March 12, 2023 • 26 mins
Your Host: Shyra DeJuan is challenging you to be open to change your relationship with pain, change your relationship with trauma
Observe your pain for what it is and not identify with pain as who you are. Learn from it so you won't be drawn to the negative behaviors associated with pain.
Notice your triggers and realign yourself with a positive experience and respond with your mindset of positive solutions instead of wallowing in self pity, worry or victim thoughts.
Create sustainable healthy emotions to feel valued and loved for your happiness instead of your pain.
Create sustainable healthy emotions to feel valued and loved for holding yourself accountable for your actions without blaming someone else.
Create sustainable healthy emotions by controlling your conversations to create solutions to your trauma and not adding to your suffering.
When you choose to be a champion of your life, you are making a conscious choice to win every day. As champions we are connected on the easy ways to win life’s challenges.
Life is harder when you dedicate it to the bondage of suffering
Life is easier when you dedicate it to the freedom of happiness
Be kind to your life experiences
Start observing your emotions and understand that you have the power to choose a healthy emotion. That's the moment you transform your thoughts, transform your emotions, transform your life by elevating your mind!
Connect with others and yourself with love and peace.
Release yourself from pain and suffering. Listen and Heal!
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Book: Real Talk For When There’s Nowhere To Go But Up. Black Pain It just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting. By: Terrie M. Williams
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
All smiles, TMP.
Champions welcome to mind,elevation health and wealth.
I am your host, Shira DeWine, aneducator, emotional healer and
entrepreneur.
Each week, we will dig deep intoemotionally healing, all aspects
of your life to increase yourability to create prosperity.
Mind elevation health and wealthallows you to elevate and shift
(00:26):
into a growth mindset.
Share each moment with me, I'mgiving you permission to fulfill
all of the unique desires ofyour heart judgment free
shame-free guilt-free elementsto heal your mind and body
embrace, unconditional love andkeep listening.
Healing is health.
Health is wealth.
(00:46):
You are here on purpose.
Session 13.
Healing from emotional painaddiction and victim mentality.
Listen and listen wellchampions, whether you have
faith in God, faith in theuniverse or faith in self, it is
important to understand that itis possible to be addicted to
(01:08):
emotional pain.
When a person has suffered yearsof living in a negative
emotional state of mind, thisperson creates this emotional
state as their identity andreality.
Let's cover the vocabulary forclarification.
Emotional pain addiction.
It is an addiction to negativeemotions that trigger the reward
(01:31):
centers in the brain.
And severe cases, you may feelyou are rewarding yourself.
When you feel negative emotionsor pain.
One may become unconsciouslyreliant on distress.
The other definition is a victimmentality.
Victim mentality is apersonality trait, and which a
person tends to considerthemselves as a victim of the
(01:54):
negative actions of others.
And to behave as a bad thingswill always happen to them in
every situation.
Always believing that anythingbad that happens to them is
never their fault.
Years ago when pharmaceuticalsales began commercial
advertising for big pharma,everyone would watch the
(02:14):
commercials for new drugs, andthen everyone thought they had
psoriasis, irritable bowelsyndrome and rheumatoid
arthritis.
There was a spike inhypochondriacs people that were
overly anxious or alwaysworrying about having an
illness.
And in severe cases, they willactually start showing symptoms
(02:35):
of a life-threatening illness.
I stayed this concept to simplyshow how the brain and our
thoughts are so powerful when itcomes to psychologically
overwhelming yourself withanxiety and stress.
I must add that we all may havedifferent levels and how we
process our emotional pain.
After listening to this podcast.
(02:57):
You may have thoughts that youare a suffer of severe emotional
pain addiction.
When in fact you may not be.
So I have listed four differentlevels of emotional pain
addiction level one is a seminormal case of emotional
addiction.
Level two is a mild case ofemotional pain addiction.
Level three is a moderate caseof emotional pain addiction and
(03:20):
level four is a severe case ofemotional pain addiction.
Depending on the situation, youmay find yourself midway between
any of these at different timesin your life.
This session is designed for youto be aware of it and avoid
severe cases of emotional painaddiction.
The victim mentality signs aresigns like blaming your parents
(03:42):
for your life trauma, blamingyour supervisors for work
trauma.
Blaming your siblings for somelife trauma, blaming your spouse
for your marriage trauma,blaming your children for your
parenting trauma, or you justkind of have a loss of purpose.
So you blame just having ahorrible life on just life.
Or you might just have a loss ofself-worth, which makes you feel
(04:06):
like you're a victim to just nothaving a sense of self worth.
Signs that you might be addictedto emotional pain.
You may be addicted to constantdrama.
You may be addicted to sadness,worry, stress, beer, trauma, and
doubt.
You may constantly want torelive a traumatic incident by
(04:27):
constantly talking about it overand over without seeking
professional help.
You may have feelings ofsuffering that give you a sense
of worth by connecting withothers.
With trauma, creating traumabonds.
You might create social mediaattention related to your pain
and suffering.
You become a victim and all ofyour life situations because the
(04:49):
whole world is against you.
Those might be signs of beingaddicted to emotional pain.
