September 26, 2024 • 41 mins
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the emotional ups and downs of midlife? Today, we get real about the often unspoken feelings of anxiety, sadness, and fatigue that come with the perimenopausal phase. We open up about our personal journeys, exploring how these hormonal changes can disrupt daily routines and productivity. We also touch on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and its potential benefits, emphasizing how common these experiences are and the importance of addressing them openly and honestly.
Rediscovering oneself amidst the roles of spouse, parent, and professional is no easy feat. We dive into the necessity of carving out personal time and nurturing friendships, especially for women. Through an inspiring story, we celebrate a friend who chased her dream of becoming a registered nurse later in life. This powerful anecdote serves as a reminder that it's never too late to pursue your passions and that balancing personal goals with life responsibilities is essential for happiness and fulfillment.
Finding joy in midlife is about more than just managing responsibilities—it's about making room for what truly brings you happiness. We share our own stories of learning new skills and overcoming challenges, stressing the importance of prioritizing joyful activities. Furthermore, we address the distractions of modern life, like social media, and suggest ways to take inventory of your time to foster happiness and reduce anxiety. By embracing midlife changes with a positive mindset and supportive relationships, we believe that this phase can be incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. Join us as we navigate these topics and more, sharing actionable steps to make midlife "mad good.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Midlife Madness, where we get unfiltered
and brutally honest about ourmidlife years.
I have a feeling of feelingoverwhelmed during our midlife
years, like you know.
Today I want to let's gettransparent, right.
Let's get deep and hit thatemotional side of like the life
(00:22):
changes in our midlife madnessand hit that emotional side of
like the life changes and I livemidlife madness there's.
There is so many people thatI've talked to that they feel
overwhelmed.
They it's like the spectrum ofthings, right.
You can feel overwhelmed, youcan feel anxious, you can feel
(00:43):
anxious, you can feel depressed,like the the different types of
those types of feelings sadnessyeah, it kind of.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
It kind of just rolls into each other yes, it does.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
um, I I remember how I think it was like well, it was
before I started HRT, so itmust have been like five or six
months ago that I felt likeweird.
I felt I'm usually like the thecup, you know, half full person
(01:19):
.
Yeah, that cheerleader kind ofyou know conqueror, we're gonna
make this happen, cheer all thethings.
And I remember having one daythat I felt like super
overwhelmed.
I had to do like an inventoryof what's going on in my life
and like, dude, my life isawesome.
(01:40):
Like I don't understand why youfeel this way.
Yeah, right, weird.
Has that happened to you?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
oh, you know, and and the same exact thing, and um
myself and Dr Marty, who's nothere today, but we both started
HRT um before you, um, and Ifelt that way, and you know me,
I'm the early riser right the 4,35 o'clock am.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I don't know if you'clock, consider that early,
that's like.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
That's like middle of the night riser I mean I bet
there's a lot of other people onthat are listening to this
podcast that are like, yeah, metoo, 435 o'clock, but I'm ready
to take on the day at that time.
And then I just started feelinglike, okay, I'm gonna get up,
I'm gonna have my coffee, but Iwasn't moving, I wasn't getting
it in gear and I kept saying tomyself what the heck is going on
(02:27):
, why I have all this stuff Iwant, I need to get done and I
need to get done, and then I'lldo it tomorrow.
Let me just take a break, I'lldo it tomorrow.
And I just kept going and goingand going and I noticed such a
difference when I startedgetting all this stuff under
control and got my hormones allstraightened out.
And then I started getting backinto my routine and then
(02:51):
starting to feel good.
But it takes a little bit foryou to get those hormones
adjusted and there are dips andthere are this, and so it's so
important to know and understandhow you're feeling, because
then I dropped down and Istarted experiencing that again
(03:12):
and of course, I had to get thatreadjusted.
But it's an overwhelmingfeeling that's the best way to
describe it when your normalroutine and what you're used to
doing you just don't do itanymore.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
You don't feel like doing it feel like doing it
right.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
It's hard to describe yeah, you don't have that, you
don't have that, and it's likehow do you get that back?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
yeah, I think that there's like multiple things
that women go through.
Um.
I was reading an article frommayo clinic that that um that
talked about that talks aboutthis topic, um, and it was
saying that you know when, whenwomen are going to the
perimenopausal phase and thehormones start going erratic,
they're like fluctuating allover the place, that, um, over a
(04:02):
sudden, there's an onset of allthese type of emotions and
these type it.
It triggers this, this thing offeeling this way, and I think
that, if we break it down,there's different things that
people, that women are feelingand it happens to men too, by
the way but but there's like thesadness, and then there's the
overwhelmness and the guilt, theyes, guilt.
(04:28):
There's anxiety, there'sdepression, and then there's
also like, like you said, drDada, you know I got things to
do Right, that's one thing right.
I got things to do that, gotthings to accomplish.
That you know you were up readyto go at 4.30 in the morning to
go tackle these things and then, all of a sudden, you don't
(04:50):
have that energy, that drive togo and tackle it and be
productive in the day.
I think there's different lanes.
There's also the feeling of ofsadness and overwhelm in the
sense of like you're not happywith life but because you don't
(05:15):
feel that sense ofaccomplishment anymore.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
You know it's.
It's almost like like I don'tknow about anybody out there,
but I have my lists right, andso I write my list.
I'm a pen and paper person.
I'm which Martha laughs becauseI have my sticky notes, I have
my, my list and at the end ofthe day you had such a feeling
of accomplishment and you knowthat everything is off your list
(05:42):
.
For me, I was finding thatnothing, or not even close to
half of the things were off mylist where my usual routine was
okay, this, this, this and thisis done.
And now I'm, I'm getting readyto start fresh for the next day,
and that was happening, and itbecomes depressing, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
You know it's, it's incredible how how life works
right.
Like that's, that's your storyand that's that's what you've
walked through.
My story is, like I saidearlier, is I?
I feel kind of like like nothappy with life.
You know, like it's, I don'tknow, I wasn't, I wasn't I don't
(06:25):
want to sound like I was likesuper miserable in my life, but
it was like um, like I don'tknow, something missing or
something you know it's almostlike you lose your purpose yeah,
and then I was like I had to toto really break through that
and and and do an inventory ofmy life, because my life, thank
(06:46):
God, oh my gosh, I'm so grateful.
My life is good, Like I haveamazing.
I have amazing grandkids.
My husband is like you knowfrom heaven, Like he's amazing.
I have amazing businesses.
You know business partners, youknow church life.
My spiritual life is awesome.
(07:07):
You know I there's reallynothing I have nothing to
complain about.
Really Like, is there thingsthat I still want to accomplish?
Yes, Life is good, you know,yeah, and I still felt that way
and it was so weird.
It's all.
It was all coming from hormonalimbalance.
It's so.
There's like so many differentfeelings that women can can feel
(07:32):
and meant to, uh, but women canfeel from these hormonal
imbalances and then there'sthings that make it worse yeah
there's things that that thatarticle that I was reading it
says.
It says, and I'm gonna read someof it, because I mean, we're
all at one point haveexperiences, but interrupted or
(07:52):
poor sleep is one you know, umanxiety or history of depression
, so like if somebody has hashad that you know, magnifies.
It magnifies, yeah, stressfullife events, right.
So if there's some type of lifeevent that has changed, um,
that made like a major change intheir life, can be another one,
(08:15):
uh, weight gain.
Weight gain is a big onebecause, um, I've I've seen and
I'm sure you have too, donna, inyour office, you know women
that come to us because they'vebeen skinny their whole life and
all of a sudden, through themenopausal right, they've gained
all this weight.
They don't, they don'tunderstand why, and they get
(08:37):
depressed, they get sad yeah,their diet hasn't changed.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
And then they, they start waking up and their pants
don't fit and they have, uh, youknow, uh, lumps and bumps on
their legs of of cellulite, andthey're where did this come from
?
