August 2, 2022 • 38 mins
Today Bert challenges us to face our fears. Taking risks, and doing things that scare us is what keeps life interesting. Sure you might fail a couple times, maybe even a hundred times, but you’ve still won by continuing to try. Let’s all try to do one thing that scares us today, who knows, you just might succeed.
Matriarch Digital Media (matriarchdm.com) produces this and other podcasts that understand, encourage and uplift women.
Matriarch Digital Media (matriarchdm.com) produces this and other podcasts that understand, encourage and uplift women.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Okay, Hi, this is MeBefore Mom, the podcast that helps mom
stay connected to themselves while doing themost important job they'll ever have. And
I'm your host, Bert Anderson.Hey, guys, it's Burt. You
(00:27):
are listening to me Before Mom Today. I want to talk about risk taking,
taking calculated risks. I want totalk about this because, well,
for one thing, the quote italways gets attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, and
I know I've mentioned it before,and it to do one thing every day
(00:49):
that scares you Eleanor Roosevelt. Iguess did not actually say that. I'm
pretty sure I talked about that too. They don't really know who said that.
I don't think anybody actually said that. Mary Smith's wrote it in a
pro poem, and I think shetechnically is the first person to say that,
But I digress. That doesn't evenmatter for this, but I was.
(01:12):
I've been thinking about that lately becauseI am there are technically there's one
Saturday left before I go and dothis competition for CrossFit. I don't go
to a CrossFit gym. I goto a gym that kind of does CrossFit,
(01:37):
and it's I would say that it'swe do small group training. A
lot of the lifts are similar toCrossFit, however, I've had to learn
a lot of different CrossFit moves.And so the competition that I'm doing is
with a partner and it's called theFestivus Games because it's CrossFit for the rest
of us. I know, it'sgreat. One thing I love about the
(02:00):
CrossFit community is their sense of humorand how normal everything is, and they
have a great community. So Iwas thinking as I was coloring on Sunday,
because that is what I do onSundays. My husband watches football and
I sit in my color and asI was coloring, when I was like,
(02:21):
oh my gosh, I have likeless than two weeks and then I
go and I do this competition.And I have felt like I wanted to
throw up since. And it's notbecause I haven't prepared for this. I've
been training for this actually since March. It's it's been something that I've wanted
(02:45):
to do for a really really longtime, and I've been preparing for it
for a really long time as well. And there were a few different things,
like I was supposed to, youknow, do an individual competition,
and then the Jim that was hostingit backed out, and so another woman
and I her name is Laura.She and I decided that we would do
(03:07):
this festivals games together. And Idon't know why I'm so nervous about it,
but I this is definitely that onedoing one thing every day that scares
you. This is that thing forme. And so why is it important
(03:27):
that we do this? And Ithink it's important for a few reasons.
Why I think it's important. Ithink it's important that we do this because
I think I think it keeps lifeinteresting. Number one. You know,
we always say life is so short, and it is short, but at
(03:49):
the same time, if you're doinglife the same way over and over and
over again, it can be reallylong and boring. And when get long
and boring, life is just it'snot fun. And I always say that
life is too short to not befun. Or I also always say life
(04:15):
is too hard to have no funin it. And so I don't know.
I'm the kind of person that likesto take risks and like to take
a chance, and not everybody islike that. Not everybody has to go,
you know, and it doesn't haveto be some type of like go
(04:35):
run a race or go be ina competition, you know. I mean
it could be something as simple asjoining some type of a group or taking
a class and putting yourself in asituation where you do not where you feel
uncomfortable. Because every single time youtake that risk and you put yourself in
(04:58):
a situation where you don't feel comfortable, the next time you face any kind
of fear, you're more confident becauseyou've you've you've already faced that, You've
already faced to fear, and you'relike, oh, I survived and it
was not bad. You know,Um, you have to exercise your risk
(05:31):
muscle. And that's I try toexplain that to my kids because I think,
you know, my husband is anaccountant, God bless him, but
he is not a risk taker.I mean by you can tell by his
job. He just he does nottake calculated risks. And I am more
of the free spirited artist in ourrelationship. And I've always kind of just
(06:00):
been the person who kind of takesa chance on things. I mean,
when I started my blog, youknow, back in twenty eleven, it
was a risk. And then themore things I took on with it,
we're all risks. You know,what if it fails it's like, Okay,
well then it fails, But whatif it doesn't, is what I
(06:23):
always say. So I'm really whatI'm doing with you guys right now is
I'm trying to make myself not feellike I'm going to throw up as I
think about the festivals games, whichthis is doing a very good job of.
So thank you very much for listening, because life is just you know,
really, at the heart of it, I was thinking about this too.
(06:44):
At the heart of it, weall are like are when you think
about yourself, we kind of arestill that insecure child version of ourselves in
our minds, Like I am anadult and I am a mom. I'm
not playing house. I kind offeel like I'm playing house, but I
(07:09):
most definitely am the one who amI am in charge, and I definitely
did birth three children. And everytime my cough, sneeze or laugh and
I have a full bladder, Iknow that. And because of that,
(07:30):
when I think about the festivists games, I think about the things that make
me nervous. And what makes menervous is that I know a lot of
people from my gym are going tobe there because they want to be they
want to support us, my parentsare driving up from Illinois to support me.
