July 2, 2025 • 48 mins
3 steps to building self-support in your work is essential for anyone experiencing any level of career instability. Whether you're questioning your path and considering a career change, dealing with layoffs, or feeling the strain of unclear goals and shifting expectations, these practices can provide a supportive space to discern your next step. Cultivating your ability to check in with yourself and make aligned choices empowers a sense of resilience even in an ever-changing professional landscape. You deserve to know what you need and to take up space in asking for it – even if it’s just the space to make an intentional decision.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I invited Miriam Raquel Sands to join me in a conversation about engaging 3 steps to building self-support in your work and beyond.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- The tension between stability and self-discovery in work.
- Unpacking career as identity and the emotional charge of non-linear careers
- Finding your way through self-reflection and aligning actions with values—not just external expectations.
- Creating a support structure with awareness of whether your environment truly supports your well-being
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
The Second Brain by Michael Gershon
Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything by Bj Fogg
Resilience Through Unexpected Career Shifts
Leaning Into a Mid-Life Career Change
CONNECT WITH RAQUEL
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Listen to the Unlimited Playlist
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Valerie Friedlander (00:00):
Valerie, Hello, my friends, and welcome
(00:02):
to another episode of MindsetUnlimited - Mindset tips, tools
and inspiration for women in atime of change. I'm your host,
Valerie Friedlander, ICFcertified coach, sociologist,
intersectional feminist artist,mom, and nerd. And today we are
talking about three steps tobuilding self support in work,
primarily, but also justgenerally. And we really need
(00:26):
this right now, both in the workfront, in the career focal
point, but also in the ways thatour career and our life and all
the things that are going on inthe world right now can feel at
odds with one another, andthere's a challenge. I know I'm
(00:49):
feeling it, even as a selfemployed person who has a fair
amount of flexibility in what Ichoose to focus on. In some
ways, I feel like that's evenmore challenging, because it is
a choice of what to focus on,and there are some really
weighty, big, big thingshappening all around us. And at
(01:09):
the same time, I truly believethat how we show up and how we
move in the world matters, andit matters not just in our life,
but the small ways that itimpacts around us. So today, we
(01:30):
are focusing on work, and I knowthat's a big part of the things
that are getting impacted witheverything going on and a lot of
instability and upheaval. So Ibrought on Miriam Raquel Sands,
who is a Career Strategist,communications specialist and
host of Career Clarity now and aday in the life two podcasts
(01:53):
helping burnt out millennialsand Gen Z rebuild their work
careers and self worth from theinside out with a background in
corporate comms, somatic healingand yoga philosophy. Raquel
helps people reclaim clarity,softness and sovereignty without
selling their souls to thesystem. And you know, I love a
(02:14):
good alliteration That wasbeautiful. Today we are talking
about the tension betweenstability and self discovery in
work, unpacking career asidentity and the emotional
charge of non linear careers,especially in a society that
defines you by what you do,finding your way through self
(02:38):
reflection and aligning actionswith values, not just external
expectations, and creating asupport structure with awareness
of whether your environmenttruly supports your well being.
When we talk about self support,one of the words you're going to
hear us use a lot isscaffolding, and we'll explain
(02:58):
that in there, but essentiallyit is that structure by which
both we support ourselvesthrough our own internal
scaffolding, but also we canassess the scaffolding of the
environments around us so thatwe know what level of
scaffolding we need to createwithin us. The tips and insights
in this episode are designed todo just that, and I know you're
(03:20):
gonna love it. So now, withoutfurther ado, let's get started.
Welcome Raquel. I'm so excitedto have you on Mindset
Unlimited.
Raquel Sands (03:37):
Yay. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you
for having me.
Valerie Friedlander (03:39):
I am really looking forward to this
conversation, because I thinkthere's so many aspects of what
we've been talking about thatlike really tie into the
dynamics that we're all verymuch experiencing in the world,
even as entrepreneurs, butespecially those who are in the
job search area. So before wedive in, I would love for you to
share just a little bit aboutyou
Raquel Sands (04:01):
Sure. I am Miriam Raquel Sands. I love to go by my
middle name Raquel, and I don'tlike the word career coach, so I
call Career Clarity Coach, orSelf Trust Guide, or Wayfinder,
any other thing, because I feellike career, at least here in
the United States, people definethemselves with their titles or
(04:23):
their job. It's so job centric.
And I'm not necessarily tryingto help people to climb the
ladder or fit in a box. I justreally want people to find their
path, whatever that looks liketo them. It could be building a
business, or it could be goingback to nine to five. It could
be doing both. It could bejuggling multiple part times. So
(04:44):
segueing to my path, how Istarted, I've been in the
business building careerbuilding space for about three,
four years, but I've been what Ilovingly say, a professional job
Hopper for. For 11 years. I didnot know that that would be my
path, but my background is inEnglish. That's where I have my
(05:07):
Bachelor's, and graduated 11years ago with that and trying
to do government contractinghere in Washington, DC, it
didn't work out. I quicklyrealized it was just not for me.
And so the question became,well, how am I supposed to pay
off student debt? How am Isupposed to sustain myself? I'm
an only child. It's just my momand I and do life with a degree.
(05:30):
So I started freelancing soonafter, and just kept doing that,
and really enjoyed that I didn'thave to commit to a certain
commute, I didn't have to committo a certain company, and I
could kind of create things as Iwent. So four years ago, I
formalized my LLC, and I'm like,I wanted to help others create
(05:53):
their own thing. And then herewe are.
Valerie Friedlander (05:56):
Yeah, we are so much less inclined to
step into unknown spaces when wefelt something that feels like
stability, and especially whenwe have the pressure of feeling
like we are responsible forcreating stability for others.
And what that means, there's somuch that goes into that sense
(06:17):
of stability, and that'ssomething that I know we want to
we want to talk a little bitabout, too, is so much of these
things have created the illusionof stability, right? Change is
the only constant in life.
Raquel Sands (06:33):
Exactly.
Valerie Friedlander (06:34):
And I've always admired people who set
out and try new things. I thinkI did a little bit, but I was
very much stability seeking,like, right out of college,
stability seeking, like, how doI create stability? Very, very,
what I would have identified as,like, risk averse. And then once
I had kids, and kind of, youknow, built all the things that
(06:57):
you were quote, unquote supposedto build, I went, Wow, what did
I Where did I go wrong? And felteven less availability to step
into unknown spaces and trydifferent things, because I have
responsibilities now that meanthat I have to have stability
there. So I love that to thatbefore we go further, because I
(07:19):
that's very much to the point ofwhat we were going to talk
about... What is a limit thatyou took for granted that you
have since unlearned?
Raquel Sands (07:30):
So the thing I lovingly call professional Job
Hopper, I used to really have alot of shame with that, because
all my family are immigrants, meand maybe a handful of cousins,
were the first generation bornhere in the States. So there's a
lot of code switching in ourfamily, linguistically,
emotionally, and so there's thisexpectation of like we've
(07:53):
sacrificed, and you have tomaybe not be a doctor. They
didn't put that on me, but youhave to do something, and you
have to make it worthwhile, andyou have to go farther than we
even thought. Like I didn't evenknow that you had that for me.
Like, thank you, and no, thankyou, because I don't even know.
So with this feeling of, oh myGod, I don't know how to support
(08:16):
myself. And on top of that, thatsense of safety stability, not
coming from me, but my parents,my culture, my whatever it is,
and thankfully, I've never hadto financially support them, but
they're looking at me as thisanchor and like she is the
beacon. So there was a lot ofshame that I didn't realize in
(08:37):
the moment. I was internalizingabout what's wrong with me? Why
can't I commit to something? Whydo I always change job after a
year or a couple months, or I gowherever the wind takes me, or
whatever it is, and I andbecause the media and I think
here in the Global North, in theUS, maybe parts of Europe, I
(08:57):
don't know, it's very much anidentity of what do you do? Not,
who are you? Not? How are youdoing, but what do you do? What
is your day to day? Andimmediately we start to
associate, oh, an accountantdoes this, or a lawyer does
that, and that becomes the imageof the person. And I was like,
if I introduce myself, how willpeople know me? People don't
(09:19):
know me. I don't even knowmyself. And there was so much
shame and guilt on top of thedebt. There was just an
emotional debt, and so theunlearning or the healing, I
think it's just constant. Istill sometimes have that, but
I'm I would like to say that Iam in a much better place, that
(09:40):
I kind of wear it as a badge ofhonor now. And now when my mom,
she's gonna retire this year,and she has seen me through all
of my seasons, and she's like,Oh my god, Rico, I'm actually so
glad you're not part of thegovernment now, and I'm so glad
you're doing all these things.
And I'm like, You see, Mom, youjust you. You have to trust me,
like you raised as much as youcould a good, you know, strong
(10:03):
response, like whatever it is,and and I've been able to see
through it, like trust in inyourself and that you did good.
And I have to trust in me, andit's still evolving. But yeah,
so I'm a happy Job Hopper,helping other job hoppers or
people who would like to hoparound and find themselves?
Valerie Friedlander (10:26):
Yeah, I love that. I also really love
the term that you used,Wayfinder. I know that is a more
commonly used term in the morespiritual realms and whatnot,
and it speaks so much to thatexperience of seeking yes that
(10:51):
we don't put a lot of value onYeah. I'm curious what helped
you step into that or own thatspace of the journey.
Raquel Sands (11:03):
Yeah, I mean, I think I will say I was brought
up Christian, I was brought upBaptist, but I didn't resonate
with that. And so I think in myearly teens, high school, I
started to explore yoga. Wemoved up from southern Florida,
and I was like, Okay, I likethis. I like the openness. I
like the breath work, theembodying, the sense that you
(11:27):
have to feel it in your body.