And and it just, it just addsto it.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Yep, it makes them sad because now their body's
changing.
Especially women, that thathave always been on top of their
physique, like how they look.
Yeah, especially during thestage of their life, the fat
migrates over to the lowerabdominal area, which drives all
women crazy.
So they could have been a sticktheir whole life and all of a
(09:19):
sudden they have this bump downthere and it's that pooch, and
we hear it all the time.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I have this belly now that I never had before, not
even when I had my kids.
I'm at the weight of when Igave birth to my first child.
You know, and you did the rightthing by you.
You, you took a step back andyou took inventory.
A lot of times we, as women, wedon't do that Right, because
because we, we, we kind of getstuck in that hole because it it
(09:48):
mushrooms, it steamrolls.
You get stuck in that hole andand you have to take a step back
and inventory your life, likeyou did, because it's really
important, because a lot of thegood things outweigh some of the
things that are happening toyou physically and emotionally.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yep no-transcript.
For sure.
And and our psyche can playtricks on us, you know, and can
make us get, you know, feelworse.
Yeah, the reality of thesituation versus you know some
psychological thing and we haveto be able to capture that and
(10:29):
pivot and redirect ourselves.
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
also, there's another one here that says, uh,
menopause at a younger age I'veseen oh, I have seen that too,
and I'm glad you brought that upbecause I'm seeing that more
often now like menopause at ayounger age where, um, you know,
now, the, the young, the youngladies, the young girls are
(10:53):
starting their their cycleearlier, like nine or ten years
old.
Yeah, I, I am predicting thatthey're gonna start menopause
earlier.
You're only given so many eggs,you know, and so you, I, but I
see it more and more, and a lotof women who've had
hysterectomies early on in life,young women like they had to
(11:16):
have a hysterectomy, surgicalremoval, like clinically yeah,
clinically induced um, menopauseit's.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
It's very common I see it all the time in the
office, too common.
They deal with multiple thingsum, that makes them feel sadness
and and overwhelmed anddepression and that's like maybe
they didn't have theopportunity to have children,
right, right, those, those arelike that falls under the
(11:46):
stressful life event, right, thelife event that they have to.
They have to work through theemotions of you know that they
may not be able to have to givebirth.
You know to be pregnant, givebirth children by adoption, and
this and that and the other, butI'm sure there's a process that
they have to go through to healfrom that.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Yeah, but you know the other thing too about going
through that, like we have usyou you know, you, myself and Dr
Marty, we always talk about our.
You know the different thingsthat we're going through.
We're all about the same age.
But if you're going throughthis early at 40, your friends
you know 38, 39, 40, you may notbe going through, your friends
(12:27):
may not be going through.
So you may not have that girltalk, that outlet to talk about
that outlet to talk about.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's so true.
You know there's so manydifferent things that can
contribute to why women arefeeling this way, like they feel
these types of emotions, andyou know it's definitely.
You know this is the MidlifeMadness podcast, right?
So it's definitely somethingthat women go through through
their midlife.
(12:55):
It's definitely something thatwomen go through it through
their midlife.
Other other things that arethat are that are triggers is
like women that they're, they'rebecome empty nesters.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
That's another one, that's a big one, and you're
seeing it now because a lot, of,a lot of like this is the time,
this is the time period.
Kids have gone for college,they've gone, you know.
Now they're home, women arehome with their husbands that
they've never been alone withyou know their kids are not in
the house, and so maybe yourspouse doesn't understand what
(13:28):
you're going through too.
That makes it harder as well.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Well that you know that that goes along with
purpose, because while you wereraising your children, a lot of
the purpose, a lot of the timeconsumed.
The focus was on the childrenWas raising your kid right.
Yeah, your children are flyingand now your purpose is is
(14:02):
changing, because now you you'veraised your kids to the best of
your ability and now you haveto trust that whatever you
taught them, they need to put itin action and practice and
allow them the space to go andfly and make their decisions and
and do all the things that wehad to do different, and so it's
like, okay, um, so now, whatlike now, what now there's?
(14:22):
a little piece of my life, thatthat now there's a void.
How do I fill that?
And so some women go throughthe feeling of um, their purpose
is no longer there, especiallywhen my husband, I, got married,
we, we, we made a promise toeach other.
(14:43):
And when, when gus and I, whenwe do marital counseling because
we do that, we love to do thatwe, especially for young, young
couples we tell them, we remindthem that the, the unit is the
husband and the wife, thechildren, the children become
(15:05):
part of the life, but not thelife, not the life.
They're part of their life.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Right, yeah, that's some great advice.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
That's some really good advice there that you don't
really think about right,because what happens is a lot,
of, a lot of uh, parents, andit's very common in with the
women, the mother, that the, thechildren become such that, like
the focus point of their life,the number one thing, and you
know the, the couple stopped,they stopped dating.
(15:37):
Yeah, they forget who they arelike, right, right, so the woman
is going through life changes,but so is the man.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, it's different, but it's different because if
you, if the man is the one thathas a career and a job and the
mom was home, a stay-at-home mom, maybe she gave up her career
to raise her children, which Ithink that's a wonderful thing,
but I feel like you should havea game plan, because it's
(16:06):
eventually going to happen,right?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
And when those children are no longer there,
then what we find when we do thetheital counseling is like oh,
you're still here.
Like who are you?
They?
Yeah, they, who now?
Now it's the, the mom and thedad alone now what?
are you?
Yeah, right, and and now theyeither have to stop, start
(16:32):
dating again or there's twodifferent people and all this
stuff happens and now themarriage is at stake, right?
So the, the children is part ofthe life, not the life, because
you still have a life outsideof those children.
Yeah, they're gonna.
Hopefully you've raised them toto the point that they're gonna
(16:55):
be really great people insociety and they fly on their
own and they're very successful,because that's the whole point,
right, like you're raising yourkid and then, when they go,
it's time for you to live life.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I don't think there's any parent out there that has
children with the intentions ofthem not being successful.
I think everybody's focus isI'm going to raise good kids
that are going to be focused.
They're going to be successful.
I think that is every singleparent's attention, right
(17:31):
Intention on there.
But, you have to remember, likeyou just just said, the life is
with the husband and the wifedon't lose your identity.
Don't lose your.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Don't lose your identity, a hundred percent
wrong with the identity, evenwhen you get married.
You know before you yourmarriage and you know even even
people that are not married,because you can lose your
identity with your career.
Your career can become yourlife, you with your children and
with your, your relationships.
You know there's other thingsthat can steal your identity and
(18:08):
then, when those things are notthere, yeah, and you lose your
identity and you don't knowwhere to turn, right or left.
And now you have to figure outwho you are once again.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yeah, I'm a firm.
I'm a firm believer in his time, her time, your time together
and your family time together.
I'm a firm believer in that.
I think it's important.
Um, I I just I can't stressthat enough and for you women
that are out there that arestruggling, you know, I think
(18:40):
you know, maybe you need sometime with your girlfriends you
know, whether it's going out,you know, to dinner, whether
it's meeting for coffee in themorning, whether some type of
routine that you do with yourgirlfriends.
I think that's really, reallyimportant really important.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, absolutely, you know.
You're the desires of yourheart you know, what you've,
you've, you've always wanted toaccomplish.
I spoke to a friend yesterday.
I I am so proud of her.
I hadn't, I hadn't spoken toher like in, I would say, at
least five years.
(19:13):
Wow, that's me out of the blue,and I was so excited because I
love her.
You know, time flies right.
We're busy, it's true.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
We were catching up and she's, I think.
I think she's a little bitolder than me, so I think she's
in her fifties.
I don't know, but she's aroundmy age I'm 49.
