Rewiring Sleep Anxiety (Encore) | Ep 61

In this episode, I explore what I consider the single most powerful tool for overcoming insomnia — your response. When it comes to long-term recovery, it’s not about finding a magic sleep trick or trying harder to force sleep. It’s about how you respond to the experience of insomnia itself.

We’ll look at what happens when the brain’s hyperarousal system misinterprets sleeplessness as danger and how to shift that conditioned response back toward safety. You’ll learn how cultivating awareness, compassion, and curiosity rewires the brain through self-directed neuroplasticity — and why it’s not about doing more, but about doing less and trusting your body’s innate wisdom.

If you’ve ever felt trapped in the cycle of trying to sleep harder, this episode offers a refreshing and hopeful perspective that can help you step off the hamster wheel and truly recover.

Takeaways:

• Your response is your most powerful recovery tool.
• Safety, not effort, is what restores natural sleep.
• Compassion and awareness are the antidotes to hyperarousal.
• You can teach your brain that it’s safe to sleep.

Related Episode Links & Resources:

Episode #1: Redefining Insomnia: My 3 Core Philosophies
Episode #16: How to Use Indifference to Overcome Sleep Anxiety
Book Recommendation: Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl

Connect with Beth:

 👉  Instagram 

Work with Beth:

👉   Learn About the Mind. Body. Sleep. Mentorship
👉   Start the Free Insomnia Course Here

Show Notes HERE.


About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP: 

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.® has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights.

© 2023 - 2025 Beth Kendall

DISCLAIMER: The podcasts available on this website have been produced for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. The contents of this podcast do not constitute medical or professional advice. No person listening to and/or viewing any podcast from this website should act or refrain from acting on the basis of the content of a podcast without first seeking appropriate professional advice and/or counseling, nor shall the information be used as a substitute for professional advice and/or counseling. The Mind. Body. Sleep. Podcast expressly disclaims any and all liability relating to any actions taken or not taken based on any or all contents of this site as there are no assurances as to any particular outcome.

Mind. Body. Sleep.® with Beth Kendall is your trusted source for holistic insomnia recovery, blending neuroplasticity, nervous system health, and mind-body coaching to help you finally sleep again.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
Hello and welcome to Mind Body Sleep, the podcast for
anyone out there who wants tounderstand and recover from
insomnia using a holisticperspective.
I'm Beth Kendall, your host.
Let's get started.
Hello everyone.
Super warm welcome to thepodcast.
I hope you're doing really well.

(00:26):
Today we're talking all aboutthe most powerful tool you have
at your disposal for overcominginsomnia.
Some of you may already befamiliar with this tool, but you
might not fully understand howit works or why it's so
effective for long-termrecovery.
And I'm going to talk about thistool specifically in the context

(00:51):
of conveying safety to yourhyperarousal brain.
And what is the hyperarousalbrain, you might ask?
Well, hyperarousal is themechanism that turns on in
response to danger, both real orperceived.
And in the case of insomnia, orthe way I approach it, we're

(01:16):
working with a fear of notsleeping, which has become
conditioned over time.
So even though there's nothingparticularly dangerous about
going to bed at night or wakingup at night, the brain has
started to interpret theseevents as a threat to your
survival.
This activates the stressresponse and explains why sleep

(01:39):
becomes a disappearing act theminute you hit the pillow, no
matter how sleepy you were onthe couch.
And believe me, I lived withthis bizarre hyperarousal
response for most of my life.
So I understand how insanelyfrustrating it is, especially
when there are no outward signsof fear or anxiety, which is

(02:03):
definitely the case for somepeople.
But let's be real, it'sfrustrating whether you have
obvious hyperarousal symptoms orsilent hyperarousal.
It's all a pretty bizarre thingto experience.
Now, most approaches forinsomnia focus directly on sleep

(02:24):
itself.
So the primary focus is onmaking sleep happen.
And sometimes there's sometemporary benefit to these
approaches, but they don'tusually work long term because
ultimately they're notaddressing the root of the
problem, which is theconditioned arousal response

(02:45):
that's getting in the way ofsleep.
So that's what I help people dois rewire the fear response
that's getting in the way ofsleep.
And we do this by looking at theprimary drivers, which is
typically our thoughts, beliefs,behaviors, and perceptions about
sleep.

