October 17, 2025 • 39 mins
What if midlife wasn’t the time to slow down—but to get stronger, happier, and more confident in your body than ever before? In this first episode of our Changemakers series, Cheryl talks with Inessa Love, founder of Sassy Silver Surfers and advocate for active aging. Inessa discovered surfing at 50 and says it completely transformed her life—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
She’s now helping women all over the world see that it’s never too late to start something new, get stronger, and have more fun than ever.
What You'll Learn After Listening:
- Why your self-definition about what you “can” or “can’t” do is often the biggest barrier
- The surprising benefits of learning something new in midlife
- What surfing can teach us about strength, joy, and resilience
- Midlife fitness tips to find your version of movement that you love (and why it doesn’t have to be “exercise”)
- The powerful connection between movement, confidence, and community
- How one 85-year-old cyclist changed Inessa’s perspective on aging forever
Take Action
- Don’t overthink it. Just start. Find something you love, do it with a friend, and keep going. “The more you move, the stronger you become.”
- Follow Inessa Love and her community of midlife surfers on Instagram at @sassysilversurfers or join their private Facebook group for women 50+ who surf (or are surf-curious).
About the Changemakers Series
Changemakers celebrates midlife women who are reinventing themselves—personally, professionally, or both—and inspiring others to do the same.
If you’ve made a big pivot or created something new in midlife, Cheryl wants to hear from you! Click the link below to text Cheryl and let her know.
Subscribe to bonus episodes at cherylpfischer.com/bonusepisodes.
🌸 Liked this episode? Share it with fellow Gen X women navigating hormone balance, an empty nest, and/or self-confidence!
🫶 Love this show? Leave a review to help more women over 50 find us.
💡Want menopause support, mindset shifts, or support with midlife transitions?
- Build a mindset for success with the private bonus episodes!
- Book a free Mindset Coaching / Intro Call: cherylpfischer.com/coaching
Let’s talk midlife body positivity, self-talk, and redefining aging for women — without the “midlife crisis” narrative. Every week I'm adding new success strategies for midlife women.
Connect with Cheryl, Midlife Coach: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cheryl Fischer (00:00):
Surfing.
Have you ever tried it?
I will confess I have nevertried surfing, and I'm not sure
that I will.
Never say never, though.
And boy, is that a lesson I'velearned over and over in life.
Never say never.
So today we're gonna talk aboutthe fact that you can do a
(00:23):
whole heck of a lot more thanyou think you can at whatever
age you're at right now.
Stick with me.
Welcome to Mind Your Midlife,your go-to resource for
confidence and success, onethought at a time.
Unlike most advice out there,we believe that simply telling
(00:45):
you to believe in yourself orchange your habits isn't enough
to wake up excited about life orfeel truly confident in your
body.
Each week, you'll gainactionable strategies and oh my
goodness, powerful insights tostop feeling stuck and start
loving your midlife.
This is the Mind Your Midlifepodcast.
(01:06):
You may have heard me saybefore that I was not an athlete
when I was growing up.
My sister was, for sure, and alot of my friends were.
Oh my gosh.
So that takes some movement andmarching and routine learning,
(01:27):
but I didn't play any sports,and I didn't really have the
quickness and the hand-eyecoordination to really do any
sporting type thing.
And that's the way I thought ofmyself is not athletic until I
started to realize how powerfulit was to move my body.
(01:48):
And I have tried so many thingssince spinning classes and
taekwondo.
When my kids were doing it, Iwas doing it for a little while
as well.
And certainly walking andhiking and going to the gym with
a personal trainer, so manythings over the years.
Boxing at a boxing gym, notwith people, but with a bag.
(02:11):
And now you might know I do barclass and I love it, and I'm
learning golf and I'm enjoyingthat most of the time.
And there are women in our agegroup, and by our age group, I
mean 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyondwho are doing truly amazing
(02:35):
things in terms of being activeand taking up new sports and new
activities.
And this is what we're going totalk about today because in our
heads we tend to limitourselves so much.
You probably have some type ofself-definition, and that's what
(02:55):
I would mean by self-image inyour head about what you can and
can't do, just like what youjust heard me say.
I didn't think I was sporty.
I'm doing air quotes.
I didn't think I was sporty.
I didn't think I was athletic.
So I was trying to find thingsthat I could do that were
active, but they didn't requiresomeone who, again, air quotes,
(03:17):
wasn't athletic.
Now, maybe you have a verydifferent self-definition and
you absolutely have been anathlete and you believe in your
body's ability to move, or you'dfall somewhere in the middle.
But so often, these mentalhangups that we have about what
(03:39):
we can do and what we can learnare the real issue behind us not
trying that thing we alwayswanted to do.
And so I want to inspire you.
And my guest today is InessaLove.
Inessa discovered surfingaround her 50th birthday, and
(04:03):
five years later, it hastransformed her life.
She's the co-founder of SassySilver Surfers, which is an
online community of midlifewomen surfers.
And she has an Instagram thatyou will love.
And interestingly, she is a PhDresearcher and advocate for
active aging, and she's writinga book about a cycling adventure
(04:28):
that you're gonna hear her talkabout.
So I think you're gonna likethis conversation.
And let me just pause righthere because this is the first
episode of our Change Makersseries.
There are so many women likeyou out there in the world who
(04:51):
have revamped personally,professionally, often both,
during this midlife period.
And by that I mean 40s, 50s.
And you're gonna hear anamazing story on today's
episode.
I have more coming for you.
It's gonna be an occasionalseries about women who have
(05:12):
changed it all during midlifeand really just done amazing
things.
And if that's you, go to theshow notes, click the link where
you can send me a text and textme and let me know, and I will
send you a form.
Maybe you can be on mind yourmidlife.
I would love to talk to you.
Here we go.
(05:32):
So welcome, Inessa.
Thanks for joining me.
Inessa Love (05:40):
Thank you, Cheryl.
This is really fun and great tobe here.
Cheryl Fischer (05:44):
Okay, so for you, I know that staying active
in midlife and particularlysurfing, which we're gonna talk
about, is a powerful topic.
So tell us how that happenedand what you do with your
surfing group.
Inessa Love (05:59):
Yeah, so I'll tell you a little bit of a backstory.
The most important thing is Iwas not active when I was young.
In my 20s, I barely didanything.
I maybe rollerblade in CentralPark.
I lived in New York.
On a good weather day, I wouldrollerblade around Central Park,
you know, maybe once a week,three months out of the year.
(06:21):
So I was not active when I wasyoung.
And the older I got, the moreactive I got.
So it's like not what I thoughtit's gonna be.
I thought when you get older,you get less active.
Well, my case is the opposite.
So I'm actually that's why I'man advocate for being active in
midlife because I realized thatwe can.
(06:41):
I realize that we can.
And uh, this whole story aboutit's downhill and being less
active is wrong because I am nowmore active, as I said, than I
was in my 20s and 30s.
It kind of started slowly in mylate 30s, early 40s.
I got into like tai chi andyoga and a little bit of martial
arts.
So that was kind of my gentleentryway, and then mid-40s, I
(07:06):
got divorced and I startedhiking, and hiking became my
therapy, and I was hiking quitea bit.
In Hawaii, I'm so lucky there'sso much hiking, and then doing
yoga and and uh doing acro yoga.
So I was fairly active when Igot into surfing, but I feel
like surfing took it to a wholeother level.
And I started learning surfingat 50, which is another like
(07:31):
myth or something I thought itwould be definitely too late.
I lived in Hawaii for eightyears before I started surfing,
just because I never thoughtabout it.
It didn't even occur to me thatit was accessible, and then
just kind of random was COVID,and a friend was taking a
lesson, and she said, Hey, comejoin me on this lesson.
(07:52):
And I was like, Okay, there wasnothing to do, and they closed
the hiking trails.
So I went and joined her on thelesson, completely random, and
I was like, Oh wow, it's not asbad as as scary as I thought it
would be.
Because you know, you go in thesmall waves, the white water,
they push you, you stand up, andit's just like, oh, that's
interesting.
(08:13):
And so that's how I startedsurfing, and now I'm I'm gonna
be 55 in September, and I feellike I'm in a better physical
shape than I was in my 30s forsure.
Mid 30s, I did pretty muchnothing.
