May 14, 2023 • 28 mins
Your Host Shyra DeJuan (ShyTheHealer) is challenging you to elevate your mind so you are able to heal from toxic regret and remorse. You have the ability to be living and dying with healthy regrets! Being able to feel regret helps you work through remorse.
Learn the healthy ways to live with regret and you will begin to accept your life choices and decisions by understanding. You must decisions based on what is in front of you at that moment, during whatever the circumstances were at that time. Understanding that the very thing we may have this strong desire to go back and change was actually divinely necessary for that moment in time. It was meant to happen that way! Don’t make yourself go crazy by questioning, doubting and second guessing what happened. Bring yourself back to the present and reality by understanding this healthy thing about life: EVERYTHING HAPPENS A CERTAIN WAY FOR A SPECIFIC REASON AND YOU MAY NEVER KNOW WHY, BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP LIVING, GROWING AND LEARNING!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
All smiles champions.
Welcome to mind elevation healthand wealth.
I am your host Shira.
The wan and educator, emotionalhealer and entrepreneur, each
week, we will dig deep intoemotionally healing, all aspects
of your life to increase yourability to create prosperity and
longevity.
Mind elevation health and wealthallows you to evaluate and shift
(00:25):
into a growth mindset.
Share each moment with me, I'mgiving you permission to fulfill
all of the unique desires ofyour heart judgment free
shame-free guilt-free elementsto heal your mind and body.
Embrace unconditional love andkeep listening.
Healing is health.
Health is wealth.
(00:45):
You are here on purpose.
Session 18.
Living and dying with healthyregrets.
Listen and listen wellchampions, whether you have
faith in God, faith in theuniverse or faith in itself,
this session, we will discusshow you can have a positive
(01:07):
mindset on living with regretsand with the right practice, you
can die with no regrets.
I know, it sounds a littlecrazy, but most mindset shifts
seem crazy until you activelylive it.
Champions, please continue tosend messages to my Instagram
page at Shai, the healer.
S H Y T H E H E a L E R.
(01:30):
I love hearing your testimoniesof your mind.
Elevation.
I also love to reply to each andevery message.
Forgive me when I have a delayresponse.
It's only because I limit mylife to healthy social media
consumption.
The link to my Instagram islisted in the podcast notes.
Also for those of you that haverequested my podcast to be
(01:52):
listed on YouTube mind,elevation health and wealth
podcast is now on YouTube.
Please go to my channel andsubscribe.
Okay.
I think I only have like onesubscriber.
It took me six months to finallydo it, but I did it.
I listened to my listeners andfollow through.
Now it is up to my dedicatedlisteners to go subscribe to my
(02:15):
YouTube channel.
The link will also be in thepodcast notes.
Please share the YouTube linkwith your friends and family
that prefer to listen fromYouTube.
Search shy, the healer or searchmind elevation health and wealth
podcast.
Or you can press pause rightnow.
Open up the podcast notes,scroll to the YouTube link,
click on it and click subscribe.
(02:37):
Multitaskers, you can just go tothe notes without pressing
pause, click the link andsubscribe.
In fact, you probably havealready done it before I could
finish this sentence.
Thank you for your support.
This is how we successfullyreach a larger audience and
elevate more minds for healthand wealth.
I'm totally aware that thissession is going to bring up a
(02:59):
lot of old stuff that happenedin your life that you regret.
It may be anything from a timeyou didn't stand up for someone
being bullied or you not sayingsomething special to someone
before they passed away, or younot choosing the career path,
you always wanted to pursue Thissession is not to stop the
emotions of regret and remorse.
(03:20):
Not at all because livingwithout the strong emotions of
regret and remorse means youhave an unhealthy mind and are
more likely to do destructiveand damaging things to family,
friends, and others.
So keep in mind that regret andremorse are both signs of a very
healthy mind.
We're going to discuss how tolive a healthy life.
(03:41):
After your regrets.
So you can view regret in ahealthy and productive manner,
but you will no longer allowregret to be toxic to your mind.
Relationships and happiness.
Allowing regret to impact younegatively can increase your
level of stress, lower yourimmune system.
Cause overwhelming ruminationcausing lack of sleep,
(04:05):
psychological anxiety, texts,many things that this can cause.
So we're going to definerumination.
Rumination is the act ofcontinuously and repeatedly
pondering or musing something inyour mind.
First let's also understand thedifference between regret and
remorse, because we will bediscussing them both as a unit,
(04:26):
both very similar, but also verydifferent.
The definition of regret.
Is what you feel for yourself tofeel sorrow for an act fault,
disappointment anddissatisfaction.
The definition of remorse iswhat you've done to others.
It's a deep, painful regret forwrongdoing or mistake.
(04:49):
Remorse as needed for a healthymind.
Regret can be like a defensemechanism of the mind learning
to live with healthy regret,with practice of learning from
our mistakes.
It gets easier because if weallow ourselves to make
mistakes, we will learn from themistakes and then we will make
less mistakes.
(05:10):
Regret can show up when youstart second guessing what
happened yesterday or weeks ago,or some of us may still have
regrets from childhood actions.
You may still be ruminating onwhat you should have done, what
you should've said, how youshould have said it.
Why you, why did you choose tostay?
Why didn't you just leave?
(05:30):
Why didn't you just.
Ah, over and over replaying inyour mind.
I just got overwhelmed bythinking about overwhelming
ruminations Before I startedpracticing meditation.
