November 6, 2024 • 32 mins
In this heartfelt solo episode, I, (Sara) am sharing THAT I AM PREGNANT! I'm digging into my personal journey through the early stages of pregnancy, especially the first trimester, a time filled with unexpected challenges and beautiful revelations. This has been the most profoundly spiritual journey of my life, inviting new spiritual awakenings.
Join me as I share about the powerful transitions of going from the maiden to the mother, shedding my past identities and stories. I have spent the first trimester experiencing a lot of emotions, a true rollercoaster of feelings, that so many pregnant women face, but often go unspoken. I'm here to vulnerably open up about the first trimester, the depression that can come along, and the incredible need for so much self-love and compassion during this time period.
I share some of my favorite quotes from the book I am reading, Nine Golden Months by Heng Ou. This book has been massively supportive in my pregnancy so far.
One of my favorite quotes is, “During pregnancy, women are walking a labyrinth of being mortal, becoming immortal, and coming back to mortal” - Haize Hawke. This really represents the spiritual awakening of pregnancy in my eyes.
Some of the themes discussed through this spiritual awakening pregnancy episode:
- The Process of Shedding Past Versions of Ourselves: Understanding the need to let go of old patterns, beliefs, and habits that hold us back to welcome in the new version of ourselves, the mother.
- Embracing the Present: How living in the moment can facilitate healing and personal growth, allowing us to connect with our true selves.
- Vulnerability in Change: Sharing my struggles and triumphs as I navigate major life transitions, highlighting the importance of being open to change!
- Astrological Influences: Reflecting on how cosmic events, such as full moons, have guided my journey and offered insights into my personal growth.
- Actionable Steps: Providing listeners with practical tools and techniques to help them release their own outdated selves and embrace the journey of self-discovery.
- Community Support: Encouraging listeners to engage with each other and create a supportive network as we all navigate our individual journeys together.
There is such a vital need for strong support systems during pregnancy. I would be honored to connect with you if you feel that you need this support. Send us a text or reach out to us on social media.
Whether you're on your own journey into motherhood or seeking connection with others, this episode offers a refreshing perspective on the realities of pregnancy.
FOLLOW MINDFULLY MOODY ON TIKTOK + INSTAGRAM to vibe with us and stay connected!
THE AWAKENED WOMAN RETREAT | December 11-17, 2024 in the Jungle in Mexico (outside of Cancun) hosted by Sara Swanson and Danielle Sharkey!
SELF-DOUBT -> SELF-LOVE IN 30 DAYS | Are you ready to overcome self-doubt and fall deeply in love with yourself? This is the course for you!
PASSION TO PROFIT FREE COURSE | Go here to get access to Hannah's FREE course to learn how you can create a business doing what YOU love.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sara (00:01):
I am pregnant.
I still can't believe that.
I'm saying that because itfeels still sometimes like it's
not true.
Hello, beautiful people,welcome back to Mindfully Moody,
(00:23):
a community podcast that me,sarah, and my best friend and
co-host, hannah, created for youto live your highest potential,
live your most embodied truthand create the life that you
desire.
And we bring you the guidance,the love, the tools, the tips,
(00:45):
all of the things to help you doexactly that.
And we give you our formulathat we have used and we're also
always, ever evolving.
So all of the things that we'regoing through we bring to the
podcast, and we are so gratefulto have you here.
If you are not subscribed, gosubscribe to us right now,
(01:07):
wherever you're listening Apple,spotify, whatever podcast
platform you're on and we willbe so honored if you would leave
us a five-star rating and sharewith a friend.
This is how we grow, our everbuilding community, and we're so
grateful for you taking thisbeautiful time out of your day
(01:27):
to prioritize you.
So I have a special episode foryou today.
I'm here to do a solo and Ihave some news.
There are some things that Ihave been going through in my
life.
There are some things that Ihave been going through in my
life.
This is going to be, I feel,like a really cathartic,
(01:49):
reflective episode for me,because this is a big
announcement and I really wantto share with women that may be
going through similar things towhat I'm going through and open
up the conversation in a waythat I haven't really been
seeing the conversation openedup online before.
(02:11):
So, without further ado, let'sget into it.
I am pregnant, pregnant.
(02:32):
I still can't believe that.
I'm saying that because itfeels still sometimes like it's
not true.
I wouldn't really say that Iwent into a trying period
because it happened so quicklyand I am forever grateful for
that.
At the same time, with thatcomes a lot of need to process
and just a lot of unexpectedthings came up really quickly.
(02:57):
So I want to share today aboutsome of the things that I've
been processing through, aboutwhat pregnancy has created in my
life, and just get into some ofthe realness about it.
I feel like this is reallyimportant because a lot of the
(03:18):
pregnancy content that I consumeor have consumed which, by the
way, my algorithm was not onpregnancy until right now, so
what I had consumed was not amass amount of information, but
what I had heard, what I hadseen, really, really really
showed the joyful, excited partof pregnancy and there is that
(03:44):
massive part.
There is also another part thatis grieving a life of your own,
a past life of your own thatyou aren't going to have anymore
, is also the hormone changesthat come with pregnancy.
(04:06):
That, in my case, led me toexperience some depression, some
doubt, some questioning, led meto not really be able to get
out of bed some days, and Ireally hadn't seen this kind of
information about pregnancy.
I was surprised, I didn'treally know what to expect, and
(04:30):
it's definitely been differentthan I expected, and I know that
a lot of women can relate tothis.
So actually, where I want tostart is by reading a few quotes
to you that have reallyresonated with me during my
pregnancy and kind of riff offof those.
So let me first tell you I'mreading this amazing book and
(04:54):
I'm going to drop it in the shownotes.
