If you’d asked me a few months ago if I’d ever do an episode on going alcohol-free, I probably would’ve laughed and said, “No way.” But the truth? This conversation matters—especially in midlife, when we’re all trying to take better care of our minds, bodies, and hearts.
In this episode, I sit down with certified alcohol-free life coach Emily Allen to talk about what it’s really like to take a break from alcohol, why she chose to do it, and what changed for her when she did. Spoiler alert: Emily didn’t hit rock bottom. She was just a midlife woman who wanted to feel better—and ended up transforming her life.
Whether you’re sober-curious, thinking about cutting back, or just wondering what this lifestyle is all about (while sipping your glass of wine), I think you’ll find this conversation enlightening and empowering.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:
✔ Why you don’t need a crisis to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol
✔ How Emily replaced wine nights with self-care, clarity, and confidence
✔ The surprising midlife benefits of drinking less (think sleep, energy, and mood!)
✔ Why you’re not “doing it wrong” if you feel unsure about where you stand
🎯 OMG Moment: Midlife is already full of change—so why not make one that brings true freedom?
Take Action
Curious about cutting back or going alcohol-free? Emily offers one-on-one coaching to help women navigate that journey. You can learn more at livingfreewithemily.com or follow her at @livingfreewithemily on social.
Why This Episode Matters
This isn’t about judgment, labels, or rules—it’s about awareness. In midlife, how we treat ourselves matters more than ever. Whether or not you’re ready to rethink your happy hour, this episode invites you to check in with your intuition and give yourself permission to choose what feels right.
🎧 Hit follow now and join me next week as we talk about my favorite topic (believe it or not): mornings! We’ll explore how to make mornings work for you—without a 5 a.m. wake-up call or a laundry list of habits.
Find all podcast and coaching resources at cherylpfischer.com.
Text me to ask a question - I'll answer on the podcast!
🌸 Liked this episode? Share it with fellow midlife women over 40 navigating hormone balance, an empty nest, and self-confidence!
🫶 Love this show? Leave a review to help more women over 50 find us.
💡Want support through menopause, mindset shifts, or midlife transitions?
Book a free Mindset Coaching / Intro Call: cherylpfischer.com/coaching, and join us in Midlife Pivot on Patreon.
Let’s talk self-care, self-talk, and owning your next chapter—without the “midlife crisis” narrative.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cheryl Fischer (00:00):
If you had asked me a few months ago if I would
do an episode on this topic, Iprobably would have chuckled and
said no, I don't think so.
However, it's important and ofall the things we can do for
ourselves in midlife, over andover again, you and I have heard
(00:20):
the theme that we need to takea little bit more care with our
emotions, with our bodies, withour mindset, and so today I am
bringing a guest to talk aboutliving alcohol free.
Now you've heard of dry January, sober October.
(00:41):
Maybe you don't drink alcoholanyway, or maybe you do, and you
think I am never going to stop.
This is ridiculous.
I think you'll still find thisdiscussion interesting.
Spoiler alert I do enjoy wineand I don't really intend to
stop enjoying wine, and at thesame time, I want to know the
(01:03):
ins and outs of this.
I want to take better care ofmyself.
I want to consider all of thoseoptions, and I am sure that you
want to too.
So let's talk about it.
Welcome to Mind your Midlife,your go-to resource for
confidence and success.
One thought at a time.
(01:25):
Unlike most advice out there,we believe that simply telling
you to believe in yourself orchange your habits isn't enough
to wake up excited about life orfeel truly confident in your
body.
Each week you'll gainactionable strategies and oh my
goodness, powerful insights tostop feeling stuck and start
(01:46):
loving your midlife.
This is the Mind your Midlifepodcast.
So I am someone who reallyenjoys a glass of wine and my
friends all know absolutelynever read wine.
It gives me a headacheimmediately and I don't really
like it.
But white wine I do enjoy it.
(02:09):
I don't really like beer.
Sometimes I'll have a cocktail,but I enjoy it and I think I
have a pretty good handle on howmuch and how often that I have
it.
But there have definitely beenphases in my life where I'm not
sure I did have a good handle onit.
If that makes sense, and maybeyou have or hadn't had the same
(02:33):
experience, I have done manydifferent kind of 30 day
stretches where I stoppeddrinking the wine and did I see
any changes?
Yes, yes, I did.
I think it's better for ourhealth to take that out, at
least to a certain extent.
(02:55):
So if I say at least to acertain extent, well, what is
what is that extent?
What does it mean?
And that's why we're here.
What is that extent?
What does it mean, and that'swhy we're here.
My guest today, emily Allen, isa certified alcohol-free life
coach and I'm being honest withyou, I did not know that was a
(03:18):
thing until Emily and I met.
So her goal is to empower womenin midlife to break free from
the wine mom thing, begin theirnext chapter and do it with
clarity, with confidence, withfreedom and support.
Okay, welcome, emily.
Hi, thank you Glad to be here.
(03:41):
I'm really very interested inthis conversation, so let's dive
right in.
You have personally been on ajourney transitioning to being
alcohol free, so tell us howthat came about.
Emily Allen (03:57):
Yeah, sure.
So I'm 53 and I was just acasual, what you would consider
a casual drinker, social drinker, for years, probably by 20s,
30s.
And then when I became a mom,it seemed like it became more of
(04:18):
this social connection withother moms to get together for
mom's night outs, just thatoccasion to get together and
have drinks, and it seemed, youknow, it was just like the
normal thing to do and the wayto bond with other moms.
And so then, as my kids weregetting older and I noticed that
(04:40):
I felt like my alcoholconsumption was going up, and
then and Mom's Nights Out becamemore frequent and less about
the kids and needing a Mom'sNight Out and more about getting
together with friends anddrinking.
And it became just sort of thefocus of a lot of those
relationships.
(05:00):
And I didn't see it at the time, like then I wasn't thinking,
hmm, this relationship seems tobe centered around alcohol.
It just became that way,relationships.
And I didn't see it at the time, like then I wasn't thinking
this, you know relationshipseems to be centered around
alcohol.
It just became that way.
And then, when, you know, covidhit and we, everybody was home,
I realized my social drinkingwas still occurring even though
I wasn't socializing, and so Iwas still drinking, and, by that
(05:21):
point, every day, I mean, itwas night, I'm not that there's
a huge difference but I wasn'tstarting early, but I was still,
you know, drinking five o'clock.
Five o'clock hit, I would startmaking dinners, and that was
just part of my routine to pourthat glass of wine, cook, have
another glass, eat, clean up,have another glass.
(05:42):
And I would found that I wouldbe in such a routine of just
doing that every night and justsitting in the kitchen past, you
know, everybody's moved on toother areas of the house and I
would still drink, and I was,like, you know, on the internet
or even talking to friends, butI just thought, you know, what
am I doing?
And I never felt good anymore,physically too, and I was really
(06:07):
starting to become aware ofthat and just thought this
cannot be all that there is.
And so it was Christmas Eve of2020, first, like covid,
christmas and I had stayed upwrapping presents and, you know,
(06:27):
drinking wine, which was, Iwould, wrapping presents to me,
equal drinking wine, decoratingthe christmas tree, drinking
wine.
I mean, it was just thatroutine.
Um, and I woke up with such ahangover on christmas day, and I
was like this is just, I'm done, it's done.
And so that's when I startedmaking the plan to try dry
(06:48):
January, you know, which wasjust a few days a week away
Because I thought I can try this, and it's not a huge like
announcement, a lot of people doit.
And that's when I had, you know, did a conscious break from
alcohol, and then I just keptgoing.
(07:09):
And so four and a half years,almost four and a half years
later, and my life has justcompletely changed since then.
Cheryl Fischer (07:19):
Wow, okay, so I have like 10 questions from that
.
But I want to know, I want toknow what you mean by your life
has completely changed and Ialso want to know what were the
hard parts.
