June 26, 2024 • 30 mins
“Three Essentials to Maximize Your Experience at an Event” provides a strategy to keep your planning simple and ensure you get the most out of your investment of time, money, and energy. Some of the obstacles to event ROI include overwhelm, self-doubt, shiny object, peer pressure, FOMO, and other such distractions. Additionally, the so called “mom guilt” is a common struggle for high-achieving women with children at home. With these kinds of challenges, you need something simple to support both strategic pre-event planning and at event discernment.
In this episode I explore the 3 essentials to maximize your experience at an event whether it’s a professional conference or personal development retreat.
Some of what I’ll cover in this episode include:
- Exploring the relationship between your values and the event
- Preparing for an event with priorities and boundaries
- Planning supports and follow up during and after the event
- Creating accountability systems
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! @unlimitedcoachval
I love to hear your thoughts and I'm always happy to answer any questions.
You can send me a message through the "text me" link on your listening platform, shoot
me an email at valerie@valeriefriedlander.com, or DM me on Instagram
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding (an episode on values, plus “mom guilt”)
Shift from Drained to Motivated (an episode on values)
Silencing Your Inner Critic
How to Get the Most Value at an Event Workbook (on my resource page)
One time coaching session
Exploration call
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
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Get email updates!
Work with Valerie!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Valerie Friedlander (00:00):
Hello, my friends, and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of unlimited today, weare talking about three
essentials to maximize yourexperience at an event, and this
is whether it is a businessevent or a conference or whether
it is a retreat or a self careexperience. These tips are
designed to help you focus andstay centered and support
(00:26):
yourself so that you are gettingwhat you signed up to get at
least as much as you have powerover that at an event, I created
this framework several years agowhen I was asked to put it
together for a retreat for womenwho are moms and in business.
(00:47):
Some of the things that werecoming up for folks is that they
were feeling FOMO, there wasguilt leaving their children.
There was overwhelm. A lot ofintroverts wanting to get as
much as they could out of thisevent, this experience, but also
getting overwhelmed by all thepeople. So I was asked to put
this together to help everybodyfocus and be able to really
(01:13):
enjoy being there and get whatthey came to get out of the
experience. So this is what Iput together. It is focused on
the three things I think aremost important. One is your
values. And this ties to whatyou want to get out of the
(01:34):
event, why you signed up for itin the first place, or if you're
trying to figure out what kindof event to sign up for, it can
help you focus on what that is.
So what your values are, whatyou want, what your priorities
are. The second part isboundaries, and this creates
that container to support whatyou're there to get. So how you
(01:56):
want to show up as well as whatyou want out of the event. So
what do you need to support youshowing up and obtaining why
you're there in the first place?
This is not to say that you'regoing to stay within your
comfort zone. This is how do youstretch your comfort zone to the
(02:17):
place that you want to stretchwithout tearing so maybe it's
self care things. It's alsorecognizing what sabotages you
and creating a support systemfor that. And along those lines,
that third essential is supportor accountability. It
(02:38):
particularly helps, especiallywhen we're talking about a
social situation, to have otherperson or people accountability.
Because when you're in socialsituations, especially if you
tend to kind of go with thecrowd or get pulled along or get
overwhelmed and kind of freezeand do the things or not do the
things, to have another personor people who can help you stay
(03:04):
true to what you said youwanted, that can really make a
powerful difference. But barringthat, also setting up structures
for yourself, knowing what tendsto sabotage you, knowing what
you tend to get shiny objectabout, having that awareness of
previous experiences, or just ofyourself, if you haven't had
(03:27):
previous experiences, what youcan put into place. Maybe it's a
little alarm on your phone.
Maybe it's a note in yournotebook or a background screen
on your phone, something thatcan help you stay true to what
you say you want, or at least tocheck in, because you can always
change your mind. You can alwaysgo, You know what? I realize
(03:50):
that this is different. So thisisn't about being rigid. It's
about being supportive, havingthat container for what's
important. So I have a wholelittle outline for you. I also
created a worksheet related tothis for that event that I am
going to share with you in myemail so if you are not on my
(04:12):
email list, I encourage you tosign up and get access to that.
I always send something outabout a week after the podcast
episode. That way, if youlistened to this a little bit
later, you can access it. So gosign up for that if you are not
on there already. If this issomething you want support with,
I do offer a one off coachingsession. If that's something
(04:38):
that you're interested in, ifyou're like I don't necessarily
need a whole coaching package,but I really want to dig in and
have a focus time to get somediscernment and create some
structures and support and aplan for myself. Then you can
sign up for a one off coachingsession, and there is a link in
the show notes for that if youare interested. In more long
(04:59):
term coaching, to really engagesome of the habits and patterns
that aren't serving you, ormaximize the ones that are, for
that matter, then I encourageyou to sign up for an
exploration call. That's a freecall, because especially if
you're going to sign up for apackage, we want to make sure
that I'm a good fit for you,that we really engage what that
(05:20):
would look like, because it'sunique for everybody. While I do
have a particular system that Iwork with people through, it is
not a rigid situation, becauseeverybody is unique, and there
is not a one size fits all. Whenit comes to your life, it is
yours. So if you are looking formore in depth support, I
(05:43):
encourage you to sign up for anexploration call. All the links
are in the show notes, and now,without further ado, let's get
started. Hey there. I'm ValerieFriedlander, Certified Life
business alignment coach, andthis is unlimited. This podcast
bridges the individual and thesocietal, scientific and
spiritual, positive andnegative, nerdy and no, there's
(06:04):
just a lot of nerdy come onboard. And let's unlock a light
that's as badass as you are.