It's called Nine Golden Monthsand it is this beautiful book
that really represents just allof the changes that we go
through in pregnancy and alsoall of the gifts that come as
well, and helps you walk throughhow you can best support
(05:19):
yourself and how you can bestask for support from the people
in your community.
And my doula so graciouslygifted me this book and it's
really been a big just resourcefor me as I have been processing
through a lot of things.
So one of the quotes that Ireally really stuck with me I
(05:42):
was reading this last night withmy husband is during pregnancy
women are walking a labyrinth ofbeing mortal, becoming immortal
and coming back to mortal, saysmaster doula Hayes Hawk.
That's an incredible tightropewalk.
It can be transformational orit can be terrifying if you
(06:05):
don't have a support system inplace.
Women are walking a labyrinthof being mortal, becoming
immortal and coming back tomortal.
Let me just break that down fora minute and how that's made me
feel, because it definitelyrepresents how I feel in a lot
of ways.
Before you're pregnant, beforeyou go into this literal portal
(06:30):
of transformation, portal ofcreation, portal of birth,
creating a new life, creatingsomething completely new in your
body that you understood waspossible but had never really
felt was possible until you getpregnant, is such a crazy
(06:55):
experience, to just put itsimply.
And there is this part whereyou feel like you're you sort of
separate from other people,from your past self, from a lot
(07:16):
of things in life.
And there is this part ofpregnancy that feels like I
think I'm stepping into thispart right now that feels like
you are becoming immortal, likeyou are this creatrix that is
bringing life to this world.
(07:36):
Which what is more preciousthan bringing life to this world
?
As women, we are warriors, weare creators, we have the
ability to create true lifethrough our wombs, and we forget
the power that we have.
And there is this big processin becoming pregnant where you
(08:01):
start to recognize the true giftthat pregnancy not only
pregnancy is, but that you have.
And this was not really thefeeling that I was feeling in
the first trimester.
In the first trimester and I'mgoing to start to post a lot
more content about this, becauseI know that when I was in the
(08:22):
first trimester and I sawcontent about this, it was like,
oh my gosh, I needed to seethis, I needed to hear this, I
needed to relate to other women.
The first trimester wasextremely challenging for me.
It was mentally challenging,emotionally challenging,
spiritually challenging,physically challenging.
It was challenging in everysingle way.
(08:44):
I had massive fatigue.
I felt feelings of depressionthat I had never felt in years
and years.
I struggled with depression inmy younger life and very high
anxiety and I have workedthrough a lot of holistic ways
to mend that in my adult life orto process through that quicker
(09:06):
than I used to.
And this took me back to thedepths y'all the depths of
depression and challenge.
And I would say to my husband Ijust want to wake up and not be
depressed.
I'm confused.
I don't know what's going on inmy body.
I don't feel pregnant.
There's this thing about youdon't feel pregnant.
(09:28):
Obviously you're not showingyet.
I was just gaining a lot ofweight.
I was starving.
I felt like I couldn't reallymove my body.
I've always been really intofitness and strength training
and I couldn't really move likeI used to at all.
It was like this immediatedecrease in strength.
(09:51):
So the first trimester made mefeel weak.
It made me feel sad, frustrated, scared, this deep sense of
loneliness that I think a lot ofwomen feel.
And I was reading in this bookthat I'm talking about nine
(10:13):
golden months of pregnancy, ornine golden months.
I'm sorry that having a supportsystem during this time is the
most necessary thing.
I don't have friends.
I'm the first of my closefriends that have been pregnant.
So I don't have women in mylife that have experienced
(10:37):
pregnancy outside of my motherand obviously she's a deep
support system for me, and Ihave an incredible support
system of women who are sospecial to me, and I think that
I have the absolute best friendsin the world, the coolest
friends in the world, the mostincredible friends in the world,
(10:58):
sisters, true sisters, and I amso forever grateful for them.
At the same time, I've dreamedof what it would be like to have
people that had gone throughthis, that could understand some
of the emotional things that Ifelt during the first trimester.
So I felt this deep sense ofloneliness, and that's
(11:22):
completely normal, and whenyou're going through all these
rises in hormones and all theseshifts in your body, it's just,
yeah, your shadows come out.
That's what I saw spirituallystart to occur.
For me was I had this biganxiety.
I felt like my ego was runningrampant Before I found out that
(11:44):
I was pregnant in August.
I was like why am I goingthrough the most
transformational shadow period,I feel like, of my entire life?
I was stressed all the time andthen, of course, I found out I
was pregnant and I understoodwhy, but I share all this, to
(12:06):
just be real, that the firsttrimester is hard and you feel
like I felt probably the mosthuman that I've ever felt in the
last year since my spiritualawakening and I felt like I was
living in this muck that Icouldn't escape and it felt
(12:29):
deeply, deeply sad to me all thetime during the first trimester
.
So that was that kind of likebecoming mortal part.
And now I'm shifting into thisbecoming immortal part where I
recognize that a lot of thechallenges that I was going
through in my first trimesterwere for a spiritual reason as
(12:50):
well.
I think being pregnant is one ofthe challenges that I was going
through in my first trimesterwere for a spiritual reason as
well.
I think being pregnant is oneof the most spiritual
experiences you will ever gothrough in your life, I will
ever embark on in my life.
Let me speak mostly for myself,because it's individual for
every single person thatexperiences pregnancy.
However, for me, I feel likethe first trimester was this
(13:12):
massive shedding of the pastversions of myself, of the woman
that I was before.
It was me as the maidenarchetype, right Me as this
woman.
I was also transitioning intobeing a wife, which I really
never got into the role ofbefore I found out that I was
also transitioning into being awife, which I really never got
into the role of before I foundout that I was pregnant.
