Holiday Blues

Send us a text

Can the magic of the holidays coexist with loneliness and unmet expectations? Join me as I navigate the bittersweet journey of the festive season and what has helped me find peace in a season that once brought sorrow. Lets talk about coping mechanisms that have turned my holiday blues into moments of contentment. Whether you're looking for solace in your own festive challenges or simply curious about personal growth during this time of year, I hope my reflections provide comfort and inspiration. Join the conversation as we uncover ways to find calm and contentment amid the holiday hustle.

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast laun
Have you ever wanted to start your own podcast? Start for FREE Buzzsprout using this link. 

Support the show

For more mental health resources, blogs, and other podcast episodes, please visit:

IG: mentalhealth.ish
Website: www.mentalhealth-ish.com
Host: zuppysue

Please like, subscribe, & write a 5 star! Don't forget to share this episode :)

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, it is officially the holiday season
and as I'm recording this, it'sactually Thanksgiving today, but
by the time that I post thisepisode, Thanksgiving will have
already passed, and so I hopethat you all had a wonderful
Thanksgiving.
I hope you guys were able toget some great Black Friday

(00:21):
deals and, yeah, we're in theholiday season officially.
So here we go.
The other day, actually earlierthis week was so cute because
Emma's dad was going to pick herup, and so I told her like your
dad's picking you up Wednesday,and she literally started

(00:41):
bawling, she literally startedcrying her eyes out.
Her eyes were like super redand puffy.
She was just hysterical.
I felt so bad for her and I waslike she's, I don't want to go,
I don't want to go.
And, of course, me, I'm liketrying to figure out why and I'm
asking her you know, just tellme why.
What's going on?
And she's just like I justdon't want to go.

(01:03):
Blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, I was like, well, yourdad wants to see you, you know,
and he misses you.
He wants to spend time with youand I'm going to be at work
anyway, you know, Wednesdaythrough Saturday, and she was
just like super sad.
But yeah, we're in the holidays, guys.
That's one of the things.

(01:23):
If you're a co-parent and youhave to split time with your
kids, it could be really, reallyhard because obviously you just
want to keep them for the whole, you know, just every day
forever.
But I've always been superrespectful of her relationship
with her dad, so I never made itabout me and so whenever he

(01:46):
wants to see her I let him seeher like no questions asked, I
mean obviously, unless I haveplans for that day or whatnot.
But yeah, it's hard, it's hardguys.
But yeah I'm feeling just veryoddly relaxed and just at peace

(02:12):
with the holiday season.
I'm feeling just I wouldn't sayhappy, but just kind of like
I'm feeling okay as compared toprevious years.
And I kind of just wanted totalk about it a little bit
because I feel like usually forthe holidays I really have a
hard time with the holidaysbecause I don't have a

(02:35):
relationship or communicationwith my family, and so when the
holidays come around it's alwaysa period of sadness, loneliness
, it's always a period of grief,I feel, for me, because it's
kind of like a reminder Like Idon't have a relationship with
my family, I don't have anyfamily, things like that.

(02:57):
So it was always really hardfor me for the holidays and then
, especially with Emma leaving,you know, part of the holidays
to her dad's house, I would sitat home most of the time by
myself just crying and justbeing sad and miserable and
lonely.
And I think for the first timethis year I just don't feel sad

(03:25):
seeing these things that I'mmentioning.
I hope that someday you're ableto get to a place to where you
do feel good and content andjust okay.
But I figured I'd just share myexperience and just a little
bit about what helped kind ofget me to this place.
So I've mentioned in theprevious episode I mean I'm
obviously going through therapyright now, which I feel has been
super helpful.

(03:46):
Side note, I started doing EMDRtherapy.
I don't know really how toexplain it much, but if you guys
want to Google, you guys couldGoogle what EMDR therapy is for
trauma.
So I feel like that's beenhelpful.
But then another thing that Iremembered was and let me know
if you've heard this sayingbefore, but I remember this

(04:07):
saying that says expectationslead to disappointments and I
feel like that makes so muchsense if you're someone that's
struggling with the holidays,and that's not to say everyone
has the same experience, butthis was my experience and how
it made sense for me, but thiswas my experience and how it
made sense for me.

