April 23, 2025 • 46 mins
I would love to hear from you!
Uma Patil, holistic coach and childhood trauma healing expert, shares her journey from abandonment trauma to healing and how childhood experiences shape our adult behaviors and mental health.
• Trauma is subjective and personal—what traumatizes one person may not affect another
• Childhood trauma manifests in adulthood as people-pleasing, imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, or narcissistic traits
• Mental health stigma prevents many from seeking help, though awareness is growing
• Self-awareness through practices like journaling, yoga, and meditation helps recognize thought patterns
• Healing requires addressing mind, body and soul through holistic approaches
• Connection with nature serves as a powerful healing ritual
• Simple lifestyle changes like proper nutrition and reduced caffeine can improve mental wellbeing
• Seeking professional help is crucial—you don't have to heal alone
• Opening up about painful memories feels difficult but leads to clarity and peace
• Your message is hidden in your mess—understanding your trauma reveals your purpose
If you found value in today's episode, please share your thoughts on our social media pages and continue being part of the Mindforce journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hi everyone.
I'm Nate Shear, host ofMindforce, where we take on love
, life and learning from everyangle, because what's going on
in your mind truly matters.
Here Today we have Uma Patil,and today we'll be talking about
emotional and mental health,the impact of childhood trauma
on adulthood and holisticapproach to healing.
(00:43):
So we're going to start withthe four W's the who, what, why,
where.
So, uma, who are you?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hi Nate, thank you for having me here and it's
wonderful to be here on yourpodcast, mindforce, can you hear
me?
Yes, yeah, perfect, yeah, yeah.
So, I did well.
I am Uma Patil.
I'm a holistic coach andchildhood trauma healing expert,
and I am from India and I'mawesome and yeah you.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Why are you here today?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
well, I'm here to actually create an awareness on
how childhood trauma can impactadulthood and affect the
person's emotional and mentalhealth, and also stop them from
living their life to the fullest.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Perfect.
Okay, we'll start with a fewwarm-up questions.
What inspired your journey intoexploring emotional and mental
health?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
It was my own journey into, like, more growth and
personal development journey,and why did that happen is
because I was struggling withmental health issues and I had
emotional health issues as well,and I wanted to understand why
and where these were arisingfrom.
(02:03):
And little did I know that.
You know, I had a childhoodtrauma which was impacting all
my life, but, of course, likethe, the trigger for this was
when I was not able to havechildren, and so my question was
okay, fine then, who am I andwhat am I here for, like, if, as
being born, as a woman, if Ican't have children, what's my
(02:25):
role on earth?
I'm asking deeper questions.
Maybe I was not even ready tolisten to the answers and I
didn't know.
I didn't even know, like nobodyhad taught me that I had to ask
these questions, but they werejust arising in my mind and
that's how I moved into thispath.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I know I'm active duty,military, no-transcript and so,
(03:07):
yeah, that's something that itseems relatable to me, where
it's like it's what defines youand what you know you define
yourself as.
But really you should be movingthrough some of those other
things like husband, wife.
You know other terms anddefinitions of you, but it seems
like when your job is such alarge part of you, it makes it
pretty difficult.
One question I wanted to askyou right off the bat is laying
(03:30):
down the foundation.
I think trauma has been kind ofthrown around a lot and I think
a lot of times people want itto or maybe need it to be like
some large crazy event.
But can you actually definelike what trauma is core?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Well, that's a great question, Nate, because trauma I
don't think I can really definetrauma, because something that
is traumatic for me might bevery normal for another human
being or an individual, and whatmight not seem traumatic to me
might be traumatic to anotherperson.
(04:07):
So even when I share my story,like if I have to say that I've
had an abandonment, trauma isnot that I didn't have parents.
I had parents, but I was sentaway to my uncle's home at the
age of four because my parentslived in village and their only
intention was to give meeducation.
But as a child I neverunderstood that what's their
(04:31):
intention and I thought like Imust have done something wrong
and they were punishing me andthey were sending me away
because my mom, every time shesent me away after my holidays,
she told me to be a good girl.
So in my mind, as afour-year-old child, I thought
that maybe I've done somethingwrong and I have to be a good
girl.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I think that's perfect, though.
I'm glad you answered that way,because what I was trying to
get at is, I feel like peoplewant it to be a car accident or
like one large event, and Ithink a lot of times it's not
one large event, it's, you know,being told you're dumb or
stupid for like a long period oftime and you lose your
confidence, and things like that.
(05:09):
And so I love that you wereable to walk through that and
kind of talk through traumaCause I think that's what it
seems like it's being defined asnow is, at least to me.
It's like, you know, people say, oh, I don't have any trauma, I
don't need to get counseling, Idon't have any trauma, I don't
need to get counseling, I don'tneed to talk to anybody.
Nothing like large happened inmy past.
But then when you talk to themlike, oh, my parents, you know,
(05:32):
talk down to me and they weren'tnice to me and you know all
these different things you'relike, wait, you do, you do need
to talk through and process andwork through that.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
But people want it to be a large event, and I don't
think traumatic eventsthroughout your childhood, and I
guess 80 to 90% at least ofpeople of our generation have
experienced childhood traumabecause, unfortunately, our
parents were never reallytrained how to parent and they
(06:00):
only learned parenting fromtheir own parents, who didn't
know how to parent and they justdid what their parents did, and
so it's just being passed down.
Also, like most of the time,parents just want the best for
their children.
What exactly is best, nobodycan define, because they're
thinking about the best fromtheir perspective, not knowing
(06:22):
what is the potential or thetalent the child has and what
the child really wants.
And, like you know, this can goeven deeper, to the soul level,
like the child may probably noteven be born to do what you
want them to do.
My parents wanted me to be adoctor, and I'm actually a
dentist by profession, and atthe age of 42, I quit dentistry
(06:44):
completely.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
It wasn't the thing that you know got you up in the
morning and drove that passion.
That's interesting.
I always find it funny you have,you know, new parents and
whatnot, and you know friendswill come to me because I have
three kids and whatnot.
And then it's like what's thebest advice?
What do you do?
I don't know.
Like, try your best, keep themalive.
You know, whatever you feel isbest.
(07:07):
I mean there's a bunch of bookswritten but there's really no
true handbook.
I mean, luckily now we have theinternet and get resources a
lot quicker, and so I wouldguess you know it's a lot more
information out there than thereused to be.
So that makes sense as we movefrom trauma into healing.
I wanted to ask if you couldonly use one word, a single word
, to describe healing.
(07:28):
What would that word be and why?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Holistic, holistic.
There's no one perfect methodthat's going to create healing
for any person.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, that makes sense.
You got to do the whole thing,don't you?
And last question, here in thewarm-up can you share a personal
ritual or habit that brings youpeace or clarity each day?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
A personal ritual.
I have multiple, but the onethat's the most favorite for me
is spending time in nature.
Like when I don't spend time innature, at least, maybe,
sometimes it might be at leastonce a week walk in the nature.
It kind of makes me feeldisconnected, disconnected from
(08:17):
the higher souls, disconnectedfrom myself.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Hey, that's a good one.
Okay, before we move into thethree main pillars you selected,
do you have a question for me?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
yes, of course I would want to know, like how and
why this mind force birth, andif you could share a little bit
of your story.
It'll just make me feel moredeeply connected absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
I always wanted to write a book.
I don't feel like I have quitethe right grammar and you know,
I don't know if I have theskills to write a book.
And I was at home, passingthrough, as I picked up my car
from my mom's house inWashington before we moved to
Florida, before we moved outhere to the UK.
We're always on the move.
But I was looking through allthese report cards my mom keeps
way too much.
She's definitely a hoarderSorry, mom, but she has all
(09:06):
these report cards and all ofthem say kind of the same thing
Nate is a joy to have in class,but talks way too much.
I was like, huh, maybe I shouldput that to good use.
And so I lost my grandma tomental health.
As a kid I thought that she wasthe light of my world.
She would always help people,take care of people.
You know.
(09:30):
You know, put a spare tire onsomeone's car on the side of the
road.
She was the light in the entireworld, and so her light is gone
, and so I wanted to dosomething to be able to carry on
her light.
So I wanted just to start waysto help each other, and I think
the best way we help each otherthrough, you know, mental health
and mental fitness, thesethings is through storytelling.
I don't know what the perfectsolution for it, but the one
solution that I think I've cometo the conclusion is connection.
(09:53):
It's really connection.
You share your story.
There's something in that storywhere someone else is like, oh,
I'm going through something, Ican get through this, and so I
think the darkest part of mentalhealth is feeling isolated in
that spiral that starts tohappen where it's only me and
you isolate, and it gets worseand worse.
So we're going to have, youknow, fun conversations,
(10:13):
difficult conversations, a wholelot of conversations on the
show.
Hopefully, bits and piecesalong the way will help people.
