January 22, 2023 • 31 mins
Your Host: Shyra DeJuan
Is challenging you to practice self compassion to love on yourself correctly after all the years of self inflicted emotional pain. Proper healing for self forgiveness is understanding that you have already suffered enough, you’ve already paid the price for what you've done, the fight within yourself is over now. Inner peace has won the fight within you. You have permission to Rewrite your new story. New chapter. You can start at chapter 1 or you can start the chapter at whatever age you are today. Come clean, come out, shift your identity, rewrite your story, give yourself grace! Live abundantly by practicing Self Compassion. To elevate your mind for health and wealth you must PRACTICE walking in your power of being a better human. PRACTICE Self Compassion daily, even if it's a small mistake. PRACTICE the action of Placing your hand over your heart and apologize for the mistake, apologize to yourself with the intention of positive reactions and change.
Holding your heart is a physical action of self compassion. Lets heal together!
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Book Kristin Neff: Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Kristin Neff: Teaching the Mindful Self Compassion Program
Rachel Johnson: Self-Love Workbook for Black Women: Empowering Exercises to Build Self-Compassion and Nurture Your True Self-Chapter 5 Discover Self Compassion
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
All smiles champions.
Welcome to mine.
Elevation health and wealth.
My name is Dhawan.
I'm an emotional healer,educator and entrepreneur.
Each week, we will dig deep intoemotionally healing, all aspects
of your life to increase yourability to create prosperity
mind, elevation health andwealth allows you to elevate and
(00:26):
shift into a growth mindset.
Share each moment with me, I'mgiving you permission to fulfill
all of the unique desires ofyour heart judgment free
shame-free guilt-free elementsto heal your mind and body as
you listen and consume the wordsof the session with no fear.
Fear of loss champions if weheal together we'll be real
(00:47):
together Embrace unconditionallove and keep listening healing
is health health is wealth youare here on purpose Session
eight.
Self-compassion.
Everybody makes mistakes.
Everybody deserves grace.
(01:09):
Listen and listen.
Well champions whether you havefaith in God, faith in the
universe, or faith in self.
For forgive yourself for thepast by giving yourself compass.
if you are perfect and havenever made even the simplest
mistake and you have never doneanything that would be
(01:31):
considered morally wrong, if youhave never heard anyone even
accidentally, this session isnot for you.
you can end this session andclick on a different session for
the perfect people.
But I'm flawed in many ways, soI'm staying here.
So those of you that are stayingwith me, when we practice having
(01:53):
compassion for ourselves andcompassion for others, we accept
our flaws, accept everyone'sflaws, allowing us to be
connected by our imperfection.
We must do this instead ofcreating a false sense of
self-esteem by trying to feellike we're better than everyone
else.
No judging others, no shamingothers.
(02:15):
Remembering when we are realtogether, we heal together.
In other sessions we'vediscussed how to heal from pain
harm, that other people havecaused you.
it's important now for us todedicate this session to only
focus on the hurt you may havecaused, the mistakes you may
(02:35):
have made, the secrets andskeletons you have in your
closet due to your pain.
we are not making excuses orpretending it didn't happen.
We are admitting our faults,confessing our sins, owning up
to our mistakes.
Looking deep into ourinsecurities, and recognizing
(02:56):
lives we may have ruined,including our own lives that we
may have ruined.
I hope y'all are tuned in, inlistening.
Hello, is anyone.
champions.
It is so easy to talk about whatsomeone else has done to hurt
you.
You can tell those stories withease to everyone that wants to
(03:18):
listen, but we are quiet and shywhen it comes to talking about
what we've done wrong.
But today, even though I'm goingto call many of us out, when I
list some of the things that weare internally harboring, we
will also understand it's neededin an effort to heal and
practice self-compassion despiteyour faults, and give yourself
(03:40):
grace, because we have all mademistakes, some the same, some
different, but not one isgreater than the other.
So therefore, we cannot judgeself-criticism blocks.
Self-compassion.
The language you speak toyourself matters.
Whether these are thoughts inyour head or things you say out
(04:01):
loud.
Practice removing self-criticismfrom your thoughts and from your
speech.
Unhealthy self-criticism soundslike this.
I'm a bad person.
I'm messed up bad again, I'm sodumb.
I'm not as smart as I thought Iwas.
I will never find love.
I don't know why you chose me.
(04:22):
I don't deserve this.
Why me?
Why did you pick me?
Constructive self-criticism andself-compassion.
Sounds like I'm a good person.
I just made a bad decision.
I will manage my behavior andnot act out on impulse.
(04:43):
I may not know how to do this,but I have the ability to learn.
I will find love with the personI deserve.
I was chosen because I'm worthyto be loved.
You deserve to be optimisticabout your future without
feeling like you've done so muchbad that you can't be redeemed.
It's okay to admit you areunsure or don't understand
(05:07):
certain situations orconversations.
These are opportunities for youto feel compelled to increase
your knowledge.
Be open to grow, learn andchange your behavior.
Deescalate yourself.
If you make a mistake, take astep back.
Deescalate.
do your own self hype talk toget yourself back in gear.
(05:29):
Self-compassion by releasinginsecurities of self-pity and
self-hate look like.
Number one, denial, suppression,guilt, shame, grudges,
bitterness.
Number two, judging yourself orpast mistakes.
Number three, the desire tosuffer in pain for an excuse to
give up.
Number four, self-criticism andlow self-esteem abuse.
(05:52):
Number five.
holding on to resentment due toself-sabotaging.
Number six, self-destructivedenial and unhealthy coping by a
alcoholism and drug abuse.
And number seven, always seekingrevenge or retaliation.
Proper healing for self forgive.
(06:14):
It's understanding that you havealready suffered enough.
You've already paid the pricefor what you've done.
The fight within yourself isover.
Now, inner peace has won thefight within you.
