March 11, 2025 • 21 mins
Click to text me what you got out of this episode.
The mysterious one-sided bond between followers and online personalities has a name: parasocial relationships. These connections feel intensely real, making us defend celebrities like Taylor Swift as if they're our actual friends, even though they have no idea we exist.
Parasocial relationships aren't new—psychologists first identified them in 1956 when television viewers formed attachments to TV personalities. But social media has supercharged these dynamics to unprecedented levels. When an influencer looks directly into the camera, our brains don't register this as mass communication; instead, it processes the moment as a personal interaction, creating a powerful illusion of friendship.
This phenomenon affects both sides of the screen. For content creators, maintaining an online persona while balancing different audience expectations creates what experts call "context collapse"—a psychological tug-of-war between their authentic self and the version followers expect. This pressure can lead to identity confusion, anxiety, and burnout. Meanwhile, followers who constantly consume carefully curated content may develop unrealistic expectations, lower self-esteem, and diminished satisfaction with their own lives.
The ASAP method offers a practical framework for maintaining mental health in this digital landscape: Awareness of how content affects you, Setting boundaries around social media use, Asking for help when needed, and Prioritizing self-care. Whether you're creating content or consuming it, this approach helps ensure that digital connections enhance your life without replacing real-world relationships. After all, true connection happens beyond the screen, where algorithms don't dictate our worth and validation comes from authentic human interaction rather than metrics.
About Danny Clark
Danny Clark is a licensed clinical social worker and family therapist based in Houston, Texas. As the founder of Texas Insight Center, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families navigate mental health challenges with practical, evidence-based approaches.
💡 Is therapy right for you? Let’s talk. If you’re struggling with stress or emotional regulation or just want to explore healthier coping strategies, reach out for a consultation. Visit www.texasinsightcenter.com to learn more and schedule a session.
📩 Have a question or topic suggestion? Send it to danny@texasinsightcenter.com
You can also follow me on Instagram @texasinsightcenter or visit my webpage at texasinsightcenter.com
Join the conversation! Share your key takeaways using #MentalHealthPotluck or tag me on social media.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danny (00:00):
Have you ever noticed how , if you say one slightly
negative thing about TaylorSwift, someone in the room
immediately will tense up Likeyou just insulted their actual
best friend?
Look, I get it, she's talented.
But let's be real, you don'tactually know her and yet, for
some reason, some people feellike they know her personally.
(00:20):
Welcome to Mental HealthPotluck, where everyone brings
something to the table.
I'm Danny Clark, licensedclinical social worker and
family therapist, and thispodcast is all about serving up
bite-sized mental healthinsights, practical wellness
tips and real conversations thatnourish the mind and soul.
Today, we're talking aboutparasocial relationships.
(00:40):
These are one-sided connectionswe form with influencers,
celebrities, even fictionalcharacters.
They're totally normal, but inthe age of social media, they've
gone next level.
So we're pulling back thecurtain on what it's really like
to be a content creator, themental toll of always being on,
and how both influencers andfollowers can keep their sanity
in a world that never stopsscrolling.
(01:02):
So what exactly is a parasocialrelationship?
Well, it's a one-sidedemotional bond where a person
feels a strong connection to apublic figure without any real
interaction between them.
The follower might feel likethey truly know the person, even
though the relationship onlyexists from a distance.
This isn't a new phenomenon.
(01:23):
In fact, the term parasocialinteraction was first introduced
in 1956 by two psychologists,Donald Horton and Richard Wall.
They noticed that televisionviewers formed imagined
relationships with TVpersonalities, feeling a sense
of familiarity and emotionalcloseness, despite never meeting
them in real life.
Fast forward to today and socialmedia has turned the volume way
(01:44):
up on these connections.
Platforms like TikTok,Instagram and YouTube let
influencers share their dailylives in ways that make them
feel like a friend, except, youknow, without the whole two-way
relationship part.
In fact, research from 2022found that followers who
consistently engage with socialmedia influencers develop strong
emotional attachments.
This happens because they seeaspects of themselves in the
(02:06):
influencer, and social mediacreates an illusion of closeness
.
And it doesn't just tug atemotions.
These relationships can alsoaffect behavior.
Studies show they influencepurchasing decisions, brand
loyalty and sometimes even lifechoices, Like when someone
switches to oat milk justbecause their favorite
influencer drinks it.
Something else that's kind ofinteresting is that there's a
(02:27):
company called the MorningConsult and they're a survey and
data company that helps brandsfigure out what makes us tick.
They did a survey back in 2023,and they found that 61% of Gen
Z and millennials felt they hada trusted connection with online
influencers 61%.
That's more trust than somepeople have in their own
families.
So why does this happen?
Well, human brains craveconnection.
(02:50):
We're wired for relationships.
Social media gives influencersa platform to share intimate
details of their lives, and thattricks our brain into believing
we're part of their world.