So I'm just going to carryalong the light of my grandma
and, you know, keep getting thatout, because she's no longer
with us.
But, but I'm here, so that'sreally beautiful.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Thank you, and keep getting that out because she's
no longer with us, but I'm here,so beautiful.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
That's really beautiful, thank you.
That's why I started the show.
So we'll move into the firstpillar of yours, which is
emotional and mental health.
Why do you?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
think emotional and mental health is often
overlooked or has a negativestigma.
Well, because most often,people were stigmatized because
they always thought that mentalhealth was equated to being mad.
Right, people had anxiety andthey had phobias or they were
depressed, and so theydefinitely would not fit in the
(11:01):
normal range.
And when people don't fit inthe normal range, we fail to
understand them, we fail tounderstand why they are going
through what they're goingthrough and we want to label
people as mad.
I mean, at least in India, likeI know that most of the people
who've had mental health issues,I'm sure, like so many of them,
would have struggled from thisfor years together and for many
(11:24):
centuries, centuries.
But people were not aware ofmental health and so they were
labeled as mad.
And definitely because theywere labeled as mad, nobody
would want to associate, nobodywants to talk about it, and it
just remained a stigma for solong yeah, this is my personal
understanding that was just my
Speaker 1 (11:42):
personal understanding and that was one
of the reasons I named the showMental Fitness, because I like
the take on mental fitness whereit's ongoing.
It's something you do all thetime.
You go to the gym three or fourtimes a week you do cardio, so
that fitness word put in there,I think, is a lot better,
because I know in the militaryspecifically, we struggle a lot
too with mental health.
(12:02):
It's the building, it's thisplace you're not supposed to go,
it's the place where they, youknow, put stuff in your record
and so mental health as a wordor words, I guess, is just
something that's seen asnegative to begin with and
really it should be that ongoingthing.
And one thing I think westruggle with a lot as people is
waiting for it to be the worstday of our lives, which I wish
(12:25):
you know throughout the podcastand things like that.
I hope we can get to a betterplace where, the same way you go
to the gym and run on thetreadmill for three or four
times a week, we can go and talkto someone and process how
you're feeling and things likethat, you don't go on the day
where it's the worst day andyou're already in a dark pit.
That's not the point.
You should be going ongoing andso I hope that you know, as we
(12:46):
continue to go on, I lost mygrandma, like I mentioned and I
think you know.
Back then the stigma was so badshe couldn't talk about it, she
couldn't open up.
All the grandkids didn't evenknow.
Until you know, I found outsome details of the funeral and
that's not how you should findout when you're in the seventh
grade.
So it's just.
It's just.
It's just very unfortunate thatit does have that stigma and
whatnot.
But I think you know havingthese conversations and talking
(13:06):
through these things andhopefully you know podcasts and
other things are getting usthere.
But I was curious on yourthought how do you think we
shift to a more positivenarrative?
Yeah, how do you think we shiftthe mentality or the stigma to
a more positive or shift at theother direction from this
negative stigma?
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Yeah, yeah, thank you .
That's a really great questionagain, because I think the only
way we can shift it towards thepositive side is talk more about
it, create more awareness andspread about the fact that just
like physical body, but then wehave our emotions, we have our
(13:44):
mind and, of course, we have oursoul, and so definitely all the
three are going to get impactedwhen the body is not looked
after well.
So if we can look after ourphysical body by eating good
(14:04):
food and exercising and takingother measures, why wouldn't we
not want to look after ourmental and emotional health?
And so it's only important tocreate more awareness, talk
openly about it and, yeah, Iguess that that is the only way.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yeah, it's so interesting to me how we're at
this point.
I wonder how we got here.
But we know we're supposed tosleep eight hours and eat our
vegetables and go for a runevery once in a while.
We know all these things andthen it gets to the brain and
say, oh, can't talk about that.
That's you know, that's taboo,let's not talk about it.
It's like you know your brainis, is in your body, right, Like
(14:43):
it's a part of you.
Just really bizarre.
Skip one aspect.
We know.
Take care of your.
We know.
Take care of your heart, takecare of your feet, take you know
all these other things that itgets to, you know a large
portion of our body and skip it.
But it's interesting.
Next question I had for you Ilove stories.
I think storytelling is how wereally pass information along.
So can you share a story whereaddressing emotional health made
(15:06):
a transformative impact?
Wow words.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Yeah, so actually I was going through panic attacks,
but the main emotion I wasstruggling with when I had panic
attacks was the fear ofabandonment from my husband.
We had moved to the UK and Iquit my job.
I was at home by myself most ofthe time when my husband went
(15:35):
out for work, and not havingkids did not really give me
great opportunities to go outand connect with people, because
I didn't go to school drop forkids, and so I had no
opportunity to meet other womenand create friendships.
And so I started like reallyfeeling like less important
(15:55):
about myself, or like I was,like you know, good for nothing,
just cooking and cleaning athome, and I've always been a
professional woman, and so, likemy identity got disrupted and I
was like was like oh my god, Ithink like my husband will not
really accept this personalityof mine and maybe he might find
some other professional,intelligent women, uh, more
(16:18):
attractive.
And I had this fear of losinghim and that was, like you know,
my abandonment trauma wasgetting re-triggered and I
started going into panic attacks.
And that's when I reached outto the NHS in the UK and they
referred me to a CBD therapist,and when I worked with them.
(16:40):
They helped me understand howmy thoughts were creating those
emotions and how, like you knowhow, I can take control of my
thoughts and change my thoughtsand how I can change my emotion
accordingly.
And of course, I was givenother forms of treatment as well
for panic attacks.
But definitely changing the wayI think and having control over
(17:02):
my emotions helped me to healmy emotional trauma or my
emotional health improvementemotional health rather.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
That's awesome.
So I love the practical liketips and tricks, so can you
maybe walk through some of thoseways you help reframe or get
control of that mind again?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yeah, so, like most often, the way we feel is
because of the thoughts we think, and we have about 70,000 to
80,000 thoughts per day and mostof us are not even aware of the
repetitive narrative that'sgoing on in our mind.
But the moment we start to usepractices like whether it's
(17:44):
journaling or meditation, whenyou start becoming more aware of
your thoughts and you startlike really observing yourself,
sitting outside of you as aperson and looking at what's
going on in the mind, that'swhen you become aware of your
thoughts and you can then tellthat which thought is actually
(18:05):
ruling the day and how youremotions are being created by
that.
And the moment you shift thatthought to a positive narrative,
obviously you're going to shiftyour emotions and feelings.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I think journaling andmeditation has been on the show
probably more than anything else.
But I'm curious from yourstandpoint, like if someone's
out there right now and they'relike I don't want to sit on the
ground with my legs crossed or Idon't know how to, you know,
start writing or whatever, howdoes someone?
Go from not doing somethinglike meditation and journaling
(18:40):
to doing it.
What's the?
What's that first step looklike?
How does someone do either oneof those from not doing it?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Well, let me be very honest with you, either one of
those from not doing it.
Well, let me be very honestwith you For me, it was not the
meditation and the journalingthat came first, but it was the
energy healing, the Reiki energyhealing, which I finally went
on to become a grandmaster in.
So the moment I started withhealing, I started just
observing that my self-awarenessstarted tidying over and
(19:10):
improving right, and I startedjust becoming aware of my
thoughts.
I was like where, like how comeI'm being so present to this?
And only when I looked back Irealized that it's because of
the healing.
So if someone can't get intomeditation or journaling on the
go, they can, can always seek ahealer, an energy healer, and
(19:32):
they could use that healingmodality to become more
self-aware.
Of course, I also used topractice yoga.
I started my journey as a yogateacher and then moved into
other practices.
But when you are slowing downyour body and you're breathing
for the yoga practices,automatically you're slowing
your mind and that also could beused as a movement meditation.
(19:56):
I always call yoga as amovement meditation.
So if they can't sit down anddo like properly, sit down on
the ground, cross their legs anddo meditation, go practice yoga
, and you don't have to have anyparticularly thought way to do
journaling.
Just scribble your mind down,like right now I'm angry on
(20:16):
someone because someone saidsomething to me.
Just write that, like you know,I just can't bear this, I hate
this person, and then I'm soangry that they said this to me.
Right, and you will see thatimmediately the anger levels are
going down because you'vealready rented it out.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Okay, so blank notebook and just get the words
and thoughts out.
Okay, I always wonder, like, ifyou should have a specific
prompt, like how are you feelingtoday or whatnot, but maybe
just the blank notebook andgetting that stuff out.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah, a lot of times when prompts are given, what
happens is we are like kind offorcing our way to thought is
first to do to do a thought dumpor a dumping of your brain
(21:12):
where you're clearing off allthose thoughts that you don't
need and then only then, likemaybe you can channelize what
you actually need that makessense, okay.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
so last question in this section what practical
steps do you recommend forsomeone starting to prioritize
their mental health, so they'renot really paying attention, not
taking care of their mentalwell-being?
