June 6, 2025 • 24 mins
If you've ever gone searching for your phone while you're literally on your phone, you're not alone. In this episode of Mind Your Midlife, Cheryl unpacks what’s really going on with our memory in midlife — and why forgetting a name or misplacing your keys doesn’t mean you’re heading down a path of cognitive decline.
Let’s be honest: midlife comes with a lot of mental tabs open. Between hormonal changes, family dynamics, career shifts, aging parents, and a culture of distraction, it’s no wonder we occasionally feel scatterbrained. But the good news? These memory blips are common — and normal — and there’s a lot we can do to support our brains (and our peace of mind).
You’ll learn:
- Why hormonal changes like estrogen and cortisol shifts impact your memory
- How chronic stress and multitasking may be contributing to mental fog
- Why what you say about your memory matters more than you think
- The role of sleep, movement, and mindfulness in cognitive health
- Simple, doable strategies to help your brain reset, refocus, and recharge
Plus, Cheryl shares some of her favorite memory-boosting habits — like playing Mahjong, learning new skills, and the power of writing things down without guilt.
Take Action:
- The Story Cycle worksheet — to shift the way you talk to yourself
- Meditation episode with Angela Smith — an earlier episode with practical ways to calm your mind and strengthen focus
- Episode 29: How Walking Transforms Your Midlife Mind — why simple movement matters
Remember, needing a reset doesn’t mean you’re broken — it just means your brain might need a little care. Pick one small shift this week and give it a try.
💛 Join us in Midlife Pivot on Patreon for coaching extras and bonus content: www.patreon.com/mindyourmidlife - including a live group coaching Zoom each month!
Find all podcast and coaching resources at cherylpfischer.com.
Text me to ask a question - I'll answer on the podcast!
🌸 Liked this episode? Share it with fellow midlife women over 40 navigating hormone balance, an empty nest, and self-confidence!
🫶 Love this show? Leave a review to help more women over 50 find us.
💡Want support through menopause, mindset shifts, or midlife transitions?
Book a free Mindset Coaching / Intro Call: cherylpfischer.com/coaching, and join us in Midlife Pivot on Patreon.
Let’s talk self-care, self-talk, and owning your next chapter—without the “midlife crisis” narrative.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cheryl Fischer (00:00):
In my personal experience, we reach the point
in midlife where we might wonderabout how our brains are doing
and how our memory is doing whenwe start looking for something
that we actually have, and bythat I mean looking for your
(00:20):
phone to look something up whileyou're talking to someone on
the phone.
That's a big one for me.
So what if you could make somelittle tweaks to improve your
memory and maybe just generallystop worrying about it so much?
Let's talk about it.
(00:42):
Welcome to Mind your Midlife,your go-to resource for
confidence and success.
One thought at a time.
Unlike most advice out there,we believe that simply telling
you to believe in yourself orchange your habits isn't enough
to wake up excited about life orfeel truly confident in your
(01:04):
body.
Each week, you'll gainactionable strategies and oh my
goodness powerful insights tostop feeling stuck and start
loving your midlife.
This is the Mind your Midlifepodcast.
It's nerve wracking to thinkabout the next 20, 30, 40 years
(01:26):
and wonder are we going to beokay?
Are our brains going to be okay?
I don't let myself really godown that road very often,
because I think that, since wedon't know what's going to
happen, it's really important toenjoy the moment and treat
ourselves well.
Remember what I always say it'stime to treat ourselves a
(01:48):
little bit better than we usedto.
And yet the reality issomewhere in the back of your
mind.
Potentially you're worried.
If I forgot this person's name,or I forget everybody's name,
or I forget things I don't writedown, or I lose something,
almost as if it's not attachedto me, then is that a sign of a
(02:08):
big, big problem?
And so I want to talk aboutmemory, because it is possible
in midlife that our memoryfluctuates and we are a little
bit more distractible sometimesand less other times, and we're
going to talk about that.
There could be hormonal issues,there could be other things
(02:28):
going on, and I just want toleave you with the idea that
this is not a sign of terriblethings to come.
It's not Okay.
So we're reframing that You'renot falling apart.
The fact that you can'tremember somebody's name or you
don't know where your phone isis not meaning that you are
(02:52):
starting down the path todementia.
It's not Not when we're in our40s or our 50s.
So what does it mean?
Where does this come from, ifyou're really noticing that
you're having changes in yourmemory?
I was doing a little digging onthis, because for a long time
now, I have always said, oh mygoodness, if I need to pay
(03:13):
someone, I need to pay right now, or I'm going to forget, or if
I plan something, I need towrite it down.
If it is not written down, thenforget it.
It's not happening.
And I don't know if you're thesame I'm betting there are a few
of us out there that are thesame.