James (03:01):
I see the parasocial relationship thing in my
comments all the time.
Danny (03:05):
James Clark is a social media influencer with over 4
million followers across TikTok,Instagram, YouTube, Twitch and
Snapchat.
He's also a talentedsinger-songwriter with a growing
audience on Apple Music andSpotify, where he independently
produces his own music, and I'mactually one of his biggest fans
, not because of his content,but because, well, I'm his dad.
James (03:24):
I don't read my comments that much but I do see it in my
comments when I'm first readingmy comments, because normally
the people that are the earliestto my videos before if they
haven't blown up or anything thepeople that are like on top of
it and like always kind ofseeing my posts before they blow
up they want to be the earliestones to the post.
They'll be the ones that aresaying stuff that I can tell are
(03:46):
pretty like hello.
I don't even know this person.
Danny (03:50):
So why do we form these intense bonds with people we've
never met?
Well, it turns out our brainsare hardwired for connection and
belonging.
That's just human nature.
We crave relationships, andsocial media supercharges that
by making influencers feelaccessible, like they're right
there with us.
Think about it when aninfluencer looks straight into
the camera and talks directly toyou, your brain doesn't go ah
(04:12):
yes, this is a mass broadcast tothousands, if not millions, of
people.
Nope, instead, it registersthat moment as a personal
interaction.
That's why it can feel likethey're talking just to you,
even though they don't even knowyou exist.
James (04:26):
So my my content style I try to be relatable and that
causes me to talk how you wouldin like a normal conversation
with someone, rather than, ifyou see, like informational
videos, they're talking at you.
Almost where I try to make myvideos, where it's I'm talking
(04:47):
with the person, but in realityI'm just talking to myself.
Danny (04:51):
I'm paid to talk to myself, so another reason for
why these relationships happenis because of relatability.
Parasocial relationships growstronger when we feel a personal
connection to an influencer,whether through shared
experiences, values oraspirations.
We might see a bit of ourselvesin them, or maybe they
represent the version ofourselves we're hoping to become
(05:11):
, and for some people, theserelationships fill a deeper
emotional need, like lonelinessor a craving for social
connection.
Psychologists Horton and Walloriginally described this as an
unconscious attempt to reducesocial isolation.
Basically, if you're feelingdisconnected in real life,
forming a bond with an onlinepersonality can help fill that
gap.
In other words, parasocialrelationships aren't just some
(05:34):
quirky internet phenomenon.
They tap into real, fundamentalhuman needs belonging,
connection and validation.
Belonging, connection andvalidation.
And while there's nothing wrongwith enjoying these connections
, being aware of them helps usset realistic expectations about
our online interactions,Because, at the end of the day,
your favorite influencer isn'tactually your friend, no matter
(05:55):
how much they look in the cameraand say, hey, Bestie.
James (06:02):
It is a little stressful seeing, like, in person, if I
get noticed or something.
And well, it can make it hardto have conversations with
people that do already know youonline because I don't know the
person.
So it's like they already havethis preconceived notion of who
I am as a person, when inreality it could just all be
(06:22):
fake.
I could just entirely lie abouteverything that I do online,
which I don't.
But they think they know me,and so it's like this one-sided
conversation where I'm meetingthis person for the first time
and they're meeting me fortechnically the first time, but
they have this knowledge ofthings that I talk about, or
things that I think or the waythat I do things.
(06:45):
Yeah, they even know what theinside of my room looks like,
which usually you would onlywant that to be one person me
that knows what the inside of it.
Danny (06:55):
Parasocial relationships might feel great for followers,
giving them a sense ofconnection, but for influencers
it can be a little complicated.
Keeping up an online personaisn't just about posting fun
content.
It's a constant cycle ofcreating, engaging and
performing, often under thepressure of an audience that
feels like they know you andthat pressure it can add up.
Research shows that influencersfrequently deal with
(07:17):
performance pressure.
This is the stress of alwaysmeeting audience expectations.
They have to be funny,insightful, relatable and on all
the time and when yourlivelihood depends on keeping
people engaged, there's a realfear of slipping up.
Over time.
This can lead to identityconflicts, that feeling of being
caught between the person youreally are and the persona your
(07:38):
audience expects you to be.
It's the psychological tug ofwar between the online version
of you and the real you.
When those two versions startto blur, it can create serious
emotional discomfort, makinginfluencers question who they
actually are outside of thecontent they create.
And that's not just stressful,it can take a real toll on
mental health.
James (07:58):
People expect me to be exactly how I am online when
they see me in person.
So like, if I get noticed inperson and someone has this
interaction with me, and theyexpect me to be this like loud,
talkative person, which I amwith my friends, and that's the
main reason why I started in thefirst place was because I was
(08:18):
just making videos to make myfriends laugh.
But it makes it hard forin-person interactions with
people that I don't know becausethey expect me to be this like
loud person or very talkative,and I don't and I'm not like
that.