How do you again start thatjourney?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Awesome.
That's really a good question,because I think a lot of times
we are just so perplexed with somany modalities and so many
tools to use.
So the first thing I would sayis, by beginning to paying more
attention to your physicalhealth as well is, like you know
(21:59):
, just simply exercising, eatinggood food, stopping junk food
and not depending on anyaddictives.
A simple habit of having four tofive cups of coffee or tea can
also be an addiction, and notnecessarily any larger
(22:22):
substances that we are talkinghere as addiction.
Right, that requires acompletely different form of
treatment, but at at least forbasic improvement of mental
health, I would say startlooking after your body and
maybe you can commit to wakingup half an hour earlier and
making sure that you are doingany form of exercise, getting
(22:46):
out in nature, getting somesunshine and, if you cannot, in
countries where the sunshinewindow is very less making sure
that you're taking a proper,regulated dose of vitamin D and
also having healthy food.
That is, choosing the rightfruits and vegetables when I say
(23:09):
the right is the properquantity and in what form you
need to take them, what time ofthe day you need to consume, and
cutting down on like sugar andthese are like simple basic
things that people can startwith yeah, that's good stuff.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
I think a lot of times kind of going back to the
traumatic incident, like peoplewant large things for some
reason.
I think some of the smallerthings are the most important,
like small shifts, like you hadjust said, 30 minutes putting
your shoes out so you can getout and walk in the morning, or
whatever steps to get after someof those smaller things, and
(23:50):
then you can rack up, you know,some smaller wins and they'll
kind of transform it as somelarger wins.
But I think sometimes, like ifI don't have this huge, massive
shift, I'm just not going to doanything.
Like that's not the best way todo it.
You know, make some smallerones along the way.
The next pillar we have for youis the impact of childhood
trauma on your adulthood.
So first question how does achildhood trauma manifest in
(24:11):
adulthood and why is itimportant to recognize these
patterns?
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Well, most often like people who have low self-esteem
, people who are people pleasers, the ones that cannot say no,
and people who procrastinate alot despite knowing that they
have a lot of potential, andpeople with low self-confidence.
These are all traits that theyhave had childhood trauma.
(24:39):
Or, like you know, we have twoends, right.
One is this end where theconfidence is very low and then
people are having self-sabotage,imposter syndrome Imposter is
like.
Despite having all thequalifications, the skills, the
talents, they're always doubtingthemselves, they're always
wondering like can I really dothis?
(25:00):
Am I fit for this?
Or, like you know, sabotagingtheir own accomplishments.
But the other end is where theyfeel highly confidential and it
goes to the narcissistic trait,right.
So, on either side, theirpotential is not being optimized
and utilized for the better ofthemselves and those around them
(25:22):
or for the universe, and inthat case it's like the person I
wouldn't even want to use theword productive.
The person is not really usingtheir potential for the best
opportunity that they have gotas a human.
Like you know, they are kind of.
(25:42):
If they are in the narcissist,they are a narcissist, they are
being abused by other people andtheir potential is lost and
that's the reason why it's soimportant to recognize these
traits and to heal through them,so that you can find your true
potential and your purpose andyou can actually thrive in your
(26:04):
life.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, that's good stuff.
I know I struggle with impostersyndrome.
Sometimes I'm like I don't knowif I'm smart enough or things
like that.
But one thing that was given tome I thought was really good
advice and I try to go back toit when I start to creep into
that is I was selected for aspecific program at work and I
got to like switch over and, youknow, go from like the enlisted
(26:24):
side to the officer side andbecome a leader within the
organization and I was like, amI capable?
Am I whatever?
But it was interesting becausesomebody told me you know, you
went through the process andthere was leaders that know you
and, you know, selected andpushed you for this thing, and
so if you're doubting yourself,it's almost they put it as like
basically disrespectful to thepeople that have believed in you
(26:46):
and selected you for this thing.
You're telling these people thathave been around for a long
time, know the ins and outs thatsaid you're good, you can go
and do this.
You're telling them I don't knowif you really know what you're
talking about, and so I've kindof looked at it that way and
flipped it the other way.
I'm like these people that Ireally valued and were important
to me, to go back and like,basically spit in their face and
say, like you didn't know whatyou're talking about, you're
(27:08):
silly.
Like no, that's awful.
Like you believed, if you knewand you know, you know enough
and have the experience of donethis for 16 to 20 years or
however long they've done thesethings and picked you, you can
do it.
You have been imparted with allthe skills and traits that you
need.
Or this person that you knowhas been around long enough
would not have picked you forthis particular thing.
So I try to flip it back theother way and just think of all
(27:30):
those people that have believedin you all through your life and
things.
If all these people believed inyou, there must be a common
denominator, right?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Absolutely, and I really love the way you have put
that across, because that's anice way for any of them who are
listening and struggle withimposter syndrome to learn how
they can flip the story andunderstand the impact they've
already created so far and thenwork through it.
That's really beautiful.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, you got all those people that believe and
wrote letters and things likethat.
They know what they're talkingabout.
You can definitely do it.
The next question is can youshare an example of someone
breaking free from the cycle oftrauma?
How do you break free?
Speaker 2 (28:13):
How do you break free is?
I usually use the word doingthe inner work, but when I say
doing the inner work is reallysitting down with yourself and
understanding your patterns andrecognizing your potential and
also working through yourshadows.
(28:33):
Most often your patterns areborn out of the shadows that you
have right, like the shadowcould be like.
For instance, for me it was theabandonment trauma was causing
the shadow of wanting to be likeI always had this attachment
problem, like I was an anxiouslyattached person and anytime,
(28:56):
any instance would create aseparation for me from any of my
loved one, that trauma wouldget triggered.
And so it's like observingthese patterns, just getting
down to really really understandyourself, understand your
thoughts.
But if you cannot do it alone,of course there are so many
other, I can say, serviceproviders who could help them.
(29:20):
They could be therapists.
They could be therapists, theycould be like coaches like me
who are childhood trauma healingexperts, or they could also be
counselors and they can seek outexternal help and work through
their trauma.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
So I feel like a lot of times in life you're going
through you don't know what youdon't know, and so you're just
trying your best.
And so, as you're going throughthings, how do you, how did you
stop and identify that, thesethings that you're just living,
it seems normal.
You're not really sure.
When does it go from likeidentification to like?
I need to figure this out.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Wow, yeah, I didn't look at it that way, right?
So this actually happened.
When I quit my main job and Istarted teaching yoga in the UK
and I just trained for 200 hoursas a yoga teacher trainer and
when I started stepping on tostart teaching yoga, that's when
all these patterns startedshowing up, right.
(30:14):
First one to kick in wasimposter syndrome.
Like who do you think you are?
After 200 hours of ofcertification, you're standing
here and wanting to teach peopleyoga.
Or like I had big plans.
I wanted to go big as a yogateacher, but it was my
procrastination that was alwaysstopping me.
(30:35):
I would not be able to reallyput through a proper flow for
the class or things like that,and and then I would beat myself
up.
But I realized that when I wentand stood in the class and I
guided them, the flow wasabsolutely phenomenal.
People loved my flows and theyused to enjoy the class.
But I was like literallybeating myself up to like go by
(30:58):
the books, or this is how youhave to create this, you have to
do this and to do this.
And so there were, like so manythings there was self-doubt,
there was procrastination, therewas imposter syndrome, there
was self-sabotage, because Iknow that I've helped people who
were having sticks.
I used to teach a class orchair yoga for adults and I had
(31:18):
two of my students who, afterattending my classes for
continuously for three or fourmonths, get rid of this.
Students who, after attendingmy classes continuously for
three or four months, got rid ofthe stick and were able to walk
without the aid of the stick.
But I was not looking at thosethings for my confirmation that
I was a good teacher, but Iwanted to see a big number of
people in the classes, despiteknowing that I did not belong to
(31:40):
the UK, didn't have manyfriends or family who could
refer people to me, and despitethat I was.
I did not belong to the UK,didn't have many friends or
family who could refer people tome, and despite that, I made
all the efforts, went tonetworking and started teaching
right.
So when I was doing this, I wasalways searching, like there was
always this need for there'ssomething that I wanted, which I
really didn't know what Iwanted, and so I would force it
(32:02):
on, like my relationship is notgoing well or I'm not really
excelling at my work or this iswrong.
That is going bad.
And then when I started doingmy energy healing like I said
earlier as well, it kind of justimproved my self-awareness and
I started realizing, oh, theseare all my thoughts, this is not
(32:22):
actually what's happening andin actuality there is so much
that is different from the way Iam thinking, so there's
something wrong in the way I'mthinking and it was more of a
reverse engineering.
And from there on, like becausethe universe wanted me to heal
my inner child and my childhoodtrauma so badly that it gifted
(32:47):
me a hypnotherapy program whereI met my mentor.
