November 13, 2024 • 26 mins
Fear once dictated our lives, holding us captive in corporate jobs that we hated, without boundaries in our relationships, and choosing the "safe" route rather than taking the risks that aligned us with our true potential. What happened when we decided to lead with love instead? All of the possibilities opened up for us. Entrepreneurship, self-love, meaningful relationships built on respect and understanding, & an abundant life.
The mantra of LOVE OVER FEAR has reshaped our perspectives and empowered us to live with more abundance, joy, and purpose. In this episode, we share our personal journeys of shifting away from fear-based mindsets—whether it's fear of the future, fear of failure, or fear of disappointing others. We explore how deeply ingrained fears can block our path, keeping us stuck in outdated cycles of self-doubt and anxiety, and reveal the processes we use to transition to a love-driven life.
We also unpack the difference between love-based and fear-based mindsets and share practical insights on how to make the switch in your own life. For example, how do we shift from a victim mindset into a creator mindset. Fear isn’t always an obvious sensation. Sometimes it’s subtle and shows up as self-censorship or an inability to speak one’s truth. Fear can be hidden in everyday actions, like avoiding difficult conversations or fearing judgment, and how these subconscious fears can hold us back in subtle but powerful ways.
From everyday scenarios to bigger life changes, we talk about making conscious choices to approach situations with love, openness, and curiosity rather than defaulting to the worst-case scenarios (can you relate?). Plus, we dive into the 'Karpman Drama Triangle' and how fear-based roles like victim, persecutor, and rescuer can hold us back—and how adopting love-based mindsets can help us break free.
Some of our favorite tools for shifting from fear to love:
- Creating Awareness: Regularly check in with your thoughts and notice if fear or love is driving your decisions.
- Reframing Thoughts: Challenge yourself to consider the best-case scenario instead of defaulting to fear-based thinking.
- Patience and Compassion: Give yourself grace and understand that overcoming fear is a journey, not a quick fix.
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SELF-DOUBT -> SELF-LOVE IN 30 DAYS | Are you ready to overcome self-doubt and fall deeply in love with yourself? This is the course for you!
THE AWAKENED WOMAN RETREAT | December 11-17, 2024 in the Jungle in Mexico (outside of Cancun) hosted by Sara Swanson and Danielle Sharkey!
PASSION TO PROFIT FREE COURSE | Go here to get access to Hannah's FREE course to learn how you can create a business doing what YOU love.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, Welcome back to your favorite
podcast, Mindfully Moody, withyour favorite podcasters, Hannah
and Sarah, and we are soexcited that you are joining us
here for another episode.
If you do not subscribe to thepodcast, stop what you're doing
right now, wherever you arelistening, and go follow us on
(00:20):
Apple Spotify so that you canstay up to date on all of our
new episodes, which we releaseevery Wednesday morning.
And today we are going to talkabout something that has been
really relevant in both of ourjourneys, which is leading with
love over fear.
This is such a consistentmantra in my life.
(00:44):
It changed my life, thisconcept changed my life, and
it's so simple, yet soincredibly powerful.
So, with everything going onright now in the collective it's
November 6th as we record thisI feel like this is such a
perfect episode to bring toeveryone, because it's going to
(01:05):
allow you to understand how toget into that frequency of love
and why there is more justempowerment and abundance and
joy in that frequency versusleaning into fear-based thoughts
, patterns and actions.
(01:27):
So let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Love over fear.
Baby, as you're talking aboutthat, I'm just reflecting back
so much on my life and how manymoments I've been so paralyzed
and stuck in fear fear of thefuture, fear of the past, fear
(01:52):
of the unknown and that fear,just like, steals the peace.
It steals the peace from thepresent moment and, yeah, it
takes so much work to get out ofthat fear and to rewire that
fear.
Um, yeah, where is therespecific you know examples where
(02:12):
this fear is showing up, thatyou are wanting to alchemize
into love?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
yeah, it's so interesting because I felt like
I took a lot of steps forwardand I have and I have in this
aspect, because I feel that Iused to lead with fear almost in
every single thing that I did.
Even though I was an outwardlyloving person, internally I was
(02:44):
being really overpowered by thefear that I felt around my
career, my worthiness, how I wasshowing up in the world, how
people were viewing me, how Iwas showing up, related to my
purpose.
So I felt like fear was such adriver in my life and, as I've
(03:08):
worked a lot to bring the ideaof love and the frequency of
love into my life, that hasshifted many things.
And now, with what I'm goingthrough in my life, I feel like
I'm having a revisiting of okay,this is starting to show up for
me a little bit more where Ihave fear of.