I had a young child at 34 anddid nothing except going to the
park and play on the slides withhim, right?
(08:35):
Yeah, so yeah, and I think it'sjust so possible.
It's just and and the otherthing is I am happier now too.
And I think the mental healthand physical activity goes so
well together, especiallyfinding something that we love
doing.
It just gives such a boost ofendorphin.
(08:56):
I went surfing today, you mighthave sewed my white face, I
just took it off, but it justgives me such a boost of
endorphins, and there's allthese happy hormones.
And when we move our bodies, Ifeel like our emotions follow,
our mind follow.
So it's not just really physicalstrength, it gives me mental
strength, it gives me more likeemotional balance, really.
(09:20):
Yeah, and that helps withmenopause and all of these other
things, right?
Just feeling a little morebalanced.
Like whenever I go surfing,whenever I get in the water, I'm
always happier afterwards.
Even if I didn't have a greatsession, even if I didn't catch
many waves, I'm almost alwayshappier afterwards.
Cheryl Fischer (09:41):
You know, it's interesting because I think
surfing might be the perfectcombination of you're doing
something active and you feelgood about that, and you're in
the water, which is really goodfor mental health, and you're on
the beach, which is good forgrounding and mental health.
(10:02):
It's kind of the perfect combo.
Inessa Love (10:05):
It definitely is, and it's not just me.
I hear from so many women thatit's exactly the case, right?
You're aware of all theresearch about uh blue mind,
there is an awesome book calledBlue Mind that talks about how
just being near a big body ofwater just affects our
psychology and our physiology aswell.
Cheryl Fischer (10:27):
It's amazing, yeah.
And what is it about surfing inparticular?
Because I'm aware that somebodylistening might be near
somewhere they could surf andthey might not be at all, of
course.
Yes, but what is it about thisthat has really uh affected your
body and your physical fitnessand has helped you to get in
(10:47):
shape?
Inessa Love (11:23):
Well, there's so many things, just like wait,
like just like you said, beingin the water, being in the
ocean, it's really, reallyamazing.
Uh another thing is it wasreally challenging.
I have to be honest, becausestarting to learn surfing at the
50s, it wasn't easy.
And I was in a decent shape.
(11:43):
I was never an athlete, as Isaid, but I was in a good shape
by the time I started, but stillit was so difficult.
And there is part of me thatlikes like overcoming
challenges.
So there is just like, oh, Igotta, I have to get it.
I just have to get it, and thatnever stops because now that
I'm finally getting it, fiveyears later, like I want to get
better now.
So it's almost like you know,like why video games are so
(12:07):
addictive, because you havelevels and you pass one level,
and there is a next level thatis, you know, has all these new
coins to collect.
And there is always thisjourney with surfing.
You never like reach the point,and maybe some people do those
who've surfed their whole life,right?
But for me, it's still like I'mstill learning, and I love that
aspect of it too, that I'mstill learning and still it's
(12:30):
still physically challenging,but it also like it has this
perfect combo of a challenge andreward.
The reward is just also soamazing.
Like when you catch a wave,that's just a feeling of like,
oh, I really did it.
Wow, you know, just nothinglike it.
Like that moment of wow isincredible, and of course,
(12:52):
before that moment of wow,there's moment of like, oh shit,
am I gonna catch it or am Igonna wipe out?
Um, so that's that moment isthere too.
Almost every time there is thislittle fear moment, and
sometimes it's more than fear,it's close to panic, like, oh my
god, what's gonna happen?
And then it's just like thisecstasy, really.
Cheryl Fischer (13:13):
Yeah, and you know what?
I can't think of very manyother physical fitness type of
things that would have that sortof immediate risk reward like
that.
That's interesting.
Inessa Love (13:25):
Yeah, maybe that's why surfing is really addictive.
Like that I'm talking to peoplenow, so I'm also talking to so
many women because of this.
This releases this dopamine,right?
It's not like going on a hike.
Hike is great, and I still lovehiking.
But this dopamine, the hit thatit hits you with, it's really
something.
That's why I think it's like avideo game, it has that element
(13:48):
of a little bit of an addictionto it, but it's the healthiest
addiction you know I can thinkof.
Cheryl Fischer (13:54):
I agree.
If you're gonna get addicted tosomething like this, then okay,
right.
So you have a group, sassysilver surfers.
Tell us what you're doing withthat group.
How did that come about?
Inessa Love (14:08):
So, how it came about is when I started surfing
at 50, I saw, you know, women inthe lineup, and most of them
were younger, but occasionally Iwould see an older woman and I
would like gravitate towardthem.
I would just like, okay, I needto meet that woman, I need to
learn from that woman.
And I would be just likeapproaching them and made some
(14:28):
friends.
Like I have a friend who surfshere, she's in her 70s, and
she's just such a role model forme.
And so for me, on my journey tolearn, it was really helpful to
find those kind of role modelsand people I can look up to and
people could I can say, okay, ifshe's surfing, I can learn.
I have 20 more years to get tothat level.
(14:49):
And so that's why I startedthis group with my colleague
Lisa Alfono.
We connected on Facebook andshe was kind of saying the same
thing.
I want a group for older womensurfers, and I'm like, oh, and I
want a group for older womensurfers, let's do it together.
So, two years ago, more thantwo years, we started this
Facebook group that is SassySilver Surfers, and there are
(15:11):
women from all over the world,and we're very, how should I
say, exclusive.
You have to be 50 and over, andyou have to be a woman.
Now we don't check your levelof surfing.
You can say you're surf curiousand you just want inspiration.
Uh, that's also fine.
But it's a closed group, and somore recently I started doing
(15:32):
this Instagram, also calledSassy Silver Surfers, with the
same kind of mission ofinspiring other women and giving
other women role models that Ididn't have.
If I had them in my 40s, Iwould have started eight years
earlier.
If I just saw, oh, this ispossible and so much fun.
Why didn't I start earlier?
(15:53):
So I'm sharing now this story,my own story and my own what
I've learned and the tips, andalso other women's stories.
Um yesterday I shared a storyof a woman who started learning
to surf at 66.
Can you imagine?
66.
(16:14):
She went to her first allwomen's surf retreat in Costa
Rica.
Now she's 69 and she's surfing.
She moved to Costa Rica fromCalifornia, and she says she
never looked back.
And those kinds of thingsinspire me so much, and that's
why I love sharing that, andthat's what I do on my
(16:34):
Instagram.
I'm sharing stories like thatto provide inspiration, that
it's not too late.
And surfing, of course, is notfor everybody.
Now I'm so surprisedcontinuously how many women say
I always wanted to try.
In fact, just this morning,like an hour before, I checked a
(16:55):
comment from one of the women,and she's 54, and she said, I
always wanted to surf.
And now I just took my secondlesson and I'm booked my third.
And it just gives me so muchjoy, you know, like the women
doing that, you know, andsharing that.
It's just like I'm almost, youknow, touched to tears that she,
(17:18):
you know, ended up sharing thaton Instagram.
Cheryl Fischer (17:22):
You know, we can expand that to other things for
sure, because I definitely havehad conversations with so many
women who've said, I alwayswanted to do whatever.
Right.
Right.
And somehow we never did it, wedidn't have time, or the kids
were growing up, or we didn'tthink we could do it, or who
(17:43):
knows what the reason was.
But now we can do so many ofthose things.
It's amazing.
Inessa Love (17:50):
Yeah, absolutely.
I just um made this post theother day about midlife is for
us.
I feel like when we were allyounger as women, we always kind
of serve others, our kids, ourpartners, our work, our parents.
It's just uh I was the lastthing on my list of things to do
when my son was growing up, andwhen I was trying to have a
(18:13):
family and a full-time career,that was really hard.
But now that we got to midlife,that's one of the perks.
Most of the people like intheir 50s, children already
mostly out of the house, andthat's the time we can devote
it.
And absolutely right, you know,it doesn't have to be surfing,
it's something, you know, itcould be something, but we have
(18:34):
all these dreams, and I think somany women want to move more,
they just don't know where tostart or how to start, or just
like intimidated by it.
But I personally am a strongadvocate for moving, whatever it
is doesn't have to be surfing.
So I think I mentioned to youthat last summer I went on this
(18:54):
bike trip, and I'm not acyclist, I bike to my work, it's
three miles each way, and I waslike, Yeah, cool, I'm in a
great shape.