(13:33):
So it's like I was having allthese massive shifts in
embodying these new roles thatwere being created for me that I
had created, of course, formyself, and I was shifting from
the maiden into the mother and Ifeel like now, in my second
(13:54):
trimester, I'm embodying,starting to discover more of
that mother energy, thatimmortal energy that the quote
in the book is talking about,and I am so grateful for this
shift.
I needed this shift because Irecognize that this deep muck of
the first trimester was thisshedding process, and I'm so
(14:18):
curious to hear if other womenrelate to this.
So please reach out to me.
I would be honored to connectwith you.
I would be so deeply gratefulto connect with you and hear
your experience, hear yourexperience about being pregnant,
because this shedding has leftme seeing that there is so much
(14:42):
that is about to come into mylife, this new discovery of who
the current version of me isbecoming, who I will be in the
third trimester, who I will beas a mother when my baby is born
, who I will be in postpartum,who I will be as a wife and a
(15:03):
mother combined.
There is this birthing processof not only the baby but the new
version of me, the new versionof Sarah who I am becoming, and
that's why I think I had to gothrough that challenge of the
first trimester to cleanse, toclear, to remove a lot of those
densities that belong to thepast version of me, those ego
(15:29):
patterns, those things that keptme really stuck in that feeling
of muck was a removal, was aclearing, was a cleansing.
So I wanted to start with thatquote because it just resonated
so, so deeply with me, and Iwant to share another one as
(15:51):
well, from the same book, nineGolden Months, that I'm linking
in the show notes, and it sayssome psychologists dub pregnancy
a crisis.
What they mean is that this isa unique developmental phase in
a woman's life where sheencounters the unknown tests,
her fortitude and trust goesthrough a climax point, a peak
(16:14):
experience that pushes her toplumb her most hidden depths and
then digest the experienceduring the postpartum phase,
gradually integrating or makingsense of how her new identity of
mother, sense of how her newidentity of mother.
Yeah, it feels like I have been.
(16:36):
You know, you think about likea mountain.
In Mindfully Moody we use theimagery and the metaphor of a
mountain so much.
That was really our creation.
When we first birthed MindfullyMoody, we had mountains in our
podcast tile and it really wasall about climbing the mountain,
(16:58):
of growth, of awakening, ofdiscovering you and this big
personal development journeythat happens as you are climbing
the mountain and theacknowledgement that everyone is
at a different place on theirclimb and that is so beautiful
(17:19):
that we all get to meet eachother on this climb.
And I feel like pregnancy isvery similar and what they just
talk about in that quote that Ishared of pregnancy, has this
climb, this momentum right?
This moment that you're on thebottom of the hill and you start
(17:40):
climbing and it's like thefirst trimester and maybe you're
a little bit excited at firstand then you start to maybe you
forgot your water and you'relike, oh, I'm kind of starting
to feel tired, I'm starting tofeel fatigued and should I give
up?
And you're looking at themountain and it's really tall
and you're thinking this looksreally, really hard and I don't
(18:01):
know if I'm going to make it upthere and you start to have all
of these feelings of doubt comein and you know you're like, oh
my gosh, I'm scared, I'mconfused, what if this happens?
What if that happens?
But you continue your climb upbecause you know that you are
going to persevere.
And then you reach this pointon the mountain.
That is maybe.
(18:23):
For you it's the top of themountain, maybe, and everyone
has their own definition of whatthat moment in pregnancy would
be to top of the mountain.
But whatever your climax momentis, maybe it's like you're
three quarters up the mountainand you've realized, holy crap,
I'm going to make it.
I'm going to make it up thismountain, I'm going to do it.
I am so eternally proud ofmyself that I am doing this.
(18:47):
How incredible am I?
I am so freaking powerful andstrong and I am a warrior, and
whatever that moment is, wherethen you just enter bliss.
And maybe you don't enter blissever during pregnancy, I don't
know.
This experience again is soindividual I don't want to paint
(19:08):
that.
We all experience the same.
There is this moment for methat started to feel like a
turning point, and it's reallyrecently.
The moment has been really,really recent y'all, because
before this, I was really justfocused on the finish line, and
(19:29):
I'm not the type of person thatdesires to just focused on the
finish line and I'm not the typeof person that desires to be
focused on the finish line inanything that I do in life.
I desire to be focused on thejourney, because the journey is
exactly that.
It's the journey, it's theprocess, it's the beauty of
everything that we get toexperience.
The beauty of everything thatwe get to experience.
(19:56):
And, you know, being pregnantin just the last few weeks when
I've had this shift, has startedto bring to me that the journey
is really beautiful, even whenit feels like it's not, even
when it feels really hard, evenwhen you feel like, how am I
going to get out of bed today?
And one of the biggest thingsthat I've reflected on in this
pregnancy journey as well is thedeep frustration that I have
(20:20):
about our society in America,the matrix, the society that
tells us that, oh, you getpregnant, nothing should change
in your life, you need to keepgoing at the same job that
you've had, you need to keep thesame routines, you need to just
keep on going and the only timethat you really get to rest or
(20:40):
that you deserve to rest ismaybe for like a couple weeks,
maybe a couple months.
If you have a great corporatejob after you give birth and our
society doesn't acknowledge allof the massive shifts that you
experience when you're pregnantand we're not set up to operate
as pregnant women in a societylike this, we need to tend to
(21:05):
ourselves in ways that we didn'thave to tend to ourselves when
we were not pregnant.
We need additional rest.
We need additional support frompeople, and that doesn't mean
the support that says, oh, youneed to keep going or oh, you
didn't do this today.
I know that so many women canrelate to this specific point,
(21:26):
because I know that this is sucha major tension, especially for
women that have no other choicethan to keep going in their
lives at the same pace as theywere going when they weren't
pregnant.
I feel deeply grateful forexisting at this point in my
life in entrepreneurship andbeing able to take a little step
(21:50):
back and allowing people tosupport me, allowing my family
to support me, my husband tosupport me in a different way
than they supported me before.
