Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Welcome to the
Midlife Madness podcast where we
get real about menopause,wellness, and faith.
Midlife can be messy.
Let's make it magical.
Welcome back to Midlife Madness,Wellness, Faith, and Menopause.
So today's topic is tough totalk about.
(00:27):
Not a lot of people talk aboutit, but it's a real thing, and
it's menopause.
Is having no libido, not feelingsexual whatsoever, and we call
it actually my husband calls itmen dash o pause.
(00:52):
Um, and it's so appropriate forthis topic, but let's talk about
it.
Yesterday I was uh talking to afew people and um they were
frustrated because their wivesthey have no sexual drive and
they're going through menopause,and um I feel so bad for both of
(01:19):
them because I've been throughthat, like I have gone through
the process of like the mylibido go being down in the
dumps, non-existent, zerodesire, like non-existent, and
that's part of the perimenopausethat I'm going through, and so
(01:41):
um, amongst all sorts of othersymptoms and side effects of
menopause that we've talkedabout already on here, um, this
was one of them, and I had tofigure this thing out because I
didn't want my husband to feellike I didn't desire him or I
don't love him, or you know,maybe there's something wrong
(02:03):
with him.
And you know, we are meant toconnect sexually with our
partners, and it and it it keepsus together, like there's a
connection that happens.
So when there's no sexualconnection, it becomes a little
funky, um, and it's weird, it'slike something is missing,
(02:23):
there's a void.
Uh, so I does anybody else haveyou gone through that too?
Um, there it's just like a funk.
It's like a funk.
And so I was thinking about ourconversation yesterday, and I
just finished working out.
I look like a mess.
Look at me.
(02:44):
I just threw a little bit ofgloss on, and I'm like, we're
gonna jump on here, we're gonnatalk about this because this is
an issue, and it's not only me,and it's not only my friends.
This is an issue, I'm sure,across the board.
I've talked to many clients thathave gone through it or is going
through it, and let's talk aboutit.
(03:05):
So, why is this happening?
It always starts with hormones.
Ay, ay, aye.
Hormones is definitely numberone for everything, and so let's
talk about it.
Estrogen decline causes vaginaldryness, thinning tissue, and
(03:26):
discomfort.
So, again, I've talked toclients that they're
experiencing vaginal dryness,and it's so um painful, it can
be so painful, and so like youget have no desire to do
anything because you're supposedto have pleasure, not pain,
while you're having uh you know,making love with your partner,
(03:50):
right?
So your testosterone levelsdrop, reducing libido and
sensitivity.
Again, hormones, lowerprogesterone means less calm and
more anxiety and beingirritable.
We talked about that in the lastvideo.
Again, hormones, and thenbecause of all of this, there's
(04:13):
sleep loss, hot flashes, andstress, and all of these equal
libido killers.
So if any man out there iswatching this or hearing this,
like exercise some grace towardsyour wife or your partner
because this is hormonal, it'snot because we don't want to,
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it's because we have some funkychanges going on inside of us,
and it's just not naturallycoming out that we want to, you
know, have intimacy with ourpartner, and it's not the
partner, it's all of these crazythings that are happening inside
of us, but there are things thatwe can do to help it.
(04:57):
Let me give you some stats.
According to the North AmericanMenopause Society, around 50 to
60 percent of women report anoticeable decrease in sexual
desire during menopause.
Nearly 45% report vaginaldryness and discomfort during
sex.
(05:18):
About one in three womenexperience painful intercourse
and are after menopause.
So that's a big percentage.
That's most, you know, 50 to 60percent.
And it is a thing.
Like, if you guys know what I'mtalking about, can you comment?
(05:42):
Send me a message because you'renot alone.
I know this is really private,this is really sensitive topic,
but it's one that we need totalk about.
You know, it affects ourrelationships, it affects our
self-image.
Um, the sexual decline can makewomen feel like less feminine
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and disconnected from theirpartners, like I just said.
So we need to work on this.
Like, let's not avoid it, let'snot make excuses, let's just
hammer it down, let's go fullforce ahead and let's deal with
it.