It's not just a conceptualthing. And I think that kind of
led it was like a seed plantedthat I started to do all these
different self assessments. Idid astrology and like anagram
and Myers Briggs and I took aclass in college that did
strength finder, and it was allabout finding, not necessarily
what makes you tick, but like,what are the things that we all
(11:48):
have, strengths and weaknessesand skills. And so, yeah, it
just took me on this journey.
And so I think wanting to figureout myself in the eyes of the
world in like, Okay, I need tohave some sort of identity.
Like, I turned the question and,well, who am I to myself first,
because I can't know. And alsohaving the cultural piece of,
(12:12):
I'm not from Central America andI'm not from here, like that, I
think always served as afoundation of like, okay. I
think I will always be in somesort of ambiguity, like I'm and
both, and so that havingambiguity has been helpful, in
the sense of like, even if Inever land in something, I am
(12:32):
creating something. And I don'thave to land somewhere, even
though we would like to, like, Ithink that's part of the Western
cultures. Like you have to doyou have to have a goal? You
have to, you know, and there'sthis pressure. So.
Valerie Friedlander (12:45):
Oh, it's so much pressure, and it's so
confusing. When, generationally,I know that you have working
with, especially likemillennials and Gen X, like I
work with so many people who aregoing, they call it like the
midlife career crisis, wherethey're coming and going, I've
(13:08):
been building this thing, andnow have to change something, to
change everything, and it'sconfusing, and it's additionally
confusing when We're talkingabout living in a time of
collapse, creating in a time ofcollapse, building something in
a time of collapse, and knowingwho am I is so key, and it
(13:34):
speaks to something that hasalso come up a lot with people
that I work with, which has alot to do with being perceived.
Raquel Sands (13:46):
Yeah, yeah.
Valerie Friedlander (13:48):
As we do work around showing up in the
world, and owning who you are inthe world and and building from
who you are, there's the dynamicthat the resistance that comes
into place for a lot of peoplearound being perceived so when
you were talking about that ideaof who am I supposed to be, what
(14:10):
do people see me as? How do Iintroduce myself so that people
see me versus see the careerthat I've chosen
Raquel Sands (14:19):
100% yes.
Valerie Friedlander (14:21):
And I'm curious what you run into
working with people, especiallyin this time when they're
talking about their career, whatare the things that you tend to
notice related to that?
Raquel Sands (14:33):
Yeah, I feel like I work with the spectrum. I work
with white guys, I work withimmigrant women who are from
Middle East, like it's aspectrum, and I think the
commonality is a lot ofinsecurity or uncertainty. Like
there's fear. The fear comesfrom different places. So from,
I think people who don't comefrom a diaspora, or aren't
(14:58):
immigrants, or whatever it is,I. Think that that fear in
particular is like, okay, is nowthe time for me to change my
identity. So I had a clientwho's environmentalist and very
happy working with nonprofits,doing grant work, and he wants
to do a homestead. He wants tocreate his own thing and live
(15:19):
off the land and create, butthere's this fear of having that
traditional structure andcreating his own thing. And what
does that look like, and is itgoing to be wanted, needed? Who
is this other white guy doingthis? And like, there's that
perception, I have anotherclient. She's from the Middle
East. Has a Masters. She lovesthe environment, another
(15:41):
environmentalist. I guess that'sa trend, and the environmental
industry is at risk now becausehere in the United States, the
political climate and for her,it's not so much of an identity.
It's just where will she getmoney so she she doesn't have
other resources. She's nottrying to build a homestead.
She's just trying to take careof her family in in other
(16:04):
places, she is a caretaker. Sothe fear is different. It's
like, Who do I want to be, orwhat can I afford to be? What do
I have access to, that I canstep into? So I think that the
this question of the Who am I isimportant because it's, it's
always evolving, and I thinkit's, it lands us in the
present, like, who am I in thismoment, not five years from now?
(16:29):
Like, who can plan five yearsfrom now? But it's like, I mean,
we tried, they tried to tell usthat we can't.
Valerie Friedlander (16:37):
No, not really.
Raquel Sands (16:38):
No, really.
Exactly. And then you add kidsin the house. So my client, she
lives in Maryland, and mortgagethe housing market, like there's
so many things that, even if shewanted to answer clearly, oh
yeah, this is who I want to be,there are things, the structure,
the lack of scaffolding, to kindof foreshadow what we'll talk
about. Aren't there for her. Soit's like, okay, what can she do
(17:01):
feasibly? And that's where it'slike, okay, well, it's not who I
want to be. It's like, who can Ibe? Or what makes sense now,
what part of me? And it's it'shard, because even when people
are starting their careers,that's what happens when we
interview is we're not showingall of ourselves. We have to,
like, act and perform. And so Ithink unfortunately, people who
(17:24):
want to stay, or have to stay ina nine to five, there's this
performative that we just, Idon't want to say, have to, but
we get accustomed to. And Ithink the same thing kind of
shows up if we decide to beentrepreneurs, or, like,
whatever choice it's like,there's the pros and cons, like,
are we willing and able, withour integrity and with our
(17:46):
accessibility to do this in thismoment? Does it make sense? Can
we sustain this? And that'slike, all feeding into the Who
am I, which is a lot, becausethis system doesn't support us.
Valerie Friedlander (17:58):
Yeah, when you mentioned working with
people who are in fields thatare being devalued, yes, and
shifting. I just spoke to agroup of federal workers, and
that was one of the things thatI engaged, was when you you had
this stable system for decades,and we can debate all of the
(18:20):
things about that stable system,yeah, yeah. And when you talk
about having a stable system,and now it's gone, yeah, and now
we understand ourselves inrelation to each other, yes, and
how we show up and how we'reexpected to show up, because
that creates some stability,whether we like it or not, that
(18:43):
we know this is what isexpected, and then we get to go,
Okay, well, this is what'sexpected, so this is what I'm
willing to compromise, yes,about myself, whether and again,
whether or not we should orshouldn't. This is what I'm
willing to compromise. This iswhat I'm not willing to
compromise. How much can I pushand still take care of myself
(19:06):
and my family, if I have one?
And those are really, really bigquestions. You mentioned the
word scaffolding, and that issomething that we wanted to talk
about, because it relates tothose structures. Would you
first explain what that wordmeans in a job context?
Raquel Sands (19:27):
Yeah, the way I interpret is, like, I envision
people in construction who havesome sort of temporary
structure, or it could bepermanent that supports what
will be the thing. So I'mthinking of, if the house is
being built, it's the pillars ofwood. It doesn't have bricks
yet. It doesn't have cement, butit's just kind of the skeleton.
(19:49):
So it's the bones. And so somesystems, some countries,
cultures, have more bones thanothers, depending on the
families we come from, we mighthave. More resilience and
support, emotionally, mentally.
So I think scaffolding in thecorporate space, I think
traditionally, has been HR, orpeople have thought of it as HR.
(20:10):
I hope that it has beendebunked, because HR is not
there for us. It is there forcompany reasons. And I think
this is why, for people who arestill in the space, making sure
that everything is written,making sure that we have another
witness here, I don't use thispersonally, but I've been told
(20:30):
that some states you are allowedto record conversations. And I'm
not trying to put fear, but Ijust think that when there isn't
the bones, the structure,figuring out what we can
reasonably use to supportourselves and defend ourselves.
While there's so muchdismantling happening.
Valerie Friedlander (20:51):
What I'm hearing in that is like also
just knowing, is the structure asupport structure? Is it a cage?
Raquel Sands (20:58):
Yes, yeah. Thank you. Exactly. Yeah, and that's
what it becomes, I think, is,you know, we think that, or
people, at least, I thought I'lltalk about myself, because I
don't want to speak for others.
But I thought that having acompany, committing to a place
was going to be a scaffolding,was going to be a ladder and a
structure of support, and Ithink it ends up being a cage,
(21:22):
especially for people who focuson certain industries like
unfortunately, this is somethingI talk about with my client,
that now she's at a place where,how can we focus on the skills
and not the industry, Notnecessarily the specific
projects? Because now, if thescaffolding, if the bones, is
(21:42):
under attack, then then what dowe have? Then you need to
relocate, unfortunately, thenyou need to migrate. Then you
need to move, be agile, andespecially in an environment
when we're not taught to dothat. Nobody teaches us. What is
your risk tolerance? You know,how open are you to trying new
things and putting yourself outthere that I never was taught. I
(22:04):
don't remember seeing people. Ithink because YouTube and this
influencers things Gen Z other,younger generation had the
resources to put themselves, butI don't think like I'm a 92
baby, I'm a millennial, and mycousins and like boomers, we
didn't have that. We were taughtdo this. The scaffolding, the
(22:27):
structure will support you,climb it, and now it's, it's
just gone. And so we're, we'rehaving to learn to go back to
the creating. When things arecollapsing. It's unfortunate. I
mean, people can turn it halfglass half full. It's like,
okay, this is an opportunity.
You know, we can choose to seeit that way, or it's like, I'm
(22:49):
being forced, and I was fine,and now I have no choice. And
that's, I think, that's thereckoning that's really hard.
Valerie Friedlander (22:56):
Yeah, the choice piece the agency. Did I
choose this? Yes, and that's, Ithink that is a big difference
of whether I feel like I was anagent of this change, or whether
I'm being forced into thatchange, how, how I feel about
it. And even for people who arelike, yeah, burn it down. It's
it is a cage. It's all a cage.
Burn it down, there's adifference between theoretically
(23:18):
saying that and actually livingthrough that and navigating
through that, yeah, and we livein an unethical society and to
survive, there are certaincompromises that we make. And
while we might be like, I don'twant to make any compromises,
okay, and what does that mean,when you choose that, and a lot
(23:40):
of people, when it comes down toactually choosing it, aren't
like they're not going to choosethat. So I'm curious, you had
mentioned about building yourown scaffolding, to support your
own agency.
Raquel Sands (23:59):
Yes.