I would be awake all nightruminating about something that
happened at work or when I wasgoing through my divorce or
(05:51):
going through a breakup, I wouldruminate about what we could
have done to make it work, whatthat person did to me or what I
did to them or what I could havenot done or what they could have
not said.
What I've could have not said tothem.
Overwhelming thoughts andrumination not only prevent you
from sleeping, it can also causeyou to do some insane things.
(06:13):
When I first started teaching, Iwould ruminate on what I did
wrong in a lesson, how thelesson could have been better.
What I should have taught, whatquestions I could have answered
my mind would go on and on andon.
But now as an experiencedteacher, I now understand that I
can fix my lesson the same daywith the next class.
(06:34):
My first period class alwaysgets the worst lesson.
By the end of the day, though,the lesson is revised and the
mistakes are corrected.
We can do the same thing in ourreal life lessons instead of
ruminating on what could havehappened.
We can just fix it the nexttime, because we cannot change
the past.
(06:55):
No matter how much we keepthinking about it, no going
back.
But if we are still breathing,we can keep moving forward.
The decisions you made, you canstill live a healthy life,
whether it is a good decision ora bad decision.
We cannot talk about regret andremorse without talking about
(07:15):
the extreme negative side ofregret and remorse.
And that is directly related towhen someone has hurt you or a
family member, and you want themto feel regret and remorse.
We often wonder what is in themind of a person that can just
go to the extremes of hurtingothers without remorse.
They don't regret inflicting thepain.
They have no remorse for others,but they may regret getting
(07:38):
caught.
Some don't have remorse forothers, or they don't have
regret from getting caught.
So I did research on thepsychological effects of
criminals that live withoutregret or remorse.
Those of you that love showslike criminal minds.
You're going to have an ahamoment as you listen.
I found an article published bythe guardian titled regret can
(07:59):
seriously damage your mentalhealth.
Here's how to leave it behind byBetsy Reed.
The editor of guardian.
Criminals that originally had noremorse.
The ones that actually wentthrough extreme psychological
therapy when they were repairedfrom the psychological damage
from neglect and abuse in theiryounger lives, actually start to
(08:20):
become more focused on others.
Then themselves.
And they grow a sense of regretand remorse after healing from
their own trauma.
We see people in courtrooms.
And the first thing we say isthey have no remorse.
Not understanding the person hasa totally different mentality
and mindset from those of us whoactually have the capacity to
(08:44):
feel remorse.
The psychologist mentioned thatwhen they would reach a
breakthrough of remorse from thecriminals that had never felt
regret or remorse or never shedone tear for the pain they
caused After the healing processof the criminals psychologist
recorded, the criminal wouldstart crying uncontrollably.
(09:05):
As a healing human, we mustthink of being able to
experience remorse as a gift,because if you did not feel this
strong emotion or remorse, youwould probably be able to do
horrific, harmful, hateful, anddangerous things to others.
Kind of like the criminals thatwe see.
We don't want that.
(09:26):
Now that we just left the mindof criminals, let's discuss the
different types of regret we maybe holding on to.
There are so many, but I'm goingto list the six with some brief
examples that I think are major.
I'm also being transparent here.
These six regrets.
Have all affected me in someway, as you listen, you will
(09:49):
also start thinking about howthese types of regrets may be
affecting you or has affectedyou in the past, but don't get
too wrapped up into yourthoughts because just like every
challenge in your life, you willovercome.
That is the reason you are stillattentively listening.
Number one was moral regrets.
These are the regrets whereyou're doing the morally wrong
(10:12):
thing, bullying or not takingaction.
When someone is being bullied,mistreated, or hurt, feeling bad
for not providing support forsomeone in need.
Those are moral regrets.
Number two, our health regrets.
These are the types of regretswhere you're getting diagnosed
with a health issue and notdoing what's best for your
(10:34):
health, many cigarette smokers,regret smoking for so long after
being diagnosed with lungcancer, the list can go on and
on with health regrets, butplease don't wait until a
diagnosis to make that changeand have those regrets.
Number three is career regrets.
Those are the regrets wherepeople are settling and not
chasing their dreams or theircareer goals.
(10:56):
Some people regret.
Choosing a career that a parentwanted from them instead of
their own desires or some peopleregret staying in generational
poverty due to fear of success.
Even though they had the desireand the talent to leave, they
stayed.
So they have those careerregrets.
Number four.
(11:16):
Financial regrets.
W these other regretsfinancially, when people are
realizing they.
Are close to retirement age andthey didn't save for retirement
or regrets of not saving foremergencies or regrets.
After making an impulse buy ofsomething you really couldn't
afford or gambling loss regrets,or that person that accumulates
(11:38):
too much debt.
And then they're in regret ornot doing a budget.
When you knew you should'vestuck to a budget, you already
listened to session four mind,elevation health and wealth,
creating a healthy relationshipwith money, but you never
started your budget.
And now you are living with.
That regret.
If you haven't listened toepisode, go listen to session
four and take action.
(11:59):
So you don't have any morefinancial regrets.
Okay.
Number five was humanconnection, regrets, not
communicating with friends orfamily then realizing life is
short disconnection from peopleyou love being a workaholic and
missing out on beautiful momentsand connections with beautiful
people in your life, those humanconnection, regrets, or not
(12:22):
saying something to someone thatyou met or wondering if maybe if
I would have tried out thisrelationship or try to make that
connection, things would haveworked better.
Those are.
Human connection regrets.
Or maybe if I would haveconnected with this person, I
would've gotten that job.
And networking regrets.
And finally, number six,parenting regrets, choosing work
(12:45):
over your children or yellingand being harsh and abusive, or
comparing your children andshowing favoritism to a certain
child, or maybe even the regretof dismissing your child's real
emotions.
