September 16, 2025 • 61 mins
Surjit Athwal was 16 years old when she was forced to marry a man 10 years her senior. It was outside of London, England but life for the young wife was isolating, tense and abusive. As Surjit tried to gain her independence and flee her strict Sikh household, the control over her became worse and worse; until a deadly plan was established followed by one chilling statement, “We have to get rid of her.
”Read Sarbjit Kaur Athwal’s Book Here:https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B00CZ7QGDQ&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_0VAXPR20YZMXPGCFZ6N5
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”Read Sarbjit Kaur Athwal’s Book Here:https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B00CZ7QGDQ&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_0VAXPR20YZMXPGCFZ6N5
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE or text “start” to 88788UK Helpline: 0800 5999 247_________________________________________
Promo: World’s Dumbest Criminals Podcast
Method & Madness is researched, written, hosted, and produced by Dawn Cate
Sound Editing by moInspo
Music by Tymur Khakimov from Pixabay
REACH OUT:methodandmadnesspod@gmail.com
FOLLOW:
- Instagram.com/MethodAndMadnessPod
- Twitter.com/MethodPod
This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Special offer to Method and Madness listeners; you can get 10% off your first month of professional therapy at BetterHelp.com/methodandmadness
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/method-madness--6241524/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Method and Madness is a true crime podcast and contains
descriptions of violence. This episode features themes of physical and
emotional abuse. Listener discretion is advised she wasn't quiet or submissive,
so she had to go. This is Method and Madness
(00:20):
Episode forty eight discarded sergit Ethwall.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm your host, Don Gandhi.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
It was December fourth, nineteen ninety eight in Hayes, West London.
The suitcases were lined up outside and ready to be
loaded into the car. First stop Heathrow Airport. Final destined nation, Delhi, India.
Twenty six year old Sergeitte Ettoine was looking forward to
the trip. Naturally, she had no idea what was in
(01:10):
store for her. Her mother in law called to her
to hurry up. Her sister in law stood bye, powerless
to stop her, too afraid she could be Next at
the wheel was Sirjite's brother in law, his mother. Sirjeite's
mother in law was in the front passenger seat. Sirjeite
(01:31):
opened the car door, got into the backseat and turned
to wave goodbye to her children. It would be the
last time they'd ever see their mother. The following day,
as planned, Sir Jeitte was in India, attending family weddings
and enjoying her holiday. After the celebrations were over, she
(01:51):
was off to do some shopping before returning home to England.
The jeep pulled up and Sir Geite got in, thanking
the men for the lift. She watched the scenery go by,
anticipating that at any moment they'd pull up to the
shops and she could bring her family a few souvenirs.
(02:12):
But she didn't return from that shopping trip, and she
never returned from India. It would be years later that
Indian authorities would look into her whereabouts, but before they
could get very far, they received a letter from police
in England which said, your way off base. Sir Jeete
(02:35):
has run off. She's in hiding, and so that investigation
went no further. Let's dive in. You may have listened
to a previous episode released a few weeks ago on
(02:56):
the murder of Shaphilia Ahmed. She was a British Pakistani
teenager when her parents brutally murdered her in their home
while her helpless younger siblings watched on in horror. It
was one of the so called honor killings, a widely
misunderstood crime a result of honor based abuse, which can
(03:17):
also show itself in other forms such as genital mutilation,
forced marriage, and more. Its people seeking extreme punishment for
any act they consider to be dishonorable, anything that may
bring shame to their family and in turn make them
(03:37):
look bad in the eyes of their community. In Shaphilia's situation,
her parents were so laser focused on the idea of
honor and feared the shame that their rebellious daughter could
bring them as she fought to live a westernized lifestyle
in their home. In England, there are many people who
(03:58):
are unaware that's so called honor killings exist. Of those
that are aware, many believe it is widely accepted in
the religious communities where they occur. But that is not
the case.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Evil is evil.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Today you'll hear about another story of a young woman
who wanted to be her own person, one who was
raised to believe that anything that needed to be sorted
out could be done within the family. And in certain
areas of West London, there are religious communities that operate
by one rule, never get anyone outside of the family involved.
(04:42):
Any issues are to be handled by the elders in
that community.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
No matter what.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Sergei Quar Dillon was born on July seventeenth, nineteen seventy one,
in Coventry, England, to parents Mohinderpaul Singh Dylan and Surinder Kwar.
She was one of six children a family of Punjabi origin,
and they lived in a suburb of Coventry called Folshil.
(05:12):
The family was practicing Sikhs, a religion founded in India
and the fifth largest religion in the world. Sikhs believe
they are disciples of God and they follow the writings
and teachings of the ten Sikh Gurus. A Sikh is
taught that all races, religions and sex are equal in
(05:36):
the eyes of God. When Serjit was just sixteen years old,
her father told her they were going to meet a
family in Hayes, a suburb of West London. It was
at that meeting that Serjit learned to her dismay, that
she'd be marrying the oldest son of that family. His
(06:01):
name was Sukdave Artois and he was twenty six years old.
His family was well respected in England, India and in Singapore,
where they had relatives living. That's simply the way it
worked in their community, Sir Jeitte was told the parents
of a boy, or in this case, a man, would
(06:21):
contact another family, one that they may know through acquaintances
and a match would be arranged. It happened for many
families that way in India and in the UK, and
now it was presented to Serjit. But while an arranged
marriage means that all parties have a choice in the matter,
(06:41):
this was forced marriage. She immediately protested, making her wishes
very clear that she had no intention of marrying a
man ten years her senior. She was only a teenager.
Surely this couldn't actually be happening. But at the end
of the day, it was guilt that won, as Sir
GeTe was told again and again that her grandmother was
(07:03):
on death's door and her dying wish was to see
Sirjeitte married off to a good family. It would bring
shame to the family if Sir GeTe didn't go through
with it. The wedding date was set and Sir Jeete
had no say. On June sixteenth, nineteen eighty eight, relatives
on both sides of the family gathered to celebrate Sikhs.
(07:28):
Being very sociable people were all surrounded by bright colors, food, music, laughter,
and huge smiles. But Sir Jete had never felt more alone.
She was not the picture of a smiling, happy bride.
She didn't know most of the people attending the celebrations,
let alone her own groom and her grandmother. The one
(07:51):
on her deathbed seemed perfectly healthy, as she was the
first one out on the dance floor that morning before
her nuptials. Sir Jeitte's anxiety had overcome her and she cried,
an uneasy feeling washing over her. She hadn't even met
her groom yet and she was being forced to spend
(08:12):
the rest of her life with him. But her tears
were not persuasive, as the elder family members reassured her
that this was the thing she was supposed to do.
It was a well to do family she was marrying into,
and so the bride and groom were married at first sight,
(08:33):
not in an arranged marriage, but in a forced one.
And immediately after, Sir Jete was driven to her new home.
Pulling up to the house a ninety willow tree lane
in Hayze, one hundred miles from her family in Coventry,
Sir Yete took in the house she would be sharing
(08:54):
with at least four others. It was nothing to write
home about, surely not what was expected of a well
to do family. There, Sir Jeitte lived with her new husband,
mother in law, father in law, and brother in law.
The family that was now considered Serjet's were also practicing Sikhs,
(09:17):
but unlike her own family, this one was very strict.
Sergite and such Dave shared a bedroom upstairs. They were
expected to live together as man and wife, sharing a bed.
His parents shared another bedroom, and his younger brother Hardave
had the third. A German shepherd named Ricky rounded out
(09:42):
the household. Sergeite's introduction into the home wasn't greeted with
warmth or make yourself comfortable reassurances by her in laws.
She was told that this was her home, now her
real home, and at her mother in law insistence that
she was to put on a happy face no matter
(10:03):
what when she saw her parents or siblings, or especially
when at temple praying with the rest of the community.
Any signs of unhappiness with her situation would only bring
shame onto the family. At sixteen, Sergeit wasn't even a
(10:25):
woman yet and making her own decisions. Wasn't something she'd
had a chance at. Now, in this small home with
utter strangers, she was learning what her day to day
was about to look like her mother in law, But
chan quir Atoals wasted no time putting her daughter in
law to work. Sergee's role was to maintain all of
(10:46):
the house cleaning and the cooking too, for the entire
family and any visitors that may knock on the door.
This was no romantic whirlwind as she got to know
and love her husband, no sweeping you off your feet
kind of fairy tale. Quite the contrary, as Sir Jeitte
found herself on her feet in the kitchen for large
(11:07):
parts of the day, chopping vegetables and preparing meals. In
this house, she was at the very bottom of the
pecking order. When the time would come to sit down
to dinner, she was ignored while the elder family members
and their sons chatted. When dinner ended, it was Sir
Jete alone in the kitchen cleaning up. Prior to her
(11:30):
forced marriage, Sir GeTe had enjoyed socializing with friends and
having an actual childhood of sorts. Now, in an instant
she was an adult, a woman, but not one that
was permitted to think for herself. Once she was an atoll,
Sir Jete was forbidden to socialize outside of the house.
(11:51):
Her mother in law, but Chun or Mum, as she
insisted on being called, quickly revealed herself to be the
one making all the decisions. Batcheon controlled how Serjite acted,
what not to say, what to wear, and even how
to feel about her situation. She should be happy and
(12:14):
only show that for risk of bringing shame to the family.
If it wasn't Batchan pulling the strings, it was her
orders to her oldest son that he needed to do it.
Serjite's cold feet on her wedding day morning had been
a foreshadowing of things to come. She didn't see any
(12:34):
wedded bliss in her future. This was her life, now,
miles away from her loving family. She was permitted to
get a job. Her salary was strongly desired by her
husband and his mother. It was at a tool selling
firm called Buck and Hickman, But after a long day
(12:56):
at work, she was still expected to prepare the home
cooked meals for the family and guests. When her husband's
four sisters and their husbands came to visit. Sergeite's discomfort
started turning to anger and resentment, as even they expected
her to wait on them hand and foot. Nobody offered
(13:18):
to help, nobody offered to clean up. When the time
came to sit down to tea, Sirjeitte would first have
to wait on everyone else, And when guests were visiting
and all the seats were taken, Sir Geitte would find
herself sitting on the floor. When the guests had left,
it was Sir gee alone in the kitchen doing the cleanup.
(13:41):
That was for reality her day to day. Two years
into her marriage, Sir Geite's personality was coming out more
and more. It was not demure or submissive like her
new family expected of a wife. She had opinions on
how things should work, how family members should treat one another,
(14:03):
and she began showing her displeasure at being treated as
a servant, one that was never helped or thanked. At
ninety Willow Tree Lane, she had no allies, no shoulder
to cry on, not even her husband's. His loyalty and
devotion were to his family, his parents. Respect for them
(14:24):
was paramount, and complaining or resisting was seen as disrespect.
