Ep. 19 | Surfing Through Adversity: A Champion's Tale | Army Vet Jose Martinez - Mind Body Mushroom

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I grew up in Compton, California.
And grew up in where you
said Compton?
Yeah.
I was born, shit.
No way, dude.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
I was born and raised in L.A.
Fuck, man.
I grew up poor.
I didn't really have a father.
I had an abusive alcoholic father.
You know?
So I used to get beat up.

(00:21):
My mom used to get beat up.
I used to watch a lot of this shit go down.
You know?
But I tried moving my wife back to where Ipretty much grew up at, and she's like, no.
No.
No.
No.
We're not going back to that shithole.
I'm moving back to Compton.
Yeah.
Did you like it?
Was there
was there aspects of growing up there that youliked?

(00:44):
Like, why did you wanna move back there?
You know what?
Like, I'm just a big sports guy.
I love the Dodgers.
I'm a big Lakers fan.
Like, I grew up playing sports all my life.
That's what actually kept me away from a lot ofthe BS.
Kept me and my little brother away from thestupid shit.
You know?
Right.
I mean, a lot of my friends were gang members.
A lot of my friends were into drugs.

(01:05):
Like, a lot of the bad stuff.
You know?
Right.
And just because of the area, a lot of themdidn't have parents and stuff like that.
You know?
So I tried avoiding it.
Me and my best friends always try to avoid itbecause we all like playing basketball.
You know?
Like, yeah, some of us knew how to tag or liketo tag and stuff like that, but that didn't
mean we're gang members.
You know?
We just like art.

(01:26):
You know?
Some people didn't understand that part, andthat was all part of me growing up in L.A.
and, like, the culture and stuff like that.
Like, bro, I grew up without a dad, but I'm astill confident human being.
You know?
And that's all because of where I grew up.
Like, the things that I've gotten to see andthe things I've gotten to experience.
You know?
But my wife's all like, what do you need thatfor now?

(01:48):
Like, you know?
And I'm like, well, you're right.
Like, you know, I can cook.
Like, I don't need it.
Like, L.A.
is a melting pot.
Like, if I want Chinese food, I can go getChinese.
I want Thai, I can go get Thai.
You know?
Like, I can everything you want, it's availableright around the corner, technically.
You know?
Right.
Right.
Simplicity and stuff like that.

(02:09):
And, she ended up showing me where she kindagrew up, which was ghetto, which is in other
land to the high desert.
But, we ended up driving around, like, thenicer areas, the more retired areas and stuff
like that.
And, to be quite honest with you, I fell inlove with it because it looked like
Afghanistan.
Like, dude, the mountains, like, the sunrisesand sunsets and stuff like that.

(02:34):
Like, it's I've the most beautiful Milky Way,the most beautiful sunrise and sunsets have
been in Afghanistan for me.
I've I've either been right by the gun underit, freezing, waiting for that sun to come up,
you know, and be like, damn.
Dude, that's the most beautiful sunrise I'veever seen.
But, like, at least I remember that feelingjust from being cold and miserable and then

(03:01):
seeing the beauty of it.
I'm like, man, that's I'll never forget thosedays.
You know?
Totally amused.
Well, two things I wanna I wanna say.
First of all, so you tried moving your wife toCompton and then a place that reminded you of
Afghanistan.
Just just just I don't know.
If you've seen it from that perspective, butit's probably like, what the hell?
No.
But the other thing that makes me think of isthat, and something that the military has

(03:26):
always, you know, just by its nature emphasizesis that the simple things, when you've been
stripped from them for so long, are, like, someof the most rewarding things.
You know what I mean?
Like basic training, piece of pizza, you know?
Me too.
We get to go to Taco Bell.

(03:46):
Like, are you kidding me?
Like, it's, like, the best shape
you could possibly, like, imagine doing, and Ithink that there's a parallel there to, you
know, other aspects of your life in recoverybecause here's some more things we take
advantage of.
You know, our hands, our limbs, our mobility,you know, these things, and it's really easy to

(04:09):
kinda get down on yourself.
And then until you don't have those things,then you're like, damn, dude.
Wiping my ass was really nice.
Like, I could take care of myself like that.
I took that for granted.
You know?
Absolutely.
I mean, as we go on, I'll tell you somethingspecifically to that actual thought.

(04:30):
After I got out of recovery, I remember seeingthis guy as a vegetable.
He had his whole body, whole body.
He had his parents hovering over him.
And I think I was, this was, like, day threeout of two months in ICU.
So they take me out because they're like, hey.
You gotta start moving.

(04:51):
You know?
You need to start.
We need to move you around.
You, we can't just have you laying in bed andnot move a muscle, like, not, you know?
Right.
And I'm like, dude, I had, I think, maybe,like, 12 drain tubes still attached to me.
I had a PICC line still on me, like, all kindsof stuff.
And they're bringing me down into occupationaltherapy.

(05:13):
And I'm like, dude, I'm already complaining,like, talking nonsense and yelling at people.
And when I go in there, it's really quiet and Ijust hear someone crying.
Like, I could hear him on, like, the corner,you know?
And I see these parents hovering over theirkid.
I mean, he probably must have been 19 or 20,bro.
I got hit when I was 23.

(05:34):
You know?
So I've at least got to live a little, butgrowing up in L.A., I got to live a lot, you
know?
So for me, like, I've been gracefully blessedto experience a lot of life, you know?
And I'll never forget, I remember looking up atmy stepdad, and I'm like, hey, Dad.
Like, I promise you that I won't ever take thisfor granted.

(05:59):
I promise you that I won't ever take my life.
Like, I promise you that I'm gonna do my best.
You know?
I don't know what that means at this time rightnow, but I'm just gonna do my best.
You know?
Right.
And I looked at him and I told him, I'm justgrateful that at least I could remember your
name.
I could remember who I am.
I could remember my brother, my sister, mybest—when I woke up, my best friend and my

(06:22):
family were right there by the door.
My best friend and my family.
You know?
Yeah.
So for me to be able to remember all of thesepeople and being able to see a kid that still
had all his limbs, still everything there, butnothing up here.
Like, it just broke me, bro.
Oh.
And that instantly was what made me alwayspromise myself.

(06:45):
Like right.
You know, I might go down the spiral loop.
I might try to attempt something, but I won'texecute it.
Right.
Does that make sense?
I'm just gonna introduce my guest.
So first off, I'm Jordan Ryan, founder of Windand Sea Coffee.
And welcome to the Mind Body Mushroom, thepodcast where we explore the magic of
psychedelics, plant medicine, and all the waysyou can naturally upgrade your health and

(07:09):
well-being.
Today, I have the absolute honor of welcomingan extraordinary guest to the show, someone who
exemplifies resilience, strength, and thetransformative power of both the ocean and the
mind.
Jose Martinez is a true warrior in every senseof the word.
A retired U.S.
Army veteran who, after enduring life-alteringinjuries in combat, not only survived, but is

(07:30):
thriving.
Through adaptive surfing, Jose found a profoundconnection to healing and purpose, channeling
the power of the waves to rebuild his body andspirit.
As a gold medalist in the prone 2 division atthe ISA World Parasurfing Championships and a
top-ranked athlete in the Association ofAdaptive Surfing Professionals World Tour, Jose
has proven himself a champion in every sense.

(07:52):
His story doesn't stop there.
He's also been an outspoken advocate for thetherapeutic potential of psychedelics, using
these tools to confront trauma, find clarity,and deepen his
Jose's story is one of overcoming unimaginablechallenges, breaking boundaries as a champion
adaptive surfer, and inspiring countless othersto rewrite their own narratives.

(08:14):
I'm beyond excited to dive into this journey ofrecovery, resilience, and the role that surfing
and psychedelics have played in shaping hisincredible life.
Jose, thank you so much for coming on the showtoday.
It's been, you know, we talked a little bitbefore, and we talked, you know, on the phone.
And just hearing your story, like, Bree, I waslike, hold on.
Do you save it?

(08:34):
Save it?
Save it.
Like, this is magic, and I can't wait to haveyou on and just just telling your story and
inspiring others.
So, now right before we kind of got cut off,you were telling me when you were in the
hospital, but maybe let's back up a little bit.
So for, as I kind of mentioned in theintroduction, you're an adaptive surfer, a para

(08:59):
what?
Paralympic athlete.
Do you want to talk about maybe your time inthe Army and then what brought you to this
life-changing injury?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
So I ended up joining the military right aroundthe recession time, 2009, 2010.
Just like everybody, I was making really,really good money.

(09:23):
I was actually working for a staffing agency,and I had about 35 to 45 hundred employees
under me.
I was 19, 20 years old, making $75,000 plus ayear, with bonuses and all kinds of stuff.
You know?
I I coming from the ghetto as a kid that no onethought would accomplish anything, no one

(09:44):
realized how smart I truly was.
I graduated with AP and honors.
I graduated with a minor in Spanish and a minorin math, but no one knew because no one ever
cared to ask or anything like that.
Plus, I was bald and looked like a gangster.
So I you gotta put on a face.
You know?
Like, that's not who I am, but right.
I I I can be that if that's what I need to be.

(10:06):
You know?
Yeah.
So gotta fit in to get in to fit in, you know?
Exactly, you know?
So, I ended up, when the recession came, I waspart of it.
I got laid off.
And for a long time or for a good minute, I waskinda lost, man.
I tried going back to school.
I tried working again in a differentenvironment and stuff like that.

(10:29):
Yeah.
It was good, but I wasn't happy.
I I felt like I wasn't helping people out theway I naturally help people, you know?
Mhmm.
And during all of this, drinking alcohol.
I was eating Jack in the Box in the middle ofthe night.
Like so I was gaining weight.
I was 5'9", 5'10", 220-something pounds.

(10:52):
And the deeper I got into this depression onmind state from all of this stuff that was
going on from the recession, letting go of myjob and stuff like that.
Like, I was just completely lost.
So I started working out.
One day, I was like, man, fuck this.
I'm just gonna go run.
And I started running.

(11:12):
Let me backtrack.
I played soccer since I was 4 years old.
Okay.
So running and stuff like that, it has neverbeen a problem for me.
Like I've always been active.
I've always been on top of my stuff.
But when I started working, work took overeverything because at 18, I think, well, people
think you have to work like a mule to makemillions of dollars when that's really not the

(11:36):
case, you know?
Got it.
So as I'm learning and I have no guidance frommy parents, no guidance from nobody, to be
honest with you.
Everybody's telling me that I'm gonna benothing that, you know, because I like to race
cars, because I like things that areextravagant and different from what the rest of
the world is that I'm not gonna amount toanything because that's what I'm into.

(11:56):
You know?
And I'm like, man, whatever.
I started running.
I actually ended up losing 100 pounds to thepoint.
Dude, within 3 months, people thought I wassick.
Yeah.
Like, I I I yeah.
I started running.
One day, I just took off and started I went torun the Hampton Dam, which I'm if I'm correct,

(12:16):
it's 5 miles there and back.
And I did it.
I was like, man, this is pretty easy.
So the next day, I went a little further andthen a little further, and it got to the point
where I started running 15, 20 miles.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Oh, and then I started running to the gym.
So I, yeah, 5, 10 miles to run to the gym, workout for an hour, hour and a half, maybe 2

(12:41):
hours, and then run back because I didn't haveanything better to do.
I didn't have anything going on.
So I figured if I can at least take care of mybody, then, you know, something was gonna be
okay.
You know?
Now were you still at the time?
Like, were you working in some job, or how didyou kinda make that, make the time all of a
sudden to, you know, to focus on your healthmore?

(13:04):
I was in school and construction working, butconstruction is not every day.
It's not you know?
Like, it was one of those where some days,yeah, some days, no.
Job.
We don't have
a job.
What type of Exactly.
You know?
So so stuff like that.
So I would just make it happen.
And if I didn't have the time, I would maketime.

(13:25):
You know?
Because everybody says, oh, I'm a go drink so Idon't have time to go and work out.
You know?
Right.
Right.
That's what Drake says.
You know?
So if I knew I was gonna go and drink, I wouldwork out 2 hours before.
Right.
You know?
And then I would be okay with drinking.
Because then I'm like, man, at least I alreadydid my workout.
I can I can fuck off?
Like they
weren't in.

