Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hi there, I'm Nate Shear, your guide on Mindforce.
We're all about love, life andlearning, because what's on your
mind really does matter.
Today we have Teresa Ramirez,and today we'll be talking about
tips on how to be kind indifficult situations.
Some of these examples includechanging the way you look at
things, catching someone offguard with some humor, not
(00:46):
engaging.
Is it more important to beright or to be kind?
We'll start with the easy stuff, the four W's.
Who are you?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Who am I?
I am Teresa Ramirez, and I usedto be in the corporate world
for 30 years, took care of myparents for about five and then
started on kindness.
That's perfect so what do youdo?
Nope, this is what I do.
I go, I teach parents, orencourage parents to become the
CEOs of their family and teachtheir children to be kind.
(01:15):
As CEO, like in a corporation,you know they set the values and
the philosophy and it filtersdown through.
The company Works the same waywith the family.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Perfect, you took that and translated it over.
I love when things you knowhappen in different sections,
but it can be applied across allsorts of different things.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Next one is why are you here?
I am here just to spreadkindness and to let get the word
out that, yes, we can changeyour corner of the world, one
ripple of kindness at a time.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
That's great.
And the last one where in theworld are you calling from?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I am calling from Chile, Cincinnati, Ohio in the
United States.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Oh, ohio going through some snow and all sorts
of stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Yes, yes, we had 10 inches last week and we're not
used to that much, so a coupleinches were good.
Anything over that we're likemy goodness.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I'm looking forward to the conversation on kindness.
I had one yesterday on men'smental health and it's just so
interesting because we weretalking about how, as a man, you
have to be strong and pullyourself up by your bootstrings
and you know any emotion andthings like that.
So kindness and whatnot, it'llbe really interesting.
I'm looking forward to this one.
So we'll start with a littlebit of warm up, try to get
(02:31):
things going.
What's a moment when someone'skindness completely surprised
you or impacted you?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Oh my gosh, I think, yeah, when someone's kind to me,
I'm so used to doing acts ofkindness, so when it reverses
and that's the way it's supposedto work I still get, like you
know, the proverbial buy the cupof coffee.
And I do do that every time.
I go into the coffee shop andlo and behold, someone bought my
coffee one day and I was justblown away and it was so simple,
(03:01):
Something so simple, you know.
And I think it's funny that Istill get blown away when
someone's kind to me, becausethis is what I do and the whole
premise is once you start beingkind to others, they're kind to
you, it's a ripple effect.
So when they are kind to me, itis kind of funny that I do get
shocked.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I think that's a super important reminder, though
, that things are the smallerthings.
The last couple episodes I'vehad, we've hit on it and you
know, even though it's fromcompletely different fronts and
things like that, we want thesehuge things that we have to go
and do in a project.
It's just the little things Ithink we over.
You know, we're like makingthings more complicated than
(03:40):
they need to be.
Be nice, hold the door.
You know, push that kindnessout and you'll ripple out.
So if anyone's listening, like,just be nice, I was just going
to add to that.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
That simplicity is that smile and a hello.
And I have a story a friend, heretired, got bored, went to
work in a parking garage, saidit was the best job he's ever
had, that he's having a ball.
And he went on vacation for acouple weeks and when he came
back he said people were yellingat me because they had bad days
(04:14):
for two weeks because I wasn'tthere to smile and say good
morning.
And he was, like you know, justshocked at what an impact he
had and all he did was smile andsay good morning to these
people.
And he came to me and he was sofunny.
He came to me and he said youkindness, lady, you know, you
tell me it's simple, you tell meit's easy, he goes.
I didn't really buy into ituntil I experienced it.
(04:35):
So just buy into it everybody.
It does make a difference.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
And I think you never know.
I think that's one thing that'simportant.
Like, you do it to feel betterand push that out into the world
, but you're not necessarilylooking for anything in return,
right?
So you pass the person, yougive the smile, you don't know
if that does anything or thatcompletely changed that person's
day, but you need to do it andpush it out there.
But, yeah, you might not everhear.
(05:01):
You know he doesn't take theleave of absence and he never
hears.
You know how impactful that was, but it doesn't mean you
shouldn't do it.
So sometimes you don't get tonecessarily see the words you
read.
Next question I had for you isyou can describe kindness, since
you are the kindness lady, inone word other than kindness.
What would it be and why?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
In one word.
I don't have one word.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Phrase.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Yeah, I'm just going to have to go with a phrase and
it's.
People will think again.
It's kind of cheesy, but it'sit's right.
Being kind is treating peoplethe way you want to be treated
and lifting people up.
If you're not doing thosethings every day, with every
encounter, then you're not beingkind.
And I'm not saying I'm guilty.
(05:49):
There are days when we're allin our head space and we're not
even looking around.
We're on our phones and youdon't pay attention.
It happens to me too and I dothis as a lifestyle.
But if you're doing it moreintentionally, yeah, that's,
that's important.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
And the last question to warmup is what's the kindest thing
someone has ever done for youduring a difficult time?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Oh my gosh, and it goes back.
I was going through a divorceand I just was struggling A lot
of people do Someone just cameup and gave me a hug.
It's a complete stranger,because I evidently had it all
over my face one day and theyjust said it's okay,
(06:35):
everything's going to be okay.
And I just remember looking atthem going yeah, it is.
But it was again something verysimple and I never saw that
person again and they probablydon't know what they did for me
that day because I was prettylow that particular day.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Yeah, that's so interesting, like I mentioned
before.
I mean, you might not ever know.
It's interesting.
You just got to do what's rightand you know, try to stay off
our phones, stay attentive, stayin the present and take care of
people.
Well, before we get into thethree.
Oh, sorry Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I was going to add to that is that with that person
they had to have some guts tohug a stranger.
They didn't just say hi, theyactually hugged me and I said so
.
If you read the room that youknow, take that, take that risk,
as we say.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Yeah, absolutely.
It's those situations that feeluncomfortable and you're not
sure and you know she, she knewwhat felt right and, you know,
did what she needed to.
That's good, but yeah, I coulddefinitely see that being
difficult.
And then, before we start inthe three main pillars that you
have, I'd like to know if youhave a question for me.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I have a question for you.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
How do you work with people that are struggling
mental health wise?
I know you said you had acouple level.
There's a lot of differentproblems and a very complex
problem set Wicked hard, aspeople, I think in Massachusetts
, say.
But the thing I've foundthroughout these different
interviews and talking to peopleis always connection, sharing
stories and having connection.
I think when you get in aheadspace, you isolate, you
(08:25):
spiral downward, you think it'sonly you and humans have been
around for way too long at thispoint for anything to happen to
you and only you.
It's probably happened tosomeone else and so I don't know
what the solution is.
I wish I had a solution,especially myself being active
duty military.
I mean we have like 22 suicidesa day.
It's a lot of problems withveterans and then assessing
(08:47):
things, but my hope is theconnection.
That's why we're here, sharingstories and hopefully something
that's said connects withsomebody.
But I think that's the onlysolution that I really know of
is hearing things and thenfinding that connection someone
else went through it and sharingthe success.
That's something I wish we dida much better job.
Like in the military, we haveto go to work and go to these
briefings.
(09:07):
We always talk about thewarning signs and all the
negative aspects of mentalhealth and suicide awareness,
but I wish we talked about thesuccess afterwards.
I went through a difficult time.
I went through this terriblething uh, you know, like divorce
been there, that's a real joy.
And uh, you know, you got toget through these different
difficult things.
But you got to get throughthese different difficult things
.
But you get to the other sideand realize, hey, I'm still here
(09:28):
, I'm good, I'm still pressingon.
But for some reason we like totalk about how those warning
signs keep an eye out for thisand give away all their stuff
and all these things.
But like, can we talk about the, the people that bounce back
and have the convertible they'vealways wanted or the family
they always wanted or theposition they always wanted?
Really hone in on the success.
So I think stories would bewhat I would say.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, yeah, that's amazing.
That's amazing, is there?
I want to go back to likeprevention, thinking that way
before the signs start, is theresomething to help get it?
Stop it before you get there.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I don't know, I don't think it's really there.
I mean, I know we talk aboutlike the lowest level and I
think that's where that would be.
You should have someone to ventto and a wingman like we say
that a lot being, you know, airForce that's our term is wingman
, but I just don't think it'sexecuted very well.
It is said, but we need to havebetter ability to make those
connections and whatnot.
(10:22):
We move a lot so you might beat a new location, you don't
have those friends and so someof those things are kind of
difficult.
I think when people live in ahometown you have that support
system and family and friendsyou've known forever.
But when you're moving everycouple of years, the support
system isn't really there.
So that lowest level it soundsgreat that you'd solve it before
it gets bad, but if you don'thave the lowest level, then it's
(10:44):
kind of difficult.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah, yeah, and I'm just thinking that you know with
veterans, if you have neverbeen in the military or
experienced that, just get overit.
I've heard people say this andI'm like never tell anybody that
.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah, unless you've lived it.
That's one of those things likewe immediately, like you know,
go right into the basic trainingstories and you know, if you've
lived it, even if it's adifferent service.
I know you know we rag on eachother a little bit Army and Air
Force and whatnot, but there'sjust that bond where, if you can
share stories from you knowbasic or deployment, some you
know TDY, where you were in acondition that wasn't all that
(11:20):
fun.