When I first meet people, justI'm a lot more relaxed and calm
and so I'll get that.
Oh, I didn't expect you to actlike this in person.
(08:39):
It's like, well, we don't knoweach other.
Danny (08:42):
Influencers also deal with what's called context
collapse, which is just a fancyway of saying different groups
of people who expect differentthings from you.
All exist in the same onlinespace, watching everything you
do.
Imagine trying to be yourselfwhile knowing that your parents,
high school friends,professional contacts and
(09:03):
thousands or even millions ofstrangers are all simultaneously
watching.
It's exhausting.
The results more anxiety, morepressure and a constant
balancing act of trying toplease everyone while staying
true to yourself.
James (09:15):
My content is very it's kind of all over the place.
I I do it on purpose like that,just so that I can get
interactions with almostanything I post, because if you
narrow down just to one specificthing, it can make it hard to
branch out to other things.
And so I have people that followme specifically for my music,
(09:35):
or they follow me specificallyfor my little rants that I do
online, or they follow mespecifically for some little
rants that I do online, or theyfollow me specifically for some
talent that I have or I makelike a fishing video or video
games, and so I'm kind of allover the place and so I have
different, I guess, personas foreach of those things.
But I still try to stay true tomyself when I'm doing that.
(09:55):
If someone comes up to me andthey're like, oh, I love your
music, I'm like, oh, thank youso much.
It's honestly, I like that onethe most because it's the most
it's my most creative side ofwhat I do is my music.
But if someone comes up to meand I'm like, oh, I love your
videos, you're so funny, thenI'll have a different response
to that.
Danny (10:15):
So if parasocial relationships can take a toll on
influencers, what about thepeople on the other side of the
screen?
The short answer is yeah, thereare risks for followers too.
To be fair, it's not all bad.
These connections can providecomfort, emotional support and a
real sense of belonging,especially during times of
loneliness or isolation.
Sometimes, following aninfluencer can be uplifting,
(10:37):
inspiring or even motivating.
But there is a flip side.
Research shows that frequentengagement in parasocial
relationships can also increaseanxiety, lower self-esteem and
create unrealistic expectationsfor personal relationships.
Why?
Well, because when weconstantly consume highly
curated, filtered and polishedversions of other people's lives
(10:58):
, it's impossible not to compareIn comparison, especially when
it's one-sided.
It's a fast track to feelinginadequate.
And this isn't just somethingthat happens, it's designed to
happen.
Influencers aren't justentertainers, they're also
marketers.
(11:18):
And the stronger your emotionalbond with them, the more
effective they are at sellingthings to you.
That's why brands love workingwith influencers.
They know that followers areway more likely to trust an
influencer's recommendationsover a random ad.
So influencers create intimatefeeling.
Content talking casually,sharing personal stories,
weaving products into theirdaily lives.
(11:40):
Content Talking casually,sharing personal stories,
weaving products into theirdaily lives, so that when they
say hey, you guys, have youtried this?
It feels more like a friendsuggesting it than a sales pitch
, and it really works Reallywell.
But here's where it gets eventrickier.
Social media platforms aren'tjust passive hosts for this
content.
They're actively shaping whatyou see, using algorithms
(12:00):
designed to keep you engaged aslong as possible.
Here's how it works Every timeyou like, share or linger on a
post, the algorithm analyzesyour behavior.
Then it feeds you more of whatyou react to, more of the
influencer, more of theiraesthetic, more of their
products they promote.
Over time, this deepens youremotional investment, making you
(12:21):
feel even more connected to theinfluencers.
Because, well, they're alwaysthere and because this content
is curated just for you.
It reinforces a very specificperception of reality, one where
everyone seems more successful,more attractive, more put
together than you, moresuccessful, more attractive,
(12:41):
more put together than you.
That's where the mental healthrisk really kicks in.
Constant exposure to idealizedlifestyles can lead to anxiety,
depression, reduced self-esteemand this nagging feeling that
your life just isn't measuringup.
Parasocial relationships aren'tinherently bad.
They fulfill a real human needfor connection.
But being aware of how socialmedia intensifies these bonds
(13:01):
and profits from them is key tokeeping a healthy perspective,
because, at the end of the day,the algorithm doesn't actually
care about your well-being, itjust wants to keep you scrolling
.
So you know, what we reallydon't ever hear too much about
is how influencers actually takecare of themselves.
From the outside, it looks likethey have it all followers,
(13:24):
sponsorships, cool trips andlots of other things they get to
try.
That's new that we probablywould never get to try, but the
reality too much too fast can beoverwhelming.
When your whole world revolvesaround staying visible, the
pressure to always be on canmess with your head.
James (13:40):
Usually, when I'm trying to keep myself in a state of
mind where I'm not stressing outabout social media, I well,
first off, I try not to read mycomments very often.
