September 5, 2025 • 22 mins
Episode 47: Ever feel like you should be doing more—or maybe the opposite, like you just want to relax but wonder if that’s “enough”? In this Ask Mind Your Midlife episode, I’m tackling your real-life questions about rest, relaxation, and whether midlife women should be pushing harder or giving themselves permission to slow down.
This is about more than just putting your feet up. It’s about mindset shifts, self care, and learning how to listen to what you actually need at this stage of life—whether that’s trying something new, taking a break, or finally letting go of the comparison trap.
BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:
✔ Why some midlife women find it almost impossible to sit still—and how to relax without feeling lazy
✔ How overthinking and self-criticism drive us to keep “doing” instead of resting
✔ Simple ways to calm your nervous system, even if you’re someone who likes to stay busy
✔ Why it’s perfectly okay if you don’t feel like chasing a big new goal in midlife
✔ How to stop comparing yourself to everyone else and embrace what feels right for you
🎯 OMG Moment: Rest is not weakness—it’s self confidence in action. When you honor what you truly need, you create more peace, balance, and energy for the life you want.
Take Action
Pause for a minute today. Notice what’s really going on in your head. Are you running from critical thoughts, or are you just naturally energetic? The answer will help you know whether you need more mindset shifts or more mindful self care.
Listen in to these episodes for meditation guides:
5 minute 'legs up against the wall' meditation idea
Coaching - let's chat on a free call
Why This Episode Matters
So many women over 40 and 50 wrestle with questions like, Am I doing enough? Should I be relaxing more? Or should I be making a big change? The truth is, there’s no one right answer. Midlife isn’t about living by other people’s rules—it’s about writing your own. Whether that means chasing a dream or taking a well-deserved break, this
Text me to ask a question - I'll answer on the podcast!
Subscribe to receive bonus episodes at cherylpfischer.com/bonusepisodes.
🌸 Liked this episode? Share it with fellow Gen X women navigating hormone balance, an empty nest, and/or self-confidence!
🫶 Love this show? Leave a review to help more women over 50 find us.
💡Want support through menopause, mindset shifts, or midlife transitions?
- Join the collective by subscribing on Patreon or grab the bonus episodes!
- Book a free Mindset Coaching / Intro Call: cherylpfischer.com/coaching
Let’s talk midlife body positivity, self-talk, and redefining aging for women — without the “midlife crisis” narrative.
Connect with Cheryl, Midlife Coach: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cheryl Fischer (00:00):
I got two questions in August for a Q&A
episode that are more or lessthe opposite of each other, and
this makes a perfect discussion.
So should we relax at thisperiod of life?
Should we not relax?
What in the world is going onwith all the conflicting advice?
(00:23):
Let's see if I can help you outa little bit, because you get
to do what you want.
Let's talk about it.
Welcome to Mind your Midlife,your go-to resource for
confidence and success, onethought at a time.
Unlike most advice out there,we believe that simply telling
(00:46):
you to believe in yourself orchange your habits isn't enough
to wake up excited about life orfeel truly confident in your
body.
Each week, you'll gainactionable strategies and oh my
goodness, powerful insights tostop feeling stuck and start
loving your midlife.
This is the Mind your MidlifePodcast.
Powerful insights to stopfeeling stuck and start loving
your midlife.
(01:06):
This is the Mind your Midlifepodcast.
If you haven't heard the Q&Aepisode from last month about
once a month-ish, we are doingthis on Mind your Midlife and
that means you get to askquestions and I will answer them
(01:27):
on the podcast.
Amazing how that works right?
So if you are thinking, well,wait a minute.
I want to ask a question thatshe's going to answer on the
podcast.
Go to the show notes right now,in whatever app you're
listening to this in, and clickon the link that says text me a
question.
It will do text.
You will get a text, don'tworry, it's real, it's not spam.
(01:50):
You can ask me a question andthat's it.
We'll see what comes up.
All right, so we're talkingabout relaxing today, and here's
the first question.
Susan G reached out and said Ihave a hard time resting or just
sitting.
What should I try?
I actually have a very closefamily member well, more than
(02:14):
one of them, to be honest, morethan one who has this same issue
.
So one person that I'm thinkingof.
She is kind of always movingaround.
She's cooking something,cleaning something, doing
something, wants to sit down andkind of hang out, but somehow
is still up and doing somethingand then collapse into bed at
(02:42):
night and then up this and Ithink, gosh, am I lazy?
Should I be all the time doingsomething?
And so here's the reality.
