March 19, 2023 • 28 mins
Your Host Shyra DeJuan is challenging you to increase the success of your business, become a stronger leader, parent and romantic partner by shifting your mindset to a stronger communication style. Learn to master the art of listening with the intent for a positive reaction, while being seen and heard. The more compassionate you become as a listener, the more others will mirror your behavior to listen, see and hear you. It is a reciprocal value to build rapport and connection. Listen to the 5 healthy communication and listening tips to empower and practice. Learn how to properly ask clarifying questions to receive an appropriate response for clarification and understanding. We will also discuss the concept of hearing emotions that may not be directly spoken to you. If you or someone you love can’t seem to get over a continuous argument, it is a strong possibility that someone is just not listening with the correct intent to heal! Listen and Listen WELL CHAMPIONS!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
All smiles, TMP.
Champions welcome to mind,elevation health and wealth.
I am your host, Shira DeWine, aneducator, emotional healer and
entrepreneur.
Each week, we will dig deep intoemotionally healing, all aspects
of your life to increase yourability to create prosperity.
Mind elevation health and wealthallows you to elevate and shift
(00:26):
into a growth mindset.
Share each moment with me, I'mgiving you permission to fulfill
all of the unique desires ofyour heart judgment free
shame-free guilt-free elementsto heal your mind and body
embrace, unconditional love andkeep listening.
Healing is health.
Health is wealth.
(00:46):
You are here on purpose Session14 healthy communication master
listening, and be heard.
Listen and listen wellchampions, whether you have
faith in God, faith in theuniverse or faith in self
healthy communication styles andlistening skills are extremely
powerful for healthy humanconnection.
(01:09):
To create wealth in a businessto be a successful leader and to
master listening.
Do you hear me?
Yes.
You heard me loud and clear.
This session is full of somejewels that I'm actively working
on and practicing daily.
Please, don't forget to click onthe donate and support link in
(01:33):
my podcast notes to donate adollar,$1 to my podcast, all
donations will be used toward mymind, elevation health and
wealth retreat that I am in theprocess of planning to show
appreciation to my dedicatedpodcast listeners.
Also, don't forget to give me afive star review that helps
promote the podcast.
We made it through 14 sessionstogether and we are not.
(01:56):
Going to stop.
We have too much healing to dosending love and peace to you
all.
Be the listener with intent forpositive reaction.
And we'll take conscious thoughtand habits to change your
listening style, but it is bestto start with person that you
have the most disagreements withas a champion for life change.
(02:20):
We practice new behaviors thatwill create positive change.
If you have a desire to be in aleadership role in the future,
or to become a stronger leader.
Practice being an amazinglistener.
If you plan on owning your ownbusiness in the future, or you
want to become a more successfulentrepreneur.
Practice being a great listener.
(02:43):
Just building strongerconnections with people in your
life that you love and care foryou.
Desire to be a better spouse, abetter lover, a better
significant other.
A better parent to yourchildren.
These listening skills topractice in your life will
guarantee that your mind willelevate and success will
increase.
(03:05):
Disconnected disappointed,depressed, stressed, and many
failing relationships.
Complain about these things.
I don't feel seen.
I'm not being heard.
I'm never have a voice.
I'm so misunderstood.
Let's think about this.
All of these things are directlyrelated to the impact of someone
(03:27):
close to them, whether it is athome school work.
Or in a business.
Important relationships, eventhe word relationship equals how
we relate to others, how weconnect with others, how we
build rapport with others,create meaningful relationships
with people you may not evenagree with just by listening to
(03:50):
their views openly becauselistening deeply can also allow
understanding for people thatdon't feel heard.
My views and values areextremely strong.
My close friends and family knowhow strong my values are, but I
also have an extremely diversegroup of friends.
I'm an ally for all but.
(04:12):
As I get older.
I've been opening to listeningopenly and learning about other
values of my friends and theirviews.
I may not agree with theirviews.
However, I will listen andunderstand without judging them.
That is not how I used to be.
I always be transparent in mypodcast about my growth and
(04:33):
about my level of growth.
I'm telling you, I have notalways been this way.
I used to be the type of personthat avoided you.
If I don't agree with you, Ididn't care why you had your
views.
I didn't even care to listen toyour point of view.
I would tune out your voice whenyou would talk, because I was
ready to rebuttal about why yourview was wrong.
And my views were right.
(04:53):
Now.
I actually take time and askmore clarifying questions about
why they have their specificview.
And a lot of times now Irealize, although I have a
different view on a topic, whenI asked that person to explain
deeper on their purpose, Most ofthe time, our purposes are
aligned for the same reason, butjust opposite sides of the view.
(05:17):
Which allows us to agree todisagree respectfully.
So that's one of the things Ihad to practice when I became a
better listener, but I alsorealize most people are not used
to someone with opposite viewswanting to really ask clarifying
questions.
So sometimes I have to actuallysay, I'm not asking you these
(05:37):
questions to be rude.
I'm actually asking you thesequestions because I really want
to know why you feel so stronglyabout your view.
The reason I have to say this issimply because they're already a
war mode for rebuttal becauseunfortunately.
We as people have learned toalways be in defense mode.
I'm challenging my championtoday to practice coming out of
(05:58):
defense mode when listening andlisten with an open heart and
intent to learn and intent, togrow and intent, to respond with
compassion and understanding.
When I tell you, I know thatit's hard to do, but I've done
it and I'm still practicing it.
