery be?
Like, what will the long-termprognosis be?
You can start spinning on thatkind of stuff.
Will he recover 100%?
But if I would start everthinking that way, I would say
(35:35):
to myself I would hear in myvoice, in my head control what
you can control.
Georgianna Moreland (35:40):
But I think one thing you've pointed out is
that the thing you had controlover you didn't have control
over the situation, but you hadcontrol over.
You didn't have control overthe situation, but you had
control over your mindset aroundthe situation.
Monica Enand (35:50):
A great thing to point out the optimism, the
focus.
Sejal Pietrzak (35:55):
So control what you can control.
And what I could control washow I handled it, how I chose to
spend my, you know, mind, spaceand time, and for me it was
trying to get as much normalcyas possible.
Monica Enand (36:18):
And you know, there's the saying, you know
that between the stimuli and theresponse there's a space in
there and that inside that spaceyou can choose, you can make
choices, you don't just have torespond to stimuli.
I think that's a muscle.
Sejal Pietrzak (36:33):
By the way, too, I mean talking to friends,
really valuable.
You know, I've talked to atherapist really, really
valuable, and I would recommendthat too.
Georgianna Moreland (36:46):
I really thank you for talking to us
today about all of this, becauseit's incredibly private and you
know, just processing througheverything that you've gone
through with us and we've missedyou and we're so happy that
you're back in every way.
And I think the main thingcoming out of a conversation
(37:07):
like this is knowing that lifeis coming fast and furious at
everyone.
You live long enough.
You're going to get punched inthe face a couple times, right,
just to offer each other grace.
Right, according to however youneed to process, and that it's
okay if people throw up theirhands and they're like look, I
can't handle this enough, I needto go take care of myself.
(37:30):
Right, that there is zerocriticism, but just to honor the
space and how everyoneprocesses through what they need
to process through that's right, that's right, and that you,
you will get through it.
Sejal Pietrzak (37:42):
And I said to myself so many times it's
darkest before the dawn Rightmyself so many times it's
darkest before the dawn right.
So even when things were really, really tough and I was like,
gosh, this is so tough,literally a day or two later I'd
be like things are better forone thing or another and, and
you know, the dawn comes.
(38:02):
It's just how quickly it comesand and and how sunny it is when
it comes.
It just depends on how youhandle the mindset of the
darkest parts.
Monica Enand (38:13):
Well, thank you for sharing your wisdom and your
experiences and your incrediblypositive, optimistic attitude.
Your practicing of gratitude,I'm sure, helps everyone around
you, so we are very blessed tohave you as part of our lives
and I'm super grateful for you,as Georgiana I know is, and we
(38:35):
appreciate you sharing this withthe audience.
Georgianna Moreland (38:42):
Thank you for listening today.
We would love for you to followand subscribe.
Monica and Sejo would love tohear from you.
You can text us directly fromthe link in the show notes of
this episode.
You can also find us on theLinkedIn page at Masterstroke
Podcast with Monica Enid andSejo Petrzak.
Until next time.
I wanted to just be optimistic and for me
knowledge reduced the fear andanxiety, because the fear of the
unknown is the scariest thing.
We found out in July early Julythat my husband was diagnosed
with a brain tumor.
Georgianna Moreland (00:22):
Welcome to Masterstroke with Monica Enid
and Sejal Patrzak Music.
Monica Enand (00:33):
Welcome to another episode of Masterstroke.
We have an incredibly specialepisode.
We have all three of theMasterstroke sisters back and in
front of the camera and online.
I'm so glad that my co-host,sejal, is back.
Welcome back, sejal, hello Gladto be here yes, me too, and in
(00:55):
front of the camera, not justbehind the scenes.
Today we have joining usGeorgiana Moreland.
Georgianna Moreland (01:02):
Yes, welcome, welcome, welcome you
guys.
And for those of you that don'tknow me, you hear me in the
announcement I'm executiveproducer, all of that stuff.
Sejal and Monica we startedtalking about potentially doing
a podcast a year ago Septemberof 2023.
And in that time, we've alsowelcomed a guest co-host, ned
Renzi, and Ned has stepped in.
(01:24):
Sejal's had to step away for alittle bit and we would love for
her to tell us a little bitabout that today.
