Ep. 14 | Jujitsu, Therapy & Pachamama | Army Vet Nick Badis

Join Nick Badis as he shares his transition from military to civilian life, highlighting how jujitsu taught him patience and problem-solving. Discover how his experiences with psychedelics and an Ayahuasca journey in Peru reshaped his views on self-worth and masculinity. Nick discusses integrating compassion and balance into his personal growth, leading to his work in therapy and internal family systems. He also touches on his challenges with the VA, the importance of body awareness, and a fundraiser for a stem cell clinic. Tune in for insights on community support and details about an upcoming event with Dean Lister.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
When I got out, I was able to kinda chill out,like, having some of those people surrounding
me, like Noah.
Have you been doing jujitsu for a while, like,before you started over at Victory or MMA in
general, or was that kinda you getting intosome of it?
So Victory is like my home gym.
That's where I started.

(00:22):
I got involved in jujitsu basically right atthe end of my military career.
Uh-huh.
I got involved in a combatives tournament.
And I was just like, oh, yeah.
We get to fight people and we get to be out ofthe office.
I'm not cleaning rifles and stuff.
Maybe 24/7.
I actually get to do some
cool stuff.

(00:42):
Exactly.
I got involved with Modern Army Combatives.
Right?
Mhmm.
And I'm not sure if you know about the militarycombatives, but they're a little bit sure.
Like MCMAP and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Kinda like
Alright.
Spend for eight days and then get your Level 1certificate.
Yeah.
And so that
Right.
Like back when I was in the military, I justhit the weights, you know, really hard.

(01:07):
Oh.
I was a big dude.
I was like maybe 190.
I was benching like freaking like my max was370 at the time.
Wow.
Crazy.
Right.
And the thing was though when I got into thiscombatives thing, I got involved in it and
started training for it and for a tournament.
And this little dude, man, this little guy,another Filipino guy actually, but he was 140,

(01:32):
145.
And I was like I said, like 190 at the time,and he was tearing me up.
He was just tearing me up.
He would, you know, I had decent wrestlingbecause I wrestled in high school.
And so I would, like, be able to take him down,and then he would just guillotine the shit out
of me with some high school guillotine.
Or even if I, like, locked down my chin enough,he would just be breaking my jaw.

(01:56):
Like, yeah, great lion tamer, like good guysand everything.
It
turns out he was a purple belt from, I think,Gracie Fishhawk in Florida.
And he's a black belt now, and he's a crazy leglocker, like really high level.
But he was a purple belt back then.

(02:16):
And you
know, I hadn't done any jujitsu ever.
I had some wrestling.
And so, like, from then on, I was kind of like,my mindset really shifted.
Like all this muscle doesn't really do anythingfor me.
It's like weight.
I can lift weights.
I can, you know, I could throw around someweight, and I could do whatever I need to do.
But in terms of athleticism, in terms of, like,real-world application, like I'm getting killed

(02:40):
by this 140, 145 guy.
So I need to really kind of switch to training.
And that kind of, like, kicked me into gear of,like, right when I got out of the military.
Right.
I found jujitsu right away.
I sought out, like, where I was going to live.
I already knew I was going to go to San Diegoafter I came from Alaska.
I wanted to be in a warm, nice sun.

(03:01):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get the fuck out of there.
Yeah.
And then just found Victory and kind of just,like, immediately dove in.
Right.
It
was it was really helpful for me too becausewhen I got out, like I said, I was like that
very stringent mindset.
I was still looking for war, man.
Right.
Right.
And so the martial arts and jiu jitsuspecifically helped me.
It kinda helped calm me down not only in thesense that I got to express myself in

(03:25):
Mhmm.
In those
ways and get that out of my body, but also thatI was getting fucked up by everybody.
And it was really kind of putting the ego incheck.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was helping me relax, not getting fightsoutside of the g bombs or anything.
Even though the aggressive nature was there, ithelped him relax that by saying like, hey dude,
you're not you're not a big bad, like, dude,like, you think you are, you know, you had a

(03:49):
rifle then and you had a squad and you had aplatoon, you had trucks, you had all this stuff
and you're going to war.
That's not that's not the case here in thecivilian world.
You need to kinda keep that in check and figurethat out.
And so Victory and all of those people in thatcommunity really helped me, like, express and
explore that in a in a healthy way rather thandrinking myself under the table, getting into

(04:13):
fights, blacking out, and things like
that.
100%.
You know, one thing that I've I've found supercool about jiu jitsu specifically, and you see
this when you see the guys, like, at the highyou know, brown, purple, black, the chillest
dudes.
And part of that, I think, it it's all thestuff that you just said.

(04:33):
It's kind of like, you know, the the your yourego gets sort of humbled.
You just kinda realize, you know, hey, man.
This can go a lot of different ways, you know,out on the streets, and you kinda get a little
bit of wisdom and maturity to it.
But I also think there's an aspect of you'vespent so much time in really uncomfortable
positions having to think through the problem.

(04:55):
You know what I mean?
Some dude on your face.
You know, your arms like this, and you'll be,oh, man.
You know, brute strength is not gonna get youout of this situation.
You know?
And so if you kind of take that metaphor andbring it to, like, you know, road rage or
something like that.
If some dude cuts you off, you know, whileyelling at that person or laying on the horn,

(05:17):
it's not really gonna stop what just happened.
You know?
But that blood pressure kinda rising, thatrage.
You know?
And I think, like, what jiu-jitsu does, it justkind of pounds your face into the mat about
this is that you're like, hey, dude.
Like, you getting your blood pressure up andyou getting all that's not gonna help you in
this situation.

(05:38):
And, you know, when you're a white belt, you'rea blue belt, you know, think how many times if
you try just, you know Yeah.
Then as you get higher and higher, it's justlike, hey, buddy.
There's another way out of here.
Let's breathe, you know.
You gotta find another way.
And that's how you evolve to the next level.
Right?
Right.
I felt level.
I mean, specifically for myself, being a biggerguy and having really strong willpower and just

(06:00):
like no matter what go.
White belt level was just go go go go.
Probably so much of the blue belt level formyself too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Keep going.
Keep trying.
And that was the mindset so much in themilitary
as well.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
You just keep going.
You just keep doing the same thing until itworks.
You keep hitting your head against the walluntil you break the fucking wall.
Yeah.
You
don't you don't Yeah.

(06:21):
You just keep doing that.
And in jiu jitsu like you're saying,
Right.
Eventually, you either keep doing that and youhave a ton of concussions and injuries and
you're all fucked up or you're like, oh, let mego around the wall.
Let me go under the wall.
Let me go over the wall.
There's so many different ways.
And so hopefully, you know, people learn aboutthemselves and understand like, oh, it's not

(06:43):
all about like effort and trying hard.
Sometimes it's about trying a little less.
Sometimes it's about like you said, breathingand figuring out a way around the problem
instead of instead of just straight through theproblem.
And that metaphor for business too.
You know?
100%.
Because there's so many times where it's like,I'll even beat myself.

(07:06):
I'm not working long enough.
I'm not working hard enough.
I you know?
And and you kinda spinning your wheels in a lotof ways thinking you're going faster, but
you're just sort of expending energy.
And maybe what you need to do is kinda get intothat lower gear, slow down, be a little bit
more patient, evaluate the situation, you know,what is the rush and, you know, prioritize

(07:29):
things then kinda move forward.
Yeah.
And that, like, again, what you're kindatalking about, I think, is the awareness of
that.
Like, when you're getting smashed and you'retrying the same thing that isn't working.
Mhmm.
It should
be that awareness of, hey, this isn't working.
So I can switch to something else.
And that's like what you're talking about rightnow of being able to have the wherewithal and

(07:51):
awareness to be able to be like, oh, wait.
I am trying this, and it's a good thing to try.
It's a wonderful tool to use.
Right.
But maybe this isn't a nail, and maybe I needto put down the hammer and grab a different
tool.
Right.
And that's what that awareness gives you.
It's like everything opens up, and it's like,oh, there's more than just nails everywhere,

(08:14):
and I have more than just a hammer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100 percent, dude.
Well, let me introduce you.
So I'll just give a kinda little intro.
So I'm Jordan Ryan, and welcome to the MindBody Mushroom, the podcast where we explore the
magic of mushrooms, adaptogens, and all theways you can naturally upgrade your health and
well-being.
Each week, we break down the science behindmedicinal mushrooms, ancient healing wisdom,

(08:37):
and share some truly mind-blowing stories oftransformation.
Today, I'm honored to welcome Nick Badis to theshow.
Nick is an Army veteran, martial artist, andholistic psychotherapist with a passion for
helping others uncover their true potential.
After earning his master's in clinicalcounseling from Point Loma Nazarene University,

(08:58):
Nick gained extensive experience working withadults facing complex psychiatric disorders,
including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder,depression, PTSD, and anxiety.
Nick's own journey is deeply influenced by histime as an Army airborne infantryman, an
experience that shaped his life in profoundways.
While he is proud of his service, thechallenges of reintegrating into civilian life

(09:20):
led Nick on a transformative quest for healingand self-discovery.
Along the way, he embraced martial arts,meditation, breath work, and higher education,
guided by the wisdom of teachers, friends, andhealers who helped him to integrate his
experience and grow.
Today, Nick combines his expertise intrauma-informed care with a holistic approach
to therapy, including internal family systems.