And then I signed up for this250-mile bike ride last summer
with my son.
And I think surfing gave me alittle bit of more confidence
(19:15):
and strength too.
So I'm like, I'm in a goodshape, I can do it.
And so I started trainingreally, really hard.
I was on break from my work, sofor three weeks I trained
really hard.
Like basically, that's all Idid bike and sleep and eat.
And then I went on this tourand I did a 250-mile trip with
my son.
And I cannot say it was easy,but it was in a way
(19:37):
life-changing too.
Yeah, and and the reason why itwas life-changing is I was 54,
and I, you know, we have I stillhave those thoughts.
Like, is it too late for me tobe doing it?
I never cycled more than threemiles, maybe five.
And now all of a sudden, I wenton my first ride and I did 15
miles, and I thought I was gonnadie because next morning I woke
(20:00):
up and I had to take likepainkillers and take a bath, and
I'm just like, what did I do tomy body?
But slowly, that's amazing.
Like after that 15 miles, and Iwas so beat up, but like three
days later I did 17, and threedays after that I did 19, and I
slowly started building to it,and my body adapted to it.
(20:23):
We are just more adaptable thanwe think we are.
Nature is so uh wise and smartbecause the more we move, you
know, we break down the muscle,but then it rebuilds it
stronger.
Otherwise, it's not gonna builda strong muscle if we don't
break it down, you know, becauseit's expensive in terms of
(20:44):
energy and you know resourcesthat the body has to use to
rebuild those muscles.
So I came up with this mantra: the more we move, the stronger (20:49):
undefined
we become.
The more we move, the strongerwe become, and it's just
inevitable.
But we have to move more, wehave to move more next day than
we did the day before, right?
So the bike ride, and thereason it changed my life is I
(21:10):
met this woman who was 85, myfriend Sue, on that ride.
85.
She was riding a bicycle, shedid not have any bike, she had a
regular road bike, and thefirst day on the tour, it's
50-mile day, and by the end ofit, I'm just I just done with
(21:31):
it.
I'm so done, like I don't wantto be doing it anymore.
And I was just exhausted, andthere is like one last hill.
So I met up with Sue like a fewmiles before that last heel,
and we started chatting, and shewas I was blown away.
I knew there was an oldestrider on the tour, was 85.
So I just was so lucky.
Okay, here you are, and then onthat last hill, we start going
(21:54):
up.
Guess what?
She passes me, she passes me,and she goes, you know, she
leaves me behind on that hill.
And I was just like, what?
What is this?
I don't understand.
So that changed my life,really.
That just not just that moment,but learning, meeting her, and
learning about Sue and herlessons and how did she end up
(22:19):
there, right?
And that's the message that Iwant to send.
It that does it's not aboutsurfing.
She loves biking.
I don't love biking, I'm nevergonna love biking.
I'm never gonna be a cyclist.
I cycle now just to maintain alittle bit what I've gained.
But she likes it, and that'sanother lesson is finding what
you like, finding what works foryou.
(22:42):
Because in in our society, weare told to go exercise, but
exercise is boring.
Going to exercise when we haveto, it's not fun.
You're practicing golf, right?
Or you're learning something,right?
Cheryl Fischer (22:58):
I'm learning golf, yes.
Inessa Love (22:59):
Yeah, I saw that.
It's so fun because I thinkjust learning something,
whatever it is, that process oflearning, it's what keeps us
young because it works on ourbrain and it works on our body,
and it's actually as you'relearning your, you know, what
you call it, this the swing,golf swing, you work in your
(23:21):
brain and your body at the sametime.
And that's actually researchshows that it's that's what
keeps our brain young, it's whatprevents Alzheimer's, is well
moving body and mind at the sametime, right?
And that happens when we learna new skill.
Did you always want to learngolf, or how did that start for
you?
Cheryl Fischer (23:41):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So I took some la how you knowwhat it was?
I was like you, and I neverplayed any sports.
And I I don't have greathand-eye coordination when it
comes to trying to hit somethingthat's coming at me and play
some sort of racket sport.
And so my husband has alwaysliked golf.
(24:04):
And I thought to myself, youknow what?
I see people of all ages doingthis, and the ball is not
moving.
Maybe learn how to hitsomething that's not moving, and
I could walk around on thesebeautiful golf courses and get
some exercise.
Maybe I should learn.
(24:25):
Now, of course, and this istrue of surfing, I'm sure, too.
It's not easy to get better atgolf.
It takes dedication andpractice, it's a tricky thing to
learn, and that's okay.
I just try to really look at itas it's good for me, and let me
try and have fun, and that'sit.
Inessa Love (24:45):
Yeah.
Cheryl Fischer (24:45):
Yeah.
Inessa Love (24:46):
Absolutely.
It's so great that you startedlearning that too at midlife.
Absolutely.
What I learned to make it morefun is to it with a friend.
Cheryl Fischer (24:55):
So, yeah, you know what?
Community is a big deal for usat this stage of life, and that
is one of the reasons I'm reallyimpressed with what you're
doing, bringing women togetheruh locally and all over the
world, because I think we wetalk ourselves out of things, we
get bored, it's not fun.
(25:15):
You know, there's so manydifferent things we do to
ourselves, but if we have acommunity of people, it really
changes everything.
Inessa Love (25:23):
Yeah, it's absolutely true.
So I think we never meant to bealone.
We are social creatures.
One way to make it fun is do itwith a friend.
Cheryl Fischer (25:31):
Yep.
Okay, so let's talk aboutstereotypes a little bit,
because another thing that youhave said is that you are really
trying to break down or changethe stereotypes that exist
related to midlife women andbeing active in sports.
So tell me more about what youmean.
I mean, I think I know, but forthe listener, what are those
(25:55):
stereotypes?
Tell us more about that.
Inessa Love (25:57):
One stereotype is that we're supposed to get
weaker with age.
I'm seeing women now who surfin their 60s and their 70s, and
they're probably stronger thanme, too.
And that woman, Sue, who passedme on the hill at 85, she was
way stronger than me.
So, how is it possible that weget weaker with age?
(26:18):
That's complete.
You know what?
No, I want to say BS, but it'stotally wrong.
We can get stronger at any age.
Even if someone had a lifetimeof not moving and they start
moving, they're gonna getstronger.
It's just inevitable.
That's how bodies are built.
So I guess those two thingsthat the decline is not
(26:39):
inevitable.
It's not inevitable, but wecreate it by not moving.
Yeah, we create the decline.
Now, I have to be honest to sayit may not be easy.
It's simple.
The prescription is simple.
Just keep moving and move alittle more every day, you know.
But it's not easy to do becauseit is difficult.
(27:02):
It's difficult to learnsomething new, it's difficult to
pick a bike at 54 and startriding 15 miles.
It was difficult.
I don't want to make it soundlike easy, but it's doable and
it's achievable.
And doing it together makes itmore achievable because then we
see role models and then we havethe support of the community.
That's a social thing.
(27:23):
And she says we go lunch after,it's a social thing.
And I feel like that keeps usgoing, having a community that
supports us, having friends todo it with, and just we have to
keep doing it.
But going, you know, to a gymfor an hour once a week or twice
a week, that's not enough.
That's especially as we getolder.
(27:43):
So maybe that's anotherstereotype they want to break is
we have to actually move alittle more when we get old.
We have to move more, and wecan.
We can slowly we can build upto it.
What is what other stereotypesyou think there are around
midlife?
Let's break them all.
Cheryl Fischer (28:01):
Well, I think we expect that we're gonna have
more trouble moving and we'regonna get less flexible, and
we're gonna get, we're gonna beable to, you know, get up and
down off the floor less easily,and everything is gonna get
harder.
And I think that probably wouldbe true unless we keep moving.
And as you said, maybe a littlemore each day, maybe a little
(28:23):
more.
And one thing I say on thepodcast all the time is we need
to just take a little bit bettercare of ourselves in this
point, just a little bit betterthan we used to, and that will
make the difference.
Inessa Love (28:36):
Yeah, for sure.
And you're absolutely right.
Those things will get harder ifwe don't do them.
Getting off the floor will getharder if we don't do them, and
flexibility is as well.