So I guess you know what arethe benefits you saw and what
were the challenges as well.
Emily Allen (07:36):
Yeah, so by saying my life has completely changed,
like I didn't ever think I coulddo anything different than what
I was doing at the time, I mean, I was a mom, which I was very
happy to be mom.
I'm a pharmacist.
That's what I've, you know,done for 20 some years, and I
never would have thought I'mgoing to start my own business,
(08:00):
I'm going to go on podcasts.
I want to help other people.
I mean, I've been a pharmacist.
That was part of the reason whyI wanted to do that was to help
other people.
But this, to me, is just awhole new level of helping
people.
I became a certified alcoholfree coach at last year, and so
(08:20):
that's how I mean, that's justone of the ways that my life has
completely changed and justwhat I focus my time and energy
and thoughts on, and then myhealth has gotten so much better
.
When I wake up in the mornings,now I feel good.
I feel like I mean still likenobody loves to wake up early.
Cheryl Fischer (08:43):
It doesn't just make you jump out of bed.
Emily Allen (08:45):
No, absolutely not.
But I don't wake up with like aheadache or dry mouth and just
the blah feeling that I used toalways wake up with, and I got
so used to it that I kind ofthought it was just my normal,
like this is how it's going tobe, this is what I should expect
.
It's not ever going to getbetter.
(09:05):
So for me to have that hugechange, I'm like, oh my goodness
, every day I wake up I feelgood and I really didn't think
that was ever going to be thecase.
And then just my relationships,being able to just be present
with other people all the time,versus, you know, if you go
going out with friends, I wouldalways be thinking about when's
(09:27):
the next drink coming, and itjust always felt like that was
the focus, and now it's not afocus at all and so I can really
spend time and be present withthe people that I'm with.
So that's definitely anotherway that it's changed.
Cheryl Fischer (09:46):
Yeah, that reminds me of something kind of
interesting, because years andyears ago, a long time ago, I
had a binge eating problem, andwhen you said I was always
thinking about the next drink,that made me think, yeah, I was
always thinking about the nextmeal, always, always.
And so I guess maybe that's asign that that we might want to
(10:09):
figure out what's going on ifwe're always kind of obsessing
about the next, whatever it is.
Emily Allen (10:13):
Yes, yeah, because it can be, yeah, other things
other than food and alcohol.
I mean it can be shopping or orjust to me it was.
It was about numbing.
Again, I did not know that atthe time, I didn't couldn't have
called that out at the time,but now I know I was numbing
myself to life, cause it was.
(10:34):
It just felt more comfortablethat way than to feel the
feelings and experience all thehighs and lows, especially, you
know, everything that was goingon during that pivotal time of
our lives and and even, just youknow, raising kids.
I mean all of that brings thesestressors.
That alcohol for me just seemedto bring it down, even though I
(10:58):
know now that it was not likethe things went away.
Everything was still there thenext morning, but just for that
evening time I was oblivious tothe feelings and didn't have to
face them oblivious to to thefeelings and didn't have to face
them.
Cheryl Fischer (11:17):
Yeah, yeah, I want to go back to maybe what
the challenges were.
I haven't forgotten that.
I said that, but I'm kind ofjust following this path.
So for you, it has turned outthat going alcohol free was the
best choice, but I'm imaginingthat someone listening right now
might be thinking well,couldn't I just cut back?
Or just do things a bitdifferently.
So what are your thoughts aboutthat?
Emily Allen (11:39):
Yeah, and I feel that that is totally possible
for some people.
For me, moderation was nevergoing to work because it was
just this slippery slope.
It was the mental gymnastics ofbecause I did try to cut back
and do things over the span ofprobably about probably like a
five year period where I wouldthink, oh, I'm not going to
(12:01):
drink, I'm only going to haveone drink tonight, and then
usually that ended up being two,and then you're in your mind
going well, wait, I've alreadylet myself down.
Why not three?
And it just became this.
It made me feel almost evenworse about myself because I was
constantly letting myself downduring those times.
Or if I was able to just have,you know one, then I was like
(12:25):
I'm like a rock star and whocares how many I have now,
because I can prove to myselfthat I can just have one.
So for me it was not in thecards.
And I know people that go weeksand not have a drink and then
they have one or two out and goweeks again, and obviously
that's just a different.
(12:47):
They have a totally differentrelationship with alcohol than I
did.
I feel like, if anybody isthinking about, should I cut
back, you know, am I hurting, amI harming myself?
I feel like that's a sign tostart to become curious about
the relationship and see,because if you're getting those
(13:09):
thoughts, your, your intuitionis telling you something.
And if you can kind of getcurious and look into it, you
know you might decide I don't,yeah, I don't need this anymore.
It's not doing me any service,any benefit at all.
Cheryl Fischer (13:24):
So that's such a great way of putting it, and I
talk with people all the timeabout following our intuition,
following our gut instinct.
That's such a great way ofputting it, because, yeah, it's
some of the things you're saying.
I'm like, oh, oh, I'd havethought that before.
You're not alone, yeah, so veryinteresting.
(13:47):
Well, well, let's flip itaround, as you you were, you did
dry January and you kept itgoing, and you've kept it going
now for a long time.
What were some of the hardparts or the challenges that you
came across?
Emily Allen (13:58):
So feeling the feelings, you know that's not,
it's not what we always want tosign up for.
I kind of felt like I had to rerelearn, almost just like how
to process my feelings.
I actually did yoga teachertraining last year and that was
something, again, I never wouldhave even thought about doing
(14:19):
when I was drinking, I mean,that was, I didn't even ever go
to yoga.
And then I was like, why don'tI just jump right into yoga
teacher training?
But just that part of justgetting into my body and
becoming aware of my feelingsand feeling them, that I felt
like I almost had to retrainmyself to do that Because I was
so used to numbing them and thenjust ignoring them and thinking
(14:42):
, oh, that'll just go away.
So that was.
It was hard.
I mean it was worth it.
I never would want to go backto numbing, but when you're just
if you've gone years withoutreally expressing your emotions,
feeling them, that's harderthan you might expect.
Cheryl Fischer (15:00):
Yeah.
Emily Allen (15:00):
And then you know, I was nervous about the social
aspect of it, because I kind ofhave mentioned, you know, a lot
of my relationships wereinvolved with going out and
drinking and so that was myfirst and it was during COVID,
so I kind of had that protectionbecause nobody was really still
going out.
(15:20):
So I was in a little bit of abubble that not everybody
anymore hopefully doesn't haveto deal with that again.
You don't want to go back tothat, but I was able to sort of
use it to my advantage duringthat time.
But for now, for some.
Like if I was just now goingalcohol free, I would have given
myself that time still to justkind of hold back a little bit.
You know, you don't have toaccept every invitation to go
(15:42):
out just till I got my bearingsand realized I can do this.
I feel so much better.
I don't ever want to feel theway I felt before and then going
into the social scenes I mean Ihave a really good friend too
who still has drinks, but youknow she doesn't care that I
don't, and it's not a big deal,and it was never like, oh don't
(16:04):
you want just one, like therewas never a push on me and also
I never felt awkward around it.
So just having that that firsttime of going out and feeling
like, you know, this is nice,I'm not being judged, she knows
I'm not judging her and I canstill have a great time kind of
just getting those moments oneby one, racking them up and
(16:26):
reassuring myself.
This is fine.
And now I don't even thinkabout it, which I didn't think I
would ever get to that point.
I always thought, anytime I goout to a restaurant, brewery,
anything, I'm always gonna wishI had a drink.
And I really don't.
And there are so many optionsnow too that you don't have to
(16:48):
just drink.
You know tap water.
You don't have to just drink,you know tap water.
That's so sad.
I know that is the saddestthing is tap water in a glass.