(03:32):
I'm going to say, the biggestfear in my life right now is
which we're actually going totalk in more depth about in
another episode butdisappointing the people that I
love and like fear of being inmisalignment with things in my
(03:57):
life and how that will, I don'tknow just kind of control where
I end up and where I go nextyeah what about you?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
well, it's interesting to think about
because, as we're talking aboutthis, like I feel like I've
really worked so much onregulating my nervous system so
I'm not so much in fear becauseI spent my like, like literally
probably 95% of my life justlike driven by fear, driven by
anxiety, and I think I've I'vespent so much time with that
(04:34):
mantra fear over love workingtowards recognizing where that
fear shows up that I almost gotto a place where I wasn't as
much in this fear state.
But that also could be becauseI've been in this like
repetitive cycle of like gettingto the person that I want to be
and like living the life that Iwant to live and like
de-shutting of the things thatdon't feel aligned and don't
(04:56):
feel healed within me so thatfear comes up in a different way
.
It's like almost like myday-to-day life, I've gotten rid
of the things that caused methat fear and anxiety, because I
didn't want to live with that.
(05:19):
Yeah, iterated through theprocess of we're like, okay, I
feel like I'm on a path, smooth,like smooth sailing almost.
But that's interesting becauseit's like, maybe I that means
I'm ready for a leveling up,maybe I'm not pushing myself
enough Like I've been, so in mycomfort zone lately, in my zone
(05:42):
of genius, that like that I'mnot having things as much that
are scaring me.
So, you know, thinking aboutyou, and you know the pregnancy
and like this initiation tobecoming a mom, like that's a
new version of you.
So, of course, there's thesenew fears that are coming up,
right, because it's a whole newlife.
And so I'm thinking aboutmyself and like, what is it
(06:03):
maybe that I need to do?
Not that I want to cause fearin my life, but like it's an
interesting concept of like, ifyou're not feeling fear, are you
growing?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
I don't know, not that I want to feel fear, but
you know okay, I have adifferent kind of take on this,
though, because I feel like or adifferent let me put something
different in the mix of an idea,because I think everyone is at
a different stage of theirjourney.
Right, there are going to bepeople who are the past versions
(06:38):
of us.
You know the past versions ofus who were driven by fear,
subconsciously and consciously.
Like you know, it was takingover your life in kind of every
sort of way, Like you activelyfelt scared, consciously, but
also like your actions wereshowing like everything was just
(07:01):
like hi, I'm in fear.
And then, you know, you startto kind of dissect that which we
can take people through, kindof the process that we went
through and how we got to thepoint that we are at.
But I feel like, as you startto shift out of that maybe daily
fear, because I feel the sameway I don't have a lot of things
in my daily life that are likebringing up fear, but on the
(07:26):
other hand, subconsciously, Istill feel that I act in fear
but don't recognize it in thesame way as I did in my younger
life yeah so, even though it'slike, okay, I need to like bring
things in to scare myself, it'salso like how are we still
(07:49):
showing up in fear?
because fear isn't only like ohmy god, I'm so scared to like go
and like publicly speak rightnow in front of this group of
people, which is like what wethink of a fear, as you know but
it's also like I'm not speakingmy truth in X, y and Z
situation, because I have fearthat this person is not going to
(08:13):
like what I have to say.
Therefore, I will not be worthyand liked by another person.
So it's like that's more whereI'm starting to, I feel, see
fear show up in my life again oflike subconscious patterns,
like it's like a layer deeper ortwo layers deeper, you know
what I mean?
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
There can be like the physicalfeeling of fear that maybe
there's something internallythat you need to like heal from,
but then there's like, yeah,this other concept of fear, this
is getting very like esotericbut, like, like fear, and just
(08:54):
how you live your like, liveyour life like.
Are you living in and makingdecisions from a fear-based
mindset like?
Is that driving the car right?
Like?
Is that driving the car rightLike?
Is fear driving the car or islove driving the car?
So I like that, like the switchto that right Like, and it's a
(09:14):
mindset shift of and a choicethat, okay, I have two
directions.
I can go with these decisionsthat I have in life every single
day, right Like running abusiness.
I have the choice to be in afear-based mindset and think
it's not going to work out,think of the worst case scenario
, be in the victim mode like, bescared of the future.
(09:38):
Or I have the choice to be in aloving state and an abundant
state and a love-based mindsetof opportunity and excitement
and joy.
I think that is a big thing too, with why I think I've shifted
out of that kind of fear-basedlifestyle, because I was so
(10:00):
focused in everyday life offocusing on what could go wrong,
what the worst case scenariowould be, and really shifting
into that opening state of like.
Okay, if I do this, actually,what is the best case scenario?
What is the most loving casescenario.
If I have to have this hardconversation with someone, why
is my brain resorting that we'regoing to get in a huge fight
(10:22):
and it's going to be a huge blowup?
What if I was able to come froma loving heart, open
perspective and say thisconversation is going to bring
us closer, I'm like owning myvoice and my authentic self and
how I feel, so that's going tobe a more loving conversation in
the end, you know, yeah, sothere's so many different
(10:43):
concepts in this one topic.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Yeah, fear is complex Because you can have, like I'll
give an example of you know, Ithink, what we were both in a
fear, that we were both in for along time, that A fear that we
were both in for a long time,that some people, many people,
many, many, many people arecurrently in which would be I
(11:12):
have fear of leaving whateverjob.