I'm a yoga teacher too.
So once I started surfing, Iwent and I got my yoga teacher
training.
Like two or two years intosurfing, I decided that I wanted
(28:59):
to learn more about the body,and because surfing is hard, and
how to help myself both prepareand recover, because recovery
becomes also a thing that weneed to be aware of.
So I've been all doing yoga alittle bit, doubling into it for
like 20 years, but then aftersurfing, I decided I want to get
trained, so I went and learnedand become a registered yoga
(29:22):
teacher, and now what I teach isyoga for surfers because it
kind of combines the two things.
Love it, but understanding thebody and how it's designed and
how it's built and how it'smeant to move, yeah, it's really
helping me too, it's helping mewith my surfing.
And my friend Sue, who was 85,she says, Oh, I need to stretch
more, and she does, but if shecan ride her bike better than me
(29:47):
at 85, she's doing fine.
Yeah, she is.
She found what she loves doingand she doesn't love stretching,
so she's you know, she's notperfect, right?
Cheryl Fischer (29:58):
Okay, let's say that someone is listening and
they're thinking, okay, this shyou make it sound really fun.
That's what I'm thinking.
And let's say someone isthinking that as they're
listening.
If they're really not active atthis point and they want to get
started, what advice would yougive?
Inessa Love (30:17):
The first advice I would give is find a friend to
do it together.
I'm sure you know a friend whois in the same boat.
Because eight out of tenmidlife women who are not active
wish they were more active.
So, out of ten midlife womenyou know, eight of them want to
be more active.
So that would be absolutelyfirst thing to do is to find a
(30:39):
friend or maybe a couple andsay, hey, let's try something
together.
And then just keep tryingsomething until you find
something that you really like.
Because it's hard to maintainor sustain doing something long
term at the right level ofintensity if you don't love it.
Cheryl Fischer (30:55):
True.
Inessa Love (30:56):
So you have to find something that you love.
You know, it could bepickleball, it could be golf, it
could be yoga.
You know, some people like uhhiking and swimming in the pool
if you don't have the ocean, orsomething that you like doing.
And I feel like that's the key.
Two keys to start is have afriend or a few that you want to
(31:17):
try it together, and then try afew things until something
clicks and you're just like, Ilike this.
I can see myself doing thisquite a bit for quite a long
time.
Because what happened to mewhen I was young is I would try
to quote unquote exercise and itnever stuck.
It never stuck becauseexercising sucks.
I'm not actually recommendingexercise.
(31:39):
I'm recommending findingmovement activity that you love
doing and keep doing it at thelevel of intensity that is
building with friends.
That's my recommendation.
But just start, okay.
We all gonna we've all beenthere.
I'm gonna start this newprogram.
I'm gonna buy this new app, andI'm gonna sign up for this gym
(32:01):
membership that I'm not gonnause after two weeks.
We've all been there, I've donethat too.
So that's my tworecommendations is finding a
friend and finding what you lovedoing with a friend.
That's the best thing.
Cheryl Fischer (32:14):
Perfect.
And I'm gonna add to thatbecause there's this little
voice in my head that's kind ofthe snarky midlife woman.
I'm gonna add to that.
And if you don't like it, thenmove on and try something else.
Like we are too old.
I hate to use that word, but weare too old to do stuff we
don't like.
Inessa Love (32:31):
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
I love that.
I wanted to make that clear.
You try different things untilsomething click.
You know, you try pickleballfor a few times and try it more
than once.
You know, try something morethan once, too, because
sometimes try it three times.
Make a rule that I'm gonna trysomething new three times.
Whatever you wherever youleave, what's around you, but
(32:52):
then you're right, keep movingbecause forcing ourselves to do
it is not gonna work.
Because if it hasn't workeduntil now, it probably wouldn't
work, right?
I mean, some people can keepforcing themselves to do
something.
I'm not that way.
It really took me finding whatI loved.
And before surfing, I lovedacra yoga, which was done in
(33:13):
community in partners, and itwas fun, right?
So doing something in communitythat was fun, and that helped
me a lot to get my body in agood shape.
Cheryl Fischer (33:23):
And and we've always heard the advice to have
a partner to exercise with, ormaybe like an accountability
partner to check in with.
But even that, looking at itfrom that way of accountability,
that's not fun.
That feels like an obligation.
So I like that you're sayingit's just to make it fun, it's
just to make it easier.
Let's do it together.
Yeah.
Inessa Love (33:44):
Yeah, make it a social thing, grab coffee after,
or whatever it is that that youtwo like doing, or three, or
fine.
Now, there is also all thesedifferent groups.
When I started hiking, I joinedmeetup, and where I live in my
area, there are a lot of hikinggroup meetups, so I would go
with different groups, and to behonest, it's a little
intimidating at first.
(34:04):
You're showing up alone in agroup of strangers, and it is
intimidating.
I wish I had a friend to gowith.
I had my embarking friend, so Ibrought him.
But the finding groups, maybethere are Facebooks in your
groups in your area, maybe thereare meetup groups, joining some
groups because I totallybelieve that in terms of
(34:26):
sustaining an activity, isfinding a community is very
important.
Cheryl Fischer (34:30):
Absolutely.
Okay, well, let me make surethat I ask you this so that
people who are kind of lookingfor you or your community know
where to find you.
So if somebody wants to knowmore about what you're doing
with surfing or about the groupyou have, where should they find
you?
Inessa Love (34:45):
Right.
So if they particularly areinterested in surfing for women
50 and over, they can join ourFacebook group, which is a
closed group, and it's a verysupportive group.
Now, if you just want to getinspired by sort of seeing older
women doing hard things, suchas surfing, then anyone can join
(35:05):
and follow me on Instagram.
It's also called Sassy SilverSurfers, but I like sharing
stories of older women doingcool things and inspiring other
people.
Cheryl Fischer (35:16):
And if you're listening, I will tell you that
her Instagram really isinspiring.
So that is definitely somethingthat everyone should do.
I love it.
Inessa Love (35:25):
Yeah, and I I just recently did a poll.
Only 50% of my followers areactually surfers, and some of
them are just sort of what Icall surf curious.
It's like maybe I want to tryit one day.
And some of them are not evencurious about surfing, but
they're there for inspiration,exactly.
Because may uh some womanshared there recently that you
(35:46):
know she's she's doing on thishorse riding trip and she's
putting her horse saddle in hersurfboard and she's doing some
kind of project with it.
So there's not only surfersthere, but just people who got
inspired by that messaging thatwe can reclaim our strength, we
we can do hard things, we can bebadass, uh sassy silver surfers
(36:07):
in our f 60s and 70s.
And that's an inspiringmessage.
I think the world needs to hearthat message because what if
women are happier in midlife,how much better the world will
be.
Cheryl Fischer (36:19):
Right?
Inessa Love (36:20):
Yes, that's what you're doing too.
That's exactly right.
That's what you're doing too.
You're making helping women tobe happier in midlife, and I
feel like it's such a worthwhilegoal, it's just so important.
Cheryl Fischer (36:35):
I definitely agree.
Okay, so let's say somebody'sbeen listening to this and
they're doing their laundry orthey're driving in the car or
whatever, and they can'tremember everything we talked
about, but they can mayberemember one thing.
What is the most importantthing you want somebody to
remember from this discussion?
Inessa Love (36:53):
The more you move, the stronger you become.
That's my favorite sayingrecently.
I I don't know if anyone saidit before, but it's my mantra.
Remember that.
The more you move, the strongeryou become, and you can get
stronger at any age.
Cheryl Fischer (37:09):
Yes.
Inessa Love (37:10):
And it's really about quality of life.
Cheryl Fischer (37:12):
Yes, even more so than it was when we were
younger.
Fully agree.
Yes.
Yes, awesome.
Well, Inessa, thank you so muchfor joining me.
I really think this is going tobe inspiring for a lot of
people.
Inessa Love (37:23):
Yeah, it was awesome.
Thank you for having me.
Cheryl Fischer (37:26):
I have such a feeling of happiness and
optimism from this conversation.
Keep moving, do more movement,and we'll get stronger.
Isn't that such an optimisticview?
And let me tell you what, youmay have heard me talk about
(37:48):
this.
I have a family member who hasa debilitating disease.