So it's either in the late 40sor 50s yeah so we were catching
up.
I said so.
So what are you doing andwhat's going on in your life now
and this and that?
And she's like I'm going tonursing school.
(19:46):
I'm like what?
You're going to become an RN.
And she's like, yeah, I thought, and what she said was I.
My whole entire life, I'vealways wanted to be an RN and at
our age she went back to schoolto be an RN.
I think that's so.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
I give her a lot of credit for doing that.
I give her a lot of creditbecause I think back.
I think that's awesome and Iadmire people that do that.
I think as you get older youlose brain cells, you know, and
so that way for sure I know,especially menopause.
But but to go back to school,especially in like the health
(20:30):
sciences, it really takes a lotof dedication, a lot of brain
(20:51):
power to do it, you know.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
But that was her vision and nurse.
So I'm doing an acceleratedprogram and I'm I only have like
four semesters to go.
I was like that is so great.
It's so great, it's not late,right, like no part of the.
One of the things that triggerpeople to to experience these
(21:17):
emotions, like the sadness andthe overwhelm and all these
types of things, is that theythink that they're in the in the
latter years of their life andit's too late to go and conquer
the desires of their heart.
Like what is it Right?
What is it what?
What is that thing that you'vealways wanted to do?
I'll tell you one of the thingsthat you've always wanted to do
(21:37):
.
I'll tell you one of the thingsthat I've always wanted to do
and then I'll tell you what I'vealways wanted to do.
I'm gonna do it.
I've always wanted to playdrums my whole entire life.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
That is so funny.
Go take the drum lessons,because I have always wanted to
learn how to play the piano, andI'm actually looking at a set
of drums one time and I lovethem so much that I didn't take
lessons.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
I didn't know how to play it and at that time I would
.
I had, I was in ministry and wewere doing a garage sale and my
husband begged me to put thedrum set in to.
He's like please sell the drumset.
And I'm like no, no, no.
He's like please sell it.
And I and I I said okay, fine,if by the end of the garage sale
(22:31):
it's not sold.
It was meant for me to keep ifit was sold.
Then it was sold right soldobviously we're trying to to um,
to collect, you know, gathermoney for the ministry.
I might find out.
I'll sacrifice it for theministry, right?
Yes, it's obviously sold andI'll never forget that.
(22:55):
And I, I am still determinedthat Martha Sadlove will be
playing drums.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Well, I'll tell you what let's get on it.
You get drum lessons, I'll getpiano lessons.
Maybe we can talk, dr Martyinto doing this.
And we'll have our MidlifeMadness band.
Yes, that would be.
But you know what, You're rightand and and it.
A lot of times different thingsget in your way and you put it
(23:22):
off.
I'll do tomorrow, I'll dotomorrow.
I am, I'm literally activelyseeking, uh, you know, uh, a
place where I can get lessons.
It's got to coordinate with myschedule, you know, and I have
to make sure I 100% commit,which when I, when I do
something, I usually do 100%commit with it.
But yeah, I'm looking into itright now.
(23:44):
So funny, you said that.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I love that.
You know those are things thatbring joy to our hearts.
Yes, and we need to do thosethings Like, yeah, you guys are
watching or listening.
Please earmark time to dothings that bring joy to your
heart, like you're worth it.
I promise you, if you'reworking 15 hours a day, you know
(24:07):
, if you work 14 hours a daybecause you're earmarking one
hour, nothing's gonna change.
Like, first of all, you, weneed to balance your work life a
little bit, but, um, earmarktime.
I, I promise you, we, I Ialways say is, we all have our
24 hours of the day right in theday.
(24:27):
Yeah, it's.
It's up to us what we do withthose 24 hours are you?
great.
Do you have things that thatfeed joy to your life, or is it
all always stress, stress,stress, stress, stress, because
then there's imbalance in thattoo that causes all sorts of
other issues for ourselves.
(24:49):
Right, and so do inventory.
Like, not only inventory.
So we were talking about doinginventory of things how life is
actually good, so we can triggerthat and encounter that emotion
of feeling this way but also doinventory of, I call your life
agenda.
(25:09):
What are you investing yourhours in, and are those things
that you're investing your hoursin producing a return of the
investment that is life-givingor is, you know, life stressing?
Right, like, like what are you?
saying yeah, and we, we helppeople at inspire to do that
(25:33):
actually, because if it's toostressful, then they gain weight
or they they have a hard timelosing weight, and so life, life
inventory is super important.
You're feeling this way.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Listen, I had um, it could be the silliest thing,
right, that that you want to dothat.
You can't do that.
Something is stopping you fromdoing.
I will never forget.
I had this older woman that cameinto my office oh gosh,
probably about, maybe aboutseven years ago, maybe eight
years ago, and she was in herearly sixties and she said you
(26:11):
know.
I asked her, I said you know,and she had about maybe 45
pounds to lose and I said isthere anything that this weight
is keeping you from doing?
And she says yes, she goes.
I want to ride a bike again.
I'm very uncomfortable riding abike.
She goes.
I used to love riding my bikeand I just can't do it anymore.
(26:32):
And that's the first thing thatshe goes.
That brought me joy to do that,and it doesn't have to be
learning how to play the drums,it doesn't have to be learning
how to play the piano.
It can be something simple.
Well, I will tell you that shelost that weight and she would
come into the office regularlyjust to stop by on her bike,
(26:55):
because she lived locally and itjust made her so happy to be
able to get onto her bike and gofor a bike ride.
It's a simple thing.
Look we, we all know that, yes,we have to work because we have
adult things going on bills,mortgages, things like that but
(27:16):
you have to have some kind ofpleasure, something that brings
you joy, something that you'reworking for.
Does it mean spending a lot ofextra money?
It's just time.
Make that time, whether it's anhour a day, whether it's an
hour a week, whether it's 15minutes, something for you.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Absolutely something for you.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Absolutely.
I'm reading, I've noticed likelately.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Um, I love reading a book, yeah, yeah, we've noticed.
I actually texted Dr Marty.
When I'm like I'm at the, I'mat the beach and I don't want to
do social media like socialmedia is just, it's too much for
me right now.
I just don't.
I've decided that I'm not goingto scroll.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
It gives you anxiety.
That's one thing ladies alsoout there, I'm glad you brought
that up.
Like I'm finding that when I'mscrolling it gives me anxiety,
you know, because you're lookingat all this stuff and you're
like you know what.
I'm on the computer enoughduring the day, between meetings
and between work and betweenthis and between that, and I
(28:29):
have to draw the line when I gethome.
Now, you know, and sometimes Idon't even respond to text, as
you guys have probably noticed,because I've done a commitment
to myself that hey, past thistime.
This is the time I'm going tobe home, this is the time where
I'm going to regroup and this isthe time where I spend time
with my family.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
And no, no phones.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Absolutely, I create those boundaries.
I I've noticed that that socialmedia is kind of impacting me a
little bit, especially thesedays.
It's just so much crap outthere and yeah, and I I texted
Dr Brian like cause I know she,she reads, she's a reader.
She's an avid reader and I sentme a fiction book that you love.
(29:18):
I don't want, I don't want, i'twant, I don't, because I we
both you and I, and I know drmari does too we were constantly
learning, right, so we'rereading either business things,
things that we learned from yeah, things that we can learn to
also help our health coaches.
You know, also with education,like I'm constantly using my
(29:41):
brain cells for business and forlearning all these things, and
sometimes you don't want to useyour brain cells anymore, like
you know, you just want to dojust mindless, you know Right,
and I started reading it,reading a book and yeah, and I
was like oh, I really like this.
I really really really like thisa lot.
(30:01):
I like it much more than evenwatching TV, yeah.
And so that's something newthat I've just started doing and
it's really relaxing for me.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
And the reading helps you shut things off because
you're focused in on that story.