I may have missed a few signs,but these will help you grab the
concept of how this cannegatively affect your ability
to heal.
Your body and brain gets used tothe feelings of pain and
suffering and it resorts tocraving it or the attention.
(05:12):
Relationships stress, familystress and work-related stress.
Replaying and ruminating all ofthe stress.
By calling more than threepeople in your life to repeat
the same stressful story.
Your brain has gotten used toand craves as energy of
repeating your life stressorover and over psychologically
(05:33):
east time, you share theincident to a different person.
Your brain feeds off the otherperson's response, starving for
validation and purpose from thenegative response, the addiction
occurs.
You feel the pain and depressionas a sense of self-worth.
The overwhelming thoughts of I'mso hurt.
(05:55):
This is so depressing, in asevere case of emotional pain
addiction, the brain chemistrypicks this negative feeling just
as the brain chemistry wouldpick the feeling for any other
type of addiction.
The brain will unconsciously bedrawn to detrimental situations
and a twisted kind of way.
This type of person will alwaysexpect bad things to happen to
(06:19):
them.
They will even manifest theworst in situations just to have
more sob stories, to tell abouttheir horrible, stressful life.
We discussed levels of severityand the signs, but we must also
discuss how this addiction topain and victim mentality can
affect people in your life.
(06:41):
The negative effects ofemotional pain addiction to
people in your life is the factthat the stressful emotions and
feelings are being transferredto the listener.
So if this listener is a closefriend, coworkers, strangers,
spouse, or family member, eachtime you have a conversation
with this person, you aredraining their energy as an
(07:02):
energy vampire.
If it is a constant conversationin the workplace, you become the
Debbie or Donald downer at workpeople, shoulders drop and their
energy change.
When you walk into the room, youmay not notice the sudden shift
in the room energy, because youare overwhelmingly caught up in
(07:23):
your negative mindset.
You may begin to lose friends.
Luiz coworkers.
Coworkers may start leaving theroom.
When you enter the room, somepeople may just avoid you, avoid
your phone calls, avoidattending events with you,
because the truth is beingaround.
You may be a life burdening taskfor other people.
(07:46):
Only certain people can handlesuch intense negative energy.
If you aren't sharing yourstruggles with intent to empower
and motivate, to help elevatethe minds of others, you are
sharing your struggles tocontinue being a big item of
your negative path.
All of your conversations relateto your pain, your trauma,
people who have done you wrongor mistreated you.
(08:08):
Your conversations are alwaysabout abusive relationships.
Your emotional pain addiction iscausing you to stay in an
abusive relationship.
The abuse and pain becomes yourlife and your identity, your
family and friends have beenforced to accept this as your
life, because no matter how hardpeople have tried to help you
(08:31):
out of the trauma.
You choose to stay.
Because you have forced yourselfto believe that without this
pain in your life, You don'thave a significant purpose.
Emotional pain addiction,whether it is mild or severe can
also cause you to be attractedto the same types of toxic
people.
(08:51):
Getting out of one badrelationship and going into a
new one with a person that hasthe same behavior, because it's
familiar and comfortable to you.
The drama, the toxicity is anexcitement to you.
This could be due to the typesof negative environments you are
raised in generationally, or itcould be the type of pain you
(09:11):
connect to an unloving love.
Humans are naturally wiredthrough connections with other
humans.
So it's so easy to become a partof someone else's misery.
We unconsciously model people inour lives and we allow their
identity.
To become our identity.
For example, our parents maysuffer from high anxiety.
(09:34):
So we suffer from high anxietyor once you decide that's who
you are, it becomes yourreality.
You may not even be a personthat has high anxiety, but
you're relating to andconnecting to a parent or loved
one that expresses their levelsof anxiety.
And that just kinda.
Just trickles into your reality.
(09:55):
Now if you're self-reflectingand you're trying to figure out
if this is you, you are the onlyperson that can truly determine
your level of severity.
You are also the only personthat can change the behavior.
We all have live trauma thatdefines our life journey and who
we are because of that trauma.
(10:15):
We can share those traumaticexperiences, if it is
specifically to help others healfrom it.
However, if your life stress andtrauma and illness is the basis
of every general conversationyou have.
If you training others due toyour daily sadness, if someone
asks, how are you and you'realways compelled to respond
(10:38):
negatively with phrases.
Like I guess I'm okay.
I've had better days.
Just because you want the otherperson to sincerely ask.
Oh, no, what's wrong.
What's wrong.
What's going on?
If you are struggling and youhave this strong desire and
need.
For a woe me.
(10:59):
Mentality.
Then your brain gets excited toshare all the things going
wrong.
That is a sign.
You may be addicted to youremotional pain.
You crave comfort words andsympathy from other people to
validate your stressful life.
You want to be consoled, but youdon't really want genuine help
(11:19):
because you don't really want tobe better.
You want to continue being inthe emotional pain.
You get angry.
If someone tries to bring youout of it, you get angry.
If someone tells you, just letit go.
Just let it go.
Get over it.
Now some things you don't justlet go, you do need proper
healing from, but if this issomething that you're constantly
(11:40):
ruminating on and someone closeto you is like, please just let
it go.
