Surviving a Narcissistic Relationship

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When Debbie accepted messages from a man who found her through a tagged Instagram post, she couldn't have predicted the 18-month nightmare that would follow. Her story reveals how narcissistic abuse escalates from subtle control tactics to full-blown emotional and physical violence.

The warning signs appeared immediately – aggressive physical behavior on their first meeting, possessive comments, and attempts to control her movements – but, like many victims, Debbie dismissed them hoping things would improve. Instead, her partner isolated her from friends, controlled her clothing, monitored her whereabouts, and subjected her to relentless accusations of infidelity while he was the one being unfaithful. The physical abuse escalated too.

What makes this episode particularly powerful is Debbie's candid reflection on her healing journey. After finding the courage to publicly share her story, seven other women came forward with similar experiences with the same man. Her crucial advice to listeners: don't ignore the first red flags, because abusive behavior only escalates with time.

Have you noticed controlling behaviors in your relationships? What red flags have you overlooked hoping things would improve? Listen to this vital conversation and share it with someone who might need to hear that they're not alone in their experiences.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, Welcome back to Mental
Health-ish.
My name is Susie and I'm thehost of this podcast, and today
I have a really special guest.
I'm going to let her introduceherself.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hi, my name is Debbie .

Speaker 1 (00:15):
So, yeah, today's going to be a really interesting
podcast, because the reason Ibrought Debbie onto the podcast
was because there was some stuffgoing on and I was like I just
have to learn and know more,because I feel like her story is
helpful and I think it would behelpful for a lot of other

(00:37):
people to listen to and kind ofjust learn from and maybe even
like learn some things to lookout for, like in the future.
You know, when you're meetinglike potential partners, and so
that's why I wanted to bring youon to kind of share a little
bit about your story, because Ifeel like it's so much more

(00:57):
common than people think.
And so, yeah, like today we'regoing to just be talking a
little bit about relationships,I guess, in general, and just
like some red flags maybe, orjust like you know some things
to look out for in theserelationships, and so, yeah, I
really appreciate you.

(01:17):
You were just so open.
The way that I found out aboutDebbie's story was because she
was posting just information andstuff and updates on her
Instagram, which kudos to you.
I was like, wow, she's really.
You're a tough cookie.
I was like, okay, thank you.

(01:38):
Yeah, but yeah, I guess tostart, can, what can you like
give us like a little summary oflike your side of things, kind
of like what?
What motivated you to startposting these things like on
your Instagram about your pastrelationship?

Speaker 2 (01:58):
I guess what motivated me was I'm just really
I'm just trying to bringawareness to other people.
Whether you're a man or a woman, it doesn't matter, because I'm
sure men could probably also bein these type of situations.
I had to be in thisrelationship in order for me to
learn what manipulation was,gaslighting, narcissism these

(02:20):
are all terms that I didn't knowabout before.
These are all things that Ididn't experience in my two
previous relationships.
I had to learn as I went, youknow, and again I posted about
my situation, about this person,because I wish that somebody
would have warned me about himbefore I got involved with him

(02:43):
and before it got as deep as itdid.
It wasn't until I posted abouthim that all these other women
came out of the woodwork toshare their negative experiences
that they had with him as well.
So it's like it took me to doit first, for others to come
forward after, you know.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, yeah, cause?
Yeah, because I feel like, um,when you guys had first met, if
you would have seen stuff abouthim online, you would have
thought twice right, you wouldhave been like definitely I'm
not gonna get with this person,I would have ran for the hills
oh, huh, um.
So how did you guys meet, like,how did this all start?
How long did you guys meet,like, how did this all start?

(03:27):
How?

Speaker 2 (03:29):
long did you guys date?
Or like, you know how long didyou?
I mean what?
How did you guys meet?
You know my friend.
You know she wanted to take apicture of me, so she took a
photo.
I uploaded it on my Instagram.
I tagged the new wave bar.
They reshared it, I guess a fewdays later, which is fine.

(03:51):
I don't mind that part.
The part that I do mind is thatthey tend to tag my Instagram
name.
So then, you know, people clickon the, on the sentence or
whatever, and then they, theycan just find me like that.
So that's how he found me.
He follows the new wave page,saw my instagram name lied into
my dms.

(04:12):
I did initially ignore him atfirst, so it's kind of like he
was talking to himself, and theneventually I started talking to
him.
So that's how we met.
We met on, and I want to saythere were red flags from the
from the beginning, but ofcourse I ignored them, so that I
do take fault for that.

(04:33):
Yeah, so in total I was prettymuch involved with him for 18
months, but we were only in arelationship for 13 months.
The first few months he kind ofwas just stringing me along, you
know, saying that we wereexclusive, but later on I come
to find out that you know thatwasn't true.

(04:55):
He was still talking,entertaining multiple women.
You know he had blocked me onInstagram, even though we were
hanging out, even though we weretechnically together, because
he didn't want me to see all thewomen that he had on there that
he was talking to and that theywere talking to him too, and

(05:15):
all that stuff.
It wasn't until we became anofficial couple where things
just escalated and startedgetting worse, like the abuse,
like everything like it, just itonly got worse okay.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
So it wasn't even like you guys met in person.
It was like he sent into yourdms.
Yes, he just started messagingyou.
Yeah, what?
What kinds of stuff was hemessaging you at the beginning,
like when he was trying to getyour attention?

Speaker 2 (05:42):
he would just.
Usually he would react to likeif I posted like a photo of
myself on my stories, he wouldreact to it.
Or I wish I still had themessages, but I don't.
I want to say he would.
He would just try to get myattention, like saying like
hello or good morning or likehow are you?
I remember again, this shouldhave been a red flag because

(06:03):
I've never had any guy messageme this on a selfie or anything
like that.
But I remember one time Iposted a photo and his response
to it was sexy biatch.
Yeah, this man's like in hislate 30s.
And again, that should havebeen a red flag, but I ignored
it.
And then the very first time wemet, again massive red flags,

(06:26):
but again I was stupid so Iignored him.
He kissed me very aggressively,he bit my neck and then, as I
was going to leave because itwas getting late, he told me get
out of your car so I can comearound and give you a hug.
Well, those weren't his onlyintentions, so I got out of my
car so I can come around andgive you a hug.

(06:48):
Well, those weren't his onlyintentions, so I got out of my
car so we could like hug orwhatever, say goodbye, and then
he proceeds to like slap me onmy butt Again.
Those are all things that Iignored, and that was the first
time you guys met.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yes, the very first time we met, okay, yeah, so what
was kind of?
Yeah, that's definitely likeinappropriate for someone you
just met, for sure Like youdon't just like slap their butt
and then kiss someoneaggressively Even I feel like
that's kind of weird for thefirst time meeting.
But yeah, what was kind ofgoing through your mind, like
when those things happen, likewhat were you kind of?
How are you making sense of it?

Speaker 2 (07:23):
Or just like I was a little shocked Because, again,
I've never experienced thatbefore, like no one's ever done
that to me, and I haven't datedthat much.
Honestly, my first relationshipwas eight years long and then
my second one was nine yearslong.
So, and they obviously did notstart off like that I didn't

(07:45):
meet them through social mediaor anything like that.
They weren't perfect by anymeans, but I mean, nothing's
perfect but again, there wasnever any gaslighting,
manipulation, abuse, narcissism.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
These are all things that I learned you know through
this guy, yeah, and these areall things that I learned you
know through this guy, yeah,yeah, and I feel like, because
this was your first time, right,that you said you had
experienced these kinds ofthings, and I feel like, since
it's the first time, like a lotof people like kind of go into
shock in a way and like theydon't know how to respond or

(08:21):
they just you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah, do you feel like that's what happened with
you?
Yes, definitely.
And I guess you know, as timewent by and I started seeing who
he really was, I guess I wasalways trying to give him the
benefit of the doubt, thinking,you know things will get better,
you know things will eventuallyget better.
And no, they just just theynever did.

(08:45):
I also this is very personal,but he is saying that I'm lying
about him, that I'm making uplies and all this craziness.
He's saying I did get umpregnant very early on when I
met him, even before we becamelike an official couple.
I let him know right away, likehey, I'm pregnant, right away.