I'm in, us both working incorporate America, whether you
are fully aware of this or not,You're not fully aware of every
fear that you have, which waslike a kind of like hard thing
for me to understand earlier inmy journey.
But you feel this quote unquotegolden handcuffs experience.
(11:33):
You know you feel okay, well, Ihave to stay at this job.
I don't like the job, I'mactually miserable doing it, I'm
not happy here, but there'sthis fear that is keeping me
here because I don't think thatI have any other option.
So I basically have become avictim to my career, you know, a
(11:56):
victim to whatever company Iwork at, a victim to my
circumstances, because I don'tbelieve that anything else is
possible for me.
So like that is also a fear,like I'm not, and then that fear
creates an inability to takeaction to change it, because the
fear is blinding in a lot ofways, and I was just talking
(12:22):
about this in therapy.
Today there's this.
Have you heard of this theorycalled the Cartman Triangle?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
No.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
It's like the fear-based mindsets that there's
three fear-based mindsets andit's victim, persecutor and
rescuer, and these are thefear-based mindsets.
And then there are also, likelove-based mindsets, that
they're trying to, you know,counter you into the
(12:53):
counterparts, the love-basedcounterparts.
But so many of us live in thosemindsets, you know.
I mean so much of our worldlives in a victim mindset, which
is such a fear-based place tobe.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yeah, yeah.
It kind of reminds me of likeparts work where it's like that
that can be a part of you Likeokay, yeah, it's maybe natural
to be in fear because that's howyou were raised.
Your subconscious, that's justone part of you.
In the same universe there canbe another part of you who
(13:32):
choose love, a loving route, andit's like how I think the
challenging part about shiftingwhen you're in these moments of
fear is like it's hard to justsnap out of it, like that you
know and say like okay, one, Ihave the awareness which we
always talk about.
(13:52):
Right, Creating that awarenessthat that fear is there, that
there's an uncomfortableexperience that your body and
your nervous system is having,and how can you have that
awareness and then shift itright?
So maybe we can talk about someways that we've stepped into
that shifting, or like creatingthat awareness and then shifting
from fear into love, becausethat's such a process, you know,
(14:17):
a lot of times it's not justlike the snap of your fingers
and like, okay, from fear tolove, to love.
There I am Like what are someways you know in your life that
you work through this process ofshifting, shifting into the
different part?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
It really is such a process, because rewiring the
fear that we were taught ischallenging.
So I think the first thing isthat I've been really patient
with myself and I continue to bepatient with myself and give
myself grace.
So I would just encourageanyone who is listening to this
(14:56):
right now and feels like, wow, Ido live in a deep fear-based
mindset, I'm scared of a lot ofthings and I think my actions
are, you know, playing out thesefears and playing out fears
that I don't even know that Ihave.
For me, it's been such aawareness-led process, like the
(15:22):
concept of being in a victimmindset, you know like, and that
was one that I so much existedin and this was a big catalyst
for me, realizing that that wasnot bringing me love, that was
not me reflecting on oh my gosh,this person did me wrong or
(15:43):
this happened and poor me, andwoe is me.
And being in that negativityspiral, drama spiral that I
existed in was not serving me,and I think that that's the
first thing of someone that'strying to shift out of this.
It's like does it feel good tobe in that place?
(16:04):
I don't think anyone is going.
Hell yeah, feels great, I loveit, it's empowering.
So like being aware of how oftenyou spend time in those thought
patterns, how often you existin that place and then starting
(16:29):
to try to transition.
How can you bring more love,change that frequency, change
that dynamic to?
I am not the victim of my life,I'm the creator of my life.
Okay, I'm unhappy that thisthing happened to me, or I'm
unhappy that I handled somethingthis way.
(16:51):
How can I, rather than leaninto that place of a victim, how
can I lean into the place oflove and just literally start
playing with that concept inyour mind?
You know, yes, there are amillion tools that you can use
to do this.
But even just starting toenvision and think about, like,
how could I give myself a littlebit of love here?
(17:14):
Okay, I know that I did thebest that I could.
I know that.
You know, maybe if I could goback and do it differently, I
would have done it differently,but it already happened, you
know.
And starting to just be more,more aware.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I think is such a pivotal first step because it's
the step to changing anythingyeah, yeah, I think that that
repetitive practice of justchoosing a different narrative
is like even if you don't act onthat narrative that you're
choosing like just shifting itin your brain of like what is
another possibility, ofsomething that I could choose
(17:52):
rather than this, and like justexploring that.
Something that comes to mindfor me is I remember I made this
TikTok like years ago when Iwas working at SpringShot, um,
and I was like I had given apresentation that I like totally
bombed and like I was soembarrassed and like, after the
presentation, like in my mindI'm like I'm so embarrassed.
