August 8, 2024 • 21 mins
Ever felt overwhelmed by a boss who seems to shower you with praise just to get what they want? Join me in this revealing episode of Mental Health-ish, where I share my personal run-in with "flattery bombing"—a manipulative tactic my supervisors used in a recent meeting. Listen as I also read a listener's heart-wrenching story about battling unfair treatment from a CEO and her husband, leading to both emotional and professional distress. These gripping narratives highlight the burdens placed on dedicated employees and expose the darker side of workplace dynamics.
Together, we'll explore the necessity of holding supervisors accountable and the profound impact toxic environments can have on your well-being. Whether you're an employee facing a manipulative boss or a supervisor aiming to foster a healthier work culture, this episode offers essential insights and actionable advice to help you navigate challenging workplace scenarios.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode
of Mental Health-ish.
This is Suzy, your host, andtoday I wanted to talk about
horrible bosses.
Now, I wanted to talk aboutthis because I had a recent
experience with my ownsupervisor that I wanted to talk
(00:21):
about.
And it's not to bash I'm notgoing to be bashing on anyone or
obviously dropping any names orthings like that, but I just
wanted to share my story becauseI feel like it would be helpful
to others to listen to and thenalso want to see if anyone else
has experienced anything kindof similar or anything like that
(00:43):
.
So if you work a nine to fiveor have any kind of supervisor,
you're going to want to listento this episode.
And if you're your own boss andyou don't have a supervisor
maybe you're the supervisor oryou're just a boss babe of some
sort then maybe you could listento this episode for
(01:04):
entertainment purposes.
I don't know, but let's get toit.
So have any of you ever been ata job where you have a
supervisor right, company,whatever, I don't know and this
is like obviously every companyis different.
So it's like, yeah, but this isjust from my experience, but
(01:26):
have you ever been at a jobwhere the hardworking employees
because you're so hard workingand you actually get your job
done you end up getting morework added to your plate because
you're getting your job done,so you're seen as reliable,
you're seen as someone thatmanagement can trust and so
(01:51):
you're kind of seen as a goodemployee.
But then you end up sort ofgetting punished for it.
Meanwhile, maybe other peoplewho slack off or don't follow
you know company rules orwhatever, just kind of seem to
get away with things right andit's okay.
But then, like when you kind ofmess up a little bit, they kind
(02:14):
of go after you.
And I mean again, this could bebecause maybe they see you as
reliable or they just kind ofhave like higher standards for
you, which is like the standardsthat you've kind of set on
yourself, I guess, by beinghardworking and getting your
work done.
But anywho, I recently had anincident which I'm not going to
(02:34):
really go into detail about atwork, and so I thought it was
funny, because I was called intoa meeting right with my
supervisor and then hissupervisor and during the
meeting it was very like oddlyit was weird because they were
(02:55):
throwing like a lot of likecompliments at me while at the
same time throwing like I don'twant to say discipline, because
using that word makes me feellike I'm some kind of child,
which I'm not.
But you know, they were tryingto like tell me what to do type
of thing, while at the same time, like throwing a bunch of
(03:17):
compliments at me and prettymuch gassing me up and just
telling me how good of a job I'mdoing and you know what a great
employee I am, things like that.
And it was really weird becauseit was really like obvious that
they were doing this and Istarted wondering is this some
(03:37):
kind of like manipulation tacticthat they're using here, you
know, where they're trying tothrow compliments at me to get
me to comply to do somethingelse?
I don't know, is this a tacticthat management uses?
So, anyways, I looked it up andit actually is.
It could be seen as amanipulation tactic.
(03:59):
So there is such thing as lovebombing or flattery right On
behalf of like management orother people, and it doesn't
just when we hear the word likelove bombing or flattery, or
flattery bombing, I think, is abetter word, not love bombing.
But there is such a tactic thatI found and I was like I knew
(04:24):
it, like it was just weird, likeit was a weird interaction.
