May 4, 2025 • 49 mins
Sometimes a podcast that's meant to be about shenanigans takes a sharp turn into raw, vulnerable territory. That's exactly what happened in this episode of Mature Mischief, where what began as our usual Saturday banter quickly transformed into an unfiltered look at the financial breaking points so many adults are facing right now.
Jesse opens up about the very real threat of car repossession, mounting debt, and the crushing weight of continuously falling behind with no safety net. "I'm white-knuckling a lot of things," he admits, sharing the emotional toll of watching opportunities slip away while financial pressures mount. This isn't just Jesse's story – it's the reality for countless listeners who are silently fighting the same battles against an unforgiving economy where $40 buys just four items at the grocery store.
The conversation delves deep into the painful lessons that come with adulting: learning who truly belongs in your inner circle, the necessity of making decisions without seeking others' approval, and finding the strength to keep going when everything seems to be falling apart. DD provides grounding wisdom throughout, reminding us that "it's not about the blame, it's about the lesson," as they explore how financial struggles often force us to face our deepest insecurities and challenges.
What makes this episode particularly powerful is its honesty about the vicious cycles we find ourselves trapped in – not just financially, but emotionally and relationally. The hosts don't offer empty platitudes or quick fixes, but instead create space for acknowledging how fucking hard it is to exist in this economy while still maintaining hope.
Whether you're facing your own financial crisis or simply feeling the squeeze of inflation, this conversation will remind you that you're not alone in your struggle. As Jesse puts it: "Where there's a will, there's a way out." Join us for this unexpectedly deep dive into what it truly means to survive and find meaning when life keeps kicking you in the dick.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up, Gremlins?
Welcome back to another podcast.
My name is Jesse James.
I hope everyone's doing it well.
You know the drill.
This is the Mature MischiefPodcast.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
One more time, one more time uh, it's saturday,
holy shit it's uh.
Time is flying faster than Ican keep track with it.
It's uh, you know what same,yeah same, I feel you I'm.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I'm trying to figure out which way is up, which way
is down.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I am, I know, it's there, it's, I know if you're
over there and I'm over here andI have no idea which way is up.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yeah, my goodness, my dogs or something else, I swear
um, but it's just, uh, been anamazing, uh, it's been an
amazing ride.
So far.
I've I thoroughly have enjoyedthis week coming in with my
friend from Arizona, withhanging out with the new guy
that he'll be going back soon.
(01:10):
So it's been a crazy rollercoaster ride.
So there's that and I'mappreciative of a lot of it.
You know what I mean.
There's still stuff in thewoodworks that's kind of I'm
white knuckling, a lot of thethings and everything that's
going through.
So hopefully everything justkind of works out in my favor,
(01:30):
the way it's supposed to.
So we'll see how that happensand how that works out for the
most part.
But, as it being said, I knowit, you know it, the whole world
knows it.
I like saying my name twice.
I am your host, jesse james andI am your co-host dd yo dd.
What do you do, sister d so?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
my roller coaster is still on loop.
This is week number three.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Dude, I feel that I feel that, but you know what
time it is, dd I.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I do.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, it's time for shenanigans, shenanigans,
shenanigans, shenanigans,shenanigans.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I don't know why I was expecting your.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I'm not the one who's so far away when I feel the
sneak bite into my veins.
Never did I want to be hereagain, and I don't know
(02:48):
something like that that wasfunny that was fucking awesome,
with my fat breath in betweeny'all gonna be hearing our fat
breath the whole episode.
You guys, we just ate beforethis, so no shit, we're still
full it's just so funny, how fun, like, how far in advance we
(03:11):
record everything, because it'sjust like dude, it's one thing
on top of another on top of.
I mean, I'm granted, I like thatwe record so much in a short
period of time, like it's uh,it's a great, it's great, I like
it I like it because it breaksthe monotonous routine that for
(03:32):
me personally, that I have itwith life yeah you know what I
mean, because if not, I'd justbe stuck at home and work and
home and work, and home and workit does, I think, uh, but this
is kind of like one of myfavorite podcasts that I've
actually worked on in a verylong time, besides Double
Trouble 361 with Jamie, so it'sjust one of these.
It's been a phenomenal journey.
(03:53):
It's been a literallyrollercoaster ride with the
podcast, because it goes up, itgoes down, it goes up, it goes
down, it goes up, it goes down.
It's just been consistent for alot of it, though, but you know
it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
It's a roller coaster .
Speaker 1 (04:05):
It is uh, you know I, I was, I'm thinking because
it's like I like a goodshenanigans against podcast for
a saturday and being able totalk and just be a goofball, and
why not?
it's, uh, I don't know mygoofballness, just kind of just
my goofball just tanked justtanked hard, um uh, it's just,
(04:28):
life has really become funnybones, stop being tickled yeah,
it's that it the pickle juice isno longer there, but it's, it's
literally just a thing of justa matterness of like kind of
getting everything kind ofpretty much together.
You know, when you're likefalling so far behind on things
(04:49):
that are just like you're, it's.
It's one thing after another,after another, after another,
and you're feeling you'refeeling the build-up, the
pressure I am feeling thatbuild-up pressure and not even
in a fucking good way, becauseit's um, I'm fucked up, I fucked
up on a lot of it, like thiswhole thing in the past really
(05:11):
fucked me up with that, and thentrying to catch up with
everything, and still trying tocatch up with everything, it's
uh, becomes very like emotional.
You know what I mean.
So, um, it's uh, it's, it'sinsane.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
You know life, it's life you know it's life, it's
life, it's life.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I'm trying to make a good thing, a positive, good
thing, happen here, because it'sone of those things like I'm
just trying to kind of figureout where I'm at in this hell
and it's a continuous loop cycle, continuous loop every single
time and it's it doesn't knowwhen to stop, it doesn't know
(05:50):
when to end.
Um, I do feel that one day I'mjust going to wake up and it's
just going to be pretty muchtaken from my entire arson.
You know what I mean?
My entire hands I I'm not gonnasleep well tonight.
I really know I'm not gonnasleep well tonight.
You know it's uh, it's a heavy,it's a heavy, it's a heavy
(06:11):
burden it really is, and I don'tknow if I have no one else to
blame but than myself, thananything else, because I allowed
it to get so far.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So and how everything is just to get to where it's at
yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
So I'm just trying to catch up with it and this is
like the furthest I've everfallen behind and I can't fall
back on family or relatives tobe able to like, hey, can I get
some help?
Hey, can I do this?
I've been someone and it'scrazy because we did that whole
chat gpt thing and whatnot andit really says it's not a joke.
(06:46):
Like, you do something so fast,so quickly, and you're trying
to be creative and you're tryingto get things the ball rolling
on a lot of things, and everytime you get the ball rolling on
something, one thing hits rightafter another, after another,
after another, and you don'thave anybody who you can
initially turn to to ask for thehelp that you need.
(07:08):
So everything you're prettymuch doing on it's just
basically on your own right.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Which fits into you needing to get your independence
which is crazy.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
It is, it's finding that independency, no matter, no
matter what, yeah that was oneof your purposes.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
That's, I'm like wow, thanks, but I get it like
because mine's kind of similar.
But my thing is, every time Iput myself first.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
That's when life likes to you know, be a
douchebag and be like oh when Ithink you can be happy like now
and I've gained my independencythrough a lot, though, but I
think a lot of it.
I realize that I'm I'm not.
I'm independent, yes, but I'malso not somebody who's just
like I.
I don't know what else to do.
This is kind of owned it, yetthat's all it is.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
That's why these lessons keep coming up for us.
It's because we haven't learnedthe full extent of what we're
supposed to.
We're working on it, we'redoing some of it.
We've come so far, but notwhere we're supposed to be.
That way we need to go, becauseif we did, we wouldn't have
these pop-ups anymore yeahthat's the shitty part.
But so I do want to like commenthow you had said.
(08:17):
You know you have no one toblame except for you.
But that's just it.
It's not about the blame, it'sabout the lesson is for you yeah
that's what I mean.
I know it sucks because, yes,we are in control only a certain
, to a certain extent.
So, yeah, sure, because I couldsay the same things like well,
I'm here because of my choicesso I got nobody to blame, but I
don't blame myself, I'm justkind of like it is what it is, I
(08:37):
did what I did.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, I am blaming myself for it, because it's like
it's kind of it's it's a lesson, that it's just like I don't
know what this lesson is, that Ihave to learn from it or what
I'm gaining from it.
It's just one of those things,like I am literally in a place
where I am like I don't knowwhat else to do, like I'm kind
of.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
And that's the point.
Yeah, that's the shitty partthey don't tell you what the
lesson is but what happens isthey're pushing you to your
limits.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
You know why?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Because that's the part that's going to teach you
the lesson.
That's the shitty part, becausethat's the part where we that
we've been trying to avoid, wedon't want to get pushed to
those limits, because we're,like, I've been trying to work
so hard to avoid that and it'shere, seriously, like, come on,
like why happen, though, if I dothat?
But that's the point is to belike you wouldn't have taken
care of it unless I put youunder the most shittiest
(09:27):
pressure right here, right now,and then it's like oh, I'm like,
why put me in the mostshittiest pressure ever because
you didn't do it before you had?
chances and you didn't.
So now it's like, okay, now wehave to apply pressure in order
for you to do what you need todo, because you need to do it I
had opportunities and I hadopportunities to be able to work
on certain things that neededto be worked on.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Like I had it and everyone just fucking crushed
those things that I wanted to do, so so bad.
And now that I'm like in aposition, I'm just like I can't
do those things now because Iliterally almost had the
opportunity and I got stuckwhere you are here now.
I'm literally stuck in theplace because it's like I'm
(10:08):
letting things get to me forwhatever reason and I'm just
allowing it.
And just like I'm feelingbummed about it, I'm feeling in
a particular type of way, in afunk, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
And that's completely valid.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
And I'm just trying not to be so damn depressed
about it Because I'm like I'vealready fought that.
I'm just trying not to be sodamn depressed about it because
I'm like I've already fought,that I'm just like okay, where's
the silver lining?
Speaker 2 (10:30):
in all of this.
What can I do to kind of fix it, or at least?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
alleviate it or start to work on it.
Starting to work on it I thinkit's a little too late, but it's
like it's not the end of theroad for me.