(13:45):
my body.
Yeah.
You know?
Like, I'm not there's a balance there at least.
You know?
There's something balancing stuff off.
Totally.
So And did your
diet change a lot?
Like, were you kind of, you know, has had hasthat component kind of been dialed in yet or
not quite?
Not really, just because I didn't have a job.
So yeah.
If I could only eat eggs and hot dogs, eggs andhot dogs would work for that week.

(14:09):
You know?
Yeah.
Sounds pretty good.
Yeah.
It sounds tasty.
You know the deal.
You've been there before.
You know?
100%.
Top Ramen, whatever you gotta make it.
You know?
As long as you can survive for the next day,you'll figure it out.
Yeah.
You know?
And, eventually, it got to the point where onenight, I was just up.

(14:31):
I had my cousin living with me at the time.
He had just gotten kicked out of his house.
He was going to USC.
I was taking care of him, trying to take careof myself.
Oh, yeah.
I would give him a call and be like, hey.
I got $20 for us to eat for the rest of theweek.
He goes, just get me hot dogs.
And I was the egg guy.
So I was like, yeah.

(14:51):
You know?
Like so, I remember one night, I had NationalGeographic on, and I think it was, like, 12 or
1 o'clock at night.
I had gotten into it with my girlfriend that Ihad at the time.
Mhmm.
And I had just put my weight vest on because Iwas about to take off to go running.
Mhmm.

(15:11):
And I would look at the TV, and I see GreenBerets.
And I'm like, oh, like, let me see what's upwith this.
You know?
I sat down and watched the whole thing, and itwas a two-part series.
So I was there for two hours just sittingthere, like, you know, 1 in the morning just
wide open and shit.
And what caught my attention was that theyweren't looking for someone that was physically

(15:35):
capable of doing it.
Green Berets were looking for someone that wasmentally there and capable of fixing it here.
Right.
You know?
Because if you could move this, everything elsefollows.
You know?
Totally.
So for me, I was like, what the like, damn.
This might be my calling.
And I tell my cousin the next day.

(15:57):
I'm like, hey, Brian.
I think I'm gonna join the military.
And he goes, why?
Because we as kids, my parents are from ElSalvador.
His parents from us were all from El Salvador.
Yeah.
So, my parents migrated over here because ofthe revolutionary war that they had going on.
Back stories, they've I've heard stories ofthem seeing family members hung, you know,

(16:22):
military guys going into their homes, rapingtheir mother and their sisters, you know,
different stories like that.
So for us, me saying that I'm gonna join themilitary, that that's that's, like, a big
no-no.
Like, that's Oh, I see.
Yeah.
Like
Got you.
Because their association with the governmentwas, like, oh, shady spot.
And now you're trapped

(16:43):
in that organization.
Mess with it.
That and I don't want you dead.
Yeah.
I know I know what war does.
You know?
I know what war does.
Yeah.
You
know?
So for them, it was like, you do, like and Itold my cousin.
I'm like, hey.
Like because at the time, I I didn't have aguidance.
Like I said, I didn't really have a mom.
I didn't really have a dad.
Like, to this day, I'm still kinda on my owntrying to figure it out.

(17:06):
You know?
Gracefully, now I have amazing friends that area lot older, 20, 30 years older, that I look at
them like that's my papa right there because heguides me.
He helps me.
Like, when I'm in trouble physically ormentally, like, I know I can pick up the phone
and be like, hey, papa.
This and this is going on.
Like, can you give me some guidance or a tip orwhat would you do?

(17:29):
You know?
And, gracefully, I have more than a handful ofthose people that I can trust.
You know?
And, gracefully, like, those are the peoplethat I put inside after all of this has
happened, you know, because I'm starting tounderstand that I'm not gonna make it out on my
own.
You know, this is a community thing.
This is a I gotta keep working hard.

(17:50):
But to a certain degree, I don't have to workthat hard if someone turns around and says,
hey, Jose.
If you take this path, it's not gonna be easy.
You just have to stay consistent, but you'regonna get to where you wanna be at.
You know?
That's all I've ever really needed, and I feellike as men, as kids, that's what we've all
really needed.
Just someone to kinda, like, look back and belike, oh, I got you, bro.

(18:13):
You know?
Totally.
Like that.
So that's the person that I've always been formy brother, for my sister, for my cousin, for
my best friends.
You know?
Well, I think that's one of the reasons thatthe military is such a good, you know, starting
place for, you know, young people, to begintheir life because, you know, there's a

(18:35):
discipline aspect.
There is, like, a respect for not justauthority because I don't, you know, kind of
fuck authority.
It's not really that, you know, but it'srespect for the prestige and the sacrifice.
Yes.
All of them.
Yes.
You know, how many Christmases that personmissed with their kids, you know, defending so

(18:59):
on.
And they've done this for 10 years with yourexactly.
Boot ass coming out of boot camp or somethinglike that.
It's like and that guy, I guarantee some chiefor some, like, sergeant's gonna be a total
dick, but it's like you learn to respect therank, not necessarily the person, you know,
like and then definitely.

(19:20):
Eventually, you earn respect as a person, butthe rank, you respect because it's there.
And like you said, just that discipline of,like, you know, what I always contrast between,
like, the military, special operations, any ofthese pipelines relative to, like,
entrepreneurship is both are really fuckinghard, but your path to become a Green Beret or

(19:45):
Navy SEAL or Marine Recon, it's kinda, like,set out.
You just have to show up and do it.
It's gonna suck.
Exactly.
It's gonna suck, but, like, it's there.
You know?
And whereas entrepreneurship, it's like it'svery, you know, up to so it's just sort of
like, I don't know.
Is it whether it's the right decisions, youknow?
Like you said, sometimes working super harddoesn't necessarily correlate to success, but

(20:09):
it does in the military.
So, yeah, that's I could see how that provideda little bit of that structure that you were
missing and looking for.
Absolutely.
You know, I went right in, and I remember,like, going up to them, and they're like, what
makes you think that you're ready?
And I'm like, oh, dude.
You wanna get down and do push-ups with me?
You wanna do sit-ups?
Or what is it?

(20:30):
I've probably bench press more than you canright now.
And they just looked at me, and they're like,what the fuck?
Like, we've never had this kind of dude comeinto us.
I was like, I ain't no punk bitch either.
I'm not 18 years old.
You know?
Yeah.
I'm already a grown-ass man.
Like right.
Oh, not only that.
I've been fucking a grown-ass man since I was 5years fucking old because I've had to take care

(20:51):
of my little brother.
You know?
At the age of 9, I had to take care of mylittle sister on top of that.
You know?
Oh, and I had my cousins that I had to takecare of as well.
You get what I'm saying?
So I've always been the top dog in my life.
Right.
And I went into basic training, ended uplosing, like, 10 pounds of muscle.
I was depleted.

(21:12):
I see.
That single time I was in the chow hall, I wasjust, like, as fast as possible.
I could not have enough in me.
Like, I didn't fucking get it.
You know?
Right.
And then I ended up coming out, went into myunit, went into Fort Lewis.
Were you in infantry?
Was that your
11 Bravo.

(21:32):
11 Bravo?
Yes, sir.
Yeah.
Dope.
Hell, yeah.
Yeah.
So, ended up, I remember basic training.
They offered me jump school.
They offered me assault school.
They offered me all kinds of shit.
But because I was mentally somewhere else, Ididn't think that I was worthy of living here,

(21:54):
brother.
Before I even joined the military, I wasstruggling with my own self.
I was selfish.
I was an asshole.
You know?
I've done a lot of stupid shit, raced cars,crashed cars, like, all kinds of dumb shit that
you as a parent would be like, what?
Oh, dude.

(22:14):
You know?
Like, and some other shit that I can't even sayout here.
You know?
Right.
Right.
Like, this whole time, all I wanted to everfeel and have others realize is that I'm
another human as well.
I'm just as smart.
Like, I was tired of people treating me like Iwas a fucking child when I was smarter than

(22:38):
them.
I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I'm a lotsmarter than my mom and my dad.
It's not because I've gone to school.
It's just that's who I really am.
I'm just a smart human being, period.
You know?
So what was kinda your main motivation then, Iguess, for joining?
Was it, like, you know, was it structure?
Was it money?
Was it adventure?
Was it, you know, I don't know, what were youlooking for?

(23:01):
Now that I sit back and look at it, I think itwas everything.
It was the fact that I would be getting paidwithout having to pay rent because I knew that
they were gonna have a place where I couldsleep at.
I didn't have to worry about that shit anymore.
So guess what?
I can stack a little bit of extra money for mybrother so he can finish playing high school
basketball.
You know, give him some shoes, give him someshit like that.

(23:25):
Adventure.
Fuck.
I've never really left California.
You know?
And for me to be able to just grab my stuff,like, what was it?
A pair of shoes and, like, three shirts that wetook with us?
You know?
Like, you didn't have much.
So for me, it was definitely an adventure morethan anything.
I was tired of being an asshole.
I was tired of being selfish.

(23:46):
I was tired of feeling like it was just me, me,me, and only me before someone else took what I
thought was just for me.
You know?
Now that I'm older and I've done psychedelicsand I've done a lot of things, I'm realizing
that God has put an abundance for me that youcan't touch, but he has put an abundance for

(24:08):
you that I can't touch.
And that abundance is endless.
We just have to be able to see it.
You know?
But at the time when I was a kid, when I wasfighting for my life, when I was trying to stay
alive in L.A., when gang members would come upto me and say, where the hell are you from?
Like, guess what?
I had to tuck them up, stick my chest out, andbe like, screw you.
Like, let's go at it.

(24:28):
You know?
Totally.
It's a dog-eat-dog world there.
Right.
You know?
You know, it's really hard, you know, growingup in poverty, which I grew up in poverty as
well.
I met my dad when I was 13, you know.
I wasn't confident.
I didn't have, like, a crazy childhood, youknow, but I had but, but, when you this
scarcity mindset is so prevalent when it feelslike you have to fight for survival, where

(24:55):
everything is, like, dog-eat-dog, cutthroat.
You know, if I'm gonna get mine, that means I'mgetting it from somebody else.
So ever you know what I mean?
That mindset gets ingrained, and it createsthat, like, you know,
Tension.
Tension.
A little
bit of selfishness.
Like, it's that survival instinct.

(25:17):
Competitiveness.
You know?
Like totally.
And to me, to be quite honest with you, I waslost, bro.
I couldn't even take pictures.
I couldn't look at myself because I didn't seethe Jose that I've always loved and known.
Even though I've gone through some trauma, someturmoil, I never changed all up until I got

(25:39):
older enough to start making my own decisions.
And that's when I realized that I was justdoing it based off of my environment.
Right.
You know?
And I fuck that shit.
Like, I'm tired of this shit.
I'm tired of having to be bald because I haveto look this way so people could be scared of
me.
You know?
Like, that stupid, stupid, stupid things tothink of.

(26:02):
But yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
You know?
But this is the type of mentality you have tohave to survive in this kind of world.
You know?
Right.
Especially in the world that I was growing upin.
So when I got to my, like, my unit, bro, myplatoon sergeant would be like, yo.
Go and grab the sergeant.

(26:23):
I'm like, platoon sergeant.
I just wanna let you know that I don't havethat rank until then and he's like, I don't
give a fuck what the fuck they're gonna say.
You tell them that they need to fucking gettheir ass here, blah blah blah.
Mhmm.
And I would get to them and be like, hey,sergeant.
And I'm like, woah.

(26:43):
Push a position.
I'm like, alright.
Fuck.
Alright.
Here you go.
Start pumping.
You know?
But they never mistreated me.
They never smoked me because I was just adumbass.
Right.
Because that I would get smoked when I makestupid decisions.
Yeah.
That's totally different than being a dumbass.
You know?
For sure.
When you know what the fuck you're doing, andthe other one, you just have no fucking thought

(27:06):
process to it.
So they understand that if you don't know, thenyou don't know.
But if you know and you still vote for it, thenyou need to get smoked.
Yeah.
You
know?
Yeah.
So you
gotta pay the man.
Yeah.
So they would always teach me, like, look.
I'm gonna treat you as a man as long as youshow me you're a man.
I'll treat you as a kid when you show me youwanna be a kid.
You know?
Sometimes I would walk into the fucking, intothe office, and I would see people mop.