(09:05):
Like well, you know, that's notmy kid, you need to go figure
that out.
You know it couldn't have beenme.
I'm like no, I'm pretty sureit's yours.
You're the only person thatI've been sleeping with.
He's like no, that can't be.
I didn't come inside you.
I'm like well, you didn't weara condom either.
So he was very pushy, prettymuch forcing me to get an

(09:26):
abortion.
He later on ghosted me for likealmost two weeks and I did go
ahead, you know, and got theabortion and even though at
times I would feel very sadabout it and you know that
affect me a lot, looking back atit now.
I think that, honestly, it wasprobably one of the best
decisions that I could have evermade, because I would be the

(09:47):
one stuck with a one-year-oldright now.
I would probably have to chasehim on the weekends just to even
be a dad for like two to fourhours.
He has a child that, at leastwhen I was with him, he refused
to see.
You know, I'm pretty sure it'sstill like that right now, even
though I've been gone from thepicture, and it's like I

(10:08):
wouldn't want someone like thatto be a father to yet another
kid that you know he would justend up neglecting as well.
And even after all that, hecame back around saying like oh,
I'm not just here to ask if youhad the abortion, I'm also here
because you know I've missedyou and I want to see how you're
doing.
And again, stupid me I.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
You know he reeled me back in and yeah Well, I'm
really sorry you had to gothrough that, because that's not
a good experience, like whenyou're just going through a
pregnancy right, you discoveryou're pregnant and the other
person's like completely, justlike unsupportive and just like
pushing you right, like you said, to do things definitely yes

(10:52):
yeah, yeah, it was tough.
So you said he came back aroundeventually and he reeled you
back in yes what did he do toreel you back in, like, like
just looking back now, what madeyou want to like try things out
again?

Speaker 2 (11:08):
It all started randomly.
It was like I want to say itwas like the same week that I
went ahead with, you know, theabortion.
I want to say it was a Saturday.
He just started like texting meout of nowhere saying like hey,
how are you?
Or like, how are you feelingWanted to meet up you to talk?
And there I go, you know, I goto meet him later on that night.

(11:29):
And, yeah, he said again.
He said that he wasn't justinterested in knowing if I got
the abortion and that he wantedto see how I had been doing and
that he missed me.
And then from there, we justkind of started talking again,
started hanging out again.
Again, he didn't make thingsofficial.
I would always push for thatand he'd always have an excuse
as to why he couldn't makethings official at that moment.

(11:50):
But I mean now, eventually Ifound out why because he was
still entertaining multipleother people and he didn't want
to lose, you know, as he calledit his eggs in his basket that
he had and yeah, I.
So this happened.
So I met him.
I want to say March, april of2023.

(12:12):
He had my abortion in June of2023.
That's when I started talkingto him again as well.
And then by August, mid August,he finally decided to make
things official.
But yet I would still findthings out about him.
I would still find him, youknow, trying to talk to other

(12:34):
girls, entertain other girls,like it's just.
You know, it was always likethat.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yeah, do you feel like there was when he would
come back and talk to you?
Feel like there was, um, whenhe would come back and talk to
you, like there was things thatyou liked about him or were
hopeful about?
You know what I mean like,because I feel like a lot of
narcissists use manipulationsometimes and so they'll try to
like, charm people, you know, toget them to like um, like it's

(13:01):
all very manipulative.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
So I don't know, like , if you experienced anything
like that, like when he wouldcome back around he would just
put on this facade like he wouldbe nice to me and I would just
kind of fall for it.
I'd be like, okay, you know,like he reached out again.
He must scare him, he must, youknow, like like miss me and

(13:24):
stuff like that.
But he was, it was all reallyjust a show and I mean, looking
back at it now I just feel likereally stupid.
But I mean I have learned a lotfrom this experience.
Now I know what to look out forif I were to ever date again,
not ignore any red flags.

(13:44):
From the beginning it's likeyeah, I've learned a lot for
sure.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Definitely Okay, okay .
So then what?
What happened after that?
How did things get to the pointwhere you decided did you broke
up with him?
Well, you guys were official ornot official.
Did you guys ever becomeofficial?

Speaker 2 (14:06):
yes, in august of 2023 we we became boyfriend,
girlfriend okay, so did he askyou to be his girlfriend?
No, he made me ask him.
Okay, how did?

Speaker 1 (14:19):
that happen.

Speaker 2 (14:20):
I believe we were in bed and he just said that he
wanted things to be official,but that I had to ask him to be
my boyfriend.
I have.
It's just you know his ego.
He has this person again.
I've never met anyone like him,and because I liked him so much

(14:41):
and I was just blinded by a lotof the things that he would say
or do, in the beginning I waslike, okay, well, you know, if
it's gonna have to take me tomake that move, then so be it,
but yeah yeah, I feel likethat's like it's all about power
, right and control.
Yeah with him.
It's all about control, it'sall about having the upper hand.

(15:04):
Just recently, I believe, liketwo nights ago, I went through
my.
I hate when people say like, ohyou know, just delete
everything you know out of sight, out of mind.
No, I'm so glad I didn't everdelete any text messages between
him and I or any Instagrammessages, because I went back to
look at them and whoa, likeit's just insane looking at it

(15:25):
now, how all the gaslighting,manipulation, everything's there
literally.
He would tell me, he wouldalways tell me, like only one of
us can have ego and pride andthat's and that person's going
to be me, not you.
You need to learn your place ifyou want to be with me.
Um, just crazy stuff, like thestuff that comes out of his

(15:48):
mouth is just insane, honestlyyeah, it's very like, yeah, like
insane, like he's very like.

Speaker 1 (15:55):
He sounds very delusional he is very.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
He says that I'm the delusional one.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
Okay so throughout the the relationship with you
guys like was like how was therelationship?
I guess just in general, likewas?
Was he like controlling, was helike how did it kind of go?

Speaker 2 (16:13):
extremely controlling , like once I became like his
actual girlfriend.
That's when he didn't.
He didn't hold back.
He wanted to just pretty muchcontrol every aspect of my life.
I was no longer allowed to evengo grab a bite with a friend, a
girlfriend.
I couldn't even do that.
I was not allowed to hang outwith my friends anymore, go
anywhere with my friends.

(16:34):
Even if I wanted to dosomething with my kids, I had to
tell them this is where I'mgoing to be at from this time to
this time.
He would tell me like, okay,you need to let me know when you
get there, you need to let meknow when you're leaving and you
need to let me know when youget home.
That it was literally like that.

(16:55):
He would control what I wore,like, yeah, just everything.
He was extremely controlling,extremely possessive, extremely
jealous, would constantly accuseme of cheating If we went out
in public.
Oh, why were you checking thatguy out?
I remember one time we had goneto go eat at Chili's and he
swore up and down that I waschecking out some guy that was
sitting at another booth.
Till this day I have no ideawho he was talking about.

(17:19):
We came back to my house andwas pretty much interrogating me
and forcing me to say that Iwas checking this person out.
I wasn't going to admit tosomething that I didn't do Like
I just wasn't going to do thatbecause I know that I didn't do
it.
He pushed me around, shoved mearound, was throwing me around.
He was calling me a whore, aslut, telling me to just admit

(17:42):
it.
To just admit it.
I'm like'm like, I'm not goingto.
I wasn't checking anyone out.
It was always like that.
He had two festivals in 2023that I was supposed to go to.
I was supposed to go to when wewere young festival in Vegas.
Well, I didn't go because hewas extremely paranoid and
extremely insecure.
I was going, I was gonna gowith my sister and he said that,

(18:05):
oh, you're just going to go outthere, you're going to be a
whore, you're going to probablymeet someone at the festival,
you're going to go fuck themafter.
That's how insane his delusionswere.
And then in November, I wassupposed to go to a Darker Waves
festival here and I honestlycan't remember the city, but it
was going to be at a beach herein California and again I he

(18:29):
didn't allow me to go that day.
I remember there was a lot ofcrying.
Again, he, he pushed me so hardin my living room that I
literally went airborne and Ilanded on the floor because he
said what triggered him was thatthere was going to be a band
playing their, their name SoftCell.

(18:50):
There was going to be a bandplaying there, their name Soft
Cell, and that he knew that theywere going to perform this song
called Sex Door.
So he went crazy, saying thatonce they played that song that
I was going to start acting likea slut and dancing around with
like men.
So then that's when he pushedme and like, did all that?
Then he tried to gaslight me,saying like no, no, I didn't
push you, I didn't.
You're imagining things.

(19:11):
I didn't do that.
You fell on your own.
It was just crazy.
That's how it was with him,extremely controlling.
I couldn't do anything unless Iasked for permission, but
definitely I couldn't hang outwith my friends.
He isolated me from hanging outwith my friends.
I did lose some friendshipsover it, but he could do
whatever he wanted.
He could go out to the barswith his family.

