May 12, 2025 • 27 mins
Family Constellation work reveals how multigenerational trauma affects our parenting and offers a path to healing these inherited patterns for more conscious connections with our children.
• Family Constellation is a healing modality that traces current challenges back to events up to seven generations ago
• Trauma can be carried in our DNA, affecting us even if we had a "good childhood"
• The goal isn't to uncover all family secrets but to release burdens that never belonged to us
• You don't need to reconnect with difficult parents to heal your relationship with them
• Children under 18 are energetically connected to parents and often mirror what needs healing in us
• A child's challenging behavior is often signaling something unresolved within the parent
• Our children come into our lives with soul contracts to teach us specific lessons
• Resistance to healing is common and often requires hitting "rock bottom" before change occurs
• The newer generations are more open to changing parenting patterns than previous ones
• We always have a choice to heal and move forward from inherited patterns
If you're curious to learn more or feel called to dive deeper, check out Blanca's website at awarenest.net where you can book a free introductory call.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amy (00:00):
Welcome back to Advancing with Amy, Mental Health Warrior
and Neuro Spicy Mama.
Today's episode is a mustlisten for any parent who's ever
asked themselves why am Ireacting like this?
Or why does this feel sofamiliar?
I'm sitting down with theincredible Blanka Molnar,
conscious parenting coach,speaker and founder of AwareNest
(00:21):
.
Blanka specializes in helpingparents heal multi-generational
trauma and raise neurodivergentor spirited kids with more
understanding and less overwhelm.
We're diving into family,constellation, work, parenting
patterns, healing the past andwhat it really takes to break
cycles and raise kids in a moreconscious, connected way.
(00:44):
Trust me, this conversation isabout to open some doors you
didn't even know were locked.
Welcome, Blanka.
Blanka (00:52):
Thank you so much for having me, amy, and as you were
reading this introduction, Ijust had shivers everywhere.
It sounds amazing and I'm soexcited I'm already buzzing to
have this conversation with you.
Amy (01:04):
Yeah, I feel the same way.
So can you describe your workas helping parents heal
multigenerational trauma andwhat that actually means and
looks like?
Blanka (01:14):
Absolutely.
Yeah, sure, so I use a methodcalled family constellation.
The method comes from Germany.
Actually, it's been aroundsince 1970s, but it's not as
well known in the US as it is inEurope or in South America.
As you can hear my accent, evenif I've been living in the US
(01:34):
for a while now, I'm originallyfrom Budapest, from Hungary, and
that's where I met the methodin 2010, when I had my first
family constellation session formyself, and then I moved to
California and I became an aupair in a multilingual family.
It was a multicultural family.
(01:55):
The mom is Hungarian and thedad is Chinese American, so it
was a lovely family to be in andI was taking care of two kiddos
and that's where I realizedthat how much things we are
passing on to our kids.
And it scared me and I was onthe older side of the au pairs
(02:16):
because I had my corporate lifebefore but it was eye-opening
and that's when I decided that Iwant to change that from the
core.
It's not just when you aresaying that, okay, I don't want
to do whatever my parents did,and you swing into the 180 and
you do complete opposite and youactually fall into the same
(02:37):
traps.
But I wanted to change from thecore.
Amy (02:42):
And that's wonderful.
Blanka (02:44):
Thank you.
Amy (02:44):
And so how do you change from the core?
Blanka (02:49):
So how do you?
I embarked on my spiritualjourney when I moved to
California and first I did frommy logical side of my brain.
I'm very logical and I wasleading from the masculine
energy kind of person like a do,do, do, go, go, go.
So I read a lot of books likewhatever you can have your hands
(03:11):
on, all the spiritually popularbooks like the Law of
Attraction, the Secret or theFour Agreements, and I did a lot
of personality profiling,actually like the Mayer's breaks
, the insights, discovery whyI'm doing what I'm doing, what's
my personality type.
I looked at my astrologicalconstellations and so I tried to
(03:35):
understand it more from thenumbers and my birth dates and
other stuff.
And then I tried a lot ofhealing modalities.
I was in traditional therapyfor two and a half years.
I did others like Reiki andother healing modalities and I
(03:56):
went back to FamilyConstellation because that's
what I believe in that workedfor me so much, because it goes
very deep and it brings you back.
Amy (04:09):
Wow, so I'm glad you found something that works.
Can you tell me a little bitabout the modality and why it's
so powerful?
Blanka (04:17):
Yes, so how Family Constellation works.
The foundation of the method isthat actually, whatever you have
in your life right now anychallenges, either you or
actually your kids like mentalhealth issues, physical
challenges, emotional challenges, financial challenges it's
(04:38):
based on a trauma or an eventthat happened seven generations
back.
And why is it super magical andtransformative?
Because how would you know whathappened, let's say, five
generations back?
How do you know that somebodyhad a survival guilt when they
came back from the Second WorldWar and that had an effect on
(05:01):
the whole family and the wholelineage or on the descendants
later?
Because trauma actually can becarried in your DNA.
You can inherit trauma.
And even if you think that, oh,but I have a very nice
childhood, or I had a very nicechildhood, my parents were so
lovely, they are not divorced,there might be that, like two,
(05:24):
three, four generations back,something actually happened.