The first and most important,foundational essential to
(06:28):
maximizing your experience at anevent is your values. Your
values influence what you want,why you would pick this retreat
in the first place or event, orwhatever it is. So really,
knowing what those values are iskey. It also has to do with why
(06:51):
you might feel some tensionaround going in the first place.
So knowing what's important toyou why this event, and then why
that so sometimes digging in alittle bit deeper, asking why a
couple more times to getunderneath the initial, obvious
(07:12):
reason, but why that reason isthe reason, and dig in a little
Bit the three common reasonshave to do with connecting,
whether it's connecting with aparticular person that you're
going with, connecting withpeople like networking. Another
one is learning, so what you'regoing to learn at that event,
(07:37):
and the third one isexperiencing, so what you were
hoping to experience at theevent, or it could be all three
of those things, but that's justone layer of values. It can help
with this exploration to reallylook at what are your core
values, what's important to you?
So to do a values exercise, andI have a couple podcast episodes
(07:58):
that dig specifically intovalues. But, you know, exploring
things like being present,connected, active community,
personal growth, those sorts ofthings to explore what's
important to you, justgenerally. And then look at how
is this retreat honoring thosevalues. So take it outside of
(08:22):
the retreat, and then bring itback to the retreat. This could
be a way of picking a retreat.
So if you're looking forsomething, and I keep saying
retreat, because I made thisoriginally for something that
was called a retreat, but event,conference, whatever, how is
this experience, this event thatyou're going to honoring your
(08:45):
core values. Is it tapping intoother values? Perhaps that are
important to you also, butlooking at, how is it honoring
each of those? And then maybelook at how do those values
maybe feel challenged. One thatcame up a lot, as I mentioned
when I made this was family. I'mgonna leave my family to go to
(09:06):
this. And so that might be avalue that feels challenged.
We're not judging our values.
We're not saying that they'reright or wrong, or anything
about social programming thatcan be there. But right now
we're just looking at what ourexperience is. So taking a look
at in what way do your valuesfeel challenged by this event,
(09:27):
and then what could you do toaddress or mitigate those
challenges? Likely, in thisparticular case, you've already
decided you're going to go tothis so that decision has
already been made. Now could youmake a different decision? Yes,
is that what you're trying todo? Not necessarily. It may be
(09:50):
okay. It's time to think outsidethe box. It's time to think
creatively. Once you pullforward one. What conflicts you
may have, because thoseconflicts can add tension, and
that tension can make it hard tostay present and focused and get
the most out of your experiencebeing in the space that you're
(10:12):
in. So taking a look at what isbeing honored by this, what
might be threatened by this, andidentifying those can at least
bring them forward so that youare clear on the choices that
you're making. And it can alsobe a way to consciously go,
Okay, well, I know that this isbeing threatened, so here's how
(10:35):
I'm going to make sure that I'mtaking care of this, that I'm
honoring this maybe it's just adifferent way of thinking about
it. So again, going back to thatidea of family, I'm going to
this event to focus on me and myneeds and rejuvenate myself. I'm
going to this event to be ableto make the connections to build
(10:55):
a business that's in alignmentwith what I want to create in
the world, and that will allowme to show up better in my home
life, whatever it is. Sosometimes it's just thinking
about it differently, andsometimes it's logistical. You
could say, Okay, well, thesethings feel threatened or
challenged, so I'm going to havethese conversations to make sure
(11:17):
that the things that I'm worriedabout leaving behind or putting
down for a time are cared for.
This can also invite areflection on what is yours and
what is not yours to control.
Are you trying to manage someoneelse's feelings, perception,
(11:38):
experience and if that's thecase, that may be another layer
to explore. We're not going todive deep into that right now,
but if that is something thatyou're like, well, please dig
into that a little bit more,then let me know, and I'm happy
to do that. We can always dothat privately. If you want to
(11:58):
hop on a call, if it's somethingyou want me to engage in the
podcast, then you can alwaysdrop me a message, either
through the little link in theshow notes, or send me an email.
But noticing that is important,whether you have tools even yet
to deal with it, even justbringing it forward. One of the
(12:20):
places where we get overwhelmedis when information is missing,
when we have this feeling aboutsomething and we haven't made it
tangible. So whether this has todo with your values and what
you're trying to control or notcontrol, and what's yours and
not yours, etc, or whether it iseven making a decision about
what you need at thisconference. If you feel a sense
(12:43):
of overwhelm, it might not justbe the thing itself, like, Ooh,
I don't like being around thatmany people. That feels
stressful. Maybe it's well, howmany people usually show up? So
if we can look at whatinformation you're missing, then
you have the knowledge to beable to go find out that
(13:04):
information. And even if youcan't find out that information,
if you know that you are missingthat information, and that is
what is activating some stressfor you. That is what might be
conflicting with a value likethe unknown of this situation
could be, ooh, there could bedanger here, because this might
(13:27):
conflict with a value that Ihave when you know that, then
you can create supports foryourself around that, whether or
not You have the actualinformation. So this is what
leads into boundaries, what kindof supports you need. So
considering, what do you wantout of the event? What are your
(13:49):
priorities? And that might be,again, connecting with other
people. Maybe it's a particularperson you're hoping to connect
with. Maybe it's a particularpiece of information, maybe it's
a particular aspect of theevent, whatever it is really
knowing what are your prioritiesin this event experience, and
(14:12):
then also how you want to showup. Some things might come up of
curious, open, present, engaged,focused. Those are some that
often come up when people aretalking about going to an event.