We're going to talk about howyou can relax and sit down,
because it is important to dothat sometimes, but don't let
anyone tell you that if you'remore prone to want to always be
(03:06):
moving around and doingsomething, that there's
something wrong with that.
Or if you have no idea what theworld's using us talking about
and you are loving to sit downand relax, like I do, that's not
wrong either.
You get to do what you want todo, especially in this period of
time, aren't we just kind of wedo not care club about what
(03:28):
people are telling us, right?
So, with that being said, whatwe need to do is look behind the
curtain, and that's why we'rehere, that's why we're talking
mindset, because if you simplyphysically have a lot of energy
and you like to be moving around, there's nothing wrong with
(03:49):
that, and again, I'm going togive you some ways to relax
while moving in just a minute.
What we want to figure out isis there something behind that,
where there's a whole lot ofhead trash going on, that you're
either trying to escape andrunning away from that head
trash, or that it's running,running, running all the time,
(04:13):
and that's why you're moving,moving, moving.
Okay, let me explain what I mean.
So, on the one hand, it couldbe sometimes that we have
thoughts in our head about whatwe should be doing and we're not
, or what we should look likeand we don't, or how so and so
(04:35):
is so much more amazing than weare, and how this or that is not
fair and believe me, I havethis too.
Our brains are wired to keep ussafe and sometimes that keeping
us safe gets a little critical,kind of holding us on the couch
in a comfortable safe spot,comparison trap where and this
(05:06):
happened to me recently aboutsomething going on in my life
where we're looking at otherpeople and we're just getting so
jealous of what they have andwe think it's so much better
than what we have.
It's okay that those types ofthoughts happen.
They're going to, and the goalis to learn how to catch them
and flip them around.
And if you don't have my storycycle resource that's exactly
(05:27):
why I made it Go toCherylPFishercom slash story
cycle and get it.
It's going to help you to startrecognizing this.
But what we're talking abouttoday is is your need to keep
moving and never slow down a wayto run away from that stuff in
your head?
When you slow down, does it getlouder?
Because if that is the case,then what we want to work on is
(05:52):
the thoughts more so than theability to slow down and sit for
a while, or not.
The thoughts are more important.
Because the thoughts if imagineif you had someone talking to
you all day, all night.
Wow, that's a lot.
Imagine how much informationthey could impart to you.
(06:13):
What really is happening isyou're talking to you all day
and all night and if it'stearing you down, if it's
something you would never say tosomeone else, it's just so much
more mean and critical than younever say to someone else, it's
just so much more mean andcritical than you would say to
someone else then that's what wewant to catch and that's what I
coach a lot of people with.
(06:33):
So go to CherylPFishercom,slash coaching and let's set up
a free call and talk about it.
In the meantime, I just want youto notice, I just want you to
recognize, if I just pause for aminute in my cooking and
cleaning and going and doing,what's going on in my head, and
(06:54):
this is what the story cyclewill help you with.
How am I feeling?
What's going on in my head?
Am I running from something?
Because as soon as you notice,it takes away some of that power
.
That is the very first step.
Now, the other situation that Ialluded to before, is that your
thoughts are causing you, maybe,to go and go and go and go.
(07:17):
So, same solution, same firststep.
But it could be that, becauseyou're telling yourself you're
not good enough, or they'rebetter, or they did more, you
should have done this your brainis going go do it, go do it.
No, don't sit down, you're lazy.
If you sit down, you're lazy.
If you don't do this, go do it.
I want you to pause and I wantyou to see if that's what it is
(07:40):
and again, recognizing that isreally a powerful first step,
because if we can recognize itand go, huh what?
That's not true.
It doesn't even make any sense.
It takes away the power.
So, if that's what's going on,we want to work on the thoughts
and the emotions first.
(08:02):
If you simply are someone wholikes to move and doesn't like
to sit still and has a lot ofenergy, then here's what I want
you to try, because relaxingreally is healthy, and I don't
just mean plopping on the sofa.
We all like to plop on the sofaand have a Netflix marathon
every now and then.
(08:22):
That's not really relaxation,that's sitting on the sofa
watching TV.
So I want you to find a way tohave something that's calming
for your body, meaning calmingyour nervous system.
If your nervous system is goingto be calm, if you can take
deep breaths and feel just justkind of very calm, cool and
(08:44):
collected, not stressed, I wantyou to be able to do that with
your body and I want you to beable to give your mind a break.
We need downtime.
So what do I mean by that?