So I do notice that that isincreasing a little bit and I
wonder what's really going on.
(03:34):
So here's what I found outHormonal shifts.
Goodness, aren't hormonesresponsible for everything in a
good way and a bad way?
Hormonal shifts that happen inperimenopause and menopause
absolutely can impact memory.
So we're going to talk aboutthat.
The other thing is, it couldjust be what I think the
(03:56):
technical term is cognitiveoverload.
You got a lot of stuff.
There's a lot of stuff going on.
You're still working, maybe,and your kids are either in
their teen years or they'releaving, both of which are
different situations completely.
You have aging parents.
Maybe you are figuring outwhat's next, as you have a bit
(04:17):
more time in your life, or youfeel a bit differently about
life and where you're headed.
That's a lot.
It's a lot, and let's rememberthat, as Gen X, for the most
part that's what we are.
We didn't grow up with theinternet and social media and
all the stuff that's going onnow.
So there is a kind of cultureof distraction that our brains
(04:41):
didn't see and experience asyoung as the next few
generations, and that has prosand cons to it, for sure, but
it's possible that this cultureof distraction might hit us
particularly.
So we're going to talk aboutall of those.
Your brain might need a reset,but you are fine and there are
things you can do.
(05:01):
Okay, that's my theme.
I don't want you to getstressed and feel like, oh, it's
the end, I've got to go and youknow, take pictures of everyone
and write their name on thepicture, because I'm not going
to remember anyone.
That's not what we're sayingand in fact, there's a lot of
power in the words we say aboutthings we're struggling with.
So if you are frustratedbecause you feel distractible,
(05:23):
you feel forgetful, saying toyourself over and over oh, I
can't ever remember anything.
Oh, I don't remember anyone'sname.
I'm so frustrated, why do Ialways lose everything?
Those become self-fulfilling.
So I do very much want you topay attention to the thoughts in
your head, because your brainis going to try to answer
(05:45):
questions like that for you andyou don't want the answer to why
you always lose everything,because it's going to start
happening more and more and more.
Okay, so, careful of your words.
But let's circle back.
I said hormonal changes.
There's a few big ones andthese you're going to have heard
of before.
So estrogen plays a big role inbrain health and particularly
(06:11):
is important in the hippocampusof the brain, and you don't have
to know exactly what that is,but it's the part of our brain
that is involved in memory andlearning.
So when estrogen levels drop,potentially during perimenopause
, menopause, then that can leadto a little bit of brain fog, a
(06:32):
little bit of forgetfulness.
Short term, maybe, difficultyfinding the word and my goodness
, do I have that?
I'll be saying what's the word?
What's the word?
You know when it's like thatall the time.
So, my, what's the word?
Friends, it might be a drop inestrogen.
Here's the key.
(06:52):
This is not a permanent declinethat will never get better.
It's a fluctuation of yourhormones.
So maybe it helps to think okay, recalibrating, not
malfunctioning.
Hold on to that.
Cortisol is the next one, andgoodness, we talk about cortisol
all the time.
Now I have episodes coming onhormone balance and on sleep and
(07:17):
I've already done thoseinterviews and I remember them
saying cortisol is the reason wewake up in the morning, it's
what gets us going, so it has apurpose.
And at the same time, if we arein chronic stress remember that
cognitive overload, careercaregiving, relationships, body
(07:37):
changes, stress about the futureIf we're in chronic stress,
that increases cortisol in ourbodies, bodies, and that affects
the prefrontal cortex, part ofthe brain which is used for
decision making and memory.
And, interestingly, over time,overloads of cortisol can also
(07:58):
shrink the hippocampus that wetalked about before.
Again, this is not permanent,that I'm stressed.
So my brain's going to fallapart.
If you adopt some stressreducing habits we'll talk about
that you can reverse the impact.
Okay, nothing is permanent.
The other thing that is possibleas we get more seasoned in life
(08:20):
is that maybe we legitimatelycan't have quite as many tabs
open, let's say, in the brain atthe same time.
So if you are a multitasker, Iam sure someone has told you,
and if they haven't, I'm goingto tell you right now that
multitasking is not really goodfor us, it's not really good for
(08:41):
anyone and we think we'regetting all this stuff done.
But it is very possible that aswe go into our 50s, 60s, 70s,
80s, we're not going to be quiteas good at juggling many tabs
open in our brain and what wethink is forgetfulness is maybe
just dividing our attention toomuch or being distracted by the
(09:06):
other thing we were trying to door grab or remember.
At the same time, your brainmight actually be filtering and
trying to parse out all thosedifferent things, and that's a
struggle.
So slowing down a little bitand focusing on what we're doing
can make a huge difference inthat area.