If you had to place the bet onthe fight between
self-destruction versusself-compassion, Today allows
(06:34):
self-compassion to win thefight.
Self-compassion allows you to beopen and remorseful.
The remorse you would give tosomeone else if you hurt them is
the same remorse you should giveto yourself for hurting them.
This increases your chances ofnot repeating the behavior
again.
Recycling the pain.
(06:55):
Again, remembering thatapologizing is not just the
words, I'm sorry, it's the actor not repeating the behavior.
Again, a genuine apology is anaction.
An action of this will nothappen again, and showing the
person and showing yourself itwill not happen again.
(07:18):
If you are born black, you'reautomatically born into a world
that has labeled you as lessthan not valuable, and that your
life doesn't matter if youactually start to believe this,
which unfortunately some of usdo.
It gives you a horrible sense ofself-hate.
Some people will disassociatethemselves from their own race.
Some people.
(07:39):
Had light enough skin to passfor another race and denied who
they were.
Stay tuned in the future becauseI will be recording a session
dedicated to colorism, butquickly stating now that this is
a form of self-hate within anyrace, not just with.
Suffering from feeling you arenot enough due to negative
(08:00):
cultural conditioning.
All races have this form ofsuffering inflicted by family,
friends, or society.
You must love who you arebecause you can't change the
skin color you are in, but youcan love the skin you are.
self-hate, self-pity, andself-destruction due to cultural
(08:20):
conditioning is a real thing.
If you can identify with this inany form of your life due to
your race, it is time tounderstand why you must reteach
yourself, that you are stilllovable, you are valuable, your
life matters, and you are not athreat.
Step into self-love of who youwere born to be without regret
(08:41):
and resentment to being born theway you are.
You are powerful.
I just needed to get that out ofthe way first before we dive
into discussing the things aboutourselves that we actually do
have the power we change.
We cannot change how we wereborn.
We cannot change, things thathappened to us based on our
(09:01):
race, our skin color, orculture, but we do have the
power to change other things.
So heal from that culturalconditioning if that's something
that you've been strugglingwith.
All right, let's.
we remember our mistakes in fullbright lights and forget all the
great things we do or have done.
So we beat ourselves up for ourmistakes and refuse to reward
(09:24):
ourselves for the great thingswe have accomplished.
This happens because we feel asthough everyone else is
constantly aware of our mess up,or we may have someone in our
life that constantly reminds usof our mess up.
The truth is on a daily.
Most of us do way more good thanbad, even if the bad is done in
(09:45):
the dark.
But as the saying goes, what'sdone in the dark comes to light.
In my opinion, it's better tolet your own skeletons out the
closet and shine your own lighton your mess before someone else
does.
This is just my opinion, becauseI feel healing starts sooner
when we confess.
But that's just.
(10:07):
be willing to go through theprocess of erasing your mistakes
and highlighting your strengths.
When you erase it, just likeanything else, you erase, you
see and acknowledge the mistake,you realize it isn't correct,
you erase it and rewrite thecorrect thing.
It is really that simple.
You can also have someoneproofread your mistake to
(10:29):
confirm, then fix it.
The best thing about it is thatonce it's erased and corrected,
you can't keep going back tryingto put it back again and, and
think about it over and over andpunish yourself for it again and
again and ruminate at nightbefore bed, and it keeps you
tossing and turning it and itcauses inso.
(10:52):
all the things that happen whenyou keep replaying bad things in
your head.
Just erase it.
It's over.
Let it go.
We are in a world of technology,so once you hit backspace and
delete, pretend like you don'tknow where the undo button is.
Delete, delete, delete.
Abort.
Abort.
Cancel.
Cancel false alarm.
(11:13):
Rewrite your news story and omityour mistake.
If you have ever been throwninto a leadership role,
self-compassion will also allowyou to lead with compassion and
lead with empathy.
If you are in a leadership roleand you happen to get a rough
start, you may have handledthings in a manner that affected
(11:35):
people negatively.
It's okay to admit fault to yourteam and do a start over.
Most humans are for.
That's also the reason for thispodcast.
People are more forgiving toothers than they are to
themselves.
Stop holding on to your roughstart and making excuses to why
things may not have gone asplanned.
(11:55):
You have the opportunity torestart with transparency,
compassion, and building a greatteam as a.
You may think you're beingjudged as a bad person, but in
reality, the people you thinkare judging you to be bad
actually think you're judgingthem.
The negative energy of judgmentwill keep bouncing back and
(12:18):
forth in a toxic environmentuntil it is addressed and talked
about in a constructiverestorative setting with great
communication.
We all deserve the same type ofgrace.
we think about all the badpeople.
We think about wardens andcorrectional officers.
(12:39):
They're told not to build arelationship and get to know the
inmates on a personal levelbecause it makes the prisoner
human and allows for the officerto grow compassion.
But no.
You don't want that in thissetting, not in a prison.
The goal is to dehumanize andpunish in a prison.
If you don't acknowledge theirtrauma and just judge the
(13:02):
inmates from their wrongs, youcan tear them down physically
and emotionally with no remorse.
If you actually get to know theinmates, you may accidentally
find out what caused theirbehavior change and feel
compelled to give them grace,which defeats the purpose of
tearing them down instead ofbuilding them back up.
(13:22):
The goal in a prison is not torestore.
Someone is thinking, Yeah, butthat's, that's a prison due to
justice.
They belong there and theydeserve to be treated that way.
However, let's not forget, mostof them are prisoners because
they got caught doing wrong, andwe may have done something
(13:42):
similar to those inmates, butjust didn't get caught.
The point is, everyone makesmistakes.
Everyone deserves restorative.
The other truth is you have beentreating yourself or others like
unforgivable prison inmates thathave committed mistakes that
(14:03):
dehumanize and don't deserveforgiveness.
You don't care to know whathappened in their childhood, who
hurt them on their life journey,who inflicted pain that caused a
negative trigger.