(09:42):
He believes deeply in the concept of anunbroken, compassionate, and whole inner self,
a part of us that different cultures andtraditions refer to by many names: the Buddha
nature, the Holy Spirit, the Atman, andPachamama.
Nick's mission as a therapist is to guide hisclients in connecting with this inner self,
using it as a foundation for healing, balance,and growth.

(10:04):
With this compassionate, empowering approach,Nick helps his clients identify the parts of
themselves that may have held them back,allowing them to take control of their lives
and move toward fulfillment.
Nick, welcome to the podcast.
And I'm excited to dive into your story, man.
Thanks, dude.
It's great to be on here.
And, you know, it's funny, like you mentioningjust the title of your podcast, the Mind Body

(10:29):
Mushroom podcast.
You know, a lot of what isn't in that intro issome of the elements of psychedelics that
helped push me toward therapy and continuing tounderstand myself.
I mean, that's why I'm a therapist is to havereally, you know, to understand the things that

(10:50):
I went through and to help heal those things.
And I found that the way that you best do thatis by helping others.
So, mhmm.
Whenever I'm helping someone figure themselvesout, it's really like I'm seeing a part of
myself in them.
And to be able to help them deal with thathelps me deal with my own things as well.
And a lot of that came up through my journeywith psychedelics as I was actually on my way

(11:17):
to becoming an accountant.
No way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tell me about that.
That sounds super interesting.
Well, yeah.
I mean, so like, when I just got out of themilitary, okay, I was just all go, like I was
saying.
You know, I was all go.
In 2012, I had deployed to Afghanistan for anentire year.

(11:37):
And when I got out in 2013, the word was we'repulling out.
That we are pulling out.
We weren't gonna be in Afghanistan anymore.
The war was ending, you know, and I was aninfantryman.
My whole, yeah.
Point of being in was to go to war.
So whatever we were tasked to, like that was myjob to be on the front lines and to use those

(11:58):
skills.
So when the word started spreading that like,hey, we're not gonna deploy anymore.
We're gonna be we're gonna be a garrison unit.
I was like, I don't wanna be garrison.
Like I need to get out.
Like, you know, I only put up with thisbullshit because it feels like, yeah, doing
something meaningful.
Right.
I'm actually doing stuff that I'm supposed toas my job.

(12:19):
Of course, years later, some of thoseideologies kind of shifted as I learned more
about the reasoning for Afghanistan and thingslike that, which is a whole other subject on
its own.
Right.
Right.
So I got out because I, you know, we weren'tgonna be deploying anymore.
I wasn't gonna be doing my job.
And I'm a Harrison trooper.
Just yeah.
Yeah.
I was there to do my job.

(12:40):
And so when I got out, I just went to somecollege counselors and to me it was like, hey,
you know, I'm using my GI Bill.
I wanna get a job that I'm gonna be able tomake some money with because mhmm.
Make money.
Let me just follow this path, you know, A B C.
You get your degree, you make some money, youstart a family, you do all this stuff.

(13:02):
That's the that's the American dream.
Right?
Right.
And so I started down that path and I got all,you know, got all my general eds done at a
community college so I could save some of my GIBill, transferred to University of San Diego
like you and Noah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Went there for my accounting degree because allthe counselors were like business.

(13:24):
Like, if you get the degree in business, you'llbe making money in no time.
And I was like, okay.
Nice.
Is that it?
Like, it's not too hard.
I need to know a little bit of math.
I need to just pay attention.
And after I got out, man, I was like, I couldcrush school.
Like yeah.
I I just gotta listen to this teacher a littlebit.

(13:45):
I gotta study a little bit and do somehomework.
Right.
Too easy too.
Right.
Too easy.
So even though I wasn't a fan of the subject, Iknew how to be disciplined.
I knew how to study.
I knew how to work hard.
And so right.
Breeze.
Obviously, I wasn't too interested in itthough.
So I was pulling some all-nighters, studyinglike that and everything.

(14:07):
And I was super interested in psychology,always have been.
In philosophy, psychology, spirituality.
I've been really interested in that.
But I didn't want to pursue my bachelor's inpsychology because you can't do anything
with the bachelor's.
Right.
Right.
Where's the money?
Yeah.
Exactly.
It gets you nowhere.
Like you can become an assistant or youbasically need higher education for the

(14:29):
psychology route.
And so I was like, okay.
I need to make money.
So just followed all the, you know, counselor'sadvice and all the educator's advice, which was
my first mistake.
So I'm at USD and I'm starting to actually getinto the classes that you need to for your

(14:50):
major.
So I'm doing the regular classes foraccounting.
But as USD, as you're aware of, is that youneed to take some specific courses because it's
a Catholic institution.
Yeah.
You take some religious courses.
And so this was an opportunity for me toexplore some of the things that I actually
wanted to.
Right.
So one of the courses I took was WorldReligions, and it was just multiple different

(15:13):
religions that I got to delve into a little bitmore deeply and kind of start exploring those.
So I started exploring Buddhism, Hinduism, andother indigenous kind of cultures and what they
were doing.
And in some of my studies, I happened upon someof the indigenous cultures in South America,

(15:35):
like Peru and other places that use ayahuasca.
And in their kind of spirituality and how theydeal with their things, how they are talking
with plant medicines, how they're healing somuch of the different things that they've been
going through.
And even going back to some of these cultures,like African cultures, for instance, that when

(15:56):
they come back from war, they're not allowed togo back to civilization until they've done a
ceremony to release the traumas that
They've found within that war zone.
I didn't even know that.
That's so profound.
Wow.
That's crazy.
And it makes so much sense.
Like, if you come back from something like waror battle or anything, even like maybe a

(16:18):
traumatic argument with your spouse or withfriends or anything like that, you're carrying
this type of energy that needs to be releasedor cleansed in some way.
And our Western culture, in my opinion and whatI've been through, is more about suppression,
right?
Pushing those things down and putting your bestfoot forward while hiding all of the

(16:40):
nitty-gritty stuff that we don't want to see orwant anyone else to see.
Yeah.
Or numbing or numbing that pain so that youdon't feel it.
Right?
Exactly.
Especially with veterans, numbing is the way togo.
And specifically even more towards men in ourculture.
There's typically a few emotions that are okayto feel.
And so it's like maybe like anger, you know,you're a big strong angry man.

(17:02):
That's okay.
And that idea of maybe the fake stoicism.
Right?
Like you can get a fake slate.
Rock solid.
Yeah.
Stoicism.
But in reality, that's not.
Right?
Yeah.
Stoicism is understanding these emotions andbeing able to express them in a mature way
without letting them kind of take over.
But our culture today has been like, no, it'sall about suppressing emotions and only

(17:26):
carrying certain ones forward.
So as I was studying some of these religionsand different things, it just really kind of
started piquing my interest.
And I was raised Christian, but as I tried tore-explore those foundations of my religion, it
just wasn't for me.
Like, I had so much, I had so much, like,Christian guilt.

(17:49):
Yeah.
I guess I was about to say, yeah.
That religion for me.
Uh-huh.
Like, I felt like just a bad person.
For even questioning, for even thinking outsideof, you know, the box there.
Right?
Exactly.
And in that kind of way, I felt really guiltyfor just being human.
Mhmm.
Just being like who I was.

(18:09):
And so I tried going back to Christianity andit just wasn't for me.
And in more of my years of understanding my ownspirituality and religion, totally cool with
Christianity.
Yeah.
And the way it works for other people.
But for me, I just had some of these kind ofqualms with it that didn't feel right for me.
And so, I started, like I said, getting intothese other religions, practicing breathwork,

(18:33):
practicing mantra, practicing these differenttechniques, yoga, stretching, and a lot of
these things that actually really helped me inmy training, in my jujitsu and in fighting.
And so I was like, okay, I'm really excited tobe part of these things.
Let me
go further with it.
Right.

(18:53):
And so another thing that I was doing at thistime was really studying a lot of Spanish and
their cultures.
I was interested at the time in not only abusiness degree like accounting, but I was
going to do world business or business in thatregard with a minor in Spanish.
And so I'm traveling to differentSpanish-speaking countries as well.