He was doing the challenge andI met him on that and I won a
raffle on the challenge and Igot his program for free raffle
on the challenge and I got hisprogram for free.
When I did the hypnotherapyprogram and when I was going
(33:08):
through his group sessions andthrough the hypnotherapy process
did I actually realize that I'dhad childhood trauma.
Until then I always told peoplethat my child was really happy
and wonderful, but I had blankedout such a major part of my
childhood I just couldn'tremember.
And if it's something that wayfor others like they can't
(33:29):
remember a part of theirchildhood and they can't
remember what happened, and likeyou know how it happened, then
probably they are actuallymasking it so much because they
don't want to feel that painagain.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
I wonder if that goes into like earlier I was
mentioning, like, oh, I'm notgoing to go to counseling or
anything because my childhoodwas pretty A-OK.
I wonder if that's some of thatwhere they're just not quite
remembering the way I had aquestion earlier you had
mentioned.
You kind of get in.
You know two ends of thespectrum you get taken advantage
of or you take advantage ofothers.
What are ways that you've seenpeople can identify hey, maybe
(34:04):
I'm doing this or doing that, orthings they can identify in
their life to see if they're onone side or the other?
Maybe need to tweak some things.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
I guess, for us to understand our external
circumstances are the teachersright, Our external
circumstances when I say is thequality of our relationships.
How happy or fulfilled are youat your job or your profession?
Does that really fill yourheart?
Do you feel good?
(34:32):
How do you feel about yourwhole life?
And those are the things thatcan actually help us to, that
can actually help us to recenterground and understand, like is
this relationship serving me?
Is this work serving me?
(34:55):
Are these people serving me oram I serving these people?
Am I doing something for thesepeople with a good in my heart
or is it because I have a endgoal in my mind?
Am I expecting something elseout of them and hence showing up
, or is it that I really want todo something good?
Speaker 1 (35:10):
it's like a lot of times I have met.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you were sayingsomething.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Go ahead no, you're good yes, so I just I.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I have met so many narcissists who are actually
posing like they are doing somuch good for the community,
right, but they are trying to doit because they are trying to
fill a void within them whichmakes them, tells them that
you're not good enough.
It's there's this inner voicethat's continuously going on
telling them you're not goodenough, you're not good enough.
And to make them feel goodenough, they are going out in
(35:40):
the world and trying to dosomething big, but you can see
that, even despite that, theyare taking advantage of people,
even in those cases.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
You got to do things for the right reason.
The last question in thissection what advice would you
give to individuals strugglingto address the lingering effects
of their childhood experiences?
Speaker 2 (36:02):
I think your voice is .
Can you just repeat that again,Nate Sorry.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Yeah, of course.
What advice would you give toindividuals struggling to
address the lingering effects oftheir childhood trauma?
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Like the first advice is you don't have to do this
all alone, you don't have tostruggle by yourself.
The best thing is to go outthere and take help, seek help.
It can be from your therapist,it can be from your counselor,
it can be from a coach, it canbe even like programs or things
(36:34):
like that, where you're going toget an entry point into just
understanding yourself more,better and like to reconnect
with that hidden inner or thatchild.
You know, the hidden child thatis trying to like kind of call
out and grab your attention.
(36:55):
It's just that child creatingthe tantrum right or all these
ways.
It's showing up as, like said,doubt or sabotage or imposter.
I I think they're all our innerchildren were like.
You know, can you just listento me?
I really need to get out ofhere and I want to be happy and
joyous and free.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Earlier I had asked and we kindof talked about the people that
believe childhood was all allperfect, all hunky dory, Things
were great.
But I'd like to flip it theother way.
What advice do you have topeople that know they did have a
difficult or, you know, prettybad or traumatic childhood?
Getting into counseling meansyou're reopening.
(37:38):
You're talking about things youmay never want to talk about
ever again.
What advice do you have someonethat needs to go through
something difficult to getbetter?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yeah, I actually wanted to talk about it even
when I was speaking abouthypnotherapy.
Right, definitely you're goingto open the can of worms, but
once these worms are cleared,can you see how clean and clear
your entire not just the mind,but the body and soul is going
(38:11):
to be?
It's like you're going to feelso good at the end of this.
Yes, at that time it might seemvery difficult, but of course,
you're going to be held, you'regoing to be guided and you have
someone whom you can lean on.
That is your service provider,and I'm sure you will use your
(38:35):
intuitive guidance to choosesomeone who is empathetic and
compassionate and and I trustmost of these people who are in
this position definitely are soand so you, you have their
support and you can lean in onthat support and allow those can
of worms to come out and thenclean it so that you know you
(38:56):
can actually experience joy andyou can experience peace.
Yes, uh, none of these feelingsor emotions again are a
constant, anytime, right, evenwhen it is peace, or because
life is always happening, right.
It's not like you're not in astatus quo, that once you have
(39:18):
healed from your childhoodtrauma, everything is going to
completely become sunshine.
No, the shadows are going tocast again, but then at least
you have the ability to movepast these shadows and come back
to that ground where you cancreate that peace and that joy
in your life.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah, you have to have the rain to have the sun
and the sun to have the rain.
You got to have the ups to havethe downs.
The last pillar we have for youis holistic approach to healing
.
So how does a holistic approachto healing look like in your
work?
Speaker 2 (39:51):
Well, the holistic approach to healing in my work
looks like, you know, using allthe three pillars, that is, for
the mind, the body and the soul.
And so for the mind and thebody, I use the energy healing
and, of course, the meditations,and I always recommend my
(40:15):
clients to practice yoga.
And for the soul, again, yourenergy healing is going to give
you a deeper connection to yoursoul and also the quantum
healing that I practice is alsogoing to help them to connect
with their higher self and todraw the intuitive guidance
(40:36):
through their higher self forthat path forward.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Perfect.
Can you share an example of howcombining traditional and
holistic methods have helpedsomeone heal?
Speaker 2 (40:45):
Yeah, that's again a great question because most
often what we think is that allthese just impact our physical
body and the mind right, and inthis case the mind is more
deeply impacted.
But we forget that we are notjust the body and the mind, but
we are also the soul and I havebeen impacting on the soul for
(41:06):
so many times.
I have made a mention of that.
Somebody might say that what isa soul, who is a soul?
But I guess over the yearspeople are able to make that
connection to the soul and if weare going to leave the soul
behind and just heal the mindand the body, then somewhere
(41:27):
there's this sense ofdisconnection.
As I mentioned earlier, and fortimes immemorial now, people
have been talking about pastlives and people are also
talking about how we can seeinto the future life.
You know, with energy healingyou can make a connection to
(41:48):
your past life.
Also, people have madeconnection to their afterlife.
They have had near-deathexperiences.
People have spoken aboutnear-death experiences and there
are so many people who havewritten books and have had
visions and have connected withangels.
I mean, I can feel them all thetime around me, and so it's
(42:11):
like when you connect toyourself as a mind, body and
soul.
And when we use these holisticapproaches, what happens is
we're not only clearing what isthere in this present life, but
also what has happened in yourpast lives.
That also gets cleared off.
And then it's like you know,it's almost like a really clear
(42:33):
picture that you are getting toonce all this is cleared off,
does that make sense?
Cleared off, does that makesense?
I mean, I don't know if Ireally answered your question in
the right way or what youactually wanted to know.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
No, I think that was perfect.
Yeah, that was good.
That rounds out our holisticapproach to healing.
Now I'd like to go through andtry to wrap some things together
.
So you know, 45 minutes ofgoodness, let's try to wrap some
things together.
So what's the biggest lessonyou've learned about healing and
emotional resilience?
Speaker 2 (43:04):
the biggest lesson I have learned about healing and
emotional resilience is like, ohmy god, this is like I've done
a bit so many lessons right,like I'm wondering what, what?
Speaker 1 (43:15):
how do you choose?
Speaker 2 (43:16):
one.
Yeah, how do I choose one isthat you have the power within
you and you're actually there'sa hidden gem inside you and it's
it's like actually waiting tobe unleashed and to bring out
that power so that that can beshared with the world.
And so the more emotionallyresilient you become, you get
(43:41):
that strength to reconnect withthat power and then you can
share it.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Oh, I love that.
One of the things I do in myleadership position is I try to
open up to people and bring outsome of the vulnerability and
things like that.
I've been through a divorce anddeath of a parent and I've lost
multiple grandparents and thingslike that, and I bring those
things up and I'm like I don'twant to be this like negative
Nancy, and I'm not trying tobring down the mood of this
meeting or whatnot but I want tomake sure when you go through
(44:07):
something in your life, as I'mthe leader of you and the team,
I want you to know you can walkthrough the door and talk to me,
and so I hope when I bring upthese so that I can help and
connect with others.
That's the reason, like I can'tbelieve that I go through
(44:28):
difficult things for no reason.
It just doesn't make sense.
There's got to be a reason.
I hope that it helps otherpeople here on the show or in
real life.