It was forbidden. Serge was not the most important woman
in Suk Dave's life. No, that role was already taken.
She was expected to serve her family and put them first.
(14:47):
That is forbidden was one of Butchon's favorite things to
say to her daughter in law. Think of the shame
it would bring on the family. Think of the shame
that it would bring on your husband. Two years into
her marriage, Sir Jeitte learned that it was her brother
in law, Hardave's turn to find a wife. She was
(15:07):
from Hounslow, London and her name was Sarbajit. She was
just nineteen years old, and she and Hardave married in
nineteen eighty nine without ever having a conversation with each other.
Many celebrations followed the nuptials, and then Sir Jeitte was
no longer the only outsider in the home as her
(15:30):
new sister in law moved into the house at ninety
Willow Tree Lane, Sarbjitt. Sarb had also been raised in
a Sikh household, but regardless, she was hit with culture
shock at the Atswalls household. Sarb, at nineteen had already
turned down two prospective suitors, strangers that her parents had
(15:54):
tried to arrange for her to marry like Sir Gitte.
She hated the idea of marrying a man she didn't know,
certainly not a man that she'd never even spoken to.
She had never even been to a classmate's house for
a party, never socialized with the boy, never been on
a date, but was now married to a man raised
(16:18):
to believe that respect for elders was of the utmost importance,
and seeing how adamant her parents were about her future,
Sarb finally relented, not wanting to disrespect them, only thinking
of their happiness and not her own, and so reluctantly
she married Hardave at twelve. Both Sergei and Sarb had
(16:39):
been preparing their entire lives their short lives to be wives.
Unlike Sergei, Sarb had a different outlook on how a
wife was to behave. At around age eleven, Sarb had
been sent away from her family in England, away from
her younger siblings that she adored, and brought to a
(17:00):
rural area in India in Patty on the Punjab border
to live with relatives of her father. There, formal education
was spared in exchange for learning how to be a woman.
She was told taught to look after a family run
a household, clean and cook the Indian way. While there,
(17:21):
she was terribly homesick as she was also taught how
to harvest rice, strip sugar cane, take care of livestock,
and pick cow dung for use as fuel and cement.
Rather than learning writing and arithmetic, Sarb was taught how
to chop vegetables and prepare large meals. She spent hours
(17:43):
out on the farm. After a couple of years, wondering
when she'd be permitted to go back home, Sarba's father
returned to retrieve his daughter from India. Upon her return
to England, Sarb discovered just how far behind she was
in school and being forbidden to socialize with anyone outside
of her religious community. Being taught to be respectful and obedient,
(18:08):
she grew timid, knowing that in the Sikh religion, a
group's happiness was more important than individuals. Now, at age
twenty and eighteen, respectively, Sarb and Sir Jeitte were sharing
a bond thrust into a life neither of them wanted.
The two young women spent most of their time together
(18:30):
and it was comforting to have one another. Careful not
to be too loud for fear of repercussions. They would
whisper to each other while cooking in the Attois kitchen.
Sarb was dying to know what she'd gotten herself into,
but was too shy to ask, and Sir Jete was
more than happy to spill all the details. Now there
(18:51):
were two wives in the home to be treated like slaves,
and like Sir Jeitte, Sarb was forbidden to talk about
her new situation with her own parents. She was sternly
instructed by her mother in law that speaking ill of
the Attoal family would bring them shame in the community.
Shortly after Hardave and Sarb got married, the Atoal patriarch
(19:15):
Jian Singh passed away. With the death of Sukh Dave's
and Hardave's father, their mother Batchan appointed herself the head
of the household. Ordinarily, with the father and the household passing,
this would mean the eldest son would step up as
the head of the family, but in this case it
(19:36):
was Batchan that made the declaration with a smile and
comfortably took on that role. While Jian Singh brought only
warmth to the home, the only warmth things without him
were about to get a lot worse. In Sarb's book
shamed the honor killing that shocked Britain. She wrote how
(19:59):
her mother in law law was always bossy and nosy,
but with Jian Sing Goong, she now had more authority
and those traits became worse. Everything she said became law.
As everyone else walked on eggshells. She was always listening,
always quick to remind everyone of their place. On Sarb's
(20:22):
and Hardave's first wedding anniversary, they made a date to
go out to dinner, and it was Bachan that accompanied
them to the restaurant, telling the couple they couldn't celebrate
without her. As was normal in the atual home, Bachan's
sons never protested. If the wives asked for something, the
(20:45):
husbands would respond, I'll need to ask Mum. Anything Mum
wanted was granted, and now the salaries that her daughters
in law were earning from their respective jobs were going
straight into Mum's acous count again no objections from the
husband's Sarb, always optimistic and hopeful, realized she needed to
(21:10):
make the best of her situation and grew to love
her husband, hard Dave. She had given it time, but
Sir GeTe with her defiance her resistance. Her insistence on
independence became victim to a dangerous cycle of abuse by
both her mother in law and her husband. Sarb would listen,
(21:31):
shocked and scared as her sister in law would endure
beatings in the next room, and the following morning, Sirjeitte
would be covered in bruises, all because she was speaking
up and speaking out. And Serjeite's family one hundred miles
away were under the impression that everything was going fine,
that Sir GeTe was happy. Sure, they'd notice that, but Chon,
(21:55):
while very respected in the Sikh community, was quite frankly controlling,
but nobody dared intervene that would bring shame. Both Serjit
and Sarb had been coerced into marrying into the Attol family,
and now both women were trapped domineered by a tyrant
(22:16):
of a woman who had a hold over everyone, and
that hold extended outside of the home too. The natural
question that followed after two young women had been married
was when were the grandchildren coming. Sarb was warned constantly
by family members, and particularly by her mother in law,
(22:39):
that she was not to get pregnant until Sergeit and
sick Dave had had a baby. Sir GeTe and suck Dave,
who at that point weren't even sleeping in the same bed.
If Sarb were to have a baby first, that would
bring shame to Suk Dave, as he was the oldest
son and she was not to do that to him. Regardless,
(23:02):
both women got pregnant around the same time. Now the
pressure shifted to a different topic. Botchan insisted that her
oldest son was to have a boy, that it was
the firstborn son who should have the first boy to
carry on the Atswale name, as if anyone had control
over that. Sir Jeete's and Sarb's bond grew stronger as
(23:25):
they went through pregnancy together, all while reporting to work
daily and then returning home to do all of the
housework at temple. Their mother in law would parade them
around to all of her friends, gushing about how excited
she was for them and how supportive she was at
home lies everything was for show. One day, Sir Jeete
(23:50):
confided in her sister in law that in nineteen eighty
eight she'd gotten pregnant but had suffered a miscarriage. It
was devastating for her, and her mother in law had
accused Sir Jeete of having an abortion. Suk Dave, of course,
had agreed with his mother's accusation. Why would she say
such a thing, Sarb asked, with Sir Jete responding because
(24:14):
she's evil. As fate would have it. In the summer
of nineteen ninety one, both women had healthy baby girls,
and then it was back to their duties in the kitchen.
Sarb found some solace in visiting her parents, but didn't
(24:34):
dare speak ill of her mother in law, who was
adamant that the babies call her mum. Complaints would reflect
poorly on Sarb's parents for choosing the Atswall family, so
she always put on a happy face. While Sarb was
of the mind that this is just the way things
are and was doing everything in her power to obey
and keep the family from shame, Sir Jete was rebelling.
(24:58):
Her paycheck wasn't her, her thoughts weren't hers, her time
wasn't hers. She wanted more a life away from her
domineering mother in law and selfish husband. She craved the
freedom to be able to see friends without being followed
or stalked by such Dave, but she was constantly reminded
what would the community think if she were out and
(25:21):
about without her husband, how would that look? What would
people at temple say? How would Butcham feel if she
had to answer to the community about why Sir Jete
was off shopping or why she wasn't wearing traditional dress?
How dare she wear a skirt? Sir Jeitte's desire for
(25:42):
independence got stronger and stronger as she cut her hair,
began wearing make up, and started dressing in more westernized clothing,
and by nineteen ninety four, Sir Jeet moved out of
the house at ninety Willow Tree Lane. Serjeite had escaped
(26:07):
her abusive home and secured a job as a customs
agent at Heathrow Airport. There she made new friends and
began socializing with them outside of work. Suk Dave tracked
her down with Butchon's prodding, her obsessiveness in keeping tabs
on her daughter in law and preventing her from bringing
any more shame to the family. A woman leaving her
(26:28):
husband was the most dishonorable. Suk Dave made several attempts
to get Sir Gitte to come back, threats, stalking, screaming,
but it was his softer attempt that finally persuaded Sir
Geitte to return, and some time later they bought and
moved into the home next door eighty eight Willow Tree Lane.
(26:50):
A new address wasn't going to keep Butchon away, as
she declared she was moving in with Sirjite and Sukdave
with keys to both homes. Now she would freely move
about the two. Serge may have returned, but she wasn't
pretending to be the agreeable wife. The arguments between her
(27:11):
and Soook Dave increased as he tried to get control
of her, ordering her to stop wearing Western clothes outside
of the house. By spring and summer of nineteen ninety seven,
Sirjit and Sarb were both pregnant again. Sir Jede's pregnancy
was a surprise, as it wasn't even certain that she
and her husband had been sleeping in the same bed.
(27:33):
On some occasions, it didn't seem they were even sleeping
in the same house. Any questions about the father of
Sergeite's baby ended when it was learned she was having
a boy, but John's glee over her oldest son having
a boy with the actual name overshadowed any logic that
there was virtually no chance that the baby was took Dave's.
(27:55):
It was more than an affair. Sir Geede had found
love for the first time in her life with a
colleague at work, and she was planning to leave her
husband and take the children with her. Over my dead
body was Butchon's response, and she meant it. Nineteen ninety
eight was coming to a close and the holiday season
(28:17):
was approaching, and while they didn't follow Christian traditions, Christmas
was a fun time in the community and in the
atual home. But before any festivities could take place, Butchon
called a meeting with her sons and her daughter in law.
Sir Jeete was away at work. Sarb was preparing tea
(28:39):
as usual until Bauchon called out to join her and
her sons in the lounge. There, sitting on the couch
and with a smug look on her face, Bachon looked
at her audience of Suk, Dave, Har Dave, and Sarb.