(18:15):
These people think I'm thepiece of shit, these people
think I'm horrible at my job.
Like, just like fear victim,like in my mind I'm like
ruminating, ruminating.
These people, I'm going to getfired, all of these things.
And then, like I had this likebig epiphany shift, I'm like
these people are not thinkingabout me, these people are
(18:41):
thinking about themselves.
These people are in their ownworld.
They literally do not give up.
They haven't taken one secondto think about that after, after
the fact that that happened.
You know.
So like not that, that is like asuper loving thought, but I was
so in that fear-based thoughtand I'm like, okay, well, what
if another possibility exists,that maybe it's not the worst
case scenario?
Maybe people aren't thinkingthe worst of me.
Maybe people are like, oh, shedid actually a good job, oh,
(19:03):
that was actually cool, Ilearned something from her.
And it's not like I went andlike I had to go act on
something and like you know, gotalk, talk to people and like
try to fix the situation.
It was just an active thoughtof like I'm having this thought
about my performance.
How would I have this thoughtand just sit with that one
instead?
Right, and yeah, we have that,that choice with everything, of
(19:25):
just how can we slightly shiftmaybe to something better, maybe
it's not.
You know, moving from thesepeople totally thought I was the
worst worker ever to I'm thesuperstar worker.
But like, maybe they're like,oh, okay, maybe they're just not
thinking about it, like justslightly shifting it, you know,
or in any situation in your life, like, okay, you know, you
(19:45):
maybe have a fear of not findingyour, your partner, your person
to marry and spend a lifetimewith.
Right, your mind is going toI'm going to be alone, forever
victim.
You know, maybe it could be notto that extent.
Maybe it's well if I, you know,don't end up finding someone,
(20:05):
I'm going to live an amazinglife anyway.
Right, I'm not jumping to, I'mgoing to deeply find my person,
which obviously we want to callit in.
But you know, how is there wayswe can slightly shift our story
to make it more something thatwe can believe in our mind, to
get more on on board with.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Yeah, that's such a good point because I feel like
sometimes in self-developmentwork there is this thing of
going to like the.
The polar opposite is I met themost 100% ideal partner that I
could ever have in my entirelife.
(20:53):
He checks every single thingoff the list that I've ever
thought about that I could wantin someone and I'm the happiest
that I could ever be.
You know like you're immediatelygoing to that and then, you're
looking at like you write thatdown on a piece of paper and
you're looking at that likehow's this going to be?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
How are we going to do that?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
But to your point.
That is an evolution.
Can you get there A hundredpercent?
But what if the first step wasjust five percent and the next
step was 10%?
Because I feel like this isless of a super active process
going from fear to love thanmore of a gradual process that
(21:37):
happens as you are on aself-discovery journey.
Like this is a outcome of thework that you do, you know,
versus like I don't know, likelike a tool, you know, like it's
not okay, I'm sitting down andmeditating and you know.
(21:58):
Then I'm getting this result.
Like this is just an outcome, Ifeel like, of a lot of inner
work.
Yeah, put it.
Putting in the time, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Compassion, like having more compassion and love
for yourself too, likecompassion for the parts of you
in your childhood who had to bein a fear based state in order
to survive.
Like why is fear there in thefirst place?
If we talk about that, likewe're just trying to survive,
like our nervous systems arejust going haywire, we're just
(22:28):
like trying to protect ourselves.
So like that in itself is soloving.
Oh my gosh, like the fear iscoming up to protect me.
Like, yeah, going, yeah, if youcan go deeper on that of like
why is this you know questioningit and why is that coming?
Coming into my reality anyway?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yeah, it is a protection mechanism, and being
able to trace that back tochildhood is really powerful,
and that's something that I'mworking on right now and I've
been I mean, I've been workingon you know why?
Why do I have a fear of failure?
Why do I have a fear ofdisappointing other people, why
do I have a fear of notfollowing through on my word, or
(23:09):
if I'm not accountable topeople, then I'm not worthy.
So it's such a yeah, it's sucha complex thing that I think
that we will all be like if thisis something that you strive
for, this is something that youwill continue to strive for
forever, like you're you're.
(23:30):
It's kind of its own mountain.
You know, like we talk about themountain concept, like this is
a big part of of going up themountain, of how can, if those
the lower part of the mountainis those you know more dense
frequencies, the things thatdon't feel good, like fear and
shame and guilt and doubt andanger, and as you're climbing,
(23:55):
it's like you're accessing thosemore light, open, abundant
frequencies, like love, likegratitude, like joy, and as you
start to shed the fear, whichwill happen through practice,
like we're talking about, youstart to make more room for that
(24:18):
frequency of love.
And then, all of a sudden, youwill start to notice oh wow, I'm
actually thinking of this in adifferent way than maybe I
thought about this a year ago,something that I would, you know
, a conversation I would not beable to have, or an action that
I would not be able to take.
Or now I'm feeling totallydifferent about that.