Monica Enand (01:32):
As I reflect back on the year, I think about all
the things we've tried to sharein terms of the infrastructure
that we, sejal and I, have hadto learn over the years and
accumulate over the years interms of making us productive
and able to balance all of thedemands of our lives, and we've
shared with you our tips andtricks, our calendar planning,
(01:58):
the ways we delegate, the way wework and how we plan and how we
plan and you know, I reallylove the quote that Mike Tyson
said.
Sejal Pietrzak (02:07):
You know, everyone has a plan until you
get punched in the face and Idon't know if.
Monica Enand (02:15):
Mike Tyson really said that, but he did, and it's
actually punched in the mouth.
Oh, punched in the mouth, Okay,All right.
So Mike Tyson did say it, youheard it here.
I always wondered if it was athing but but people always say
you know, it's nice to have aplan until you get punched in
the mouth, and you know.
I think that's an importanttopic because life happens to
everyone.
(02:35):
We want to talk about that.
What happens to your plan andhow do you function when you get
punched in the mouth?
Sejal, do you want to sharewith us what's happened recently
in your family.
Sejal Pietrzak (02:46):
You know we found out in July, early July,
that my husband was diagnosedwith a brain tumor and you know,
luckily it was not cancer, butit has been a crazy couple of
months.
You know we were just talkinglast night that it's been nine,
a little over nine weeks sincehis surgery and I'll tell you it
(03:08):
feels like nine months, ormaybe even longer than nine
months, even though it's onlybeen nine weeks.
Monica Enand (03:15):
Yeah, tell us a little bit about how you learned
that this happened.
Sejal Pietrzak (03:19):
You know it's so interesting.
I definitely noticed, you know,change in personality, more
lethargy, just a differentperson in terms of lack of
emotional connection compared towhat my husband used to be, and
it was gradual over years.
And so when it's so gradual,it's so hard to notice truly and
(03:43):
you think, oh well, it's sohard to notice truly.
And you think, oh well, we'regetting older, maybe that's just
the way we are now.
Or, oh, you know, things aredifferent in our relationship
with his relationship with hisfamily, with his friends, with
everybody around work,colleagues, and maybe it's just
that you know things arechanging but you don't realize
(04:04):
that sometimes that change canactually be something that's
quite a big underlying issue,and so it's really important to
keep checking.
And even though you know wewent to our doctor and had
annual blood work, had theregular physicals and everything
would turn out perfect, but yougot to still follow your gut
(04:26):
instinct and say, well, maybeit's not, and then try to figure
out what it is if you feel thatsomething is not right.
And so that's what happened.
Monica Enand (04:39):
Yeah, no, and I think I hear you on the gradual
thing, because there is thistumor and it is growing
gradually right Over how manyyears?
Sejal Pietrzak (04:48):
They don't know.
They said it could be anywherefrom a handful of years to 20
years.
You don't know and it doesn't.
You know it doesn't reallyaffect you necessarily, because
the body is so resilient.
And so when the tumor wasgrowing and growing, growing
it's such a small and it'spushing the brain and you know
(05:10):
there were small little changesthat I noticed.
And then you know, little bylittle it got worse and you
could notice things even more.
And so I would just say foranybody if you see changes in
your family member, start askingwhat could be.
Georgianna Moreland (05:31):
Sejal, tell us about how you actually found
it, because you were intuitive,you knew he was just off,
something was different, butwhat action did you take to
actually find it?
Tell us about you getting onthat flight, because that to me
has just really stuck in my mind.
Sejal Pietrzak (05:49):
There's a quote in the Ernest Hemingway book the
Sun Also Rises where somebody'stalking about how did something
happen in the book and one ofthe characters says slowly at
first and then all of a sudden,for him it was so gradual at
(06:13):
first and then all of a suddenthings were different.
And when we were going throughthat, all of a sudden, my gut
instinct was telling me thatsomething was wrong.
I had to fly to a board meeting, actually, and I was, you know,
I packed up and it just it feltlike some.
(06:35):
It just felt like today was nota great day to be out of state
and I was going up to theNortheast and I live in Texas.
And I got to the airport and Iwas about to board the flight
and the next thing I knew I waswalking towards the gate agent
(06:55):
to give my boarding pass on myphone, and I literally just
turned around, walked out of theairport, got into an Uber and
all of a sudden I was on my wayhome and I canceled my flight,
you know.