But this is a manipulationtactic, I guess, or it could be,
where it involves likeoverwhelming someone with like
excessive praise, compliments,things like that, and that's
done so that you could create anemotional response by the
(04:46):
person that you're talking to.
So it's a tactic used to gaininfluence and behavior.
So by making the person thatyou're talking to feel valued,
appreciated.
So you're trying to build thatrapport right and so throughout
all of this like meeting, Iguess, like it kind of made
sense.
(05:06):
But anywho, I asked you guys, mylisteners, if anyone had any
like bad supervisor stories.
You know that they wanted toshare things like that, and I
did have actually a few peoplereach out to share these stories
, and so I wanted to share oneof the stories that I got.
(05:27):
I haven't read the story, Ijust received it because I
wanted to read it live, likekind of as I'm recording right
now, and just kind of react toit, and so, yeah, let's go ahead
and read it, okay.
So the listener said so Iworked for a company a few years
(05:49):
, a few years back.
The wife owned it and was theCEO, and the husband worked
there as well.
Okay, they seem to really likeme.
And after a year of workingthere they announced that the
husband had cancer.
Oh no, the company was openseven days a week.
Due to the nature of the job,sundays were extra slow, but we
(06:11):
were open.
I worked Monday through Friday,7 am to 2.30 pm.
But due to the husband needingto go through chemo and
surgeries and whatnot, theyneeded someone to cover Sundays
for them for six weeks.
So my schedule changed toMonday through Thursday, 7 to
(06:31):
2.30 and Sundays 6 to 1 pm.
On week five I happened to gethurt at work and I went off of
work for one year.
When I came back they gave methe second schedule, with still
working Sundays what the heck?
I told them that I wasn't.
(06:52):
It wasn't my schedule to workSundays and I wasn't available.
They told me that they wereunder the impression that I
agreed to permanently move toSundays.
Heck, no.
That I agreed to permanentlymove to Sundays Heck, no.
So they just kind of slid thatin there and they hired somebody
to take my weekly positiontimes.
I told them I couldn't do itand from that day on I was being
(07:14):
harassed and bullied intoworking the days that they
wanted me to, which was Sundays.
I had nothing but positivereviews and feedback, and I have
all my documents to prove it.
After I returned, they wrote meup for things that were
ridiculous and they tried tomicromanage me.
They accidentally sent me anemail that said if they didn't
(07:36):
give me my days back, theneventually I would quit on my
own because they didn't want tofire me so I couldn't collect on
unemployment.
Sneaky, wow.
Not the accidental email,though.
The email that was accidentallysent to me was supposed to be
from the CEO to HR, was supposedto be from the CEO to HR, and
(07:58):
we came to find out later that Idon't know why.
I'm laughing, because it's likeridiculous that the HR
representative was the CEO'sbest friend and was doing
illegal, shady stuff for her,with all the employees On top of
it.
She didn't like a specificemployee for whatever reason.
She would tell us me and myco-workers to not give them
(08:20):
hours and say that there wasnothing available, even if there
was, in hopes that they wouldquit and go to another job again
so she didn't have to pay themunemployment.
Wow, talk about shady, and Ithink like sometimes these like
(08:40):
family owned businesses could bethe worst Because they're the
boss, like there's literallynobody keeping them on check or
keeping them accountable, likethey kind of just make the rules
.
But yeah, like that'scompletely messed up how you
kind of agree to help them inthat moment of need, right when
(09:03):
the husband needed to go tochemotherapy and appointments,
things like that for them tojust turn it around and just
kind of like slide you into thatschedule that wasn't even your
schedule to begin with.
And not only that, but justlike feel like they could push
you out of the company bytreating you badly and writing
(09:26):
you up, and just like.
That is literally insane.
And I'm sure a lot of listenerscan for sure maybe relate to
this story, because there aresome very shady bosses out there
, I should say, and everyone'sgoing to have a different
experience, because obviouslythis is family-owned business
(09:50):
and so every workplace is goingto be different.
