August 8, 2023 • 19 mins
What if we told you that the challenges you face are actually opportunities for personal growth? That's right, it's time to shift our perspective on mental health, moving from a reactive to proactive approach. This episode tackles the hard-hitting topic of mental health, focusing on the importance of mental strength. We bust the myth of the victim mindset and highlight how our experiences can be transformed into sources of insight, growth, and resilience, just like a physical workout strengthens our muscles.
We also shed light on the power of adopting a growth mindset and how it can act as fuel for your next effort. From developing grit to embracing delayed gratification, we walk you through techniques to build mental resilience. And guess what? We take it a notch higher with an interesting take on the statement 'yet'. Yes, a simple word addition can greatly alter your narrative and perspective on challenges. We believe in building a community for this wellness journey, and we're right here with you. So, tune in to redefine your mental health journey and reclaim control. It's time to reframe our stories and make them work for us.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Let's have a meaningful conversation about
mental health and why I believeit's time for us to shift our
perspective and be moreproactive in approaching it.
This is mental healthreimagined.
Let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
You're listening to Mind Manners, hosted by licensed
psychotherapist Albert Nguyen.
Albert helps his clientsovercome past trauma, change
their mindset and acceleratetheir personal and professional
development.
This podcast covers a widerange of mental health and
self-development topics, witheach episode offering an
actionable step towards a betteryou.
(00:36):
If you're on a wellness journey, keep listening.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I've seen how often we view mental health as
something to be addressed onlywhen there is a problem in our
lives and not just a problem butwhen the problem gets worse.
We wait until we're struggling,overwhelmed or in crisis to
seek help, if even that thisreactive approach needs to
(01:01):
change.
Not saying that we shouldanticipate all of our problems
and know when to take on earlyintervention strategies.
That's impossible.
Life is unpredictable.
What I'm talking about is weneed to change that narrative.
We need to embrace mentalhealth proactively, just as we
(01:22):
do with our physical health.
Now, we all know life is fullof unpredictable challenges and
misfortunes.
We all face them and no one isabove it.
And instead of viewing them asjust obstacles, I've come to
realize that they all have apurpose.
As tragic and traumatic as someof them can be, they all serve
(01:47):
a purpose for us.
They push us to grow, to learnand to become stronger versions
of ourselves, and prepare us forthe life ahead.
When we learn to leveragechallenges, amazing things can
happen.
So here's my vision for mentalhealth as we push forward in
(02:07):
raising awareness, let's seemental health as a journey of
self discovery and personalgrowth.
Let's be proactive in buildingour emotional resilience, just
like how we work on our physicalfitness to stay healthy.
Let's not wait for life to gethard before we start taking
seriously about things that arehappening in our lives.
(02:30):
Work on yourself now andforever.
I have come to understand thatthe true essence of therapy goes
beyond merely alleviating pain.
It lies in fostering mentalstrength within individuals.
Over the years, I havewitnessed countless clients
facing diverse challenges and Ihave learned that true growth
and resilience stem fromdeveloping the mental fortitude
(02:52):
necessary to adapt, persevereand keep growing despite life's
adversities.
Therapy becomes atransformative journey where
individuals learn to embracetheir struggles, extract
valuable lessons from theirexperiences and find a civil
lining even in the darkestmoments.
I feel this so aggressivelythat the conversations and
(03:14):
perspectives around mentalhealth needs to shift.
Alleviating distress is onlypart of what going to therapy is
about and, honestly, it's onlya band-aid, and it's my mission
to empower people so that theybecome their own therapists and
experts of their own lives.
So back to my earlier point ofchanging the language and idea
(03:36):
of mental health to mentalstrength training.
Moving from reactive toproactive Mental strength is
about building grit, becauselife itself will not let up.
Life will continue to jab atyou and throw many punches, and
it will beat you down,especially when you want to live
(03:58):
a meaningful life and a lifethat you can be proud of, that
is filled with fulfillment andpurpose.