And even if your parents werenice and lovely and that you had
a nice childhood, something youpicked up from that and you are
like starting to projecting orhaving an effect of that.
Amy (05:41):
Do you have to find out what happened in those
generations ago?
I mean, is there a way to dothat?
Blanka (05:47):
So that's what happens in a healing session.
We actually I do one-on-onesessions and I use colored
papers.
Some papers use little plushfigures or figurines, but when I
put these colored papers in,interestingly, the family field
or conscientious opens up and itshows that there is the root
(06:09):
cause of that happening or thatevent.
It's not always crystal clearwhat really happens.
We are not here to dig up allthe skeletons, because sometimes
it's better if you leave italone, but sometimes we need the
sacred so we can exploreemotions around it.
(06:29):
That there was a lot of anger,for example, which is actually
physically right now in yourbody and you don't understand
when you are like I'm alwaystense, I'm always so angry.
So, yes and no, sometimes weknow what's the event, sometimes
we don't.
We just put it as the spirit orthe event itself.
We don't have to know thedetails, the the ancestors might
(06:56):
not want us to know becausethat was their life.
The point is, and the the goalof a session, that we actually
give back the responsibility andgive back that burden to the
person who actually belongs,because we as children, for our
(07:16):
loves and for our loyalty, wecarry burdens of others that
actually didn't even belong tous.
So that's how the healinghappens that in a session we
find the root cause what was theevent, what were the emotions
and feelings around that eventand then in conversations we
(07:37):
give the burden and theresponsibility back to the
person with whom that eventhappened that time.
Amy (07:45):
Wow, that sounds so powerful.
I can just imagine that peoplereally feel that resonate with
them at the time.
Do you find them coming out of?
Depressions or anxiety isn't somuch a problem anymore, things
like that.
Blanka (08:02):
Yes, absolutely People come to me.
So my niche is working withparents because of my why I
wanted to heal the nextgeneration and it all starts
with us as parents.
So that's my niche.
But all sorts of people arecoming to me with different
issues.
I'm working with clients whohad sexual abuse.
(08:22):
I had clients with ADHD, or Ihad clients with endometriosis,
fertility issues.
So relationship problems ormoney problems and absolutely
depression sometimes canactually be that you are cutting
the support of your mom and dadoff, that you are cutting the
(08:43):
support of your mom and dad offBecause what happens?
It's like I always say it's likean airplane trying to go
without the engines.
You are shutting it off Because, let's say, something happened
and you had abusive parents oremotionally not available
parents and you say that youknow what?
I just don't want to doanything with them.
But the biggest gift you get inlife is your life and that
(09:10):
comes from your mom and fromyour dad, and this is from your
biological mom and from yourbiological dad, and when you are
shutting them out or sayingthat, oh, they were so horrible
or they did this to me, you areactually it's like cutting a
pipe of energy that wants tosupport you, and depression.
(09:32):
I'm not saying that depressionis always like that, but if we
start to dig further, we usuallysee a pattern that either the
mom or dad, or both of theparents, are actually shut out
of the life of the person.
Amy (09:46):
Well, I'm wondering, because I do know people that
have done that and they'rehappier, but not.
They don't feel quite whole,but they are happier and able to
get through the day easierwithout connecting with their
parents.
What do you say for people likethem?
Are they able to heal thosewounds without reconnecting with
(10:06):
their parents?
Blanka (10:07):
Absolutely.
So.
The beauty of familyconstellation.
Sometimes I get this questionthat do I have to bring the
other person who I have issuewith or challenge with?
And it's not.
So actually you can work onthat relationship with your
parents without even contactingthem.
And sometimes the beauty isactually when you work on them
(10:30):
and you heal a little bit.
They might pick up the phoneand out of blue, they actually
just call you so you'd neverhave to forgive your parents.
So the healing is not when youare like, oh, I have to forgive
them, you are forcing me to saythat I'm so sorry or please
forgive me.
It's like no, it's actuallyjust bringing it to a more
(10:53):
neutral level of emotion, intoan accepting level, because even
if you had horrible parents,let's say that first of all, you
got your life and you are herebecause of them.
That's one thing.
And and they wanted to supportyou but they couldn't, that was
(11:15):
their max.
So Eckhart Tolle, in the Powerof Now, saying that your parents
did their best, what they coulddo, and sometimes we are
judging them that hey, but let'ssay, on a scale of 10, they did
four.
And how do you know that that'snot 10 out of 10 for them
because they just couldn't dobetter.
(11:36):
And I felt the same way with mydad.
That is like why he's notchanging, why he cannot do
better.
But then I realized that, okay,just because I want to
spiritually grow or develop orwant to be a better parent or
more conscious parent andself-aware parent, it doesn't
mean that my dad didn't try.
(11:57):
And also, what familyconstellation gives is a
different perspective thatusually we see.
That actually it didn't startwith your parents.
Your alcoholic dad is notalcoholic because he just picked
up one day the alcohol and hedecided that, oh, let's have fun
and I will drink and be drunkall the time from now.
(12:17):
Actually, it started somewhereup there and it all trickled
down in one way or another andthe next generation became a
perpetrator and an abuser or avictim or an emotionally shut
down person, so they couldn'tgive love to the next generation
.