You know what helped me lastwinter off.
Because you're focused in onthat story.
You know what helped me lastlast winter, um, and because you
know I I like to watch TV right, um, I started crocheting again
, which you know.
(30:41):
Yeah, dr Marty's daughter and Iactually we subscribe actually
subscribed this for her and theywould send us um yarn a month
and they would give us differentpatterns to do, and then you
put the, the Afghan together,and so that kept my hands busy
and kept me focused, and so justlike an hour a night, and that
was that really helped me unwind.
That actually gave me a senseof accomplishment.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
I know that Dr Marty is learning a new language.
She's done, yeah, yeah, soshe's doing that.
But all of these things like,even though it's it's, it helps
us unwind.
It also keeps our, our, ourmotors, you know, like that, our
hands going and it keeps rain,all right, holy, so it's
actually really good for us.
(31:24):
So, talking about all of thesethings overwhelm, sadness,
depression, all of these thingsthat women in midlife can
experience, that now, what?
What do you do about it?
And one of the things that Ilearned from somebody in our
industry was, uh, puttingtogether a book of awesomeness.
(31:48):
Oh, yes, remember that.
Yes, I have this little book.
It's like a, it's like a fromthe dollar store.
It's like this yeah it, butit's this little and, um, I, I
wrote in there all the thingsI've accomplished, all the
(32:10):
things that I'm proud of.
Um, that about myself, right,like things that I've
accomplished, I'm proud of.
And then all the things thatI've done or said I've
accomplished I'm proud of.
And then all the things thatI've done or said or whatever
that I'm proud of.
It's in there all the qualitiesthat I love about myself, also
(32:32):
in there, like future thingsthat I want to accomplish, right
.
So there's like past, presentand future.
Yeah, and then when I when andI have it in my office because
when, when I have a client thatis feeling this way, because
women tend to be unkind tothemselves, right like not very.
(32:54):
We're very hard on ourselves,very, very hard on ourselves I I
have my clients write a book ofawesomeness and I show mine and
then I tell them that it's okayto think that you're awesome,
right, and it's okay for you towrite all the qualities that you
love about yourself and it'sokay to write about all the
(33:18):
things that you're proud of.
And when you these moments,like these dips, that you feel
this way, it's okay to grab thatbook and start reading about
yourself.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
It will change your mood.
I have one too, and you justreminded me.
I haven't added to it, you know, and now I'm going to go dig it
up and I'm going to add to itit, because it really does help
you.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
it helps you jump start things put things in
perspective is what it does.
So, for sure you know, createan inventory of your life,
create a book of awesomeness.
Also, number three, which in myculture is like a big no no,
it's a sign of weakness, but itreally isn't is going to therapy
.
Therapy is awesome, I thinkthat's important.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
You have a neutral person.
You have an outlet.
You have a neutral person.
That is that you can geteverything off your chest.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Yeah, 100%, having an objective person that put
health perspective to.
Yes, employal therapy doesn'tmean you have, you know, issues.
It's because it's it's it'sit's good for your heart, like
having that output.
Yeah, of trying ofcommunicating how you feel yeah
and it doesn't weigh heavy onyou.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
You're releasing that , you know, and that causes this
internal stress and it's notgood for you.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Yep, it also helps you take action because you know
, hopefully, that therapist ishelping you through it and
giving you books to read andexercises to do and and all of
these other things right.
So therapy is awesome.
Also, checking your hormonelevels, like we've done, we've
talked about in other podcasts,you know a lot of times, just
(35:12):
like the what the Mayo Clinicarticle said, most times when
women in midlife, you know theyfeel these, these emotions and
these things when even life isgood and it's because of auto
imbalance, right, erraticfluctuations of your hormones.
So go to your nearest inspiredweight loss and if you're not
near an inspired weight loss, goto your nearest functional
(35:35):
medicine doctor and get your,get your hormones checked.
We have a remote program too,so we can get.
Yeah, I was just gonna say that, but a remote program too, so
we can get your hormones checked.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
I was just going to say that.
But the other thing, too,that's really important People
don't realize, like the foodsthat they're putting into your
body, how it impacts their mood,how it impacts, it can impact
your hormones.
If you're eating crappy food,fast food, if you're eating
artificial sweeteners, if you'redrinking different, different
(36:03):
things, they're hormonedisruptors.
They're going to affect you.
So it's really really, reallyimportant to watch what, what,
what kind of foods you're eatingYep.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
And another thing that causes these emotions,
believe it or not, is gut health.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Yes, if your gut is out of whack.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
you can also be feeling these things.
Absolutely, you have to makesure your gut is healthy, which
goes in line with eating, theway that you're eating.
What are you feeding?
Speaker 2 (36:33):
your body.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
I would say are you feeding your body life, or are
you feeding your body chronicconditions, right, your body
life, or are you feeding yourbody chronic conditions, right,
like you know?
So it's which.
Where are you, are you going?
Are you feeding your body lifeor not?
Also, exercise, like movingyour body um helps with breaking
through these types of emotions.
(36:55):
You feel good after you move.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Yeah, the natural endorphins that are produced
when, when you exercise.
You know it's, it's a naturalantidepressant yep, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Um, therapy is one also like it can be little
things that are not so little,like running a bath, you know,
taking time to just if you havea bathtub.
You know some lavender oil inthere, rose petals, whatever,
you know.
Whatever floats your boat, take, turn off the light, put some
(37:29):
candles, put some some greatmusic that relaxes you and and
enjoy, enjoy silence too, haveyou?
There's that's something that Ithink that we can do better.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
The silence, the meditation.
Don't fall in silence anymorebecause there's always noise,
whether whether it's actualnoise that you hear, or you're
scrolling through social media,or you're watching shorts or
Netflix binging something.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
It was something like constantly in our ears and not
in front of our eyes.
Yeah, voice silence meditation,like you mentioned, prayer,
right, your, your, yourspirituality, whatever that that
means to you.
Um, that's also huge and lifegiving as well, right.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yeah, Ladies, it's there, it's.
You know we, we, we know, weknow what, what, because we've
been through it.
But there are solutions, thereare ways to cut, get out of that
funk.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yep, there, there really is.
So, if you guys are out therelistening and you're like man
man, there's so much truth tothis and I can't put my finger
on it.
Yeah, I can't put my finger onit because if you're like me,
that it's like my life is good,thankfully.
Why am I feeling this way?
Right, dr Donna?
(38:55):
You know, um, it's okay to totake inventory and it's okay to
take action.
It's okay to modify the thingsthat you need to modify to to
bring joy, joy and happiness toyour life while you're going
through these life changes.
And and it's also okay to gothrough life changes, yes, it's
(39:17):
okay to change your routine ifit's not serving you honestly
like.
And I was reading a book aboutmenopause the other day and and
the the author was saying howthere's so much negativity
around menopause.
But you know what like.
Why don't we just change?
Speaker 2 (39:33):
embrace it, yeah, embrace it, embrace it and and
change it.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah, embrace change and negativity, where I I mean,
yeah, we're going to menopauseand we're feeling certain things
and there's changes, butthere's things that you can do
about it.
So, instead of like gettinginto a menopausal rut and and
feeling this way, let's takeaction, and there's still things
that help live life in a joyfulmanner while you're making the
(40:01):
changes right.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
And you're not going to be able to make those changes
overnight, you know.
So choose one thing and makethat small little change,
because you cannot make them allat once.
Choose one thing and then gofrom there, and then, when you
got that one, go to the next one.
Make yourself a list what doyou want to change first, what's
your priority?
And just do it step by step.
(40:26):
For me, when I do stuff step bystep, it works, versus looking
at the whole big pictureabsolutely, absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Guys, you're listening, you're watching.
Go, go, go, take inventory,write it down.