So now there's most places,even breweries, have
non-alcoholic options usually,and kombucha at breweries, and
then the non-alcoholic mocktailsthat restaurants seem to be
(17:12):
focusing on more.
I mean it is becoming such amore accepted way of life that
that makes it easy too.
And then I would just have one.
Like I don't want threemocktails, you know, like I just
have one and then switch to mywater with lemon, not by itself,
yeah, and it just feels justnatural.
(17:33):
And now I'm like, why was I soworried about it?
I mean I understand why I was,but it now, looking back, I was
like, oh, I wish I could havetold that self don't worry about
it, you are going to be fine.
Nobody, people don't really payattention to what you're
drinking that much either,especially after their first one
or two.
They're not thinking, whoa, whyare you not drinking?
I mean it's so yeah, it reallyjust got easier.
(17:58):
That whole social part goteasier.
And then I've met so manypeople now that are not.
You know, like at the yogastudio.
There's tons of people therethat are sober, there's tons
that are not.
It's but the focus isn't onwine or going out for drinks
Anytime.
Anybody I've met there.
If we go out, it's like let'shave coffee or lunch.
(18:18):
So I'm meeting people now thatI would never have met if I'd
sort of just stayed into thatsame lifestyle that I was in.
So that's been.
Amazing too is just meeting newpeople and making those
connections and getting deeperconnections quicker.
(18:38):
You know, because people thatare out for coffee, I mean
you're going to talk about more,more about your life and your
feelings than you arenecessarily if you're going out
for drinks at the bar.
Cheryl Fischer (18:52):
Yeah, it's very interesting and I do think for
sure, at this stage of life wedon't really have any business
trying to make our friends drinksomething or eat something or
whatever.
Emily Allen (19:09):
What do we care?
Cheryl Fischer (19:10):
And most of us have realized that, like they
should do what they want, we'regoing to do what we want.
But sometimes I notice myselffalling into old habits from,
like college.
If I'm with friends fromcollege, yeah, and so I'm kind
of taking in what you're sayingand realizing I need to pay
attention to that Because maybeif we've been friends in college
(19:31):
in our 20s, sometimes we'relike, come on, you know
everybody and there's no reasonto be doing that anymore.
Yeah, and the mocktail I haveseen a lot of mocktails.
I I have tried actually some ofthe alcohol-free wine that's
coming out and I have to confessthat I do not like any of it.
Emily Allen (19:51):
yeah, they can tend to be a little vinegary.
Actually, some of thealcohol-free wine that's coming
out and I have to confess that Ido not like any of it yeah,
they can tend to be a littlevinegary.
Cheryl Fischer (19:56):
Yeah, I don't think that's been perfected yet,
but no, no, yeah.
Yeah, I think that there areplaces that cause now they'll
like just de-alcoholize it, Likethey'll just take the out they
(20:22):
make it the regular way and thentake the alcohol out, and I
think that those tend to tastebetter, not as much vinegar
flavor.
Yeah, we'll see.
Yeah, well, okay, so let's talkabout midlife, in particular
related to this, because I mean,as I said in the introduction,
I'm not sure that I'm going togo alcohol free or not, but I
think this is such an importantconversation to have for
everyone.
What about the benefits of nothaving alcohol for women who are
in this perimenopause,menopause phase of life?
Emily Allen (20:43):
Yeah, so alcohol can really intensify some of the
symptoms that we go through.
You know the hot flashes.
I mean alcohol definitelyintensifies that because of the
vasodilation.
So hot flashes can be madeworse with alcohol and mood
swings.
Also, alcohol does not do greatin that term, like it
(21:04):
definitely can cause you to havethe more highs and lows.
And then with the hormonalfluctuations around
perimenopause highs and lows,and then with the hormonal
fluctuations aroundperimenopause, menopause, that's
intensified to, along with that, the depression that can.
You know alcohol is sort ofknown, I guess, as being that
depressant.
And if your feelings are withthe hormone fluctuations, with
(21:27):
the menopause and perimenopause,then that also is amplified too
.
And then, like the night sweats, the just general fatigue, any
of that is going to beexacerbated by alcohol use.
And we think about sleep.
I know that I originally thoughtalcohol helped me sleep because
(21:48):
you know I would drink until Imean not until I like passed out
, but I would have enough todrink that then when I lay down
to go to sleep I could be outquickly.
But then I would always wake upat like three in the morning
with that surge of adrenalineand thinking, oh, you know, just
regretful thought.
All of the thoughts that comeat three in the morning, and so
(22:11):
what I've learned since is thatalcohol really totally disrupts
your sleep cycle, and so ifyou're already having trouble
sleeping because of menopause,alcohol is not going to do you
any favors in that regard either.
Cheryl Fischer (22:27):
So yeah, unfortunately, I feel.
I think the theme of so many ofmy episodes about midlife has
been we just need to take alittle bit better care of
ourselves than we maybe havebeen used to doing.
But unfortunately, sometimesthat sort of translates into if
(22:47):
you're listening, you might bethinking this like why is all
the hard stuff happening to menow?
You know, yeah, but we justneed to take a little bit better
care of ourselves, and thatthis is part of it.
It's interesting because that3am thing has absolutely
happened to me.
I don't know what it is aboutthat timing.
It must be just a certainamount into the night or
(23:09):
something like that.
Right, and man, you can reallydrive yourself crazy at three in
the morning.
Emily Allen (23:14):
Yeah, yeah, and if it's with alcohol use, that's
when you get the surge of thehormone, like the numbing part
has worn off and then thecortisol spikes and so that's
what's waking you.
If it's related to alcohol,that's those 3 am wake ups, is
that cortisol just jumping andwaking you up from your not so
(23:38):
good sleep and still sleep?
Cheryl Fischer (23:40):
Interesting, yeah, very interesting.
Emily Allen (23:44):
The other thing, too, I was going to mention is,
as you may notice, like thedrink that you have when you're
40 hits you a little bitdifferent than the one you had
when you were 20 or 30.
Because we don't, we can't, wedon't process it the same way
that we used to as we get intoperimenopause and menopause.
So it's not in your head thatyou know.
(24:05):
Oh, I used to be able to havefive drinks and wake up and feel
great, and now I can have twoand have a headache.
I mean, that's, that's reallyhappening.
So that's another part of theway that the hormonal changes
will affect the way you canmetabolize alcohol too.
Cheryl Fischer (24:22):
Yeah, just take a little bit better care of
yourself.
I went to a doctor's checkupthis was a year or two ago, but
it really stuck in my head andshe, they always ask you.
You really stuck in my head andshe, they always ask you.
You know the basic questionsand one of them is how many
drinks do you have a weektypically?
And I don't know what I said,but she said to me you can have
(24:43):
seven drinks a week and notnegatively impact your health.
When you go beyond seven, thenyou're negatively impacting your
health and I'm saying that fortwo reasons, because I saw your
face.
If you're listening, she made aface.
I'm saying that for two reasons.
Number one, I had never heardthat there was such a number and
(25:05):
I started thinking well, howmany am I having, and what is?
You know what does that mean?
So it made me start thinkingabout it, which was a good thing
.
But number two, I don't knowwhere that number came from and
is it valid?
I don't know.
Emily Allen (25:21):
Well, the World Health Organization just
recently stated that there is nosafe amount of alcohol.
No amount is considered safe.
So yeah, I don't know where shegot that number from, maybe it
was her own.
You know bias, because evenjust like speaking of breast
cancer, I'm jumping.
But they've shown that just onedrink, one drink a day, in
(25:45):
women increases your risk ofbreast cancer, just with that.
And so that's, you know,interesting.
She said seven, but that's thatamount that she said is safe is
actually already increasingyour risk of breast cancer
Proven.
You know that that's true.
Cheryl Fischer (26:00):
So yeah, I guess we can conclude from that.
There's a lot of data out thereand everybody needs to make
their own decision.
