June 13, 2025 • 28 mins
What does it truly mean to be present as a father? How can male role models shape a child's future when biological fathers aren't consistently available? These questions form the heart of our powerful conversation with Sir Royce Briales from Welcome to Fatherhood.
Founded to support fathers across all stages of life, Welcome to Fatherhood has expanded from its Chicago roots to connect with dads nationwide through symposiums, podcasts, and community building. Sir Royce Briales shares the organization's mission of creating stronger father-child bonds while also building bridges between parents to create healthier environments for children.
Through personal stories, Sir Royce Briales reveals how his own father's social abilities and grandfather's work ethic provided foundations for his development, even as his father later struggled with addiction. When his traditional fatherhood faltered, his uncle—who transformed from "street guy" to minister—stepped in as a crucial male figure, demonstrating how positive male influences can guide young men through challenging transitions.
The conversation takes an inspiring turn as Sir Royce Briales discusses the 37-year friendship with his business partner that eventually led to creating Welcome to Fatherhood. Their enduring relationship illustrates how male friendships provide accountability, growth opportunities, and support systems that ultimately benefit children across generations.
For fathers seeking practical guidance, Sir Royce Briales offers two powerful directives: "Be present" and "Show love." Being present means engaging fully with children's activities rather than merely occupying the same space. Expressing love requires both actions and words—understanding a child's unique love language while not hesitating to say "I love you" directly. These seemingly simple practices have profound impacts on children's development and future relationships.
Whether you're a new father, experienced dad, or someone supporting fathers in your community, this episode provides valuable insights into creating the meaningful connections children need to thrive. Subscribe now to join our ongoing exploration of what true fatherhood means in today's world.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Thank you.
Thank you, good day everyoneand thank you so much for
joining in today's very specialsession.
Today we have both of ourgentlemen from Welcome to
Fatherhood.
We're having some additionaltechnical problems right now,
but we're going to go ahead andget started and hopefully we
(01:59):
will soon be able to join DrRahim into this studio with us
today.
I'm not sure what's going on,but I'm not one that believes in
stopping anything, so we willgo ahead and go on and
prayerfully I said hopefully I'mgoing to change that to
prayerfully Prayerfully he willbe able to come on.
Dr Servois, are you able tohear me?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yes, loud and clear, Can you hear me?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Okay, I can hear you, so are you okay with us
proceeding on?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
All right, thank you so much and, first and foremost,
before we get started, I dowant to say to you thank you so
very much for joining in thissession.
I appreciate you.
I also want to start off bysaying happy Father's Day.
You know, I had to laughyesterday because I saw a sign
that came across my Facebookpost that said happy Father's
(02:55):
Day, happy Father's Week, and Iwas like you know what this is
so right, mother's Week.
We always say happy Mother'sWeek, like we give us a whole
week.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Right, we need a week .
We always say happy mother'sweek, like we give us a whole
week.
Right, we need a week too.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Come on now, as much as they do need a week as well,
and you're so correct in sayingthat they, they most definitely
you guys most definitely deservea week.
So happy father's week, eventhough we only have like three
more days, right?
Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and get started.
I am going to ask you.
I sent you some questions, butone question that I did forget
to ask you is if you couldplease tell us what Welcome to
Fatherhood, what the nonprofitfoundation does, where it's
located and who you actuallyservice.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yeah.
So Welcome to Fatherhood wascreated to help dads of all ages
and all stages cope with thepressures and the stresses of
being dads.
When we first started it we hadthe idea to help younger dads,
but the more we did the work,the more we saw that pretty much
all dads need support.
(04:11):
So we've been pretty muchsteady helping all the way from
dads to granddads.
And we were based in Chicago,so our base is in the Austin
like Oak Park area, but we weservice dads everywhere all
across the nation.
We've we've had dads we'veconnected with from North
(04:34):
Carolina all the way toCalifornia.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
And now is it just dads that you service?
Is it sometimes that you allowus women to come into your
conversations, that you host?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
yeah, that's a good question.
So, yeah, we, we do invite momsinto the calls that we have.
We have uh symposiums that wedo.
We do twice a month, on thefirst and third thursday of
every month, and we uh designtopics to kind of, you know, get
dads to open up and talk, and,uh, we do invite moms onto the
calls too.
So we feel that you, we need tobuild that bridge between the
(05:08):
mom and the dad to have astronger bond, which will also
help raise stronger andhealthier kids.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
All right and I thank you so much for that
information.
And are you?
How can people find you Like?
Are you on Instagram?
Are you on Facebook?
Where, exactly as far as socialmedia, are you located at?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Yeah, so we're pretty much all over.
We have, you know, Instagramaccount, LinkedIn, Facebook.
We're on Twitter, but we're notreally active on Twitter, but
you can find us there too.
Also, we have a podcast that wedo.
It's called Welcome toFatherhood Interviews.
You can find that on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Okay, thank you so much for that.
Now I'm going to go ahead anddive into the questions that I
do have, that I prepared for you, that I actually asked you to
look at, and we're going tostart off with the first
question.
What were some of the keylessons about being a man or a
father that you learned fromyour father or from other role
models as you was growing up.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I think for me seeing my dad, you know, be like a
social butterfly.
He always was able to talk topeople, able even uh talk to
strangers and make it seem likehe knew him for 20 years.
So uh being able to be sociableuh has helped me uh in regards
(06:33):
to networking and communicatingwith different people.
In regards to fatherhood, uhand my grandfather was a hard
worker, so he was a policeofficer for over 30 years.
So, seeing his work ethic, itwas really foundational for me
to see what he did growing up.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
All right, Thank you for that.
And how did your fatherdemonstrate love and care?
I know you said that he alwaysspoke up and he was always there
.
He was compassionate, but inwhat?