Valerie Friedlander (24:00):
What does that look like? Because I'm
betting that there are peoplelistening to this who are like,
okay, yes. And what do I do now?
Raquel Sands (24:07):
I know, I know, I know, and I will. This is 100%
disclaimer. It won't be anovernight thing like and this is
something we can talk about itin fitness, because that's a
whole other but it's like, theprinciple is the same, whatever
we start with, it's not going tobe an immediate thing. Like, I
will say in a personal note, Iit's taken me three months to
(24:29):
get into running, and I used tohate and I it was a mental
thing. I was just like, why am Igoing to do that to myself? But
now I have found it because Imentally reframed it okay, if I
walk, I walk. If I run, I run.
But I'm just going to put onefront, in front of the other,
and make it my own thing. And Imean, it takes time so, so
that's my disclaimer, because Idon't want to set people up that
(24:51):
like, okay, Raquel said this,and things are going to be
hopping.
Valerie Friedlander (24:57):
When we are doing what we know is the right
thing, it doesn't always feelgood. I think that's a really
important disclaimer to be like,so often people are like, if I'm
doing the right thing, then I'llknow, because it'll feel good.
And it's like, actually, that'snot how that works.
Raquel Sands (25:12):
No, exactly, exactly, and it's hard, like,
the discomfort piece is so real.
So the first thing I'll say isthe emotions. So what has helped
me is I have a daily reminderwhere any changes. So I'm not
saying every day at the sametime, but five minutes, and
especially if you're in a workenvironment like I'm still
(25:32):
contracting. So I still work forsomeone else, nine to five at
home, and then I built mybusiness. And there are moments
where I in my mind, I'm like,Okay, I have to practice what I
preach, because I'm tellingpeople as a Career Clarity
coach, this is how you show up.
I have to show up in this way.
And so there are sometimes toughconversations I need to have,
(25:54):
but I can have those because Ihave checked in with myself.
What is it that I need to say tothe director or this person? And
this is part of the scaffolding.
We don't know what the structureis if we haven't asked the
question, like, I don't, I don'tknow how much water I need in a
(26:15):
day, if I haven't just evengotten the water bottle or
gotten a sense of my cues. Sonumber one thing is having some
sort of reminder calendar checkin with yourself, five minutes,
10 minutes. And this is thesecond thing you have the space,
but then really, really brutallyhonest with yourself. What are
(26:37):
you feeling? Because I think wewill have conversations with
ourselves, like it's not a bigdeal, or we can throw that under
the rug, bypassing ourselves,bypassing Yeah, and it's like,
well, how are we gonna, like,think, Okay, we gotta step
outside of ourselves a littlebit. How are we gonna create the
support for ourselves if we'renot really being honest or
(27:00):
showing up with ourselves, andit's so hard. It's like the
walking thing, like, okay, intheory, one foot in front of the
other, but when it's in themoment and you have to do it in
the rain and you have to do itin the snow, it's gonna suck. So
the honesty is so important,because sometimes I know I want
to say something to a C levelexecutive chief. I'm just doing
(27:22):
their website, and I need tohave a conversation knowing that
they're above my pay grade,knowing that they probably don't
value me because I'm acontractor. It's a white
dominant space. Here I am,petite, curly haired Latina, and
so holding all of that formyself gets easier, because I'm
already recognizing, like, Okay,this is what needs to happen,
(27:47):
and this is what needs to happenfor me. So how can we create
this bridge? Because they're notgoing to recognize that for me.
I mean, DEI is wonderful, butit's not enough. Like we have to
DEI ourselves, like we have toadvocate ourselves, so the check
in once a day, being honest,showing up for that time, and
(28:09):
then the third step is actuallyacting on it. Does this look
like a script that I say to xperson? Does this mean I need to
block calendar so that my lunchtime is my time, so that at 4:30
no more emails, no more nothing.
And that's hard because we weretaught to climb the ladder, but
not necessarily to be assertiveonce we're in the spaces. So
(28:32):
what does it look like?
Sometimes one of my jobs, theywill just say, Okay, do this
thing. Well, what time by whenwho needs to be included in all
this? And I told them I had theconversation last week. I said,
I can't work unless you give methe template and all these
resources. And I will tell youlittle Raquel was freaking out,
(28:56):
like, who am I? Not in adegrading way, but like, I was
never taught to speak up to aman, to my supervisor, to a C
level executive, being acontractor, like being whatever
it is. And so I had a template.
I have a script, respectfully,you know, thank you for your
(29:16):
time. This, this, this, this,this, and so, and then the
muscle memory. Once we do these123, things, we just repeat, and
we're not it's not going to beperfect always, and maybe
sometimes we don't act on it. Wetrust ourselves. But that's, I
think the muscle that we startto build is like, okay, next
time I don't even need a script.
I already have it memorized, orwhatever it is.
Valerie Friedlander (29:39):
Yeah. So that scaffolding of creating the
support structures withinyourself. And as you get started
knowing, okay, these are thesupports that I need
temporarily, the check in partis so key. And then in order to
stay aligned with that check in,these are the support
structures. I need a script tohelp me stay aligned with that,
(30:03):
or I need to make sure that Itake some afternoon off so that
I can rest and regulate mynervous system, because that
really threw me off, because Idon't do this,
Raquel Sands (30:11):
Yeah.
Valerie Friedlander (30:12):
Having those supports is so important.
Raquel Sands (30:16):
Yes, and then we can, like, build a whole system.
I remember I started doing thiswhen I was completely full time.
I wasn't contracting andbuilding business on the side, I
had in my OneNote or notion, orwhatever scripts templates I was
like at this time, just copy andpaste this into the email and I
automated it. And so there arebooks like that. I think there's
(30:37):
one called the Second Brain.
There's another one, TinyHabits, like, there's a lot of
these self help books. But Ithink without the emotional
piece, it's just systems. It'sjust mental stuff that goes way
above us. We have to, going backto my yoga days, embody it. We
have to, like, sit with it. Andthat's why I say, create the
space, but then be in that spacefor yourself. Because who wants
(31:01):
to be in discomfort like nobodywants to sit with the ugly, the
fearful feelings, but that'swhere we get okay, this is what
I'm afraid of, or this is what'scoming up. So let's gently
right, peel the onion and Okay,so this is what I need in this
moment, maybe not always, butthis conversation will hopefully
(31:21):
be a right step for whatever.
And then after you act and yousee how they respond, it's like,
okay, now I have another signal.
Now I know what is happening.
And now you're kind ofdiagnosing your environment as
you're diagnosing yourself,you're diagnosing the
environment. And it doesn'thappen overnight, like I say,
(31:42):
but it's, it's a routine that webuild because HR won't do this
for you. A work friend won't dothis for you. Maybe the
director, manager, who you thinkis an ally, your advocate, they
might not do because at the endof the day, people I think are
in and not in a in a mean way,but we're all have been taught
(32:03):
to survive. And so it gets tothat place of like, Is it him or
me? Is it she or I? And so it'slike, I need to be honest with
my feelings and myself, so thatI can show up with integrity and
ferocity and strength and peaceand and then send them, you
know, with my as we say, inspirituality, with love and
(32:25):
light, we send them with goodvibes as much as we can. And
then we do what we need to do,because that's the scaffolding,
not out there, but in here.
Valerie Friedlander (32:35):
Yeah. Well, the important part for folks who
might be managers to be able toattend to if we want to build
something different, if we wantto build a scaffolding that's
actually supportive and not acage. And that implies to not
just other people, but toourselves too. Because when we
build scaffolding, it's systemicscaffolding that is a cage, and
(32:57):
it applies to other people, weare still we are still in the
cage too. We are still part ofit, and so to be able to to
diagnose something, we have toshow up with curiosity. Yes, you
know, showing up with thatopenness and curiosity and then
allowing ourselves to learnsomething different and receive
information that might beuncomfortable, and have that
(33:18):
ability to digest it and tobuild from it, because it's all
information about what's goingon with us.
Raquel Sands (33:27):
Exactly. And it's not good or bad. And I think
we're quick to label, but it'slike, Okay, in this moment, like
the Who am I in this moment? Imean, I can only speak to now. I
can try to say, Oh, I would loveRaquel of tomorrow to be this,
but I actually don't know, likeThe Job Hopper thing. I had no
idea that I was gonna, 11 yearslater, do a business built off
(33:50):
of that, and I was still gonnabe job hopping in my 30s. And it
was actually I laughingly butlovingly say, like, I'm really
glad I built those musclesbecause now I literally don't. I
mean very grateful, verygrateful, but I don't, I haven't
attached myself to an industry.
So when I get clients and like,help me with my resume, help me
(34:12):
with my LinkedIn profile, it'sbranding. How do you tell your
story in a way that positionsyou to get jobs, period,
regardless of the industry orthe group or whatever. We're all
handymen. To a certain extent,we're just trying to flex
skills. And I think theemotional, mental skills don't
(34:33):
get spoken of as much as theyneed to be. But like, it's all
part of that. And so it'sunfortunate that most people now
are forced to engage with this,but, I mean, I don't know. In
the bright side, it's like,okay, maybe it's setting you up
for for who knows what's next,because you really, we don't
know what could be next on the
Valerie Friedlander (34:53):
that you're going to put on a resume, but
corner.
they're certainly the skillsthat we need to be. Able to
build something different, yes,exactly, and to build something
new that's more supportive. Weneed to actually know what is
supportive, and not just whatcreates the structures that we
(35:15):
think. You know. Oh, well, thisis what a house should look
like, well, but is it? Is thathouse supportive for the people
who need to live in it, like,what kind of dynamics are we
building when we build in theway that we think we're supposed
to build? And is that reallywhat I need? And like, to your
point, earlier, and I can'tremember if we talked about this
(35:37):
before we started or in thisconversation, but, you know, to
the our fixation are on goalsand getting to a certain end
point, I will frequently remindand because I was the same way,
I very much this like, this iswhere you're supposed to go.