(27:30):
Oh, shit.
Turn right back around because I already knew.
Like, if I stay here, my big-ass mouth is gonnahave my ass right there.
You know?
So I and that's the one thing that I startedloving more and more.
So I gave more and more of myself to my unit,to my people, to my friends, you know, to my

(27:52):
guys, to the point where scouts would put onfucking competitions and shit like that.
Scouts couldn't take us out.
We're the best, bro.
We're the best fucking unit that we had.
We're the best infantry unit.
We were unstoppable.
And and how long were you in the Army?
How many years total?
I was pretty short, 3 and a half.

(28:13):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I and but you'd say you'd deployed.
I wanted yeah.
I deployed.
I ended up, yeah, I ended up deploying, intoKandahar, Afghanistan in 2010.
We left in 2011.
Got there.
I think we're celebrating Thanksgiving therealready.
If I'm yeah.
If I'm correct.
Like, if so I I just I my plan was to go toAfghanistan, try to get my Green Beret contract

(28:43):
because I knew that would be one place that Ican show totally.
This mental strength, you know, more thananything.
And I got to do, like, 1 or 2 missions withthem when I first got there.
Sec.
Yeah, like, and we got gifted a M240B, which isa 7.62.
So it's the size of a SAW.

(29:04):
Yeah.
But it uses 7.62 rounds.
Oh, shit.
That gifted.
Yeah.
It was dope, bro.
It was a dope thing.
Never.
That's awesome.
Like, hey.
We're about to go home.
You guys might need this, and they ended upgifting it to you.
It was awesome.
That's but,
Do you think you would've stayed in for a longtime?
Like, were you loving the Army?
You would've done yeah.
You would've done the full thing.

(29:24):
Just because, I mean, I was waking up in themorning, before we took off to Afghanistan, I
was waking up and running 10 miles with 50pounds, 40 pounds.
Wow.
I knew we were going to go and die.
I knew that if I had a chance to save somebody,that I needed to be at my top shape.
Mhmm.
You know?

(29:45):
And even though I was drinking, even though,like, it didn't matter, I had a routine.
That was the routine every single day of mylife when I was in the military.
You know?
Even to the point where my guys would be like,where's Martinez at?
I was like, I don't know.
I haven't seen him.
They're like, oh, go check the gym.
He's probably in there right now.
That's where I was always at.

(30:05):
You know?
So I would never really get in trouble.
Like, I remember one time, my squad leaders arelike, yo.
Get lost.
You just need to get the fuck lost.
I was like, alright.
Cool.
I went into my room and got lost for hours, andthey're like, we've been looking for you.
You suck.
I was like, I was lost.
You told me to get lost.
Like, he goes, who are you?
Yeah.
I was like, I'll he's like, why are you sosweaty?

(30:25):
I was like, I just started doing, like, lungesin my room because I was just bored.
Uh-huh.
He started laughing.
He goes, fuck.
I can't even smoke you because you're too good.
Like, you know, stuff like that.
So that's
that's another thing that's kind of, you know,resonates with my own sort of, like, recovery
journey and something that was kind ofinstilled through military stuff is that, like,

(30:49):
how important physical fitness is, you know,and obviously, you know, serves a very
practical purpose.
While you're in the military, you need to beable to carry shit and run and do, you know,
whatever.
But I've also found that, like, just as anethos, like a personal ethos, dude, when
there's chaos going around in your life andyour shit is falling apart and you don't know

(31:11):
what to do sometimes and decisions are hard,you know, it is go sweat.
It's like the one thing that you can do.
You've just it you know how to fucking do it.
Your body is built to do it, and it's if youknow it's good, like, you know it's leveling
you up or it's keeping you grounded in some waythat, like, is preparing you for the chaos that

(31:35):
you yeah.
Exactly.
Exactly, dude.
That struggle, if you struggle, I tell people,if you struggle here when you're practicing,
understand that when it's actually time to putit in play, you're never gonna struggle because
everything is gonna slow down, and you're gonnabe able to make the proper decisions that you
need to make.
That will always be with consistency.

(31:56):
That's something the military taught us.
You consistently keep working, you know.
Little by little, you just need 10% increments,you know.
Eventually, you're gonna get to where you wannabe at, you know.
And it's something that we've all seen.
The structure that the military has given us isthat the consistency of knowing that we might
fail a little bit, but we're never gonna losethe war.

(32:18):
We will never lose the war.
Right.
You know?
Might lose a battle here, might lose a battlethere, but the war will never ever be lost.
Right.
You know?
And it's because of the consistency.
For sure.
For sure.
My best friend oh, go ahead.
Go ahead.
You go.
My best friend was struggling really, reallybad last year.
In the military?

(32:39):
Was he in No.
No.
No.
No military.
No military.
I've done nothing.
Just a regular person grew up with me in theghetto literally a block away from where I grew
up at.
And we all grew up together playing basketball,racing cars.
To this day, that's still my best friend.
He ended up coming to my house here in thedesert, and he already knows this is a sacred

(32:59):
place.
This is where we come and recover, come andheal.
You know, we don't come to leave bullshit hereat my house.
This is a temple.
You come to feel better energy to let go of allthat negativity, but we let it go outside, not
in the house.
Because all of that stays in here.
You know?
Right.
So we do it outside, and I ended up taking himto the gym with me.

(33:23):
And, again, same age.
We grew up together.
We've gone to school together.
We're literally almost the same height.
We look like everybody would think that we'rebrothers.
Put it back.
Like, that's how close we are.
You know?
And I'm at the gym where I'm like, alright.
This is what you're gonna do because he's notone to go to the gym to him.
He'd rather go and play ball because he's stillmoving.

(33:43):
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
And I start cranking.
And by the time we're done, it's, like, hourand a half after, almost 2 hours.
And he goes, hey, bro.
He goes, I just wanna let you know that I couldnever imagine that you could crank way more
than I can.
You could lift way more than I can.

(34:04):
You know?
And he goes and I realized why you love thisshit.
Mhmm.
Because you don't struggle out in the world.
You struggle here.
You know?
And that helps you out there.
I'm like, yeah.
It makes me it makes me a better decisionmaker.
It makes me understand.
It makes me be a little bit more peaceful andmore calm because I don't have an aggression in

(34:27):
me.
I already took out all the aggression that Ineed to take out.
You know?
Right.
And if I have more energy and I want to takeout aggression, get my ass back over there and
go do cardio, you know?
Like, if you really have that much, do cardiofor an hour.
Tired enough.
Yeah, you know?
That's how I treat myself.
Yeah.
If I'm being judgmental or if I'm being stupidor honking or impatient, yeah.

(34:53):
I go and do cardio for an hour.
Yeah.
Because I know that that's energy that I justneed to let go of, you know?
Right.
Because if I don't let go of it here, then Iwon't let it go anywhere else.
So guess what?
It has to get out here.
I agree, you know?
So take me back to Afghanistan.
So you're out there.
You deployed, and this was, I guess, obviously,probably your first deployment or yeah.

(35:16):
First deployment?
Yeah.
2011 where I'll actually tell you the date whenall of this happened.
It's 2012, March 3, 2012.
We're actually out on a mission, and we'recoming back from that mission.
We've been out for the last two and a half,almost three weeks.

(35:39):
Our guys, yeah.
We, our builders were creating this COP thatthey couldn't finish up because there's, I
think we had a bunch of mud.
We had a rain coming down, and we're the onlyidiots that were able to make it out,
go and
save them, get them out.

(36:00):
Mhmm.
And then they're like, well, now that you knowthere.
I said, yeah.
Stay there.
Stay there, you know?
So, and the mission was this COP was builtthere because they kept building a lot of, they
kept putting a lot of IEDs on the roads thatwe're taking.
So they figured if they put the COP wherearound most of the IEDs, people would be able

(36:22):
to have eyes on and take out the danger.
You know?
Right.
Right.
We finished with the COP, fucking put up theHESCO wall, did all that shit, and ended up
taking out.
We ended up leaving on our route out.
Is there a yeah.
Our point vehicle, our first vehicle that wehad, actually ended up, no, I lied to you.

(36:49):
Our third vehicle.
I was in the second.
We had a point vehicle.
I was in the second with our commander, andthen my platoon sergeant was in the third
vehicle.
Someone over the radio said, don't go throughthe mud.
Go through the solid part.

(37:09):
And all of us instantly did the, no.
Oh, shit.
Because guess what?
We all know that the solid part is where thebomb's at, and the fucking mud is where they
want you to go through because common sensetells you to go through flat places.
You know?
Right.
Dude, I've never seen an MRAP.

(37:30):
We're already been there for four months.
I've never seen an MRAP go, oh, shit, rightonto its back, bro.
My platoon sergeant
And this was the point vehicle?
This is the point No.
This is vehicle number three.
Vehicle number three.
Goes, two goes, three gets
The third one got told to not go through themud to go through the solid part.

(37:52):
So so they veer off of to where you guys arefalling.
Exactly.
You know?
And instantly, all you hear is I'm in thefucking turret, and I know who's in there.
It's my fucking platoon sergeant, which is alsoone of my best friends.
My medic is in there, which is also my bestfriend.
My driver's in there, which is also my bestfriend.

(38:12):
Like, I sleep with these guys.
These guys are with me 24 fucking 7.
You know?
Yeah.
It's Harris.
It's Ski, and it's Ten in there.
I literally jump off the fucking turret andstart running to go and grab these guys.
And we open the I I don't know how I open thedoor.
You know how heavy those doors are.
Yeah.

(38:32):
Right.
Pull and pull the shit out of it.
Uh-huh.
And when I'm pulling, my squad leader's alreadybehind me.
Like, alright, Martinez.
Just fucking go.
You know?
So I pull it out, and the first thing we see isa punch coming out.
I'm like, Jimmy.
Yeah.
It's like, Jimmy, it's me.
It's me.
You know?
So Harris, it's me.
You know?
He's like, fuck you guys.

(38:53):
Like, we're swinging and shit.
We're like, fuck you.
Like, and Zach and him are best friends, whichis my squad leader right behind me.
So Zach grabs him and goes, Jimmy, it's me.
And he fucking sees him because Zach's a bigdude.
And Jimmy looks up.
He's like, oh, shit.
It's Harry.
I was like, we're like, alright.
Cool.
We fucking go, and I see my medic.
My medic is down fucking puking and bleeding atthe same time from his head.

(39:16):
You know?
My driver, the same exact thing, but no one'smissing limbs or anything like that.
Were you guys all
on MRAPs?
Is that kinda why?
Because there was a little bit of Yeah.
Resistance to it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I I feel like if we weren't on those MRAPs, wewould have been If you're in
a Humvee or something like
that or shit, bro.
It would have been done.
That Humvee would have gone 100 feet instead of10 feet.

(39:37):
You know?
Like, because the MRAPs are so heavy.
Right.
You know?
So we ended up using the medic bag andeverything that we fucking had to take care of
them.
We called it in, waited for choppers to come inand pick everybody up, had to wait there for
everybody to pick up the MRAP after that.
You know?
We started heading back to our COP, ouroriginal COP that we've been at this whole

(40:00):
time.
And when we get there, they're like, hey.
We need QRF.
I'm like, oh, what the fuck?
We're just out.
Like, oh, wow.
This isn't our team anymore.
Well, it should have been another team.
Like, that should have gone out.
You know?
They're like, no.
No.
No.
No.
We need you guys to go out.
We're like, what the fuck?
We just got back here.

(40:20):
You know?
And half of the other team that was going out,I'm friends with all of them.
The squad leaders are my boys.
Like, I've everybody.
So my squad leader that was with me helpinggrabbing all these dudes, he comes up to me
because he's my best friend.
We're best friends to this day.