And the last question I got foryou, uma, is if you could leave
one message about theimportance of addressing trauma
and mental health, what would itbe?
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Your message is actually in your mess, and so
it's important to understandyour mess to get that message.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Okay, a little wordplay.
I like that, uma.
Thank you for coming out.
Everyone out there, yourfeedback makes this podcast even
better.
Drop your thoughts or questionson any one of the many social
media pages we have and thankyou for being a part of the
Mindforce journey.
I love you all.
See ya, thank you.
Hi everyone.
I'm Nate Shear, host ofMindforce, where we take on love
, life and learning from everyangle, because what's going on
in your mind truly matters.
Here Today we have Uma Patil,and today we'll be talking about
emotional and mental health,the impact of childhood trauma
on adulthood and holisticapproach to healing.
(00:43):
So we're going to start withthe four W's the who, what, why,
where.
So, uma, who are you?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hi Nate, thank you for having me here and it's
wonderful to be here on yourpodcast, mindforce, can you hear
me?
Yes, yeah, perfect, yeah, yeah.
So, I did well.
I am Uma Patil.
I'm a holistic coach andchildhood trauma healing expert,
and I am from India and I'mawesome and yeah you.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Why are you here today?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
well, I'm here to actually create an awareness on
how childhood trauma can impactadulthood and affect the
person's emotional and mentalhealth, and also stop them from
living their life to the fullest.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Perfect.
Okay, we'll start with a fewwarm-up questions.
What inspired your journey intoexploring emotional and mental
health?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
It was my own journey into, like, more growth and
personal development journey,and why did that happen is
because I was struggling withmental health issues and I had
emotional health issues as well,and I wanted to understand why
and where these were arisingfrom.
(02:03):
And little did I know that.
You know, I had a childhoodtrauma which was impacting all
my life, but, of course, likethe, the trigger for this was
when I was not able to havechildren, and so my question was
okay, fine then, who am I andwhat am I here for, like, if, as
being born, as a woman, if Ican't have children, what's my
(02:25):
role on earth?
I'm asking deeper questions.
Maybe I was not even ready tolisten to the answers and I
didn't know.
I didn't even know, like nobodyhad taught me that I had to ask
these questions, but they werejust arising in my mind and
that's how I moved into thispath.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I know I'm active duty,military, no-transcript and so,
(03:07):
yeah, that's something that itseems relatable to me, where
it's like it's what defines youand what you know you define
yourself as.
But really you should be movingthrough some of those other
things like husband, wife.
You know other terms anddefinitions of you, but it seems
like when your job is such alarge part of you, it makes it
pretty difficult.
One question I wanted to askyou right off the bat is laying
(03:30):
down the foundation.
I think trauma has been kind ofthrown around a lot and I think
a lot of times people want itto or maybe need it to be like
some large crazy event.
But can you actually definelike what trauma is core?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Well, that's a great question, Nate, because trauma I
don't think I can really definetrauma, because something that
is traumatic for me might bevery normal for another human
being or an individual, and whatmight not seem traumatic to me
might be traumatic to anotherperson.
(04:07):
So even when I share my story,like if I have to say that I've
had an abandonment, trauma isnot that I didn't have parents.
I had parents, but I was sentaway to my uncle's home at the
age of four because my parentslived in village and their only
intention was to give meeducation.
But as a child I neverunderstood that what's their
(04:31):
intention and I thought like Imust have done something wrong
and they were punishing me andthey were sending me away
because my mom, every time shesent me away after my holidays,
she told me to be a good girl.
So in my mind, as afour-year-old child, I thought
that maybe I've done somethingwrong and I have to be a good
girl.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I think that's perfect, though.
I'm glad you answered that way,because what I was trying to
get at is, I feel like peoplewant it to be a car accident or
like one large event, and Ithink a lot of times it's not
one large event, it's, you know,being told you're dumb or
stupid for like a long period oftime and you lose your
confidence, and things like that.
(05:09):
And so I love that you wereable to walk through that and
kind of talk through traumaCause I think that's what it
seems like it's being defined asnow is, at least to me.
It's like, you know, people say, oh, I don't have any trauma, I
don't need to get counseling, Idon't have any trauma, I don't
need to get counseling, I don'tneed to talk to anybody.
Nothing like large happened inmy past.
But then when you talk to themlike, oh, my parents, you know,
(05:32):
talk down to me and they weren'tnice to me and you know all
these different things you'relike, wait, you do, you do need
to talk through and process andwork through that.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
But people want it to be a large event, and I don't
think traumatic eventsthroughout your childhood, and I
guess 80 to 90% at least ofpeople of our generation have
experienced childhood traumabecause, unfortunately, our
parents were never reallytrained how to parent and they
(06:00):
only learned parenting fromtheir own parents, who didn't
know how to parent and they justdid what their parents did, and
so it's just being passed down.
Also, like most of the time,parents just want the best for
their children.
What exactly is best, nobodycan define, because they're
thinking about the best fromtheir perspective, not knowing
(06:22):
what is the potential or thetalent the child has and what
the child really wants.
And, like you know, this can goeven deeper, to the soul level,
like the child may probably noteven be born to do what you
want them to do.
My parents wanted me to be adoctor, and I'm actually a
dentist by profession, and atthe age of 42, I quit dentistry
(06:44):
completely.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
It wasn't the thing that you know got you up in the
morning and drove that passion.
That's interesting.
I always find it funny you have,you know, new parents and
whatnot, and you know friendswill come to me because I have
three kids and whatnot.
And then it's like what's thebest advice?
What do you do?
I don't know.
Like, try your best, keep themalive.
You know, whatever you feel isbest.
(07:07):
I mean there's a bunch of bookswritten but there's really no
true handbook.
I mean, luckily now we have theinternet and get resources a
lot quicker, and so I wouldguess you know it's a lot more
information out there than thereused to be.
So that makes sense as we movefrom trauma into healing.
I wanted to ask if you couldonly use one word, a single word
, to describe healing.
(07:28):
What would that word be and why?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Holistic, holistic.
There's no one perfect methodthat's going to create healing
for any person.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, that makes sense.
You got to do the whole thing,don't you?
And last question, here in thewarm-up can you share a personal
ritual or habit that brings youpeace or clarity each day?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
A personal ritual.
I have multiple, but the onethat's the most favorite for me
is spending time in nature.
Like when I don't spend time innature, at least, maybe,
sometimes it might be at leastonce a week walk in the nature.
It kind of makes me feeldisconnected, disconnected from
(08:17):
the higher souls, disconnectedfrom myself.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Hey, that's a good one.
Okay, before we move into thethree main pillars you selected,
do you have a question for me?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
yes, of course I would want to know, like how and
why this mind force birth, andif you could share a little bit
of your story.
It'll just make me feel moredeeply connected absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
I always wanted to write a book.
I don't feel like I have quitethe right grammar and you know,
I don't know if I have theskills to write a book.
And I was at home, passingthrough, as I picked up my car
from my mom's house inWashington before we moved to
Florida, before we moved outhere to the UK.
We're always on the move.
But I was looking through allthese report cards my mom keeps
way too much.
She's definitely a hoarderSorry, mom, but she has all
(09:06):
these report cards and all ofthem say kind of the same thing
Nate is a joy to have in class,but talks way too much.
I was like, huh, maybe I shouldput that to good use.
And so I lost my grandma tomental health.
As a kid I thought that she wasthe light of my world.
She would always help people,take care of people.
You know.
(09:30):
You know, put a spare tire onsomeone's car on the side of the
road.
She was the light in the entireworld, and so her light is gone
, and so I wanted to dosomething to be able to carry on
her light.
So I wanted just to start waysto help each other, and I think
the best way we help each otherthrough, you know, mental health
and mental fitness, thesethings is through storytelling.
I don't know what the perfectsolution for it, but the one
solution that I think I've cometo the conclusion is connection.
(09:53):
It's really connection.
You share your story.
There's something in that storywhere someone else is like, oh,
I'm going through something, Ican get through this, and so I
think the darkest part of mentalhealth is feeling isolated in
that spiral that starts tohappen where it's only me and
you isolate, and it gets worseand worse.
So we're going to have, youknow, fun conversations,
(10:13):
difficult conversations, a wholelot of conversations on the
show.
Hopefully, bits and piecesalong the way will help people.
So I'm just going to carryalong the light of my grandma
and, you know, keep getting thatout, because she's no longer
with us.
But, but I'm here, so that'sreally beautiful.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Thank you, and keep getting that out because she's
no longer with us, but I'm here,so beautiful.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
That's really beautiful, thank you.
That's why I started the show.
So we'll move into the firstpillar of yours, which is
emotional and mental health.
Why do you?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
think emotional and mental health is often
overlooked or has a negativestigma.
Well, because most often,people were stigmatized because
they always thought that mentalhealth was equated to being mad.