(19:15):
So I was like, two birds with one stone.
Yeah.
You know, I'm really interested in this cultureand some of their indigenous aspects and how
maybe this medicine can help me.
So I decided to go to Peru specifically to tryto track down a curandero or healer.

(19:36):
You know, we kind of wrongly call them shamanshere when in reality they like to be called
more healers, which is curandero.
Because shaman has a lot of kind of badconnotations with it, like medicine men trying
to cast spells and do voodoo and things likethat.
But so I had that goal in mind of like, man, Ifeel called towards this.

(19:59):
And now too, like after being involved in manyceremonies and studying this kind of medicine
and all of these different things, it's likethat's when you pursue something, when you feel
that calling.
Kind of like Alan Watts says, like, when you,you know, when you get the message, you pick up
the phone, you hear the message, and you put itdown.
Like, you put it down.
You pursue it.

(20:19):
Or even the hero's journey.
Right?
That phone is gonna keep ringing until you pickit up and go.
And so I had that calling.
I had it and I was like, man.
And I'm the type to just go, like 100 percent.
Like if I have a calling or something's pullingme, I need to go towards it.
And so this was happening for me.
And at the same time, I was going, you know,like I said, I was a young man fresh out of the

(20:44):
military.
And I was starting to see these things thatwere a little different about me, that were a
little off compared to some civilians that Iwas in college.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Like I was only like 24, 24, maybe 25.
And I felt like I was this old man.
Yeah.
Surrounded by kids.
Right.

(21:04):
Who didn't understand the world and the realityof life.
And I had this kind of mindset, like, of that.
Like, I was really just angry.
And like I said, I was trying to, like, stayout of fights, like, not blackout, and martial
arts thankfully was helping with that.
Right.
But it was still there.
That aggression was still there.
Martial arts was helping keep it at bay.

(21:25):
And so I wanted to explore this.
I wanted to help myself with this.
I wanna figure that out.
And so I went to Peru, and I found a curanderoand had an Ayahuasca session, an Ayahuasca
experience, and that opened my eyes to so muchof what was going on with me that it really
started to change the direction of my journey.

(21:46):
Like, I was gonna complete my business degree.
I was gonna follow that through, but I alreadyknew in my mind like this, I'm not gonna be in
accounting for very long.
Mhmm.
And I I really wasn't.
You know?
I I got my degree, and I worked for a topaccounting firm, PwC.

(22:08):
They're known as one of the Big Four.
And I worked for them for six months.
And I was like, oh, wow.
I'm out.
I'm out.
I can't do this.
And that was when I went from an amateurfighter to becoming a professional fighter too.
No way.
I'm not jumping all kinds of places here.
No.
No.
I I love that, dude.
I I this story is amazing.
And and I want there's a couple of areas Iwanna tug on, but just because you mentioned it

(22:30):
now, what what about that Ayahuasca experience?
Like, how did you go from, you know, becauseeveryone kinda knows, alright.
You're gonna see some things or whatever, andit's gonna be profound.
But did you come to that realization that youwanted, I need to make a change.
I need to pivot from where I'm going, you know,and and the medicine kinda showed you that.

(22:51):
Yeah.
So we've touched a little bit on what kind ofreally helped change my experience.
And so as I was doing Ayahuasca, I went with afriend of mine to Peru and we were exploring
and everything, and he did the Ayahuasca withme.
And it was just me, him, the lead guide,curandero, and his apprentice.

(23:16):
And so we went into this.
It was like 8 o'clock at night, and it wasgonna be like an all-night kind of ceremony
basically.
And it was kinda different than what I'veexperienced later during ceremonies.
They had the brew, the Ayahuasca brew.
And then they also had these little pieces thatnow I know are like the leaf.

(23:43):
And you would drink those and take, like, alittle bit of the leaf because Ayahuasca is two
different plants.
Right?
Mhmm.
And the Psychotria, and it's the caapi vine.
So you have these two components, the vine andthe leaves, which are from different plants
mixed together, or the bark and the leaves thatare mixed together to be able to create the

(24:06):
Ayahuasca.
And so it was really different because you'dhave the brew, and then they would also give
you what they call chocolate because it waslike mixed with chocolate.
They would give you that, and that is whatwould create the MAOI inhibitor that would
allow your stomach to process the DMT.

(24:26):
Very different.
But so we did one just to start.
Mhmm.
And, you know, we're kinda just chilling there.
And I'm just breathing through it.
I'm practicing a little bit of my breath workand relaxing.
And they told us, like, very, veryspecifically, like, hey, these are your
individual journeys.
So if you're having problems, that's yourproblem.

(24:51):
Mhmm.
If your friend's having problems, that's hisproblem.
You don't try to go into his journey
Oh, interesting.
and rescue him.
Right.
And
so we had this kind of instruction in mind.
And so he, like my buddy, he's kind of startingto go through it.
And he had some really big traumas in his pastthat were coming up for him where, like, where

(25:12):
some of his, like, one of his family memberswas murdered and some of this stuff was coming
up.
And he wasn't ready.
He wasn't ready to go deep into that and toexpress that and to figure that out.
And so after the one cup and he was starting tofeel that, like, me and him, we kinda like a
little bit of talking.
And I was like, you got this.
Just breathe through it.

(25:32):
Relax.
But he ended up leaving.
He's like, no, I can't do more.
I'm done.
Right?
And so I was like, okay, cool.
You stopped at one cup.
So
thank you.
It's not like you can't come out yet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
So he left and he just kind of passed out inour bunk.
And so I'm just there now with the twocuranderos, and I'm like, I'm going a little

(25:58):
tingly, but
that's it.
And so we do more.
We do more.
And we have, like, little breaks.
Like, I remember coming back from the bathroomand he's like, how are you doing?
And they're all speaking Spanish while startingto
Oh, shit.
On a trip basically.
And the only thing I can that I could kind ofprocess is really difficult to speak Spanish

(26:22):
while my brain is connecting in these differentpaths
that I've never been in the world.
While you're speaking alien.
Yeah, exactly.
And I remember just being like más profundo.
Like, I want to have a a bigger experience,more
Yeah.
You
know, I wanna go deeper.
Yeah.
And the curandero, the main one, he's like,yeah.
Yeah.
So no more family.

(26:43):
Yeah.
And so so we go deep.
We go deep.
So I have like four cups and and I'm stillkinda like waiting to go into it.
And I remember specifically, like, so a littlebit of background, like, I've been I've had a
few amateur fights at this time.

(27:05):
And and like I said, I've been I've been in themilitary.
I've gotten out.
But a really big part of me, like, still didn'tthink anything I'd done was enough.
Like, the war I had been through Yeah.
Wasn't
enough.
It wasn't like
Totally did.
It wasn't like the Iraq War.
It wasn't like Fallujah.
It wasn't like Vietnam.
It was, you know, it was a very frustrating warfor me where it was guerrilla warfare nonstop.

(27:32):
Afghanistan, they would pop shots from freaking1,000 meters away where they'd maybe get close
to us sometimes or obviously there's IEDsblowing our freaking trucks up and things like
that.
And then you never have eyes on the enemy.
Yes.
Like and so it was a very frustrating war thatI didn't expect.
And a big part of me really wanted to like beon the front lines where you're yeah.

(27:59):
You're freaking taking out a freaking hatchetif you need to type in.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
And that
was a hard part for me to accept because a lotof people
didn't
understand that.
Like totally.
Like you wanted to you wanted to freaking killpeople and you wanted to fight people and like
go through this.
And so there was like a shameful element oflike me wanting to go through that experience

(28:19):
as just an innate warrior like the warriorright.
Inside of me.
The young man in me wanted to experience thisand to fight for my country.
But another part was, like, well, you'reshameful for when I experienced this.
And then there's the shame that you didn't getto do that.
You didn't even get to scratch that itch.
So you're getting you have the shame forfeeling that you wanted it and shame for

(28:41):
feeling like you were this close and stilldidn't get there, dude.
It resonates so much with me.
Yeah.
It really does.
There was almost like survivor's guilt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where where like, you know, my like one of mysergeants, he got shot while I was on leave and
I felt terrible.
I I was the designated marksman like and he gothe got taken out by a freaking sniper, you

(29:07):
know.
And so he gets hit by, like, a Chechen sniperor something.
The Afghans always had, like, people rolling infrom different countries.
Mhmm.
They were the ones to worry about, honestly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so he got hit a couple of times while I wason leave, one of our biggest firefights, you
know, and I was gone.
Fuck.
And, like, those kinds of moments where I was,like, you know, in my head, a lot of it was you

(29:29):
haven't done enough.
You haven't
gone through
enough.
Like, you haven't suffered enough.
And that was my idea of, like, what made youbetter, what made you more of a man or more of
a warrior.
And so, this is just context for a little bitof the insight that I gained through this trip.
And so that had started spilling over into meas a fighter.