So the next generation grew upwithout any emotions, so they
(12:39):
don't know how to regulate theiremotions.
So it's all sorts of how it'slike these generational I don't
say curses, trickle downs orevents it's like all different
and it's based on yourpersonality, how you will end up
and what you will end up with.
Amy (12:58):
Wow, fascinating.
So going back to parenting, yes.
What about from the parent'sside, when they maybe feel guilt
and maybe they have somehealing to do because maybe they
were not using the bestparenting methods and they've
realized that now and they wantto change or they have changed?
Is that something you work with?
Blanka (13:20):
Absolutely, and I ask every parent out there that give
yourself grace and just breathein and breathe out.
You are already doing your best, yeah.
Amy (13:34):
Sorry, yeah, sorry.
I was just going to say I knowwith my daughter she's almost 15
, but we had a hard time in thefirst several years because
everybody kept telling me shewasn't behaving well enough and
she was spoiled, and so I wouldget upset with her because I
thought that was the problem.
Come to find out she's autisticand she is one of those
(13:57):
spirited children, and as soonas I found that out and started
reading up on that and learninghow to actually work with her,
oh my God, it's a 180.
For her and me.
Life is so much better.
But I do have some guilt overthat.
So that's what made me think ofthat.
I do have some guilt over that,so that's what made me think of
that.
Blanka (14:15):
So, yes, most of us parents, even if you are very
self-aware and conscious, weslip.
We are humans, we are notrobots.
It's like, even if that's whatI'm teaching and doing,
sometimes I yell, but and hereis the but you can raise your
(14:38):
self-awareness and you realizethat.
Why do you have that guilt?
Or why you couldn't connect, orwhy am I actually yelling at my
child?
Because whatever we have in us,it's usually more about the
parent than about the child.
What I believe is like so manyparents is like want to fix the
child and it's like why they arebehaving like that.
(14:58):
Why is this?
This is like so hard, it has tobe hard.
It's not personal.
They are not here to make yourlife a living hell.
I can tell you that I actuallyhave a recent blog post about
that.
There are no bad kids and Itruly believe that there are no
(15:19):
bad kids.
There are, like, more difficultkids, more spirited kids with
different personalities, and weshouldn't forget that they bring
their own karma.
They are bringing their own lifelessons and, if we believe in
past lives or whatever, but theyare also here to teach you.
But it's very annoying becausewhen you cannot walk away from
(15:41):
your own child, because you canwalk away from a friend, you can
walk away even from yourpartner or a boss, but you can't
walk away from your child andthey are just rubbing so much
under your nose, rubbing so muchunder your nose and and you
(16:02):
just get like upset that, okay,I have to fix this, because
usually we are fixers.
But when you ask that, okay,why she's actually doing, why is
it actually bugging me or whatcan be behind it and I know that
this might be a trigger warningfor some parents, but up until
kids are about 16, 18 years old,they are energetically, are
(16:24):
still very, very connected totheir parents.
What it means?
That they are like picking upyour energy, your attention,
whatever is going on in yourlife, so much.
And they are reflecting back andthat's more annoying so that's
more annoying because, again,it's like some like it's like a
(16:44):
red button, always like flashinginto your face that okay, now
I'm not doing against somethingor I do something which is like
annoying, but it's just likethat kid is just like hey, mama,
something is not in alignment,there is some tension, or I
understand that you are goingthrough something or daddy is
going through something, or workis not right and I'm here to
(17:08):
actually act out.
So you heal that.
So as soon as it's likesignpost, as soon as you are
healing that and you are askingyourself the question and you
heal yourself, your child willchange, because you start to
change.
(17:30):
If you sleep and you yell atyour kids, you can still go back
and ask that, okay, why I wastriggered, why this is yelling
more about me than actuallyabout my child, because yelling
at my kids because she's atoddler.
So it's like crayons areeverywhere in the house right
now, or marks and stuff, orpeeing.
(17:51):
But it's like, why is ittriggering me are peeing?
But it's like, why is ittriggering me?
It's like, okay, because Icannot control the situation or
I want to have order everywhere.
But that's coming from mychildhood, when I didn't feel
that there is order around me.
I felt like chaos, how I grewup in a former communist country
.
Amy (18:13):
I think it's very interesting.
I think personally, my ownbelief is that our children at
some level picked to come intoour lives to learn something and
we at the same time, agreed topick them to learn something
from them.
So it's kind of a circle,absolutely.
And that could fall really wellinto what you're talking about
(18:36):
absolutely again, depending onhow much spirituality you
believe in.
Blanka (18:42):
they are saying that the soul up there have different
contracts, so you will have asoul contract with whoever you
are around right now.
That what is the life lesson.
What do you need, need to learn, and that's how you pick people
around it and you will havelovely friends and more
challenging people and they arelike, for a period of life you
(19:05):
have them, or maybe they go awayor a longer period of time, but
they are all.
I always say that people arehere to teach us or to support
us, because you need thesupporters to actually get
through the hard times, but theteachers I don't say that there
are bad peoples in our life.
There are more challengingpeoples in our life, people in
our life, but they are here toteach.