Can you give us some examplesof what you saw and he was like?
When I grow up, I'm going to bejust like my dad.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, I think the quality time he spent with us
because my mom and my dad endedup getting separated.
They never got divorced, butthey got separated when I was a
teenager.
But before that he was for themost part present in the home.
He was a handyman too, so healways was able to fix things.
So he always would be asking meto pass him the hammer, pass
(07:32):
him the screwdriver.
So you know he showed me hishandyman side.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So he was there, he was present when he was around
until they got separated okay,and so after they separated you,
did you guys still have like areally close relationship, like
once they were separated, were?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
you still really close not exactly, because, um,
my dad had a issue with drugs sohe ended up going into rehab
and after that it was prettymuch touch and go.
Uh, so we, we kind of separatedfrom each other.
We would, would you know, govisit him from time to time, but
you know, after they gotseparated it wasn't really ever
(08:13):
the same as far as us likeconstantly being with him or
even communicating with himsometimes.
We missed that once they gotseparated.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Oh, wow you know, and you bring up a really important
point and that's this you know,even though you know, when you
were with him, he, even thoughyou know and I'm not sure if he
was on drugs, when he was afamily man, like when he was
constantly there but he stilltook care of, took time until he
couldn't any longer.
(08:43):
Because, you know, in myopinion and I could be wrong
about this, but in my opinionthe drugs took over, but up
until the point where he waslike under control with the
drugs, he was like there and hewould take you guys places and
show you things and try to justbe a family man until life got
too you know, too much in theway for him.
Is that true or am I like, offcourse?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
No, that's spot on.
Yeah, that was the, uh, thehardest part, like seeing him go
through you know the, thechange from you know being there
consistently to you know kindof faltering and losing his way
a little bit.
But um, I was blessed, likebefore he passed he I actually
came around and he was around usa lot more um, so we, I got a
(09:26):
chance to spend some more timewith him and get connected with
him again before he passed away.
I was just had turned 21 whenhe died.
I got a chance to really spendsome time with him.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
That was good.
It was Whenever you could spendtime with your dad.
I have to say this I knowyou're very, very frequently on
Facebook, whenever you couldspend time with your dad.
You know.
I have to say this I know youknow you're very, very
frequently on Facebook and youask us some really interesting
questions, and I'm so glad thatone of the questions you asked
was you know, what memory do youhave of your dad?
Right, my dad died when I was atoddler.
(10:05):
I think I was maybe four orfive when my dad passed away,
and so I really can't answerthat question.
But to see the questions onthere, you know, that are being
asked on there, and some of theanswers that are being asked on
there, I'm like I'm hoping,while they're thinking about the
difficult things and you know,maybe dad isn't there that if
their dad is still alive, thatthey're still trying to relish
(10:26):
in that thought that he is stillhere so you could still do what
.
I know sometimes you can't, andI know sometimes it's hard to
connect with a father thatwasn't there in your life or
didn't do things, but he's stilla parent and some of us don't
have that parent figure becausethey're deceased or whatever, in
(10:47):
prison or whatever, whereverelse they might be.
So we don't have that parentfigure because they're, you know
, deceased or whatever, inprison or whatever, wherever
else they might be.
So we don't have a chance toactually reach out and touch.
But, if we can, I encourageeveryone to reach out and touch
your dad because he is yourparent and, yes, he may have
done some wrong but once again,he is a parent.
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
No, go ahead.
I was about to say say I agreewith you definitely, uh, take
advantage of your dad or beingbeing around your dad while you
can, because it's not guaranteedthat you'll have it today or
tomorrow right.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Well, and that's what both parents.
But since we're talking aboutfathers, I do want to, you know,
focus specifically on dads,because a lot of times, like I
said earlier, you know, hey,that was my happy father's week
and I, I was like, oh, you knowwhat, that is right.
Like we haven't said happyfather's week the same way we
say happy mother's week.
Right, we'll celebrate mother'sweek and we celebrate mother's
(11:39):
every day, all day, but we still, during that week in May, we
still make sure that we put itout there Like this is mother's
day, it's mother's week, and wedon't do the same thing for dads
.
And some people listening mightsay, well, they don't deserve to
have the same thing.
That's true, but for those ofus that do have dads or husbands
or brothers or sons in ourfamilies, that do step up and
(12:02):
above, like Sir Royce and likeDr Rahim, who would have been
here only due to some technicalissues, it doesn't look like
we're going to be able to addhim today, but there are guys
that are stepping up, and notonly are they stepping up,
they're showing up when theystep up.
So, ladies, you know, I'm goingto start something.
Y'all hold me to the fire.
(12:23):
Next year we're going to have amen's week, just like we have a
women's week.
There you go, the fire Next yearwe're going to have a men's
week, just like we have awomen's week.
Let me know, hey.
Sam we're going to have a men'sweek.
Where is it I'm going to?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
hold you to that, Sandra.
I'm going to hold you to that.
What important were male rolemodels.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Like you said, your dad wasn't around once you
became a teenager.
How important were other malerole models in?
You said your dad wasn't aroundonce you became a teenager?
How?
How important were other malerole models in your life and in
what ways did they influence you?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
uh, very important.
I would say, uh, my uncle, uh,he's an ordained minister, uh,
he was actually becoming aminister during that time when
he, when my dad was, you know,going through his issues.
So, um, he was really importantbecause he, you know, he took
me under his wing, um, you know,in a lot of ways and he kind of
, you know, uh, took me tochurch.
That got me around somepositive people and just seeing
(13:18):
him going from where he wasbecause he was more of a a
street guy, you know, when I wasa kid growing up, he was in the
streets but he went from thatto uh, uh went to a totally
different direction and becominga pastor or a minister and, um,
that showed me a lot that youcan really, like, you know,
change your life around and, um,he was a really positive
influence for me growing up.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And you know, and what I do want to say cause I do
hope Dr Rahim is at leastlistening to us what I do want
to say is I remember when Ifirst met you I met you through
LinkedIn and I found out youguys were in Chicago, so you're
actually in the suburb ofChicago.