And and that day, when I gothome, I started making calls and
(07:17):
that all led to the next stepsover the next two weeks, which
then led to us finding the tumor.
And then you know the surgery,and you know again it's being
proactive.
And even though everythingseemed fine, I said there's got
to be something wrong.
And we scheduled for a fullbody MRI and again it was being
(07:44):
persistent.
For a full body MRI, and againit was being persistent.
They told us it might be a fewweeks before we would get the um
, get the MRI done.
And I just kept saying, can anyany chance we can do it sooner?
And we were able to get anappointment, um, through a
cancellation or whatever, thevery next day.
Monica Enand (08:01):
So you went to this full body MRI, which, thank
goodness, you have theprivilege to do.
This is not covered byinsurance.
Is that correct?
It was not.
I mean, we're all thankful forour privilege that we have
access to things in the medicalsystem that not everybody does,
and I always remember thatbecause I think our medical
system is really hard tonavigate.
But, thank goodness, you havethe skills and the resources and
(08:25):
so you got this full-body MRI.
Tell us about what that day waslike.
You went there, you know yousaid blood tests were fine.
All of the other medical examsdiagnostic exams come back fine,
clean, full of health.
What were you thinking when youwent and got the MRI and how
did?
Sejal Pietrzak (08:44):
it go.
What were you thinking when youwent and got the MRI?
And how did it go?
Well, I wasn't there.
My husband went on his own andit was a Saturday and you know
they had told me, hey, it'll be,you know, 15 business days, up
to 15 business days before you'dget any results.
So I wasn't thinking anythingand I said to my husband hey,
it's like 20 minute drive awaywhen you're on your way home.
Let's go, let's meet up forlunch.
(09:05):
And?
And he said, great, and I hadactually offered to take him,
but he said, no, I can go bymyself, and he calls me on his
way back.
And I said, oh, great, I saidyou want to meet for lunch?
And he said actually, you know,as I was leaving the MRI, the
doctor came in and said we founda brain mass and we need you to
(09:29):
go directly to the emergencyroom and there is a trauma.
One hospital, you know, fiveminutes from our house, and the
doctor at the MRI place hadliterally called ahead.
And so my husband came home, I,we literally got straight into
the car, went straight over tothe emergency room at the
(09:50):
hospital and in 10 minutes hewas already in a bed.
Um, you know, doctors hadalready come and seen him and
all of a sudden you're startingto think, wow, this is not, this
is so serious and thankgoodness we found it when we did
.
You know who knows right whatcould have happened.
Georgianna Moreland (10:20):
Sato, I mean, life was happening at the
same time.
Your freshman daughter was onher way home from college, from
freshman year.
You have a son that justfinished his junior year, so the
preparation for going tocollege, I mean just you were in
the middle of all of that andyou know, I have to also applaud
John for listening to you andgoing for the scan, because the
(10:40):
person who's sick doesn't reallysee what's happening, right,
that's right.
Because the person who's sickdoesn't really see what's
happening, right, that's right.
So, and a lot of times theythink you're nagging, or I mean,
you know I'm not throwing anyshade on men, but sometimes
they're not the easiest to getto the doctor, right?
Monica Enand (10:55):
Yeah, I think everyone's that way when they're
talking about their own,because what you're talking
largely the symptoms, as Iunderstand what you've said is
mostly like personality changes,right, it's not like someone's
puking blood or something Like.
Sejal Pietrzak (11:12):
It's not some obvious symptom, right, it's a,
and it's so gradual over howmany years, you know, you don't
know, and so you know I think.
I think the it is.
It goes back to the thing youstarted with Monica to answer
your question, georgiana whichis you've got life happening and
sometimes, with so muchhappening in your life, people
(11:33):
might say I don't have time forthis medical procedure right now
or I don't have time, I'm sureit's fine, we'll get through it.
Oh, we've got vacation comingup, we've got something.
Get through it.
Oh, we've got vacation comingup, we've got something.
But you've got to take the time.
I mean, my advice and mylearning on this whole thing is
you know, I sometimes wish, wow,I wish I had done this sooner
(11:54):
when I started seeing some ofthe changes Even earlier.
You can't second guess, youcan't go back and ultimately
it's all worked out great andthe surgery was successful.
So you go back and you say Iwouldn't change a thing now, but
the sooner you can do it thebetter, because you never know,
and you know I think the biggestthing is we all kind of take
(12:15):
health for granted.