Right, people had anxiety andthey had phobias or they were
depressed, and so theydefinitely would not fit in the
(11:01):
normal range.
And when people don't fit inthe normal range, we fail to
understand them, we fail tounderstand why they are going
through what they're goingthrough and we want to label
people as mad.
I mean, at least in India, likeI know that most of the people
who've had mental health issues,I'm sure, like so many of them,
would have struggled from thisfor years together and for many
(11:24):
centuries, centuries.
But people were not aware ofmental health and so they were
labeled as mad.
And definitely because theywere labeled as mad, nobody
would want to associate, nobodywants to talk about it, and it
just remained a stigma for solong yeah, this is my personal
understanding that was just my
Speaker 1 (11:42):
personal understanding and that was one
of the reasons I named the showMental Fitness, because I like
the take on mental fitness whereit's ongoing.
It's something you do all thetime.
You go to the gym three or fourtimes a week you do cardio, so
that fitness word put in there,I think, is a lot better,
because I know in the militaryspecifically, we struggle a lot
too with mental health.
(12:02):
It's the building, it's thisplace you're not supposed to go,
it's the place where they, youknow, put stuff in your record
and so mental health as a wordor words, I guess, is just
something that's seen asnegative to begin with and
really it should be that ongoingthing.
And one thing I think westruggle with a lot as people is
waiting for it to be the worstday of our lives, which I wish
(12:25):
you know throughout the podcastand things like that.
I hope we can get to a betterplace where, the same way you go
to the gym and run on thetreadmill for three or four
times a week, we can go and talkto someone and process how
you're feeling and things likethat, you don't go on the day
where it's the worst day andyou're already in a dark pit.
That's not the point.
You should be going ongoing andso I hope that you know, as we
(12:46):
continue to go on, I lost mygrandma, like I mentioned and I
think you know.
Back then the stigma was so badshe couldn't talk about it, she
couldn't open up.
All the grandkids didn't evenknow.
Until you know, I found outsome details of the funeral and
that's not how you should findout when you're in the seventh
grade.
So it's just.
It's just.
It's just very unfortunate thatit does have that stigma and
whatnot.
But I think you know havingthese conversations and talking
(13:06):
through these things andhopefully you know podcasts and
other things are getting usthere.
But I was curious on yourthought how do you think we
shift to a more positivenarrative?
Yeah, how do you think we shiftthe mentality or the stigma to
a more positive or shift at theother direction from this
negative stigma?
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Yeah, yeah, thank you .
That's a really great questionagain, because I think the only
way we can shift it towards thepositive side is talk more about
it, create more awareness andspread about the fact that just
like physical body, but then wehave our emotions, we have our
(13:44):
mind and, of course, we have oursoul, and so definitely all the
three are going to get impactedwhen the body is not looked
after well.
So if we can look after ourphysical body by eating good
(14:04):
food and exercising and takingother measures, why wouldn't we
not want to look after ourmental and emotional health?
And so it's only important tocreate more awareness, talk
openly about it and, yeah, Iguess that that is the only way.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yeah, it's so interesting to me how we're at
this point.
I wonder how we got here.
But we know we're supposed tosleep eight hours and eat our
vegetables and go for a runevery once in a while.
We know all these things andthen it gets to the brain and
say, oh, can't talk about that.
That's you know, that's taboo,let's not talk about it.
It's like you know your brainis, is in your body, right, Like
(14:43):
it's a part of you.
Just really bizarre.
Skip one aspect.
We know.
Take care of your.
We know.
Take care of your heart, takecare of your feet, take you know
all these other things that itgets to, you know a large
portion of our body and skip it.
But it's interesting.
Next question I had for you Ilove stories.
I think storytelling is how wereally pass information along.
So can you share a story whereaddressing emotional health made
(15:06):
a transformative impact?
Wow words.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Yeah, so actually I was going through panic attacks,
but the main emotion I wasstruggling with when I had panic
attacks was the fear ofabandonment from my husband.
We had moved to the UK and Iquit my job.
I was at home by myself most ofthe time when my husband went
(15:35):
out for work, and not havingkids did not really give me
great opportunities to go outand connect with people, because
I didn't go to school drop forkids, and so I had no
opportunity to meet other womenand create friendships.
And so I started like reallyfeeling like less important
(15:55):
about myself, or like I was,like you know, good for nothing,
just cooking and cleaning athome, and I've always been a
professional woman, and so, likemy identity got disrupted and I
was like was like oh my god, Ithink like my husband will not
really accept this personalityof mine and maybe he might find
some other professional,intelligent women, uh, more
(16:18):
attractive.
And I had this fear of losinghim and that was, like you know,
my abandonment trauma wasgetting re-triggered and I
started going into panic attacks.
And that's when I reached outto the NHS in the UK and they
referred me to a CBD therapist,and when I worked with them.
(16:40):
They helped me understand howmy thoughts were creating those
emotions and how, like you knowhow, I can take control of my
thoughts and change my thoughtsand how I can change my emotion
accordingly.
And of course, I was givenother forms of treatment as well
for panic attacks.
But definitely changing the wayI think and having control over
(17:02):
my emotions helped me to healmy emotional trauma or my
emotional health improvementemotional health rather.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
That's awesome.
So I love the practical liketips and tricks, so can you
maybe walk through some of thoseways you help reframe or get
control of that mind again?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yeah, so, like most often, the way we feel is
because of the thoughts we think, and we have about 70,000 to
80,000 thoughts per day and mostof us are not even aware of the
repetitive narrative that'sgoing on in our mind.
But the moment we start to usepractices like whether it's
(17:44):
journaling or meditation, whenyou start becoming more aware of
your thoughts and you startlike really observing yourself,
sitting outside of you as aperson and looking at what's
going on in the mind, that'swhen you become aware of your
thoughts and you can then tellthat which thought is actually
(18:05):
ruling the day and how youremotions are being created by
that.
And the moment you shift thatthought to a positive narrative,
obviously you're going to shiftyour emotions and feelings.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I think journaling andmeditation has been on the show
probably more than anything else.
But I'm curious from yourstandpoint, like if someone's
out there right now and they'relike I don't want to sit on the
ground with my legs crossed or Idon't know how to, you know,
start writing or whatever, howdoes someone?
Go from not doing somethinglike meditation and journaling
(18:40):
to doing it.
What's the?
What's that first step looklike?
How does someone do either oneof those from not doing it?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Well, let me be very honest with you, either one of
those from not doing it.
Well, let me be very honestwith you For me, it was not the
meditation and the journalingthat came first, but it was the
energy healing, the Reiki energyhealing, which I finally went
on to become a grandmaster in.
So the moment I started withhealing, I started just
observing that my self-awarenessstarted tidying over and
(19:10):
improving right, and I startedjust becoming aware of my
thoughts.
I was like where, like how comeI'm being so present to this?
And only when I looked back Irealized that it's because of
the healing.
So if someone can't get intomeditation or journaling on the
go, they can, can always seek ahealer, an energy healer, and
(19:32):
they could use that healingmodality to become more
self-aware.
Of course, I also used topractice yoga.
I started my journey as a yogateacher and then moved into
other practices.
But when you are slowing downyour body and you're breathing
for the yoga practices,automatically you're slowing
your mind and that also could beused as a movement meditation.
(19:56):
I always call yoga as amovement meditation.
So if they can't sit down anddo like properly, sit down on
the ground, cross their legs anddo meditation, go practice yoga
, and you don't have to have anyparticularly thought way to do
journaling.
Just scribble your mind down,like right now I'm angry on
(20:16):
someone because someone saidsomething to me.
Just write that, like you know,I just can't bear this, I hate
this person, and then I'm soangry that they said this to me.
Right, and you will see thatimmediately the anger levels are
going down because you'vealready rented it out.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Okay, so blank notebook and just get the words
and thoughts out.
Okay, I always wonder, like, ifyou should have a specific
prompt, like how are you feelingtoday or whatnot, but maybe
just the blank notebook andgetting that stuff out.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah, a lot of times when prompts are given, what
happens is we are like kind offorcing our way to thought is
first to do to do a thought dumpor a dumping of your brain
(21:12):
where you're clearing off allthose thoughts that you don't
need and then only then, likemaybe you can channelize what
you actually need that makessense, okay.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
so last question in this section what practical
steps do you recommend forsomeone starting to prioritize
their mental health, so they'renot really paying attention, not
taking care of their mentalwell-being?
How do you again start thatjourney?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Awesome.
That's really a good question,because I think a lot of times
we are just so perplexed with somany modalities and so many
tools to use.
So the first thing I would sayis, by beginning to paying more
attention to your physicalhealth as well is, like you know
(21:59):
, just simply exercising, eatinggood food, stopping junk food
and not depending on anyaddictives.
A simple habit of having four tofive cups of coffee or tea can
also be an addiction, and notnecessarily any larger
(22:22):
substances that we are talkinghere as addiction.