But I was like, oh, they'reright here with me.
I'm going to actually reach outto them.
But I remember actually askingyou a question and you told me,
(14:05):
like you know what.
It just so happened.
This is a period in my life thatI was going through and I was
literally like struggling, like,okay, how do I do this?
I'm gonna be a come, a dad, howdo I do this?
And you reached out to dr rahimand dr rahim and you told dr
rahim what you wanted to do anddr rahim was like, let's do it.
And you guys got it done.
(14:26):
And then you know, and seeingthe two of you and knowing that,
to get them to know the two ofyou, and seeing the two of you
in person, I'm like, wow, theyreally gel well together.
So can you give our listeningaudience some tips on how you
build that relationship withsomeone that you're looking for
a mentor, perhaps as a man, andyou need someone that you can
(14:48):
trust or that you know thinkingalong the same lines as you.
Can you just give us somepointers and some tips on how
you and Dr Rahim's relationshipbecame as strong as it currently
is?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Yeah, well, I've known this guy for how many
years it's been?
37 years now.
Yeah, we were five years oldwhen we met, so I met him in
kindergarten, yeah, and we grewup together, went through grade
school together.
We had some of the same teachersgoing up through grade school,
(15:20):
even through high school, and wealways stayed close, even after
we graduated.
He went to college and westayed close and we eventually
started doing real estate and Ithink it was 2005.
But then the real estate bubblehappened and we couldn't do
real estate.
No, we stopped, we pivoted andwe went a couple of years
without really doing anythingentrepreneurial, you know but we
(15:43):
eventually decided this was2015.
We eventually decided this was2015.
My wife at the time she waspregnant and she said she was
expecting my first son and wewere meeting to talk about
different business ideas, likewhat can we do to start a
business?
And the conversation alwaysswitched towards what to expect
(16:03):
as a dad, as a new dad, and DrRahim he was already a dad, so
he had experience already.
So I was kind of asking himabout different things, like how
many times you wake up in themiddle of the night, you know
how many diapers you had tochange, you know that kind of
stuff.
And um, that's when the lightbulb clicked for both of us.
Like man, why don't we dosomething for dads, for fathers.
And, um, literally that night Iwent home and the name for the
(16:27):
business hit me like Welcome toFatherhood WTF, like the double
entendre, and I kind of laughedto myself.
Then I text him like hey, man,I got the name for it, you know,
welcome to Fatherhood.
And we kind of laughed about it.
And really shortly after that,maybe like a month after that,
we got incorporated and then westarted doing the work.
(16:47):
Shortly after that, like I said, over 30 years we go way back.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
You know what, and that's simply.
You know.
It's not all shocking, but it'ssimply amazing that you two
have been friends for that long.
Sometimes in life you comeacross people that you know you
might make friends with, butthen you never see them again or
you never talk to them again,and then, maybe 10 years down
the line, you run into eachother, and that's the way life
(17:17):
is.
But then there are those in ourlives that we met 37, 40 years
ago and they become more than afriend, they become family.
Right, you know, we, we knoweach other so very well that we
the jail is just there and itbecomes an inborn and outborn
family.
(17:37):
That's one of that, and fromthat, like you said, dr Rahim, I
already had children, but fromthat.
So then your children benefit,right, yeah, because they get a
chance to know each other andthey get a chance to monitor
each other and mentor each other, and so the kids then have
someone that they can turn toand say hey, I need help with
this, you know, and it's goodfor especially our little girls
(18:00):
that don't have men in theirfamily.
If they're, you know, ifthere's someone there that they
close to, that they can touch,that they can speak to.
It helps a lot, because thenthey have that male figure and
the same thing with the men.
If the children are involvedand they're of both sexes, then
both get to actually enjoy eachother and learn from each other
and grow, and so that 37 years,47, 57 years and so forth
(18:25):
because then you havegrandchildren that you add into
that mix and so that communityof two continues to grow I think
that's awesome.
37 years, wow.
You two have been friendslonger than me and my husband
have been married.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
How many years for you two?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It'll be 30 years on, july 16th.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Oh, wow, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Y'all got to speak about seven years.
And, it's funny, another couplelast week and they've been
married.
The husband was telling mewe've been married for 45 years.
So I was like, well, we'regoing to try to catch y'all.
He was like the only way you'regoing to try to catch us is if
we ain't on earth, no more.
That's the only way you got 30in the 45 and we ain't here, no
(19:13):
more than we, you know, then youcould have a chance to get the
45.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
So I have that's the only chance, right?
Speaker 1 (19:22):
that's funny my hand would just have to disappear off
the earth for us to say, okay,well, we've been married longer
than they was friends.
Um, this is that's just howlife is.
It's just funny like that.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
And then, what are two words of advice that you can
leave to our young men on theimportance of being great dads?
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Two words Be present.
So work on mindfulness, becausewhen you're with your kids,
that's really the only time thatreally matters, because they're
only kids for a certain amountof time.
Like my oldest is already.
He's about to be 14 this yearand the time is flying Like I
(20:07):
can't.
I can't even think about, likeyou know where the last you know
12, 13 years have gone, youknow.
But my main thing that I wouldsay to dads listening is be
present.
Find a way to be present.
Not just like have your kidsturn on a video game and you
walk out the room.
Like actually sit there withthem, maybe play the game with
(20:28):
them If they're on the tablet,go sit down with them and look
at what they're watching and getinvolved with what they're
doing.