I feel workplace is going to bedifferent.
I feel what types of things youcould do to kind of keep them
accountable for what they'redoing and things like that.
But yeah, like that's just that, yeah, that's just bullshit.
But yeah, all this to say is,whatever your situation is at
(10:11):
your job, with people inmanagement whatever, even with
co-workers.
Like it doesn't necessarilyhave to be management, where
maybe you're having adisagreement.
I mean, we all know there's badsupervisors.
Like that's no surprise.
Like you're not always going toget a supervisor that you love
(10:34):
and that you're going toremember forever and you know.
Blah, blah, blah.
Like there's going to be timeswhere you have a bad supervisor.
And is that a normal part oflife?
Maybe, but how can we keepthese crappy supervisors
accountable?
Is there things we could do?
Or do we just suck it up andjust be miserable while we're at
(10:57):
work?
Right, and I don't think so,because that can have such a big
impact on your mental health.
When you're constantly like ina toxic work environment.
There's only so much you couldtake and with time it can have
an effect on your mental health,your well-being, your physical
(11:21):
health.
Right After we're dealing withstress for so long, we're going
to be feeling sick, we're goingto get headaches, stomach aches.
Everyone's going to reactdifferently.
But that's why I think it'simportant to just kind of talk
about this.
Because we spend so much timeat work I mean, especially if
you're a full-time employeesomewhere I did the research and
(11:45):
I found that we spend about 30percent of our day at work.
So can you imagine if this islike a toxic work environment, I
mean like that kind of have aneffect on your mental health,
right, and also in the way thatyou feel about yourself Over
(12:06):
time?
It can have an effect like onyour self esteem, your
confidence and the way that yousee yourself right and the way
that maybe you'll start havingdoubts like am I even doing this
correctly?
Am I doing a good job?
So how can we keepcommunication open?
How can we keep thesesupervisors accountable?
(12:28):
And so I personally believe itdoesn't matter what your
position is If you're doingsomething wrong, if you're not
coming across in the correct wayor dealing with things in the
correct way, or if you're notdoing a good job period, doesn't
matter if it's a supervisor ornot.
(12:50):
I feel like we need to startcalling people out, we need to
start holding people accountable.
So, whether it is, I'm going totake it up with the next person
, the next person higher up, youknow above you things like that
.
And this isn't to say like I'mnot going to go and like
complain and like throw a fit,but I'm going to keep it
(13:14):
professional but at the sametime, call you out, right?
Because I feel like a lot oftimes like when people get away
with things for so long andthey're not being held
accountable for their actions orthings that they're saying
they're not going to change orthey're not going to realize
what they're doing or it's justkind of going to go unnoticed so
(13:35):
I feel like it's important tohold people accountable and it's
a two-way relationship.
That's like your supervisor,you're the supervisee, and so,
the same way that they're givingyou feedback as an employee, I
feel like we should also begiving feedback to them, right,
(13:58):
as a supervisor that listens tothis.
But if it's something that yourelate with and you could start
thinking of a plan or you knowit starts bringing up some
(14:18):
thoughts on your own situation,then that's good, like that's
what this episode is for.
But, yeah, I think justlearning to hold people
accountable you know, callinginto meetings yourself like you
could call a meeting too, rightor being assertive with your
work supervisor is important formaintaining a healthy and
(14:43):
productive working relationship.
So some of the tips that I foundon how to be more assertive in
the workplace are obviously,like you want to start with
preparing and planning, so,before addressing any concerns
with your supervisor, take sometime to gather your thoughts and
plan what you want to say.
(15:03):
So think about the specificissue or concern that you want
to address, but also think aboutpossible solutions or
suggestions to that concern.
Another tip choose the righttime and place.
So timing is important.
When discussing your concernswith your supervisor.
