Navigating Healthcare Together: A Husband's Perspective on Men's Health

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Good day everyone, and, once again, thank you so
much for working with us as wewent through some problems, some
technical issues that we weregoing through as we were
beginning to launch on a brandnew platform.
What I do want to do is takethe time to say thank you so
much to Ms Jacqueline Cox, akaListen Linda, for getting us

(00:27):
this far where we feelcomfortable enough to actually
try this on our own to see howwe're doing.
So, once again, a special thankyou and a special shout out to
Jacqueline Cox, aka Listen Linda, for getting us this far, as
far as being able to try it onour own to see.
And, of course, as always, whenyou try something new, very

(00:49):
often you make mistakes and veryoften it's a technical
challenge.
We've gotten through it, though.
We've done this for 30 years.
My husband and I have done thisthrough 30 years of marriage.
Sometimes we're there andsometimes we're not there, but
we're always together, andthat's what's important is that
we understand the importance ofbeing there for not only

(01:10):
ourselves, but being there forour family, our friends, and
being there also for each other.
So, without further ado, I'mgoing to go ahead and once again
introduce you to and introduceyou to my loving husband, mr LC
Washington Jr.
Many of you know me and youhear me and you see me and you

(01:32):
see everything that I've beenable to do.
However, I'm not doing it bymyself, and so, with this being
Men's Health Month, I wanted totake the time to let him tell
his story as far as what it iswhen he goes to the doctor
patient experience, whether he'sgoing with me or whether he's

(01:53):
going on his own.
What are some of the challengeshe faces, so that, as we go
through men's health, men, ifyou're available and you want to
share your stories, please doso.
Once again, thank you so muchfor joining me on Speaking with
Sandra L, and so, withoutfurther ado, I'm going to go
ahead and start asking my lovinghusband some questions.

(02:15):
Hey, honey, how are you?

Speaker 2 (02:18):
I'm doing OK and you.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
I'm doing well.
Well, you know it's us together, so I'm always doing well.
What I do want to ask you isthis you know, many times you go
to the doctor's office and Isee that Ms Jackson Cox is
saying hey, hey, elsie.
So I don't know if you want totake the time to say hi to her,
but we do want to actually askyou.

(02:43):
I want to ask you.
So often you know you're mybackbone, so when I go to the
doctor's office, you're therewith me, and a lot of times when
you don't understand what adoctor is saying, you'll turn to
me and say, well, did youunderstand what they just said?
And I say yes, but there aretimes when you actually go to
the doctor's office by yourself.

(03:04):
So can you share a little bitabout what is that patient
experience when you actually goto the doctor's office by
yourself?
So can you share a little bitabout what is that patient
experience when you're going tothe doctor's office by yourself
and you don't have me sittingthere saying did you understand?
You know to talk about likenudging you to speak.
What is it like for you as apatient?

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Well, first I'd like to say hello to everyone out
here on the broadcast,especially Ms Cox, and to answer
to your question.
If I go to the doctor and theyspeak it to me in a terminology
that I don't understand, doc,you need to break that down,
name and term to me, because Idon't understand what you just
said.
Explain to me as regular, plainEnglish what do that mean?

(03:45):
I don't have a degree inmedical background or anything
like that, so you need to talkto me as an ordinary person,
explain to me what you just saidto me and if you don't
understand, you, as the patient,need to tell the doctor to take
his time and explain this stuffto you in a terminology that
you understand.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
So I have a question.
Very often you'll go to thedoctor and you'll come home and
you'll be frustrated and you'relike I can't believe they said
this.
And I'm like, well, what didthey say?
And you'll tell me some thingsthat the doctor said just
recently.
Let's take just recently, sojust recently.
You went to the doctor's officeand you came home and you said

(04:31):
I'm not understanding something.
And you were frustrated and youwas like I'm not understanding
something.
I said well, what did they tellyou?
She wanted to take me off onemedicine and put me on another
medicine, and she ain't myregular doctor.
Like why would she tell me todo this Right Before you left
the doctor's office with thatpatient experience?

(04:52):
Because would you consider thatto be a good patient experience
?
You know, what would you sayabout that patient experience
where she just told you, withoutknowing you, what she wanted
you to do?

Speaker 2 (05:04):
Well, it was a to me it was a bad patient experience.
But when she told I said, comeon, doc, you're going to take me
on one medicine and then put meon two.
That ain't sounding logical tome and I'm not doing it Now.
It may tag me as a difficultpatient or whatever, but that
didn't sound logical to me.
You don't take me off of onemedicine and put me on two

(05:28):
medicines.
That's doing the same thing asthe one medicine.
No, I'm not willing to do that.
So she was like well, let'sgive it a try, let's give it a
try.
I'm like I don't want to dothis, doc, but you could write
wherever you want in this notes,but I'm not going to take two
medicines what one medicine isdoing, and I was adamant about
it.