There will be challenges, youwill have to pay a price, and
people in your life willdisappoint you and hurt you.
It's human nature.
The price of admission to thelife that you want comes with
that, and this is part of thereason why it's easier to adopt
(04:20):
a victim mindset.
Now, the victim mindset is verycommon, and the reason why is
because it gives us emotionalcomfort by externalizing
responsibilities instead oftaking ownership.
This alleviates any feelings ofguilt or shame.
It allows us to garner sympathyand attention from others who
may offer support, reassuranceand emotional comfort, which
(04:43):
reinforces that you are indeedvictims.
Adopting a victim mindset letsyou off the hook with the
uncomfortable process ofself-reflecting and growth and,
what's more, it justifiesinaction.
Feeling like a victim helps usfeel better about our inactions
and lack of effort to makeimprovements, because we're
giving our power away toexternal factors.
(05:03):
The victim mindset is a defensemechanism that is a learned
reaction from pain and suffering.
It was simply just not havingour needs met from our parents
so we learn to forge theseweapons and walls that, as soon
as we later, locks us in andcreates destruction in how we
live and interact with the world.
Overcoming a victim mindset iscrucial for personal growth and
(05:27):
development.
I speak about this with urgencybecause I have seen this often
in my work and I see thispattern of thinking While it's
helped some of us survive, it'struly holding many of us back
from true growth.
I want you to understand howimportant building mental
strength is for you in creatingthe life you want.
(05:47):
I say this because I also knowhow easy it is to stay a victim
to your circumstances.
We live in a world wherecomplacency and convenience are
becoming more and more of achoice that we can live with.
There is a lack of urgency andimmediacy.
We don't have to hunt for foodor need to worry about being
chased by lions or wild animals.
(06:09):
My point here is we live in atime where the most common
threats are tolerable.
Our physical safety is notalways at risk.
We can now suffer comfortablyat a desk job or on a nice bed.
Look, I'm not trying to demeanor belittle the pain and
suffering, everything that youhave gone through and everything
(06:32):
that you are still goingthrough and everything that you
have yet to go through.
All matters, the emotionalexperiences you have, all matter
.
I'm not taking that away andI'm not encouraging you to deny
them.
Quite the opposite, I'mencouraging you to take it all
in, feel what you need to feel,the injustice, the pain, the
(06:54):
betrayal and let it show up andfilter it, not through a victim
mindset, but a mindset that isuseful to help you not only
bounce back but fight back andstand up for yourself.
You need to convince andinfluence yourself with a
narrative that allows you tounderstand and feel the urgency
(07:14):
to affirm and reaffirm who youare, why you hear, and let that
instill a deep sense ofmotivation inside of you.
You must create the urgency toactually take deliberate actions
to get better.
Don't let life decide that foryou.
I understand it's easier saidthan done and I've been there
too and I still struggle myself.
(07:35):
But I can tell you that thingshave changed a lot for me since
5, 10 years ago and I'm stilllearning and growing With some
self-awareness.
You can change how you seeeverything, and how you see
everything can change how you dothings.
So I'm here as a fellow humanbeing, someone who has, has and
(07:56):
still does the work ofself-development and also
providing others guidancethrough this process.
I want to tell you you have totake back control.
No one is going to do that foryou.
So whose life are you living?
What are you living for?
What are you fighting for everyday?
And, finally, what do you standfor?
Whether you know it yet or not,someone or something else is
(08:22):
influencing your life more thanyou are, and if you haven't
invested time in reclaiming yourpower, your mind, then it's
most likely hijacked and you'renot living your life.
Taking mental strength seriouslyis essential, because it is a
foundation for a successful andfulfilling life.
It is a skill that can bedeveloped and honed with
(08:44):
practice and dedication.
So I have given you the why,and that leaves us with the big
question the how.