It also can bring like emotionalshame, like frustration, loss of
confidence, again, shame.
(06:25):
Um, so I know I know thefeeling.
Believe me, I know the feeling.
I had to deal with it.
Um, and so there's things thatyou can do about it.
Obviously, there's like physicalmedical things that you can do.
Again, I'm not a doctor, I'mjust sharing my stories, my
(06:45):
experience, things that havehelped me, things that have
helped our clients.
Um, so you know, seek medicalhelp if you're experiencing
these things, but talk to yourprovider about bio-identical
hormones.
Um, I take bio-identicalhormones, it was life-changing.
You probably have heard aboutit.
If you've watched several of mypodcasts or YouTube videos, you
(07:10):
have heard me say this time andtime and time again.
You don't have to live likethis, there's things that you
can do.
Um, one of the things that I didwas I actually made an
appointment with a functionalmedicine doctor, and I asked my
husband to go with me.
Because I it was reallyimportant for me that my husband
(07:33):
was there with me so he can hearfrom the doctor what's going on
with me, and how and and I itwas important for him to hear
like that there is actually anissue and an imbalance that's
happening inside of me that'scausing my libido to go down.
And thank god I have a really,really, really, really, really
(07:55):
supportive husband.
He is God said, like, he's fromheaven.
I I can't even tell you if ifsome of you guys out there know
him, you know what I'm talkingabout.
I am super blessed to have thehusband that I have, and but I
wanted to him to have anunderstanding of everything that
I'm going through.
Like when I was telling thedoctor all the things that I was
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going through, uh, whether it'ssexual, whether it's pain,
whether it's like all the thingsthat come with perimenopause and
the hormonal imbalance, I wantedhim to hear that.
And then I also wanted him tohear what the doctor said about
it.
Um, and he confirmed that I'mdefinitely in perimenopause, and
and this is why this ishappening, and this is what you
(08:40):
can do about it.
So, if you have a husband, apartner, it's a good idea for
you to take them with you.
Um, so what can you do to help?
Talk to your provider about thebiodential hormones.
Um, also, there's vaginalmoisturizers and lubricants that
you can use.
Um, they're water or siliconebased.
It's no shame in the game.
(09:01):
Okay, go buy these things, um,help yourself to do this thing.
Like it's okay to do that.
Uh, regular movements and pelvicfloor exercises help um increase
blood flow to the area.
So do pelvic floor exercises, itactually does help the
(09:23):
circulation down there, and sothat's helpful.
Um, if you want to increase yourlibido and and get back to it.
There's lifestyle shifts thatyou can do as well, like manage
stress.
Too much cortisol shuts downdesire.
So, again, hormones, cortisollevels, stress, stress, stress,
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stress causes you to not want tobe intimate, and it lowers your
desire.
So, like, you have to manageyour stress, guys.
You have to.
You have to take the time andenergy and and do the things
that causes your stress levelsand your cortisol levels to go
down.
Nourish your body withanti-inflammatory foods.
(10:08):
So, nourish your body withanti-inflammatory foods, which
are nothing processed, no highsugar.
What's inflammatory to ourbodies?
Sugar and processed foods.
Eat whole foods.
There's also anti-inflammatoryfoods that you can eat as well.
Um, if you need a list of those,contact me and I'll be more than
(10:29):
happy to help you with that.
And then rekindle yourconnection through emotional um
like events and safety.
Go go for a walk with yourhusband.
Increase what's your lovelanguage.
My husband and I do marriagecounseling all the time, and we
talk to couples about their lovelanguage.
Like, what's your love language?
(10:50):
There's a book out there that'scalled The Five Love Languages.
Learn what your partner's lovelanguage is.
My love language iscommunication.
I love to sit around with alatte and talk to my husband and
talk about all the things thatwe have going on, things that we
want to do, our children, ourgrandchildren, life, how blessed
(11:14):
we are.
That is my love language.
My husband's love language iswords of affirmation, knowing
that I support him, knowing thatI'm his biggest cheerleader, and
also touch, which is not youknow new for men, right?