Then knowing what will supportyou. So you could consider, what
(14:34):
is the information that I'mmissing? So what do I need to
make sure that I'm cared for,regardless of what the answer to
that question that I don't havethe answer to yet is? So maybe
it's like, how many people aregoing to be there? It could be a
lot of people. So what are thesupports that I can put into
(14:55):
place? If it is a lot of people?
People, sometimes you'll be ableto find answers in like a
schedule or even reaching out tothe event planner to gather more
information. But sometimes wedon't necessarily know. So maybe
it's around food. Maybe I don'tknow if they're going to have
(15:17):
food that's going to be what Ineed, so I will bring some
snacks. I'm going to make surethat I have a water bottle with
me. So what are those kinds ofthings that you're going to need
support around that you want tomake sure that if you don't have
information about this, thatyou're creating space for you to
(15:39):
get what you need, regardless,some other aspects of self care
can be the amount of sleep thatyou are going to get. So if
you're someone that I know thatI want to show up with those
openness focused and I know thatwhen I don't get enough sleep, I
struggle to do that it might bewell. I want to be able to go
(15:59):
out and network with peopleafter the event, or the official
part of the event is over, andthat's the important part to me.
So I'm going to sleep in, and Imight miss some of the opening
segments of the next day. Or itcould be, I know that I would
need to go to bed early, thatthat's important to me, because
(16:24):
I know I want to make it tothese training sessions or this
informational experience, so I'mgoing to rest, or maybe you take
a nap. I whatever it is, soknowing what's important to you
and what you need to be able tohonor that, and that means
creating those boundaries. So tobe able to stay open and curious
(16:45):
and present, I need to havethese things in place. I know
that I get hangry, and so mysurvival mode is going to kick
in. So I need my snacks, so thatway I don't get hangry if we
don't have time to eat, or theydon't have food that I like, or
whatever it is. It could alsobe, hey, I struggle to process
(17:07):
quickly, and I know that this isgoing to be a lot of fast paced
stuff, so I'm going to only goto three parts of this event, or
I'm going to ask if I can recordthe training to review later, or
I'm going to team up withsomebody and do some
(17:28):
collaborative note taking, seeif I can get the slides later.
Maybe the presenter that Ireally want to hear from has a
podcast, or was on a podcast,and I can listen to that ahead
of time, so that I'm kind ofalready familiar with what
they're going to talk about, andI can pre plan the questions
that I'm going to ask in thissession. There's a lot of kind
(17:50):
of advanced thinking that youcan do, but also it's important
to remember the post thinking,right? So knowing that what do
you need to do to recover fromthe event? So planning for that
as well. So many people who havebeen to events go right back
(18:12):
into work instead of givingthemselves a buffer for that
experience. Takes a lot ofenergy to go to event, even if
you're an extrovert, it stilltakes a lot of energy, because
it's outside of your norm,especially if you're stretching
your comfort zone at all thattakes energy so preparing to
have a little recovery space, tohave a little collect your
(18:35):
brain, collect your notes,review, follow up those sorts of
things, giving yourself room forthat, which also highlights that
the event itself isn't your onlyopportunity. So it may be that,
say, networking is why you'rethere, and that's what's
(18:56):
important, but you know you'regoing to need a little extra
sleep. You know that you getoverwhelmed by a lot of people,
and you're not sure how manypeople are there. So that can
help you focus on okay, I wantto make sure that I connect with
maybe it's certain people, maybeit's people who are attending a
(19:16):
particular workshop, whatever itis, I am going to make sure that
I'm focused on building thatconnection, that introduction,
and then setting up time to divedeeper with that person later.
So rather than trying to get itall in right, then I'm going to
make sure that I'm connectingand preparing to follow up
(19:42):
later, so I'm building in spaceafter the event to follow up
later. Again, if you know thatit's going to be hard to
process, maybe because that typeof environment is hard to take
everything in preparing toreview. View your notes later,
or catch up with the person thatyou did collaborative note
(20:04):
taking with, and compare noteslater. So not everything has to
happen at that event. So thatkind of goes back to what's
important about this event, andremembering that. Okay, what can
you only get at the event. Howdo you want to show up, and what
do you need to be able to dothat? So those boundaries, and
(20:26):
then what can allow you to makethe most out of what you can
only get at this event, and thenbuild on that in what you can do
later? So this is planning forhaving those boundaries, knowing
that there are options. And Ithink that's kind of a core
(20:50):
piece of all of this, is thatyou have options, and when you
think about what your needs are,what your purpose is, then you
can focus how you engage theevent experience and how you
want to engage that after thefact, what are you getting out
(21:13):
of it? Now, of course, if you'regoing to this and it maybe it's
not a business thing, maybe itis a self care thing. Maybe it
is a personal development thingthat may mean that you engage it
a little bit differently, soyou're showing up for
connections, and maybe the focusis on caring for yourself, but
you know that there are thingsyou're going to want to take
(21:37):
away later. So I know a lot ofpeople go to events, and they do
stuff around mindset, and itsounds all great while you're
there, and then you get out ofthere and you're in the
situation where all of yournorms are present. It's really
hard to take the vibe, thatvibration that you get in the
(21:57):
event experience back home withyou. So if that's something that
you know you're going to want totake some of this may be what's
different in the event spaceversus in your home space. Where
are those conflicts that you'regoing to want to engage. How do
(22:21):
I pull this into my home space?