It is possible.
I've spoken about this before inother podcasts that we all have
(06:21):
differences and disagreements.
However, we are all more alikethan different.
We are the same kind ofdifferent.
We all have a strong desire tofeel seen, be heard, have a
voice and feel understood.
We will also learn the power ofactually hearing emotions.
Yes.
I said, hearing emotions, keeplistening and I'll explain how
(06:43):
it works.
But first I will quickly discussways to master listening as a
parent master listening in aromantic relationship, master,
listening in a leadership roleand mastering listening as a
business owner and entrepreneur.
In parenting.
As a parent, you must modellistening with love.
(07:03):
Or you take the risk of losingyour child.
Our children's mental health isso important.
Sometimes as a teacher, I'm thefirst adult that has actually
taken the time and listened to astudent one-on-one.
Over the years, I'm becoming abetter listener as a teacher,
mainly because I now understandmany teens and young adults are
(07:24):
suffering from mental healthconcerns.
As an educator, one of mystudents, number one, concern
about their parents.
Is.
My parents don't listen to meand they don't care about my
feelings I'm not seen or heardat home.
Parents or future parents.
This may sound extreme when Isay this, but when you don't
(07:46):
allow time to openly listen toyour child, this is a form of
emotional abuse and neglect.
Your child will not feel valuedand this can cause future
insecurities and negativeeffects on their self-esteem and
self-worth, I'm challenging allparents.
Even if you have an adult childnow.
Take additional time.
(08:07):
Apologize for not being a greatlistener as a parent when they
were younger and asked her adultchild, if they are willing to
allow you to practice listeningnow.
In an attempt to build a new,stronger adult relationship with
your child.
This can actually create anamazing healing effect between
you and your adult, child, orchildren.
It is never too late to elevateyour mind for positive change as
(08:30):
a parent, your children deservethe better you, whether they're
adults or not, because you willpractice listening with the
intent for a positive reaction.
Your children, these are ofthat.
And romantic relationships withyour spouse, life partner, or
significant other in a long-termmarriage.
You already know what yourspouse is thinking before they
(08:52):
say it.
You already know what they areabout to do before they do it.
In fact, y'all got into anargument just the other day.
And one of you even said, I knewhe was going to bring that up.
You always bring that up.
You say that every time weargue.
Well people, I have to be theone to tell you Yani counseling
to heal from the past or thisargument circle will continue
(09:15):
over and over.
But that isn't what this sessionis about.
This session is about masteringlistening.
So go back and listen to mind.
Elevation health and wealthsession number six, which is
called the five values ofhealthy, loving relationships.
Please listen to that with yourpartner, figure out if you all
are still aligned with yourfights and fights is an acronym
(09:36):
for financially, intellectually,physically, emotionally, and
spiritually.
If you are still aligned, thenit is worth learning to
respectfully and actively listento each other with intent, for
positive reactions, the.
The best way to actively listenin a romantic relationship is to
allow your partner to finishtheir complete statement and
(09:57):
thought without making anegative assumption before they
finished talking.
This may be extremely difficultto change, but I have faith that
if you genuinely love thatperson, you will be open to
change and let them finish theirthoughts without interrupting.
Put your phone down, turn the TVoff and listen to them with the
(10:20):
ultimate and extreme intent toallow them to finish.
So you can prepare for yourpositive reaction to their
statements.
This will actually shorten thewhole conversation.
So men and women, if you aretired of having the same
argument over and over, and itseems to still be going on for
(10:40):
months now.
This listening technique.
We'll actually end it.
I promise you police try it.
The only reason the argumentkeeps going on and on is because
the other person feels like youare not listening to them
because you interrupt every timethey try to explain their
thoughts.
(11:01):
Your mind defaults back to thenegative rebuttal instead of the
openness to listen.
They don't ever feel like theyfinish their thought.
Allow your partner to completelyfinish their thought.
As you actively listen with anopen heart to prepare for a
positive solution to thedisagreement misunderstanding or
(11:22):
their emotional stress.
It is the hardest thing forpartners to do.
And this also happens withparenting relationships.
It happens with long-termfriendships and in close work
relationships.
However, with your romanticpartner, it just seems to be the
worst ever.
Okay.
Heal from it and free yourselfby mastering your listening
(11:45):
skills and being heard.
Leaders at work.
How well do you generally knowthe people you work with?
The number one way to lose youremployees is if your employees
don't feel valued because theydon't feel as though their views
ideas.
Are important to their leader.
(12:05):
Even when they have goals ofincreasing company goals and
missions, you want youremployees to be satisfied, even
though you can still setreasonable boundaries.
Be open to listen to complaintsand concerns of your employees
to increase positive morale inthe workplace.
Many times people just wanttheir supervisor to listen to
(12:26):
them and express the value oftheir concerns.
Even if changes can not be made.
And Paul, I just want you tolisten.
For example.
If the word complaint is, I lovewhat I do on my job.
However, the supervisors don'tpraise us when we do well, but
they always write us up.
If we do something wrong.
One small mistake, boys out allthe previous hard work that I
(12:49):
did.
A supervisor that listens won'tthink you just don't want to be
written up.
A true supervisor listener willsay.
I will make sure that wehighlight praise and reward you
regularly in meetings.
We value you all as employees.
This doesn't mean employeeswon't get written up if a
(13:09):
mistake is made, but it doesmean you heard their complaints
and will also show positiveappreciation more than only
negative discipline.