There's always something.
Yeah, there's always going to besomething, but you got it the
most important thing in ourlives is health, the whole.
Georgianna Moreland (12:21):
Thing it happens so quickly in our lives
is health the whole thing.
It happens so quickly.
I mean he goes to theappointment you're planning to
go to lunch.
They send him straight to theemergency room.
They started him on medicationand started the procedure to get
him ready for surgery soquickly, were you?
How do I ask this?
Were you organized?
Did you know where?
Who handled the finances in thehouse?
(12:43):
Who handled all of the detailsof everything?
I mean because we hear horrorstories of you know husband goes
to play basketball, falls downof a heart attack and the wife
is like, oh my God, he handledeverything.
I have no idea where you knowour bank is or any of those
details.
Sejal Pietrzak (13:00):
Yeah, it's interesting because you know, my
husband is in finance, a formerCPA, both in the house and out
of the house, and, and you know,managing the finances was one
(13:31):
that he did.
I mean, I didn't even, I didn'teven look at my paychecks.
He handled all of that I didn'tlook at.
You know, I didn't do any ofthat stuff.
Monica Enand (13:38):
It's important to share, because you and I are in
the same boat.
We have both.
I mean, we've sold companiesfor billions of dollars, we've
managed massive budgets, we'vemanaged massive P&Ls, we've
raised money.
We've done all these things.
We both have a division oflabor in our marriage, just like
everyone does.
(13:58):
My husband also handles all ofour personal finances.
He always did, and, and he'sbetter at it Now.
We periodically sit down andreview it, um, and we have done
that since the marriage began,but, but really it's been his
department.
Now, of course, if I were to go,he wouldn't even know how to
wash his clothes, but but that'slike the lesson.
(14:18):
He really wouldn't.
He would have no idea how tooperate the laundry, cause I
don't want him to touch thelaundry.
But here's the thing likethat's a very real.
Like Georgiana went right tothe like, very real.
Like, okay, something very realcould happen.
And now you have two childrenthat are dependent on you.
You have parents his parents,you have your dad, you have all
(14:42):
kinds of people that potentiallydependent on you.
Um, how do you?
How did you?
Sejal Pietrzak (14:50):
think about that .
What did you do?
It's a lesson, another lessonlearned, which is you know, make
sure you've got access toeverything, um, and that you
know, uh, you know if you're thespouse, that you know where
your finances are.
You know how to access yourbank accounts, that your name is
on every bank account.
(15:11):
I started making a list.
Here are all the things I justliterally wrote it down on a
piece of paper that I want tomake sure I talked to John about
before.
You know he goes into surgery,and one of those was okay, let's
talk about where all of ourfinances are.
What are all the passwords?
You know he goes into surgeryand one of those was okay, let's
talk about where all of ourfinances are.
What are all the passwords?
You know there's all thismulti-factor authentication.
Now you know there's passwordsthat you need.
(15:33):
Luckily, we have a passwordmanager, so you can.
You know there's online.
You know apps that you can usefor that kind of stuff, but I
needed to make sure I knewexactly where all that stuff was
, and you need to know the nittygritty and you need to be on
every account.
You need to have access toeverything, and so when he
started.
I asked him the question.
I was like look, you're goinginto surgery tomorrow.
(15:55):
I assume everything will begreat, but I need to know.
And I literally video recordedhim talking Because I knew I
wouldn't remember it all,especially when you've got so
much else going on.
And that's actually a reallyvaluable thing.
We all have phones, we all havevideo on our phones and even
though he was just sitting onthe couch, he wasn't behind a
(16:16):
desk, he wasn't behind acomputer, he wasn't going to do
any of that stuff, but he justtalked.
Any spouse that's out there, ifyou don't have all of that
understanding specifically onthe finances, I would I
definitely roll up your sleevesand and get in there and
(16:37):
understand what's happening.
You know what?
Georgianna Moreland (16:38):
and that's a wake-up call for everyone.
And I'm glad that you say anyspouse, because it's not a male
female thing, it's not that themale is handling.
I mean, that could happen toanyone at any time.
So it's a wake-up call, rightTo just be more aware because
life happens, life gets busy andwe really need to take the time
to understand the nitty-gritty.