She proudly announced that the time head come that there
(29:01):
was only one solution to dealing with Sergitt. It's decided
then we have to get rid of her. This episode
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(29:23):
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Speaker 3 (30:34):
Do you love listening to true crime podcasts but could
do with hearing something a bit lighter as well? I'm
Tara Sarah Van, host of World's Dumbest Criminals podcast. It's
a show all about the most ridiculous and bizarre true
crime stories from around the globe. World's Dumbest Criminals is
available on iTunes and anywhere else you listen to podcasts.
(30:58):
Make sure you subscribe. If you do, I don't want
to miss any criminally stupid shenanigans.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Bauchan had spoken to someone in India, a contact. That
was all she said about who it was. She's out
of control, she said, speaking of Sir Jeitte. She has
brought shame on our family. She has made us a
laughing stock in the community. The decision had been made,
and so had the arrangements. Tickets were purchased from Heathrow
(31:31):
to Delhi, India. The next step was getting Sir Jete
on the plane. In order to coax her into going
to India. Batchan told Sir Jeitte she would permit the divorce,
but only on one condition. She had to join Butchon
on a trip to attend the weddings of two family members.
(31:51):
Presumably thrilled that she was finally getting some freedom, Sir
Jeitte agreed there was nobody to stop her. Sarba felt helpless,
paralyzed with fear. In her book, she talked about the
constant tension in the home Bachan ruled the house. She
controlled everyone. Sarb desperately wanted to warn her sister in law,
(32:16):
wanted to tell her not to go to India, but
someone was always watching. Still, Sarb hoped she had it
all wrong, get rid of her. Did that mean what
she thought it meant? Surely not. There was no one
she could talk to, no way of warning Sir Jete
and risk disrespecting Bachan or causing trouble, causing shame. She
(32:43):
watched helplessly as Serjite happily packed for her trip. Also
in her book, Sarb said she'd heard about a number
that one could call anonymously to report a crime. She
racked her brain and finally remembered that it was called
crime Starle, And one morning, after dropping her daughter off
(33:03):
at school, she found a public payphone, and her hands trembling,
made the call, telling the operator everything that had been
said at that family meeting. It had been a huge risk,
but Sarb felt relief that Sir Geete was safe. Now
crime stoppers would intervene before anything could happen, and so
(33:27):
December fourth, nineteen ninety eight came, the day of the trip.
Serge walked out the front door and waved goodbye to
her kids as Sarb watched from the window. She and
Bauchon flew to Delhi, but only one of them returned.
On December fifth, they attended a wedding and the next
(33:48):
day attended another. Back in England, Sarb was a nervous wreck.
To ease her nerves, she would try to discuss the
situation with her husband and seeking reassurance that Sir Jeete
was okay. Surely what Chan didn't mean anything serious about
getting rid of her, and Sir Jeitte would return as
(34:11):
scheduled on the eighteenth. Har Dave was dismissive, warning his
wife to be quiet. Still, Sarb insisted that he check
in with his mother and so he would call India
to see how everything was going. Finally, but Sean snapped
back to stop pestering her. Scared of being seen by
(34:35):
a member of the community and scared that anything she
did would be reported back to Bachong, Sarb didn't go
to the police, but she did write to them a
letter detailing what she was told would happen to her
sister in law in India. Video captured Sir Jeitte at
the two weddings in India, showing that she was relaxed, smiling,
(34:59):
and enjoy herself. It seemed, by all accounts, she didn't
know what was in store for her. She was likely
happy to be away from her prison of the atchual home,
and Bachan had done a good job of convincing her
that this trip would lead to her being permitted to divorce. Still,
(35:20):
sir Jeite went to a travel agency and attempted to
get an earlier flight back to England, but she was unable.
On December eighteenth, Sarb waited impatiently for the car to
pull up to ninety Willow Tree Lane, praying that she
see her sister in law emerge, but only Butchon had returned.
(35:41):
When asked where is Serjititte? Butchan quickly dismissed, Sarb told
her to stop asking, that Serjeite would be returning soon.
Sarb was told, as were the children, that Serjite had
decided to stay in India for a few weeks longer.
But as the weeks went by and Serjeitte didn't return,
(36:02):
the story about her whereabouts kept changing. Sarb was ordered
to stop asking questions, and she didn't mention her concerns
to her own parents for fear of bringing them shame
by spreading rumors or alarming elders for no reason. She
was still hopeful in her naivety that the crime had
(36:23):
been stopped due to her intervention. Some relief came when
Sukdev revealed to the family that he'd run into a
friend of Sir Jeete's Kate, who said she had been
in contact with Serjeite and that she was fine and
happy in India. She'd be back in two months. Maybe
(36:44):
this Kate person knew something, But Serjeitte's parents and siblings
hadn't heard from her, and her employer at customs hadn't
heard a peep, and Sir Jeete failed to show up
to some social events in Hayes that she had RSVP
for weeks earlier. The only information regarding her whereabouts was
coming directly from one person, her husband. Christmas had come
(37:10):
and gone, and the gift that Sir Jeede's oldest child
wanted most from Santa was for her mother to return.
By the new year, she still hadn't returned, and Serjeite's
parents were fed up with the lack of answers. They
hadn't heard from their daughter, and they were less and
less convinced that she was okay. Sir Jeite's brother Jagdish
(37:34):
was more than a little suspicious. After visits to the
Astuhal home and hearing the tales of how his sister
had run off, he and his father contacted the police
to officially report her missing. The police, in turn began
questioning suk Dave. He told the police that he had
(37:55):
spoken to his wife, but it was through a mediator
that woman Kate, that he'd run into in his presence.
She called Sergeite from her cell phone and let suk
Dave talk. He said he tried to see what the
number was on the screen, but Kate had covered it
up with black tape. It was on that call that
(38:17):
Sergeit told her husband she wouldn't be returning and that
she was staying in India with her new boyfriend Raj.
She's not to be trusted, she's run off and wants
nothing to do with her family, with her children. Suck
Dave told the police as well as anyone who would listen.
She's a troublemaker, she's promiscuous, she's on drugs. He was
(38:42):
telling his daughter the same that mom had run off
with another man and she didn't love her family anymore.
If the children got upset and missed her, their father
would tell them to stop their moaning. And as time
went on, the stories kept changing. Queen Batchan and suk
Dave Serjeitt was returning eventually or she wasn't returning at all.
(39:13):
In January nineteen ninety nine, but Chon, crying uncontrollably, told
Sarb to sit down with her there in the same
lounge where her mother in law had held that fateful
meeting weeks earlier. Sarb realized that but Chon wanted to
come clean. She needed to tell someone something. With Suk
(39:33):
Dave off at work, Sarb was all ears. But Chon
talked of the shame that Sir GeTe had brought to
the family with her rebellion, her western clothes and the
social events she was out attending, and god knows what else,
how people in the community were talking, and how she
feared that Sukh Dave would be homeless if Sir ge
(39:56):
got her way and took the house in the divorce,
and what about the children. Taking away his kids her
grandchildren would be the ultimate betrayal, the ultimate act of shame.
Butchan continued and confirmed Sarb's worst fears. Upon their arrival
in India, they were met by but Chan's brother, and
(40:17):
while visiting, Butchan and Sir Jete had attended the two
weddings of family members. Afterward, but Chan gave her daughter
in law money to go do some shopping and she
was picked up in a jeep by two men who
drove off. One of the men was said to be
but Chan's brother. It had all been arranged ahead of time.
(40:40):
The two men gave Serjite some water to drink once
she was in the jeep. She took a few SIPs and,
according to Butchan, immediately realized she'd been drugged. Once she
was unconscious, the two men strangled Sir Jete, robbed her
of the jewelry she was wearing, and tasked her body
(41:01):
into the Ravi, a river in the Punjab region of
India that flows into eastern Pakistan. According to Sarb, the
tears and the emotions that Batchan had been showing through
most of her confession were now gone. As she said,
Serjeite won't be able to bring shame on us anymore.
(41:22):
We can start living like a proper family now. Once
Sukhdev was aware that Sarb was in the know, He
told her, you know, the same things will happen to
you if you dare breathe a word of this to anyone.
Sarb carried that threat with her. Only God would hear
(41:43):
what was in her heart. When Sarb would leave the
house on those rare occasions, Botchan would warn her to
watch her tongue. It was bottled up and bubbling over though,
And one afternoon, while out shopping with her sister, Sarb
(42:03):
revealed everything that was weighing heavily on her mind. Her
sister urged her to go to the police, but Sarb
had been threatened so many times, she had witnessed exactly
what happens to women who go against that family, and
so she was steadfast and remaining quiet. It wasn't until
years later that Sarb would learn that her sister had
(42:26):
gone to the police. You may be wondering, how was
it that years passed before Sarb found this out. If
someone had gone to the police, how was it that
an arrest wasn't made immediately, or at the very least
a serious investigation. Well between that earlier call to crime stoppers,
(42:47):
a letter to the police, several visits to the police
by Sarba's sister and by Sergeit's family. Simply nothing happened,
no follow up, no sense of urgency. It was as
if serjeit didn't matter. I'll let you use your imagination
on why the police outside of London weren't motivated to
(43:10):
investigate the disappearance of an Indian woman. Sarb continued distracting
herself by cooking, cleaning, or taking care of the children.
She hid in her bedroom. If Batchan came over from
next door, and if she ended up in the same space,
the anxiety would surge and she'd feel her heart palpitating.
(43:32):
If the house had been uncomfortable for the past ten years,
now it was a complete nightmare as there was a
constant fear looming over. But Sean and Suk Dave were
working overtime to make Serjit the bad guy, but they
didn't count on her immediate family. With Sergit's brother Jagdish
(43:53):
and father Mohinder Paul urging, police officers finally began showing
up at eighty eight Willow Tree Elan asking questions. They
gathered information, got a sample of Serge's hair from one
of her hair brushes, and were given a photo to
use to circulate on missing person notices. According to Sarb,
(44:15):
Sukdave only had one request that the police used the
name et Wall when running the missing person's alert on
the radio, for using her maiden name would only bring
shame to the family. Serjeitte had been missing for a
little over a month and now her mother, father, and
brother believed she'd been murdered. Suk Dave went into a
(44:40):
tailspin now that they were getting close to the truth.