(09:29):
Now, if you're struggling withyour sleep, there are lots of
people out there that can help.
I have a sleep episode comingthis summer.
We can absolutely talk aboutthat, and it is a normal thing
that often happens in midlife.
It's important to try to keepimproving our sleep, because
(09:50):
that's when your brain is, Ilike to say, doing a clean out,
but when I looked into this, Iactually read that's when your
brain is consolidating memories,which makes me think maybe
that's related to dreams, butwe're not going to go down that
path right now.
So the better sleep you canhave, the better for your memory
(10:11):
, the better for your brain.
Those are all the physical andhormone balancing issues.
Let me go back to what I saidat the beginning of this episode
.
Sometimes we're tellingourselves some really negative
stuff.
If you are telling yourselfthat this is a sign that you're
losing your memory, this is asign that you're going to end up
(10:33):
just like insert name of personwho had dementia or whatever
then you're going to filtereverything you notice in your
life through that lens.
Your brain is going to belooking for evidence that you
are going to end up like greataunt Jane or whoever.
It's looking for that, becauseyou're telling yourself that
(10:56):
this is huge and it's also kindof subtle and you might call
this a confirmation bias.
So you're looking for evidenceto show that what you believe or
what you're telling yourself istrue.
So that's going to shape howyou act.
It's going to shape what youworry about and that potentially
(11:20):
uh-oh, the cortisol is going up.
Now memory is getting worse.
It's like a self-fulfillingprophecy.
So if you don't have the storycycle resource already, grab
that.
Cheryl P Fisher slash storycycle.
You've heard me say that before.
But if you can notice, you canpause.
Notice how you're feeling,notice what kind of nonsense is
(11:41):
going on in your head and justbe aware of that.
You can question it, and that'sa big deal when we're talking
about an area where you might betelling yourself, oh, this is
it, this is the end.
I can't even remember my oldcollege friend's name.
I'm going to be in a home orwhatever.
You know.
We tell ourselves all thesecrazy things.
That's not true.
(12:07):
Okay, so what are we going to doabout this?
I'm telling you why it'shappening.
I'm telling you this is notright now, in most cases, a sign
that you are headed towardsdementia or something related to
that, and that means maybethere's something we can do to
(12:27):
improve our memory, improve ourability to focus, improve your
ability to remember what youwere doing five seconds ago.
The first thing is what I wasjust talking about Be kind to
yourself with what you aresaying and if you need a
substitute for oh, I can'tremember everything, I'm going
to end up.
You know, maybe it's okay.
(12:49):
Brain time to reset, or mybrain's adapting, it's going to
be good, little reset happening.
Figure out something you canswitch that wording to and then
see if you can notice when youdo something that really
requires brain power and memory.
I bet you you've been inconversations with family or
(13:12):
friends where you did remembersomething and they went oh yeah,
we often forget that, but I betit happened.
Celebrate those things, focuson those things, because that
shift of your mindset and yourfocus is probably one of the
most powerful things we can do.
Now, what else can we do?
(13:34):
Okay, the big ones that you'reprobably going to hear about in
almost every episode, and I amsorry to sound like a broken
record Improve your sleep, trywhatever works for you, figure
it out, not in a stressful ah,figure it out way, but work on
it.
It's powerful and important.
(13:55):
Next, one movement.
Even go back two weeks ago.
Listen to the walking episode.
Even if you just do a littlebit of movement, that is
increasing blood flow to thebrain and that supports your
memory.
It supports your cognitivefunction.
You heard me say that two weeksago.
(14:15):
Even a little bit, and if youlike it, if you find something
you like, maybe you'll do iteven more and even more, because
all movement within reason isgood for us in terms of about a
million different things inmidlife.
Next one focus on one thing ata time you heard me say
(14:35):
multitasking doesn't really workthe way we think it does.
Your brain wants to focus onsomething, but there's a lot of
noise going on, sometimes inside, sometimes around us.
The more we can learn how tofilter out that noise, the more
you're going to remember things.
So what is that noise?
(14:56):
It's the junk we're tellingourselves in our heads.
So we've kind of talked aboutthat.
Catch it, see if you can shiftit.
Get some coaching on that.
You can absolutely find outmore from me.
Maybe you already have a coach.
Come join us in the Patreon,shift it.
And also, there could be a lotof noise going on outside you Is
(15:20):
the TV on and the podcast is onand you're doing the laundry
and you're cleaning the kitchenand you got to make dinner and
you're helping your kids withtheir homework.
That's a lot, that's a lot ofinput.
And I'm not going to tell younot to listen to a podcast, but
(15:41):
I am going to tell you one thingat a time, maybe with something
in the background to entertainyou, not five, six, seven things
at a time.