The easiest way to describe itis to do something outside
without any electronics attachedto you, or meditation, or maybe
(09:07):
reading something that's verylight and non-stressful.
I'll give you that maybe asnumber three.
Stressful.
I'll give you that maybe asnumber three.
So the first one if you livenear any park with trees,
somewhere you can go and take ahike around your neighborhood
works.
But if we're really going forrelax, I'd like for you to be
(09:28):
near trees, seeing sky, seeinggrass, if you can, and walk with
no earbuds, no podcast listento me later no music, no phone
call, no texting.
You could put yourself onairplane mode if that's a safe
thing for you to do in thatmoment, or simply put the phone
(09:53):
somewhere where you're not evengoing to feel it buzzing and
walk and just look, look at theleaves on the trees, look at the
grass, look at the sky.
I would say look at the clouds,because I love to do that, but
you're probably going to fall ifyou do that.
While walking, maybe you pauseand you sit in the grass and you
(10:15):
look at the shapes of theclouds and you try to think what
they're shaped like.
Let yourself be in the momentand even though you're moving
and this is why I say this inanswer to Susan's question if
you aren't good at sitting,still okay, move, don't push it,
just stroll.
You're strolling, you'relooking at the trees, you're
(10:40):
looking at the grass, you'retaking deep breaths.
I've talked on a prior episodeabout a walking meditation.
Go find that episode I'll putit in the show notes where you
can go through all of yoursenses.
Meditation is not somethingthat is very strange to do and
you have to say certain things.
It's being in the moment and soif you're paying attention to
(11:01):
what's going on around you,you're kind of walking.
I think of it as like a cooldown.
My daughter, for many, manyyears, rode horses.
She, I think, would have keptgoing with it if we lived in a
more convenient place or if shehad gone to college near
somewhere that had horses andshe loved it.
Being with animals is great,and when she was finished riding
(11:24):
, first of all, they would walkthe horse around.
Then when she got off the horse, sometimes when it was hot, she
was still walking the horsearound.
Sometimes she was even hosingthe horse off or brushing the
horse.
There was a whole cool downprocess involved.
So this idea of taking a walkwhen you're being really present
in your surroundings, think ofit as kind of a cool down for
(11:47):
your brain and your body.
And if you're really not greatat sitting, still this can be
your thing to do regularly, afew times a week.
The more the better, but don'tpush yourself so that it becomes
a struggle when you can do it.
So that's the first one.
The second one I'm going to saystraight on meditation, and I
(12:12):
understand that that can bedifficult, but maybe you try a
meditation app like Calm thatgives you someone with a voice
speaking in your head who canhelp you, and you just kind of
sit down and you find somethingfor just five minutes and try it
, and maybe then, just 10minutes after you get used to
(12:32):
the five minutes, maybe you dowhat I've also shared on an
episode that I like to do andyou lie down on the floor and
put your legs up against thewall which is so good for you
and you put a timer on yourwatch or your phone for five
minutes and you just kind oftimer on your watch or your
phone for five minutes and youjust kind of focus on your
breathing in, out, and that's it.
(12:58):
It's a mental rest that we'reafter in addition to the
physical.
And if you're a reader like meand you have something very
light, very enjoyable, veryentertaining, then maybe it's
that maybe you sit down for afew minutes and you have
something very light, veryenjoyable, very entertaining,
then maybe it's that Maybe yousit down for a few minutes and
you read.
I think number one and numbertwo are your best options for
(13:18):
trying.
How can I rest, how can I relaxif I'm not someone who sits
down a lot or can sit still verywell?
So, susan, I hope that helps.
Now, here's why I thought it wasinteresting that these two
questions came in.
The second question I hope thathelps.
Now, here's why I thought itwas interesting that these two
questions came in.
The second question I got isfrom Angie D and she says is it
odd that I don't want to take ona new challenge or make a big
(13:41):
change?
I want to relax.
Isn't that a funny oppositequestion?
Now, first of all, let me sayno, of course it's not odd.
I think this question comesfrom probably if I'm guessing
Angie this comes from the factthat a lot of what we talk about
on Mind your Midlife and a lotof what you probably read about,
(14:02):
if you're searching thingsabout almost at retirement,
midlife, empty nest, all thatsort of thing is trying
something new or getting outthere new hobby, start a
business, start a podcast,whatever it might be.
We see a lot of that, we hear alot of that, we talk about that
(14:24):
a lot.
I want to go do this thingbefore I end my career or
whatever it is, and all that'sgreat, but it's not required,
right?
It's something for those of uswho feel really drawn to make a
change or try something new.
