February 17, 2025 • 18 mins
See how Brianna applied these strategies in Mindful in 5!
Networking doesn’t have to be stressful, even for introverts. With the right mindset and practical strategies, you can transform those dreaded awkward interactions into meaningful connections that open new doors in your career. In this episode, I’ll walk you through the "Three Breath Connection" technique —a simple yet powerful way to calm your nerves and help you network with confidence. Tune in for tips on how to start conversations, choose engaging topics, and make your next networking event a success!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Spiwe Jefferson (00:04):
Welcome to Mindful in 5, where busy
professionals find your peacefuloasis to thrive in complex work
environments.
I am Spiwe Jefferson attorney,certified mindfulness
practitioner and author of theMindful in 5 book series.
(00:24):
Here to guide you to a clearer,softer and more supported life.
Join me and your fellow mindfulninjas as we explore
science-backed mindfulnessstrategies for successful
leaders that you can implement,starting with just five minutes
(00:46):
a day.
Elevate your work, empower yourlife, work higher, live
stronger.
Let's go.
Do you dread networking?
You go to a conference or amixer, maybe because you should
or because you're interested ina topic that will be discussed.
(01:08):
Maybe your avoidance approachis to arrive just as the formal
program is starting, so youdon't have to stand around
feeling like a total idiot,standing there all by yourself,
mind clouded, feeling awkwardand disconnected from the joyful
connections everyone else seemsto be experiencing around you.
(01:31):
If this sounds like you, youare not alone.
Poor networking skills can dimthe cheerful light of
professional growth, leaving youfeeling unsupported and
isolated in a room or even inyour industry.
Today we are unpackingnetworking for introverts,
(01:58):
bringing a clearer, morepeaceful approach to building
professional relationships.
More peaceful approach tobuilding professional
relationships and, like the kidsin this season's imagery.
I invite you to come at it witha beginner's mind Curious,
trusting, authentic, creative,resilient and optimistic, even
(02:22):
if you have had multipleexperiences when you have felt
like you've failed miserably atthis whole networking thing.
Today's a new day and as longas there is breath in your body,
there's an opportunity to try,try, try again.
After all, even if you totallybombed it the last time, you're
(02:45):
still here.
What doesn't kill you makes youstronger, right?
So here's what I suggest Takefive minutes to visualize first
thing in the morning and fiveminutes before you go into a
networking situation.
(03:05):
Imagine yourself entering theupcoming networking situation
with calm confidence, creatinggenuine connections that
joyfully enrich your career.
By cultivating presence in yourinteractions, you can transform
networking from a dreaded taskto a fulfilling opportunity for
(03:29):
clear growth and cheerfulexchange.
Let's explore a soothingtechnique I call the
three-breath connection.
Here is how this process works.
Here is how this process works.
Step one before engaging, takethree deep breaths, centering
(03:54):
yourself with gentle focus.
So there you are, outside theroom where this event is
happening.
Pause On the first breath.
Bring yourself fully into thepresent moment with joyful
awareness.
You can say something like ifyou're thinking well, you know,
(04:17):
joyful awareness is certainlywhat I'm not going to be feeling
.
Try thinking about it like this.
Try changing your got-tolanguage to get-to language.
Here's what I mean.
Instead of saying, oh, I got togo in here and do this
networking thing, it's going tosuck, you can say, wow, I get
(04:41):
the opportunity to go in hereand meet these amazing people, I
get to go listen to a reallyinteresting speaker, I get to
have an opportunity to fill inthe blanks, right?
So that is how you can changeand start to pivot from dread to
confidence pleasant, joyfulanticipation.
(05:05):
On your second breath, set aclear, positive intention for
the interaction.
On your third breath, openyourself up to listening and
connecting with cheerfulcuriosity.
Overcoming networking fears asan introvert requires leveraging
(05:28):
your natural strengths whileadopting practical strategies to
manage anxiety.
Here is an example of how theentire process might look.
Meet Brianna Patterson,elementary school teacher, who
spends most of her time withkids In the Mindful in 5 book.