But if his wife was dead, then he could cash
in on the life insurance policy he'd taken out the
day before Serjeitte took that trip to India. He, however,
was denied the insurance money Sergeite's family. He was now
putting the pressure on police in India, who in turn
(45:04):
approached the last known person to have been seen with her,
but Schn's brother. He was told he was a suspect,
and thousands of miles away, suk Dave did all he
could to undermine the investigation. With a murder investigation now
in India, suk Dave was two steps ahead. He had
(45:26):
written to those same authorities that were launching an investigation
and in a forged letter, made it look like it
was coming from the British police. It was a simple
cut and paced job, the type of work you'd do
with a xerox machine and some tape. In that correspondence,
he made it look like Sir Jete's family was way
(45:49):
off base. He even went so far as to claim
that Serjeite had returned to England as well as other lies,
like she was hiding from her violent fefe father and
they shouldn't believe anything he or Sergeite's brother said. At
the time, nobody was aware that he was derailing the
(46:10):
investigation in India, but it would come out later in
the year two thousand. There was enough evidence for an arrest,
and the police showed up at ninety Willow Tree Lane
and led away bought Cheong Suok, Dave, Hardave and Sarb
in handcuffs, all arrested for conspiracy to commit murder. Now
(46:32):
being interrogated at the station, Sarb denied knowing anything about
where Serjeite was. In her book, she details the hold
that her in laws had on her, even when separated
and in the presence of police, she feared them enough
to stay silent. Anything she said could somehow make its
way back to them. You could be next running over
(46:54):
and over again. In her mind, there wasn't enough evidence
to prove that Sarrjeet was dead and no charges were
pressed at the time. Now back at home, Sarb was
repeatedly threatened for years to keep her mouth shut, reminded
that she was just as guilty as everyone else. The
(47:16):
entire process was flawed. Foreign offices in India and offices
in England were not on the same page, and so
Sarb's life continued to be a living hell, from the
manipulation to her own husband never coming to her defense
or supporting her. Like Sir GeTe, if she talked to
(47:37):
anyone outside of the house, even casually, one of her
in laws would be watching. After twelve years of living
as a prisoner in her own home, Sarb was starting
to find her voice and she was losing that timid,
submissive personality. It wasn't until she lost six pints of
(47:57):
blood from an erupted stomach ulcer at home that she
was temporarily freed, hospitalized, and then back at her parents'
home to recuperate. Her own father had fought it again,
bringing up the shame it would bring the Auttwals if
she abandoned them, What would the community think he gave in, though,
(48:18):
and Sarb spent several months at home with her parents
and beloved siblings. Even though it meant being without her
children for the time being, Sarb felt safe for the
first time since she had entered the Attwall home, and
then there in her childhood home, she finally told her
parents everything. In turn, they went to the police. As
(48:49):
a result of Sarb's family's intervention, the hero that Sergey
needed emerged. Clive Driscoll, a Metropolitan detective, was assigned to
the case, the first member of law enforcement to take
Sergi's disappearance seriously, the first also to step up and
help Sarb, giving her the assurance that he was there
(49:09):
to help her, but she had to help him. She
was reluctant, she didn't know who to trust and didn't
want anything getting back to her husband, brother in law,
and mother in law, but she ended up cooperating. Anne
was an integral part in getting justice for Serjeit in
November two thousand and five, Butchan Sukdave and Hardeve Attoal
(49:33):
were arrested in their home just days earlier. Batchan had
told Sarb, it's time for you to come and meet
the family in India. To protect Sarb, the police also
did a fake arrest of her. She had already provided
them with a witness statement. Hardave was released a short
(49:54):
time later, and Bachan and Sukhdave were formally charged with
murder and denied by Upon members of the community learning
of this, Sarb felt the wrath as she was scowled
at admonished for having her family arrested and bringing them shame.
Lots of information came out during the investigation and while
(50:16):
preparing for trial. Kate, the friend of Serjete's who had
assured sook Dave that his wife was fine in India,
she was, of course a figment of his imagination. Sir
Jeede's diaries were discovered and read in court. Her husband
had put them in a box and stored them at
a relative's house. It was a treasure trove of evidence,
(50:38):
with her writings depicting how unhappy she was in that house,
being sook Dave's wife, being but Schon's daughter in law,
how she had only stuck it out because she was
worried about her parents reputation in the community. She wrote
about how but Sean took her first baby away from
her right after birth and made her call her mummy.
(51:01):
She wrote of being threatened by Suk Dave, threatened to
be killed, and how she was physically abused and stalked
over and over again. She wrote about how Butchong would
take money from her and how her husband would steal
and then sell her jewelry. Other evidence to be presented
(51:22):
at trial was the forged letter that Sukdev had written
and sent authorities in India to get them to abandon
their investigation. There was also a lack of contact from
Sir Jitte, no activity on her credit cards. One thing
was missing, however, Serjeite's body, but perhaps the ultimate undoing.
(51:47):
Once Sir Jeitte was out of the picture, her signature
was forged on paperwork that transferred her ownership of the
home at eighty eight Willow Tree Lane over to Bachong.
This signing this transfer happened five years after Serjeite went missing.
But Chan and Sukdev had tried to explain it away
(52:10):
that Serjeitte had returned from India for ten minutes, signed
the paperwork, and then disappeared again. Their agreed was causing
the facade to crumble. Let's pause and break that all
down for a moment. But Chong and Sukhdeve abused serge
to control her and get her to conform to their
(52:31):
warped perception of how a Sikh woman should behave. Despite
her terrifying situation, Serjeite was still determined to gain her
independence and ventured out, getting a new job, making friends
with westernized people, and even finding romance. Ultimately, she sought
a divorce. Now, according to Butchong, this would only happen
(52:56):
over her dead body. She talked of shame and dishonoring
the family and how it would tarnish the family within
the Sikh community. Another motive that was mentioned in Sarb's
book was the possibility of Bauchong losing her only grandson,
Sir Jeite's youngest child. But the hypocrisy here is the
(53:18):
very thing they claimed to be afraid of, the very
thing that they wanted to dispose of Sirjitte for was
the very thing they told people she did when she
was missing. If they were so driven to avoid that shame,
to avoid the stigma of having Sergeite run off and
have affairs, then why did they go around telling everyone
(53:39):
that would listen that that is what happened to her?
Sergeite ran away with another man. Sergeitte doesn't love her family,
an odd lie to come up with if you're obsessed
with perception, So why choose that? Why was that their excuse?
The police aidgreed was part of the motive, but it
(54:01):
seems likely that it was the primary motive. But Chang
and Sukdave panicked when divorce was on the table. Suddenly
they wouldn't have access to Serji's finances or be able
to steal her paycheck from her and deposit it into
their accounts, and since they already viewed her as less
than human, killing her was a natural solution. In two
(54:25):
thousand and five, they were officially charged and there was
a thirteen week trial in two thousand and seven. Even
while in their jail cells awaiting their trial, but Chan
and Suk Dave were able to control their family forbidding
Serjit's oldest child from going to the courtroom. On July
twenty sixth, two thousand and seven, Bachan quar Atoal and
(54:49):
Sukdave singh Etoit were both convicted of murder, but Chang
was sentenced to a minimum of twenty years and Suk
Dave was sentenced to a minimum of twenty seven. It
was the first time in UK legal history that someone
was convicted of an outsourced honor killing carried out abroad.
Serjite's children were only then allowed to spend time with
(55:12):
their mother's family. They were also awarded their mother's money,
which the police were able to get back despite sook
Day's attempt at hiding it. Sarb has not forgiven her
mother in law, but has realized that it wasn't religion
that caused her to murder Sirjete. It was Bauchamp acting
(55:33):
in the name of selfishness, evil and greed. Sarb to
this day avoids going near the temple that she used
to pray at, but when she does run into someone
from that community, she is still scolded for bringing shame
by having her mother in law and brother in law arrested.
Sarb was awarded a divorce from Hardav and raised their
(55:55):
four children in a home in Surrey. Religion remained in
her home, but allowing her kids to be children was
very important as well. Sarbajit was a key witness for
the prosecution in the trial of her husband's brother and mother.
She went on to set up the charity True Honor,
(56:16):
which helps women speak out about honor based abuse. The
charity also trains organizations on how to handle cases of
honor based violence, forced marriage and female genital mutilation. Serjite's
brother Jagdeesh fought for years for the authorities in Punjab
to do an investigation into the men who murdered his
(56:38):
sister in the year two thousand. An investigation was conducted,
but it led to no convictions. Jagdeese spent decades doing interviews,
advocating for his sister and trying to get her murderers
behind bars. He said of India's Central Bureau of Investigation, quote,
(56:59):
they have the capacity, the expertise, the personnel to act
independently and equally to lia is with the British police
directly and invite the input of officers who invested the
case in the UK. Here he is doing an interview.
Speaker 4 (57:16):
When Surgi disappeared, we were frank tin worry. I remember vividly.
I went to a police station in Hayes. They turned
us away. We don't deal with disappeared women overseas. I
went to a police station in my hometown of Coventry.
We don't deal with such cases. Even when you told
them you thought she might look this was the situation
(57:36):
in her marriage. I'm strongly concerned she may have been murdered.
She is a UK citizen. What did the Foreign Office do? Tragically?
In Surgei's case, we had zero support full of Foreign Office.
And yet when we compare it to cases like Lucy
Blackman in Japan, Kirsty Jones in Thailand, Ian Stillman in India,
(57:56):
and Peter Bleach in India, and indeed now with Madeline
McCann in portug we see this volume of support and
at a very senior prime ministerial level we see the
British government making representations to overseas governments. When we requested
that kind of support, we were fudged, We received provarications,
we received no responses, and we were left on our
(58:20):
own to persist with our own inquiries and push and
prod the police in India, push and prod the police
in London, the Metropolitan Police. It's only thanks to God
and thanks to good minds within the Metropolitan Police that
the case has reached this far. But the case was
left to die its own death for many, many years
along the way, and we were fighting against a wall
(58:41):
of obstruction, disinterest, don't care, don't want to know, double standards,
and plaining discrimination.
Speaker 1 (58:49):
The British detective that led the investigation, Clive Driscoll, has
said quote, I have absolutely no doubt that I have
evidence and information contained within mindstigation which would be of
assistance to the Indian authorities. Despite the legal system in
the UK finding two people guilty of orchestrating the murder,
(59:12):
the police in Punjab have to this day refused to
start a new investigation. Batschan, who is eighty five years
old as of this recording, is said to be in
poor health in prison and was recently granted freedom by
the Parole Board in the summer of twenty twenty two.
Justice Secretary Dominic rob challenged that decision, stating that Butchon
(59:34):
still poses a risk to society and that she had
recently slapped her daughter during visitation and assaulted a member
of the prison staff and other inmates. No date has
been set yet for her release. Cherry Tree was planted
in Sergei's memory in twenty twenty one. Her brother and
(59:54):
strongest advocate, Jagdish, died in twenty twenty two. The men
that murdered Sir GeTe have never been charged, her body
has never been found. If you are someone you know
is a victim of honor based abuse, you are not alone.