It seems like the best storiesalways seem to be in conditions
that aren't very, very good.
But uh, I think that goes backto, like the resiliency aspect
like I mentioned earlier.
Like you got through it.
It was awful, it was crazy, butI'm still here.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So yeah, and sadly it makes you who you are today you
don't get fun, but yeah, youdon't get the resilience without
going through the tough times.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I think sometimes, like it's kind of a buzzword.
Now it feels like resilience,like I need that, but it doesn't
come for free.
It comes from those difficultsituations where you know you
had three roommates and thehouse was crazy and all these
different things.
You know you had no money, youate ramen.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
I don't know it's crazy, but I still cringe you
gotta do what you gotta do craftmacaroni and I was kind of
going into some of that becausewith kindness, one of the things
through my research that Ifound is there are studies that
show being kind is nice, it'snot just all fluffy and nice.
(12:20):
Everybody goes, oh yeah, thatsounds great.
But there are studies that showit actually does something to
you physically and if you and Iexchange an act of kindness,
your serotonin levels go up, andso do mine, and serotonin are
our happy hormones.
And so now for one act ofkindness, you and I are happy.
So things you know, thedepression's less, the anxiety's
(12:43):
less, we're doing better, butanyone in the room that observed
it, their serotonin levels alsogo up.
So from one act of kindnesswe've got a room full of happy
people.
And that's why I keep sittingcarpet on the ripple, because it
is, and we just need to focus.
And I'm not saying, like wewere talking earlier, don't do
the big things, focus on thesmall things in your corner.
(13:04):
And if each of us are doingthat in our corner and creating
those ripples, those ripples areeventually going to merge and
create a wave of kindness acrossthe country and around the
world.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, that's interesting, so, out of
curiosity, you know what's?
What, would you say, is thecommon misconception, the
biggest myth behind kindness?
Because I could see, like yousaid, rainbows and butterflies.
That sounds great.
But what is the biggest myth?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
I think that's one of the biggest myths is it's all
rainbows and butterflies or Ihave to do this huge, huge,
grand gesture.
Smiling doesn't do anything andnobody cares.
If I moved that shopping cartout of their space, yeah, but if
(13:54):
you didn't, it would make a bigdeal to a mom with three kids
in the car who has to get outand move that cart to have that
coveted close spot.
And I think people just don'trealize, they don't take the
time to think that and beintentional, that, yes, that
makes a big difference.
If you don't have anybodysmiling and saying hello to you
in a day, think about it.
That'd be pretty awful.
And if you don't, you know yourarm's full of stuff.
(14:14):
You're trying to get in thedoor and someone's not there to
open it.
You're trying to open it withyour foot or your elbow and then
someone comes along and opensit.
It is just those, or I had one.
I walk my dog a lot, so I havelots of dogs walking stories.
But there is a strip mall alongthe bike trail and someone had
to carry the their stroller upthose steps.
(14:37):
Would you like some help?
And I just grabbed the bottom.
She had the top only less than30 seconds we had that puppy up
there.
She didn't have to struggle,she was, you know she was, she
didn't have to do anything.
She goes cute, but even youknow she that just little people
don't know she was so thrilled.
Another quick, I'm sorry, comearound the corner to the produce
(15:00):
, and you know those lovely bagsand this poor woman.
she's standing there trying toopen the bag.
She's got the toddler in thecart screaming their head off
and you can just see on her face.
I have to get two things and wecan get out of here.
(15:20):
And you could just see that onher face.
And before I could move, agentleman came and took the bag
from her and opened it andhanded it back.
The baby stopped crying and shewas like you could.
Just the weight of the worldwas lifted off her shoulders
because somebody opened theproduce.
Yeah, I said that's themisconception.
(15:41):
Those little things mean a lotto somebody.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
I think those are like the deepest memories.
Our career field just sent outthis email and it was like a New
Year's resolution kind of thingand it was like a short
newsletter and it basically saidlike reach out to someone in
our career field that youhaven't talked to in a while.
So I reached out to one of mybest friends, kyle Guthrie, and
talked to him and it wasinteresting because we were both
sharing stories from our firstduty assignment together and I
(16:07):
wanted to think of all theselike large events.
But both of us both ways, youknow ironically thought of the
time we went to go get coffeeand these like smaller barbecues
and whatnot.
They weren't large events, butthey're like four memories at
this point where you know it wasjust an afternoon coffee and
that was the way that we processand invented and got through a
(16:28):
difficult year.
And so I just thought it wasfunny because we both shared
stories both ways and I lookedat both of them.
I was like these aren't evenbig events, these are small
things that I remember and willremember forever.
So I was trying to wrap mybrain around this huge story and
really I just needed the littlestories that got us through.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Yeah, and it's funny you should say that because
recently I did I've been invitedby a corporation my core
audience is parents, buteverybody wants kindness and
this corporation asked me tocome in for a team building
exercise and they were like OK,what do you want?
I said no, no, we're keeping itsimple.
I want paper and pen and what Ihad them do because I have them
(17:10):
do this different with kids,but I did it with adults I said
you put your name on a piece ofpaper and put something positive
you want to hear that day.
So on one side, and then you'regoing to wad those paper balls
up and throw them in the middleof the table and you're each
going to go and grab one ofthose balls of paper and they
have to then go to that personwhose name's on the ball and say
(17:33):
to them that thing they reallywanted to hear today.
And I do, I do with kids, I havethem, I make it more of a
project.
It's a paper airplane and theyput their name on one side and
something they want to hear onthe other.
And then they throw.
Kids love to do that, so theythrow them all in the middle of
their room and that's just like,and then it's a free for all to
(17:54):
go pick out an airplane.
But so either way, with adultsand kids you can do all those
things.
But again I'll never forget theguy just staring at me going
that's all you want.
And I said it's all I need.
And they thought it was great.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
They thought it was the greatest thing.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
So yeah, it's the small things.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
So we'll move into your three pillars.
The first pillar you selectedwas changing the way you look at
things.
How has changing yourperspective helped you approach
challenging situations withkindness?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Yeah, I will tell you one another story.
I was having lunch with afriend and they were really busy
and the server finally comes uphave a pad, but finally comes
up and says what do you want?
That's exactly how she said it.
And we're like, well, you know,we haven't been here in a while
.
We have a couple of questions,I don't know.
I was told to come take yourorder.
What do you want?
(18:45):
And I'm like, oh gosh.
So we placed our order things,we got what we needed and
everything, and at the end myfriend and I are sitting there
because we're like you know,maybe we need to tell the
manager what's going on.
And then I'm like I got anotheridea.
So we paid and we did tip herand on the receipt I put a
(19:07):
smiley face and said you aredesigned to shine.
We picked up her stuff, we wentout, she chased us into the
parking lot and she was cryingand she said I really needed
that today.
I'm having a really bad day,what's it?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
are.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I'm like and that was it.
Then she turned around and wentback into the restaurant.
So you know, when people areyelling at you and doing things,
it's rarely about you.
It's about something thathappened last week.
This morning, clearly she had abad morning.
You know, something underlyingis there.
So that's why I said changeyour perspective.
(19:48):
And we could have, we couldhave legitimately called over
the manager and said she's notdoing her job.
You know, this is we weretreated like crap.
We didn't.
I chose to do the kind routeand it paid off and I just
thinking thank goodness becauseall those customers after us got
a little bit better person thanwe did.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
It's crazy how powerful perspective is.
I love stories, so I'll shareone that I like to tell.
I was rushing in.
I was taking my baby boy intodaycare.
He was a couple of years oldand I went to go park at the
child daycare center and someonehad parked over the line and
(20:32):
for some reason I was like Ican't believe it.
This person's so inconsiderate.
Like I'm just human, my brainis going 100 miles an hour.
I'm like built up anger.
I didn't get to work at thispoint because you know I I do
daycare before work, so it'sjust like an awful day and I'm
like I just can't believe it.
All these terrible thoughts ofthis person.
I don't know this person, Idon't know the car, but all of a
(20:54):
sudden all these negativethoughts, and so I got to drop
my son off and I come back tothe parking lot and so in a few,
few quick minutes I come backto my car and I inadvertently
sidestep because they did, andthat car is now gone and I am
over the line.
So now the next person sees mein the exact situation that I
(21:15):
was so angry with this personjust a few minutes ago.
And I didn't have any illintent, I didn't mean it at all,
and so I just paused andthought for quite a while,
because I feel like we readbooks and you can learn ways in
so many different ways, butlearning when it happens to you
in real life, like I rememberthat forever, like now, I try to
take the deep breath, don'tthink of what the person was
(21:37):
trying to do or whatnot.
Like they were probably rushingthe same way I was rushing and
they probably stepped over thesame way I stepped over.
So just pausing, taking a deepbreath and not trying to put
intent on anyone, I don't knowwhat they were doing.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
No, and that is one of the things I teach.
I teach pause and when you getto this point, I do teach the
pause, what I call the pause oryour pause, because that can be
anything what works.
That's the one thing that I dosay.
I am giving you the framework.
You tweak it to make it workfor you.
(22:11):
So the pause, your pause, isthat.