(05:51):
She is invited to address ahuge audience, so let's imagine
that there is a networkingfunction before or after her
address.
At the beginning of that day,Brianna spent at least five
(06:14):
minutes visualizing how shewould interact at the conference
.
How we feel inside is ofteninconsistent with how we appear.
In other words, you might lookquite confident even when you
don't feel it.
So, regardless of howunpracticed Brianna feels at
networking, she sees herself inher five-minute visualization
(06:38):
smiling openly, talking withconfidence and gliding around
the room like she owns the place.
And why not?
It's much more likely to happenthat way if she programs her
(07:00):
mindset in the path of successright Now.
Before she enters the room, sheruns to the restroom, she closes
herself in a stall and shecloses her eyes.
When she takes those deepbreaths, she regenerates that
(07:21):
mental vision she had thismorning, centering herself with
gentle focus.
Centering herself with gentlefocus why do it twice?
Because it wasn't nearly asscary this morning.
Now that the time is upon her,it's more intimidating, but it's
easier to see herselfsuccessfully networking because
(07:43):
she created the vision beforethe stress took over.
She created the vision beforethe stress took over.
So now Brianna sees herselfexuding friendship and goodwill.
I like to say you attract whatyou reflect, because that is the
energy she gives off and that,therefore, is the energy she is
much more likely to get back Now.
(08:06):
You might have noticed that,instead of standing outside the
room and taking her three deepbreaths.
Brianna raced to the restroominstead.
Why?
Because that way, in theprivacy of her solitude, she can
just quietly focus on hervision without somebody walking
(08:34):
by and making her feelembarrassed or bumping into her
or starting a conversationbefore she's ready.
So this is something that youcan do.
So this is something that youcan do If you can't find a place
for solitude.
If you drove to the place, youcan take that five minutes in
your car before you get out.
If you took publictransportation, you can sit in
(08:57):
that subway car or on that busand you can quietly close your
eyes for five minutes and dothis exercise.
Okay, so now that Brianna isseeing herself doing the very
thing she wants, she sets thesecond step, which is setting a
(09:19):
clear, positive intention thatthis is how her interactions
will go.
She intentionally chooses thisoutcome for herself, chooses
this outcome for herself.
Then she takes a third step,which is shifting her mindset
(09:39):
from avoidance to curiosity.
Introverts often enternetworking scenarios focused on
avoiding awkwardness.
Instead, brianna reframes hergoal.
She wants to learn about othersrather than impress them.
To overcome her nerves, shesets a micro goal to ask three
people about their work or theirinterests, for example, what is
(10:05):
the most exciting projectyou're working on right now?
Asking someone a question likethat, they might talk forever
about whatever they're excitedabout.
Introverts tend to preferlistening and they tend to be
quite good at it.
So asking open-ended questionsthat can spark a flame in the
(10:28):
other person can reduce thetalking that you have to do.
Being genuinely interested inthe person you're talking to can
also build deeper connectionsand reduce the pressure to
perform.
Then it turns into a give andtake conversation where you're
asking follow-up questions andyou're sharing your own
(10:49):
experiences and insights.
So, to that point, having twoto three open-ended topics in
your mind will allow you tostart a conversation, even if
you feel like you're not a greatconversationalist.
You can even start by doingsomething as simple as
(11:12):
complimenting someone on someaspect that you notice, or, if
it's a speaker, on somethingthey said that spoke to you, or
if you know who you're going tomeet.
You can even set an intentionto meet some specific people at
the event, look up theiraccomplishments or something
(11:34):
they've done lately and when yousee them, talk to them about
that thing they did recentlywhether you saw it on LinkedIn
or on their profile, on theircompany website or someplace
else.
Industry trends orevent-specific topics are also
fair game to steer theconversations towards a
(11:54):
meaningful exchange.
Now the next tip might soundcounterintuitive, but Brianna
also arrived early so that shecould target some solo attendees
some solo attendees.
(12:16):
Larger groups can overwhelmintroverts.