(19:26):
It's not about them, it's aboutyou.
Amy (19:31):
Yeah, honestly, when you look at it that way, it's just
beautiful that we've agreed todo that and that we've agreed to
fumble and make mistakes andpick ourselves up and try again.
I mean it really is neat.
So let's talk about resistance.
What's a sign that someone issubconsciously resisting their
(19:53):
own healing?
Blanka (19:54):
Yeah, oh, good question.
Resistance first of all, as,again, fixers, we try to fix
other people around us.
It's like I have so many peoplethat's like, can you help my
brother, can you help my husband?
And I usually say no, becauseyou can lead the horse to the
(20:18):
water, but you cannot make itdrink it.
So, unless you realize thatthere is something in your life
going on that needs healing, andthis is also generational.
The baby boomers are moreresistant.
They are like I'm fine, why areyou saying that I need
something healing?
Meanwhile, the newer generation,especially millennials and Gen
(20:40):
Z, like they are more open.
That okay, we have to changethe old agenda because it's not
working.
The old parental types,parenting types, are not working
anymore.
First of all, the world changed.
Even just looking at the lastfive years after the COVID
(21:04):
epidemic, it's just like youhave to be more agile and more
flexible, with also shiftingwith your own parenting.
I can ask parenting tips frommy mom, which sometimes I do,
but that was 40 years ago.
There was no social mediaaround, there were no mobile
phones, so how can she give meadvice?
Amy (21:21):
Well, even for myself.
I have two children, but I hadthem 18 years apart and it was
like a whole new world when Ihad my second child.
I was like I didn't do it thatway before.
And what is everybody talkingabout?
Blanka (21:36):
Absolutely.
So going back to resistance,you cannot help the other person
.
They have to reach I usuallysay, hit the rock bottom.
So that's when people are evenlike there is some very severe
sickness happening with them oran accident, or grieving losing
(21:58):
somebody.
That's when we usually or anunemployment or a like fired
after 20 years.
That's when we are like, okay,we might have to reevaluate our
life, we have to do something.
It's still like that.
They don't want to change, theydon't want to heal.
That's fine.
But usually these are the signs, especially, especially
(22:20):
accidents like big accidents.
A big car accident is usuallywhen you are not in alignment
with your values and life wantsto say like, hey, you have to do
something about it.
Usually I say that there arethree signs from the universe,
like first a little flick thathey, you have to do something,
(22:41):
and then a little bit of like ahit, and then you get the big
slap or a big kick on the rare.
And that's when you have toreally realize that okay, I
really have to do somethingabout it.
Amy (22:53):
Oh yeah, I agree, I've gotten those big kicks before.
I was just wondering do youhave an example of a family that
you have helped?
I don't want you to give anynames, but just an example of
how it works with someone you'veactually worked with,
Absolutely.
Blanka (23:10):
So I had a client who has ADHD and he's in traditional
therapy but he also knows aboutfamily constellation and with
him actually, what we realizedthat his ADHD is belonging more
to his uncle, who was abusive inthe family, than actually him.
(23:31):
He took over some of hisburdens and to carry and his
anger.
So in a family constellationsession we healed part of that
anger, we pulled that out and weallowed him to feel that anger.
Because when something happenslike that we have an abusive
(23:52):
relative we are just so afraidof our power, our emotions and
many times our anger and sadnessthat we suppress it.
Especially, men are great withthis.
They are just suppressing thatfeeling and it's like I don't
want to feel this.
I'm so afraid that I will belike him that I'd rather not try
(24:13):
anything.
But the problem withsuppressing that it's not
healing, it's not processing,it's just suppressing and in one
way or another it comes out inan addiction or in ADHD or in
other things.
So what we did is was actuallyclearing and I told him that
your anger is not you, it's notdefining you, it's part of your
(24:39):
identity, but it doesn't have tooverpower you or control you.
So in a session we release thatlike from a pressure cooker, so
he could relax a little bitmore.
Amy (24:52):
Oh, that's beautiful.
I love that you can help peoplein that way, all right, well, I
have really enjoyed this talk.
How can people find you?
Blanka (25:24):
you or you can email me at Blanka with a K, so it's
B-L-A-N-K-A at Awarenest.
net and I'm happy to answer anyquestions you have.
Amy (25:27):
Great, and I will definitely put that in the show
notes so people can just clickon the link and get to your
website.
Thank you, yes.
Is there anything you want tofinish up with or leave with our
listeners today?
Blanka (25:41):
That you are a powerful human being and you can heal and
you have a choice, and don'tforget that you always have a
choice to heal.
Amy (25:49):
That's wonderful.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, Amy, for having mehere.
That brings us to the end ofanother eye-opening episode of
Advancing with Amy, mentalHealth Warrior and NeuroSpicy
Mama.
Today's conversation withBlanka Molnar was truly
inspiring.
Thank you so much, Blanka, forsharing your wisdom on healing
(26:09):
multi-generational trauma,conscious parenting and the
transformative power of familyconstellation work.
I hope everyone listening feelsempowered by Blanka reminder
that we always have a choice toheal and move forward.
If you're curious to learn moreor feel called to dive deeper,
make sure to check out Blankawebsite at awarenestnet.