(40:41):
Sorry.
Names is me and Zari names are together 24/7.
You ever see us hunting?
We're together hunting.
We're doing his daughters are my goddaughter.
They're my family.
They're my babies.
You know?
That's how close we are.
And so our name comes up to me and goes, hey.
He goes, do you wanna do me this big favor andjust go out with the boys real quick?

(41:02):
I just need you to fucking handle the machinegun.
And I'm like, that's all I'm doing?
And they're like, oh, by the way, someone wasdigging there last night, so just be careful.
Like, oh, fuck.
Alright.
Then they're like, we're giving you a DOD.
Okay.
Cool.
Well, at least that helps.
You know?
Mhmm.
So and the worst part is we're literally justgoing out one click out of our car.

(41:26):
One click out of our car.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That close outside
of Florida.
We were oh, for the whole if it wasn't on thesouth side, it was on the east side.
Like, we were getting hit from three differentdirections on a daily basis.
Mortars and shit?
Were they, like anything.
It could have been a PKM.
It could be a mortar.
Yeah.
I mean, PKMs were the ones that were reallyfucking us up because those fuckers go through

(41:50):
every yeah.
Because they because those are the high schoolwalls.
You know?
They have enough impact, especially
if they're closed.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Those were, I think a PKM, the first day thatwe're landing, one of the other, platoon
sergeant was holding on to the chopper, and around just came right into his hand.

(42:10):
Yeah.
This was his fourth Purple Heart.
This is the first day we're god, bro.
Yeah.
This is the first day we're landing in that copthat I'm telling you about that we're in right
now.
You know?
That was the first day.
And we're like, sorry, White Bull.
Peace out.
You're not coming with us, and we gave him ashove.
And he's like, fuck you.
Started screaming at everybody and shit becausewe that was number four already for him.

(42:32):
And he had just had a kid.
So for us, we're like, dude, go home, man.
Like, you deserve it, Sergeant White Bull.
Like, you you need to go home, my dude.
You know?
But, ended up going out one click, took EOD outwith us, and we ended up at a wadi line.
There are two wadi lines, actually.
The first wadi line, EOD comes up to it, and hegot they're

(42:54):
standing.
Like a like a river?
Like a what's explain to everyone a wadi line.
So a wadi line is pretty much where water runsthrough, but it creates, like, this big mound.
So it can be anywhere from 4 feet all the wayto 15 feet that you're gonna be climbing up.
And all it does is
Kind of comes like a dune sort of?
Is that what
you're saying?
Almost.
Yeah.
You know?
And the reason it's called the wadi line isbecause literally water during certain times,

(43:18):
kinda like agriculture waste.
The water just runs all the way across theother side of the world in a sense.
You know?
And that's how they form their stuff.
They open up one big spigot, and theneverything starts forming through for
everybody.
You know?
Wow.
And it's just tunneled through that way.
It's pretty awesome, to be honest with you.
But they checked the first wadi line, and whenwe get up there, EOD is like, yo.

(43:43):
Everything's clear.
You know, there's nothing going on.
They took out the little robots to make surethat there's no wires, no anything.
You know?
Pressure plates or whatnot.
And when we were up at that wadi line, becauseit was a bit high, we were pretty much in front
of a wall that's been shooting at us this wholetime.
Every single time we've been there and we'vebeen going out, that wall specifically has been

(44:07):
shooting at us.
And we were at this wadi line, and we wereliterally like, we could see where they would
be able to pull up and just crack us right inthe head.
You know?
Shoot it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'm looking around.
I was like, yo.
Y'all don't wanna move from here?
Like, we need to get the fuck out of here.
You know?
Yeah.
And my squad leaders were like, yeah.
It's probably a good idea.
Let's get the fuck out of here.

(44:28):
So we started moving around, and we go on tothe next body line.
And on that next body line, it was a little bitshorter but a little wider.
So it took us a little longer to get up there.
Uh-huh.
When we got up there, I actually took a knee.
I had 1,000 rounds on my back and 1,000 roundson my pack.
Okay.
So I was automatically weighing 75 pounds overeverybody else.

(44:53):
Some roughly, give or take, with the gun.
Yeah.
About 75.
And I instantly took a knee.
I was like, man, fuck, dude.
Fucking heavy.
Do you know?
So
Right.
I'm I'm on the knee, and I have my point manwith me because I'm, technically, I'm the point
man.
I know where to move.
I know where we're going, and I know what we'retrying to do.

(45:15):
You know?
So I'm moving my point man.
I'm like, hey.
I need to be going fucking, like, swing aroundand make sure that all of us, when we get up
here, we fit.
You know?
Yeah.
Right.
He starts walk and he starts walking to mynorth position to my left, and I'm looking
straight to the east.
Mhmm.
And I remember he started walking north, andall I remember is dust cloud just take off.

(45:44):
And I hear this groan out of nowhere.
Fuck, dude.
What the fuck just happened?
Like, I I couldn't comprehend what was going onbecause of how much dust was going, like, all
over the place.
You know?
So I thought a dust storm came in or some shitlike that.
Someone got, like, tripped and fell orsomething stupid.
Right.
Right.
And when the dust settled, I realized, I'mlike, oh, shit.

(46:05):
My fucking point, man, is down.
Like, I need to fucking go and grab them.
I look back.
I look at my qualities because they're still onthe other side.
And they just shake their head, like, you knowwhat's up?
Like, you know what to do to handle it.
You know?
Right.
I got up, grabbed my gun, grabbed my pack, putit back on me, and I turned to him.

(46:26):
And this is I clearly will always rememberthis.
I will remember looking down and seeing hissteps clearly.
Uh-huh.
I can clearly see his boot steps.
You know?
And I take the first step, and I'm like, like,fuck.
Here it is.
I take it.
Cool.
Oh, that's cool.
Second step, I'm like, ah.

(46:48):
After the third step, I was like, man, fuckthis.
I took the sixth step.
I literally remember taking a right boot steponto his right boot print, and I hit the
primary IED.
He stepped on the secondary IED, which is a toepopper.

(47:09):
I ended up igniting 60 pounds of an IED, but itwas actually the day after, after we came back
to the United States and all of us got backtogether and started talking of everything that
happened.
Yeah.
My squad leader that was with me, he told me hegoes, you probably saved everybody's life that

(47:31):
day because that 60 pounds was daisy-chained toalmost 1,000 pounds.
And only the 60 pounds went off.
Wow.
And so the secondary was that last littlesmaller?
That was just a toe popper.
All my point man did was snap his ankle.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.

(47:51):
I ended up flying 10 feet up in the air,landing head first.
I remember my boys jumping on top of me,instantly putting on tourniquet, tourniquet,
tourniquet.
On my right arm, my arm was snapped but stillattached by a little bit of skin, and they

(48:11):
popped me right back up.
Yeah.
Right up here, fucking put the tourniquet on.
Yeah.
My left leg, it was still attached a bit belowthe knee, but just the same way, just hanging
with a little bit of skin.
And on my right leg, it was just completelyobliterated.
There the bones are, from the way my bestfriend describes it because my best friend had

(48:36):
to remove entirely my fibula.
He says that I had about that much of a fibula,but it was all, like, it was all opened up.
All the bones were, like, scrapped up andshattered and stuff.
So on your right leg, you still had your femurcoming down, like your thigh?
Just about that much.

(48:57):
Yeah.
Okay.
And then below the knee was where your rightleg had,
shattered, split up a couple of
short, like, a couple of inches of tibia leftdown there.
Okay.
Cool.
Yeah.
And, so they closed everything up.
Yeah.
And I'm I'm talking shit to them.
I'm pushing sergeant.

(49:18):
I'm pushing Sturtevant.
I'm fuck you.
Fucking I grabbed Jesse's gun, put it to myhead.
I pulled the fucking trigger, Jesse.
Like, tell him I was a fucking hero.
We're not doing this shit.
Like, I told y'all, we're in the circle beforewe all left and deployed, and we're all talking
about if we're missing this, just let me outthere and die.
You know?
And I told them I was like, remember, I like torun.

(49:42):
I wasn't kidding.
I told you.
Leave me here.
Promise.
You know?
Like, just and all I remember is Powersgrabbing me, pulling me up, and saying, shut
the fuck up, Martinez.
He's laughing at me.
And he goes, we're gonna be drinking beers intwo fucking weeks.
I just need you to shut the fuck up.
Like, it's how everything fucking hurts.

(50:02):
Like, here you go.
And they opened up the medic bag.
The medic bag that we took was the same medicbag we had literally just used hours before.
So I was sitting there in fucking pain.
That's why I told them.
I was like, look, we're not doing this.
Fucking grab the trash, put it onto my head.
But as we're bullshitting and doing this wholenonsense, I'm taking in the deep breath, but

(50:26):
I'm not realizing that I can't decompress.
What do you mean?
So I'm able to take a deep breath in.
Yeah.
But it's not allowing me to push out the air.
So you, like, could exhale?
Is that kind of what you're saying
a little bit?
Like, it was Yeah.
I could not could not exhale.
And I and I don't know why.

(50:47):
I don't know if that had something to do withmy lungs collapsing, but I was only able to
take in a breath, and I felt like a balloon.
Oh, right.
The more I was breathing, the more I wasgetting choked up and getting ready to explode.
Oh my god.
And I grabbed Sturtevant, and I'm like, Ifucking can't breathe, bro.
Like, I'm I'm I I can't he goes, I can see youtaking in air.

(51:10):
He's like, I can't let it out.
And that's when my buddy, Hector that's hislast name.
He you've ever watched Black Hawk Down?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Of course.
You have to do a
remember the the hardware he's on the table?
No.
Do you remember when he's on the on the tableand they're trying to get the artery?
Oh, yeah.
Artery is Oh, of course.

(51:31):
Of course.
That's that's the scene.
Hector found that artery because they realizedthat I was open.
Yeah.
I was open from here all the way down to myasshole.
I was literally opened up all three.
I have a whole scar that goes all the way.
Wow.
Yeah.
I was opened up like a book, bro.

(51:53):
Like a book.
Wow.
That's wild.
Alright.
Let me
let me back up a little bit because I want towalk through this injury.
So, were you fairly lucid and conscious theentire time?
You remember, you know, never
talked to everything.
Yeah.
Everything.
Everything.
Everything.
Everything.

(52:14):
So when you got opened up like a book, what'sgoing on?
Like, what's physically happening there?
Were your ribs kind of broken?
Was there stuff going on internally?
I had a little bit of broken ribs.
I actually have, like, somewhere around 15 to20% of my intestines kind of, like, missing and
all beat up out there after everything that Iknow.

(52:36):
And, but during this time that these guys wereI'm yelling at them, telling them that I can't,
like, exhale.
Exhale.
You
know?
Hector sees this line just squirting out.
And the minute he grabs it, that's when I goape shit.
And I'm like, oh, no.
It was the worst pain ever.
Really?
And I started cringing, yeah, to the pointwhere I'm about to, like, punch him.

(52:59):
Yeah.
Yes.
And Sturtevant goes, hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Sturtevant pinched it.
Sturtevant was our medic at the time.
Uh-huh.
He got the highest award as a medic, as acombat medic because he saved me.
Bro.
That's amazing.
And what he was a, like, a something whiskey orwhatever.
What's the Army,
Yeah.
I'm not sure what the proper number is.
Like an 18 Delta.

(53:19):
He he was he
Oh, he was he was just a medic.
Literally, medic attached to our infantry unit.
Yeah.
But Sternerson's a fucking beast.
He's a fucking beast, bro.
You know?
And he literally fucking told Hector.
He goes, hold that shit.
Fucking held it, pinched it, and then that'swhen he started fixing me for the breathing

(53:39):
part.
So he actually hit me with the nasopharyngeal.
Uh-huh.
To see
if I can actually exhale.
And I'm like, no, dude.
And started and looked at me, and he goes,Jose, you already know what's fucking next,
bro.
I was like, no.
Don't fucking tell me the collarbone.
And there's the slot, the third bone down fromthe collarbone that actually attaches to your
lungs.