Or what are the places that havetension in my home space where
the friction piece is there? Sothat way you can make some
adjustments, or think about whatis different when you're in the
space so that you can take itwith you, or at least notice
(22:46):
when you're home where you'regetting stuck, so that you can
do that work. So all of thisleads us to that last piece,
which is accountability, if youcan really helps, especially if
we're talking about socialdynamics, especially if you're
someone who maybe gets shinyobject or kind of carries along
with the crowd, or even justgets distracted and forgets why
(23:09):
you were there, what the focusis, or maybe you don't notice. I
know a lot of people kind of thetime blindness, the forget about
food, who can kind of give you anudge and be like, Hey, you
might want to eat your snack.
This is about that time you saidyou wanted to do the thing. Or,
Hey, I know that you are coming.
(23:31):
You seem to be coming with us togo out, but you said you were
going to get up early and youneeded to be getting sleep. So
what is it that you really wantto do in this situation, like
helping you check in soaccountability isn't saying, No,
don't do that, or you're notallowed, or you said you didn't
want to. It's just being a checkin point, someone who can help
(23:53):
hold the space of what'simportant for you, and it's
great if you can do that foreach other to share. This is why
I'm here. This is what'simportant to me. These are the
things that I put into place forthat the boundaries that I've
set. Would you support me inthis? Would you give me this
reminder? Would you check inwith me here and kind of be that
(24:16):
buddy system that can be reallyhelpful? Again, as I mentioned
earlier, if you can't do that,maybe you're going on your own.
You haven't met anybody. It canbe maybe putting something on
your phone to help you remember,or maybe it is a check in with
somebody at home. Maybe you havea friend that you can reach out
to, that you have a littlereminder, pop up, call this
(24:38):
friend and check in and let themknow how things are going, and
they can, even though they'renot there, help you remember why
you're there, remember what yourneeds are, and check into what
will be most supportive for youand honor your purpose in being
there best. So as a kind ofshort recap, check in with your
(25:04):
values. How is this retreat orconference or event honoring
your values and your purpose inbeing there? So we're thinking
intention setting right like,what is that about? How is this
honoring that?
(25:25):
What way do any of your valuesfeel challenged so you can
engage those pieces of tensionso hopefully they're less
distracting as you go about yourexperience being there. What
could you do to address ormitigate those challenges? And
again, it could simply be havingawareness that you're choosing
(25:47):
this priority in this way rightnow and knowing later I'm going
to choose this priority in thisway then, so that when you feel
that guilt or that pull thattension come up, you can remind
yourself, oh, remember, I amgoing to do this to honor this
(26:08):
at this time, so it has a place,and it's not just like you're
ignoring it. What needs tohappen at this event, to honor
your values, to get the most outof your time and money and
energy. Again, think about thatintention for how you want to
engage the experience, the goalsfor what you want to get out of
(26:30):
it and what will support you indoing that. So to that point,
what tends to distract you? Wetalked about guilt and
addressing that distraction.
Maybe it's people pleasing thatcould also be it shiny objects.
We mentioned that, what arethose things that distract you?
Again, with guilt, ID, thevalues involved, choose, get
(26:51):
creative. Maybe there's fear,those unknown pieces of
information. So identify whatthe fear is. Maybe it's related
to rejection, you know, givethat inner critic as it were, a
name, tell it what you wouldtell a stranger that would say
(27:16):
that to you, and then giveyourself what would actually be
more helpful? What do youactually want to believe? And if
you believed that, what wouldyou do? What will support you
and help you feel safe in that?
So that's a little bit more indepth. I do have an episode that
talks about inner critic, soI'll link that in the show
(27:38):
notes. But that can be one thatcomes up to that idea of like, I
want to feel confident that canbe difficult if you have stuff
around groups of people, shinyobjects, as I mentioned, what
will you do so that you canremember what and why you were
interested in being there orinterested in this shiny object,
(28:00):
and then maybe It's come back toit later. So as I mentioned, you
could plan that later I'm goingto come back to that. So this is
a thing that's interesting me,and you could go back to that.
Why? Oh, I really want to dothat. I really want to attend
that. I really want to go tothat happy hour. Why? Why? Why?
Dig deeper? Is there a way tohonor that that might not be
(28:24):
that thing that would keep youfrom honoring the structure that
you've put into place to supportyourself? So is there another
way that you could honorwhatever that why is, or maybe
when you dug in, you realize,Oh, I already am. I don't need
to do that. That was just ashiny object. And what can you
(28:44):
put into place? Maybe it'spresetting those boundaries that
will help you stay focused onyour priorities and being there.