Monica Enand (17:04):
Given that we just talked about all those things
going on in your life, sejal, Iwant you to share with us
emotionally, like were you justin survival mode and like, okay,
I gotta get this done.
Like everybody has a differentstress response.
Tell us about your stressresponse, like from the moment
(17:25):
that you, like somebody callsyou and says your husband calls
you and says I have a brain massand I've got to go to the
hospital immediately, I don'teven know.
I can't even have enoughempathy to put myself in that
position to know how I wouldfunction.
I can't imagine functioning.
Sejal Pietrzak (17:46):
You can't imagine it until you're doing it
, and when you're doing it, youjust get into the mode of okay.
In some ways it was great toknow why.
You know the personalitychanges, the you know you're
like okay, it was almostvalidating, to say, my gut
instinct.
(18:06):
I'm so thankful and gratefulthat we found out what it was
after a bunch of different testsand blood tests and everything,
and nothing was coming back.
But now you know what it is.
So, number one, there's alittle bit of a sense of relief
that and it's not relief in agreat way because it's still oh,
(18:27):
my God, what's going to happen,but it's at least okay.
Now this and we double checkedwith the doctor were these
personality did, all of thesethings?
That is it because of the braintumor?
And he said actually, yes,frontal lobe brain tumor, all of
those things you experiencedand you are experiencing is
because of the tumor.
(18:48):
So you have an answer.
But now you've got to getthrough the part of how do you
actually manage it all?
You should ask for help.
So I immediately texted a veryclose friend of mine and she's a
doctor, and I said here'swhat's happening.
What are some of the things weshould do.
(19:10):
Um, I connected with our doctor, um, our primary care doctor,
and and she also gave us a lotof great information, uh, on on
suggesting you know things,things to think about and do.
And then, um, uh, my husband'sbrother and his wife, um,
they're scientists and doctor,and so we're lucky that we've
(19:32):
got these people around us andand they did a bunch of research
on what is this.
Oh, this is a brain tumor, it'smeningioma.
Okay, what, what are thedifferent diagnoses?
Having that support network andeven if it's not doctors, just
talk to people that you'reclosest with.
Sometimes, you know, it'sinteresting because my husband,
(19:53):
you know, is, you know,initially was like, oh, we're
not, let's not tell anybody.
And I'm like, well, I'vealready told people, you know.
I mean, because you have totell, you have to realize that
you have a community, you havepeople, they want to support you
, they want to be there for you,and that's not something I
(20:13):
normally have never experiencedbefore, in the sense that I've
always thought you kind of, Idon't know, I'm not one who, you
know, says I want everyone inthe community to help, but they
do want to help and they arethere for you and you would do
it for them.
Georgianna Moreland (20:32):
I love you saying that, sejal, because you
have a tremendous network offriends, right, like tremendous,
but, on the same token, you'realways doing for everyone.
I mean, you're a doer, you'rean action person, right, you
take care of a lot of things,people and everything.
So, in order to tap intoinfrastructure, which we spoke
about in an earlier episode, tocall and I'll say her name Dr
(20:55):
Mary Yang, to say Mary, this iswhat's going on.
I need help.
I can't understand this.
Can you help me navigate thisright To tap into your
infrastructure, your network,and to know that you are loved
and people do want to comealongside you and support you,
your family, the kids, duringthat time of crisis, right?
Sejal Pietrzak (21:16):
Yeah, and you won't believe it.
Like she was literally gettingon a plane, as I called her on
that Saturday afternoon andshe's like okay, I'm getting on
the plane, I'll get Wi-Fi on theplane and we will text back and
forth, like she didn't waste aminute, as Georgiana said you're
a doer and your stress responseis to, honestly, I think some
(21:41):
people become overproductive,honestly, become incredibly
productive as a stress response.
Monica Enand (21:46):
Because I mean you said you felt so much relief at
knowing a diagnosis because itactually felt like something you
could do something about, and Ithink that's a common.
I mean, to be honest, that'syou and I have very similar
stress responses, like when Ihear of it anything I go
immediately into okay, what canwe do?
Let's make a list, take onething off the list at a time,
(22:08):
only one thing.
Don't get overwhelmed by thelist, don't get overwhelmed by
the future, don't get otherpeople freeze, other people shut
down and and and you know,honestly I'm not I've used to
think, oh, my stress response isbetter than their stress
response.