You want to find a time whenboth of you both you and your
(15:26):
supervisor are not rushed ordistracted, request a private
meeting or schedule a time tohave that one-on-one
conversation.
So timing is going to becrucial.
If it's a concern that youreally it's important to you you
want to discuss.
You don't want to just likeapproach them, you know, at the
elevator and start talking aboutit, right, like you want to
(15:47):
actually schedule a one-on-onemeeting.
And when you are having thatone-on-one meeting, you want to
make sure to use I statements.
So you want to use I statementsinstead of blaming or accusing
or using any type of languagethat's kind of like accusatory.
So, for example, you could sayI feel overwhelmed with my
(16:09):
current workload, instead ofsaying something like well,
you're giving me too much work,right.
So you want to express yourselfassertively but also in a
positive way, where you're notstarting an argument or just
using that type of language.
So using I statements allowsyou to express your feelings and
(16:31):
concerns without putting yoursupervisor on the defensive.
Another thing you would want todo is be clear and specific.
Clear and specific.
So communicate your concerns orissues with your supervisor,
but be specific about what'sbothering you and provide
examples if necessary.
You and provide examples ifnecessary.
(16:55):
So you want to be as specificas possible so that your
supervisor is able to understandthe situation better and then
hopefully, with that clarity,you guys are able to find a
resolution to the issue.
And, like I mentioned earlier,you also want to try to have
some possible solutions to theissue.
So instead of just pointing outthe problems, right, you want
(17:15):
to try to come up with somepossible solutions, some
suggestions at least, to showthat you're willing to
contribute right to finding asolution and just kind of being
proactive right towards problemsolving things like that.
A big one, for sure is you wantto stay calm and composed, so
try to stay calm during theconversation.
(17:37):
So, even if your supervisorbecomes defensive or dismissive,
remember to take a few deepbreaths, maintain a steady tone
of voice and avoid becomingconfrontational, because the
overall goal of thisconversation is for it to be
constructive, right.
(17:57):
We don't want it to turn intoan argument and then there's no
resolution.
It's not really productive Ifyou're both just sitting there
arguing and accusing each otherof things, right.
So with that comes listening,so listening to your
supervisor's response, allowingthem the time to talk to right,
(18:19):
listening, not interrupting,okay, and just kind of being
open and so that you can makesure that you're understanding
what they're saying at the sametime, that hopefully they're
listening to you and you knowvice versa, like not
interrupting.
And then another thing that I'vefound is important is whenever
(18:41):
you have a big meeting like that, or any meeting of importance
or something was discussed,right, with your supervisor or
just anyone, I think, I thinkit's a good practice to follow
up with something in writing.
So after your conversation,right, perhaps like sending an
email or just something inwriting where you summarize the
(19:05):
main points that you discussedand any actions that you guys
agreed on, like during themeeting, things like that.
So this kind of just to makesure that you guys are both or
all on the same page after themeeting.
And then it's also there, Ifeel, to help with
accountability, because how manytimes have you had a meeting or
(19:28):
something, or someone has saidthat they're going to do
something and then they don't doit or they're like, oh, I
forgot, right.
And so I think having it inwriting after the meeting or
after you talk about yourconcerns with that person is
important, for sure, for sure,for sure, for sure.
And again, this is going to bedifferent with every job.
(19:50):
So I work for a governmentagency, so there is steps to
things.
There is like someone above thesupervisor and someone above
them, like everyone has a super.
So like the way that obviouslyI would handle this situation,
and like there's protections,you know in my job, where you
(20:11):
can't get fired for things likethat.
So obviously each person'ssituation is going to be
different.
Like I don't want you to go and, you know, hold someone
accountable and then be let go,or something you know.
But this is just something, adiscussion, just.
You know.
I wanted to share my experienceand just my thoughts on that,
(20:34):
because there is just too manystories that we hear of
situations.
So let me know what you think,let me know if you have a
horrible boss story, horriblesupervisor story story, horrible
supervisor story.