Or you make and take the extratime to highlight the good in
your employees to keep themsatisfied and allow them to feel
valued, seen and heard becauseyou listen with intent for a
(13:31):
positive reaction.
Entrepreneurs and businessowners.
How well do you genuinely knowyour customers or clients?
Many businesses fail because theowner is not able to connect
with their clients needs anddesires.
Your energy and your listeningskills to the client holds the
(13:53):
strongest value to keeping yourclient and for them to send you
more customers.
For example.
If you provide a product orservice that many other
businesses offer.
So you have a lot ofcompetition, you have to decide
how to make your product orservice better or different.
One of the number one wayssuccessful large companies get
(14:14):
brand loyalty and highest salesis simply because they listen to
and cater to their client'sdesires.
This is why reading reviews areso important to a business
owner.
If you read a review and aclient states.
I love the service.
However, there's a long waittime.
I had to stand up in line for along period of time and I have
(14:37):
lower back pain.
If you were the owner and youread the review and don't
actually listen to yourcustomer, you will eventually
lose that client due to theirhealth concerns, but an owner
that actually listens will replyto the review and say, Thank you
for supporting my business.
Due to your review.
(14:57):
We have installed comfortablechairs in the waiting area.
Now for clients that have issueswith waiting in long lines.
Thank you so much for yourreview.
The next time you come, you willhave a comfortable seat waiting
for you.
I value you as a client.
Notice.
The owner didn't get offended bythe complaint of the long wait
time.
The owner listened and providedeven greater service to a client
(15:20):
that is willing to wait fortheir service.
The client feels value heard andwill remain dedicated.
This client will also show atleast three family members, the
response you made to theirreview, potentially three new
clients just by listening andvaluing your client because you
(15:40):
listen with the intent for apositive reaction.
As promised.
I said we would discuss.
The power to hearing motions ashumans.
We have the power to hearemotions.
Notice.
I said, we can hear emotions.
Have you ever taken the time tohear a loved one's emotions?
(16:01):
I noticed this.
It's a gift I'm learning to do.
The more I practice being abetter listener.
This is when someone may notdirectly speak or tell you their
emotions, but you canintuitively hear their emotions
by opening your heart to heartheir real emotions.
There may be some scientificterm for this, but I just don't
(16:23):
know what they would call it.
So we're just going to call it,hearing emotions.
Let me explain.
We can hear fear withoutdismissal.
Someone you love has a fear ofsomething that you may not fear.
They may not openly say.
I'm afraid to live alone or I'mafraid to live by myself.
(16:44):
They may say.
I'm working towards getting myown place.
It's just not working out rightnow.
Don't dismiss their fear byshaming them.
Really listen and assist withsolutions to help manage their
real fear of living alone.
Later, when they feel morecomfortable.
Actually ask them that question.
(17:06):
Do you think you might have afear of, of living alone?
Let's talk about it.
And why you've heard theiremotion without dismissing.
Their fear.
We can hear pain.
Without inflicting more pain.
Someone, you know, is inemotional pain.
They might not openly say I justput on this hard person mask or
(17:27):
this power move at work becauseI've been hurt or be little
before at other jobs.
Don't inflict more pain byviewing your coworker as an
asshole on a power trip.
Offer ways to help or comfort.
They may genuinely be a greatperson under a lot of work
stress, and under a lot ofemotional pain, you don't know
(17:50):
what brought them to this powertrip.
You don't know what.
What made them behave the waythey're behaving.
To coworkers.
We can hear anger withoutigniting more anger.
Someone you love may bewithdrawn, ignoring or avoiding
you.
(18:10):
They may not openly say you didsomething to me that made me
angry and I'm going to avoidyou.
Don't ignite more anger byyelling at them and causing an
argument or a fight.
Open your heart and say, You maynot be ready to talk right now.
If I've done something to makeyou angry.
(18:30):
Talk to me about it when you'reready.
I'm apologizing in advance.
Give that person time toeventually express the anger
that they're withholding fromyou.
Champions.
I learned to hear emotions.
If they are not directly spokento you, some people don't know
how to openly express how theyreally feel, but you have to tap
(18:53):
into your emotional intelligenceto hear their emotions without
dismissing, inflicting.
Or igniting a negative response.
Hey you, the champion for lifechanges.
I'm challenging you to increasethe success of your business.
Become a stronger leader, parentand partner by shifting your
(19:16):
mindset to a strongercommunication style by mastering
the art of listening with theintent for positive reaction
while being seen and heard, themore compassionate you become as
a leader.
The more compassionate youbecome as a listener, the more
others will mirror your behaviorand listen, see, and hear you.
(19:37):
It is a reciprocal value tobuild rapport and connection.
Remember to follow these healthycommunication techniques and
listening tips.
Listen, well, tip number one.
When having an importantconversation with someone.
Make sure there are nodistractions.
(19:58):
Eliminate all distractions.
They deserve your undividedattention.
No TV distractions, thetelevision should be off
electronic devices, laptop,iPads, tablets, AirPods,
smartwatches should be turnedoff.
Cell phone distractions.
Cell phones should not only beoff, but they should not even be
in view or site because when thephone is still visible our
(20:21):
subconscious mind still believesthere will be an alert to come
through.
And it's still a distractionpsychologically.
Do not start speaking to someonewhile they are on their phone
texting.
Patiently wait until they arefinished, or just say, I don't
mind waiting until you'refinished on your phone before we
talk.