Write down the things that makeyou happy, write down things
that don't.
So then you know what it is andyou can change.
Write a book of awesomenessabout yourself.
Write or contact.
(40:58):
You know your, your, your women, your friend, your friend group
.
Right, like relationships,healthy relationships are so
good.
There's so many things that youcan do.
Um midlife.
Madness doesn't have to be mad,bad it could be good it could
be mad.
Good, we just have to learn howto manage midlife, because we
(41:22):
haven't had to in the past.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Right, it's new.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
It's new to you.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
It can be mad good.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
I love that, and that's what we're going to leave
you with.
Go be mad good.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Mad good.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Amen to that.
Welcome to Midlife Madness, where we get unfiltered
and brutally honest about ourmidlife years.
I have a feeling of feelingoverwhelmed during our midlife
years, like you know.
Today I want to let's gettransparent, right.
Let's get deep and hit thatemotional side of like the life
(00:22):
changes in our midlife madnessand hit that emotional side of
like the life changes and I livemidlife madness there's.
There is so many people thatI've talked to that they feel
overwhelmed.
They it's like the spectrum ofthings, right.
You can feel overwhelmed, youcan feel anxious, you can feel
(00:43):
anxious, you can feel depressed,like the the different types of
those types of feelings sadnessyeah, it kind of.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
It kind of just rolls into each other yes, it does.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
um, I I remember how I think it was like well, it was
before I started HRT, so itmust have been like five or six
months ago that I felt likeweird.
I felt I'm usually like the thecup, you know, half full person
(01:19):
.
Yeah, that cheerleader kind ofyou know conqueror, we're gonna
make this happen, cheer all thethings.
And I remember having one daythat I felt like super
overwhelmed.
I had to do like an inventoryof what's going on in my life
and like, dude, my life isawesome.
(01:40):
Like I don't understand why youfeel this way.
Yeah, right, weird.
Has that happened to you?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
oh, you know, and and the same exact thing, and um
myself and Dr Marty, who's nothere today, but we both started
HRT um before you, um, and Ifelt that way, and you know me,
I'm the early riser right the 4,35 o'clock am.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I don't know if you'clock, consider that early,
that's like.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
That's like middle of the night riser I mean I bet
there's a lot of other people onthat are listening to this
podcast that are like, yeah, metoo, 435 o'clock, but I'm ready
to take on the day at that time.
And then I just started feelinglike, okay, I'm gonna get up,
I'm gonna have my coffee, but Iwasn't moving, I wasn't getting
it in gear and I kept saying tomyself what the heck is going on
(02:27):
, why I have all this stuff Iwant, I need to get done and I
need to get done, and then I'lldo it tomorrow.
Let me just take a break, I'lldo it tomorrow.
And I just kept going and goingand going and I noticed such a
difference when I startedgetting all this stuff under
control and got my hormones allstraightened out.
And then I started getting backinto my routine and then
(02:51):
starting to feel good.
But it takes a little bit foryou to get those hormones
adjusted and there are dips andthere are this, and so it's so
important to know and understandhow you're feeling, because
then I dropped down and Istarted experiencing that again
(03:12):
and of course, I had to get thatreadjusted.
But it's an overwhelmingfeeling that's the best way to
describe it when your normalroutine and what you're used to
doing you just don't do itanymore.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
You don't feel like doing it feel like doing it
right.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
It's hard to describe yeah, you don't have that, you
don't have that, and it's likehow do you get that back?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
yeah, I think that there's like multiple things
that women go through.
Um.
I was reading an article frommayo clinic that that um that
talked about that talks aboutthis topic, um, and it was
saying that you know when, whenwomen are going to the
perimenopausal phase and thehormones start going erratic,
they're like fluctuating allover the place, that, um, over a
(04:02):
sudden, there's an onset of allthese type of emotions and
these type it.
It triggers this, this thing offeeling this way, and I think
that, if we break it down,there's different things that
people, that women are feelingand it happens to men too, by
the way but but there's like thesadness, and then there's the
overwhelmness and the guilt, theyes, guilt.
(04:28):
There's anxiety, there'sdepression, and then there's
also like, like you said, drDada, you know I got things to
do Right, that's one thing right.
I got things to do that, gotthings to accomplish.
That you know you were up readyto go at 4.30 in the morning to
go tackle these things and then, all of a sudden, you don't
(04:50):
have that energy, that drive togo and tackle it and be
productive in the day.
I think there's different lanes.
There's also the feeling of ofsadness and overwhelm in the
sense of like you're not happywith life but because you don't
(05:15):
feel that sense ofaccomplishment anymore.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
You know it's.
It's almost like like I don'tknow about anybody out there,
but I have my lists right, andso I write my list.
I'm a pen and paper person.
I'm which Martha laughs becauseI have my sticky notes, I have
my, my list and at the end ofthe day you had such a feeling
of accomplishment and you knowthat everything is off your list
(05:42):
.
For me, I was finding thatnothing, or not even close to
half of the things were off mylist where my usual routine was
okay, this, this, this and thisis done.
And now I'm, I'm getting readyto start fresh for the next day,
and that was happening, and itbecomes depressing, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
You know it's, it's incredible how how life works
right.
Like that's, that's your storyand that's that's what you've
walked through.
My story is, like I saidearlier, is I?
I feel kind of like like nothappy with life.
You know, like it's, I don'tknow, I wasn't, I wasn't I don't
(06:25):
want to sound like I was likesuper miserable in my life, but
it was like um, like I don'tknow, something missing or
something you know it's almostlike you lose your purpose yeah,
and then I was like I had to toto really break through that
and and and do an inventory ofmy life, because my life, thank
(06:46):
God, oh my gosh, I'm so grateful.
My life is good, Like I haveamazing.
I have amazing grandkids.
My husband is like you knowfrom heaven, Like he's amazing.
I have amazing businesses.
You know business partners, youknow church life.
My spiritual life is awesome.
(07:07):
You know I there's reallynothing I have nothing to
complain about.
Really Like, is there thingsthat I still want to accomplish?
Yes, Life is good, you know,yeah, and I still felt that way
and it was so weird.
It's all.
It was all coming from hormonalimbalance.
It's so.
There's like so many differentfeelings that women can can feel
(07:32):
and meant to, uh, but women canfeel from these hormonal
imbalances and then there'sthings that make it worse yeah
there's things that that thatarticle that I was reading it
says.
It says, and I'm gonna read someof it, because I mean, we're
all at one point haveexperiences, but interrupted or
(07:52):
poor sleep is one you know, umanxiety or history of depression
, so like if somebody has hashad that you know, magnifies.
It magnifies, yeah, stressfullife events, right.
So if there's some type of lifeevent that has changed, um,
that made like a major change intheir life, can be another one,
(08:15):
uh, weight gain.
Weight gain is a big onebecause, um, I've I've seen and
I'm sure you have too, donna, inyour office, you know women
that come to us because they'vebeen skinny their whole life and
all of a sudden, through themenopausal right, they've gained
all this weight.
They don't, they don'tunderstand why, and they get
(08:37):
depressed, they get sad yeah,their diet hasn't changed.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
And then they, they start waking up and their pants
don't fit and they have, uh, youknow, uh, lumps and bumps on
their legs of of cellulite, andthey're where did this come from
?
And and it just, it just addsto it.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Yep, it makes them sad because now their body's
changing.
Especially women, that thathave always been on top of their
physique, like how they look.
Yeah, especially during thestage of their life, the fat
migrates over to the lowerabdominal area, which drives all
women crazy.
So they could have been a sticktheir whole life and all of a
(09:19):
sudden they have this bump downthere and it's that pooch, and
we hear it all the time.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I have this belly now that I never had before, not
even when I had my kids.
I'm at the weight of when Igave birth to my first child.