(07:57):
And the girl who you know,went through puberty at age ten,
so went through the chubby phase ofpuberty and being different from everybody, has
visions of doing these box stepovers ona twenty inch box, like falling on
(08:20):
her butt and face planting and embarrassingherself. Or one of the other things
I have to do is I haveto do these knee raises and I have
to hang from a bar and raisemy knees above my hips. And I'm
strong, I am really strong.My grip strength is not that great,
(08:41):
and it is really hard to holdyourself hanging from a bar. And so
I've put myself in this kind ofvulnerable situation that I never would have put
myself in before when I was akid, and I could have done these
(09:01):
things well. And here I amalmost forty years old, and I'm putting
myself in a position where I'm confrontingthis fear of being vulnerable in a group
of people, kind of being ondisplay and being afraid of being that fat
(09:22):
kid who is doing something athletic.And we all have that thing, we
all have that childhood insecurity and fearthat talks to us and tries to tell
us not to do things, andso we have to figure out a way
(09:46):
to get that kid inside of usto just shut up. I don't know
(10:09):
what it is. I don't knowwhat that is for you. You know,
maybe it's stepping outside of your boxand making new friends, putting yourself
in new situations. For me,one thing that kind of scares me is,
you know, getting into a fightwith a friend or a conflict with
(10:30):
a friend and staying in the sameplace for years upon years. I didn't
do that as a kid. Iwas able to move away. So starting
over is very normal for me andfeels very comfortable. And my first instinct,
well, my first instinct is toavoid confrontation at all costs, which
(10:52):
is not healthy. And then whenthere is a confrontation, I'd like to
completely disconnect myself from the situation andI want to move on to something,
to a new place, and that'snot life. I can't physically move because
(11:16):
I married this Minnesota boy who's nevergoing to leave Minnesota, and now I
have children who are involved and theydon't want to ever leave. I mean,
they don't even know what it's liketo move, you know. We
just taking a risk. It doesn'thave to be things like jumping out of
(11:41):
an airplane or singing you know ona stage. Yes, those can be
your things. If those things terrifyyou, I think, I think what
you have to look at when you'reassessing what calculated risk is is I think
(12:01):
you have to look at the reasonbehind it, like what is what is
it about that activity that actually scaresyou? So for me, if I
were to jump out of an airplane, which I never plan to do ever
in my life, I hate heights. They scare me to death. Part
(12:24):
of that is because I feel outof control. And when I'm up in
an airplane and looking down at theground, I promise you the control freaking
me will come out and feel absolutelyout of control in that situation. But
are we ever really in control ofany situation? No? I tell my
(12:48):
kids that all the time. Theonly thing you can control is how you
react. It's the only way youcan control how you respond and how you
react to a situation. You cannotcontrol what happens. So think about think
(13:13):
about something in your life, andthink about ways you want to challenge yourself,
Because you know, I truly believethat if we are going to be
good parents. The way we're goingto do that is by setting good examples
for our kids and allowing them tosee us challenge ourselves and make it through
(13:35):
to the other side. You know, I my kids are going to come
and see me compete that I'm smilingright now and trying not to laugh because
I have visions of my youngest,who is very much a mama's girl,
(13:56):
trying to talk to me while I'mcompeting, and I just Lord help me.
If she starts whining during the thing, I might lose it. So
I told my husband today, Iwas like, of all days for you
to not tune out, please,it has got to be this day,
Like I need you to pay attentionto her need. I cannot do the
(14:16):
whining on that day. And thereare many different reasons why I decided to
do the Festivals Games. And youknow, it's not that I could have
done a race. I've done manydifferent races. I also know that I
can walk through to do a race, and it's not that challenging. I
(14:37):
don't have to train for a race. But doing this crossbit thing, they
have judges and they watch you,and I have a partner and I don't
want to let her down. Idon't want to be the weak link,
which all goes back to being thatinsecure kid who is different from everybody else
(15:07):
at school. So that is that. So that is how I am doing
this one thing every day that scaresme. There's so many different ways we
(15:28):
can we can look at this,and I think it's a really good thing.
And I think, you know,there's like I said, I think
the way we get through this lifeand how we manage to still to do
it and do it well and havefun is to continue to take advantage of
(15:48):
everything that we have while we're here, you know what I mean. Don't
get bored, you know, trysomething new. That is the best way
(16:18):
that I think that is a greatway to live our life. I really
do. I'm kind of looking rightnow. I'm looking at different quotes that
I have seen about this, youknow, do one thing every day that
scares you, because they're like Isaid, there are many different a lot
(16:42):
of different people have said this,like Ralph Waldo Emerson said, always do
what you are afraid to do.Jane Adams, she said, to do
what you are afraid to do isto guide your life by fear. How
much better not to be afraid todo what you believe do believe in doing.
(17:03):
I don't know. That doesn't makeany sense. Eleanor Roosevelt said,
you must do the thing you thinkyou cannot do. Some guy named Mark
Toby said, I'm supposed to doone thing every day that I want to
do, but I am afraid todo. So think about that. Write
(17:29):
it down on a piece of paper. What is one thing that you are
afraid to do, and then let'sdo it. You want to take it
a step like, one step further, think about why are you afraid to
do that? Name that fear.Write it out, go do the go
(18:00):
and do it and be done withit. If you succeed, great,
that is awesome. If you failand the thing that you are afraid of
happens, it's okay because you've survivedand you're still here. If I go
(18:21):
to festivals and I step on thistwenty inch box and I fall flat on
my face, I will be cruisedup and have some scratches, but I
will still be here and I willstill be standing, and I will get
up and I will do it againand get on the box. So either
(18:45):
way it's a win. Win situationbecause I faced my fear and now I'm
confident because I survived. That's allwe need to do, guys. I
(19:06):
know it's super simple, right,So here is your life lesson from Bert
(19:53):
today. So just super simple.Um, do something really scary and that's
it. Now you have all youneed to know for the rest of your
life. Have a great life.Girls. I'm just kidding, but seriously,
I you know, I think wejust we need to continually be willing
(20:17):
to challenge ourselves and to kind ofthink outside of the box. And you
know, I am in therapy likeI have told you. Also, that's
probably why I think about my innerchild all the time, because we're always
talking about my inner child and therapy. But we all do have an inner
child because they're very important. Didyou know here's an interesting fact, and
(20:44):
it's probably just a theory, butI learned from my therapist that the way
you formulate your view of the worldhappens like the most important time that happens
is up until the age of five, and then the second most important time
happens before I think ten. Fascinating, we can think, we can you
(21:15):
know, for some reason, melike one of my my core fears.