(26:33):
That's A-W-A-R-E-N-E-S-T dotN-E-T, where you can book a free
introductory call.
Her expertise could be the keyto a whole new chapter of
healing for you and your family.
Before you go, if you enjoyedthis episode, please rate,
review and share with a friendwho might need to hear these
(26:54):
messages.
Your support helps us reachmore listeners and bring you
more incredible guests likeBlanka.
Thank you so much for beinghere and see you next time.
Keep advancing, warriors.
You.
Welcome back to Advancing with Amy, Mental Health Warrior
and Neuro Spicy Mama.
Today's episode is a mustlisten for any parent who's ever
asked themselves why am Ireacting like this?
Or why does this feel sofamiliar?
I'm sitting down with theincredible Blanka Molnar,
conscious parenting coach,speaker and founder of AwareNest
(00:21):
.
Blanka specializes in helpingparents heal multi-generational
trauma and raise neurodivergentor spirited kids with more
understanding and less overwhelm.
We're diving into family,constellation, work, parenting
patterns, healing the past andwhat it really takes to break
cycles and raise kids in a moreconscious, connected way.
(00:44):
Trust me, this conversation isabout to open some doors you
didn't even know were locked.
Welcome, Blanka.
Blanka (00:52):
Thank you so much for having me, amy, and as you were
reading this introduction, Ijust had shivers everywhere.
It sounds amazing and I'm soexcited I'm already buzzing to
have this conversation with you.
Amy (01:04):
Yeah, I feel the same way.
So can you describe your workas helping parents heal
multigenerational trauma andwhat that actually means and
looks like?
Blanka (01:14):
Absolutely.
Yeah, sure, so I use a methodcalled family constellation.
The method comes from Germany.
Actually, it's been aroundsince 1970s, but it's not as
well known in the US as it is inEurope or in South America.
As you can hear my accent, evenif I've been living in the US
(01:34):
for a while now, I'm originallyfrom Budapest, from Hungary, and
that's where I met the methodin 2010, when I had my first
family constellation session formyself, and then I moved to
California and I became an aupair in a multilingual family.
It was a multicultural family.
(01:55):
The mom is Hungarian and thedad is Chinese American, so it
was a lovely family to be in andI was taking care of two kiddos
and that's where I realizedthat how much things we are
passing on to our kids.
And it scared me and I was onthe older side of the au pairs
(02:16):
because I had my corporate lifebefore but it was eye-opening
and that's when I decided that Iwant to change that from the
core.
It's not just when you aresaying that, okay, I don't want
to do whatever my parents did,and you swing into the 180 and
you do complete opposite and youactually fall into the same
(02:37):
traps.
But I wanted to change from thecore.
Amy (02:42):
And that's wonderful.
Blanka (02:44):
Thank you.
Amy (02:44):
And so how do you change from the core?
Blanka (02:49):
So how do you?
I embarked on my spiritualjourney when I moved to
California and first I did frommy logical side of my brain.
I'm very logical and I wasleading from the masculine
energy kind of person like a do,do, do, go, go, go.
So I read a lot of books likewhatever you can have your hands
(03:11):
on, all the spiritually popularbooks like the Law of
Attraction, the Secret or theFour Agreements, and I did a lot
of personality profiling,actually like the Mayer's breaks
, the insights, discovery whyI'm doing what I'm doing, what's
my personality type.
I looked at my astrologicalconstellations and so I tried to
(03:35):
understand it more from thenumbers and my birth dates and
other stuff.
And then I tried a lot ofhealing modalities.
I was in traditional therapyfor two and a half years.
I did others like Reiki andother healing modalities and I
(03:56):
went back to FamilyConstellation because that's
what I believe in that workedfor me so much, because it goes
very deep and it brings you back.
Amy (04:09):
Wow, so I'm glad you found something that works.
Can you tell me a little bitabout the modality and why it's
so powerful?
Blanka (04:17):
Yes, so how Family Constellation works.
The foundation of the method isthat actually, whatever you have
in your life right now anychallenges, either you or
actually your kids like mentalhealth issues, physical
challenges, emotional challenges, financial challenges it's
(04:38):
based on a trauma or an eventthat happened seven generations
back.
And why is it super magical andtransformative?
Because how would you know whathappened, let's say, five
generations back?
How do you know that somebodyhad a survival guilt when they
came back from the Second WorldWar and that had an effect on
(05:01):
the whole family and the wholelineage or on the descendants
later?
Because trauma actually can becarried in your DNA.
You can inherit trauma.
And even if you think that, oh,but I have a very nice
childhood, or I had a very nicechildhood, my parents were so
lovely, they are not divorced,there might be that, like two,
(05:24):
three, four generations back,something actually happened.
And even if your parents werenice and lovely and that you had
a nice childhood, something youpicked up from that and you are
like starting to projecting orhaving an effect of that.
Amy (05:41):
Do you have to find out what happened in those
generations ago?
I mean, is there a way to dothat?
Blanka (05:47):
So that's what happens in a healing session.
We actually I do one-on-onesessions and I use colored
papers.
Some papers use little plushfigures or figurines, but when I
put these colored papers in,interestingly, the family field
or conscientious opens up and itshows that there is the root
(06:09):
cause of that happening or thatevent.