(54:00):
Uh-huh.
He popped me right in.
And the minute he popped me, I just did theYeah.
That's what I was wondering.
Oh, that's what I did.
Like, you know, that's when I started talkingmore shit now because I was able to actually
talk more now.
You know?
And, I just remember, like, fucking finally,like, as much as I wanted to die, I know I

(54:23):
didn't wanna die because I still wanted thatexhale.
I still wanted to breathe.
I still wanted to, you know, be there.
Like Mhmm.
Mhmm.
They ended up calling, the nine line.
Before we actually went out, they told us thatwe have black air.
It was horrible.
It was windstorms, all kinds of shit.

(54:43):
Oh.
And, yeah, our angels in the skies heard ourchat because my squad leaders were cussing out,
fucking everybody up.
And and, you know, in the radio, you can't.
Right.
Because you can't you you cannot get out oforder.
You know?
Yeah.
My boys were like, fuck you guys.
Because you guys are gonna die on the waybecause they were having them drive me through

(55:05):
the zone.
My god.
Oh, bro.
We would've gotten shot on the way there.
Probably did
a couple of ice beats.
Yeah.
You know?
Like, all my boys were like, he's never gonnafucking make it.
So these, like, medevac choppers that arecoming in, are they
It was, it was fucking Special Forces.
It was not a tech chopper.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.

(55:25):
Yeah.
Special Forces ended up fucking coming into ourchatter, and they're like, hey.
Pop smoke.
We're fucking right here.
We're gonna pick them up.
My boy's gonna live.
Like you know?
And I have the radio attached to me.
I can hear all this shit.
And I
was like, yeah.
Pop smoke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good idea.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What what he said, what he said.
Yeah.
You know?

(55:45):
And so
how'd they come get you?
Did when they when they They fucking theydidn't care, bro.
My sergeant said that it was the mosthandsomest, rugged-looking guy.
He was holding on to the chopper, and he goes,where is he?
I was like, over there.
You know?
Yeah.
He always says that.
He said it was just this big giant dude with abig old beard, glasses on, looking cool as

(56:07):
fuck.
And yeah.
Those are angels.
You know?
Those are our angels.
You know?
And they ended up fucking grabbing me.
They actually had an arrest in the chopper.
And all I remember is yeah.
All I remember saying is, don't go out of thefucking chopper.
He didn't deserve to be in this place rightnow.
Oh, man.
Shit.

(56:28):
They put so I know I ended up dying three timesbecause my point man was in the chopper with
us.
And he said that he saw me get up, ask formeds, then tell me that they didn't have
anything, and me instantly pass out.
And they would hear me go flatline.

(56:48):
Yeah.
My boys are like, dude, I am forever fucking,like, astonished how many times you came out of
it, still pop shit, and still fucking went backdown and woke back up again.
You know?
Yeah.
I remember landing, and I remember this is thelast thing I remember.

(57:08):
I remember them putting me on the rollerstretcher, taking me in through the two white
doors for medics at FOB Salerno.
And I remember the first person being there wasmy platoon sergeant, Sergeant Harris, that had
just gotten hit a couple hours before mebecause they were doing testing for him and all
of that.

(57:29):
He pulled down the fucking the sheet that wasover my head, and all I remember is him saying,
I'm sorry, Marty.
I should've been there with you.
And he was crying.
All the last thing I felt was his tears rollingdown into my cheek.
That is the last thing I will forever rememberbefore I passed out.

(57:50):
And then I woke up 10 days later stateside andwent to Reed Bethesda.
Wow, dude.
That's incredible.
What a you get survivor's guilt and, you know,all of the, like, you know, what is my life
gonna be like going forward?
You know, how I could only imagine.

(58:11):
So so let's take me to kind of I'm surethere's, like, a a long period of recovery, but
I I'm really wanna kinda zero in on howpsychedelics, like, became an an integrated
part of your recovery and your therapy.
So you wanna take me to, like, that little timeframe of this whole thing?

(58:33):
So I'm assuming you're fucked up getting, like,you know, VA better, and then, you know, or
to walk you through it.
The story.
So
Yeah.
I actually started walking.
Yeah.
Literally, well, I'm the first triple amputee,hip disarticulate, able to walk in the world.
Oh, wow.
Triple amputee.
Yeah.
I'm the first one in the world to be able to doit.

(58:53):
I'm missing all the way to my hip on my rightside.
I have to put a bucket as a prosthetic, and I'mthe only
one prosthetics?
Are you
able to Yeah.
Travel and stuff like that.
Like, I don't I don't like people I don't likethose old people taking me on the like, I feel
like I should be pushing those old people inthe knowledge.
You know?
So
No.
We'll do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, I I can't do that shit, so I take care ofme.

(59:14):
You know?
And within six months, I was already standingup and walking.
With, I left I got kicked out of the armymedically January 7, 2014.
Three months before that, I had already kickedout all of my pills that I was taking because I

(59:36):
was already going through depression, suicide.
Like, it was already hitting me.
One time I tried I took a bottle of 50 count ofoxy.
Oh my god.
I didn't wake up until, like, a week and a halflater from what I recall.
Yeah.
You know?
Like, I and they didn't pump me.

(59:59):
It's just I woke up.
It sucks.
That's crazy.
And you're still in at this time, are you stillin the military or, like, being or this is our
they've already separated you?
Separation and yeah.
I'm already, like, figuring out that medicinethat they're giving me is not gonna be for me.

(01:00:20):
I've never had suicidal thoughts.
I've always questioned my existence here in theworld, but never, like, oh, I'm gonna take
myself out.
Up until that point, I was on Lyrica, which isa nerve blocker.
And that would have me thinking some crazythoughts, but not only that, would have me

(01:00:40):
feeling numb all day long.
So I wasn't feeling it was like if I was drunk24/7.
You know?
And when I realized this, I was like, nah.
Fuck this.
I killed it.
I kicked it cold turkey within two weeks.
I was taking nothing, not even steroids.
I'm supposed to be on steroids because I don'thave any testosterone running through my body.

(01:01:01):
Mhmm.
I don't even do that.
Wow.
That's awesome.
And I'm at
the gym for three hours plus.
Yeah.
I know.
That's fucking nuts.
That's You know?
But understanding this and I remember going upto the doctor because I wanted to get off
Lyrica.
Yeah.
I remember asking them.
I'm like, hey.
How do I get off of this?
And they're like, we have to increase yourdosage before you would decrease.

(01:01:23):
And I looked at her, and I'm like, you fuckingdumb bitch.
So you're telling me you're gonna give morecrack to a crackhead before you take them off
the crack?
That makes no sense to me, you know?
So that's when I started taking my own decisionand I kicked it cold turkey.
So even before I left the military, I wasalready out for pills and stuff like that.
Like, and because I had already separated,guess what?

(01:01:46):
I don't have to drug test anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So because I grew up in California, and I grewup around cannabis
Straight to organics.
All the way, baby.
You know?
So I, I started smoking.
I started intaking it by eating it.
I started really doing it in a medicinal form.

(01:02:08):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
And all up until about seven years ago, it wasperfect.
Everything was just peachy.
And then I crashed and burned again.
And this time, it wasn't my body anymore.
It was my mind.
Mhmm.
My mind was starting to play with me now.
Survivor's guilt, the shit that I've seen frommy little kid and all of the stuff that I've

(01:02:32):
gone through, you know, all everything just ingeneral is now hitting me because through all
of this, I ended up in a wheelchair.
And that that that hurts, you know, like, froma person that hasn't really had much but has
had a lot.
And I mean, I I've had it all, bro.
I can't complain.
I've been able to use my legs to an extreme.

(01:02:53):
I used to ride around with Rough Riders and GRiders, the motorcycle clubs.
I used to do in those stoppies wheelies.
I used to race cars for a living.
Like, I it's it's I enjoyed my lifetime all upuntil I didn't have legs.
You know?
Well, so that was that was
one thing I got kinda cut off on the firstpart, but just in case it doesn't make it in, I

(01:03:14):
wanna reiterate it here, dude.
And so what you said when we first started thisconversation, you were talking about how you
loved the sunrise in Afghanistan, you know?
And it was, like, simple things like that, youknow?
You're out there freezing your ass all night,you know, out in, like, a foxhole, and then the
sun comes up, and so it's like, you realize howimportant and how precious simple things are,

(01:03:41):
like being able to walk those little things.
You know?
You don't realize it until they're taken awayfrom you.
Yeah.
And then you find you're like, damn, dude.
I'm really
depressed big time.
You know?
Because now you're just thinking of all thethings you could have done, and then you can't
do anymore.
You know?
So I ended up hitting that wall.
And, gracefully, I ended up meeting this guy onsocial media.

(01:04:04):
His name is Jet Fuel.
I can't tell you his real name because I'll getmurdered.
But his name is Jet Fuel if you wanna look himup.
He's still alive and still going.
He's an incredible human being.
But Jet Fuel ended up gifting me a mushroomchocolate.
And for the longest time ever since I've been akid, I've always known that there's more to us.

(01:04:25):
That we're not just born because of a miracleor whatnot.
Yes.
We are a miracle, but it's not just like acoincidence or anything like that.
You know?
And I've always wanted to know more becausethis thing is a computer, bro, but a computer
with endless drive.
Right.
Endless amounts of drive.
You know?
And I don't think people really understandthat.

(01:04:46):
But because I do and I know there's more, I'vealways known that there's a way to tap into
these things.
I know that there's certain people in thisworld that can do it without taking anything.
Mhmm.
And there are also people like me that havebeen hindered since birth that haven't been
able to feel free.
Mhmm.
You know?

(01:05:07):
Like, ever since I was a kid, I felt like I'vehad to take care of my mom, my little brother,
myself.
You know, I had to look out for the rest of theworld before I look out for myself.
That's why when I became an asshole, I couldn'teven look at myself because that's not who I
was.
You know?
So me being able to see and feel all of thesethings when I crashed and burned gracefully, I

(01:05:29):
got gifted this chocolate.
And I remember it took me about, like, a monthbefore I got brave enough to actually say,
like, oh, let me try it.
You know?
Yeah.
Right.
And it was, like, the perfect thing everbecause I remember taking it in, and I remember
just going into this blissful world that Ihaven't when I was a little kid, I used to go

(01:05:52):
into these dream states and this dream world.
And I haven't been there since I can tell youmy mom was yelling at my stepdad.
They were fighting, and I had a big earinfection.
And the last dream that I had of that was thatI was falling off of a brick wall.

(01:06:13):
And that's how it always came out of it, butthat's the last time I can tell you that I did
that.
And all I could think of is that was the lasttime because after that, I was really mad.
I was really upset that my mom wanted to fightwith my stepdad more than she wanted to take

(01:06:33):
care of me, that she wanted to feel anger andpain instead of wanting to take care of her
child that she birthed.
You know?
Like, I'm only, I'm only, like, 8, 9 years old.
Is that correct?
If I really recall right.
You know?
And that's all I remember is her wanting tofight and her, I could see her wanting to fight

(01:06:55):
more and more and more, like, you know, becauseI guess she thought it was my stepdad.
It was my biological father, which was 6'3",250.
This is my stepdad is 5'8", fucking 150, maybe.
You know?
You get what I'm saying?
Like Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, it's it's hard to, like, forkids.
I mean, you're 8 years old, and and, you know,your parents are, like, these godlike figures

(01:07:19):
that are supposed to have every answer, beomnipotent, you know, to carry you, protect
you, all that stuff.
And and it's not until you get to be an adult,and maybe if, you know, you have kids yourself,
you start realizing, like, oh, dude, our ourparents are just people.
Like, they're they're flawed.

(01:07:40):
They have trauma.
They have blind spots, shadows that they, youknow, haven't, you know, dug into.
And and, you know, these flaws that we, like,view them out at some point, you know, you're
like it's usually around, like, your teenageyears or after.
That's when you're really, like, rebellingagainst your parents.
And then I think you get older and you startrealizing you're like, you're a victim too.

(01:08:02):
Like, I actually feel sorry for you.
You know?
You know?
And you and that's why I tell my mom now.
I was having just a conversation with heryesterday.
I told her, I was like, look.
You can break the cycle.
You don't have to continue to be an asshole.
You don't have to continue to answer this way.
And she's like, but your brother did this andthat.
I was like, so aren't you the adult?