Emily Allen (26:09):
Yes, yes, there's, and they are studying it more
and more too, which is good,especially in women, because,
you know, sometimes women arenot studied as much in clinical
trials but they have spent somemore time, like with the breast
cancer, but they have spent somemore time like with the breast
cancer.
And and then with dementia.
I mean it's the same with menand women, but alcohol really is
(26:30):
contributing to dementia,they're finding.
I think I heard that it'sconsidered now to be like the
most preventable cause ofdementia is alcohol use.
And so yeah, and they say, ifyou midlife is like a great time
to get yourself in the positionwhere you're not increasing
your chances of dementia, and socutting out alcohol or, you
(26:53):
know, if you can, if you canmoderate, getting it down to,
you know, definitely less thanone drink a day, can then at
least not increase your risk ofdementia.
Cheryl Fischer (27:05):
Yeah, oh, and let's go back to that, if you
can moderate, because Iappreciate your explanation of
that and I also want to say youknow, I know neither of us is
talking about somebody whothinks that they're dealing with
potentially alcoholism and anactual addiction.
Emily Allen (27:22):
I couldn't get the word out for a second.
Cheryl Fischer (27:25):
We're not talking about that.
If that is the case, thenthat's kind of a separate thing,
correct, correct.
We're talking about habitualalcohol use, where some people
are going to be much better offdoing what you've done and just
stopping, and maybe some peoplecan minimize and not care, and
it's fine.
And we just need to knowourselves.
Emily Allen (27:47):
Yeah, yeah, definitely yeah.
And the term alcohol usedisorder, I think, is kind of
becoming more common to thanlike alcoholic, because that's
such a has such an obviouslynegative connotation.
Nobody wants to just say, oh,you're an alcoholic, you can't
handle your, your alcohol.
Whereas alcohol is meant to notbe handled right.
(28:07):
I mean, it's made to be anaddictive substance and our
bodies just naturally are goingto build up a tolerance and you
get that dependence on it.
I mean, just by the way of thenature of the chemical.
So kind of getting that thenegativity out of somebody who
(28:27):
is considering, you know,cutting back or stopping, I
think sometimes people think I'mnow I'm going to be labeled as
I'm alcoholic, because I had tostop, because I didn't have any
control, and and then theyprobably think it might just be
easier just to try to just do aminimal amount, just so you
don't get that label.
And it's so heartbreakingbecause you can reexamine your
(28:53):
relationship with alcohol.
And it doesn't mean that youhave no control or that you are,
you know, hit rock bottom.
It just means you're payingattention to your intuition and
and listening to your body andwanting to take care of it and
you don't have to get thisnegative label just because
that's what you're doing.
Cheryl Fischer (29:14):
I appreciate you saying that, because I could
see someone thinking I don'twant people to think this about
me and but to be fair, as yousaid, we could probably go out
and have a mocktail or have asparkling water with lime, and
nobody would ever know.
So yeah, it doesn't evendoesn't matter.
Yeah, yeah.
When you originally would goand have a drink with people or
(29:38):
whatever and have a mocktail orwhatever, did you, did you find
that you really would haverather had something else?
Did you kind of want it, or itwas just fine?
Emily Allen (29:46):
No, I think like the first time I can remember
the first time ordering I don'tknow if it was like a mocktail,
I think I might have just likeclub soda or tonic with lime, I
mean something that's fizzy andbubbly at a place where I would
normally have ordered a bottleof wine, not just a glass, like
I would have ordered the bottleand I was so nervous as the
(30:06):
waiter was coming over.
But once I just said this is,you know, put my, said my order,
and nobody like gasped or youknow the room didn't go silent,
she ordered one.
Then it was just like okay, andthey brought it, I drank it and
everything was fine and so Ididn't miss it.
I was just nervous at first ofthinking about what other people
(30:28):
thought and then, once I gotpast that, ever since then it's
just I don't and I I would havethought like there were certain
foods you know, like if you'reeating like Mexican, yummy
Mexican food, you know I like tobe here and I don't even miss
that.
Like everything that I, the waythat I and I do do, like bubbly
(30:48):
waters, I mean I love that.
Some people hate it, but I lovelike spindrifts and LaCroix's
and to me that's just hits thatsame kind of the bubbly,
effervescent part of the beer orthe wine that you might miss.
So for me it was not.
I've never thought, oh, I wishI could have a glass of wine
right now.
Yeah, might have.
(31:09):
Maybe in the first few days,like some of those you know it
was, it was not the easiestthing in the world to just to
stop.
Like I did have to have ritualreplace my rituals, because
everything about it was such aritual that I, you know, had to
have my sparkling water in mywine glass.
Like that really helped me getthrough those first days, weeks,
(31:31):
probably, you know, maybe eventhe first month or two, just to
kind of feel like I still hadthat special something, even
though it was not alcoholanymore.
That really helped me a ton andgot me through the cravings,
because there were cravings atfirst too.
Cheryl Fischer (31:50):
Yeah, sure, yeah , and I would imagine everybody
goes through that in some way oranother.
And that sort of brings us toexactly the right point, because
I know that you now help people, as you mentioned earlier, to
do this.
If they want to do this, sotell us how can people find you
and learn more about what you'redoing and how you can help them
(32:12):
.
Emily Allen (32:12):
Yeah, so my website is living free with Emily and
that's my like handle acrossInstagram, facebook, pinterest,
all that.
So living free with Emily, andon my website there's
information about my coachingpackages.
I've got a 12 week package thatincludes one on one zoom call
(32:36):
every week and then text supportlike y'all.
You know.
You'll have my number, we cantext each other and then also
some just one off sessions ifsomebody just wants a one time
session or multiple of those.
But I think the 12 week packageis really a great way to just
really start this process and tohave you know me there to give
(32:57):
you tips and ideas and explain,like, what is happening to you
right now, and I get it and youcan do this.
So that's what I'm reallyexcited about is just being
there for someone who wants toat least you know, is curious
about trying this out and wantssome support.
Cheryl Fischer (33:16):
I love the fact that this even exists, so you
know, if you're listening andyou're thinking I've been
meaning to do this I don't knowif I can do it Like there's
support for that.
It's amazing.
I kudos for doing that.
And that brings us to my lastquestion, which is what I call
the OMG moment.
Oh, my goodness, this is thething that you have to remember
(33:37):
if you listen to this episode.
Here's the most important thing, and what would you say to that
?
Emily Allen (33:43):
I would say that midlife is the perfect time to
have this huge transition inyour life, to take something out
of your life that's no longerserving you, that's holding you
back, even in ways you might notrealize.
Midlife is a great time to havethis life changing experience
and start your next chapter withconfidence and, to me, what I
(34:07):
describe as true freedom.
Cheryl Fischer (34:09):
That's a great point.
Actually, we're already in somuch change right now.
Why not make a positive change?
Yeah?
Emily Allen (34:16):
I hear that.
I hear that.
Cheryl Fischer (34:18):
Well, Emily, thank you so much for this.
It's been really fascinating.
Emily Allen (34:21):
Thank you so much.
I'm so glad I got to meet youand have this discussion.
Cheryl Fischer (34:26):
I found this to be a fascinating discussion and
I don't know for sure where I'llland and what I'll end up doing
, and that's okay.
You may not know either.
But as I said at the beginningof the episode, I think having
all the information, having theunderstanding of the pros, the
(34:47):
challenges, her path, how itmight feel to try something like
this, that's where the power is.
Because if I could boil downmidlife mindset to anything, it
would be that I want us to slowdown and pay attention and
(35:08):
appreciate and treat ourselveswell.
It doesn't have to be aboutadding 17 new habits and maybe
it's fewer in fact but payingattention to how our bodies feel
, what's going on in our heads,how physically our health is
going, and then maybe takingextra care of ourselves mentally
(35:30):
, emotionally and physically,and that's really what we've
been talking about today as oneoption.