This is what success looks like.
To be able to step back and go,Well, do I want to be the do I
want to be the person who doesthe things to get that right. I
(35:59):
mean, I was just talking withsomebody who was like, Yeah, you
know, habits. And it was anetworking thing, habits, you
know, be a millionaire, blah,blah. And I was like, yeah. But
the question is, like, you mightthink that you want that, but do
you want to be the person whodoes the things to get that? Is
that actually what you want?
(36:20):
Because in this society, to be abillionaire, you have to step on
people, you have to extract youhave like, the ways you have to
be, to be that
Raquel Sands (36:32):
Right.
Valerie Friedlander (36:32):
Do you really want to be that?
Raquel Sands (36:34):
That's right.
Valerie Friedlander (36:36):
Or is that a conditioned thing that we've
been told to dream of and want,for me, the answer is, no.
Raquel Sands (36:43):
Same.
Valerie Friedlander (36:44):
Would I like financial stability?
Absolutely.
Yes, yes.
But I don't want to harm otherpeople in the process of getting
it. And I, and lots of people,do lots of mental gymnastics
around, oh, justifying this andoh, just when I get here, then
I'll be this person. No, no,you're gonna be the same person
that you're being. On the way togetting there. You have to
(37:04):
decide is that the person thatyou want to be.
Yeah, yeah.
Would you share those three
Raquel Sands (37:07):
That's right, that's right, exactly. And
that's another skill that isn'ttaught, is the reverse
engineering. Like, okay, youhave this goal. And I love your
question, because it's like, weall theoretically could do x, y,
z, but is it something thatcomes from us, or is it this
something that we're completelytrying to change ourselves, like
(37:29):
the running thing? I tried itbefore, and I was like, okay,
you know what? I reframed it,but it I didn't change myself to
accommodate the running. I takeit at my pace. I take it as a
moving meditation. I do mything. 10 minutes, 20 minutes,
whatever it is. So it's likewhat I love the what does it
take to get there? Who are webecoming when we get there? Are
(37:53):
we changing ourselves? Becausethat's all part of how we
define, I think, agency andscaffolding and and I love that
when we check in with ourselves,we can, in real time, figure
out, like, Okay, this doesn'tfeel right up, let me take a
step back. Let me assess again.
Oh, and there's not thispressure of, go for it, even if
you're suffering and in pain,endure like, No, I remember I
(38:17):
quit a job four or five yearsago. I was really committed to
this job, the most committed Ithink I had ever been in any
job, because of the stability.
And I was paying off a car, andit was fine. And I remember,
here in the United States, weonly get two weeks paid time off
(38:37):
that doesn't include sick leave,some places do more and mat
leave, maternity leave, allthese other things. I mean
thinking about that two weeks ina whole year, first of all, but
second of all, we usually planaround holidays and try to
squeeze every little bit. So myhusband, I had just gotten
married a couple months prior tothat, and we're like, we're
(39:00):
gonna do something two weeks inthe middle because he couldn't
take that much time off. Icouldn't take that much time. So
we're using our whole allottedtime for the year it was
announced. People knew about itin my job, the day comes, and
unexpectedly, my boss, at thetime, schedules a meeting one
hour before I leave for my twoweek vacation, and my gut is
(39:24):
already like, Oh no, what isthis? Right before I leave, I go
in and she wants to give mewhat's called a performance
improvement plan, a pip. I hadbeen at this job a year and a
half. I had converted fromcontractor to full time
employee, new manager, from theperson who hired me initially,
and I literally cried. There'salways this perception, don't
(39:47):
cry at work. I cried. I bawled.
I was taken so back we had donemy annual review, and she's my
age. She was one two years olderthan me, and I was like, Why?
Why? That was the question thatI kept. Why is this necessary?
Why now you knew that I had thistime allotted. You knew. That I
was leaving at this time, so itfelt like a plot right before I
(40:08):
left for my first in my wholecareer. Two weeks now, I get
this big atomic bomb, nuclearthing on me, and it turned out
that the PIP was because of somesteps
of the formatting that theydidn't like that I wasn't doing
certain periods or grammarthings. And I was like, but you
could have covered this in theannual review, and also, is this
(40:32):
so serious that you're going togive me this PIP performance
improvement plan? And I quit,and I quit that day. I didn't
have a plan for a job. I hadmaybe $5,000 savings. I still
talkingthe thing. So yeah, and then
had car debt, nothing lined upand we were going to go on this
trip, and it was the most or oneof the most humbling moments, I
(40:52):
think, because in that moment, Ihad to make a decision, stay and
endure and knowing that I wasvery uncomfortable and very
distraught, or honor myself,honor my sense of pride,
integrity, whatever. And I chosethe latter. I was like, No, I
don't want to stay part of anagency, a team under a person
that has no interest of creatingany sorts of scaffolding,
(41:16):
regardless of what I could do.
And this is like, okay, no, noreturn. Point of no return here
and yeah and I left, and I'vebeen contracting, continued
contracting, but I say thatbecause the checking in was so
important. If I hadn't, in thatmoment, made that decision, for
better or worse, I made anemotionally educated decision
that I just refuse because therewas no more scaffolding that I
(41:40):
tried. We try to make it as muchas we can, and then we have to
make that decision who we wantto be or what is coming out of
us in that moment. It's noteasy, but still find work. Still
do the thing may not look likehow we want it to look, but if
we're open enough, I think thenthings work out.
(42:54):
rinse, recycle, repeat.
Valerie Friedlander (42:56):
Yeah, all right, well, and also, we know
that a lot of these things arereally hard to do and hard to
initiate on your own, especiallyas you're navigating these
dynamics, and especially ifyou're navigating what is
unfortunately true in a lot ofworkspaces, which is the lack of
psychological safety and peoplewho will drop bombs on you
(43:17):
Without creating the structurefor a supportive conversation
for growth. Yes, you know andthat we need supportive
structures. We need scaffoldingfor those kinds of conversations
that are focused on our growingand improving versus what ends
up feeling punitive and all theother awfulness that that sounds
(43:39):
like it was.
Raquel Sands (43:40):
Oh my gosh, traumatic ptsd from work!
Valerie Friedlander (43:43):
Yeah, absolutely, well, and we do
carry those things forward. Sohaving that, we do know that it
really helps, especially ifyou're new to that kind of self
connection and discernment, andyou would like Wayfinder
support. Where can people findyou?
Raquel Sands (43:58):
Oh, yay. Well, my website, MiriamRaquelSands.com,
has my podcast, my blog, on theblog I have tips and tricks like
this. Everything is free becauseI think having access is so
important. If you would like towork with me, you can check out
the services. I have a 90 minutecall where, if you don't know
where you are, we will figure itout together. You don't have to
(44:20):
come to me and figure this out,knowing this is what I want.
It's totally fine. But if you dowant something specific for
career, I help with portfolios,all the tangible stuff to get
people positioned. So yeah,everything on my website, and I
also have a podcast. So if youwant tips like this that are
kind of Woo, kind of strategic,a bit of all the things, then
(44:43):
it's Career Clarity Now.
Valerie Friedlander (44:44):
Awesome! All right. And finally, as we
wrap up, what does it mean toyou to be unlimited?
Raquel Sands (44:50):
I thought I knew.
I thought I knew, but I thinktwo different answers come up.
The first one for me is beingemotionally attuned, because I
think. And the sense ofunlimited is just this
expansiveness for me, andemotions are just wide and depth
and all the things. And it's notenough to just say I'm sad or
(45:10):
I'm feeling anger. We could bepeople who watch Pixar the
inside out like you could be sadand happy and all the things at
the same time. So I think thatexpansiveness is so beautiful
and important to unlimited. Sothe emotional attunement, I
would say,
Valerie Friedlander (45:28):
Yeah. And when you want to evoke that
unlimited feeling, what do youlisten to?
Raquel Sands (45:35):
Okay, this one, I know. The song is Girl On Fire
by Alicia Keys. And if I may aquick, quick story? The reason
why is because when I was incollege, I did this leadership
retreat called School ofEmbodied Leadership. You can see
a trend with embodiment here.
And if people are interested,it's Strozzi Institute out of
California. He does the guy,Strozzi something, I forget his
(45:59):
first name, but his last name isStrozzi spelled s, t, r, o, z,
z, i, and he brings a lot ofJapanese Aikido, martial art
philosophy into leadershiptraining. And so I had the
opportunity to do one week, butI did it twice for two years. So
it turned out to be two weeks ofone week immersion, because you
(46:20):
have to address kind of like inyoga, your body, your mind, your
spirit, to kind of peel backWhat are you feeling? What are
the traumas and the things? Andthen we come up with a mantra,
an I am statement, I am this, inthe hopes that we either become
that or we strive for it and wethrow it away, or whatever it
is. So in one of the trainings,somebody gave that song to me. I
(46:44):
said they gave it becausethey're like, this is you,
Raquel. And I've kept it with meever since. So that's why I love
that song.
Valerie Friedlander (46:53):
Awesome.
Well, thank you, Raquel, forjoining me on Mindset Unlimited.
It's been a real pleasure havingthis conversation with you.
Raquel Sands (47:00):
Yay. No, thank you for having me. It's been
awesome.
Valerie Friedlander (47:03):
I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you
did, I would love it if youwould share it with a friend,
share it on social, share it sothat other people can have these
tools and support as well. Andif you would find it helpful to
have some examples to listen toof some non-linear career
(47:23):
journeys, I have two otherpodcast episodes you might want
to check out. One of them iscalled Resilience Through
Unexpected Career Shifts, whereI interview my dad and we talk
about his very non-linear careerjourney. And the other is
Leaning Into a Midlife CareerChange, which is an episode of
(47:46):
me coaching someone around a bigshift in their career, which
really isn't that uncommon, andit wasn't uncommon even before
this massive upheaval that weare currently experiencing with
jobs. So check those out andreach out. If you have any
(48:07):
questions, reach out to Raquel.