Oh great, now we're going togo really deep. So just sit down
and grab a cuff of coffee,because now I'm just gonna spill my soul
to you. One of my corefears I have learned in therapy is and
I had great parents. They neverleft me. I was never forgotten or
(21:40):
left alone. However, I myearliest memory is standing up in the window
sill of my bedroom. We hada babysitter, and I remember looking outside
the window and trying to find myparents car because they went on a date
(22:00):
and I was waiting for them tocome home because I thought I was afraid
they were gonna not come home.And from there, everything that spanned that
was like a lot of my decisionshave been motivated by being afraid of being
left behind or forgotten. And evenlike I can even think back to the
(22:26):
movie Lilo and Stitch, the Disneymovie. When I saw it in the
theaters, I sobbed towards the endof the movie when Stitch is standing in
the rain with the ugly Duckling bookand he's crying and he's saying help,
help, and he's saying he's alone. Oh gosh, see I'm gonna start
(22:51):
crying now, I need to stop. Stop it because he felt like he
was left alone and forgotten. Sothat is I my A lot of like
my decisions and how I operate hasbeen because that for some reason, it's
a really big fear of mine,is being afraid of being left behind and
(23:15):
forgotten. And it happened when Iwas about three years old, or another
thing that my therapist and I havefigured out. Another early memory was when
we lived in Japan at the time, again military brat. My dad was
(23:37):
in the Navy. It's not thatwe weren't rich or anything, trust me,
but back in the eighties you hadto live for a period of time
off base in a Japanese apartment andthey have these rooms called Tatammy rooms,
and they're made out of paper walls. And the Tatommy room was my bedroom,
and I was two years old.Why my society to put a two
(24:00):
year old in a bedroom that hadpaper walls is beyond me. But I
distinctively remember I was not allowed totouch the walls under any circumstance. Don't
touch the walls. So I couldsee, like I could kind of see
what was going on on the otherside of the wall because it was papered.
(24:21):
I could see the silhouettes, butI couldn't touch it. And that's
another That's another thing for me,fomo fear of missing out watching what's happening
on one side and not being ableto participate. And again it's that fear
of missing out, fear of beingleft behind or forgotten. And so since
(24:49):
I know these things about myself,I can I can challenge myself to push
it, and I'm aware of it. So when I start to tell myself,
whyes, I can be like,Okay, hold on a second,
(25:11):
here's what's going on. And thisis why everybody needs to go to counseling.
Yep, every single person needs togo to therapy. So what have
we learned today? We have learnedthat everybody needs a therapist, and everybody
needs to do something that scares themand to take it one step further and
(25:37):
figure out what it is that actuallyscares you. Why does it scare you?
I promise you won't regret it.It'll be a good exercise for you.
You still need to do challenging thingsas a mom. The more you
grow, the more you kind ofdevelop yourself as a human being, as
a person and not just a mom. The better mother you will be for
(26:03):
your kids. But it's gonna behard, so you're gonna need to be
kind to yourself when you're doing this. Always be kind. Hello, it's
(26:48):
that time to watch or not towatch, but it's time to listen to
what is birth watching with Sarah HereI am. I'm back. She's back,
guys, and she's gonna participate becauseshe's actually watched a show that I
have not watched. I have actuallywatched a show you have not watched.
(27:12):
It's a miracle. It is amiracle. I'm very proud of you.
So, um, let's talk aboutthat show first. Or should we save
the best for last? Oh,let's save the best for last? Okay,
I will go with the shows I'vewatched then, So my first suggestion.
(27:36):
So our theme this week, guys, is drama slash intense broad Church.
It's a BBC show. You canwatch it on Netflix at least that's
where I watched it. David Tennantis the main character. He was one
of the doctor Who's I love DoctorWho. Yes, I love David Tennant.
(27:57):
Okay, I'm gonna watch this.He's great in this, Like,
how can you not love him.I'm writing it down. It's what their
fault. Oh oh, I guessthis wasn't a BBC. I just assume
everything that is like from England ison the BBC. It is not scratch
that. So it's David Tennant andthis other British actress. Her name is
(28:22):
Olivia Coleman, and they play apair of detectives who are investigating the disappearance
and subsequent murder of a young boyin a quiet, fictional English town in
Dorset. So that's your true likeyour crime anger. Yes. The interesting
thing about this is because it's asmall town, everybody is like intermingled together.
(28:45):
So Olivia Coleman's character is the maindetective and David Tennant's character comes in
from out of town, and soshe has a personal relationship with the family
whose boy is missing, like they'rebest friends. M hm. So I'm
(29:06):
worried. Yeah, yeah, it'sshocking. It's very good. My husband
and I watched it during lockdown andstayed up entirely too late because we did
that thing of Okay, just onemore. Oh it's only three am.
That means it's really good. Thatmeans it's really good. Yes, yes,
(29:27):
definitely highly recommend. I'm in I'mtold Liam, Okay. And the
next one that I have is anothercrime, also on Netflix, and it's
mind Hunter. So Jonathan Goff orGroff, who plays Um sveen Um in
(29:52):
Frozen. No, Christoph then isthe He's the Reindeer. Have you seen
Frozen? No? But people whowith kids often talk to me about this,
and I'm like, why would Iever watch? It's surprisingly good?
