35. Can I Really Do This? Navigating The Mother Load

A question most mothers will ask themselves at one point or another is, "Can I really do this?" Balancing motherhood, work, personal growth, and other responsibilities can feel overwhelming, so today I want to share some strategies that have helped me navigate a challenging few months.

I recently went through 9 weeks of solo parenting while my husband was away, during which time I also had multiple gallbladder attacks, underwent surgery, and dealt with ongoing health issues with our children. Everything started piling up and it started to wear me down.

Signs of Reaching the Limit
Stress manifests in many ways—irritability, frustration, and heightened anxiety, to name a few. When I noticed these signs, in particular the feeling of resentment, appearing more frequently, I knew something needed to change. I was short-tempered, and my mental health was slipping because I wasn't making enough time for self-care.

Around three or four weeks ago, I hit a wall but it seemed that the only solution was to push through. During this time, the resentment and bitterness that I was feeling indicated to me that I was out of alignment.

Setting Boundaries
One of the first things I had to work on was setting better boundaries, especially during times when I was solo parenting and didn't have space away from the kids. I've worked hard to establish simple but effective boundaries like not being disturbed when I'm in the shower or on the toilet!

It's important to be brave enough to enforce boundaries, even if they seem trivial. For instance, I've told my children that my office and bedroom are off-limits for their playtime because I need these spaces to function effectively and peacefully.

Shared Responsibility
Resentment often comes from feeling that you're carrying too much of a load. This could be physical tasks, but it can also be the mental and emotional load of feeling responsible for everything.

I’m so grateful to have been recommended the Fair Play method by Eve Rodsky, which involves dividing household responsibilities more equitably. We went through the cards together to decide who takes responsibility for various tasks and it helped us gain clarity, understand each other and distribute the load more fairly.

Balancing Work and Motherhood
Lastly, I had to address my capacity for work. Like many mothers, I love my children more than anything, but my work also brings me joy and a sense of purpose. However, it's challenging to find the right balance. I've learned that I need to be realistic about how much work I can handle without compromising my well-being and ability to be a present, happy mother. Remember, it’s crucial to find joy and fulfilment in both your personal and professional roles.

What thoughts and feelings do you experience when you’re out of alignment? 

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