Then it's time for you to let itgo.
Because misery loves company ismisery is the only thing that
makes you feel human and real.
You are not ready to heal.
If you are choosing to beindecisive to procrastinate on
(12:02):
purpose, you don't want to makea major decision because you
would prefer to stress aboutmaking the decision.
Those are signs.
If you do things like conduct abunch of research obsessives.
So you don't choose to dosomething or change your
behavior.
For example.
If you are diagnosed with a lifealtering health issue, and
(12:23):
someone tells you a healthy wayto lose weight or heal from it.
And the sacrifices you have tomake to see results and heal.
Instead.
You will spend hours researchingor finding other ways to lose
weight or heal to avoid theactual proven results.
This will then give you anexcuse to just give up on your
(12:45):
healthy weight loss, or just letyour health issue take over your
body.
You will remain stuck in thecycle of major health issues
that can be detrimental to youand your family, but you will
constantly talk about how thehealth issue was negatively
hurting you.
And you're refusing to bringyourself out of it.
Even with the right help.
(13:07):
You have someone to help you.
And you choose not to make theright decision to heal properly.
Those are signs that you'reobsessively.
Obsessed and addicted.
To your pain.
You ignore positive things inyour life because you don't want
to focus on positive feelingsbecause your brain only
(13:28):
processes good feelings.
That's just somethingtemporarily in short lived.
So you don't focus on anythingpositive.
You want to continue to stay inthe negative.
I choose to be transparent ineach session.
I can honestly say at some pointin my life journey.
I have suffered from mild tosevere addiction to pain,
Especially when I was strugglingwith severe depression, I was so
(13:51):
caught up in it.
It took forever for me to wantto get out of it.
My conversations were negative.
My marriage was negative.
My family life was negative.
I was in denial about a lot ofthings.
My discussions were always aboutother people and an attempt to
point out other people's mess asit compared to my own mess.
I can say that now I'm probablyat a level one, which is like
(14:14):
normal case of emotional painaddiction.
Sometimes I'm at a level one.
However, my conversations nowwith family coworkers, Is
usually, always related tocreating a better life.
This is one of the reasons Icreated my podcast.
I wanted to kind of just focuson how can I help people become
(14:34):
better?
How can I help people healallowing my energy to shift from
my negative thoughts into moreof positive and uplifting
thoughts for me and for othersin my life.
Sometimes at work.
I can be a level two or levelthree, mild to moderate
emotional stress, depending onthe circle of people I'm talking
(14:56):
to about work stress.
And depending on.
What's going on at work.
But I have become stronger atmanaging my conversations.
So I've had mild cases of victimmentality in certain situations,
but I have recently setboundaries for myself.
We must set healthy boundarieswith ourselves just as we
(15:18):
learned a mind, elevation healthand wealth session to healing
from unhealthy boundaries.
If you haven't listened to thatepisode, it's definitely worth
the listen.
If something bad happens to mein my life, I limit myself Tatel
only two people that I trust.
If it's something severe.
That person would be maybe mytherapist.
(15:40):
I don't call until four to fivepeople or tell everyone at work.
I just tell maybe one reallyclose coworker that I trust.
I also set the boundary that ifI talk about the negative
situation to someone.
I also must tell them the honestrole.
That played in the situation.
And I also discussed my positivesolutions to healing from the
(16:03):
situation and openly acceptingtheir positive comments about
the negative situation.
I've learned to guide myconversations, to promote a
positive discussion, even in themost trying and hard situations,
it helps me to avoid pouringadditional stress on the person
that is my listener, and ithelps me share my stress
(16:25):
productively.
That way the conversation endswith hope and optimism instead
of more pain and added stressand trauma.
And I don't want to cause thatemotional draining.
Trauma to the person.
That's my listener, That personthat I love and that I trust.
(16:45):
hey, you.
The champion for life changes.
I'm challenging you to be open,to understanding that in a world
of anxiety, stress, and pain,the beauty about healing
addiction to pain and sufferingis that now you can transform,
you can change your relationshipwith pain, change your
relationship with trauma,observe your pain for what it
(17:07):
is, and not identify with thepain as who you are.
Learning from it.
So you won't be drawn to thenegative behaviors associated
with pain, understand andacknowledge what the pain is.
Don't identify with the pain aswho you are.
I had to repeat that.
(17:28):
Notice your trigger and realignyourself with a positive
experience and respond with yourmindset of positive solutions.
Instead of wallowing inself-pity warring and those
victim thoughts.
Create sustainable, healthyemotions to feel valued and
loved.
For your happiness instead ofyour pain.
(17:51):
Create sustainable, healthyemotions to feel valued and love
for holding yourself accountablefor your actions without blaming
someone else.
For your actions createsustainable, healthy emotions by
controlling your conversationsto create solutions to your
trauma and not adding to yoursuffering.
(18:11):
When you choose to be a championof your life, you are making a
conscious choice to win everyday.
As a champion, we are connectedon the easy ways to when life
challenges.
Life is harder when you dedicateit to bondage of suffering.
Life is easier when you dedicateit to freedom of happiness.