You can always email me or justDM me on Instagram.
(20:56):
Make sure to share this episode, tell me what your thoughts are
and tell me if you relate tothe listener story that I shared
as well, and don't forget tovisit the Mental Healthish
website for more resources,blogs and to listen to all the
previous podcast episodes and Iwill talk to you guys soon,
(21:21):
thank you.
Thank you for listening.
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode
of Mental Health-ish.
This is Suzy, your host, andtoday I wanted to talk about
horrible bosses.
Now, I wanted to talk aboutthis because I had a recent
experience with my ownsupervisor that I wanted to talk
(00:21):
about.
And it's not to bash I'm notgoing to be bashing on anyone or
obviously dropping any names orthings like that, but I just
wanted to share my story becauseI feel like it would be helpful
to others to listen to and thenalso want to see if anyone else
has experienced anything kindof similar or anything like that
(00:43):
.
So if you work a nine to fiveor have any kind of supervisor,
you're going to want to listento this episode.
And if you're your own boss andyou don't have a supervisor
maybe you're the supervisor oryou're just a boss babe of some
sort then maybe you could listento this episode for
(01:04):
entertainment purposes.
I don't know, but let's get toit.
So have any of you ever been ata job where you have a
supervisor right, company,whatever, I don't know and this
is like obviously every companyis different.
So it's like, yeah, but this isjust from my experience, but
(01:26):
have you ever been at a jobwhere the hardworking employees
because you're so hard workingand you actually get your job
done you end up getting morework added to your plate because
you're getting your job done,so you're seen as reliable,
you're seen as someone thatmanagement can trust and so
(01:51):
you're kind of seen as a goodemployee.
But then you end up sort ofgetting punished for it.
Meanwhile, maybe other peoplewho slack off or don't follow
you know company rules orwhatever, just kind of seem to
get away with things right andit's okay.
But then, like when you kind ofmess up a little bit, they kind
(02:14):
of go after you.
And I mean again, this could bebecause maybe they see you as
reliable or they just kind ofhave like higher standards for
you, which is like the standardsthat you've kind of set on
yourself, I guess, by beinghardworking and getting your
work done.
But anywho, I recently had anincident which I'm not going to
(02:34):
really go into detail about atwork, and so I thought it was
funny, because I was called intoa meeting right with my
supervisor and then hissupervisor and during the
meeting it was very like oddlyit was weird because they were
(02:55):
throwing like a lot of likecompliments at me while at the
same time throwing like I don'twant to say discipline, because
using that word makes me feellike I'm some kind of child,
which I'm not.
But you know, they were tryingto like tell me what to do type
of thing, while at the same time, like throwing a bunch of
(03:17):
compliments at me and prettymuch gassing me up and just
telling me how good of a job I'mdoing and you know what a great
employee I am, things like that.
And it was really weird becauseit was really like obvious that
they were doing this and Istarted wondering is this some
(03:37):
kind of like manipulation tacticthat they're using here, you
know, where they're trying tothrow compliments at me to get
me to comply to do somethingelse?
I don't know, is this a tacticthat management uses?
So, anyways, I looked it up andit actually is.
It could be seen as amanipulation tactic.
(03:59):
So there is such thing as lovebombing or flattery right On
behalf of like management orother people, and it doesn't
just when we hear the word likelove bombing or flattery, or
flattery bombing, I think, is abetter word, not love bombing.
But there is such a tactic thatI found and I was like I knew
(04:24):
it, like it was just weird, likeit was a weird interaction.
But this is a manipulationtactic, I guess, or it could be,
where it involves likeoverwhelming someone with like
excessive praise, compliments,things like that, and that's
done so that you could create anemotional response by the
(04:46):
person that you're talking to.
So it's a tactic used to gaininfluence and behavior.
So by making the person thatyou're talking to feel valued,
appreciated.