And maybe it's stayingaccountable. What can help you
stay accountable to the reasonthat you're there and how you
want to show up. Like I said, Ido have a little worksheet that
I will make available if you areon my email list. I'm going to
(29:07):
send it out with my newsletter aweek from the release of this if
you're checking this out and itis after that, you can also send
me an email and say, Hey, couldyou send me that sheet? And I'm
happy to do that. So all thelinks are in the show notes. I
hope this was helpful for youheading into any kind of summer
(29:27):
conferences or activities thatyou have, and I will talk to you
all next time. Thanks forlistening. I so appreciate you
being here. If you got somethingout of today's episode, please
share it, leave me a review,take a screenshot and post it on
social with a shout out to me,send it to a friend or, you
know, all of the above. Want tohang out more, join me on
(29:49):
Instagram, or better yet, get onmy mailing list to make sure you
don't miss out on anything, andremember your possibilities are
as unlimited as you are. Allowyourself. To shine, my friend,
the world needs your light. Seeyou next time you.
Hello, my friends, and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of unlimited today, weare talking about three
essentials to maximize yourexperience at an event, and this
is whether it is a businessevent or a conference or whether
it is a retreat or a self careexperience. These tips are
designed to help you focus andstay centered and support
(00:26):
yourself so that you are gettingwhat you signed up to get at
least as much as you have powerover that at an event, I created
this framework several years agowhen I was asked to put it
together for a retreat for womenwho are moms and in business.
(00:47):
Some of the things that werecoming up for folks is that they
were feeling FOMO, there wasguilt leaving their children.
There was overwhelm. A lot ofintroverts wanting to get as
much as they could out of thisevent, this experience, but also
getting overwhelmed by all thepeople. So I was asked to put
this together to help everybodyfocus and be able to really
(01:13):
enjoy being there and get whatthey came to get out of the
experience. So this is what Iput together. It is focused on
the three things I think aremost important. One is your
values. And this ties to whatyou want to get out of the
(01:34):
event, why you signed up for itin the first place, or if you're
trying to figure out what kindof event to sign up for, it can
help you focus on what that is.
So what your values are, whatyou want, what your priorities
are. The second part isboundaries, and this creates
that container to support whatyou're there to get. So how you
(01:56):
want to show up as well as whatyou want out of the event. So
what do you need to support youshowing up and obtaining why
you're there in the first place?
This is not to say that you'regoing to stay within your
comfort zone. This is how do youstretch your comfort zone to the
(02:17):
place that you want to stretchwithout tearing so maybe it's
self care things. It's alsorecognizing what sabotages you
and creating a support systemfor that. And along those lines,
that third essential is supportor accountability. It
(02:38):
particularly helps, especiallywhen we're talking about a
social situation, to have otherperson or people accountability.
Because when you're in socialsituations, especially if you
tend to kind of go with thecrowd or get pulled along or get
overwhelmed and kind of freezeand do the things or not do the
things, to have another personor people who can help you stay
(03:04):
true to what you said youwanted, that can really make a
powerful difference. But barringthat, also setting up structures
for yourself, knowing what tendsto sabotage you, knowing what
you tend to get shiny objectabout, having that awareness of
previous experiences, or just ofyourself, if you haven't had
(03:27):
previous experiences, what youcan put into place. Maybe it's a
little alarm on your phone.
Maybe it's a note in yournotebook or a background screen
on your phone, something thatcan help you stay true to what
you say you want, or at least tocheck in, because you can always
change your mind. You can alwaysgo, You know what? I realize
(03:50):
that this is different. So thisisn't about being rigid. It's
about being supportive, havingthat container for what's
important. So I have a wholelittle outline for you. I also
created a worksheet related tothis for that event that I am
going to share with you in myemail so if you are not on my
(04:12):
email list, I encourage you tosign up and get access to that.
I always send something outabout a week after the podcast
episode. That way, if youlistened to this a little bit
later, you can access it. So gosign up for that if you are not
on there already. If this issomething you want support with,
I do offer a one off coachingsession. If that's something
(04:38):
that you're interested in, ifyou're like I don't necessarily
need a whole coaching package,but I really want to dig in and
have a focus time to get somediscernment and create some
structures and support and aplan for myself. Then you can
sign up for a one off coachingsession, and there is a link in
the show notes for that if youare interested. In more long
(04:59):
term coaching, to really engagesome of the habits and patterns
that aren't serving you, ormaximize the ones that are, for
that matter, then I encourageyou to sign up for an
exploration call. That's a freecall, because especially if
you're going to sign up for apackage, we want to make sure
that I'm a good fit for you,that we really engage what that
(05:20):
would look like, because it'sunique for everybody. While I do
have a particular system that Iwork with people through, it is
not a rigid situation, becauseeverybody is unique, and there
is not a one size fits all. Whenit comes to your life, it is
yours. So if you are looking formore in depth support, I
(05:43):
encourage you to sign up for anexploration call. All the links
are in the show notes, and now,without further ado, let's get
started. Hey there. I'm ValerieFriedlander, Certified Life
business alignment coach, andthis is unlimited. This podcast
bridges the individual and thesocietal, scientific and
spiritual, positive andnegative, nerdy and no, there's
(06:04):
just a lot of nerdy come onboard. And let's unlock a light
that's as badass as you are.
The first and most important,foundational essential to
(06:28):
maximizing your experience at anevent is your values. Your
values influence what you want,why you would pick this retreat
in the first place or event, orwhatever it is. So really,
knowing what those values are iskey. It also has to do with why
(06:51):
you might feel some tensionaround going in the first place.