Like, really be present withyour kids, because you only got
a certain amount of time to bethere with them as a kid, so
enjoy that time.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Okay, so being present is one, and I'm glad you
said be present, and I'm gladyou explained a little bit, went
into detail in reference towhat being present is.
Being present doesn't just meanyou know showing up whenever
you feel like showing up.
It does, in fact, mean you knowprioritizing your life, and I'm
with you.
Kids are only kids for so long,and then they become adults.
(21:08):
Well, kids are kids rightBefore they become adults.
Kids are kids and then theybecome adults.
Well, kids are kids rightBefore they become adults.
Kids are kids and then theybecome teens, and then that's a
whole new spectrum that you'redealing with.
When they become teens, becausethey're entering into a new
realm of life.
And guess what?
So are you as a parent, becausenow you're a parent of a teen,
and so sometimes you're like,okay, well, I'm going to
(21:29):
actually, you know, tell yousome things, or I'm going to
actually do some things with you, right, but you don't get a
chance because when you go tosleep and wake up, I'm in there,
an adult, and they're answeringadulthood.
So here you missed a chance ofbeing present for them when they
were babies because you weredoing whatever it is that you
wanted to do and sometimes itdidn't involve your children.
(21:50):
Then they became teens and yougot the two just clash because
they're going through their teenthing.
So of course they want to youknow, either man up or woman up
and show you that they don'treally need you, even though
they do, but they don't reallyneed you and they want to do
life the way they want to dolife.
But you're like, but you're notready to do life like that yet.
So you as a parent becomeoverwhelming because you're like
(22:13):
I'm just trying to tell themsomething and then you throw
your hands up in the air Rightand say I don't have nothing to
do with them, because they'renot listening.
They're hard headed Right.
And our black children,especially our black males, as
they become teens they don'trealize it, but they're put into
a whole new system, societalsystem.
(22:34):
They're put into and it's notfair.
But life isn't fair, right?
So you as a dad, if you have ateenager, please try to make
that time.
Prioritization means that youmake your children first,
because they're not going to bechildren always.
And when they stop beingchildren and they stop being
teens and they become adults,then a lot of times not all the
(22:57):
time, but a lot of times you getthe chance to do those things
that you've been wanting to doall your life.
Right, but making the decisionto become a father is a decision
that you have to live with, forand you should be living with
and I know that I'm preaching tothe choir because that's
something that you're doing butI'm hoping that, having this
(23:17):
conversation between you and I,that we reach those that are not
doing what they're supposed tobe doing, that are just you know
, I'll get with them when I getwith them, or for whatever
reason you know.
And, ladies, let's stop usingour children as bait.
Let's stop using our childrenas an intermediary.
You don't do this, I'm notgoing to do that, because in the
(23:37):
end, it winds up hurting thatchild more so than you would
believe.
It hurts them to know that theywere used as a central focus of
you trying to get over or youtrying to do anything with the
man.
Let the man, if they want to be,let them be the dads that they
can be, so that our childrengrow up, especially our
(23:57):
African-American children andour Latino children, especially
so that they can grow upunderstanding how society works
for them, because without it,when they become adults.
Guess what A lot of timesthey're lost by men, and we
can't afford to lose ourchildren like that.
So I thank you for saying beingpresent and actually
introducing what being presentmeans.
(24:19):
And now, is there any?
Can you give us another tip oranother word that you can leave
the man with?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I say, uh, love show uh, show love and uh say I love
you.
I actually say love, show loveand say I love you, like
actually say it.
A lot of times we just kind ofgo through the motions as
parents and we kind of miss outon just the little things.
As far as just saying I loveyou, it makes a big difference
(24:48):
in a child's development to knowthat they're loved.
And what I mean by show love, Imean like I'm not sure if
you're familiar with the fivelove languages, but like the
kids have love languages toowhen it comes to acts of service
, gifts, physical touch.
Did I say words of affirmationalready?
(25:10):
Words of affirmation?
I always miss one of them.
Yeah, it's good to find outwhat your kids' love languages
are so you can fill up theirbuckets.
You know, because you know.
You need to know what makesyour kids tick in that way so
you can show them love better.
So I would say my next word ifI had to pick a word, I would
(25:31):
say love.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Yeah, and thank you for saying that.
You know, saying it and showinglove to our children is
extremely important.
That we do both.
You know we can say, you knowwe can do it and say, well, I
did it because I love you.
But using those three lettersand talking those three letters
to our children every dayespecially men with your
(25:54):
children I don't care whetheryou have girls or boys making
sure that they understand that,yes, they are loved, showing
them and telling them, yes, theyare loved, as much as you
possibly can, because, onceagain, we have our children,
their babies.
They become adolescents, theybecome adults, and imagine going
through life and not hearing aword from your dad hey, I love
(26:18):
you.
You know, imagine, just imagine.
And so then, when they get intoa female, you know, and they
get into a relationship, whetherit's with a female or whether
it was another male, they getinto a relationship, and they've
never heard those words.
A lot of times they're takenadvantage of because those words
have never been spoken to them,and so they really don't
understand what it is to knowlove, and so they're thinking
(26:43):
that whatever someone gives tothem, that's love, but it's not.
They don't know that, though,because they've never been shown
and they've never been toldthat, hey, I love you.
So I appreciate you sayingthose words.
I appreciate you spending timetoday with us, especially
because we have father's day onSunday, so especially because
(27:06):
you took the time out of yourbusy schedule to come to us
before father's Day, before guys, you know, if you're thinking
about having children, make sureyou're sitting down and you're
understanding what it means tobe a father.
Being a father means more thanputting your name on the birth
certificate.
Being a father means more thanjust showing up whenever you
feel like it's okay for you toshow up.
(27:28):
Our kids need love and ifyou're with someone and you're,
you know you're thinking abouthaving children.