So, whether it's, you know,sticky notes, alarm on your
phone, whatever works, and oneof the biggest things, I did a
21-day kindness challenge when Ifirst started this and I got to
a day.
The challenge was no road rage.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
I have more comments on that than anything else.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And I just went back and did a whole video and I said
there is no room in yourjourney in kindness, for road
rage.
They're just not, but itevidently is very common and I
was.
I loved my horn.
I will just tell you right nowthat my horn was my favorite
thing.
So for my pause, because I knewthat was where I struggled, I
(22:52):
put a big pink sticky note on,said stop and I no longer use my
horn unless somebody's sittingat the light and they're on
their phone and the light turnsgreen.
I do kind of did the polite thepolite to say because they don't
, they don't not purposelysitting there at the light for
no reason, but their whole roadrage thing has just been, has
been funny, and but that helps.
The pause helps there becauseyou know I remember somebody
(23:16):
goes.
But they cut me off and I saidthey probably didn't see you.
Like you said, you don't knowthat person in the parking lot.
You, you didn't realize it andI know I had another fun story
and this is where your humormight come in.
But I was on an exit ramp at afreeway and guy in front of me
(23:36):
gets out of his car and he isyelling and he's coming for me
and don't ask me why I havesomething in my car.
So I put it on.
I put it on and waved.
He couldn't stop fast and so Iran back to his car and I to
(23:56):
this day wonder what did he whenhe got where he was going?
What did he tell people aboutthe crazy lady with the red nose
?
Speaker 1 (24:04):
That is hilarious, and now I use it all the time I
had gotten it.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
If you've ever heard of Patch Adams, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, the doctor yeah .
Speaker 2 (24:16):
He introduced humor into medicine, more or less,
yeah, and he always ran aroundwith a red clown nose.
So I bought it and put it in mycar, forgot to take it inside.
So that bought it and put it inmy car, forgot to take it
inside.
So that's why it was sitting inmy car.
um, because I didn't know what Iwas going to do with it.
Well, I use it often.
Now you can use this when yourkids are fighting, you put it on
(24:36):
and then you get between themand they're like, and my kids
roll their eyes going oh geez,she's at it again, but they stop
fighting, huh.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
That's interesting.
You could put them in the onebig shirt or, I guess, put on a
big red nose.
Huh, interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I mean it does work.
You know, after, like I said,my kids will just roll their
eyes and say are you kidding me?
She's doing it.
Just don't do it in front ofour friends don't embarrass us,
we're trying to be cool.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
So within this pillar , the next question is what
advice would you give someonegive to someone struggling to
see things differently during aconflict?
They're just stuck in theconflict.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
And it's so hard.
But you have to realize and Ithink this is something people
forget and again, that's wherethe pause comes in People,
personal pain.
It's as unique as a fingerprintand you never know what someone
is going through.
So always, always, I always saybe kind, really practicing that
pause, and it's it takespractice.
(25:39):
This isn't something thathappens overnight.
I've been doing this now forsince 2018.
For me it's easier, but I justit every day.
I get up in the morning and say,okay, god, what kind intention
do I have today?
And you know, I look at myschedule and, okay, I bet I
could do this.
I told you we had 10 inches ofsnow and my son's car is not
(26:04):
good in snow at all.
So he asked me to drive him towork.
So I did so he threw becauseyou know it's so much snow that
came really, really fast.
So the streets were not cleared, so I said let's throw in a
shovel just in case we get stuck.
Well, we were fine.
I got him to work, but on theway back there are people parked
on the side of the streettrying to dig their cars out so
(26:25):
they could get to work.
I did pull over and help acouple people shovel their car
out.
And that's practice.
I didn't even think about it.
I said I got to shovel, let mehelp.
So I think, when people arereally stuck, start focusing,
try to focus Again.
You got to practice that.
(26:46):
Pause and try to focus.
What can I do to make somebodyelse's day better?
And it's not easy.
I'm not telling you it is,because it happens.
It still happens to me onoccasion.
(27:11):
So practice, pause and focus onwhere you can help somebody
else.
I think about here in theUnited States.
California is on fire.
I'm sure you've heard about itover there.
And people are just, they'velost everything.
Their life is literally, theirlife is in ashes.
They and this is something myanalogy is they don't even have
(27:33):
a toothbrush.
I do thank God now everymorning for my toothbrush, but
that's something we take forgranted.
We always have a toothbrush.
Well, these people, theirtoothbrush is ashes, but for
them, many of them, are comingout of the shop because I can't
only imagine how horrible it is.
They are coming out of the shopbecause I can only, I can't
only imagine how horrible it is.
They're coming out of the shopbut they're doing something for
their neighbors.
(27:53):
They're checking on the elderlyneighbor.
Did they get out?
Did their pets get out?
You know, do they need this?
I can take something to them.
And that's a great example ofhow you take that I've lost
everything.
I'm in that cycle of I've losteverything.
I'm depressed, the anxiety,yada, yada.
And then you stop and said MrsJoan Downs Street, I can go help
(28:15):
her.
And that brings you out of thatcycle.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
That's so wild too.
I mean, if you look at 9-11 oryou look at these massively
negative events like that massshooting in la at the or not la
at las vegas, at the countryfestival, or really any mass
shooting, I guess, or anythinglike that, like people grab each
other.
They help each other like whydoes it take a very negative
(28:42):
thing for people to help eachother?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
yeah, yeah, it's sad.
And a few months ago, northCarolina had the flood where
their homes were literally.
This was another thing Ithought of.
I'm standing across the streetand the water, the wall of water
comes, my house, my car,everything just floats away and
I can't even imagine thatfeeling.
But for them, no one could getto them, so they had to help
themselves.
(29:05):
And I remember some guy said Ihad a backhoe, it wasn't washed
away, and he was like plowingthrough his cornfield to make
roads so people could get in.
So, yeah, it's just, it'samazing.
I don't know why we have.
Well, this is why I'm here.
This is why I'm here.
You don't have to wait for theflood, for the fire, for the
(29:25):
shooting to be kind.
If we are kind more often,praying that the shootings will
lessen as we go along becausepeople are happy, you're not
going to shoot anybody if you'rehappy.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Yeah, hopefully.
Yesterday we talked abouthealthy boundaries, so I'm
curious how do you maintainhealthy boundaries and
maintaining kindness?
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah, and that's one thing I tell people and I forgot
this once and was but justbecause you're kind, that
doesn't mean you're a doormat.
You may use the word, no,You're allowed.
You just don't.
You don't have to be the peoplepleaser, you just have to treat
whatever that situation is withkindness.
How, if you were in that, tryagain.
This takes time and practice.
(30:07):
Put yourself in their shoes.
How would you want to beresponded to?
The golden rule yeah, the goldenyou go.
You go back to that, and I knowa lot of those people are like,
well, I've heard it all before.
I said yeah, but are youpracticing it?
And yes, it is this simple, andI think we just need that
lesson repeated over and overand over, because we're not
getting it until there is acatastrophe.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
That's interesting.
So the next pillar we have foryou is humor Catching someone
off guard.
This will be fun.
Why do you think humor can besuch a powerful tool for
defusing tension and fosteringkindness?
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Well, we go back to the clown nose.
Because it did that poor manwas that road rage ended right
there and the kids stoppedfighting right there.
But and at one-liners, becauseit just shocks people, because
they don't expect you, they'reyelling and screaming.
They don't expect they expectyou to yell and scream back.
They don't expect you to putsome great one-liner out there.
And who's winning the fighttoday?
(31:04):
Is it the devil or Jesus, andwho you know, just trying to
just go into that today Is thedevil, jesus and who you know,
just trying to just go into that?
And I walked into situations Ivolunteered at a home for a
pregnant woman and those poorgirls had a lot of baggage, so
they did a lot of yelling andscreaming.
So, yeah, you had to come upwith a one-liner just to shock
them out of that cycle and whatit does.
(31:25):
And the clown nose is a goodone too, but if you can do the
one-liners, that's even better.
It it stops.
It stops that cycle, it stopsthat.
Whatever trying to think of theword, whatever they're in, it
stops it and you can get them tosit down and say okay, what's
the real issue?
(31:45):
is there even an issue.
Are you just having a bad day?
You're just cranky today.
You know it just comes down tothat, and you can use that in
the boardroom.
You know how many times haveyou been sitting in a boardroom
and everybody starts arguing andtalking and nothing's getting
accomplished.
Loud noises work best in thatsituation, but I've seen that.
I've seen it work and thateverybody.
(32:10):
Let's take five and then theycome back and then they can talk
constructively, get back ontrack.
Well, that's it's.
It's simple, it's really justsimple things.
But reminding people that, ohyeah, and practicing that pause
have you ever seen the outwardmindset by arbinger institute?
Speaker 1 (32:31):
yeah, that's a really , really amazing course.
I really enjoyed it.
But one of the things they talkabout they do like different
modules and one of them iscollusion.
And so in collusion you treatsomeone some way because they
are treating you some way, andso it keeps the cycle going
forever, because you continue totreat them so that you can
continue to get the feedbackthat you think you want or need,
(32:51):
and then it just keeps thecycle going forever, and so no
one ever stops the collusion orstops that cycle.
Like you were saying, you'lljust continue to do it forever
because you are feeding off thething that comes around.