I would love to hear from you.
If you see the show notes, youwill see there is a link to send
Mind your Midlife a message.
I would love to hear yourthoughts on this topic as well.
It is a fascinating one and acertainly bigger and bigger
(35:51):
topic of discussion.
Make sure that you go check outEmily's website.
That will be in the show notesas well.
And then make sure you've hitthe follow button, because next
week we're going to be talkingabout one of my favorite
subjects, and that is morning.
Now, morning is not my favoritetime of day.
However, there are certainthings we can do in the morning.
(36:13):
Simple, not 17 habits.
Simple certain ways we canmanage our morning and, spoiler
alert, getting dressed is one ofthem that really make a
difference.
So stick with me.
I'll see you then, and untilthen, keep remembering.
Midlife is your time to slowdown, to notice what's around
(36:35):
you and what's in your head, andcreate something amazing.
You.
If you had asked me a few months ago if I would
do an episode on this topic, Iprobably would have chuckled and
said no, I don't think so.
However, it's important and ofall the things we can do for
ourselves in midlife, over andover again, you and I have heard
(00:20):
the theme that we need to takea little bit more care with our
emotions, with our bodies, withour mindset, and so today I am
bringing a guest to talk aboutliving alcohol free.
Now you've heard of dry January, sober October.
(00:41):
Maybe you don't drink alcoholanyway, or maybe you do, and you
think I am never going to stop.
This is ridiculous.
I think you'll still find thisdiscussion interesting.
Spoiler alert I do enjoy wineand I don't really intend to
stop enjoying wine, and at thesame time, I want to know the
(01:03):
ins and outs of this.
I want to take better care ofmyself.
I want to consider all of thoseoptions, and I am sure that you
want to too.
So let's talk about it.
Welcome to Mind your Midlife,your go-to resource for
confidence and success.
One thought at a time.
(01:25):
Unlike most advice out there,we believe that simply telling
you to believe in yourself orchange your habits isn't enough
to wake up excited about life orfeel truly confident in your
body.
Each week you'll gainactionable strategies and oh my
goodness, powerful insights tostop feeling stuck and start
(01:46):
loving your midlife.
This is the Mind your Midlifepodcast.
So I am someone who reallyenjoys a glass of wine and my
friends all know absolutelynever read wine.
It gives me a headacheimmediately and I don't really
like it.
But white wine I do enjoy it.
(02:09):
I don't really like beer.
Sometimes I'll have a cocktail,but I enjoy it and I think I
have a pretty good handle on howmuch and how often that I have
it.
But there have definitely beenphases in my life where I'm not
sure I did have a good handle onit.
If that makes sense, and maybeyou have or hadn't had the same
(02:33):
experience, I have done manydifferent kind of 30 day
stretches where I stoppeddrinking the wine and did I see
any changes?
Yes, yes, I did.
I think it's better for ourhealth to take that out, at
least to a certain extent.
(02:55):
So if I say at least to acertain extent, well, what is
what is that extent?
What does it mean?
And that's why we're here.
What is that extent?
What does it mean, and that'swhy we're here.
My guest today, emily Allen, isa certified alcohol-free life
coach and I'm being honest withyou, I did not know that was a
(03:18):
thing until Emily and I met.
So her goal is to empower womenin midlife to break free from
the wine mom thing, begin theirnext chapter and do it with
clarity, with confidence, withfreedom and support.
Okay, welcome, emily.
Hi, thank you Glad to be here.
(03:41):
I'm really very interested inthis conversation, so let's dive
right in.
You have personally been on ajourney transitioning to being
alcohol free, so tell us howthat came about.
Emily Allen (03:57):
Yeah, sure.
So I'm 53 and I was just acasual, what you would consider
a casual drinker, social drinker, for years, probably by 20s,
30s.
And then when I became a mom,it seemed like it became more of
(04:18):
this social connection withother moms to get together for
mom's night outs, just thatoccasion to get together and
have drinks, and it seemed, youknow, it was just like the
normal thing to do and the wayto bond with other moms.
And so then, as my kids weregetting older and I noticed that
(04:40):
I felt like my alcoholconsumption was going up, and
then and Mom's Nights Out becamemore frequent and less about
the kids and needing a Mom'sNight Out and more about getting
together with friends anddrinking.
And it became just sort of thefocus of a lot of those
relationships.
(05:00):
And I didn't see it at the time, like then I wasn't thinking,
hmm, this relationship seems tobe centered around alcohol.
It just became that way,relationships.
And I didn't see it at the time, like then I wasn't thinking
this, you know relationshipseems to be centered around
alcohol.
It just became that way.
And then, when, you know, covidhit and we, everybody was home,
I realized my social drinkingwas still occurring even though
I wasn't socializing, and so Iwas still drinking, and, by that
(05:21):
point, every day, I mean, itwas night, I'm not that there's
a huge difference but I wasn'tstarting early, but I was still,
you know, drinking five o'clock.
Five o'clock hit, I would startmaking dinners, and that was
just part of my routine to pourthat glass of wine, cook, have
another glass, eat, clean up,have another glass.
(05:42):
And I would found that I wouldbe in such a routine of just
doing that every night and justsitting in the kitchen past, you
know, everybody's moved on toother areas of the house and I
would still drink, and I was,like, you know, on the internet
or even talking to friends, butI just thought, you know, what
am I doing?
And I never felt good anymore,physically too, and I was really
(06:07):
starting to become aware ofthat and just thought this
cannot be all that there is.
And so it was Christmas Eve of2020, first, like covid,
christmas and I had stayed upwrapping presents and, you know,
(06:27):
drinking wine, which was, Iwould, wrapping presents to me,
equal drinking wine, decoratingthe christmas tree, drinking
wine.
I mean, it was just thatroutine.
Um, and I woke up with such ahangover on christmas day, and I
was like this is just, I'm done, it's done.
And so that's when I startedmaking the plan to try dry
(06:48):
January, you know, which wasjust a few days a week away
Because I thought I can try this, and it's not a huge like
announcement, a lot of people doit.
And that's when I had, you know, did a conscious break from
alcohol, and then I just keptgoing.
(07:09):
And so four and a half years,almost four and a half years
later, and my life has justcompletely changed since then.
Cheryl Fischer (07:19):
Wow, okay, so I have like 10 questions from that
.
But I want to know, I want toknow what you mean by your life
has completely changed and Ialso want to know what were the
hard parts.
So I guess you know what arethe benefits you saw and what
were the challenges as well.
Emily Allen (07:36):
Yeah, so by saying my life has completely changed,
like I didn't ever think I coulddo anything different than what
I was doing at the time, I mean, I was a mom, which I was very
happy to be mom.
I'm a pharmacist.
That's what I've, you know,done for 20 some years, and I
never would have thought I'mgoing to start my own business,
(08:00):
I'm going to go on podcasts.
I want to help other people.
I mean, I've been a pharmacist.
That was part of the reason whyI wanted to do that was to help
other people.
But this, to me, is just awhole new level of helping
people.
I became a certified alcoholfree coach at last year, and so
(08:20):
that's how I mean, that's justone of the ways that my life has
completely changed and justwhat I focus my time and energy
and thoughts on, and then myhealth has gotten so much better
.
When I wake up in the mornings,now I feel good.
I feel like I mean still likenobody loves to wake up early.
Cheryl Fischer (08:43):
It doesn't just make you jump out of bed.
Emily Allen (08:45):
No, absolutely not.
But I don't wake up with like aheadache or dry mouth and just
the blah feeling that I used toalways wake up with, and I got
so used to it that I kind ofthought it was just my normal,
like this is how it's going tobe, this is what I should expect
.
It's not ever going to getbetter.