Speaking for myself, I alwayslike to be learning something,
(14:45):
trying something I like change,and that's me something.
Trying something I like, change, and that's me.
If you are reaching this point,reaching this point in your life
and you're thinking I've donewhat I wanted to do.
I'm happy with my professionallife, I'm happy with my family
(15:08):
and friend relationships, I'mhappy with how I'm treating my
body in terms of health andmovement, then I want you to
enjoy the heck out of that foras long as you can.
And if we go kind of back intothe mindset of this question as
well, I feel like maybe there'shidden somewhere in there a
(15:29):
should or a should not, like wemight feel like we should be
trying this big thing that wecan talk about on social media
and share at the holidays andbrag about.
Because we see all these otherpeople talking about this big
thing that they're doing.
And maybe there's a voice inyour head saying well, what are
(15:52):
you doing?
You're just going to work everyday and you're just going for a
walk and you're just meetingyour friends sometimes and doing
a bit of travel and playingwith your grandkids or whatever
that.
What is that?
Why aren't you out therechanging the world?
That's a thought.
(16:19):
That is you falling again intothe comparison trap.
Or maybe it's your brain, in anironic twist, trying to keep
you safe because it wants you tofit in.
It sees all these people doingall these things and it feels
like safety comes from fittingin.
That's where the comparisontrap comes from, by the way, is
our need to want to fit in andbe like other people.
And so, first of all, I justwant to say this Anything that
(16:43):
you see online is the very bestversion of reality.
For someone else, it's themovie highlight, or maybe not
even reality.
In this day and age, who knows,people can AI things all over
the place.
So know that if you're lookingat somebody and you're looking
(17:05):
at their highlight reel on theirsocial media or whatever,
you're seeing all the good part.
All the good parts.
You're not seeing any of thelow periods.
So comparison, no, it's nothelping you and it's not even
true.
And if you're kind of just thetype of person who always likes
(17:26):
a challenge but you also youhave this conflict going on
inside of you.
Yeah, I always like a challenge.
I don't want to be bored, but,man, I feel like I deserve to to
chill and enjoy my life.
You do.
You do deserve that, we all do,and so maybe there's a way to
do something small.
Try learn a new hobby orsomething like that, and keep it
very low key, and maybe thatsatisfies this voice that's
(17:49):
saying, hey, try something new.
Hello, it's all about whatwe're telling ourselves.
All about what we're tellingourselves.
If you're moving your body andyou're happy with your
professional life and yourrelationship, part of your life
and you're moving throughmidlife and just wanting to
(18:13):
chill, please do, please do.
And if you heard me give Susanthose ideas on meditation, on an
, on a walk that is a mindfulwalk, do that, absolutely do
those things.
It will help all of us to trythem.
(18:34):
One of my friends said to me itsort of applies here, but we're
going to use it.
Said to me a couple years ago,when I was looking at a podcast
and I was getting my coachingcertification and I was, you
know, having a little impostersyndrome at that time like how's
this all going to go?
I said you know who am I toadvise people on this or that?
And she said you're 50,something.
(18:56):
You've lived.
Anybody who gets to this agehas lived and has so much life
wisdom to share.
You wouldn't be here if thatwasn't the case, and that is
what I say to you.
Wouldn't be here if that wasn'tthe case, and that is what I
say to you.
You've lived, and if the rightthing for you is to now chill
for a bit.
Then please chill for a bit.
(19:18):
By the way, anybody who'slistening and who's thinking am
I a Susan, am I an Angie?
It doesn't matter, you can beboth.
You can go for something new,try something different, change
it up and build in relaxationand build in some nostalgia and
(19:38):
loving your old pictures andgetting together with old
friends and spending time withkids and grandkids.
Whatever it is, you can do both.
It doesn't have to be one orthe other.
Now the last question fortoday's episode.
I encourage everyone to send inkind of silly questions.
Sometimes this one came inanonymously.
(19:59):
So what's something you'venever done?
That is surprising.
And the funny part about thisquestion is I was talking with
some friends about this a couplemonths ago and one of my
friends said that she had neverbeen to Costco, and the rest of
us our jaws hit the floor.
How could you have never beento Costco?
(20:19):
Oh, my goodness.
Now I realize I have aninternational audience, so maybe
that's the case for you.
I have never been to WaffleHouse, so I don't know if
anyone's jaw hits the floor onthat one, but that's what I
thought of something.
I have never been to WaffleHouse, so I don't know if
anyone's jaw hits the floor onthat one, but that's what I
thought of Something I've neverdone.