It's not always crystal clearwhat really happens.
We are not here to dig up allthe skeletons, because sometimes
it's better if you leave italone, but sometimes we need the
sacred so we can exploreemotions around it.
(06:29):
That there was a lot of anger,for example, which is actually
physically right now in yourbody and you don't understand
when you are like I'm alwaystense, I'm always so angry.
So, yes and no, sometimes weknow what's the event, sometimes
we don't.
We just put it as the spirit orthe event itself.
We don't have to know thedetails, the the ancestors might
(06:56):
not want us to know becausethat was their life.
The point is, and the the goalof a session, that we actually
give back the responsibility andgive back that burden to the
person who actually belongs,because we as children, for our
(07:16):
loves and for our loyalty, wecarry burdens of others that
actually didn't even belong tous.
So that's how the healinghappens that in a session we
find the root cause what was theevent, what were the emotions
and feelings around that eventand then in conversations we
(07:37):
give the burden and theresponsibility back to the
person with whom that eventhappened that time.
Amy (07:45):
Wow, that sounds so powerful.
I can just imagine that peoplereally feel that resonate with
them at the time.
Do you find them coming out of?
Depressions or anxiety isn't somuch a problem anymore, things
like that.
Blanka (08:02):
Yes, absolutely People come to me.
So my niche is working withparents because of my why I
wanted to heal the nextgeneration and it all starts
with us as parents.
So that's my niche.
But all sorts of people arecoming to me with different
issues.
I'm working with clients whohad sexual abuse.
(08:22):
I had clients with ADHD, or Ihad clients with endometriosis,
fertility issues.
So relationship problems ormoney problems and absolutely
depression sometimes canactually be that you are cutting
the support of your mom and dadoff, that you are cutting the
(08:43):
support of your mom and dad offBecause what happens?
It's like I always say it's likean airplane trying to go
without the engines.
You are shutting it off Because, let's say, something happened
and you had abusive parents oremotionally not available
parents and you say that youknow what?
I just don't want to doanything with them.
But the biggest gift you get inlife is your life and that
(09:10):
comes from your mom and fromyour dad, and this is from your
biological mom and from yourbiological dad, and when you are
shutting them out or sayingthat, oh, they were so horrible
or they did this to me, you areactually it's like cutting a
pipe of energy that wants tosupport you, and depression.
(09:32):
I'm not saying that depressionis always like that, but if we
start to dig further, we usuallysee a pattern that either the
mom or dad, or both of theparents, are actually shut out
of the life of the person.
Amy (09:46):
Well, I'm wondering, because I do know people that
have done that and they'rehappier, but not.
They don't feel quite whole,but they are happier and able to
get through the day easierwithout connecting with their
parents.
What do you say for people likethem?
Are they able to heal thosewounds without reconnecting with
(10:06):
their parents?
Blanka (10:07):
Absolutely.
So.
The beauty of familyconstellation.
Sometimes I get this questionthat do I have to bring the
other person who I have issuewith or challenge with?
And it's not.
So actually you can work onthat relationship with your
parents without even contactingthem.
And sometimes the beauty isactually when you work on them
(10:30):
and you heal a little bit.
They might pick up the phoneand out of blue, they actually
just call you so you'd neverhave to forgive your parents.
So the healing is not when youare like, oh, I have to forgive
them, you are forcing me to saythat I'm so sorry or please
forgive me.
It's like no, it's actuallyjust bringing it to a more
(10:53):
neutral level of emotion, intoan accepting level, because even
if you had horrible parents,let's say that first of all, you
got your life and you are herebecause of them.
That's one thing.
And and they wanted to supportyou but they couldn't, that was
(11:15):
their max.
So Eckhart Tolle, in the Powerof Now, saying that your parents
did their best, what they coulddo, and sometimes we are
judging them that hey, but let'ssay, on a scale of 10, they did
four.
And how do you know that that'snot 10 out of 10 for them
because they just couldn't dobetter.
(11:36):
And I felt the same way with mydad.
That is like why he's notchanging, why he cannot do
better.
But then I realized that, okay,just because I want to
spiritually grow or develop orwant to be a better parent or
more conscious parent andself-aware parent, it doesn't
mean that my dad didn't try.
(11:57):
And also, what familyconstellation gives is a
different perspective thatusually we see.
That actually it didn't startwith your parents.
Your alcoholic dad is notalcoholic because he just picked
up one day the alcohol and hedecided that, oh, let's have fun
and I will drink and be drunkall the time from now.
(12:17):
Actually, it started somewhereup there and it all trickled
down in one way or another andthe next generation became a
perpetrator and an abuser or avictim or an emotionally shut
down person, so they couldn'tgive love to the next generation
.
So the next generation grew upwithout any emotions, so they
(12:39):
don't know how to regulate theiremotions.
So it's all sorts of how it'slike these generational I don't
say curses, trickle downs orevents it's like all different
and it's based on yourpersonality, how you will end up
and what you will end up with.
Amy (12:58):
Wow, fascinating.
So going back to parenting, yes.