Look, this is a huge topic thatI know requires a lot of work,
and I can't possibly give youall the tools and methods on
this session, but I'll give yousomething to start with and some
(09:05):
things you can begin thinkingabout and reflecting on.
Take out a notebook and open up, or open up a word doc.
Most of this work requiresself-reflection and you can't
just do this by thinking aboutit in your head.
You need to process thisexternally and externalize all
the things that you have inside.
(09:25):
Okay, it starts with youanswering some serious questions
for yourself.
Why does this matter to you?
Why does becoming a mentallystronger person mean to you and
what does it?
What would it do for you?
Are you committed to becoming abetter version of yourself?
Why is it that important?
If so, what price are youwilling to pay?
(09:49):
The first step is that you haveto create urgency.
Without urgency, as I mentionedearlier, it's easy to become
complacent, even if complacencyis depression or unfulfillment.
So spend time making a list ofwho you are living for.
What are you fighting for?
Dig deep on this one.
We must align ourselves with atrue North and assign ourselves
(10:12):
with responsibilities thatmatters to us.
Without strong reasons, youwould not be able to push
through and stay consistent withany of the tools I would give
you.
So spend some time on this,maybe even consider creating a
vision board.
If you don't know what a visionboard is, look it up.
I think it's a fun and creativeway of investing your time and
(10:32):
effort into thinking up yourfuture.
Most of us will choose a pathof least resistance.
If we don't have a strongreason to choose the path of
most resistance, it makes sense.
Adopting mental strength isessentially adopting the growth
mindset and living by a code ofethics.
After you spend some timecreating some urgency, let's
(10:54):
talk about personalaccountability and integrity.
In order to make change, youhave to be honest with yourself.
You must take 100%responsibility for your life.
You don't have to takeresponsibility for what happened
to you and all the horriblethings that other people did to
you or the losses you'veexperienced, but you have to
(11:16):
take responsibility for what youdo with all of it and how
you're living your life as aresult.
This is a tough process, butit's necessary To take
responsibility.
You have to open yourself up tolearning from all your
experiences, especially the mostpainful ones and the ones
you're not proud of.
You can't just take credit forall your achievements and proud
(11:39):
moments without accepting andtaking accountability for the
mistakes and failures, actionsor inactions.
It must be a balanced equation.
So write out what you're mostproud of, your strengths and
parts of your life that you feelgood about.
Then write out a list of thingsyou're not proud of, your
weaknesses, your flaws.
(11:59):
This process of evaluation andself-audit will let you know
what you're working with.
This is your starting point onyour journey of becoming a
better version of yourself.
Only true way of becoming abetter version of yourself is to
expose yourself to yourweaknesses and parts of you that
you're ashamed of.
This is sometimes called theshadow work, the part of you
(12:21):
that holds you back.
The bad habits, your vices,temptations, impulses, fears,
limiting beliefs, your triggers.
Bring all of that to thesurface Because, if you don't,
they are operating under thelevel of consciousness.
We need to be aware of thesethings, because this is the part
of you that will self-sabotageany success or change you're
(12:43):
trying to make.
It will show up when you'retrying to grow.
It doesn't want you to change,so we need to be aware of it.
Give it the attention that itneeds.
Understand that it's there.
I want to also give you someactionable and behavioral
methods to build mental strengthon this session.
These are things to get youstarted in thinking
realistically about this process.
(13:05):
Now you must adopt principles ofthe growth mindset One, seeing
failure as an opportunity forgrowth always.
Now, failure sucks and it oftenhurts.
We must accept this and holdspace for them, but instead of
letting it crush us.
You need to use it to energizeyour next effort, even if it's
(13:27):
for other activities.
You need to channel that energyinto useful and constructive
action.
So use disappointments as acure or signal to change the way
you think.
Focus on what you did and don'tgeneralize it to who you are.
For example, if you fail thetest, you're not a failure.
You failed a test.
(13:48):
There's a difference.
See the bigger picture.
