July 22, 2024 • 19 mins
Have you ever felt the weight of money trauma shaping your financial habits and mental health? Listen as I recount the challenges of rebuilding friendships and a new identity post-divorce, and the pivotal moments that made me confront my financial fears head-on.
Let's talk about the tough topic of setting financial boundaries, especially when it comes to feeling used by those closest to you. A recent request for money brought to the surface old wounds from past relationships, including my mom, spotlighting the urgent need for self-protection and mental health preservation. I share my strategies for achieving financial responsibility, paying off debt, and curbing impulsive spending.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello friends, welcome back to the Mental
Healthish podcast.
I hope that you all have beenenjoying the episodes that have
been released so far.
In the past few weeks I thinkthere has been a total of six
episodes, and so I appreciateyour support.
I wanted to come on here andjust make a mini episode solo,
(00:22):
because it's been a while sinceI've made an episode by myself.
I think it's been since gosh Idon't even know when was the
last time that I recorded bymyself.
But I'm really excited becauseI've been wanting to record an
episode.
I'll be going about my day andsomething happens where I get an
(00:43):
idea and I'm like, oh my gosh,like I want to make an episode
and talk about this, but Ididn't have a good enough
microphone where I could justrecord outside of home, because
I mean, at home I have my setup,I have my microphone, it's
connected to my computer and sothat's usually where I record my
podcast episodes, when I haveother people joining me.
(01:05):
But I wanted to find a way torecord on my free time.
When I'm on the go especially,I feel, at work I get a lot of
downtime where sometimes I'mjust like sitting in my car or
I'm sitting in the office bymyself and I'm like man, I have
(01:26):
this idea like I could literallybe recording right now and
talking about it, but I didn'thave a good enough microphone to
be able to do it, and so Ibought like microphones off
Amazon, like little clip-on ones.
They didn't work too well.
They were very cheaply made.
I ended up buying like somebetter ones or at least I
thought they were better off theTikTok shop, but the battery
(01:51):
was horrible, like I wouldliterally charge them, and I was
like, okay, they're charged,they're ready to go.
I'm going to maybe record youknow if I have some free time
today, and then they wouldn'tturn on, like they would just
die sitting in my bag.
And so I'm like you know what Ineed to get myself?
Some actual professional,reliable, on-the-go microphones.
(02:15):
And so I got the DJI clip-onmicrophones and so I'm really
excited.
I'm actually recording on themright now in my car, and so I
don't know if you guys couldhear the cars passing by,
because my office is like rightnext to the freeway.
But yeah, we're just going togo for it and we're just going
(02:39):
to talk about things.
So I had a very interestingexperience this week that I kind
of wanted to talk about andjust share, because I feel like
a lot of people have similarexperiences or situations, but I
feel like it's not reallytalked about a lot and so I came
(03:02):
to a realization this week thatI feel like I have money trauma
.
Yes, you heard that correct.
I did say money, money trauma,and of course, I'm not an expert
in finances or anything likethat.
This is just my experience withthings.
I did look up money trauma justto kind of see if it was a real
(03:26):
thing, and it is actually areal thing.
So money trauma refers to theemotional and psychological
impact that negative experienceswith money can have on an
individual.
So it can come from differenttypes of situations, such as
like growing up in a householdwith financial instability,
(03:48):
experiencing financial abuse ormanipulation, or going through
significant financial setbacksor losses.
So money trauma can lead tofeelings of fear, anxiety, shame
and low self-worth when itcomes to financial matters, and
it can also impact the person'sbeliefs, attitudes and behaviors
(04:10):
related to money, leading tounhealthy financial habits and
difficulties in managingfinances.
So it is important toacknowledge and address any
money trauma in order to healand develop a healthier
relationship with money.
Very interesting.
But when I went through mydivorce gosh, it's been now
(04:38):
almost eight years ago At thetime I had a lot of my Facebook.
Friends list was literallyalmost like probably at 2000.
I had that Facebook since highschool.
So I had a lot of high schoolacquaintances, things like that
that I had on social media, notjust on Facebook but just across
(05:01):
the board.
Things like that Facebook butjust across the board, things
like that.