So the collusion one I thoughtwas really powerful, the example
they used.
There was a waiting room, Ithink it was for a hospital, and
the pharmacy wanted the chairsone way, and then the lab wanted
(33:13):
a different way, and so everymorning they'd come in and like
mess the chairs up for the otherones.
They just kept doing it andthen when they actually stopped,
like, hey, what do you guysneed?
They needed more chairs or lesschairs or whatever it was, and
so they were able to do thepurchase, get it fixed and
everyone was happy, but theyjust needed to stop for a second
instead of just keep messingwith each other.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
And you know, hello, we're adults, aren't we adults?
And you know, another tool Iuse in that same vein is
compliments.
You know somebody's really setoff about whatever and you're
not just like, hey, you know, Ilove those shoes and again it
shocks them.
Or you know, that report youdid was amazing.
Maybe you can teach me how todo a better report.
(33:54):
Those kind of things, business.
Even kids in school, you know,can do the same thing.
I love your backpack.
The way you played that game onFriday night was awesome.
You know those kind of things.
That book report you read Wow,that was really good.
So, just again, it's becauseyou're not feeding into that,
(34:15):
but you're giving themcompliments and they're just
like how can somebody continueto be nasty when you're telling
them how great they are?
Speaker 1 (34:22):
That's good.
So last question I have in thisone.
It's a little odd, but how canpeople balance humor with
empathy to ensure it's kindrather than dismissive?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah, you have to.
Yeah, yeah, you do have to becareful with that, because
sometimes people use sarcasm andsome people don't get your
sarcasm.
So you have to be careful yeah,you have to be.
Or if somebody is really in abad mental state, you do read
the room and that takes thatpause, goes back to that pause,
read the room and see, because Ireally, with the server, I
(34:59):
didn't know how that was goingto go and it went well, thank
goodness.
I know another story this womanI walk my dog on the trail all
the time and she's cute andshe's little.
Everybody wants to pet her.
So somebody asked me can I petyour dog, whatever?
But then she sat down on thesteps and she's talking and
(35:20):
she's petting the dog and I said, oh geez.
Well then she starts saying Ilost my husband six months ago
and she's crying and I'm sittingthere going, oh my, so I just
let her go.
I had to let her go and I lostmy dog three weeks ago and she's
just going on and on and youjust have to let.
In that situation I had to justlet her talk and pet the dog.
(35:40):
My dog's very happy, climbed upin her lap.
You think it's the greatestthing.
And when she was done, she tooka deep breath, stood up, wiped
her tears and she said I haven'tfelt that good in six months.
Yeah, I get teary-eyed overthat one because it was
heartbreaking to just see herlike that.
But it goes back to the pauseand reading the room and saying,
oh, maybe my sarcasm won't workthat well.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Yeah, definitely got to read the audience on that one
.
I don't know if the clown noseworks.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Yeah, that would not have worked.
It would not have worked inthat situation.
It would not have worked in thecafe at lunch that day.
It would not have worked.
So you just have to read theroom and read the different
situations and, yeah, practice,practice, practice.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
How do you see sympathy differently than
empathy?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
One and I'm forgetting, I'm going to get it
mixed up One you've actuallybeen there, you've actually been
a veteran and you knew whatit's like to come back and
struggle.
And the other one is like theCalifornia fires is my heart
just bleeds for them, because Iknow that's a terrible thing.
I have never experienced it,but I know it's not.
(36:48):
I cannot even imagine neverexperienced it, but I know it's
not.
I cannot even imagine losingeverything, not having a
toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yeah, it's rough Empathy.
It's nice when someone else hasbeen there and done that and
you can have that deeperconnection.
The last pillar you have isdon't engage.
Is it more important to be kindor be right?
So why do you think it's sohard for people to let go of
being right?
Speaker 2 (37:09):
You're not in the United States, so you haven't
seen the political environment.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
I only left in June.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
And I love this quote by WC Fields Just because
you're invited to an argumentdoesn't mean you have to attend.
And that comes down to hey, doI want to be right or don't want
to be kind?
And I'm using the politicalenvironment here just because
people are truly you know, sodon't talk about it.
(37:38):
If you know they're here andyou're here, don't talk about it
, because you're not going tochange each other's mind.
And there are places.
There are places for difficultconversations, not at the dinner
table, not over Christmasdinner, not on Boxing Day.
Those are not when you havethose conversations.
(37:59):
I know a friend this has beengosh 20, 25 years ago two uncles
they even sat him at differenttables but they got together,
they destroyed their reception,they got into it.
Whatever they don't.
Even people are like we don'teven want to remember what they
were arguing about.
But they ruined that weddingreception and that couple, still
married today, said that's whatwe remember about our wedding
(38:23):
day and that's justheartbreaking.
That's heartbreaking that ouruncles ruined the wedding
reception.
So that, yeah, that's where Isay you know, don't engage.
Why is it so important to beright?
Speaker 1 (38:34):
It's not always important to be right, because
people will see things theydon't agree with and they feel
like they got to stop and provethe other person wrong or
whatever.
Like you can keep scrolling,like just go.
I mean I don't understand Likeyou're going to spend.
(38:58):
You know there's only so muchtime in the day.
It's hard earned to have yourtime to relax and sit on your
phone if you get out of work orwhatever, and you're going to
like time to fight someone thatyou don't even potentially know,
or maybe a family member, whichis probably worse.
But it's like a scrolling, youcan just keep on moving.
It's just really bizarre.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
And.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
I'm thinking don't you have anything else to do,
Right?
Like this well-crafted argumentFor what?
Speaker 2 (39:27):
For what?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
I don't really know.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
So we've shared a lot of stories.
I love stories, they're myfavorite.
Can you share an experiencewhen choosing kindness over
being right made all thedifference?
Speaker 2 (39:39):
I think.
Well, let me think I will tellyou this is kind of a hard story
.
A friend of mine and I werehaving lunch actually a group of
us and they're in Cincinnati.
We have two basketball teams,university of Cincinnati and
Xavier University, and they'rebasketball rivals, big time
basketball rivals, and I went toXavier so yes, I'm a Xavier fan
(40:01):
and she was a UC fan and wewere just and we always, you
know, kind of banter back andforth when the basketball season
comes around.
It's always been just fun,jovial.
You know they're going to kickyour butt, they're going to kick
you know that, back and forth,just that kind of thing.
It's never been a big deal.
And we were doing it, the groupof us were doing it again and
she just went off.
(40:22):
I don't know what it was in myface across the table.
Don't you ever say that again,I don't want to hear it out of
your mouth.
And the whole table went silentand I swear somebody was
holding me into my chair becauseI wanted so bad to go back at
them and it took everything Ihad because I'm like what the
(40:42):
heck is there.
But I didn't.
I sat in that chair and took adeep breath and did that pause
and didn't say anything else andsomebody else changed the
subject.
Thank God for friends.
Yeah, it was awkward for awhile, but in my mind it's not
in my friendship, because it wasmore important.
My friendship with them wasgood.
(41:04):
Whoops, there goes the light.
This is life.
My friendship was moreimportant to me than being right
.
And then you think everybody atthe table, if we had, because
it would have been the end ofthe friendship, it would have
been nasty.
And then I got to thinkingafterwards, everybody and the
friend in that circle of friendswe had would have been affected
(41:24):
and how horrible would that befor them.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Yeah, the same way you set the positivity ripples
out right, the negativity willripple out the same way.
That's tough.
So we talked a lot aboutdifferent stories and whatnot.
What practical tips do you havefor listeners to help disengage
from negativity whilemaintaining their kindness?
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Yeah, just keep the golden rule in mind.
How would you like to betreated?
Practice that pause and beintentional.
Start your day out by how areyou going to do something?
What?
Speaker 1 (41:56):
are you going to?
Speaker 2 (41:56):
do today.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Well, we talked about a lot ofgood things.
The three main pillars werereally good.
How do you think theseapproaches, that perspective
shift, humors and disengagingwork together to create a
foundation for kindness?
Can you use them all together?
Speaker 2 (42:13):
I'm sure I'm trying to think of a situation.
I haven't had one, but I'm sureyou could.
But then again I think well, ifyou're reading the room, humor
would not have worked in severalsituations, so there probably
is some time where you could usethem together, but I can't
think of one right now.
That makes sense it's morereading the room.
Yeah and yeah, more reading theroom and separately.
(42:34):
I know they have worked reallywell.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
That makes sense If you could leave listeners with
one message.
It's always tough, right, aboutthe power of kindness what
would it be?
Speaker 2 (42:45):
It would be that concentrate on your corner of
the world, creating kindness,creating those ripples of
kindness, because that does makea difference and we're going to
change the world, one ripple ofkindness at a time.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
You want to eat this elephant, one bite at a time?
Yeah, well, teresa, I thank youfor coming out.
I wanted to know if you haveany final takeaways.
Speaker 2 (43:10):
Just no, that's just it.
Just remember, you knoweverybody's got something going
on.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
You never know what people are fighting through.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
And so always, always , always be kind.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Well, thank you for coming out.
Everyone, please join theconversation.
Connect with us on any one ofthe many social media platforms
to share your questions,insights or feedback.
We're building a community andyour voice matters.
I love you all.
See ya, thank you.
Hi there, I'm Nate Shear, your guide on Mindforce.