Most importantly, learn from itand find lessons in the silver
lining.
You must make grit a habit.
Grit is basically perseveranceand determination.
So make it a habit to practiceit.
Be creative, for example, ifyou know you often procrastinate
(14:08):
, instead of engaging in thatcycle again and again, figure
out a new system or way of doingthings to mitigate it.
If you know you're impatient,seize the opportunities to
practice patience, like waitingin the line on purpose and don't
complain, or parking fartheraway and walking.
Practice delaying gratificationis a huge part of developing
(14:30):
mental strength.
This is about self control andself discipline, and consider it
to be one of the number onetraits, based on a Stanford
study, that contributes tosuccess in multiple life domains
in the future, and it's nothard to understand why being
able to control your urges andsacrifice.
An instant gratification leadsto long term rewards, such as
(14:52):
completing projects, tasks,homework, workouts, maintaining
a diet.
We know what life looks likewhen we constantly give into
instant gratification.
It's all around us obesity,distractions, being less
productive, buying things wedon't need.
This is not us being in controlof our lives, and it's not us
(15:13):
being the best version ofourselves when not living a
truly meaningful life this way.
Okay, I'll leave you all withone more thing that I believe is
the most transformative andmost efficient way of moving
towards the best version ofyourself and cultivating mental
strength, and this one is a nobrainer.
The method is simple, but ouremotions will make it
(15:33):
complicated.
This next part is all aboutmaking you comfortable with
being uncomfortable I'm sure youheard that many times before
and that is to chase your fears.
Faders tend to chase us and werun or avoid it, but we need to
flip the script, and this is byfar the most and best method to
(15:55):
building mental fortitude.
If you ever hike a mountain, weall know that the fastest path
is usually the steepest path.
In the most strenuous andrigorous, the fears you have is
the mountain, and at the peak isthe greatest version of
yourself, and to get up there tohave a grand view of all that
you have to offer you must makethe grueling trek up that
(16:18):
mountain.
To do this, I want you to make alist of all your fears, or
anything that makes youuncomfortable.
After making a list, I want youto go back and rank each item
from worst fears to the leastfears.
The action plan is then to pickone of these fears.
The most logical is to pick theleast of the worst to start
(16:40):
with, to slowly level up whenyou choose one, you need to
develop clear objectives andactivities or tasks you can
engage in to start movingtowards the fear.
An easy example is with publicspeaking.
Instead of starting with doingan actual speech, start by
recording your voice and then doa video, and then a small group
(17:00):
and then a larger group Do ascripted speech and then an
impromptu speech, and so on.
You get the idea.
You create a deliberate paththat progressively gets harder
and harder as you get closer andcloser to your fear.
You do this until you startgetting more familiar with the
discomfort.
The goal here is not to get ridof the fear, but for you to
(17:23):
stand your ground and be braveand get familiar with the
feeling.
Instead of engaging in flight,you fight.
That's how you begin shiftingyour stress response.
As always, these are justscratching the surface of a much
more detailed approach.
So if you want additionalsupport, feel free to reach out
or seek professional support orlife coaches to help you create
(17:45):
a clear plan.
Remember, self development andgrowth is a lifelong journey.
It's a marathon with occasionalsprints.
This is not a one size fits allkind of thing.
You must do the self reflectionand it's that process that
allows you to adapt and tailorthe methods to your personal
needs.
Everyone has their own startingpoint and you have to be
(18:09):
willing to stay the course andmake this a lifestyle.
It's not a goal that has an end.
It's a goal that you aim at tohelp guide you through life and
cut through all the other noisesand distractions.
And when you find yourselfstruggling with something that
you can't do, use the powerfulnarrative technique by adding
the word yet to the end of yourstatements.
(18:30):
If you can't swim, for example,instead of ending it with a
period, end it with I can't swimyet.
Remember this the story youstart with is not the story you
end with.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Thanks for tuning in to Mind Manners with Albert
Nguyen.