(04:27):
No-transcript.
And reality doesn't match thoseexpectations.
We often feel let down ordisappointed.
So we kind of get our hopes upabout something or we think
something should be a certainway, and when it doesn't happen,

(04:50):
we feel bad, right, we feeldisappointed, we feel sad, we
feel let down.
So the more that we expect, thegreater disappointment when
things don't go as planned.
So this is how I feel, like Iwas kind of making, not making
myself sad.
But you know, like the holidayswere really hard for me because
in general, I don't have arelationship with my family, I

(05:14):
don't have a relationship withmy mom.
It was always something that Iwas trying to have because it's
your mom, right, you want tohave that relationship.
So I was always like calling,you know, for the holidays.
I always felt like I had tocall because she's my mom and
it's, you know, Thanksgiving orwhatever, and so I have to call

(05:36):
and, you know, wish her HappyThanksgiving or whatnot, right?
So I was always doing thingsthat I felt I had to do just
because she was my mom and Ineeded to do these things
because she's my mom, Like thatwas the only reason.
Right, you have to do thesethings.
Right, you have to reach out tofamily, you have to, you know,
say Happy Thanksgiving, or youhave to make plans for

(05:57):
Thanksgiving, you have to have aturkey or a turkey.
It's all of these expectationsthat we put on ourselves for the
holidays on how things aresupposed to be, what we should
be doing, and if we're not doingthose things, then we're doing
something wrong or you know,we're not meeting those

(06:18):
expectations, and so where wefeel let down, disappointed,
things like that.
So just think about it in yourown life and how this has kind
of played out if you've hadsimilar experiences.
So that's what I feel like Iwas always doing is just putting
unrealistic expectations onmyself on how things should be.

(06:38):
And then, particularly in theholidays, all of that was kind
of amped up, because then I feltlike I needed to do something
for Thanksgiving.
I felt like I needed to reachout to family, even though they
weren't reaching out to me orthey were being toxic or
whatever.
I felt like I had to, like Iwas expected to, I was expected

(07:06):
to.
And then, on the flip side ofit, when I cut contact with my
mom, I think I was placing thoseexpectations onto her too, and
I was expecting her to reach outto me.
I was like I'm not going tocontact her if she doesn't reach
out to me.
And holidays came, holidayspassed and she never reached out
, and so, yeah, that was like alittle disappointing too, right.
I felt sad, I felt let down, andso then what did that lead to?

(07:28):
That led to me, like I said,sitting in my house, in the
living room by myself during theholidays, crying why?
Because I felt disappointed, Ifelt like I should be doing
something right again, I feltlike I should be with family,
and then, because I wasn't, Iwas sad.
And then I started going, mymind started overthinking, right

(07:49):
, Like oh my gosh, I have nobody, and I just kind of went down
this rabbit hole, basically, andwhere I was just feeling really
, really bad for myself.
And so I feel what's changedthis year?
I mean this year, I feel likeone of the biggest clarities
that I've kind of figured outfor myself with therapy is and

(08:14):
just in general, I feel likesomething that's really stuck
out to me is, you know, I wasfeeling lonely and I was like
wanting to have a relationshipwith my family.
I always said I kept repeatingit to myself like I wish I had
this huge family right for theholidays, and you know.
But why was I thinking that tomyself?