Sit down and have thatconversation with that other
person.
You know, if we have thesechildren, what's going to happen
if we break up.
Will we have a strongrelationship?
Will I have a support networkaround me to help me, to support
me, to continue to be in mychild's life?
(27:51):
And if your answer is, well, noand you still have some
questions, please reach out tothe Surveys, browse or
welcometoffatherhoodorg or DrRaheem Young so that they can
get you the help that you needand assistance and support that
you need so that bringing a babyinto this world doesn't stop
with the baby being born, but itcontinues throughout the baby's
(28:13):
life.
So thank you, dr Surboys.
I certainly appreciate you forbeing with me today and enjoying
this conversation.
Have the rest of a great day, abeautiful weekend and, once
again, happy Father's Day.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Thank you, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Thank you, happy Father's.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Day everybody.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Bye.
Thank you.
Thank you, good day everyoneand thank you so much for
joining in today's very specialsession.
Today we have both of ourgentlemen from Welcome to
Fatherhood.
We're having some additionaltechnical problems right now,
but we're going to go ahead andget started and hopefully we
(01:59):
will soon be able to join DrRahim into this studio with us
today.
I'm not sure what's going on,but I'm not one that believes in
stopping anything, so we willgo ahead and go on and
prayerfully I said hopefully I'mgoing to change that to
prayerfully Prayerfully he willbe able to come on.
Dr Servois, are you able tohear me?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yes, loud and clear, Can you hear me?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Okay, I can hear you, so are you okay with us
proceeding on?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
All right, thank you so much and, first and foremost,
before we get started, I dowant to say to you thank you so
very much for joining in thissession.
I appreciate you.
I also want to start off bysaying happy Father's Day.
You know, I had to laughyesterday because I saw a sign
that came across my Facebookpost that said happy Father's
(02:55):
Day, happy Father's Week, and Iwas like you know what this is
so right, mother's Week.
We always say happy Mother'sWeek, like we give us a whole
week.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Right, we need a week .
We always say happy mother'sweek, like we give us a whole
week.
Right, we need a week too.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Come on now, as much as they do need a week as well,
and you're so correct in sayingthat they, they most definitely
you guys most definitely deservea week.
So happy father's week, eventhough we only have like three
more days, right?
Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and get started.
I am going to ask you.
I sent you some questions, butone question that I did forget
to ask you is if you couldplease tell us what Welcome to
Fatherhood, what the nonprofitfoundation does, where it's
located and who you actuallyservice.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yeah.
So Welcome to Fatherhood wascreated to help dads of all ages
and all stages cope with thepressures and the stresses of
being dads.
When we first started it we hadthe idea to help younger dads,
but the more we did the work,the more we saw that pretty much
all dads need support.
(04:11):
So we've been pretty muchsteady helping all the way from
dads to granddads.
And we were based in Chicago,so our base is in the Austin
like Oak Park area, but we weservice dads everywhere all
across the nation.
We've we've had dads we'veconnected with from North
(04:34):
Carolina all the way toCalifornia.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
And now is it just dads that you service?
Is it sometimes that you allowus women to come into your
conversations, that you host?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
yeah, that's a good question.
So, yeah, we, we do invite momsinto the calls that we have.
We have uh symposiums that wedo.
We do twice a month, on thefirst and third thursday of
every month, and we uh designtopics to kind of, you know, get
dads to open up and talk, and,uh, we do invite moms onto the
calls too.
So we feel that you, we need tobuild that bridge between the
(05:08):
mom and the dad to have astronger bond, which will also
help raise stronger andhealthier kids.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
All right and I thank you so much for that
information.
And are you?
How can people find you Like?
Are you on Instagram?
Are you on Facebook?
Where, exactly as far as socialmedia, are you located at?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Yeah, so we're pretty much all over.
We have, you know, Instagramaccount, LinkedIn, Facebook.
We're on Twitter, but we're notreally active on Twitter, but
you can find us there too.
Also, we have a podcast that wedo.
It's called Welcome toFatherhood Interviews.
You can find that on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Okay, thank you so much for that.
Now I'm going to go ahead anddive into the questions that I
do have, that I prepared for you, that I actually asked you to
look at, and we're going tostart off with the first
question.
What were some of the keylessons about being a man or a
father that you learned fromyour father or from other role
models as you was growing up.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I think for me seeing my dad, you know, be like a
social butterfly.
He always was able to talk topeople, able even uh talk to
strangers and make it seem likehe knew him for 20 years.
So uh being able to be sociableuh has helped me uh in regards
(06:33):
to networking and communicatingwith different people.
In regards to fatherhood, uhand my grandfather was a hard
worker, so he was a policeofficer for over 30 years.
So, seeing his work ethic, itwas really foundational for me
to see what he did growing up.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
All right, Thank you for that.
And how did your fatherdemonstrate love and care?
I know you said that he alwaysspoke up and he was always there
.
He was compassionate, but inwhat?
Can you give us some examplesof what you saw and he was like?
When I grow up, I'm going to bejust like my dad.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, I think the quality time he spent with us
because my mom and my dad endedup getting separated.
They never got divorced, butthey got separated when I was a
teenager.
But before that he was for themost part present in the home.
He was a handyman too, so healways was able to fix things.
So he always would be asking meto pass him the hammer, pass
(07:32):
him the screwdriver.
So you know he showed me hishandyman side.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So he was there, he was present when he was around
until they got separated okay,and so after they separated you,
did you guys still have like areally close relationship, like
once they were separated, were?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
you still really close not exactly, because, um,
my dad had a issue with drugs sohe ended up going into rehab
and after that it was prettymuch touch and go.
Uh, so we, we kind of separatedfrom each other.