So arriving early allows you toease into the environment and
then you'll be one of thosepeople who's already engaged in
happy conversation when otherpeople walk into the room.
Now, once you get there, lookfor others standing alone.
They are often relieved whensomeone initiates conversation.
If you are the one standingalone, pay attention to your
(12:37):
body language.
Don't cross your arms or scowl.
Don't go hide in the corner.
Consider an open posture chestout, hands by your sides or
holding a beverage you can evengo get a beverage, just so you
have something to do with yourhands and put a half smile on
your face and look approachable.
(12:59):
Why does this work?
Because when you are lookingfor someone to talk, to think
about it, are you more likely toapproach someone who looks like
they're mad and don't want tobe there, or are you more likely
to approach someone who looksless intimidating?
So that is why you want to lookless intimidating and then,
(13:25):
just as you have yourconversation starters, prepare
your exit strategies.
I personally am quite bad aboutthis, because I talk a lot and
then I get all wrapped up in aconversation and before you know
it I look around and everybodyhas left except me and the two
or three other people who areengaged in a conversation.
So this is something that I'mgoing to be trying myself as I
(13:48):
network this year.
You can say something light,like I'd love to keep chatting,
but we should probably bothnetwork with a few more people
before we lose momentum and offyou go.
By combining mindset shifts,strategic timing and prepared
(14:08):
talking points, introverts cantransform networking from a
dreaded task into an opportunityfor authentic connection.
Research shows that this typeof mindful preparation can
significantly improve thequality of our interactions.
Mindful preparation cansignificantly improve the
(14:30):
quality of our interactions,fostering more meaningful and
supportive professionalrelationships.
Having a clear strategy andpurpose can also reduce the fear
factor.
Consider this Networking isn'tabout collecting contacts.
It's about cultivating joyfulrelationships.
Your peaceful presence is theclear foundation for authentic
(14:53):
connections.
And to that end, here is yourcheerful challenge for the week
Use the three breath connectiontechnique and visualize your
path forward before your nextprofessional interaction.
And, just so it's clear, thewhole three breath thing.
(15:14):
There's actually no magic intaking the three breaths, so
don't hold your breath andsuffocate yourself while you're
trying to visualize everythingin this one single breath.
It is just a reminder thattaking those breaths allows you
to.
Well, it makes it easier foryou to center yourself and just
(15:40):
bring yourself to the presentmoment, especially if you have
started to create a centeringhabit.
This is one of the ways thatyou can easily reconnect and go
within and find that space to dothis creative visualization as
you are getting ready for thatnetworking event.
(16:02):
So use the technique andvisualize your path forward.
So use the technique andvisualize your path forward.
My hope is that thesestrategies reduce the fear
factor and bring a softer, moresupported energy to your
conversations.
In the Mindful in 5 books,brianna and her husband Rashad
(16:24):
are new empty nesters aftertheir twins went off to college,
and challenges abound in theirrelationship.
Pick up your copy of either theMindful and Fight book and
journal or the God Loversedition and journal from
https://www.
spiwejefferson.
com/ and use the learnings fromBrianna's journey through her
(16:45):
dark dawn and day season to fuelyour own mindfulness success.
Click the link in the shownotes to pick up your copy and
start setting yourself up for aclearer, more joyful networking
experience.
Remember, effective networkingis about quality, not quantity.
(17:07):
You don't need to talk toeveryone.
If you make two to fourconnections, depending on the
length of the event, that couldbe more than enough.
By bringing your full joyfulpresence to each interaction,
you are creating the foundationfor clear, meaningful and
mutually supportive professionalrelationships.
(17:28):
May your networking be filledwith peaceful presence and
joyful connections Until nextweek.
This is Spiwe saying, bemindful and be well.
James@DiscovertheVoice (17:43):
Thank you for listening to Mindful in
5.
If you enjoyed it, share itwith a friend, follow and rate
it on your favorite podcastplatform.
Pick up your signed copy of thebook and journal from , or
unsigned copies from Amazon,Barnes and N oble or wherever
you get your books.