(20:42):
To be a solid, deep listener.
Your cell phone should not beinsight.
It should be hidden in a pocketor turned off.
It should not be sitting on thetable.
It should not be an eye view ofa screen lighting up there
should not be any alert.
Sounds.
Listen, well, tip number two.
(21:03):
Make eye contact the issues tobe so hard for me to do it can
be uncomfortable looking atsomeone in the eyes while
they're talking, but withpractice, it helps you connect
with the person you're talkingand listening to keep in mind.
You don't have to stareextremely hard nonstop
occasionally.
It's okay to look away, but justlet the person know.
(21:25):
You're listening by making eyeto eye contact.
Occasionally.
Listen, well, tip number three.
Be open to allow others to giveyou more details.
This actually makes others feellike you care.
Our listening skills areextremely powerful and owning
(21:45):
and operating a business.
As we discussed earlier, if aclient has a genuine concern,
their concern could be amultimillion dollar positive
change for your business.
Listen to your clients.
You may think your business isrunning perfectly until a client
has a brilliant idea for youbased on one of their concerns
(22:05):
or complaints.
This is how Huggies ended upmaking.
Pull-ups a stressed.
Out mother was potty trainingher toddler and wrote a
complaint letter to Huggiesabout how she wasted diaper.
Every time our toddler had touse a restroom and she wanted a
diaper that was able to pull upand down because she wasn't
ready to keep washing regularunderwear.
Instead of Huggies thinking, wecan just keep making you waste
(22:27):
money by buying and wastingdiapers.
They added a multimillion dollarnew product line that parents
have grown to buy and lovecalled pull-ups.
So not only do they have oneproduct diapers that people have
to have.
They also have another productthat people have to have.
Don't miss your opportunity topull up, listen to your
(22:48):
customers with intent, forpositive change and reaction to
grow your business.
Listen, well, tip number four.
As clarifying questions withintent to understand completely.
A clarifying question is usebased upon your discussion to
avoid confusion ormisunderstanding.
(23:11):
It helps avoid negativeassumptions.
Clarifying questions, sound likethis.
This seems important to you.
Can you explain why it'simportant by using examples?
Or this.
Why is the view you have soimportant to you?
I really want to understand yourthoughts right now.
Or this.
(23:32):
When you said I pissed you off.
What exactly pissed you off?
I really want to correct thebehavior.
I don't want to hurt youanymore.
I don't want you to be pissedoff.
Practice intuitively tuning intoothers to listen with
compassion.
And internal peace, avoidlistening to only prove your own
point.
Avoid listening, just to comeback with a strong rebuttal or a
(23:55):
negative snapback.
This happens when you assume toalready know what the other
person is about to say.
This happens when you alreadyfeel like, you know, their view.
Even if they haven't fullyexpressed their true concern,
allow them to finish theirthoughts and concerns.
Listen, well, tip number five,make sure the life you are
(24:17):
leading is the life you desirefor others.
Mirror the behavior you desire.
If you want people to activelyrespect and listen to you, you
must actively respect and listento others.
I promise by practicing thishealthy communication style you
can master, listening and beheard in all aspects of your
(24:41):
life.
Each week I promote a book andauthor that has impacted my life
or helped me heal by increasingmy knowledge and awareness of
experiences outside of my own.
There are so many books writtenby many different authors and
psychologists on the power oflistening, the art of listening,
(25:01):
how to be a better listener, howto listen, hear and validate.
There are so many.
But practicing being an activelistener actively in the present
with someone you love is thebest way to master it.
But if you're a person that hasbeen negatively affected,
because you have never beenallowed to share your voice, you
(25:21):
never feel seen, or you justdon't feel heard.
There's an amazing book writtenby the author.
Tuneday OANN called speak.
Find your voice, trust your gut.
Get from where you are to whereyou want to be in this book.
Tuneday uses the acronym speak.
(25:41):
S P E a K.
The S is for surrender.
P is for power.
E is for empathy.
A is for authenticity and K isfor knowledge.
Tuneday shares the lessons shehas learned about loss, love,
body image, and how she hassuccessfully created an
intentional, joyful life forherself.
Offering an accessible blueprintfor anyone looking to make a
(26:05):
positive change in their livesand positive behavior.
If you're wanting a great quickread that empowers you to find
your voice and trust your gut,click the link to purchase her
book in my podcast notes below.
You are now a champion forhealing and change.
When we are real together, weheal together.
If you're like me and you wantto make a life change by making
(26:27):
grocery shopping easy.
I shop using Instacart and I getmy groceries delivered in as
little as one hour.
This comes in handy as I'mmaking my plant-based recipes.
Save yourself that trip to themarket.
Instacart delivers groceries inas fast as one hour.
They connect you with personalshoppers in your area to shop
(26:48):
and deliver groceries from yourfavorite stores.
Click on the link in my podcastnotes and get.
Free delivery on your firstorder.
Over$35.
Champions also remember in orderfor me to keep this podcast
going to continue healing andhelping with mental health for
mind, elevation, please go to mypodcast notes.
(27:10):
And click donate and you candonate as little as$1 just to
support my podcast.
Or you can, give me a five-starrating.
Leave me a five star review.
if you're using apple podcasts,Please, please, please support.
i want to continue to heal andshare with you all on this
journey Elevate your mind.
(27:33):
Be open to health and wealth.
Trust the healing process,sometimes healing hurts, but
when completely healed youbecome a stronger.