Check the show notes for resources. Thank you for listening
(01:00:17):
to Method and Madness. This is an independent podcast. If
you'd like to show your support, please leave a five
star rating on Spotify or a five star review on
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I'm on Twitter at method Pod and on Instagram at
Method and Madness Pod. There's a Method of Madness page
on Facebook as well. To chat or discuss the episode.
(01:00:41):
Reach out to me at Method a Madness Pod at
gmail dot com. I'd love to hear from you. Method
and Madness is research, written and hosted by me. It
is edited by Mowenspo. For crisis support, text hello to
seven four to one seven four one bao
Method and Madness is a true crime podcast and contains
descriptions of violence. This episode features themes of physical and
emotional abuse. Listener discretion is advised she wasn't quiet or submissive,
so she had to go. This is Method and Madness
(00:20):
Episode forty eight discarded sergit Ethwall.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm your host, Don Gandhi.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
It was December fourth, nineteen ninety eight in Hayes, West London.
The suitcases were lined up outside and ready to be
loaded into the car. First stop Heathrow Airport. Final destined nation, Delhi, India.
Twenty six year old Sergeitte Ettoine was looking forward to
the trip. Naturally, she had no idea what was in
(01:10):
store for her. Her mother in law called to her
to hurry up. Her sister in law stood bye, powerless
to stop her, too afraid she could be Next at
the wheel was Sirjite's brother in law, his mother. Sirjeite's
mother in law was in the front passenger seat. Sirjeite
(01:31):
opened the car door, got into the backseat and turned
to wave goodbye to her children. It would be the
last time they'd ever see their mother. The following day,
as planned, Sir Jeitte was in India, attending family weddings
and enjoying her holiday. After the celebrations were over, she
(01:51):
was off to do some shopping before returning home to England.
The jeep pulled up and Sir Geite got in, thanking
the men for the lift. She watched the scenery go by,
anticipating that at any moment they'd pull up to the
shops and she could bring her family a few souvenirs.
(02:12):
But she didn't return from that shopping trip, and she
never returned from India. It would be years later that
Indian authorities would look into her whereabouts, but before they
could get very far, they received a letter from police
in England which said, your way off base. Sir Jeete
(02:35):
has run off. She's in hiding, and so that investigation
went no further. Let's dive in. You may have listened
to a previous episode released a few weeks ago on
(02:56):
the murder of Shaphilia Ahmed. She was a British Pakistani
teenager when her parents brutally murdered her in their home
while her helpless younger siblings watched on in horror. It
was one of the so called honor killings, a widely
misunderstood crime a result of honor based abuse, which can
(03:17):
also show itself in other forms such as genital mutilation,
forced marriage, and more. Its people seeking extreme punishment for
any act they consider to be dishonorable, anything that may
bring shame to their family and in turn make them
(03:37):
look bad in the eyes of their community. In Shaphilia's situation,
her parents were so laser focused on the idea of
honor and feared the shame that their rebellious daughter could
bring them as she fought to live a westernized lifestyle
in their home. In England, there are many people who
(03:58):
are unaware that's so called honor killings exist. Of those
that are aware, many believe it is widely accepted in
the religious communities where they occur. But that is not
the case.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Evil is evil.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Today you'll hear about another story of a young woman
who wanted to be her own person, one who was
raised to believe that anything that needed to be sorted
out could be done within the family. And in certain
areas of West London, there are religious communities that operate
by one rule, never get anyone outside of the family involved.
(04:42):
Any issues are to be handled by the elders in
that community.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
No matter what.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Sergei Quar Dillon was born on July seventeenth, nineteen seventy one,
in Coventry, England, to parents Mohinderpaul Singh Dylan and Surinder Kwar.
She was one of six children a family of Punjabi origin,
and they lived in a suburb of Coventry called Folshil.
(05:12):
The family was practicing Sikhs, a religion founded in India
and the fifth largest religion in the world. Sikhs believe
they are disciples of God and they follow the writings
and teachings of the ten Sikh Gurus. A Sikh is
taught that all races, religions and sex are equal in
(05:36):
the eyes of God. When Serjit was just sixteen years old,
her father told her they were going to meet a
family in Hayes, a suburb of West London. It was
at that meeting that Serjit learned to her dismay, that
she'd be marrying the oldest son of that family. His
(06:01):
name was Sukdave Artois and he was twenty six years old.
His family was well respected in England, India and in Singapore,
where they had relatives living. That's simply the way it
worked in their community, Sir Jeitte was told the parents
of a boy, or in this case, a man, would
(06:21):
contact another family, one that they may know through acquaintances
and a match would be arranged. It happened for many
families that way in India and in the UK, and
now it was presented to Serjit. But while an arranged
marriage means that all parties have a choice in the matter,
(06:41):
this was forced marriage. She immediately protested, making her wishes
very clear that she had no intention of marrying a
man ten years her senior. She was only a teenager.
Surely this couldn't actually be happening. But at the end
of the day, it was guilt that won, as Sir
GeTe was told again and again that her grandmother was
(07:03):
on death's door and her dying wish was to see
Sirjeitte married off to a good family. It would bring
shame to the family if Sir GeTe didn't go through
with it. The wedding date was set and Sir Jeete
had no say. On June sixteenth, nineteen eighty eight, relatives
on both sides of the family gathered to celebrate Sikhs.
(07:28):
Being very sociable people were all surrounded by bright colors, food, music, laughter,
and huge smiles. But Sir Jete had never felt more alone.
She was not the picture of a smiling, happy bride.
She didn't know most of the people attending the celebrations,
let alone her own groom and her grandmother. The one
(07:51):
on her deathbed seemed perfectly healthy, as she was the
first one out on the dance floor that morning before
her nuptials. Sir Jeitte's anxiety had overcome her and she cried,
an uneasy feeling washing over her. She hadn't even met
her groom yet and she was being forced to spend
(08:12):
the rest of her life with him. But her tears
were not persuasive, as the elder family members reassured her
that this was the thing she was supposed to do.
It was a well to do family she was marrying into,
and so the bride and groom were married at first sight,
(08:33):
not in an arranged marriage, but in a forced one.
And immediately after, Sir Jete was driven to her new home.
Pulling up to the house a ninety willow tree lane
in Hayze, one hundred miles from her family in Coventry,
Sir Yete took in the house she would be sharing
(08:54):
with at least four others. It was nothing to write
home about, surely not what was expected of a well
to do family. There, Sir Jeitte lived with her new husband,
mother in law, father in law, and brother in law.
The family that was now considered Serjet's were also practicing Sikhs,
(09:17):
but unlike her own family, this one was very strict.
Sergite and such Dave shared a bedroom upstairs. They were
expected to live together as man and wife, sharing a bed.
His parents shared another bedroom, and his younger brother Hardave
had the third. A German shepherd named Ricky rounded out
(09:42):
the household. Sergeite's introduction into the home wasn't greeted with
warmth or make yourself comfortable reassurances by her in laws.
She was told that this was her home, now her
real home, and at her mother in law insistence that
she was to put on a happy face no matter
(10:03):
what when she saw her parents or siblings, or especially
when at temple praying with the rest of the community.
Any signs of unhappiness with her situation would only bring
shame onto the family. At sixteen, Sergeit wasn't even a
(10:25):
woman yet and making her own decisions. Wasn't something she'd
had a chance at. Now, in this small home with
utter strangers, she was learning what her day to day
was about to look like her mother in law, But
chan quir Atoals wasted no time putting her daughter in
law to work. Sergee's role was to maintain all of
(10:46):
the house cleaning and the cooking too, for the entire
family and any visitors that may knock on the door.
This was no romantic whirlwind as she got to know
and love her husband, no sweeping you off your feet
kind of fairy tale. Quite the contrary, as Sir Jeitte
found herself on her feet in the kitchen for large
(11:07):
parts of the day, chopping vegetables and preparing meals. In
this house, she was at the very bottom of the
pecking order. When the time would come to sit down
to dinner, she was ignored while the elder family members
and their sons chatted. When dinner ended, it was Sir
Jete alone in the kitchen cleaning up. Prior to her
(11:30):
forced marriage, Sir GeTe had enjoyed socializing with friends and
having an actual childhood of sorts. Now, in an instant
she was an adult, a woman, but not one that
was permitted to think for herself. Once she was an atoll,
Sir Jete was forbidden to socialize outside of the house.
(11:51):
Her mother in law, but Chun or Mum, as she
insisted on being called, quickly revealed herself to be the
one making all the decisions. Batcheon controlled how Serjite acted,
what not to say, what to wear, and even how
to feel about her situation. She should be happy and
(12:14):
only show that for risk of bringing shame to the family.
If it wasn't Batchan pulling the strings, it was her
orders to her oldest son that he needed to do it.
Serjite's cold feet on her wedding day morning had been
a foreshadowing of things to come. She didn't see any
(12:34):
wedded bliss in her future. This was her life, now,
miles away from her loving family. She was permitted to
get a job. Her salary was strongly desired by her
husband and his mother. It was at a tool selling
firm called Buck and Hickman, But after a long day
(12:56):
at work, she was still expected to prepare the home
cooked meals for the family and guests. When her husband's
four sisters and their husbands came to visit. Sergeite's discomfort
started turning to anger and resentment, as even they expected
her to wait on them hand and foot. Nobody offered
(13:18):
to help, nobody offered to clean up. When the time
came to sit down to tea, Sirjeitte would first have
to wait on everyone else, And when guests were visiting
and all the seats were taken, Sir Geitte would find
herself sitting on the floor. When the guests had left,
it was Sir gee alone in the kitchen doing the cleanup.
(13:41):
That was for reality her day to day. Two years
into her marriage, Sir Geite's personality was coming out more
and more. It was not demure or submissive like her
new family expected of a wife. She had opinions on
how things should work, how family members should treat one another,
(14:03):
and she began showing her displeasure at being treated as
a servant, one that was never helped or thanked. At
ninety Willow Tree Lane, she had no allies, no shoulder
to cry on, not even her husband's. His loyalty and
devotion were to his family, his parents. Respect for them
(14:24):
was paramount, and complaining or resisting was seen as disrespect.
It was forbidden. Serge was not the most important woman
in Suk Dave's life. No, that role was already taken.
She was expected to serve her family and put them first.
(14:47):
That is forbidden was one of Butchon's favorite things to
say to her daughter in law. Think of the shame
it would bring on the family. Think of the shame
that it would bring on your husband. Two years into
her marriage, Sir Jeitte learned that it was her brother
in law, Hardave's turn to find a wife. She was
(15:07):
from Hounslow, London and her name was Sarbajit. She was
just nineteen years old, and she and Hardave married in
nineteen eighty nine without ever having a conversation with each other.