We're all about love, life andlearning, because what's on your
mind really does matter.
Today we have Teresa Ramirez,and today we'll be talking about
tips on how to be kind indifficult situations.
Some of these examples includechanging the way you look at
things, catching someone offguard with some humor, not
(00:46):
engaging.
Is it more important to beright or to be kind?
We'll start with the easy stuff, the four W's.
Who are you?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Who am I?
I am Teresa Ramirez, and I usedto be in the corporate world
for 30 years, took care of myparents for about five and then
started on kindness.
That's perfect so what do youdo?
Nope, this is what I do.
I go, I teach parents, orencourage parents to become the
CEOs of their family and teachtheir children to be kind.
(01:15):
As CEO, like in a corporation,you know they set the values and
the philosophy and it filtersdown through.
The company Works the same waywith the family.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Perfect, you took that and translated it over.
I love when things you knowhappen in different sections,
but it can be applied across allsorts of different things.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Next one is why are you here?
I am here just to spreadkindness and to let get the word
out that, yes, we can changeyour corner of the world, one
ripple of kindness at a time.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
That's great.
And the last one where in theworld are you calling from?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I am calling from Chile, Cincinnati, Ohio in the
United States.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Oh, ohio going through some snow and all sorts
of stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Yes, yes, we had 10 inches last week and we're not
used to that much, so a coupleinches were good.
Anything over that we're likemy goodness.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I'm looking forward to the conversation on kindness.
I had one yesterday on men'smental health and it's just so
interesting because we weretalking about how, as a man, you
have to be strong and pullyourself up by your bootstrings
and you know any emotion andthings like that.
So kindness and whatnot, it'llbe really interesting.
I'm looking forward to this one.
So we'll start with a littlebit of warm up, try to get
(02:31):
things going.
What's a moment when someone'skindness completely surprised
you or impacted you?
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Oh my gosh, I think, yeah, when someone's kind to me,
I'm so used to doing acts ofkindness, so when it reverses
and that's the way it's supposedto work I still get, like you
know, the proverbial buy the cupof coffee.
And I do do that every time.
I go into the coffee shop andlo and behold, someone bought my
coffee one day and I was justblown away and it was so simple,
(03:01):
Something so simple, you know.
And I think it's funny that Istill get blown away when
someone's kind to me, becausethis is what I do and the whole
premise is once you start beingkind to others, they're kind to
you, it's a ripple effect.
So when they are kind to me, itis kind of funny that I do get
shocked.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I think that's a super important reminder, though
, that things are the smallerthings.
The last couple episodes I'vehad, we've hit on it and you
know, even though it's fromcompletely different fronts and
things like that, we want thesehuge things that we have to go
and do in a project.
It's just the little things Ithink we over.
You know, we're like makingthings more complicated than
(03:40):
they need to be.
Be nice, hold the door.
You know, push that kindnessout and you'll ripple out.
So if anyone's listening, like,just be nice, I was just going
to add to that.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
That simplicity is that smile and a hello.
And I have a story a friend, heretired, got bored, went to
work in a parking garage, saidit was the best job he's ever
had, that he's having a ball.
And he went on vacation for acouple weeks and when he came
back he said people were yellingat me because they had bad days
(04:14):
for two weeks because I wasn'tthere to smile and say good
morning.
And he was, like you know, justshocked at what an impact he
had and all he did was smile andsay good morning to these
people.
And he came to me and he was sofunny.
He came to me and he said youkindness, lady, you know, you
tell me it's simple, you tell meit's easy, he goes.
I didn't really buy into ituntil I experienced it.
(04:35):
So just buy into it everybody.
It does make a difference.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
And I think you never know.
I think that's one thing that'simportant.
Like, you do it to feel betterand push that out into the world
, but you're not necessarilylooking for anything in return,
right?
So you pass the person, yougive the smile, you don't know
if that does anything or thatcompletely changed that person's
day, but you need to do it andpush it out there.
But, yeah, you might not everhear.
(05:01):
You know he doesn't take theleave of absence and he never
hears.
You know how impactful that was, but it doesn't mean you
shouldn't do it.
So sometimes you don't get tonecessarily see the words you
read.
Next question I had for you isyou can describe kindness, since
you are the kindness lady, inone word other than kindness.
What would it be and why?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
In one word.
I don't have one word.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Phrase.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Yeah, I'm just going to have to go with a phrase and
it's.
People will think again.
It's kind of cheesy, but it'sit's right.
Being kind is treating peoplethe way you want to be treated
and lifting people up.
If you're not doing thosethings every day, with every
encounter, then you're not beingkind.
And I'm not saying I'm guilty.
(05:49):
There are days when we're allin our head space and we're not
even looking around.
We're on our phones and youdon't pay attention.
It happens to me too and I dothis as a lifestyle.
But if you're doing it moreintentionally, yeah, that's,
that's important.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
And the last question to warmup is what's the kindest thing
someone has ever done for youduring a difficult time?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Oh my gosh, and it goes back.
I was going through a divorceand I just was struggling A lot
of people do Someone just cameup and gave me a hug.
It's a complete stranger,because I evidently had it all
over my face one day and theyjust said it's okay,
(06:35):
everything's going to be okay.
And I just remember looking atthem going yeah, it is.
But it was again something verysimple and I never saw that
person again and they probablydon't know what they did for me
that day because I was prettylow that particular day.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Yeah, that's so interesting, like I mentioned
before.
I mean, you might not ever know.
It's interesting.
You just got to do what's rightand you know, try to stay off
our phones, stay attentive, stayin the present and take care of
people.
Well, before we get into thethree.
Oh, sorry Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I was going to add to that is that with that person
they had to have some guts tohug a stranger.
They didn't just say hi, theyactually hugged me and I said so
.
If you read the room that youknow, take that, take that risk,
as we say.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Yeah, absolutely.
It's those situations that feeluncomfortable and you're not
sure and you know she, she knewwhat felt right and, you know,
did what she needed to.
That's good, but yeah, I coulddefinitely see that being
difficult.
And then, before we start inthe three main pillars that you
have, I'd like to know if youhave a question for me.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I have a question for you.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
How do you work with people that are struggling
mental health wise?
I know you said you had acouple level.
There's a lot of differentproblems and a very complex
problem set Wicked hard, aspeople, I think in Massachusetts
, say.
But the thing I've foundthroughout these different
interviews and talking to peopleis always connection, sharing
stories and having connection.
I think when you get in aheadspace, you isolate, you
(08:25):
spiral downward, you think it'sonly you and humans have been
around for way too long at thispoint for anything to happen to
you and only you.
It's probably happened tosomeone else and so I don't know
what the solution is.
I wish I had a solution,especially myself being active
duty military.
I mean we have like 22 suicidesa day.
It's a lot of problems withveterans and then assessing
(08:47):
things, but my hope is theconnection.
That's why we're here, sharingstories and hopefully something
that's said connects withsomebody.
But I think that's the onlysolution that I really know of
is hearing things and thenfinding that connection someone
else went through it and sharingthe success.
That's something I wish we dida much better job.
Like in the military, we haveto go to work and go to these
briefings.
(09:07):
We always talk about thewarning signs and all the
negative aspects of mentalhealth and suicide awareness,
but I wish we talked about thesuccess afterwards.
I went through a difficult time.
I went through this terriblething uh, you know, like divorce
been there, that's a real joy.
And uh, you know, you got toget through these different
difficult things.
But you got to get throughthese different difficult things
.
But you get to the other sideand realize, hey, I'm still here
(09:28):
, I'm good, I'm still pressingon.
But for some reason we like totalk about how those warning
signs keep an eye out for thisand give away all their stuff
and all these things.
But like, can we talk about the, the people that bounce back
and have the convertible they'vealways wanted or the family
they always wanted or theposition they always wanted?
Really hone in on the success.
So I think stories would bewhat I would say.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, yeah, that's amazing.
That's amazing, is there?
I want to go back to likeprevention, thinking that way
before the signs start, is theresomething to help get it?
Stop it before you get there.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I don't know, I don't think it's really there.
I mean, I know we talk aboutlike the lowest level and I
think that's where that would be.
You should have someone to ventto and a wingman like we say
that a lot being, you know, airForce that's our term is wingman
, but I just don't think it'sexecuted very well.
It is said, but we need to havebetter ability to make those
connections and whatnot.
(10:22):
We move a lot so you might beat a new location, you don't
have those friends and so someof those things are kind of
difficult.
I think when people live in ahometown you have that support
system and family and friendsyou've known forever.
But when you're moving everycouple of years, the support
system isn't really there.
So that lowest level it soundsgreat that you'd solve it before
it gets bad, but if you don'thave the lowest level, then it's
(10:44):
kind of difficult.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah, yeah, and I'm just thinking that you know with
veterans, if you have neverbeen in the military or
experienced that, just get overit.
I've heard people say this andI'm like never tell anybody that
.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah, unless you've lived it.
That's one of those things likewe immediately, like you know,
go right into the basic trainingstories and you know, if you've
lived it, even if it's adifferent service.
I know you know we rag on eachother a little bit Army and Air
Force and whatnot, but there'sjust that bond where, if you can
share stories from you knowbasic or deployment, some you
know TDY, where you were in acondition that wasn't all that
(11:20):
fun.