I'll read them for the first,maybe five minutes after I post
something, but after that Istopped looking at the comments
on that specific video.
And then if I go throughsomething where it's like it's
(14:03):
almost like writer's block butfor creating videos, it makes it
to where, if you're forcefullycoming out with videos like
you're trying to come up withideas because you feel the need
to post, rather than you'reposting something that you
actually think is funny, or youwant to post because it just
came into your mind, usually theones that you force out don't
do as well because it's not asnatural.
(14:24):
So I'll catch myself doing thatsometimes and I'll go two,
three days without posting justto have a more natural video
come out.
Danny (14:30):
Then come to me naturally , versus trying to force
something out there and that'sjust the thing, whether you're
an influencer or just someonetrying to grow online, social
media isn't just a platform,it's an algorithm, and the
algorithm doesn't care aboutyour wellbeing.
That's why I always tell peopleto think about their role in
the larger scope of social mediawhen they create content.
I'd like to use this acronymASAP, not like it's some kind of
(14:54):
emergency, but as a reminder tostay aware, set boundaries, ask
for help and to prioritizeself-care.
James (15:01):
Well, I noticed that things are getting too stressful
or things are getting to be alittle bit too much.
Usually I'll just shut off myphone, I won't, I won't look at
any social media.
Um cause it even gets to thepoint where I'll I'll be
comparing my own interactionwith my videos with other
content creators and I'll pointthat out to myself and be like
(15:22):
all right, this is, this isn'thealthy.
I need to not do this, and soI'll just go, you know,
skateboard, play guitar orsomething, do something on my
own without having to record it.
Danny (15:32):
So let's break this down a bit.
So awareness means checking inwith yourself.
How do you actually feel aboutthe content you're creating?
If posting starts to feel likean obligation instead of
something you enjoy, that's ared flag.
Burnout doesn't happenovernight.
It creeps up when you stoppaying attention.
Setting boundaries is just asimportant.
Social media will take as muchof your time and energy as you
(15:53):
let it, so you have to decidewhere the line is.
That means creating work hours,muting notifications and
reminding yourself that youdon't owe anyone constant access
to your life and listen.
If social media is messing withyour mental health, ask for
help, and I don't just meanventing in a group chat.
Sometimes, talking to atherapist or someone who can
(16:14):
actually help you manage stressbefore it spirals is the best
investment you can make inyourself.
And, lastly, prioritizingself-care, because social media
moves fast, but you don't haveto Take breaks.
Step away, go outside, dosomething completely unrelated
to your online presence.
The more you take care ofyourself, the more sustainable
this whole thing becomes,because, after all, no amount of
(16:37):
followers is worth sacrificingyour mental health.
Now let's flip the script,because, while influencers are
dealing with the pressure ofalways being on, followers have
their own struggles too,especially when it comes to
parasocial relationships.
And look, I get the irony oftalking about this on a podcast
(16:57):
that you probably found throughsocial media.
There's so much content outthere about the effects of
social media, but the trickypart is actually noticing when
it's happening to you.
But the tricky part is actuallynoticing when it's happening to
you.
It's easy to feel like aninfluencer is a friend, like
they really get you, and that'snot necessarily bad.
But when we're not payingattention, those relationships
can start to feel a little tooreal, to the point where an
(17:18):
influencer's life takes up morespace in your mind than your own
.
That's why the ASAP methodisn't just for influencers and
content creators, it's just asimportant for followers.
The key is staying aware of howsocial media is making you feel,
setting limits that protectyour mental space and making
sure your real-worldrelationships aren't getting
replaced by digital ones.
(17:38):
So here's a good first stepJust start to notice why you're
following certain people.
What's drawing you in?
Are you looking forentertainment, inspiration,
validation?
And here's the big one how doyou feel after watching their
content, if it's making youconstantly compare your life to
theirs, or if you're justfeeling worse instead of better.
(18:00):
That's worth paying attentionto and, honestly, social media
can be like an all-you-can-eatbuffet.
It's designed to keep youconsuming, but just because it's
there doesn't mean you have tooverload yourself with it.
If you're spending more timethinking about an influencer's
life than your own, that's yoursign to step back.
Unfollow if you need to Protectyour mental space.
(18:20):
The algorithm is built to keepyou hooked, but you don't have
to play along.
Another thing to ask yourselfis are you engaging with this
content because it actually addssomething to your life, or is
it just a habit?
A lot of the time, we don'teven realize how much we're
scrolling until we put the phonedown and feel completely
drained.
Pay attention to that.
If your social media habits areleaving you exhausted, it's time
(18:43):
to energize.
It's time to reassess and,after all, real life happens
offline.
Social media is a highlightreel, but the stuff that
actually matters, therelationships that truly sustain
us, exist outside the screen.
When your real worldconnections are solid, you don't
feel as pulled into parasocialrelationships because you're
(19:04):
already getting that sense ofbelonging from real people.