(19:31):
He didn't have to check in withme and that's what he told me.
He's like there's going to bedouble standards.
Whatever rules I apply to you,they do not apply to me, and
it's, whether you like it or not, and that's how life was with
him pretty much.
He was extremely paranoid,constantly projecting onto me
like his insecurities.
I remember this is verydegrading, that what I'm going

(19:54):
to talk about, but this is howsick this man really is.
I would usually see him on theweekends in the beginning, so it
would be from like Friday tolike Sunday.
So I remember then usually myyoungest son is here on Fridays,
you know, and his dad wouldcome pick him up.
So I remember this.
This one evening, you know hewould wait until my son would

(20:15):
get picked up, so then he couldstart heading out this way, or
sometimes he'd park near myhouse.
So this night, I believe, myson got picked up around
seven-ish, you know, somewherearound there six, seven, and you
know he, my son, got picked upby his dad, his dad.
Usually he wouldn't even stepfoot inside my house.
He usually wait for me to bringhim to the door and then, you

(20:36):
know, they take off.
So then that night I let himknow like, okay, you know my son
got picked up.
You can start heading this way,if you want.
I'm not sure if there hadalready been like some arguing
before.
That you know happened.
I honestly can't remember, mymind is a little foggy when it
comes to that but I do rememberthat when he arrived to my house

(20:57):
and again, this is not anexcuse, I don't think this
should be like an excuse I'm notsure if he had been drinking
prior or not.
I mean, he seemed pretty normalto me, but he kept insisting
like oh, you probably fuckedyour baby daddy, you know like
this and this, and that I'm likedude.
First of all, my son is here.
His dad does not come inside myhouse.

(21:18):
He waits by the door for me tohand him over our son.
And I just remember that wewere in the living room when
that conversation was happeningand then he told me go to your
bedroom.
And I was like in my mind I'mlike okay, I guess.
So I go to the bedroom.
He tells me to get on my bed.
Sorry, I know it's hard to talkabout Whatever I was wearing

(21:47):
pants, underwear or if he did itfor me.
That part I do not remember.
I just remember that I waspretty much undressed from the
bottom and he had to inspect me.
He wanted to inspect my vaginaand he wanted to smell it to
make sure that it didn't smell,in his words, that it didn't
smell like cum or latex or dick.

(22:08):
So he went ahead and he didthat or latex or dick.
So he went ahead and he didthat.
Well, I was bleeding also thatnight and he didn't, I guess,
find any evidence that I haddone anything.
So he was like, okay, and thatwas that.
No apology, no, no, anything.
Literally I had never gonethrough anything like that.
No one in my past had ever donethat to me.

(22:31):
So that was pretty degrading,but I'm sure he just denies
everything.
Apparently, everything that I'mtalking about him on social
media is a lie.
I'm just trying to, you know,like, slander him and he will
never take any responsibility,accountability for anything that
he's ever done.

Speaker 1 (22:48):
Yeah, man, that's yeah.
I'm really sorry about that.
That sounds horrible and it'slike he was trying to like
dehumanize you right in a way.
Yeah, like he was really tryingto just break you down right.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
Going back to a lot of the messages that I went
through a few nights ago, it wasalways, you know, even though I
wouldn't do anything wrong.
It was always, you know, eventhough I wouldn't do anything
wrong.
It was always me apologizing.
It was always me, you know,begging like a dog, getting
treated worse than a dog, Iguess, gets treated like, um, I
was just bad yeah, and I think,and.

(23:23):
I stuck around.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I cut you offand I and I stuck around because
you even though, like he wouldtreat me like shit I really did
love this person.
I don't know, I was just soblinded by everything I just saw
, I took a lot.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
Yeah, it's all just like.
Well, number one, like he's avery insecure person, right, and
we know that now, and he wasjust projecting all of his
insecurities onto you.
And he was just projecting allof his insecurities onto you and
he was projecting and callingyou a cheater because he knew
that he was the one that wascheating like in the background,
so he was just trying to makeyou out to be the bad person.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
And all of this and he was being manipulative, right
.
So that's really hard whensomeone's playing with your
emotions and like taking you tolike a low, low, like he had
done so many times, but thenmaybe bringing you back up to
like a high, and he's just, it'slike a roller coaster of
emotions definitely, um, it wasdefinitely an emotional roller

(24:23):
coaster there.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
There definitely was more bad times than good times,
and I think that's why I stuckit out, because I would be like,
okay, you know, maybeeventually there will be more
good times than bad times.
Um he, so the reason why thewhat made him finally dump me,

(24:47):
as he likes to call it now, wasthat it all happened in early
October, like the first week ofOctober.
I remember vividly it was aMonday to be Tuesday morning.
He had stayed over at my houseand I had a dream.
I had a dream that in the dreamhe had called me saying like
hey, are you home?
And I was like yeah.

(25:08):
And he's like, okay, I'm goingto go over right now.
And I was like, okay, home.
And I was like yeah, and he'slike, okay, I'm going to go over
right now.
And I was like okay.
And then, as he gets to myhouse, he's just telling me over
and over again like I don'tlove you, I don't love you, I
don't love you.
Okay, the next morning I woke up, you know getting I would leave
for work before him.
So I woke up feeling very sadand just down.
So then by the time I got towork, I remember I sent him a

(25:30):
message saying like hey, youknow, are you still in love with
me?
And he was like, why?
Like where's this coming from?
And I was like, just answer thequestion.
So then I, you know, I tell himabout my dream and he's like,
of course, I still love you.
I wouldn't be here if I didn't.
You know, like you're, you'rejust overthinking and stuff.

(25:54):
And then I want to say thefollowing day I believe it was a
Wednesday I was at work, I wasfeeling fine and then, out of
nowhere, I just got this reallynasty, like gut feeling in my
stomach that he was talking tosomeone.
I started crying.
Well, I went into my car.
I was already gonna leave work,but I started crying in my car.
I cried all the way home and,um, I thought it would be safe
for me to share that with himand I sent him a message on

(26:16):
Instagram saying like, hey, youknow, like this is what happened
.
You know, I'm choosing tobelieve that you're not doing
anything like that, and you know.
And he was like yeah, you know,like now you have me at work
feeling all nostalgic.
You know, I don't need this.
And then I want to say by Friday, he just told me like, yeah,
you know I can't do this anymore.

(26:38):
I need to focus on myself.
You know we need time apart, weneed space, I need to do me.
And yeah, that was that.
But yet, every single time thathe asked for reassurance from
me, I always gave it to himbecause I wasn't doing anything.
I never cheated, I was alwaysfaithful, loyal to him from the

(27:00):
very beginning to the very end.
But now he's saying that, oh,you're bitter, you're trying to
flip the script as to why Idumped you.
I'm like OK, well then tellpeople why I dumped you.
I'm like, okay, well then tellpeople why.
Because I asked for areassurance and you couldn't
give me that.
Because you know damn well thatyou were doing all those things
that my gut feeling was tellingme.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
Yeah, Was that the first time that you asked him
about like if he was seeingother people?
Was that the first time thatyou were starting to feel like
he was seeing other people?

Speaker 2 (27:27):
No, it had always been a thing.
Like always, there was just alot of again throughout the
whole relationship when we werelike officially a couple, and
even before that, things wouldalways just come up.
For example, I remember onetime we this one's crazy, so get
ready for this one Like thegaslighting is just insane with
this person.

(27:47):
He was watching something onhis phone but then he mirrored
it to my tv screen and I broughtup how he would turn off his
notifications when he wouldmirror his phone onto my tv.
He's like oh, like there you gotrying to start some bullshit
drama, blah, blah, blah.
And then I don't know what hedid, but he started scrolling
through his apps and I saw the,the hinge app appear literally

(28:11):
on my tv screen and I'm likewhat's that?
He's like what?
And I'm like, what is that like?
Why do you have the Hinch appon your phone?
I mean, yeah, on your phone.
He tried to flip it back on mesaying, well, how do you know
about that, about that app?
And I'm like I'm not on it.
I've never been on it, but Iknow people who are on it.
I see like ads for it.
So that's how I know what thatapp is.
He goes and he tells me thatthere's phone.

(28:34):
I have an iPhone, he has anAndroid.
So he said that Androidssometimes download specific apps
onto the phones.
And he wanted me.
He literally said that I'm notkidding.
Like I wish I had recordings oflike all these things that
would happen and I regret nothaving them.
So then, when he knew that Iwasn't going to be that stupid

(28:54):
or naive to fall for that lie,then he switched it to something
else and I well, you know itmust be old, I must have
forgotten to delete it orsomething like that.
I'm like then why didn't you gowith that lie first?
Why did you say that somephones will automatically
download certain apps like hingeonto onto your phone?
Why did you say that?
And he couldn't tell me why.