So knowing what's important toyou why this event, and then why
that so sometimes digging in alittle bit deeper, asking why a
couple more times to getunderneath the initial, obvious
(07:12):
reason, but why that reason isthe reason, and dig in a little
Bit the three common reasonshave to do with connecting,
whether it's connecting with aparticular person that you're
going with, connecting withpeople like networking. Another
one is learning, so what you'regoing to learn at that event,
(07:37):
and the third one isexperiencing, so what you were
hoping to experience at theevent, or it could be all three
of those things, but that's justone layer of values. It can help
with this exploration to reallylook at what are your core
values, what's important to you?
So to do a values exercise, andI have a couple podcast episodes
(07:58):
that dig specifically intovalues. But, you know, exploring
things like being present,connected, active community,
personal growth, those sorts ofthings to explore what's
important to you, justgenerally. And then look at how
is this retreat honoring thosevalues. So take it outside of
(08:22):
the retreat, and then bring itback to the retreat. This could
be a way of picking a retreat.
So if you're looking forsomething, and I keep saying
retreat, because I made thisoriginally for something that
was called a retreat, but event,conference, whatever, how is
this experience, this event thatyou're going to honoring your
(08:45):
core values. Is it tapping intoother values? Perhaps that are
important to you also, butlooking at, how is it honoring
each of those? And then maybelook at how do those values
maybe feel challenged. One thatcame up a lot, as I mentioned
when I made this was family. I'mgonna leave my family to go to
(09:06):
this. And so that might be avalue that feels challenged.
We're not judging our values.
We're not saying that they'reright or wrong, or anything
about social programming thatcan be there. But right now
we're just looking at what ourexperience is. So taking a look
at in what way do your valuesfeel challenged by this event,
(09:27):
and then what could you do toaddress or mitigate those
challenges? Likely, in thisparticular case, you've already
decided you're going to go tothis so that decision has
already been made. Now could youmake a different decision? Yes,
is that what you're trying todo? Not necessarily. It may be
(09:50):
okay. It's time to think outsidethe box. It's time to think
creatively. Once you pullforward one. What conflicts you
may have, because thoseconflicts can add tension, and
that tension can make it hard tostay present and focused and get
the most out of your experiencebeing in the space that you're
(10:12):
in. So taking a look at what isbeing honored by this, what
might be threatened by this, andidentifying those can at least
bring them forward so that youare clear on the choices that
you're making. And it can alsobe a way to consciously go,
Okay, well, I know that this isbeing threatened, so here's how
(10:35):
I'm going to make sure that I'mtaking care of this, that I'm
honoring this maybe it's just adifferent way of thinking about
it. So again, going back to thatidea of family, I'm going to
this event to focus on me and myneeds and rejuvenate myself. I'm
going to this event to be ableto make the connections to build
(10:55):
a business that's in alignmentwith what I want to create in
the world, and that will allowme to show up better in my home
life, whatever it is. Sosometimes it's just thinking
about it differently, andsometimes it's logistical. You
could say, Okay, well, thesethings feel threatened or
challenged, so I'm going to havethese conversations to make sure
(11:17):
that the things that I'm worriedabout leaving behind or putting
down for a time are cared for.
This can also invite areflection on what is yours and
what is not yours to control.
Are you trying to manage someoneelse's feelings, perception,
(11:38):
experience and if that's thecase, that may be another layer
to explore. We're not going todive deep into that right now,
but if that is something thatyou're like, well, please dig
into that a little bit more,then let me know, and I'm happy
to do that. We can always dothat privately. If you want to
(11:58):
hop on a call, if it's somethingyou want me to engage in the
podcast, then you can alwaysdrop me a message, either
through the little link in theshow notes, or send me an email.
But noticing that is important,whether you have tools even yet
to deal with it, even justbringing it forward. One of the
(12:20):
places where we get overwhelmedis when information is missing,
when we have this feeling aboutsomething and we haven't made it
tangible. So whether this has todo with your values and what
you're trying to control or notcontrol, and what's yours and
not yours, etc, or whether it iseven making a decision about
what you need at thisconference. If you feel a sense
(12:43):
of overwhelm, it might not justbe the thing itself, like, Ooh,
I don't like being around thatmany people. That feels
stressful. Maybe it's well, howmany people usually show up? So
if we can look at whatinformation you're missing, then
you have the knowledge to beable to go find out that
(13:04):
information. And even if youcan't find out that information,
if you know that you are missingthat information, and that is
what is activating some stressfor you. That is what might be
conflicting with a value likethe unknown of this situation
could be, ooh, there could bedanger here, because this might
(13:27):
conflict with a value that Ihave when you know that, then
you can create supports foryourself around that, whether or
not You have the actualinformation. So this is what
leads into boundaries, what kindof supports you need. So
considering, what do you wantout of the event? What are your
(13:49):
priorities? And that might be,again, connecting with other
people. Maybe it's a particularperson you're hoping to connect
with. Maybe it's a particularpiece of information, maybe it's
a particular aspect of theevent, whatever it is really
knowing what are your prioritiesin this event experience, and
(14:12):
then also how you want to showup. Some things might come up of
curious, open, present, engaged,focused. Those are some that
often come up when people aretalking about going to an event.
Then knowing what will supportyou. So you could consider, what
(14:34):
is the information that I'mmissing? So what do I need to
make sure that I'm cared for,regardless of what the answer to
that question that I don't havethe answer to yet is? So maybe
it's like, how many people aregoing to be there? It could be a
lot of people. So what are thesupports that I can put into
(14:55):
place? If it is a lot of people?