(29:51):
And even though I'd won a few of my amateurfights, I had won those, dominated them really
in the first round.
And I still, like, to myself was like, youknow, those weren't real.
Those weren't real enough.
Those weren't battles.
You didn't have to push yourself.
You didn't have to have this kind of grindwhere it was a war, you know.

(30:12):
Mhmm.
And so that was coming in a lot for me, and Ihad another fight coming up.
And so I still didn't even call myself like afighter, and I still didn't even like telling
people that I fought because I felt like a fakein so many ways.
I didn't even talk for many years about myservice because again, you know, I was only in
four years.
You know, I got deployed once for a year.

(30:34):
To me, again, I was comparing myself to theseother people, yeah, who had been through
something different.
And I was like, no, like I haven't done enough.
Like I don't even want to talk about how I'm aveteran because, like, I'm not, you know, Jocko
Willink or something.
And so this kind of was starting to happen asthose cups started to hit me, as the Ayahuasca,
as the medicine started to really take place.

(30:56):
This was the narrative that was going in myhead.
It was a highly critical voice that I know verywell that was just berating me, that was just
telling me how I'm not good enough, how Ihaven't done enough, how the war I've been in
wasn't enough, how I haven't done enough as afighter, and it just kept going.
And I remember as they were chanting andstarting to play the various instruments that

(31:20):
they had, there was this one specific one thatsounded like lightning and thunder that they
started playing and another like didgeridootype of instrument.
So there's these sounds going on, and it kindof started shaking me at my core.
I'm having this argument with myself, literallytelling myself like I'm not good enough and all
these things, all these things that I need todo.

(31:44):
And remember even, like, comparing myself toJocko in a lot of ways because he trains at
Victory.
Trains there.
Right.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And so I had met him and I was like, man, like,that's that's who I want to be, you know.
Right.
And, like, I remember I remember too when I gotout of the service.
And during the service, man, I had I had thistype of, like, stare where I would just look

(32:06):
through people's freaking souls.
And that's and that's how Jocko looked like allof
the Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
And
I was like, oh, man, like that's what I what doI got to go through to be be like him?
And I
remember as I'm going through this trip likecomparing myself and berating myself how like I
hadn't been through enough and how I'm not likeJocko and, you know, how I need to need to get

(32:28):
to that level.
And so I'm just, like, tearing into myself,man, like, highly highly critical.
And as they're playing this music andeverything, all of a sudden I hear this voice.
And so the voice that I'm talking with, I'mvery familiar with.
That's already my
That's you.
Narrative.
Right.
Right.
And it's it's masculine.

(32:48):
It's a it's a masculine voice.
It's a man's voice.
It's it's my voice in a lot of different ways.
And so it's, you know, I'm arguing with this,and then another voice comes in.
And it's a voice I've never heard before.
Mhmm.
And it was feminine.
I'm like, I'm like, I don't have a female voiceinside of inside of me, so it was very
distinct.

(33:08):
Yeah.
And, like, I was like, woah.
What is that?
And it just tells me it just starts easing me,and it tells me it's okay.
It's okay.
You've done enough.
You're fine.
You you've done so much.
You're gonna do more.
You're okay.
And it just really starts calming me down andand affirming me in a lot of ways.

(33:34):
And it's just this gentle female voice.
And this was kind of the beginning of megetting in touch with the divine feminine.
With me being able to understand that noteverything is hard.
That we as men can also have the soft side.
And in fact, you know, that's balance.
That's the point of being a whole human, ofintegrating the masculine and the feminine.

(33:57):
And so this voice starts talking to me andcalming me down, and it's like I said, very
distinctly feminine.
And so from there, that's when, like, all thehallucinations and waves of just the different
things are coming over me.
As I relax and instead of fighting all of this,I let go into this voice.

(34:18):
And after this voice kind of comes up, I seethis very particular kind of this snake like
slither up to me and come up to me.
And it's like this horned, desert tan and brownkind of viper-looking snake.
Yeah.
It comes up and it just kind of like comes upright up to me and I'm just like, what's going
on?
And then it slithers back and it just startscoiling into itself.

(34:42):
And as I'm just kind of watching this, allkinds of like hundreds of other snakes,
thousands of other snakes start coming intothat and start, there's this term for this when
like hundreds or thousands of snakes start tokind of knot into one another.
And so they start coiling into each other andjust like hundreds of thousands of snakes.

(35:03):
What the hell?
Coiling into themselves and they create thisbeautiful tree of life as they kind of coiled
into that.
And so that kind of was the opening of myfeminine energy of kind of understanding and
opening up.
It's kind of that root chakra, which is goodworks, which is basically how Kundalini energy

(35:27):
is explained through the snake, you know, theserpentine of going upwards and unleashing all
of these different chakras.
And so after I get that vision, I just startpurging and purging.
Oh, shit.
Right.
And that was kind of the start of it, of mearguing with myself and berating myself for not
being good enough and, you know, not havingthese experiences that other warriors have had.

(35:51):
And all that turned into compassion for myselfand how it's okay to continue to seek these
things, but not to berate myself for theexperiences that I hadn't had yet.
And so that really opened up myself to thefeminine and compassion and understanding and

(36:13):
the journey of that versus just the constantpush, which was driven for me by the criticism
of not being good enough, of needing to bebetter, needing to do more, which is still very
valuable, absolutely.
But that combination with compassion andunderstanding is what really makes you move

(36:34):
forward or at least makes me move forwardbecause eventually the critic just gets in the
way.
Like as a kid, you have exponential growth.
Right.
Right.
You know, there are things that you can't getpast.
So you need to be able to have some patiencewith yourself, have some, yeah, compassion for
yourself.
Right.
Right.
And that's what this journey really opened upfor me.

(36:55):
After that, I just kind of kept going.
I was like, I want more.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My ego wasn't gone by any means.
Right.
Right.
I'm like, what was that insight?
I need more of those insights.
And so I kept drinking more ayahuasca, but Iwasn't getting anything out of it.
I was getting some calm visions and some othernew stuff, like some greens and forest and

(37:19):
things like that.
But that was the big takeaway.
That was the message.
Yeah.
And what you said earlier, I don't know if youhad hit record yet, but that Alan Watts quote
that, you know, when the universe is callingand, you know, and you pick up the phone, like,
after you get the message, you know, you put itback down.
Like, there's, you know you got the message.
You got the message.

(37:39):
Dude, that resonates so much with me because Ifeel I still feel that way.
I feel that way.
Absolutely.
I did 4 years.
I got medically separated.
I had a back injury.
You know, I came into the SEAL program.
I was in BUD/S for three weeks.
I, you know, didn't make it through.
I went to a ship.
I eventually crawled my ass out of there, wentto the recon program, became a medic, you know.

(38:01):
But still and, you know, I didn't do enough.
I didn't go to war.
I didn't you know, I failed.
I'm broken.
I'm you know?
And all of these things, I didn't get toachieve all the things that I had set out for
myself.
And that feeling of, like, not being goodenough or not doing enough, on one hand, it

(38:21):
fuels the motivation that, like Yeah.
Hey.
You don't rest on your laurels because whatfucking laurels do you have to rest on, dude?
Like, you gotta go make some laurels before youstart resting.
But to your other point that you kind of cancreate these artificial limits by telling
yourself you're not that hot, dude.

(38:41):
You're not hot shit.
Like, you know, you're not as bad as you thinkyou are.
You didn't do as much as you think you did, andso, yeah, you're not as good of an
entrepreneur.
You're not as good of a you know, all of thesethings.
On one hand, it's like it should, in some case,propel you to be better, but, you know, there's
a point of diminishing returns where you arejust now unnecessarily beating yourself up.

(39:02):
And in some ways, you know, it's like theparent that is telling their kid, that's
stupid.
That's a stupid dream.
You're not gonna be able to do that.
But, you know, do you think that that kid'sgoing to, you know, in spite and become the
best thing ever?
Maybe.
Or maybe they're gonna have issues because, youknow, you took away all their confidence by
putting these limits that they may not haveotherwise had, you know?

(39:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
At a certain point, that becomes limiting.
Like, maybe maybe as a kid or something.
Right?
Like, with coaches and everything, like, pushharder.
Like, you need to discover you need to discoverthat you can push past
Yeah.
The limits in certain ways.
And as a young man, it's helpful.
It's helpful to be pushed in that way and to beable to learn that skill of like, oh, you know,

(39:47):
stop being a bitch.
Don't be a pussy.
Push harder.
Okay.
Yeah.
But then once you've learned that, okay.
Like, to your point, it's time to learn someother skills and to use that when it's helpful
and to use other things when it's not.
Because like you said, it can be very limiting.
Maybe not as a kid because you can push past onthings.