That is surprising.
Now there's other things I'venever done.
I've never scuba dived, I'venever jumped out of a plane what
(20:40):
do you call it?
Parachute, but I don't know howsurprising that is.
I imagine some of you have notdone that either.
Hey, find me on social media,cheryl P Fisher, almost
everywhere on social media andtell me what's something you've
never done.
That is surprising.
Okay, so this Q&A episode.
I'm encouraging you to relaxand I'm encouraging you to
listen to your gut, take care ofyourself.
(21:02):
It's exactly the right thing todo and it doesn't have to be
difficult or strenuous.
Oddly enough, we sometimes makerelaxing kind of a challenge.
That doesn't really make sensefor us to make relaxing
strenuous, does it?
So add it in a little bit, alittle bit here and there, and
maybe you'll learn to love it.
And make sure you've hit thefollow button, because next week
(21:26):
I have a guest joining me andwe are going to talk about
giving ourselves permission tothrive at this period of life.
And what in the world does thatmean and how are we going to do
that?
Make sure you join me and, inthe meantime, slow down, just
(21:47):
like we talked about.
Notice what's going around you,notice what's going on in your
head and let's create somethingamazing.
I got two questions in August for a Q&A
episode that are more or lessthe opposite of each other, and
this makes a perfect discussion.
So should we relax at thisperiod of life?
Should we not relax?
What in the world is going onwith all the conflicting advice?
(00:23):
Let's see if I can help you outa little bit, because you get
to do what you want.
Let's talk about it.
Welcome to Mind your Midlife,your go-to resource for
confidence and success, onethought at a time.
Unlike most advice out there,we believe that simply telling
(00:46):
you to believe in yourself orchange your habits isn't enough
to wake up excited about life orfeel truly confident in your
body.
Each week, you'll gainactionable strategies and oh my
goodness, powerful insights tostop feeling stuck and start
loving your midlife.
This is the Mind your MidlifePodcast.
Powerful insights to stopfeeling stuck and start loving
your midlife.
(01:06):
This is the Mind your Midlifepodcast.
If you haven't heard the Q&Aepisode from last month about
once a month-ish, we are doingthis on Mind your Midlife and
that means you get to askquestions and I will answer them
(01:27):
on the podcast.
Amazing how that works right?
So if you are thinking, well,wait a minute.
I want to ask a question thatshe's going to answer on the
podcast.
Go to the show notes right now,in whatever app you're
listening to this in, and clickon the link that says text me a
question.
It will do text.
You will get a text, don'tworry, it's real, it's not spam.
(01:50):
You can ask me a question andthat's it.
We'll see what comes up.
All right, so we're talkingabout relaxing today, and here's
the first question.
Susan G reached out and said Ihave a hard time resting or just
sitting.
What should I try?
I actually have a very closefamily member well, more than
(02:14):
one of them, to be honest, morethan one who has this same issue
.
So one person that I'm thinkingof.
She is kind of always movingaround.
She's cooking something,cleaning something, doing
something, wants to sit down andkind of hang out, but somehow
is still up and doing somethingand then collapse into bed at
(02:42):
night and then up this and Ithink, gosh, am I lazy?
Should I be all the time doingsomething?
And so here's the reality.
We're going to talk about howyou can relax and sit down,
because it is important to dothat sometimes, but don't let
anyone tell you that if you'remore prone to want to always be
(03:06):
moving around and doingsomething, that there's
something wrong with that.
Or if you have no idea what theworld's using us talking about
and you are loving to sit downand relax, like I do, that's not
wrong either.
You get to do what you want todo, especially in this period of
time, aren't we just kind of wedo not care club about what
(03:28):
people are telling us, right?
So, with that being said, whatwe need to do is look behind the
curtain, and that's why we'rehere, that's why we're talking
mindset, because if you simplyphysically have a lot of energy
and you like to be moving around, there's nothing wrong with
(03:49):
that, and again, I'm going togive you some ways to relax
while moving in just a minute.
What we want to figure out isis there something behind that,
where there's a whole lot ofhead trash going on, that you're
either trying to escape andrunning away from that head
trash, or that it's running,running, running all the time,
(04:13):
and that's why you're moving,moving, moving.
Okay, let me explain what I mean.
So, on the one hand, it couldbe sometimes that we have
thoughts in our head about whatwe should be doing and we're not
, or what we should look likeand we don't, or how so and so
(04:35):
is so much more amazing than weare, and how this or that is not
fair and believe me, I havethis too.