People, sometimes you'll be ableto find answers in like a
schedule or even reaching out tothe event planner to gather more
information. But sometimes wedon't necessarily know. So maybe
it's around food. Maybe I don'tknow if they're going to have
(15:17):
food that's going to be what Ineed, so I will bring some
snacks. I'm going to make surethat I have a water bottle with
me. So what are those kinds ofthings that you're going to need
support around that you want tomake sure that if you don't have
information about this, thatyou're creating space for you to
(15:39):
get what you need, regardless,some other aspects of self care
can be the amount of sleep thatyou are going to get. So if
you're someone that I know thatI want to show up with those
openness focused and I know thatwhen I don't get enough sleep, I
struggle to do that it might bewell. I want to be able to go
(15:59):
out and network with peopleafter the event, or the official
part of the event is over, andthat's the important part to me.
So I'm going to sleep in, and Imight miss some of the opening
segments of the next day. Or itcould be, I know that I would
need to go to bed early, thatthat's important to me, because
(16:24):
I know I want to make it tothese training sessions or this
informational experience, so I'mgoing to rest, or maybe you take
a nap. I whatever it is, soknowing what's important to you
and what you need to be able tohonor that, and that means
creating those boundaries. So tobe able to stay open and curious
(16:45):
and present, I need to havethese things in place. I know
that I get hangry, and so mysurvival mode is going to kick
in. So I need my snacks, so thatway I don't get hangry if we
don't have time to eat, or theydon't have food that I like, or
whatever it is. It could alsobe, hey, I struggle to process
(17:07):
quickly, and I know that this isgoing to be a lot of fast paced
stuff, so I'm going to only goto three parts of this event, or
I'm going to ask if I can recordthe training to review later, or
I'm going to team up withsomebody and do some
(17:28):
collaborative note taking, seeif I can get the slides later.
Maybe the presenter that Ireally want to hear from has a
podcast, or was on a podcast,and I can listen to that ahead
of time, so that I'm kind ofalready familiar with what
they're going to talk about, andI can pre plan the questions
that I'm going to ask in thissession. There's a lot of kind
(17:50):
of advanced thinking that youcan do, but also it's important
to remember the post thinking,right? So knowing that what do
you need to do to recover fromthe event? So planning for that
as well. So many people who havebeen to events go right back
(18:12):
into work instead of givingthemselves a buffer for that
experience. Takes a lot ofenergy to go to event, even if
you're an extrovert, it stilltakes a lot of energy, because
it's outside of your norm,especially if you're stretching
your comfort zone at all thattakes energy so preparing to
have a little recovery space, tohave a little collect your
(18:35):
brain, collect your notes,review, follow up those sorts of
things, giving yourself room forthat, which also highlights that
the event itself isn't your onlyopportunity. So it may be that,
say, networking is why you'rethere, and that's what's
(18:56):
important, but you know you'regoing to need a little extra
sleep. You know that you getoverwhelmed by a lot of people,
and you're not sure how manypeople are there. So that can
help you focus on okay, I wantto make sure that I connect with
maybe it's certain people, maybeit's people who are attending a
(19:16):
particular workshop, whatever itis, I am going to make sure that
I'm focused on building thatconnection, that introduction,
and then setting up time to divedeeper with that person later.
So rather than trying to get itall in right, then I'm going to
make sure that I'm connectingand preparing to follow up
(19:42):
later, so I'm building in spaceafter the event to follow up
later. Again, if you know thatit's going to be hard to
process, maybe because that typeof environment is hard to take
everything in preparing toreview. View your notes later,
or catch up with the person thatyou did collaborative note
(20:04):
taking with, and compare noteslater. So not everything has to
happen at that event. So thatkind of goes back to what's
important about this event, andremembering that. Okay, what can
you only get at the event. Howdo you want to show up, and what
do you need to be able to dothat? So those boundaries, and
(20:26):
then what can allow you to makethe most out of what you can
only get at this event, and thenbuild on that in what you can do
later? So this is planning forhaving those boundaries, knowing
that there are options. And Ithink that's kind of a core
(20:50):
piece of all of this, is thatyou have options, and when you
think about what your needs are,what your purpose is, then you
can focus how you engage theevent experience and how you
want to engage that after thefact, what are you getting out
(21:13):
of it? Now, of course, if you'regoing to this and it maybe it's
not a business thing, maybe itis a self care thing. Maybe it
is a personal development thingthat may mean that you engage it
a little bit differently, soyou're showing up for
connections, and maybe the focusis on caring for yourself, but
you know that there are thingsyou're going to want to take
(21:37):
away later. So I know a lot ofpeople go to events, and they do
stuff around mindset, and itsounds all great while you're
there, and then you get out ofthere and you're in the
situation where all of yournorms are present. It's really
hard to take the vibe, thatvibration that you get in the
(21:57):
event experience back home withyou. So if that's something that
you know you're going to want totake some of this may be what's
different in the event spaceversus in your home space. Where
are those conflicts that you'regoing to want to engage. How do
(22:21):
I pull this into my home space?