(09:05):
So for me to have that hugechange, I'm like, oh my goodness
, every day I wake up I feelgood and I really didn't think
that was ever going to be thecase.
And then just my relationships,being able to just be present
with other people all the time,versus, you know, if you go
going out with friends, I wouldalways be thinking about when's
(09:27):
the next drink coming, and itjust always felt like that was
the focus, and now it's not afocus at all and so I can really
spend time and be present withthe people that I'm with.
So that's definitely anotherway that it's changed.
Cheryl Fischer (09:46):
Yeah, that reminds me of something kind of
interesting, because years andyears ago, a long time ago, I
had a binge eating problem, andwhen you said I was always
thinking about the next drink,that made me think, yeah, I was
always thinking about the nextmeal, always, always.
And so I guess maybe that's asign that that we might want to
(10:09):
figure out what's going on ifwe're always kind of obsessing
about the next, whatever it is.
Emily Allen (10:13):
Yes, yeah, because it can be, yeah, other things
other than food and alcohol.
I mean it can be shopping or orjust to me it was.
It was about numbing.
Again, I did not know that atthe time, I didn't couldn't have
called that out at the time,but now I know I was numbing
myself to life, cause it was.
(10:34):
It just felt more comfortablethat way than to feel the
feelings and experience all thehighs and lows, especially, you
know, everything that was goingon during that pivotal time of
our lives and and even, just youknow, raising kids.
I mean all of that brings thesestressors.
That alcohol for me just seemedto bring it down, even though I
(10:58):
know now that it was not likethe things went away.
Everything was still there thenext morning, but just for that
evening time I was oblivious tothe feelings and didn't have to
face them oblivious to to thefeelings and didn't have to face
them.
Cheryl Fischer (11:17):
Yeah, yeah, I want to go back to maybe what
the challenges were.
I haven't forgotten that.
I said that, but I'm kind ofjust following this path.
So for you, it has turned outthat going alcohol free was the
best choice, but I'm imaginingthat someone listening right now
might be thinking well,couldn't I just cut back?
Or just do things a bitdifferently.
So what are your thoughts aboutthat?
Emily Allen (11:39):
Yeah, and I feel that that is totally possible
for some people.
For me, moderation was nevergoing to work because it was
just this slippery slope.
It was the mental gymnastics ofbecause I did try to cut back
and do things over the span ofprobably about probably like a
five year period where I wouldthink, oh, I'm not going to
(12:01):
drink, I'm only going to haveone drink tonight, and then
usually that ended up being two,and then you're in your mind
going well, wait, I've alreadylet myself down.
Why not three?
And it just became this.
It made me feel almost evenworse about myself because I was
constantly letting myself downduring those times.
Or if I was able to just have,you know one, then I was like
(12:25):
I'm like a rock star and whocares how many I have now,
because I can prove to myselfthat I can just have one.
So for me it was not in thecards.
And I know people that go weeksand not have a drink and then
they have one or two out and goweeks again, and obviously
that's just a different.
(12:47):
They have a totally differentrelationship with alcohol than I
did.
I feel like, if anybody isthinking about, should I cut
back, you know, am I hurting, amI harming myself?
I feel like that's a sign tostart to become curious about
the relationship and see,because if you're getting those
(13:09):
thoughts, your, your intuitionis telling you something.
And if you can kind of getcurious and look into it, you
know you might decide I don't,yeah, I don't need this anymore.
It's not doing me any service,any benefit at all.
Cheryl Fischer (13:24):
So that's such a great way of putting it, and I
talk with people all the timeabout following our intuition,
following our gut instinct.
That's such a great way ofputting it, because, yeah, it's
some of the things you're saying.
I'm like, oh, oh, I'd havethought that before.
You're not alone, yeah, so veryinteresting.
(13:47):
Well, well, let's flip itaround, as you you were, you did
dry January and you kept itgoing, and you've kept it going
now for a long time.
What were some of the hardparts or the challenges that you
came across?
Emily Allen (13:58):
So feeling the feelings, you know that's not,
it's not what we always want tosign up for.
I kind of felt like I had to rerelearn, almost just like how
to process my feelings.
I actually did yoga teachertraining last year and that was
something, again, I never wouldhave even thought about doing
(14:19):
when I was drinking, I mean,that was, I didn't even ever go
to yoga.
And then I was like, why don'tI just jump right into yoga
teacher training?
But just that part of justgetting into my body and
becoming aware of my feelingsand feeling them, that I felt
like I almost had to retrainmyself to do that Because I was
so used to numbing them and thenjust ignoring them and thinking
(14:42):
, oh, that'll just go away.
So that was.
It was hard.
I mean it was worth it.
I never would want to go backto numbing, but when you're just
if you've gone years withoutreally expressing your emotions,
feeling them, that's harderthan you might expect.
Cheryl Fischer (15:00):
Yeah.
Emily Allen (15:00):
And then you know, I was nervous about the social
aspect of it, because I kind ofhave mentioned, you know, a lot
of my relationships wereinvolved with going out and
drinking and so that was myfirst and it was during COVID,
so I kind of had that protectionbecause nobody was really still
going out.
(15:20):
So I was in a little bit of abubble that not everybody
anymore hopefully doesn't haveto deal with that again.
You don't want to go back tothat, but I was able to sort of
use it to my advantage duringthat time.
But for now, for some.
Like if I was just now goingalcohol free, I would have given
myself that time still to justkind of hold back a little bit.
You know, you don't have toaccept every invitation to go
(15:42):
out just till I got my bearingsand realized I can do this.
I feel so much better.
I don't ever want to feel theway I felt before and then going
into the social scenes I mean Ihave a really good friend too
who still has drinks, but youknow she doesn't care that I
don't, and it's not a big deal,and it was never like, oh don't
(16:04):
you want just one, like therewas never a push on me and also
I never felt awkward around it.
So just having that that firsttime of going out and feeling
like, you know, this is nice,I'm not being judged, she knows
I'm not judging her and I canstill have a great time kind of
just getting those moments oneby one, racking them up and
(16:26):
reassuring myself.
This is fine.
And now I don't even thinkabout it, which I didn't think I
would ever get to that point.
I always thought, anytime I goout to a restaurant, brewery,
anything, I'm always gonna wishI had a drink.
And I really don't.
And there are so many optionsnow too that you don't have to
(16:48):
just drink.
You know tap water.
You don't have to just drink,you know tap water.
That's so sad.
I know that is the saddestthing is tap water in a glass.
So now there's most places,even breweries, have
non-alcoholic options usually,and kombucha at breweries, and
then the non-alcoholic mocktailsthat restaurants seem to be
(17:12):
focusing on more.
I mean it is becoming such amore accepted way of life that
that makes it easy too.
And then I would just have one.
Like I don't want threemocktails, you know, like I just
have one and then switch to mywater with lemon, not by itself,
yeah, and it just feels justnatural.
(17:33):
And now I'm like, why was I soworried about it?
I mean I understand why I was,but it now, looking back, I was
like, oh, I wish I could havetold that self don't worry about
it, you are going to be fine.
Nobody, people don't really payattention to what you're
drinking that much either,especially after their first one
or two.
They're not thinking, whoa, whyare you not drinking?
I mean it's so yeah, it reallyjust got easier.
(17:58):
That whole social part goteasier.
And then I've met so manypeople now that are not.
You know, like at the yogastudio.
There's tons of people therethat are sober, there's tons
that are not.
It's but the focus isn't onwine or going out for drinks
Anytime.
Anybody I've met there.
If we go out, it's like let'shave coffee or lunch.
(18:18):
So I'm meeting people now thatI would never have met if I'd
sort of just stayed into thatsame lifestyle that I was in.
So that's been.
Amazing too is just meeting newpeople and making those
connections and getting deeperconnections quicker.
(18:38):
You know, because people thatare out for coffee, I mean
you're going to talk about more,more about your life and your
feelings than you arenecessarily if you're going out
for drinks at the bar.