Visit https://www.
(18:04):
spiwejefferson.
com/ to download sample chaptersof the book, watch videos and
become a mindful ninja.
Join us on the LinkedIn Mindfulin 5 group and share your
thoughts.
Until next time, be mindful andbe well.
Welcome to Mindful in 5, where busy
professionals find your peacefuloasis to thrive in complex work
environments.
I am Spiwe Jefferson attorney,certified mindfulness
practitioner and author of theMindful in 5 book series.
(00:24):
Here to guide you to a clearer,softer and more supported life.
Join me and your fellow mindfulninjas as we explore
science-backed mindfulnessstrategies for successful
leaders that you can implement,starting with just five minutes
(00:46):
a day.
Elevate your work, empower yourlife, work higher, live
stronger.
Let's go.
Do you dread networking?
You go to a conference or amixer, maybe because you should
or because you're interested ina topic that will be discussed.
(01:08):
Maybe your avoidance approachis to arrive just as the formal
program is starting, so youdon't have to stand around
feeling like a total idiot,standing there all by yourself,
mind clouded, feeling awkwardand disconnected from the joyful
connections everyone else seemsto be experiencing around you.
(01:31):
If this sounds like you, youare not alone.
Poor networking skills can dimthe cheerful light of
professional growth, leaving youfeeling unsupported and
isolated in a room or even inyour industry.
Today we are unpackingnetworking for introverts,
(01:58):
bringing a clearer, morepeaceful approach to building
professional relationships.
More peaceful approach tobuilding professional
relationships and, like the kidsin this season's imagery.
I invite you to come at it witha beginner's mind Curious,
trusting, authentic, creative,resilient and optimistic, even
(02:22):
if you have had multipleexperiences when you have felt
like you've failed miserably atthis whole networking thing.
Today's a new day and as longas there is breath in your body,
there's an opportunity to try,try, try again.
After all, even if you totallybombed it the last time, you're
(02:45):
still here.
What doesn't kill you makes youstronger, right?
So here's what I suggest Takefive minutes to visualize first
thing in the morning and fiveminutes before you go into a
networking situation.
(03:05):
Imagine yourself entering theupcoming networking situation
with calm confidence, creatinggenuine connections that
joyfully enrich your career.
By cultivating presence in yourinteractions, you can transform
networking from a dreaded taskto a fulfilling opportunity for
(03:29):
clear growth and cheerfulexchange.
Let's explore a soothingtechnique I call the
three-breath connection.
Here is how this process works.
Here is how this process works.
Step one before engaging, takethree deep breaths, centering
(03:54):
yourself with gentle focus.
So there you are, outside theroom where this event is
happening.
Pause On the first breath.
Bring yourself fully into thepresent moment with joyful
awareness.
You can say something like ifyou're thinking well, you know,
(04:17):
joyful awareness is certainlywhat I'm not going to be feeling
.
Try thinking about it like this.
Try changing your got-tolanguage to get-to language.
Here's what I mean.
Instead of saying, oh, I got togo in here and do this
networking thing, it's going tosuck, you can say, wow, I get
(04:41):
the opportunity to go in hereand meet these amazing people, I
get to go listen to a reallyinteresting speaker, I get to
have an opportunity to fill inthe blanks, right?
So that is how you can changeand start to pivot from dread to
confidence pleasant, joyfulanticipation.
(05:05):
On your second breath, set aclear, positive intention for
the interaction.
On your third breath, openyourself up to listening and
connecting with cheerfulcuriosity.
Overcoming networking fears asan introvert requires leveraging
(05:28):
your natural strengths whileadopting practical strategies to
manage anxiety.
Here is an example of how theentire process might look.
Meet Brianna Patterson,elementary school teacher, who
spends most of her time withkids In the Mindful in 5 book.
(05:51):
She is invited to address ahuge audience, so let's imagine
that there is a networkingfunction before or after her
address.
At the beginning of that day,Brianna spent at least five
(06:14):
minutes visualizing how shewould interact at the conference
.