But many people don't have thatoption.
I've reflected a lot on when Iworked in corporate America and
what it would be like if I waspregnant right now in corporate
America and yes, of course thereare.
(22:11):
Maybe I was working from home.
I could take a nap for an hourin the middle of the day if I
would have needed to when I waspregnant, but I couldn't have
asked people to change theirschedules for me.
That's not the level of supportthat you receive when you're
pregnant and you have tocontinue to show up as your
(22:34):
previous self at a job.
I couldn't have responded moreemotionally in a meeting and it
not came back to bite me in ameeting and it not came back to
bite me.
I couldn't have not shown upfor three days for work because
I was going through a moment ofdeep depression.
So this expectation that we havein America for pregnant women
(22:58):
is just out and out wrong in myopinion.
I feel like something's got togive and there should be some
more structure to acknowledgeand speak to pregnant women, and
I am forever deeply inreverence to all the women
(23:20):
before me who have given birthin my familial line, outside of
my familial line, literallyevery woman across this world
that has given birth.
I am in deep reverence of you,of your strength, of your
(23:42):
compassion, of your ability tocreate life, of your ability to
adapt to whatever circumstancesare in front of you.
I am in such deep reverence tomothers who show up every single
day for their children, whoshow up for their partners, for
(24:02):
their families, who sacrificetheir own needs, wants and
desires to be the person thattheir family needs to be, the
person that they feel like theyhave to be.
This is such a challengingexperience and, at the same time
(24:26):
, the most rewarding experienceI can imagine ever going through
as a woman.
So I say all that to say aswell.
If I could go back and givemyself advice for the earlier
part of my pregnancy and I'monly in the early parts of my
second trimester, but I stillwant to share this I would give
(24:48):
the advice of be kinder toyourself, be gentler to yourself
, allow yourself to surrender tofeelings of depression, to the
(25:09):
fatigue, to the feelings ofloneliness, to whatever is going
to arise.
Just surrender to the momentsthat are coming up for you,
because they're coming up for areason, and when we hide from
them, when we run from them,when we turn our backs on them,
(25:31):
turn our backs on them, theylast longer, they deepen their
claws into us, but when wesurrender and allow them to flow
through us and we cry and weexpress ourselves and we open up
to a support system, even ifit's my goodness, I've seen so
many women just open up onsocial media, create a TikTok
page that no one that you knowfollows you on and post on there
(25:51):
.
Call an old friend that youfeel like might have the safe
space for you.
I'm sure that there arenumerous support hotlines which
I would love to look into toprovide as a resource.
Get a journal this is somethingthat I did that you are just
going to reflect on yourpregnancy experience and really
(26:15):
deepen into sharing these deeply, deeply sacred feelings and
experiences that you have duringpregnancy, because you deserve
to be seen, heard and valued.
I deserve to be seen, heard andvalued.
I'm speaking right now to acamera and a microphone in my
(26:38):
bedroom, and this is one of themost cathartic things that I've
done so far during my pregnancy.
So thank you, as you'relistening to this, for holding
space for me, for allowing me toshare my experience with you
and, if you are pregnant rightnow, or if you are not pregnant,
(26:59):
if you maybe want to becomepregnant at some point in your
life and you don't even knowwhen.
I still think that this is apowerful episode to listen to,
because it acknowledges that aswomen, we are ever changing,
ever evolving, and that is howwe are meant to be, and there is
(27:20):
so much beauty in the shiftthat we get to experience in
this life, and I am sending you,if you are pregnant, so much
love, so much energy of peace,of surrender, of relaxation.
Go, do the things that make youfeel good, and if right now,
(27:46):
that's completely differentthings than made you feel good
pre-pregnancy because that'swhat I'm experiencing Sometimes
what makes me feel good islaying in bed and scrolling
TikTok, or sometimes what makesme feel good is reading a book
about pregnancy, or going on a10 minute walk, because it's all
that I energetically have.
(28:06):
Or calling up one of my friendsand venting and just allowing
that space to be held for me.
Whatever makes you feel goodright now, do it, and it doesn't
have to be that wellnessroutine that you used to do
Y'all.
I do not have a morning routineat this point, okay, and I was
a morning routine girl.
Every single day I got up outof the house moving this point
(28:29):
okay.
And I was a morning routinegirl.
Every single day I got up outof the house moving, going, go,
go, go, go go.
And I worked out almost everysingle day.
I meditated almost every singleday.
I journaled.
I did so much spiritualactivity.
I've taken a big step back fromthat in pregnancy because it
hasn't felt aligned.
It's starting to feel alignednow, but just because something
(28:54):
doesn't feel aligned doesn'tmean it won't ever feel aligned
again.
I've realized that I need toprioritize different things.
What feels aligned to me issleep, true rest, sleeping in.
I don't get up at six anymore.
I get up at seven or seven, 30.
I'd love to get up at nine.
So follow your intuition rightnow and know that you are always
(29:19):
deeply connected to your wisdomand your womb is creating more
wisdom right now than it everhas before, sister.
So thank you, I'm sending youso much love.
I would love to hear from youIf you are pregnant right now.
We have a feature in our shownotes where you can actually
(29:41):
send us a text.
Send me a text If you want tohear more pregnancy content.
Send me what you want to hearabout.
I would love to do more soloepisodes.
I would love to create morecontent on TikTok Instagram.
If you are not following us onthose platforms, go follow us on
TikTok and Instagram.
(30:02):
Now that this is announced,I'll be sharing more content
about the experience of beingpregnant.
Now that this is announced,I'll be sharing more content
about the experience of beingpregnant, how it relates to
spirituality all about that.