With that.
Uh, psychologist shared a story.
Of one of his patients, thepatient was a man that had
(13:07):
chosen work over his family.
Missed out on his children'slives and events.
He was never available for hiswife.
He was just a good old financialprovider giving money and not
giving time.
It caused a divorce.
He didn't have a personalrelationship with any of his
children.
So after the divorce, his healthdeclined and he started having
(13:28):
panic attacks or anxietyattacks.
He didn't know why.
So he started going to therapy.
That was a great decision.
The therapist discovered thisman was a workaholic because of
his childhood and listening tothe patient.
The man discussed that hisfamily suffered in poverty and
his father could never providefinancially for him when he was
(13:49):
a child.
So when his own adulthood, heoverworked to financially
provide for his family, failingto realize that he was losing in
the process.
He may have felt like he wasmore of a man than his own
father, by being able tofinancially provide for his.
His family.
In a way to cope with hischildhood trauma.
But in dealing with his owntrauma, he created a neglectful
(14:13):
trauma to his own family.
After the divorce and theseparation from his family
psychologically, he started toexperience anxiety attacks due
to toxic regret.
With therapy.
He was able to accept that hecould not change the mistake of
his past, but his therapisthelped him through the process
of reconnecting and apologizingto his ex wife and his children.
(14:36):
The psychologist was able todiagnose that the anxiety
attacks were a psychologicaleffect that was caused by
negatively holding on to regret.
When the patient reconnectedwith his family, he was healed
from the anxiety.
Thankfully, this story has ahappy ending.
His children were still aliveand well, his ex wife was open
(14:58):
to forgiveness.
He had time to catch up for allof the last time when he was a
workaholic.
However, Some of us forget lifeis short and we won't allow
ourselves to properly heal andcope in a healthy manner.
This man could have easily justfound an unhealthy way to cope.
Stay disconnected from hisfamily and.
(15:20):
And died alone without thatbonding.
Which happens so often.
Which brings me to the book.
Written by a hospice nurse.
By the name of Bonnie, whereBonnie wrote about the top five
regrets.
She heard from people as theywere on their death bed.
(15:41):
This list was of the most commonthat she would hear as people
were dying.
I love to read books that allowme to experience life outside of
my own.
And this has to be the most lifechanging.
We don't like to talk about orthink about death dying or just
the end of life.
But there is so much we canlearn from those that are near
(16:03):
death.
Who better to teach us how tolive than one who is dying.
Champions when we are realtogether, we heal together.
The link to this book can befound in the podcast notes,
click on the link to purchase.
The book is titled the top fiveregrets of dying.
(16:24):
A life transformed by the dearlydeparting.
Number one was.
I wish I'd had the courage tolive a life true to myself, not
the life others expected of me.
Number two.
I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
Number three.
I wish I'd had the courage toexpress my feelings.
(16:45):
Number four.
I wish I had stayed in touchwith my friends.
Number five.
I wish I had allowed myself tobe happier.
Now let's reflect over all fiveof those.
I know your mind startedreflecting as I read each one.
As I stated earlier, thissession is really going to force
you to think about how you havelived your life and old things
(17:07):
that happened in your life.
But now let's think about howyou will live your life.
Moving forward.
This will serve as our session.
Regret, recaps, regret.
Number one.
Was, I wish I had the courage tolive a life true to myself, not
the life others expected of me.
Now reflection, many of us arecurrently in a situation right
(17:29):
now because it was theexpectation for someone else,
not something you want it to door be.
You may be hiding who you arebecause of the expectations of
how the world may view you.
Have the courage to live in yourtrue self while you are still
breathing.
Regret number two.
(17:50):
I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
Some people overwork with littlerewards.
Some people literally workthemselves to death.
Some people work so hard.
They don't have time to evenlive in the United States.
That is a normal way of life.
However, in other countries,they work to live.
Instead of live to work.
(18:11):
It is time for you to decide.
Are you going to work yourselfall the way to death?
Are you going to allow yourselftime to just live?
I don't know about y'all, butI'm already working on my
financial freedom for earlyretirement while I'm working
now, I still take time to enjoylife outside of work.
Or if you are blessed to have acareer that is very rewarding
(18:33):
part of your life.
Always remind yourself of yourpurpose when it gets tough.
I just recently had a situationhappen at work, forcing me to be
reminded of my divine purposework to live while you are still
living.
Regret number three.
I wish I had the courage toexpress my feelings.
Let's reflect.
(18:54):
Some may hold in feelings ofanger to keep peace and some may
hold them feelings of pain tospare someone else's feelings
while withholding.
Our own.
Being angry and sad in silencecauses detrimental resentment.
Some may even be afraid toopenly share their feelings of
gratitude and the strongest one.
(19:15):
Some may not have the courage toshare their feelings of love.
Imagine deeply loving someoneand never being able to express
your love to that person beforeyou pass away.
Express your feelings while youcan steal.
Feel.
Regret number four.
I wish I had stayed in touchwith my friends.
(19:36):
Childhood friendships are calledgolden friendships.
Everyone misses their friendswhen they are nine, losing touch
with a childhood friend or notknowing how to reach them or
contact them is painful.
But imagine just losing touchwith people that hold a special
place in your heart and youdon't reach out miss out on
quality time or just stay toobusy to make the extra time.
(20:00):
These are precious moments thatwe can take advantage of while
we are still here after.
After listening to this podcastplan some quality time with your
long lost friend.