And the advice that shereceived early on in that
disease was please exercise,keep moving all parts of your
body because if you keep moving,you decline more slowly.
(38:10):
Now, that's someone who has avery difficult disease.
If we're healthy right now,let's take that bigger, keep
moving, and as Inessa said, wekeep getting stronger.
We are not declining unless welet it happen.
(38:32):
And I just love, love, lovethat perspective.
And you'll need to tell me ifyou know how to surf or if you
are trying surfing, because eventhough I'm not sure I'm ever
gonna do it, I'm also not reallynear an ocean very often.
Maybe you are, and maybe youlove it just the way Inessa
does, and I would love to hearabout that.
(38:54):
And in the meantime, if you'relistening on Spotify or Apple,
if you would tap the five starsfor a rating, that would be
amazing.
It helps the podcast apps knowto get the word out about Mind
Your Midlife to more midlifewomen.
And on Apple, leave a quickreview.
That would be amazing.
(39:15):
I appreciate you taking thetime to do that.
In the meantime, slow down,notice what's going on in your
head, what's going on aroundyou, and let's create something
amazing.
Surfing.
Have you ever tried it?
I will confess I have nevertried surfing, and I'm not sure
that I will.
Never say never, though.
And boy, is that a lesson I'velearned over and over in life.
Never say never.
So today we're gonna talk aboutthe fact that you can do a
(00:23):
whole heck of a lot more thanyou think you can at whatever
age you're at right now.
Stick with me.
Welcome to Mind Your Midlife,your go-to resource for
confidence and success, onethought at a time.
Unlike most advice out there,we believe that simply telling
(00:45):
you to believe in yourself orchange your habits isn't enough
to wake up excited about life orfeel truly confident in your
body.
Each week, you'll gainactionable strategies and oh my
goodness, powerful insights tostop feeling stuck and start
loving your midlife.
This is the Mind Your Midlifepodcast.
(01:06):
You may have heard me saybefore that I was not an athlete
when I was growing up.
My sister was, for sure, and alot of my friends were.
Oh my gosh.
So that takes some movement andmarching and routine learning,
(01:27):
but I didn't play any sports,and I didn't really have the
quickness and the hand-eyecoordination to really do any
sporting type thing.
And that's the way I thought ofmyself is not athletic until I
started to realize how powerfulit was to move my body.
(01:48):
And I have tried so many thingssince spinning classes and
taekwondo.
When my kids were doing it, Iwas doing it for a little while
as well.
And certainly walking andhiking and going to the gym with
a personal trainer, so manythings over the years.
Boxing at a boxing gym, notwith people, but with a bag.
(02:11):
And now you might know I do barclass and I love it, and I'm
learning golf and I'm enjoyingthat most of the time.
And there are women in our agegroup, and by our age group, I
mean 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyondwho are doing truly amazing
(02:35):
things in terms of being activeand taking up new sports and new
activities.
And this is what we're going totalk about today because in our
heads we tend to limitourselves so much.
You probably have some type ofself-definition, and that's what
(02:55):
I would mean by self-image inyour head about what you can and
can't do, just like what youjust heard me say.
I didn't think I was sporty.
I'm doing air quotes.
I didn't think I was sporty.
I didn't think I was athletic.
So I was trying to find thingsthat I could do that were
active, but they didn't requiresomeone who, again, air quotes,
(03:17):
wasn't athletic.
Now, maybe you have a verydifferent self-definition and
you absolutely have been anathlete and you believe in your
body's ability to move, or you'dfall somewhere in the middle.
But so often, these mentalhangups that we have about what
(03:39):
we can do and what we can learnare the real issue behind us not
trying that thing we alwayswanted to do.
And so I want to inspire you.
And my guest today is InessaLove.
Inessa discovered surfingaround her 50th birthday, and
(04:03):
five years later, it hastransformed her life.
She's the co-founder of SassySilver Surfers, which is an
online community of midlifewomen surfers.
And she has an Instagram thatyou will love.
And interestingly, she is a PhDresearcher and advocate for
active aging, and she's writinga book about a cycling adventure
(04:28):
that you're gonna hear her talkabout.
So I think you're gonna likethis conversation.
And let me just pause righthere because this is the first
episode of our Change Makersseries.
There are so many women likeyou out there in the world who
(04:51):
have revamped personally,professionally, often both,
during this midlife period.
And by that I mean 40s, 50s.
And you're gonna hear anamazing story on today's
episode.
I have more coming for you.
It's gonna be an occasionalseries about women who have
(05:12):
changed it all during midlifeand really just done amazing
things.
And if that's you, go to theshow notes, click the link where
you can send me a text and textme and let me know, and I will
send you a form.
Maybe you can be on mind yourmidlife.
I would love to talk to you.
Here we go.
(05:32):
So welcome, Inessa.
Thanks for joining me.
Inessa Love (05:40):
Thank you, Cheryl.
This is really fun and great tobe here.
Cheryl Fischer (05:44):
Okay, so for you, I know that staying active
in midlife and particularlysurfing, which we're gonna talk
about, is a powerful topic.
So tell us how that happenedand what you do with your
surfing group.
Inessa Love (05:59):
Yeah, so I'll tell you a little bit of a backstory.
The most important thing is Iwas not active when I was young.
In my 20s, I barely didanything.
I maybe rollerblade in CentralPark.
I lived in New York.
On a good weather day, I wouldrollerblade around Central Park,
you know, maybe once a week,three months out of the year.
(06:21):
So I was not active when I wasyoung.
And the older I got, the moreactive I got.
So it's like not what I thoughtit's gonna be.
I thought when you get older,you get less active.
Well, my case is the opposite.
So I'm actually that's why I'man advocate for being active in
midlife because I realized thatwe can.
(06:41):
I realize that we can.
And uh, this whole story aboutit's downhill and being less
active is wrong because I am nowmore active, as I said, than I
was in my 20s and 30s.
It kind of started slowly in mylate 30s, early 40s.
I got into like tai chi andyoga and a little bit of martial
arts.
So that was kind of my gentleentryway, and then mid-40s, I
(07:06):
got divorced and I startedhiking, and hiking became my
therapy, and I was hiking quitea bit.
In Hawaii, I'm so lucky there'sso much hiking, and then doing
yoga and and uh doing acro yoga.
So I was fairly active when Igot into surfing, but I feel
like surfing took it to a wholeother level.
And I started learning surfingat 50, which is another like
(07:31):
myth or something I thought itwould be definitely too late.
I lived in Hawaii for eightyears before I started surfing,
just because I never thoughtabout it.
It didn't even occur to me thatit was accessible, and then
just kind of random was COVID,and a friend was taking a
lesson, and she said, Hey, comejoin me on this lesson.
(07:52):
And I was like, Okay, there wasnothing to do, and they closed
the hiking trails.
So I went and joined her on thelesson, completely random, and
I was like, Oh wow, it's not asbad as as scary as I thought it
would be.
Because you know, you go in thesmall waves, the white water,
they push you, you stand up, andit's just like, oh, that's
interesting.
(08:13):
And so that's how I startedsurfing, and now I'm I'm gonna
be 55 in September, and I feellike I'm in a better physical
shape than I was in my 30s forsure.
Mid 30s, I did pretty muchnothing.
I had a young child at 34 anddid nothing except going to the
park and play on the slides withhim, right?
(08:35):
Yeah, so yeah, and I think it'sjust so possible.
It's just and and the otherthing is I am happier now too.
And I think the mental healthand physical activity goes so
well together, especiallyfinding something that we love
doing.
It just gives such a boost ofendorphin.
(08:56):
I went surfing today, you mighthave sewed my white face, I
just took it off, but it justgives me such a boost of
endorphins, and there's allthese happy hormones.
And when we move our bodies, Ifeel like our emotions follow,
our mind follow.
So it's not just really physicalstrength, it gives me mental
strength, it gives me more likeemotional balance, really.
(09:20):
Yeah, and that helps withmenopause and all of these other
things, right?
Just feeling a little morebalanced.
Like whenever I go surfing,whenever I get in the water, I'm
always happier afterwards.
Even if I didn't have a greatsession, even if I didn't catch
many waves, I'm almost alwayshappier afterwards.