(05:48):
So I came home and I told mywife what's wrong with this
doctor.
She want to take me on onemedicine and put me on two
medicines that are doing whatone medicine is doing.
And I told myself I'm not doingit.
I'll just have to wait till mydoctor, who was out on sick
leave, come back and we'll sitdown and talk about it.

(06:08):
But for her not to be myprimary doctor and to tell me to
do something like that.
I think it's totally crazy.
She didn't consult my otherdoctors.
This is just something shewanted to do and I was like I'm
going with that.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
So do you think so?
You said that wasn't a goodpatient experience for you.
Do you think that there areother men that face that
challenge when they go to thedoctor, where the doctor is
telling them hey, I want you tochange medications, and how do
you, you know, how do you dealwith?
What would you suggest to menthat would be a recourse when

(06:46):
they actually are told to switchmedications?
Do you think it's helpful forthem to talk to someone about it
or to say you know what?
I'm never going back to thedoctor again.
What do you think is the bestrecourse for them when they
actually go to the doctor andhave a situation such as what
you had?

Speaker 2 (07:07):
to the doctor and have a situation such as what
you had.
Well, that's probably whatdiscouraging me to go to doctors
when the doctor do somethinglike that.
But I tell men all the timethis is your life, your health.
Don't let that doctordiscourage you from going and
seeing about yourself Justbecause that doctor didn't agree
, we didn't see things eye toeye.
I'm not going to stop going tothe doctor.

(07:28):
I still go to the doctor.
But I'm going to wait till mydoctor come back so we can have
that heart-to-heart talk and ifshe want to change the medicine,
I'll change it.
But for that doctor not to bemy primary and say she was going
to take me off of one medicine,put me on two, that was a no-go
for me.
Stand your ground, fight foryour rights.

(07:48):
This is your life.
So if you're not going to saynothing and speak up about
nothing about your life.
But I said, don't stop going tothe doctor.
That's what's wrong with us man.
We got that macho attitude andthen when you get you wait till
you deadly sick and then youwant to run to the doctor, then
there's no help for you.
You got to go to the doctor ona regular basis.

(08:11):
I know we, as men, be like Iain't running to no doctors.
That's a proud thing, but it'snot.
If you're trying to stay aroundin this world for your children
, your spouse or whoever youwith in this world, for your
children, your spouse or whoeveryou with, ain't nothing wrong
with going to the doctor.
Ain't nothing unmanly aboutgoing to the doctor.
If you're sick, you're sick.

(08:31):
You want to get well, right,you want to feel well.
Go to the doctor.
Stop self-diagnosing yourselfand go to the doctor.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
So what would your suggestion be on how they can
actually say, okay, well, thisdoctor's not working for me, let
me find another doctor.
Or you think it's a good ideato actually say you have your
primary doctor and you have somespecialists?
Do you think it would be a goodidea for them to speak to maybe

(09:16):
one of their specialists andsay, hey, I went to see this
doctor the other day and this iswhat they told me, but I'm not
feeling like that was a correctthing to say?
Or do you think they shouldjust swallow their pride and go
along with what it is thatthey've been told?

Speaker 2 (09:31):
No, if you aren't easy about this, ask another
person, ask another medicalprofession Like you said, your
specialist or ask someone thatyou know in the medical field.
Or come on and ask your wife orsomebody what do you think
about this?
If you're not sure about it,just ask someone else.

(09:52):
Maybe they can direct you orguide you to the way you should
go.
But it's never not good notgoing to the doctor and just
start self-medicating becausenow you don't know what you're
medicating and you don't know ifyou're causing other problems
instead of trying to fix theproblem that you got going on.
So if you're not comfortablewith that doctor, I ain't saying

(10:15):
stop going to the doctor, findanother doctor.
I live with doctors in aheartbeat.
If I feel like they're notdoing what I want to do, my wife
will tell you I'm going tochange doctor.
Go on, do not stop seeing thedoctor, though.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
So I have a question for you, and it centers on you
as being a loving husband.
A lot of times you go with meand a man will go with the woman
to a doctor's office and betold certain things and they not
understand what the wife isbeing told.
Do you think it's good for thatwife and that husband, or that

(10:54):
girlfriend and that boyfriend,especially if they've been in a
long-term relationship?
Do you think it's helpful forhim to even approach her and say
, hey, why did the doctor tellyou this?
If the husband or a boyfriendor brother whoever is the male
with the woman, if they don'tunderstand what a doctor says,

(11:14):
do you think it's okay?
Or do you think it's like, okay, that's her business.
I'm not going to ask her, justlike I wouldn't expect her to
ask me what a doctor meant ifthey said something specific.
Or do you think there's an opendialogue?