If they are all the way acrossthe world, FaceTime them.
If you don't have an iPhone use,whatever video app you have to
use and, and do a lot of videochat.
Reconnect with your goldenfriends while life is still
(20:24):
golden.
Regret number five.
I wish I had allow myself to behappier.
This is a reminder thathappiness is a choice.
And staying in your bad habitsand old ways.
Keep you unhappy, being afraidto change as an excuse to stay
in pain.
Pretending to be.
Okay.
And you really aren't, isn'tworking for you anymore.
(20:47):
Allow yourself to be happy, healyour heart while it's still
beating.
Laughter and humor is anecessary part of mental health
and healing.
The trend we see in all five ofthe regrets is having the
courage living life with noregrets, simply means living
your life with a positiveboldness to do all of the great
(21:08):
things you want and feel, bebrave enough to live
courageously.
Hey you, the champion for livechanges, I'm challenging you to
elevate your mind so that youare able to heal from toxic
regret and remorse.
And so you have the ability tobe living and dying with healthy
(21:29):
regrets.
Being able to feel regret helpsyou work through remorse after
learning the healthy ways tolive with regret, you will begin
to accept your decisions byunderstanding you had to make
your decision based on what wasin front of you at that moment
during whatever thecircumstances were at that time.
Understanding that the verything we may have this strong
(21:51):
desire to go back and change wasactually divinely necessary for
that moment in time.
It was meant to happen that way.
Don't make yourself go crazy byquestioning doubting and second
guessing what happened.
Bring yourself back to thepresent and reality by
understanding this healthy thingabout life.
Everything happens a certain wayfor a specific reason.
(22:14):
And you may never know why, butyou have to keep living, growing
and learning.
I got to repeat that.
That's the reality about life.
Everything happens a certain wayfor a specific reason.
And you may never know why, butyou have to keep living, growing
and learning.
Whatever has been going oncurrently in your life that you
(22:35):
do not have control over thatyou cannot change.
It is time to stop holdingyourself hostage.
Give yourself grace andcompassion today by reminding
yourself that you did all thatyou could with what was
presented to you in that moment,and you will be better prepared
at a later time.
Making statements to yourself.
Like if I get it wrong, I'llfind a way to do it in a
(22:58):
different way next time, but Iwon't give up or make a
statement to yourself like this.
I did a hurtful thing dealingwith my own trauma, but I'm
going to apologize and repairthe damage I caused.
Or maybe something like this.
I was not created toself-sabotage.
I was created to learn and growfrom my mistakes.
(23:21):
It may sound something like thisto you.
I am a champion for life changeand I will live to learn from my
regrets and not die with toxicregrets.
Remember that there is always afoundation of your true
personality and your truepositive image.
You have to find it.
You have to look for it.
You have to choose to be happy.
(23:42):
I was recently met with achallenge at work, and a quote
was used to describe an aspectof another person's personality.
That description was this.
Deep down.
They really are a good person.
Now the time I was hurt and Iwasn't wanting to dig deep and
find the good in that person.
But after prayer, meditation andreflection, I realized that
(24:04):
one's behavior can be deeplyrooted in their past
experiences.
Some may negatively affect largegroups of people before they are
healed.
We only have control of our ownresponse to their behavior.
So when knowing that we canoffer a silent forgiveness,
because we must understand thatthe person with the hard gruff
(24:24):
and bad exterior usually developthat hardness because that
person needs that hardness toprotect the sensitive, soft, and
good interior.
We must give grace to thosepeople that appear mean and hard
and rough on the outsidebecause.
As was quoted to me deep down,they really are good people.
(24:45):
Just like the psychologicalhealing of the criminal that was
forced to feel remorse or thefather that was healed and able
to reconnect with his family.
We are all going throughsomething and it may be
projected onto others, whetherit is at work at home or within
a secret life.
From the great wisdom and wordsof Yana Vanzant, the prefix re
(25:09):
means to do again.
You can repeat a lesson.
You can regroup after a setback,you can restructure your life.
If it falls apart, you canreposition yourself in any
situation, you can recreate yourimage.
If it's been damaged, you canredeem your character.
You can recover from yourlosses.
(25:29):
There is never in a reason tolive with real.
Remorse or regret when youconsider that every life
experience is a rehearsal forthe next, refine your thinking
and reform your life.
Now that's mind elevation.
You are now a champion forhealing and change.
(25:51):
When we are real together, weheal together.
If you are like me and you wantto make a life change by making
grocery shopping easy, I stoppedusing Instacart and I get my
groceries delivered in as littleas one hour.
This comes in handy as I'mmaking my plant-based recipes.
Save yourself that trip to themarket.
Instacart delivers groceries inas fast as one hour, they
(26:13):
connect you with a personalshopper in your area to shop and
deliver groceries from yourfavorite stores.
Click on the link in my podcastnotes and get free delivery on
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Over$35.
Also, don't forget to subscribeto my YouTube channel, do that
right now, by going to thepodcast notes, clicking the link
to subscribe.
I only have one subscriber.
(26:34):
Come on.
Y'all you got to get my numbersup.
The month of may is mentalhealth awareness month.
So if you know someone that maybe struggling, please share
positive thoughts and sharepositive energy.
Please remember that when yousupport the promotions in my
podcast notes, you are alsodirectly supporting this
podcast.
You can also click my donate andsupport link in the podcast
(26:56):
notes to make a direct donation.
Your donation proceeds, go tomental health awareness.
Elevate your mind.
Be open to health and wealth.
Trust the healing process,sometimes healing hurts, but
when completely healed youbecome a stronger.