How we feel inside is ofteninconsistent with how we appear.
In other words, you might lookquite confident even when you
don't feel it.
So, regardless of howunpracticed Brianna feels at
networking, she sees herself inher five-minute visualization
(06:38):
smiling openly, talking withconfidence and gliding around
the room like she owns the place.
And why not?
It's much more likely to happenthat way if she programs her
(07:00):
mindset in the path of successright Now.
Before she enters the room, sheruns to the restroom, she closes
herself in a stall and shecloses her eyes.
When she takes those deepbreaths, she regenerates that
(07:21):
mental vision she had thismorning, centering herself with
gentle focus.
Centering herself with gentlefocus why do it twice?
Because it wasn't nearly asscary this morning.
Now that the time is upon her,it's more intimidating, but it's
easier to see herselfsuccessfully networking because
(07:43):
she created the vision beforethe stress took over.
She created the vision beforethe stress took over.
So now Brianna sees herselfexuding friendship and goodwill.
I like to say you attract whatyou reflect, because that is the
energy she gives off and that,therefore, is the energy she is
much more likely to get back Now.
(08:06):
You might have noticed that,instead of standing outside the
room and taking her three deepbreaths.
Brianna raced to the restroominstead.
Why?
Because that way, in theprivacy of her solitude, she can
just quietly focus on hervision without somebody walking
(08:34):
by and making her feelembarrassed or bumping into her
or starting a conversationbefore she's ready.
So this is something that youcan do.
So this is something that youcan do If you can't find a place
for solitude.
If you drove to the place, youcan take that five minutes in
your car before you get out.
If you took publictransportation, you can sit in
(08:57):
that subway car or on that busand you can quietly close your
eyes for five minutes and dothis exercise.
Okay, so now that Brianna isseeing herself doing the very
thing she wants, she sets thesecond step, which is setting a
(09:19):
clear, positive intention thatthis is how her interactions
will go.
She intentionally chooses thisoutcome for herself, chooses
this outcome for herself.
Then she takes a third step,which is shifting her mindset
(09:39):
from avoidance to curiosity.
Introverts often enternetworking scenarios focused on
avoiding awkwardness.
Instead, brianna reframes hergoal.
She wants to learn about othersrather than impress them.
To overcome her nerves, shesets a micro goal to ask three
people about their work or theirinterests, for example, what is
(10:05):
the most exciting projectyou're working on right now?
Asking someone a question likethat, they might talk forever
about whatever they're excitedabout.
Introverts tend to preferlistening and they tend to be
quite good at it.
So asking open-ended questionsthat can spark a flame in the
(10:28):
other person can reduce thetalking that you have to do.
Being genuinely interested inthe person you're talking to can
also build deeper connectionsand reduce the pressure to
perform.
Then it turns into a give andtake conversation where you're
asking follow-up questions andyou're sharing your own
(10:49):
experiences and insights.
So, to that point, having twoto three open-ended topics in
your mind will allow you tostart a conversation, even if
you feel like you're not a greatconversationalist.
You can even start by doingsomething as simple as
(11:12):
complimenting someone on someaspect that you notice, or, if
it's a speaker, on somethingthey said that spoke to you, or
if you know who you're going tomeet.
You can even set an intentionto meet some specific people at
the event, look up theiraccomplishments or something
(11:34):
they've done lately and when yousee them, talk to them about
that thing they did recentlywhether you saw it on LinkedIn
or on their profile, on theircompany website or someplace
else.
Industry trends orevent-specific topics are also
fair game to steer theconversations towards a
(11:54):
meaningful exchange.
Now the next tip might soundcounterintuitive, but Brianna
also arrived early so that shecould target some solo attendees
some solo attendees.
(12:16):
Larger groups can overwhelmintroverts.
So arriving early allows you toease into the environment and
then you'll be one of thosepeople who's already engaged in
happy conversation when otherpeople walk into the room.
Now, once you get there, lookfor others standing alone.
They are often relieved whensomeone initiates conversation.
If you are the one standingalone, pay attention to your
(12:37):
body language.