It seems like the best storiesalways seem to be in conditions
that aren't very, very good.
But uh, I think that goes backto, like the resiliency aspect
like I mentioned earlier.
Like you got through it.
It was awful, it was crazy, butI'm still here.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So yeah, and sadly it makes you who you are today you
don't get fun, but yeah, youdon't get the resilience without
going through the tough times.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I think sometimes, like it's kind of a buzzword.
Now it feels like resilience,like I need that, but it doesn't
come for free.
It comes from those difficultsituations where you know you
had three roommates and thehouse was crazy and all these
different things.
You know you had no money, youate ramen.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
I don't know it's crazy, but I still cringe you
gotta do what you gotta do craftmacaroni and I was kind of
going into some of that becausewith kindness, one of the things
through my research that Ifound is there are studies that
show being kind is nice, it'snot just all fluffy and nice.
(12:20):
Everybody goes, oh yeah, thatsounds great.
But there are studies that showit actually does something to
you physically and if you and Iexchange an act of kindness,
your serotonin levels go up, andso do mine, and serotonin are
our happy hormones.
And so now for one act ofkindness, you and I are happy.
So things you know, thedepression's less, the anxiety's
(12:43):
less, we're doing better, butanyone in the room that observed
it, their serotonin levels alsogo up.
So from one act of kindnesswe've got a room full of happy
people.
And that's why I keep sittingcarpet on the ripple, because it
is, and we just need to focus.
And I'm not saying, like wewere talking earlier, don't do
the big things, focus on thesmall things in your corner.
(13:04):
And if each of us are doingthat in our corner and creating
those ripples, those ripples areeventually going to merge and
create a wave of kindness acrossthe country and around the
world.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, that's interesting, so, out of
curiosity, you know what's?
What, would you say, is thecommon misconception, the
biggest myth behind kindness?
Because I could see, like yousaid, rainbows and butterflies.
That sounds great.
But what is the biggest myth?
Speaker 2 (13:33):
I think that's one of the biggest myths is it's all
rainbows and butterflies or Ihave to do this huge, huge,
grand gesture.
Smiling doesn't do anything andnobody cares.
If I moved that shopping cartout of their space, yeah, but if
(13:54):
you didn't, it would make a bigdeal to a mom with three kids
in the car who has to get outand move that cart to have that
coveted close spot.
And I think people just don'trealize, they don't take the
time to think that and beintentional, that, yes, that
makes a big difference.
If you don't have anybodysmiling and saying hello to you
in a day, think about it.
That'd be pretty awful.
And if you don't, you know yourarm's full of stuff.
(14:14):
You're trying to get in thedoor and someone's not there to
open it.
You're trying to open it withyour foot or your elbow and then
someone comes along and opensit.
It is just those, or I had one.
I walk my dog a lot, so I havelots of dogs walking stories.
But there is a strip mall alongthe bike trail and someone had
to carry the their stroller upthose steps.
(14:37):
Would you like some help?
And I just grabbed the bottom.
She had the top only less than30 seconds we had that puppy up
there.
She didn't have to struggle,she was, you know she was, she
didn't have to do anything.
She goes cute, but even youknow she that just little people
don't know she was so thrilled.
Another quick, I'm sorry, comearound the corner to the produce
(15:00):
, and you know those lovely bagsand this poor woman.
she's standing there trying toopen the bag.
She's got the toddler in thecart screaming their head off
and you can just see on her face.
I have to get two things and wecan get out of here.
(15:20):
And you could just see that onher face.
And before I could move, agentleman came and took the bag
from her and opened it andhanded it back.
The baby stopped crying and shewas like you could.
Just the weight of the worldwas lifted off her shoulders
because somebody opened theproduce.
Yeah, I said that's themisconception.
(15:41):
Those little things mean a lotto somebody.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
I think those are like the deepest memories.
Our career field just sent outthis email and it was like a New
Year's resolution kind of thingand it was like a short
newsletter and it basically saidlike reach out to someone in
our career field that youhaven't talked to in a while.
So I reached out to one of mybest friends, kyle Guthrie, and
talked to him and it wasinteresting because we were both
sharing stories from our firstduty assignment together and I
(16:07):
wanted to think of all theselike large events.
But both of us both ways, youknow ironically thought of the
time we went to go get coffeeand these like smaller barbecues
and whatnot.
They weren't large events, butthey're like four memories at
this point where you know it wasjust an afternoon coffee and
that was the way that we processand invented and got through a
(16:28):
difficult year.
And so I just thought it wasfunny because we both shared
stories both ways and I lookedat both of them.
I was like these aren't evenbig events, these are small
things that I remember and willremember forever.
So I was trying to wrap mybrain around this huge story and
really I just needed the littlestories that got us through.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Yeah, and it's funny you should say that because
recently I did I've been invitedby a corporation my core
audience is parents, buteverybody wants kindness and
this corporation asked me tocome in for a team building
exercise and they were like OK,what do you want?
I said no, no, we're keeping itsimple.
I want paper and pen and what Ihad them do because I have them
(17:10):
do this different with kids,but I did it with adults I said
you put your name on a piece ofpaper and put something positive
you want to hear that day.
So on one side, and then you'regoing to wad those paper balls
up and throw them in the middleof the table and you're each
going to go and grab one ofthose balls of paper and they
have to then go to that personwhose name's on the ball and say
(17:33):
to them that thing they reallywanted to hear today.
And I do, I do with kids, I havethem, I make it more of a
project.
It's a paper airplane and theyput their name on one side and
something they want to hear onthe other.
And then they throw.
Kids love to do that, so theythrow them all in the middle of
their room and that's just like,and then it's a free for all to
(17:54):
go pick out an airplane.
But so either way, with adultsand kids you can do all those
things.
But again I'll never forget theguy just staring at me going
that's all you want.
And I said it's all I need.
And they thought it was great.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
They thought it was the greatest thing.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
So yeah, it's the small things.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
So we'll move into your three pillars.
The first pillar you selectedwas changing the way you look at
things.
How has changing yourperspective helped you approach
challenging situations withkindness?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Yeah, I will tell you one another story.
I was having lunch with afriend and they were really busy
and the server finally comes uphave a pad, but finally comes
up and says what do you want?
That's exactly how she said it.
And we're like, well, you know,we haven't been here in a while
.
We have a couple of questions,I don't know.
I was told to come take yourorder.
What do you want?
(18:45):
And I'm like, oh gosh.
So we placed our order things,we got what we needed and
everything, and at the end myfriend and I are sitting there
because we're like you know,maybe we need to tell the
manager what's going on.
And then I'm like I got anotheridea.
So we paid and we did tip herand on the receipt I put a
(19:07):
smiley face and said you aredesigned to shine.
We picked up her stuff, we wentout, she chased us into the
parking lot and she was cryingand she said I really needed
that today.
I'm having a really bad day,what's it?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
are.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I'm like and that was it.
Then she turned around and wentback into the restaurant.
So you know, when people areyelling at you and doing things,
it's rarely about you.
It's about something thathappened last week.
This morning, clearly she had abad morning.
You know, something underlyingis there.
So that's why I said changeyour perspective.
(19:48):
And we could have, we couldhave legitimately called over
the manager and said she's notdoing her job.
You know, this is we weretreated like crap.
We didn't.
I chose to do the kind routeand it paid off and I just
thinking thank goodness becauseall those customers after us got
a little bit better person thanwe did.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
It's crazy how powerful perspective is.
I love stories, so I'll shareone that I like to tell.
I was rushing in.
I was taking my baby boy intodaycare.
He was a couple of years oldand I went to go park at the
child daycare center and someonehad parked over the line and
(20:32):
for some reason I was like Ican't believe it.
This person's so inconsiderate.
Like I'm just human, my brainis going 100 miles an hour.
I'm like built up anger.
I didn't get to work at thispoint because you know I I do
daycare before work, so it'sjust like an awful day and I'm
like I just can't believe it.
All these terrible thoughts ofthis person.
I don't know this person, Idon't know the car, but all of a
(20:54):
sudden all these negativethoughts, and so I got to drop
my son off and I come back tothe parking lot and so in a few,
few quick minutes I come backto my car and I inadvertently
sidestep because they did, andthat car is now gone and I am
over the line.
So now the next person sees mein the exact situation that I
(21:15):
was so angry with this personjust a few minutes ago.
And I didn't have any illintent, I didn't mean it at all,
and so I just paused andthought for quite a while,
because I feel like we readbooks and you can learn ways in
so many different ways, butlearning when it happens to you
in real life, like I rememberthat forever, like now, I try to
take the deep breath, don'tthink of what the person was
(21:37):
trying to do or whatnot.
Like they were probably rushingthe same way I was rushing and
they probably stepped over thesame way I stepped over.
So just pausing, taking a deepbreath and not trying to put
intent on anyone, I don't knowwhat they were doing.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
No, and that is one of the things I teach.
I teach pause and when you getto this point, I do teach the
pause, what I call the pause oryour pause, because that can be
anything what works.
That's the one thing that I dosay.
I am giving you the framework.
You tweak it to make it workfor you.
(22:11):
So the pause, your pause, isthat.