Cheryl Fischer (09:41):
You know, it's interesting because I think
surfing might be the perfectcombination of you're doing
something active and you feelgood about that, and you're in
the water, which is really goodfor mental health, and you're on
the beach, which is good forgrounding and mental health.
(10:02):
It's kind of the perfect combo.
Inessa Love (10:05):
It definitely is, and it's not just me.
I hear from so many women thatit's exactly the case, right?
You're aware of all theresearch about uh blue mind,
there is an awesome book calledBlue Mind that talks about how
just being near a big body ofwater just affects our
psychology and our physiology aswell.
Cheryl Fischer (10:27):
It's amazing, yeah.
And what is it about surfing inparticular?
Because I'm aware that somebodylistening might be near
somewhere they could surf andthey might not be at all, of
course.
Yes, but what is it about thisthat has really uh affected your
body and your physical fitnessand has helped you to get in
(10:47):
shape?
Inessa Love (11:23):
Well, there's so many things, just like wait,
like just like you said, beingin the water, being in the
ocean, it's really, reallyamazing.
Uh another thing is it wasreally challenging.
I have to be honest, becausestarting to learn surfing at the
50s, it wasn't easy.
And I was in a decent shape.
(11:43):
I was never an athlete, as Isaid, but I was in a good shape
by the time I started, but stillit was so difficult.
And there is part of me thatlikes like overcoming
challenges.
So there is just like, oh, Igotta, I have to get it.
I just have to get it, and thatnever stops because now that
I'm finally getting it, fiveyears later, like I want to get
better now.
So it's almost like you know,like why video games are so
(12:07):
addictive, because you havelevels and you pass one level,
and there is a next level thatis, you know, has all these new
coins to collect.
And there is always thisjourney with surfing.
You never like reach the point,and maybe some people do those
who've surfed their whole life,right?
But for me, it's still like I'mstill learning, and I love that
aspect of it too, that I'mstill learning and still it's
(12:30):
still physically challenging,but it also like it has this
perfect combo of a challenge andreward.
The reward is just also soamazing.
Like when you catch a wave,that's just a feeling of like,
oh, I really did it.
Wow, you know, just nothinglike it.
Like that moment of wow isincredible, and of course,
(12:52):
before that moment of wow,there's moment of like, oh shit,
am I gonna catch it or am Igonna wipe out?
Um, so that's that moment isthere too.
Almost every time there is thislittle fear moment, and
sometimes it's more than fear,it's close to panic, like, oh my
god, what's gonna happen?
And then it's just like thisecstasy, really.
Cheryl Fischer (13:13):
Yeah, and you know what?
I can't think of very manyother physical fitness type of
things that would have that sortof immediate risk reward like
that.
That's interesting.
Inessa Love (13:25):
Yeah, maybe that's why surfing is really addictive.
Like that I'm talking to peoplenow, so I'm also talking to so
many women because of this.
This releases this dopamine,right?
It's not like going on a hike.
Hike is great, and I still lovehiking.
But this dopamine, the hit thatit hits you with, it's really
something.
That's why I think it's like avideo game, it has that element
(13:48):
of a little bit of an addictionto it, but it's the healthiest
addiction you know I can thinkof.
Cheryl Fischer (13:54):
I agree.
If you're gonna get addicted tosomething like this, then okay,
right.
So you have a group, sassysilver surfers.
Tell us what you're doing withthat group.
How did that come about?
Inessa Love (14:08):
So, how it came about is when I started surfing
at 50, I saw, you know, women inthe lineup, and most of them
were younger, but occasionally Iwould see an older woman and I
would like gravitate towardthem.
I would just like, okay, I needto meet that woman, I need to
learn from that woman.
And I would be just likeapproaching them and made some
(14:28):
friends.
Like I have a friend who surfshere, she's in her 70s, and
she's just such a role model forme.
And so for me, on my journey tolearn, it was really helpful to
find those kind of role modelsand people I can look up to and
people could I can say, okay, ifshe's surfing, I can learn.
I have 20 more years to get tothat level.
(14:49):
And so that's why I startedthis group with my colleague
Lisa Alfono.
We connected on Facebook andshe was kind of saying the same
thing.
I want a group for older womensurfers, and I'm like, oh, and I
want a group for older womensurfers, let's do it together.
So, two years ago, more thantwo years, we started this
Facebook group that is SassySilver Surfers, and there are
(15:11):
women from all over the world,and we're very, how should I
say, exclusive.
You have to be 50 and over, andyou have to be a woman.
Now we don't check your levelof surfing.
You can say you're surf curiousand you just want inspiration.
Uh, that's also fine.
But it's a closed group, and somore recently I started doing
(15:32):
this Instagram, also calledSassy Silver Surfers, with the
same kind of mission ofinspiring other women and giving
other women role models that Ididn't have.
If I had them in my 40s, Iwould have started eight years
earlier.
If I just saw, oh, this ispossible and so much fun.
Why didn't I start earlier?
(15:53):
So I'm sharing now this story,my own story and my own what
I've learned and the tips, andalso other women's stories.
Um yesterday I shared a storyof a woman who started learning
to surf at 66.
Can you imagine?
66.
(16:14):
She went to her first allwomen's surf retreat in Costa
Rica.
Now she's 69 and she's surfing.
She moved to Costa Rica fromCalifornia, and she says she
never looked back.
And those kinds of thingsinspire me so much, and that's
why I love sharing that, andthat's what I do on my
(16:34):
Instagram.
I'm sharing stories like thatto provide inspiration, that
it's not too late.
And surfing, of course, is notfor everybody.
Now I'm so surprisedcontinuously how many women say
I always wanted to try.
In fact, just this morning,like an hour before, I checked a
(16:55):
comment from one of the women,and she's 54, and she said, I
always wanted to surf.
And now I just took my secondlesson and I'm booked my third.
And it just gives me so muchjoy, you know, like the women
doing that, you know, andsharing that.
It's just like I'm almost, youknow, touched to tears that she,
(17:18):
you know, ended up sharing thaton Instagram.
Cheryl Fischer (17:22):
You know, we can expand that to other things for
sure, because I definitely havehad conversations with so many
women who've said, I alwayswanted to do whatever.
Right.
Right.
And somehow we never did it, wedidn't have time, or the kids
were growing up, or we didn'tthink we could do it, or who
(17:43):
knows what the reason was.
But now we can do so many ofthose things.
It's amazing.
Inessa Love (17:50):
Yeah, absolutely.
I just um made this post theother day about midlife is for
us.
I feel like when we were allyounger as women, we always kind
of serve others, our kids, ourpartners, our work, our parents.
It's just uh I was the lastthing on my list of things to do
when my son was growing up, andwhen I was trying to have a
(18:13):
family and a full-time career,that was really hard.
But now that we got to midlife,that's one of the perks.
Most of the people like intheir 50s, children already
mostly out of the house, andthat's the time we can devote
it.
And absolutely right, you know,it doesn't have to be surfing,
it's something, you know, itcould be something, but we have
(18:34):
all these dreams, and I think somany women want to move more,
they just don't know where tostart or how to start, or just
like intimidated by it.
But I personally am a strongadvocate for moving, whatever it
is doesn't have to be surfing.
So I think I mentioned to youthat last summer I went on this
(18:54):
bike trip, and I'm not acyclist, I bike to my work, it's
three miles each way, and I waslike, Yeah, cool, I'm in a
great shape.
And then I signed up for this250-mile bike ride last summer
with my son.
And I think surfing gave me alittle bit of more confidence
(19:15):
and strength too.
So I'm like, I'm in a goodshape, I can do it.
And so I started trainingreally, really hard.
I was on break from my work, sofor three weeks I trained
really hard.
Like basically, that's all Idid bike and sleep and eat.
And then I went on this tourand I did a 250-mile trip with
my son.
And I cannot say it was easy,but it was in a way
(19:37):
life-changing too.
Yeah, and and the reason why itwas life-changing is I was 54,
and I, you know, we have I stillhave those thoughts.
Like, is it too late for me tobe doing it?
I never cycled more than threemiles, maybe five.
And now all of a sudden, I wenton my first ride and I did 15
miles, and I thought I was gonnadie because next morning I woke
(20:00):
up and I had to take likepainkillers and take a bath, and
I'm just like, what did I do tomy body?
But slowly, that's amazing.