Many celebrations followed the nuptials, and then Sir Jeitte was
no longer the only outsider in the home as her
(15:30):
new sister in law moved into the house at ninety
Willow Tree Lane, Sarbjitt. Sarb had also been raised in
a Sikh household, but regardless, she was hit with culture
shock at the Atswalls household. Sarb, at nineteen had already
turned down two prospective suitors, strangers that her parents had
(15:54):
tried to arrange for her to marry like Sir Gitte.
She hated the idea of marrying a man she didn't know,
certainly not a man that she'd never even spoken to.
She had never even been to a classmate's house for
a party, never socialized with the boy, never been on
a date, but was now married to a man raised
(16:18):
to believe that respect for elders was of the utmost importance,
and seeing how adamant her parents were about her future,
Sarb finally relented, not wanting to disrespect them, only thinking
of their happiness and not her own, and so reluctantly
she married Hardave at twelve. Both Sergei and Sarb had
(16:39):
been preparing their entire lives their short lives to be wives.
Unlike Sergei, Sarb had a different outlook on how a
wife was to behave. At around age eleven, Sarb had
been sent away from her family in England, away from
her younger siblings that she adored, and brought to a
(17:00):
rural area in India in Patty on the Punjab border
to live with relatives of her father. There, formal education
was spared in exchange for learning how to be a woman.
She was told taught to look after a family run
a household, clean and cook the Indian way. While there,
(17:21):
she was terribly homesick as she was also taught how
to harvest rice, strip sugar cane, take care of livestock,
and pick cow dung for use as fuel and cement.
Rather than learning writing and arithmetic, Sarb was taught how
to chop vegetables and prepare large meals. She spent hours
(17:43):
out on the farm. After a couple of years, wondering
when she'd be permitted to go back home, Sarba's father
returned to retrieve his daughter from India. Upon her return
to England, Sarb discovered just how far behind she was
in school and being forbidden to socialize with anyone outside
of her religious community. Being taught to be respectful and obedient,
(18:08):
she grew timid, knowing that in the Sikh religion, a
group's happiness was more important than individuals. Now, at age
twenty and eighteen, respectively, Sarb and Sir Jeitte were sharing
a bond thrust into a life neither of them wanted.
The two young women spent most of their time together
(18:30):
and it was comforting to have one another. Careful not
to be too loud for fear of repercussions. They would
whisper to each other while cooking in the Attois kitchen.
Sarb was dying to know what she'd gotten herself into,
but was too shy to ask, and Sir Jete was
more than happy to spill all the details. Now there
(18:51):
were two wives in the home to be treated like slaves,
and like Sir Jeitte, Sarb was forbidden to talk about
her new situation with her own parents. She was sternly
instructed by her mother in law that speaking ill of
the Attoal family would bring them shame in the community.
Shortly after Hardave and Sarb got married, the Atoal patriarch
(19:15):
Jian Singh passed away. With the death of Sukh Dave's
and Hardave's father, their mother Batchan appointed herself the head
of the household. Ordinarily, with the father and the household passing,
this would mean the eldest son would step up as
the head of the family, but in this case it
(19:36):
was Batchan that made the declaration with a smile and
comfortably took on that role. While Jian Singh brought only
warmth to the home, the only warmth things without him
were about to get a lot worse. In Sarb's book
shamed the honor killing that shocked Britain. She wrote how
(19:59):
her mother in law law was always bossy and nosy,
but with Jian Sing Goong, she now had more authority
and those traits became worse. Everything she said became law.
As everyone else walked on eggshells. She was always listening,
always quick to remind everyone of their place. On Sarb's
(20:22):
and Hardave's first wedding anniversary, they made a date to
go out to dinner, and it was Bachan that accompanied
them to the restaurant, telling the couple they couldn't celebrate
without her. As was normal in the atual home, Bachan's
sons never protested. If the wives asked for something, the
(20:45):
husbands would respond, I'll need to ask Mum. Anything Mum
wanted was granted, and now the salaries that her daughters
in law were earning from their respective jobs were going
straight into Mum's acous count again no objections from the
husband's Sarb, always optimistic and hopeful, realized she needed to
(21:10):
make the best of her situation and grew to love
her husband, hard Dave. She had given it time, but
Sir GeTe with her defiance her resistance. Her insistence on
independence became victim to a dangerous cycle of abuse by
both her mother in law and her husband. Sarb would listen,
(21:31):
shocked and scared as her sister in law would endure
beatings in the next room, and the following morning, Sirjeitte
would be covered in bruises, all because she was speaking
up and speaking out. And Serjeite's family one hundred miles
away were under the impression that everything was going fine,
that Sir GeTe was happy. Sure, they'd notice that, but Chon,
(21:55):
while very respected in the Sikh community, was quite frankly controlling,
but nobody dared intervene that would bring shame. Both Serjit
and Sarb had been coerced into marrying into the Attol family,
and now both women were trapped domineered by a tyrant
(22:16):
of a woman who had a hold over everyone, and
that hold extended outside of the home too. The natural
question that followed after two young women had been married
was when were the grandchildren coming. Sarb was warned constantly
by family members, and particularly by her mother in law,
(22:39):
that she was not to get pregnant until Sergeit and
sick Dave had had a baby. Sir GeTe and suck Dave,
who at that point weren't even sleeping in the same bed.
If Sarb were to have a baby first, that would
bring shame to Suk Dave, as he was the oldest
son and she was not to do that to him. Regardless,
(23:02):
both women got pregnant around the same time. Now the
pressure shifted to a different topic. Botchan insisted that her
oldest son was to have a boy, that it was
the firstborn son who should have the first boy to
carry on the Atswale name, as if anyone had control
over that. Sir Jeete's and Sarb's bond grew stronger as
(23:25):
they went through pregnancy together, all while reporting to work
daily and then returning home to do all of the
housework at temple. Their mother in law would parade them
around to all of her friends, gushing about how excited
she was for them and how supportive she was at
home lies everything was for show. One day, Sir Jeete
(23:50):
confided in her sister in law that in nineteen eighty
eight she'd gotten pregnant but had suffered a miscarriage. It
was devastating for her, and her mother in law had
accused Sir Jeete of having an abortion. Suk Dave, of course,
had agreed with his mother's accusation. Why would she say
such a thing, Sarb asked, with Sir Jete responding because
(24:14):
she's evil. As fate would have it. In the summer
of nineteen ninety one, both women had healthy baby girls,
and then it was back to their duties in the kitchen.
Sarb found some solace in visiting her parents, but didn't
(24:34):
dare speak ill of her mother in law, who was
adamant that the babies call her mum. Complaints would reflect
poorly on Sarb's parents for choosing the Atswall family, so
she always put on a happy face. While Sarb was
of the mind that this is just the way things
are and was doing everything in her power to obey
and keep the family from shame, Sir Jete was rebelling.
(24:58):
Her paycheck wasn't her, her thoughts weren't hers, her time
wasn't hers. She wanted more a life away from her
domineering mother in law and selfish husband. She craved the
freedom to be able to see friends without being followed
or stalked by such Dave, but she was constantly reminded
what would the community think if she were out and
(25:21):
about without her husband, how would that look? What would
people at temple say? How would Butcham feel if she
had to answer to the community about why Sir Jete
was off shopping or why she wasn't wearing traditional dress?
How dare she wear a skirt? Sir Jeitte's desire for
(25:42):
independence got stronger and stronger as she cut her hair,
began wearing make up, and started dressing in more westernized clothing,
and by nineteen ninety four, Sir Jeet moved out of
the house at ninety Willow Tree Lane. Serjeite had escaped
(26:07):
her abusive home and secured a job as a customs
agent at Heathrow Airport. There she made new friends and
began socializing with them outside of work. Suk Dave tracked
her down with Butchon's prodding, her obsessiveness in keeping tabs
on her daughter in law and preventing her from bringing
any more shame to the family. A woman leaving her
(26:28):
husband was the most dishonorable. Suk Dave made several attempts
to get Sir Gitte to come back, threats, stalking, screaming,
but it was his softer attempt that finally persuaded Sir
Geitte to return, and some time later they bought and
moved into the home next door eighty eight Willow Tree Lane.
(26:50):
A new address wasn't going to keep Butchon away, as
she declared she was moving in with Sirjite and Sukdave
with keys to both homes. Now she would freely move
about the two. Serge may have returned, but she wasn't
pretending to be the agreeable wife. The arguments between her
(27:11):
and Soook Dave increased as he tried to get control
of her, ordering her to stop wearing Western clothes outside
of the house. By spring and summer of nineteen ninety seven,
Sirjit and Sarb were both pregnant again. Sir Jede's pregnancy
was a surprise, as it wasn't even certain that she
and her husband had been sleeping in the same bed.
(27:33):
On some occasions, it didn't seem they were even sleeping
in the same house. Any questions about the father of
Sergeite's baby ended when it was learned she was having
a boy, but John's glee over her oldest son having
a boy with the actual name overshadowed any logic that
there was virtually no chance that the baby was took Dave's.
(27:55):
It was more than an affair. Sir Geede had found
love for the first time in her life with a
colleague at work, and she was planning to leave her
husband and take the children with her. Over my dead
body was Butchon's response, and she meant it. Nineteen ninety
eight was coming to a close and the holiday season
(28:17):
was approaching, and while they didn't follow Christian traditions, Christmas
was a fun time in the community and in the
atual home. But before any festivities could take place, Butchon
called a meeting with her sons and her daughter in law.
Sir Jeete was away at work. Sarb was preparing tea
(28:39):
as usual until Bauchon called out to join her and
her sons in the lounge. There, sitting on the couch
and with a smug look on her face, Bachon looked
at her audience of Suk, Dave, Har Dave, and Sarb.
She proudly announced that the time head come that there
(29:01):
was only one solution to dealing with Sergitt. It's decided
then we have to get rid of her. This episode
is sponsored by Betterhelp. I don't know about you, but
(29:23):
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(29:46):
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(30:09):
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Help for sponsoring this episode.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Do you love listening to true crime podcasts but could
do with hearing something a bit lighter as well? I'm
Tara Sarah Van, host of World's Dumbest Criminals podcast. It's
a show all about the most ridiculous and bizarre true
crime stories from around the globe. World's Dumbest Criminals is
available on iTunes and anywhere else you listen to podcasts.