(18:33):
Be kind to your lifeexperiences.
You have to be kind toeverything that happens into
your life to promote selfcompassion.
I start observing your emotionsand understand that you have the
power to choose a healthyemotion.
You don't always have to choosethe negative emotion.
(18:53):
That's the moment you transformyour thoughts, transform your
emotions, transform your life.
By elevating your mind, connectwith others and yourself with
love and peace.
Release yourself from pain andsuffering.
As humans with physical pain,like when it happens, when you
(19:15):
physically hurt yourself, if westep on a sharp object or glass,
it hurts.
It causes pain.
We pick up the sharp object.
So no one else gets hurt.
We bandaged the wound and we letit heal.
We don't allow ourselves orothers to continue stepping on
the sharp object.
Uh, suffering from the physicalpain every day, over and over
(19:36):
and talking about the glass thathurt your foot every day and
talking about how much pain itcaused us year after year and
blame the person that droppedthe glass without forgiving
them.
Even though you continue to stepon the same piece of glass every
day, without picking it upwithout allowing the wound to
heal, you keep allowing yourselfto step on that same piece of
(19:57):
glass and get that same.
Physical pain every day.
It sounds insane.
Just thinking about physicalpain and that level of extreme
behavior.
Why would we do this toourselves with emotional pain?
It sounds just as troubling.
But some of us have allowedourselves to become addicted to
(20:17):
emotional pain and that victimmentality of reliving that pain,
that suffering that trauma, thatblaming.
That hurtful experience over andover and over.
instead of allowing yourself toheal from that emotional pain.
And move forward and forgive.
(20:38):
I do understand that is so hardto let go of some of the pain
that we suffered in our past.
However I do also understandthat I had to.
Heal from a lot of negativetrauma from my past.
And once I was able to let go ofthat emotional pain and
distress, I'm able to be in ahappier state of mind.
(21:01):
I was able to release it and letit go.
So I'm challenging you to do thesame.
I did not go really deep ontothe level of emotional pain and
stress that some of us aresuffering from.
However, I do know that some ofyou are listening to this and
you're thinking.
Yes, but this is my pain and Iwant to hold onto this pain.
And it's hard for me to healfrom this pain.
(21:22):
I know I have a listener that isgoing through that.
However, I have been there.
I have struggled with that.
And i have healed from that sothat is the reason i made this
podcast and created this podcastto let you know that it is a
possibility for you to naturallyheal from that but it starts
with you And just naturally.
(21:46):
Allow yourself to be free fromit.
Today is the day you create anacknowledged, some truths about
your addictive mindset.
Manage those negative triggersand make other smile with
excitement.
When you walk in the room.
Energy shifting for thepositive.
We have to be open to alsoevaluating the people and the
(22:08):
environments that encouragethose negative emotions.
How we view emotional pain is soimportant to our healing
process.
Learning how to manage youremotional pain allows you to
take control of your identity.
My name is The wine.
And I have been in pain, but Iidentify as healed.
(22:32):
You don't have to identify withbeing a depressed person.
You don't have to identify withbeing a person with high
anxiety.
You don't have to identify tobeing that person that can't do
things correctly.
You can find relief in knowing.
You are not alone.
We all suffer from differentlevels of pain addiction, and we
(22:54):
can all be healed.
When we are real together.
We heal together.
Each week.
I promote a book and an authorthat have impacted my life or
helped me heal by increasing myknowledge and awareness of
experiences outside of my own.
And this situation, it would bechoosing a kinder life
(23:17):
experience, a healthier lifeexperience, a productive life
experience.
The author Terry M.
Williams.
I wrote the book, title, realtalk for when there's nowhere to
go, but up black pain, it justlooks like we're not hurting.
In this book, Terry describeshow emotional pain can uniquely
(23:39):
affect people in desperate actsof crime.
Violent eating disorder, being aworkaholic, shopping, gambling,
and sex.
The author states, how fewrealize that these destructive
acts are symptoms of our innersorrow and our inner pain.
This book inspires, famous andordinary people to speak out to
(24:01):
mental health professionals tooffer real solutions to healing
from emotional pain.
Finding relief through faiththerapy exercise as well as to
building a supportive networkand eliminating toxic people
from our life.
This book reminds us andencourages us to face the truth
about the issues that plungesour spirits into darkness so
(24:22):
that we can step into thehealing light.
You are not on this ledge alone.
You are now a champion forhealing and change.
If you are like me and you wantto make a life change by making
grocery shopping easy.
I shop using Instacart and I getmy groceries delivered in as
(24:45):
little as an hour.
This comes in handy as I'mmaking my plant-based recipes.
Save yourself that trip to themarket.
Instacart delivers groceries inas fast as one hour.
They connect you with personalshoppers in your area to shop
and deliver groceries from yourfavorite stores.
I click on the link in mypodcast notes and get free
(25:08):
delivery on your first order.
Over$35 through Instacart.
Champions also remember in orderfor me to keep this podcast
going to continue healing andhelping with mental health for
mind, elevation, please go to mypodcast notes.
And click donate and you candonate as little as$1 just to
support my podcast.
(25:29):
Or you can, give me a five-starrating.