(29:14):
Then, another time, we only everhad each other added on
Instagram and so I never had himadded on Facebook, but I guess,
because you know, we had eachother's numbers.
Sometimes you know people youmay know pop up on your Facebook
and he will pop up on mine alot.
I still never sent him a friendrequest or anything.
But then this one specific dayhe popped up and something in my

(29:34):
head just told me like, clickon his profile.
So I go, I click on it, I go tohis like following list and
he's following like one girl andI go to her profile.
There's his face, there's hisprofile picture that he's one of
the followers.
So then I confront him about it.
I'm like what's this?
That wasn't me.
I didn't do that.
I'm like then, who did Like?

(29:56):
Do you have a twin that I don'tknow about?
Who has your account?
Who has access to your account?
Like?
Do other people like borrowyour phone?
You know and use your Facebookaccount?
He literally would not admit toit, even though the proof was
right there in my hands.
That's just how it is with himDeny, deny, deny, always denying
everything.
Even when we weren't anofficial couple, he would.

(30:18):
That's why it's so funny to mehow he's screaming that I'm
cyber bullying him, that I'mdoing this and that.
Well, I mean he did that to myex as well, even before I became
his girlfriend.
He would use burner numbers toharass my son's dad.
He would send him just messagestalking about graphic details

(30:38):
that only him and I would knowabout.
So then, when my son's dad, myex, started blocking those
numbers, he moved it toInstagram.
He started making burneraccounts to message him on there
too.
I have all the screenshotsstill.
I have the screenshots from theInstagram messages.
I still have the screenshotsfrom the text messages because

(30:59):
my ex sent them to me.
My son's dad he's denying thattoo.
He went as far as to say like,oh no, that's just your crazy,
psychotic baby daddy.
First of all, my son's dad isnot a baby daddy.
He's extremely involved in hisson's life.
He's a great father.
He's not a baby daddy, he's adad.

(31:19):
He's a father.
He's just trying to, you knowlike he's trying to break us
apart, you know, from each other.
He's photoshopping all thosemessages.
He's photoshopping my numberonto those text messages Crazy.
He's photoshopping my numberonto those text messages Crazy,
crazy stuff.
Then I had I can't remember ifwe were already official or not.
I really I can't remember thatdetail but I had gone to, you

(31:43):
know, pink, the store.
I had bought me a few underwearand I had left them on this
shelf that I have in my bathroom.
I had left them there.
They still had the tags on, butI had tried some of them on
already.
Well, just like magic, you know, one of my thongs went missing,
literally gone.
It was a black one too, and I'mjust here, like where did it go

(32:04):
?
The only person that would stepfoot inside my house would be
this guy.
You know my ex.
Well, sorry, I had a phone call.
He's like maybe it was yourlittle brother, you know, maybe
your little brother stole it.
I'm like why would my brothersteal my thong when he shares
the bedroom with my mom and mymom is going to eventually find

(32:25):
it.
That's how sick he was.
He went as far as to blame iton an 11-year-old child, when I
know that he took it.
How do I know?
Because then he sent my son'sdad I can't remember if it was
on Instagram or through a burnernumber, but he sent him a

(32:49):
message saying like hey, just soyou know, I took a trophy from
her house.
That trophy was my phone.
But he's going to go around andsay that I'm also lying about
that.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
He's just lying through his teeth.
Just lie, lie, lie, lie.
No accountability for anything.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
Yeah, that's all he does.
That's just who he is andthat's who I believe he will
always be Like.
What was the purpose of himstealing my thong?
I really don't know.
I mean, I'm a size small.
I don't think it could fit him,unless he finds another girl
who's as small as I am.
I don't know what was the pointof him stealing my thong.

(33:22):
That's just kind of weird.
None of my previous partnershave ever done that, so it's
just crazy.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
So he sounds, I mean he crazy.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
I'm not gonna say he sounds, I think he is.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
Yeah, very, he really is no and manipulative and just
narcissistic, basically posterchild for narcissistic, you know
so what were you guys livingtogether?

Speaker 2 (33:46):
no no, okay no, he just did stay at my place a lot.
He would spend the night here alot.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
Okay, see, what about like would you guys go on dates
or anything.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Like was he providing anything in their relationship
at all, just when he would takeme out to eat, and he wasn't
taking me to like five starstarrestaurants.
I never asked him to take me toanything like that, but even
that was a problem.
I remember one time he took meto go grab like tacos or like a
burrito and he bought like twosodas like one for me, one for
him.
I think each soda was like twoor 250.

(34:24):
I got on the way back to myhouse like in a car.
He just kept going and goingoff about how the sodas were so
expensive.
Just he just kept going andgoing off about how the sodas
were so expensive.
Just he just kept going off andon about it.
So, honestly, the only type ofdates that we would go to would
be just like out to eat, like inand out chilies because it was
cheap for him, or like he takeme to the movies, but it's like

(34:49):
he has like the cinemark app, sohe we usually use like a free
ticket.
He ruined um valentine's day,which was valentine's day, 2024,
I believe it was um a daybefore valentine's day or two
days before valentine'ssomewhere around there.
He held me against my door andhe started strangling me, and

(35:10):
then next day he came to myhouse with a pot of tulips as an
apology for choking.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
And then reason that he, or what happened that like
led to him choking you that time.

Speaker 2 (35:23):
I had confronted him about.
So when we became officialeventually I like later on, down
the down the line, like a fewfew months later, like I'm
assuming, like aroundValentine's Day or something
like that I had found out thathe was still trying to talk to
someone that I guess he had metup with.
I had messaged this woman andshe had told me like yeah, you

(35:44):
know, we met up twice, you knowwe had sex.
He denied it, saying like, oh,you know, like you're really
gonna believe her over me, allthese things, you know.
So I had confronted him aboutit and he didn't like that.
He didn't like that.
I had confronted him about it.
So that's where the that's whyhe choked me.

(36:06):
So, yeah, this was a day or twobefore Valentine's day.
We didn't do anything forValentine's Day because it
landed on a Wednesday, I believe, and I had my kids.
So then he had said, oh, youknow, we'll just celebrate on
Friday or Saturday.
Yes, I forgave him.
After him, after he choked me,you know, he came with his pot
of tulips, had fake tears in hiseyes, said sorry, and I forgave

(36:30):
him.
Then Friday comes, he said, oh,we'll just celebrate on
Saturday instead, and but hestill came over to my house on
Friday night.
I had been asking him like, hey, like what do you want?
What do you want forValentine's Day?
You know, like gift wise, henever told me.
I had even told him, like writeme a list.
You know he never did so.
All I did was I made him somechocolate covered strawberries

(36:54):
and I know one time we went tothe market and he had seen that
this like bottle I believe itwas like a, I don't know if it
was like a, it was like alimited edition like LA Rams
bottle.
He had mentioned how he wantedit.
So I'm like, okay, you know, inmy mind I'm like he never gave
me any like hints or clues ofwhat he wanted, but I know he
had mentioned.
Mind, I'm like he never gave meany like hints or clues of what
he wanted, but I know he hadmentioned that bottle.
I'm just gonna buy him thatbottle.

(37:14):
So that's what I did.
You know that was like myValentine's Day gift to him.
You know, that LA Rams bottleand some chocolate covered
strawberries that I made for him.
So then Saturday, the next day,arrives, he's gonna supposedly
take me out to dinner.
Already he's complaining thatit's going to be expensive and
he's not looking forward to it.
And as he's tying his boots orshoes, whatever he was wearing,

(37:37):
I come out of the room.
I'm wearing a dress, like along sleeve dress.
He looks at me up and down.
He's like, no, you need to goback to your room and change
into something else.
And I'm like, why, like, what'swrong with my outfit?
There's.
And I'm like why, like, what'swrong with my outfit?
There's really nothing wrongwith my outfit.

(37:58):
He's like I'm not gonna begoing out with you looking like
that and get negative attentionbecause of the way you're
dressing.
So I go, you know, I put onsome jeans and a top, but at a
point it's like I was upset.
I was upset so I told him likewhat, do you want me to just get
rid of all my dresses?
Do I need to throw all of myoutfits through trash because
you don't want me to like, wearthem?
And then it just escalated.
We just started arguing, westarted fighting.
He had gotten me like twopaintings.
He broke them.

(38:19):
There was a glass shatter allover the floor, ended up with me
being in tears and him sayinghow I didn't deserve, you know,
a valentine's day dinner and wedidn't go anywhere.
And then he decided to to be soungrateful and mean and he told
me and what about you?
You and your cheap ass giftthat you that you gave me some

(38:40):
fucking strawberries and like afucking bottle.
And I'm like, well, first ofall, that bottle was almost $30.
I mean I wouldn't reallyconsider that that cheap, but I
was like, wow, I'm glad thatyou're letting me know how you
really felt about my gift.
You know that I got you like atleast I got you something.
I didn't even get a happyValentine's Day from you, like
nothing, literally.
And yeah, he never made up forit.