You know, and you did the rightthing by you.
You, you took a step back andyou took inventory.
A lot of times we, as women, wedon't do that Right, because
because we, we, we kind of getstuck in that hole because it it
(09:48):
mushrooms, it steamrolls.
You get stuck in that hole andand you have to take a step back
and inventory your life, likeyou did, because it's really
important, because a lot of thegood things outweigh some of the
things that are happening toyou physically and emotionally.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yep no-transcript.
For sure.
And and our psyche can playtricks on us, you know, and can
make us get, you know, feelworse.
Yeah, the reality of thesituation versus you know some
psychological thing and we haveto be able to capture that and
(10:29):
pivot and redirect ourselves.
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
also, there's another one here that says, uh,
menopause at a younger age I'veseen oh, I have seen that too,
and I'm glad you brought that upbecause I'm seeing that more
often now like menopause at ayounger age where, um, you know,
now, the, the young, the youngladies, the young girls are
(10:53):
starting their their cycleearlier, like nine or ten years
old.
Yeah, I, I am predicting thatthey're gonna start menopause
earlier.
You're only given so many eggs,you know, and so you, I, but I
see it more and more, and a lotof women who've had
hysterectomies early on in life,young women like they had to
(11:16):
have a hysterectomy, surgicalremoval, like clinically yeah,
clinically induced um, menopauseit's.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
It's very common I see it all the time in the
office, too common.
They deal with multiple thingsum, that makes them feel sadness
and and overwhelmed anddepression and that's like maybe
they didn't have theopportunity to have children,
right, right, those, those arelike that falls under the
(11:46):
stressful life event, right, thelife event that they have to.
They have to work through theemotions of you know that they
may not be able to have to givebirth.
You know to be pregnant, givebirth children by adoption, and
this and that and the other, butI'm sure there's a process that
they have to go through to healfrom that.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Yeah, but you know the other thing too about going
through that, like we have usyou you know, you, myself and Dr
Marty, we always talk about our.
You know the different thingsthat we're going through.
We're all about the same age.
But if you're going throughthis early at 40, your friends
you know 38, 39, 40, you may notbe going through, your friends
(12:27):
may not be going through.
So you may not have that girltalk, that outlet to talk about
that outlet to talk about.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's so true.
You know there's so manydifferent things that can
contribute to why women arefeeling this way, like they feel
these types of emotions, andyou know it's definitely.
You know this is the MidlifeMadness podcast, right?
So it's definitely somethingthat women go through through
their midlife.
(12:55):
It's definitely something thatwomen go through it through
their midlife.
Other other things that arethat are that are triggers is
like women that they're, they'rebecome empty nesters.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
That's another one, that's a big one, and you're
seeing it now because a lot, of,a lot of like this is the time,
this is the time period.
Kids have gone for college,they've gone, you know.
Now they're home, women arehome with their husbands that
they've never been alone withyou know their kids are not in
the house, and so maybe yourspouse doesn't understand what
(13:28):
you're going through too.
That makes it harder as well.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Well that you know that that goes along with
purpose, because while you wereraising your children, a lot of
the purpose, a lot of the timeconsumed.
The focus was on the childrenWas raising your kid right.
Yeah, your children are flyingand now your purpose is is
(14:02):
changing, because now you you'veraised your kids to the best of
your ability and now you haveto trust that whatever you
taught them, they need to put itin action and practice and
allow them the space to go andfly and make their decisions and
and do all the things that wehad to do different, and so it's
like, okay, um, so now, whatlike now, what now there's?
(14:22):
a little piece of my life, thatthat now there's a void.
How do I fill that?
And so some women go throughthe feeling of um, their purpose
is no longer there, especiallywhen my husband, I, got married,
we, we, we made a promise toeach other.
(14:43):
And when, when gus and I, whenwe do marital counseling because
we do that, we love to do thatwe, especially for young, young
couples we tell them, we remindthem that the, the unit is the
husband and the wife, thechildren, the children become
(15:05):
part of the life, but not thelife, not the life.
They're part of their life.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Right, yeah, that's some great advice.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
That's some really good advice there that you don't
really think about right,because what happens is a lot,
of, a lot of uh, parents, andit's very common in with the
women, the mother, that the, thechildren become such that, like
the focus point of their life,the number one thing, and you
know the, the couple stopped,they stopped dating.
(15:37):
Yeah, they forget who they arelike, right, right, so the woman
is going through life changes,but so is the man.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, it's different, but it's different because if
you, if the man is the one thathas a career and a job and the
mom was home, a stay-at-home mom, maybe she gave up her career
to raise her children, which Ithink that's a wonderful thing,
but I feel like you should havea game plan, because it's
(16:06):
eventually going to happen,right?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
And when those children are no longer there,
then what we find when we do thetheital counseling is like oh,
you're still here.
Like who are you?
They?
Yeah, they, who now?
Now it's the, the mom and thedad alone now what?
are you?
Yeah, right, and and now theyeither have to stop, start
(16:32):
dating again or there's twodifferent people and all this
stuff happens and now themarriage is at stake, right?
So the, the children is part ofthe life, not the life, because
you still have a life outsideof those children.
Yeah, they're gonna.
Hopefully you've raised them toto the point that they're gonna
(16:55):
be really great people insociety and they fly on their
own and they're very successful,because that's the whole point,
right, like you're raising yourkid and then, when they go,
it's time for you to live life.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I don't think there's any parent out there that has
children with the intentions ofthem not being successful.
I think everybody's focus isI'm going to raise good kids
that are going to be focused.
They're going to be successful.
I think that is every singleparent's attention, right
(17:31):
Intention on there.
But, you have to remember, likeyou just just said, the life is
with the husband and the wifedon't lose your identity.
Don't lose your.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Don't lose your identity, a hundred percent
wrong with the identity, evenwhen you get married.
You know before you yourmarriage and you know even even
people that are not married,because you can lose your
identity with your career.
Your career can become yourlife, you with your children and
with your, your relationships.
You know there's other thingsthat can steal your identity and
(18:08):
then, when those things are notthere, yeah, and you lose your
identity and you don't knowwhere to turn, right or left.
And now you have to figure outwho you are once again.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yeah, I'm a firm.
I'm a firm believer in his time, her time, your time together
and your family time together.
I'm a firm believer in that.
I think it's important.
Um, I I just I can't stressthat enough and for you women
that are out there that arestruggling, you know, I think
(18:40):
you know, maybe you need sometime with your girlfriends you
know, whether it's going out,you know, to dinner, whether
it's meeting for coffee in themorning, whether some type of
routine that you do with yourgirlfriends.
I think that's really, reallyimportant really important.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, absolutely, you know.
You're the desires of yourheart you know, what you've,
you've, you've always wanted toaccomplish.
I spoke to a friend yesterday.
I I am so proud of her.
I hadn't, I hadn't spoken toher like in, I would say, at
least five years.
(19:13):
Wow, that's me out of the blue,and I was so excited because I
love her.
You know, time flies right.
We're busy, it's true.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
We were catching up and she's, I think.
I think she's a little bitolder than me, so I think she's
in her fifties.
I don't know, but she's aroundmy age I'm 49.
So it's either in the late 40sor 50s yeah so we were catching
up.
I said so.
So what are you doing andwhat's going on in your life now
and this and that?
And she's like I'm going tonursing school.
(19:46):
I'm like what?
You're going to become an RN.
And she's like, yeah, I thought, and what she said was I.
My whole entire life, I'vealways wanted to be an RN and at
our age she went back to schoolto be an RN.
I think that's so.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
I give her a lot of credit for doing that.
I give her a lot of creditbecause I think back.
I think that's awesome and Iadmire people that do that.
I think as you get older youlose brain cells, you know, and
so that way for sure I know,especially menopause.