Cheryl Fischer (18:52):
Yeah, it's very interesting and I do think for
sure, at this stage of life wedon't really have any business
trying to make our friends drinksomething or eat something or
whatever.
Emily Allen (19:09):
What do we care?
Cheryl Fischer (19:10):
And most of us have realized that, like they
should do what they want, we'regoing to do what we want.
But sometimes I notice myselffalling into old habits from,
like college.
If I'm with friends fromcollege, yeah, and so I'm kind
of taking in what you're sayingand realizing I need to pay
attention to that Because maybeif we've been friends in college
(19:31):
in our 20s, sometimes we'relike, come on, you know
everybody and there's no reasonto be doing that anymore.
Yeah, and the mocktail I haveseen a lot of mocktails.
I I have tried actually some ofthe alcohol-free wine that's
coming out and I have to confessthat I do not like any of it.
Emily Allen (19:51):
yeah, they can tend to be a little vinegary.
Actually, some of thealcohol-free wine that's coming
out and I have to confess that Ido not like any of it yeah,
they can tend to be a littlevinegary.
Cheryl Fischer (19:56):
Yeah, I don't think that's been perfected yet,
but no, no, yeah.
Yeah, I think that there areplaces that cause now they'll
like just de-alcoholize it, Likethey'll just take the out they
(20:22):
make it the regular way and thentake the alcohol out, and I
think that those tend to tastebetter, not as much vinegar
flavor.
Yeah, we'll see.
Yeah, well, okay, so let's talkabout midlife, in particular
related to this, because I mean,as I said in the introduction,
I'm not sure that I'm going togo alcohol free or not, but I
think this is such an importantconversation to have for
everyone.
What about the benefits of nothaving alcohol for women who are
in this perimenopause,menopause phase of life?
Emily Allen (20:43):
Yeah, so alcohol can really intensify some of the
symptoms that we go through.
You know the hot flashes.
I mean alcohol definitelyintensifies that because of the
vasodilation.
So hot flashes can be madeworse with alcohol and mood
swings.
Also, alcohol does not do greatin that term, like it
(21:04):
definitely can cause you to havethe more highs and lows.
And then with the hormonalfluctuations around
perimenopause highs and lows,and then with the hormonal
fluctuations aroundperimenopause, menopause, that's
intensified to, along with that, the depression that can.
You know alcohol is sort ofknown, I guess, as being that
depressant.
And if your feelings are withthe hormone fluctuations, with
(21:27):
the menopause and perimenopause,then that also is amplified too
.
And then, like the night sweats, the just general fatigue, any
of that is going to beexacerbated by alcohol use.
And we think about sleep.
I know that I originally thoughtalcohol helped me sleep because
(21:48):
you know I would drink until Imean not until I like passed out
, but I would have enough todrink that then when I lay down
to go to sleep I could be outquickly.
But then I would always wake upat like three in the morning
with that surge of adrenalineand thinking, oh, you know, just
regretful thought.
All of the thoughts that comeat three in the morning, and so
(22:11):
what I've learned since is thatalcohol really totally disrupts
your sleep cycle, and so ifyou're already having trouble
sleeping because of menopause,alcohol is not going to do you
any favors in that regard either.
Cheryl Fischer (22:27):
So yeah, unfortunately, I feel.
I think the theme of so many ofmy episodes about midlife has
been we just need to take alittle bit better care of
ourselves than we maybe havebeen used to doing.
But unfortunately, sometimesthat sort of translates into if
(22:47):
you're listening, you might bethinking this like why is all
the hard stuff happening to menow?
You know, yeah, but we justneed to take a little bit better
care of ourselves, and thatthis is part of it.
It's interesting because that3am thing has absolutely
happened to me.
I don't know what it is aboutthat timing.
It must be just a certainamount into the night or
(23:09):
something like that.
Right, and man, you can reallydrive yourself crazy at three in
the morning.
Emily Allen (23:14):
Yeah, yeah, and if it's with alcohol use, that's
when you get the surge of thehormone, like the numbing part
has worn off and then thecortisol spikes and so that's
what's waking you.
If it's related to alcohol,that's those 3 am wake ups, is
that cortisol just jumping andwaking you up from your not so
(23:38):
good sleep and still sleep?
Cheryl Fischer (23:40):
Interesting, yeah, very interesting.
Emily Allen (23:44):
The other thing, too, I was going to mention is,
as you may notice, like thedrink that you have when you're
40 hits you a little bitdifferent than the one you had
when you were 20 or 30.
Because we don't, we can't, wedon't process it the same way
that we used to as we get intoperimenopause and menopause.
So it's not in your head thatyou know.
(24:05):
Oh, I used to be able to havefive drinks and wake up and feel
great, and now I can have twoand have a headache.
I mean, that's, that's reallyhappening.
So that's another part of theway that the hormonal changes
will affect the way you canmetabolize alcohol too.
Cheryl Fischer (24:22):
Yeah, just take a little bit better care of
yourself.
I went to a doctor's checkupthis was a year or two ago, but
it really stuck in my head andshe, they always ask you.
You really stuck in my head andshe, they always ask you.
You know the basic questionsand one of them is how many
drinks do you have a weektypically?
And I don't know what I said,but she said to me you can have
(24:43):
seven drinks a week and notnegatively impact your health.
When you go beyond seven, thenyou're negatively impacting your
health and I'm saying that fortwo reasons, because I saw your
face.
If you're listening, she made aface.
I'm saying that for two reasons.
Number one, I had never heardthat there was such a number and
(25:05):
I started thinking well, howmany am I having, and what is?
You know what does that mean?
So it made me start thinkingabout it, which was a good thing
.
But number two, I don't knowwhere that number came from and
is it valid?
I don't know.
Emily Allen (25:21):
Well, the World Health Organization just
recently stated that there is nosafe amount of alcohol.
No amount is considered safe.
So yeah, I don't know where shegot that number from, maybe it
was her own.
You know bias, because evenjust like speaking of breast
cancer, I'm jumping.
But they've shown that just onedrink, one drink a day, in
(25:45):
women increases your risk ofbreast cancer, just with that.
And so that's, you know,interesting.
She said seven, but that's thatamount that she said is safe is
actually already increasingyour risk of breast cancer
Proven.
You know that that's true.
Cheryl Fischer (26:00):
So yeah, I guess we can conclude from that.
There's a lot of data out thereand everybody needs to make
their own decision.
Emily Allen (26:09):
Yes, yes, there's, and they are studying it more
and more too, which is good,especially in women, because,
you know, sometimes women arenot studied as much in clinical
trials but they have spent somemore time, like with the breast
cancer, but they have spent somemore time like with the breast
cancer.
And and then with dementia.
I mean it's the same with menand women, but alcohol really is
(26:30):
contributing to dementia,they're finding.
I think I heard that it'sconsidered now to be like the
most preventable cause ofdementia is alcohol use.
And so yeah, and they say, ifyou midlife is like a great time
to get yourself in the positionwhere you're not increasing
your chances of dementia, and socutting out alcohol or, you
(26:53):
know, if you can, if you canmoderate, getting it down to,
you know, definitely less thanone drink a day, can then at
least not increase your risk ofdementia.
Cheryl Fischer (27:05):
Yeah, oh, and let's go back to that, if you
can moderate, because Iappreciate your explanation of
that and I also want to say youknow, I know neither of us is
talking about somebody whothinks that they're dealing with
potentially alcoholism and anactual addiction.
Emily Allen (27:22):
I couldn't get the word out for a second.
Cheryl Fischer (27:25):
We're not talking about that.
If that is the case, thenthat's kind of a separate thing,
correct, correct.
We're talking about habitualalcohol use, where some people
are going to be much better offdoing what you've done and just
stopping, and maybe some peoplecan minimize and not care, and
it's fine.