(30:58):
Make sure you subscribe. If you do, I don't want
to miss any criminally stupid shenanigans.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Bauchan had spoken to someone in India, a contact. That
was all she said about who it was. She's out
of control, she said, speaking of Sir Jeitte. She has
brought shame on our family. She has made us a
laughing stock in the community. The decision had been made,
and so had the arrangements. Tickets were purchased from Heathrow
(31:31):
to Delhi, India. The next step was getting Sir Jete
on the plane. In order to coax her into going
to India. Batchan told Sir Jeitte she would permit the divorce,
but only on one condition. She had to join Butchon
on a trip to attend the weddings of two family members.
(31:51):
Presumably thrilled that she was finally getting some freedom, Sir
Jeitte agreed there was nobody to stop her. Sarba felt helpless,
paralyzed with fear. In her book, she talked about the
constant tension in the home Bachan ruled the house. She
controlled everyone. Sarb desperately wanted to warn her sister in law,
(32:16):
wanted to tell her not to go to India, but
someone was always watching. Still, Sarb hoped she had it
all wrong, get rid of her. Did that mean what
she thought it meant? Surely not. There was no one
she could talk to, no way of warning Sir Jete
and risk disrespecting Bachan or causing trouble, causing shame. She
(32:43):
watched helplessly as Serjite happily packed for her trip. Also
in her book, Sarb said she'd heard about a number
that one could call anonymously to report a crime. She
racked her brain and finally remembered that it was called
crime Starle, And one morning, after dropping her daughter off
(33:03):
at school, she found a public payphone, and her hands trembling,
made the call, telling the operator everything that had been
said at that family meeting. It had been a huge risk,
but Sarb felt relief that Sir Geete was safe. Now
crime stoppers would intervene before anything could happen, and so
(33:27):
December fourth, nineteen ninety eight came, the day of the trip.
Serge walked out the front door and waved goodbye to
her kids as Sarb watched from the window. She and
Bauchon flew to Delhi, but only one of them returned.
On December fifth, they attended a wedding and the next
(33:48):
day attended another. Back in England, Sarb was a nervous wreck.
To ease her nerves, she would try to discuss the
situation with her husband and seeking reassurance that Sir Jeete
was okay. Surely what Chan didn't mean anything serious about
getting rid of her, and Sir Jeitte would return as
(34:11):
scheduled on the eighteenth. Har Dave was dismissive, warning his
wife to be quiet. Still, Sarb insisted that he check
in with his mother and so he would call India
to see how everything was going. Finally, but Sean snapped
back to stop pestering her. Scared of being seen by
(34:35):
a member of the community and scared that anything she
did would be reported back to Bachong, Sarb didn't go
to the police, but she did write to them a
letter detailing what she was told would happen to her
sister in law in India. Video captured Sir Jeitte at
the two weddings in India, showing that she was relaxed, smiling,
(34:59):
and enjoy herself. It seemed, by all accounts, she didn't
know what was in store for her. She was likely
happy to be away from her prison of the atchual home,
and Bachan had done a good job of convincing her
that this trip would lead to her being permitted to divorce. Still,
(35:20):
sir Jeite went to a travel agency and attempted to
get an earlier flight back to England, but she was unable.
On December eighteenth, Sarb waited impatiently for the car to
pull up to ninety Willow Tree Lane, praying that she
see her sister in law emerge, but only Butchon had returned.
(35:41):
When asked where is Serjititte? Butchan quickly dismissed, Sarb told
her to stop asking, that Serjeite would be returning soon.
Sarb was told, as were the children, that Serjite had
decided to stay in India for a few weeks longer.
But as the weeks went by and Serjeitte didn't return,
(36:02):
the story about her whereabouts kept changing. Sarb was ordered
to stop asking questions, and she didn't mention her concerns
to her own parents for fear of bringing them shame
by spreading rumors or alarming elders for no reason. She
was still hopeful in her naivety that the crime had
(36:23):
been stopped due to her intervention. Some relief came when
Sukdev revealed to the family that he'd run into a
friend of Sir Jeete's Kate, who said she had been
in contact with Serjeite and that she was fine and
happy in India. She'd be back in two months. Maybe
(36:44):
this Kate person knew something, But Serjeitte's parents and siblings
hadn't heard from her, and her employer at customs hadn't
heard a peep, and Sir Jeete failed to show up
to some social events in Hayes that she had RSVP
for weeks earlier. The only information regarding her whereabouts was
coming directly from one person, her husband. Christmas had come
(37:10):
and gone, and the gift that Sir Jeede's oldest child
wanted most from Santa was for her mother to return.
By the new year, she still hadn't returned, and Serjeite's
parents were fed up with the lack of answers. They
hadn't heard from their daughter, and they were less and
less convinced that she was okay. Sir Jeite's brother Jagdish
(37:34):
was more than a little suspicious. After visits to the
Astuhal home and hearing the tales of how his sister
had run off, he and his father contacted the police
to officially report her missing. The police, in turn began
questioning suk Dave. He told the police that he had
(37:55):
spoken to his wife, but it was through a mediator
that woman Kate, that he'd run into in his presence.
She called Sergeite from her cell phone and let suk
Dave talk. He said he tried to see what the
number was on the screen, but Kate had covered it
up with black tape. It was on that call that
(38:17):
Sergeit told her husband she wouldn't be returning and that
she was staying in India with her new boyfriend Raj.
She's not to be trusted, she's run off and wants
nothing to do with her family, with her children. Suck
Dave told the police as well as anyone who would listen.
She's a troublemaker, she's promiscuous, she's on drugs. He was
(38:42):
telling his daughter the same that mom had run off
with another man and she didn't love her family anymore.
If the children got upset and missed her, their father
would tell them to stop their moaning. And as time
went on, the stories kept changing. Queen Batchan and suk
Dave Serjeitt was returning eventually or she wasn't returning at all.
(39:13):
In January nineteen ninety nine, but Chon, crying uncontrollably, told
Sarb to sit down with her there in the same
lounge where her mother in law had held that fateful
meeting weeks earlier. Sarb realized that but Chon wanted to
come clean. She needed to tell someone something. With Suk
(39:33):
Dave off at work, Sarb was all ears. But Chon
talked of the shame that Sir GeTe had brought to
the family with her rebellion, her western clothes and the
social events she was out attending, and god knows what else,
how people in the community were talking, and how she
feared that Sukh Dave would be homeless if Sir ge
(39:56):
got her way and took the house in the divorce,
and what about the children. Taking away his kids her
grandchildren would be the ultimate betrayal, the ultimate act of shame.
Butchan continued and confirmed Sarb's worst fears. Upon their arrival
in India, they were met by but Chan's brother, and
(40:17):
while visiting, Butchan and Sir Jete had attended the two
weddings of family members. Afterward, but Chan gave her daughter
in law money to go do some shopping and she
was picked up in a jeep by two men who
drove off. One of the men was said to be
but Chan's brother. It had all been arranged ahead of time.
(40:40):
The two men gave Serjite some water to drink once
she was in the jeep. She took a few SIPs and,
according to Butchan, immediately realized she'd been drugged. Once she
was unconscious, the two men strangled Sir Jete, robbed her
of the jewelry she was wearing, and tasked her body
(41:01):
into the Ravi, a river in the Punjab region of
India that flows into eastern Pakistan. According to Sarb, the
tears and the emotions that Batchan had been showing through
most of her confession were now gone. As she said,
Serjeite won't be able to bring shame on us anymore.
(41:22):
We can start living like a proper family now. Once
Sukhdev was aware that Sarb was in the know, He
told her, you know, the same things will happen to
you if you dare breathe a word of this to anyone.
Sarb carried that threat with her. Only God would hear
(41:43):
what was in her heart. When Sarb would leave the
house on those rare occasions, Botchan would warn her to
watch her tongue. It was bottled up and bubbling over though,
And one afternoon, while out shopping with her sister, Sarb
(42:03):
revealed everything that was weighing heavily on her mind. Her
sister urged her to go to the police, but Sarb
had been threatened so many times, she had witnessed exactly
what happens to women who go against that family, and
so she was steadfast and remaining quiet. It wasn't until
years later that Sarb would learn that her sister had
(42:26):
gone to the police. You may be wondering, how was
it that years passed before Sarb found this out. If
someone had gone to the police, how was it that
an arrest wasn't made immediately, or at the very least
a serious investigation. Well between that earlier call to crime stoppers,
(42:47):
a letter to the police, several visits to the police
by Sarba's sister and by Sergeit's family. Simply nothing happened,
no follow up, no sense of urgency. It was as
if serjeit didn't matter. I'll let you use your imagination
on why the police outside of London weren't motivated to
(43:10):
investigate the disappearance of an Indian woman. Sarb continued distracting
herself by cooking, cleaning, or taking care of the children.
She hid in her bedroom. If Batchan came over from
next door, and if she ended up in the same space,
the anxiety would surge and she'd feel her heart palpitating.
(43:32):
If the house had been uncomfortable for the past ten years,
now it was a complete nightmare as there was a
constant fear looming over. But Sean and Suk Dave were
working overtime to make Serjit the bad guy, but they
didn't count on her immediate family. With Sergit's brother Jagdish
(43:53):
and father Mohinder Paul urging, police officers finally began showing
up at eighty eight Willow Tree Elan asking questions. They
gathered information, got a sample of Serge's hair from one
of her hair brushes, and were given a photo to
use to circulate on missing person notices. According to Sarb,
(44:15):
Sukdave only had one request that the police used the
name et Wall when running the missing person's alert on
the radio, for using her maiden name would only bring
shame to the family. Serjeitte had been missing for a
little over a month and now her mother, father, and
brother believed she'd been murdered. Suk Dave went into a
(44:40):
tailspin now that they were getting close to the truth.