(01:08:23):
Aren't you the mom?
Aren't you the teacher?
Aren't you the one that's supposed to be ableto take a deep breath and be like, listen, son.
I know this is the way you think of what it isor whatnot, but let me just break it down to
you.
It's not this way.
It should be this way, but it isn't this way.
You know?
Instead of just yelling at us and thinking thatthat's gonna make it all better because you

(01:08:44):
protected yourself.
And that's all you needed, you know, instead ofrealizing that a lot of the reasons why we
answer the way we do to our parents is becausewe already have traumas from what they've
already hit us with.
Mhmm.
You know?
So me going back to this chocolate day, I gointo this world of bliss, bro.

(01:09:07):
And I come out of it, and I'm just happy and golucky and whatnot.
And I told myself, I was like, no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
There's more to this.
I was like, I need to figure out what's deep inthis heart, why I wanted to go in Afghanistan
and fight, why I felt like I wasn't worthy tobe in this earth, you know, why I was being so

(01:09:27):
selfish.
So I'm gonna tell you this much.
I ended up taking six grams of mushrooms that Igrew myself personally because now he taught
me.
He's like, here, I want you to learn becausewhat if you wanna do this for the rest of your
life?
What if this is gonna help you keep fromgetting a disease like Parkinson's or any—I

(01:09:49):
believe this thing.
I truly believe that microdosing in this way isgonna keep you from getting to those points.
You know?
And I—I mean
Especially with the TBI stuff.
Like, all of this.
All of this.
How much brain stuff has been healed.
Yeah.
All of this.
All of this.
And I'll, I'll prove it to you when I'm 120.

(01:10:10):
You get me?
Like, if you wanna follow me now, you're morethan welcome to follow with me.
You know?
But I'll prove it to you when I'm 120.
You know?
And still moving, still surfing, still driving.
You know?
Stuff like that.
But I knew there's more that I had to find outfor myself because there's no way that I had
these thoughts of killing myself that I've hadthese depressional thoughts.

(01:10:30):
So I ended up taking six grams, and I ended upgoing to when I was about 3, in between three
and a half to 4 years old.
I went into the house that I used to live atwith my mom and my biological father, and I
remember watching everything that happenedbecause I apparently had closed this down in

(01:10:56):
Pandora's box.
Mhmm.
I locked away the key and tossed it.
And I'm on top of the wall watching my littleself, you know, and I'm sleeping with my mom.
And my biological father comes into the house,slams open the bedroom door, and pulls the

(01:11:16):
blankets off my mom and me.
And the first thing I remember him saying is,"Who the fuck is this man you're sleeping
with?" And he pointed at me.
My father was drunk as fuck, and he thoughtthat I was an actual man sleeping with my
mother.
He ended up grabbing me, grabbed me by thefoot, and he ended up launching me.

(01:11:40):
I ended up slamming up against the wall andfalling onto the floor.
He started raping my mother.
I remember getting up, and he was on the edgeof the bed.
His leg was on the edge of the bed, and I ranto him and went to go and bite his leg.
He turned around and kicked me, and that wasthe first time and only time a human being has

(01:12:02):
ever knocked me out because not even that60-pound bomb has ever knocked me out.
That was the one and only time.
And when I came out of all of that, my wife wasright next to me, and I just started bawling
out.
And I told her, I've realized why I've been somad this whole time, why I've been upset since

(01:12:22):
I was a fucking 4-year-old child was becauseI've never had the chance to protect my mother
from this fucking animal.
You know?
And all this time, I've been carrying thisanger with me.
And that is why I started doing psychedelicsbecause I wanna know why I'm so upset because I

(01:12:46):
wanna dig deeper and find out more aboutmyself.
And guess what?
After we did all of that, life has beenblissful.
My shoulders have been able to sink down.
I don't carry the weight on my shouldersanymore.
I don't carry anything on my shoulders.
I'm free as a bird.
So let me ask you something.

(01:13:08):
What about revisiting that moment in that, youknow, psychedelic state helped you heal from
the trauma.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, why did revisiting it and re-experiencingthat, like, horrific moment that you had

(01:13:30):
suppressed, what about that made it heal foryou, you know, to where it was no longer this
burden on you?
Because it showed me that it wasn't me that wasthe problem.
Mhmm.
That I was just a—You're a victim.
You're a victim of the consequences thathappened.
You know?
Yeah.
And how could you be expected as a 4-year-oldto protect your mother from a man?

(01:13:53):
Like, I was just collateral damage.
You know?
That's all I was.
I was just collateral damage.
So for me, I was able to finally realize that,fuck.
I've been on this earth to protect this world.
So me going to the military, me still openingup my big ass mouth for my friends that are in
wheelchairs, for my friends that are scared tospeak up.

(01:14:16):
Yo.
I'm gonna say it louder to the fucking peoplein the back.
You know?
I don't give a flying fuck.
I'm here as a mercenary to protect the onesthat think that they are weak.
Not the ones that are weak because there's noone weak in this world.
Mhmm.
That's very true.
No one weak in this world.
Right.
I am here to protect the ones that think theyare weak, to show them how strong we truly are,

(01:14:38):
to give them that power and spark that interestin their own courage, in that self-courageness.
That's what I'm here for, to spark life, togive life back, to show how easy it is.
Right.
No.
That totally makes sense.
And it also probably showed for you that, youknow, it probably helped you forgive your mom

(01:14:59):
in a lot of ways as well because you saw herthat, you know, she was being victimized and,
you know, protecting you as best as she couldgiven to a
to a certain degree because I tell people this.
We're not here to forgive our parents orwhatnot.
We're here to have our own experiences.

(01:15:19):
Sure.
Totally.
You know, like, along the lines, like, if youget upset at your mom or your dad for something
they did, that's okay.
Don't drag it.
You don't need to drag shit.
You know?
Like, I haven't talked to my mom for threemonths.
She fucking finally called me yesterday.
I answered her because she's my mother.
Totally.
I get that way.
My mom's good, dude.

(01:15:40):
For conversation.
I have tough times with her.
And I guess everybody does.
A lot of my wife has a tough time with herparents and whatnot.
It doesn't mean that we have hatred for ourparents.
It doesn't mean anything.
It means we're giving ourselves that respect togive ourselves some time, some space so we can
understand a little bit better.
So maybe they could recognize that maybethey're the ones making the mistake, and we're

(01:16:04):
tired of apologizing for their mistakes.
Mhmm.
Does that make sense?
Like yeah.
So once I realized why I was so upset becauseI, honestly, I took the six grams off.
Like, I'm gonna go back to Afghanistan.
You know?
Like, I thought that's where it was gonna takeme because I thought that's where my trauma
was.
Dude, oh, nice.
I never had trauma in Afghanistan, to be quitehonest with you.

(01:16:26):
I realized how beautiful the Afghan peoplereally are.
They would welcome me.
They would be broke.
I'd have tea.
I had I had never starved, my man, anytimebecause they thought I looked like them.
Yeah.
And guess what?
Everything for me is based off of vibration.
I've never lost my human card even when I havea gun in my hand.

(01:16:47):
I know that if I made that mistake, then I'llhurt myself for the rest of my life.
I know that.
I know these things.
There are certain things in my lifetime thathave been put in front of me that I had the
ability to make that mistake.
No one was there to see it, and I still choseto say no because that's not right.

(01:17:08):
Yeah.
And that's how I've carried myself throughoutmy whole time, whether I've been big-headed,
whether I've been an asshole, whether I've beenselfish or whatnot.
I've never done something directly at a humanto physically hurt them or see them go down.
I will never ever do that because guess what?
That's coming back around, baby.
That's karma coming down.

(01:17:29):
Yeah.
You know, I just remembered something.
When we first talked on the phone, you weretelling me about how taking these big doses of
mushrooms helped you physically.
Like, could you talk a little bit about that?
Because that
was really interesting, and I want the audienceto hear
it as well.
Definitely.
Because it's something we need to speak about.

(01:17:51):
So after I cleared my head, and this is maybethree years ago, maybe, my body just hit a
point where not enough cannabis was enough tohelp me out.
I needed something else, and I don't know ifthere was the imbalance here that I was still
trying to get together or maybe my eatinghabits.

(01:18:15):
Because once I started taking psychedelics, myeating habits changed completely.
I started eating more stuff that's alive.
I started growing my own fruits and vegetables.
I have my garden going right now, actually.
I just started three days ago for my onions, mycarrots, my radishes, celery.

(01:18:36):
Yeah.
All the stuff that's cold hardy right now, I'malready kick-starting it because I need to make
sure I'm good.
I've also, as you can see, I hunt my own food.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
I love to take care of.
I mean, think about it.
This random ass human walks up to you or rollsup to you, and he goes, I have my own food.

(01:18:59):
Check this out.
You know?
And I have a family.
I've got a wife that I take care of, my brotherand my sister, her family.
Like, everybody eats off of what I get to huntfor.
You know?
And every single piece of it gets taken becauseeven the hooves don't get left.
The hooves get brought for my dogs.
So I'm very my friends are Native Americans,and they also taught me that you always give

(01:19:23):
back.
They would always, anytime they would harvestan animal, they would leave tobacco because
then that was their choice of happiness.
So guess what I do?
I leave cannabis because that's your choice ofhappiness.
You know?
So no.
I love that, dude.
I think, like, hunting and growing your ownfood, and it it adds a whole new level of,

(01:19:44):
like, reverence and respect for what the animalthat you're eating, the the nutrients you're
consuming, you know?
Life itself and life itself.
Yeah.
Because I I pay homage every single time.
If it's a burger that I'm about to chow downand it's an elk burger, I always recall seeing
him and saying thank you for his last breath,you know, just because I it's giving me

(01:20:06):
nutrients.
It's giving me a chance to keep going, youknow.
So I get to this day, and, my body is just allover the place.
For the last two weeks, I can't get any type ofrelief.
I there's nothing.
And I won't go back to Western medicine.
I won't go back to having oxy I I haven'ttouched the last time I touched it was the last

(01:20:28):
time I touched it, which was nine years ago.
You know?
Bro, I'll send you after this interview, I'llsend you the interview that I did with this
guy, Kagan Gill.
The the medications that they had him on, allthe like, bro, it is it is a horror story.
I'm not even kidding.
Like, it's a fucking, like, MK-Ultra, like,horror story, bro.

(01:20:48):
Yeah.
I So
I think you were the Dilaudid.
Do you know what Dilaudid is?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I had Dilaudid available for me to do this toit.
You know?
And my proper choice, if I'm gonna be real withyou, was the highest dose of Benadryl, which
you can only get from a doctor's certification.
I had that highest dose, and I would mix itwith the Dilaudid.

(01:21:09):
And my eyes would roll to the back of my head.
I was out for five hours, never wake up.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's how I would stay down on the bed for sixmonths without moving and shit like that.
And everybody
Fast forward, dude.
Just fast forward.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, let's get over there already.
You know?
Right.
Right.
Right.
I won't go back to the hospital.
I won't go ask a doctor for any type ofmedicine.

(01:21:31):
I won't go ask for a shot, nothing like that.
So in my head, and I've heard people say thisand say talk to the mushroom before you take it
and ask it what you want it to do, you know?
Oh, wow.
That's a really nice tease.
I've thought about that.
Yeah.
You know, because you're going with intentionnow.
Yeah.
It's intention.
You know?
So I looked at my big old ape, and I'm like, Iknow you're gonna take me to a crazy world.

(01:21:56):
I know I'm gonna see energy.
I know I'm gonna see a bunch of stuff.
I don't care if you take me through all ofthat.
I need you to help me with my body.
My pain is so intense.
I can't take it anymore.
You know?
And I take it.
My wife's on the phone for, like, the last 30minutes, and it's about 45 minutes now.
I'm like, okay.
Hey, baby.

(01:22:16):
I need you to get off the phone.
This is too intense for me now.
It's too much chattering.
You know?
It's too much energy that I can hear and feel.
You know?
And I just need you to sit right next to mebecause I'm about to go through it.
And she goes, are you okay?
And I'm like, I don't know, but we're about tofigure it out, you know?
And I start taking these deep breaths.
So I've been actually taught how to breathe.

