#244 Rewriting Masculinity: Vulnerability, Intimacy, and the Power of Unlearning (with Johnny Cole)

Key Points:

Johnny Cole's background and passion for men's work

Johnny Cole shares his personal story and explains how his father's traumatic military experiences and rigid views on masculinity deeply impacted his own upbringing and understanding of manhood. This led him to discover the field of men's work and start his organization Hey Brother Co. to help men and boys unlearn harmful patriarchal messaging and redefine masculinity on their own terms.

The power of vulnerability and emotional leadership

Cam shares his own experiences with rigid masculinity norms growing up, and how he has seen the transformative impact of adult men modeling vulnerability and emotional openness, especially in working with young people. Johnny emphasizes the importance of men being brave enough to have uncomfortable but necessary conversations to drive positive change.

Deconstructing the "man box" and challenging gender norms

Johnny and Cam discuss the concept of the "man box" - the rigid societal expectations and pressures around masculinity that stifle boys and men. They share examples of how they've seen young people have powerful realizations about how these norms have impacted them and their relationships.

The role of sports and media in shaping masculinity

Cam notes how sports have often provided a socially acceptable outlet for young men to express intimacy and emotion. They also discuss how media portrayals of relationships and can give young people skewed and unhealthy messages about masculinity and intimacy.

The importance of platonic male intimacy and affection

Johnny emphasizes the devastating impact of boys being discouraged from physical affection and emotional vulnerability from a young age. He argues this leads many men to conflate all intimacy with , contributing to issues like erectile dysfunction and unhealthy relationships.

Embracing boyhood and avoiding the rush to manhood

Johnny passionately argues against the tendency to vilify boyhood and pressure boys to rapidly transition into a rigid, prescriptive version of manhood. He believes this contributes to many social issues, and advocates for allowing boys to simply be boys without shame or judgment.

Relevant Links:

Johnny Cole's website: https://www.heybrotherco.com/