But but to go back to school,especially in like the health
(20:30):
sciences, it really takes a lotof dedication, a lot of brain
(20:51):
power to do it, you know.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
But that was her vision and nurse.
So I'm doing an acceleratedprogram and I'm I only have like
four semesters to go.
I was like that is so great.
It's so great, it's not late,right, like no part of the.
One of the things that triggerpeople to to experience these
(21:17):
emotions, like the sadness andthe overwhelm and all these
types of things, is that theythink that they're in the in the
latter years of their life andit's too late to go and conquer
the desires of their heart.
Like what is it Right?
What is it what?
What is that thing that you'vealways wanted to do?
I'll tell you one of the thingsthat you've always wanted to do
(21:37):
.
I'll tell you one of the thingsthat I've always wanted to do
and then I'll tell you what I'vealways wanted to do.
I'm gonna do it.
I've always wanted to playdrums my whole entire life.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
That is so funny.
Go take the drum lessons,because I have always wanted to
learn how to play the piano, andI'm actually looking at a set
of drums one time and I lovethem so much that I didn't take
lessons.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
I didn't know how to play it and at that time I would
.
I had, I was in ministry and wewere doing a garage sale and my
husband begged me to put thedrum set in to.
He's like please sell the drumset.
And I'm like no, no, no.
He's like please sell it.
And I and I I said okay, fine,if by the end of the garage sale
(22:31):
it's not sold.
It was meant for me to keep ifit was sold.
Then it was sold right soldobviously we're trying to to um,
to collect, you know, gathermoney for the ministry.
I might find out.
I'll sacrifice it for theministry, right?
Yes, it's obviously sold andI'll never forget that.
(22:55):
And I, I am still determinedthat Martha Sadlove will be
playing drums.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Well, I'll tell you what let's get on it.
You get drum lessons, I'll getpiano lessons.
Maybe we can talk, dr Martyinto doing this.
And we'll have our MidlifeMadness band.
Yes, that would be.
But you know what, You're rightand and and it.
A lot of times different thingsget in your way and you put it
(23:22):
off.
I'll do tomorrow, I'll dotomorrow.
I am, I'm literally activelyseeking, uh, you know, uh, a
place where I can get lessons.
It's got to coordinate with myschedule, you know, and I have
to make sure I 100% commit,which when I, when I do
something, I usually do 100%commit with it.
But yeah, I'm looking into itright now.
(23:44):
So funny, you said that.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I love that.
You know those are things thatbring joy to our hearts.
Yes, and we need to do thosethings Like, yeah, you guys are
watching or listening.
Please earmark time to dothings that bring joy to your
heart, like you're worth it.
I promise you, if you'reworking 15 hours a day, you know
(24:07):
, if you work 14 hours a daybecause you're earmarking one
hour, nothing's gonna change.
Like, first of all, you, weneed to balance your work life a
little bit, but, um, earmarktime.
I, I promise you, we, I Ialways say is, we all have our
24 hours of the day right in theday.
(24:27):
Yeah, it's.
It's up to us what we do withthose 24 hours are you?
great.
Do you have things that thatfeed joy to your life, or is it
all always stress, stress,stress, stress, stress, because
then there's imbalance in thattoo that causes all sorts of
other issues for ourselves.
(24:49):
Right, and so do inventory.
Like, not only inventory.
So we were talking about doinginventory of things how life is
actually good, so we can triggerthat and encounter that emotion
of feeling this way but also doinventory of, I call your life
agenda.
(25:09):
What are you investing yourhours in, and are those things
that you're investing your hoursin producing a return of the
investment that is life-givingor is, you know, life stressing?
Right, like, like what are you?
saying yeah, and we, we helppeople at inspire to do that
(25:33):
actually, because if it's toostressful, then they gain weight
or they they have a hard timelosing weight, and so life, life
inventory is super important.
You're feeling this way.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Listen, I had um, it could be the silliest thing,
right, that that you want to dothat.
You can't do that.
Something is stopping you fromdoing.
I will never forget.
I had this older woman that cameinto my office oh gosh,
probably about, maybe aboutseven years ago, maybe eight
years ago, and she was in herearly sixties and she said you
(26:11):
know.
I asked her, I said you know,and she had about maybe 45
pounds to lose and I said isthere anything that this weight
is keeping you from doing?
And she says yes, she goes.
I want to ride a bike again.
I'm very uncomfortable riding abike.
She goes.
I used to love riding my bikeand I just can't do it anymore.
(26:32):
And that's the first thing thatshe goes.
That brought me joy to do that,and it doesn't have to be
learning how to play the drums,it doesn't have to be learning
how to play the piano.
It can be something simple.
Well, I will tell you that shelost that weight and she would
come into the office regularlyjust to stop by on her bike,
(26:55):
because she lived locally and itjust made her so happy to be
able to get onto her bike and gofor a bike ride.
It's a simple thing.
Look we, we all know that, yes,we have to work because we have
adult things going on bills,mortgages, things like that but
(27:16):
you have to have some kind ofpleasure, something that brings
you joy, something that you'reworking for.
Does it mean spending a lot ofextra money?
It's just time.
Make that time, whether it's anhour a day, whether it's an
hour a week, whether it's 15minutes, something for you.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Absolutely something for you.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Absolutely.
I'm reading, I've noticed likelately.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Um, I love reading a book, yeah, yeah, we've noticed.
I actually texted Dr Marty.
When I'm like I'm at the, I'mat the beach and I don't want to
do social media like socialmedia is just, it's too much for
me right now.
I just don't.
I've decided that I'm not goingto scroll.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
It gives you anxiety.
That's one thing ladies alsoout there, I'm glad you brought
that up.
Like I'm finding that when I'mscrolling it gives me anxiety,
you know, because you're lookingat all this stuff and you're
like you know what.
I'm on the computer enoughduring the day, between meetings
and between work and betweenthis and between that, and I
(28:29):
have to draw the line when I gethome.
Now, you know, and sometimes Idon't even respond to text, as
you guys have probably noticed,because I've done a commitment
to myself that hey, past thistime.
This is the time I'm going tobe home, this is the time where
I'm going to regroup and this isthe time where I spend time
with my family.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
And no, no phones.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Absolutely, I create those boundaries.
I I've noticed that that socialmedia is kind of impacting me a
little bit, especially thesedays.
It's just so much crap outthere and yeah, and I I texted
Dr Brian like cause I know she,she reads, she's a reader.
She's an avid reader and I sentme a fiction book that you love.
(29:18):
I don't want, I don't want, i'twant, I don't, because I we
both you and I, and I know drmari does too we were constantly
learning, right, so we'rereading either business things,
things that we learned from yeah, things that we can learn to
also help our health coaches.
You know, also with education,like I'm constantly using my
(29:41):
brain cells for business and forlearning all these things, and
sometimes you don't want to useyour brain cells anymore, like
you know, you just want to dojust mindless, you know Right,
and I started reading it,reading a book and yeah, and I
was like oh, I really like this.
I really really really like thisa lot.
(30:01):
I like it much more than evenwatching TV, yeah.
And so that's something newthat I've just started doing and
it's really relaxing for me.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
And the reading helps you shut things off because
you're focused in on that story.
You know what helped me lastwinter off.
Because you're focused in onthat story.
You know what helped me lastlast winter, um, and because you
know I I like to watch TV right, um, I started crocheting again
, which you know.
(30:41):
Yeah, dr Marty's daughter and Iactually we subscribe actually
subscribed this for her and theywould send us um yarn a month
and they would give us differentpatterns to do, and then you
put the, the Afghan together,and so that kept my hands busy
and kept me focused, and so justlike an hour a night, and that
was that really helped me unwind.
That actually gave me a senseof accomplishment.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
I know that Dr Marty is learning a new language.
She's done, yeah, yeah, soshe's doing that.