(24:39):
I'm feeling like I do have theconfidence, or I do have the
ability to start to think aboutwhat it could look like to start
my own business, because Idon't feel as fear-based, like
tied to x, y and z thing thatI've been doing for x, y and z
years so it's like you start tonotice how it comes up in your
(25:00):
life yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
And if you guys are having a hard time connecting to
that loving space, to kind ofshift, like truly, it just takes
a small intention of you knowputting your hand on your heart,
tapping your heart, you know,taking some intentional deep
breaths, breathing through yourheart space and asking for how
(25:23):
can I be more loving, you know,in this point in my life, or how
can I show up morecompassionately for myself?
Like just having that slightintention can really move
mountains truly.
So shift into love let go ofthat fear.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Yes, thank you for hanging out with us.
If this resonated with you,leave us a review, share it with
a friend.
Follow us on social media.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
What else do we need to?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
tell people.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
YouTube.
Watch us on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Watch us on YouTube.
Text us Our beautiful facesJust come hang out with us, okay
, we?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
just want you.
We want you here, do it all.
We want you here.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Do it all.
We want you here, we see you,we value you.
We love you and we'll be backwith you soon.
Bye.
Hello everyone, Welcome back to your favorite
podcast, Mindfully Moody, withyour favorite podcasters, Hannah
and Sarah, and we are soexcited that you are joining us
here for another episode.
If you do not subscribe to thepodcast, stop what you're doing
right now, wherever you arelistening, and go follow us on
(00:20):
Apple Spotify so that you canstay up to date on all of our
new episodes, which we releaseevery Wednesday morning.
And today we are going to talkabout something that has been
really relevant in both of ourjourneys, which is leading with
love over fear.
This is such a consistentmantra in my life.
(00:44):
It changed my life, thisconcept changed my life, and
it's so simple, yet soincredibly powerful.
So, with everything going onright now in the collective it's
November 6th as we record thisI feel like this is such a
perfect episode to bring toeveryone, because it's going to
(01:05):
allow you to understand how toget into that frequency of love
and why there is more justempowerment and abundance and
joy in that frequency versusleaning into fear-based thoughts
, patterns and actions.
(01:27):
So let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Love over fear.
Baby, as you're talking aboutthat, I'm just reflecting back
so much on my life and how manymoments I've been so paralyzed
and stuck in fear fear of thefuture, fear of the past, fear
(01:52):
of the unknown and that fear,just like, steals the peace.
It steals the peace from thepresent moment and, yeah, it
takes so much work to get out ofthat fear and to rewire that
fear.
Um, yeah, where is therespecific you know examples where
(02:12):
this fear is showing up, thatyou are wanting to alchemize
into love?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
yeah, it's so interesting because I felt like
I took a lot of steps forwardand I have and I have in this
aspect, because I feel that Iused to lead with fear almost in
every single thing that I did.
Even though I was an outwardlyloving person, internally I was
(02:44):
being really overpowered by thefear that I felt around my
career, my worthiness, how I wasshowing up in the world, how
people were viewing me, how Iwas showing up, related to my
purpose.
So I felt like fear was such adriver in my life and, as I've
(03:08):
worked a lot to bring the ideaof love and the frequency of
love into my life, that hasshifted many things.
And now, with what I'm goingthrough in my life, I feel like
I'm having a revisiting of okay,this is starting to show up for
me a little bit more where Ihave fear of.
(03:32):
I'm going to say, the biggestfear in my life right now is
which we're actually going totalk in more depth about in
another episode butdisappointing the people that I
love and like fear of being inmisalignment with things in my
(03:57):
life and how that will, I don'tknow just kind of control where
I end up and where I go nextyeah what about you?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
well, it's interesting to think about
because, as we're talking aboutthis, like I feel like I've
really worked so much onregulating my nervous system so
I'm not so much in fear becauseI spent my like, like literally
probably 95% of my life justlike driven by fear, driven by
anxiety, and I think I've I'vespent so much time with that
(04:34):
mantra fear over love workingtowards recognizing where that
fear shows up that I almost gotto a place where I wasn't as
much in this fear state.
But that also could be becauseI've been in this like
repetitive cycle of like gettingto the person that I want to be
and like living the life that Iwant to live and like
de-shutting of the things thatdon't feel aligned and don't
(04:56):
feel healed within me so thatfear comes up in a different way
.
It's like almost like myday-to-day life, I've gotten rid
of the things that caused methat fear and anxiety, because I
didn't want to live with that.
(05:19):
Yeah, iterated through theprocess of we're like, okay, I
feel like I'm on a path, smooth,like smooth sailing almost.
But that's interesting becauseit's like, maybe I that means
I'm ready for a leveling up,maybe I'm not pushing myself
enough Like I've been, so in mycomfort zone lately, in my zone
(05:42):
of genius, that like that I'mnot having things as much that
are scaring me.