And I feel like when I wasgoing through my divorce, I went
through this period or phasewhere I kind of wanted to start
over and not just that, butthere was like everyone knew I
was married, like I married veryyoung, and so I feel like when
(05:21):
I was going through the divorce,there was like some shame and
embarrassment, I guess,component to it, where I mean
nobody wants to like tell people, like okay, I'm going through a
divorce or you know whatever.
I started deleting a lot ofpeople off my social media and,
(05:47):
of course, like deleting, youknow, my ex-husband's friends
and things like that too.
It was like if anyone's gonethrough a breakup from a very
long relationship or divorce,like you kind of.
I don't know if you guysexperienced this, but it was
like a very confusing periodwhere I was like I don't know if
you guys experienced this, butit was like a very confusing
period where I was like I don'tknow I could be friends with.
(06:09):
Like I didn't know like if Icould be friends with like my
ex-husband's friends at the time, like the friends that we would
always hang out with, or likemutual friends that we had, like
it kind of felt awkward.
I was like I don't know if Icould still talk to them or if I
should still talk to them, oryou know, I don't know who's
(06:31):
really my real friend or arethey just his friends?
Not only that, but just likepeople that I had on my social
media, like from high school,things like that, that I knew in
the past.
I was like I don't know.
It was like a weird period.
I'm like, oh my gosh.
So I basically did a sweep of mysocial media around that time.
(06:54):
So I started just unfriending,deleting people from the past If
I didn't still talk to you or Iwas deleting you or I was
unfriending you, things likethat.
It was kind of like I wanted afresh start and it wasn't
anything personal against any ofthe people that I was
unfriending.
(07:14):
It was just kind of me like,just at that moment, that's what
I needed to kind of just startover, clear my mind, like you
know, just move on, move forward.
And so I did that.
I deleted a lot of people fromhigh school.
And so I did that.
I deleted a lot of people fromhigh school and friended, only
kept the people that I wasactually close with at some
(07:35):
point or, like you know, likepeople that I kind of wanted to
keep around or whatnot.
So anywho, um, I've now movedon.
Obviously it's been eight years.
I'm completely like, just pastthe divorce, that relationship,
just everything that happened, Ifeel like more clear headed Now
(07:56):
it's been eight years and sonow sometimes I'll be like, oh,
I wonder what so, and so, like,what happened to them?
Or you know, like people that Iused to talk to, things like
that.
So now, looking back, I don'tregret deleting people and
unfriending, but sometimes Ijust kind of wonder like, okay,
(08:19):
well, did I just kind of do thatwhile I was in the right
headspace, like did I just youknow what I mean?
I'm like, sometimes I wonder,did I just you know what I mean?
I'm like, sometimes I wonder.
And so I ended up adding and I'mof course not going to say
(08:39):
names, but I ended up addingsomeone that I was a friend with
in high school.
I wouldn't say close, Iwouldn't say BFF, but we were
definitely close.
We hung out a lot a few times.
Like you know, we were friends,same friend group, things like
that.
I think I came across theirInstagram profile and so I was
(09:00):
like, oh well, why did I deletethis person?
Right, like it was during thattime where I kind of deleted a
bunch of people and I was like,let me add this person and just
kind of say hi and just see whatthey're up to, you know, like
kind of just being friendly,like not a big deal.
And so I followed them onInstagram.
They followed me back and itwas just kind of like a very
(09:23):
quick, you know, message DM.
I don't remember if I was theone that sent the first DM or if
she was the one that sent methe first DM, but it was just we
DMed, you know, just veryquickly, kind of like oh hey,
how are you?
Like it's been years.
Like you know, how are the kids, things like that.
(09:44):
And we just kind of moved on,because I'm not really like a
back and forth messagey typeperson.
Like I am busy and I'm sure allof you guys, or a lot of you
guys, can agree.
Like you know, adulting isadulting.
Like you're not just going tosit there and have a pen pal
where you're messaging back andforth with each other, like yeah
(10:07):
, I'll do, like, hey, hello, butthen after a while I'm just
like not responding or replyinganymore Because I'm just like
okay, I'm too busy.
Like I just kind of move on,you know.
So it was like one of thosesituations like how are you, how
are the kids?
Good, you know, blah, blah,blah, and I think that was
probably two months ago,probably two months ago, so two
(10:34):
months ago that happened.