Also, I'm going to be sharing alot on my personal social media
as well, outside of MindfullyMoody, so go follow me there too
, and I also want to just dropsome I should have said this
(30:25):
earlier in the episode because Ithink that us pregnant women
really need a break, and I willbe facilitating, hosting,
creating a magical women'sretreat this December and I've
talked about it before it iscalled the Awakened Women
Retreat.
It is in Mexico.
(30:45):
I am creating this with one ofmy best, dearest friends,
danielle, who is also a coach,healer, reiki master,
facilitator, psychic of alldifferent kinds, and she and I
are creating this retreat as ashamanic journey through the
chakra system, through theelements, and this experience is
(31:08):
going to be so transformativefor all of the women that come.
So if you are pregnant rightnow, I will be there.
Pregnant sisters.
I will be there five and a halfmonths pregnant, facilitating
in my best, most feminine self.
So if you are pregnant, wewelcome you to join us, of
(31:31):
course, not too deeply far inyour pregnancy, but I will be
honored to hold space forpregnant women while being there
and there will be a little bitof adjustment in things that you
will be doing.
And if you are not pregnantmost of the women obviously are
not pregnant that are coming wewould also love to have you
there.
And we have a special offergoing on right now for friends
(31:55):
If you bring a friend, you havea $600 discount, so 300 for each
of you.
We also have a giveaway goingright now for about $1,000 off
the retreat.
So I will post this all in theshow notes, sending you so much
love, sending you so muchgratitude, and we will be back
(32:16):
with you next Wednesday for morebeautiful reflections and
shares.
Thank you, sisters.
Have a beautiful week.
I am pregnant.
I still can't believe that.
I'm saying that because itfeels still sometimes like it's
not true.
Hello, beautiful people,welcome back to Mindfully Moody,
(00:23):
a community podcast that me,sarah, and my best friend and
co-host, hannah, created for youto live your highest potential,
live your most embodied truthand create the life that you
desire.
And we bring you the guidance,the love, the tools, the tips,
(00:45):
all of the things to help you doexactly that.
And we give you our formulathat we have used and we're also
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So all of the things that we'regoing through we bring to the
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(01:07):
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This is how we grow, our everbuilding community, and we're so
grateful for you taking thisbeautiful time out of your day
(01:27):
to prioritize you.
So I have a special episode foryou today.
I'm here to do a solo and Ihave some news.
There are some things that Ihave been going through in my
life.
There are some things that Ihave been going through in my
life.
This is going to be, I feel,like a really cathartic,
(01:49):
reflective episode for me,because this is a big
announcement and I really wantto share with women that may be
going through similar things towhat I'm going through and open
up the conversation in a waythat I haven't really been
seeing the conversation openedup online before.
(02:11):
So, without further ado, let'sget into it.
I am pregnant, pregnant.
(02:32):
I still can't believe that.
I'm saying that because itfeels still sometimes like it's
not true.
I wouldn't really say that Iwent into a trying period
because it happened so quicklyand I am forever grateful for
that.
At the same time, with thatcomes a lot of need to process
and just a lot of unexpectedthings came up really quickly.
(02:57):
So I want to share today aboutsome of the things that I've
been processing through, aboutwhat pregnancy has created in my
life, and just get into some ofthe realness about it.
I feel like this is reallyimportant because a lot of the
(03:18):
pregnancy content that I consumeor have consumed which, by the
way, my algorithm was not onpregnancy until right now, so
what I had consumed was not amass amount of information, but
what I had heard, what I hadseen, really, really really
showed the joyful, excited partof pregnancy and there is that
(03:44):
massive part.
There is also another part thatis grieving a life of your own,
a past life of your own thatyou aren't going to have anymore
, is also the hormone changesthat come with pregnancy.
(04:06):
That, in my case, led me toexperience some depression, some
doubt, some questioning, led meto not really be able to get
out of bed some days, and Ireally hadn't seen this kind of
information about pregnancy.
I was surprised, I didn'treally know what to expect, and
(04:30):
it's definitely been differentthan I expected, and I know that
a lot of women can relate tothis.
So actually, where I want tostart is by reading a few quotes
to you that have reallyresonated with me during my
pregnancy and kind of riff offof those.
So let me first tell you I'mreading this amazing book and
(04:54):
I'm going to drop it in the shownotes.
It's called Nine Golden Monthsand it is this beautiful book
that really represents just allof the changes that we go
through in pregnancy and alsoall of the gifts that come as
well, and helps you walk throughhow you can best support
(05:19):
yourself and how you can bestask for support from the people
in your community.
And my doula so graciouslygifted me this book and it's
really been a big just resourcefor me as I have been processing
through a lot of things.
So one of the quotes that Ireally really stuck with me I
(05:42):
was reading this last night withmy husband is during pregnancy
women are walking a labyrinth ofbeing mortal, becoming immortal
and coming back to mortal, saysmaster doula Hayes Hawk.
That's an incredible tightropewalk.
It can be transformational orit can be terrifying if you
(06:05):
don't have a support system inplace.
Women are walking a labyrinthof being mortal, becoming
immortal and coming back tomortal.
Let me just break that down fora minute and how that's made me
feel, because it definitelyrepresents how I feel in a lot
of ways.
Before you're pregnant, beforeyou go into this literal portal
(06:30):
of transformation, portal ofcreation, portal of birth,
creating a new life, creatingsomething completely new in your
body that you understood waspossible but had never really
felt was possible until you getpregnant, is such a crazy
(06:55):
experience, to just put itsimply.
And there is this part whereyou feel like you're you sort of
separate from other people,from your past self, from a lot
(07:16):
of things in life.
And there is this part ofpregnancy that feels like I
think I'm stepping into thispart right now that feels like
you are becoming immortal, likeyou are this creatrix that is
bringing life to this world.
(07:36):
Which what is more preciousthan bringing life to this world
?
