June 18, 2025 • 43 mins
How to Avoid Overwhelm and Access Joy in a Time of Change begins with recognizing our shared human struggle to maintain emotional equilibrium during turbulent periods. The journey involves understanding that our stress responses are natural support mechanisms, not personal failures, and learning to engage them with compassion and intentionality. By embracing our nervous system's signals and creating flexible, value-aligned routines, we can transform overwhelming experiences into opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Connecting with our inner landscape and broader ecosystems allows us to move beyond survival mode, accessing deeper reservoirs of resilience and joy that aren't dependent on external circumstances. This approach isn't about achieving some mythically perfect calm, but about cultivating a compassionate relationship with ourselves that honors our shared humanity and supports our capacity to show up authentically in a complex world.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I explore how to avoid overwhelm and access joy in a time of change through embodied empowerment rather than toxic positivity.
Some of what I explore in this episode includes:
- The difference between disassociating and self-care
- The role of your stress response and how you can respond to it.
- Making space for rest and recharging
- Schedule changes, to do lists, and creating routines that support you
- Connecting to an ecosystem for social change (because it can’t just be you)
LINKS TO EPISODES REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE:
7 Ways to Relax this Summer and Beyond
How to Create a Schedule that Works for You
Embracing Periods of Reflection
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Valarie Kaur speech clip on Instagram
Social Change Now: A Guide for Reflection and Connection by Deepa Iyer
Deepa Iyer Substack article: Grieve, Connect, Act, Reflect, Correct. (Repeat)
Valerie’s “Social Change Now” Study Group interest form
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
Apply to be coached on the podcast
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, my friends, and welcome to another episode
of Mindset Unlimited Mindsettips, tools and inspiration for
women in a time of change.
I'm your host, valerieFriedlander, icf-certified coach
, sociologist, intersectionalfeminist, artist, mom and nerd.
Today, we are talking about howto avoid overwhelm and access
(00:21):
joy in a time of crisis.
I wanted to talk about thisbecause, obviously, we are
navigating some unprecedentedtimes.
There is a lot going on.
Now.
I'm not going to get into allthe things that are going on and
I really wanted to make surethat I made some space for them.
(00:44):
I have several other episodesthat are kind of lined up
waiting to come to you, and thisjust felt particularly
important because I'm hearing alot of people struggling with
what to do, doing too much,doing too little, feeling
overwhelmed, and a questionthat's been coming up for me has
(01:08):
been how do I experience,embrace, invite joy in my life
right now without checking outof what's going on, or worrying
or feeling like I'm checking outor normalizing what's happening
(01:30):
?
How do I stay present to thosethings and recognizing that it
can be so overwhelming,everything that's happening and
that's part of the point rightTo be bombarded with so much
that we freeze, that our freezeresponse activates or our fight
response activates, and we thenbuy into dehumanizing other
(01:51):
people in the effort to createsafety when things are so
volatile and feel so unsafe andthere are real threats to people
happening and we don't want tobuy into that dehumanizing when
being dehumanized and thenturning around and dehumanizing
(02:12):
others.
And how do you do that whenyour survival mode is getting
kicked into gear and embracelife and do all of the things,
not to mention if we are innormal quote unquote normal
times?
We're navigating the summertransition.
(02:32):
For those of you who areparents and have kids in school,
and going from school to summerschedule and schedule overwhelm
which I know for a lot ofpeople over the past 10 years of
doing this work, thattransition feels overwhelming
and stressful to a lot of people.
So there's like normal life, asit were, and then there's like
(02:53):
all the other things going onand it's just so much.
How do we navigate this?
I have thoughts, I have tools,I have things that I wanted to
share and I just wanted to makesome space for that.
So that's what this episode is.
(03:13):
We're going to be talking alittle bit about the difference
between disassociating andself-care, making space for rest
and recharging, creating asupportive routine schedule,
some sort of grounding,navigating the stress response
and connecting to an ecosystem,which I think is really key to
(03:38):
all of this.
And it is also very muchoutside of what we are familiar
with and used to doing for manyof us, because that's just not a
society we have lived in.
So that's what this episode isall about.
I invite your questions, yourcomments.
This is something that I don'thave all the answers to.
(04:00):
I have, as I said, thoughts,ideas, tools, hopefully some
inspiration to share with you,and I would love to know what is
supporting you, what is workingfor you, what do you find
yourself doing?
If you would care to share,please reach out.
There are many ways of doingthat and they're all in the show
notes, pretty much, so you canfind them there.
(04:22):
And then the other thing isthat one of the things I'm going
to talk about is thatconnecting to an ecosystem, and
I am considering puttingtogether a study group for the
book or workbook, social changenow a guide for reflection and
connection by Deepa Iyer, andI'm going to have a link to sign
(04:42):
up for interest in that.
So it's not saying yes, you'regoing to do it, it's signing up
for interest to do this studygroup and I'll have more
information.
But I just I wanted to gaugehow many people might be
interested in doing that beforeI really fleshed out what it
would be and how we would do it.
So if you're interested there'sa link in the show notes.
(05:03):
Please sign up and let me knowand I will be in touch with more
information.
And now, without further ado,let's get started.
Let's talk a little bit aboutoverwhelm.
Overwhelm is a normal responsewhen something feels bigger than
(05:25):
you.
So overwhelm is this turninginward, it's kind of a freeze
response because there issomething that feels bigger than
you and it's dangerous.
So we freeze up and we're notsure what to do.
So it might look like spinningin your head, rumination,
(05:47):
multiple ideas and so likeanalysis, paralysis sort of
thing, those sorts of thingswhere you're just you're not
sure what to do.