Wiser and amazing human.
That was heavy.
Let's relax and breathe.
Breathe in love.
(27:53):
Breathe out.
Love.
Breathe in peace.
Breathe out peace.
Breathe in love.
Share love.
(28:16):
Now, share this podcast to helpsomeone you love I enjoy.
interacting with my listeners.
Click the support link in thepodcast notes to donate and
support.
See you next self care sunday
All smiles, TMP.
Champions welcome to mind,elevation health and wealth.
I am your host, Shira DeWine, aneducator, emotional healer and
entrepreneur.
Each week, we will dig deep intoemotionally healing, all aspects
of your life to increase yourability to create prosperity.
Mind elevation health and wealthallows you to elevate and shift
(00:26):
into a growth mindset.
Share each moment with me, I'mgiving you permission to fulfill
all of the unique desires ofyour heart judgment free
shame-free guilt-free elementsto heal your mind and body
embrace, unconditional love andkeep listening.
Healing is health.
Health is wealth.
(00:46):
You are here on purpose Session14 healthy communication master
listening, and be heard.
Listen and listen wellchampions, whether you have
faith in God, faith in theuniverse or faith in self
healthy communication styles andlistening skills are extremely
powerful for healthy humanconnection.
(01:09):
To create wealth in a businessto be a successful leader and to
master listening.
Do you hear me?
Yes.
You heard me loud and clear.
This session is full of somejewels that I'm actively working
on and practicing daily.
Please, don't forget to click onthe donate and support link in
(01:33):
my podcast notes to donate adollar,$1 to my podcast, all
donations will be used toward mymind, elevation health and
wealth retreat that I am in theprocess of planning to show
appreciation to my dedicatedpodcast listeners.
Also, don't forget to give me afive star review that helps
promote the podcast.
We made it through 14 sessionstogether and we are not.
(01:56):
Going to stop.
We have too much healing to dosending love and peace to you
all.
Be the listener with intent forpositive reaction.
And we'll take conscious thoughtand habits to change your
listening style, but it is bestto start with person that you
have the most disagreements withas a champion for life change.
(02:20):
We practice new behaviors thatwill create positive change.
If you have a desire to be in aleadership role in the future,
or to become a stronger leader.
Practice being an amazinglistener.
If you plan on owning your ownbusiness in the future, or you
want to become a more successfulentrepreneur.
Practice being a great listener.
(02:43):
Just building strongerconnections with people in your
life that you love and care foryou.
Desire to be a better spouse, abetter lover, a better
significant other.
A better parent to yourchildren.
These listening skills topractice in your life will
guarantee that your mind willelevate and success will
increase.
(03:05):
Disconnected disappointed,depressed, stressed, and many
failing relationships.
Complain about these things.
I don't feel seen.
I'm not being heard.
I'm never have a voice.
I'm so misunderstood.
Let's think about this.
All of these things are directlyrelated to the impact of someone
(03:27):
close to them, whether it is athome school work.
Or in a business.
Important relationships, eventhe word relationship equals how
we relate to others, how weconnect with others, how we
build rapport with others,create meaningful relationships
with people you may not evenagree with just by listening to
(03:50):
their views openly becauselistening deeply can also allow
understanding for people thatdon't feel heard.
My views and values areextremely strong.
My close friends and family knowhow strong my values are, but I
also have an extremely diversegroup of friends.
I'm an ally for all but.
(04:12):
As I get older.
I've been opening to listeningopenly and learning about other
values of my friends and theirviews.
I may not agree with theirviews.
However, I will listen andunderstand without judging them.
That is not how I used to be.
I always be transparent in mypodcast about my growth and
(04:33):
about my level of growth.
I'm telling you, I have notalways been this way.
I used to be the type of personthat avoided you.
If I don't agree with you, Ididn't care why you had your
views.
I didn't even care to listen toyour point of view.
I would tune out your voice whenyou would talk, because I was
ready to rebuttal about why yourview was wrong.
And my views were right.
(04:53):
Now.
I actually take time and askmore clarifying questions about
why they have their specificview.
And a lot of times now Irealize, although I have a
different view on a topic, whenI asked that person to explain
deeper on their purpose, Most ofthe time, our purposes are
aligned for the same reason, butjust opposite sides of the view.
(05:17):
Which allows us to agree todisagree respectfully.
So that's one of the things Ihad to practice when I became a
better listener, but I alsorealize most people are not used
to someone with opposite viewswanting to really ask clarifying
questions.
So sometimes I have to actuallysay, I'm not asking you these
(05:37):
questions to be rude.
I'm actually asking you thesequestions because I really want
to know why you feel so stronglyabout your view.
The reason I have to say this issimply because they're already a
war mode for rebuttal becauseunfortunately.
We as people have learned toalways be in defense mode.
I'm challenging my championtoday to practice coming out of
(05:58):
defense mode when listening andlisten with an open heart and
intent to learn and intent, togrow and intent, to respond with
compassion and understanding.
When I tell you, I know thatit's hard to do, but I've done
it and I'm still practicing it.
It is possible.
I've spoken about this before inother podcasts that we all have
(06:21):
differences and disagreements.
However, we are all more alikethan different.
We are the same kind ofdifferent.
We all have a strong desire tofeel seen, be heard, have a
voice and feel understood.
We will also learn the power ofactually hearing emotions.
Yes.
I said, hearing emotions, keeplistening and I'll explain how
(06:43):
it works.