We hope you found value in thisepisode.
If you'd like to work withAlbert one on one, visit
optimindcounselingcom to learnmore about his private practice.
Looking to join a community oflike minded individuals, search
Mind Manners podcast communityon Facebook and join our group
(19:04):
to connect with others on theirwellness journeys.
Finally, if you haven't alreadydone so, please write us a five
star review on Apple podcastand let us know you're enjoying
the show.
Let's have a meaningful conversation about
mental health and why I believeit's time for us to shift our
perspective and be moreproactive in approaching it.
This is mental healthreimagined.
Let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
You're listening to Mind Manners, hosted by licensed
psychotherapist Albert Nguyen.
Albert helps his clientsovercome past trauma, change
their mindset and acceleratetheir personal and professional
development.
This podcast covers a widerange of mental health and
self-development topics, witheach episode offering an
actionable step towards a betteryou.
(00:36):
If you're on a wellness journey, keep listening.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
I've seen how often we view mental health as
something to be addressed onlywhen there is a problem in our
lives and not just a problem butwhen the problem gets worse.
We wait until we're struggling,overwhelmed or in crisis to
seek help, if even that thisreactive approach needs to
(01:01):
change.
Not saying that we shouldanticipate all of our problems
and know when to take on earlyintervention strategies.
That's impossible.
Life is unpredictable.
What I'm talking about is weneed to change that narrative.
We need to embrace mentalhealth proactively, just as we
(01:22):
do with our physical health.
Now, we all know life is fullof unpredictable challenges and
misfortunes.
We all face them and no one isabove it.
And instead of viewing them asjust obstacles, I've come to
realize that they all have apurpose.
As tragic and traumatic as someof them can be, they all serve
(01:47):
a purpose for us.
They push us to grow, to learnand to become stronger versions
of ourselves, and prepare us forthe life ahead.
When we learn to leveragechallenges, amazing things can
happen.
So here's my vision for mentalhealth as we push forward in
(02:07):
raising awareness, let's seemental health as a journey of
self discovery and personalgrowth.
Let's be proactive in buildingour emotional resilience, just
like how we work on our physicalfitness to stay healthy.
Let's not wait for life to gethard before we start taking
seriously about things that arehappening in our lives.
(02:30):
Work on yourself now andforever.
I have come to understand thatthe true essence of therapy goes
beyond merely alleviating pain.
It lies in fostering mentalstrength within individuals.
Over the years, I havewitnessed countless clients
facing diverse challenges and Ihave learned that true growth
and resilience stem fromdeveloping the mental fortitude
(02:52):
necessary to adapt, persevereand keep growing despite life's
adversities.
Therapy becomes atransformative journey where
individuals learn to embracetheir struggles, extract
valuable lessons from theirexperiences and find a civil
lining even in the darkestmoments.
I feel this so aggressivelythat the conversations and
(03:14):
perspectives around mentalhealth needs to shift.
Alleviating distress is onlypart of what going to therapy is
about and, honestly, it's onlya band-aid, and it's my mission
to empower people so that theybecome their own therapists and
experts of their own lives.
So back to my earlier point ofchanging the language and idea
(03:36):
of mental health to mentalstrength training.
Moving from reactive toproactive Mental strength is
about building grit, becauselife itself will not let up.
Life will continue to jab atyou and throw many punches, and
it will beat you down,especially when you want to live
(03:58):
a meaningful life and a lifethat you can be proud of, that
is filled with fulfillment andpurpose.
There will be challenges, youwill have to pay a price, and
people in your life willdisappoint you and hurt you.
It's human nature.
The price of admission to thelife that you want comes with
that, and this is part of thereason why it's easier to adopt
(04:20):
a victim mindset.
Now, the victim mindset is verycommon, and the reason why is
because it gives us emotionalcomfort by externalizing
responsibilities instead oftaking ownership.
