Breakup, Divorce & Infidelity Recovery - Dr. Walter Matweychuk - MensGroup Podcast

How to recover from a divorce, breakup, or infidelity. How to think about adversity. Why stoic philosophy is so useful for men, especially through a breakup or divorce?

Today's https://mensgroup.com/podcast guest, Dr. Walter Matweychuck is a clinical psychologist that helps men through a wide range of issues like recovering from a breakup, divorce, separation, or infidelity.

You can watch the video interview on the Men's Group Youtube. https://youtu.be/xWlcUmoZDPE

And if you want to be in more of these kinds of conversations, you can get access to our free men's groups and discussion community over at https://mensgroup.com 

You can find more on Dr. Matweychuk and REBT therapy here:  https://rebtdoctor.com/

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CHAPTERS:

00:03:21 Healthy Recovery 
- Involves the acknowledgment that you cannot change the other person nor what happens to you, but that you can change yourself and choose how to react to a specific situation.

00:11:00 Healthy & Unhealthy Emotions
- They both share the same cognitive component: the acknowledgment that reality isn’t the way they want it to be. 
- Unhealthy behavior involves elements of self-defeat whilst healthy behavior leans towards acceptance.

00:16:28 The ABC model
- A being "reality", B being how you process reality, and C being how you feel about the way you process reality. Many people ignore B, thinking that there’s nothing they can do between whatever happens to them (A) and how they feel about it (C).  

00:19:15 Eight Healthy Negative Emotions vs. Eight Unhealthy Negative Emotions 
- Concern rather than Anxiety 
- Sorrow rather than Hurt.
- Sadness rather than Depression. 
- Remorse rather than Guilt. 
- Disappointment rather than Shame. 
- Healthy Jealousy rather than Unhealthy Jealousy. 
- Healthy Envy rather than Unhealthy Envy. 
- Healthy Anger rather than Unhealthy Anger. 

00:35:32 Women Hating Communities - Redpill, Incel, MGTOW
- Men who put themselves down after an emotional breakup feel the need to put others down in order to gain back some of their lost self-esteem. 
- Holding to that negative emotion leads to a negative biased perception of reality, which is encouraged by being part of an unhealthy community. 
It’s important to acknowledge your share of the responsibility and the fact that being involved in an emotional relationship involves the risk of being hurt. 

00:42:32 Acceptance 
- Acceptance can be defined as the acknowledgment that a negative state of affairs exists, but that you’re in peace with that. 
- It also involves the acceptance that whatever happened was due to the fact that all the related conditions were in place, regardless of whether you understand them or not.
- It may involve some unpleasant but positive emotions such as disappointment, sadness, and healthy anger.
- It can lead to either repairing the current relationship with a healthy negative emotion or moving on to a new relationship with more wisdom derived from the hurtful experience. 
- Self-acceptance involves living life to enjoy yourself rather than proving yourself. 

00:53:40 Healthy Escapes vs. Unhealthy Escapes
- The worst thing to do: give in to self-rejection and downing yourself. Also, using alcohol or drugs.

00:59:22 Stoic Philosophy

• Philosophy helps you live a meaningful life and cope with adversity by embracing reason. 
• “You cannot be a victim of another, you can only be a victim of yourself.”   
• Rumi: “The cure for the pain is the pain” – if it’s uncomfortable, it’s likely to be ther