But first I will quickly discussways to master listening as a
parent master listening in aromantic relationship, master,
listening in a leadership roleand mastering listening as a
business owner and entrepreneur.
In parenting.
As a parent, you must modellistening with love.
(07:03):
Or you take the risk of losingyour child.
Our children's mental health isso important.
Sometimes as a teacher, I'm thefirst adult that has actually
taken the time and listened to astudent one-on-one.
Over the years, I'm becoming abetter listener as a teacher,
mainly because I now understandmany teens and young adults are
(07:24):
suffering from mental healthconcerns.
As an educator, one of mystudents, number one, concern
about their parents.
Is.
My parents don't listen to meand they don't care about my
feelings I'm not seen or heardat home.
Parents or future parents.
This may sound extreme when Isay this, but when you don't
(07:46):
allow time to openly listen toyour child, this is a form of
emotional abuse and neglect.
Your child will not feel valuedand this can cause future
insecurities and negativeeffects on their self-esteem and
self-worth, I'm challenging allparents.
Even if you have an adult childnow.
Take additional time.
(08:07):
Apologize for not being a greatlistener as a parent when they
were younger and asked her adultchild, if they are willing to
allow you to practice listeningnow.
In an attempt to build a new,stronger adult relationship with
your child.
This can actually create anamazing healing effect between
you and your adult, child, orchildren.
It is never too late to elevateyour mind for positive change as
(08:30):
a parent, your children deservethe better you, whether they're
adults or not, because you willpractice listening with the
intent for a positive reaction.
Your children, these are ofthat.
And romantic relationships withyour spouse, life partner, or
significant other in a long-termmarriage.
You already know what yourspouse is thinking before they
(08:52):
say it.
You already know what they areabout to do before they do it.
In fact, y'all got into anargument just the other day.
And one of you even said, I knewhe was going to bring that up.
You always bring that up.
You say that every time weargue.
Well people, I have to be theone to tell you Yani counseling
to heal from the past or thisargument circle will continue
(09:15):
over and over.
But that isn't what this sessionis about.
This session is about masteringlistening.
So go back and listen to mind.
Elevation health and wealthsession number six, which is
called the five values ofhealthy, loving relationships.
Please listen to that with yourpartner, figure out if you all
are still aligned with yourfights and fights is an acronym
(09:36):
for financially, intellectually,physically, emotionally, and
spiritually.
If you are still aligned, thenit is worth learning to
respectfully and actively listento each other with intent, for
positive reactions, the.
The best way to actively listenin a romantic relationship is to
allow your partner to finishtheir complete statement and
(09:57):
thought without making anegative assumption before they
finished talking.
This may be extremely difficultto change, but I have faith that
if you genuinely love thatperson, you will be open to
change and let them finish theirthoughts without interrupting.
Put your phone down, turn the TVoff and listen to them with the
(10:20):
ultimate and extreme intent toallow them to finish.
So you can prepare for yourpositive reaction to their
statements.
This will actually shorten thewhole conversation.
So men and women, if you aretired of having the same
argument over and over, and itseems to still be going on for
(10:40):
months now.
This listening technique.
We'll actually end it.
I promise you police try it.
The only reason the argumentkeeps going on and on is because
the other person feels like youare not listening to them
because you interrupt every timethey try to explain their
thoughts.
(11:01):
Your mind defaults back to thenegative rebuttal instead of the
openness to listen.
They don't ever feel like theyfinish their thought.
Allow your partner to completelyfinish their thought.
As you actively listen with anopen heart to prepare for a
positive solution to thedisagreement misunderstanding or
(11:22):
their emotional stress.
It is the hardest thing forpartners to do.
And this also happens withparenting relationships.
It happens with long-termfriendships and in close work
relationships.
However, with your romanticpartner, it just seems to be the
worst ever.
Okay.
Heal from it and free yourselfby mastering your listening
(11:45):
skills and being heard.
Leaders at work.
How well do you generally knowthe people you work with?
The number one way to lose youremployees is if your employees
don't feel valued because theydon't feel as though their views
ideas.
Are important to their leader.
(12:05):
Even when they have goals ofincreasing company goals and
missions, you want youremployees to be satisfied, even
though you can still setreasonable boundaries.
Be open to listen to complaintsand concerns of your employees
to increase positive morale inthe workplace.
Many times people just wanttheir supervisor to listen to
(12:26):
them and express the value oftheir concerns.
Even if changes can not be made.
And Paul, I just want you tolisten.
For example.
If the word complaint is, I lovewhat I do on my job.
However, the supervisors don'tpraise us when we do well, but
they always write us up.
If we do something wrong.
One small mistake, boys out allthe previous hard work that I
(12:49):
did.
A supervisor that listens won'tthink you just don't want to be
written up.
A true supervisor listener willsay.
I will make sure that wehighlight praise and reward you
regularly in meetings.
We value you all as employees.
This doesn't mean employeeswon't get written up if a
(13:09):
mistake is made, but it doesmean you heard their complaints
and will also show positiveappreciation more than only
negative discipline.
Or you make and take the extratime to highlight the good in
your employees to keep themsatisfied and allow them to feel
valued, seen and heard becauseyou listen with intent for a
(13:31):
positive reaction.
Entrepreneurs and businessowners.
How well do you genuinely knowyour customers or clients?
Many businesses fail because theowner is not able to connect
with their clients needs anddesires.