This alleviates any feelings ofguilt or shame.
It allows us to garner sympathyand attention from others who
may offer support, reassuranceand emotional comfort, which
(04:43):
reinforces that you are indeedvictims.
Adopting a victim mindset letsyou off the hook with the
uncomfortable process ofself-reflecting and growth and,
what's more, it justifiesinaction.
Feeling like a victim helps usfeel better about our inactions
and lack of effort to makeimprovements, because we're
giving our power away toexternal factors.
(05:03):
The victim mindset is a defensemechanism that is a learned
reaction from pain and suffering.
It was simply just not havingour needs met from our parents
so we learn to forge theseweapons and walls that, as soon
as we later, locks us in andcreates destruction in how we
live and interact with the world.
Overcoming a victim mindset iscrucial for personal growth and
(05:27):
development.
I speak about this with urgencybecause I have seen this often
in my work and I see thispattern of thinking While it's
helped some of us survive, it'struly holding many of us back
from true growth.
I want you to understand howimportant building mental
strength is for you in creatingthe life you want.
(05:47):
I say this because I also knowhow easy it is to stay a victim
to your circumstances.
We live in a world wherecomplacency and convenience are
becoming more and more of achoice that we can live with.
There is a lack of urgency andimmediacy.
We don't have to hunt for foodor need to worry about being
chased by lions or wild animals.
(06:09):
My point here is we live in atime where the most common
threats are tolerable.
Our physical safety is notalways at risk.
We can now suffer comfortablyat a desk job or on a nice bed.
Look, I'm not trying to demeanor belittle the pain and
suffering, everything that youhave gone through and everything
(06:32):
that you are still goingthrough and everything that you
have yet to go through.
All matters, the emotionalexperiences you have, all matter
.
I'm not taking that away andI'm not encouraging you to deny
them.
Quite the opposite, I'mencouraging you to take it all
in, feel what you need to feel,the injustice, the pain, the
(06:54):
betrayal and let it show up andfilter it, not through a victim
mindset, but a mindset that isuseful to help you not only
bounce back but fight back andstand up for yourself.
You need to convince andinfluence yourself with a
narrative that allows you tounderstand and feel the urgency
(07:14):
to affirm and reaffirm who youare, why you hear, and let that
instill a deep sense ofmotivation inside of you.
You must create the urgency toactually take deliberate actions
to get better.
Don't let life decide that foryou.
I understand it's easier saidthan done and I've been there
too and I still struggle myself.
(07:35):
But I can tell you that thingshave changed a lot for me since
5, 10 years ago and I'm stilllearning and growing With some
self-awareness.
You can change how you seeeverything, and how you see
everything can change how you dothings.
So I'm here as a fellow humanbeing, someone who has, has and
(07:56):
still does the work ofself-development and also
providing others guidancethrough this process.
I want to tell you you have totake back control.
No one is going to do that foryou.
So whose life are you living?
What are you living for?
What are you fighting for everyday?
And, finally, what do you standfor?
Whether you know it yet or not,someone or something else is
(08:22):
influencing your life more thanyou are, and if you haven't
invested time in reclaiming yourpower, your mind, then it's
most likely hijacked and you'renot living your life.
Taking mental strength seriouslyis essential, because it is a
foundation for a successful andfulfilling life.
It is a skill that can bedeveloped and honed with
(08:44):
practice and dedication.
So I have given you the why,and that leaves us with the big
question the how.
Look, this is a huge topic thatI know requires a lot of work,
and I can't possibly give youall the tools and methods on
this session, but I'll give yousomething to start with and some
(09:05):
things you can begin thinkingabout and reflecting on.
Take out a notebook and open up, or open up a word doc.
Most of this work requiresself-reflection and you can't
just do this by thinking aboutit in your head.
You need to process thisexternally and externalize all
the things that you have inside.
(09:25):
Okay, it starts with youanswering some serious questions
for yourself.
Why does this matter to you?