Social media should add to yourlife, not replace it, whether
you're a follower or a creator.
The ASAP method is really justabout staying mindful,
protecting your energy andmaking sure that an online world
that never stops moving isn'tpulling you away from what
actually matters.
So there you have it.
(19:27):
Parasocial relationships aren'tinherently bad.
They're just human.
We're wired for connection, andsocial media just amplifies
that.
The real question isn't whetherwe engage with it, it's how we
engage with it.
Social media isn't goinganywhere, but that doesn't mean
it has to run our lives.
The ASAP method is just one wayto take control of the
(19:47):
experience, to make sure that,instead of draining us, it's
actually adding somethingmeaningful.
A huge shout out to James forsharing his perspective.
I truly appreciate you, man,and to everyone listening,
remember this your worth isn'tmeasured in likes, follows or
who notices you online.
The most important connectionsyou'll ever have are the ones
that exist outside of the screen.
(20:09):
I'm Danny Clark and remember,stay grounded, stay authentic
and, most of all, keep yourmental health front and center.
Bye.
Have you ever noticed how , if you say one slightly
negative thing about TaylorSwift, someone in the room
immediately will tense up Likeyou just insulted their actual
best friend?
Look, I get it, she's talented.
But let's be real, you don'tactually know her and yet, for
some reason, some people feellike they know her personally.
(00:20):
Welcome to Mental HealthPotluck, where everyone brings
something to the table.
I'm Danny Clark, licensedclinical social worker and
family therapist, and thispodcast is all about serving up
bite-sized mental healthinsights, practical wellness
tips and real conversations thatnourish the mind and soul.
Today, we're talking aboutparasocial relationships.
(00:40):
These are one-sided connectionswe form with influencers,
celebrities, even fictionalcharacters.
They're totally normal, but inthe age of social media, they've
gone next level.
So we're pulling back thecurtain on what it's really like
to be a content creator, themental toll of always being on,
and how both influencers andfollowers can keep their sanity
in a world that never stopsscrolling.
(01:02):
So what exactly is a parasocialrelationship?
Well, it's a one-sidedemotional bond where a person
feels a strong connection to apublic figure without any real
interaction between them.
The follower might feel likethey truly know the person, even
though the relationship onlyexists from a distance.
This isn't a new phenomenon.
(01:23):
In fact, the term parasocialinteraction was first introduced
in 1956 by two psychologists,Donald Horton and Richard Wall.
They noticed that televisionviewers formed imagined
relationships with TVpersonalities, feeling a sense
of familiarity and emotionalcloseness, despite never meeting
them in real life.
Fast forward to today and socialmedia has turned the volume way
(01:44):
up on these connections.
Platforms like TikTok,Instagram and YouTube let
influencers share their dailylives in ways that make them
feel like a friend, except, youknow, without the whole two-way
relationship part.
In fact, research from 2022found that followers who
consistently engage with socialmedia influencers develop strong
emotional attachments.
This happens because they seeaspects of themselves in the
(02:06):
influencer, and social mediacreates an illusion of closeness
.
And it doesn't just tug atemotions.
These relationships can alsoaffect behavior.
Studies show they influencepurchasing decisions, brand
loyalty and sometimes even lifechoices, Like when someone
switches to oat milk justbecause their favorite
influencer drinks it.
Something else that's kind ofinteresting is that there's a
(02:27):
company called the MorningConsult and they're a survey and
data company that helps brandsfigure out what makes us tick.
They did a survey back in 2023,and they found that 61% of Gen
Z and millennials felt they hada trusted connection with online
influencers 61%.
That's more trust than somepeople have in their own
families.
So why does this happen?
Well, human brains craveconnection.
(02:50):
We're wired for relationships.
Social media gives influencersa platform to share intimate
details of their lives, and thattricks our brain into believing
we're part of their world.
James (03:01):
I see the parasocial relationship thing in my
comments all the time.
Danny (03:05):
James Clark is a social media influencer with over 4
million followers across TikTok,Instagram, YouTube, Twitch and
Snapchat.
He's also a talentedsinger-songwriter with a growing
audience on Apple Music andSpotify, where he independently
produces his own music, and I'mactually one of his biggest fans
, not because of his content,but because, well, I'm his dad.
James (03:24):
I don't read my comments that much but I do see it in my
comments when I'm first readingmy comments, because normally
the people that are the earliestto my videos before if they
haven't blown up or anything thepeople that are like on top of
it and like always kind ofseeing my posts before they blow
up they want to be the earliestones to the post.
They'll be the ones that aresaying stuff that I can tell are
(03:46):
pretty like hello.
I don't even know this person.
Danny (03:50):
So why do we form these intense bonds with people we've
never met?
Well, it turns out our brainsare hardwired for connection and
belonging.
That's just human nature.
We crave relationships, andsocial media supercharges that
by making influencers feelaccessible, like they're right
there with us.