You know, blah, blah, blah,like I, and honestly, as I've
gotten older I've learned thatthere's downsides to any stress
(22:31):
response.
And the downside to our stressresponse is the emotional
processing of what is actuallygoing on.
You can get so bogged down inthe doing that you're not
actually processing what ishappening.
And I imagine when John said,hey, let's not tell anyone, I
(22:52):
mean I don't know, but I'mguessing that he had not
processed it himself, and so hecouldn't really know how to deal
with anyone who might havetheir own worries.
He's got his own worries.
He's got kids.
He's got a wife.
He's got a mom dad.
He's got his own worries, hisown worries.
He's got kids.
He's got a wife.
He's got a mom dad like he's.
Sejal Pietrzak (23:09):
He's got his own worries, his own, and the
person, and the person who'ssick isn't the one truly, in
whatever situation it is, who isgoing to necessarily be able to
know the best thing at thatmoment, because, and and and.
If you ask john now, like youknow, when did you really know
(23:32):
and understand that you were not, that you had a tumor, that you
were sick, that you neededsurgery, that this was a bad
thing and that you weren't doingwell, and he will tell you not
until after the surgery yeahreally I don't even understand
what was happening, truly.
(23:52):
And he says that now and he'slike yeah, I didn't even.
He said I thought I was fineBecause it was so gradual so how
(24:19):
did you take care of yourselfduring this time?
Georgianna Moreland (24:20):
how did you feel cared for and supported?
Because people receive thatdifferently also.
You know, as we know, anyone inour community that goes sick.
The first thing they sendthrough is a meal train right
and people are dropping off foodand stuff because people want
to help.
But how did you receive thelove and feel comforted during
this?
Sejal Pietrzak (24:36):
time.
I mean it's incredible, right?
I mean you know the communitygets together and the next thing
you know, you know your closestfriends are.
You don't even ask for it andthere's groceries waiting at
your front door.
But can I tell you how nice itwas to have home cooked meals
dropped off.
(24:57):
Even when somebody doesn't ask,just drop it off anyway.
Monica Enand (25:00):
I think it's the not having to think Because, yes
, you can order takeout and youprobably have Instacart and you
could get groceries and youcould go to the grocery store.
But all that thinking anddeciding and like.
Sejal Pietrzak (25:13):
Yep, yep.
It is so incredibly valued forthe people receiving it.
Georgianna Moreland (25:18):
Well, people care.
The feeling is helplessness.
Right.
How do we support her?
What can we do?
You know, so small token now,you would never want anything
that I cook.
So you know, I picked up fruitand dropped off fruit.
That was easy, because whowouldn't want fruit?
But just the simplest way toknow hey, we care about you,
we're thinking about you, we'repraying for you, we're worried
(25:38):
about you, we're here if youneed anything.
Sejal Pietrzak (25:48):
The day of the surgery.
You know, I think that wasprobably the third time I teared
up a little bit.
The first time was right whenJohn told me I could feel a bit
of emotion.
I was on the phone and he toldme that there was this brain
mass and he was driving, andthen all of a sudden I was like
after 30 seconds I was like,okay, we got to figure out the
(26:11):
next steps, right and, and thenI was done.
And then then one time when Iactually said it out loud was to
the two of you, monica andGeorgiana, and we were on um a
zoom call and and I shared withyou.
It was a couple days later and Idon't, I think I I't even know.
I just teared up a little bit,but it was, but it was.
(26:31):
Why was that?
The first time?
Like I guess the whole coupleof days prior in the hospital, I
was just like boom, boom, boom,getting stuff done, and then I
suddenly had a moment to be ableto sit back and get perspective
.
And then the third time waswhen I walked out of the
pre-operating area where Johnhad just been wheeled into
(26:52):
surgery.
I walk out and I suddenly gottears because five close friends
were just sitting there waitingfor me in the waiting room even
though the waiting room.
People had told us we only allow.
They were there.
Georgianna Moreland (27:20):
It meant so much to me to walk out and then
have them surrounding me, theage of being the self-sufficient
person that she has told us,because we texted, we have a
group text and she said, no,please don't come to the
hospital, I'll be fine, you know.
And we all texted each otheroffline and we're like, okay,
it's nice.
She said that, but you know,when a friend's in need, you
(27:46):
show up.
Monica Enand (27:55):
I imagine that time passes so much faster with
them there than it would have.