Why does becoming a mentallystronger person mean to you and
what does it?
What would it do for you?
Are you committed to becoming abetter version of yourself?
Why is it that important?
If so, what price are youwilling to pay?
(09:49):
The first step is that you haveto create urgency.
Without urgency, as I mentionedearlier, it's easy to become
complacent, even if complacencyis depression or unfulfillment.
So spend time making a list ofwho you are living for.
What are you fighting for?
Dig deep on this one.
We must align ourselves with atrue North and assign ourselves
(10:12):
with responsibilities thatmatters to us.
Without strong reasons, youwould not be able to push
through and stay consistent withany of the tools I would give
you.
So spend some time on this,maybe even consider creating a
vision board.
If you don't know what a visionboard is, look it up.
I think it's a fun and creativeway of investing your time and
(10:32):
effort into thinking up yourfuture.
Most of us will choose a pathof least resistance.
If we don't have a strongreason to choose the path of
most resistance, it makes sense.
Adopting mental strength isessentially adopting the growth
mindset and living by a code ofethics.
After you spend some timecreating some urgency, let's
(10:54):
talk about personalaccountability and integrity.
In order to make change, youhave to be honest with yourself.
You must take 100%responsibility for your life.
You don't have to takeresponsibility for what happened
to you and all the horriblethings that other people did to
you or the losses you'veexperienced, but you have to
(11:16):
take responsibility for what youdo with all of it and how
you're living your life as aresult.
This is a tough process, butit's necessary To take
responsibility.
You have to open yourself up tolearning from all your
experiences, especially the mostpainful ones and the ones
you're not proud of.
You can't just take credit forall your achievements and proud
(11:39):
moments without accepting andtaking accountability for the
mistakes and failures, actionsor inactions.
It must be a balanced equation.
So write out what you're mostproud of, your strengths and
parts of your life that you feelgood about.
Then write out a list of thingsyou're not proud of, your
weaknesses, your flaws.
(11:59):
This process of evaluation andself-audit will let you know
what you're working with.
This is your starting point onyour journey of becoming a
better version of yourself.
Only true way of becoming abetter version of yourself is to
expose yourself to yourweaknesses and parts of you that
you're ashamed of.
This is sometimes called theshadow work, the part of you
(12:21):
that holds you back.
The bad habits, your vices,temptations, impulses, fears,
limiting beliefs, your triggers.
Bring all of that to thesurface Because, if you don't,
they are operating under thelevel of consciousness.
We need to be aware of thesethings, because this is the part
of you that will self-sabotageany success or change you're
(12:43):
trying to make.
It will show up when you'retrying to grow.
It doesn't want you to change,so we need to be aware of it.
Give it the attention that itneeds.
Understand that it's there.
I want to also give you someactionable and behavioral
methods to build mental strengthon this session.
These are things to get youstarted in thinking
realistically about this process.
(13:05):
Now you must adopt principles ofthe growth mindset One, seeing
failure as an opportunity forgrowth always.
Now, failure sucks and it oftenhurts.
We must accept this and holdspace for them, but instead of
letting it crush us.
You need to use it to energizeyour next effort, even if it's
(13:27):
for other activities.
You need to channel that energyinto useful and constructive
action.
So use disappointments as acure or signal to change the way
you think.
Focus on what you did and don'tgeneralize it to who you are.
For example, if you fail thetest, you're not a failure.
You failed a test.
(13:48):
There's a difference.
See the bigger picture.
Most importantly, learn from itand find lessons in the silver
lining.
You must make grit a habit.
Grit is basically perseveranceand determination.
So make it a habit to practiceit.
Be creative, for example, ifyou know you often procrastinate
(14:08):
, instead of engaging in thatcycle again and again, figure
out a new system or way of doingthings to mitigate it.
If you know you're impatient,seize the opportunities to
practice patience, like waitingin the line on purpose and don't
complain, or parking fartheraway and walking.