Okay, I didn't know. Ithought it was for kids. Well it
(30:14):
is for kids, but it's actuallya movie that's for kids that you kind
of like as an adult. I'mnot kidding. Okay, Well I'll check
it out. You have to.I know, you know me, I'm
in the Fantasy Sports Realm. Yeah, you would like it. It's right
Alley and you sing the music isgreat. Okay. And now I've heard
(30:37):
enough people I like tell me it'sgood, so that must mean it's good.
It is good. So Jonathan Gruff, he plays this man who plays
He's so it's kind of it's basedon how the FBI's Behavioral Science Unit was
created. So he paid plays Holdingfour. And then there's another guy named
(31:02):
Bill Tench and they set out tointerview imprison serial killers to see if they
can understand why the serial killers didwhat they did so that they can help
create a profile for the FBI tocatch these kinds of um killers. Dunne
dun dun Dune. It's really good. It's it's fascinating. It's based on
(31:25):
a book um and it's really coolbecause you know, I mean, FBI,
the criminal Profiling Unit for the FBIis fascinating. Interesting. That does
sound very interesting, yes, anddark and slightly stressful. Yeah, it
is a little dark and definitely stressful. So but there are there are some
(31:52):
lightheartedness things about it. I don'tknow how to describe it. I mean,
it's not so like dark and drearythat that you are like depressed watching
it. So that's good, youknow. Me, I like to watch
like the most lighthearted things ever becauseI end up like getting emotionally attached to
(32:13):
everything I'm watching and I'm like,what I understand it? And so I
watched this, so you know itmust be Okay, Okay, okay,
I believe you. I believe you. Okay, now it's your turn.
Okay. Well, apparently Bert herehas not seen stranger things. It's just
(32:34):
ridiculous. Even I have seen strangerthings. I live in a box.
Um, but I also played Dand D, so I guess it makes
some sense that I have seen it. But so how does the D and
D. I know how it kindof ties into it. But as a
D and D player, how whatlike, how does it make it better
(32:54):
for you? M Well, thekids are all D and D fans and
they're playing it in the game,and there's like a lot of parallels between
the game of D and D andwhat's going on in real life, which
I can tell you is real inmy life as well. There's a or
(33:15):
maybe I base my character off ofthings going on in my life. Anyway,
are their mind slayers in real life? Kind of No, it's more
that I create my my D andD character based off of my life.
Got it and in that game,I think anyway, there's an offside down
(33:36):
world that's really spooky, it's reallyscary. It's um there's a there's like
a very badass female lead character,which is one of my favorite things because
then I get to live vicariously throughher. And then it's just like kids
versus the government, which I justlike as a theme because then you get
(33:58):
to see the kids just like beeven more badass than the government. So
that's great for me. For you, that's awesome. Not so good for
the government. Not so good forthe government. But this is an evil
government that's not real. So yes, I'm bad. So it's just it's
just some good sci fi. It'svery entertaining. And my friend I played
(34:20):
in the synth band for ten yearsand my friend's band does the soundtrack for
it, no way, and soI like know all the synths they're using,
and I know, like who's makingthe music, and it's like some
of my favorite music. That issuch a big deal. Isn't that cool?
Yes, because the music is likepart of why it's so popular.
Exactly. I played with them atsouth By Southwest. Oh wow, we
(34:47):
will put that in the show notesguy, Very important things, very important
things. Yes, yes we will. So okay, I don't like scary
things, and I'm afraid I'm goingto stay up late. Um, I
would say on the scale of onebeing like My Little Ponies, yeah,
(35:10):
my Little Pony and ten being TheRing, which is like the ultimate scary
movie to not seen that, thisis like a five or a four.
Okay, So I could probably handleit. It's not so bad. But
is it scary? Is it likethe Witcher? Yes? Yeah, okay,
okay, I could probably handle that. Then I think you'll be okay.
(35:36):
Maybe not watch it with the kids. I don't know, it depends
how scared they get. No,no, I'll watch it first by myself
because I don't know if I wantthem sleeping with me. That is always
the determining factor. My parents hadto figure that one out the hard way.
What did I watch? I thinkI saw chamnge and I got scared.
So I was pretty scared. Idid. So we had this family
(35:59):
movie night with some really good friendsand we were like, let's watch all
them Jumanji movies. And I waslike, oh my gosh, let's start
with the first one. It'll begreat. I forgot how creepy it was.
It's all creepy. It's bad,and my youngest was terrified for months.
I was here, that happens tome too. I like, we
(36:19):
couldn't even say Jumanji around her.It was And then Robin Williams will just
jumped up from the selling it wasbad. And the CGI monkeys that are
really creepy looking because they're so bad. Hm, I was scared of that
crocodile. I think I left theroom when the crocodile came. I was
(36:40):
like, this has gotten too far. I watched it so many times and
I was like, I don't rememberit being this scary at all. I'm
sorry, Kira. No, yeah, because it seems like a kid's movie.
It was based on a kid's book. Did you ever have to read
it in school? Did they readtoo? Yes, it's based on this
(37:00):
beautifully illustrated book. Interesting. Well, they made it spooky. It was
very spooky, definitely not like theupdated version, which Oh wait, I
think our segments only ten minutes.Oh, we gotta go, we have
to go. Sorry, guys,this is a Halloween spooky episode for you.