So then, out of the blue, thisperson messages me this week I
think it was this week or theend of last week, out of the
blue, I think.
And obviously they see, like myInstagram stories.
You know I post Emma a lot onmy Instagram stories.
She's my daughter.
I post just random day-to-daythings that we do sometimes.
(10:55):
So this person messages merandomly this week and she's
like oh, hey.
Like she starts off the messagelike with oh, how's your
daughter, how's your daughterdoing?
And I'm like, oh, like she'sdoing good, you know, like I
don't know, that was kind ofrandom, but I was like she's
(11:15):
doing good, like everything'sgood, you know, and then, out of
nowhere, she messages me.
I need to ask you for a bigfavor.
And as soon as she sent thatmessage, for me it was I don't
know if this is the right word,but for me it was very
(11:37):
triggering in that moment,because the first thing that
came to mind and was oh my gosh,like here we go again, and I'll
tell you guys why.
So that was the first time thatthe first thing that came to
mind was like oh my gosh, likehere we go again, and I'll tell
you guys why.
So that was the first time thatthe first thing that came to
mind was like, oh my gosh, herewe go again.
Like this is why I cut peopleoff, like this is why you know
(11:58):
like, especially people from thepast.
I'm like because, as soon as Istart trying to build these
relationships again from thepast, I feel and this is not to
say that this, that was the thisperson's intention at all Like,
that's just like the feelingsthat it brought up in me was
(12:19):
here we go again.
Like you know, this is why Ijust don't keep up with people
Like I, just because I alwaysend up feeling used.
And again, that's not to saythat this person was trying to
use me at all.
It was probably like very likeinnocent and you know, not any
bad intentions or whatnot, butthat was just the trauma that it
(12:43):
brought up in me just pasttrauma of feeling like I'm being
used.
And it just brought back a lotof feelings.
You know, with my mom, likethings like that, where I've
just felt used in the past somuch where, okay, the only times
(13:05):
that you call me and reach outto me is when you need something
, only times that you call meand reach out to me is when you
need something.
Like that's the feeling that itbrought back up and that's what
I realized.
It was a realization like oh mygosh, like this trauma that I
have like and I don't know ifit's also like money trauma,
because that's like a very liketouchy thing for me, where I've
(13:30):
helped so many people in thepast financially and that's
including family, that'sincluding, you know, my
ex-husband to where now I'm justlike very like I set boundaries
for myself, especially thisyear and last year, I started
(13:50):
setting financial boundaries formyself, so much to where I
don't make myself responsiblefor other people, if that makes
sense Because I have, I feel,like been used.
You know, or at least that'show I felt like been used.
(14:12):
You know, or at least that'show I felt, and I will talk
about this like further inanother episode.
It's just, you know therelationship with my mom, but
that was one of the things thatwas very triggering for me that
my mom would just never call me,never even ask about my
daughter and how my daughter wasdoing.
Like she would literally onlycall me when she needed money,
(14:37):
or to ask me to help her withsomething, or to help her with
money for this or that, or likejust kind of put all her
financial stressors onto me.
And that was so stressful to mebecause for a long time I felt
like it was my responsibility,like I had to, I had to give her
money, I had to do this andthat, and it just added so much
(15:00):
stress to my life and it came toa point where I was like you
know what, I don't need this, Ineed to set boundaries for
myself and I completely just putit to the test and stopped
reaching out just to see whatwould happen.
And, yeah, she just hit, hit meup, you know, when she needed
(15:21):
some money or she needed helpwith something.
So I think this experience withthis girl that happened this
week, to where she asked me fora favor and she asked me oh, I
didn't even say what the favorwas, but she basically asked to
borrow some money and like thatjust brought everything flowing
(15:42):
back to me and I was like, oh mygosh, like no, like I, and I
feel like and you guys will havedifferent feelings, like you
guys will probably be like, ohmy gosh, you're an asshole or
whatnot, I don't know, but to me, like that was just very like
triggering and I was like, likeI can't, like, no, like this is
(16:03):
a boundary that I have set formyself and I feel like a lot of
people like I worked really,really hard to kind of get to
where I'm at and I'm stillstruggling, like there's nobody
that helps me.