Practice delaying gratificationis a huge part of developing
(14:30):
mental strength.
This is about self control andself discipline, and consider it
to be one of the number onetraits, based on a Stanford
study, that contributes tosuccess in multiple life domains
in the future, and it's nothard to understand why being
able to control your urges andsacrifice.
An instant gratification leadsto long term rewards, such as
(14:52):
completing projects, tasks,homework, workouts, maintaining
a diet.
We know what life looks likewhen we constantly give into
instant gratification.
It's all around us obesity,distractions, being less
productive, buying things wedon't need.
This is not us being in controlof our lives, and it's not us
(15:13):
being the best version ofourselves when not living a
truly meaningful life this way.
Okay, I'll leave you all withone more thing that I believe is
the most transformative andmost efficient way of moving
towards the best version ofyourself and cultivating mental
strength, and this one is a nobrainer.
The method is simple, but ouremotions will make it
(15:33):
complicated.
This next part is all aboutmaking you comfortable with
being uncomfortable I'm sure youheard that many times before
and that is to chase your fears.
Faders tend to chase us and werun or avoid it, but we need to
flip the script, and this is byfar the most and best method to
(15:55):
building mental fortitude.
If you ever hike a mountain, weall know that the fastest path
is usually the steepest path.
In the most strenuous andrigorous, the fears you have is
the mountain, and at the peak isthe greatest version of
yourself, and to get up there tohave a grand view of all that
you have to offer you must makethe grueling trek up that
(16:18):
mountain.
To do this, I want you to make alist of all your fears, or
anything that makes youuncomfortable.
After making a list, I want youto go back and rank each item
from worst fears to the leastfears.
The action plan is then to pickone of these fears.
The most logical is to pick theleast of the worst to start
(16:40):
with, to slowly level up whenyou choose one, you need to
develop clear objectives andactivities or tasks you can
engage in to start movingtowards the fear.
An easy example is with publicspeaking.
Instead of starting with doingan actual speech, start by
recording your voice and then doa video, and then a small group
(17:00):
and then a larger group Do ascripted speech and then an
impromptu speech, and so on.
You get the idea.
You create a deliberate paththat progressively gets harder
and harder as you get closer andcloser to your fear.
You do this until you startgetting more familiar with the
discomfort.
The goal here is not to get ridof the fear, but for you to
(17:23):
stand your ground and be braveand get familiar with the
feeling.
Instead of engaging in flight,you fight.
That's how you begin shiftingyour stress response.
As always, these are justscratching the surface of a much
more detailed approach.
So if you want additionalsupport, feel free to reach out
or seek professional support orlife coaches to help you create
(17:45):
a clear plan.
Remember, self development andgrowth is a lifelong journey.
It's a marathon with occasionalsprints.
This is not a one size fits allkind of thing.
You must do the self reflectionand it's that process that
allows you to adapt and tailorthe methods to your personal
needs.
Everyone has their own startingpoint and you have to be
(18:09):
willing to stay the course andmake this a lifestyle.
It's not a goal that has an end.
It's a goal that you aim at tohelp guide you through life and
cut through all the other noisesand distractions.
And when you find yourselfstruggling with something that
you can't do, use the powerfulnarrative technique by adding
the word yet to the end of yourstatements.
(18:30):
If you can't swim, for example,instead of ending it with a
period, end it with I can't swimyet.
Remember this the story youstart with is not the story you
end with.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Thanks for tuning in to Mind Manners with Albert
Nguyen.
We hope you found value in thisepisode.
If you'd like to work withAlbert one on one, visit
optimindcounselingcom to learnmore about his private practice.
Looking to join a community oflike minded individuals, search
Mind Manners podcast communityon Facebook and join our group
(19:04):
to connect with others on theirwellness journeys.
Finally, if you haven't alreadydone so, please write us a five
star review on Apple podcastand let us know you're enjoying
the show.
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