And we just need to knowourselves.
Emily Allen (27:47):
Yeah, yeah, definitely yeah.
And the term alcohol usedisorder, I think, is kind of
becoming more common to thanlike alcoholic, because that's
such a has such an obviouslynegative connotation.
Nobody wants to just say, oh,you're an alcoholic, you can't
handle your, your alcohol.
Whereas alcohol is meant to notbe handled right.
(28:07):
I mean, it's made to be anaddictive substance and our
bodies just naturally are goingto build up a tolerance and you
get that dependence on it.
I mean, just by the way of thenature of the chemical.
So kind of getting that thenegativity out of somebody who
(28:27):
is considering, you know,cutting back or stopping, I
think sometimes people think I'mnow I'm going to be labeled as
I'm alcoholic, because I had tostop, because I didn't have any
control, and and then theyprobably think it might just be
easier just to try to just do aminimal amount, just so you
don't get that label.
And it's so heartbreakingbecause you can reexamine your
(28:53):
relationship with alcohol.
And it doesn't mean that youhave no control or that you are,
you know, hit rock bottom.
It just means you're payingattention to your intuition and
and listening to your body andwanting to take care of it and
you don't have to get thisnegative label just because
that's what you're doing.
Cheryl Fischer (29:14):
I appreciate you saying that, because I could
see someone thinking I don'twant people to think this about
me and but to be fair, as yousaid, we could probably go out
and have a mocktail or have asparkling water with lime, and
nobody would ever know.
So yeah, it doesn't evendoesn't matter.
Yeah, yeah.
When you originally would goand have a drink with people or
(29:38):
whatever and have a mocktail orwhatever, did you, did you find
that you really would haverather had something else?
Did you kind of want it, or itwas just fine?
Emily Allen (29:46):
No, I think like the first time I can remember
the first time ordering I don'tknow if it was like a mocktail,
I think I might have just likeclub soda or tonic with lime, I
mean something that's fizzy andbubbly at a place where I would
normally have ordered a bottleof wine, not just a glass, like
I would have ordered the bottleand I was so nervous as the
(30:06):
waiter was coming over.
But once I just said this is,you know, put my, said my order,
and nobody like gasped or youknow the room didn't go silent,
she ordered one.
Then it was just like okay, andthey brought it, I drank it and
everything was fine and so Ididn't miss it.
I was just nervous at first ofthinking about what other people
(30:28):
thought and then, once I gotpast that, ever since then it's
just I don't and I I would havethought like there were certain
foods you know, like if you'reeating like Mexican, yummy
Mexican food, you know I like tobe here and I don't even miss
that.
Like everything that I, the waythat I and I do do, like bubbly
(30:48):
waters, I mean I love that.
Some people hate it, but I lovelike spindrifts and LaCroix's
and to me that's just hits thatsame kind of the bubbly,
effervescent part of the beer orthe wine that you might miss.
So for me it was not.
I've never thought, oh, I wishI could have a glass of wine
right now.
Yeah, might have.
(31:09):
Maybe in the first few days,like some of those you know it
was, it was not the easiestthing in the world to just to
stop.
Like I did have to have ritualreplace my rituals, because
everything about it was such aritual that I, you know, had to
have my sparkling water in mywine glass.
Like that really helped me getthrough those first days, weeks,
(31:31):
probably, you know, maybe eventhe first month or two, just to
kind of feel like I still hadthat special something, even
though it was not alcoholanymore.
That really helped me a ton andgot me through the cravings,
because there were cravings atfirst too.
Cheryl Fischer (31:50):
Yeah, sure, yeah , and I would imagine everybody
goes through that in some way oranother.
And that sort of brings us toexactly the right point, because
I know that you now help people, as you mentioned earlier, to
do this.
If they want to do this, sotell us how can people find you
and learn more about what you'redoing and how you can help them
(32:12):
.
Emily Allen (32:12):
Yeah, so my website is living free with Emily and
that's my like handle acrossInstagram, facebook, pinterest,
all that.
So living free with Emily, andon my website there's
information about my coachingpackages.
I've got a 12 week package thatincludes one on one zoom call
(32:36):
every week and then text supportlike y'all.
You know.
You'll have my number, we cantext each other and then also
some just one off sessions ifsomebody just wants a one time
session or multiple of those.
But I think the 12 week packageis really a great way to just
really start this process and tohave you know me there to give
(32:57):
you tips and ideas and explain,like, what is happening to you
right now, and I get it and youcan do this.
So that's what I'm reallyexcited about is just being
there for someone who wants toat least you know, is curious
about trying this out and wantssome support.
Cheryl Fischer (33:16):
I love the fact that this even exists, so you
know, if you're listening andyou're thinking I've been
meaning to do this I don't knowif I can do it Like there's
support for that.
It's amazing.
I kudos for doing that.
And that brings us to my lastquestion, which is what I call
the OMG moment.
Oh, my goodness, this is thething that you have to remember
(33:37):
if you listen to this episode.
Here's the most important thing, and what would you say to that
?
Emily Allen (33:43):
I would say that midlife is the perfect time to
have this huge transition inyour life, to take something out
of your life that's no longerserving you, that's holding you
back, even in ways you might notrealize.
Midlife is a great time to havethis life changing experience
and start your next chapter withconfidence and, to me, what I
(34:07):
describe as true freedom.
Cheryl Fischer (34:09):
That's a great point.
Actually, we're already in somuch change right now.
Why not make a positive change?
Yeah?
Emily Allen (34:16):
I hear that.
I hear that.
Cheryl Fischer (34:18):
Well, Emily, thank you so much for this.
It's been really fascinating.
Emily Allen (34:21):
Thank you so much.
I'm so glad I got to meet youand have this discussion.
Cheryl Fischer (34:26):
I found this to be a fascinating discussion and
I don't know for sure where I'llland and what I'll end up doing
, and that's okay.
You may not know either.
But as I said at the beginningof the episode, I think having
all the information, having theunderstanding of the pros, the
(34:47):
challenges, her path, how itmight feel to try something like
this, that's where the power is.
Because if I could boil downmidlife mindset to anything, it
would be that I want us to slowdown and pay attention and
(35:08):
appreciate and treat ourselveswell.
It doesn't have to be aboutadding 17 new habits and maybe
it's fewer in fact but payingattention to how our bodies feel
, what's going on in our heads,how physically our health is
going, and then maybe takingextra care of ourselves mentally
(35:30):
, emotionally and physically,and that's really what we've
been talking about today as oneoption.
I would love to hear from you.
If you see the show notes, youwill see there is a link to send
Mind your Midlife a message.
I would love to hear yourthoughts on this topic as well.
It is a fascinating one and acertainly bigger and bigger
(35:51):
topic of discussion.
Make sure that you go check outEmily's website.
That will be in the show notesas well.
And then make sure you've hitthe follow button, because next
week we're going to be talkingabout one of my favorite
subjects, and that is morning.
Now, morning is not my favoritetime of day.
However, there are certainthings we can do in the morning.
(36:13):
Simple, not 17 habits.
Simple certain ways we canmanage our morning and, spoiler
alert, getting dressed is one ofthem that really make a
difference.
So stick with me.
I'll see you then, and untilthen, keep remembering.
Midlife is your time to slowdown, to notice what's around
(36:35):
you and what's in your head, andcreate something amazing.
You.
Popular Podcasts
Fudd Around And Find Out
UConn basketball star Azzi Fudd brings her championship swag to iHeart Women’s Sports with Fudd Around and Find Out, a weekly podcast that takes fans along for the ride as Azzi spends her final year of college trying to reclaim the National Championship and prepare to be a first round WNBA draft pick. Ever wonder what it’s like to be a world-class athlete in the public spotlight while still managing schoolwork, friendships and family time? It’s time to Fudd Around and Find Out!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!