What about from the parent'sside, when they maybe feel guilt
and maybe they have somehealing to do because maybe they
were not using the bestparenting methods and they've
realized that now and they wantto change or they have changed?
Is that something you work with?
Blanka (13:20):
Absolutely, and I ask every parent out there that give
yourself grace and just breathein and breathe out.
You are already doing your best, yeah.
Amy (13:34):
Sorry, yeah, sorry.
I was just going to say I knowwith my daughter she's almost 15
, but we had a hard time in thefirst several years because
everybody kept telling me shewasn't behaving well enough and
she was spoiled, and so I wouldget upset with her because I
thought that was the problem.
Come to find out she's autisticand she is one of those
(13:57):
spirited children, and as soonas I found that out and started
reading up on that and learninghow to actually work with her,
oh my God, it's a 180.
For her and me.
Life is so much better.
But I do have some guilt overthat.
So that's what made me think ofthat.
I do have some guilt over that,so that's what made me think of
that.
Blanka (14:15):
So, yes, most of us parents, even if you are very
self-aware and conscious, weslip.
We are humans, we are notrobots.
It's like, even if that's whatI'm teaching and doing,
sometimes I yell, but and hereis the but you can raise your
(14:38):
self-awareness and you realizethat.
Why do you have that guilt?
Or why you couldn't connect, orwhy am I actually yelling at my
child?
Because whatever we have in us,it's usually more about the
parent than about the child.
What I believe is like so manyparents is like want to fix the
child and it's like why they arebehaving like that.
(14:58):
Why is this?
This is like so hard, it has tobe hard.
It's not personal.
They are not here to make yourlife a living hell.
I can tell you that I actuallyhave a recent blog post about
that.
There are no bad kids and Itruly believe that there are no
(15:19):
bad kids.
There are, like, more difficultkids, more spirited kids with
different personalities, and weshouldn't forget that they bring
their own karma.
They are bringing their own lifelessons and, if we believe in
past lives or whatever, but theyare also here to teach you.
But it's very annoying becausewhen you cannot walk away from
(15:41):
your own child, because you canwalk away from a friend, you can
walk away even from yourpartner or a boss, but you can't
walk away from your child andthey are just rubbing so much
under your nose, rubbing so muchunder your nose and and you
(16:02):
just get like upset that, okay,I have to fix this, because
usually we are fixers.
But when you ask that, okay,why she's actually doing, why is
it actually bugging me or whatcan be behind it and I know that
this might be a trigger warningfor some parents, but up until
kids are about 16, 18 years old,they are energetically, are
(16:24):
still very, very connected totheir parents.
What it means?
That they are like picking upyour energy, your attention,
whatever is going on in yourlife, so much.
And they are reflecting back andthat's more annoying so that's
more annoying because, again,it's like some like it's like a
(16:44):
red button, always like flashinginto your face that okay, now
I'm not doing against somethingor I do something which is like
annoying, but it's just likethat kid is just like hey, mama,
something is not in alignment,there is some tension, or I
understand that you are goingthrough something or daddy is
going through something, or workis not right and I'm here to
(17:08):
actually act out.
So you heal that.
So as soon as it's likesignpost, as soon as you are
healing that and you are askingyourself the question and you
heal yourself, your child willchange, because you start to
change.
(17:30):
If you sleep and you yell atyour kids, you can still go back
and ask that, okay, why I wastriggered, why this is yelling
more about me than actuallyabout my child, because yelling
at my kids because she's atoddler.
So it's like crayons areeverywhere in the house right
now, or marks and stuff, orpeeing.
(17:51):
But it's like, why is ittriggering me are peeing?
But it's like, why is ittriggering me?
It's like, okay, because Icannot control the situation or
I want to have order everywhere.
But that's coming from mychildhood, when I didn't feel
that there is order around me.
I felt like chaos, how I grewup in a former communist country
.
Amy (18:13):
I think it's very interesting.
I think personally, my ownbelief is that our children at
some level picked to come intoour lives to learn something and
we at the same time, agreed topick them to learn something
from them.
So it's kind of a circle,absolutely.
And that could fall really wellinto what you're talking about
(18:36):
absolutely again, depending onhow much spirituality you
believe in.
Blanka (18:42):
they are saying that the soul up there have different
contracts, so you will have asoul contract with whoever you
are around right now.
That what is the life lesson.
What do you need, need to learn, and that's how you pick people
around it and you will havelovely friends and more
challenging people and they arelike, for a period of life you
(19:05):
have them, or maybe they go awayor a longer period of time, but
they are all.
I always say that people arehere to teach us or to support
us, because you need thesupporters to actually get
through the hard times, but theteachers I don't say that there
are bad peoples in our life.
There are more challengingpeoples in our life, people in
our life, but they are here toteach.
(19:26):
It's not about them, it's aboutyou.
Amy (19:31):
Yeah, honestly, when you look at it that way, it's just
beautiful that we've agreed todo that and that we've agreed to
fumble and make mistakes andpick ourselves up and try again.
I mean it really is neat.
So let's talk about resistance.
What's a sign that someone issubconsciously resisting their
(19:53):
own healing?
Blanka (19:54):
Yeah, oh, good question.
Resistance first of all, as,again, fixers, we try to fix
other people around us.