(37:23):
Bye bye. And that is arap. Guys, thank you so
much for listening. And in caseyou're wondering, Me Before Mom is hosted
by me Bert Anderson and it isproduced by the lovely and talented Sarah abdel
(37:46):
All. You can also check outMatriarch DM for all of the show notes,
as well as other amazing podcasts forwomen by women, and get to
check out my own website, BurtM Anderson dot com so you can see
what's going on in my world.Thank you so much for listening, and
(38:07):
I will see you guys next time.
Okay, Hi, this is MeBefore Mom, the podcast that helps mom
stay connected to themselves while doing themost important job they'll ever have. And
I'm your host, Bert Anderson.Hey, guys, it's Burt. You
(00:27):
are listening to me Before Mom Today. I want to talk about risk taking,
taking calculated risks. I want totalk about this because, well,
for one thing, the quote italways gets attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, and
I know I've mentioned it before,and it to do one thing every day
(00:49):
that scares you Eleanor Roosevelt. Iguess did not actually say that. I'm
pretty sure I talked about that too. They don't really know who said that.
I don't think anybody actually said that. Mary Smith's wrote it in a
pro poem, and I think shetechnically is the first person to say that,
But I digress. That doesn't evenmatter for this, but I was.
(01:12):
I've been thinking about that lately becauseI am there are technically there's one
Saturday left before I go and dothis competition for CrossFit. I don't go
to a CrossFit gym. I goto a gym that kind of does CrossFit,
(01:37):
and it's I would say that it'swe do small group training. A
lot of the lifts are similar toCrossFit, however, I've had to learn
a lot of different CrossFit moves.And so the competition that I'm doing is
with a partner and it's called theFestivus Games because it's CrossFit for the rest
of us. I know, it'sgreat. One thing I love about the
(02:00):
CrossFit community is their sense of humorand how normal everything is, and they
have a great community. So Iwas thinking as I was coloring on Sunday,
because that is what I do onSundays. My husband watches football and
I sit in my color and asI was coloring, when I was like,
(02:21):
oh my gosh, I have likeless than two weeks and then I
go and I do this competition.And I have felt like I wanted to
throw up since. And it's notbecause I haven't prepared for this. I've
been training for this actually since March. It's it's been something that I've wanted
(02:45):
to do for a really really longtime, and I've been preparing for it
for a really long time as well. And there were a few different things,
like I was supposed to, youknow, do an individual competition,
and then the Jim that was hostingit backed out, and so another woman
and I her name is Laura.She and I decided that we would do
(03:07):
this festivals games together. And Idon't know why I'm so nervous about it,
but I this is definitely that onedoing one thing every day that scares
you. This is that thing forme. And so why is it important
(03:27):
that we do this? And Ithink it's important for a few reasons.
Why I think it's important. Ithink it's important that we do this because
I think I think it keeps lifeinteresting. Number one. You know,
we always say life is so short, and it is short, but at
(03:49):
the same time, if you're doinglife the same way over and over and
over again, it can be reallylong and boring. And when get long
and boring, life is just it'snot fun. And I always say that
life is too short to not befun. Or I also always say life
(04:15):
is too hard to have no funin it. And so I don't know.
I'm the kind of person that likesto take risks and like to take
a chance, and not everybody islike that. Not everybody has to go,
you know, and it doesn't haveto be some type of like go
(04:35):
run a race or go be ina competition, you know. I mean
it could be something as simple asjoining some type of a group or taking
a class and putting yourself in asituation where you do not where you feel
uncomfortable. Because every single time youtake that risk and you put yourself in
(04:58):
a situation where you don't feel comfortable, the next time you face any kind
of fear, you're more confident becauseyou've you've you've already faced that, You've
already faced to fear, and you'relike, oh, I survived and it
was not bad. You know,Um, you have to exercise your risk
(05:31):
muscle. And that's I try toexplain that to my kids because I think,
you know, my husband is anaccountant, God bless him, but
he is not a risk taker.I mean by you can tell by his
job. He just he does nottake calculated risks. And I am more
of the free spirited artist in ourrelationship. And I've always kind of just
(06:00):
been the person who kind of takesa chance on things. I mean,
when I started my blog, youknow, back in twenty eleven, it
was a risk. And then themore things I took on with it,
we're all risks. You know,what if it fails it's like, Okay,
well then it fails, But whatif it doesn't, is what I
(06:23):
always say. So I'm really whatI'm doing with you guys right now is
I'm trying to make myself not feellike I'm going to throw up as I
think about the festivals games, whichthis is doing a very good job of.
So thank you very much for listening, because life is just you know,
really, at the heart of it, I was thinking about this too.
(06:44):
At the heart of it, weall are like are when you think
about yourself, we kind of arestill that insecure child version of ourselves in
our minds, Like I am anadult and I am a mom. I'm
not playing house. I kind offeel like I'm playing house, but I
(07:09):
most definitely am the one who amI am in charge, and I definitely
did birth three children. And everytime my cough, sneeze or laugh and
I have a full bladder, Iknow that. And because of that,
(07:30):
when I think about the festivists games, I think about the things that make
me nervous. And what makes menervous is that I know a lot of
people from my gym are going tobe there because they want to be they
want to support us, my parentsare driving up from Illinois to support me.