So, you know, thinking aboutyou, and you know the pregnancy
and like this initiation tobecoming a mom, like that's a
new version of you.
So, of course, there's thesenew fears that are coming up,
right, because it's a whole newlife.
And so I'm thinking aboutmyself and like, what is it
(06:03):
maybe that I need to do?
Not that I want to cause fearin my life, but like it's an
interesting concept of like, ifyou're not feeling fear, are you
growing?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
I don't know, not that I want to feel fear, but
you know okay, I have adifferent kind of take on this,
though, because I feel like or adifferent let me put something
different in the mix of an idea,because I think everyone is at
a different stage of theirjourney.
Right, there are going to bepeople who are the past versions
(06:38):
of us.
You know the past versions ofus who were driven by fear,
subconsciously and consciously.
Like you know, it was takingover your life in kind of every
sort of way, Like you activelyfelt scared, consciously, but
also like your actions wereshowing like everything was just
(07:01):
like hi, I'm in fear.
And then, you know, you startto kind of dissect that which we
can take people through, kindof the process that we went
through and how we got to thepoint that we are at.
But I feel like, as you startto shift out of that maybe daily
fear, because I feel the sameway I don't have a lot of things
in my daily life that are likebringing up fear, but on the
(07:26):
other hand, subconsciously, Istill feel that I act in fear
but don't recognize it in thesame way as I did in my younger
life yeah so, even though it'slike, okay, I need to like bring
things in to scare myself, it'salso like how are we still
(07:49):
showing up in fear?
because fear isn't only like ohmy god, I'm so scared to like go
and like publicly speak rightnow in front of this group of
people, which is like what wethink of a fear, as you know but
it's also like I'm not speakingmy truth in X, y and Z
situation, because I have fearthat this person is not going to
(08:13):
like what I have to say.
Therefore, I will not be worthyand liked by another person.
So it's like that's more whereI'm starting to, I feel, see
fear show up in my life again oflike subconscious patterns,
like it's like a layer deeper ortwo layers deeper, you know
what I mean?
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
There can be like the physicalfeeling of fear that maybe
there's something internallythat you need to like heal from,
but then there's like, yeah,this other concept of fear, this
is getting very like esotericbut, like, like fear, and just
(08:54):
how you live your like, liveyour life like.
Are you living in and makingdecisions from a fear-based
mindset like?
Is that driving the car right?
Like?
Is that driving the car rightLike?
Is fear driving the car or islove driving the car?
So I like that, like the switchto that right Like, and it's a
(09:14):
mindset shift of and a choicethat, okay, I have two
directions.
I can go with these decisionsthat I have in life every single
day, right Like running abusiness.
I have the choice to be in afear-based mindset and think
it's not going to work out,think of the worst case scenario
, be in the victim mode like, bescared of the future.
(09:38):
Or I have the choice to be in aloving state and an abundant
state and a love-based mindsetof opportunity and excitement
and joy.
I think that is a big thing too, with why I think I've shifted
out of that kind of fear-basedlifestyle, because I was so
(10:00):
focused in everyday life offocusing on what could go wrong,
what the worst case scenariowould be, and really shifting
into that opening state of like.
Okay, if I do this, actually,what is the best case scenario?
What is the most loving casescenario.
If I have to have this hardconversation with someone, why
is my brain resorting that we'regoing to get in a huge fight
(10:22):
and it's going to be a huge blowup?
What if I was able to come froma loving heart, open
perspective and say thisconversation is going to bring
us closer, I'm like owning myvoice and my authentic self and
how I feel, so that's going tobe a more loving conversation in
the end, you know, yeah, sothere's so many different
(10:43):
concepts in this one topic.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Yeah, fear is complex Because you can have, like I'll
give an example of you know, Ithink, what we were both in a
fear, that we were both in for along time, that A fear that we
were both in for a long time,that some people, many people,
many, many, many people arecurrently in which would be I
(11:12):
have fear of leaving whateverjob.
I'm in, us both working incorporate America, whether you
are fully aware of this or not,You're not fully aware of every
fear that you have, which waslike a kind of like hard thing
for me to understand earlier inmy journey.
But you feel this quote unquotegolden handcuffs experience.
(11:33):
You know you feel okay, well, Ihave to stay at this job.
I don't like the job, I'mactually miserable doing it, I'm
not happy here, but there'sthis fear that is keeping me
here because I don't think thatI have any other option.
So I basically have become avictim to my career, you know, a
(11:56):
victim to whatever company Iwork at, a victim to my
circumstances, because I don'tbelieve that anything else is
possible for me.
So like that is also a fear,like I'm not, and then that fear
creates an inability to takeaction to change it, because the
fear is blinding in a lot ofways, and I was just talking
(12:22):
about this in therapy.
Today there's this.
Have you heard of this theorycalled the Cartman Triangle?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
No.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
It's like the fear-based mindsets that there's
three fear-based mindsets andit's victim, persecutor and
rescuer, and these are thefear-based mindsets.