You know, like, and I work mybutt off like to get to where
I'm at right now, like, and I'mstill.
(16:25):
You know, this year has been avery transformational for me.
Like I'm really trying to bevery smart with my money now,
like I'm really trying to payoff debt.
I'm really like trying to notbuy things out of impulse,
things like that.
And I think that also added tolike this response where I was
like, oh my gosh, like I likeI'm going through this again.
(16:47):
Like it kind of brought me backto past, like I guess traumas,
things like that, to justpolitely, you know, decline,
like kind of set my boundary andjust very nicely say like hey,
(17:07):
like I'm really trying to workon my like setting these like
money boundaries for myself andso like, unfortunately I can't,
but I don't know, like what doyou guys think?
Was I being an asshole or Idon't know?
But I just, yeah, I just wantedto to share this with you guys
(17:30):
and just kind of, um, yeah,share this realization that I
had about myself this week andmy past trauma and like money
trauma, things like that.
And yeah, I'm just curious like, have any of you experienced
this before?
Can you relate to any part ofmy story and what would you have
(17:53):
done in this situation?
Yeah, thank you all forlistening to this.
Obviously, there are so manyother stories that I want to
share so many other liferealizations that come up
throughout the week and I thinkit's important.
It's important to notice whenyou do have these sort of like
aha moments or like things thathappen that make you kind of
(18:16):
think like, oh, like, why am Ifeeling this way?
You know these likeself-awareness moments, because
I feel like self-awareness is soimportant to just like building
that self-awareness, you know,whenever possible in these
little daily experiences.
So, yeah, I think it'simportant.
(18:37):
I'm curious to see if any ofyou guys have had any similar
experiences, and I think it'simportant to talk about our
experiences to kind of helpother people that are maybe
going through the same thing.
Think and remember to subscribeand share with someone else who
(19:02):
it may be helpful for.
And, yeah, make sure to alsocheck out our new website,
mentalhealthishcom.
I'm trying to get up to speedagain and like writing more
blogs and putting more resourceson the website, and so, yeah,
check it out.
All of the past episodes are onthe website.
(19:23):
And make sure to follow myInstagram page at
mentalhealthish and my personalInstagram is at bisu.
But, yeah, thank you if youhave listened this far into my
personal realization this weekthat I wanted to share with you
(19:43):
all.
Yeah, talk to you next time.
Bye.
Hello friends, welcome back to the Mental
Healthish podcast.
I hope that you all have beenenjoying the episodes that have
been released so far.
In the past few weeks I thinkthere has been a total of six
episodes, and so I appreciateyour support.
I wanted to come on here andjust make a mini episode solo,
(00:22):
because it's been a while sinceI've made an episode by myself.
I think it's been since gosh Idon't even know when was the
last time that I recorded bymyself.
But I'm really excited becauseI've been wanting to record an
episode.
I'll be going about my day andsomething happens where I get an
(00:43):
idea and I'm like, oh my gosh,like I want to make an episode
and talk about this, but Ididn't have a good enough
microphone where I could justrecord outside of home, because
I mean, at home I have my setup,I have my microphone, it's
connected to my computer and sothat's usually where I record my
podcast episodes, when I haveother people joining me.
(01:05):
But I wanted to find a way torecord on my free time.
When I'm on the go especially,I feel, at work I get a lot of
downtime where sometimes I'mjust like sitting in my car or
I'm sitting in the office bymyself and I'm like man, I have
(01:26):
this idea like I could literallybe recording right now and
talking about it, but I didn'thave a good enough microphone to
be able to do it, and so Ibought like microphones off
Amazon, like little clip-on ones.
They didn't work too well.
They were very cheaply made.
I ended up buying like somebetter ones or at least I
thought they were better off theTikTok shop, but the battery
(01:51):
was horrible, like I wouldliterally charge them, and I was
like, okay, they're charged,they're ready to go.
I'm going to maybe record youknow if I have some free time
today, and then they wouldn'tturn on, like they would just
die sitting in my bag.
And so I'm like you know what Ineed to get myself?
Some actual professional,reliable, on-the-go microphones.
(02:15):
And so I got the DJI clip-onmicrophones and so I'm really
excited.