Think about it when aninfluencer looks straight into
the camera and talks directly toyou, your brain doesn't go ah
(04:12):
yes, this is a mass broadcast tothousands, if not millions, of
people.
Nope, instead, it registersthat moment as a personal
interaction.
That's why it can feel likethey're talking just to you,
even though they don't even knowyou exist.
James (04:26):
So my my content style I try to be relatable and that
causes me to talk how you wouldin like a normal conversation
with someone, rather than, ifyou see, like informational
videos, they're talking at you.
Almost where I try to make myvideos, where it's I'm talking
(04:47):
with the person, but in realityI'm just talking to myself.
Danny (04:51):
I'm paid to talk to myself, so another reason for
why these relationships happenis because of relatability.
Parasocial relationships growstronger when we feel a personal
connection to an influencer,whether through shared
experiences, values oraspirations.
We might see a bit of ourselvesin them, or maybe they
represent the version ofourselves we're hoping to become
(05:11):
, and for some people, theserelationships fill a deeper
emotional need, like lonelinessor a craving for social
connection.
Psychologists Horton and Walloriginally described this as an
unconscious attempt to reducesocial isolation.
Basically, if you're feelingdisconnected in real life,
forming a bond with an onlinepersonality can help fill that
gap.
In other words, parasocialrelationships aren't just some
(05:34):
quirky internet phenomenon.
They tap into real, fundamentalhuman needs belonging,
connection and validation.
Belonging, connection andvalidation.
And while there's nothing wrongwith enjoying these connections
, being aware of them helps usset realistic expectations about
our online interactions,Because, at the end of the day,
your favorite influencer isn'tactually your friend, no matter
(05:55):
how much they look in the cameraand say, hey, Bestie.
James (06:02):
It is a little stressful seeing, like, in person, if I
get noticed or something.
And well, it can make it hardto have conversations with
people that do already know youonline because I don't know the
person.
So it's like they already havethis preconceived notion of who
I am as a person, when inreality it could just all be
(06:22):
fake.
I could just entirely lie abouteverything that I do online,
which I don't.
But they think they know me,and so it's like this one-sided
conversation where I'm meetingthis person for the first time
and they're meeting me fortechnically the first time, but
they have this knowledge ofthings that I talk about, or
things that I think or the waythat I do things.
(06:45):
Yeah, they even know what theinside of my room looks like,
which usually you would onlywant that to be one person me
that knows what the inside of it.
Danny (06:55):
Parasocial relationships might feel great for followers,
giving them a sense ofconnection, but for influencers
it can be a little complicated.
Keeping up an online personaisn't just about posting fun
content.
It's a constant cycle ofcreating, engaging and
performing, often under thepressure of an audience that
feels like they know you andthat pressure it can add up.
Research shows that influencersfrequently deal with
(07:17):
performance pressure.
This is the stress of alwaysmeeting audience expectations.
They have to be funny,insightful, relatable and on all
the time and when yourlivelihood depends on keeping
people engaged, there's a realfear of slipping up.
Over time.
This can lead to identityconflicts, that feeling of being
caught between the person youreally are and the persona your
(07:38):
audience expects you to be.
It's the psychological tug ofwar between the online version
of you and the real you.
When those two versions startto blur, it can create serious
emotional discomfort, makinginfluencers question who they
actually are outside of thecontent they create.
And that's not just stressful,it can take a real toll on
mental health.
James (07:58):
People expect me to be exactly how I am online when
they see me in person.
So like, if I get noticed inperson and someone has this
interaction with me, and theyexpect me to be this like loud,
talkative person, which I amwith my friends, and that's the
main reason why I started in thefirst place was because I was
(08:18):
just making videos to make myfriends laugh.
But it makes it hard forin-person interactions with
people that I don't know becausethey expect me to be this like
loud person or very talkative,and I don't and I'm not like
that.
When I first meet people, justI'm a lot more relaxed and calm
and so I'll get that.
Oh, I didn't expect you to actlike this in person.
(08:39):
It's like, well, we don't knoweach other.
Danny (08:42):
Influencers also deal with what's called context
collapse, which is just a fancyway of saying different groups
of people who expect differentthings from you.
All exist in the same onlinespace, watching everything you
do.
Imagine trying to be yourselfwhile knowing that your parents,
high school friends,professional contacts and
(09:03):
thousands or even millions ofstrangers are all simultaneously
watching.
It's exhausting.
The results more anxiety, morepressure and a constant
balancing act of trying toplease everyone while staying
true to yourself.
James (09:15):
My content is very it's kind of all over the place.
I I do it on purpose like that,just so that I can get
interactions with almostanything I post, because if you
narrow down just to one specificthing, it can make it hard to
branch out to other things.