Give your brain some space tofocus.
And sometimes, even though Ilove music and it's so powerful
and of course I love podcasts.
Sometimes turning it all offand just giving yourself some
(16:02):
quiet and allowing yourself timeto reset and rest your body as
well as your brain is a goodthing too.
Now, learning to focus yourbrain One of the best things you
can do is meditation, and Ifeel like when I say meditation,
I could picture your face andyou're kind of going really
(16:25):
Meditation Really.
So I'm going to put in the shownotes a link to an old, old
episode back when the podcasthad a different name and
everything that I did with ameditation expert and I learned
a ton in that episode.
Meditation is simply clearingyour mind and allowing your
(16:49):
brain to rest.
Now that's easier said thandone, so you might be focusing
on one thing that you're lookingat as your focal point, or you
might be just going one, two,one, two slowly in your brain,
or this is where the OM camefrom.
Sometimes it's a word or it's anumber that you're focusing on.
(17:10):
It could even be a Bible verse.
Maybe you're out and you'redoing a five senses meditation,
like we talked about in thatepisode.
The key is you are teachingyour brain how to stop all the
noise and just focus on eitherthat one thing or just silence,
(17:34):
and the thoughts are going tocome in.
Nobody can sit for 10, 20, 30minutes and not have thoughts
come in.
That's okay.
Let them go, keep practicing,okay.
That is one of the mostpowerful things you can do for
brain function, and I was kindof shocked when I learned that.
So I think it's worth a try,even if it's a few minutes.
(17:56):
I do meditation either when I'mout on a walk, or I do it at
night when I'm relaxing my body,and I probably should do it
even more, given the.
I can't remember what word Iwant to say situation, given the
.
I can't remember what word Iwant to say situation.
Now, maybe we better be payingattention to feeding our brains
(18:18):
as well.
Right, colorful foods are goodfor your brain Omega-3s, leafy
greens, berries.
Make sure you're hydratingWe've talked about that All
those basic things that you knowto do if you're taking a little
bit better care of yourself.
And then I'm going to say thatthis is the last one, but this
is not an all-inclusive list.
There could be more.
My last one for you is to giveyourself a challenge, try
(18:41):
learning something new.
And this is why I startedplaying Mahjong.
Well, it's also because I wantto hang out with my friends and
play and that's fun, which isalso good for your brain.
I, on and off, am working onviolin.
I enjoy puzzles, I'm learningto knit.
Maybe you even want to learn aTikTok dance.
It doesn't matter what you'relearning.
(19:01):
Learn how to play.
I don't know bridge or cribbageor I can't think of other games
people play.
All of those things arechallenging your brain and that
keeps all those synapses firinginside there.
And if you make it fun bonuspoints in my book make it fun.
Why would we not?
(19:22):
Good heavens, we deserve it atthis point.
So you know that I always tellyou I don't want to give you a
list of you have to do these 27new things every morning when
you get up.
I want it to be a deepadjustment of how I look at this
thing.
So understand that when youhave memory or focus issues in
(19:46):
midlife, this is not a permanentsentence.
Your brain needs a little TLCand you can come back from that
and you can make it better.
And I would say, pick somethingthat I talked about that sounds
good to you the learningsomething new, the meditation,
slowing down and kind ofeliminating the noise getting
(20:09):
moving a bit more.
Pick something and try it, andby all means, do not ever
apologize.
If you need to write things down, write them down.
We have phones in our hand allthe time.
Have a note, have a calendar,write them down.
There's no reason that weshould be testing ourselves in
(20:29):
that way.
Write them down.
Don't tell yourself well, Inever remember, and yet not give
yourself a little bit of help?
Okay, part of this is how I wantyou to look at yourself, as I
need a little bit more care, andthat's okay.
You might need a few ritualstoo.
The keys always go here, thepurse always goes there.
(20:50):
I do that for sure, becausethen I can grab it when I'm
ready and I don't have to thinkabout it.
If one day you accidentally putthe orange juice in the cabinet
, like I once did, because Iwasn't paying attention to what
I was doing and I didn't put itin the refrigerator, just know
those things are going to happen.
It's okay, you were thinkingabout something else and we all
(21:13):
do that, and the more youpractice with being mindful and
noticing your surroundings andslowing down and feeding your
brain and making sure thatyou're taking care of your body,
the less it's probably going tohappen.
You absolutely can train yourbrain.
You can support your brain, andI want you to believe that you
(21:35):
can that right.
There is the key.
So the OMG moment, midlifememory issues that you might be
experiencing are not necessarilysigns of decline.
They're signals to you thatyour brain is asking for
something.