It's like okay, cool Like I Iam, I'm not giving up until I
need to be.
I've already spent this muchmoney already into what I needed
to get done and hopefully itgets somewhere where it needs to
be right but um, I just I thinkthis week, I think that's it.
(11:00):
I just I don't know if I can doany more hangouts or do any more
fun time or whatnot.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
You got to buckle down.
I got to buckle down.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I got to buckle down even harder because it's like I
don't know what else to do.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Maybe that was the lesson.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Probably.
Maybe that was the lesson,probably.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
We know you want this in your life, but in order to
get this, you need to fix thisfirst for you to have the
freedom to do this.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I'm trying to find a good balance.
I'm trying to find the balanceand all of it.
Like I want to have fun andhave great time and whatnot, but
life is just yeah, now it's notthe time like, okay, great.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
But like cool, but right now you need to focus on
this.
So here we're gonna make it alittle bit more difficult so
you're forced to.
Once you finish this, thenyou'll have a little bit more
breathing room, but it sucks.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
It sucks when it comes to your door and it's like
, hey, we're here, we're hereand we're queer, come and get it
.
Uh, it's like not now literallyI don't.
it is the worst timing ever.
I think the letter that I gotreceived and whatnot is the
worst timing fucking ever,because my car is about to be
taken away from me.
So that's the underlying issueis like, when you're so behind
(12:12):
on it because you're waiting forsomething and you're calling,
and you're calling and you'rewanting answers and I just
finished talking to him about ittoo I'm just like this is what
I was.
I knew it.
I knew this was going to happenbecause now I'm on a time
crunch.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, you mentioned it.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I was on a time crunch and I told him if my
vehicle gets, if it's gone, Ihave no way of transportation to
be able to get to from andwhere.
Granted, I can probably do anUber I mean four days out of the
week and whatnot and someonecan pick me up afterwards.
It's not an issue.
So I mean there's out of theweek and whatnot and someone can
pick me up afterwards, it's notan issue.
So I mean there's a will,there's a way.
(12:48):
It's not the end of the worldfor me to just go.
Oh hey, by the way, I'm fucked,but that's more money out of my
pocket I don't want to spend.
You know what I mean?
Like $45 every fucking day forfour days in a month.
Like no fucking thank you, youknow what I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
So what's the point?
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:09):
and and it's funny because I think that people
think that podcast is like ohyeah, we can, we're probably
making something out of it.
No, we're not, we, we, we,we're not making anything off of
this fucking thing.
Like this is like literally kindof like a vlog or a blog, like
people like us talking andventing and um and whatnot, and
we're sharing yeah, we'resharing with y'all this is what
(13:30):
the mature I've always said itbefore, this is what the mature
mission podcast has always beenabout is just venting and on
unraveling everything and it'sjust like with the shit life
hands you as an adult, and thisis the perfect example.
Yeah, it is a perfect example,and I think if my car gets
repossessed because I've fallenso behind on my payments, it is
(13:54):
what it is at the end of the day.
You know what I mean?
I think the only thing that'sgoing to be harder is us
recording a podcast and doing it.
It's just trying to find thatmotherfucking downtime and it's
getting harder, and I've got tofucking find a way to build the
credit, build it back to whereit needs to be, and the only way
(14:15):
I'm waiting for is for them toget off their fucking ass and
move quickly.
I probably could maybe swap itout and be done with it for
maybe a used vehicle.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Just for temporary purposes, just temporary.
Yeah, you could just toalleviate that part so that you
can do whatever it is that youneed to do the rest of the way,
and once everything regulates,then you can be like okay, cool,
let me go back to where I was,because I had to deal with
something different in order tofix everything else, that's all
(14:51):
yeah, it's, uh, that's what Isaid like these, these lessons
when they come along, they suck,they suck, they really do they
do.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
It's, um, I'm not asking for any handouts or
anything.
This is not the idea of it.
Or, like you know, I'm askingfor handouts or you know whatnot
like I'm literally doing my ownthing and I'm trying to get it.
I have some pillows that Iworked on maybe two of them, uh
but I haven't really kind ofpushed the whole narrative,
trying to get it all to where itneeds to be, though, but, um,
(15:20):
like I said, when I, when I hadthe opportunity to do it, and I
heard voices in my head orpeople in my ear to do something
, and they're just like whoa, x,y and Z, I listened and I got
into my own head with it.
You know what I mean.
So it's a feeling I don't everrecommend period.
(15:43):
A feeling I don't everrecommend period and, um, this
is something that is just like I.
I don't like it because I knowonce I go and drop you off, at
home.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I'm staying up to heaven knows what time trying to
figure shit out.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I know yeah, trying to like wrap my fucking head
around everything.
You know what I mean.
It's like I don't know.
I I feel like I have no oneelse to blame but myself and I
I'm not actually like I do needto own up to that at least, and
that's fine, but it's, it's notnecessarily about the blame.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
it's cool.
Like I said, what's done isdone and there's no changing or
going back.
However, if you're here in thisplace that you didn't intend to
be from here on out, it's justokay.
I did what I did.
It's whatever.
I'm not going to blame myself,necessarily, but it is my issue
to deal with.
Okay, cool, I did what I did.
Now, what can I do to justchange the trajectory?
(16:37):
That's all.
That's all Cause.
Right here, I'm in a shittyplace and all I need to do is
switch it and go in a differentdirection.
That's all, that's all, becauseright here, I'm in a shitty
place and all I need to do isswitch it and go in a different
direction.
That's a little bit better thanwhere I'm already going.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Because that's not for me.
It's not meant for me,obviously, or else there
wouldn't be friction right now,but there's friction, so that's
like I said, there's hardcorefriction and friction is for
lessons, fr.
The reason why there's frictionis because something in your
life does not belong.
Otherwise there would not beany friction.
(17:08):
That's the shitty part and Iknow it sucks because people
just like and I'm like, sorry,it's the harsh truth.
It's coming from a loving place, it's just.
It's one of those things likethere's nothing I can say that
can make it any better at all.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
But if you're aware of I'm aware of the friction,
I'm aware of everything and Iand I get now it's just coming
up with whatever it is that youneed to do I, I, I feel like
everything that has happened theway it has happened because I
relied on somebody who I waswith for almost four years.
I was very complicit in my spacethat I had, we had extra income
(17:45):
to be able to do the things wedid.
Epilepsy, my health elevate,just got in the fucking way.
That accident that happened,the gallbladder thing that
happened, money just kind ofjust like just took a fucking
dumb dude.
And yeah, I think what it is isthat I'm not paying attention
to a lot of my craft that I needto be able to do, and what I
(18:07):
mean by craft, my spiritual shit, because I prolonged, because
when I was focused on it and Ihad it, things were going
smoothly.
Now that I'm ignoring it,things are bad, pretty much
kicking me in the fucking assand I'm just like I.
I had emotion, I had a plan, Ihad it in my fucking hand and I
(18:27):
should have just done it.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
It's cool, like I said, what's done is done.
What's done is done.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I know what done is done.
It is what it is.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Now it's just like okay how do I start?
Working on switching it.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I'm going to need a fucking huge switch.
I mean, I'm gonna need afucking miracle beyond a miracle
like it's one of those thingslike, okay, fine, we're, we're,
this is happening, this iswhat's gonna be, and if I have
to fucking sell whatever I haveleft, to fucking sell
(19:05):
collections, collectibles yeahwhatever it is I have, I am so
be it.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
So be it.
This is about your survival atthis point.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah, like I, need to be able to come up with you
know almost four grand for afucking vehicle that I have,
that I was supposed to bekeeping up payments and trying
to keep up with it.
Now the insurance hasskyrocketed to almost $500 a
month.
It's like I I don't knowEverything that I have,
(19:35):
everything that I own,everything that's here.
It just it's going to have togo.
It really is.
I think the only thing that I'mnot going to be able to sell are
my autographs, because they'renot worth anything.
They're really, even if you did.
They need to be authenticatedon all of them, which is just
fine because I can authenticateall of them and whatnot, or
(19:56):
whatever.
But it's you know they'reauthenticate all of them and
whatnot, or whatever, but it'syou know they're all from the
real characters and whatnot, butit's, I don't know.
It's literally kicking me inthe ass and everything is
happening for reasons and Idon't know what else to fucking
do.
I uh, it's supposed to be ashenanigans podcast and it ended
(20:16):
up being more of a deeperinside type.
It's cool.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
It's cool Cause, like I said, this is part of
adulting and that's what maturemischief is.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
You know what I mean.
It's not always sunshine andrainbow, it can't always be
shenanigans.
You know what?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
And the cards were telling me that too as well Like
back at it debt and I think forapril remember I did the whole
12 months or whatnot, that'sright yeah, so that was kind of
just figuring it out or whatnot,and I think I'll have to go
back and re-look at the photo,though, but I think one of them
is just like oh yeah, that's,that's going to be a thing for
you.
So the death card huh the deathcard I don't remember what it
(20:51):
was.
I have to look at it again.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
But um, because, it's usually something ending.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
But I need to get back into my readings.
I need to get back to focus onmy DATs, all of that, my
ancestors I've been slacking alot and being able to ask for
their help and guidance.
I literally I think that's whatme doing it on my own is that I
(21:21):
need to ask for more help andask for more guidance, Like the
more I get into who I am as aperson.
This is not like trying to likeoh yeah, God is the prayer.
No, no, no, no.
This is just me trying tofucking hone in on my stuff,
Like if I'm not putting in thework, I know nothing's going to
happen at all period.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
So it's just like yeah, you need to gather
whatever it is that you need tomake, the changes that you need
to make right because that'sthat's what's going to happen
here.
That's what needs to happen.
There's going to be lifechanges that you need to start
adjusting to.
That's going to help you out inthe long run.
It it's not going to be fun,because sometimes change isn't.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
But again, that's adult life and we have to do it
and putting myself out theremore, and that's what it's
telling me, that I need to beable to put my life changes.
I think if I did that as aperson and plug in the podcast,
it's just that everything welive in and now in this fucking
day and age is going to bepulling teeth now because
everybody is just like child.
(22:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
And you know what?