So you're trying to build thatrapport right and so throughout
all of this like meeting, Iguess, like it kind of made
sense.
(05:06):
But anywho, I asked you guys, mylisteners, if anyone had any
like bad supervisor stories.
You know that they wanted toshare things like that, and I
did have actually a few peoplereach out to share these stories
, and so I wanted to share oneof the stories that I got.
(05:27):
I haven't read the story, Ijust received it because I
wanted to read it live, likekind of as I'm recording right
now, and just kind of react toit, and so, yeah, let's go ahead
and read it, okay.
So the listener said so Iworked for a company a few years
(05:49):
, a few years back.
The wife owned it and was theCEO, and the husband worked
there as well.
Okay, they seem to really likeme.
And after a year of workingthere they announced that the
husband had cancer.
Oh no, the company was openseven days a week.
Due to the nature of the job,sundays were extra slow, but we
(06:11):
were open.
I worked Monday through Friday,7 am to 2.30 pm.
But due to the husband needingto go through chemo and
surgeries and whatnot, theyneeded someone to cover Sundays
for them for six weeks.
So my schedule changed toMonday through Thursday, 7 to
(06:31):
2.30 and Sundays 6 to 1 pm.
On week five I happened to gethurt at work and I went off of
work for one year.
When I came back they gave methe second schedule, with still
working Sundays what the heck?
I told them that I wasn't.
(06:52):
It wasn't my schedule to workSundays and I wasn't available.
They told me that they wereunder the impression that I
agreed to permanently move toSundays.
Heck, no.
That I agreed to permanentlymove to Sundays Heck, no.
So they just kind of slid thatin there and they hired somebody
to take my weekly positiontimes.
I told them I couldn't do itand from that day on I was being
(07:14):
harassed and bullied intoworking the days that they
wanted me to, which was Sundays.
I had nothing but positivereviews and feedback, and I have
all my documents to prove it.
After I returned, they wrote meup for things that were
ridiculous and they tried tomicromanage me.
They accidentally sent me anemail that said if they didn't
(07:36):
give me my days back, theneventually I would quit on my
own because they didn't want tofire me so I couldn't collect on
unemployment.
Sneaky, wow.
Not the accidental email,though.
The email that was accidentallysent to me was supposed to be
from the CEO to HR, was supposedto be from the CEO to HR, and
(07:58):
we came to find out later that Idon't know why.
I'm laughing, because it's likeridiculous that the HR
representative was the CEO'sbest friend and was doing
illegal, shady stuff for her,with all the employees On top of
it.
She didn't like a specificemployee for whatever reason.
She would tell us me and myco-workers to not give them
(08:20):
hours and say that there wasnothing available, even if there
was, in hopes that they wouldquit and go to another job again
so she didn't have to pay themunemployment.
Wow, talk about shady, and Ithink like sometimes these like
(08:40):
family owned businesses could bethe worst Because they're the
boss, like there's literallynobody keeping them on check or
keeping them accountable, likethey kind of just make the rules
.
But yeah, like that'scompletely messed up how you
kind of agree to help them inthat moment of need, right when
(09:03):
the husband needed to go tochemotherapy and appointments,
things like that for them tojust turn it around and just
kind of like slide you into thatschedule that wasn't even your
schedule to begin with.
And not only that, but justlike feel like they could push
you out of the company bytreating you badly and writing
(09:26):
you up, and just like.
That is literally insane.
And I'm sure a lot of listenerscan for sure maybe relate to
this story, because there aresome very shady bosses out there
, I should say, and everyone'sgoing to have a different
experience, because obviouslythis is family-owned business
(09:50):
and so every workplace is goingto be different.
I feel workplace is going to bedifferent.
I feel what types of things youcould do to kind of keep them
accountable for what they'redoing and things like that.
But yeah, like that's just that, yeah, that's just bullshit.
But yeah, all this to say is,whatever your situation is at
(10:11):
your job, with people inmanagement whatever, even with
co-workers.