Maybe it's rest, maybe it'sbetter food and nutrition, maybe
(22:00):
it's focus and calm, maybe it'sjust compassion, maybe it's
learning something new.
Figure out what your brain isasking for.
Try a few things.
This is not necessarily a signof decline.
So tell me on Instagram, cherylP Fisher, if you have a memory
tip that you love.
(22:21):
I would love to hear about it.
Or you have a win that you'vehad related to memory and the
Midlife Pivot Patreon communityis live.
I am so excited.
Thank you for joining me.
Those of you that are alreadyin there go to patreoncom.
Slash mindyourmidlife.
(22:41):
Grab the Patreon app if youprefer, or use it on a computer
at the website if you prefer.
You can set up notificationshowever you prefer.
We are going to have a lot offun there this summer.
Come and join me and make sureyou've hit the follow button,
because next week I have a guestjoining me to talk about your
(23:03):
second act.
So have you made a big switchin midlife or are you thinking
about it?
Does it feel scary or does itfeel exciting?
We're going to have aconversation about all of that.
Can't wait to see what youthink and keep remembering
midlife is your time to slowdown, notice what's around you
(23:23):
and what's going on in your head, and create something amazing.
In my personal experience, we reach the point
in midlife where we might wonderabout how our brains are doing
and how our memory is doing whenwe start looking for something
that we actually have, and bythat I mean looking for your
(00:20):
phone to look something up whileyou're talking to someone on
the phone.
That's a big one for me.
So what if you could make somelittle tweaks to improve your
memory and maybe just generallystop worrying about it so much?
Let's talk about it.
(00:42):
Welcome to Mind your Midlife,your go-to resource for
confidence and success.
One thought at a time.
Unlike most advice out there,we believe that simply telling
you to believe in yourself orchange your habits isn't enough
to wake up excited about life orfeel truly confident in your
(01:04):
body.
Each week, you'll gainactionable strategies and oh my
goodness powerful insights tostop feeling stuck and start
loving your midlife.
This is the Mind your Midlifepodcast.
It's nerve wracking to thinkabout the next 20, 30, 40 years
(01:26):
and wonder are we going to beokay?
Are our brains going to be okay?
I don't let myself really godown that road very often,
because I think that, since wedon't know what's going to
happen, it's really important toenjoy the moment and treat
ourselves well.
Remember what I always say it'stime to treat ourselves a
(01:48):
little bit better than we usedto.
And yet the reality issomewhere in the back of your
mind.
Potentially you're worried.
If I forgot this person's name,or I forget everybody's name,
or I forget things I don't writedown, or I lose something,
almost as if it's not attachedto me, then is that a sign of a
(02:08):
big, big problem?
And so I want to talk aboutmemory, because it is possible
in midlife that our memoryfluctuates and we are a little
bit more distractible sometimesand less other times, and we're
going to talk about that.
There could be hormonal issues,there could be other things
(02:28):
going on, and I just want toleave you with the idea that
this is not a sign of terriblethings to come.
It's not Okay.
So we're reframing that You'renot falling apart.
The fact that you can'tremember somebody's name or you
don't know where your phone isis not meaning that you are
(02:52):
starting down the path todementia.
It's not Not when we're in our40s or our 50s.
So what does it mean?
Where does this come from, ifyou're really noticing that
you're having changes in yourmemory?
I was doing a little digging onthis, because for a long time
now, I have always said, oh mygoodness, if I need to pay
(03:13):
someone, I need to pay right now, or I'm going to forget, or if
I plan something, I need towrite it down.
If it is not written down, thenforget it.
It's not happening.
And I don't know if you're thesame I'm betting there are a few
of us out there that are thesame.
So I do notice that that isincreasing a little bit and I
wonder what's really going on.
(03:34):
So here's what I found outHormonal shifts.
Goodness, aren't hormonesresponsible for everything in a
good way and a bad way?
Hormonal shifts that happen inperimenopause and menopause
absolutely can impact memory.
So we're going to talk aboutthat.
The other thing is, it couldjust be what I think the
(03:56):
technical term is cognitiveoverload.
You got a lot of stuff.
There's a lot of stuff going on.
You're still working, maybe,and your kids are either in
their teen years or they'releaving, both of which are
different situations completely.
You have aging parents.
Maybe you are figuring outwhat's next, as you have a bit
(04:17):
more time in your life, or youfeel a bit differently about
life and where you're headed.
That's a lot.
It's a lot, and let's rememberthat, as Gen X, for the most
part that's what we are.
We didn't grow up with theinternet and social media and
all the stuff that's going onnow.
So there is a kind of cultureof distraction that our brains
(04:41):
didn't see and experience asyoung as the next few
generations, and that has prosand cons to it, for sure, but
it's possible that this cultureof distraction might hit us
particularly.