Speaker 2 (11:28):
no, this should be an open dialogue between you, your
wife, your girlfriend orwhatever.
Yo, if you, I think your betterhalf should go to the doctor
with you sometime I'm not sayingall the time, but sometime
because she may hear somethingthat doctor saying that you're
overlooking or you may havemissed what that doctor was

(11:48):
saying.
Now I just found out that, likeif you, another woman, two
women, your sister or somebodygo into the doctor with you, the
doctor is not really taking thesister point of view as
important as your point of view.

(12:08):
Society.
Think of it as a man, yourwoman or your wife.
They're going to value youropinion more than they'll value
her sister or cousin or somebodywho went to the doctor with.
So that's significant Other doplay a role, whether you believe
it or not, because the doctoris going to listen to your
better half and see what's heropinion about this health thing

(12:31):
going on with you, as opposed toa sister or brother.
Now, a sister or brother isgood.
Going to the doctor with you,that's no problem, because you
need a second ear.
You may need somebody else tohear what this doctor is saying,
but your significant other, ifthey can go with you, let them
come.
They ain't got to go all thetime, but I let my husband come
with me sometimes.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
And you are so true.
You know what.
And, ladies, he is honestlytelling the truth.
He has one doctor.
He had one doctor.
She since left Chicago, whichis where we reside, but he had
one doctor.
Whenever he made an appointmentwith that doctor, he took me,

(13:17):
he asked me to come with him onetime, ladies, one time and me
and the doctor got to talk abouthim, and that was the last time
.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
That was the last time that I actually was asked
to go with him to that doctor'soffice but if something was
wrong, I let her come back tothe doctor with me to see what
the doctor is saying.
But I let her.
I took her to the doctor andintroduced her to my doctor.
The doctor didn't know mybetter half, but when they got

(13:51):
the bundle in the game I'm likenope.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Guys, don't do what he did.
Please don't do what he did.
Now we literally have the samewhat we have.
We have actually the samedoctors, the same primary care
doctor, and, it's funny.
We love her to death.
She's a beautiful doctor.
We really wish we couldactually somehow or another make

(14:21):
her a duplicate, and we know wecan't do that.
But we do have the same doctorand we make our appointments
together and sometimes he'll sayokay, you can sit out in the
waiting room.
And sometimes he'll ask me tocome in the room with him just
so that I could hear what he'ssaying.

(14:42):
And the doctor will ask well,you want her in here with you or
you want to be in here on yourown?
And I look at him cross-eyedbecause I want to know what's
going on.
Not that I don't trust thathe's going to tell me what's
going on, but I don't want nosurprises.
I guess I don't want nosurprises.
So I go into the doctor'soffice with him.

(15:03):
This last time, when the doctorchanged his medication, his
primary care doctor or I shouldsay our primary care doctor
wasn't available, so he had tosee a substitute doctor and when
he came home frustrated I waslike I knew I should have went
with you and.
But, ladies, sometimes we haveto let men, we have to let them

(15:25):
take control of their own health, and they're not going to do it
if we're with them at everyappointment.
They need to know, hey, I havesomeone at home or whatever the
person that might be that I canpick up and call and say I'm not
agreeing with what this doctorsays.
What should I do?
And when he asked me that, myresponse to him was do you?

(15:47):
I can't tell you, and, ladies,we can't, we can't tell our
husbands, well, you need to dothis, because that's what I
would do.
That's the wrong attitude totake and a lot of times it
actually discourages men fromgoing into the doctor's office
and having that conversation.
They'd rather sit at home andsay well, you know, since we're

(16:08):
going, because whatever happens,they're not going to be happy,
let them man up and let themhandle their man health business
and know that you know, on theother end of them handling it,
if they get stuck or if they getslightly confused about
anything that they have, helpthat they can actually turn to.
But we have to, ladies, we haveto, we have to step up and we

(16:34):
have to say, okay, well, you goahead and you go to the doctor's
office.
Let me know what they say whenthey come home.
And then you have to be womanenough to say, okay, well, what
you're telling me ain't soundingright.
I'm going to pick up the phoneand call myself and ask the
doctor what did he or she mean?
You can't do that, though, ifyou don't have HIPAA documents
signed.
Whether you're married youcould be married 30, 40 years