Your energy and your listeningskills to the client holds the
(13:53):
strongest value to keeping yourclient and for them to send you
more customers.
For example.
If you provide a product orservice that many other
businesses offer.
So you have a lot ofcompetition, you have to decide
how to make your product orservice better or different.
One of the number one wayssuccessful large companies get
(14:14):
brand loyalty and highest salesis simply because they listen to
and cater to their client'sdesires.
This is why reading reviews areso important to a business
owner.
If you read a review and aclient states.
I love the service.
However, there's a long waittime.
I had to stand up in line for along period of time and I have
(14:37):
lower back pain.
If you were the owner and youread the review and don't
actually listen to yourcustomer, you will eventually
lose that client due to theirhealth concerns, but an owner
that actually listens will replyto the review and say, Thank you
for supporting my business.
Due to your review.
(14:57):
We have installed comfortablechairs in the waiting area.
Now for clients that have issueswith waiting in long lines.
Thank you so much for yourreview.
The next time you come, you willhave a comfortable seat waiting
for you.
I value you as a client.
Notice.
The owner didn't get offended bythe complaint of the long wait
time.
The owner listened and providedeven greater service to a client
(15:20):
that is willing to wait fortheir service.
The client feels value heard andwill remain dedicated.
This client will also show atleast three family members, the
response you made to theirreview, potentially three new
clients just by listening andvaluing your client because you
(15:40):
listen with the intent for apositive reaction.
As promised.
I said we would discuss.
The power to hearing motions ashumans.
We have the power to hearemotions.
Notice.
I said, we can hear emotions.
Have you ever taken the time tohear a loved one's emotions?
(16:01):
I noticed this.
It's a gift I'm learning to do.
The more I practice being abetter listener.
This is when someone may notdirectly speak or tell you their
emotions, but you canintuitively hear their emotions
by opening your heart to heartheir real emotions.
There may be some scientificterm for this, but I just don't
(16:23):
know what they would call it.
So we're just going to call it,hearing emotions.
Let me explain.
We can hear fear withoutdismissal.
Someone you love has a fear ofsomething that you may not fear.
They may not openly say.
I'm afraid to live alone or I'mafraid to live by myself.
(16:44):
They may say.
I'm working towards getting myown place.
It's just not working out rightnow.
Don't dismiss their fear byshaming them.
Really listen and assist withsolutions to help manage their
real fear of living alone.
Later, when they feel morecomfortable.
Actually ask them that question.
(17:06):
Do you think you might have afear of, of living alone?
Let's talk about it.
And why you've heard theiremotion without dismissing.
Their fear.
We can hear pain.
Without inflicting more pain.
Someone, you know, is inemotional pain.
They might not openly say I justput on this hard person mask or
(17:27):
this power move at work becauseI've been hurt or be little
before at other jobs.
Don't inflict more pain byviewing your coworker as an
asshole on a power trip.
Offer ways to help or comfort.
They may genuinely be a greatperson under a lot of work
stress, and under a lot ofemotional pain, you don't know
(17:50):
what brought them to this powertrip.
You don't know what.
What made them behave the waythey're behaving.
To coworkers.
We can hear anger withoutigniting more anger.
Someone you love may bewithdrawn, ignoring or avoiding
you.
(18:10):
They may not openly say you didsomething to me that made me
angry and I'm going to avoidyou.
Don't ignite more anger byyelling at them and causing an
argument or a fight.
Open your heart and say, You maynot be ready to talk right now.
If I've done something to makeyou angry.
(18:30):
Talk to me about it when you'reready.
I'm apologizing in advance.
Give that person time toeventually express the anger
that they're withholding fromyou.
Champions.
I learned to hear emotions.
If they are not directly spokento you, some people don't know
how to openly express how theyreally feel, but you have to tap
(18:53):
into your emotional intelligenceto hear their emotions without
dismissing, inflicting.
Or igniting a negative response.
Hey you, the champion for lifechanges.
I'm challenging you to increasethe success of your business.
Become a stronger leader, parentand partner by shifting your
(19:16):
mindset to a strongercommunication style by mastering
the art of listening with theintent for positive reaction
while being seen and heard, themore compassionate you become as
a leader.
The more compassionate youbecome as a listener, the more
others will mirror your behaviorand listen, see, and hear you.
(19:37):
It is a reciprocal value tobuild rapport and connection.
Remember to follow these healthycommunication techniques and
listening tips.
Listen, well, tip number one.
When having an importantconversation with someone.
Make sure there are nodistractions.
(19:58):
Eliminate all distractions.
They deserve your undividedattention.
No TV distractions, thetelevision should be off
electronic devices, laptop,iPads, tablets, AirPods,
smartwatches should be turnedoff.
Cell phone distractions.
Cell phones should not only beoff, but they should not even be
in view or site because when thephone is still visible our
(20:21):
subconscious mind still believesthere will be an alert to come
through.
And it's still a distractionpsychologically.
Do not start speaking to someonewhile they are on their phone
texting.
Patiently wait until they arefinished, or just say, I don't
mind waiting until you'refinished on your phone before we
talk.
(20:42):
To be a solid, deep listener.
Your cell phone should not beinsight.
It should be hidden in a pocketor turned off.
It should not be sitting on thetable.
It should not be an eye view ofa screen lighting up there
should not be any alert.
Sounds.
Listen, well, tip number two.
(21:03):
Make eye contact the issues tobe so hard for me to do it can
be uncomfortable looking atsomeone in the eyes while
they're talking, but withpractice, it helps you connect
with the person you're talkingand listening to keep in mind.