Your negative self-sabotagingthoughts are keeping you in a
mental and emotional prison thatI want you to break free from
(14:24):
today.
Anything that has caused youguilt, shame, embarrassment, or
resentment, your mistakes havenow become how you identify
yourself in.
Lashing out for pain, not eveninvolving you.
Having self-defeating beliefshold you in a place of
suffering.
(14:45):
Even the smallest self-defeatingthoughts can change your mood
and your energy.
Self-compassion helps you snapout of it.
Self-compassion helps you seethe goodness in yourself and
voids out the bad.
I created a list of mistakes.
My goal with this list is tomake all of our trauma and
(15:06):
mistakes equal.
Not.
One example on this list is agreater fault than another.
The whole list makes us allimperfect.
The whole list also makes us allequal.
The whole list reveals that weall deserve to be shown
forgiveness, compassion, and benurtured back into an abundant,
(15:27):
loving healing.
I want you to nod your head whenI speak on your mistake or your
mistakes, or your imperfectionsor your insecurities.
Here we go.
Cheating on your spouse.
(15:48):
Cheating, while in a monogamousrelationship, hooking up for sex
and then ghosting them to boostyour ego due to your insec.
Ruined relationships with familymembers ruined a romantic
relationship, ruined your ownreputation, ruined your body and
your health.
By letting yourself go ruinedyour future goals, ruined your
(16:10):
opportunity for a successfulbusiness.
Had an abortion inflictedself-harm, not knowing who your
child's father is, not knowingyou have children somewhere in
the world having an affair witha married.
Illegitimate children gettingfired, breaking someone's heart,
(16:31):
bullying people or coworkers.
Murder by self-defense, murderby manslaughter, harming someone
in self-defense, harming someoneto protect someone else.
Being a victim of sexual abuse,being the sexual abuser,
stealing and being a.
Being an abandoned child,abandoning your child, abusing a
(16:56):
child, abusing the elderly,abusing an animal, abusing your
spouse, backstabbing a closefriend, backstabbing a coworker.
If you've always had a badattitude.
If you're a pathological liar,if you lie for attention, if
you've lied to protect yourselfor someone.
(17:17):
if you're racist or have racistthoughts, if you negatively
manipulate people, mistreating achild because of who their
mother or father is, choosing acareer you don't like and
damaging the people involved,hating yourself because of your
race, hating your own race,hating people just by being a
hateful, mean, rude person.
(17:38):
Holding on to a detrimentalsecret.
I may not have spoke.
I might not have walked downyour street.
I may have missed you, but youwere still forced to internally
reflect on your own mess.
Embarrassment may be the reasonyou are hiding your trauma and
holding your secrets.
(18:00):
It's gonna be all right.
This is me wrapping my armsaround you, crying with you, and
walking with you on this journeyof self-compassion.
I want to help you deep.
Then decompress, then releaseyourself from the stress,
self-compassion by releasingsecrets.
(18:21):
These are the skeletons in yourcloset.
At this age 43, I actuallyreleased some skeletons from my
closet and allowed me to heal.
My closet is about empty now.
I'm not trying to let anythingback in my closet.
I'm on a journey to live mylife.
(18:42):
Harmonious as possible,generating good karma,
practicing a hemsa and healingthose that are open to emotional
healing.
If you're holding on to a secretof a mistake you made and you
never told anyone, you'recausing yourself internal
stress, which also causes majorhealth conditions.
(19:03):
It can also cause depression andanxiety.
It can also lead to alcoholismor drug abuse.
It can also lead to.
people are on the outsidewondering why you are
self-destructing, but you can'tbe open and tell the truth
because it will damage thealready damaged.
(19:23):
Let today be the day you releaseit for proper coping and
healing.
You have permission to confessand live free from the bondage
without guilt or shame.
You deserve better when youheal.
Your story and testimony can beused to heal someone.
Family secrets are just asdetrimental to all the best
(19:46):
friends out there.
Hopefully this helps you too.
One of my best friends once toldme, she said, I have your back
about anything and everything,but I'm not ever helping you
hide or dispose of a dead body.
She set the boundaryimmediately, meaning I'll keep
all your secrets, but not if youkill someone.
(20:10):
someone right now is mad atthemselves for a mistake made in
secret or a lifestyle kept insecret.
mistakes or secrets that youonly want a few people to know
about, But if somehow yoursecret gets out, you blame
everyone in your circle for yourmistake.
Getting out into the.
(20:31):
You don't trust anyone.
You hold a grudge with all thepeople that you involved.
Relationships are broken.
You are still broken.
The cycle of self-destruction,resentment and pain begins and
continues.
Come clean, come out.
Shift your identity, rewriteyour story.
(20:51):
Give yourself grace.
Live abundantly by practicingself compass.
I know the freedom ofself-compassion because I said
earlier, I held onto a lifesecret for over 35 years and
finally released it to some ofmy family this summer at age 43.
After crying together, afteranswering all those questions
(21:14):
they had for me, discussing mytruths, apologizing for holding
it to myself for so long, Iinstantly felt the healing
begin.
It was no longer a.
my secret was out.
I involved my family becausethey're the first people I told.
But they have the freedom ofspeaking it and talking about it
(21:35):
for the possibility of otherpeople's healing.
It's time to come clean.
Own up to your fault.
Speak an out loud confession.
Apologize to those close to youthat you included in your.
Release them from harboring,release them from holding onto
your secret.
It's your mistake.
(21:57):
Allow yourself to heal properlywith changing your immoral
behavior, forgiving yourself,and once again, practice self
compassion.
Whew.
Just speaking those words,release some tension from
myself.
I know that it can releasetension from you as.
(22:18):
Hey, you the champion for lifechanges.
I'm challenging you to practiceself-compassion, to love on
yourself correctly.