Wiser and amazing human.
(27:17):
That was heavy.
Let's relax and breathe.
Breathe in love.
Breathe out.
Love.
Breathe in peace.
Breathe out peace.
(27:39):
Breathe in love.
Share love.
Now, share this podcast to helpsomeone you love I enjoy.
interacting with my listeners.
Click the support link in thepodcast notes to donate and
support.
(28:00):
See you next self care sunday
All smiles champions.
Welcome to mind elevation healthand wealth.
I am your host Shira.
The wan and educator, emotionalhealer and entrepreneur, each
week, we will dig deep intoemotionally healing, all aspects
of your life to increase yourability to create prosperity and
longevity.
Mind elevation health and wealthallows you to evaluate and shift
(00:25):
into a growth mindset.
Share each moment with me, I'mgiving you permission to fulfill
all of the unique desires ofyour heart judgment free
shame-free guilt-free elementsto heal your mind and body.
Embrace unconditional love andkeep listening.
Healing is health.
Health is wealth.
(00:45):
You are here on purpose.
Session 18.
Living and dying with healthyregrets.
Listen and listen wellchampions, whether you have
faith in God, faith in theuniverse or faith in itself,
this session, we will discusshow you can have a positive
(01:07):
mindset on living with regretsand with the right practice, you
can die with no regrets.
I know, it sounds a littlecrazy, but most mindset shifts
seem crazy until you activelylive it.
Champions, please continue tosend messages to my Instagram
page at Shai, the healer.
S H Y T H E H E a L E R.
(01:30):
I love hearing your testimoniesof your mind.
Elevation.
I also love to reply to each andevery message.
Forgive me when I have a delayresponse.
It's only because I limit mylife to healthy social media
consumption.
The link to my Instagram islisted in the podcast notes.
Also for those of you that haverequested my podcast to be
(01:52):
listed on YouTube mind,elevation health and wealth
podcast is now on YouTube.
Please go to my channel andsubscribe.
Okay.
I think I only have like onesubscriber.
It took me six months to finallydo it, but I did it.
I listened to my listeners andfollow through.
Now it is up to my dedicatedlisteners to go subscribe to my
(02:15):
YouTube channel.
The link will also be in thepodcast notes.
Please share the YouTube linkwith your friends and family
that prefer to listen fromYouTube.
Search shy, the healer or searchmind elevation health and wealth
podcast.
Or you can press pause rightnow.
Open up the podcast notes,scroll to the YouTube link,
click on it and click subscribe.
(02:37):
Multitaskers, you can just go tothe notes without pressing
pause, click the link andsubscribe.
In fact, you probably havealready done it before I could
finish this sentence.
Thank you for your support.
This is how we successfullyreach a larger audience and
elevate more minds for healthand wealth.
I'm totally aware that thissession is going to bring up a
(02:59):
lot of old stuff that happenedin your life that you regret.
It may be anything from a timeyou didn't stand up for someone
being bullied or you not sayingsomething special to someone
before they passed away, or younot choosing the career path,
you always wanted to pursue Thissession is not to stop the
emotions of regret and remorse.
(03:20):
Not at all because livingwithout the strong emotions of
regret and remorse means youhave an unhealthy mind and are
more likely to do destructiveand damaging things to family,
friends, and others.
So keep in mind that regret andremorse are both signs of a very
healthy mind.
We're going to discuss how tolive a healthy life.
(03:41):
After your regrets.
So you can view regret in ahealthy and productive manner,
but you will no longer allowregret to be toxic to your mind.
Relationships and happiness.
Allowing regret to impact younegatively can increase your
level of stress, lower yourimmune system.
Cause overwhelming ruminationcausing lack of sleep,
(04:05):
psychological anxiety, texts,many things that this can cause.
So we're going to definerumination.
Rumination is the act ofcontinuously and repeatedly
pondering or musing something inyour mind.
First let's also understand thedifference between regret and
remorse, because we will bediscussing them both as a unit,
(04:26):
both very similar, but also verydifferent.
The definition of regret.
Is what you feel for yourself tofeel sorrow for an act fault,
disappointment anddissatisfaction.
The definition of remorse iswhat you've done to others.
It's a deep, painful regret forwrongdoing or mistake.
(04:49):
Remorse as needed for a healthymind.
Regret can be like a defensemechanism of the mind learning
to live with healthy regret,with practice of learning from
our mistakes.
It gets easier because if weallow ourselves to make
mistakes, we will learn from themistakes and then we will make
less mistakes.
(05:10):
Regret can show up when youstart second guessing what
happened yesterday or weeks ago,or some of us may still have
regrets from childhood actions.
You may still be ruminating onwhat you should have done, what
you should've said, how youshould have said it.
Why you, why did you choose tostay?
Why didn't you just leave?
(05:30):
Why didn't you just.
Ah, over and over replaying inyour mind.
I just got overwhelmed bythinking about overwhelming
ruminations Before I startedpracticing meditation.
I would be awake all nightruminating about something that
happened at work or when I wasgoing through my divorce or
(05:51):
going through a breakup, I wouldruminate about what we could
have done to make it work, whatthat person did to me or what I
did to them or what I could havenot done or what they could have
not said.
What I've could have not said tothem.
Overwhelming thoughts andrumination not only prevent you
from sleeping, it can also causeyou to do some insane things.
(06:13):
When I first started teaching, Iwould ruminate on what I did
wrong in a lesson, how thelesson could have been better.
What I should have taught, whatquestions I could have answered
my mind would go on and on andon.