Imagine what five hours wouldhave felt like without them
there.
I don't, I just can't.
Sejal Pietrzak (28:05):
Yeah, it was.
I can't even imagine.
I'll tell you that.
Monica Enand (28:09):
I really struggled and I really struggled with how
to interact with you because Iwas thinking to myself, oh my
gosh, you've got so many peoplepulling on you for information
and so many things to do.
The last thing you want to dois respond to a million people
Talk to us about, like, managingthe work part of it, and not
(28:32):
just the work part of it, butall the people Like you know, we
were a team and we were workingtogether.
How do you deal with teammates?
And, yeah, how did you balance?
Sejal Pietrzak (28:44):
that, you know, I think everybody's different
and so it's really important tocommunicate around.
How do you want to connect?
You know, for me I like to bekept involved.
And then I will say you know,because there's a lot of
(29:08):
downtime, right?
I mean, even in thepost-recovery the first day, you
know John mainly slept, and soyou're sitting in the hospital
room and you know doctors andnurses come in and out and
you're talking to them, but youwant to be there in his presence
.
You know, be there for him, bethere for the person, the
(29:31):
patient, you know, your familymember or friend, but it's also
good to have things to do.
You know, I think it's best tojust communicate as much as
possible and if you're a teammember, don't make assumptions,
I think, on how different peoplewant to be interacted with.
I think it's much better to beable to just say because
(29:54):
everybody processes itdifferently.
Some people will say I just Iwant to be, not involved at all,
don't copy me on anything,don't invite me to anything,
because I will feel overwhelmedif I see that on my calendar,
right?
Whereas for me I want to becopied on everything so that I
can stay engaged and involvedwhen I want to be when I can
(30:19):
right, and then that's my choice.
Georgianna Moreland (30:23):
Now, and this was a learning curve for us
and for our little team onMasterstroke right Now, and this
(30:50):
was a learning curve for us andfor our little team on
Masterstroke right BecauseMonica and I in caring for you
right decided okay we're goingto leave her off of emails,
because we're going to give herand her family the time and
respect that they need.
Monica Enand (30:55):
Because, in light of what you were going through
as a family, and your husbandhaving major brain surgery, what
we were doing seemedunimportant, exactly.
Sejal Pietrzak (30:58):
It seemed almost offensive to talk to you about
podcast stuff.
And what's so interesting is,you know, post-recovery.
For weeks I thought, oh,they're taking the summer off,
they're not, you know.
And then, all of a sudden, Isaw that we were post, that
there were episodes that werelaunching, and I thought, oh,
things are happening without me,but you were doing it based on
(31:19):
you know.
Hey, we want to.
You know, make sure we giveSejal space to be able to
emotionally handle the recovery,whereas my perspective was keep
me copied.
You know, I want to becommunicated with and to,
because that's my choice.
I want to have the choice ornot, and so different people
will handle it different ways,and I think that's one thing
(31:41):
that teams can all maybe take asa takeaway, which is just
communicate, ask.
Georgianna Moreland (31:48):
Now, and I'm going to take it one step
further.
Right, at what point in theprocess do we ask?
Because everything happens soquickly, right, and I think
right now more than ever, peopleare taking leave of absences
from work, family leave based on, you know, mental health, for
various different reasons.
Right, so people are leavingthe workforce in order to take
(32:11):
care of themselves.
So what point and how do youask that, especially in a
situation like this?
That came fast and furious.
Sejal Pietrzak (32:20):
It's a good question.
I don't know the answer.
You can't do it preemptively,because you never know how
you're going to handle asituation, so that's actually I
don't know.
For me, in this situation, thisis what I wanted and needed,
(32:42):
which is I wanted to be engaged.
After a week or so, like I feltlike at least you know what I'd
be laying in bed sometimes,instead of just thinking and
swirling, which sometimes canhappen when you have fear of the
unknown.
What could happen?
What will recovery be like,even post-surgery?
(33:05):
What will the next month be?
What will the next year be like?
You start spinning, but insteadof doing that, having for me
daily life happening, havingfriends to connect with, having
you know things to do so thatyou feel a little bit normal.