(39:01):
Ever.
Same thing for my birthday.
He tried ruining my birthday,which technically he kind of did
like my actual birthdaybirthday.
It was me being in tearsbecause of him.
I ended up spending it with myfamily and then the next day
after my birthday he did take meout.
He took me to El Pescador.
Honestly, the bill was likeless.

(39:22):
It was like 175 dollars.
He kept come.
We were literally still sittingdown next to two other couples
in between us and just keptgoing off about how much the
bill was, that it was soexpensive.
I was so mortified.
I was so embarrassed again.
I've never had a previous ex,you know, react like that when
they've gotten the bill to likea restaurant.

(39:43):
I've been taken to five-starrestaurants where the bill is
even more expensive than that.
No complaints from these guys,you know, and I'm just like wow,
like here, this dude is cryingover like $175.
And the reason why the billeven came up that high is
because he kept ordering drinks,like mainly for himself, not

(40:06):
even for me.
He kept flirting with thewaitress, you know, but when we
would go out to eat I would haveto look down.
If we had, like a male waiter,I would have to look down.
He programmed me to just lookdown all the time because if not
then I would get accused that Iwas checking people out.
But again, I know that thosewere all like projections of the

(40:27):
things that he was doing.
You know the cheatingaccusations because he was doing
it checking people out he wasdoing.
You know the cheatingaccusations because he was doing
it checking people out.
He was doing it Like he wasjust so insecure and paranoid
Like he didn't want me to do himthe way he was doing me.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
That's pretty much what it was.
Did he ever ask you for anymoney or like any financial
stuff?

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Yes, there were times when his account would hit zero
and he's like, oh, you know,like'm going to get like hit
with a draft fee or whatever.
You know, can you like sell melike 40 bucks?
Or like you know, like lend mesome money?
And I would do it because hewould do this thing where, when
he would get his check, he wouldput it like in stock or

(41:07):
something.
So he's like, oh well, mymoney's tied up in there, like I
can't get it out.
So, yeah, yeah, he would ask meto lend him money.
I never once asked him to lendme money.
You know, I never asked him formoney like that or anything
like that.
Again, he stayed at my place forover a year, rent free.
You know.
He never once asked me like,hey, do you need help with your

(41:29):
rent?
Do you need help with a bill?
Literally nothing.
All he would do really would belike buy some groceries, not
like he will fully stock up myfridge.
That never happened.
He would only buy groceries for, like a meal that he wanted to
make or something that he wantedme to make him.
But yet he's going aroundsaying she never did shit for me

(41:51):
.
I did so much for her.
Well, like what, what?
Taking me out to eat, to likein and out and taking me to the
movies.
Besides that, he didn't reallydo much, you know.
So, like I'm really not lyingabout his, about him sleeping on
his cousin's couch, like I'msure he probably still is, he
will tell me like, oh yeah, youknow, I paid like $300 a month

(42:13):
there and I also help them with,like you know, household items
and sometimes I buy food or likegroceries.
Okay, well, I mean, he nevergave, he never offered any of
that here, he never offered me$300.
And he wasn't even sleeping ona couch, he was sleeping on a
bed.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
I would go and talk.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
Huh, he had a job.
Yes, okay, like he works like awarehouse job.
But yeah, he says that I neverdid anything for him, that he
did everything for me.
I used to go and do this man'slaundry.
I used to.
Sometimes I would cook him likefood and I would drive all the
way to Santa Fe Springs to godrop off lunch to him at his job

(42:52):
.
But yeah, he's saying that Inever did anything for him, ever
, that I never did anything.
I remember one time he he gotCOVID, like December 2023.
I literally made him soup.
I bought him some, some fruit.
I made him like some gingerlemon tea.
What do I?
What do I hear from him?

(43:12):
You brought me some rotten assfruit.
I'm like, well, when I saw thefruit, it didn't look rotten to
me.
I mean, I would never do thaton purpose, you know, and I'm
like, wow, like, instead ofsaying like thank you, you know,
like I'm sick here with COVIDand you went out of your way to
drive all the way out here to dothis for me, no, he just
complained about the apples ororanges being rotten, something

(43:37):
like that.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
So there, there was nothing was ever good enough.
There was always somethingwrong.
Yeah always, and I feel likethat's just part of like, not
like not giving you anycompliments or anything like
that.
He just wanted to keep you down, like just the whole time yeah,
speaking about compliments, henever really complimented me
ever.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
I remember um one time I had um, we started
talking about the topic and hesaid, well, as long as I'm
thinking it in my head, that'swhat matters.
I don't have to say it out loudto you.
I'm like okay, and he would uhget upset.
Like I remember one time wewere going to the movies and you

(44:20):
know, if I'm gonna go out, I'mgonna want to look nice, not for
anyone else, like I'm nottrying to impress like other men
, I'm not trying to seek outtheir validation or attention.
That's never been me.
Even now, when I go out and Idress up, it's for me, really,
it's just for me only.
And I had straightened my hairtoo.
And he's like we're just goingto the movies.

(44:44):
Why the fuck do you have tostraighten your hair?
Why do you have to dress up?
And I'm like dude, I'm not evendressed up, I'm just wearing
like some leopard pants and likea top.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
Like to me, I don't consider this dressing up and he
was so upset about it like Idon't know.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
Yeah just so insecure and so controlling and
everything like yes.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
So once he broke up with you, which was, I feel like
it sounds like it was kind ofsudden, or were you?
It was kind of sudden, huh,like he just ended.
It was kind of sudden, huh,like he just ended things.
Yeah, did he ever try to getback with you after that?
Or like what happened after?

Speaker 2 (45:19):
No.
So what happened after was andto me, I was just very shocked
Because again, it's like one oneTuesday morning you're telling
me like, oh, of course I stilllove you, I wouldn't be here if
I didn't.
And then literally like on byFriday, so like three days later
, oh, I need time, I need space,I need to focus on myself, I

(45:43):
need to fix my life.
Gotta, gotta, gotta, oh.
Again, because I did genuinelytruly love this individual.
I was reaching out, you know, Iwanted to make things work and
he would talk to me here andthere, kind of like stringing me
along.
I feel like saying like, okay,well, you know, we'll, we'll try

(46:04):
it out by like first hangingout, we'll go to the movies or
something.
But then I remember that that Imean technically speaking, he
was single so he could dowhatever he wanted.
But I'm like, okay, well, Idon't want to be strung along if
he's already talking to otherpeople, seeing other people.
So I remember that I went on agroup, I posted his photo and

(46:29):
all I said was has anyone seenthis man on any dating apps?
Well, he claims it was a cousin.
I don't know.
Could have been a girl he wasalready talking to.
That's why he became so enragedand upset.
But somebody on that groupscreenshotted my post, send it
to him and he just went unhingedsaying like, oh, you're so

(46:53):
fucking sneaky.
See, this is what I mean.
Like you never trusted me.
You can't be trusted.
How dare you put me on blast ina group like that with like
over 40,000 women and, yeah,painting me out to be the bad
guy?
So, because I wanted to, youknow clear.
You know clear things up.
I wanted to explain, oh, and heblocked me.