The fact that it's it's amonetary issue is already the
biggest problem with it allbecause the way the economy is
now, that's everybody's defaultrepair.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Everything that's going on in some, in everybody's
life right now is a money issueyeah I don't care what it is or
what you say, it's a moneyissue.
So everybody's go-to to changeis to cut back on spending.
Why?
Because our necessities arecosting us more.
To survive is costing us more,so anything that's beyond the
(22:55):
necessities we're having tochuck it.
Yeah, we can't do none of itnow, which is what you said
earlier, is like I'm gonna haveto cut back on, like going out
and or hanging out or whatever,and it's like, yeah, of course,
that's everybody's, everybody'sthing is having to cut out the
excess and now all the money canonly go on survival.
That's it, that's it.
Necessities, food, the roofover your house, vehicle if you
(23:17):
have transportation, and that'sit, that's it, because anything
beyond that risks you losing allof the things that help you
survive.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
That's the shitty part, yeah, I know, and it's
just like, for some reason, Ifeel that there's more being
attached to me, like someone didsomething.
I don't know if that makes anysense, but it's, it's just.
It's just me feeling paranoid.
I don't know, maybe, maybe, butit's just like now that I'm
(23:48):
honed in and now that I'm justbeyond pissed like I am so angry
right now that my entiresensory overload is like focus
and honed in on a lot of things.
And now it's just like, okay,we're gonna play that game.
Then fine, I'm gonna.
Then you're not gonna like mewhen I hone in on my skills a
(24:10):
little bit better.
So, um, and this is not I'm notsaying, oh, kind of like
witchcraft or whatnot, but whenI know, when it's somebody doing
something stupid and they don'twant me to succeed because they
want me to fail for whateverreason, and I kind of know and I
can pinpoint it to like someonewanting this to happen, then we
(24:31):
have a fucking issue.
I have a big fucking issue withthat, because it's not like I
have done anything wrong toanybody at all whatsoever and we
and talking about it andwhatnot, it's just like, okay,
fine, if I need to hone in on myskills just a little bit better
.
Show my skills because I'veallowed myself to be so
(24:54):
complicit to what I have beencomfortable in doing.
And I remember and I said thisto one person because the
person's like I don't likechange, like why does change
have to happen?
Because if you don't do changeand you're complicit to
everything in your entiresurrounding, no matter, you stay
stuck.
And that's what happened to me.
I stayed complicit, I stayedinside.
(25:16):
I became this introvert forwhatever fucking reason.
That's not me at all and I've,I've.
I allowed myself to stay indoorsso much that I allowed these
walls around me to trap me in inmy own creativity space and
whatnot.
I allowed junk cluttereverything around me.
(25:40):
Just get the fucking best of me.
Like I'm ready to the pointwhere I'm just like fuck it, I
don't even want to do thisanymore.
I'm tired.
I really just need a break fromall of this because it's just
like it's not getting meanywhere.
I think that's why my podcast isI've always been at a halt on a
lot of things is because Idon't know what else to do other
(26:02):
than just to kind of hone in onmy skills.
I don't want to have to go to afucking 10 hour day shift for
four days out of the fuckingweek or whatnot.
And everybody did the wholespill and whatnot and how I felt
about that and whatever.
You know, I just I.
I want to be able to make money, make a living and do good and
(26:23):
making a business now, at theage of fucking 37, at the age of
fucking 37, at a late startgranted, everyone has a late-
start.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Everyone has a late start.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Depends on who yeah, doesn't matter, but it's like,
damn, I look back at something.
Yeah, I had a very successfullife in that past because I was
very successful at what I did,what I needed to do, what I need
to get back up and whatnot.
And now I'm in a place where,dude, I'm just I can't, like I
(26:55):
can't do it, like I'm trying andI can, I'm trying, I can.
And you know, it's that justcontinuous loop, every fucking
site, every single time, everysingle cycle.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
It's that if you if you're stuck in loops, it's
because there's something thatyou keep making the same
decisions on, hence why you staystuck in those loops, or what
are they called Vicious cycles.
There you go.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Those vicious cycles.
I know what those viciouscycles are.
It's not something I can't sayoh, I don't know what it is.
I know what the fuck it is.
The vicious cycle is just megoing.
I allow this person, thisperson, this person and this
person, and this person and thisperson and this person to do
what it is.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
And now you're at the culmination again, where you
have to make a decision to notmake it about anybody else
except for yourself.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
That's pretty much it , and that's because it's like
I'm done.
That's why, when people arelike you, just don't listen.
When someone says, don't do it,I'm going to fucking do it
regardless.
Like it's like I'm not.
I'm tired of you telling me notto do something and.
I'm going to do it anyways,because I know if I don't
fucking jump at this and you'refucking telling me that I can't
(28:08):
do something, I'm going to do itregardless.
Now, rather, if you have myback or not, I'm going to
fucking do it, right or not, I'mgonna fucking do it right.
It's just one of those things,like you, when opportunity
knocks and I've heard and I'vesaid this so many fucking times
when opportunity knocks, takethat fucking knock and take it
and open the door and run withit.
And because opportunity doesnot knock twice and the reason
(28:29):
is because sore knuckles, myfucking opportunities have been
bleeding throughout the fuckingass every single time when it
comes down to it, when it camedown to poetry, came down to
writing all my creative stylesand skills, and it just it
tanked, it tanked.
I had someone who I created andhelped build a platform for his
(28:51):
poetry, and then he got, youknow, he didn't say hey, let's
do this, let's continue going,let's.
I got fucking the shit into thestick again as well, because
now it's just like hey, how'severything going?
Are you excited, is that?
And it's just like oh well, youkeep asking the same question.
The fuck like all of that everysingle time it fucking piles up
(29:13):
on me and I hate chat gptbecause it was fucking right.
I just want to be acknowledgedfor everything that I fucking do
and it's just like I.
I get it like, it's like andit's true.
The people around you, whoyou've, and I have that
intuition and I should have justcontinued to listen to my
(29:35):
intuition for everything.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
It's cool because we're human.
Sometimes it's hard becausesometimes we question, sometimes
we want difference.
You know what I mean.
So we'll go and we'll just doit, and then later on we're like
I knew I shouldn't have, but Istill did it Like why did I?
Why did it do that Like?
Speaker 1 (29:49):
it's a human thing.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
It's part of the human existence, or the human
experience, or the humanexperience.
It's okay.
It just means, like I said, ifit's repetitive, it's showing
you who can and can't be in yourlittle circle.
That's it, plain and simple.
You can't extend yourgenerosity to everybody like you
usually do, which is it'sawesome.
(30:11):
It's a beautiful trait that youhave that you're so generous
with yourself.
But in this world, especiallyin this day and age, you can't
trust everybody anymore.
You just can't, becauseeverybody's out for number one
and it sucks.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
It sucks.
It just sucks that I gave thisindividual, this or that
individual, that this and that,that and the other, this and
that, that and the other, andevery single time I I'm so mad,
so angry, and I've givenopportunities after
opportunities afteropportunities to a lot of people
(30:46):
to kind of explain themselves.
And it sucks, because it's justlike maybe that's the lesson.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
It's not about anybody else anymore.
Period it's.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I know I've always been trying to work on myself
every single time.
Every time I said you know whatFuck it, I'm not doing it
anymore and I don't.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Don't say anything to anyone.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
I don't, I haven't.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Just do whatever it is that you feel that you need
to do and don't involve anybodyanymore.
Period Unless it's somebodythat you can absolutely trust.
Because that that you canabsolutely trust because that's
that's the thing is the momentyou tell somebody which you
think because I'm like, oh well,I'm sharing this with my
friends, this is something Ireally want to do and I share it
with them, and they're like, oh, that's great, but deep down
they're just like I hope itdon't work out for her.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I I told uh, one of our mutual friends, uh twink,
that I can't trust him anymore.
I I legit told him.
I was like I can't trust you,dude.
Like I, I, the only person whoI can talk to and who I can
trust and talking to is dd.
He goes, that's fair.
He goes, that's fair.
I was like we had a greatfriendship, we had an amazing
(31:49):
friendship.
You would talk to me and youwould open up to me.
For whatever reason, you turnedand you went heel on me.
Like you, I I don't recallwhatever I did to you and
whatever that was.
Have I ever done anythingmorally wrong, minus the night
(32:11):
that you and I played?
And you can't say that.
Oh, even though, yes, I'vetaken the blame for that.
And I said you know what, I'lltake that blame from you, even
though, yes, I've taken theblame for that.
And I said you know what, I'lltake that blame from you.
What?
Not, though?
But you're also an adult.
You enjoyed it.
I think you know what it was.
You were scared because youenjoyed something that you know
you cannot have, and if you didhave it, because you were in a
(32:31):
throuple, you don't want to doit again.
You don't want to do it again.
I was like so you decided toturn your back on me, do what
you did the most and talk to theperson who I despise and keep
in a cordial atmosphere forsomeone period.
And you're still talking tothem Because, oh, they're your
(32:55):
friends too.
They were never your friends tobegin with.
I was like but I love thisjourney for you because you said
yourself, you're in yourvillain error.
Honey, there is nothing aboutvillainous, about anything that
you're doing, period whatsoever.
On that I was like I'm nottrying to be a dick here, though
, but you, you fucking, youkicked me in the dick, and you
(33:16):
kicked me in the dick hard, likefucking you know whatnot, and
I'm just like dude, and I knowpeople are just like oh, you're
just going around in circles.
You're going around circleslike you're talking.
You're like you're not makingany sense.
You're right, I'm not makingany sense, I'm just fucking
venting.
This is pretty much it.
Yeah, like it, it is what it is.
I can actually acknowledge thatthat that's what it is and
(33:36):
that's okay but it's like I'mI'm not here to I'm.
I'm to the point where I justdon't.
I want to give up.
Like I.
I I'm just saying fuck it.
Like I'm ready to call and belike just come pick it up, like
if it's anything.
If that makes you feel anybetter, come pick it up.
(33:57):
You save me fucking money forgas.
You save me a thousand dollarsa month on a car and I will
fucking find my way to.
If I have to take themotherfucking bus, if I gotta
take the motherfucking uber,lyft, whatever it is, I will
find a fucking way to get whereI need to be.
And it's to the point where Ijust don't give a shit anymore.
(34:21):
You know what I mean?