After all these years ofself-inflicted emotional pain,
you have permission to rewriteyour new story, new chapter.
You can start at chapter one, oryou can start the chapter at
(22:40):
whatever age you are today.
My chapter, based on my age,would.
I can start rewriting my storyand I'm at the end of chapter
43.
When you own and evaluate yoursecrets or mistakes, you become
a master of your fate.
Always strive to make peoplefeel worthy and important for
whatever big or smallcontribution they make.
(23:02):
Have that same grace foryourself.
Whatever you contribute, you areworthy and.
If you can't laugh at yourself,you can't be of joy and
happiness for others.
If you can't trust yourself, youcan't be loved or trusted by
others.
If you can't have compassion foryourself, you can't love and
have compassion for others.
(23:25):
Let's renegotiate our lifeterms.
Recreate your beliefs.
Allow yourself to be loved bylife.
Self-compassion allows you tolove life and life to love you
back in its purest, forgivingform.
You're not.
Unwelcome.
You're always welcome at anyplace.
You're not a no good, terribleperson.
(23:45):
You're a great and admirableperson.
You're not unworthy.
You're so very worthy.
You deserve the better you.
In each session of my podcast,you will hear me use the word
practice.
I emphasize the word practicebecause practice means habitual
or customary performance,meaning you are creating a.
(24:07):
With your daily lifeperformance, if I were to use
the word start, anyone can startsomething, but then they can
easily stop.
For example, people will say, Istarted meditation and then I
stopped.
Those are limiting words.
Using words like practice evokea continuous effort to change.
(24:28):
customary performance.
If you practice meditation, itwill become a habitual
performance to elevate your mindfor health and wealth.
You must practice walking inyour power of being a better
human.
Practice self-compassion daily,even if it's a small mistake.
Practice the action of placingyour hand over your heart and
(24:49):
apologize for the mistake.
Apologize to yourself with theintention.
Positive change.
Holding your heart is a physicalaction of self-compassion.
I like to place my hand on myheart, or both of my hands on my
heart to always remind myself ofinternal love and grace.
Something about doing that justfeels, it just feels good.
(25:12):
It feels amazing.
Each week, I promote authors andbooks that I've read.
I recommend you to do your ownresearch, increase your own
knowledge, and embraceintelligence as a way of life.
The expert in self-compassionresearch is Kristen Neff.
She is a professor in theUniversity of Texas at Austin's
(25:33):
Department of EducationalPsychology.
She studied moral development.
Kristen Neff's book is titledSelf-Compassion, the Proven
Power of Being Kind To Yourself.
She is also the founder of theNonprofit Center for Mindful
Self-Compassion.
The book description.
stop beating yourself up andleave insecurity behind.
(25:54):
She offers expert advice on howto limit self-criticism and
offset its negative effects,enabling you to achieve your
highest potential and morecontent fulfilled life.
More and more psychologists areturning away from an emphasis on
self-esteem and moving towardsself-compassion in the treatment
of their patients.
(26:15):
Dr.
NE's book offers exercises andaction plans for.
Every emotionally debilitatingstruggle, be it parenting,
weight loss, or any of thenumerous trials of everyday
living, some of those thingsthat I listed on our list.
If you are interested in usingself-love workbook to continue
(26:35):
your practice of self-love andself-compassion, the author
Rachel Johnson has an awesomeworkbook for your journey to
self-healing.
Self-love workbook for womenempowering exercises to build
self-compassion and nurture yourtrue self.
And chapter five of her workbookis called Discover
Self-Compassion.
(26:57):
Be sure to click the links in mypodcast notes to purchase and
support the authors.
Also click the link to supportthis podcast.
I need the love to keep flowing.
I need the support to keepflowing.
So click on my podcast link tosupport, and it's called Buy Me
a Coffee, but that's my supportyou are now a champion for
(27:21):
healing and change.
Here are four quick recaps ofclarification and understanding.
listen and listen well.
Champions recap.
One, you are acknowledging yourflaws, mistakes and
insecurities.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Everyone deserves grace.
Not one morally bad thing isgreater than the other.
(27:44):
All mistakes are created equal.
We can connect and build betteras humans if we accept that we
are all flawed.
Recap.
being your own worst critic,negatively self criticizing
yourself will block your abilityto have self-compassion.
Be mindful of how you speak andthink to yourself.
(28:06):
Use constructive self-criticisminstead of negative self-talk.
This will allow you to loveyourself more and heal yourself
in relationships with others.
Recap.
Three.
There is a long list ofemotionally traumatic
debilitating struggles ineveryone's life.
It is time to acknowledge thepain you have inflicted on
(28:26):
yourself and others.
There is a sense of relief andpeace when you allow yourself to
confess your wrongdoings.
There is a beautiful freedomwhen you come clean with the
truth of who you really are andwho you will become.
When you free yourself fromfalse identities, you are
worthy.
Everyone deserves to freethemselves from the mental
(28:47):
prison of self-hate andself-destruction and
self-sabotaging behavior.
You deserve self-love, selfpeace, and self-compassion.
Recap four, if you areharboring.
Secret, or if you have requiredpeople close to you to hold your
secret, now is time to freeyourself and free them from your
(29:07):
secrets.
It's not fair to them and it'snot fair to you.
Release the secrets, come clean.
Let the skeletons out the closetand let the healing begin for
you and for those close to you.
Elevate your mind.
Be open to health and wealth.
Trust the healing process,sometimes healing hurts, but
(29:29):
when completely healed youbecome a stronger.
Wiser and amazing human.
That was heavy.
Let's relax and breathe.
Breathe in love.
Breathe out.
Love.
Breathe in peace.
(29:52):
Breathe out peace.
Breathe in love.
Share love.
Now, share this podcast to helpsomeone you love Transcribing...
(30:16):
We are champions.
We win together.
Let's continue to connect.