Reach out to myself. There arelinks in the show notes for
those episodes, for everythingreferenced in the podcast, as
well as a form to send me amessage, ask a question,
something you'd like me to coveron the podcast. Whatever it is,
I always love to hear from you,and stay tuned. I've got a
couple episodes that are stillin the works, that are coming
(48:30):
soon, around empathy and AI. I'mexcited to bring those to you
soon, and I will talk to you allnext time.
Valerie, Hello, my friends, and welcome
(00:02):
to another episode of MindsetUnlimited - Mindset tips, tools
and inspiration for women in atime of change. I'm your host,
Valerie Friedlander, ICFcertified coach, sociologist,
intersectional feminist artist,mom, and nerd. And today we are
talking about three steps tobuilding self support in work,
primarily, but also justgenerally. And we really need
(00:26):
this right now, both in the workfront, in the career focal
point, but also in the ways thatour career and our life and all
the things that are going on inthe world right now can feel at
odds with one another, andthere's a challenge. I know I'm
(00:49):
feeling it, even as a selfemployed person who has a fair
amount of flexibility in what Ichoose to focus on. In some
ways, I feel like that's evenmore challenging, because it is
a choice of what to focus on,and there are some really
weighty, big, big thingshappening all around us. And at
(01:09):
the same time, I truly believethat how we show up and how we
move in the world matters, andit matters not just in our life,
but the small ways that itimpacts around us. So today, we
(01:30):
are focusing on work, and I knowthat's a big part of the things
that are getting impacted witheverything going on and a lot of
instability and upheaval. So Ibrought on Miriam Raquel Sands,
who is a Career Strategist,communications specialist and
host of Career Clarity now and aday in the life two podcasts
(01:53):
helping burnt out millennialsand Gen Z rebuild their work
careers and self worth from theinside out with a background in
corporate comms, somatic healingand yoga philosophy. Raquel
helps people reclaim clarity,softness and sovereignty without
selling their souls to thesystem. And you know, I love a
(02:14):
good alliteration That wasbeautiful. Today we are talking
about the tension betweenstability and self discovery in
work, unpacking career asidentity and the emotional
charge of non linear careers,especially in a society that
defines you by what you do,finding your way through self
(02:38):
reflection and aligning actionswith values, not just external
expectations, and creating asupport structure with awareness
of whether your environmenttruly supports your well being.
When we talk about self support,one of the words you're going to
hear us use a lot isscaffolding, and we'll explain
(02:58):
that in there, but essentiallyit is that structure by which
both we support ourselvesthrough our own internal
scaffolding, but also we canassess the scaffolding of the
environments around us so thatwe know what level of
scaffolding we need to createwithin us. The tips and insights
in this episode are designed todo just that, and I know you're
(03:20):
gonna love it. So now, withoutfurther ado, let's get started.
Welcome Raquel. I'm so excitedto have you on Mindset
Unlimited.
Raquel Sands (03:37):
Yay. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you
for having me.
Valerie Friedlander (03:39):
I am really looking forward to this
conversation, because I thinkthere's so many aspects of what
we've been talking about thatlike really tie into the
dynamics that we're all verymuch experiencing in the world,
even as entrepreneurs, butespecially those who are in the
job search area. So before wedive in, I would love for you to
share just a little bit aboutyou
Raquel Sands (04:01):
Sure. I am Miriam Raquel Sands. I love to go by my
middle name Raquel, and I don'tlike the word career coach, so I
call Career Clarity Coach, orSelf Trust Guide, or Wayfinder,
any other thing, because I feellike career, at least here in
the United States, people definethemselves with their titles or
(04:23):
their job. It's so job centric.
And I'm not necessarily tryingto help people to climb the
ladder or fit in a box. I justreally want people to find their
path, whatever that looks liketo them. It could be building a
business, or it could be goingback to nine to five. It could
be doing both. It could bejuggling multiple part times. So
(04:44):
segueing to my path, how Istarted, I've been in the
business building careerbuilding space for about three,
four years, but I've been what Ilovingly say, a professional job
Hopper for. For 11 years. I didnot know that that would be my
path, but my background is inEnglish. That's where I have my
(05:07):
Bachelor's, and graduated 11years ago with that and trying
to do government contractinghere in Washington, DC, it
didn't work out. I quicklyrealized it was just not for me.
And so the question became,well, how am I supposed to pay
off student debt? How am Isupposed to sustain myself? I'm
an only child. It's just my momand I and do life with a degree.
(05:30):
So I started freelancing soonafter, and just kept doing that,
and really enjoyed that I didn'thave to commit to a certain
commute, I didn't have to committo a certain company, and I
could kind of create things as Iwent. So four years ago, I
formalized my LLC, and I'm like,I wanted to help others create
(05:53):
their own thing. And then herewe are.
Valerie Friedlander (05:56):
Yeah, we are so much less inclined to
step into unknown spaces when wefelt something that feels like
stability, and especially whenwe have the pressure of feeling
like we are responsible forcreating stability for others.
And what that means, there's somuch that goes into that sense
(06:17):
of stability, and that'ssomething that I know we want to
we want to talk a little bitabout, too, is so much of these
things have created the illusionof stability, right? Change is
the only constant in life.
Raquel Sands (06:33):
Exactly.
Valerie Friedlander (06:34):
And I've always admired people who set
out and try new things. I thinkI did a little bit, but I was
very much stability seeking,like, right out of college,
stability seeking, like, how doI create stability? Very, very,
what I would have identified as,like, risk averse. And then once
I had kids, and kind of, youknow, built all the things that
(06:57):
you were quote, unquote supposedto build, I went, Wow, what did
I Where did I go wrong? And felteven less availability to step
into unknown spaces and trydifferent things, because I have
responsibilities now that meanthat I have to have stability
there. So I love that to thatbefore we go further, because I
(07:19):
that's very much to the point ofwhat we were going to talk
about... What is a limit thatyou took for granted that you
have since unlearned?
Raquel Sands (07:30):
So the thing I lovingly call professional Job
Hopper, I used to really have alot of shame with that, because
all my family are immigrants, meand maybe a handful of cousins,
were the first generation bornhere in the States. So there's a
lot of code switching in ourfamily, linguistically,
emotionally, and so there's thisexpectation of like we've
(07:53):
sacrificed, and you have tomaybe not be a doctor. They
didn't put that on me, but youhave to do something, and you
have to make it worthwhile, andyou have to go farther than we
even thought. Like I didn't evenknow that you had that for me.
Like, thank you, and no, thankyou, because I don't even know.
So with this feeling of, oh myGod, I don't know how to support
(08:16):
myself. And on top of that, thatsense of safety stability, not
coming from me, but my parents,my culture, my whatever it is,
and thankfully, I've never hadto financially support them, but
they're looking at me as thisanchor and like she is the
beacon. So there was a lot ofshame that I didn't realize in
(08:37):
the moment. I was internalizingabout what's wrong with me? Why
can't I commit to something? Whydo I always change job after a
year or a couple months, or I gowherever the wind takes me, or
whatever it is, and I andbecause the media and I think
here in the Global North, in theUS, maybe parts of Europe, I
(08:57):
don't know, it's very much anidentity of what do you do? Not,
who are you? Not? How are youdoing, but what do you do? What
is your day to day? Andimmediately we start to
associate, oh, an accountantdoes this, or a lawyer does
that, and that becomes the imageof the person. And I was like,
if I introduce myself, how willpeople know me? People don't
(09:19):
know me. I don't even knowmyself. And there was so much
shame and guilt on top of thedebt. There was just an
emotional debt, and so theunlearning or the healing, I
think it's just constant. Istill sometimes have that, but
I'm I would like to say that Iam in a much better place, that
(09:40):
I kind of wear it as a badge ofhonor now. And now when my mom,
she's gonna retire this year,and she has seen me through all
of my seasons, and she's like,Oh my god, Rico, I'm actually so
glad you're not part of thegovernment now, and I'm so glad
you're doing all these things.
And I'm like, You see, Mom, youjust you. You have to trust me,
like you raised as much as youcould a good, you know, strong
(10:03):
response, like whatever it is,and and I've been able to see
through it, like trust in inyourself and that you did good.
And I have to trust in me, andit's still evolving. But yeah,
so I'm a happy Job Hopper,helping other job hoppers or
people who would like to hoparound and find themselves?
Valerie Friedlander (10:26):
Yeah, I love that. I also really love
the term that you used,Wayfinder. I know that is a more
commonly used term in the morespiritual realms and whatnot,
and it speaks so much to thatexperience of seeking yes that
(10:51):
we don't put a lot of value onYeah. I'm curious what helped
you step into that or own thatspace of the journey.
Raquel Sands (11:03):
Yeah, I mean, I think I will say I was brought
up Christian, I was brought upBaptist, but I didn't resonate
with that. And so I think in myearly teens, high school, I
started to explore yoga. Wemoved up from southern Florida,
and I was like, Okay, I likethis. I like the openness. I
like the breath work, theembodying, the sense that you
(11:27):
have to feel it in your body.
It's not just a conceptualthing. And I think that kind of
led it was like a seed plantedthat I started to do all these
different self assessments. Idid astrology and like anagram
and Myers Briggs and I took aclass in college that did
strength finder, and it was allabout finding, not necessarily
what makes you tick, but like,what are the things that we all
(11:48):
have, strengths and weaknessesand skills. And so, yeah, it
just took me on this journey.
And so I think wanting to figureout myself in the eyes of the
world in like, Okay, I need tohave some sort of identity.