So, whether it's, you know,sticky notes, alarm on your
phone, whatever works, and oneof the biggest things, I did a
21-day kindness challenge when Ifirst started this and I got to
a day.
The challenge was no road rage.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
I have more comments on that than anything else.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And I just went back and did a whole video and I said
there is no room in yourjourney in kindness, for road
rage.
They're just not, but itevidently is very common and I
was.
I loved my horn.
I will just tell you right nowthat my horn was my favorite
thing.
So for my pause, because I knewthat was where I struggled, I
(22:52):
put a big pink sticky note on,said stop and I no longer use my
horn unless somebody's sittingat the light and they're on
their phone and the light turnsgreen.
I do kind of did the polite thepolite to say because they don't
, they don't not purposelysitting there at the light for
no reason, but their whole roadrage thing has just been, has
been funny, and but that helps.
The pause helps there becauseyou know I remember somebody
(23:16):
goes.
But they cut me off and I saidthey probably didn't see you.
Like you said, you don't knowthat person in the parking lot.
You, you didn't realize it andI know I had another fun story
and this is where your humormight come in.
But I was on an exit ramp at afreeway and guy in front of me
(23:36):
gets out of his car and he isyelling and he's coming for me
and don't ask me why I havesomething in my car.
So I put it on.
I put it on and waved.
He couldn't stop fast and so Iran back to his car and I to
(23:56):
this day wonder what did he whenhe got where he was going?
What did he tell people aboutthe crazy lady with the red nose
?
Speaker 1 (24:04):
That is hilarious, and now I use it all the time I
had gotten it.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
If you've ever heard of Patch Adams, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, the doctor yeah .
Speaker 2 (24:16):
He introduced humor into medicine, more or less,
yeah, and he always ran aroundwith a red clown nose.
So I bought it and put it in mycar, forgot to take it inside.
So that bought it and put it inmy car, forgot to take it
inside.
So that's why it was sitting inmy car.
um, because I didn't know what Iwas going to do with it.
Well, I use it often.
Now you can use this when yourkids are fighting, you put it on
(24:36):
and then you get between themand they're like, and my kids
roll their eyes going oh geez,she's at it again, but they stop
fighting, huh.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
That's interesting.
You could put them in the onebig shirt or, I guess, put on a
big red nose.
Huh, interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I mean it does work.
You know, after, like I said,my kids will just roll their
eyes and say are you kidding me?
She's doing it.
Just don't do it in front ofour friends don't embarrass us,
we're trying to be cool.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
So within this pillar , the next question is what
advice would you give someonegive to someone struggling to
see things differently during aconflict?
They're just stuck in theconflict.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
And it's so hard.
But you have to realize and Ithink this is something people
forget and again, that's wherethe pause comes in People,
personal pain.
It's as unique as a fingerprintand you never know what someone
is going through.
So always, always, I always saybe kind, really practicing that
pause, and it's it takespractice.
(25:39):
This isn't something thathappens overnight.
I've been doing this now forsince 2018.
For me it's easier, but I justit every day.
I get up in the morning and say,okay, god, what kind intention
do I have today?
And you know, I look at myschedule and, okay, I bet I
could do this.
I told you we had 10 inches ofsnow and my son's car is not
(26:04):
good in snow at all.
So he asked me to drive him towork.
So I did so he threw becauseyou know it's so much snow that
came really, really fast.
So the streets were not cleared, so I said let's throw in a
shovel just in case we get stuck.
Well, we were fine.
I got him to work, but on theway back there are people parked
on the side of the streettrying to dig their cars out so
(26:25):
they could get to work.
I did pull over and help acouple people shovel their car
out.
And that's practice.
I didn't even think about it.
I said I got to shovel, let mehelp.
So I think, when people arereally stuck, start focusing,
try to focus Again.
You got to practice that.
(26:46):
Pause and try to focus.
What can I do to make somebodyelse's day better?
And it's not easy.
I'm not telling you it is,because it happens.
It still happens to me onoccasion.
(27:11):
So practice, pause and focus onwhere you can help somebody
else.
I think about here in theUnited States.
California is on fire.
I'm sure you've heard about itover there.
And people are just, they'velost everything.
Their life is literally, theirlife is in ashes.
They and this is something myanalogy is they don't even have
(27:33):
a toothbrush.
I do thank God now everymorning for my toothbrush, but
that's something we take forgranted.
We always have a toothbrush.
Well, these people, theirtoothbrush is ashes, but for
them, many of them, are comingout of the shop because I can't
only imagine how horrible it is.
They are coming out of the shopbecause I can only, I can't
only imagine how horrible it is.
They're coming out of the shopbut they're doing something for
their neighbors.
(27:53):
They're checking on the elderlyneighbor.
Did they get out?
Did their pets get out?
You know, do they need this?
I can take something to them.
And that's a great example ofhow you take that I've lost
everything.
I'm in that cycle of I've losteverything.
I'm depressed, the anxiety,yada, yada.
And then you stop and said MrsJoan Downs Street, I can go help
(28:15):
her.
And that brings you out of thatcycle.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
That's so wild too.
I mean, if you look at 9-11 oryou look at these massively
negative events like that massshooting in la at the or not la
at las vegas, at the countryfestival, or really any mass
shooting, I guess, or anythinglike that, like people grab each
other.
They help each other like whydoes it take a very negative
(28:42):
thing for people to help eachother?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
yeah, yeah, it's sad.
And a few months ago, northCarolina had the flood where
their homes were literally.
This was another thing Ithought of.
I'm standing across the streetand the water, the wall of water
comes, my house, my car,everything just floats away and
I can't even imagine thatfeeling.
But for them, no one could getto them, so they had to help
themselves.
(29:05):
And I remember some guy said Ihad a backhoe, it wasn't washed
away, and he was like plowingthrough his cornfield to make
roads so people could get in.
So, yeah, it's just, it'samazing.
I don't know why we have.
Well, this is why I'm here.
This is why I'm here.
You don't have to wait for theflood, for the fire, for the
(29:25):
shooting to be kind.
If we are kind more often,praying that the shootings will
lessen as we go along becausepeople are happy, you're not
going to shoot anybody if you'rehappy.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Yeah, hopefully.
Yesterday we talked abouthealthy boundaries, so I'm
curious how do you maintainhealthy boundaries and
maintaining kindness?
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah, and that's one thing I tell people and I forgot
this once and was but justbecause you're kind, that
doesn't mean you're a doormat.
You may use the word, no,You're allowed.
You just don't.
You don't have to be the peoplepleaser, you just have to treat
whatever that situation is withkindness.
How, if you were in that, tryagain.
This takes time and practice.
(30:07):
Put yourself in their shoes.
How would you want to beresponded to?
The golden rule yeah, the goldenyou go.
You go back to that, and I knowa lot of those people are like,
well, I've heard it all before.
I said yeah, but are youpracticing it?
And yes, it is this simple, andI think we just need that
lesson repeated over and overand over, because we're not
getting it until there is acatastrophe.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
That's interesting.
So the next pillar we have foryou is humor Catching someone
off guard.
This will be fun.
Why do you think humor can besuch a powerful tool for
defusing tension and fosteringkindness?
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Well, we go back to the clown nose.
Because it did that poor manwas that road rage ended right
there and the kids stoppedfighting right there.
But and at one-liners, becauseit just shocks people, because
they don't expect you, they'reyelling and screaming.
They don't expect they expectyou to yell and scream back.
They don't expect you to putsome great one-liner out there.
And who's winning the fighttoday?
(31:04):
Is it the devil or Jesus, andwho you know, just trying to
just go into that today Is thedevil, jesus and who you know,
just trying to just go into that?
And I walked into situations Ivolunteered at a home for a
pregnant woman and those poorgirls had a lot of baggage, so
they did a lot of yelling andscreaming.
So, yeah, you had to come upwith a one-liner just to shock
them out of that cycle and whatit does.
(31:25):
And the clown nose is a goodone too, but if you can do the
one-liners, that's even better.
It it stops.
It stops that cycle, it stopsthat.
Whatever trying to think of theword, whatever they're in, it
stops it and you can get them tosit down and say okay, what's
the real issue?
(31:45):
is there even an issue.
Are you just having a bad day?
You're just cranky today.
You know it just comes down tothat, and you can use that in
the boardroom.
You know how many times haveyou been sitting in a boardroom
and everybody starts arguing andtalking and nothing's getting
accomplished.
Loud noises work best in thatsituation, but I've seen that.
I've seen it work and thateverybody.
(32:10):
Let's take five and then theycome back and then they can talk
constructively, get back ontrack.
Well, that's it's.
It's simple, it's really justsimple things.
But reminding people that, ohyeah, and practicing that pause
have you ever seen the outwardmindset by arbinger institute?
Speaker 1 (32:31):
yeah, that's a really , really amazing course.
I really enjoyed it.
But one of the things they talkabout they do like different
modules and one of them iscollusion.
And so in collusion you treatsomeone some way because they
are treating you some way, andso it keeps the cycle going
forever, because you continue totreat them so that you can
continue to get the feedbackthat you think you want or need,
(32:51):
and then it just keeps thecycle going forever, and so no
one ever stops the collusion orstops that cycle.
Like you were saying, you'lljust continue to do it forever
because you are feeding off thething that comes around.
So the collusion one I thoughtwas really powerful, the example
they used.