Leave me a five star review.
if you're using apple podcasts,Please, please, please support.
i want to continue to heal andshare with you all on this
journey Elevate your mind.
Be open to health and wealth.
Trust the healing process,sometimes healing hurts, but
(25:52):
when completely healed youbecome a stronger.
Wiser and amazing human.
That was heavy.
Let's relax and breathe.
Breathe in love.
Breathe out.
Love.
Breathe in peace.
(26:15):
Breathe out peace.
Breathe in love.
Share love.
Now, share this podcast to helpsomeone you love I enjoy.
interacting with my listeners.
(26:36):
Click the support link in thepodcast notes to donate and
support.
See you next self care sunday
All smiles, TMP.
Champions welcome to mind,elevation health and wealth.
I am your host, Shira DeWine, aneducator, emotional healer and
entrepreneur.
Each week, we will dig deep intoemotionally healing, all aspects
of your life to increase yourability to create prosperity.
Mind elevation health and wealthallows you to elevate and shift
(00:26):
into a growth mindset.
Share each moment with me, I'mgiving you permission to fulfill
all of the unique desires ofyour heart judgment free
shame-free guilt-free elementsto heal your mind and body
embrace, unconditional love andkeep listening.
Healing is health.
Health is wealth.
(00:46):
You are here on purpose.
Session 13.
Healing from emotional painaddiction and victim mentality.
Listen and listen wellchampions, whether you have
faith in God, faith in theuniverse or faith in self, it is
important to understand that itis possible to be addicted to
(01:08):
emotional pain.
When a person has suffered yearsof living in a negative
emotional state of mind, thisperson creates this emotional
state as their identity andreality.
Let's cover the vocabulary forclarification.
Emotional pain addiction.
It is an addiction to negativeemotions that trigger the reward
(01:31):
centers in the brain.
And severe cases, you may feelyou are rewarding yourself.
When you feel negative emotionsor pain.
One may become unconsciouslyreliant on distress.
The other definition is a victimmentality.
Victim mentality is apersonality trait, and which a
person tends to considerthemselves as a victim of the
(01:54):
negative actions of others.
And to behave as a bad thingswill always happen to them in
every situation.
Always believing that anythingbad that happens to them is
never their fault.
Years ago when pharmaceuticalsales began commercial
advertising for big pharma,everyone would watch the
(02:14):
commercials for new drugs, andthen everyone thought they had
psoriasis, irritable bowelsyndrome and rheumatoid
arthritis.
There was a spike inhypochondriacs people that were
overly anxious or alwaysworrying about having an
illness.
And in severe cases, they willactually start showing symptoms
(02:35):
of a life-threatening illness.
I stayed this concept to simplyshow how the brain and our
thoughts are so powerful when itcomes to psychologically
overwhelming yourself withanxiety and stress.
I must add that we all may havedifferent levels and how we
process our emotional pain.
After listening to this podcast.
(02:57):
You may have thoughts that youare a suffer of severe emotional
pain addiction.
When in fact you may not be.
So I have listed four differentlevels of emotional pain
addiction level one is a seminormal case of emotional
addiction.
Level two is a mild case ofemotional pain addiction.
Level three is a moderate caseof emotional pain addiction and
(03:20):
level four is a severe case ofemotional pain addiction.
Depending on the situation, youmay find yourself midway between
any of these at different timesin your life.
This session is designed for youto be aware of it and avoid
severe cases of emotional painaddiction.
The victim mentality signs aresigns like blaming your parents
(03:42):
for your life trauma, blamingyour supervisors for work
trauma.
Blaming your siblings for somelife trauma, blaming your spouse
for your marriage trauma,blaming your children for your
parenting trauma, or you justkind of have a loss of purpose.
So you blame just having ahorrible life on just life.
Or you might just have a loss ofself-worth, which makes you feel
(04:06):
like you're a victim to just nothaving a sense of self worth.
Signs that you might be addictedto emotional pain.
You may be addicted to constantdrama.
You may be addicted to sadness,worry, stress, beer, trauma, and
doubt.
You may constantly want torelive a traumatic incident by
(04:27):
constantly talking about it overand over without seeking
professional help.
You may have feelings ofsuffering that give you a sense
of worth by connecting withothers.
With trauma, creating traumabonds.
You might create social mediaattention related to your pain
and suffering.
You become a victim and all ofyour life situations because the
(04:49):
whole world is against you.
Those might be signs of beingaddicted to emotional pain.
I may have missed a few signs,but these will help you grab the
concept of how this cannegatively affect your ability
to heal.
Your body and brain gets used tothe feelings of pain and
suffering and it resorts tocraving it or the attention.
(05:12):
Relationships stress, familystress and work-related stress.
Replaying and ruminating all ofthe stress.
By calling more than threepeople in your life to repeat
the same stressful story.
Your brain has gotten used toand craves as energy of
repeating your life stressorover and over psychologically
(05:33):
east time, you share theincident to a different person.
Your brain feeds off the otherperson's response, starving for
validation and purpose from thenegative response, the addiction
occurs.
You feel the pain and depressionas a sense of self-worth.