And then there are also, likelove-based mindsets, that
they're trying to, you know,counter you into the
(12:53):
counterparts, the love-basedcounterparts.
But so many of us live in thosemindsets, you know.
I mean so much of our worldlives in a victim mindset, which
is such a fear-based place tobe.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yeah, yeah.
It kind of reminds me of likeparts work where it's like that
that can be a part of you Likeokay, yeah, it's maybe natural
to be in fear because that's howyou were raised.
Your subconscious, that's justone part of you.
In the same universe there canbe another part of you who
(13:32):
choose love, a loving route, andit's like how I think the
challenging part about shiftingwhen you're in these moments of
fear is like it's hard to justsnap out of it, like that you
know and say like okay, one, Ihave the awareness which we
always talk about.
(13:52):
Right, Creating that awarenessthat that fear is there, that
there's an uncomfortableexperience that your body and
your nervous system is having,and how can you have that
awareness and then shift itright?
So maybe we can talk about someways that we've stepped into
that shifting, or like creatingthat awareness and then shifting
from fear into love, becausethat's such a process, you know,
(14:17):
a lot of times it's not justlike the snap of your fingers
and like, okay, from fear tolove, to love.
There I am Like what are someways you know in your life that
you work through this process ofshifting, shifting into the
different part?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
It really is such a process, because rewiring the
fear that we were taught ischallenging.
So I think the first thing isthat I've been really patient
with myself and I continue to bepatient with myself and give
myself grace.
So I would just encourageanyone who is listening to this
(14:56):
right now and feels like, wow, Ido live in a deep fear-based
mindset, I'm scared of a lot ofthings and I think my actions
are, you know, playing out thesefears and playing out fears
that I don't even know that Ihave.
For me, it's been such aawareness-led process, like the
(15:22):
concept of being in a victimmindset, you know like, and that
was one that I so much existedin and this was a big catalyst
for me, realizing that that wasnot bringing me love, that was
not me reflecting on oh my gosh,this person did me wrong or
(15:43):
this happened and poor me, andwoe is me.
And being in that negativityspiral, drama spiral that I
existed in was not serving me,and I think that that's the
first thing of someone that'strying to shift out of this.
It's like does it feel good tobe in that place?
(16:04):
I don't think anyone is going.
Hell yeah, feels great, I loveit, it's empowering.
So like being aware of how oftenyou spend time in those thought
patterns, how often you existin that place and then starting
(16:29):
to try to transition.
How can you bring more love,change that frequency, change
that dynamic to?
I am not the victim of my life,I'm the creator of my life.
Okay, I'm unhappy that thisthing happened to me, or I'm
unhappy that I handled somethingthis way.
(16:51):
How can I, rather than leaninto that place of a victim, how
can I lean into the place oflove and just literally start
playing with that concept inyour mind?
You know, yes, there are amillion tools that you can use
to do this.
But even just starting toenvision and think about, like,
how could I give myself a littlebit of love here?
(17:14):
Okay, I know that I did thebest that I could.
I know that.
You know, maybe if I could goback and do it differently, I
would have done it differently,but it already happened, you
know.
And starting to just be more,more aware.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I think is such a pivotal first step because it's
the step to changing anythingyeah, yeah, I think that that
repetitive practice of justchoosing a different narrative
is like even if you don't act onthat narrative that you're
choosing like just shifting itin your brain of like what is
another possibility, ofsomething that I could choose
(17:52):
rather than this, and like justexploring that.
Something that comes to mindfor me is I remember I made this
TikTok like years ago when Iwas working at SpringShot, um,
and I was like I had given apresentation that I like totally
bombed and like I was soembarrassed and like, after the
presentation, like in my mindI'm like I'm so embarrassed.
(18:15):
These people think I'm thepiece of shit, these people
think I'm horrible at my job.
Like, just like fear victim,like in my mind I'm like
ruminating, ruminating.
These people, I'm going to getfired, all of these things.
And then, like I had this likebig epiphany shift, I'm like
these people are not thinkingabout me, these people are
(18:41):
thinking about themselves.
These people are in their ownworld.
They literally do not give up.
They haven't taken one secondto think about that after, after
the fact that that happened.
You know.
So like not that, that is like asuper loving thought, but I was
so in that fear-based thoughtand I'm like, okay, well, what
if another possibility exists,that maybe it's not the worst
case scenario?
Maybe people aren't thinkingthe worst of me.
Maybe people are like, oh, shedid actually a good job, oh,
(19:03):
that was actually cool, Ilearned something from her.
And it's not like I went andlike I had to go act on
something and like you know, gotalk, talk to people and like
try to fix the situation.
It was just an active thoughtof like I'm having this thought
about my performance.
How would I have this thoughtand just sit with that one
instead?
Right, and yeah, we have that,that choice with everything, of
(19:25):
just how can we slightly shiftmaybe to something better, maybe
it's not.