I've done all the talking, butdon't forget.
I'm also a great listener.
So after listening to thissession, you can release,
respond, reflect, or open up andacknowledge your struggles.
Let's start the healing processtogether.
Record your voice.
(30:37):
Or record a video and D M at tomy Instagram at shy, the healer
that's shy.
S H Y T H E healer, H E a L E R.
All one word.
I will try to respond to allvoice recordings and videos
only, but if you want to writesomething.
Write a review our comment andshare this podcast.
(31:02):
Champions you can support byclicking the link to donate and
support in my podcast notesuntil then see you next.
Healthcare sunday
All smiles champions.
Welcome to mine.
Elevation health and wealth.
My name is Dhawan.
I'm an emotional healer,educator and entrepreneur.
Each week, we will dig deep intoemotionally healing, all aspects
of your life to increase yourability to create prosperity
mind, elevation health andwealth allows you to elevate and
(00:26):
shift into a growth mindset.
Share each moment with me, I'mgiving you permission to fulfill
all of the unique desires ofyour heart judgment free
shame-free guilt-free elementsto heal your mind and body as
you listen and consume the wordsof the session with no fear.
Fear of loss champions if weheal together we'll be real
(00:47):
together Embrace unconditionallove and keep listening healing
is health health is wealth youare here on purpose Session
eight.
Self-compassion.
Everybody makes mistakes.
Everybody deserves grace.
(01:09):
Listen and listen.
Well champions whether you havefaith in God, faith in the
universe, or faith in self.
For forgive yourself for thepast by giving yourself compass.
if you are perfect and havenever made even the simplest
mistake and you have never doneanything that would be
(01:31):
considered morally wrong, if youhave never heard anyone even
accidentally, this session isnot for you.
you can end this session andclick on a different session for
the perfect people.
But I'm flawed in many ways, soI'm staying here.
So those of you that are stayingwith me, when we practice having
(01:53):
compassion for ourselves andcompassion for others, we accept
our flaws, accept everyone'sflaws, allowing us to be
connected by our imperfection.
We must do this instead ofcreating a false sense of
self-esteem by trying to feellike we're better than everyone
else.
No judging others, no shamingothers.
(02:15):
Remembering when we are realtogether, we heal together.
In other sessions we'vediscussed how to heal from pain
harm, that other people havecaused you.
it's important now for us todedicate this session to only
focus on the hurt you may havecaused, the mistakes you may
(02:35):
have made, the secrets andskeletons you have in your
closet due to your pain.
we are not making excuses orpretending it didn't happen.
We are admitting our faults,confessing our sins, owning up
to our mistakes.
Looking deep into ourinsecurities, and recognizing
(02:56):
lives we may have ruined,including our own lives that we
may have ruined.
I hope y'all are tuned in, inlistening.
Hello, is anyone.
champions.
It is so easy to talk about whatsomeone else has done to hurt
you.
You can tell those stories withease to everyone that wants to
(03:18):
listen, but we are quiet and shywhen it comes to talking about
what we've done wrong.
But today, even though I'm goingto call many of us out, when I
list some of the things that weare internally harboring, we
will also understand it's neededin an effort to heal and
practice self-compassion despiteyour faults, and give yourself
(03:40):
grace, because we have all mademistakes, some the same, some
different, but not one isgreater than the other.
So therefore, we cannot judgeself-criticism blocks.
Self-compassion.
The language you speak toyourself matters.
Whether these are thoughts inyour head or things you say out
(04:01):
loud.
Practice removing self-criticismfrom your thoughts and from your
speech.
Unhealthy self-criticism soundslike this.
I'm a bad person.
I'm messed up bad again, I'm sodumb.
I'm not as smart as I thought Iwas.
I will never find love.
I don't know why you chose me.
(04:22):
I don't deserve this.
Why me?
Why did you pick me?
Constructive self-criticism andself-compassion.
Sounds like I'm a good person.
I just made a bad decision.
I will manage my behavior andnot act out on impulse.
(04:43):
I may not know how to do this,but I have the ability to learn.
I will find love with the personI deserve.
I was chosen because I'm worthyto be loved.
You deserve to be optimisticabout your future without
feeling like you've done so muchbad that you can't be redeemed.
It's okay to admit you areunsure or don't understand
(05:07):
certain situations orconversations.
These are opportunities for youto feel compelled to increase
your knowledge.
Be open to grow, learn andchange your behavior.
Deescalate yourself.
If you make a mistake, take astep back.
Deescalate.
do your own self hype talk toget yourself back in gear.
(05:29):
Self-compassion by releasinginsecurities of self-pity and
self-hate look like.
Number one, denial, suppression,guilt, shame, grudges,
bitterness.
Number two, judging yourself orpast mistakes.
Number three, the desire tosuffer in pain for an excuse to
give up.
Number four, self-criticism andlow self-esteem abuse.
(05:52):
Number five.
holding on to resentment due toself-sabotaging.
Number six, self-destructivedenial and unhealthy coping by a
alcoholism and drug abuse.
And number seven, always seekingrevenge or retaliation.
Proper healing for self forgive.
(06:14):
It's understanding that you havealready suffered enough.
You've already paid the pricefor what you've done.
The fight within yourself isover.
Now, inner peace has won thefight within you.
If you had to place the bet onthe fight between
self-destruction versusself-compassion, Today allows
(06:34):
self-compassion to win thefight.
Self-compassion allows you to beopen and remorseful.
The remorse you would give tosomeone else if you hurt them is
the same remorse you should giveto yourself for hurting them.
This increases your chances ofnot repeating the behavior
again.
Recycling the pain.
(06:55):
Again, remembering thatapologizing is not just the
words, I'm sorry, it's the actor not repeating the behavior.
Again, a genuine apology is anaction.
An action of this will nothappen again, and showing the
person and showing yourself itwill not happen again.