We would, would you know, govisit him from time to time, but
you know, after they gotseparated it wasn't really ever
(08:13):
the same as far as us likeconstantly being with him or
even communicating with himsometimes.
We missed that once they gotseparated.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Oh, wow you know, and you bring up a really important
point and that's this you know,even though you know, when you
were with him, he, even thoughyou know and I'm not sure if he
was on drugs, when he was afamily man, like when he was
constantly there but he stilltook care of, took time until he
couldn't any longer.
(08:43):
Because, you know, in myopinion and I could be wrong
about this, but in my opinionthe drugs took over, but up
until the point where he waslike under control with the
drugs, he was like there and hewould take you guys places and
show you things and try to justbe a family man until life got
too you know, too much in theway for him.
Is that true or am I like, offcourse?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
No, that's spot on.
Yeah, that was the, uh, thehardest part, like seeing him go
through you know the, thechange from you know being there
consistently to you know kindof faltering and losing his way
a little bit.
But um, I was blessed, likebefore he passed he I actually
came around and he was around usa lot more um, so we, I got a
(09:26):
chance to spend some more timewith him and get connected with
him again before he passed away.
I was just had turned 21 whenhe died.
I got a chance to really spendsome time with him.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
That was good.
It was Whenever you could spendtime with your dad.
I have to say this I knowyou're very, very frequently on
Facebook, whenever you couldspend time with your dad.
You know.
I have to say this I know youknow you're very, very
frequently on Facebook and youask us some really interesting
questions, and I'm so glad thatone of the questions you asked
was you know, what memory do youhave of your dad?
Right, my dad died when I was atoddler.
(10:05):
I think I was maybe four orfive when my dad passed away,
and so I really can't answerthat question.
But to see the questions onthere, you know, that are being
asked on there, and some of theanswers that are being asked on
there, I'm like I'm hoping,while they're thinking about the
difficult things and you know,maybe dad isn't there that if
their dad is still alive, thatthey're still trying to relish
(10:26):
in that thought that he is stillhere so you could still do what
.
I know sometimes you can't, andI know sometimes it's hard to
connect with a father thatwasn't there in your life or
didn't do things, but he's stilla parent and some of us don't
have that parent figure becausethey're deceased or whatever, in
(10:47):
prison or whatever, whereverelse they might be.
So we don't have that parentfigure because they're, you know
, deceased or whatever, inprison or whatever, wherever
else they might be.
So we don't have a chance toactually reach out and touch.
But, if we can, I encourageeveryone to reach out and touch
your dad because he is yourparent and, yes, he may have
done some wrong but once again,he is a parent.
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
No, go ahead.
I was about to say say I agreewith you definitely, uh, take
advantage of your dad or beingbeing around your dad while you
can, because it's not guaranteedthat you'll have it today or
tomorrow right.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Well, and that's what both parents.
But since we're talking aboutfathers, I do want to, you know,
focus specifically on dads,because a lot of times, like I
said earlier, you know, hey,that was my happy father's week
and I, I was like, oh, you knowwhat, that is right.
Like we haven't said happyfather's week the same way we
say happy mother's week.
Right, we'll celebrate mother'sweek and we celebrate mother's
(11:39):
every day, all day, but we still, during that week in May, we
still make sure that we put itout there Like this is mother's
day, it's mother's week, and wedon't do the same thing for dads
.
And some people listening mightsay, well, they don't deserve to
have the same thing.
That's true, but for those ofus that do have dads or husbands
or brothers or sons in ourfamilies, that do step up and
(12:02):
above, like Sir Royce and likeDr Rahim, who would have been
here only due to some technicalissues, it doesn't look like
we're going to be able to addhim today, but there are guys
that are stepping up, and notonly are they stepping up,
they're showing up when theystep up.
So, ladies, you know, I'm goingto start something.
Y'all hold me to the fire.
(12:23):
Next year we're going to have amen's week, just like we have a
women's week.
There you go, the fire Next yearwe're going to have a men's
week, just like we have awomen's week.
Let me know, hey.
Sam we're going to have a men'sweek.
Where is it I'm going to?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
hold you to that, Sandra.
I'm going to hold you to that.
What important were male rolemodels.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Like you said, your dad wasn't around once you
became a teenager.
How important were other malerole models in?
You said your dad wasn't aroundonce you became a teenager?
How?
How important were other malerole models in your life and in
what ways did they influence you?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
uh, very important.
I would say, uh, my uncle, uh,he's an ordained minister, uh,
he was actually becoming aminister during that time when
he, when my dad was, you know,going through his issues.
So, um, he was really importantbecause he, you know, he took
me under his wing, um, you know,in a lot of ways and he kind of
, you know, uh, took me tochurch.
That got me around somepositive people and just seeing
(13:18):
him going from where he wasbecause he was more of a a
street guy, you know, when I wasa kid growing up, he was in the
streets but he went from thatto uh, uh went to a totally
different direction and becominga pastor or a minister and, um,
that showed me a lot that youcan really, like, you know,
change your life around and, um,he was a really positive
influence for me growing up.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And you know, and what I do want to say cause I do
hope Dr Rahim is at leastlistening to us what I do want
to say is I remember when Ifirst met you I met you through
LinkedIn and I found out youguys were in Chicago, so you're
actually in the suburb ofChicago.
But I was like, oh, they'reright here with me.
I'm going to actually reach outto them.
But I remember actually askingyou a question and you told me,
(14:05):
like you know what.
It just so happened.
This is a period in my life thatI was going through and I was
literally like struggling, like,okay, how do I do this?
I'm gonna be a come, a dad, howdo I do this?
And you reached out to dr rahimand dr rahim and you told dr
rahim what you wanted to do anddr rahim was like, let's do it.
And you guys got it done.