(47:14):
He ran to Instagram.
He blocked me.
He blocked my number.
Like he didn't even give me achance to like explain, like
myself, as to why I did it.
It's like I was blasting him.
I literally just posted a photoof him and asked has anyone
seen him on dating apps or isanyone talking to this guy, you
know?
So the next day I did go to hisjob like around the time he was

(47:37):
gonna get off so I could talk tohim in person, you know, like a
mature adult but there wasnever any talking to him, ever,
literally ever.
And yeah, right away he startedgetting very aggressive.
He started yelling, he startedcalling me out of my name, he
started pushing me, shoving me.
He started pinching me on mystomach, which I did post a

(47:57):
photo of that.
I had, like, I had a bruiselike in my stomach and yeah,
that, that was that.
So this this happened onHalloween, october 31st.
That was the last time I eversaw him in person or really ever
spoke to him.
Time I ever saw him in personor really ever spoke to him,
that was his last straw.
He said yeah, that was the laststraw.
You posting me on that groupwas, you know, you can't be

(48:19):
trusted.
That was a sign of God that Ishouldn't be with you and, yeah,
that was that.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
So okay.
So you posted him because youwanted to get some kind of
clarity, because you didn't wantto be strung along yes, exactly
, if he was on dating apps andstuff like you didn't want to
just be, you know, talking withhim.
So then he got upset and that'swhen he just like absolutely
crashed out.
Yeah, after that, right, yes.
So you said you went to go tryto talk to him.
Yes, and that's when he startedyelling and like he pinched you

(48:52):
and all that stuff was yes Iwas aware, like at his job
outside of his job.
So he did all that in front ofhis job like outside of his yes,
wow.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
And then when I guess some of his co-workers came out
, he started telling them, likeyou need to call 9-1-1, you need
to call the cops because thisgirl is harassing me.
And I'm like, I'm not harassingyou, I was just trying to have
a conversation with you and I'mlike again, because my mind was
so foggy and I was so, like,upset and I was trying to, like

(49:24):
you know, clear my name.
It didn't occur to me to belike well, he just put his hands
on me, he's pushing me, shovingme, pinching my stomach.
I should have said that, but Iwasn't thinking straight at that
moment.
But, yeah, he tried to againflip the script, like he's the
victim, because he's always thevictim.
He started yelling like oh, youneed to call the cops, you need
to call the cops on her, andstuff like that.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
So then after that you said that was the last time
you saw him or talked to himyeah, we didn't talk after that
anymore talk to him.
Yeah, we didn't talk after thatanymore.
So how did things kind of comeup again to where, like recently
, right Like you started postingstuff about him.
Like how did stuff kind ofstart back up?

Speaker 2 (50:05):
So after that, it wasn't until like late November
when I finally gathered thecourage to go on one of those
groups and post them's when Iactually blast them, as he likes
to call it.
I actually posted his photo andI posted photos of, you know,
like my bruising and stuff likethat and I just I just pretty

(50:28):
much wrote every possible detailthat I could remember.
You know the whole the storythat I told you earlier about
him having to smell and inspectmy vagina, the whole abortion
thing and just a bunch of otherthings as well.
And again, that post wasscreenshotted by somebody his
cousins, as he likes to callthem, and yeah.

(50:50):
So I posted him in November.
And then recently I honestlyhadn't posted anything about him
.
So for him to message me sayinglike, oh, you know, a cousin of
mine was on the new wave pageand they saw your profile pop up
, I'm like, first of all, no,that cousin is him.
He's the one who still followsthe new wave page.
So, yeah, I hadn't postedanything about him.

(51:12):
Now, it's not my fault that thepost is still up, because I am
not going to take it down andobviously, if people are
scrolling through the page or ifthey type his name and if they
know him or if they had anexperience with him, they're
still going to comment on it,whether it was in November,
march, april, may, you know, andthat's pretty much what
happened, like in late March, Ibelieve, like two girls, I guess

(51:34):
, found the post and they sharedtheir experiences with him.
That's out of my control, youknow.
So that's.
I guess that's what he meant,that I've been posting about him
still saying, um, he wastelling me like oh, you're so
pathetic.
You know, it's been monthssince I dumped you and you're
still out here posting me.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
I'm like, I'm like okay, so you, you posted this
stuff at that moment kind oflike to warn other women right
About this guy, and this isexactly.
And so what?
What made you decide to postthat at that point?

Speaker 2 (52:08):
Because I knew that things were completely done and
over with.
I knew that, no matter what, Iguess, once everything was said
and done and and the time wentby, I started really being by
myself and just really replayingeverything from start to finish
in that relationship and I waslike this is not somebody who I

(52:32):
want in my life, like no, and Ihave nothing to lose, I'm not
going to gain anything out ofmaking up lies about him.
And again, I mainly posted thatpost to warn other women about
him, warn potential new victims,just like I wish somebody would

(52:53):
have warned me about him.
And you know, sadly that didn'thappen Again.
It wasn't until I posted him,where all these women started
coming out sharing theirexperiences with him as well.
And yeah, that's honestly oneof the main reasons why I did it
, because people need to bewomen, need to be warned about
this man.
This man is dangerous, he's notright in the head.

(53:14):
Extremely again, extremely.
Oh, this man is dangerous, he'snot right in the head.
Extremely again, extremelycontrolling, controlling,
possessive.
You know, I could just go onand on, like you know, but he's
out here claiming like oh,you're, you're still posting me,
you're posting about me becauseyou're not over me.
You're bitter that I dumped you.
You're still not over me.
No, dude, it's not any of that,it's not.

(53:38):
It's just that people need tobe warned about you, because the
things that he does, it's justnot okay.

Speaker 1 (53:42):
Okay.
So I feel like at that point,so you already knew this
relationship is done.
So, yes, you kind of startedyour healing.

Speaker 2 (53:51):
I guess process I finally took off the rose
colored glasses.
Your healing, I guess, process.
I finally took off the rosecolored glasses.

Speaker 1 (53:56):
You realize, hey, like this was not a good person,
like the stuff he did to me wasnot okay.
Not okay at all has there beena lot of women?

Speaker 2 (54:12):
that have dealt with him, like is it a lot of women
that responded to that post?
I believe, like so far there'sso far there's been like seven
and again, I'm sure there's manymore.
But you know a lot of mostpeople don't even use Facebook
anymore.
I know there's apps as well,but those are not gathering as
much attention as the groups do.
Again, I'm sure there's manymore out there that are just not

(54:33):
aware of these, like groups andstuff.
I don't have TikTok.
I know TikTok most people areon TikTok nowadays but I
unfortunately don't have TikTok.
I'm sure there's people are onTikTok more now, but yeah, I'm
not, I'm not on there.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
So I guess, like if there was like somebody, I guess
, that listened to your storyand was going through like their
own, I guess, abusiverelationship, what would be like
the biggest, I guess, piece ofadvice that you would give
someone that is in your shoes,you know, in the abusive
relationship, I do have a friendwho's going through things

(55:19):
right now.

Speaker 2 (55:20):
When I see her I really see myself giving her so
much advice.
I'm trying to wake her up, butagain it's going to be when she
wants to walk away.
But I'm just again, I'm justtrying to warn people.
I would say my advice to anyoneout there who's going through

(55:47):
what I went through.
I'm like do not ignore thefirst red flags.
You know, the moment that yousee even the first red flag pop
up, walk away, block distanceyourself, because it's not going
to get any better, it's onlygoing to get worse.
You know, I wish I would havedone that.
But again, I like this person.

(56:09):
I figure maybe things would getbetter with time.
They never did.
That's what I would say.
Like, save yourself, save yoursanity, walk away.
Things don't get better.

Speaker 1 (56:21):
They don't.
Yeah, like, and there's justcertain things that are just not
okay.
And relationships, like nomatter who the person is, like
any type of physical abuse, anytype of like, any type of like
emotional abuse, right, if theystart isolating you from your
friends, from your family, likethose are all just little things

(56:42):
that the person will try tomake you think are normal, like,
oh, you're in a relationshipnow so you shouldn't talk to you
know this, this, or youshouldn't have these friends, or
you shouldn't be going out,like that's abuse, that's like
that's abusive, Like that's notnormal, you know, in a
relationship.
So, yeah, like, just a little,definitely look out for red

(57:03):
flags.
Definitely don't answer thegood morning DMs.
No, I'm kidding, just be verycareful and cautious and I think
, just knowing that things doget better.
But yeah, I know it could behard sometimes when you're in
the moment, like to realize it.
But I think by hearing otherpeople's stories, like yours,
like some people might be in itand they don't realize it's

(57:26):
abusive.
So by hearing your story,they'll be like like she's right
, like that's not okay, you knowlike that's not okay, you know.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
He will tell me, well , he will gaslight me by saying,
like, look, if I didn't loveyou, if I didn't care about you,
I wouldn't, I wouldn't be theway I am, I wouldn't be so
jealous, you know, like Iwouldn't be so so controlling, I
only do these things because Ilove you and I care about you.
Like he would literally saythat.
And yeah, at the time I waslike, okay, well, I mean, yeah,
it must be true, maybe that'sjust the way he shows that he

(57:58):
really does love and care for me.
But no, that's not love andcare, that's control, that's
abuse and it's not okay.
He will tell me you can't goout to bars or breweries with
your friends anymore, becauseonly whores and sluts do that.
You're in a relationship now, Iwith your friends anymore,

(58:21):
because only whores and sluts dothat.
You're in a relationship now.
I'm not going out to bars, Idon't.
And another thing he has nofriends, which that should be
another red flag.
He has no friends at all.
The only friends that he hasare literally his cousins, but
he doesn't actually have anylike meaningful friendships or
anything like that.
To me that should have been ared flag Again, another red flag
that I ignored.
Again, it wasn't even justphysical abuse that I endured
with him.