I'm actually recording on themright now in my car, and so I
don't know if you guys couldhear the cars passing by,
because my office is like rightnext to the freeway.
But yeah, we're just going togo for it and we're just going
(02:39):
to talk about things.
So I had a very interestingexperience this week that I kind
of wanted to talk about andjust share, because I feel like
a lot of people have similarexperiences or situations, but I
feel like it's not reallytalked about a lot and so I came
(03:02):
to a realization this week thatI feel like I have money trauma
.
Yes, you heard that correct.
I did say money, money trauma,and of course, I'm not an expert
in finances or anything likethat.
This is just my experience withthings.
I did look up money trauma justto kind of see if it was a real
(03:26):
thing, and it is actually areal thing.
So money trauma refers to theemotional and psychological
impact that negative experienceswith money can have on an
individual.
So it can come from differenttypes of situations, such as
like growing up in a householdwith financial instability,
(03:48):
experiencing financial abuse ormanipulation, or going through
significant financial setbacksor losses.
So money trauma can lead tofeelings of fear, anxiety, shame
and low self-worth when itcomes to financial matters, and
it can also impact the person'sbeliefs, attitudes and behaviors
(04:10):
related to money, leading tounhealthy financial habits and
difficulties in managingfinances.
So it is important toacknowledge and address any
money trauma in order to healand develop a healthier
relationship with money.
Very interesting.
But when I went through mydivorce gosh, it's been now
(04:38):
almost eight years ago At thetime I had a lot of my Facebook.
Friends list was literallyalmost like probably at 2000.
I had that Facebook since highschool.
So I had a lot of high schoolacquaintances, things like that
that I had on social media, notjust on Facebook but just across
(05:01):
the board.
Things like that Facebook butjust across the board, things
like that.
And I feel like when I wasgoing through my divorce, I went
through this period or phasewhere I kind of wanted to start
over and not just that, butthere was like everyone knew I
was married, like I married veryyoung, and so I feel like when
(05:21):
I was going through the divorce,there was like some shame and
embarrassment, I guess,component to it, where I mean
nobody wants to like tell people, like okay, I'm going through a
divorce or you know whatever.
I started deleting a lot ofpeople off my social media and,
(05:47):
of course, like deleting, youknow, my ex-husband's friends
and things like that too.
It was like if anyone's gonethrough a breakup from a very
long relationship or divorce,like you kind of.
I don't know if you guysexperienced this, but it was
like a very confusing periodwhere I was like I don't know if
you guys experienced this, butit was like a very confusing
period where I was like I don'tknow I could be friends with.
(06:09):
Like I didn't know like if Icould be friends with like my
ex-husband's friends at the time, like the friends that we would
always hang out with, or likemutual friends that we had, like
it kind of felt awkward.
I was like I don't know if Icould still talk to them or if I
should still talk to them, oryou know, I don't know who's
(06:31):
really my real friend or arethey just his friends?
Not only that, but just likepeople that I had on my social
media, like from high school,things like that, that I knew in
the past.
I was like I don't know.
It was like a weird period.
I'm like, oh my gosh.
So I basically did a sweep of mysocial media around that time.
(06:54):
So I started just unfriending,deleting people from the past If
I didn't still talk to you or Iwas deleting you or I was
unfriending you, things likethat.
It was kind of like I wanted afresh start and it wasn't
anything personal against any ofthe people that I was
unfriending.
(07:14):
It was just kind of me like,just at that moment, that's what
I needed to kind of just startover, clear my mind, like you
know, just move on, move forward.
And so I did that.
I deleted a lot of people fromhigh school.
And so I did that.
I deleted a lot of people fromhigh school and friended, only
kept the people that I wasactually close with at some
(07:35):
point or, like you know, likepeople that I kind of wanted to
keep around or whatnot.
So anywho, um, I've now movedon.
Obviously it's been eight years.
I'm completely like, just pastthe divorce, that relationship,
just everything that happened, Ifeel like more clear headed Now
(07:56):
it's been eight years and sonow sometimes I'll be like, oh,
I wonder what so, and so, like,what happened to them?
Or you know, like people that Iused to talk to, things like
that.