But all of these things like,even though it's it's, it helps
us unwind.
It also keeps our, our, ourmotors, you know, like that, our
hands going and it keeps rain,all right, holy, so it's
actually really good for us.
(31:24):
So, talking about all of thesethings overwhelm, sadness,
depression, all of these thingsthat women in midlife can
experience, that now, what?
What do you do about it?
And one of the things that Ilearned from somebody in our
industry was, uh, puttingtogether a book of awesomeness.
(31:48):
Oh, yes, remember that.
Yes, I have this little book.
It's like a, it's like a fromthe dollar store.
It's like this yeah it, butit's this little and, um, I, I
wrote in there all the thingsI've accomplished, all the
(32:10):
things that I'm proud of.
Um, that about myself, right,like things that I've
accomplished, I'm proud of.
And then all the things thatI've done or said I've
accomplished I'm proud of.
And then all the things thatI've done or said or whatever
that I'm proud of.
It's in there all the qualitiesthat I love about myself, also
(32:32):
in there, like future thingsthat I want to accomplish, right
.
So there's like past, presentand future.
Yeah, and then when I when andI have it in my office because
when, when I have a client thatis feeling this way, because
women tend to be unkind tothemselves, right like not very.
(32:54):
We're very hard on ourselves,very, very hard on ourselves I I
have my clients write a book ofawesomeness and I show mine and
then I tell them that it's okayto think that you're awesome,
right, and it's okay for you towrite all the qualities that you
love about yourself and it'sokay to write about all the
(33:18):
things that you're proud of.
And when you these moments,like these dips, that you feel
this way, it's okay to grab thatbook and start reading about
yourself.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
It will change your mood.
I have one too, and you justreminded me.
I haven't added to it, you know, and now I'm going to go dig it
up and I'm going to add to itit, because it really does help
you.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
it helps you jump start things put things in
perspective is what it does.
So, for sure you know, createan inventory of your life,
create a book of awesomeness.
Also, number three, which in myculture is like a big no no,
it's a sign of weakness, but itreally isn't is going to therapy
.
Therapy is awesome, I thinkthat's important.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
You have a neutral person.
You have an outlet.
You have a neutral person.
That is that you can geteverything off your chest.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Yeah, 100%, having an objective person that put
health perspective to.
Yes, employal therapy doesn'tmean you have, you know, issues.
It's because it's it's it'sit's good for your heart, like
having that output.
Yeah, of trying ofcommunicating how you feel yeah
and it doesn't weigh heavy onyou.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
You're releasing that , you know, and that causes this
internal stress and it's notgood for you.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Yep, it also helps you take action because you know
, hopefully, that therapist ishelping you through it and
giving you books to read andexercises to do and and all of
these other things right.
So therapy is awesome.
Also, checking your hormonelevels, like we've done, we've
talked about in other podcasts,you know a lot of times, just
(35:12):
like the what the Mayo Clinicarticle said, most times when
women in midlife, you know theyfeel these, these emotions and
these things when even life isgood and it's because of auto
imbalance, right, erraticfluctuations of your hormones.
So go to your nearest inspiredweight loss and if you're not
near an inspired weight loss, goto your nearest functional
(35:35):
medicine doctor and get your,get your hormones checked.
We have a remote program too,so we can get.
Yeah, I was just gonna say that, but a remote program too, so
we can get your hormones checked.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
I was just going to say that.
But the other thing, too,that's really important People
don't realize, like the foodsthat they're putting into your
body, how it impacts their mood,how it impacts, it can impact
your hormones.
If you're eating crappy food,fast food, if you're eating
artificial sweeteners, if you'redrinking different, different
(36:03):
things, they're hormonedisruptors.
They're going to affect you.
So it's really really, reallyimportant to watch what, what,
what kind of foods you're eatingYep.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
And another thing that causes these emotions,
believe it or not, is gut health.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Yes, if your gut is out of whack.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
you can also be feeling these things.
Absolutely, you have to makesure your gut is healthy, which
goes in line with eating, theway that you're eating.
What are you feeding?
Speaker 2 (36:33):
your body.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
I would say are you feeding your body life, or are
you feeding your body chronicconditions, right, your body
life, or are you feeding yourbody chronic conditions, right,
like you know?
So it's which.
Where are you, are you going?
Are you feeding your body lifeor not?
Also, exercise, like movingyour body um helps with breaking
through these types of emotions.
(36:55):
You feel good after you move.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Yeah, the natural endorphins that are produced
when, when you exercise.
You know it's, it's a naturalantidepressant yep, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Um, therapy is one also like it can be little
things that are not so little,like running a bath, you know,
taking time to just if you havea bathtub.
You know some lavender oil inthere, rose petals, whatever,
you know.
Whatever floats your boat, take, turn off the light, put some
(37:29):
candles, put some some greatmusic that relaxes you and and
enjoy, enjoy silence too, haveyou?
There's that's something that Ithink that we can do better.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
The silence, the meditation.
Don't fall in silence anymorebecause there's always noise,
whether whether it's actualnoise that you hear, or you're
scrolling through social media,or you're watching shorts or
Netflix binging something.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
It was something like constantly in our ears and not
in front of our eyes.
Yeah, voice silence meditation,like you mentioned, prayer,
right, your, your, yourspirituality, whatever that that
means to you.
Um, that's also huge and lifegiving as well, right.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yeah, Ladies, it's there, it's.
You know we, we, we know, weknow what, what, because we've
been through it.
But there are solutions, thereare ways to cut, get out of that
funk.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yep, there, there really is.
So, if you guys are out therelistening and you're like man
man, there's so much truth tothis and I can't put my finger
on it.
Yeah, I can't put my finger onit because if you're like me,
that it's like my life is good,thankfully.
Why am I feeling this way?
Right, dr Donna?
(38:55):
You know, um, it's okay to totake inventory and it's okay to
take action.
It's okay to modify the thingsthat you need to modify to to
bring joy, joy and happiness toyour life while you're going
through these life changes.
And and it's also okay to gothrough life changes, yes, it's
(39:17):
okay to change your routine ifit's not serving you honestly
like.
And I was reading a book aboutmenopause the other day and and
the the author was saying howthere's so much negativity
around menopause.
But you know what like.
Why don't we just change?
Speaker 2 (39:33):
embrace it, yeah, embrace it, embrace it and and
change it.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah, embrace change and negativity, where I I mean,
yeah, we're going to menopauseand we're feeling certain things
and there's changes, butthere's things that you can do
about it.
So, instead of like gettinginto a menopausal rut and and
feeling this way, let's takeaction, and there's still things
that help live life in a joyfulmanner while you're making the
(40:01):
changes right.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
And you're not going to be able to make those changes
overnight, you know.
So choose one thing and makethat small little change,
because you cannot make them allat once.
Choose one thing and then gofrom there, and then, when you
got that one, go to the next one.
Make yourself a list what doyou want to change first, what's
your priority?
And just do it step by step.
(40:26):
For me, when I do stuff step bystep, it works, versus looking
at the whole big pictureabsolutely, absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Guys, you're listening, you're watching.
Go, go, go, take inventory,write it down.
Write down the things that makeyou happy, write down things
that don't.
So then you know what it is andyou can change.
Write a book of awesomenessabout yourself.
Write or contact.
(40:58):
You know your, your, your women, your friend, your friend group
.
Right, like relationships,healthy relationships are so
good.
There's so many things that youcan do.
Um midlife.
Madness doesn't have to be mad,bad it could be good it could
be mad.
Good, we just have to learn howto manage midlife, because we
(41:22):
haven't had to in the past.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Right, it's new.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
It's new to you.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
It can be mad good.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
I love that, and that's what we're going to leave
you with.
Go be mad good.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Mad good.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Amen to that.
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