Like, I turned the question and,well, who am I to myself first,
because I can't know. And alsohaving the cultural piece of,
(12:12):
I'm not from Central America andI'm not from here, like that, I
think always served as afoundation of like, okay. I
think I will always be in somesort of ambiguity, like I'm and
both, and so that havingambiguity has been helpful, in
the sense of like, even if Inever land in something, I am
(12:32):
creating something. And I don'thave to land somewhere, even
though we would like to, like, Ithink that's part of the Western
cultures. Like you have to doyou have to have a goal? You
have to, you know, and there'sthis pressure. So.
Valerie Friedlander (12:45):
Oh, it's so much pressure, and it's so
confusing. When, generationally,I know that you have working
with, especially likemillennials and Gen X, like I
work with so many people who aregoing, they call it like the
midlife career crisis, wherethey're coming and going, I've
(13:08):
been building this thing, andnow have to change something, to
change everything, and it'sconfusing, and it's additionally
confusing when We're talkingabout living in a time of
collapse, creating in a time ofcollapse, building something in
a time of collapse, and knowingwho am I is so key, and it
(13:34):
speaks to something that hasalso come up a lot with people
that I work with, which has alot to do with being perceived.
Raquel Sands (13:46):
Yeah, yeah.
Valerie Friedlander (13:48):
As we do work around showing up in the
world, and owning who you are inthe world and and building from
who you are, there's the dynamicthat the resistance that comes
into place for a lot of peoplearound being perceived so when
you were talking about that ideaof who am I supposed to be, what
(14:10):
do people see me as? How do Iintroduce myself so that people
see me versus see the careerthat I've chosen
Raquel Sands (14:19):
100% yes.
Valerie Friedlander (14:21):
And I'm curious what you run into
working with people, especiallyin this time when they're
talking about their career, whatare the things that you tend to
notice related to that?
Raquel Sands (14:33):
Yeah, I feel like I work with the spectrum. I work
with white guys, I work withimmigrant women who are from
Middle East, like it's aspectrum, and I think the
commonality is a lot ofinsecurity or uncertainty. Like
there's fear. The fear comesfrom different places. So from,
I think people who don't comefrom a diaspora, or aren't
(14:58):
immigrants, or whatever it is,I. Think that that fear in
particular is like, okay, is nowthe time for me to change my
identity. So I had a clientwho's environmentalist and very
happy working with nonprofits,doing grant work, and he wants
to do a homestead. He wants tocreate his own thing and live
(15:19):
off the land and create, butthere's this fear of having that
traditional structure andcreating his own thing. And what
does that look like, and is itgoing to be wanted, needed? Who
is this other white guy doingthis? And like, there's that
perception, I have anotherclient. She's from the Middle
East. Has a Masters. She lovesthe environment, another
(15:41):
environmentalist. I guess that'sa trend, and the environmental
industry is at risk now becausehere in the United States, the
political climate and for her,it's not so much of an identity.
It's just where will she getmoney so she she doesn't have
other resources. She's nottrying to build a homestead.
She's just trying to take careof her family in in other
(16:04):
places, she is a caretaker. Sothe fear is different. It's
like, Who do I want to be, orwhat can I afford to be? What do
I have access to, that I canstep into? So I think that the
this question of the Who am I isimportant because it's, it's
always evolving, and I thinkit's, it lands us in the
present, like, who am I in thismoment, not five years from now?
(16:29):
Like, who can plan five yearsfrom now? But it's like, I mean,
we tried, they tried to tell usthat we can't.
Valerie Friedlander (16:37):
No, not really.
Raquel Sands (16:38):
No, really.
Exactly. And then you add kidsin the house. So my client, she
lives in Maryland, and mortgagethe housing market, like there's
so many things that, even if shewanted to answer clearly, oh
yeah, this is who I want to be,there are things, the structure,
the lack of scaffolding, to kindof foreshadow what we'll talk
about. Aren't there for her. Soit's like, okay, what can she do
(17:01):
feasibly? And that's where it'slike, okay, well, it's not who I
want to be. It's like, who can Ibe? Or what makes sense now,
what part of me? And it's it'shard, because even when people
are starting their careers,that's what happens when we
interview is we're not showingall of ourselves. We have to,
like, act and perform. And so Ithink unfortunately, people who
(17:24):
want to stay, or have to stay ina nine to five, there's this
performative that we just, Idon't want to say, have to, but
we get accustomed to. And Ithink the same thing kind of
shows up if we decide to beentrepreneurs, or, like,
whatever choice it's like,there's the pros and cons, like,
are we willing and able, withour integrity and with our
(17:46):
accessibility to do this in thismoment? Does it make sense? Can
we sustain this? And that'slike, all feeding into the Who
am I, which is a lot, becausethis system doesn't support us.
Valerie Friedlander (17:58):
Yeah, when you mentioned working with
people who are in fields thatare being devalued, yes, and
shifting. I just spoke to agroup of federal workers, and
that was one of the things thatI engaged, was when you you had
this stable system for decades,and we can debate all of the
(18:20):
things about that stable system,yeah, yeah. And when you talk
about having a stable system,and now it's gone, yeah, and now
we understand ourselves inrelation to each other, yes, and
how we show up and how we'reexpected to show up, because
that creates some stability,whether we like it or not, that
(18:43):
we know this is what isexpected, and then we get to go,
Okay, well, this is what'sexpected, so this is what I'm
willing to compromise, yes,about myself, whether and again,
whether or not we should orshouldn't. This is what I'm
willing to compromise. This iswhat I'm not willing to
compromise. How much can I pushand still take care of myself
(19:06):
and my family, if I have one?
And those are really, really bigquestions. You mentioned the
word scaffolding, and that issomething that we wanted to talk
about, because it relates tothose structures. Would you
first explain what that wordmeans in a job context?
Raquel Sands (19:27):
Yeah, the way I interpret is, like, I envision
people in construction who havesome sort of temporary
structure, or it could bepermanent that supports what
will be the thing. So I'mthinking of, if the house is
being built, it's the pillars ofwood. It doesn't have bricks
yet. It doesn't have cement, butit's just kind of the skeleton.
(19:49):
So it's the bones. And so somesystems, some countries,
cultures, have more bones thanothers, depending on the
families we come from, we mighthave. More resilience and
support, emotionally, mentally.
So I think scaffolding in thecorporate space, I think
traditionally, has been HR, orpeople have thought of it as HR.
(20:10):
I hope that it has beendebunked, because HR is not
there for us. It is there forcompany reasons. And I think
this is why, for people who arestill in the space, making sure
that everything is written,making sure that we have another
witness here, I don't use thispersonally, but I've been told
(20:30):
that some states you are allowedto record conversations. And I'm
not trying to put fear, but Ijust think that when there isn't
the bones, the structure,figuring out what we can
reasonably use to supportourselves and defend ourselves.
While there's so muchdismantling happening.
Valerie Friedlander (20:51):
What I'm hearing in that is like also
just knowing, is the structure asupport structure? Is it a cage?
Raquel Sands (20:58):
Yes, yeah. Thank you. Exactly. Yeah, and that's
what it becomes, I think, is,you know, we think that, or
people, at least, I thought I'lltalk about myself, because I
don't want to speak for others.
But I thought that having acompany, committing to a place
was going to be a scaffolding,was going to be a ladder and a
structure of support, and Ithink it ends up being a cage,
(21:22):
especially for people who focuson certain industries like
unfortunately, this is somethingI talk about with my client,
that now she's at a place where,how can we focus on the skills
and not the industry, Notnecessarily the specific
projects? Because now, if thescaffolding, if the bones, is
(21:42):
under attack, then then what dowe have? Then you need to
relocate, unfortunately, thenyou need to migrate. Then you
need to move, be agile, andespecially in an environment
when we're not taught to dothat. Nobody teaches us. What is
your risk tolerance? You know,how open are you to trying new
things and putting yourself outthere that I never was taught. I
(22:04):
don't remember seeing people. Ithink because YouTube and this
influencers things Gen Z other,younger generation had the
resources to put themselves, butI don't think like I'm a 92
baby, I'm a millennial, and mycousins and like boomers, we
didn't have that. We were taughtdo this. The scaffolding, the
(22:27):
structure will support you,climb it, and now it's, it's
just gone. And so we're, we'rehaving to learn to go back to
the creating. When things arecollapsing. It's unfortunate. I
mean, people can turn it halfglass half full. It's like,
okay, this is an opportunity.
You know, we can choose to seeit that way, or it's like, I'm
(22:49):
being forced, and I was fine,and now I have no choice. And
that's, I think, that's thereckoning that's really hard.
Valerie Friedlander (22:56):
Yeah, the choice piece the agency. Did I
choose this? Yes, and that's, Ithink that is a big difference
of whether I feel like I was anagent of this change, or whether
I'm being forced into thatchange, how, how I feel about
it. And even for people who arelike, yeah, burn it down. It's
it is a cage. It's all a cage.
Burn it down, there's adifference between theoretically
(23:18):
saying that and actually livingthrough that and navigating
through that, yeah, and we livein an unethical society and to
survive, there are certaincompromises that we make. And
while we might be like, I don'twant to make any compromises,
okay, and what does that mean,when you choose that, and a lot
(23:40):
of people, when it comes down toactually choosing it, aren't
like they're not going to choosethat. So I'm curious, you had
mentioned about building yourown scaffolding, to support your
own agency.
Raquel Sands (23:59):
Yes.
Valerie Friedlander (24:00):
What does that look like? Because I'm
betting that there are peoplelistening to this who are like,
okay, yes. And what do I do now?
Raquel Sands (24:07):
I know, I know, I know, and I will. This is 100%
disclaimer. It won't be anovernight thing like and this is
something we can talk about itin fitness, because that's a
whole other but it's like, theprinciple is the same, whatever
we start with, it's not going tobe an immediate thing. Like, I
will say in a personal note, Iit's taken me three months to
(24:29):
get into running, and I used tohate and I it was a mental
thing. I was just like, why am Igoing to do that to myself? But
now I have found it because Imentally reframed it okay, if I
walk, I walk. If I run, I run.