It's like I have so many peoplethat's like, can you help my
brother, can you help my husband?
And I usually say no, becauseyou can lead the horse to the
(20:18):
water, but you cannot make itdrink it.
So, unless you realize thatthere is something in your life
going on that needs healing, andthis is also generational.
The baby boomers are moreresistant.
They are like I'm fine, why areyou saying that I need
something healing?
Meanwhile, the newer generation,especially millennials and Gen
(20:40):
Z, like they are more open.
That okay, we have to changethe old agenda because it's not
working.
The old parental types,parenting types, are not working
anymore.
First of all, the world changed.
Even just looking at the lastfive years after the COVID
(21:04):
epidemic, it's just like youhave to be more agile and more
flexible, with also shiftingwith your own parenting.
I can ask parenting tips frommy mom, which sometimes I do,
but that was 40 years ago.
There was no social mediaaround, there were no mobile
phones, so how can she give meadvice?
Amy (21:21):
Well, even for myself.
I have two children, but I hadthem 18 years apart and it was
like a whole new world when Ihad my second child.
I was like I didn't do it thatway before.
And what is everybody talkingabout?
Blanka (21:36):
Absolutely.
So going back to resistance,you cannot help the other person
.
They have to reach I usuallysay, hit the rock bottom.
So that's when people are evenlike there is some very severe
sickness happening with them oran accident, or grieving losing
(21:58):
somebody.
That's when we usually or anunemployment or a like fired
after 20 years.
That's when we are like, okay,we might have to reevaluate our
life, we have to do something.
It's still like that.
They don't want to change, theydon't want to heal.
That's fine.
But usually these are the signs, especially, especially
(22:20):
accidents like big accidents.
A big car accident is usuallywhen you are not in alignment
with your values and life wantsto say like, hey, you have to do
something about it.
Usually I say that there arethree signs from the universe,
like first a little flick thathey, you have to do something,
(22:41):
and then a little bit of like ahit, and then you get the big
slap or a big kick on the rare.
And that's when you have toreally realize that okay, I
really have to do somethingabout it.
Amy (22:53):
Oh yeah, I agree, I've gotten those big kicks before.
I was just wondering do youhave an example of a family that
you have helped?
I don't want you to give anynames, but just an example of
how it works with someone you'veactually worked with,
Absolutely.
Blanka (23:10):
So I had a client who has ADHD and he's in traditional
therapy but he also knows aboutfamily constellation and with
him actually, what we realizedthat his ADHD is belonging more
to his uncle, who was abusive inthe family, than actually him.
(23:31):
He took over some of hisburdens and to carry and his
anger.
So in a family constellationsession we healed part of that
anger, we pulled that out and weallowed him to feel that anger.
Because when something happenslike that we have an abusive
(23:52):
relative we are just so afraidof our power, our emotions and
many times our anger and sadnessthat we suppress it.
Especially, men are great withthis.
They are just suppressing thatfeeling and it's like I don't
want to feel this.
I'm so afraid that I will belike him that I'd rather not try
(24:13):
anything.
But the problem withsuppressing that it's not
healing, it's not processing,it's just suppressing and in one
way or another it comes out inan addiction or in ADHD or in
other things.
So what we did is was actuallyclearing and I told him that
your anger is not you, it's notdefining you, it's part of your
(24:39):
identity, but it doesn't have tooverpower you or control you.
So in a session we release thatlike from a pressure cooker, so
he could relax a little bitmore.
Amy (24:52):
Oh, that's beautiful.
I love that you can help peoplein that way, all right, well, I
have really enjoyed this talk.
How can people find you?
Blanka (25:24):
you or you can email me at Blanka with a K, so it's
B-L-A-N-K-A at Awarenest.
net and I'm happy to answer anyquestions you have.
Amy (25:27):
Great, and I will definitely put that in the show
notes so people can just clickon the link and get to your
website.
Thank you, yes.
Is there anything you want tofinish up with or leave with our
listeners today?
Blanka (25:41):
That you are a powerful human being and you can heal and
you have a choice, and don'tforget that you always have a
choice to heal.
Amy (25:49):
That's wonderful.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, Amy, for having mehere.
That brings us to the end ofanother eye-opening episode of
Advancing with Amy, mentalHealth Warrior and NeuroSpicy
Mama.
Today's conversation withBlanka Molnar was truly
inspiring.
Thank you so much, Blanka, forsharing your wisdom on healing
(26:09):
multi-generational trauma,conscious parenting and the
transformative power of familyconstellation work.
I hope everyone listening feelsempowered by Blanka reminder
that we always have a choice toheal and move forward.
If you're curious to learn moreor feel called to dive deeper,
make sure to check out Blankawebsite at awarenestnet.
(26:33):
That's A-W-A-R-E-N-E-S-T dotN-E-T, where you can book a free
introductory call.
Her expertise could be the keyto a whole new chapter of
healing for you and your family.
Before you go, if you enjoyedthis episode, please rate,
review and share with a friendwho might need to hear these
(26:54):
messages.
Your support helps us reachmore listeners and bring you
more incredible guests likeBlanka.
Thank you so much for beinghere and see you next time.
Keep advancing, warriors.
You.
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