Our brains are wired to keep ussafe and sometimes that keeping
us safe gets a little critical,kind of holding us on the couch
in a comfortable safe spot,comparison trap where and this
(05:06):
happened to me recently aboutsomething going on in my life
where we're looking at otherpeople and we're just getting so
jealous of what they have andwe think it's so much better
than what we have.
It's okay that those types ofthoughts happen.
They're going to, and the goalis to learn how to catch them
and flip them around.
And if you don't have my storycycle resource that's exactly
(05:27):
why I made it Go toCherylPFishercom slash story
cycle and get it.
It's going to help you to startrecognizing this.
But what we're talking abouttoday is is your need to keep
moving and never slow down a wayto run away from that stuff in
your head?
When you slow down, does it getlouder?
Because if that is the case,then what we want to work on is
(05:52):
the thoughts more so than theability to slow down and sit for
a while, or not.
The thoughts are more important.
Because the thoughts if imagineif you had someone talking to
you all day, all night.
Wow, that's a lot.
Imagine how much informationthey could impart to you.
(06:13):
What really is happening isyou're talking to you all day
and all night and if it'stearing you down, if it's
something you would never say tosomeone else, it's just so much
more mean and critical than younever say to someone else, it's
just so much more mean andcritical than you would say to
someone else then that's what wewant to catch and that's what I
coach a lot of people with.
(06:33):
So go to CherylPFishercom,slash coaching and let's set up
a free call and talk about it.
In the meantime, I just want youto notice, I just want you to
recognize, if I just pause for aminute in my cooking and
cleaning and going and doing,what's going on in my head, and
(06:54):
this is what the story cyclewill help you with.
How am I feeling?
What's going on in my head?
Am I running from something?
Because as soon as you notice,it takes away some of that power
.
That is the very first step.
Now, the other situation that Ialluded to before, is that your
thoughts are causing you, maybe,to go and go and go and go.
(07:17):
So, same solution, same firststep.
But it could be that, becauseyou're telling yourself you're
not good enough, or they'rebetter, or they did more, you
should have done this your brainis going go do it, go do it.
No, don't sit down, you're lazy.
If you sit down, you're lazy.
If you don't do this, go do it.
I want you to pause and I wantyou to see if that's what it is
(07:40):
and again, recognizing that isreally a powerful first step,
because if we can recognize itand go, huh what?
That's not true.
It doesn't even make any sense.
It takes away the power.
So, if that's what's going on,we want to work on the thoughts
and the emotions first.
(08:02):
If you simply are someone wholikes to move and doesn't like
to sit still and has a lot ofenergy, then here's what I want
you to try, because relaxingreally is healthy, and I don't
just mean plopping on the sofa.
We all like to plop on the sofaand have a Netflix marathon
every now and then.
(08:22):
That's not really relaxation,that's sitting on the sofa
watching TV.
So I want you to find a way tohave something that's calming
for your body, meaning calmingyour nervous system.
If your nervous system is goingto be calm, if you can take
deep breaths and feel just justkind of very calm, cool and
(08:44):
collected, not stressed, I wantyou to be able to do that with
your body and I want you to beable to give your mind a break.
We need downtime.
So what do I mean by that?
The easiest way to describe itis to do something outside
without any electronics attachedto you, or meditation, or maybe
(09:07):
reading something that's verylight and non-stressful.
I'll give you that maybe asnumber three.
Stressful.
I'll give you that maybe asnumber three.
So the first one if you livenear any park with trees,
somewhere you can go and take ahike around your neighborhood
works.
But if we're really going forrelax, I'd like for you to be
(09:28):
near trees, seeing sky, seeinggrass, if you can, and walk with
no earbuds, no podcast listento me later no music, no phone
call, no texting.
You could put yourself onairplane mode if that's a safe
thing for you to do in thatmoment, or simply put the phone
(09:53):
somewhere where you're not evengoing to feel it buzzing and
walk and just look, look at theleaves on the trees, look at the
grass, look at the sky.
I would say look at the clouds,because I love to do that, but
you're probably going to fall ifyou do that.
While walking, maybe you pauseand you sit in the grass and you
(10:15):
look at the shapes of theclouds and you try to think what
they're shaped like.
Let yourself be in the momentand even though you're moving
and this is why I say this inanswer to Susan's question if
you aren't good at sitting,still okay, move, don't push it,
just stroll.
You're strolling, you'relooking at the trees, you're
(10:40):
looking at the grass, you'retaking deep breaths.