You know, moving from thesepeople totally thought I was the
worst worker ever to I'm thesuperstar worker.
But like, maybe they're like,oh, okay, maybe they're just not
thinking about it, like justslightly shifting it, you know,
or in any situation in your life, like, okay, you know, you
(19:45):
maybe have a fear of not findingyour, your partner, your person
to marry and spend a lifetimewith.
Right, your mind is going toI'm going to be alone, forever
victim.
You know, maybe it could be notto that extent.
Maybe it's well if I, you know,don't end up finding someone,
(20:05):
I'm going to live an amazinglife anyway.
Right, I'm not jumping to, I'mgoing to deeply find my person,
which obviously we want to callit in.
But you know, how is there wayswe can slightly shift our story
to make it more something thatwe can believe in our mind, to
get more on on board with.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Yeah, that's such a good point because I feel like
sometimes in self-developmentwork there is this thing of
going to like the.
The polar opposite is I met themost 100% ideal partner that I
could ever have in my entirelife.
(20:53):
He checks every single thingoff the list that I've ever
thought about that I could wantin someone and I'm the happiest
that I could ever be.
You know like you're immediatelygoing to that and then, you're
looking at like you write thatdown on a piece of paper and
you're looking at that likehow's this going to be?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
How are we going to do that?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
But to your point.
That is an evolution.
Can you get there A hundredpercent?
But what if the first step wasjust five percent and the next
step was 10%?
Because I feel like this isless of a super active process
going from fear to love thanmore of a gradual process that
(21:37):
happens as you are on aself-discovery journey.
Like this is a outcome of thework that you do, you know,
versus like I don't know, likelike a tool, you know, like it's
not okay, I'm sitting down andmeditating and you know.
(21:58):
Then I'm getting this result.
Like this is just an outcome, Ifeel like, of a lot of inner
work.
Yeah, put it.
Putting in the time, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Compassion, like having more compassion and love
for yourself too, likecompassion for the parts of you
in your childhood who had to bein a fear based state in order
to survive.
Like why is fear there in thefirst place?
If we talk about that, likewe're just trying to survive,
like our nervous systems arejust going haywire, we're just
(22:28):
like trying to protect ourselves.
So like that in itself is soloving.
Oh my gosh, like the fear iscoming up to protect me.
Like, yeah, going, yeah, if youcan go deeper on that of like
why is this you know questioningit and why is that coming?
Coming into my reality anyway?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yeah, it is a protection mechanism, and being
able to trace that back tochildhood is really powerful,
and that's something that I'mworking on right now and I've
been I mean, I've been workingon you know why?
Why do I have a fear of failure?
Why do I have a fear ofdisappointing other people, why
do I have a fear of notfollowing through on my word, or
(23:09):
if I'm not accountable topeople, then I'm not worthy.
So it's such a yeah, it's sucha complex thing that I think
that we will all be like if thisis something that you strive
for, this is something that youwill continue to strive for
forever, like you're you're.
(23:30):
It's kind of its own mountain.
You know, like we talk about themountain concept, like this is
a big part of of going up themountain, of how can, if those
the lower part of the mountainis those you know more dense
frequencies, the things thatdon't feel good, like fear and
shame and guilt and doubt andanger, and as you're climbing,
(23:55):
it's like you're accessing thosemore light, open, abundant
frequencies, like love, likegratitude, like joy, and as you
start to shed the fear, whichwill happen through practice,
like we're talking about, youstart to make more room for that
(24:18):
frequency of love.
And then, all of a sudden, youwill start to notice oh wow, I'm
actually thinking of this in adifferent way than maybe I
thought about this a year ago,something that I would, you know
, a conversation I would not beable to have, or an action that
I would not be able to take.
Or now I'm feeling totallydifferent about that.
(24:39):
I'm feeling like I do have theconfidence, or I do have the
ability to start to think aboutwhat it could look like to start
my own business, because Idon't feel as fear-based, like
tied to x, y and z thing thatI've been doing for x, y and z
years so it's like you start tonotice how it comes up in your
(25:00):
life yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
And if you guys are having a hard time connecting to
that loving space, to kind ofshift, like truly, it just takes
a small intention of you knowputting your hand on your heart,
tapping your heart, you know,taking some intentional deep
breaths, breathing through yourheart space and asking for how
(25:23):
can I be more loving, you know,in this point in my life, or how
can I show up morecompassionately for myself?
Like just having that slightintention can really move
mountains truly.
So shift into love let go ofthat fear.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Yes, thank you for hanging out with us.
If this resonated with you,leave us a review, share it with
a friend.
Follow us on social media.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
What else do we need to?
Speaker 1 (25:58):
tell people.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
YouTube.
Watch us on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Watch us on YouTube.
Text us Our beautiful facesJust come hang out with us, okay
, we?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
just want you.
We want you here, do it all.
We want you here.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Do it all.
We want you here, we see you,we value you.
We love you and we'll be backwith you soon.
Bye.
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