But if his wife was dead, then he could cash
in on the life insurance policy he'd taken out the
day before Serjeitte took that trip to India. He, however,
was denied the insurance money Sergeite's family. He was now
putting the pressure on police in India, who in turn
(45:04):
approached the last known person to have been seen with her,
but Schn's brother. He was told he was a suspect,
and thousands of miles away, suk Dave did all he
could to undermine the investigation. With a murder investigation now
in India, suk Dave was two steps ahead. He had
(45:26):
written to those same authorities that were launching an investigation
and in a forged letter, made it look like it
was coming from the British police. It was a simple
cut and paced job, the type of work you'd do
with a xerox machine and some tape. In that correspondence,
he made it look like Sir Jete's family was way
(45:49):
off base. He even went so far as to claim
that Serjeite had returned to England as well as other lies,
like she was hiding from her violent fefe father and
they shouldn't believe anything he or Sergeite's brother said. At
the time, nobody was aware that he was derailing the
(46:10):
investigation in India, but it would come out later in
the year two thousand. There was enough evidence for an arrest,
and the police showed up at ninety Willow Tree Lane
and led away bought Cheong Suok, Dave, Hardave and Sarb
in handcuffs, all arrested for conspiracy to commit murder. Now
(46:32):
being interrogated at the station, Sarb denied knowing anything about
where Serjeite was. In her book, she details the hold
that her in laws had on her, even when separated
and in the presence of police, she feared them enough
to stay silent. Anything she said could somehow make its
way back to them. You could be next running over
(46:54):
and over again. In her mind, there wasn't enough evidence
to prove that Sarrjeet was dead and no charges were
pressed at the time. Now back at home, Sarb was
repeatedly threatened for years to keep her mouth shut, reminded
that she was just as guilty as everyone else. The
(47:16):
entire process was flawed. Foreign offices in India and offices
in England were not on the same page, and so
Sarb's life continued to be a living hell, from the
manipulation to her own husband never coming to her defense
or supporting her. Like Sir GeTe, if she talked to
(47:37):
anyone outside of the house, even casually, one of her
in laws would be watching. After twelve years of living
as a prisoner in her own home, Sarb was starting
to find her voice and she was losing that timid,
submissive personality. It wasn't until she lost six pints of
(47:57):
blood from an erupted stomach ulcer at home that she
was temporarily freed, hospitalized, and then back at her parents'
home to recuperate. Her own father had fought it again,
bringing up the shame it would bring the Auttwals if
she abandoned them, What would the community think he gave in, though,
(48:18):
and Sarb spent several months at home with her parents
and beloved siblings. Even though it meant being without her
children for the time being, Sarb felt safe for the
first time since she had entered the Attwall home, and
then there in her childhood home, she finally told her
parents everything. In turn, they went to the police. As
(48:49):
a result of Sarb's family's intervention, the hero that Sergey
needed emerged. Clive Driscoll, a Metropolitan detective, was assigned to
the case, the first member of law enforcement to take
Sergi's disappearance seriously, the first also to step up and
help Sarb, giving her the assurance that he was there
(49:09):
to help her, but she had to help him. She
was reluctant, she didn't know who to trust and didn't
want anything getting back to her husband, brother in law,
and mother in law, but she ended up cooperating. Anne
was an integral part in getting justice for Serjeit in
November two thousand and five, Butchan Sukdave and Hardeve Attoal
(49:33):
were arrested in their home just days earlier. Batchan had
told Sarb, it's time for you to come and meet
the family in India. To protect Sarb, the police also
did a fake arrest of her. She had already provided
them with a witness statement. Hardave was released a short
(49:54):
time later, and Bachan and Sukhdave were formally charged with
murder and denied by Upon members of the community learning
of this, Sarb felt the wrath as she was scowled
at admonished for having her family arrested and bringing them shame.
Lots of information came out during the investigation and while
(50:16):
preparing for trial. Kate, the friend of Serjete's who had
assured sook Dave that his wife was fine in India,
she was, of course a figment of his imagination. Sir
Jeede's diaries were discovered and read in court. Her husband
had put them in a box and stored them at
a relative's house. It was a treasure trove of evidence,
(50:38):
with her writings depicting how unhappy she was in that house,
being sook Dave's wife, being but Schon's daughter in law,
how she had only stuck it out because she was
worried about her parents reputation in the community. She wrote
about how but Sean took her first baby away from
her right after birth and made her call her mummy.
(51:01):
She wrote of being threatened by Suk Dave, threatened to
be killed, and how she was physically abused and stalked
over and over again. She wrote about how Butchong would
take money from her and how her husband would steal
and then sell her jewelry. Other evidence to be presented
(51:22):
at trial was the forged letter that Sukdev had written
and sent authorities in India to get them to abandon
their investigation. There was also a lack of contact from
Sir Jitte, no activity on her credit cards. One thing
was missing, however, Serjeite's body, but perhaps the ultimate undoing.
(51:47):
Once Sir Jeitte was out of the picture, her signature
was forged on paperwork that transferred her ownership of the
home at eighty eight Willow Tree Lane over to Bachong.
This signing this transfer happened five years after Serjeite went missing.
But Chan and Sukdev had tried to explain it away
(52:10):
that Serjeitte had returned from India for ten minutes, signed
the paperwork, and then disappeared again. Their agreed was causing
the facade to crumble. Let's pause and break that all
down for a moment. But Chong and Sukhdeve abused serge
to control her and get her to conform to their
(52:31):
warped perception of how a Sikh woman should behave. Despite
her terrifying situation, Serjeite was still determined to gain her
independence and ventured out, getting a new job, making friends
with westernized people, and even finding romance. Ultimately, she sought
a divorce. Now, according to Butchong, this would only happen
(52:56):
over her dead body. She talked of shame and dishonoring
the family and how it would tarnish the family within
the Sikh community. Another motive that was mentioned in Sarb's
book was the possibility of Bauchong losing her only grandson,
Sir Jeite's youngest child. But the hypocrisy here is the
(53:18):
very thing they claimed to be afraid of, the very
thing that they wanted to dispose of Sirjitte for was
the very thing they told people she did when she
was missing. If they were so driven to avoid that shame,
to avoid the stigma of having Sergeite run off and
have affairs, then why did they go around telling everyone
(53:39):
that would listen that that is what happened to her?
Sergeite ran away with another man. Sergeitte doesn't love her family,
an odd lie to come up with if you're obsessed
with perception, So why choose that? Why was that their excuse?
The police aidgreed was part of the motive, but it
(54:01):
seems likely that it was the primary motive. But Chang
and Sukdave panicked when divorce was on the table. Suddenly
they wouldn't have access to Serji's finances or be able
to steal her paycheck from her and deposit it into
their accounts, and since they already viewed her as less
than human, killing her was a natural solution. In two
(54:25):
thousand and five, they were officially charged and there was
a thirteen week trial in two thousand and seven. Even
while in their jail cells awaiting their trial, but Chan
and Suk Dave were able to control their family forbidding
Serjit's oldest child from going to the courtroom. On July
twenty sixth, two thousand and seven, Bachan quar Atoal and
(54:49):
Sukdave singh Etoit were both convicted of murder, but Chang
was sentenced to a minimum of twenty years and Suk
Dave was sentenced to a minimum of twenty seven. It
was the first time in UK legal history that someone
was convicted of an outsourced honor killing carried out abroad.
Serjite's children were only then allowed to spend time with
(55:12):
their mother's family. They were also awarded their mother's money,
which the police were able to get back despite sook
Day's attempt at hiding it. Sarb has not forgiven her
mother in law, but has realized that it wasn't religion
that caused her to murder Sirjete. It was Bauchamp acting
(55:33):
in the name of selfishness, evil and greed. Sarb to
this day avoids going near the temple that she used
to pray at, but when she does run into someone
from that community, she is still scolded for bringing shame
by having her mother in law and brother in law arrested.
Sarb was awarded a divorce from Hardav and raised their
(55:55):
four children in a home in Surrey. Religion remained in
her home, but allowing her kids to be children was
very important as well. Sarbajit was a key witness for
the prosecution in the trial of her husband's brother and mother.
She went on to set up the charity True Honor,
(56:16):
which helps women speak out about honor based abuse. The
charity also trains organizations on how to handle cases of
honor based violence, forced marriage and female genital mutilation. Serjite's
brother Jagdeesh fought for years for the authorities in Punjab
to do an investigation into the men who murdered his
(56:38):
sister in the year two thousand. An investigation was conducted,
but it led to no convictions. Jagdeese spent decades doing interviews,
advocating for his sister and trying to get her murderers
behind bars. He said of India's Central Bureau of Investigation, quote,
(56:59):
they have the capacity, the expertise, the personnel to act
independently and equally to lia is with the British police
directly and invite the input of officers who invested the
case in the UK. Here he is doing an interview.
Speaker 4 (57:16):
When Surgi disappeared, we were frank tin worry. I remember vividly.
I went to a police station in Hayes. They turned
us away. We don't deal with disappeared women overseas. I
went to a police station in my hometown of Coventry.
We don't deal with such cases. Even when you told
them you thought she might look this was the situation
(57:36):
in her marriage. I'm strongly concerned she may have been murdered.
She is a UK citizen. What did the Foreign Office do? Tragically?
In Surgei's case, we had zero support full of Foreign Office.
And yet when we compare it to cases like Lucy
Blackman in Japan, Kirsty Jones in Thailand, Ian Stillman in India,
(57:56):
and Peter Bleach in India, and indeed now with Madeline
McCann in portug we see this volume of support and
at a very senior prime ministerial level we see the
British government making representations to overseas governments. When we requested
that kind of support, we were fudged, We received provarications,
we received no responses, and we were left on our
(58:20):
own to persist with our own inquiries and push and
prod the police in India, push and prod the police
in London, the Metropolitan Police. It's only thanks to God
and thanks to good minds within the Metropolitan Police that
the case has reached this far. But the case was
left to die its own death for many, many years
along the way, and we were fighting against a wall
(58:41):
of obstruction, disinterest, don't care, don't want to know, double standards,
and plaining discrimination.
Speaker 1 (58:49):
The British detective that led the investigation, Clive Driscoll, has
said quote, I have absolutely no doubt that I have
evidence and information contained within mindstigation which would be of
assistance to the Indian authorities. Despite the legal system in
the UK finding two people guilty of orchestrating the murder,
(59:12):
the police in Punjab have to this day refused to
start a new investigation. Batschan, who is eighty five years
old as of this recording, is said to be in
poor health in prison and was recently granted freedom by
the Parole Board in the summer of twenty twenty two.
Justice Secretary Dominic rob challenged that decision, stating that Butchon
(59:34):
still poses a risk to society and that she had
recently slapped her daughter during visitation and assaulted a member
of the prison staff and other inmates. No date has
been set yet for her release. Cherry Tree was planted
in Sergei's memory in twenty twenty one. Her brother and
(59:54):
strongest advocate, Jagdish, died in twenty twenty two. The men
that murdered Sir GeTe have never been charged, her body
has never been found. If you are someone you know
is a victim of honor based abuse, you are not alone.
Check the show notes for resources. Thank you for listening
(01:00:17):
to Method and Madness. This is an independent podcast. If
you'd like to show your support, please leave a five
star rating on Spotify or a five star review on
Apple podcast. It makes the show more visible for new listeners.
I'm on Twitter at method Pod and on Instagram at
Method and Madness Pod. There's a Method of Madness page
on Facebook as well. To chat or discuss the episode.
(01:00:41):
Reach out to me at Method a Madness Pod at
gmail dot com. I'd love to hear from you. Method
and Madness is research, written and hosted by me. It
is edited by Mowenspo. For crisis support, text hello to
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