And so I have people that followme specifically for my music,
(09:35):
or they follow me specificallyfor my little rants that I do
online, or they follow mespecifically for some little
rants that I do online, or theyfollow me specifically for some
talent that I have or I makelike a fishing video or video
games, and so I'm kind of allover the place and so I have
different, I guess, personas foreach of those things.
But I still try to stay true tomyself when I'm doing that.
(09:55):
If someone comes up to me andthey're like, oh, I love your
music, I'm like, oh, thank youso much.
It's honestly, I like that onethe most because it's the most
it's my most creative side ofwhat I do is my music.
But if someone comes up to meand I'm like, oh, I love your
videos, you're so funny, thenI'll have a different response
to that.
Danny (10:15):
So if parasocial relationships can take a toll on
influencers, what about thepeople on the other side of the
screen?
The short answer is yeah, thereare risks for followers too.
To be fair, it's not all bad.
These connections can providecomfort, emotional support and a
real sense of belonging,especially during times of
loneliness or isolation.
Sometimes, following aninfluencer can be uplifting,
(10:37):
inspiring or even motivating.
But there is a flip side.
Research shows that frequentengagement in parasocial
relationships can also increaseanxiety, lower self-esteem and
create unrealistic expectationsfor personal relationships.
Why?
Well, because when weconstantly consume highly
curated, filtered and polishedversions of other people's lives
(10:58):
, it's impossible not to compareIn comparison, especially when
it's one-sided.
It's a fast track to feelinginadequate.
And this isn't just somethingthat happens, it's designed to
happen.
Influencers aren't justentertainers, they're also
marketers.
(11:18):
And the stronger your emotionalbond with them, the more
effective they are at sellingthings to you.
That's why brands love workingwith influencers.
They know that followers areway more likely to trust an
influencer's recommendationsover a random ad.
So influencers create intimatefeeling.
Content talking casually,sharing personal stories,
weaving products into theirdaily lives.
(11:40):
Content Talking casually,sharing personal stories,
weaving products into theirdaily lives, so that when they
say hey, you guys, have youtried this?
It feels more like a friendsuggesting it than a sales pitch
, and it really works Reallywell.
But here's where it gets eventrickier.
Social media platforms aren'tjust passive hosts for this
content.
They're actively shaping whatyou see, using algorithms
(12:00):
designed to keep you engaged aslong as possible.
Here's how it works Every timeyou like, share or linger on a
post, the algorithm analyzesyour behavior.
Then it feeds you more of whatyou react to, more of the
influencer, more of theiraesthetic, more of their
products they promote.
Over time, this deepens youremotional investment, making you
(12:21):
feel even more connected to theinfluencers.
Because, well, they're alwaysthere and because this content
is curated just for you.
It reinforces a very specificperception of reality, one where
everyone seems more successful,more attractive, more put
together than you, moresuccessful, more attractive,
(12:41):
more put together than you.
That's where the mental healthrisk really kicks in.
Constant exposure to idealizedlifestyles can lead to anxiety,
depression, reduced self-esteemand this nagging feeling that
your life just isn't measuringup.
Parasocial relationships aren'tinherently bad.
They fulfill a real human needfor connection.
But being aware of how socialmedia intensifies these bonds
(13:01):
and profits from them is key tokeeping a healthy perspective,
because, at the end of the day,the algorithm doesn't actually
care about your well-being, itjust wants to keep you scrolling
.
So you know, what we reallydon't ever hear too much about
is how influencers actually takecare of themselves.
From the outside, it looks likethey have it all followers,
(13:24):
sponsorships, cool trips andlots of other things they get to
try.
That's new that we probablywould never get to try, but the
reality too much too fast can beoverwhelming.
When your whole world revolvesaround staying visible, the
pressure to always be on canmess with your head.
James (13:40):
Usually, when I'm trying to keep myself in a state of
mind where I'm not stressing outabout social media, I well,
first off, I try not to read mycomments very often.
I'll read them for the first,maybe five minutes after I post
something, but after that Istopped looking at the comments
on that specific video.
And then if I go throughsomething where it's like it's
(14:03):
almost like writer's block butfor creating videos, it makes it
to where, if you're forcefullycoming out with videos like
you're trying to come up withideas because you feel the need
to post, rather than you'reposting something that you
actually think is funny, or youwant to post because it just
came into your mind, usually theones that you force out don't
do as well because it's not asnatural.
(14:24):
So I'll catch myself doing thatsometimes and I'll go two,
three days without posting justto have a more natural video
come out.
Danny (14:30):
Then come to me naturally , versus trying to force
something out there and that'sjust the thing, whether you're
an influencer or just someonetrying to grow online, social
media isn't just a platform,it's an algorithm, and the
algorithm doesn't care aboutyour wellbeing.
That's why I always tell peopleto think about their role in
the larger scope of social mediawhen they create content.
I'd like to use this acronymASAP, not like it's some kind of
(14:54):
emergency, but as a reminder tostay aware, set boundaries, ask
for help and to prioritizeself-care.