(07:18):
If you are born black, you'reautomatically born into a world
that has labeled you as lessthan not valuable, and that your
life doesn't matter if youactually start to believe this,
which unfortunately some of usdo.
It gives you a horrible sense ofself-hate.
Some people will disassociatethemselves from their own race.
Some people.
(07:39):
Had light enough skin to passfor another race and denied who
they were.
Stay tuned in the future becauseI will be recording a session
dedicated to colorism, butquickly stating now that this is
a form of self-hate within anyrace, not just with.
Suffering from feeling you arenot enough due to negative
(08:00):
cultural conditioning.
All races have this form ofsuffering inflicted by family,
friends, or society.
You must love who you arebecause you can't change the
skin color you are in, but youcan love the skin you are.
self-hate, self-pity, andself-destruction due to cultural
(08:20):
conditioning is a real thing.
If you can identify with this inany form of your life due to
your race, it is time tounderstand why you must reteach
yourself, that you are stilllovable, you are valuable, your
life matters, and you are not athreat.
Step into self-love of who youwere born to be without regret
(08:41):
and resentment to being born theway you are.
You are powerful.
I just needed to get that out ofthe way first before we dive
into discussing the things aboutourselves that we actually do
have the power we change.
We cannot change how we wereborn.
We cannot change, things thathappened to us based on our
(09:01):
race, our skin color, orculture, but we do have the
power to change other things.
So heal from that culturalconditioning if that's something
that you've been strugglingwith.
All right, let's.
we remember our mistakes in fullbright lights and forget all the
great things we do or have done.
So we beat ourselves up for ourmistakes and refuse to reward
(09:24):
ourselves for the great thingswe have accomplished.
This happens because we feel asthough everyone else is
constantly aware of our mess up,or we may have someone in our
life that constantly reminds usof our mess up.
The truth is on a daily.
Most of us do way more good thanbad, even if the bad is done in
(09:45):
the dark.
But as the saying goes, what'sdone in the dark comes to light.
In my opinion, it's better tolet your own skeletons out the
closet and shine your own lighton your mess before someone else
does.
This is just my opinion, becauseI feel healing starts sooner
when we confess.
But that's just.
(10:07):
be willing to go through theprocess of erasing your mistakes
and highlighting your strengths.
When you erase it, just likeanything else, you erase, you
see and acknowledge the mistake,you realize it isn't correct,
you erase it and rewrite thecorrect thing.
It is really that simple.
You can also have someoneproofread your mistake to
(10:29):
confirm, then fix it.
The best thing about it is thatonce it's erased and corrected,
you can't keep going back tryingto put it back again and, and
think about it over and over andpunish yourself for it again and
again and ruminate at nightbefore bed, and it keeps you
tossing and turning it and itcauses inso.
(10:52):
all the things that happen whenyou keep replaying bad things in
your head.
Just erase it.
It's over.
Let it go.
We are in a world of technology,so once you hit backspace and
delete, pretend like you don'tknow where the undo button is.
Delete, delete, delete.
Abort.
Abort.
Cancel.
Cancel false alarm.
(11:13):
Rewrite your news story and omityour mistake.
If you have ever been throwninto a leadership role,
self-compassion will also allowyou to lead with compassion and
lead with empathy.
If you are in a leadership roleand you happen to get a rough
start, you may have handledthings in a manner that affected
(11:35):
people negatively.
It's okay to admit fault to yourteam and do a start over.
Most humans are for.
That's also the reason for thispodcast.
People are more forgiving toothers than they are to
themselves.
Stop holding on to your roughstart and making excuses to why
things may not have gone asplanned.
(11:55):
You have the opportunity torestart with transparency,
compassion, and building a greatteam as a.
You may think you're beingjudged as a bad person, but in
reality, the people you thinkare judging you to be bad
actually think you're judgingthem.
The negative energy of judgmentwill keep bouncing back and
(12:18):
forth in a toxic environmentuntil it is addressed and talked
about in a constructiverestorative setting with great
communication.
We all deserve the same type ofgrace.
we think about all the badpeople.
We think about wardens andcorrectional officers.
(12:39):
They're told not to build arelationship and get to know the
inmates on a personal levelbecause it makes the prisoner
human and allows for the officerto grow compassion.
But no.
You don't want that in thissetting, not in a prison.
The goal is to dehumanize andpunish in a prison.
If you don't acknowledge theirtrauma and just judge the
(13:02):
inmates from their wrongs, youcan tear them down physically
and emotionally with no remorse.
If you actually get to know theinmates, you may accidentally
find out what caused theirbehavior change and feel
compelled to give them grace,which defeats the purpose of
tearing them down instead ofbuilding them back up.
(13:22):
The goal in a prison is not torestore.
Someone is thinking, Yeah, butthat's, that's a prison due to
justice.
They belong there and theydeserve to be treated that way.
However, let's not forget, mostof them are prisoners because
they got caught doing wrong, andwe may have done something
(13:42):
similar to those inmates, butjust didn't get caught.
The point is, everyone makesmistakes.
Everyone deserves restorative.
The other truth is you have beentreating yourself or others like
unforgivable prison inmates thathave committed mistakes that
(14:03):
dehumanize and don't deserveforgiveness.
You don't care to know whathappened in their childhood, who
hurt them on their life journey,who inflicted pain that caused a
negative trigger.
Your negative self-sabotagingthoughts are keeping you in a
mental and emotional prison thatI want you to break free from
(14:24):
today.
Anything that has caused youguilt, shame, embarrassment, or
resentment, your mistakes havenow become how you identify
yourself in.
Lashing out for pain, not eveninvolving you.
Having self-defeating beliefshold you in a place of
suffering.
(14:45):
Even the smallest self-defeatingthoughts can change your mood
and your energy.
Self-compassion helps you snapout of it.
Self-compassion helps you seethe goodness in yourself and
voids out the bad.