(01:22:42):
One of my buddies actually got taught by RamDass.
Baba Ram Dass.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Tell him.
Yeah.
And he taught me how to breathe properly.
Oh, cool.
Yeah.
So I know how to take certain breaths to docertain things, release, to center, to energy,
you know?
I know how to do many different breathingtechniques.

(01:23:03):
And on this time, I just wanted to centermyself fully.
And I started taking these deep breaths throughmy nose and letting them out through my mouth.
And eventually, I was just doing them throughmy nose the whole time.
And it started getting to the point where thebreath that I was taking was opening up so much
that my bones were starting to pop.

(01:23:26):
And my wife started freaking out because thesound got so intense that she thought that I
was snapping.
She thought I snapped my hip out of place.
Mhmm.
That's how intense it was.
And I'm talking about like, it was like if Iwas being fully stretched out.

(01:23:49):
Like, if someone was just grabbing ropes fromall different angles and just unleashing all
this energy.
And I remember coming up for, like, a good hourjust breathing and breathing, and I could
remember going through these different worldsand, like, laughing.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they just kept telling me, just keepbreathing.

(01:24:13):
Just keep breathing.
I'm like, alright.
I could do that.
I could just say that, you know?
Good advice.
Yeah.
And I remember coming out of it, and my wifewas ready with the keys and everything, and
she's like, we need to go to the hospital.
I'm like, she's like, why?
She's like, you're not gonna be able to get upright now.
And I just get up, like, nothing.
I'm like, what are you talking about?
Like, you know?
And she goes, what?

(01:24:33):
So there's no way, Jose.
So, like, I swear it sounded like no way, Jose.
Yeah.
So, like, it sounded like you broke your back.
It sounded like you snapped your hip out.
Like Yeah.
It like, she said even your knee was snapping.
And I'm like, what?
Like, that never happened.
Know what it was?
Did you figure out what any of that, like,snapping was?

(01:24:53):
It was just kinda like CO2 in your joints orsomething like that?
Or
I think, all of this energy from years, yearsof stacking my body, putting it under pressure.
Yeah.
And never letting it go here.
I think that day, because of how high the dosewas, yeah, it it just I felt free.

(01:25:16):
Yeah.
It it that's the best way to describe it, Ifelt like I wasn't in my body.
Like it was like a release.
You released a bunch of something from yourphysical body.
Absolutely.
You know?
And this is one thing I will say.
Even though I am not whole or I might not seemwhole here.

(01:25:36):
Right.
I know here I am whole.
And when I'm in my trips or when I'm in mydream states, I am always whole.
Even even in my wife's dream states, I alwayshave my legs.
I always have you know?
So always understand that that we are we arewhole no matter what.
Like, you know?
It doesn't matter if you're missing a limb.

(01:25:57):
It doesn't matter any of that.
You know?
Because there's stories, there's Asianstorytelling and all of that, that if you're
not full, you're gonna come back as a ghostlooking for a body.
You know?
Like, don't even think that shit.
The Vikings have the same thing.
If you don't die with your sword, you come backbecause you're looking for it.
Like, no.

(01:26:18):
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
You know?
Right.
Right.
Right.
No.
I believe in the, like, you know, the mind,body, spirit connection is, like, such an
important aspect, to realize that, you know,these three elements of your personhood, you
know, so you are more than just your body.

(01:26:38):
You're more than just your thoughts, you know,and you have this connection to source, the
divine, God, and recognizing that all thosethree things are aspects of you, you know, that
you can lose limbs and realize that you're notactually incomplete because you are more than
just your physical body.

(01:26:59):
Absolutely.
You know, at any time, you need to understandthat if you think it and you breathe it in, I
always every morning, I'm limitless because Iam.
I'm energy because I am.
You know?
I'm incredible.
We need to start doing these things on aconstant basis because if not, we're gonna

(01:27:21):
forget.
Or when the time comes of you feeling a littledepressed or a little anxious, how are you
gonna pull yourself out of it?
Remember, if you continue to be grateful,you'll be fine.
this thing.
It was on another podcast I think I waslistening to, but have you seen the documentary
about the Blue Angels on Amazon Prime?
No.
I haven't seen it yet.

(01:27:42):
I highly recommend it, bro.
It's incredible.
on tonight then.
Swamps.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, dude.
It's so good.
But what's really interesting is, visualizationis incredibly important at the highest levels,
Olympic athletes, elite units.
And in this documentary, you see the BlueAngels do what's called chair flying before

(01:28:06):
they fly their thing.
So they're in just like a boardroom.
They're sitting there and, you know, their eyesclosed and they are going through the motions,
you know, like, pretending that they're doingjust completely visualizing the whole thing.
So, what this guy in the podcast I was talkingabout is he's referencing that, and he was
saying that we're always visualizing, but mostof us, most of the time, are visualizing, oh,

(01:28:34):
man.
I got that meeting number.
I'm gonna
mess it up.
Like yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so you are visualizing and then manifestingthese worst-case scenarios when you could just
be ins we're already doing it.
So let's let's just I'm limitless.
I'm incredible.
I am that instead of, like, a tuck becauseMonday.

(01:28:57):
Oh my god.
I'm
in pain.
This sucks, you know.
Yeah.
That's what I tell everybody.
I was like, a lot of people come up to me whileI'm at the gym.
They're like, what makes you tick?
What makes you go?
I'm like, I'm still alive.
I know it's okay for you guys if you would seeme deteriorate on the couch being the biggest,
giantest couch potato ever.

(01:29:19):
You guys will be okay, and you guys will alwayssay he's okay because he's missing limbs.
Guess what?
I got a fucking standard for myself.
There is that shit is not okay.
I don't give a fuck whether you're in awheelchair or not.
Like, we're gonna either work this motherfuckerout or we're gonna work this motherfucker out.
You know?
Mhmm.
But either one needs to be moving.
You know?
Because we're greater than what we truly thinkor believe we are.

(01:29:43):
So the minute we believe we are that muchgreater, everything is limitless, brother.
Everything is limitless.
You know?
The fact that I only took psychedelics to helpme get to this point again.
And I say again because when I was 15 all theway to 18, 19, 20, I've I've I've been this

(01:30:03):
person.
I've been this confident.
I've been this human because I grew up in theghetto.
Because I've had no choice but to be the best.
Because everything else is unrelatable.
I don't wanna be mediocre.
Yeah.
Fuck.
Like, why don't you're telling me I'm thisincredible experience?

(01:30:23):
I'm this incredible thing?
And I just choose to be mediocre?
Like Yeah.
No.
We're gonna see how far we can make it in thisworld.
You know?
I almost forgot to even talk about this, but Iwould love to, you know, tell me about your
surfing.
You know, speaking of being incredible, beingthe best, dude.
So how did you get into surfing?
And tell brag a little, dude.

(01:30:45):
You you you burned it.
So, surfing happened because of the actual, theNaval Medical Center.
They actually use it for therapy.
That's how I got into it too.
Yeah.
It got granted as one of the greatest.
It got given an award actually two years ago.
Yeah.
Two years ago or three years ago, if I'mcorrect, because people are starting to see how

(01:31:07):
magical the water truly is.
Changed my life.
Like, it it it gave my life back, dude.
It allows you to sit still and sit with yourthoughts.
It allows you to be present.
And at the same time, it reenergizes youbecause every single time you get out of the
water, you wanna go right back in.
Mhmm.
You know?

(01:31:28):
So it's teaching you these things without youreally comprehending it until sure.
You get to a point where disaster happens, andthen you take that deep breath, like, just
right before you're about to catch that wave.
You know?
Mhmm.
So gracefully, this amazing lady named Betty.
Love it.
Shout out, Betty.
She ended up meeting me in 2012, and I had acolostomy bag at the time.

(01:31:53):
And she told me she goes, hey.
Why don't we take you out swimming?
It would be really good for your core, andit'll get you, like, up and walking easier.
You know?
And I lied to her, and I'm like, man, wheneverI get this reversal done, I'll I'll do it
because I don't wanna have a mishap in thepool.
You know?
And she didn't know that I got told that therewas a 95% chance that I would never be able to

(01:32:16):
reverse my colostomy bag.
You know?
But I hit rock bottom, and I ended up fuckinggoing up to the doctors and went up to them,
like, hey.
How do I get this thing reversed?
They're like, I don't think that's gonnahappen.
Well, I'm just gonna go and kill myselftomorrow.
And they're like, wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Why?
You can't tell me that.
I was like, yeah.
I stepped on the bomb.

(01:32:36):
I can tell you what the fuck I want.
Like, you know, what
are you gonna do?
Take my pay?
I don't even need it right now.
You know?
Right.
So
they're like, wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Hold on, Jose.
Like, alright.
Let's see what we can do.
So they scheduled testing.
I was like, if you schedule something, thenI'll stay alive until then.
And they're like, alright.
So they scheduled something in, and they endedup giving me an enema, and I ended up showing

(01:32:59):
them that my ass works.
Like, everything's still working and stuff likethat.
You know?
They ended up doing the reversal, but thereversal went bad.
I couldn't eat for three months.
My wife was giving me water and food through aPICC line.
Yeah.
It was a very, very tough time.
And the minute I came out of it, Betty wasthere the next day at physical therapy saying,

(01:33:21):
hey, Jose.
Didn't you say you're gonna come and swim withme?
I'm like, oh, man.
And the only thing I have in this life and Itell people the only thing you truly have is
your word.
Your word is your bond.
Your word is everything, and that's the onlything you truly really have in this world.
You know?
So I told Betty, I was like, you know what?
Like, I'll see you there tomorrow.

(01:33:42):
What time?
And she goes, 5 a.m.
I was like, wait.
What?
Like, it's 5 a.m.?
Come on, man.
We're recovering.
You know?
Yeah.
And it's still like, 5 a.m.
I'll see you there.
God.
Okay.
Got there and jumped in the pool, and I'm like,alright.
I got this.
I'm gonna fucking smoke the shit out of this50-meter.
It took me two hours to get through 50 meters.

(01:34:03):
Oh, wow.
And I was so pissed.
I was like, I can crawl faster than this.
I went back the next day, and then the nextday, and then the next day.
You know?
And, eventually, I started swimming half amile, a mile, and I just kept at it.
And I had a swim coach that Betty hadintroduced me to at the time that was at the
Naval Medical Center as well.
He was coming down.

(01:34:24):
And, he told Betty, like, hey, Jose has gottenreally good.
Like, you know, you should check him out.
Instead of checking me out, Betty comes and shegoes, hey.
You wanna learn how to surf now?
I'm like, what the fuck?
I'm like, man.
Like, you know what I look like if you put awetsuit on me, Betty.
Like, I look like a wounded seal.

(01:34:44):
And she starts cracking up.
She's like, there's a bunch of other peoplethere.
I think sharks are massive deer.
I started laughing.
I'm like,
It's only a little sharky.
Okay.
No.
No.
And she's all like, next Thursday, we'restarting the new classes.
Come with us.
You know?
And I was just so nervous and scared becausewhen I was recovering, they would take people

(01:35:06):
out to go watch games and stuff like that.
But they would never take me out because I wastoo fucked up.
Because my wheelchair was too big.
Because they couldn't get me to these stadiumsor whatnot, you know.
So it kinda just scared me for anybody wantingto help me out, you know.
And I ended up going with them, and the bestpart was a bunch of military guys.

(01:35:28):
So I was like, ah, fuck it, you know.
Like, it's yeah.
Right.
Some of the guys that I'm recovering with, someof the cool guys that I'm talking to anyways,
you know, ended up going.
I've fucking ended up meeting Darren Klassen,which is remember I told you about my papa?
That's my papa.
Darren was the first person.
Darren and Amanda were the first people to everpush me onto a wave, and it was probably

(01:35:52):
whitewashed.
And I'll never forget it.
I felt free.
I felt alive.
I felt everything that I feel when I'm comingoff of psychedelics.
That wholeness, that oneness, that love, thatenergy, you know, just feeling free.
I got to feel all of that without having totake anything.