Because I had an opportunityand a chance to do something
great.
When I had, I was literallyputting efforts into something.
I was literally putting effortsinto something when I got the
final thought from somebody.
It crushed me.
(34:42):
It crushed me hard because Igenuinely thought I had someone
by my side to make somethinggreat and I didn't.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
And there's your lesson.
Yeah, there's your lesson.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
So it's like, okay, and I want to do it again, but I
can't do it again Because Idon't got the fucking funds to
do it, even if I wanted to do itagain.
Guess what I'm going to fuckingneed.
I'm going to need a truck to beable to haul something.
And what else am I going toneed?
(35:22):
I'm going to need a fuckingfood truck.
And what is all that going tocost me?
A lot, like I'm.
I'm in I'm knees, I'm sofucking over it.
I'm so fucking over it.
And and the moral of the storyis like, do you do what makes
you happy?
Because normally I'm alwayssaying fuck life, like, yeah,
(35:45):
more of the story, fuck life,but no more of the story.
Literally is that don't enablesomebody to be able to dictate
what you can and cannot do.
If you have the ability to doit and you know you can fucking
do it, then fucking take theopportunity to do it.
But you need to be real withyourself, at a hundred percent
(36:06):
that you know that you can dosomething great.
You know what I mean and in thisand the way things are now,
it's gonna be fucking complex.
You know what I mean becauseeverybody's listening,
everybody's tuning in.
They want to know the nextpolitical thing.
They want to be able to attacksomebody else whose political
(36:26):
views don't align to anotherperson at all whatsoever.
And I'm not trying to getpolitical at all whatsoever
because I will say fuck trump, Idon't like trump.
That's as simple as that.
I didn't vote for him because Iknow I'm not stupid.
So it's simple as that.
But at the same time, I'm alsonot going to sit here and
fucking say, hey, I'm not gonna,I'm just gonna keep fucking
pushing nothing that anythingthat he says remotely or
(36:47):
whatever he says has neveraffected me.
To be able to accomplish and beable to say the things with you
as my fans, as my gremlins whoare listening, who want to
continue on and just need a nicepeace of mind, someone else to
kind of feel the pinch too aswell.
This is not about the tariffs.
(37:09):
This is not about job security.
This is not about anythingpolitical.
This is literally just twopeople on a motherfucking
podcast talking and ventingabout something that About life.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
About life, that just like me, trying to find pockets
of joy wherever we can.
Yeah, I'm trying to share withyou guys, because we know it's
just as hard for you all.
Yeah.
Because in the long run.
That's just what it is.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
And I know people are going to be like well, why do
you still hang out with thesepeople?
Or still, why you do what youdo?
Be quite honest, I don't know,it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter, it honestlydoesn't matter, because what was
done was done.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
That's it, that done what's done, that's it, that's
it, that's it.
But now, like you said, themoral of your story is you
cannot allow anybody elseinfluence in your head and your
heart for shit Period.
If it's you, do it, don'tbother relying on anybody else
to stop, because if you don't,then none of their words can
affect you.
It doesn't matter, no, and ifthey're not, anybody that's
(38:08):
going to be supportive, thenthey probably don't belong in
your circle.
Period, and that's okay.
Can you still be cordial?
Sure, but do you have to extendanything to them in your
connection?
Not, necessarily Not if yourealize that it's something that
is not benefiting you mutually.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Right.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
If it's not, then it's okay, just go about your
business, that's it.
If it's not, then it's okay,just go about your business,
that's it.
That's it.
No big deal, no drama, nowhatever.
Because nobody else is going togive you the attention that you
need to help you on yourpersonal journey.
Why?
Because everybody else isstruggling on their personal
journeys too.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Everyone's struggling .
Everybody is Everyone'sstruggling In a different way.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
We know you all are struggling.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
I think what's struggling us the most and I can
actually say this is that whenCOVID hit and we got the
stimulus check right after that,no one got tax returns period.
We're paying back into thegovernment.
When was the last time anybodygot a good motherfucking tax
return and to be able to showfor it?
(39:11):
No one.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
It doesn't matter how many fucking kids you got,
you're still paying back to theirs because you got a pretty
penny, it's gone becauseeverything in the economy had to
go up, because the checks weredistributed so you got a pretty
penny, but it's gone instantly.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Yeah, because I think this is why I I'm like so
behind on paying my taxes,because it's just like not that
I haven't paid him, because Ihaven't even followed them, but
still so.
It's like it's one thing afteranother, after another, after
another, and after another, andit's kicking me in the fucking
dick every fucking time maybeour lesson here is we just need
(39:49):
to learn how to adult better.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
I don't know.
I mean hashtag, adult, betterhashtag, give us some pointers
hashtag hashtag help somebody,sugar daddy, sugar mamas anybody
, all sugar everybody actuallyare there any more sugar mamas
or daddies?
Is the economy that bad that?
That are you guys okay.
All sugar mamas Are y'all okay,are y'all struggling too.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
I bet everybody is.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
You know what it is.
I think that everybody's cryingfor that.
Every single person is cryingfor someone to take care of them
, period.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Because everybody's tired of doing, and doing, and
doing and doing with no break.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Everyone's crying for wanting to do something and
wanting to have it, and themoment they get it, the moment
they have it, it's great andthat's all they want, and they
know what.
The number one thing theyforget is the relationship
itself, because all they see isdollar signs.
That is it.
That is it.
Power and control done killedthe humanity and everyone, and
(40:53):
everything we are living in thistime period where things are
just fucking ridiculous, it isfucking horrible, it is crazy.
We just don't know how to beable to manage or be able to
live at all period, becausethat's just how it is.
You know what I mean.
So until things have calmeddown a whole lot, then yeah,
(41:19):
it's gonna be all biscuits andgravy from here, because now
we're having to make our ownbiscuits and gravy from scratch,
and that's what's killing us.
That's what's killing us, dude,that's what's killing us, Dude,
even going to the grocery storelike $20 for just like four
fucking things, Like yeah, noteven, that's like almost 40
bucks just for four fuckingthings I'm just like God damn
(41:39):
what exactly are you supposed tomake with four things?
Speaker 2 (41:42):
It's going to last you, that's exactly.
And this is because it's onlyyou and your husband.
It's only me and my aunt.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
Can you imagine people who have entire families?
Dude, I'm like when you havemore than one or more.
And I see people like with two,three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, all I'm like bro, stay off of
her.
Like why do you need that bigof a fucking family?
Speaker 2 (42:08):
how are you surviving ?
Speaker 1 (42:10):
that's what I want to know, what I mean, bro.
I wonder what job you got.
I want to suck your dick too,and your bosses, god damn like
shit like I will eat yourgirlfriend's pussy too.
I just don't want to touch herbecause she's frugal.
Damn like.
Is there anything left insideof her?
Like holy shit, like I know shehas no more nutrition inside of
(42:35):
her to be able to createfucking babies anymore.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Like no more nutrition.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Like damn, You're popping out kids.
That's awesome.
Look, man, you're taking Tasteof rainbow to a whole fucking
level.
Man, you're popping out kidslike fucking popcorn, man, but
no, seriously moral of the storyof it and all.
(43:06):
And be able to do all of it, umon it.
As I said before, yes, fucklife, but in legit reality of it
all.
To be able to do all of it onit.
As I said before, yes, fucklife, but in legit reality of it
all.
And to be able to give, like,somebody a piece of advice that
may happen and if they're everthinking like, oh, they're on
the brink of, you know, wantingto end it for whatever reason,
just note that there is, andalways will be, a will.
(43:29):
Where there's a will, there's away out.
Period, and I get it.
You're just like that's notwhat I wanted to hear.
You matter in this lifetimeperiod.
You were set.
You were put here for a fuckingreason, rather if you consented
to it or if you did not consentto it, we're here, even if
you're in a predicament wherethings just fucking happen every
(43:52):
single time.
What you do from those learningcurves, no matter what, you
make something fucking great anddetermines everything.
Push back, fight back, do whatyou need to do, punch your boss
in the fucking dick if you needto, if that makes you feel good
about it.
Look, if we all go to jail,we're all gonna fucking have a
(44:15):
better lifestyle, because youknow what they're willing to do
it.
But apparently now they'reshipping us all out somewhere
else, like, well, you know what,ship me out, if I'm fucking
over there, it'll be one hell ofa vacation and you can't find
me.
So go fucking figure, like,like, whatever and I know it's
pretty bad because I've seen thepictures and all of it and
(44:36):
whatnot.
I'm just like at this pointkink is a fucking thing.
I think I will call someone afucking master.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Yes, daddy Harder, god damn man, You'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
I don't know about the rest of us.
But you'll be fine, I don'tknow about the rest of us but
you'll be fine yo, the waythings are.
I'm just like all of us justneed to fucking catch a break.
There has to be at least oneone good fucking person just be
(45:09):
able to say fuck this, we're notdoing this anymore.
We need to give money back tothe people of the lower class,
middle class, bring down thedebt deficit completely down.
And it seems like this wholething has just been one fuck
show after another fuck show,like holy shit, what happened?
(45:33):
Like and nope, nope.
Everybody wants to have theirlegs tucked between, and I get
it, because generations, theyounger ones are fighting.
They are fucking fighting hardto get where they need to be at,
(45:54):
and and I thank you so much forfighting, because even we have
voices and doing it.
It's, it's, it's getting kindof hard.
It's getting harder and harderand harder every single day.
But, anywho, that's the end ofmy podcast, that's's my vent,
not anything.
You got any moral stories.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
No, no, everybody's in the same boat.
I can say the cliche shit to benice and be kind, because at
least that doesn't cost anybodyanything.
And it's because everybody'sstruggling, like, just don't be
(46:33):
douchebags, don't Everybody'salready dealing with enough shit
?
The least you can do is justextend basic human decency.
Nothing more than that Basichuman decency, please, because
everybody's dealing with someshit.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
What is that?
Because I think we've just lostall of that out the
motherfucking window for someapparent reason exactly because
if everybody had it, everybodycould handle things a little bit
better oh, we had human decencyfor a good while when, like
right after uh, bush left officeand we were hitting that that
(47:08):
fucking dip, and we had a goodeconomy after a good eight years
from all the fucking cleanupand everything from george w
bush.