(03:06):
Going at it from this angle isreally what allows you to get
beyond it for good.
So you don't have to keepspending so much time, money,
and hope on things that aren'treally serving you long term.
So one of the things that I talkabout in my program in terms of
unlearning this perceived dangerresponse is sending messages of

(03:31):
safety to your brain.
And what's truly amazing is thatthanks to the principle of
neuroplasticity, our brains arechangeable.
This is a core philosophy of myapproach, which you can learn
more about back in episode one.
But we have the unique abilityas humans to facilitate this

(03:54):
change, meaning we can use themind to change the brain.
And this is the process known asself-directed neuroplasticity,
which just happens to be one ofmy all-time favorite topics.
And I'm going to tie this in injust a moment.
But the name of this podcast isthe number one tool for insomnia

(04:20):
recovery.
So, what is that exactly?
And how do we use it to shift adanger response towards a safety
response and teach ourhyper-arousal brain that it
doesn't need to keep firing thisfight or flight response at
night when we want to go tosleep?

(04:41):
Well, that tool is ourresponses.
Your response to insomnia is byfar the most powerful tool you
have at your disposal when itcomes to overcoming insomnia.
So, what does that even entail?

(05:01):
Well, how do you respond to yourthoughts?
How do you respond to youremotions?
How do you mentally andemotionally meet the experience
of insomnia?
Typically, with insomnia, we'rejust reacting on autopilot based

(05:22):
on the information we have.
And this is why an accurateunderstanding of the problem is
so important, because it createsthe foundation for how to
respond in a more helpful way.
In fact, education alone will doa lot of the heavy lifting for

(05:43):
you because your awareness ofthe problem just changes so
completely that it organicallyshifts how you respond.
Now, changing your response toinsomnia doesn't necessarily
equate to more effort, right?
It actually means less.

(06:05):
I think when I talk aboutresponses, a lot of my type A
high achievers go right forPressureville, right?
A lot of us who develop insomniatend to be very focused,
goal-oriented people.
So our minds go straight to theidea of responses as doing more,

(06:26):
right?
Trying harder, going to battle,just tell us what we need to do.
But it's actually the oppositeof that.
It is about doing less.
It's about taking this off yourplate and trusting more.
It's about self-compassion andunderstanding your own brain.

(06:47):
These are the kinds of responsesfor insomnia that open the door
for sleep to come.
You don't have to takeresponsibility for your sleep
because your body already knowsexactly how to do it all on its
own.
Okay, so what does all of thislook like in practicality?

(07:08):
Let's apply an example and lookat how responses play a role in
the recovery process.
Let's say you had a reallycrappy night, or you've got a
bunch of anxiety thoughts justrolling in during the day, or
you had to take a sleeping pill.

(07:28):
Is the response to thesescenarios something along the
lines of, oh no, or is it morelike, oh well?
One is going to confirm danger,and the other is going to
confirm safety.
Because remember, insomnia isdriven by a perception of

(07:49):
danger, right?
The brain is trying to look outfor you based on the current
information it has.
It's a total act of love onbehalf of your survival system,
which is not a big deal.
Our brains can develop fearsaround so many things, right?
Flying, heights, water, dogs,graveyards, crowds, public

(08:10):
speaking, the list is prettymuch endless.
I still have fears in my life,even though I don't have
insomnia.
No biggie.
But we can give our brains newinformation.
And that's where responses comein.
Now, the thing to understandhere is that if we respond to