Like it doesn't necessarilyhave to be management, where
maybe you're having adisagreement.
I mean, we all know there's badsupervisors.
Like that's no surprise.
Like you're not always going toget a supervisor that you love
(10:34):
and that you're going toremember forever and you know.
Blah, blah, blah.
Like there's going to be timeswhere you have a bad supervisor.
And is that a normal part oflife?
Maybe, but how can we keepthese crappy supervisors
accountable?
Is there things we could do?
Or do we just suck it up andjust be miserable while we're at
(10:57):
work?
Right, and I don't think so,because that can have such a big
impact on your mental health.
When you're constantly like ina toxic work environment.
There's only so much you couldtake and with time it can have
an effect on your mental health,your well-being, your physical
(11:21):
health.
Right After we're dealing withstress for so long, we're going
to be feeling sick, we're goingto get headaches, stomach aches.
Everyone's going to reactdifferently.
But that's why I think it'simportant to just kind of talk
about this.
Because we spend so much timeat work I mean, especially if
you're a full-time employeesomewhere I did the research and
(11:45):
I found that we spend about 30percent of our day at work.
So can you imagine if this islike a toxic work environment, I
mean like that kind of have aneffect on your mental health,
right, and also in the way thatyou feel about yourself Over
(12:06):
time?
It can have an effect like onyour self esteem, your
confidence and the way that yousee yourself right and the way
that maybe you'll start havingdoubts like am I even doing this
correctly?
Am I doing a good job?
So how can we keepcommunication open?
How can we keep thesesupervisors accountable?
(12:28):
And so I personally believe itdoesn't matter what your
position is If you're doingsomething wrong, if you're not
coming across in the correct wayor dealing with things in the
correct way, or if you're notdoing a good job period, doesn't
matter if it's a supervisor ornot.
(12:50):
I feel like we need to startcalling people out, we need to
start holding people accountable.
So, whether it is, I'm going totake it up with the next person
, the next person higher up, youknow above you things like that
.
And this isn't to say like I'mnot going to go and like
complain and like throw a fit,but I'm going to keep it
(13:14):
professional but at the sametime, call you out, right?
Because I feel like a lot oftimes like when people get away
with things for so long andthey're not being held
accountable for their actions orthings that they're saying
they're not going to change orthey're not going to realize
what they're doing or it's justkind of going to go unnoticed so
(13:35):
I feel like it's important tohold people accountable and it's
a two-way relationship.
That's like your supervisor,you're the supervisee, and so,
the same way that they're givingyou feedback as an employee, I
feel like we should also begiving feedback to them, right,
(13:58):
as a supervisor that listens tothis.
But if it's something that yourelate with and you could start
thinking of a plan or you knowit starts bringing up some
(14:18):
thoughts on your own situation,then that's good, like that's
what this episode is for.
But, yeah, I think justlearning to hold people
accountable you know, callinginto meetings yourself like you
could call a meeting too, rightor being assertive with your
work supervisor is important formaintaining a healthy and
(14:43):
productive working relationship.
So some of the tips that I foundon how to be more assertive in
the workplace are obviously,like you want to start with
preparing and planning, so,before addressing any concerns
with your supervisor, take sometime to gather your thoughts and
plan what you want to say.
(15:03):
So think about the specificissue or concern that you want
to address, but also think aboutpossible solutions or
suggestions to that concern.
Another tip choose the righttime and place.
So timing is important.
When discussing your concernswith your supervisor.
You want to find a time whenboth of you both you and your
(15:26):
supervisor are not rushed ordistracted, request a private
meeting or schedule a time tohave that one-on-one
conversation.
So timing is going to becrucial.
If it's a concern that youreally it's important to you you
want to discuss.
You don't want to just likeapproach them, you know, at the
elevator and start talking aboutit, right, like you want to
(15:47):
actually schedule a one-on-onemeeting.