But now as an experiencedteacher, I now understand that I
can fix my lesson the same daywith the next class.
(06:34):
My first period class alwaysgets the worst lesson.
By the end of the day, though,the lesson is revised and the
mistakes are corrected.
We can do the same thing in ourreal life lessons instead of
ruminating on what could havehappened.
We can just fix it the nexttime, because we cannot change
the past.
(06:55):
No matter how much we keepthinking about it, no going
back.
But if we are still breathing,we can keep moving forward.
The decisions you made, you canstill live a healthy life,
whether it is a good decision ora bad decision.
We cannot talk about regret andremorse without talking about
(07:15):
the extreme negative side ofregret and remorse.
And that is directly related towhen someone has hurt you or a
family member, and you want themto feel regret and remorse.
We often wonder what is in themind of a person that can just
go to the extremes of hurtingothers without remorse.
They don't regret inflicting thepain.
They have no remorse for others,but they may regret getting
(07:38):
caught.
Some don't have remorse forothers, or they don't have
regret from getting caught.
So I did research on thepsychological effects of
criminals that live withoutregret or remorse.
Those of you that love showslike criminal minds.
You're going to have an ahamoment as you listen.
I found an article published bythe guardian titled regret can
(07:59):
seriously damage your mentalhealth.
Here's how to leave it behind byBetsy Reed.
The editor of guardian.
Criminals that originally had noremorse.
The ones that actually wentthrough extreme psychological
therapy when they were repairedfrom the psychological damage
from neglect and abuse in theiryounger lives, actually start to
(08:20):
become more focused on others.
Then themselves.
And they grow a sense of regretand remorse after healing from
their own trauma.
We see people in courtrooms.
And the first thing we say isthey have no remorse.
Not understanding the person hasa totally different mentality
and mindset from those of us whoactually have the capacity to
(08:44):
feel remorse.
The psychologist mentioned thatwhen they would reach a
breakthrough of remorse from thecriminals that had never felt
regret or remorse or never shedone tear for the pain they
caused After the healing processof the criminals psychologist
recorded, the criminal wouldstart crying uncontrollably.
(09:05):
As a healing human, we mustthink of being able to
experience remorse as a gift,because if you did not feel this
strong emotion or remorse, youwould probably be able to do
horrific, harmful, hateful, anddangerous things to others.
Kind of like the criminals thatwe see.
We don't want that.
(09:26):
Now that we just left the mindof criminals, let's discuss the
different types of regret we maybe holding on to.
There are so many, but I'm goingto list the six with some brief
examples that I think are major.
I'm also being transparent here.
These six regrets.
Have all affected me in someway, as you listen, you will
(09:49):
also start thinking about howthese types of regrets may be
affecting you or has affectedyou in the past, but don't get
too wrapped up into yourthoughts because just like every
challenge in your life, you willovercome.
That is the reason you are stillattentively listening.
Number one was moral regrets.
These are the regrets whereyou're doing the morally wrong
(10:12):
thing, bullying or not takingaction.
When someone is being bullied,mistreated, or hurt, feeling bad
for not providing support forsomeone in need.
Those are moral regrets.
Number two, our health regrets.
These are the types of regretswhere you're getting diagnosed
with a health issue and notdoing what's best for your
(10:34):
health, many cigarette smokers,regret smoking for so long after
being diagnosed with lungcancer, the list can go on and
on with health regrets, butplease don't wait until a
diagnosis to make that changeand have those regrets.
Number three is career regrets.
Those are the regrets wherepeople are settling and not
chasing their dreams or theircareer goals.
(10:56):
Some people regret.
Choosing a career that a parentwanted from them instead of
their own desires or some peopleregret staying in generational
poverty due to fear of success.
Even though they had the desireand the talent to leave, they
stayed.
So they have those careerregrets.
Number four.
(11:16):
Financial regrets.
W these other regretsfinancially, when people are
realizing they.
Are close to retirement age andthey didn't save for retirement
or regrets of not saving foremergencies or regrets.
After making an impulse buy ofsomething you really couldn't
afford or gambling loss regrets,or that person that accumulates
(11:38):
too much debt.
And then they're in regret ornot doing a budget.
When you knew you should'vestuck to a budget, you already
listened to session four mind,elevation health and wealth,
creating a healthy relationshipwith money, but you never
started your budget.
And now you are living with.
That regret.
If you haven't listened toepisode, go listen to session
four and take action.
(11:59):
So you don't have any morefinancial regrets.
Okay.
Number five was humanconnection, regrets, not
communicating with friends orfamily then realizing life is
short disconnection from peopleyou love being a workaholic and
missing out on beautiful momentsand connections with beautiful
people in your life, those humanconnection, regrets, or not
(12:22):
saying something to someone thatyou met or wondering if maybe if
I would have tried out thisrelationship or try to make that
connection, things would haveworked better.
Those are.
Human connection regrets.
Or maybe if I would haveconnected with this person, I
would've gotten that job.
And networking regrets.
And finally, number six,parenting regrets, choosing work
(12:45):
over your children or yellingand being harsh and abusive, or
comparing your children andshowing favoritism to a certain
child, or maybe even the regretof dismissing your child's real
emotions.
With that.
Uh, psychologist shared a story.
Of one of his patients, thepatient was a man that had
(13:07):
chosen work over his family.
Missed out on his children'slives and events.
He was never available for hiswife.
He was just a good old financialprovider giving money and not
giving time.
It caused a divorce.
He didn't have a personalrelationship with any of his
children.