(58:41):
It was mental, emotional,verbal.
I actually still have a paperhere in front of me of I named
it, words, phrases, to rememberthat I would read to myself and
try to engrave it in my head soI could finally let go of this
person.
But I wasn't strong enough atthe time to do it.

(59:01):
So some of the things that heloved to tell me were I hate you
, f you F-ing bitch.
You repulse me, f-ing pussy.
You're weak.
Shut the F up.
My balls don't work for you.
My dick doesn't get hard foryou.
You've ruined my life.
I don't know how I ruined hislife when his life was already

(59:22):
ruined even before I met him.
Every time I would again.
Every time I would try to talkto him about anything, he just
didn't want to deal with it.
It was like literally talkingto a wall.
There was just no gettingthrough with him.
When I would cry, he would mockme.
He would literally mock me whenI would cry or he would be.

(59:44):
Stop with your crying.
You're being so manipulativeright now.
I can't stand your manipulatingass tears.
I'm sorry that I'm cryingbecause I'm literally hurt by
what you're saying or doing tome.
I'm sorry that I'm cryingbecause I'm literally hurt by
what you're saying or doing tome and I'm sorry that some of us
have actual, real, true, youknow feelings and emotions that
you just can't deal with becausethat's not how, that's not who

(01:00:04):
you are.
You don't have any feelings oremotions.
I remember just very he's just avery vile person.
I remember one time I hadmentioned to him how I had seen
like a dead cat on the road andthat made me sad.
So I started tearing up, youknow, and then we started
arguing one day and he literallythrew that in my face.
He was like, oh, and look atyou fucking crying because you

(01:00:25):
see a dead cat on the on theground, like, and he just he
just unleashed it on me.
I'm like, wow, like I sharethat with you, because I thought
that I could share somethingvulnerable like that with you,
you know, with my boyfriend,with my partner, and here you
are mocking me for it too.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
It's like this person is just heartless, like he
really is and that's likeanother red flag that people
don't.
That people miss at the time islike if you're sharing
something personal and privatewith someone and then they share
it or throw it in your face inan argument.
That's not okay.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
Yeah, he would do that a lot.
He would always just try tomake me feel less than he would
say that I looked fat.
Or you would just make snarkylittle comments.
Or I remember sometimes whenwe'd be in the car, he say like,
oh, close your legs, you stink.
And I would be like, first ofall, I, I don't, you know, I, I

(01:01:23):
know I don't stink.
And then he would startlaughing like crazy.
He's like oh, it's just a joke.
Why are you so sensitive?
I can't even joke with youabout anything without you
getting all crazy on me and I'mlike dude.
well, don't joke about thingsthat are not real and it's not.

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
I've never had anybody.

Speaker 2 (01:01:41):
I've never had a previous partner tell me that I
smell down there.
Even he told me himself.
He's like oh, you know what Ireally like about you, that you
don't smell down there.
So then don't make sickcomments like those.
Those are not jokes.
And don't make sick commentslike those.
Those are not jokes.
And yeah, like anytime that Iwould try to like defend myself
with like the things you woulddo or say it's like oh, you're

(01:02:02):
crazy, you know you're mental,you need help.
And that's exactly what he'ssaying to me now, looking at all
those messages that I posted,that he messaged me.
He's saying that I need to seekhelp for my mental illnesses,
that I'm like sick, justprojecting, as usual, nothing
new there.

Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
So what now?
Like from this point forward,communication has been cut off.
Like are you, did he block youagain, or did you block him?

Speaker 2 (01:02:28):
He blocked me and and that's another thing that I
want to bring up, I'm sorry thatI forgot to bring up earlier so
he dumped me, as he likes tocall it, back in early October.
And then, you know, we didn'ttalk anymore by like late
October, like early November.
One of those two I want to sayby like late November is when I
started noticing, like theseburner accounts like creeping on

(01:02:52):
my profile, on my Instagrampage, and I would block them.
You know, and again, again,I've never had this happen
before, I've never had burneraccounts trying to lurk at my
page or anything like that.
And then what really, whatreally gave it away was, I want
to say, back in March it was aday before the day after St
Patrick's Day I remember my sonwas getting picked up from by

(01:03:15):
his dad, but we had to talkabout a few things regarding my
son.
So I was outside by my doortalking to my son's dad and then
, you know, I think theconversation was like a few
minutes long.
And then after, when I cameback home, when I came back
inside my house, you know,obviously, I grabbed my phone
and I see a notification on my,on my phone screen, and it said.

(01:03:36):
The notification literally saidand I still have the screenshot
it said Deb is my 91 liked yourstory.
So, right away, I'm like whoa,what is this?
I go, I open the Instagram app.
I'm trying to find thenotification.
It's gone.
I typed the Instagram name Debis my 91.
Can't find it because itblocked me.

(01:03:58):
Well, that was him.
He was DevisMy91.
But then he changed the name toLA Nosferatu and it's like okay
, dude, you dumped me, you leftme.
Then why are you going out ofyou, out of your way, to make
all these burner accounts, evengoing as far as to naming one

(01:04:21):
dev is my 91?
That's just creepy and likesick and like why I don't get it
.
It's like he left me, he dumpedme.
Then why are you, why are you,you know, so worked up on
wanting to know what I'm doing,what I'm not doing?
Again, I hadn't posted anythingabout it on my Instagram.
Yes, sometimes I share, likevideos, reels on narcissism, but

(01:04:45):
I'm allowed to do that.
It is my page.
I will post whatever I want,you know.
So it was last weekend where Ihad, you know, noticed that a
page was looking at my stories.
It was like a page of Giovanniand I was like, huh, this person

(01:05:05):
is not following me, who arethey?
So I click on the page and Isee the name says Gio Fomer.
That name stuck to me.
It stuck with me because lastyear, when I was still in a
relationship with him, there wasa thing going on where he was
going to move into a house inMontebello and that he was going
to have a bedroom there, butthen his nephew, that kid whose

(01:05:29):
account he used, he took overthat bedroom.
So he was upset, he was mad,talking mad trash about, you
know, this kid and the kid's dad, which is his cousin.
And the name stuck with me.
You know, the the, the lastthing, especially former, and
that's how I knew that it washim watching my stuff.
So I had to public, I had topublicly call him out on it

(01:05:52):
because it's like okay, dude,again you dumped me, you left me
, then why are you still lookingat my stuff Like that just
doesn't make any sense to me.
I haven't bothered him.
I haven't bothered him, Ihaven't tried to contact him in
any way, shape or form, but he'sout here, you know, for like
months now making burneraccounts just to creep up on me.
And I told him I'm like I'm notgoing to block you anymore.

(01:06:14):
You know, if you want to keeplurking, I'll let you lurk
Because clearly you know you'restill trying to keep up with me,
even though, yes, you dumped melike seven months ago.
It's just.
It's just weird.
I don't know.
It's very bizarre.
I don't, I don't get that.

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
Yeah, I don't.
I don't get it Like why hewould want to keep looking at
you just to see what you'redoing, or like to see if you're
dating, to see, like just seeingwhat you're doing.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Then there was a again, I hadn't posted anything
about him.
For example, like for mybirthday weekend.
There was a situation where Ishowed up to a bar.
I was told that he was there aswell.
I didn't see him.
I honestly did not see him.
I don't remember seeing him inthere or making any eye contact.
I remember I just walkedstraight into the bar, straight

(01:07:02):
into the dance floor, and Istarted dancing.
Well, I was told that the momentthat I walked into the bar, he
got up and he started followingright behind me.
I don't know what the purposeof that was.
I mean, we're inside a bar,dude.
There's like security guardsoutside, so he was going to try
something that wouldn't havebeen the right place to do that.
Then I heard that he went intothe restroom and then he came

(01:07:25):
out and the whole time he wasjust staring at me.
It's like if you're sounbothered by me and again you
dumped me then why are you evenlooking at me or even following
behind me?
That's just to me, that's justscary and weird.
Like, don't do that.
You know.
I could have gone on myInstagram literally on my
birthday weekend and being likeoh, you know, like I was told

(01:07:45):
that my crazy ex was at the samebar.
I didn't even bring it up.
There was no, there was no needfor it.
Of course, if you're lurking onmy page and you know doing all
this and that, then that's whenI finally called it out.
You know, but yeah, like Ihaven't bothered him, like
whatever he's doing with hislife, you know, that's, that's
him.
He keeps saying that, oh, mylife has gotten so much better

(01:08:08):
since you've been gone from it.
I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:08:20):
He's.