(07:57):
And the girl who you know,went through puberty at age ten,
so went through the chubby phase ofpuberty and being different from everybody, has
visions of doing these box stepovers ona twenty inch box, like falling on
(08:20):
her butt and face planting and embarrassingherself. Or one of the other things
I have to do is I haveto do these knee raises and I have
to hang from a bar and raisemy knees above my hips. And I'm
strong, I am really strong.My grip strength is not that great,
(08:41):
and it is really hard to holdyourself hanging from a bar. And so
I've put myself in this kind ofvulnerable situation that I never would have put
myself in before when I was akid, and I could have done these
(09:01):
things well. And here I amalmost forty years old, and I'm putting
myself in a position where I'm confrontingthis fear of being vulnerable in a group
of people, kind of being ondisplay and being afraid of being that fat
(09:22):
kid who is doing something athletic.And we all have that thing, we
all have that childhood insecurity and fearthat talks to us and tries to tell
us not to do things, andso we have to figure out a way
(09:46):
to get that kid inside of usto just shut up. I don't know
(10:09):
what it is. I don't knowwhat that is for you. You know,
maybe it's stepping outside of your boxand making new friends, putting yourself
in new situations. For me,one thing that kind of scares me is,
you know, getting into a fightwith a friend or a conflict with
(10:30):
a friend and staying in the sameplace for years upon years. I didn't
do that as a kid. Iwas able to move away. So starting
over is very normal for me andfeels very comfortable. And my first instinct,
well, my first instinct is toavoid confrontation at all costs, which
(10:52):
is not healthy. And then whenthere is a confrontation, I'd like to
completely disconnect myself from the situation andI want to move on to something,
to a new place, and that'snot life. I can't physically move because
(11:16):
I married this Minnesota boy who's nevergoing to leave Minnesota, and now I
have children who are involved and theydon't want to ever leave. I mean,
they don't even know what it's liketo move, you know. We
just taking a risk. It doesn'thave to be things like jumping out of
(11:41):
an airplane or singing you know ona stage. Yes, those can be
your things. If those things terrifyyou, I think, I think what
you have to look at when you'reassessing what calculated risk is is I think
(12:01):
you have to look at the reasonbehind it, like what is what is
it about that activity that actually scaresyou? So for me, if I
were to jump out of an airplane, which I never plan to do ever
in my life, I hate heights. They scare me to death. Part
(12:24):
of that is because I feel outof control. And when I'm up in
an airplane and looking down at theground, I promise you the control freaking
me will come out and feel absolutelyout of control in that situation. But
are we ever really in control ofany situation? No? I tell my
(12:48):
kids that all the time. Theonly thing you can control is how you
react. It's the only way youcan control how you respond and how you
react to a situation. You cannotcontrol what happens. So think about think
(13:13):
about something in your life, andthink about ways you want to challenge yourself,
Because you know, I truly believethat if we are going to be
good parents. The way we're goingto do that is by setting good examples
for our kids and allowing them tosee us challenge ourselves and make it through
(13:35):
to the other side. You know, I my kids are going to come
and see me compete that I'm smilingright now and trying not to laugh because
I have visions of my youngest,who is very much a mama's girl,
(13:56):
trying to talk to me while I'mcompeting, and I just Lord help me.
If she starts whining during the thing, I might lose it. So
I told my husband today, Iwas like, of all days for you
to not tune out, please,it has got to be this day,
Like I need you to pay attentionto her need. I cannot do the
(14:16):
whining on that day. And thereare many different reasons why I decided to
do the Festivals Games. And youknow, it's not that I could have
done a race. I've done manydifferent races. I also know that I
can walk through to do a race, and it's not that challenging. I
(14:37):
don't have to train for a race. But doing this crossbit thing, they
have judges and they watch you,and I have a partner and I don't
want to let her down. Idon't want to be the weak link,
which all goes back to being thatinsecure kid who is different from everybody else
(15:07):
at school. So that is that. So that is how I am doing
this one thing every day that scaresme. There's so many different ways we
(15:28):
can we can look at this,and I think it's a really good thing.
And I think, you know,there's like I said, I think
the way we get through this lifeand how we manage to still to do
it and do it well and havefun is to continue to take advantage of
(15:48):
everything that we have while we're here, you know what I mean. Don't
get bored, you know, trysomething new. That is the best way
(16:18):
that I think that is a greatway to live our life. I really
do. I'm kind of looking rightnow. I'm looking at different quotes that
I have seen about this, youknow, do one thing every day that
scares you, because they're like Isaid, there are many different a lot
(16:42):
of different people have said this,like Ralph Waldo Emerson said, always do
what you are afraid to do.Jane Adams, she said, to do
what you are afraid to do isto guide your life by fear. How
much better not to be afraid todo what you believe do believe in doing.
(17:03):
I don't know. That doesn't makeany sense. Eleanor Roosevelt said,
you must do the thing you thinkyou cannot do. Some guy named Mark
Toby said, I'm supposed to doone thing every day that I want to
do, but I am afraid todo. So think about that. Write
(17:29):
it down on a piece of paper. What is one thing that you are
afraid to do, and then let'sdo it. You want to take it
a step like, one step further, think about why are you afraid to
do that? Name that fear.Write it out, go do the go
(18:00):
and do it and be done withit. If you succeed, great,
that is awesome. If you failand the thing that you are afraid of
happens, it's okay because you've survivedand you're still here. If I go
(18:21):
to festivals and I step on thistwenty inch box and I fall flat on
my face, I will be cruisedup and have some scratches, but I
will still be here and I willstill be standing, and I will get
up and I will do it againand get on the box. So either
(18:45):
way it's a win. Win situationbecause I faced my fear and now I'm
confident because I survived. That's allwe need to do, guys. I
(19:06):
know it's super simple, right,So here is your life lesson from Bert
(19:53):
today. So just super simple.Um, do something really scary and that's
it. Now you have all youneed to know for the rest of your
life. Have a great life.Girls. I'm just kidding, but seriously,
I you know, I think wejust we need to continually be willing
(20:17):
to challenge ourselves and to kind ofthink outside of the box. And you
know, I am in therapy likeI have told you. Also, that's
probably why I think about my innerchild all the time, because we're always
talking about my inner child and therapy. But we all do have an inner
child because they're very important. Didyou know here's an interesting fact, and
(20:44):
it's probably just a theory, butI learned from my therapist that the way
you formulate your view of the worldhappens like the most important time that happens
is up until the age of five, and then the second most important time
happens before I think ten. Fascinating, we can think, we can you
(21:15):
know, for some reason, melike one of my my core fears.