So go out there, get the fivelove language book, find out
(11:36):
what your partner's lovelanguage is and what your love
language is, and and work at it,guys.
Work at it.
And also, I just want to like Iknow this might sound weird, but
in the faith side, invite Godinto your marriage, right?
And and it's like I know itsounds weird, but invite God
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into your marriage bed.
Like, it is godly, it is godlyto have great intimacy with your
spouse.
The Lord created us to be sexualcreatures, too.
There's nothing wrong with it.
I remember one time I wastalking um with a wife that she
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was having intimate intimacyissues with her husband because
she didn't feel like she wasthere physically, like she was
not confident, her self-esteemwas down in the dumps because
she was large, she just didn'tfeel sexy, right?
And I remember I was talking toher on the phone, and she
(12:47):
mentioned that her husband wastaking a shower.
I'm like, so-and-so, yourhusband's taking a shower right
now, and she's like, Yeah, I'mlike, great, go undress, get
into that shower with yourhusband, and she's like, What?
I said, Yes, and she could notbelieve that I was telling her
(13:10):
to do that because um I'm apastor, so it's like she's
hearing her minister pastor tellher, go get undressed and go
into the shower with yourhusband.
Yes, guys, do that.
Element of surprise, bespontaneous, go and and and
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surprise your spouse and and andjust talk yourself through it.
Invite God into your marriage,into your sexual life.
It is a godly thing.
Pray, pray about it, pray forunity, pray for renewed
affection.
Pray like Lord, I I love myhusband, I want to feel or I
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love my wife, I want to feelthat spark again.
I want to feel that desireagain.
I want to feel that thosebutterflies when I see him walk
in or or when we talk over thephone, the Lord will spark it up
again.
I promise you.
Invite God into your marriage.
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There's a scripture in a song ofSolomon 4-7 that says, You are
altogether beautiful, mydarling.
There is no flaw in you.
Oh my gosh, there's nothing likebeing in love, and there's
nothing like being excited to bewith your spouse.
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So do the things that isrequired to get back to that.
No shame in your game.
I know that I know the feelingof feeling like sadness and
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depressed because you want to,but you have no desire.
Like, right here, like you knowthat it's been two weeks, and
like you want to, but likethere's no desire.
I know the feeling.
I put myself out here in thispodcast so you guys know that
(15:19):
you're not alone, and I'm humantoo, and I go through the things
like every everybody else does,and I don't mind talking about
myself because I hope that thisencourages one of you guys or
multiple of you guys, and andthat you feel like you're not
(15:39):
alone, then you can connect withme and ask me questions, message
me all the things becausethere's things that you can do
from just start with the fastestthing, which is praying.
If you're a believer out there,it doesn't matter what whatever
you believe out there, inviteyour God to this because it can
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happen.
Um, I've done it before.
Also, go to a functionalmedicine doctor, check your
hormone levels, get thembalanced, get your mojo back,
get your sexiness back.
If you're if you're you'reoverweight and you don't feel
sexy, take care of that.
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Call me, message me.
You know I own a weight losscenter.
I've helped thousands uponthousands upon thousands of
people meet their body goalsthat will bring your sexy back.
Do the things that is requiredto bring your sexy back.
I hope that I gave you enoughtips for you to start working at
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it and live life, guys.
Like, we have one life, likelive life, live life loving with
intimacy, with all the things,because we were created to do
that, and so run after it, runafter it hard, do the work,
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okay?
I hope this was um reallyhelpful, and I'm so happy that I
get to talk about these weird,you know, sometimes embarrassing
topics.
Uh, because we need to, we needto talk about it.
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Anyways, I am so happy that Iget to do this and I get to do
this with you.
Subscribe to my channel, followme on Instagram, um, and let's
talk about all of these thingstill next time.
I am going to dig in deep andfind the most awkward and weird
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topic to talk about because weneed to do it.
We need to do it.
So go get your sexy on.
I hope that this was helpful,and I'll see you next time.