(08:31):
these hyper-arousal messages ofdanger that our super amazing
brain is sending us with morefear, doubt, and worry, and tell
ourselves things like, it'shopeless, nothing's ever gonna
work, I'm the worst case outthere, my brain is broken,
there's got to be somethingphysically wrong with me, which

(08:51):
are all very normal thoughts tohave, by the way, when you're in
a tough stretch.
But this can reinforce thedanger response, right?
So we're unintentionallyconfirming the brain's
perception of threat versusunderstanding where our brain is
coming from.
It's just trying to keep yousafe based on its perception of

(09:15):
danger, but that doesn'tnecessarily mean it's accurate.
So we can give it newinformation.
Oh well, whatever.
There's my brain at it again.
If you want to learn more aboutcultivating an attitude of
indifference during insomnia,you can go back to episode 16,
where I do a deeper dive intohow to acknowledge brain

(09:40):
messages without getting overlyphased by them.
But oh no and oh well are verydifferent responses in terms of
teaching the brain that it canlet go of this fight or flight
response.
Because remember, the goal isn'tnecessarily sleep, right?
Sleep can't really be a goalbecause it's a beautifully

(10:02):
passive process.
Although it's obviously a verywelcomed byproduct of this work.
But what we're really shootingfor is reshaping the brain's
interpretation of danger becausethe hyperarousal that stems from
that is what's getting in theway of sleep.
This is such an importantdistinction to understand.

(10:26):
So a lot of times people willsay, but Beth, there's no way I
can apply this when I'm inextreme states of fear or panic.
And they're absolutely right.
You can't.
In those moments, your brain istelling you to fight or flee,
which requires a differentapproach.
And I'll discuss that more in afuture podcast.

(10:48):
But for many of life's scenariosand situations, this concept can
be applied.
And it's often applying it toyour life during the day that
will transfer to a less reactiveexperience at night.
And I'll add that there's nosuch thing as perfection in this

(11:10):
process, and you cannot do anyof it wrong.
Whenever you're in doubt, dropinto self-compassion, because
this is truly one of the mostpowerful responses and ways to
guide your brain towards a senseof safety.
I think one of the bestrepresentations of this concept

(11:32):
is in this wonderful Buddhistteaching called the Two Arrows.
There are two arrows.
The first arrow is the bad thingthat happens.
And the second arrow is how yourespond to that.
And you control that secondarrow and whether it hits you or
not, and whether you suffer fromit.

(11:54):
And this teaching has alwaysstuck with me because we do have
control over how we perceivecertain situations.
As horrible as the first arrowis, and a lot of that is out of
our control, we still havecontrol over how we respond to
it and how things go from there.

(12:17):
So if we attach ourselves to thepain of the first arrow,
continue to think and focus onall the things that have gone
wrong and dwell in the bad luckof the first arrow, we just
invite that second arrowstraight in.
But if we pause, maybe take abreath, give ourselves a moment

(12:39):
to reset and choose a differentresponse, we can save ourselves
the pain of that second arrow.
The famous philosopher andHolocaust survivor Victor
Frankel frames this idea sobeautifully with his quote:
between stimulus and response,there is a space.

(12:59):
And in that space is our powerto choose our response.
And if you haven't read hisbook, Man's Search for Meaning,
I highly recommend it.
It will change your life.
But our power is in that space,and that's the key to avoiding
the second arrow.
And it's also how we wire thebrain out of insomnia.

(13:25):
As always, thanks for joining metoday.
Please do leave a rating andreview for the podcast.
That helps me out a lot.
Until next time, I'm BethKendall and you've been
listening to the Mind Body SleepPodcast.
Bye for now.
Thanks for being here today.
If you love what you heard ontoday's episode, don't forget to

(13:45):
hit the like button andsubscribe to the podcast.
And if you need more supportwith your sleep, join me in the
Mind Body Sleep Mentorship.
This three month one on oneprogram will transform your
relationship with sleep so youcan get back to living the life
that you love free from the fearof not sleeping.
Head on over to bethkendall.comfor more details.
I'll see you next time.