Oh great, now we're going togo really deep. So just sit down
and grab a cuff of coffee,because now I'm just gonna spill my soul
to you. One of my corefears I have learned in therapy is and
I had great parents. They neverleft me. I was never forgotten or
(21:40):
left alone. However, I myearliest memory is standing up in the window
sill of my bedroom. We hada babysitter, and I remember looking outside
the window and trying to find myparents car because they went on a date
(22:00):
and I was waiting for them tocome home because I thought I was afraid
they were gonna not come home.And from there, everything that spanned that
was like a lot of my decisionshave been motivated by being afraid of being
left behind or forgotten. And evenlike I can even think back to the
(22:26):
movie Lilo and Stitch, the Disneymovie. When I saw it in the
theaters, I sobbed towards the endof the movie when Stitch is standing in
the rain with the ugly Duckling bookand he's crying and he's saying help,
help, and he's saying he's alone. Oh gosh, see I'm gonna start
(22:51):
crying now, I need to stop. Stop it because he felt like he
was left alone and forgotten. Sothat is I my A lot of like
my decisions and how I operate hasbeen because that for some reason, it's
a really big fear of mine,is being afraid of being left behind and
(23:15):
forgotten. And it happened when Iwas about three years old, or another
thing that my therapist and I havefigured out. Another early memory was when
we lived in Japan at the time, again military brat. My dad was
(23:37):
in the Navy. It's not thatwe weren't rich or anything, trust me,
but back in the eighties you hadto live for a period of time
off base in a Japanese apartment andthey have these rooms called Tatammy rooms,
and they're made out of paper walls. And the Tatommy room was my bedroom,
and I was two years old.Why my society to put a two
(24:00):
year old in a bedroom that hadpaper walls is beyond me. But I
distinctively remember I was not allowed totouch the walls under any circumstance. Don't
touch the walls. So I couldsee, like I could kind of see
what was going on on the otherside of the wall because it was papered.
(24:21):
I could see the silhouettes, butI couldn't touch it. And that's
another That's another thing for me,fomo fear of missing out watching what's happening
on one side and not being ableto participate. And again it's that fear
of missing out, fear of beingleft behind or forgotten. And so since
(24:49):
I know these things about myself,I can I can challenge myself to push
it, and I'm aware of it. So when I start to tell myself,
whyes, I can be like,Okay, hold on a second,
(25:11):
here's what's going on. And thisis why everybody needs to go to counseling.
Yep, every single person needs togo to therapy. So what have
we learned today? We have learnedthat everybody needs a therapist, and everybody
needs to do something that scares themand to take it one step further and
(25:37):
figure out what it is that actuallyscares you. Why does it scare you?
I promise you won't regret it.It'll be a good exercise for you.
You still need to do challenging thingsas a mom. The more you
grow, the more you kind ofdevelop yourself as a human being, as
a person and not just a mom. The better mother you will be for
(26:03):
your kids. But it's gonna behard, so you're gonna need to be
kind to yourself when you're doing this. Always be kind. Hello, it's
(26:48):
that time to watch or not towatch, but it's time to listen to
what is birth watching with Sarah HereI am. I'm back. She's back,
guys, and she's gonna participate becauseshe's actually watched a show that I
have not watched. I have actuallywatched a show you have not watched.
(27:12):
It's a miracle. It is amiracle. I'm very proud of you.
So, um, let's talk aboutthat show first. Or should we save
the best for last? Oh,let's save the best for last? Okay,
I will go with the shows I'vewatched then, So my first suggestion.
(27:36):
So our theme this week, guys, is drama slash intense broad Church.
It's a BBC show. You canwatch it on Netflix at least that's
where I watched it. David Tennantis the main character. He was one
of the doctor Who's I love DoctorWho. Yes, I love David Tennant.
(27:57):
Okay, I'm gonna watch this.He's great in this, Like,
how can you not love him.I'm writing it down. It's what their
fault. Oh oh, I guessthis wasn't a BBC. I just assume
everything that is like from England ison the BBC. It is not scratch
that. So it's David Tennant andthis other British actress. Her name is
(28:22):
Olivia Coleman, and they play apair of detectives who are investigating the disappearance
and subsequent murder of a young boyin a quiet, fictional English town in
Dorset. So that's your true likeyour crime anger. Yes. The interesting
thing about this is because it's asmall town, everybody is like intermingled together.
(28:45):
So Olivia Coleman's character is the maindetective and David Tennant's character comes in
from out of town, and soshe has a personal relationship with the family
whose boy is missing, like they'rebest friends. M hm. So I'm
(29:06):
worried. Yeah, yeah, it'sshocking. It's very good. My husband
and I watched it during lockdown andstayed up entirely too late because we did
that thing of Okay, just onemore. Oh it's only three am.
That means it's really good. Thatmeans it's really good. Yes, yes,
(29:27):
definitely highly recommend. I'm in I'mtold Liam, Okay. And the
next one that I have is anothercrime, also on Netflix, and it's
mind Hunter. So Jonathan Goff orGroff, who plays Um sveen Um in
(29:52):
Frozen. No, Christoph then isthe He's the Reindeer. Have you seen
Frozen? No? But people whowith kids often talk to me about this,
and I'm like, why would Iever watch? It's surprisingly good?