As women, we are warriors, weare creators, we have the
ability to create true lifethrough our wombs, and we forget
the power that we have.
And there is this big processin becoming pregnant where you
(08:01):
start to recognize the true giftthat pregnancy not only
pregnancy is, but that you have.
And this was not really thefeeling that I was feeling in
the first trimester.
In the first trimester and I'mgoing to start to post a lot
more content about this, becauseI know that when I was in the
(08:22):
first trimester and I sawcontent about this, it was like,
oh my gosh, I needed to seethis, I needed to hear this, I
needed to relate to other women.
The first trimester wasextremely challenging for me.
It was mentally challenging,emotionally challenging,
spiritually challenging,physically challenging.
It was challenging in everysingle way.
(08:44):
I had massive fatigue.
I felt feelings of depressionthat I had never felt in years
and years.
I struggled with depression inmy younger life and very high
anxiety and I have workedthrough a lot of holistic ways
to mend that in my adult life orto process through that quicker
(09:06):
than I used to.
And this took me back to thedepths y'all the depths of
depression and challenge.
And I would say to my husband Ijust want to wake up and not be
depressed.
I'm confused.
I don't know what's going on inmy body.
I don't feel pregnant.
There's this thing about youdon't feel pregnant.
(09:28):
Obviously you're not showingyet.
I was just gaining a lot ofweight.
I was starving.
I felt like I couldn't reallymove my body.
I've always been really intofitness and strength training
and I couldn't really move likeI used to at all.
It was like this immediatedecrease in strength.
(09:51):
So the first trimester made mefeel weak.
It made me feel sad, frustrated, scared, this deep sense of
loneliness that I think a lot ofwomen feel.
And I was reading in this bookthat I'm talking about nine
(10:13):
golden months of pregnancy, ornine golden months.
I'm sorry that having a supportsystem during this time is the
most necessary thing.
I don't have friends.
I'm the first of my closefriends that have been pregnant.
So I don't have women in mylife that have experienced
(10:37):
pregnancy outside of my motherand obviously she's a deep
support system for me, and Ihave an incredible support
system of women who are sospecial to me, and I think that
I have the absolute best friendsin the world, the coolest
friends in the world, the mostincredible friends in the world,
(10:58):
sisters, true sisters, and I amso forever grateful for them.
At the same time, I've dreamedof what it would be like to have
people that had gone throughthis, that could understand some
of the emotional things that Ifelt during the first trimester.
So I felt this deep sense ofloneliness, and that's
(11:22):
completely normal, and whenyou're going through all these
rises in hormones and all theseshifts in your body, it's just,
yeah, your shadows come out.
That's what I saw spirituallystart to occur.
For me was I had this biganxiety.
I felt like my ego was runningrampant Before I found out that
(11:44):
I was pregnant in August.
I was like why am I goingthrough the most
transformational shadow period,I feel like, of my entire life?
I was stressed all the time andthen, of course, I found out I
was pregnant and I understoodwhy, but I share all this, to
(12:06):
just be real, that the firsttrimester is hard and you feel
like I felt probably the mosthuman that I've ever felt in the
last year since my spiritualawakening and I felt like I was
living in this muck that Icouldn't escape and it felt
(12:29):
deeply, deeply sad to me all thetime during the first trimester
.
So that was that kind of likebecoming mortal part.
And now I'm shifting into thisbecoming immortal part where I
recognize that a lot of thechallenges that I was going
through in my first trimesterwere for a spiritual reason as
(12:50):
well.
I think being pregnant is one ofthe challenges that I was going
through in my first trimesterwere for a spiritual reason as
well.
I think being pregnant is oneof the most spiritual
experiences you will ever gothrough in your life, I will
ever embark on in my life.
Let me speak mostly for myself,because it's individual for
every single person thatexperiences pregnancy.
However, for me, I feel likethe first trimester was this
(13:12):
massive shedding of the pastversions of myself, of the woman
that I was before.
It was me as the maidenarchetype, right Me as this
woman.
I was also transitioning intobeing a wife, which I really
never got into the role ofbefore I found out that I was
also transitioning into being awife, which I really never got
into the role of before I foundout that I was pregnant.
(13:33):
So it's like I was having allthese massive shifts in
embodying these new roles thatwere being created for me that I
had created, of course, formyself, and I was shifting from
the maiden into the mother and Ifeel like now, in my second
(13:54):
trimester, I'm embodying,starting to discover more of
that mother energy, thatimmortal energy that the quote
in the book is talking about,and I am so grateful for this
shift.
I needed this shift because Irecognize that this deep muck of
the first trimester was thisshedding process, and I'm so
(14:18):
curious to hear if other womenrelate to this.
So please reach out to me.
I would be honored to connectwith you.
I would be so deeply gratefulto connect with you and hear
your experience, hear yourexperience about being pregnant,
because this shedding has leftme seeing that there is so much
(14:42):
that is about to come into mylife, this new discovery of who
the current version of me isbecoming, who I will be in the
third trimester, who I will beas a mother when my baby is born
, who I will be in postpartum,who I will be as a wife and a
(15:03):
mother combined.
There is this birthing processof not only the baby but the new
version of me, the new versionof Sarah who I am becoming, and
that's why I think I had to gothrough that challenge of the
first trimester to cleanse, toclear, to remove a lot of those
densities that belong to thepast version of me, those ego
(15:29):
patterns, those things that keptme really stuck in that feeling
of muck was a removal, was aclearing, was a cleansing.
So I wanted to start with thatquote because it just resonated
so, so deeply with me, and Iwant to share another one as
(15:51):
well, from the same book, nineGolden Months, that I'm linking
in the show notes, and it sayssome psychologists dub pregnancy
a crisis.