(08:35):
Because that was theexpectations right, the
expectations that we put onourselves.
And then we see, like, otherpeople with their families, and
then we feel like we should bedoing the same or whatnot.
So I was kind of like, oh man,I wish I had a family.
I don't have any family.
I'm so lonely, right, Like allof these negative things.
But then I realized obviously Ihave Emma, and every time I'm

(08:58):
with Emma I feel happy and she'smy daughter and I love her.
And I started realizing I dohave a family and that family
for me is Emma.
Like, even if it's just twopeople, if it was just me and
her, that's still a family, nomatter how small.
And so I think I just somethingjust kind of clicked for me to

(09:23):
where I was, like you know what,Like this whole time I've been
longing to have a family andI've been feeling like I don't
and so lonely and sad and, youknow, crying right for the
holidays, but I do have a familyand that family is Emma.
So that was one of the biggestthings that kind of clicked for

(09:44):
me, and after that I was justlike wow, like I just realized
you don't have to do what otherpeople are doing.
Number one and I know it may behard for some people, just
because of like social media andlike traditions, right, and
like we see people doing thingson social media and then we're
like, well, what am I doing?

(10:04):
Or you know, we kind of compareourselves when we see things on
social media and not only that,but just family traditions,
like family traditions thatwe've had from the past or
whatever.
And so now I'm kind of at thepoint where I'm like I don't
have to do these things, Like Idon't have to, you know, bake a

(10:25):
turkey.
I don't have to have all thisfood or whatnot.
You know I don't have to havethis big gathering, Like as long
as I have Emma, obviously.
But I feel like you could createyour own traditions.
It doesn't have to be thethings that other people are
doing.
You could create your owntraditions and do things that

(10:45):
make you happy.
So if you don't have to cook aturkey, for example.
You don't have to, you know, dosome big thing for the holidays
unless you want to, but if itmakes you happy and like not
because your other people aredoing it or because you feel
like you have to, type of thing.
So I think that's the biggestthing for me.
And so even today forThanksgiving, I'm working and I

(11:08):
feel good about it.
Like I slept in, it was likefriggin noon when I woke up and
I was just so comfortably layingin bed and I was like, wow,
like there's literally so manypeople right now in their
kitchens like just cooking, likethese large meals and stressing
over cooking these large mealsand gatherings, and for the

(11:30):
first time I just felt so luckyto just be able to not have to
deal with that and just relaxand do my own thing.
So, anywho, set realisticexpectations for yourself
Because, remember, when ourexpectations are too high or not
realistic or we begin comparingourselves to other people's
lives and families, thedisappointment is going to

(11:51):
increase.
And managing those expectations.
So creating your own, I guess,kind of traditions and allowing
yourself, like I mentioned inthe previous episode, to sit
with your feelings, If you arefeeling some type of way, let it
out, express it.
So, anywho, I just thought I'dshare that, this revelation that

(12:13):
I had this theme, thisrealization or whatever, and
share with you guys, because Iknow the holidays are hard and I
had the holiday blues, forthings are in my life.
I hope this, anything in thisepisode was helpful to you.

(12:38):
Anything clicked, let me knowwhat your thoughts are and if
you are lonely for the holidays,just know that you can always
reach out to me, because I'llprobably be sitting at home by
myself or I'll probably be atwork and I feel like I'm just at
a better place now.
So if you need any kind ofsupport, just let me know.
Other than that, I hope you allhad a wonderful Thanksgiving

(13:00):
and looking forward to theholidays coming up.
And, yeah, I will talk to younext episode.
And, as always, don't forget tosubscribe, like and share and
check out the websitementalhealthishcom for past
episodes, past mental healthblogs, and I also have a YouTube

(13:22):
channel now with a lot of funvideos.
It's EpiSue.
But yeah, thank you forlistening.
If you listened up to thispoint, I'm really trying to make
this a more relaxed type ofpodcast Because, again, I feel
like before I had theexpectation, like I want to have
a mental health podcast and Iwas having like professional
guest speakers on to talk aboutthings.

(13:44):
And then I realized, like what?
Like I don't really need to dothat because I'm a professional
number one too, like mentalhealth professional.
But aside from that, I'm theprofessional in my own life, so
I don't need other people tocome and tell me things about
whatever I'm experiencing.
I figured it's better to justkind of be low key and just

(14:05):
share my experiences, just talkabout it, talk about things in a
more relaxed way.
So I hope you guys like thisformat.
So yeah, talk to you guys nextepisode.
Thank you for listening.