(40:10):
Yeah.
And you
can just will your way through some stuff.
Right.
Right.
As you get to adulthood and these other complexproblems, there are some that you can't just
will yourself through.
Right.
And so that's when we need to recognize thatand thank the critical part of ourselves.
Hey, thanks.
I understand that you want to make me betterand you want me to push.
I'll do that.

(40:31):
But can we also use some other skills besidesjust pushing?
Yeah.
Do we need to go through this wall?
Like, this time, I don't know if you'rerecording it, you know, or is it a time to go
over?
Is it a time and being able to, like, take thatspace, breathe a little bit, evaluate your
situation because maybe just, you know, themethod that you are attempting over and over

(40:53):
and over again isn't the best method for going.
And I think this message is super important forguys in the military, guys getting out of the
military, you know, just, you know, young men,like, anyone really.
But I think that because of that, we are asociety that kind of suppresses that divine

(41:14):
feminine aspect of, you know, manhood.
And then on the flip side, it's toxicmasculinity if you're too so it's like, what
are you supposed to do?
Like, the people are adrift and don't reallyknow.
You know?
And so hearing it from guys like you, you know,veterans, MMA fighters, you know, people that
are that have done enough and and a lot ofpeople look up to for inspiration.

(41:39):
I wanna be like that guy.
I'm sure that there are plenty of people in atVictory that see you training, see you, and
they're like, dude, that dude's a badass.
Like, he inspired me to join the military.
He inspired me to, you know, go get my blackbelt, whatever the case is.
Yeah.
You know, and and just being able to also offerthat, you know, I'm not just this big strong
Army guy.
You know?

(41:59):
It's like there's there's some there's a softside to it, and being that, like, complete
person is what's going to make you successfulin all aspects of your life.
Yeah.
That that balance, really.
Balance.
And it's so funny.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
I want I want you
to like, in in thinking about some of some ofthose visions and stuff now, right, it's like

(42:23):
like seeing seeing Jocko now too.
Yeah.
He's softened so much.
That's so funny.
Yeah.
That's like a beautiful way.
Like seeing him with Reyna or on the mats withsome of these guys and stuff now because back
then when I had first met him, like Mhmm.
I
said 10 years ago or so, he wasn't as much inthe limelight as he is now.

(42:44):
Mhmm.
And I think being around people and constantlytelling his story, like and maybe this is just
my perspective, but I've seen that he's kindasoftened a little bit and not
in a
way where it's like jiu-jitsu isn't any good oranything like that.
Right.
Right.
He's like much more personable and maybe morein touch with that.
Yeah.
Interesting.

(43:05):
And that's almost made it okay for me andothers like to your point Yeah.
In the community to be like, hey, it's okay.
It's okay.
To be a badass and to be compassionate and tobe able to be soft.
It's okay to be, like, and really.
It's not either or, but it's the and.
Yes.
Yes.
That's where, you know, the the pushback fromsociety about toxic masculinity, it's saying

(43:28):
don't be that.
You need it it but it's kind of a both and.
It really is.
I think that and's component.
Now can you talk a little bit about, you know,your transition then into, therapy and how you
kind of brought those insights?
And maybe, I saw on your your bio, the familyyour IFS, family specialist.
I might have got gotten a little wrong, but goahead.

(43:51):
So I actually work with individuals mostly.
In So IFS, it stands for Internal FamilySystems.
Gotcha.
Sorry.
So we, right, we basically, we have a familysystem, obviously, and there's an ecology to
it, right?
It's an ecosystem.
So if your mom influences you, your influencesfrom your mom are going to affect your brother

(44:12):
or your dad.
It all affects itself in a lot of differentways.
And so that ecosystem that is outside of us andthere's tons of ecosystems, right?
Whether it's your gym or it's your workecosystem or it's your family, all these
different ecosystems kind of don't exist ontheir own, but they affect one another.
And so our internal ecosystem, we have a verysimilar kind of system.

(44:36):
We were talking about, for instance, a big partof ourselves, the critic.
So that's one part of ourselves.
hundred
That talks to us and tells us a certainperspective.
Right?
And so internal systems is getting to knowthese multiple parts of ourselves.
So I have maybe the critic.
Right?
I also have maybe a cheerleader part who'slike, oh, you can do it.

(44:58):
You got it.
Go, go, go.
And the critic's like, oh, man, you suck.
You need to get out of the couch.
Stop being a fucking lazy fat ass.
You got to work.
And then I have these other parts like mytherapist hat who's
going to be like,
oh, let's, you know, let's figure this out.
Let's let's see where this is coming.
What part is he in right now?
Different things like that.
And so what Internal Family Systems does ishelps separate from those parts because we are

(45:23):
not those parts.
Those are, yeah, mostly a product of us tryingto protect ourselves in different ways.
So we separate from these, whether throughbreath work or meditation or just mindfulness
of getting in touch with our real self, whichis the divine self.
We separate from these parts and we get to knowthem a little bit better.

(45:44):
So since we're already on the subject of thecritic, yeah.
Instead of just telling the critic, like, shutthe fuck up, man.
You're just ruining my vibes.
That's right.
You're
of that, which is what we do typically, we tryto, again, we try to suppress these parts of
ourselves.
Mhmm.
It became more of an understanding of that.

(46:05):
And so the first work I did in delving into IFSwas talking with the critic.
And basically, you have to be in thisperspective of what IFS calls the Self with a
capital S.
And that is the divine nature of who we are.
Mhmm.
That's when we're able to be compassionatetowards people or we're able to be curious or

(46:27):
we're able to be confident in these differentkinds of descriptions.
And that's what we have—that's kind of what Ido is I facilitate making sure my client is in
that energy and is in that state while talkingto the different parts of themselves.
So while I kinda got into the Self, I wascurious about the critic.

(46:48):
And I was able to say, like, hey, man.
Like, what do you do?
And he's like, well, I make sure you don'tfail.
You know?
So my critic is telling me, like, I make sureyou're not lazy and that you do the things you
need to do and you push yourself.
And another kind of line of those questions orsomewhere along the lines of those questions as
you get more rapport with these parts ofyourselves, because sometimes we're literally

(47:12):
fighting with these parts of ourselves all thetime.
But once this part understands, like, you'renot trying to get rid of it, it's willing to
talk to you.
Yeah.
Alright.
So I'm like, hey, I'm not trying to make youdisappear.
I'm not trying
to change
your job.
But, like, why do you do this?
He's like, well, again, if I don't do this, ifI don't call you lazy when you're sitting on
the couch, or if I don't say you're weak, thenyou won't go lift or you won't get off the

(47:34):
couch or you won't do these things.
That's what the critic is kind of afraid ofthat I won't do the things necessary to elevate
and to grow.
And so I'm talking to this part of myself andkind of telling it like, oh, that makes sense.
Like, okay.
Thanks.
Thanks for pushing me.
And then another interesting thing that you getinto with internal family systems is like,

(47:55):
okay.
When did you start doing this?
And so critic, it started doing this when I waslike a really young kid.
Right?
That's when it learned the skill and that skillpropelled me in a lot of ways.
Right?
Like in wrestling, in football, in all thesesports, I was able to push past physical
limits.

(48:16):
I remember a mantra from when I was a kid beinglike pain is weakness leaving the body like an
old Yeah.
Yeah.
I remember that too.
I'm a freaking kid.
And I'm just and I'm going through pain like ina lift or something.
I'm like, I don't give a fuck.
It's
just it's
just weakness leaving my body.
And that was my mindset through the blockperiod.

(48:36):
That was
my
mindset once I got into fighting.
And so this was the critic and it didn't knowthat some of this stuff was actually, like,
hurting me as well.
Mhmm.
And so these parts, they get trapped in time.
Mhmm.
This part of myself is that's reallyinteresting.
A little kid.
Right.
Right.
And so through this through this process, thistherapeutic process, we help we also help

(49:01):
first, we understand that part of ourselves andwe figure it out like we there's maybe even an
image associated with this part of ourselves.
Right?
Maybe it's in in a certain part of our bodieslike my critic is like usually in my shoulders
and neck that kind of tension.
Really?
Yeah.
And we we get these anchors for this part.
And so, you know which part you're talkingabout.