(16:58):
you cannot get that information.
You cannot get the doctors totalk to you unless you have that
HIPAA documentation.
So you, you know women is a partof a man's life where wants to
get whatever role you play, makesure that you have the HIPAA
documentation that you need tohave signed and with you at all

(17:19):
times, especially when they'regoing to the doctor, so that the
doctor will know okay, it'sokay for us to talk to them.
A lot of times now we haveelectronic health records, so
you can always upload the formsinto your electronic health
record.
But do know that, during thisMen's Health Month, let's, as
ladies, step up to the plate andsay, hey, do you have HIPAA

(17:41):
documents?
How can I help you?
What do you need from me Askingthem those questions and then
if they tell you I don't neednothing from you, I'm cool, I
can go, talk about myself, letthem go.
Let them be that man and letthem go.
Because if they going and theygoing because they want to go,
versus they're going becausewe're forcing them to go my

(18:03):
thinking is and I've seen itover 30 years, I've seen it
where he'll come home and he'llhave that conversation with me
or he'll call me on the phoneand tell me versus me beating
him over the head and saying yougot to go, you got to go, you
got to go, or do this, do this,do this?
It really doesn't work.
We have to encourage our men toget in good health and stay in

(18:25):
good health, and it's not now.
I could be wrong, honey.
So you say it, you know.
You tell me how you feel.
Do you think it would be betterif I went with you to all your
doctor's appointments or if I'mconstantly nagging you all the
time and say you need to do thisand you need to do that, or do
you think you feel morecomfortable having a good

(18:46):
patient experience if you'reallowed to do it on your own?

Speaker 2 (18:52):
I don't want you going to the doctor with me
every time, but generally if yougot a serious condition going
on with your health, you wantyour better half to be there so
that the doctor can explain thisto both of y'all and she know
what's going on.

(19:12):
And you know what's going on.
You may overlook something,because this is your health.
You may not have heardsomething the doctor said or did
, so that's why that secondperson in the room with you is
more important, or did so.
That's why that second personin the room with you is more
important.
Pardon me, I had a rotator cuffsurgery and my wife, I kept
saying, oh, my shoulder hurt,hurt, hurt and I had to go to

(19:41):
the doctor with me.
So the doctor told me to takethe MRIs and this CAT scans and
all these things and I was likewhat did me take all this crap
for?
For shoulder pain?
But they had to do it to findout.
I had a micro tear in my cupand that's what was causing the
pain.
But again then I had got intothe hospital for the COVID stuff

(20:01):
blood clots in both lungs.
Now my wife was getting ready.
I was getting up, going to work.
That morning she came out shewas going somewhere and I swung
my car door open.
Whoa, where you going.
Why you do that?
For Because I can't breathe.
You need to go to the doctor.
So you got to have your spousegoing to the doctor with you

(20:24):
sometime.
I ain't saying all the time, butif you got a health condition
going on, you need your betterhalf there to speak on your
behalf Because, like I said,they will speak to your better
half Because they, like you,know this is what society is
based on man and woman.
You know your wife.

(20:44):
Well, it may be woman and womannow, or man and woman.
You know your wife, well, itmay be woman and woman now, or
man and man, but your spouse gotto be in there with you
sometime to see what's actuallygoing on with your health.
Now I let her go sometime.
I don't want my wife going tothe doctor with me all the time.
I think I'm big enough or manenough to go in here and know
what the doctor is telling me,and I'll come back and tell her.

(21:06):
But she don't need to go toevery appointment with me and I
don't go to every appointmentwith her.
But if it's some serious stuffgoing on oh, I'm going, you
can't tell me don't go, I'mcoming with you, and vice versa.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
I thank you so much for that.
You know, and you're right Alot of times and sometimes
you'll tell me I don't need youto go home, okay.
Or you'll go and I have no ideayou went, until you come home
and you say I went to the doctor.
And this is what they tell me.
And I'm going to be honest,ladies, sometimes I get truly
upset with him, cause I'm likewhy didn't you tell me he was
going to the doctor?