And when we had in the 90swhere things were a little bit
better, when, uh, uh, billclinton was in office and when
texas was actually a democraticstate and things were good in
(47:30):
the 90s.
Yeah, things were fucking great.
I can think back on it and justgo look at the history and the
prices of everything.
It wasn't until bush tookoffice, gas prices went up,
everything went up, all of itwent up.
And then it's just like whoa,like no one kept a good
economical standards once obamaleft and then became trump's and
(47:54):
trump's economy.
Yo, and it's so weird.
People are just like you knowthis and that and the other.
They don't.
I'm not gonna get into it.
I'm not gonna get into it.
I'm just not.
I'm not going to.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
I'm not it's whatever , let's not, let's not do it,
let's uh let's keep it the way.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
It is all right, that's it.
Love ya, bye.
What's up, Gremlins?
Welcome back to another podcast.
My name is Jesse James.
I hope everyone's doing it well.
You know the drill.
This is the Mature MischiefPodcast.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
One more time, one more time uh, it's saturday,
holy shit it's uh.
Time is flying faster than Ican keep track with it.
It's uh, you know what same,yeah same, I feel you I'm.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I'm trying to figure out which way is up, which way
is down.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I am, I know, it's there, it's, I know if you're
over there and I'm over here andI have no idea which way is up.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yeah, my goodness, my dogs or something else, I swear
um, but it's just, uh, been anamazing, uh, it's been an
amazing ride.
So far.
I've I thoroughly have enjoyedthis week coming in with my
friend from Arizona, withhanging out with the new guy
that he'll be going back soon.
(01:10):
So it's been a crazy rollercoaster ride.
So there's that and I'mappreciative of a lot of it.
You know what I mean.
There's still stuff in thewoodworks that's kind of I'm
white knuckling, a lot of thethings and everything that's
going through.
So hopefully everything justkind of works out in my favor,
(01:30):
the way it's supposed to.
So we'll see how that happensand how that works out for the
most part.
But, as it being said, I knowit, you know it, the whole world
knows it.
I like saying my name twice.
I am your host, jesse james andI am your co-host dd yo dd.
What do you do, sister d so?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
my roller coaster is still on loop.
This is week number three.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Dude, I feel that I feel that, but you know what
time it is, dd I.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I do.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, it's time for shenanigans, shenanigans,
shenanigans, shenanigans,shenanigans.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I don't know why I was expecting your.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I'm not the one who's so far away when I feel the
sneak bite into my veins.
Never did I want to be hereagain, and I don't know
(02:48):
something like that that wasfunny that was fucking awesome,
with my fat breath in betweeny'all gonna be hearing our fat
breath the whole episode.
You guys, we just ate beforethis, so no shit, we're still
full it's just so funny, how fun, like, how far in advance we
(03:11):
record everything, because it'sjust like dude, it's one thing
on top of another on top of.
I mean, I'm granted, I like thatwe record so much in a short
period of time, like it's uh,it's a great, it's great, I like
it I like it because it breaksthe monotonous routine that for
(03:32):
me personally, that I have itwith life yeah you know what I
mean, because if not, I'd justbe stuck at home and work and
home and work, and home and workit does, I think, uh, but this
is kind of like one of myfavorite podcasts that I've
actually worked on in a verylong time, besides Double
Trouble 361 with Jamie, so it'sjust one of these.
It's been a phenomenal journey.
(03:53):
It's been a literallyrollercoaster ride with the
podcast, because it goes up, itgoes down, it goes up, it goes
down, it goes up, it goes down.
It's just been consistent for alot of it, though, but you know
it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
It's a roller coaster .
Speaker 1 (04:05):
It is uh, you know I, I was, I'm thinking because
it's like I like a goodshenanigans against podcast for
a saturday and being able totalk and just be a goofball, and
why not?
it's, uh, I don't know mygoofballness, just kind of just
my goofball just tanked justtanked hard, um uh, it's just,
(04:28):
life has really become funnybones, stop being tickled yeah,
it's that it the pickle juice isno longer there, but it's, it's
literally just a thing of justa matterness of like kind of
getting everything kind ofpretty much together.
You know, when you're likefalling so far behind on things
(04:49):
that are just like you're, it's.
It's one thing after another,after another, after another,
and you're feeling you'refeeling the build-up, the
pressure I am feeling thatbuild-up pressure and not even
in a fucking good way, becauseit's um, I'm fucked up, I fucked
up on a lot of it, like thiswhole thing in the past really
(05:11):
fucked me up with that, and thentrying to catch up with
everything, and still trying tocatch up with everything, it's
uh, becomes very like emotional.
You know what I mean.
So, um, it's uh, it's, it'sinsane.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
You know life, it's life you know it's life, it's
life, it's life.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I'm trying to make a good thing, a positive, good
thing, happen here, because it'sone of those things like I'm
just trying to kind of figureout where I'm at in this hell
and it's a continuous loop cycle, continuous loop every single
time and it's it doesn't knowwhen to stop, it doesn't know
(05:50):
when to end.
Um, I do feel that one day I'mjust going to wake up and it's
just going to be pretty muchtaken from my entire arson.
You know what I mean?
My entire hands I I'm not gonnasleep well tonight.
I really know I'm not gonnasleep well tonight.
You know it's uh, it's a heavy,it's a heavy, it's a heavy
(06:11):
burden it really is, and I don'tknow if I have no one else to
blame but than myself, thananything else, because I allowed
it to get so far.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So and how everything is just to get to where it's at
yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
So I'm just trying to catch up with it and this is
like the furthest I've everfallen behind and I can't fall
back on family or relatives tobe able to like, hey, can I get
some help?
Hey, can I do this?
I've been someone and it'scrazy because we did that whole
chat gpt thing and whatnot andit really says it's not a joke.
(06:46):
Like, you do something so fast,so quickly, and you're trying
to be creative and you're tryingto get things the ball rolling
on a lot of things, and everytime you get the ball rolling on
something, one thing hits rightafter another, after another,
after another, and you don'thave anybody who you can
initially turn to to ask for thehelp that you need.
(07:08):
So everything you're prettymuch doing on it's just
basically on your own right.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Which fits into you needing to get your independence
which is crazy.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
It is, it's finding that independency, no matter, no
matter what, yeah that was oneof your purposes.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
That's, I'm like wow, thanks, but I get it like
because mine's kind of similar.
But my thing is, every time Iput myself first.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
That's when life likes to you know, be a
douchebag and be like oh when Ithink you can be happy like now
and I've gained my independencythrough a lot, though, but I
think a lot of it.
I realize that I'm I'm not.
I'm independent, yes, but I'malso not somebody who's just
like I.
I don't know what else to do.
This is kind of owned it, yetthat's all it is.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
That's why these lessons keep coming up for us.
It's because we haven't learnedthe full extent of what we're
supposed to.
We're working on it, we'redoing some of it.
We've come so far, but notwhere we're supposed to be.
That way we need to go, becauseif we did, we wouldn't have
these pop-ups anymore yeahthat's the shitty part.
But so I do want to like commenthow you had said.
(08:17):
You know you have no one toblame except for you.
But that's just it.
It's not about the blame, it'sabout the lesson is for you yeah
that's what I mean.
I know it sucks because, yes,we are in control only a certain
, to a certain extent.
So, yeah, sure, because I couldsay the same things like well,
I'm here because of my choicesso I got nobody to blame, but I
don't blame myself, I'm justkind of like it is what it is, I
(08:37):
did what I did.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Yeah, I am blaming myself for it, because it's like
it's kind of it's it's a lesson, that it's just like I don't
know what this lesson is, that Ihave to learn from it or what
I'm gaining from it.
It's just one of those things,like I am literally in a place
where I am like I don't knowwhat else to do, like I'm kind
of.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
And that's the point.
Yeah, that's the shitty partthey don't tell you what the
lesson is but what happens isthey're pushing you to your
limits.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
You know why?
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Because that's the part that's going to teach you
the lesson.
That's the shitty part, becausethat's the part where we that
we've been trying to avoid, wedon't want to get pushed to
those limits, because we're,like, I've been trying to work
so hard to avoid that and it'shere, seriously, like, come on,
like why happen, though, if I dothat?
But that's the point is to belike you wouldn't have taken
care of it unless I put youunder the most shittiest
(09:27):
pressure right here, right now,and then it's like oh, I'm like,
why put me in the mostshittiest pressure ever because
you didn't do it before you had?
chances and you didn't.
So now it's like, okay, now wehave to apply pressure in order
for you to do what you need todo, because you need to do it I
had opportunities and I hadopportunities to be able to work
on certain things that neededto be worked on.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Like I had it and everyone just fucking crushed
those things that I wanted to do, so so bad.
And now that I'm like in aposition, I'm just like I can't
do those things now because Iliterally almost had the
opportunity and I got stuckwhere you are here now.
I'm literally stuck in theplace because it's like I'm
(10:08):
letting things get to me forwhatever reason and I'm just
allowing it.
And just like I'm feelingbummed about it, I'm feeling in
a particular type of way, in afunk, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
And that's completely valid.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
And I'm just trying not to be so damn depressed
about it Because I'm like I'vealready fought that.
I'm just trying not to be sodamn depressed about it because
I'm like I've already fought,that I'm just like okay, where's
the silver lining?
Speaker 2 (10:30):
in all of this.
What can I do to kind of fix it, or at least?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
alleviate it or start to work on it.
Starting to work on it I thinkit's a little too late, but it's
like it's not the end of theroad for me.
It's like okay, cool Like I Iam, I'm not giving up until I
need to be.
I've already spent this muchmoney already into what I needed
to get done and hopefully itgets somewhere where it needs to
be right but um, I just I thinkthis week, I think that's it.
(11:00):
I just I don't know if I can doany more hangouts or do any more
fun time or whatnot.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
You got to buckle down.
I got to buckle down.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I got to buckle down even harder because it's like I
don't know what else to do.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Maybe that was the lesson.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Probably.
Maybe that was the lesson,probably.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
We know you want this in your life, but in order to
get this, you need to fix thisfirst for you to have the
freedom to do this.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I'm trying to find a good balance.
I'm trying to find the balanceand all of it.
Like I want to have fun andhave great time and whatnot, but
life is just yeah, now it's notthe time like, okay, great.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
But like cool, but right now you need to focus on
this.