Right, that requires acompletely different form of
treatment, but at at least forbasic improvement of mental
health, I would say startlooking after your body and
maybe you can commit to wakingup half an hour earlier and
making sure that you are doingany form of exercise, getting
(22:46):
out in nature, getting somesunshine and, if you cannot, in
countries where the sunshinewindow is very less making sure
that you're taking a proper,regulated dose of vitamin D and
also having healthy food.
That is, choosing the rightfruits and vegetables when I say
(23:09):
the right is the properquantity and in what form you
need to take them, what time ofthe day you need to consume, and
cutting down on like sugar andthese are like simple basic
things that people can startwith yeah, that's good stuff.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
I think a lot of times kind of going back to the
traumatic incident, like peoplewant large things for some
reason.
I think some of the smallerthings are the most important,
like small shifts, like you hadjust said, 30 minutes putting
your shoes out so you can getout and walk in the morning, or
whatever steps to get after someof those smaller things, and
(23:50):
then you can rack up, you know,some smaller wins and they'll
kind of transform it as somelarger wins.
But I think sometimes, like ifI don't have this huge, massive
shift, I'm just not going to doanything.
Like that's not the best way todo it.
You know, make some smallerones along the way.
The next pillar we have for youis the impact of childhood
trauma on your adulthood.
So first question how does achildhood trauma manifest in
(24:11):
adulthood and why is itimportant to recognize these
patterns?
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Well, most often like people who have low self-esteem
, people who are people pleasers, the ones that cannot say no,
and people who procrastinate alot despite knowing that they
have a lot of potential, andpeople with low self-confidence.
These are all traits that theyhave had childhood trauma.
(24:39):
Or, like you know, we have twoends, right.
One is this end where theconfidence is very low and then
people are having self-sabotage,imposter syndrome Imposter is
like.
Despite having all thequalifications, the skills, the
talents, they're always doubtingthemselves, they're always
wondering like can I really dothis?
(25:00):
Am I fit for this?
Or, like you know, sabotagingtheir own accomplishments.
But the other end is where theyfeel highly confidential and it
goes to the narcissistic trait,right.
So, on either side, theirpotential is not being optimized
and utilized for the better ofthemselves and those around them
(25:22):
or for the universe, and inthat case it's like the person I
wouldn't even want to use theword productive.
The person is not really usingtheir potential for the best
opportunity that they have gotas a human.
Like you know, they are kind of.
(25:42):
If they are in the narcissist,they are a narcissist, they are
being abused by other people andtheir potential is lost and
that's the reason why it's soimportant to recognize these
traits and to heal through them,so that you can find your true
potential and your purpose andyou can actually thrive in your
(26:04):
life.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, that's good stuff.
I know I struggle with impostersyndrome.
Sometimes I'm like I don't knowif I'm smart enough or things
like that.
But one thing that was given tome I thought was really good
advice and I try to go back toit when I start to creep into
that is I was selected for aspecific program at work and I
got to like switch over and, youknow, go from like the enlisted
(26:24):
side to the officer side andbecome a leader within the
organization and I was like, amI capable?
Am I whatever?
But it was interesting becausesomebody told me you know, you
went through the process andthere was leaders that know you
and, you know, selected andpushed you for this thing, and
so if you're doubting yourself,it's almost they put it as like
basically disrespectful to thepeople that have believed in you
(26:46):
and selected you for this thing.
You're telling these people thathave been around for a long
time, know the ins and outs thatsaid you're good, you can go
and do this.
You're telling them I don't knowif you really know what you're
talking about, and so I've kindof looked at it that way and
flipped it the other way.
I'm like these people that Ireally valued and were important
to me, to go back and like,basically spit in their face and
say, like you didn't know whatyou're talking about, you're
(27:08):
silly.
Like no, that's awful.
Like you believed, if you knewand you know, you know enough
and have the experience of donethis for 16 to 20 years or
however long they've done thesethings and picked you, you can
do it.
You have been imparted with allthe skills and traits that you
need.
Or this person that you knowhas been around long enough
would not have picked you forthis particular thing.
So I try to flip it back theother way and just think of all
(27:30):
those people that have believedin you all through your life and
things.
If all these people believed inyou, there must be a common
denominator, right?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Absolutely, and I really love the way you have put
that across, because that's anice way for any of them who are
listening and struggle withimposter syndrome to learn how
they can flip the story andunderstand the impact they've
already created so far and thenwork through it.
That's really beautiful.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Yeah, you got all those people that believe and
wrote letters and things likethat.
They know what they're talkingabout.
You can definitely do it.
The next question is can youshare an example of someone
breaking free from the cycle oftrauma?
How do you break free?
Speaker 2 (28:13):
How do you break free is?
I usually use the word doingthe inner work, but when I say
doing the inner work is reallysitting down with yourself and
understanding your patterns andrecognizing your potential and
also working through yourshadows.
(28:33):
Most often your patterns areborn out of the shadows that you
have right, like the shadowcould be like.
For instance, for me it was theabandonment trauma was causing
the shadow of wanting to be likeI always had this attachment
problem, like I was an anxiouslyattached person and anytime,
(28:56):
any instance would create aseparation for me from any of my
loved one, that trauma wouldget triggered.
And so it's like observingthese patterns, just getting
down to really really understandyourself, understand your
thoughts.
But if you cannot do it alone,of course there are so many
other, I can say, serviceproviders who could help them.
(29:20):
They could be therapists.
They could be therapists, theycould be like coaches like me
who are childhood trauma healingexperts, or they could also be
counselors and they can seek outexternal help and work through
their trauma.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
So I feel like a lot of times in life you're going
through you don't know what youdon't know, and so you're just
trying your best.
And so, as you're going throughthings, how do you, how did you
stop and identify that, thesethings that you're just living,
it seems normal.
You're not really sure.
When does it go from likeidentification to like?
I need to figure this out.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Wow, yeah, I didn't look at it that way, right?
So this actually happened.
When I quit my main job and Istarted teaching yoga in the UK
and I just trained for 200 hoursas a yoga teacher trainer and
when I started stepping on tostart teaching yoga, that's when
all these patterns startedshowing up, right.
(30:14):
First one to kick in wasimposter syndrome.
Like who do you think you are?
After 200 hours of ofcertification, you're standing
here and wanting to teach peopleyoga.
Or like I had big plans.
I wanted to go big as a yogateacher, but it was my
procrastination that was alwaysstopping me.
(30:35):
I would not be able to reallyput through a proper flow for
the class or things like that,and and then I would beat myself
up.
But I realized that when I wentand stood in the class and I
guided them, the flow wasabsolutely phenomenal.
People loved my flows and theyused to enjoy the class.
But I was like literallybeating myself up to like go by
(30:58):
the books, or this is how youhave to create this, you have to
do this and to do this.
And so there were, like so manythings there was self-doubt,
there was procrastination, therewas imposter syndrome, there
was self-sabotage, because Iknow that I've helped people who
were having sticks.
I used to teach a class orchair yoga for adults and I had
(31:18):
two of my students who, afterattending my classes for
continuously for three or fourmonths, get rid of this.
Students who, after attendingmy classes continuously for
three or four months, got rid ofthe stick and were able to walk
without the aid of the stick.
But I was not looking at thosethings for my confirmation that
I was a good teacher, but Iwanted to see a big number of
people in the classes, despiteknowing that I did not belong to
(31:40):
the UK, didn't have manyfriends or family who could
refer people to me, and despitethat I was.
I did not belong to the UK,didn't have many friends or
family who could refer people tome, and despite that, I made
all the efforts, went tonetworking and started teaching
right.
So when I was doing this, I wasalways searching, like there was
always this need for there'ssomething that I wanted, which I
really didn't know what Iwanted, and so I would force it
(32:02):
on, like my relationship is notgoing well or I'm not really
excelling at my work or this iswrong.
That is going bad.
And then when I started doingmy energy healing like I said
earlier as well, it kind of justimproved my self-awareness and
I started realizing, oh, theseare all my thoughts, this is not
(32:22):
actually what's happening andin actuality there is so much
that is different from the way Iam thinking, so there's
something wrong in the way I'mthinking and it was more of a
reverse engineering.
And from there on, like becausethe universe wanted me to heal
my inner child and my childhoodtrauma so badly that it gifted
(32:47):
me a hypnotherapy program whereI met my mentor.
He was doing the challenge andI met him on that and I won a
raffle on the challenge and Igot his program for free raffle
on the challenge and I got hisprogram for free.
When I did the hypnotherapyprogram and when I was going
(33:08):
through his group sessions andthrough the hypnotherapy process
did I actually realize that I'dhad childhood trauma.
Until then I always told peoplethat my child was really happy
and wonderful, but I had blankedout such a major part of my
childhood I just couldn'tremember.