So we're going to talk aboutall of those.
Your brain might need a reset,but you are fine and there are
things you can do.
(05:01):
Okay, that's my theme.
I don't want you to getstressed and feel like, oh, it's
the end, I've got to go and youknow, take pictures of everyone
and write their name on thepicture, because I'm not going
to remember anyone.
That's not what we're sayingand in fact, there's a lot of
power in the words we say aboutthings we're struggling with.
So if you are frustratedbecause you feel distractible,
(05:23):
you feel forgetful, saying toyourself over and over oh, I
can't ever remember anything.
Oh, I don't remember anyone'sname.
I'm so frustrated, why do Ialways lose everything?
Those become self-fulfilling.
So I do very much want you topay attention to the thoughts in
your head, because your brainis going to try to answer
(05:45):
questions like that for you andyou don't want the answer to why
you always lose everything,because it's going to start
happening more and more and more.
Okay, so, careful of your words.
But let's circle back.
I said hormonal changes.
There's a few big ones andthese you're going to have heard
of before.
So estrogen plays a big role inbrain health and particularly
(06:11):
is important in the hippocampusof the brain, and you don't have
to know exactly what that is,but it's the part of our brain
that is involved in memory andlearning.
So when estrogen levels drop,potentially during perimenopause
, menopause, then that can leadto a little bit of brain fog, a
(06:32):
little bit of forgetfulness.
Short term, maybe, difficultyfinding the word and my goodness
, do I have that?
I'll be saying what's the word?
What's the word?
You know when it's like thatall the time.
So, my, what's the word?
Friends, it might be a drop inestrogen.
Here's the key.
(06:52):
This is not a permanent declinethat will never get better.
It's a fluctuation of yourhormones.
So maybe it helps to think okay, recalibrating, not
malfunctioning.
Hold on to that.
Cortisol is the next one, andgoodness, we talk about cortisol
all the time.
Now I have episodes coming onhormone balance and on sleep and
(07:17):
I've already done thoseinterviews and I remember them
saying cortisol is the reason wewake up in the morning, it's
what gets us going, so it has apurpose.
And at the same time, if we arein chronic stress remember that
cognitive overload, careercaregiving, relationships, body
(07:37):
changes, stress about the futureIf we're in chronic stress,
that increases cortisol in ourbodies, bodies, and that affects
the prefrontal cortex, part ofthe brain which is used for
decision making and memory.
And, interestingly, over time,overloads of cortisol can also
(07:58):
shrink the hippocampus that wetalked about before.
Again, this is not permanent,that I'm stressed.
So my brain's going to fallapart.
If you adopt some stressreducing habits we'll talk about
that you can reverse the impact.
Okay, nothing is permanent.
The other thing that is possibleas we get more seasoned in life
(08:20):
is that maybe we legitimatelycan't have quite as many tabs
open, let's say, in the brain atthe same time.
So if you are a multitasker, Iam sure someone has told you,
and if they haven't, I'm goingto tell you right now that
multitasking is not really goodfor us, it's not really good for
(08:41):
anyone and we think we'regetting all this stuff done.
But it is very possible that aswe go into our 50s, 60s, 70s,
80s, we're not going to be quiteas good at juggling many tabs
open in our brain and what wethink is forgetfulness is maybe
just dividing our attention toomuch or being distracted by the
(09:06):
other thing we were trying to door grab or remember.
At the same time, your brainmight actually be filtering and
trying to parse out all thosedifferent things, and that's a
struggle.
So slowing down a little bitand focusing on what we're doing
can make a huge difference inthat area.
(09:29):
Now, if you're struggling withyour sleep, there are lots of
people out there that can help.
I have a sleep episode comingthis summer.
We can absolutely talk aboutthat, and it is a normal thing
that often happens in midlife.
It's important to try to keepimproving our sleep, because
(09:50):
that's when your brain is, Ilike to say, doing a clean out,
but when I looked into this, Iactually read that's when your
brain is consolidating memories,which makes me think maybe
that's related to dreams, butwe're not going to go down that
path right now.
So the better sleep you canhave, the better for your memory
(10:11):
, the better for your brain.
Those are all the physical andhormone balancing issues.
Let me go back to what I saidat the beginning of this episode
.
Sometimes we're tellingourselves some really negative
stuff.
If you are telling yourselfthat this is a sign that you're
losing your memory, this is asign that you're going to end up
(10:33):
just like insert name of personwho had dementia or whatever
then you're going to filtereverything you notice in your
life through that lens.
Your brain is going to belooking for evidence that you
are going to end up like greataunt Jane or whoever.
It's looking for that, becauseyou're telling yourself that
(10:56):
this is huge and it's also kindof subtle and you might call
this a confirmation bias.