So here we're gonna make it alittle bit more difficult so
you're forced to.
Once you finish this, thenyou'll have a little bit more
breathing room, but it sucks.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
It sucks when it comes to your door and it's like
, hey, we're here, we're hereand we're queer, come and get it
.
Uh, it's like not now literallyI don't.
it is the worst timing ever.
I think the letter that I gotreceived and whatnot is the
worst timing fucking ever,because my car is about to be
taken away from me.
So that's the underlying issueis like, when you're so behind
(12:12):
on it because you're waiting forsomething and you're calling,
and you're calling and you'rewanting answers and I just
finished talking to him about ittoo I'm just like this is what
I was.
I knew it.
I knew this was going to happenbecause now I'm on a time
crunch.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, you mentioned it.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
I was on a time crunch and I told him if my
vehicle gets, if it's gone, Ihave no way of transportation to
be able to get to from andwhere.
Granted, I can probably do anUber I mean four days out of the
week and whatnot and someonecan pick me up afterwards.
It's not an issue.
So I mean there's out of theweek and whatnot and someone can
pick me up afterwards, it's notan issue.
So I mean there's a will,there's a way.
(12:48):
It's not the end of the worldfor me to just go.
Oh hey, by the way, I'm fucked,but that's more money out of my
pocket I don't want to spend.
You know what I mean?
Like $45 every fucking day forfour days in a month.
Like no fucking thank you, youknow what I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
So what's the point?
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:09):
and and it's funny because I think that people
think that podcast is like ohyeah, we can, we're probably
making something out of it.
No, we're not, we, we, we,we're not making anything off of
this fucking thing.
Like this is like literally kindof like a vlog or a blog, like
people like us talking andventing and um and whatnot, and
we're sharing yeah, we'resharing with y'all this is what
(13:30):
the mature I've always said itbefore, this is what the mature
mission podcast has always beenabout is just venting and on
unraveling everything and it'sjust like with the shit life
hands you as an adult, and thisis the perfect example.
Yeah, it is a perfect example,and I think if my car gets
repossessed because I've fallenso behind on my payments, it is
(13:54):
what it is at the end of the day.
You know what I mean?
I think the only thing that'sgoing to be harder is us
recording a podcast and doing it.
It's just trying to find thatmotherfucking downtime and it's
getting harder, and I've got tofucking find a way to build the
credit, build it back to whereit needs to be, and the only way
(14:15):
I'm waiting for is for them toget off their fucking ass and
move quickly.
I probably could maybe swap itout and be done with it for
maybe a used vehicle.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Just for temporary purposes, just temporary.
Yeah, you could just toalleviate that part so that you
can do whatever it is that youneed to do the rest of the way,
and once everything regulates,then you can be like okay, cool,
let me go back to where I was,because I had to deal with
something different in order tofix everything else, that's all
(14:51):
yeah, it's, uh, that's what Isaid like these, these lessons
when they come along, they suck,they suck, they really do they
do.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
It's, um, I'm not asking for any handouts or
anything.
This is not the idea of it.
Or, like you know, I'm askingfor handouts or you know whatnot
like I'm literally doing my ownthing and I'm trying to get it.
I have some pillows that Iworked on maybe two of them, uh
but I haven't really kind ofpushed the whole narrative,
trying to get it all to where itneeds to be, though, but, um,
(15:20):
like I said, when I, when I hadthe opportunity to do it, and I
heard voices in my head orpeople in my ear to do something
, and they're just like whoa, x,y and Z, I listened and I got
into my own head with it.
You know what I mean.
So it's a feeling I don't everrecommend period.
(15:43):
A feeling I don't everrecommend period and, um, this
is something that is just like I.
I don't like it because I knowonce I go and drop you off, at
home.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I'm staying up to heaven knows what time trying to
figure shit out.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I know yeah, trying to like wrap my fucking head
around everything.
You know what I mean.
It's like I don't know.
I I feel like I have no oneelse to blame but myself and I
I'm not actually like I do needto own up to that at least, and
that's fine, but it's, it's notnecessarily about the blame.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
it's cool.
Like I said, what's done isdone and there's no changing or
going back.
However, if you're here in thisplace that you didn't intend to
be from here on out, it's justokay.
I did what I did.
It's whatever.
I'm not going to blame myself,necessarily, but it is my issue
to deal with.
Okay, cool, I did what I did.
Now, what can I do to justchange the trajectory?
(16:37):
That's all.
That's all Cause.
Right here, I'm in a shittyplace and all I need to do is
switch it and go in a differentdirection.
That's all, that's all, becauseright here, I'm in a shitty
place and all I need to do isswitch it and go in a different
direction.
That's a little bit better thanwhere I'm already going.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Because that's not for me.
It's not meant for me,obviously, or else there
wouldn't be friction right now,but there's friction, so that's
like I said, there's hardcorefriction and friction is for
lessons, fr.
The reason why there's frictionis because something in your
life does not belong.
Otherwise there would not beany friction.
(17:08):
That's the shitty part and Iknow it sucks because people
just like and I'm like, sorry,it's the harsh truth.
It's coming from a loving place, it's just.
It's one of those things likethere's nothing I can say that
can make it any better at all.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
But if you're aware of I'm aware of the friction,
I'm aware of everything and Iand I get now it's just coming
up with whatever it is that youneed to do I, I, I feel like
everything that has happened theway it has happened because I
relied on somebody who I waswith for almost four years.
I was very complicit in my spacethat I had, we had extra income
(17:45):
to be able to do the things wedid.
Epilepsy, my health elevate,just got in the fucking way.
That accident that happened,the gallbladder thing that
happened, money just kind ofjust like just took a fucking
dumb dude.
And yeah, I think what it is isthat I'm not paying attention
to a lot of my craft that I needto be able to do, and what I
(18:07):
mean by craft, my spiritual shit, because I prolonged, because
when I was focused on it and Ihad it, things were going
smoothly.
Now that I'm ignoring it,things are bad, pretty much
kicking me in the fucking assand I'm just like I.
I had emotion, I had a plan, Ihad it in my fucking hand and I
(18:27):
should have just done it.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
It's cool, like I said, what's done is done.
What's done is done.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I know what done is done.
It is what it is.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Now it's just like okay how do I start?
Working on switching it.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I'm going to need a fucking huge switch.
I mean, I'm gonna need afucking miracle beyond a miracle
like it's one of those thingslike, okay, fine, we're, we're,
this is happening, this iswhat's gonna be, and if I have
to fucking sell whatever I haveleft, to fucking sell
(19:05):
collections, collectibles yeahwhatever it is I have, I am so
be it.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
So be it.
This is about your survival atthis point.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah, like I, need to be able to come up with you
know almost four grand for afucking vehicle that I have,
that I was supposed to bekeeping up payments and trying
to keep up with it.
Now the insurance hasskyrocketed to almost $500 a
month.
It's like I I don't knowEverything that I have,
(19:35):
everything that I own,everything that's here.
It just it's going to have togo.
It really is.
I think the only thing that I'mnot going to be able to sell are
my autographs, because they'renot worth anything.
They're really, even if you did.
They need to be authenticatedon all of them, which is just
fine because I can authenticateall of them and whatnot, or
(19:56):
whatever.
But it's you know they'reauthenticate all of them and
whatnot, or whatever, but it'syou know they're all from the
real characters and whatnot, butit's, I don't know.
It's literally kicking me inthe ass and everything is
happening for reasons and Idon't know what else to fucking
do.
I uh, it's supposed to be ashenanigans podcast and it ended
(20:16):
up being more of a deeperinside type.
It's cool.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
It's cool Cause, like I said, this is part of
adulting and that's what maturemischief is.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
You know what I mean.
It's not always sunshine andrainbow, it can't always be
shenanigans.
You know what?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
And the cards were telling me that too as well Like
back at it debt and I think forapril remember I did the whole
12 months or whatnot, that'sright yeah, so that was kind of
just figuring it out or whatnot,and I think I'll have to go
back and re-look at the photo,though, but I think one of them
is just like oh yeah, that's,that's going to be a thing for
you.
So the death card huh the deathcard I don't remember what it
(20:51):
was.
I have to look at it again.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
But um, because, it's usually something ending.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
But I need to get back into my readings.
I need to get back to focus onmy DATs, all of that, my
ancestors I've been slacking alot and being able to ask for
their help and guidance.
I literally I think that's whatme doing it on my own is that I
(21:21):
need to ask for more help andask for more guidance, Like the
more I get into who I am as aperson.
This is not like trying to likeoh yeah, God is the prayer.
No, no, no, no.
This is just me trying tofucking hone in on my stuff,
Like if I'm not putting in thework, I know nothing's going to
happen at all period.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
So it's just like yeah, you need to gather
whatever it is that you need tomake, the changes that you need
to make right because that'sthat's what's going to happen
here.
That's what needs to happen.
There's going to be lifechanges that you need to start
adjusting to.
That's going to help you out inthe long run.
It it's not going to be fun,because sometimes change isn't.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
But again, that's adult life and we have to do it
and putting myself out theremore, and that's what it's
telling me, that I need to beable to put my life changes.
I think if I did that as aperson and plug in the podcast,
it's just that everything welive in and now in this fucking
day and age is going to bepulling teeth now because
everybody is just like child.
(22:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
And you know what?
The fact that it's it's amonetary issue is already the
biggest problem with it allbecause the way the economy is
now, that's everybody's defaultrepair.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Everything that's going on in some, in everybody's
life right now is a money issueyeah I don't care what it is or
what you say, it's a moneyissue.
So everybody's go-to to changeis to cut back on spending.
Why?
Because our necessities arecosting us more.
To survive is costing us more,so anything that's beyond the
(22:55):
necessities we're having tochuck it.
Yeah, we can't do none of itnow, which is what you said
earlier, is like I'm gonna haveto cut back on, like going out
and or hanging out or whatever,and it's like, yeah, of course,
that's everybody's, everybody'sthing is having to cut out the
excess and now all the money canonly go on survival.
That's it, that's it.
Necessities, food, the roofover your house, vehicle if you
(23:17):
have transportation, and that'sit, that's it, because anything
beyond that risks you losing allof the things that help you
survive.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
That's the shitty part, yeah, I know, and it's
just like, for some reason, Ifeel that there's more being
attached to me, like someone didsomething.