You don't have to stareextremely hard nonstop
occasionally.
It's okay to look away, but justlet the person know.
(21:25):
You're listening by making eyeto eye contact.
Occasionally.
Listen, well, tip number three.
Be open to allow others to giveyou more details.
This actually makes others feellike you care.
Our listening skills areextremely powerful and owning
(21:45):
and operating a business.
As we discussed earlier, if aclient has a genuine concern,
their concern could be amultimillion dollar positive
change for your business.
Listen to your clients.
You may think your business isrunning perfectly until a client
has a brilliant idea for youbased on one of their concerns
(22:05):
or complaints.
This is how Huggies ended upmaking.
Pull-ups a stressed.
Out mother was potty trainingher toddler and wrote a
complaint letter to Huggiesabout how she wasted diaper.
Every time our toddler had touse a restroom and she wanted a
diaper that was able to pull upand down because she wasn't
ready to keep washing regularunderwear.
Instead of Huggies thinking, wecan just keep making you waste
(22:27):
money by buying and wastingdiapers.
They added a multimillion dollarnew product line that parents
have grown to buy and lovecalled pull-ups.
So not only do they have oneproduct diapers that people have
to have.
They also have another productthat people have to have.
Don't miss your opportunity topull up, listen to your
(22:48):
customers with intent, forpositive change and reaction to
grow your business.
Listen, well, tip number four.
As clarifying questions withintent to understand completely.
A clarifying question is usebased upon your discussion to
avoid confusion ormisunderstanding.
(23:11):
It helps avoid negativeassumptions.
Clarifying questions, sound likethis.
This seems important to you.
Can you explain why it'simportant by using examples?
Or this.
Why is the view you have soimportant to you?
I really want to understand yourthoughts right now.
Or this.
(23:32):
When you said I pissed you off.
What exactly pissed you off?
I really want to correct thebehavior.
I don't want to hurt youanymore.
I don't want you to be pissedoff.
Practice intuitively tuning intoothers to listen with
compassion.
And internal peace, avoidlistening to only prove your own
point.
Avoid listening, just to comeback with a strong rebuttal or a
(23:55):
negative snapback.
This happens when you assume toalready know what the other
person is about to say.
This happens when you alreadyfeel like, you know, their view.
Even if they haven't fullyexpressed their true concern,
allow them to finish theirthoughts and concerns.
Listen, well, tip number five,make sure the life you are
(24:17):
leading is the life you desirefor others.
Mirror the behavior you desire.
If you want people to activelyrespect and listen to you, you
must actively respect and listento others.
I promise by practicing thishealthy communication style you
can master, listening and beheard in all aspects of your
(24:41):
life.
Each week I promote a book andauthor that has impacted my life
or helped me heal by increasingmy knowledge and awareness of
experiences outside of my own.
There are so many books writtenby many different authors and
psychologists on the power oflistening, the art of listening,
(25:01):
how to be a better listener, howto listen, hear and validate.
There are so many.
But practicing being an activelistener actively in the present
with someone you love is thebest way to master it.
But if you're a person that hasbeen negatively affected,
because you have never beenallowed to share your voice, you
(25:21):
never feel seen, or you justdon't feel heard.
There's an amazing book writtenby the author.
Tuneday OANN called speak.
Find your voice, trust your gut.
Get from where you are to whereyou want to be in this book.
Tuneday uses the acronym speak.
(25:41):
S P E a K.
The S is for surrender.
P is for power.
E is for empathy.
A is for authenticity and K isfor knowledge.
Tuneday shares the lessons shehas learned about loss, love,
body image, and how she hassuccessfully created an
intentional, joyful life forherself.
Offering an accessible blueprintfor anyone looking to make a
(26:05):
positive change in their livesand positive behavior.
If you're wanting a great quickread that empowers you to find
your voice and trust your gut,click the link to purchase her
book in my podcast notes below.
You are now a champion forhealing and change.
When we are real together, weheal together.
If you're like me and you wantto make a life change by making
(26:27):
grocery shopping easy.
I shop using Instacart and I getmy groceries delivered in as
little as one hour.
This comes in handy as I'mmaking my plant-based recipes.
Save yourself that trip to themarket.
Instacart delivers groceries inas fast as one hour.
They connect you with personalshoppers in your area to shop
(26:48):
and deliver groceries from yourfavorite stores.
Click on the link in my podcastnotes and get.
Free delivery on your firstorder.
Over$35.
Champions also remember in orderfor me to keep this podcast
going to continue healing andhelping with mental health for
mind, elevation, please go to mypodcast notes.
(27:10):
And click donate and you candonate as little as$1 just to
support my podcast.
Or you can, give me a five-starrating.
Leave me a five star review.
if you're using apple podcasts,Please, please, please support.
i want to continue to heal andshare with you all on this
journey Elevate your mind.
(27:33):
Be open to health and wealth.
Trust the healing process,sometimes healing hurts, but
when completely healed youbecome a stronger.
Wiser and amazing human.
That was heavy.
Let's relax and breathe.
Breathe in love.
(27:53):
Breathe out.
Love.
Breathe in peace.
Breathe out peace.
Breathe in love.
Share love.
(28:16):
Now, share this podcast to helpsomeone you love I enjoy.
interacting with my listeners.
Click the support link in thepodcast notes to donate and
support.
See you next self care sunday
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