The overwhelming thoughts of I'mso hurt.
(05:55):
This is so depressing, in asevere case of emotional pain
addiction, the brain chemistrypicks this negative feeling just
as the brain chemistry wouldpick the feeling for any other
type of addiction.
The brain will unconsciously bedrawn to detrimental situations
and a twisted kind of way.
This type of person will alwaysexpect bad things to happen to
(06:19):
them.
They will even manifest theworst in situations just to have
more sob stories, to tell abouttheir horrible, stressful life.
We discussed levels of severityand the signs, but we must also
discuss how this addiction topain and victim mentality can
affect people in your life.
(06:41):
The negative effects ofemotional pain addiction to
people in your life is the factthat the stressful emotions and
feelings are being transferredto the listener.
So if this listener is a closefriend, coworkers, strangers,
spouse, or family member, eachtime you have a conversation
with this person, you aredraining their energy as an
(07:02):
energy vampire.
If it is a constant conversationin the workplace, you become the
Debbie or Donald downer at workpeople, shoulders drop and their
energy change.
When you walk into the room, youmay not notice the sudden shift
in the room energy, because youare overwhelmingly caught up in
(07:23):
your negative mindset.
You may begin to lose friends.
Luiz coworkers.
Coworkers may start leaving theroom.
When you enter the room, somepeople may just avoid you, avoid
your phone calls, avoidattending events with you,
because the truth is beingaround.
You may be a life burdening taskfor other people.
(07:46):
Only certain people can handlesuch intense negative energy.
If you aren't sharing yourstruggles with intent to empower
and motivate, to help elevatethe minds of others, you are
sharing your struggles tocontinue being a big item of
your negative path.
All of your conversations relateto your pain, your trauma,
people who have done you wrongor mistreated you.
(08:08):
Your conversations are alwaysabout abusive relationships.
Your emotional pain addiction iscausing you to stay in an
abusive relationship.
The abuse and pain becomes yourlife and your identity, your
family and friends have beenforced to accept this as your
life, because no matter how hardpeople have tried to help you
(08:31):
out of the trauma.
You choose to stay.
Because you have forced yourselfto believe that without this
pain in your life, You don'thave a significant purpose.
Emotional pain addiction,whether it is mild or severe can
also cause you to be attractedto the same types of toxic
people.
(08:51):
Getting out of one badrelationship and going into a
new one with a person that hasthe same behavior, because it's
familiar and comfortable to you.
The drama, the toxicity is anexcitement to you.
This could be due to the typesof negative environments you are
raised in generationally, or itcould be the type of pain you
(09:11):
connect to an unloving love.
Humans are naturally wiredthrough connections with other
humans.
So it's so easy to become a partof someone else's misery.
We unconsciously model people inour lives and we allow their
identity.
To become our identity.
For example, our parents maysuffer from high anxiety.
(09:34):
So we suffer from high anxietyor once you decide that's who
you are, it becomes yourreality.
You may not even be a personthat has high anxiety, but
you're relating to andconnecting to a parent or loved
one that expresses their levelsof anxiety.
And that just kinda.
Just trickles into your reality.
(09:55):
Now if you're self-reflectingand you're trying to figure out
if this is you, you are the onlyperson that can truly determine
your level of severity.
You are also the only personthat can change the behavior.
We all have live trauma thatdefines our life journey and who
we are because of that trauma.
(10:15):
We can share those traumaticexperiences, if it is
specifically to help others healfrom it.
However, if your life stress andtrauma and illness is the basis
of every general conversationyou have.
If you training others due toyour daily sadness, if someone
asks, how are you and you'realways compelled to respond
(10:38):
negatively with phrases.
Like I guess I'm okay.
I've had better days.
Just because you want the otherperson to sincerely ask.
Oh, no, what's wrong.
What's wrong.
What's going on?
If you are struggling and youhave this strong desire and
need.
For a woe me.
(10:59):
Mentality.
Then your brain gets excited toshare all the things going
wrong.
That is a sign.
You may be addicted to youremotional pain.
You crave comfort words andsympathy from other people to
validate your stressful life.
You want to be consoled, but youdon't really want genuine help
(11:19):
because you don't really want tobe better.
You want to continue being inthe emotional pain.
You get angry.
If someone tries to bring youout of it, you get angry.
If someone tells you, just letit go.
Just let it go.
Get over it.
Now some things you don't justlet go, you do need proper
healing from, but if this issomething that you're constantly
(11:40):
ruminating on and someone closeto you is like, please just let
it go.
Then it's time for you to let itgo.
Because misery loves company ismisery is the only thing that
makes you feel human and real.
You are not ready to heal.
If you are choosing to beindecisive to procrastinate on
(12:02):
purpose, you don't want to makea major decision because you
would prefer to stress aboutmaking the decision.
Those are signs.
If you do things like conduct abunch of research obsessives.
So you don't choose to dosomething or change your
behavior.
For example.
If you are diagnosed with a lifealtering health issue, and
(12:23):
someone tells you a healthy wayto lose weight or heal from it.
And the sacrifices you have tomake to see results and heal.
Instead.
You will spend hours researchingor finding other ways to lose
weight or heal to avoid theactual proven results.