(49:23):
And so, I'm talking with this part and I get tosee it and everything.
And again, it's fear is that if it doesn't doits job, then I'm just going to become a total
loser and lazy and just not do anything.
And and so I'm like, okay.
Well, what if you didn't have to do your job?
What if I was able was.
To just, you know, train and, you know, didn'tneed you to berate me to to go to my limits and

(49:49):
to push myself?
Mhmm.
And the critic was like, oh, well, then I'dlove to just cheer for you.
I'm like, what?
Okay.
So so it wants to just do the complete oppositeof what it is doing when it feels the need to
do that because that's what it learned as a kidthat it needs to do that because that's what
coaches did for me.
Yeah.
Like my dad parents.
Yeah.
That's what parents do.

(50:09):
Right?
That's how they kind of facilitate thislearning process and push yourself.
Go beyond your limits in a long time, right?
So this process, like, it opened up this ideaof like, oh, the critic is trying to help me.
And so I'm able to be compassionate towards it.
And
the more I'm able to have that kind ofperspective, the more it actually relaxes.

(50:30):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It starts turning into that cheerleader alittle bit more.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So that's what IFS comp is.
It's so cool
to these parts of ourselves instead ofsuppressing them, right?
Helping them, helping update them is like, hey,I'm actually 34 years old now.
So I'm
not 6 years old.
You don't need to tell me that pain is weaknessleaving the body.
Like, I I right.

(50:50):
I got it, man.
Like right.
Right.
But you can chill out.
And then it does.
It's like, again, that that Alan Watts message.
Yeah.
It's like, hey.
I got the message.
We can hang up the phone now.
And it and it quiets.
Like, once you hear it, like, for example, likeanxiety, anxiety is trying to tell you
something.
Like, maybe there's a test you haven't studiedfor or maybe there's a job you haven't prepared

(51:13):
for or something like that.
If you keep ignoring that, it's gonna keepyelling at you.
You need to prepare for this.
So you get the message, we acknowledge it, weunderstand it, and we do something about it.
Yeah.
And so a lot of what I do is helping peoplelisten to these different parts of themselves

(51:34):
through a curious, compassionate self insteadof, like, well, why does it want me to do that?
Or that's stupid.
I don't want to do that.
Right?
That's just another part.
And so there's tons of layers of these parts ofour personalities that we have to get through
and better understand to be able to be in thatplace of divine feminine, divine masculine,

(51:54):
which actually has all the answers.
And so that's the great thing about my job,though, is I'm not trying to provide answers
for my clients.
I'm trying to get them to their ultimate self,which has all the answers already.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See, that's huge.
I think that's so cool.
But one of the pieces that resonated a lot withme was sort of updating, like, the time frame

(52:16):
that it gets stuck in because you're right,man.
Like, so, you know, after having medicallyseparated, you know, I'm still on one hand
holding on to a piece of this identity that Ihad, you know, being a badass in the military.
I'm like, oh, well, I can still, you know, kindof pursue this and, you know, that level of
excellence because that's who I am.

(52:37):
Right?
But I'm over in the gym.
Like, I'm not lifting as much as I was.
I'm not doing these things the way that I usedto.
And so you start whipping yourself intocompliance to freaking, like, just do it.
Just whipping a bitch and shut up.
And then you kind of reinjure something or youtweak this or whatever.

(52:57):
And now you're limping out of the gym and thatthe only critic which was telling you that you
needed to do this because you're gonna be weakand you're gonna be a loser and you're gonna be
broken.
Well, now you're limping out of the gym like aweak, broken loser.
Right?
So and it's because that's not the message thatyou needed to hear right then.
You needed to hear that you're like, hey.
You wanna be 75 and playing with yourgrandkids.

(53:20):
You wanna go surfing, you know, at 50 when abig swell comes in.
So let's switch our mindset to that goal andthen be a champion about the things that we're
doing good, not bashing that we're not a NavySEAL right now.
You know?
Yeah.
And the really cool part about some of thiswork is it becomes very psychedelic.

(53:44):
It's pretty crazy.
Like you Yeah.
That's wild.
Parts.
And I've had clients where the parts are likethey look like puppets or parts Oh, really?
They just look like versions of themselves.
Yeah.
Where they look like elements.
Right?
To everyone, it's a little
Is this like happening in their head or it'skind of like a through your eyes closed kind of
like

(54:04):
almost like a Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
We're in a meditative
state.
Yeah.
Meditative state.
And I'm having them like the first part of thisis to describe where it is in your body, what
it looks like, what it feels like.
That's really interesting.
And that's us getting to know this part.
Yes.
And
it gets really like psychedelic-esque in that.
Yeah.
Totally.
Totally.
Yeah.
And when we update that part, something reallycool happens is usually we'll tell it like, I'm

(54:28):
like helping my clients, like, tell them someof the cool shit you've done like since you
were 4 to 6 years old.
Let's let it know about how you've graduatedfrom high school and how you've graduated from
college and how you've accomplished thesethings and how you've gotten your purple belt
or whatever and how you've become a badass in alot of these ways.
Show this part some of that.

(54:48):
And typically, the part's like, whoa, you'vedone some cool stuff.
Like, oh, you're not a little kid who hasn'tdone a bunch of these things.
I can only lighten up.
I could totally relax because they're stuckprotecting that little 6-year-old who they
think you still are.
And it just changes the entire game a lot oftime, just the update.

(55:11):
But then, typically, after that, then wetypically have to help the 6-year-old who's
been protected this whole time by the critic orwhoever else.
And then so we get permission from theprotector.
Mhmm.
To go down to this other part that it's beenprotecting, and then we help unburden or
release the trauma that had happened at thattime where the critic needed to do this.

(55:35):
Yeah.
Wow, dude.
That's incredible.
I feel like I just freaking went through one ofyour sessions.
Probably I'm pulling up some shit.
No.
That's that's freaking awesome.
I kinda wanna transition.
You know, we'll wrap up here pretty soon, butwhat I just wanted to transition a little bit
into this stem cell clinic fundraiser thatyou're going.
Do you wanna tell everyone about this and kindawhat what the deal is?

(55:57):
If anything too, this this kind of transitionfall into that because with the critic, right,
the the big mindset, like the biggest part ofme was in essence the critic and pushing
pushing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Same.
And that's kind of where my journey started tochange, as I started getting in touch with the

(56:19):
feminine, the compassion, the relaxation, theletting things happen.
And as that started to happen, my body wasstarting to break down anyways.
Like, so as I was fighting, as I was gettingout of competition or out of, like, the scene
of college and all that, I dove into that sohard.

(56:43):
And I had so many injuries from the militaryprior, but I was just ignoring them.
I just, yeah.
Like, it doesn't matter.
Again, push, push, push.
Like, these opportunities only come up, youknow, so often.
And that's really now I know too, like,especially in the fight world, you kind of have
to, like, play the game a little bit.

(57:03):
Mhmm.
Gotta,
like, make sure you're at peak performance andmhmm.
Maybe not take that fight and to take this oneand things like that.
Interesting.
In our
in our mindset, it's like, no.
Give me the hardest one.
Give me the most, yeah.
Picked-up one.
Give me the battle.
I'm right.
Right.
That's what I want.
I got something to prove even though we havenothing to freaking prove.
And so I just—that's what was going on, like,during my training and everything.

(57:28):
Neck's jacked up, back's jacked up, elbow,knees, like, everything super messed up, and
I'm just ignoring it.
I'm just going anyways because that's how Iknew how to handle things.
Yeah.
That's, like, in so many respects, that's oneof the kind of ideas of the perfect soldier
that I had in my mind.
Yeah.
He's walking and shit.
It doesn't matter what's going on with yourbody, whatever.

(57:51):
It'll heal.
Yeah.
Some things don't heal.
Yeah.
Some pain isn't just weakness leaving the body.
Exactly.
And that's the major difference that you kindof need the feminine to be able to realize that
you need to listen to your body.
Yeah.
You're right.
Right.
Pain is a really great reminder and prompt oflike, hey, slow down.

(58:14):
You're going to break.
Yeah.
Where some of these things are getting to apoint they shouldn't be.
But I had grown up with that idea like, no,pain is bullshit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
100% dude.
So about like during COVID, I had just had,like, one of my my last fights, and it just my

(58:36):
body was just destroyed.
And I I knew kind of from there, I was like,man, I can't I can't compete like I used to
with everything that I have going on now.
And the the stop of COVID actually of of thegyms closing down and all that, like, forced me
to stop.
And one really weird thing that happens whenyou stop is everything kind of settles.

(58:59):
It's like a race car.
Right?
It can't stop that long.
If it is, it's going to break down.
Everything that's wrong with it comes tofruition.
It comes to the surface.
And so when I stopped because of COVID, myinjuries just exacerbated everything all of a
sudden like came to the surface.
I needed I needed knee surgery.
I needed an elbow surgery.

(59:21):
All of a sudden, my neck and back startedflaring up really badly.
And I didn't know what to do.
You know, I had the VA system.
I had acupuncture.
I had physical therapy more times than I couldcount.
You know, I'm a freaking expert
in in hand work now.
Are we the same person, Nick?
This is incredible.