And if it's something that wayfor others like they can't
(33:29):
remember a part of theirchildhood and they can't
remember what happened, and likeyou know how it happened, then
probably they are actuallymasking it so much because they
don't want to feel that painagain.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
I wonder if that goes into like earlier I was
mentioning, like, oh, I'm notgoing to go to counseling or
anything because my childhoodwas pretty A-OK.
I wonder if that's some of thatwhere they're just not quite
remembering the way I had aquestion earlier you had
mentioned.
You kind of get in.
You know two ends of thespectrum you get taken advantage
of or you take advantage ofothers.
What are ways that you've seenpeople can identify hey, maybe
(34:04):
I'm doing this or doing that, orthings they can identify in
their life to see if they're onone side or the other?
Maybe need to tweak some things.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
I guess, for us to understand our external
circumstances are the teachersright, Our external
circumstances when I say is thequality of our relationships.
How happy or fulfilled are youat your job or your profession?
Does that really fill yourheart?
Do you feel good?
(34:32):
How do you feel about yourwhole life?
And those are the things thatcan actually help us to, that
can actually help us to recenterground and understand, like is
this relationship serving me?
Is this work serving me?
(34:55):
Are these people serving me oram I serving these people?
Am I doing something for thesepeople with a good in my heart
or is it because I have a endgoal in my mind?
Am I expecting something elseout of them and hence showing up
, or is it that I really want todo something good?
Speaker 1 (35:10):
it's like a lot of times I have met.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you were sayingsomething.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Go ahead no, you're good yes, so I just I.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I have met so many narcissists who are actually
posing like they are doing somuch good for the community,
right, but they are trying to doit because they are trying to
fill a void within them whichmakes them, tells them that
you're not good enough.
It's there's this inner voicethat's continuously going on
telling them you're not goodenough, you're not good enough.
And to make them feel goodenough, they are going out in
(35:40):
the world and trying to dosomething big, but you can see
that, even despite that, theyare taking advantage of people,
even in those cases.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
You got to do things for the right reason.
The last question in thissection what advice would you
give to individuals strugglingto address the lingering effects
of their childhood experiences?
Speaker 2 (36:02):
I think your voice is .
Can you just repeat that again,Nate Sorry.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Yeah, of course.
What advice would you give toindividuals struggling to
address the lingering effects oftheir childhood trauma?
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Like the first advice is you don't have to do this
all alone, you don't have tostruggle by yourself.
The best thing is to go outthere and take help, seek help.
It can be from your therapist,it can be from your counselor,
it can be from a coach, it canbe even like programs or things
(36:34):
like that, where you're going toget an entry point into just
understanding yourself more,better and like to reconnect
with that hidden inner or thatchild.
You know, the hidden child thatis trying to like kind of call
out and grab your attention.
(36:55):
It's just that child creatingthe tantrum right or all these
ways.
It's showing up as, like said,doubt or sabotage or imposter.
I I think they're all our innerchildren were like.
You know, can you just listento me?
I really need to get out ofhere and I want to be happy and
joyous and free.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Earlier I had asked and we kindof talked about the people that
believe childhood was all allperfect, all hunky dory, Things
were great.
But I'd like to flip it theother way.
What advice do you have topeople that know they did have a
difficult or, you know, prettybad or traumatic childhood?
Getting into counseling meansyou're reopening.
(37:38):
You're talking about things youmay never want to talk about
ever again.
What advice do you have someonethat needs to go through
something difficult to getbetter?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yeah, I actually wanted to talk about it even
when I was speaking abouthypnotherapy.
Right, definitely you're goingto open the can of worms, but
once these worms are cleared,can you see how clean and clear
your entire not just the mind,but the body and soul is going
(38:11):
to be?
It's like you're going to feelso good at the end of this.
Yes, at that time it might seemvery difficult, but of course,
you're going to be held, you'regoing to be guided and you have
someone whom you can lean on.
That is your service provider,and I'm sure you will use your
(38:35):
intuitive guidance to choosesomeone who is empathetic and
compassionate and and I trustmost of these people who are in
this position definitely are soand so you, you have their
support and you can lean in onthat support and allow those can
of worms to come out and thenclean it so that you know you
(38:56):
can actually experience joy andyou can experience peace.
Yes, uh, none of these feelingsor emotions again are a
constant, anytime, right, evenwhen it is peace, or because
life is always happening, right.
It's not like you're not in astatus quo, that once you have
(39:18):
healed from your childhoodtrauma, everything is going to
completely become sunshine.
No, the shadows are going tocast again, but then at least
you have the ability to movepast these shadows and come back
to that ground where you cancreate that peace and that joy
in your life.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah, you have to have the rain to have the sun
and the sun to have the rain.
You got to have the ups to havethe downs.
The last pillar we have for youis holistic approach to healing
.
So how does a holistic approachto healing look like in your
work?
Speaker 2 (39:51):
Well, the holistic approach to healing in my work
looks like, you know, using allthe three pillars, that is, for
the mind, the body and the soul.
And so for the mind and thebody, I use the energy healing
and, of course, the meditations,and I always recommend my
(40:15):
clients to practice yoga.
And for the soul, again, yourenergy healing is going to give
you a deeper connection to yoursoul and also the quantum
healing that I practice is alsogoing to help them to connect
with their higher self and todraw the intuitive guidance
(40:36):
through their higher self forthat path forward.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Perfect.
Can you share an example of howcombining traditional and
holistic methods have helpedsomeone heal?
Speaker 2 (40:45):
Yeah, that's again a great question because most
often what we think is that allthese just impact our physical
body and the mind right, and inthis case the mind is more
deeply impacted.
But we forget that we are notjust the body and the mind, but
we are also the soul and I havebeen impacting on the soul for
(41:06):
so many times.
I have made a mention of that.
Somebody might say that what isa soul, who is a soul?
But I guess over the yearspeople are able to make that
connection to the soul and if weare going to leave the soul
behind and just heal the mindand the body, then somewhere
(41:27):
there's this sense ofdisconnection.
As I mentioned earlier, and fortimes immemorial now, people
have been talking about pastlives and people are also
talking about how we can seeinto the future life.
You know, with energy healingyou can make a connection to
(41:48):
your past life.
Also, people have madeconnection to their afterlife.
They have had near-deathexperiences.
People have spoken aboutnear-death experiences and there
are so many people who havewritten books and have had
visions and have connected withangels.
I mean, I can feel them all thetime around me, and so it's
(42:11):
like when you connect toyourself as a mind, body and
soul.
And when we use these holisticapproaches, what happens is
we're not only clearing what isthere in this present life, but
also what has happened in yourpast lives.
That also gets cleared off.
And then it's like you know,it's almost like a really clear
(42:33):
picture that you are getting toonce all this is cleared off,
does that make sense?
Cleared off, does that makesense?
I mean, I don't know if Ireally answered your question in
the right way or what youactually wanted to know.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
No, I think that was perfect.
Yeah, that was good.
That rounds out our holisticapproach to healing.
Now I'd like to go through andtry to wrap some things together
.
So you know, 45 minutes ofgoodness, let's try to wrap some
things together.
So what's the biggest lessonyou've learned about healing and
emotional resilience?
Speaker 2 (43:04):
the biggest lesson I have learned about healing and
emotional resilience is like, ohmy god, this is like I've done
a bit so many lessons right,like I'm wondering what, what?
Speaker 1 (43:15):
how do you choose?
Speaker 2 (43:16):
one.
Yeah, how do I choose one isthat you have the power within
you and you're actually there'sa hidden gem inside you and it's
it's like actually waiting tobe unleashed and to bring out
that power so that that can beshared with the world.
And so the more emotionallyresilient you become, you get
(43:41):
that strength to reconnect withthat power and then you can
share it.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Oh, I love that.
One of the things I do in myleadership position is I try to
open up to people and bring outsome of the vulnerability and
things like that.
I've been through a divorce anddeath of a parent and I've lost
multiple grandparents and thingslike that, and I bring those
things up and I'm like I don'twant to be this like negative
Nancy, and I'm not trying tobring down the mood of this
meeting or whatnot but I want tomake sure when you go through
(44:07):
something in your life, as I'mthe leader of you and the team,
I want you to know you can walkthrough the door and talk to me,
and so I hope when I bring upthese so that I can help and
connect with others.
That's the reason, like I can'tbelieve that I go through
(44:28):
difficult things for no reason.
It just doesn't make sense.
There's got to be a reason.
I hope that it helps otherpeople here on the show or in
real life.
And the last question I got foryou, uma, is if you could leave
one message about theimportance of addressing trauma
and mental health, what would itbe?
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Your message is actually in your mess, and so
it's important to understandyour mess to get that message.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Okay, a little wordplay.
I like that, uma.
Thank you for coming out.
Everyone out there, yourfeedback makes this podcast even
better.
Drop your thoughts or questionson any one of the many social
media pages we have and thankyou for being a part of the
Mindforce journey.
I love you all.
See ya, thank you.
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