I don't know if that makes anysense, but it's, it's just.
It's just me feeling paranoid.
I don't know, maybe, maybe, butit's just like now that I'm
(23:48):
honed in and now that I'm justbeyond pissed like I am so angry
right now that my entiresensory overload is like focus
and honed in on a lot of things.
And now it's just like, okay,we're gonna play that game.
Then fine, I'm gonna.
Then you're not gonna like mewhen I hone in on my skills a
(24:10):
little bit better.
So, um, and this is not I'm notsaying, oh, kind of like
witchcraft or whatnot, but whenI know, when it's somebody doing
something stupid and they don'twant me to succeed because they
want me to fail for whateverreason, and I kind of know and I
can pinpoint it to like someonewanting this to happen, then we
(24:31):
have a fucking issue.
I have a big fucking issue withthat, because it's not like I
have done anything wrong toanybody at all whatsoever and we
and talking about it andwhatnot, it's just like, okay,
fine, if I need to hone in on myskills just a little bit better
.
Show my skills because I'veallowed myself to be so
(24:54):
complicit to what I have beencomfortable in doing.
And I remember and I said thisto one person because the
person's like I don't likechange, like why does change
have to happen?
Because if you don't do changeand you're complicit to
everything in your entiresurrounding, no matter, you stay
stuck.
And that's what happened to me.
I stayed complicit, I stayedinside.
(25:16):
I became this introvert forwhatever fucking reason.
That's not me at all and I've,I've.
I allowed myself to stay indoorsso much that I allowed these
walls around me to trap me in inmy own creativity space and
whatnot.
I allowed junk cluttereverything around me.
(25:40):
Just get the fucking best of me.
Like I'm ready to the pointwhere I'm just like fuck it, I
don't even want to do thisanymore.
I'm tired.
I really just need a break fromall of this because it's just
like it's not getting meanywhere.
I think that's why my podcast isI've always been at a halt on a
lot of things is because Idon't know what else to do other
(26:02):
than just to kind of hone in onmy skills.
I don't want to have to go to afucking 10 hour day shift for
four days out of the fuckingweek or whatnot.
And everybody did the wholespill and whatnot and how I felt
about that and whatever.
You know, I just I.
I want to be able to make money, make a living and do good and
(26:23):
making a business now, at theage of fucking 37, at the age of
fucking 37, at a late startgranted, everyone has a late-
start.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Everyone has a late start.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Depends on who yeah, doesn't matter, but it's like,
damn, I look back at something.
Yeah, I had a very successfullife in that past because I was
very successful at what I did,what I needed to do, what I need
to get back up and whatnot.
And now I'm in a place where,dude, I'm just I can't, like I
(26:55):
can't do it, like I'm trying andI can, I'm trying, I can.
And you know, it's that justcontinuous loop, every fucking
site, every single time, everysingle cycle.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
It's that if you if you're stuck in loops, it's
because there's something thatyou keep making the same
decisions on, hence why you staystuck in those loops, or what
are they called Vicious cycles.
There you go.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Those vicious cycles.
I know what those viciouscycles are.
It's not something I can't sayoh, I don't know what it is.
I know what the fuck it is.
The vicious cycle is just megoing.
I allow this person, thisperson, this person and this
person, and this person and thisperson and this person to do
what it is.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
And now you're at the culmination again, where you
have to make a decision to notmake it about anybody else
except for yourself.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
That's pretty much it , and that's because it's like
I'm done.
That's why, when people arelike you, just don't listen.
When someone says, don't do it,I'm going to fucking do it
regardless.
Like it's like I'm not.
I'm tired of you telling me notto do something and.
I'm going to do it anyways,because I know if I don't
fucking jump at this and you'refucking telling me that I can't
(28:08):
do something, I'm going to do itregardless.
Now, rather, if you have myback or not, I'm going to
fucking do it, right or not, I'mgonna fucking do it right.
It's just one of those things,like you, when opportunity
knocks and I've heard and I'vesaid this so many fucking times
when opportunity knocks, takethat fucking knock and take it
and open the door and run withit.
And because opportunity doesnot knock twice and the reason
(28:29):
is because sore knuckles, myfucking opportunities have been
bleeding throughout the fuckingass every single time when it
comes down to it, when it camedown to poetry, came down to
writing all my creative stylesand skills, and it just it
tanked, it tanked.
I had someone who I created andhelped build a platform for his
(28:51):
poetry, and then he got, youknow, he didn't say hey, let's
do this, let's continue going,let's.
I got fucking the shit into thestick again as well, because
now it's just like hey, how'severything going?
Are you excited, is that?
And it's just like oh well, youkeep asking the same question.
The fuck like all of that everysingle time it fucking piles up
(29:13):
on me and I hate chat gptbecause it was fucking right.
I just want to be acknowledgedfor everything that I fucking do
and it's just like I.
I get it like, it's like andit's true.
The people around you, whoyou've, and I have that
intuition and I should have justcontinued to listen to my
(29:35):
intuition for everything.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
It's cool because we're human.
Sometimes it's hard becausesometimes we question, sometimes
we want difference.
You know what I mean.
So we'll go and we'll just doit, and then later on we're like
I knew I shouldn't have, but Istill did it Like why did I?
Why did it do that Like?
Speaker 1 (29:49):
it's a human thing.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
It's part of the human existence, or the human
experience, or the humanexperience.
It's okay.
It just means, like I said, ifit's repetitive, it's showing
you who can and can't be in yourlittle circle.
That's it, plain and simple.
You can't extend yourgenerosity to everybody like you
usually do, which is it'sawesome.
(30:11):
It's a beautiful trait that youhave that you're so generous
with yourself.
But in this world, especiallyin this day and age, you can't
trust everybody anymore.
You just can't, becauseeverybody's out for number one
and it sucks.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
It sucks.
It just sucks that I gave thisindividual, this or that
individual, that this and that,that and the other, this and
that, that and the other, andevery single time I I'm so mad,
so angry, and I've givenopportunities after
opportunities afteropportunities to a lot of people
(30:46):
to kind of explain themselves.
And it sucks, because it's justlike maybe that's the lesson.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
It's not about anybody else anymore.
Period it's.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I know I've always been trying to work on myself
every single time.
Every time I said you know whatFuck it, I'm not doing it
anymore and I don't.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Don't say anything to anyone.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
I don't, I haven't.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Just do whatever it is that you feel that you need
to do and don't involve anybodyanymore.
Period Unless it's somebodythat you can absolutely trust.
Because that that you canabsolutely trust because that's
that's the thing is the momentyou tell somebody which you
think because I'm like, oh well,I'm sharing this with my
friends, this is something Ireally want to do and I share it
with them, and they're like, oh, that's great, but deep down
they're just like I hope itdon't work out for her.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I I told uh, one of our mutual friends, uh twink,
that I can't trust him anymore.
I I legit told him.
I was like I can't trust you,dude.
Like I, I, the only person whoI can talk to and who I can
trust and talking to is dd.
He goes, that's fair.
He goes, that's fair.
I was like we had a greatfriendship, we had an amazing
(31:49):
friendship.
You would talk to me and youwould open up to me.
For whatever reason, you turnedand you went heel on me.
Like you, I I don't recallwhatever I did to you and
whatever that was.
Have I ever done anythingmorally wrong, minus the night
(32:11):
that you and I played?
And you can't say that.
Oh, even though, yes, I'vetaken the blame for that.
And I said you know what, I'lltake that blame from you, even
though, yes, I've taken theblame for that.
And I said you know what, I'lltake that blame from you.
What?
Not, though?
But you're also an adult.
You enjoyed it.
I think you know what it was.
You were scared because youenjoyed something that you know
you cannot have, and if you didhave it, because you were in a
(32:31):
throuple, you don't want to doit again.
You don't want to do it again.
I was like so you decided toturn your back on me, do what
you did the most and talk to theperson who I despise and keep
in a cordial atmosphere forsomeone period.
And you're still talking tothem Because, oh, they're your
(32:55):
friends too.
They were never your friends tobegin with.
I was like but I love thisjourney for you because you said
yourself, you're in yourvillain error.
Honey, there is nothing aboutvillainous, about anything that
you're doing, period whatsoever.
On that I was like I'm nottrying to be a dick here, though
, but you, you fucking, youkicked me in the dick, and you
(33:16):
kicked me in the dick hard, likefucking you know whatnot, and
I'm just like dude, and I knowpeople are just like oh, you're
just going around in circles.
You're going around circleslike you're talking.
You're like you're not makingany sense.
You're right, I'm not makingany sense, I'm just fucking
venting.
This is pretty much it.
Yeah, like it, it is what it is.
I can actually acknowledge thatthat that's what it is and
(33:36):
that's okay but it's like I'mI'm not here to I'm.
I'm to the point where I justdon't.
I want to give up.
Like I.
I I'm just saying fuck it.
Like I'm ready to call and belike just come pick it up, like
if it's anything.
If that makes you feel anybetter, come pick it up.
(33:57):
You save me fucking money forgas.
You save me a thousand dollarsa month on a car and I will
fucking find my way to.
If I have to take themotherfucking bus, if I gotta
take the motherfucking uber,lyft, whatever it is, I will
find a fucking way to get whereI need to be.
And it's to the point where Ijust don't give a shit anymore.
(34:21):
You know what I mean?
Because I had an opportunityand a chance to do something
great.
When I had, I was literallyputting efforts into something.
I was literally putting effortsinto something when I got the
final thought from somebody.
It crushed me.
(34:42):
It crushed me hard because Igenuinely thought I had someone
by my side to make somethinggreat and I didn't.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
And there's your lesson.
Yeah, there's your lesson.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
So it's like, okay, and I want to do it again, but I
can't do it again Because Idon't got the fucking funds to
do it, even if I wanted to do itagain.
Guess what I'm going to fuckingneed.
I'm going to need a truck to beable to haul something.
And what else am I going toneed?
(35:22):
I'm going to need a fuckingfood truck.
And what is all that going tocost me?
A lot, like I'm.
I'm in I'm knees, I'm sofucking over it.
I'm so fucking over it.