What they mean is that this isa unique developmental phase in
a woman's life where sheencounters the unknown tests,
her fortitude and trust goesthrough a climax point, a peak
(16:14):
experience that pushes her toplumb her most hidden depths and
then digest the experienceduring the postpartum phase,
gradually integrating or makingsense of how her new identity of
mother, sense of how her newidentity of mother.
Yeah, it feels like I have been.
(16:36):
You know, you think about likea mountain.
In Mindfully Moody we use theimagery and the metaphor of a
mountain so much.
That was really our creation.
When we first birthed MindfullyMoody, we had mountains in our
podcast tile and it really wasall about climbing the mountain,
(16:58):
of growth, of awakening, ofdiscovering you and this big
personal development journeythat happens as you are climbing
the mountain and theacknowledgement that everyone is
at a different place on theirclimb and that is so beautiful
(17:19):
that we all get to meet eachother on this climb.
And I feel like pregnancy isvery similar and what they just
talk about in that quote that Ishared of pregnancy, has this
climb, this momentum right?
This moment that you're on thebottom of the hill and you start
(17:40):
climbing and it's like thefirst trimester and maybe you're
a little bit excited at firstand then you start to maybe you
forgot your water and you'relike, oh, I'm kind of starting
to feel tired, I'm starting tofeel fatigued and should I give
up?
And you're looking at themountain and it's really tall
and you're thinking this looksreally, really hard and I don't
(18:01):
know if I'm going to make it upthere and you start to have all
of these feelings of doubt comein and you know you're like, oh
my gosh, I'm scared, I'mconfused, what if this happens?
What if that happens?
But you continue your climb upbecause you know that you are
going to persevere.
And then you reach this pointon the mountain.
That is maybe.
(18:23):
For you it's the top of themountain, maybe, and everyone
has their own definition of whatthat moment in pregnancy would
be to top of the mountain.
But whatever your climax momentis, maybe it's like you're
three quarters up the mountainand you've realized, holy crap,
I'm going to make it.
I'm going to make it up thismountain, I'm going to do it.
I am so eternally proud ofmyself that I am doing this.
(18:47):
How incredible am I?
I am so freaking powerful andstrong and I am a warrior, and
whatever that moment is, wherethen you just enter bliss.
And maybe you don't enter blissever during pregnancy, I don't
know.
This experience again is soindividual I don't want to paint
(19:08):
that.
We all experience the same.
There is this moment for methat started to feel like a
turning point, and it's reallyrecently.
The moment has been really,really recent y'all, because
before this, I was really justfocused on the finish line, and
(19:29):
I'm not the type of person thatdesires to just focused on the
finish line and I'm not the typeof person that desires to be
focused on the finish line inanything that I do in life.
I desire to be focused on thejourney, because the journey is
exactly that.
It's the journey, it's theprocess, it's the beauty of
everything that we get toexperience.
The beauty of everything thatwe get to experience.
(19:56):
And, you know, being pregnantin just the last few weeks when
I've had this shift, has startedto bring to me that the journey
is really beautiful, even whenit feels like it's not, even
when it feels really hard, evenwhen you feel like, how am I
going to get out of bed today?
And one of the biggest thingsthat I've reflected on in this
pregnancy journey as well is thedeep frustration that I have
(20:20):
about our society in America,the matrix, the society that
tells us that, oh, you getpregnant, nothing should change
in your life, you need to keepgoing at the same job that
you've had, you need to keep thesame routines, you need to just
keep on going and the only timethat you really get to rest or
(20:40):
that you deserve to rest ismaybe for like a couple weeks,
maybe a couple months.
If you have a great corporatejob after you give birth and our
society doesn't acknowledge allof the massive shifts that you
experience when you're pregnantand we're not set up to operate
as pregnant women in a societylike this, we need to tend to
(21:05):
ourselves in ways that we didn'thave to tend to ourselves when
we were not pregnant.
We need additional rest.
We need additional support frompeople, and that doesn't mean
the support that says, oh, youneed to keep going or oh, you
didn't do this today.
I know that so many women canrelate to this specific point,
(21:26):
because I know that this is sucha major tension, especially for
women that have no other choicethan to keep going in their
lives at the same pace as theywere going when they weren't
pregnant.
I feel deeply grateful forexisting at this point in my
life in entrepreneurship andbeing able to take a little step
(21:50):
back and allowing people tosupport me, allowing my family
to support me, my husband tosupport me in a different way
than they supported me before.
But many people don't have thatoption.
I've reflected a lot on when Iworked in corporate America and
what it would be like if I waspregnant right now in corporate
America and yes, of course thereare.
(22:11):
Maybe I was working from home.
I could take a nap for an hourin the middle of the day if I
would have needed to when I waspregnant, but I couldn't have
asked people to change theirschedules for me.
That's not the level of supportthat you receive when you're
pregnant and you have tocontinue to show up as your
(22:34):
previous self at a job.
I couldn't have responded moreemotionally in a meeting and it
not came back to bite me in ameeting and it not came back to
bite me.
I couldn't have not shown upfor three days for work because
I was going through a moment ofdeep depression.
So this expectation that we havein America for pregnant women
(22:58):
is just out and out wrong in myopinion.
I feel like something's got togive and there should be some
more structure to acknowledgeand speak to pregnant women, and
I am forever deeply inreverence to all the women
(23:20):
before me who have given birthin my familial line, outside of
my familial line, literallyevery woman across this world
that has given birth.
I am in deep reverence of you,of your strength, of your
(23:42):
compassion, of your ability tocreate life, of your ability to
adapt to whatever circumstancesare in front of you.
I am in such deep reverence tomothers who show up every single
day for their children, whoshow up for their partners, for
(24:02):
their families, who sacrificetheir own needs, wants and
desires to be the person thattheir family needs to be, the
person that they feel like theyhave to be.