But I'm just going to put onefront, in front of the other,
and make it my own thing. And Imean, it takes time so, so
that's my disclaimer, because Idon't want to set people up that
(24:51):
like, okay, Raquel said this,and things are going to be
hopping.
Valerie Friedlander (24:57):
When we are doing what we know is the right
thing, it doesn't always feelgood. I think that's a really
important disclaimer to be like,so often people are like, if I'm
doing the right thing, then I'llknow, because it'll feel good.
And it's like, actually, that'snot how that works.
Raquel Sands (25:12):
No, exactly, exactly, and it's hard, like,
the discomfort piece is so real.
So the first thing I'll say isthe emotions. So what has helped
me is I have a daily reminderwhere any changes. So I'm not
saying every day at the sametime, but five minutes, and
especially if you're in a workenvironment like I'm still
(25:32):
contracting. So I still work forsomeone else, nine to five at
home, and then I built mybusiness. And there are moments
where I in my mind, I'm like,Okay, I have to practice what I
preach, because I'm tellingpeople as a Career Clarity
coach, this is how you show up.
I have to show up in this way.
And so there are sometimes toughconversations I need to have,
(25:54):
but I can have those because Ihave checked in with myself.
What is it that I need to say tothe director or this person? And
this is part of the scaffolding.
We don't know what the structureis if we haven't asked the
question, like, I don't, I don'tknow how much water I need in a
(26:15):
day, if I haven't just evengotten the water bottle or
gotten a sense of my cues. Sonumber one thing is having some
sort of reminder calendar checkin with yourself, five minutes,
10 minutes. And this is thesecond thing you have the space,
but then really, really brutallyhonest with yourself. What are
(26:37):
you feeling? Because I think wewill have conversations with
ourselves, like it's not a bigdeal, or we can throw that under
the rug, bypassing ourselves,bypassing Yeah, and it's like,
well, how are we gonna, like,think, Okay, we gotta step
outside of ourselves a littlebit. How are we gonna create the
support for ourselves if we'renot really being honest or
(27:00):
showing up with ourselves, andit's so hard. It's like the
walking thing, like, okay, intheory, one foot in front of the
other, but when it's in themoment and you have to do it in
the rain and you have to do itin the snow, it's gonna suck. So
the honesty is so important,because sometimes I know I want
to say something to a C levelexecutive chief. I'm just doing
(27:22):
their website, and I need tohave a conversation knowing that
they're above my pay grade,knowing that they probably don't
value me because I'm acontractor. It's a white
dominant space. Here I am,petite, curly haired Latina, and
so holding all of that formyself gets easier, because I'm
already recognizing, like, Okay,this is what needs to happen,
(27:47):
and this is what needs to happenfor me. So how can we create
this bridge? Because they're notgoing to recognize that for me.
I mean, DEI is wonderful, butit's not enough. Like we have to
DEI ourselves, like we have toadvocate ourselves, so the check
in once a day, being honest,showing up for that time, and
(28:09):
then the third step is actuallyacting on it. Does this look
like a script that I say to xperson? Does this mean I need to
block calendar so that my lunchtime is my time, so that at 4:30
no more emails, no more nothing.
And that's hard because we weretaught to climb the ladder, but
not necessarily to be assertiveonce we're in the spaces. So
(28:32):
what does it look like?
Sometimes one of my jobs, theywill just say, Okay, do this
thing. Well, what time by whenwho needs to be included in all
this? And I told them I had theconversation last week. I said,
I can't work unless you give methe template and all these
resources. And I will tell youlittle Raquel was freaking out,
(28:56):
like, who am I? Not in adegrading way, but like, I was
never taught to speak up to aman, to my supervisor, to a C
level executive, being acontractor, like being whatever
it is. And so I had a template.
I have a script, respectfully,you know, thank you for your
(29:16):
time. This, this, this, this,this, and so, and then the
muscle memory. Once we do these123, things, we just repeat, and
we're not it's not going to beperfect always, and maybe
sometimes we don't act on it. Wetrust ourselves. But that's, I
think the muscle that we startto build is like, okay, next
time I don't even need a script.
I already have it memorized, orwhatever it is.
Valerie Friedlander (29:39):
Yeah. So that scaffolding of creating the
support structures withinyourself. And as you get started
knowing, okay, these are thesupports that I need
temporarily, the check in partis so key. And then in order to
stay aligned with that check in,these are the support
structures. I need a script tohelp me stay aligned with that,
(30:03):
or I need to make sure that Itake some afternoon off so that
I can rest and regulate mynervous system, because that
really threw me off, because Idon't do this,
Raquel Sands (30:11):
Yeah.
Valerie Friedlander (30:12):
Having those supports is so important.
Raquel Sands (30:16):
Yes, and then we can, like, build a whole system.
I remember I started doing thiswhen I was completely full time.
I wasn't contracting andbuilding business on the side, I
had in my OneNote or notion, orwhatever scripts templates I was
like at this time, just copy andpaste this into the email and I
automated it. And so there arebooks like that. I think there's
(30:37):
one called the Second Brain.
There's another one, TinyHabits, like, there's a lot of
these self help books. But Ithink without the emotional
piece, it's just systems. It'sjust mental stuff that goes way
above us. We have to, going backto my yoga days, embody it. We
have to, like, sit with it. Andthat's why I say, create the
space, but then be in that spacefor yourself. Because who wants
(31:01):
to be in discomfort like nobodywants to sit with the ugly, the
fearful feelings, but that'swhere we get okay, this is what
I'm afraid of, or this is what'scoming up. So let's gently
right, peel the onion and Okay,so this is what I need in this
moment, maybe not always, butthis conversation will hopefully
(31:21):
be a right step for whatever.
And then after you act and yousee how they respond, it's like,
okay, now I have another signal.
Now I know what is happening.
And now you're kind ofdiagnosing your environment as
you're diagnosing yourself,you're diagnosing the
environment. And it doesn'thappen overnight, like I say,
(31:42):
but it's, it's a routine that webuild because HR won't do this
for you. A work friend won't dothis for you. Maybe the
director, manager, who you thinkis an ally, your advocate, they
might not do because at the endof the day, people I think are
in and not in a in a mean way,but we're all have been taught
(32:03):
to survive. And so it gets tothat place of like, Is it him or
me? Is it she or I? And so it'slike, I need to be honest with
my feelings and myself, so thatI can show up with integrity and
ferocity and strength and peaceand and then send them, you
know, with my as we say, inspirituality, with love and
(32:25):
light, we send them with goodvibes as much as we can. And
then we do what we need to do,because that's the scaffolding,
not out there, but in here.
Valerie Friedlander (32:35):
Yeah. Well, the important part for folks who
might be managers to be able toattend to if we want to build
something different, if we wantto build a scaffolding that's
actually supportive and not acage. And that implies to not
just other people, but toourselves too. Because when we
build scaffolding, it's systemicscaffolding that is a cage, and
(32:57):
it applies to other people, weare still we are still in the
cage too. We are still part ofit, and so to be able to to
diagnose something, we have toshow up with curiosity. Yes, you
know, showing up with thatopenness and curiosity and then
allowing ourselves to learnsomething different and receive
information that might beuncomfortable, and have that
(33:18):
ability to digest it and tobuild from it, because it's all
information about what's goingon with us.
Raquel Sands (33:27):
Exactly. And it's not good or bad. And I think
we're quick to label, but it'slike, Okay, in this moment, like
the Who am I in this moment? Imean, I can only speak to now. I
can try to say, Oh, I would loveRaquel of tomorrow to be this,
but I actually don't know, likeThe Job Hopper thing. I had no
idea that I was gonna, 11 yearslater, do a business built off
(33:50):
of that, and I was still gonnabe job hopping in my 30s. And it
was actually I laughingly butlovingly say, like, I'm really
glad I built those musclesbecause now I literally don't. I
mean very grateful, verygrateful, but I don't, I haven't
attached myself to an industry.
So when I get clients and like,help me with my resume, help me
(34:12):
with my LinkedIn profile, it'sbranding. How do you tell your
story in a way that positionsyou to get jobs, period,
regardless of the industry orthe group or whatever. We're all
handymen. To a certain extent,we're just trying to flex
skills. And I think theemotional, mental skills don't
(34:33):
get spoken of as much as theyneed to be. But like, it's all
part of that. And so it'sunfortunate that most people now
are forced to engage with this,but, I mean, I don't know. In
the bright side, it's like,okay, maybe it's setting you up
for for who knows what's next,because you really, we don't
know what could be next on the
Valerie Friedlander (34:53):
that you're going to put on a resume, but
corner.
they're certainly the skillsthat we need to be. Able to
build something different, yes,exactly, and to build something
new that's more supportive. Weneed to actually know what is
supportive, and not just whatcreates the structures that we
(35:15):
think. You know. Oh, well, thisis what a house should look
like, well, but is it? Is thathouse supportive for the people
who need to live in it, like,what kind of dynamics are we
building when we build in theway that we think we're supposed
to build? And is that reallywhat I need? And like, to your
point, earlier, and I can'tremember if we talked about this
(35:37):
before we started or in thisconversation, but, you know, to
the our fixation are on goalsand getting to a certain end
point, I will frequently remindand because I was the same way,
I very much this like, this iswhere you're supposed to go.
This is what success looks like.
To be able to step back and go,Well, do I want to be the do I
want to be the person who doesthe things to get that right. I
(35:59):
mean, I was just talking withsomebody who was like, Yeah, you
know, habits. And it was anetworking thing, habits, you
know, be a millionaire, blah,blah. And I was like, yeah. But
the question is, like, you mightthink that you want that, but do
you want to be the person whodoes the things to get that? Is
that actually what you want?