Okay, I didn't know. Ithought it was for kids. Well it
(30:14):
is for kids, but it's actuallya movie that's for kids that you kind
of like as an adult. I'mnot kidding. Okay, Well I'll check
it out. You have to.I know, you know me, I'm
in the Fantasy Sports Realm. Yeah, you would like it. It's right
Alley and you sing the music isgreat. Okay. And now I've heard
(30:37):
enough people I like tell me it'sgood, so that must mean it's good.
It is good. So Jonathan Gruff, he plays this man who plays
He's so it's kind of it's basedon how the FBI's Behavioral Science Unit was
created. So he paid plays Holdingfour. And then there's another guy named
(31:02):
Bill Tench and they set out tointerview imprison serial killers to see if they
can understand why the serial killers didwhat they did so that they can help
create a profile for the FBI tocatch these kinds of um killers. Dunne
dun dun Dune. It's really good. It's it's fascinating. It's based on
(31:25):
a book um and it's really coolbecause you know, I mean, FBI,
the criminal Profiling Unit for the FBIis fascinating. Interesting. That does
sound very interesting, yes, anddark and slightly stressful. Yeah, it
is a little dark and definitely stressful. So but there are there are some
(31:52):
lightheartedness things about it. I don'tknow how to describe it. I mean,
it's not so like dark and drearythat that you are like depressed watching
it. So that's good, youknow. Me, I like to watch
like the most lighthearted things ever becauseI end up like getting emotionally attached to
(32:13):
everything I'm watching and I'm like,what I understand it? And so I
watched this, so you know itmust be Okay, Okay, okay,
I believe you. I believe you. Okay, now it's your turn.
Okay. Well, apparently Bert herehas not seen stranger things. It's just
(32:34):
ridiculous. Even I have seen strangerthings. I live in a box.
Um, but I also played Dand D, so I guess it makes
some sense that I have seen it. But so how does the D and
D. I know how it kindof ties into it. But as a
D and D player, how whatlike, how does it make it better
(32:54):
for you? M Well, thekids are all D and D fans and
they're playing it in the game,and there's like a lot of parallels between
the game of D and D andwhat's going on in real life, which
I can tell you is real inmy life as well. There's a or
(33:15):
maybe I base my character off ofthings going on in my life. Anyway,
are their mind slayers in real life? Kind of No, it's more
that I create my my D andD character based off of my life.
Got it and in that game,I think anyway, there's an offside down
(33:36):
world that's really spooky, it's reallyscary. It's um there's a there's like
a very badass female lead character,which is one of my favorite things because
then I get to live vicariously throughher. And then it's just like kids
versus the government, which I justlike as a theme because then you get
(33:58):
to see the kids just like beeven more badass than the government. So
that's great for me. For you, that's awesome. Not so good for
the government. Not so good forthe government. But this is an evil
government that's not real. So yes, I'm bad. So it's just it's
just some good sci fi. It'svery entertaining. And my friend I played
(34:20):
in the synth band for ten yearsand my friend's band does the soundtrack for
it, no way, and soI like know all the synths they're using,
and I know, like who's makingthe music, and it's like some
of my favorite music. That issuch a big deal. Isn't that cool?
Yes, because the music is likepart of why it's so popular.
Exactly. I played with them atsouth By Southwest. Oh wow, we
(34:47):
will put that in the show notesguy, Very important things, very important
things. Yes, yes we will. So okay, I don't like scary
things, and I'm afraid I'm goingto stay up late. Um, I
would say on the scale of onebeing like My Little Ponies, yeah,
(35:10):
my Little Pony and ten being TheRing, which is like the ultimate scary
movie to not seen that, thisis like a five or a four.
Okay, So I could probably handleit. It's not so bad. But
is it scary? Is it likethe Witcher? Yes? Yeah, okay,
okay, I could probably handle that. Then I think you'll be okay.
(35:36):
Maybe not watch it with the kids. I don't know, it depends
how scared they get. No,no, I'll watch it first by myself
because I don't know if I wantthem sleeping with me. That is always
the determining factor. My parents hadto figure that one out the hard way.
What did I watch? I thinkI saw chamnge and I got scared.
So I was pretty scared. Idid. So we had this family
(35:59):
movie night with some really good friendsand we were like, let's watch all
them Jumanji movies. And I waslike, oh my gosh, let's start
with the first one. It'll begreat. I forgot how creepy it was.
It's all creepy. It's bad,and my youngest was terrified for months.
I was here, that happens tome too. I like, we
(36:19):
couldn't even say Jumanji around her.It was And then Robin Williams will just
jumped up from the selling it wasbad. And the CGI monkeys that are
really creepy looking because they're so bad. Hm, I was scared of that
crocodile. I think I left theroom when the crocodile came. I was
(36:40):
like, this has gotten too far. I watched it so many times and
I was like, I don't rememberit being this scary at all. I'm
sorry, Kira. No, yeah, because it seems like a kid's movie.
It was based on a kid's book. Did you ever have to read
it in school? Did they readtoo? Yes, it's based on this
(37:00):
beautifully illustrated book. Interesting. Well, they made it spooky. It was
very spooky, definitely not like theupdated version, which Oh wait, I
think our segments only ten minutes.Oh, we gotta go, we have
to go. Sorry, guys,this is a Halloween spooky episode for you.
(37:23):
Bye bye. And that is arap. Guys, thank you so
much for listening. And in caseyou're wondering, Me Before Mom is hosted
by me Bert Anderson and it isproduced by the lovely and talented Sarah abdel
(37:46):
All. You can also check outMatriarch DM for all of the show notes,
as well as other amazing podcasts forwomen by women, and get to
check out my own website, BurtM Anderson dot com so you can see
what's going on in my world.Thank you so much for listening, and
(38:07):
I will see you guys next time.
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