This will then give you anexcuse to just give up on your
(12:45):
healthy weight loss, or just letyour health issue take over your
body.
You will remain stuck in thecycle of major health issues
that can be detrimental to youand your family, but you will
constantly talk about how thehealth issue was negatively
hurting you.
And you're refusing to bringyourself out of it.
Even with the right help.
(13:07):
You have someone to help you.
And you choose not to make theright decision to heal properly.
Those are signs that you'reobsessively.
Obsessed and addicted.
To your pain.
You ignore positive things inyour life because you don't want
to focus on positive feelingsbecause your brain only
(13:28):
processes good feelings.
That's just somethingtemporarily in short lived.
So you don't focus on anythingpositive.
You want to continue to stay inthe negative.
I choose to be transparent ineach session.
I can honestly say at some pointin my life journey.
I have suffered from mild tosevere addiction to pain,
Especially when I was strugglingwith severe depression, I was so
(13:51):
caught up in it.
It took forever for me to wantto get out of it.
My conversations were negative.
My marriage was negative.
My family life was negative.
I was in denial about a lot ofthings.
My discussions were always aboutother people and an attempt to
point out other people's mess asit compared to my own mess.
I can say that now I'm probablyat a level one, which is like
(14:14):
normal case of emotional painaddiction.
Sometimes I'm at a level one.
However, my conversations nowwith family coworkers, Is
usually, always related tocreating a better life.
This is one of the reasons Icreated my podcast.
I wanted to kind of just focuson how can I help people become
(14:34):
better?
How can I help people healallowing my energy to shift from
my negative thoughts into moreof positive and uplifting
thoughts for me and for othersin my life.
Sometimes at work.
I can be a level two or levelthree, mild to moderate
emotional stress, depending onthe circle of people I'm talking
(14:56):
to about work stress.
And depending on.
What's going on at work.
But I have become stronger atmanaging my conversations.
So I've had mild cases of victimmentality in certain situations,
but I have recently setboundaries for myself.
We must set healthy boundarieswith ourselves just as we
(15:18):
learned a mind, elevation healthand wealth session to healing
from unhealthy boundaries.
If you haven't listened to thatepisode, it's definitely worth
the listen.
If something bad happens to mein my life, I limit myself Tatel
only two people that I trust.
If it's something severe.
That person would be maybe mytherapist.
(15:40):
I don't call until four to fivepeople or tell everyone at work.
I just tell maybe one reallyclose coworker that I trust.
I also set the boundary that ifI talk about the negative
situation to someone.
I also must tell them the honestrole.
That played in the situation.
And I also discussed my positivesolutions to healing from the
(16:03):
situation and openly acceptingtheir positive comments about
the negative situation.
I've learned to guide myconversations, to promote a
positive discussion, even in themost trying and hard situations,
it helps me to avoid pouringadditional stress on the person
that is my listener, and ithelps me share my stress
(16:25):
productively.
That way the conversation endswith hope and optimism instead
of more pain and added stressand trauma.
And I don't want to cause thatemotional draining.
Trauma to the person.
That's my listener, That personthat I love and that I trust.
(16:45):
hey, you.
The champion for life changes.
I'm challenging you to be open,to understanding that in a world
of anxiety, stress, and pain,the beauty about healing
addiction to pain and sufferingis that now you can transform,
you can change your relationshipwith pain, change your
relationship with trauma,observe your pain for what it
(17:07):
is, and not identify with thepain as who you are.
Learning from it.
So you won't be drawn to thenegative behaviors associated
with pain, understand andacknowledge what the pain is.
Don't identify with the pain aswho you are.
I had to repeat that.
(17:28):
Notice your trigger and realignyourself with a positive
experience and respond with yourmindset of positive solutions.
Instead of wallowing inself-pity warring and those
victim thoughts.
Create sustainable, healthyemotions to feel valued and
loved.
For your happiness instead ofyour pain.
(17:51):
Create sustainable, healthyemotions to feel valued and love
for holding yourself accountablefor your actions without blaming
someone else.
For your actions createsustainable, healthy emotions by
controlling your conversationsto create solutions to your
trauma and not adding to yoursuffering.
(18:11):
When you choose to be a championof your life, you are making a
conscious choice to win everyday.
As a champion, we are connectedon the easy ways to when life
challenges.
Life is harder when you dedicateit to bondage of suffering.
Life is easier when you dedicateit to freedom of happiness.
(18:33):
Be kind to your lifeexperiences.
You have to be kind toeverything that happens into
your life to promote selfcompassion.
I start observing your emotionsand understand that you have the
power to choose a healthyemotion.
You don't always have to choosethe negative emotion.
(18:53):
That's the moment you transformyour thoughts, transform your
emotions, transform your life.
By elevating your mind, connectwith others and yourself with
love and peace.
Release yourself from pain andsuffering.
As humans with physical pain,like when it happens, when you
(19:15):
physically hurt yourself, if westep on a sharp object or glass,
it hurts.
It causes pain.
We pick up the sharp object.
So no one else gets hurt.
We bandaged the wound and we letit heal.