I created a list of mistakes.
My goal with this list is tomake all of our trauma and
(15:06):
mistakes equal.
Not.
One example on this list is agreater fault than another.
The whole list makes us allimperfect.
The whole list also makes us allequal.
The whole list reveals that weall deserve to be shown
forgiveness, compassion, and benurtured back into an abundant,
(15:27):
loving healing.
I want you to nod your head whenI speak on your mistake or your
mistakes, or your imperfectionsor your insecurities.
Here we go.
Cheating on your spouse.
(15:48):
Cheating, while in a monogamousrelationship, hooking up for sex
and then ghosting them to boostyour ego due to your insec.
Ruined relationships with familymembers ruined a romantic
relationship, ruined your ownreputation, ruined your body and
your health.
By letting yourself go ruinedyour future goals, ruined your
(16:10):
opportunity for a successfulbusiness.
Had an abortion inflictedself-harm, not knowing who your
child's father is, not knowingyou have children somewhere in
the world having an affair witha married.
Illegitimate children gettingfired, breaking someone's heart,
(16:31):
bullying people or coworkers.
Murder by self-defense, murderby manslaughter, harming someone
in self-defense, harming someoneto protect someone else.
Being a victim of sexual abuse,being the sexual abuser,
stealing and being a.
Being an abandoned child,abandoning your child, abusing a
(16:56):
child, abusing the elderly,abusing an animal, abusing your
spouse, backstabbing a closefriend, backstabbing a coworker.
If you've always had a badattitude.
If you're a pathological liar,if you lie for attention, if
you've lied to protect yourselfor someone.
(17:17):
if you're racist or have racistthoughts, if you negatively
manipulate people, mistreating achild because of who their
mother or father is, choosing acareer you don't like and
damaging the people involved,hating yourself because of your
race, hating your own race,hating people just by being a
hateful, mean, rude person.
(17:38):
Holding on to a detrimentalsecret.
I may not have spoke.
I might not have walked downyour street.
I may have missed you, but youwere still forced to internally
reflect on your own mess.
Embarrassment may be the reasonyou are hiding your trauma and
holding your secrets.
(18:00):
It's gonna be all right.
This is me wrapping my armsaround you, crying with you, and
walking with you on this journeyof self-compassion.
I want to help you deep.
Then decompress, then releaseyourself from the stress,
self-compassion by releasingsecrets.
(18:21):
These are the skeletons in yourcloset.
At this age 43, I actuallyreleased some skeletons from my
closet and allowed me to heal.
My closet is about empty now.
I'm not trying to let anythingback in my closet.
I'm on a journey to live mylife.
(18:42):
Harmonious as possible,generating good karma,
practicing a hemsa and healingthose that are open to emotional
healing.
If you're holding on to a secretof a mistake you made and you
never told anyone, you'recausing yourself internal
stress, which also causes majorhealth conditions.
(19:03):
It can also cause depression andanxiety.
It can also lead to alcoholismor drug abuse.
It can also lead to.
people are on the outsidewondering why you are
self-destructing, but you can'tbe open and tell the truth
because it will damage thealready damaged.
(19:23):
Let today be the day you releaseit for proper coping and
healing.
You have permission to confessand live free from the bondage
without guilt or shame.
You deserve better when youheal.
Your story and testimony can beused to heal someone.
Family secrets are just asdetrimental to all the best
(19:46):
friends out there.
Hopefully this helps you too.
One of my best friends once toldme, she said, I have your back
about anything and everything,but I'm not ever helping you
hide or dispose of a dead body.
She set the boundaryimmediately, meaning I'll keep
all your secrets, but not if youkill someone.
(20:10):
someone right now is mad atthemselves for a mistake made in
secret or a lifestyle kept insecret.
mistakes or secrets that youonly want a few people to know
about, But if somehow yoursecret gets out, you blame
everyone in your circle for yourmistake.
Getting out into the.
(20:31):
You don't trust anyone.
You hold a grudge with all thepeople that you involved.
Relationships are broken.
You are still broken.
The cycle of self-destruction,resentment and pain begins and
continues.
Come clean, come out.
Shift your identity, rewriteyour story.
(20:51):
Give yourself grace.
Live abundantly by practicingself compass.
I know the freedom ofself-compassion because I said
earlier, I held onto a lifesecret for over 35 years and
finally released it to some ofmy family this summer at age 43.
After crying together, afteranswering all those questions
(21:14):
they had for me, discussing mytruths, apologizing for holding
it to myself for so long, Iinstantly felt the healing
begin.
It was no longer a.
my secret was out.
I involved my family becausethey're the first people I told.
But they have the freedom ofspeaking it and talking about it
(21:35):
for the possibility of otherpeople's healing.
It's time to come clean.
Own up to your fault.
Speak an out loud confession.
Apologize to those close to youthat you included in your.
Release them from harboring,release them from holding onto
your secret.
It's your mistake.
(21:57):
Allow yourself to heal properlywith changing your immoral
behavior, forgiving yourself,and once again, practice self
compassion.
Whew.
Just speaking those words,release some tension from
myself.
I know that it can releasetension from you as.
(22:18):
Hey, you the champion for lifechanges.
I'm challenging you to practiceself-compassion, to love on
yourself correctly.
After all these years ofself-inflicted emotional pain,
you have permission to rewriteyour new story, new chapter.
You can start at chapter one, oryou can start the chapter at
(22:40):
whatever age you are today.
My chapter, based on my age,would.
I can start rewriting my storyand I'm at the end of chapter
43.
When you own and evaluate yoursecrets or mistakes, you become
a master of your fate.
Always strive to make peoplefeel worthy and important for
whatever big or smallcontribution they make.
(23:02):
Have that same grace foryourself.
Whatever you contribute, you areworthy and.
If you can't laugh at yourself,you can't be of joy and
happiness for others.