(21:43):
I would have went with you.
And I have to stop.
I had to learn how to stopmyself and brace myself and say
okay, our marriage we've been 30years in our marriage is
dependent on trust and faith inone another, that we're going to
speak up.
And if we come across a patientexperience that's not to our

(22:04):
liking because I've been in ahospital before and he was truly
upset with the care that I wasreceiving he didn't stop at the
nurse's station, he called thehead of the hospital and told
the head of the hospital if youdon't get in there to check on
my wife, I'm going to place someserious complaints.
You don't get in there to checkon my wife, I'm going to place

(22:26):
some serious complaints.
So you know the patientexperience and ensuring that
both of us have a great patientexperience.
It lies on the both of us.
But so that's why sometimes Iget upset and I do.
I truly get you know why youain't tell me.
I would have told you, but thenI had to realize I can't do
that all the time.
I have to let him do his partin being, you know, the husband

(22:46):
playing that patient experiencerole out.
When he, as a husband, playingthat patient experience role out
, as the man who's the lead, whoshould be and is in our family,
who is the head of our family,letting him do that head role by
taking care of himself as wellas everyone else in the family,

(23:07):
and then, as a doting stepdad,he does it all, he plays those
roles and he plays them well.
So during this Men's HealthMonth, before we close out, I
just want to actually once againremind all of you be kind
always, especially during Men'sHealth Month, if you have a man

(23:30):
in your family who, whether it'syour husband, whether it's your
brother, whether it's your son,whether it's a nephew, a friend
, whoever it is, that's a manand you know that they need to
seek medical attention, talk tothem about seeking that medical
attention, but don't beoverbearing or burdensome by

(23:53):
saying you got to do this andyou need to do this and you need
to do that.
Have that open conversationwith them and ask them hey,
you're not feeling well, haveyou thought about going to the
doctor?
What's keeping you from goingto the doctor, giving them that
attention that they need,because that extra stress level

(24:16):
to their lives it never has,especially with us.
It's never amounted to himsaying I really liked that
doctor, that doctor, you knowwhat I had.
You know I ain't no problemgoing to see that doctor, that
you're making that patientexperience better.
But if he's already going inthere, stressed because he's not
feeling well, and we're ridinghim because he's not going to

(24:40):
the doctor, instead of actuallyhaving that open conversation to
get him to see that he needs togo to the doctor, instead of
actually having that openconversation to get him to see
that he needs to go to thedoctor, it doesn't work.
So be kind to our men, be kind,lend that ear, lend that
sympathy, push them, but pushthem gently, not overburden some
and, like I said, addinganother layer of stress to their

(25:03):
already intensive lives.
Let's be kind and be kind.
Being kind is free.
I say that every week.
Being kind is free Can't stopbeing kind.
And it truly, truly matterswhen you're kind to a man,
especially when they're sick orill or just really not feeling

(25:23):
well.
Being kind to a man truly makesa difference and we'll have
healthier men and we'll have ourmen for a long, long time.
And, ladies, we can't live.
You know what?
And I'm saying men, in whateverman role is being played, we
can't do without them.
I mean, we could try, but wecan't do without them, just like

(25:47):
they can't do without us.
So, during this Men's HealthMonth, let's encourage by
speaking life, let's encourageby being kind, let's encourage
by not pounding, pounding,pounding what we want them to do
.
Let them do what they thinkthat they need to do, knowing
that, on the other end of that,what they think they need to do

(26:09):
is not leading up to goodpatient experience for them and
them going to the doctor andthem doing whatever the doctor
asks them to do.
If it's not leading up, theyknow that they have you, their
fallback person, that they cancome to and have a conversation
with and help them figure outexactly where they should be.
So, once again during men'smonth, please be kind to our men

(26:32):
, thank you.
Thank you, honey, for havingthis conversation with me today.
I truly appreciate it and I'mso glad that we've gotten over
the bumps and the hurdles withthis first discussion on our new
platform.
I'm very, very happy and gladthat we did and hopefully we'll
have even more conversations.

(26:54):
I'm looking forward to our nextlive broadcast and podcast,
which will be on June, friday,june 13th.
We will have Welcome toFatherhood and they will be
coming to us, and they will beon June, friday, june 13th.
We will have Welcome toFatherhood and they will be
coming to us and they will betalking about what do you do as
a new dad?
What do you do if you have adad in your family, a dad, and

(27:18):
you come into a situation whereyou're becoming a stepdad or
you're becoming an adopted dad?
What are some of the trips orsome of the tips?
I should say some of the tips,some of the rules, some of the
everything that you can overcomeif you have a support group
around you or a network aroundyou that you can actually go to

(27:41):
and talk to, to figure life out.
With that being said, I'm goingto go ahead and end today's
conversation.
Thank you so much, everyone,for once again helping us get
through this evening.
Love you all and we will lookforward to speaking with you or
sharing our information with youon Friday, june 13th.
The scheduled time is 12 pm CST.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
Thanks everyone, have a good night, good night.