So now, looking back, I don'tregret deleting people and
unfriending, but sometimes Ijust kind of wonder like, okay,
(08:19):
well, did I just kind of do thatwhile I was in the right
headspace, like did I just youknow what I mean?
I'm like, sometimes I wonder,did I just you know what I mean?
I'm like, sometimes I wonder.
And so I ended up adding and I'mof course not going to say
(08:39):
names, but I ended up addingsomeone that I was a friend with
in high school.
I wouldn't say close, Iwouldn't say BFF, but we were
definitely close.
We hung out a lot a few times.
Like you know, we were friends,same friend group, things like
that.
I think I came across theirInstagram profile and so I was
(09:00):
like, oh well, why did I deletethis person?
Right, like it was during thattime where I kind of deleted a
bunch of people and I was like,let me add this person and just
kind of say hi and just see whatthey're up to, you know, like
kind of just being friendly,like not a big deal.
And so I followed them onInstagram.
They followed me back and itwas just kind of like a very
(09:23):
quick, you know, message DM.
I don't remember if I was theone that sent the first DM or if
she was the one that sent methe first DM, but it was just we
DMed, you know, just veryquickly, kind of like oh hey,
how are you?
Like it's been years.
Like you know, how are the kids, things like that.
(09:44):
And we just kind of moved on,because I'm not really like a
back and forth messagey typeperson.
Like I am busy and I'm sure allof you guys, or a lot of you
guys, can agree.
Like you know, adulting isadulting.
Like you're not just going tosit there and have a pen pal
where you're messaging back andforth with each other, like yeah
(10:07):
, I'll do, like, hey, hello, butthen after a while I'm just
like not responding or replyinganymore Because I'm just like
okay, I'm too busy.
Like I just kind of move on,you know.
So it was like one of thosesituations like how are you, how
are the kids?
Good, you know, blah, blah,blah, and I think that was
probably two months ago,probably two months ago, so two
(10:34):
months ago that happened.
So then, out of the blue, thisperson messages me this week I
think it was this week or theend of last week, out of the
blue, I think.
And obviously they see, like myInstagram stories.
You know I post Emma a lot onmy Instagram stories.
She's my daughter.
I post just random day-to-daythings that we do sometimes.
(10:55):
So this person messages merandomly this week and she's
like oh, hey.
Like she starts off the messagelike with oh, how's your
daughter, how's your daughterdoing?
And I'm like, oh, like she'sdoing good, you know, like I
don't know, that was kind ofrandom, but I was like she's
(11:15):
doing good, like everything'sgood, you know, and then, out of
nowhere, she messages me.
I need to ask you for a bigfavor.
And as soon as she sent thatmessage, for me it was I don't
know if this is the right word,but for me it was very
(11:37):
triggering in that moment,because the first thing that
came to mind and was oh my gosh,like here we go again, and I'll
tell you guys why.
So that was the first time thatthe first thing that came to
mind was like oh my gosh, likehere we go again, and I'll tell
you guys why.
So that was the first time thatthe first thing that came to
mind was like, oh my gosh, herewe go again.
Like this is why I cut peopleoff, like this is why you know
(11:58):
like, especially people from thepast.
I'm like because, as soon as Istart trying to build these
relationships again from thepast, I feel and this is not to
say that this, that was the thisperson's intention at all Like,
that's just like the feelingsthat it brought up in me was
(12:19):
here we go again.
Like you know, this is why Ijust don't keep up with people
Like I, just because I alwaysend up feeling used.
And again, that's not to saythat this person was trying to
use me at all.
It was probably like very likeinnocent and you know, not any
bad intentions or whatnot, butthat was just the trauma that it
(12:43):
brought up in me just pasttrauma of feeling like I'm being
used.
And it just brought back a lotof feelings.
You know, with my mom, likethings like that, where I've
just felt used in the past somuch where, okay, the only times
(13:05):
that you call me and reach outto me is when you need something
, only times that you call meand reach out to me is when you
need something.
Like that's the feeling that itbrought back up and that's what
I realized.