James (15:01):
Well, I noticed that things are getting too stressful
or things are getting to be alittle bit too much.
Usually I'll just shut off myphone, I won't, I won't look at
any social media.
Um cause it even gets to thepoint where I'll I'll be
comparing my own interactionwith my videos with other
content creators and I'll pointthat out to myself and be like
(15:22):
all right, this is, this isn'thealthy.
I need to not do this, and soI'll just go, you know,
skateboard, play guitar orsomething, do something on my
own without having to record it.
Danny (15:32):
So let's break this down a bit.
So awareness means checking inwith yourself.
How do you actually feel aboutthe content you're creating?
If posting starts to feel likean obligation instead of
something you enjoy, that's ared flag.
Burnout doesn't happenovernight.
It creeps up when you stoppaying attention.
Setting boundaries is just asimportant.
Social media will take as muchof your time and energy as you
(15:53):
let it, so you have to decidewhere the line is.
That means creating work hours,muting notifications and
reminding yourself that youdon't owe anyone constant access
to your life and listen.
If social media is messing withyour mental health, ask for
help, and I don't just meanventing in a group chat.
Sometimes, talking to atherapist or someone who can
(16:14):
actually help you manage stressbefore it spirals is the best
investment you can make inyourself.
And, lastly, prioritizingself-care, because social media
moves fast, but you don't haveto Take breaks.
Step away, go outside, dosomething completely unrelated
to your online presence.
The more you take care ofyourself, the more sustainable
this whole thing becomes,because, after all, no amount of
(16:37):
followers is worth sacrificingyour mental health.
Now let's flip the script,because, while influencers are
dealing with the pressure ofalways being on, followers have
their own struggles too,especially when it comes to
parasocial relationships.
And look, I get the irony oftalking about this on a podcast
(16:57):
that you probably found throughsocial media.
There's so much content outthere about the effects of
social media, but the trickypart is actually noticing when
it's happening to you.
But the tricky part is actuallynoticing when it's happening to
you.
It's easy to feel like aninfluencer is a friend, like
they really get you, and that'snot necessarily bad.
But when we're not payingattention, those relationships
can start to feel a little tooreal, to the point where an
(17:18):
influencer's life takes up morespace in your mind than your own
.
That's why the ASAP methodisn't just for influencers and
content creators, it's just asimportant for followers.
The key is staying aware of howsocial media is making you feel,
setting limits that protectyour mental space and making
sure your real-worldrelationships aren't getting
replaced by digital ones.
(17:38):
So here's a good first stepJust start to notice why you're
following certain people.
What's drawing you in?
Are you looking forentertainment, inspiration,
validation?
And here's the big one how doyou feel after watching their
content, if it's making youconstantly compare your life to
theirs, or if you're justfeeling worse instead of better.
(18:00):
That's worth paying attentionto and, honestly, social media
can be like an all-you-can-eatbuffet.
It's designed to keep youconsuming, but just because it's
there doesn't mean you have tooverload yourself with it.
If you're spending more timethinking about an influencer's
life than your own, that's yoursign to step back.
Unfollow if you need to Protectyour mental space.
(18:20):
The algorithm is built to keepyou hooked, but you don't have
to play along.
Another thing to ask yourselfis are you engaging with this
content because it actually addssomething to your life, or is
it just a habit?
A lot of the time, we don'teven realize how much we're
scrolling until we put the phonedown and feel completely
drained.
Pay attention to that.
If your social media habits areleaving you exhausted, it's time
(18:43):
to energize.
It's time to reassess and,after all, real life happens
offline.
Social media is a highlightreel, but the stuff that
actually matters, therelationships that truly sustain
us, exist outside the screen.
When your real worldconnections are solid, you don't
feel as pulled into parasocialrelationships because you're
(19:04):
already getting that sense ofbelonging from real people.
Social media should add to yourlife, not replace it, whether
you're a follower or a creator.
The ASAP method is really justabout staying mindful,
protecting your energy andmaking sure that an online world
that never stops moving isn'tpulling you away from what
actually matters.
So there you have it.
(19:27):
Parasocial relationships aren'tinherently bad.
They're just human.
We're wired for connection, andsocial media just amplifies
that.
The real question isn't whetherwe engage with it, it's how we
engage with it.
Social media isn't goinganywhere, but that doesn't mean
it has to run our lives.
The ASAP method is just one wayto take control of the
(19:47):
experience, to make sure that,instead of draining us, it's
actually adding somethingmeaningful.
A huge shout out to James forsharing his perspective.
I truly appreciate you, man,and to everyone listening,
remember this your worth isn'tmeasured in likes, follows or
who notices you online.
The most important connectionsyou'll ever have are the ones
that exist outside of the screen.
(20:09):
I'm Danny Clark and remember,stay grounded, stay authentic
and, most of all, keep yourmental health front and center.
Bye.
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