(14:26):
And then you know, and seeingthe two of you and knowing that,
to get them to know the two ofyou, and seeing the two of you
in person, I'm like, wow, theyreally gel well together.
So can you give our listeningaudience some tips on how you
build that relationship withsomeone that you're looking for
a mentor, perhaps as a man, andyou need someone that you can
(14:48):
trust or that you know thinkingalong the same lines as you.
Can you just give us somepointers and some tips on how
you and Dr Rahim's relationshipbecame as strong as it currently
is?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Yeah, well, I've known this guy for how many
years it's been?
37 years now.
Yeah, we were five years oldwhen we met, so I met him in
kindergarten, yeah, and we grewup together, went through grade
school together.
We had some of the same teachersgoing up through grade school,
(15:20):
even through high school, and wealways stayed close, even after
we graduated.
He went to college and westayed close and we eventually
started doing real estate and Ithink it was 2005.
But then the real estate bubblehappened and we couldn't do
real estate.
No, we stopped, we pivoted andwe went a couple of years
without really doing anythingentrepreneurial, you know but we
(15:43):
eventually decided this was2015.
We eventually decided this was2015.
My wife at the time she waspregnant and she said she was
expecting my first son and wewere meeting to talk about
different business ideas, likewhat can we do to start a
business?
And the conversation alwaysswitched towards what to expect
(16:03):
as a dad, as a new dad, and DrRahim he was already a dad, so
he had experience already.
So I was kind of asking himabout different things, like how
many times you wake up in themiddle of the night, you know
how many diapers you had tochange, you know that kind of
stuff.
And um, that's when the lightbulb clicked for both of us.
Like man, why don't we dosomething for dads, for fathers.
And, um, literally that night Iwent home and the name for the
(16:27):
business hit me like Welcome toFatherhood WTF, like the double
entendre, and I kind of laughedto myself.
Then I text him like hey, man,I got the name for it, you know,
welcome to Fatherhood.
And we kind of laughed about it.
And really shortly after that,maybe like a month after that,
we got incorporated and then westarted doing the work.
(16:47):
Shortly after that, like I said, over 30 years we go way back.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
You know what, and that's simply.
You know.
It's not all shocking, but it'ssimply amazing that you two
have been friends for that long.
Sometimes in life you comeacross people that you know you
might make friends with, butthen you never see them again or
you never talk to them again,and then, maybe 10 years down
the line, you run into eachother, and that's the way life
(17:17):
is.
But then there are those in ourlives that we met 37, 40 years
ago and they become more than afriend, they become family.
Right, you know, we, we knoweach other so very well that we
the jail is just there and itbecomes an inborn and outborn
family.
(17:37):
That's one of that, and fromthat, like you said, dr Rahim, I
already had children, but fromthat.
So then your children benefit,right, yeah, because they get a
chance to know each other andthey get a chance to monitor
each other and mentor each other, and so the kids then have
someone that they can turn toand say hey, I need help with
this, you know, and it's goodfor especially our little girls
(18:00):
that don't have men in theirfamily.
If they're, you know, ifthere's someone there that they
close to, that they can touch,that they can speak to.
It helps a lot, because thenthey have that male figure and
the same thing with the men.
If the children are involvedand they're of both sexes, then
both get to actually enjoy eachother and learn from each other
and grow, and so that 37 years,47, 57 years and so forth
(18:25):
because then you havegrandchildren that you add into
that mix and so that communityof two continues to grow I think
that's awesome.
37 years, wow.
You two have been friendslonger than me and my husband
have been married.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
How many years for you two?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It'll be 30 years on, july 16th.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Oh, wow, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Y'all got to speak about seven years.
And, it's funny, another couplelast week and they've been
married.
The husband was telling mewe've been married for 45 years.
So I was like, well, we'regoing to try to catch y'all.
He was like the only way you'regoing to try to catch us is if
we ain't on earth, no more.
That's the only way you got 30in the 45 and we ain't here, no
(19:13):
more than we, you know, then youcould have a chance to get the
45.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
So I have that's the only chance, right?
Speaker 1 (19:22):
that's funny my hand would just have to disappear off
the earth for us to say, okay,well, we've been married longer
than they was friends.
Um, this is that's just howlife is.
It's just funny like that.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
And then, what are two words of advice that you can
leave to our young men on theimportance of being great dads?
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Two words Be present.
So work on mindfulness, becausewhen you're with your kids,
that's really the only time thatreally matters, because they're
only kids for a certain amountof time.
Like my oldest is already.
He's about to be 14 this yearand the time is flying Like I
(20:07):
can't.
I can't even think about, likeyou know where the last you know
12, 13 years have gone, youknow.
But my main thing that I wouldsay to dads listening is be
present.
Find a way to be present.
Not just like have your kidsturn on a video game and you
walk out the room.
Like actually sit there withthem, maybe play the game with
(20:28):
them If they're on the tablet,go sit down with them and look
at what they're watching and getinvolved with what they're
doing.
Like, really be present withyour kids, because you only got
a certain amount of time to bethere with them as a kid, so
enjoy that time.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Okay, so being present is one, and I'm glad you
said be present, and I'm gladyou explained a little bit, went
into detail in reference towhat being present is.
Being present doesn't just meanyou know showing up whenever
you feel like showing up.
It does, in fact, mean you knowprioritizing your life, and I'm
with you.
Kids are only kids for so long,and then they become adults.
(21:08):
Well, kids are kids rightBefore they become adults.
Kids are kids and then theybecome adults.
Well, kids are kids rightBefore they become adults.
Kids are kids and then theybecome teens, and then that's a
whole new spectrum that you'redealing with.
When they become teens, becausethey're entering into a new
realm of life.
And guess what?