So after the divorce, his healthdeclined and he started having
(13:28):
panic attacks or anxietyattacks.
He didn't know why.
So he started going to therapy.
That was a great decision.
The therapist discovered thisman was a workaholic because of
his childhood and listening tothe patient.
The man discussed that hisfamily suffered in poverty and
his father could never providefinancially for him when he was
(13:49):
a child.
So when his own adulthood, heoverworked to financially
provide for his family, failingto realize that he was losing in
the process.
He may have felt like he wasmore of a man than his own
father, by being able tofinancially provide for his.
His family.
In a way to cope with hischildhood trauma.
But in dealing with his owntrauma, he created a neglectful
(14:13):
trauma to his own family.
After the divorce and theseparation from his family
psychologically, he started toexperience anxiety attacks due
to toxic regret.
With therapy.
He was able to accept that hecould not change the mistake of
his past, but his therapisthelped him through the process
of reconnecting and apologizingto his ex wife and his children.
(14:36):
The psychologist was able todiagnose that the anxiety
attacks were a psychologicaleffect that was caused by
negatively holding on to regret.
When the patient reconnectedwith his family, he was healed
from the anxiety.
Thankfully, this story has ahappy ending.
His children were still aliveand well, his ex wife was open
(14:58):
to forgiveness.
He had time to catch up for allof the last time when he was a
workaholic.
However, Some of us forget lifeis short and we won't allow
ourselves to properly heal andcope in a healthy manner.
This man could have easily justfound an unhealthy way to cope.
Stay disconnected from hisfamily and.
(15:20):
And died alone without thatbonding.
Which happens so often.
Which brings me to the book.
Written by a hospice nurse.
By the name of Bonnie, whereBonnie wrote about the top five
regrets.
She heard from people as theywere on their death bed.
(15:41):
This list was of the most commonthat she would hear as people
were dying.
I love to read books that allowme to experience life outside of
my own.
And this has to be the most lifechanging.
We don't like to talk about orthink about death dying or just
the end of life.
But there is so much we canlearn from those that are near
(16:03):
death.
Who better to teach us how tolive than one who is dying.
Champions when we are realtogether, we heal together.
The link to this book can befound in the podcast notes,
click on the link to purchase.
The book is titled the top fiveregrets of dying.
(16:24):
A life transformed by the dearlydeparting.
Number one was.
I wish I'd had the courage tolive a life true to myself, not
the life others expected of me.
Number two.
I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
Number three.
I wish I'd had the courage toexpress my feelings.
(16:45):
Number four.
I wish I had stayed in touchwith my friends.
Number five.
I wish I had allowed myself tobe happier.
Now let's reflect over all fiveof those.
I know your mind startedreflecting as I read each one.
As I stated earlier, thissession is really going to force
you to think about how you havelived your life and old things
(17:07):
that happened in your life.
But now let's think about howyou will live your life.
Moving forward.
This will serve as our session.
Regret, recaps, regret.
Number one.
Was, I wish I had the courage tolive a life true to myself, not
the life others expected of me.
Now reflection, many of us arecurrently in a situation right
(17:29):
now because it was theexpectation for someone else,
not something you want it to door be.
You may be hiding who you arebecause of the expectations of
how the world may view you.
Have the courage to live in yourtrue self while you are still
breathing.
Regret number two.
(17:50):
I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
Some people overwork with littlerewards.
Some people literally workthemselves to death.
Some people work so hard.
They don't have time to evenlive in the United States.
That is a normal way of life.
However, in other countries,they work to live.
Instead of live to work.
(18:11):
It is time for you to decide.
Are you going to work yourselfall the way to death?
Are you going to allow yourselftime to just live?
I don't know about y'all, butI'm already working on my
financial freedom for earlyretirement while I'm working
now, I still take time to enjoylife outside of work.
Or if you are blessed to have acareer that is very rewarding
(18:33):
part of your life.
Always remind yourself of yourpurpose when it gets tough.
I just recently had a situationhappen at work, forcing me to be
reminded of my divine purposework to live while you are still
living.
Regret number three.
I wish I had the courage toexpress my feelings.
Let's reflect.
(18:54):
Some may hold in feelings ofanger to keep peace and some may
hold them feelings of pain tospare someone else's feelings
while withholding.
Our own.
Being angry and sad in silencecauses detrimental resentment.
Some may even be afraid toopenly share their feelings of
gratitude and the strongest one.
(19:15):
Some may not have the courage toshare their feelings of love.
Imagine deeply loving someoneand never being able to express
your love to that person beforeyou pass away.
Express your feelings while youcan steal.
Feel.
Regret number four.
I wish I had stayed in touchwith my friends.
(19:36):
Childhood friendships are calledgolden friendships.
Everyone misses their friendswhen they are nine, losing touch
with a childhood friend or notknowing how to reach them or
contact them is painful.
But imagine just losing touchwith people that hold a special
place in your heart and youdon't reach out miss out on
quality time or just stay toobusy to make the extra time.
(20:00):
These are precious moments thatwe can take advantage of while
we are still here after.
After listening to this podcastplan some quality time with your
long lost friend.
If they are all the way acrossthe world, FaceTime them.
If you don't have an iPhone use,whatever video app you have to
use and, and do a lot of videochat.
Reconnect with your goldenfriends while life is still
(20:24):
golden.
Regret number five.
I wish I had allow myself to behappier.
This is a reminder thathappiness is a choice.
And staying in your bad habitsand old ways.
Keep you unhappy, being afraidto change as an excuse to stay
in pain.
Pretending to be.
Okay.