Speaker 2 (01:08:20):
He's still pretty much living the same life he was
when I was with him, so I don'tsee how that's gotten any
better, but I'll just let himkeep believing his delusions, as
usual yeah, he's, he's justgonna look for his next victim
and it's just gonna be a cyclewith him all right, yeah, and I,
I truly do feel, um, I truly dofeel sad for the next victim
because they don't know whatthey're walking themselves into.
And I already know, I alreadyknow that any any new girl and

(01:08:42):
that's another thing that Iignored Again one of the first
red flags that I ignored was himtalking about his ex saying
like, oh, she was crazy, she wasinsane, she was a psycho.
That's literally what he'ssaying about me now.
I know that for a fact.
All the new girls that he'strying to, you know like, sweep

(01:09:02):
off their feet.
I know he's like my ex is sopsycho, she's crazy, she's nuts.
You know, she's mental, she'snot over me, she's bitter
because I dumped her.
I can only imagine the thingsthat he's saying about me.
I would hope that somebody elseis like whoa, he's calling his
ex crazy as a red flag.
That's how I'm going to takethat as now, if I were to ever
even entertain the idea ofwanting to date someone else.

(01:09:24):
The moment a guy tells me oh,my ex is crazy, yeah, red flag,
I'm gone.

Speaker 1 (01:09:29):
Yeah, definitely, that's like a big red flag.
Is it telling you all thesesaying all these bad things
about their ex, but then they'renot saying anything about
themselves Like yeah, yeah,that's a big red flag.

Speaker 2 (01:09:42):
Yeah, with him is all all my exes cheated on me.
All of my exes are crazy, buthe never tells what he did.
Well, what did you do to makethem crazy?
Uh, how were you?
You know?
What did you do in therelationship to make them that

(01:10:03):
way?
He's always like like I'm such agreat guy, you know, like I'm a
good guy.
I'm like I'm sorry, but if youhave to say that you're a good
guy, then you're not good.
Good people don't go out theresaying that they're good.
You know, yeah, but yeah, it'slike nothing is ever his fault.
He's always a victim.
He just blames everything onhis childhood and his life

(01:10:28):
experiences.
I'm sorry, but we've all gonethrough things, all of us.
I don't go out there and be ashitty person just because I had
a messed up childhood.
I, you know, at one point youhave to take responsibility for
your own actions and heal.
But you know, like he, just Idon't think that's ever going to
happen with him.

(01:10:49):
Like I just don't see ithappening.
I have, I've been doing my part.
I've actually been healing.
I'm not going to lie.
When he first broke up with me,I was in a very, very dark hole.
I didn't leave my house.
For like weeks I stopped goingto work.
I couldn't eat, I couldn'tsleep, I couldn't even drink

(01:11:09):
like anything, like I.
I just like was in a very, verydark place.
I was very, very depressed.
I was just very like blindsided, I guess you can say, and I
didn't want to do anything.
I was severely depressed.
I'm so happy now that I'm notin that place anymore.
I'm not gonna lie and say thatlike I'm not depressed, I'm not

(01:11:31):
depressed about him specifically, but depression is just not
something that just goes awayjust like that, because I did
end up having to go to thehospital, because I just got
really, really sick.
I got really sick.
They had seen my charts.
I had been there like back inlike August and when I ended up
in a hospital it was likemid-November and they were like
whoa, what happened here?

(01:11:52):
Like you were like close to 140pounds in August the last time
we saw you, and now you're downto 121 pounds.
So then I had to tell them I'mlike, well, this and this and
this has been going on.
And yeah, it was just it wasbad.
You know I was in a pretty badplace, wow, you know he just
goes out there living his life,you know, like nothing, nothing.

(01:12:14):
So he just likes to leave likea trail of destruction and just
moves on to the next victim likenothing, but then paints me as
a villain.
I, I'm not in that place anymore.
I actually I've been findingmyself again the person that I
used to be before I met him andbefore I got with him, because

(01:12:35):
he really really did change me.
I became pretty much a shell ofwho I used to be and now it's
like I go out more.
You know, I do.
I'm doing the things that Iused to love doing before I met
him, like I, you know, go andhave lunch with my friends.
You know, I've been gettinginto hiking again because I
wasn't even allowed to do that.
I couldn't even go hiking.

(01:12:55):
I couldn't do anything.
Literally, I couldn't doanything at all.
I love going out and justlistening to music and dancing.
I don't see anything wrong withthat.
When I go out to bars it'sliterally just to listen to the
music, dance, maybe have a drinkor two.
I come back home and that'sthat, you know.
But he wants to say that I'm aslut and a whore because I go to

(01:13:17):
bars, but yet this same man iswhat he goes to the bars to pick
up on quote unquote sluts andwhores.
It is, I don't know.
He's just funny in a very sadway and I did, in one of the
messages, I did actually thankhim.
I was like you know, I do thankyou for actually like releasing

(01:13:37):
me, for letting me, for, youknow, leaving me, giving me back
my freedom, you know, because Iknow that if I was still with
him I would still be stuck inthe same situation that I was in
, like again, things weren't,they just weren't going to get
better.

Speaker 1 (01:13:52):
They weren't.
I mean, I'm glad that you're.
You're rediscovering yourself.
I think what the biggest thingis like when people are going
through breakups, um is pouringthat love into yourself, so like
the love that you were givingyour partner.
Give it to yourself.
Definitely.
It sounds like what you'redoing right.
It's like take yourself out ondates.

(01:14:13):
You by yourself, you know theflowers.
Yes, out on dates, you byyourself, you know the flowers.
Yes, you're not by yourself,you're kind of like in a
relationship with yourself.
Yes, I think that's a good wayto do it and that's the thing.

Speaker 2 (01:14:25):
Speaking of flowers, he would always tell me like, oh
, I'm not gonna waste my moneyon flowers that are just gonna
die.
Well, throughout the whole timethat I was with him, he only
got me flowers three times.
So the first one, the firsttime he got me flowers, was
because, uh, the the previousnight he had it was outside his
cousin's house, like the onethat he like lives at, or

(01:14:47):
whatever he had.
Um, he had pushed me to theground.
So, yeah, he shoved me, I fellto the ground and then, as I was
trying to get back up, hekicked me so I wouldn't be able
to get up.
So then the next morning butthen again, because he loves to
cry, I'm the victim, somebodyhelp me.
Then I, he went to go knock onhis cousin's door saying like,
call the cops.

(01:15:07):
Call the cops.
You know she needs to, sheneeds to leave the premises.
You know it's private property,you need to get out of here.
I'm the one they're Like, youknow I'm like inconsolable and
stuff like that.
But he's telling them to callthe cops on me.
The next morning he shows up tomy house with some flowers as an
apology for doing what he didto me the night before.
And then again, I had alreadymentioned, you know, he got me

(01:15:29):
some tulips because he hadchoked me the night before.
And then there was this onetime time, like in June of last
year, where he randomly showedup to my house with flowers.
Nothing bad had happened thatday or the day before, but I was
already in such a like I don'tknow if you can call it like
fight or flight mode that Icouldn't even feel happy.

(01:15:50):
I couldn't even be, I couldn'teven feel happy that he got me
some flowers just because, orrandomly.
I was like because I hadalready.
I had already, you know, Iguess, how can I explain it?
Like every time he had gottenme flowers in the past it was
because of something that he haddone that was bad, you know.
So that day when he got methose flowers, I was like Whoa,
like what happened?

(01:16:10):
Like did he do something?
Like he must have donesomething bad in order for him
to show up to my house withflowers right now?
Again, I couldn't even feellike genuinely happy because I
had already familiarized flowerswith like bad experiences.
So yeah, All right.

Speaker 1 (01:16:27):
Well, Debbie, I appreciate you coming on to
share your story and I think,like I said, it's going to be
helpful to a lot of people.
But, yeah, like, thank you forcoming on and sharing, you know
your story.

Speaker 2 (01:16:39):
I know it was hard.

Speaker 1 (01:16:41):
And it's stuff that's like so like difficult to talk
about and sometimes it feelslike private stuff, right, like
just craziness, yeah, and so ittakes a lot of courage to talk
about.
But, yeah, thank you so muchfor coming on and sharing your
story and, yeah, I wish younothing but the best in your
healing.

(01:17:01):
Thank, you.

Speaker 2 (01:17:02):
Thank you so much for having me you know, for giving
me, you know a platform to youknow, talk about my talk, about
my story.
I really do hope that thishelps anyone out there who might
be in a similar situation.
That's really all I want.
I just want to bring awarenessto narcissistic abuse and
hopefully I can save someoneelse out there.

Speaker 1 (01:17:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:17:24):
So thank you, thank you.