So are you as a parent, becausenow you're a parent of a teen,
and so sometimes you're like,okay, well, I'm going to
(21:29):
actually, you know, tell yousome things, or I'm going to
actually do some things with you, right, but you don't get a
chance because when you go tosleep and wake up, I'm in there,
an adult, and they're answeringadulthood.
So here you missed a chance ofbeing present for them when they
were babies because you weredoing whatever it is that you
wanted to do and sometimes itdidn't involve your children.
(21:50):
Then they became teens and yougot the two just clash because
they're going through their teenthing.
So of course they want to youknow, either man up or woman up
and show you that they don'treally need you, even though
they do, but they don't reallyneed you and they want to do
life the way they want to dolife.
But you're like, but you're notready to do life like that yet.
So you as a parent becomeoverwhelming because you're like
(22:13):
I'm just trying to tell themsomething and then you throw
your hands up in the air Rightand say I don't have nothing to
do with them, because they'renot listening.
They're hard headed Right.
And our black children,especially our black males, as
they become teens they don'trealize it, but they're put into
a whole new system, societalsystem.
(22:34):
They're put into and it's notfair.
But life isn't fair, right?
So you as a dad, if you have ateenager, please try to make
that time.
Prioritization means that youmake your children first,
because they're not going to bechildren always.
And when they stop beingchildren and they stop being
teens and they become adults,then a lot of times not all the
(22:57):
time, but a lot of times you getthe chance to do those things
that you've been wanting to doall your life.
Right, but making the decisionto become a father is a decision
that you have to live with, forand you should be living with
and I know that I'm preaching tothe choir because that's
something that you're doing butI'm hoping that, having this
(23:17):
conversation between you and I,that we reach those that are not
doing what they're supposed tobe doing, that are just you know
, I'll get with them when I getwith them, or for whatever
reason you know.
And, ladies, let's stop usingour children as bait.
Let's stop using our childrenas an intermediary.
You don't do this, I'm notgoing to do that, because in the
(23:37):
end, it winds up hurting thatchild more so than you would
believe.
It hurts them to know that theywere used as a central focus of
you trying to get over or youtrying to do anything with the
man.
Let the man, if they want to be,let them be the dads that they
can be, so that our childrengrow up, especially our
(23:57):
African-American children andour Latino children, especially
so that they can grow upunderstanding how society works
for them, because without it,when they become adults.
Guess what A lot of timesthey're lost by men, and we
can't afford to lose ourchildren like that.
So I thank you for saying beingpresent and actually
introducing what being presentmeans.
(24:19):
And now, is there any?
Can you give us another tip oranother word that you can leave
the man with?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I say, uh, love show uh, show love and uh say I love
you.
I actually say love, show loveand say I love you, like
actually say it.
A lot of times we just kind ofgo through the motions as
parents and we kind of miss outon just the little things.
As far as just saying I loveyou, it makes a big difference
(24:48):
in a child's development to knowthat they're loved.
And what I mean by show love, Imean like I'm not sure if
you're familiar with the fivelove languages, but like the
kids have love languages toowhen it comes to acts of service
, gifts, physical touch.
Did I say words of affirmationalready?
(25:10):
Words of affirmation?
I always miss one of them.
Yeah, it's good to find outwhat your kids' love languages
are so you can fill up theirbuckets.
You know, because you know.
You need to know what makesyour kids tick in that way so
you can show them love better.
So I would say my next word ifI had to pick a word, I would
(25:31):
say love.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Yeah, and thank you for saying that.
You know, saying it and showinglove to our children is
extremely important.
That we do both.
You know we can say, you knowwe can do it and say, well, I
did it because I love you.
But using those three lettersand talking those three letters
to our children every dayespecially men with your
(25:54):
children I don't care whetheryou have girls or boys making
sure that they understand that,yes, they are loved, showing
them and telling them, yes, theyare loved, as much as you
possibly can, because, onceagain, we have our children,
their babies.
They become adolescents, theybecome adults, and imagine going
through life and not hearing aword from your dad hey, I love
(26:18):
you.
You know, imagine, just imagine.
And so then, when they get intoa female, you know, and they
get into a relationship, whetherit's with a female or whether
it was another male, they getinto a relationship, and they've
never heard those words.
A lot of times they're takenadvantage of because those words
have never been spoken to them,and so they really don't
understand what it is to knowlove, and so they're thinking
(26:43):
that whatever someone gives tothem, that's love, but it's not.
They don't know that, though,because they've never been shown
and they've never been toldthat, hey, I love you.
So I appreciate you sayingthose words.
I appreciate you spending timetoday with us, especially
because we have father's day onSunday, so especially because
(27:06):
you took the time out of yourbusy schedule to come to us
before father's Day, before guys, you know, if you're thinking
about having children, make sureyou're sitting down and you're
understanding what it means tobe a father.
Being a father means more thanputting your name on the birth
certificate.
Being a father means more thanjust showing up whenever you
feel like it's okay for you toshow up.
(27:28):
Our kids need love and ifyou're with someone and you're,
you know you're thinking abouthaving children.
Sit down and have thatconversation with that other
person.
You know, if we have thesechildren, what's going to happen
if we break up.
Will we have a strongrelationship?
Will I have a support networkaround me to help me, to support
me, to continue to be in mychild's life?
(27:51):
And if your answer is, well, noand you still have some
questions, please reach out tothe Surveys, browse or
welcometoffatherhoodorg or DrRaheem Young so that they can
get you the help that you needand assistance and support that
you need so that bringing a babyinto this world doesn't stop
with the baby being born, but itcontinues throughout the baby's
(28:13):
life.
So thank you, dr Surboys.
I certainly appreciate you forbeing with me today and enjoying
this conversation.
Have the rest of a great day, abeautiful weekend and, once
again, happy Father's Day.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Thank you, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Thank you, happy Father's.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Day everybody.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Bye.
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