Like after that 15 miles, and Iwas so beat up, but like three
days later I did 17, and threedays after that I did 19, and I
slowly started building to it,and my body adapted to it.
(20:23):
We are just more adaptable thanwe think we are.
Nature is so uh wise and smartbecause the more we move, you
know, we break down the muscle,but then it rebuilds it
stronger.
Otherwise, it's not gonna builda strong muscle if we don't
break it down, you know, becauseit's expensive in terms of
(20:44):
energy and you know resourcesthat the body has to use to
rebuild those muscles.
So I came up with this mantra: the more we move, the stronger (20:49):
undefined
we become.
The more we move, the strongerwe become, and it's just
inevitable.
But we have to move more, wehave to move more next day than
we did the day before, right?
So the bike ride, and thereason it changed my life is I
(21:10):
met this woman who was 85, myfriend Sue, on that ride.
85.
She was riding a bicycle, shedid not have any bike, she had a
regular road bike, and thefirst day on the tour, it's
50-mile day, and by the end ofit, I'm just I just done with
(21:31):
it.
I'm so done, like I don't wantto be doing it anymore.
And I was just exhausted, andthere is like one last hill.
So I met up with Sue like a fewmiles before that last heel,
and we started chatting, and shewas I was blown away.
I knew there was an oldestrider on the tour, was 85.
So I just was so lucky.
Okay, here you are, and then onthat last hill, we start going
(21:54):
up.
Guess what?
She passes me, she passes me,and she goes, you know, she
leaves me behind on that hill.
And I was just like, what?
What is this?
I don't understand.
So that changed my life,really.
That just not just that moment,but learning, meeting her, and
learning about Sue and herlessons and how did she end up
(22:19):
there, right?
And that's the message that Iwant to send.
It that does it's not aboutsurfing.
She loves biking.
I don't love biking, I'm nevergonna love biking.
I'm never gonna be a cyclist.
I cycle now just to maintain alittle bit what I've gained.
But she likes it, and that'sanother lesson is finding what
you like, finding what works foryou.
(22:42):
Because in in our society, weare told to go exercise, but
exercise is boring.
Going to exercise when we haveto, it's not fun.
You're practicing golf, right?
Or you're learning something,right?
Cheryl Fischer (22:58):
I'm learning golf, yes.
Inessa Love (22:59):
Yeah, I saw that.
It's so fun because I thinkjust learning something,
whatever it is, that process oflearning, it's what keeps us
young because it works on ourbrain and it works on our body,
and it's actually as you'relearning your, you know, what
you call it, this the swing,golf swing, you work in your
(23:21):
brain and your body at the sametime.
And that's actually researchshows that it's that's what
keeps our brain young, it's whatprevents Alzheimer's, is well
moving body and mind at the sametime, right?
And that happens when we learna new skill.
Did you always want to learngolf, or how did that start for
you?
Cheryl Fischer (23:41):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So I took some la how you knowwhat it was?
I was like you, and I neverplayed any sports.
And I I don't have greathand-eye coordination when it
comes to trying to hit somethingthat's coming at me and play
some sort of racket sport.
And so my husband has alwaysliked golf.
(24:04):
And I thought to myself, youknow what?
I see people of all ages doingthis, and the ball is not
moving.
Maybe learn how to hitsomething that's not moving, and
I could walk around on thesebeautiful golf courses and get
some exercise.
Maybe I should learn.
(24:25):
Now, of course, and this istrue of surfing, I'm sure, too.
It's not easy to get better atgolf.
It takes dedication andpractice, it's a tricky thing to
learn, and that's okay.
I just try to really look at itas it's good for me, and let me
try and have fun, and that'sit.
Inessa Love (24:45):
Yeah.
Cheryl Fischer (24:45):
Yeah.
Inessa Love (24:46):
Absolutely.
It's so great that you startedlearning that too at midlife.
Absolutely.
What I learned to make it morefun is to it with a friend.
Cheryl Fischer (24:55):
So, yeah, you know what?
Community is a big deal for usat this stage of life, and that
is one of the reasons I'm reallyimpressed with what you're
doing, bringing women togetheruh locally and all over the
world, because I think we wetalk ourselves out of things, we
get bored, it's not fun.
(25:15):
You know, there's so manydifferent things we do to
ourselves, but if we have acommunity of people, it really
changes everything.
Inessa Love (25:23):
Yeah, it's absolutely true.
So I think we never meant to bealone.
We are social creatures.
One way to make it fun is do itwith a friend.
Cheryl Fischer (25:31):
Yep.
Okay, so let's talk aboutstereotypes a little bit,
because another thing that youhave said is that you are really
trying to break down or changethe stereotypes that exist
related to midlife women andbeing active in sports.
So tell me more about what youmean.
I mean, I think I know, but forthe listener, what are those
(25:55):
stereotypes?
Tell us more about that.
Inessa Love (25:57):
One stereotype is that we're supposed to get
weaker with age.
I'm seeing women now who surfin their 60s and their 70s, and
they're probably stronger thanme, too.
And that woman, Sue, who passedme on the hill at 85, she was
way stronger than me.
So, how is it possible that weget weaker with age?
(26:18):
That's complete.
You know what?
No, I want to say BS, but it'stotally wrong.
We can get stronger at any age.
Even if someone had a lifetimeof not moving and they start
moving, they're gonna getstronger.
It's just inevitable.
That's how bodies are built.
So I guess those two thingsthat the decline is not
(26:39):
inevitable.
It's not inevitable, but wecreate it by not moving.
Yeah, we create the decline.
Now, I have to be honest to sayit may not be easy.
It's simple.
The prescription is simple.
Just keep moving and move alittle more every day, you know.
But it's not easy to do becauseit is difficult.
(27:02):
It's difficult to learnsomething new, it's difficult to
pick a bike at 54 and startriding 15 miles.
It was difficult.
I don't want to make it soundlike easy, but it's doable and
it's achievable.
And doing it together makes itmore achievable because then we
see role models and then we havethe support of the community.
That's a social thing.
(27:23):
And she says we go lunch after,it's a social thing.
And I feel like that keeps usgoing, having a community that
supports us, having friends todo it with, and just we have to
keep doing it.
But going, you know, to a gymfor an hour once a week or twice
a week, that's not enough.
That's especially as we getolder.
(27:43):
So maybe that's anotherstereotype they want to break is
we have to actually move alittle more when we get old.
We have to move more, and wecan.
We can slowly we can build upto it.
What is what other stereotypesyou think there are around
midlife?
Let's break them all.
Cheryl Fischer (28:01):
Well, I think we expect that we're gonna have
more trouble moving and we'regonna get less flexible, and
we're gonna get, we're gonna beable to, you know, get up and
down off the floor less easily,and everything is gonna get
harder.
And I think that probably wouldbe true unless we keep moving.
And as you said, maybe a littlemore each day, maybe a little
(28:23):
more.
And one thing I say on thepodcast all the time is we need
to just take a little bit bettercare of ourselves in this
point, just a little bit betterthan we used to, and that will
make the difference.
Inessa Love (28:36):
Yeah, for sure.
And you're absolutely right.
Those things will get harder ifwe don't do them.
Getting off the floor will getharder if we don't do them, and
flexibility is as well.
I'm a yoga teacher too.
So once I started surfing, Iwent and I got my yoga teacher
training.
Like two or two years intosurfing, I decided that I wanted
(28:59):
to learn more about the body,and because surfing is hard, and
how to help myself both prepareand recover, because recovery
becomes also a thing that weneed to be aware of.
So I've been all doing yoga alittle bit, doubling into it for
like 20 years, but then aftersurfing, I decided I want to get
trained, so I went and learnedand become a registered yoga
(29:22):
teacher, and now what I teach isyoga for surfers because it
kind of combines the two things.
Love it, but understanding thebody and how it's designed and
how it's built and how it'smeant to move, yeah, it's really
helping me too, it's helping mewith my surfing.
And my friend Sue, who was 85,she says, Oh, I need to stretch
more, and she does, but if shecan ride her bike better than me
(29:47):
at 85, she's doing fine.
Yeah, she is.
She found what she loves doingand she doesn't love stretching,
so she's you know, she's notperfect, right?
Cheryl Fischer (29:58):
Okay, let's say that someone is listening and
they're thinking, okay, this shyou make it sound really fun.