And you really aren't, isn'tworking for you anymore.
(20:47):
Allow yourself to be happy, healyour heart while it's still
beating.
Laughter and humor is anecessary part of mental health
and healing.
The trend we see in all five ofthe regrets is having the
courage living life with noregrets, simply means living
your life with a positiveboldness to do all of the great
(21:08):
things you want and feel, bebrave enough to live
courageously.
Hey you, the champion for livechanges, I'm challenging you to
elevate your mind so that youare able to heal from toxic
regret and remorse.
And so you have the ability tobe living and dying with healthy
(21:29):
regrets.
Being able to feel regret helpsyou work through remorse after
learning the healthy ways tolive with regret, you will begin
to accept your decisions byunderstanding you had to make
your decision based on what wasin front of you at that moment
during whatever thecircumstances were at that time.
Understanding that the verything we may have this strong
(21:51):
desire to go back and change wasactually divinely necessary for
that moment in time.
It was meant to happen that way.
Don't make yourself go crazy byquestioning doubting and second
guessing what happened.
Bring yourself back to thepresent and reality by
understanding this healthy thingabout life.
Everything happens a certain wayfor a specific reason.
(22:14):
And you may never know why, butyou have to keep living, growing
and learning.
I got to repeat that.
That's the reality about life.
Everything happens a certain wayfor a specific reason.
And you may never know why, butyou have to keep living, growing
and learning.
Whatever has been going oncurrently in your life that you
(22:35):
do not have control over thatyou cannot change.
It is time to stop holdingyourself hostage.
Give yourself grace andcompassion today by reminding
yourself that you did all thatyou could with what was
presented to you in that moment,and you will be better prepared
at a later time.
Making statements to yourself.
Like if I get it wrong, I'llfind a way to do it in a
(22:58):
different way next time, but Iwon't give up or make a
statement to yourself like this.
I did a hurtful thing dealingwith my own trauma, but I'm
going to apologize and repairthe damage I caused.
Or maybe something like this.
I was not created toself-sabotage.
I was created to learn and growfrom my mistakes.
(23:21):
It may sound something like thisto you.
I am a champion for life changeand I will live to learn from my
regrets and not die with toxicregrets.
Remember that there is always afoundation of your true
personality and your truepositive image.
You have to find it.
You have to look for it.
You have to choose to be happy.
(23:42):
I was recently met with achallenge at work, and a quote
was used to describe an aspectof another person's personality.
That description was this.
Deep down.
They really are a good person.
Now the time I was hurt and Iwasn't wanting to dig deep and
find the good in that person.
But after prayer, meditation andreflection, I realized that
(24:04):
one's behavior can be deeplyrooted in their past
experiences.
Some may negatively affect largegroups of people before they are
healed.
We only have control of our ownresponse to their behavior.
So when knowing that we canoffer a silent forgiveness,
because we must understand thatthe person with the hard gruff
(24:24):
and bad exterior usually developthat hardness because that
person needs that hardness toprotect the sensitive, soft, and
good interior.
We must give grace to thosepeople that appear mean and hard
and rough on the outsidebecause.
As was quoted to me deep down,they really are good people.
(24:45):
Just like the psychologicalhealing of the criminal that was
forced to feel remorse or thefather that was healed and able
to reconnect with his family.
We are all going throughsomething and it may be
projected onto others, whetherit is at work at home or within
a secret life.
From the great wisdom and wordsof Yana Vanzant, the prefix re
(25:09):
means to do again.
You can repeat a lesson.
You can regroup after a setback,you can restructure your life.
If it falls apart, you canreposition yourself in any
situation, you can recreate yourimage.
If it's been damaged, you canredeem your character.
You can recover from yourlosses.
(25:29):
There is never in a reason tolive with real.
Remorse or regret when youconsider that every life
experience is a rehearsal forthe next, refine your thinking
and reform your life.
Now that's mind elevation.
You are now a champion forhealing and change.
(25:51):
When we are real together, weheal together.
If you are like me and you wantto make a life change by making
grocery shopping easy, I stoppedusing Instacart and I get my
groceries delivered in as littleas one hour.
This comes in handy as I'mmaking my plant-based recipes.
Save yourself that trip to themarket.
Instacart delivers groceries inas fast as one hour, they
(26:13):
connect you with a personalshopper in your area to shop and
deliver groceries from yourfavorite stores.
Click on the link in my podcastnotes and get free delivery on
your first order.
Over$35.
Also, don't forget to subscribeto my YouTube channel, do that
right now, by going to thepodcast notes, clicking the link
to subscribe.
I only have one subscriber.
(26:34):
Come on.
Y'all you got to get my numbersup.
The month of may is mentalhealth awareness month.
So if you know someone that maybe struggling, please share
positive thoughts and sharepositive energy.
Please remember that when yousupport the promotions in my
podcast notes, you are alsodirectly supporting this
podcast.
You can also click my donate andsupport link in the podcast
(26:56):
notes to make a direct donation.
Your donation proceeds, go tomental health awareness.
Elevate your mind.
Be open to health and wealth.
Trust the healing process,sometimes healing hurts, but
when completely healed youbecome a stronger.
Wiser and amazing human.
(27:17):
That was heavy.
Let's relax and breathe.
Breathe in love.
Breathe out.
Love.
Breathe in peace.
Breathe out peace.
(27:39):
Breathe in love.
Share love.
Now, share this podcast to helpsomeone you love I enjoy.
interacting with my listeners.
Click the support link in thepodcast notes to donate and
support.
(28:00):
See you next self care sunday
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