I've talked on a prior episodeabout a walking meditation.
Go find that episode I'll putit in the show notes where you
can go through all of yoursenses.
Meditation is not somethingthat is very strange to do and
you have to say certain things.
It's being in the moment and soif you're paying attention to
(11:01):
what's going on around you,you're kind of walking.
I think of it as like a cooldown.
My daughter, for many, manyyears, rode horses.
She, I think, would have keptgoing with it if we lived in a
more convenient place or if shehad gone to college near
somewhere that had horses andshe loved it.
Being with animals is great,and when she was finished riding
(11:24):
, first of all, they would walkthe horse around.
Then when she got off the horse, sometimes when it was hot, she
was still walking the horsearound.
Sometimes she was even hosingthe horse off or brushing the
horse.
There was a whole cool downprocess involved.
So this idea of taking a walkwhen you're being really present
in your surroundings, think ofit as kind of a cool down for
(11:47):
your brain and your body.
And if you're really not greatat sitting, still this can be
your thing to do regularly, afew times a week.
The more the better, but don'tpush yourself so that it becomes
a struggle when you can do it.
So that's the first one.
The second one I'm going to saystraight on meditation, and I
(12:12):
understand that that can bedifficult, but maybe you try a
meditation app like Calm thatgives you someone with a voice
speaking in your head who canhelp you, and you just kind of
sit down and you find somethingfor just five minutes and try it
, and maybe then, just 10minutes after you get used to
(12:32):
the five minutes, maybe you dowhat I've also shared on an
episode that I like to do andyou lie down on the floor and
put your legs up against thewall which is so good for you
and you put a timer on yourwatch or your phone for five
minutes and you just kind oftimer on your watch or your
phone for five minutes and youjust kind of focus on your
breathing in, out, and that's it.
(12:58):
It's a mental rest that we'reafter in addition to the
physical.
And if you're a reader like meand you have something very
light, very enjoyable, veryentertaining, then maybe it's
that maybe you sit down for afew minutes and you have
something very light, veryenjoyable, very entertaining,
then maybe it's that Maybe yousit down for a few minutes and
you read.
I think number one and numbertwo are your best options for
(13:18):
trying.
How can I rest, how can I relaxif I'm not someone who sits
down a lot or can sit still verywell?
So, susan, I hope that helps.
Now, here's why I thought it wasinteresting that these two
questions came in.
The second question I hope thathelps.
Now, here's why I thought itwas interesting that these two
questions came in.
The second question I got isfrom Angie D and she says is it
odd that I don't want to take ona new challenge or make a big
(13:41):
change?
I want to relax.
Isn't that a funny oppositequestion?
Now, first of all, let me sayno, of course it's not odd.
I think this question comesfrom probably if I'm guessing
Angie this comes from the factthat a lot of what we talk about
on Mind your Midlife and a lotof what you probably read about,
(14:02):
if you're searching thingsabout almost at retirement,
midlife, empty nest, all thatsort of thing is trying
something new or getting outthere new hobby, start a
business, start a podcast,whatever it might be.
We see a lot of that, we hear alot of that, we talk about that
(14:24):
a lot.
I want to go do this thingbefore I end my career or
whatever it is, and all that'sgreat, but it's not required,
right?
It's something for those of uswho feel really drawn to make a
change or try something new.
Speaking for myself, I alwayslike to be learning something,
(14:45):
trying something I like change,and that's me something.
Trying something I like, change, and that's me.
If you are reaching this point,reaching this point in your life
and you're thinking I've donewhat I wanted to do.
I'm happy with my professionallife, I'm happy with my family
(15:08):
and friend relationships, I'mhappy with how I'm treating my
body in terms of health andmovement, then I want you to
enjoy the heck out of that foras long as you can.
And if we go kind of back intothe mindset of this question as
well, I feel like maybe there'shidden somewhere in there a
(15:29):
should or a should not, like wemight feel like we should be
trying this big thing that wecan talk about on social media
and share at the holidays andbrag about.
Because we see all these otherpeople talking about this big
thing that they're doing.
And maybe there's a voice inyour head saying well, what are
(15:52):
you doing?
You're just going to work everyday and you're just going for a
walk and you're just meetingyour friends sometimes and doing
a bit of travel and playingwith your grandkids or whatever
that.
What is that?
Why aren't you out therechanging the world?
That's a thought.
(16:19):
That is you falling again intothe comparison trap.
Or maybe it's your brain, in anironic twist, trying to keep
you safe because it wants you tofit in.