(01:36:14):
And the best part about it is I was out in thesun enjoying it.
You know?
And then I hit rock bottom like I told youabout seven years ago or whatnot.
And because I live so far, I didn't continue tosurf.
And instead of me driving a gun, going todrink, you know, I called Betty.

(01:36:36):
I'm like, hey, Betty.
You guys still surfing?
She's like, yeah.
Every Thursday.
You already know where to come.
You know?
So it's a lot.
And I ended up going down there that nextThursday.
And that Thursday, she was like, hey.
Do you know there's other guys like you thatare competing?
I'm like, what?
No way.
There's no way that there's broke people likeme trying to compete.
There's no way.

(01:36:56):
You know?
I thought I was the only crazy guy.
Way.
Yeah.
I thought I was the only crazy guy trying tofigure out how fucking dumb I really can take
this body to, you know?
Right.
Right.
And she's like, no, dude.
Like, there's a competition going on inOceanside, and it's coming up.
Like, let's sign you up.
I ended up signing up for it.
I ended up snapping two boards.

(01:37:17):
I remember not making the podium.
I remember crying, and I remember tellingmyself, like, what the fuck, dude?
I'm a natural athlete.
You know?
I thought that showing up was gonna be enoughfor me, and that instantly showed me, like, if
you want something again, you gotta work hardall over it again.
You know?
Right.
So, but you have a goal.

(01:37:38):
It seems like from everything that I havelearned about you is that, you know, you seem
to, when you can set your sights on somethingand work towards that thing, that's when Jose,
the machine,
kinda kicks in.
Yeah.
You know?
That's where the breathing starts because Igotta remind myself every morning why I'm doing

(01:37:58):
it.
Sometimes I get too stuck on the end that Iforget.
Like, let's do smile, you fucker, and get thecostume through it.
You know?
Because I hear you.
This is gonna make you smile at the end.
You know?
Right.
Eventually, I started competing more and more.
Started winning one contest, won the secondone.

(01:38:19):
Eventually, started going up through therankings.
And right now, I'm top four out of 34.
So I became number one in the world in 2021.
I'm actually number one in the world for theadaptive the AAASP tour, which goes to
Australia, Hawaii, Costa Rica, and ends up herein Oceanside.

(01:38:41):
I've won that two years in a row, back to back.
And I'm just gonna continue to hopefully arriveat the best place ever to where I can just show
up anywhere.
And if it's one of the greatest surfers, he'llbe like, hey, Jose.
You got the next one after me.
You know?
Instead of hearing, what the fuck are you doingout here?
You know?

(01:39:02):
Yeah.
You know what?
And what's crazy, dude, is find me a pill thatwill do that for you.
There's never
really a surgery or, you know, like and not notagain, I I I'm a I'm a medic or I was a medic,
and, you know, I have a lot of respect forWestern medicine, and and
I wouldn't be a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100%, dude.
100%.

(01:39:22):
Yeah.
You know?
But, you go to, like, Naval Medical Center, bigbeautiful hospital, you know, state-of-the-art
stuff.
And the recreational therapy clinic is like atiny little office kind of in that back
building.
Little room.
Little room.
Little little room.
And, like, I get it.

(01:39:42):
You know, it's not like they need a lot ofequipment to do their job necessarily, so, you
know, it makes sense, but it it it kinda showsthe priorities.
The the the hospital the the naval medicine isfocused on 99% of what they're doing is this
other stuff.

(01:40:03):
It's all these other interventions.
And 2% of it is, like, yeah.
Sure.
Go kayak, I guess, if that'll keep you fromkilling yourself.
And at the end of the day, it's that that hasbeen giving people their lives back, you know?
Yeah.
Just to finish wrap up, what I'm saying wasjust that, like you know what I mean?

(01:40:24):
It's it's they give it's like they throw you,like, a little bone here, and they focus so
much on all this other shit, and it's like, inmy experience and when I dude, I've spoken to
so many people, it's been that, you know, that2% of their budget is what really changes
people's lives.
You know?
Wasn't for us work like, working out togetherat physical therapy, if it wasn't for the

(01:40:48):
physical therapist that they had, Holly, Kim,Miss Alma, like, all of these people that dude,
I cussed out.
The first time I met Holly and Kim, they gotcussed out of my room.
I was yelling so bad that they're just like,oh, fuck.
Like, we should get out of here type thing, youknow?
But they came back the next day, and they'relike, hey, Jose.

(01:41:09):
We just we just wanna show you that we're we wegot love for you that, you know, and Kim told
me that her husband's a military dude, youknow?
And Holly's all like, dude, this is my firstyou're my first amputee.
Like, I just wanna help you out.
She's the one that got me walking, you youknow?
So, like you said, if they would focus more onthat 2%, it would be way better.
Change more lives, dude.

(01:41:30):
Oh, yeah.
Definitely.
And another thing that I wanted to say about,you know, surf therapy when I was doing that
is, like, dude, I was going through a lot ofthe same emotional stuff after my injury.
And I have all my limbs, all my fingers, all mytoes, I don't have any TBIs, but I was losing
my job, I was losing my identity, I was losingmy reputation, I was losing my career.

(01:41:51):
I just, all I was focusing on was all thesethings that I was losing, right?
And so I'm going out there doing this surftherapy and, like, I mean, I'm stoked to do it,
but, you know, I'm getting out.
It's something to occupy the day, and I'mlooking to my left and right, and I'm seeing
guys with amputees, paraplegics, and I'm like,what the fuck am I bitching about?

(01:42:14):
You know, what am I feeling sorry for myselffor?
You know, there are people that are in worseshape than me, and they show up, and they get
it done, and you know what I mean?
And they find reason to keep going and keepgrowing.
So,
let me give you one better.
Yeah.
Let me give you one better.

(01:42:34):
And for everybody that's a veteran here or foreverybody that's lost somebody, do it for the
person that's not here to be able to do itanymore.
That's the one thing I will always tell you.
I've lost a lot of my boys.
You know, my boy, my FTO that I used to takecare of that I got really close to, he ended up
getting killed a month after I got hurt becauseI wasn't there to take care of him.

(01:42:58):
You get me?
Every single time I'm doing some outrageousshit, I would look up and I say, Nick, this
one's for you, buddy.
You get me?
Because that's like, fuck, dude.
Like, if I'm able to do it and they can't, I'ma Yeah.
I know that they can jump into my body and feelit for a little bit.
You know?
Go on that ride.

(01:43:19):
Go kayaking.
Catch the biggest wave you've ever caught.
An 18-footer.
Like, my dumbass being out in Santa Cruz.
Like, oh, yeah.
We go out in the lane, bro.
That's what we're surfing.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
I got my big wave fucking circle.
That's why I that's why I work out so much isbecause I'm always ready for what I want to do.

(01:43:39):
Right.
Right.
You know?
Like, when I got hit and I stepped on the bomb,when I woke up, the doctor said the only reason
you're alive is because of the physical shapethat I've heard people talk about you.
Mhmm.
So, like, I've heard that you used to rock likecrazy.
I heard you used to run like a motherfucker.
I've heard you were an animal.
Right.
Like, yes, sir.
I'm still here.

(01:44:01):
You know?
So that's the one thing.
If I'm gonna leave a message to everybodythat's struggling, that's having a hard time,
if you can't do it for you, do it for thatperson that's not here able to physically feel
it, physically taste it.
Have that cake for that person, you know.
Like, don't feel bad about it, man.
Like, dude, let's say if you're 20 poundsoverweight, if you're 100 pounds overweight,

(01:44:25):
you don't have to punish yourself so you canbecome better.
You just have to start being better as of now.
That that's what I wanna tell people, like, youknow, as long as you start, you know, you can
be the human that you choose to be.
Like, by the time you choose to die, by thetime that you're on your deathbed, you're gonna

(01:44:45):
look back and be like, hell, yeah.
I did it.
You know?
Well, there's a couple of things that made methink of was, you know, that it's a gift, man.
Like, the ability to be here and experiencelife and experience love, and, you know, I
think that we're some sort of, like, fractal ofthe godhead that can experience itself, you

(01:45:07):
know, and that's what we're
here Yeah.
To do.
We're very lucky, and yeah.
And you're exactly where you are supposed tobe.
And the challenges that are in your life rightnow are the exact challenges that you fucking
chose before you, you know, manifested in thislife, and it's because you have a lesson there

(01:45:28):
to learn that your soul has to work through sothat you can, you know, elevate and get closer
to source in the next carnation or whatever.
I don't know.
Everyone has different beliefs, but, like,yeah.
That's what I
You're right, though.
Because I say this, and I will continue to saythis.
And it hurts my friends when I say this, mainlymy brothers, but that bomb was meant for me.

(01:45:48):
Mhmm.
That bomb was meant for me.
I think so too, man.
You know?
I think so too.
I chose this life.
I chose this body, and I knew to a certaindegree that that was gonna happen.
Mhmm.
You know?
And the fact that I'm still here trying to showthe rest of the world how to smile, how to
continue to live, like, that to me shows methat that is really the person that I've always

(01:46:11):
wanted to become, that I am becoming my ownhero, that I am becoming the person that I
always known, that I've always fought for, thatI've always grabbed that little dude's hand
deep down inside and be like, yo, bro.
I got you.
You know?
It might not feel like it right now.
And I tell people, I was like, always look backto when you were a kid.

(01:46:32):
When you were looking up, you weren't lookingup at the sky.
You weren't looking up at the sun.
You weren't talking to God.
You were talking to that older you that's ableto fucking jump back and forth.
Mhmm.
And see that person.
That's what you were talking.
You were talking to the older you and tellingthem, please don't fucking let me go.

(01:46:55):
Please.
You know?
You're the only thing I have.
Because truly, at the end of the day, we arethe only thing we truly have is ourselves.
Mhmm.
You know?
We might be in a relationship.
We might be in love or whatnot, but thoserelationships cannot happen if we truly don't
love ourselves.
You know?
Right.
And and and that's truly what it is.

(01:47:15):
We're here to have an experience, and everybodyjust has to experience it.
That's it.
That's such a good message, Jose.
Dude, this has been amazing.
I well, such an awesome conversation.
You're an inspiration, dude.
You I'm I'm so happy that you're an advocatefor surfing and psychedelics and just fucking

(01:47:39):
believing that you can, that the that the thefight starts up here in the mind and that you
can manifest the life that you want to live.
Do you wanna tell people where they can findyou and and, you know, how to stay in contact
with you?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I run my own social media page.
It's Roll With Guru, R O L L W I T H G U R U.

(01:48:00):
It's called Roll With Guru because you'rerolling with me to find your own guru.
That's what you're doing, you know.
I'm not here to be your guru.
I can't be your swami.
I can't be your guide because I'm trying tofigure it out myself.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Right.
And all I can tell you is if we follow theseguidelines and if we go through these footsteps

(01:48:21):
and we do our best, everything will be okay.
You know?
And if you want to reach out to me, I read myown messages.
No one's managing any of it, like, this is allme.
So, you can reach out.
If I respond, it's because I want to help out.
And if I don't, it's probably because I'm alittle busy.
So you wait another week, and I'll respondback.

(01:48:42):
So just, anybody is more than welcome to sendme messages.
Anybody is more than welcome to follow along.
And more than anything, I just hope that youguys start being your own bright light in your
own world to spark the rest of those friendsthat need the extra light.
You know?
I love that.
Jose, this has been amazing, dude.

(01:49:03):
Thank you so much.
Once again, this is the Mind Body Mushroombrought to you by WN&C Coffee, the world's best
adaptogen-infused coffee products.
We got functional mushrooms, CBD infused.
I'm gonna be sending you some stuff, Jose.
So, just stick around once we stop recording.
But everybody else, thanks for joining us, andwe'll catch you next week.

(01:49:25):
Peace.
Hell, yeah.

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Ep. 19 | Surfing Through Adversity: A Champion's Tale | Army Vet Jose Martinez

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep. 19 | Surfing Through Adversity: A Champion's Tale | Army Vet Jose Martinez