(59:42):
And it just wasn't working for me, all thesethings.
And, like, I'm a physical guy.
Like, and I'm not one of those guys who doesn'tdo the exercises, you know, listen to my
doctors.
I do the things that need to be done.
I'm motivated.
I want to be healthy.
Yeah.
And so my training had to take a cut.

(01:00:04):
I had to stop because I was just getting hurtall the time.
Yeah.
And not even from anything, from just, like,molding.
I just pulled a little bit and I'd be like,dude, I can't do anything for a week now just
from having some flow rolls.
And so this was going on for the past, like,four or five years now.
And I went through another stint of, like,physical therapy and all this stuff.

(01:00:28):
And finally got some MRIs for, like, thedoctors at the VA were like, no, you just do
this.
Yeah.
PT.
No, I just do it.
Right.
No.
I just do this, whatever.
Right?
Yeah.
Have you tried PT?
Have you tried PT?
Yeah.
I do.
I
I've got the exercises memorized.
I am PT.
Basically, an honorary PT.
Yeah.

(01:00:48):
Yeah.
And so finally got some MRIs last year.
And they're like, oh, shit.
You should stop doing chiropractic work
right now.
They're like, they might give you a spinalinjury.
Oh, shit.
That's how, like, narrow the right canal isnow.
Oh, wow.
Because of the disc bulges in
my neck
and my lumbar spine.

(01:01:09):
So I have three disc bulges in my cervicalspine and three disc bulges in my lumbar spine.
Two of the bulges in my neck and two of thebulges in my lumbar spine are pretty dramatic
to the point where they're pressing on so manyof the nerves.
That, you know, I'm getting what's calledradiculopathy or the tingling and numbness down

(01:01:30):
different areas of my body, whether it's myleft arm, right arm, or right leg typically.
And so that's happening.
And the VA basically proposed to me like, hey.
Yeah.
You know, you're managing your symptoms prettywell.
You know, you're still working.
You're not crying like a little bitch about
it.
So you're good.
You know?

(01:01:50):
You're good.
Right?
You're fine.
In a few years, let's give you some for you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll mail you meds until we can give
you surgery.
So they got me on multiple pain meds and, like,you know, multiple, like, antianxiety and anti
and I don't take any of them.
I'm a therapist.
Like, I know what I can do for myself withmental health and for exercise and things like

(01:02:11):
that and pain management to be able to stillwork and see clients and talk and do what I
need to do without being addicted to some ofthese substances.
Right.
So those are the options the VA presented tome.
And they told me, they're like, you need tostop surfing.
You need to stop doing jujitsu.
You need to stop lifting weights.
You need to stop doing all this stuff.

(01:02:33):
And I'm like, that's what keeps me sane.
That's always I'm here sitting here talking toyou.
Exactly.
That's literally what kept me away from, like,going to jail or yeah.
My life after the military.
Start at 45, man.
I mean
Exactly.
So that's what stopped me from all that stuff.
And I was like, I get what you guys are saying.

(01:02:54):
I understand, but there's gotta be ways to dosomething else where I can continue the quality
of my life.
Because these are the things I love.
These are the things I live for.
These are the things I make money for so that Ican.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I can go do this.
Right?
Yeah.
So now you want me to just work?
Yeah.
It sounds terrible.
Yeah.

(01:03:15):
So I was drilling at one of the 6 a.m.
classes at Victory MMA.
Shout out to Craig Baker, one of my coachesright now.
He's just a beast, man.
But I was training, just doing drills and I waskind of down on myself that day because I was
like, man, I can't really do much.
I like, you know, luckily, there's amazingpeople in that class who are willing to just

(01:03:39):
drill and not beat the shit out of me whereit's like, great.
Now I'm screwed for a month, two months orwhatever it is.
And I was I was just kind of shooting the shitwith one of the guys there, Jeff Bramstedt.
He's the owner of Skydive, and he's a formerNavy SEAL.
And he put me on he told me about this program.

(01:04:01):
He's like, hey, man.
Have you ever looked into stem cell therapy?
I was like, yeah.
I did, but it's expensive.
It's so expensive.
I was like, so I kinda like I'm just gonna saveup money and try to get that done down the
line.
Yeah.
And he was talking to me and he's like, well,there's this there's this foundation, this
nonprofit that works with veterans.

(01:04:21):
I'll put you in touch with them and you canjust kinda see if it's for you or not.
And so, I get in touch with them, and it turnsout that they put on fundraising,
fundraising-type of help, give you a websiteand all that stuff.
And so I got on with them, and they're like,yeah, let's, you know, let's get you in this
fundraiser.
You and multiple other vets are trying to getthese procedures so you don't have to get

(01:04:46):
surgery.
Yeah.
And so, right.
That was kind of a sign for me of, like, youknow, stop putting it off.
Yeah.
Do it.
And this kind of idea of asking for help andtalking about my injuries and things, it was
very uncomfortable.
It still is.
Right?
Mhmm.
You know, these ideas again behind themasculine of, basically being, just this

(01:05:13):
masculine guy who can't be hurt, who can't bedamaged, who, you know, is never weak.
And this idea of talking about injuries andstuff, to me, it's an immediate trigger of,
like, there's weakness.
You know?
Like, in a fight, for instance, if you getinjured, you don't show it.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Show the opponent that you that your leg ishurting or that you got rocked.

(01:05:37):
You just you put on that stoic face and youkeep moving forward.
And so a big part of this journey for me hasbeen able to or has been being able to kind of
talk about these things that I'm really goingthrough instead of instead of telling my
clients how they can get through theirs.
And then again, suppressing my own and thenasking for support in this way whether it's

(01:06:03):
talking to people like you or throwing on thisfundraiser that is for
me.
And for other veterans.
Right.
And so that's what I did with Miracle HopeFoundation, this nonprofit that literally gets
in touch with veterans and helps them raisefunds to get stem cell therapy so it can happen
faster rather than later.
Because if I were gonna do this in the timelineof me just kind of making money and slowly

(01:06:26):
putting money away, maybe I'll get thisprocedure in three years, four or five years or
something.
Right.
Right.
That's like five years of not doing the shitthat I love.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Sad and pissed off all the time.
Right.
Right.
And potentially the conditions getting worsetoo over that time period as well, you know.
Most likely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I got in touch with these guys and,basically, it turns out, you know, that they

(01:06:51):
they kinda just give you a website.
Yeah.
Alright.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There you go.
And so it kinda became more about talking toyour network.
Yeah.
And creating something for yourself.
And so I've had an amazing community who whowas behind me right away.
Before I even put on this event, like, peopledonated to my fundraiser right away.

(01:07:14):
And it was like this affirmation of again,like, you know, people do care.
Like, it is okay to talk about the things thatare going wrong.
It.
Is okay to ask for help and to be supported inthis way.
And it was a really touching touching momentwhile at the same time, like a very anxious
kind of moment of like, you know, what if noone shows up for me?

(01:07:36):
You know, what if no one does care?
Because everyone's got their own stuff goingon.
Right?
Yeah.
Of course.
The thing is, though, it's like if we allhelped each other, yeah, it would be just this
amazing thing where everyone gets their needsmet instead of all of us just trying to work
individually.
I think they call that something a community.
A community.

(01:07:57):
Yeah.
It takes a tribe.
It really takes a village.
It takes a tribe.
It takes a community to build these things.
Yeah.
And so with Bram kind of hooking me up with theMiracle Hope Foundation, I got back into it and
decided, like, okay, I'm gonna do this.
And so, I'm putting on a fundraiser event whereDean Lister is gonna do a seminar.

(01:08:19):
So thank you.
I'm sure you know about Dean.
Yeah.
Hell, yeah.
Why would you talk about 50% of the body leglock master, right?
Long-time jujitsu practitioner, ADCC champion,all these wonderful accolades.
And he is one of my coaches, and he told mehe's like, yeah, dude.
I'll help you.
I'll throw a seminar for this.

(01:08:40):
It's just amazing.
That's amazing.
And so we're literally throwing on the seminarfor $50.
And Dean's seminars usually cost at least $150.
Right?
And so, it's going to be the seminar at theHarley-Davidson San Diego Center, which is on
Marina Boulevard right by the Costco.
They have a huge, huge facility, and they throwon

(01:09:01):
A stack.
They don't throw things like this all the time.
And then we're going to have people likeyourself with coffee there.
We're going to have free waters.
We're going to have your boy, for tacos.
We're going to have some coconuts.
We're going to have other people there.
We're gonna have CPI, which is the stem cellfacility that I'm going through.