Don't cross your arms or scowl.
Don't go hide in the corner.
Consider an open posture chestout, hands by your sides or
holding a beverage you can evengo get a beverage, just so you
have something to do with yourhands and put a half smile on
your face and look approachable.
(12:59):
Why does this work?
Because when you are lookingfor someone to talk, to think
about it, are you more likely toapproach someone who looks like
they're mad and don't want tobe there, or are you more likely
to approach someone who looksless intimidating?
So that is why you want to lookless intimidating and then,
(13:25):
just as you have yourconversation starters, prepare
your exit strategies.
I personally am quite bad aboutthis, because I talk a lot and
then I get all wrapped up in aconversation and before you know
it I look around and everybodyhas left except me and the two
or three other people who areengaged in a conversation.
So this is something that I'mgoing to be trying myself as I
(13:48):
network this year.
You can say something light,like I'd love to keep chatting,
but we should probably bothnetwork with a few more people
before we lose momentum and offyou go.
By combining mindset shifts,strategic timing and prepared
(14:08):
talking points, introverts cantransform networking from a
dreaded task into an opportunityfor authentic connection.
Research shows that this typeof mindful preparation can
significantly improve thequality of our interactions.
Mindful preparation cansignificantly improve the
(14:30):
quality of our interactions,fostering more meaningful and
supportive professionalrelationships.
Having a clear strategy andpurpose can also reduce the fear
factor.
Consider this Networking isn'tabout collecting contacts.
It's about cultivating joyfulrelationships.
Your peaceful presence is theclear foundation for authentic
(14:53):
connections.
And to that end, here is yourcheerful challenge for the week
Use the three breath connectiontechnique and visualize your
path forward before your nextprofessional interaction.
And, just so it's clear, thewhole three breath thing.
(15:14):
There's actually no magic intaking the three breaths, so
don't hold your breath andsuffocate yourself while you're
trying to visualize everythingin this one single breath.
It is just a reminder thattaking those breaths allows you
to.
Well, it makes it easier foryou to center yourself and just
(15:40):
bring yourself to the presentmoment, especially if you have
started to create a centeringhabit.
This is one of the ways thatyou can easily reconnect and go
within and find that space to dothis creative visualization as
you are getting ready for thatnetworking event.
(16:02):
So use the technique andvisualize your path forward.
So use the technique andvisualize your path forward.
My hope is that thesestrategies reduce the fear
factor and bring a softer, moresupported energy to your
conversations.
In the Mindful in 5 books,brianna and her husband Rashad
(16:24):
are new empty nesters aftertheir twins went off to college,
and challenges abound in theirrelationship.
Pick up your copy of either theMindful and Fight book and
journal or the God Loversedition and journal from
https://www.
spiwejefferson.
com/ and use the learnings fromBrianna's journey through her
(16:45):
dark dawn and day season to fuelyour own mindfulness success.
Click the link in the shownotes to pick up your copy and
start setting yourself up for aclearer, more joyful networking
experience.
Remember, effective networkingis about quality, not quantity.
(17:07):
You don't need to talk toeveryone.
If you make two to fourconnections, depending on the
length of the event, that couldbe more than enough.
By bringing your full joyfulpresence to each interaction,
you are creating the foundationfor clear, meaningful and
mutually supportive professionalrelationships.
(17:28):
May your networking be filledwith peaceful presence and
joyful connections Until nextweek.
This is Spiwe saying, bemindful and be well.
James@DiscovertheVoice (17:43):
Thank you for listening to Mindful in
5.
If you enjoyed it, share itwith a friend, follow and rate
it on your favorite podcastplatform.
Pick up your signed copy of thebook and journal from , or
unsigned copies from Amazon,Barnes and N oble or wherever
you get your books.
Visit https://www.
(18:04):
spiwejefferson.
com/ to download sample chaptersof the book, watch videos and
become a mindful ninja.
Join us on the LinkedIn Mindfulin 5 group and share your
thoughts.
Until next time, be mindful andbe well.
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