It sees all these people doingall these things and it feels
like safety comes from fittingin.
That's where the comparisontrap comes from, by the way, is
our need to want to fit in andbe like other people.
And so, first of all, I justwant to say this Anything that
(16:43):
you see online is the very bestversion of reality.
For someone else, it's themovie highlight, or maybe not
even reality.
In this day and age, who knows,people can AI things all over
the place.
So know that if you're lookingat somebody and you're looking
(17:05):
at their highlight reel on theirsocial media or whatever,
you're seeing all the good part.
All the good parts.
You're not seeing any of thelow periods.
So comparison, no, it's nothelping you and it's not even
true.
And if you're kind of just thetype of person who always likes
(17:26):
a challenge but you also youhave this conflict going on
inside of you.
Yeah, I always like a challenge.
I don't want to be bored, but,man, I feel like I deserve to to
chill and enjoy my life.
You do.
You do deserve that, we all do,and so maybe there's a way to
do something small.
Try learn a new hobby orsomething like that, and keep it
very low key, and maybe thatsatisfies this voice that's
(17:49):
saying, hey, try something new.
Hello, it's all about whatwe're telling ourselves.
All about what we're tellingourselves.
If you're moving your body andyou're happy with your
professional life and yourrelationship, part of your life
and you're moving throughmidlife and just wanting to
(18:13):
chill, please do, please do.
And if you heard me give Susanthose ideas on meditation, on an
, on a walk that is a mindfulwalk, do that, absolutely do
those things.
It will help all of us to trythem.
(18:34):
One of my friends said to me itsort of applies here, but we're
going to use it.
Said to me a couple years ago,when I was looking at a podcast
and I was getting my coachingcertification and I was, you
know, having a little impostersyndrome at that time like how's
this all going to go?
I said you know who am I toadvise people on this or that?
And she said you're 50,something.
(18:56):
You've lived.
Anybody who gets to this agehas lived and has so much life
wisdom to share.
You wouldn't be here if thatwasn't the case, and that is
what I say to you.
Wouldn't be here if that wasn'tthe case, and that is what I
say to you.
You've lived, and if the rightthing for you is to now chill
for a bit.
Then please chill for a bit.
(19:18):
By the way, anybody who'slistening and who's thinking am
I a Susan, am I an Angie?
It doesn't matter, you can beboth.
You can go for something new,try something different, change
it up and build in relaxationand build in some nostalgia and
(19:38):
loving your old pictures andgetting together with old
friends and spending time withkids and grandkids.
Whatever it is, you can do both.
It doesn't have to be one orthe other.
Now the last question fortoday's episode.
I encourage everyone to send inkind of silly questions.
Sometimes this one came inanonymously.
(19:59):
So what's something you'venever done?
That is surprising.
And the funny part about thisquestion is I was talking with
some friends about this a couplemonths ago and one of my
friends said that she had neverbeen to Costco, and the rest of
us our jaws hit the floor.
How could you have never beento Costco?
(20:19):
Oh, my goodness.
Now I realize I have aninternational audience, so maybe
that's the case for you.
I have never been to WaffleHouse, so I don't know if
anyone's jaw hits the floor onthat one, but that's what I
thought of something.
I have never been to WaffleHouse, so I don't know if
anyone's jaw hits the floor onthat one, but that's what I
thought of Something I've neverdone.
That is surprising.
Now there's other things I'venever done.
I've never scuba dived, I'venever jumped out of a plane what
(20:40):
do you call it?
Parachute, but I don't know howsurprising that is.
I imagine some of you have notdone that either.
Hey, find me on social media,cheryl P Fisher, almost
everywhere on social media andtell me what's something you've
never done.
That is surprising.
Okay, so this Q&A episode.
I'm encouraging you to relaxand I'm encouraging you to
listen to your gut, take care ofyourself.
(21:02):
It's exactly the right thing todo and it doesn't have to be
difficult or strenuous.
Oddly enough, we sometimes makerelaxing kind of a challenge.
That doesn't really make sensefor us to make relaxing
strenuous, does it?
So add it in a little bit, alittle bit here and there, and
maybe you'll learn to love it.
And make sure you've hit thefollow button, because next week
(21:26):
I have a guest joining me andwe are going to talk about
giving ourselves permission tothrive at this period of life.
And what in the world does thatmean and how are we going to do
that?
Make sure you join me and, inthe meantime, slow down, just
(21:47):
like we talked about.
Notice what's going around you,notice what's going on in your
head and let's create somethingamazing.
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