This is such a challengingexperience and, at the same time
(24:26):
, the most rewarding experienceI can imagine ever going through
as a woman.
So I say all that to say aswell.
If I could go back and givemyself advice for the earlier
part of my pregnancy and I'monly in the early parts of my
second trimester, but I stillwant to share this I would give
(24:48):
the advice of be kinder toyourself, be gentler to yourself
, allow yourself to surrender tofeelings of depression, to the
(25:09):
fatigue, to the feelings ofloneliness, to whatever is going
to arise.
Just surrender to the momentsthat are coming up for you,
because they're coming up for areason, and when we hide from
them, when we run from them,when we turn our backs on them,
(25:31):
turn our backs on them, theylast longer, they deepen their
claws into us, but when wesurrender and allow them to flow
through us and we cry and weexpress ourselves and we open up
to a support system, even ifit's my goodness, I've seen so
many women just open up onsocial media, create a TikTok
page that no one that you knowfollows you on and post on there
(25:51):
.
Call an old friend that youfeel like might have the safe
space for you.
I'm sure that there arenumerous support hotlines which
I would love to look into toprovide as a resource.
Get a journal this is somethingthat I did that you are just
going to reflect on yourpregnancy experience and really
(26:15):
deepen into sharing these deeply, deeply sacred feelings and
experiences that you have duringpregnancy, because you deserve
to be seen, heard and valued.
I deserve to be seen, heard andvalued.
I'm speaking right now to acamera and a microphone in my
(26:38):
bedroom, and this is one of themost cathartic things that I've
done so far during my pregnancy.
So thank you, as you'relistening to this, for holding
space for me, for allowing me toshare my experience with you
and, if you are pregnant rightnow, or if you are not pregnant,
(26:59):
if you maybe want to becomepregnant at some point in your
life and you don't even knowwhen.
I still think that this is apowerful episode to listen to,
because it acknowledges that aswomen, we are ever changing,
ever evolving, and that is howwe are meant to be, and there is
(27:20):
so much beauty in the shiftthat we get to experience in
this life, and I am sending you,if you are pregnant, so much
love, so much energy of peace,of surrender, of relaxation.
Go, do the things that make youfeel good, and if right now,
(27:46):
that's completely differentthings than made you feel good
pre-pregnancy because that'swhat I'm experiencing Sometimes
what makes me feel good islaying in bed and scrolling
TikTok, or sometimes what makesme feel good is reading a book
about pregnancy, or going on a10 minute walk, because it's all
that I energetically have.
(28:06):
Or calling up one of my friendsand venting and just allowing
that space to be held for me.
Whatever makes you feel goodright now, do it, and it doesn't
have to be that wellnessroutine that you used to do
Y'all.
I do not have a morning routineat this point, okay, and I was
a morning routine girl.
Every single day I got up outof the house moving this point
(28:29):
okay.
And I was a morning routinegirl.
Every single day I got up outof the house moving, going, go,
go, go, go go.
And I worked out almost everysingle day.
I meditated almost every singleday.
I journaled.
I did so much spiritualactivity.
I've taken a big step back fromthat in pregnancy because it
hasn't felt aligned.
It's starting to feel alignednow, but just because something
(28:54):
doesn't feel aligned doesn'tmean it won't ever feel aligned
again.
I've realized that I need toprioritize different things.
What feels aligned to me issleep, true rest, sleeping in.
I don't get up at six anymore.
I get up at seven or seven, 30.
I'd love to get up at nine.
So follow your intuition rightnow and know that you are always
(29:19):
deeply connected to your wisdomand your womb is creating more
wisdom right now than it everhas before, sister.
So thank you, I'm sending youso much love.
I would love to hear from youIf you are pregnant right now.
We have a feature in our shownotes where you can actually
(29:41):
send us a text.
Send me a text If you want tohear more pregnancy content.
Send me what you want to hearabout.
I would love to do more soloepisodes.
I would love to create morecontent on TikTok Instagram.
If you are not following us onthose platforms, go follow us on
TikTok and Instagram.
(30:02):
Now that this is announced,I'll be sharing more content
about the experience of beingpregnant.
Now that this is announced,I'll be sharing more content
about the experience of beingpregnant, how it relates to
spirituality all about that.
Also, I'm going to be sharing alot on my personal social media
as well, outside of MindfullyMoody, so go follow me there too
, and I also want to just dropsome I should have said this
(30:25):
earlier in the episode because Ithink that us pregnant women
really need a break, and I willbe facilitating, hosting,
creating a magical women'sretreat this December and I've
talked about it before it iscalled the Awakened Women
Retreat.
It is in Mexico.
(30:45):
I am creating this with one ofmy best, dearest friends,
danielle, who is also a coach,healer, reiki master,
facilitator, psychic of alldifferent kinds, and she and I
are creating this retreat as ashamanic journey through the
chakra system, through theelements, and this experience is
(31:08):
going to be so transformativefor all of the women that come.
So if you are pregnant rightnow, I will be there.
Pregnant sisters.
I will be there five and a halfmonths pregnant, facilitating
in my best, most feminine self.
So if you are pregnant, wewelcome you to join us, of
(31:31):
course, not too deeply far inyour pregnancy, but I will be
honored to hold space forpregnant women while being there
and there will be a little bitof adjustment in things that you
will be doing.
And if you are not pregnantmost of the women obviously are
not pregnant that are coming wewould also love to have you
there.
And we have a special offergoing on right now for friends
(31:55):
If you bring a friend, you havea $600 discount, so 300 for each
of you.
We also have a giveaway goingright now for about $1,000 off
the retreat.
So I will post this all in theshow notes, sending you so much
love, sending you so muchgratitude, and we will be back
(32:16):
with you next Wednesday for morebeautiful reflections and
shares.
Thank you, sisters.
Have a beautiful week.
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