(36:20):
Because in this society, to be abillionaire, you have to step on
people, you have to extract youhave like, the ways you have to
be, to be that
Raquel Sands (36:32):
Right.
Valerie Friedlander (36:32):
Do you really want to be that?
Raquel Sands (36:34):
That's right.
Valerie Friedlander (36:36):
Or is that a conditioned thing that we've
been told to dream of and want,for me, the answer is, no.
Raquel Sands (36:43):
Same.
Valerie Friedlander (36:44):
Would I like financial stability?
Absolutely.
Yes, yes.
But I don't want to harm otherpeople in the process of getting
it. And I, and lots of people,do lots of mental gymnastics
around, oh, justifying this andoh, just when I get here, then
I'll be this person. No, no,you're gonna be the same person
that you're being. On the way togetting there. You have to
(37:04):
decide is that the person thatyou want to be.
Yeah, yeah.
Would you share those three
Raquel Sands (37:07):
That's right, that's right, exactly. And
that's another skill that isn'ttaught, is the reverse
engineering. Like, okay, youhave this goal. And I love your
question, because it's like, weall theoretically could do x, y,
z, but is it something thatcomes from us, or is it this
something that we're completelytrying to change ourselves, like
(37:29):
the running thing? I tried itbefore, and I was like, okay,
you know what? I reframed it,but it I didn't change myself to
accommodate the running. I takeit at my pace. I take it as a
moving meditation. I do mything. 10 minutes, 20 minutes,
whatever it is. So it's likewhat I love the what does it
take to get there? Who are webecoming when we get there? Are
(37:53):
we changing ourselves? Becausethat's all part of how we
define, I think, agency andscaffolding and and I love that
when we check in with ourselves,we can, in real time, figure
out, like, Okay, this doesn'tfeel right up, let me take a
step back. Let me assess again.
Oh, and there's not thispressure of, go for it, even if
you're suffering and in pain,endure like, No, I remember I
(38:17):
quit a job four or five yearsago. I was really committed to
this job, the most committed Ithink I had ever been in any
job, because of the stability.
And I was paying off a car, andit was fine. And I remember,
here in the United States, weonly get two weeks paid time off
(38:37):
that doesn't include sick leave,some places do more and mat
leave, maternity leave, allthese other things. I mean
thinking about that two weeks ina whole year, first of all, but
second of all, we usually planaround holidays and try to
squeeze every little bit. So myhusband, I had just gotten
married a couple months prior tothat, and we're like, we're
(39:00):
gonna do something two weeks inthe middle because he couldn't
take that much time off. Icouldn't take that much time. So
we're using our whole allottedtime for the year it was
announced. People knew about itin my job, the day comes, and
unexpectedly, my boss, at thetime, schedules a meeting one
hour before I leave for my twoweek vacation, and my gut is
(39:24):
already like, Oh no, what isthis? Right before I leave, I go
in and she wants to give mewhat's called a performance
improvement plan, a pip. I hadbeen at this job a year and a
half. I had converted fromcontractor to full time
employee, new manager, from theperson who hired me initially,
and I literally cried. There'salways this perception, don't
(39:47):
cry at work. I cried. I bawled.
I was taken so back we had donemy annual review, and she's my
age. She was one two years olderthan me, and I was like, Why?
Why? That was the question thatI kept. Why is this necessary?
Why now you knew that I had thistime allotted. You knew. That I
was leaving at this time, so itfelt like a plot right before I
(40:08):
left for my first in my wholecareer. Two weeks now, I get
this big atomic bomb, nuclearthing on me, and it turned out
that the PIP was because of somesteps
of the formatting that theydidn't like that I wasn't doing
certain periods or grammarthings. And I was like, but you
could have covered this in theannual review, and also, is this
(40:32):
so serious that you're going togive me this PIP performance
improvement plan? And I quit,and I quit that day. I didn't
have a plan for a job. I hadmaybe $5,000 savings. I still
talkingthe thing. So yeah, and then
had car debt, nothing lined upand we were going to go on this
trip, and it was the most or oneof the most humbling moments, I
(40:52):
think, because in that moment, Ihad to make a decision, stay and
endure and knowing that I wasvery uncomfortable and very
distraught, or honor myself,honor my sense of pride,
integrity, whatever. And I chosethe latter. I was like, No, I
don't want to stay part of anagency, a team under a person
that has no interest of creatingany sorts of scaffolding,
(41:16):
regardless of what I could do.
And this is like, okay, no, noreturn. Point of no return here
and yeah and I left, and I'vebeen contracting, continued
contracting, but I say thatbecause the checking in was so
important. If I hadn't, in thatmoment, made that decision, for
better or worse, I made anemotionally educated decision
that I just refuse because therewas no more scaffolding that I
(41:40):
tried. We try to make it as muchas we can, and then we have to
make that decision who we wantto be or what is coming out of
us in that moment. It's noteasy, but still find work. Still
do the thing may not look likehow we want it to look, but if
we're open enough, I think thenthings work out.
(42:54):
rinse, recycle, repeat.
Valerie Friedlander (42:56):
Yeah, all right, well, and also, we know
that a lot of these things arereally hard to do and hard to
initiate on your own, especiallyas you're navigating these
dynamics, and especially ifyou're navigating what is
unfortunately true in a lot ofworkspaces, which is the lack of
psychological safety and peoplewho will drop bombs on you
(43:17):
Without creating the structurefor a supportive conversation
for growth. Yes, you know andthat we need supportive
structures. We need scaffoldingfor those kinds of conversations
that are focused on our growingand improving versus what ends
up feeling punitive and all theother awfulness that that sounds
(43:39):
like it was.
Raquel Sands (43:40):
Oh my gosh, traumatic ptsd from work!
Valerie Friedlander (43:43):
Yeah, absolutely, well, and we do
carry those things forward. Sohaving that, we do know that it
really helps, especially ifyou're new to that kind of self
connection and discernment, andyou would like Wayfinder
support. Where can people findyou?
Raquel Sands (43:58):
Oh, yay. Well, my website, MiriamRaquelSands.com,
has my podcast, my blog, on theblog I have tips and tricks like
this. Everything is free becauseI think having access is so
important. If you would like towork with me, you can check out
the services. I have a 90 minutecall where, if you don't know
where you are, we will figure itout together. You don't have to
(44:20):
come to me and figure this out,knowing this is what I want.
It's totally fine. But if you dowant something specific for
career, I help with portfolios,all the tangible stuff to get
people positioned. So yeah,everything on my website, and I
also have a podcast. So if youwant tips like this that are
kind of Woo, kind of strategic,a bit of all the things, then
(44:43):
it's Career Clarity Now.
Valerie Friedlander (44:44):
Awesome! All right. And finally, as we
wrap up, what does it mean toyou to be unlimited?
Raquel Sands (44:50):
I thought I knew.
I thought I knew, but I thinktwo different answers come up.
The first one for me is beingemotionally attuned, because I
think. And the sense ofunlimited is just this
expansiveness for me, andemotions are just wide and depth
and all the things. And it's notenough to just say I'm sad or
(45:10):
I'm feeling anger. We could bepeople who watch Pixar the
inside out like you could be sadand happy and all the things at
the same time. So I think thatexpansiveness is so beautiful
and important to unlimited. Sothe emotional attunement, I
would say,
Valerie Friedlander (45:28):
Yeah. And when you want to evoke that
unlimited feeling, what do youlisten to?
Raquel Sands (45:35):
Okay, this one, I know. The song is Girl On Fire
by Alicia Keys. And if I may aquick, quick story? The reason
why is because when I was incollege, I did this leadership
retreat called School ofEmbodied Leadership. You can see
a trend with embodiment here.
And if people are interested,it's Strozzi Institute out of
California. He does the guy,Strozzi something, I forget his
(45:59):
first name, but his last name isStrozzi spelled s, t, r, o, z,
z, i, and he brings a lot ofJapanese Aikido, martial art
philosophy into leadershiptraining. And so I had the
opportunity to do one week, butI did it twice for two years. So
it turned out to be two weeks ofone week immersion, because you
(46:20):
have to address kind of like inyoga, your body, your mind, your
spirit, to kind of peel backWhat are you feeling? What are
the traumas and the things? Andthen we come up with a mantra,
an I am statement, I am this, inthe hopes that we either become
that or we strive for it and wethrow it away, or whatever it
is. So in one of the trainings,somebody gave that song to me. I
(46:44):
said they gave it becausethey're like, this is you,
Raquel. And I've kept it with meever since. So that's why I love
that song.
Valerie Friedlander (46:53):
Awesome.
Well, thank you, Raquel, forjoining me on Mindset Unlimited.
It's been a real pleasure havingthis conversation with you.
Raquel Sands (47:00):
Yay. No, thank you for having me. It's been
awesome.
Valerie Friedlander (47:03):
I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you
did, I would love it if youwould share it with a friend,
share it on social, share it sothat other people can have these
tools and support as well. Andif you would find it helpful to
have some examples to listen toof some non-linear career
(47:23):
journeys, I have two otherpodcast episodes you might want
to check out. One of them iscalled Resilience Through
Unexpected Career Shifts, whereI interview my dad and we talk
about his very non-linear careerjourney. And the other is
Leaning Into a Midlife CareerChange, which is an episode of
(47:46):
me coaching someone around a bigshift in their career, which
really isn't that uncommon, andit wasn't uncommon even before
this massive upheaval that weare currently experiencing with
jobs. So check those out andreach out. If you have any
(48:07):
questions, reach out to Raquel.
Reach out to myself. There arelinks in the show notes for
those episodes, for everythingreferenced in the podcast, as
well as a form to send me amessage, ask a question,
something you'd like me to coveron the podcast. Whatever it is,
I always love to hear from you,and stay tuned. I've got a
couple episodes that are stillin the works, that are coming
(48:30):
soon, around empathy and AI. I'mexcited to bring those to you
soon, and I will talk to you allnext time.
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