So you're looking for evidenceto show that what you believe or
what you're telling yourself istrue.
So that's going to shape howyou act.
It's going to shape what youworry about and that potentially
(11:20):
uh-oh, the cortisol is going up.
Now memory is getting worse.
It's like a self-fulfillingprophecy.
So if you don't have the storycycle resource already, grab
that.
Cheryl P Fisher slash storycycle.
You've heard me say that before.
But if you can notice, you canpause.
Notice how you're feeling,notice what kind of nonsense is
(11:41):
going on in your head and justbe aware of that.
You can question it, and that'sa big deal when we're talking
about an area where you might betelling yourself, oh, this is
it, this is the end.
I can't even remember my oldcollege friend's name.
I'm going to be in a home orwhatever.
You know.
We tell ourselves all thesecrazy things.
That's not true.
(12:07):
Okay, so what are we going to doabout this?
I'm telling you why it'shappening.
I'm telling you this is notright now, in most cases, a sign
that you are headed towardsdementia or something related to
that, and that means maybethere's something we can do to
(12:27):
improve our memory, improve ourability to focus, improve your
ability to remember what youwere doing five seconds ago.
The first thing is what I wasjust talking about Be kind to
yourself with what you aresaying and if you need a
substitute for oh, I can'tremember everything, I'm going
to end up.
You know, maybe it's okay.
(12:49):
Brain time to reset, or mybrain's adapting, it's going to
be good, little reset happening.
Figure out something you canswitch that wording to and then
see if you can notice when youdo something that really
requires brain power and memory.
I bet you you've been inconversations with family or
(13:12):
friends where you did remembersomething and they went oh yeah,
we often forget that, but I betit happened.
Celebrate those things, focuson those things, because that
shift of your mindset and yourfocus is probably one of the
most powerful things we can do.
Now, what else can we do?
(13:34):
Okay, the big ones that you'reprobably going to hear about in
almost every episode, and I amsorry to sound like a broken
record Improve your sleep, trywhatever works for you, figure
it out, not in a stressful ah,figure it out way, but work on
it.
It's powerful and important.
(13:55):
Next, one movement.
Even go back two weeks ago.
Listen to the walking episode.
Even if you just do a littlebit of movement, that is
increasing blood flow to thebrain and that supports your
memory.
It supports your cognitivefunction.
You heard me say that two weeksago.
(14:15):
Even a little bit, and if youlike it, if you find something
you like, maybe you'll do iteven more and even more, because
all movement within reason isgood for us in terms of about a
million different things inmidlife.
Next one focus on one thing ata time you heard me say
(14:35):
multitasking doesn't really workthe way we think it does.
Your brain wants to focus onsomething, but there's a lot of
noise going on, sometimes inside, sometimes around us.
The more we can learn how tofilter out that noise, the more
you're going to remember things.
So what is that noise?
(14:56):
It's the junk we're tellingourselves in our heads.
So we've kind of talked aboutthat.
Catch it, see if you can shiftit.
Get some coaching on that.
You can absolutely find outmore from me.
Maybe you already have a coach.
Come join us in the Patreon,shift it.
And also, there could be a lotof noise going on outside you Is
(15:20):
the TV on and the podcast is onand you're doing the laundry
and you're cleaning the kitchenand you got to make dinner and
you're helping your kids withtheir homework.
That's a lot, that's a lot ofinput.
And I'm not going to tell younot to listen to a podcast, but
(15:41):
I am going to tell you one thingat a time, maybe with something
in the background to entertainyou, not five, six, seven things
at a time.
Give your brain some space tofocus.
And sometimes, even though Ilove music and it's so powerful
and of course I love podcasts.
Sometimes turning it all offand just giving yourself some
(16:02):
quiet and allowing yourself timeto reset and rest your body as
well as your brain is a goodthing too.
Now, learning to focus yourbrain One of the best things you
can do is meditation, and Ifeel like when I say meditation,
I could picture your face andyou're kind of going really
(16:25):
Meditation Really.
So I'm going to put in the shownotes a link to an old, old
episode back when the podcasthad a different name and
everything that I did with ameditation expert and I learned
a ton in that episode.
Meditation is simply clearingyour mind and allowing your
(16:49):
brain to rest.
Now that's easier said thandone, so you might be focusing
on one thing that you're lookingat as your focal point, or you
might be just going one, two,one, two slowly in your brain,
or this is where the OM camefrom.
Sometimes it's a word or it's anumber that you're focusing on.
(17:10):
It could even be a Bible verse.
Maybe you're out and you'redoing a five senses meditation,
like we talked about in thatepisode.