(01:09:23):
They're gonna be talking about stem cells andeducating people on what this can do
potentially for not only me, but for otherpeople with certain issues.
The cost is huge.
Things like that.
I'm having another chiropractor I used to workwith who's a Marine veteran.
He's gonna be coming and giving people, like,adjustments and posture Please.

(01:09:43):
Tests.
So this is really for the community to be ableto link up together and and really be able to
talk about and educate themselves on differentthings that might be helpful for them while
learning while learning some amazing jujitsufrom one of the greats for really cheap and all
that money goes to veterans who are seekingstem cell therapy.

(01:10:07):
And you get to write these you get to writewhatever you buy off because it's just a non
profit.
Wow, dude.
That's gonna be such a sick event.
Like, we talked about it on the phone before wecut when we were scheduling, you know, today's
thing, and I was, like, stoked about it, butkind of I don't know.
After our conversation and kind of walkingthrough and you give it, dude, that is gonna be

(01:10:27):
an incredible opportunity, like, just alone forthe opportunity to go train with Dean Lister,
learn something like that, but also gonna feelgood that the way that you're spending your
weekend, the way that you're spending yourmoney is going to help veterans.
Like, I think that really yeah, you'd be kindastupid not to if you're into this at all, you

(01:10:52):
know, this would be absolutely an event to makeit to.
And I'm so stoked that I get to support you inany way, dude, and be there secretly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I really appreciate
it, man.
And so the it's gonna be free open mat from
Sec.
From 10 to 11 or, sorry, 11 to 12.
It's free open mat
and then 12.
What was the date again?
Sorry.
I'd I'd
Yeah.
No no problem.

(01:11:12):
January 4th.
Saturday, January 4th.
So right after New Year's.
Right?
Great opportunity for people to come in rightafter New Year's and learn some new things and
to focus on like, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonnalearn some new drills or some new leg locks or
whatever it is and kind of up their jujitsugame and and really kinda start the year off
right like in Right.

(01:11:33):
Way.
So January 4th, Saturday at the San DiegoHarley-Davidson Center on Marina Boulevard, and
really like open mat from 11 to 12.
12 to 2 is the seminar.
So 2 hour seminar, $50.
Come on, dude.
Are you kidding me?
And then open mat again from 2 to 4.

(01:11:56):
So exactly.
And even if you don't want to buy a ticket forthe seminar, you can come to open mat.
Right?
We're just gonna clear out the mat so peoplecan come back in who paid for the seminar.
You can still come and just show up.
So the biggest thing now is just like gettingthe word out so people know
about it.
Like honestly.
Totally.
Totally.
That's amazing, dude.
Well, send me all of the info.
I'll put it in, like, my email newsletter.

(01:12:18):
I'll blast it on my socials.
You know, I don't have, like, a ton of reach,but, you know, I think it takes community, man.
A little bit here, a little bit there.
Like, you tell two people, they tell twopeople.
And before you know it, all of a suddenthere's, like, thousands of people that you can
get your message.
So yeah.
Really appreciate that, man.
And the whole thing about this, right, isavoiding surgery when it's not totally

(01:12:41):
necessary.
Totally.
Like basically, I would need either like afreaking fusion.
Yeah.
For multiple vertebrae.
So I'm just going to not be able to move myneck and eventually just jujitsu goes out the
window anyways and so does surfing and stuff.
Yeah.
And that would be either for my neck and mylumbar spine or it would be complete disc

(01:13:01):
replacements.
Right?
And so these are surgeries that they're goodsurgeries.
Don't get me wrong.
Like, but these are supposed to be last resort
surgeries.
Right.
Thirty-four years old.
You know?
I'm not trying to, like, yeah, maybe I'll getrid of the pain.
But if my functionality is out the window,what's the point?

(01:13:22):
Right.
What's the point?
No.
Totally.
And I think that is, you know, we look atsurgery because it should be a last-ditch
option.
But people kind of do this thing where theythink if I get the surgery, on the other side
of it, everything will be good.
And that you're kinda rolling the dice,especially with neck and back and stuff.

(01:13:42):
Like, yes, it can have really good outcomes andwhatever, but a lot of outcomes, you know, it
just maybe marginally improves your quality oflife.
It's kinda like SSRIs in some ways.
You know?
It's like if an SSRI will keep you fromcommitting suicide, take an SSRI, dude.
Like, absolutely.
But if it's not gonna drastically move whereyou feel, it's just going to be there as like

(01:14:08):
an absolute lifeline, and it may not even helpyou at all or whatever the case is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And so, that's my hopes in this.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
I'll have
to really actually heal instead of just likeyou're saying, kind of covering up the
symptoms.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100%.
And just
putting a band-aid on something and thendealing with it down the line anyways, trying

(01:14:29):
to deal with it now.
And with this amazing freaking technology outthere nowadays where I'm literally trying to
regrow the discs in my vertebrae.
It's crazy, man.
The more research I've done on this, the morecool I am
to see on the
other side of this.
And with support like you and from everyoneelse in the community, I'm almost there.

(01:14:51):
There's been a donor who is matching everydollar given to this foundation through the end
of December.
So some, like a few veterans, have already madetheir mark because of this donor.
I'm so close as well.
I think I need like 5k left, and then I'mthere.

(01:15:15):
And a big part of this too, at this point,since there's only like 5 or 6k left for the
donations that I need to, I really just want tothrow on a good event at this point.
Dude.
Like, I just want the community to feel likethey're getting something out of supporting me
as well now.
Right.
Like, that's what it really has become about.
Like, fuck it.

(01:15:35):
You know, if I have to, I'll put the rest on afucking credit card and deal with it myself.
That's okay.
But I really want the people who have alreadysupported me in this to be able to have a good
time and to get some knowledge, you know, toget some understanding and to be able to start
their new year off right too.
Right.
Right.
No.
I think you'll be planting the seed for a lotof veterans too or just people in general, but,

(01:16:00):
you know, who might want to explore stem celland that stuff going in the future is maybe,
you know, like myself.
Like, I've been in the same boat, dude, whereI'm like, stem cell would be great.
I've looked into it a little bit.
Basically, what I've looked into is it's notreally an option, like, a realistic option for
me right now.
So I will look at other shit in the meantime.

(01:16:21):
But by doing this, you're kind of like, hey.
This is actually the steps.
This is what you're gonna do.
Here's some people coming in.
They're gonna tell you exactly how much itcosts, what you need, what it covers, you know,
all this.
And then maybe, you know, you're just kindagentle push for a lot of people to go down
their own healing journey through thesealternative methods, which is a huge component

(01:16:42):
of what I'm trying to spread with this podcast.
We talked about mind, body, and mushroom, dude.
Like, it it really does touch all of thosethings because, you know, the mind, body,
spirit connection, I I think, like, to be acomplete person, all those things have to be
connected, you know, working in unison, and youneed to be in touch with them.

(01:17:03):
And sometimes psychedelics or holisticalternative modalities in general are a really
good way of kinda getting there.
Absolutely.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Yeah.
Nick Badis, you're you're a badass dude.
I am so stoked that we got to meet, and I'mreally looking forward to this event.

(01:17:25):
Can you tell people the website again just incase anyone listening to this wants to get on
there and donate before the end
of December?
Sure.
I mean, so the website's a little weird.
So it's better if they just get on my Instagramor Facebook and and look in the link
that is
that is on my, on my socials.
My Instagram is baddest145.

(01:17:47):
My last name 145.
That's the weight I used to fight at, believeit or not.
I get it.
So the link's right there.
You can check it out to get your tickets rightthere.
And again, it has all of the information forthe event.
And if you just want to come, if you don't wantto do the seminar, you can just come show up,
you know, support the different vendors thatare there, you know, go get a posture check,

(01:18:11):
check out CVI.
And then if you decide, you know, you could payfor your ticket to get taught by a world-class
athlete in itself.
So check out my website.
It's called, I mean, yeah, the website itselfis give.classy.org/stemcellsandsubmissions.
That's what the event is called, Stem Cells andSubmissions.

(01:18:35):
But, yeah, you can find it on my socials atbaddest145 or on Facebook at Nick Badis.
Sick, man.
I'll put links in the show notes and stuff toall this stuff too after some of
the prep.
So I'll send those links to you as
well as
that can go in the show notes.
That would be awesome, man.
Nick, this has been honestly one of the bestconversations I've had on the pod.
I've been so stoked.

(01:18:55):
You were like a brother of another mother forme.
So I really resonated with a lot of what yousaid, and I really hope that our listeners do
too, man.
So yeah.
Thank you so much, Jordan.
Thanks for facilitating this conversation.
Thanks for having me on.
Thanks for all your
support.
I really appreciate it, man, and this was areally insightful talk.
Thank you.
Yeah.

(01:19:15):
Of course, man.