And when you are having thatone-on-one meeting, you want to
make sure to use I statements.
So you want to use I statementsinstead of blaming or accusing
or using any type of languagethat's kind of like accusatory.
So, for example, you could sayI feel overwhelmed with my
(16:09):
current workload, instead ofsaying something like well,
you're giving me too much work,right.
So you want to express yourselfassertively but also in a
positive way, where you're notstarting an argument or just
using that type of language.
So using I statements allowsyou to express your feelings and
(16:31):
concerns without putting yoursupervisor on the defensive.
Another thing you would want todo is be clear and specific.
Clear and specific.
So communicate your concerns orissues with your supervisor,
but be specific about what'sbothering you and provide
examples if necessary.
You and provide examples ifnecessary.
(16:55):
So you want to be as specificas possible so that your
supervisor is able to understandthe situation better and then
hopefully, with that clarity,you guys are able to find a
resolution to the issue.
And, like I mentioned earlier,you also want to try to have
some possible solutions to theissue.
So instead of just pointing outthe problems, right, you want
(17:15):
to try to come up with somepossible solutions, some
suggestions at least, to showthat you're willing to
contribute right to finding asolution and just kind of being
proactive right towards problemsolving things like that.
A big one, for sure is you wantto stay calm and composed, so
try to stay calm during theconversation.
(17:37):
So, even if your supervisorbecomes defensive or dismissive,
remember to take a few deepbreaths, maintain a steady tone
of voice and avoid becomingconfrontational, because the
overall goal of thisconversation is for it to be
constructive, right.
(17:57):
We don't want it to turn intoan argument and then there's no
resolution.
It's not really productive Ifyou're both just sitting there
arguing and accusing each otherof things, right.
So with that comes listening,so listening to your
supervisor's response, allowingthem the time to talk to right,
(18:19):
listening, not interrupting,okay, and just kind of being
open and so that you can makesure that you're understanding
what they're saying at the sametime, that hopefully they're
listening to you and you knowvice versa, like not
interrupting.
And then another thing that I'vefound is important is whenever
(18:41):
you have a big meeting like that, or any meeting of importance
or something was discussed,right, with your supervisor or
just anyone, I think, I thinkit's a good practice to follow
up with something in writing.
So after your conversation,right, perhaps like sending an
email or just something inwriting where you summarize the
(19:05):
main points that you discussedand any actions that you guys
agreed on, like during themeeting, things like that.
So this kind of just to makesure that you guys are both or
all on the same page after themeeting.
And then it's also there, Ifeel, to help with
accountability, because how manytimes have you had a meeting or
(19:28):
something, or someone has saidthat they're going to do
something and then they don't doit or they're like, oh, I
forgot, right.
And so I think having it inwriting after the meeting or
after you talk about yourconcerns with that person is
important, for sure, for sure,for sure, for sure.
And again, this is going to bedifferent with every job.
(19:50):
So I work for a governmentagency, so there is steps to
things.
There is like someone above thesupervisor and someone above
them, like everyone has a super.
So like the way that obviouslyI would handle this situation,
and like there's protections,you know in my job, where you
(20:11):
can't get fired for things likethat.
So obviously each person'ssituation is going to be
different.
Like I don't want you to go and, you know, hold someone
accountable and then be let go,or something you know.
But this is just something, adiscussion, just.
You know.
I wanted to share my experienceand just my thoughts on that,
(20:34):
because there is just too manystories that we hear of
situations.
So let me know what you think,let me know if you have a
horrible boss story, horriblesupervisor story story, horrible
supervisor story.
You can always email me or justDM me on Instagram.
(20:56):
Make sure to share this episode, tell me what your thoughts are
and tell me if you relate tothe listener story that I shared
as well, and don't forget tovisit the Mental Healthish
website for more resources,blogs and to listen to all the
previous podcast episodes and Iwill talk to you guys soon,
(21:21):
thank you.
Thank you for listening.
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