The key is you are teachingyour brain how to stop all the
noise and just focus on eitherthat one thing or just silence,
(17:34):
and the thoughts are going tocome in.
Nobody can sit for 10, 20, 30minutes and not have thoughts
come in.
That's okay.
Let them go, keep practicing,okay.
That is one of the mostpowerful things you can do for
brain function, and I was kindof shocked when I learned that.
So I think it's worth a try,even if it's a few minutes.
(17:56):
I do meditation either when I'mout on a walk, or I do it at
night when I'm relaxing my body,and I probably should do it
even more, given the.
I can't remember what word Iwant to say situation, given the
.
I can't remember what word Iwant to say situation.
Now, maybe we better be payingattention to feeding our brains
(18:18):
as well.
Right, colorful foods are goodfor your brain Omega-3s, leafy
greens, berries.
Make sure you're hydratingWe've talked about that All
those basic things that you knowto do if you're taking a little
bit better care of yourself.
And then I'm going to say thatthis is the last one, but this
is not an all-inclusive list.
There could be more.
My last one for you is to giveyourself a challenge, try
(18:41):
learning something new.
And this is why I startedplaying Mahjong.
Well, it's also because I wantto hang out with my friends and
play and that's fun, which isalso good for your brain.
I, on and off, am working onviolin.
I enjoy puzzles, I'm learningto knit.
Maybe you even want to learn aTikTok dance.
It doesn't matter what you'relearning.
(19:01):
Learn how to play.
I don't know bridge or cribbageor I can't think of other games
people play.
All of those things arechallenging your brain and that
keeps all those synapses firinginside there.
And if you make it fun bonuspoints in my book make it fun.
Why would we not?
(19:22):
Good heavens, we deserve it atthis point.
So you know that I always tellyou I don't want to give you a
list of you have to do these 27new things every morning when
you get up.
I want it to be a deepadjustment of how I look at this
thing.
So understand that when youhave memory or focus issues in
(19:46):
midlife, this is not a permanentsentence.
Your brain needs a little TLCand you can come back from that
and you can make it better.
And I would say, pick somethingthat I talked about that sounds
good to you the learningsomething new, the meditation,
slowing down and kind ofeliminating the noise getting
(20:09):
moving a bit more.
Pick something and try it, andby all means, do not ever
apologize.
If you need to write things down, write them down.
We have phones in our hand allthe time.
Have a note, have a calendar,write them down.
There's no reason that weshould be testing ourselves in
(20:29):
that way.
Write them down.
Don't tell yourself well, Inever remember, and yet not give
yourself a little bit of help?
Okay, part of this is how I wantyou to look at yourself, as I
need a little bit more care, andthat's okay.
You might need a few ritualstoo.
The keys always go here, thepurse always goes there.
(20:50):
I do that for sure, becausethen I can grab it when I'm
ready and I don't have to thinkabout it.
If one day you accidentally putthe orange juice in the cabinet
, like I once did, because Iwasn't paying attention to what
I was doing and I didn't put itin the refrigerator, just know
those things are going to happen.
It's okay, you were thinkingabout something else and we all
(21:13):
do that, and the more youpractice with being mindful and
noticing your surroundings andslowing down and feeding your
brain and making sure thatyou're taking care of your body,
the less it's probably going tohappen.
You absolutely can train yourbrain.
You can support your brain, andI want you to believe that you
(21:35):
can that right.
There is the key.
So the OMG moment, midlifememory issues that you might be
experiencing are not necessarilysigns of decline.
They're signals to you thatyour brain is asking for
something.
Maybe it's rest, maybe it'sbetter food and nutrition, maybe
(22:00):
it's focus and calm, maybe it'sjust compassion, maybe it's
learning something new.
Figure out what your brain isasking for.
Try a few things.
This is not necessarily a signof decline.
So tell me on Instagram, cherylP Fisher, if you have a memory
tip that you love.
(22:21):
I would love to hear about it.
Or you have a win that you'vehad related to memory and the
Midlife Pivot Patreon communityis live.
I am so excited.
Thank you for joining me.
Those of you that are alreadyin there go to patreoncom.
Slash mindyourmidlife.
(22:41):
Grab the Patreon app if youprefer, or use it on a computer
at the website if you prefer.
You can set up notificationshowever you prefer.
We are going to have a lot offun there this summer.
Come and join me and make sureyou've hit the follow button,
because next week I have a guestjoining me to talk about your
(23:03):
second act.
So have you made a big switchin midlife or are you thinking
about it?
Does it feel scary or does itfeel exciting?
We're going to have aconversation about all of that.
Can't wait to see what youthink and keep remembering
midlife is your time to slowdown, notice what's around you
(23:23):
and what's going on in your head, and create something amazing.
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