There was a waiting room, Ithink it was for a hospital, and
the pharmacy wanted the chairsone way, and then the lab wanted
(33:13):
a different way, and so everymorning they'd come in and like
mess the chairs up for the otherones.
They just kept doing it andthen when they actually stopped,
like, hey, what do you guysneed?
They needed more chairs or lesschairs or whatever it was, and
so they were able to do thepurchase, get it fixed and
everyone was happy, but theyjust needed to stop for a second
instead of just keep messingwith each other.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
And you know, hello, we're adults, aren't we adults?
And you know, another tool Iuse in that same vein is
compliments.
You know somebody's really setoff about whatever and you're
not just like, hey, you know, Ilove those shoes and again it
shocks them.
Or you know, that report youdid was amazing.
Maybe you can teach me how todo a better report.
(33:54):
Those kind of things, business.
Even kids in school, you know,can do the same thing.
I love your backpack.
The way you played that game onFriday night was awesome.
You know those kind of things.
That book report you read Wow,that was really good.
So, just again, it's becauseyou're not feeding into that,
(34:15):
but you're giving themcompliments and they're just
like how can somebody continueto be nasty when you're telling
them how great they are?
Speaker 1 (34:22):
That's good.
So last question I have in thisone.
It's a little odd, but how canpeople balance humor with
empathy to ensure it's kindrather than dismissive?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah, you have to.
Yeah, yeah, you do have to becareful with that, because
sometimes people use sarcasm andsome people don't get your
sarcasm.
So you have to be careful yeah,you have to be.
Or if somebody is really in abad mental state, you do read
the room and that takes thatpause, goes back to that pause,
read the room and see, because Ireally, with the server, I
(34:59):
didn't know how that was goingto go and it went well, thank
goodness.
I know another story this womanI walk my dog on the trail all
the time and she's cute andshe's little.
Everybody wants to pet her.
So somebody asked me can I petyour dog, whatever?
But then she sat down on thesteps and she's talking and
(35:20):
she's petting the dog and I said, oh geez.
Well then she starts saying Ilost my husband six months ago
and she's crying and I'm sittingthere going, oh my, so I just
let her go.
I had to let her go and I lostmy dog three weeks ago and she's
just going on and on and youjust have to let.
In that situation I had to justlet her talk and pet the dog.
(35:40):
My dog's very happy, climbed upin her lap.
You think it's the greatestthing.
And when she was done, she tooka deep breath, stood up, wiped
her tears and she said I haven'tfelt that good in six months.
Yeah, I get teary-eyed overthat one because it was
heartbreaking to just see herlike that.
But it goes back to the pauseand reading the room and saying,
oh, maybe my sarcasm won't workthat well.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Yeah, definitely got to read the audience on that one
.
I don't know if the clown noseworks.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Yeah, that would not have worked.
It would not have worked inthat situation.
It would not have worked in thecafe at lunch that day.
It would not have worked.
So you just have to read theroom and read the different
situations and, yeah, practice,practice, practice.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
How do you see sympathy differently than
empathy?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
One and I'm forgetting, I'm going to get it
mixed up One you've actuallybeen there, you've actually been
a veteran and you knew whatit's like to come back and
struggle.
And the other one is like theCalifornia fires is my heart
just bleeds for them, because Iknow that's a terrible thing.
I have never experienced it,but I know it's not.
(36:48):
I cannot even imagine neverexperienced it, but I know it's
not.
I cannot even imagine losingeverything, not having a
toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yeah, it's rough Empathy.
It's nice when someone else hasbeen there and done that and
you can have that deeperconnection.
The last pillar you have isdon't engage.
Is it more important to be kindor be right?
So why do you think it's sohard for people to let go of
being right?
Speaker 2 (37:09):
You're not in the United States, so you haven't
seen the political environment.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
I only left in June.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
And I love this quote by WC Fields Just because
you're invited to an argumentdoesn't mean you have to attend.
And that comes down to hey, doI want to be right or don't want
to be kind?
And I'm using the politicalenvironment here just because
people are truly you know, sodon't talk about it.
(37:38):
If you know they're here andyou're here, don't talk about it
, because you're not going tochange each other's mind.
And there are places.
There are places for difficultconversations, not at the dinner
table, not over Christmasdinner, not on Boxing Day.
Those are not when you havethose conversations.
(37:59):
I know a friend this has beengosh 20, 25 years ago two uncles
they even sat him at differenttables but they got together,
they destroyed their reception,they got into it.
Whatever they don't.
Even people are like we don'teven want to remember what they
were arguing about.
But they ruined that weddingreception and that couple, still
married today, said that's whatwe remember about our wedding
(38:23):
day and that's justheartbreaking.
That's heartbreaking that ouruncles ruined the wedding
reception.
So that, yeah, that's where Isay you know, don't engage.
Why is it so important to beright?
Speaker 1 (38:34):
It's not always important to be right, because
people will see things theydon't agree with and they feel
like they got to stop and provethe other person wrong or
whatever.
Like you can keep scrolling,like just go.
I mean I don't understand Likeyou're going to spend.
(38:58):
You know there's only so muchtime in the day.
It's hard earned to have yourtime to relax and sit on your
phone if you get out of work orwhatever, and you're going to
like time to fight someone thatyou don't even potentially know,
or maybe a family member, whichis probably worse.
But it's like a scrolling, youcan just keep on moving.
It's just really bizarre.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
And.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
I'm thinking don't you have anything else to do,
Right?
Like this well-crafted argumentFor what?
Speaker 2 (39:27):
For what?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
I don't really know.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
So we've shared a lot of stories.
I love stories, they're myfavorite.
Can you share an experiencewhen choosing kindness over
being right made all thedifference?
Speaker 2 (39:39):
I think.
Well, let me think I will tellyou this is kind of a hard story
.
A friend of mine and I werehaving lunch actually a group of
us and they're in Cincinnati.
We have two basketball teams,university of Cincinnati and
Xavier University, and they'rebasketball rivals, big time
basketball rivals, and I went toXavier so yes, I'm a Xavier fan
(40:01):
and she was a UC fan and wewere just and we always, you
know, kind of banter back andforth when the basketball season
comes around.
It's always been just fun,jovial.
You know they're going to kickyour butt, they're going to kick
you know that, back and forth,just that kind of thing.
It's never been a big deal.
And we were doing it, the groupof us were doing it again and
she just went off.
(40:22):
I don't know what it was in myface across the table.
Don't you ever say that again,I don't want to hear it out of
your mouth.
And the whole table went silentand I swear somebody was
holding me into my chair becauseI wanted so bad to go back at
them and it took everything Ihad because I'm like what the
(40:42):
heck is there.
But I didn't.
I sat in that chair and took adeep breath and did that pause
and didn't say anything else andsomebody else changed the
subject.
Thank God for friends.
Yeah, it was awkward for awhile, but in my mind it's not
in my friendship, because it wasmore important.
My friendship with them wasgood.
(41:04):
Whoops, there goes the light.
This is life.
My friendship was moreimportant to me than being right
.
And then you think everybody atthe table, if we had, because
it would have been the end ofthe friendship, it would have
been nasty.
And then I got to thinkingafterwards, everybody and the
friend in that circle of friendswe had would have been affected
(41:24):
and how horrible would that befor them.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Yeah, the same way you set the positivity ripples
out right, the negativity willripple out the same way.
That's tough.
So we talked a lot aboutdifferent stories and whatnot.
What practical tips do you havefor listeners to help disengage
from negativity whilemaintaining their kindness?
Speaker 2 (41:43):
Yeah, just keep the golden rule in mind.
How would you like to betreated?
Practice that pause and beintentional.
Start your day out by how areyou going to do something?
What?
Speaker 1 (41:56):
are you going to?
Speaker 2 (41:56):
do today.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Yeah, that makes sense.
Well, we talked about a lot ofgood things.
The three main pillars werereally good.
How do you think theseapproaches, that perspective
shift, humors and disengagingwork together to create a
foundation for kindness?
Can you use them all together?
Speaker 2 (42:13):
I'm sure I'm trying to think of a situation.
I haven't had one, but I'm sureyou could.
But then again I think well, ifyou're reading the room, humor
would not have worked in severalsituations, so there probably
is some time where you could usethem together, but I can't
think of one right now.
That makes sense it's morereading the room.
Yeah and yeah, more reading theroom and separately.
(42:34):
I know they have worked reallywell.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
That makes sense If you could leave listeners with
one message.
It's always tough, right, aboutthe power of kindness what
would it be?
Speaker 2 (42:45):
It would be that concentrate on your corner of
the world, creating kindness,creating those ripples of
kindness, because that does makea difference and we're going to
change the world, one ripple ofkindness at a time.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
You want to eat this elephant, one bite at a time?
Yeah, well, teresa, I thank youfor coming out.
I wanted to know if you haveany final takeaways.
Speaker 2 (43:10):
Just no, that's just it.
Just remember, you knoweverybody's got something going
on.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
You never know what people are fighting through.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
And so always, always , always be kind.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Well, thank you for coming out.
Everyone, please join theconversation.
Connect with us on any one ofthe many social media platforms
to share your questions,insights or feedback.
We're building a community andyour voice matters.
I love you all.
See ya, thank you.
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