Monica Enand (33:25):
I have to applaud you and I think we have to
acknowledge that the amount ofmental toughness and strength
that you have to be able to saythat and to be able to say I
know that I will spin, because,by the way, for most people and
I think you are in the rarespace of being able to have that
(33:51):
kind of mental toughness,because most people will start
to spin and then they can'tunspin because honestly and I do
honestly think in the bellcurve distribution of responses,
that's a normal response tospin and to be obsessed with.
I think you're on the sort ofoutlier of like mental toughness
, of saying like I can't spin.
That's actually not productive.
(34:12):
I've gotten beyond.
I did the research, I delegatedsome of the research, I've got
information coming in, I watchedsome videos.
Like I talked to some doctors.
You know I did the work but I'mnot over doing the work because
that's not healthy.
There's a point at whichthere's diminishing returns and
negative not just diminishingreturns but negative returns and
(34:33):
that I actually need escapism,I need to distract my brain and
like I just think you're anincredibly mentally tough human
being and I'm so proud thatyou're my friend and I you know,
it, it, it it's interesting.
Sejal Pietrzak (34:48):
Um, you know, I, I it it's interesting.
You know I give this advice Ithink I may have even talked
about it on a previous podcastmore about, you know, having
kids and working and being a momand things like that, but it
was one of them was control whatyou can control.
Right, and that doesn't mean Idon't worry.
I worry a lot, but I always tryto keep coming back to that.
(35:14):
So if I was starting, if I evertry to spin or whatever, like
what will post-surgery be?
Like, what will the long-termprognosis be?
You can start spinning on thatkind of stuff.
Will he recover 100%?
But if I would start everthinking that way, I would say
(35:35):
to myself I would hear in myvoice, in my head control what
you can control.
Georgianna Moreland (35:40):
But I think one thing you've pointed out is
that the thing you had controlover you didn't have control
over the situation, but you hadcontrol over.
You didn't have control overthe situation, but you had
control over your mindset aroundthe situation.
Monica Enand (35:50):
A great thing to point out the optimism, the
focus.
Sejal Pietrzak (35:55):
So control what you can control.
And what I could control washow I handled it, how I chose to
spend my, you know, mind, spaceand time, and for me it was
trying to get as much normalcyas possible.
Monica Enand (36:18):
And you know, there's the saying, you know
that between the stimuli and theresponse there's a space in
there and that inside that spaceyou can choose, you can make
choices, you don't just have torespond to stimuli.
I think that's a muscle.
Sejal Pietrzak (36:33):
By the way, too, I mean talking to friends,
really valuable.
You know, I've talked to atherapist really, really
valuable, and I would recommendthat too.
Georgianna Moreland (36:46):
I really thank you for talking to us
today about all of this, becauseit's incredibly private and you
know, just processing througheverything that you've gone
through with us and we've missedyou and we're so happy that
you're back in every way.
And I think the main thingcoming out of a conversation
(37:07):
like this is knowing that lifeis coming fast and furious at
everyone.
You live long enough.
You're going to get punched inthe face a couple times, right,
just to offer each other grace.
Right, according to however youneed to process, and that it's
okay if people throw up theirhands and they're like look, I
can't handle this enough, I needto go take care of myself.
(37:30):
Right, that there is zerocriticism, but just to honor the
space and how everyoneprocesses through what they need
to process through that's right, that's right, and that you,
you will get through it.
Sejal Pietrzak (37:42):
And I said to myself so many times it's
darkest before the dawn Rightmyself so many times it's
darkest before the dawn right.
So even when things were really, really tough and I was like,
gosh, this is so tough,literally a day or two later I'd
be like things are better forone thing or another and, and
you know, the dawn comes.
(38:02):
It's just how quickly it comesand and and how sunny it is when
it comes.
It just depends on how youhandle the mindset of the
darkest parts.
Monica Enand (38:13):
Well, thank you for sharing your wisdom and your
experiences and your incrediblypositive, optimistic attitude.
Your practicing of gratitude,I'm sure, helps everyone around
you, so we are very blessed tohave you as part of our lives
and I'm super grateful for you,as Georgiana I know is, and we
(38:35):
appreciate you sharing this withthe audience.
Georgianna Moreland (38:42):
Thank you for listening today.
We would love for you to followand subscribe.
Monica and Sejo would love tohear from you.
You can text us directly fromthe link in the show notes of
this episode.
You can also find us on theLinkedIn page at Masterstroke
Podcast with Monica Enid andSejo Petrzak.
Until next time.
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