If you can't trust yourself, youcan't be loved or trusted by
others.
If you can't have compassion foryourself, you can't love and
have compassion for others.
(23:25):
Let's renegotiate our lifeterms.
Recreate your beliefs.
Allow yourself to be loved bylife.
Self-compassion allows you tolove life and life to love you
back in its purest, forgivingform.
You're not.
Unwelcome.
You're always welcome at anyplace.
You're not a no good, terribleperson.
(23:45):
You're a great and admirableperson.
You're not unworthy.
You're so very worthy.
You deserve the better you.
In each session of my podcast,you will hear me use the word
practice.
I emphasize the word practicebecause practice means habitual
or customary performance,meaning you are creating a.
(24:07):
With your daily lifeperformance, if I were to use
the word start, anyone can startsomething, but then they can
easily stop.
For example, people will say, Istarted meditation and then I
stopped.
Those are limiting words.
Using words like practice evokea continuous effort to change.
(24:28):
customary performance.
If you practice meditation, itwill become a habitual
performance to elevate your mindfor health and wealth.
You must practice walking inyour power of being a better
human.
Practice self-compassion daily,even if it's a small mistake.
Practice the action of placingyour hand over your heart and
(24:49):
apologize for the mistake.
Apologize to yourself with theintention.
Positive change.
Holding your heart is a physicalaction of self-compassion.
I like to place my hand on myheart, or both of my hands on my
heart to always remind myself ofinternal love and grace.
Something about doing that justfeels, it just feels good.
(25:12):
It feels amazing.
Each week, I promote authors andbooks that I've read.
I recommend you to do your ownresearch, increase your own
knowledge, and embraceintelligence as a way of life.
The expert in self-compassionresearch is Kristen Neff.
She is a professor in theUniversity of Texas at Austin's
(25:33):
Department of EducationalPsychology.
She studied moral development.
Kristen Neff's book is titledSelf-Compassion, the Proven
Power of Being Kind To Yourself.
She is also the founder of theNonprofit Center for Mindful
Self-Compassion.
The book description.
stop beating yourself up andleave insecurity behind.
(25:54):
She offers expert advice on howto limit self-criticism and
offset its negative effects,enabling you to achieve your
highest potential and morecontent fulfilled life.
More and more psychologists areturning away from an emphasis on
self-esteem and moving towardsself-compassion in the treatment
of their patients.
(26:15):
Dr.
NE's book offers exercises andaction plans for.
Every emotionally debilitatingstruggle, be it parenting,
weight loss, or any of thenumerous trials of everyday
living, some of those thingsthat I listed on our list.
If you are interested in usingself-love workbook to continue
(26:35):
your practice of self-love andself-compassion, the author
Rachel Johnson has an awesomeworkbook for your journey to
self-healing.
Self-love workbook for womenempowering exercises to build
self-compassion and nurture yourtrue self.
And chapter five of her workbookis called Discover
Self-Compassion.
(26:57):
Be sure to click the links in mypodcast notes to purchase and
support the authors.
Also click the link to supportthis podcast.
I need the love to keep flowing.
I need the support to keepflowing.
So click on my podcast link tosupport, and it's called Buy Me
a Coffee, but that's my supportyou are now a champion for
(27:21):
healing and change.
Here are four quick recaps ofclarification and understanding.
listen and listen well.
Champions recap.
One, you are acknowledging yourflaws, mistakes and
insecurities.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Everyone deserves grace.
Not one morally bad thing isgreater than the other.
(27:44):
All mistakes are created equal.
We can connect and build betteras humans if we accept that we
are all flawed.
Recap.
being your own worst critic,negatively self criticizing
yourself will block your abilityto have self-compassion.
Be mindful of how you speak andthink to yourself.
(28:06):
Use constructive self-criticisminstead of negative self-talk.
This will allow you to loveyourself more and heal yourself
in relationships with others.
Recap.
Three.
There is a long list ofemotionally traumatic
debilitating struggles ineveryone's life.
It is time to acknowledge thepain you have inflicted on
(28:26):
yourself and others.
There is a sense of relief andpeace when you allow yourself to
confess your wrongdoings.
There is a beautiful freedomwhen you come clean with the
truth of who you really are andwho you will become.
When you free yourself fromfalse identities, you are
worthy.
Everyone deserves to freethemselves from the mental
(28:47):
prison of self-hate andself-destruction and
self-sabotaging behavior.
You deserve self-love, selfpeace, and self-compassion.
Recap four, if you areharboring.
Secret, or if you have requiredpeople close to you to hold your
secret, now is time to freeyourself and free them from your
(29:07):
secrets.
It's not fair to them and it'snot fair to you.
Release the secrets, come clean.
Let the skeletons out the closetand let the healing begin for
you and for those close to you.
Elevate your mind.
Be open to health and wealth.
Trust the healing process,sometimes healing hurts, but
(29:29):
when completely healed youbecome a stronger.
Wiser and amazing human.
That was heavy.
Let's relax and breathe.
Breathe in love.
Breathe out.
Love.
Breathe in peace.
(29:52):
Breathe out peace.
Breathe in love.
Share love.
Now, share this podcast to helpsomeone you love Transcribing...
(30:16):
We are champions.
We win together.
Let's continue to connect.
I've done all the talking, butdon't forget.
I'm also a great listener.
So after listening to thissession, you can release,
respond, reflect, or open up andacknowledge your struggles.
Let's start the healing processtogether.
Record your voice.
(30:37):
Or record a video and D M at tomy Instagram at shy, the healer
that's shy.
S H Y T H E healer, H E a L E R.
All one word.
I will try to respond to allvoice recordings and videos
only, but if you want to writesomething.
Write a review our comment andshare this podcast.
(31:02):
Champions you can support byclicking the link to donate and
support in my podcast notesuntil then see you next.
Healthcare sunday
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