It was a realization like oh mygosh, like this trauma that I
have like and I don't know ifit's also like money trauma,
because that's like a very liketouchy thing for me, where I've
(13:30):
helped so many people in thepast financially and that's
including family, that'sincluding, you know, my
ex-husband to where now I'm justlike very like I set boundaries
for myself, especially thisyear and last year, I started
(13:50):
setting financial boundaries formyself, so much to where I
don't make myself responsiblefor other people, if that makes
sense Because I have, I feel,like been used.
You know, or at least that'show I felt like been used.
(14:12):
You know, or at least that'show I felt, and I will talk
about this like further inanother episode.
It's just, you know therelationship with my mom, but
that was one of the things thatwas very triggering for me that
my mom would just never call me,never even ask about my
daughter and how my daughter wasdoing.
Like she would literally onlycall me when she needed money,
(14:37):
or to ask me to help her withsomething, or to help her with
money for this or that, or likejust kind of put all her
financial stressors onto me.
And that was so stressful to mebecause for a long time I felt
like it was my responsibility,like I had to, I had to give her
money, I had to do this andthat, and it just added so much
(15:00):
stress to my life and it came toa point where I was like you
know what, I don't need this, Ineed to set boundaries for
myself and I completely just putit to the test and stopped
reaching out just to see whatwould happen.
And, yeah, she just hit, hit meup, you know, when she needed
(15:21):
some money or she needed helpwith something.
So I think this experience withthis girl that happened this
week, to where she asked me fora favor and she asked me oh, I
didn't even say what the favorwas, but she basically asked to
borrow some money and like thatjust brought everything flowing
(15:42):
back to me and I was like, oh mygosh, like no, like I, and I
feel like and you guys will havedifferent feelings, like you
guys will probably be like, ohmy gosh, you're an asshole or
whatnot, I don't know, but to me, like that was just very like
triggering and I was like, likeI can't, like, no, like this is
(16:03):
a boundary that I have set formyself and I feel like a lot of
people like I worked really,really hard to kind of get to
where I'm at and I'm stillstruggling, like there's nobody
that helps me.
You know, like, and I work mybutt off like to get to where
I'm at right now, like, and I'mstill.
(16:25):
You know, this year has been avery transformational for me.
Like I'm really trying to bevery smart with my money now,
like I'm really trying to payoff debt.
I'm really like trying to notbuy things out of impulse,
things like that.
And I think that also added tolike this response where I was
like, oh my gosh, like I likeI'm going through this again.
(16:47):
Like it kind of brought me backto past, like I guess traumas,
things like that, to justpolitely, you know, decline,
like kind of set my boundary andjust very nicely say like hey,
(17:07):
like I'm really trying to workon my like setting these like
money boundaries for myself andso like, unfortunately I can't,
but I don't know, like what doyou guys think?
Was I being an asshole or Idon't know?
But I just, yeah, I just wantedto to share this with you guys
(17:30):
and just kind of, um, yeah,share this realization that I
had about myself this week andmy past trauma and like money
trauma, things like that.
And yeah, I'm just curious like, have any of you experienced
this before?
Can you relate to any part ofmy story and what would you have
(17:53):
done in this situation?
Yeah, thank you all forlistening to this.
Obviously, there are so manyother stories that I want to
share so many other liferealizations that come up
throughout the week and I thinkit's important.
It's important to notice whenyou do have these sort of like
aha moments or like things thathappen that make you kind of
(18:16):
think like, oh, like, why am Ifeeling this way?
You know these likeself-awareness moments, because
I feel like self-awareness is soimportant to just like building
that self-awareness, you know,whenever possible in these
little daily experiences.
So, yeah, I think it'simportant.
(18:37):
I'm curious to see if any ofyou guys have had any similar
experiences, and I think it'simportant to talk about our
experiences to kind of helpother people that are maybe
going through the same thing.
Think and remember to subscribeand share with someone else who
(19:02):
it may be helpful for.
And, yeah, make sure to alsocheck out our new website,
mentalhealthishcom.
I'm trying to get up to speedagain and like writing more
blogs and putting more resourceson the website, and so, yeah,
check it out.
All of the past episodes are onthe website.
(19:23):
And make sure to follow myInstagram page at
mentalhealthish and my personalInstagram is at bisu.
But, yeah, thank you if youhave listened this far into my
personal realization this weekthat I wanted to share with you
(19:43):
all.
Yeah, talk to you next time.
Bye.
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