That's what I'm thinking.
And let's say someone isthinking that as they're
listening.
If they're really not active atthis point and they want to get
started, what advice would yougive?
Inessa Love (30:17):
The first advice I would give is find a friend to
do it together.
I'm sure you know a friend whois in the same boat.
Because eight out of tenmidlife women who are not active
wish they were more active.
So, out of ten midlife womenyou know, eight of them want to
be more active.
So that would be absolutelyfirst thing to do is to find a
(30:39):
friend or maybe a couple andsay, hey, let's try something
together.
And then just keep tryingsomething until you find
something that you really like.
Because it's hard to maintainor sustain doing something long
term at the right level ofintensity if you don't love it.
Cheryl Fischer (30:55):
True.
Inessa Love (30:56):
So you have to find something that you love.
You know, it could bepickleball, it could be golf, it
could be yoga.
You know, some people like uhhiking and swimming in the pool
if you don't have the ocean, orsomething that you like doing.
And I feel like that's the key.
Two keys to start is have afriend or a few that you want to
(31:17):
try it together, and then try afew things until something
clicks and you're just like, Ilike this.
I can see myself doing thisquite a bit for quite a long
time.
Because what happened to mewhen I was young is I would try
to quote unquote exercise and itnever stuck.
It never stuck becauseexercising sucks.
I'm not actually recommendingexercise.
(31:39):
I'm recommending findingmovement activity that you love
doing and keep doing it at thelevel of intensity that is
building with friends.
That's my recommendation.
But just start, okay.
We all gonna we've all beenthere.
I'm gonna start this newprogram.
I'm gonna buy this new app, andI'm gonna sign up for this gym
(32:01):
membership that I'm not gonnause after two weeks.
We've all been there, I've donethat too.
So that's my tworecommendations is finding a
friend and finding what you lovedoing with a friend.
That's the best thing.
Cheryl Fischer (32:14):
Perfect.
And I'm gonna add to thatbecause there's this little
voice in my head that's kind ofthe snarky midlife woman.
I'm gonna add to that.
And if you don't like it, thenmove on and try something else.
Like we are too old.
I hate to use that word, but weare too old to do stuff we
don't like.
Inessa Love (32:31):
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
I love that.
I wanted to make that clear.
You try different things untilsomething click.
You know, you try pickleballfor a few times and try it more
than once.
You know, try something morethan once, too, because
sometimes try it three times.
Make a rule that I'm gonna trysomething new three times.
Whatever you wherever youleave, what's around you, but
(32:52):
then you're right, keep movingbecause forcing ourselves to do
it is not gonna work.
Because if it hasn't workeduntil now, it probably wouldn't
work, right?
I mean, some people can keepforcing themselves to do
something.
I'm not that way.
It really took me finding whatI loved.
And before surfing, I lovedacra yoga, which was done in
(33:13):
community in partners, and itwas fun, right?
So doing something in communitythat was fun, and that helped
me a lot to get my body in agood shape.
Cheryl Fischer (33:23):
And and we've always heard the advice to have
a partner to exercise with, ormaybe like an accountability
partner to check in with.
But even that, looking at itfrom that way of accountability,
that's not fun.
That feels like an obligation.
So I like that you're sayingit's just to make it fun, it's
just to make it easier.
Let's do it together.
Yeah.
Inessa Love (33:44):
Yeah, make it a social thing, grab coffee after,
or whatever it is that that youtwo like doing, or three, or
fine.
Now, there is also all thesedifferent groups.
When I started hiking, I joinedmeetup, and where I live in my
area, there are a lot of hikinggroup meetups, so I would go
with different groups, and to behonest, it's a little
intimidating at first.
(34:04):
You're showing up alone in agroup of strangers, and it is
intimidating.
I wish I had a friend to gowith.
I had my embarking friend, so Ibrought him.
But the finding groups, maybethere are Facebooks in your
groups in your area, maybe thereare meetup groups, joining some
groups because I totallybelieve that in terms of
(34:26):
sustaining an activity, isfinding a community is very
important.
Cheryl Fischer (34:30):
Absolutely.
Okay, well, let me make surethat I ask you this so that
people who are kind of lookingfor you or your community know
where to find you.
So if somebody wants to knowmore about what you're doing
with surfing or about the groupyou have, where should they find
you?
Inessa Love (34:45):
Right.
So if they particularly areinterested in surfing for women
50 and over, they can join ourFacebook group, which is a
closed group, and it's a verysupportive group.
Now, if you just want to getinspired by sort of seeing older
women doing hard things, suchas surfing, then anyone can join
(35:05):
and follow me on Instagram.
It's also called Sassy SilverSurfers, but I like sharing
stories of older women doingcool things and inspiring other
people.
Cheryl Fischer (35:16):
And if you're listening, I will tell you that
her Instagram really isinspiring.
So that is definitely somethingthat everyone should do.
I love it.
Inessa Love (35:25):
Yeah, and I I just recently did a poll.
Only 50% of my followers areactually surfers, and some of
them are just sort of what Icall surf curious.
It's like maybe I want to tryit one day.
And some of them are not evencurious about surfing, but
they're there for inspiration,exactly.
Because may uh some womanshared there recently that you
(35:46):
know she's she's doing on thishorse riding trip and she's
putting her horse saddle in hersurfboard and she's doing some
kind of project with it.
So there's not only surfersthere, but just people who got
inspired by that messaging thatwe can reclaim our strength, we
we can do hard things, we can bebadass, uh sassy silver surfers
(36:07):
in our f 60s and 70s.
And that's an inspiringmessage.
I think the world needs to hearthat message because what if
women are happier in midlife,how much better the world will
be.
Cheryl Fischer (36:19):
Right?
Inessa Love (36:20):
Yes, that's what you're doing too.
That's exactly right.
That's what you're doing too.
You're making helping women tobe happier in midlife, and I
feel like it's such a worthwhilegoal, it's just so important.
Cheryl Fischer (36:35):
I definitely agree.
Okay, so let's say somebody'sbeen listening to this and
they're doing their laundry orthey're driving in the car or
whatever, and they can'tremember everything we talked
about, but they can mayberemember one thing.
What is the most importantthing you want somebody to
remember from this discussion?
Inessa Love (36:53):
The more you move, the stronger you become.
That's my favorite sayingrecently.
I I don't know if anyone saidit before, but it's my mantra.
Remember that.
The more you move, the strongeryou become, and you can get
stronger at any age.
Cheryl Fischer (37:09):
Yes.
Inessa Love (37:10):
And it's really about quality of life.
Cheryl Fischer (37:12):
Yes, even more so than it was when we were
younger.
Fully agree.
Yes.
Yes, awesome.
Well, Inessa, thank you so muchfor joining me.
I really think this is going tobe inspiring for a lot of
people.
Inessa Love (37:23):
Yeah, it was awesome.
Thank you for having me.
Cheryl Fischer (37:26):
I have such a feeling of happiness and
optimism from this conversation.
Keep moving, do more movement,and we'll get stronger.
Isn't that such an optimisticview?
And let me tell you what, youmay have heard me talk about
(37:48):
this.
I have a family member who hasa debilitating disease.
And the advice that shereceived early on in that
disease was please exercise,keep moving all parts of your
body because if you keep moving,you decline more slowly.
(38:10):
Now, that's someone who has avery difficult disease.
If we're healthy right now,let's take that bigger, keep
moving, and as Inessa said, wekeep getting stronger.
We are not declining unless welet it happen.
(38:32):
And I just love, love, lovethat perspective.
And you'll need to tell me ifyou know how to surf or if you
are trying surfing, because eventhough I'm not sure I'm ever
gonna do it, I'm also not reallynear an ocean very often.
Maybe you are, and maybe youlove it just the way Inessa
does, and I would love to hearabout that.
(38:54):
And in the meantime, if you'relistening on Spotify or Apple,
if you would tap the five starsfor a rating, that would be
amazing.
It helps the podcast apps knowto get the word out about Mind
Your Midlife to more midlifewomen.
And on Apple, leave a quickreview.
That would be amazing.
(39:15):
I appreciate you taking thetime to do that.
In the meantime, slow down,notice what's going on in your
head, what's going on aroundyou, and let's create something
amazing.
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