We don't allow ourselves orothers to continue stepping on
the sharp object.
Uh, suffering from the physicalpain every day, over and over
(19:36):
and talking about the glass thathurt your foot every day and
talking about how much pain itcaused us year after year and
blame the person that droppedthe glass without forgiving
them.
Even though you continue to stepon the same piece of glass every
day, without picking it upwithout allowing the wound to
heal, you keep allowing yourselfto step on that same piece of
(19:57):
glass and get that same.
Physical pain every day.
It sounds insane.
Just thinking about physicalpain and that level of extreme
behavior.
Why would we do this toourselves with emotional pain?
It sounds just as troubling.
But some of us have allowedourselves to become addicted to
(20:17):
emotional pain and that victimmentality of reliving that pain,
that suffering that trauma, thatblaming.
That hurtful experience over andover and over.
instead of allowing yourself toheal from that emotional pain.
And move forward and forgive.
(20:38):
I do understand that is so hardto let go of some of the pain
that we suffered in our past.
However I do also understandthat I had to.
Heal from a lot of negativetrauma from my past.
And once I was able to let go ofthat emotional pain and
distress, I'm able to be in ahappier state of mind.
(21:01):
I was able to release it and letit go.
So I'm challenging you to do thesame.
I did not go really deep ontothe level of emotional pain and
stress that some of us aresuffering from.
However, I do know that some ofyou are listening to this and
you're thinking.
Yes, but this is my pain and Iwant to hold onto this pain.
And it's hard for me to healfrom this pain.
(21:22):
I know I have a listener that isgoing through that.
However, I have been there.
I have struggled with that.
And i have healed from that sothat is the reason i made this
podcast and created this podcastto let you know that it is a
possibility for you to naturallyheal from that but it starts
with you And just naturally.
(21:46):
Allow yourself to be free fromit.
Today is the day you create anacknowledged, some truths about
your addictive mindset.
Manage those negative triggersand make other smile with
excitement.
When you walk in the room.
Energy shifting for thepositive.
We have to be open to alsoevaluating the people and the
(22:08):
environments that encouragethose negative emotions.
How we view emotional pain is soimportant to our healing
process.
Learning how to manage youremotional pain allows you to
take control of your identity.
My name is The wine.
And I have been in pain, but Iidentify as healed.
(22:32):
You don't have to identify withbeing a depressed person.
You don't have to identify withbeing a person with high
anxiety.
You don't have to identify tobeing that person that can't do
things correctly.
You can find relief in knowing.
You are not alone.
We all suffer from differentlevels of pain addiction, and we
(22:54):
can all be healed.
When we are real together.
We heal together.
Each week.
I promote a book and an authorthat have impacted my life or
helped me heal by increasing myknowledge and awareness of
experiences outside of my own.
And this situation, it would bechoosing a kinder life
(23:17):
experience, a healthier lifeexperience, a productive life
experience.
The author Terry M.
Williams.
I wrote the book, title, realtalk for when there's nowhere to
go, but up black pain, it justlooks like we're not hurting.
In this book, Terry describeshow emotional pain can uniquely
(23:39):
affect people in desperate actsof crime.
Violent eating disorder, being aworkaholic, shopping, gambling,
and sex.
The author states, how fewrealize that these destructive
acts are symptoms of our innersorrow and our inner pain.
This book inspires, famous andordinary people to speak out to
(24:01):
mental health professionals tooffer real solutions to healing
from emotional pain.
Finding relief through faiththerapy exercise as well as to
building a supportive networkand eliminating toxic people
from our life.
This book reminds us andencourages us to face the truth
about the issues that plungesour spirits into darkness so
(24:22):
that we can step into thehealing light.
You are not on this ledge alone.
You are now a champion forhealing and change.
If you are like me and you wantto make a life change by making
grocery shopping easy.
I shop using Instacart and I getmy groceries delivered in as
(24:45):
little as an hour.
This comes in handy as I'mmaking my plant-based recipes.
Save yourself that trip to themarket.
Instacart delivers groceries inas fast as one hour.
They connect you with personalshoppers in your area to shop
and deliver groceries from yourfavorite stores.
I click on the link in mypodcast notes and get free
(25:08):
delivery on your first order.
Over$35 through Instacart.
Champions also remember in orderfor me to keep this podcast
going to continue healing andhelping with mental health for
mind, elevation, please go to mypodcast notes.
And click donate and you candonate as little as$1 just to
support my podcast.
(25:29):
Or you can, give me a five-starrating.
Leave me a five star review.
if you're using apple podcasts,Please, please, please support.
i want to continue to heal andshare with you all on this
journey Elevate your mind.
Be open to health and wealth.
Trust the healing process,sometimes healing hurts, but
(25:52):
when completely healed youbecome a stronger.
Wiser and amazing human.
That was heavy.
Let's relax and breathe.
Breathe in love.
Breathe out.
Love.
Breathe in peace.
(26:15):
Breathe out peace.
Breathe in love.
Share love.
Now, share this podcast to helpsomeone you love I enjoy.
interacting with my listeners.
(26:36):
Click the support link in thepodcast notes to donate and
support.
See you next self care sunday
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