Or what are the places that havetension in my home space where
the friction piece is there? Sothat way you can make some
adjustments, or think about whatis different when you're in the
space so that you can take itwith you, or at least notice
(22:46):
when you're home where you'regetting stuck, so that you can
do that work. So all of thisleads us to that last piece,
which is accountability, if youcan really helps, especially if
we're talking about socialdynamics, especially if you're
someone who maybe gets shinyobject or kind of carries along
with the crowd, or even justgets distracted and forgets why
(23:09):
you were there, what the focusis, or maybe you don't notice. I
know a lot of people kind of thetime blindness, the forget about
food, who can kind of give you anudge and be like, Hey, you
might want to eat your snack.
This is about that time you saidyou wanted to do the thing. Or,
Hey, I know that you are coming.
(23:31):
You seem to be coming with us togo out, but you said you were
going to get up early and youneeded to be getting sleep. So
what is it that you really wantto do in this situation, like
helping you check in soaccountability isn't saying, No,
don't do that, or you're notallowed, or you said you didn't
want to. It's just being a checkin point, someone who can help
(23:53):
hold the space of what'simportant for you, and it's
great if you can do that foreach other to share. This is why
I'm here. This is what'simportant to me. These are the
things that I put into place forthat the boundaries that I've
set. Would you support me inthis? Would you give me this
reminder? Would you check inwith me here and kind of be that
(24:16):
buddy system that can be reallyhelpful? Again, as I mentioned
earlier, if you can't do that,maybe you're going on your own.
You haven't met anybody. It canbe maybe putting something on
your phone to help you remember,or maybe it is a check in with
somebody at home. Maybe you havea friend that you can reach out
to, that you have a littlereminder, pop up, call this
(24:38):
friend and check in and let themknow how things are going, and
they can, even though they'renot there, help you remember why
you're there, remember what yourneeds are, and check into what
will be most supportive for youand honor your purpose in being
there best. So as a kind ofshort recap, check in with your
(25:04):
values. How is this retreat orconference or event honoring
your values and your purpose inbeing there? So we're thinking
intention setting right like,what is that about? How is this
honoring that?
(25:25):
What way do any of your valuesfeel challenged so you can
engage those pieces of tensionso hopefully they're less
distracting as you go about yourexperience being there. What
could you do to address ormitigate those challenges? And
again, it could simply be havingawareness that you're choosing
(25:47):
this priority in this way rightnow and knowing later I'm going
to choose this priority in thisway then, so that when you feel
that guilt or that pull thattension come up, you can remind
yourself, oh, remember, I amgoing to do this to honor this
(26:08):
at this time, so it has a place,and it's not just like you're
ignoring it. What needs tohappen at this event, to honor
your values, to get the most outof your time and money and
energy. Again, think about thatintention for how you want to
engage the experience, the goalsfor what you want to get out of
(26:30):
it and what will support you indoing that. So to that point,
what tends to distract you? Wetalked about guilt and
addressing that distraction.
Maybe it's people pleasing thatcould also be it shiny objects.
We mentioned that, what arethose things that distract you?
Again, with guilt, ID, thevalues involved, choose, get
(26:51):
creative. Maybe there's fear,those unknown pieces of
information. So identify whatthe fear is. Maybe it's related
to rejection, you know, givethat inner critic as it were, a
name, tell it what you wouldtell a stranger that would say
(27:16):
that to you, and then giveyourself what would actually be
more helpful? What do youactually want to believe? And if
you believed that, what wouldyou do? What will support you
and help you feel safe in that?
So that's a little bit more indepth. I do have an episode that
talks about inner critic, soI'll link that in the show
(27:38):
notes. But that can be one thatcomes up to that idea of like, I
want to feel confident that canbe difficult if you have stuff
around groups of people, shinyobjects, as I mentioned, what
will you do so that you canremember what and why you were
interested in being there orinterested in this shiny object,
(28:00):
and then maybe It's come back toit later. So as I mentioned, you
could plan that later I'm goingto come back to that. So this is
a thing that's interesting me,and you could go back to that.
Why? Oh, I really want to dothat. I really want to attend
that. I really want to go tothat happy hour. Why? Why? Why?
Dig deeper? Is there a way tohonor that that might not be
(28:24):
that thing that would keep youfrom honoring the structure that
you've put into place to supportyourself? So is there another
way that you could honorwhatever that why is, or maybe
when you dug in, you realize,Oh, I already am. I don't need
to do that. That was just ashiny object. And what can you
(28:44):
put into place? Maybe it'spresetting those boundaries that
will help you stay focused onyour priorities and being there.
And maybe it's stayingaccountable. What can help you
stay accountable to the reasonthat you're there and how you
want to show up. Like I said, Ido have a little worksheet that
I will make available if you areon my email list. I'm going to
(29:07):
send it out with my newsletter aweek from the release of this if
you're checking this out and itis after that, you can also send
me an email and say, Hey, couldyou send me that sheet? And I'm
happy to do that. So all thelinks are in the show notes. I
hope this was helpful for youheading into any kind of summer
(29:27):
conferences or activities thatyou have, and I will talk to you
all next time. Thanks forlistening. I so appreciate you
being here. If you got somethingout of today's episode, please
share it, leave me a review,take a screenshot and post it on
social with a shout out to me,send it to a friend or, you
know, all of the above. Want tohang out more, join me on
(29:49):
Instagram, or better yet, get onmy mailing list to make sure you
don't miss out on anything, andremember your possibilities are
as unlimited as you are. Allowyourself. To shine, my friend,
the world needs your light. Seeyou next time you.
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