And and the moral of the storyis like, do you do what makes
you happy?
Because normally I'm alwayssaying fuck life, like, yeah,
(35:45):
more of the story, fuck life,but no more of the story.
Literally is that don't enablesomebody to be able to dictate
what you can and cannot do.
If you have the ability to doit and you know you can fucking
do it, then fucking take theopportunity to do it.
But you need to be real withyourself, at a hundred percent
(36:06):
that you know that you can dosomething great.
You know what I mean and in thisand the way things are now,
it's gonna be fucking complex.
You know what I mean becauseeverybody's listening,
everybody's tuning in.
They want to know the nextpolitical thing.
They want to be able to attacksomebody else whose political
(36:26):
views don't align to anotherperson at all whatsoever.
And I'm not trying to getpolitical at all whatsoever
because I will say fuck trump, Idon't like trump.
That's as simple as that.
I didn't vote for him because Iknow I'm not stupid.
So it's simple as that.
But at the same time, I'm alsonot going to sit here and
fucking say, hey, I'm not gonna,I'm just gonna keep fucking
pushing nothing that anythingthat he says remotely or
(36:47):
whatever he says has neveraffected me.
To be able to accomplish and beable to say the things with you
as my fans, as my gremlins whoare listening, who want to
continue on and just need a nicepeace of mind, someone else to
kind of feel the pinch too aswell.
This is not about the tariffs.
(37:09):
This is not about job security.
This is not about anythingpolitical.
This is literally just twopeople on a motherfucking
podcast talking and ventingabout something that About life.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
About life, that just like me, trying to find pockets
of joy wherever we can.
Yeah, I'm trying to share withyou guys, because we know it's
just as hard for you all.
Yeah.
Because in the long run.
That's just what it is.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
And I know people are going to be like well, why do
you still hang out with thesepeople?
Or still, why you do what youdo?
Be quite honest, I don't know,it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter, it honestlydoesn't matter, because what was
done was done.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
That's it, that done what's done, that's it, that's
it, that's it.
But now, like you said, themoral of your story is you
cannot allow anybody elseinfluence in your head and your
heart for shit Period.
If it's you, do it, don'tbother relying on anybody else
to stop, because if you don't,then none of their words can
affect you.
It doesn't matter, no, and ifthey're not, anybody that's
(38:08):
going to be supportive, thenthey probably don't belong in
your circle.
Period, and that's okay.
Can you still be cordial?
Sure, but do you have to extendanything to them in your
connection?
Not, necessarily Not if yourealize that it's something that
is not benefiting you mutually.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Right.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
If it's not, then it's okay, just go about your
business, that's it.
If it's not, then it's okay,just go about your business,
that's it.
That's it.
No big deal, no drama, nowhatever.
Because nobody else is going togive you the attention that you
need to help you on yourpersonal journey.
Why?
Because everybody else isstruggling on their personal
journeys too.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Everyone's struggling .
Everybody is Everyone'sstruggling In a different way.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
We know you all are struggling.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
I think what's struggling us the most and I can
actually say this is that whenCOVID hit and we got the
stimulus check right after that,no one got tax returns period.
We're paying back into thegovernment.
When was the last time anybodygot a good motherfucking tax
return and to be able to showfor it?
(39:11):
No one.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
It doesn't matter how many fucking kids you got,
you're still paying back to theirs because you got a pretty
penny, it's gone becauseeverything in the economy had to
go up, because the checks weredistributed so you got a pretty
penny, but it's gone instantly.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Yeah, because I think this is why I I'm like so
behind on paying my taxes,because it's just like not that
I haven't paid him, because Ihaven't even followed them, but
still so.
It's like it's one thing afteranother, after another, after
another, and after another, andit's kicking me in the fucking
dick every fucking time maybeour lesson here is we just need
(39:49):
to learn how to adult better.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
I don't know.
I mean hashtag, adult, betterhashtag, give us some pointers
hashtag hashtag help somebody,sugar daddy, sugar mamas anybody
, all sugar everybody actuallyare there any more sugar mamas
or daddies?
Is the economy that bad that?
That are you guys okay.
All sugar mamas Are y'all okay,are y'all struggling too.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
I bet everybody is.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
You know what it is.
I think that everybody's cryingfor that.
Every single person is cryingfor someone to take care of them
, period.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Because everybody's tired of doing, and doing, and
doing and doing with no break.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Everyone's crying for wanting to do something and
wanting to have it, and themoment they get it, the moment
they have it, it's great andthat's all they want, and they
know what.
The number one thing theyforget is the relationship
itself, because all they see isdollar signs.
That is it.
That is it.
Power and control done killedthe humanity and everyone, and
(40:53):
everything we are living in thistime period where things are
just fucking ridiculous, it isfucking horrible, it is crazy.
We just don't know how to beable to manage or be able to
live at all period, becausethat's just how it is.
You know what I mean.
So until things have calmeddown a whole lot, then yeah,
(41:19):
it's gonna be all biscuits andgravy from here, because now
we're having to make our ownbiscuits and gravy from scratch,
and that's what's killing us.
That's what's killing us, dude,that's what's killing us, Dude,
even going to the grocery storelike $20 for just like four
fucking things, Like yeah, noteven, that's like almost 40
bucks just for four fuckingthings I'm just like God damn
(41:39):
what exactly are you supposed tomake with four things?
Speaker 2 (41:42):
It's going to last you, that's exactly.
And this is because it's onlyyou and your husband.
It's only me and my aunt.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
Can you imagine people who have entire families?
Dude, I'm like when you havemore than one or more.
And I see people like with two,three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, all I'm like bro, stay off of
her.
Like why do you need that bigof a fucking family?
Speaker 2 (42:08):
how are you surviving ?
Speaker 1 (42:10):
that's what I want to know, what I mean, bro.
I wonder what job you got.
I want to suck your dick too,and your bosses, god damn like
shit like I will eat yourgirlfriend's pussy too.
I just don't want to touch herbecause she's frugal.
Damn like.
Is there anything left insideof her?
Like holy shit, like I know shehas no more nutrition inside of
(42:35):
her to be able to createfucking babies anymore.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Like no more nutrition.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Like damn, You're popping out kids.
That's awesome.
Look, man, you're taking Tasteof rainbow to a whole fucking
level.
Man, you're popping out kidslike fucking popcorn, man, but
no, seriously moral of the storyof it and all.
(43:06):
And be able to do all of it, umon it.
As I said before, yes, fucklife, but in legit reality of it
all.
To be able to do all of it onit.
As I said before, yes, fucklife, but in legit reality of it
all.
And to be able to give, like,somebody a piece of advice that
may happen and if they're everthinking like, oh, they're on
the brink of, you know, wantingto end it for whatever reason,
just note that there is, andalways will be, a will.
(43:29):
Where there's a will, there's away out.
Period, and I get it.
You're just like that's notwhat I wanted to hear.
You matter in this lifetimeperiod.
You were set.
You were put here for a fuckingreason, rather if you consented
to it or if you did not consentto it, we're here, even if
you're in a predicament wherethings just fucking happen every
(43:52):
single time.
What you do from those learningcurves, no matter what, you
make something fucking great anddetermines everything.
Push back, fight back, do whatyou need to do, punch your boss
in the fucking dick if you needto, if that makes you feel good
about it.
Look, if we all go to jail,we're all gonna fucking have a
(44:15):
better lifestyle, because youknow what they're willing to do
it.
But apparently now they'reshipping us all out somewhere
else, like, well, you know what,ship me out, if I'm fucking
over there, it'll be one hell ofa vacation and you can't find
me.
So go fucking figure, like,like, whatever and I know it's
pretty bad because I've seen thepictures and all of it and
(44:36):
whatnot.
I'm just like at this pointkink is a fucking thing.
I think I will call someone afucking master.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Yes, daddy Harder, god damn man, You'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
I don't know about the rest of us.
But you'll be fine, I don'tknow about the rest of us but
you'll be fine yo, the waythings are.
I'm just like all of us justneed to fucking catch a break.
There has to be at least oneone good fucking person just be
(45:09):
able to say fuck this, we're notdoing this anymore.
We need to give money back tothe people of the lower class,
middle class, bring down thedebt deficit completely down.
And it seems like this wholething has just been one fuck
show after another fuck show,like holy shit, what happened?
(45:33):
Like and nope, nope.
Everybody wants to have theirlegs tucked between, and I get
it, because generations, theyounger ones are fighting.
They are fucking fighting hardto get where they need to be at,
(45:54):
and and I thank you so much forfighting, because even we have
voices and doing it.
It's, it's, it's getting kindof hard.
It's getting harder and harderand harder every single day.
But, anywho, that's the end ofmy podcast, that's's my vent,
not anything.
You got any moral stories.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
No, no, everybody's in the same boat.
I can say the cliche shit to benice and be kind, because at
least that doesn't cost anybodyanything.
And it's because everybody'sstruggling, like, just don't be
(46:33):
douchebags, don't Everybody'salready dealing with enough shit
?
The least you can do is justextend basic human decency.
Nothing more than that Basichuman decency, please, because
everybody's dealing with someshit.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
What is that?
Because I think we've just lostall of that out the
motherfucking window for someapparent reason exactly because
if everybody had it, everybodycould handle things a little bit
better oh, we had human decencyfor a good while when, like
right after uh, bush left officeand we were hitting that that
(47:08):
fucking dip, and we had a goodeconomy after a good eight years
from all the fucking cleanupand everything from george w
bush.
And when we had in the 90swhere things were a little bit
better, when, uh, uh, billclinton was in office and when
texas was actually a democraticstate and things were good in
(47:30):
the 90s.
Yeah, things were fucking great.
I can think back on it and justgo look at the history and the
prices of everything.
It wasn't until bush tookoffice, gas prices went up,
everything went up, all of itwent up.
And then it's just like whoa,like no one kept a good
economical standards once obamaleft and then became trump's and
(47:54):
trump's economy.
Yo, and it's so weird.
People are just like you knowthis and that and the other.
They don't.
I'm not gonna get into it.
I'm not gonna get into it.
I'm just not.
I'm not going to.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
I'm not it's whatever , let's not, let's not do it,
let's uh let's keep it the way.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
It is all right, that's it.
Love ya, bye.
Host
Jesse James
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