And so what we do to addressoverwhelm is to.
What we do to address overwhelmis to right-size something
(06:10):
sometimes, because sometimessomething feels bigger than us
and it actually isn't.
It just is activating somethingin us that's sending off
dangerous signals, and sometimesit is bigger than us.
(06:33):
One of the important thingsabout doing work in yourself is
to be able to sense and findrest, find a calm in your
nervous system.
So to be able to do the healingwork to deactivate the
over-activation of your nervoussystem allows you then to be
able to know when are you safeand when are you not safe.
Because if your nervous systemis always activating or
hyperactivating, you are notgoing to know the difference
(06:54):
between when you're safe andwhen you're not safe.
And that can actually be moredangerous, because if you're not
sure when you actually aren'tsafe or like everything is
dangerous or too many things aredangerous, then that sense,
that awareness, is muted.
So when things are actuallydangerous, that is harder to
(07:18):
tell, because everything feelsdangerous, or too many things
feel dangerous feels dangerousor too many things feel
dangerous.
So doing that work to engageyour nervous system and the
healing around that is reallyimportant.
Now there are a lot of thingsgoing on that are way bigger
than any one individual person,and so when we are on our own,
(07:40):
feeling overwhelmed in ourcurrent situation is a natural
response to have.
So it's not necessarily aboutright-sizing it, it's about
connecting to what we do havepower over.
So to be able to do that, we doneed to practice that care for
(08:12):
ourselves.
It is important in that andI've talked about this before.
I'll link some of the episodesabout stress, but recently I was
on a call with Dr Scott Lyonsand he said stress is how we
mobilize energy to meet life'sdemands.
Stress is not something to avoid, it's something to complete.
(08:34):
So our stress response getsactivated to meet a potential
demand, threat, something that'scoming up.
So when that activation happens, then we need to complete the
cycle of why it's there andsometimes it's coming up because
of past things that our brainthen goes oh, this is dangerous,
(08:58):
or it makes an association andactivates, even if it's not
proper for the present moment.
So knowing that difference isreally key and it doesn't
actually matter in, like how youengage it Once it's activated.
There needs to be a completionto that.
So the activation then we needto utilize that stress and then
(09:23):
be able to deactivate andrestore.
This is something that wehaven't had a lot of tools
around.
I've been taking a class aroundattachment and the relationship
of the stress activation to thesomatic experience when it comes
(09:44):
to how we relate to one anotherand so having some of the tools
to be able to re-regulate andso checking in and not checking
out, some of the things we haveused to check in with are not
always the proper tool for themoment.
(10:05):
So knowing that, like usingthat energy, we need to know
where it's coming from, why isit there, what's it there to
support us with, and then movingit through our body, being
present to it.
So this is where I want tohighlight that difference
between disassociating andself-care is something that I
(10:28):
worry about, like when I need totake a step away.
I don't want to stop listeningto the news and you know we
start doom scrolling and ournervous system is activated
because there is something tomeet, there is some demand,
there's some need in the worldand our relationship to the
world that we are feeling calledto meet.
And what is that?
(10:50):
So taking the time and space toknow what is it that you need
to meet or where is your part inmeeting that, and that takes
some reflection, that takes somechecking in.
So disassociating is when we'rechecking out.
(11:12):
So this is where I want todifferentiate, like taking that
space away from the places whereyou're going to be activated,
like the news, like social media, like certain conversations in
certain spaces, knowing thatyou're going to be activated.
Your stress response is goingto be activated because there is
something to meet before you gointo those spaces, or maybe
(11:37):
it's after.
I mean, we're kind ofsurrounded by it, but knowing
that there needs to be somespace to check in and you're not
checking out, you're checkingin that has to happen first so
that you are able to discernwhat is the mobilization that
needs to occur in this situation.
(12:01):
That checking in isn't just inyour brain.
It's not in that prefrontalcortex that understands things,
that tells stories about things.
It's in your body.
Unfortunately, a lot of ushaven't been taught to really
check in with our bodies andsometimes that in and of itself
(12:23):
can be activating if we havesome trauma around our bodies.
So it's not a one-size-fits-allsort of thing.
Like I'm not giving you anykind of prescription, it's
really just these are the thingsto be aware of and stuff to
start exploring of and stuff tostart exploring.
So knowing that stress is inyour autonomic nervous system,
(12:55):
it's in your subconscious, it'sthe chemicals and hormones, it's
in the body, not in the storiesin the brain, the stories in
the brain can actually activateit more.
That's always fun and that's aplace that I do a lot of work
around is like where is thatactivating more, so that we are
not actually addressing what'sreally going on and able to
engage the moment that we're in?
(13:16):
So, knowing that it's in thebody, knowing that we need to
take space, I want to remind youof some things that I shared in
an episode a while back.
It was called Seven Ways toRelax this Summer and Beyond,
and I talk about how the summeris an invitation to relax.
(13:38):
I mean, I think we always havethat invitation, but in a time
of schedule transition, so goingback to like what's
quote-unquote normal lifehappening, when we're in a
schedule transition, there's aninvitation to explore and create
space that we weren't before,because there's already change
(14:00):
happening, happening, there's alittle bit more room to add in
or shift up what we're used todoing because we're already in a
change period.
So this is not easy to createspace and self-care because we
have all this conditioningaround laziness and the
(14:24):
importance of productivity andpushing ourselves and
achievement and earning rest,earning care, and it's all
muddled up in how we contribute,because contribution is
important, participation,engagement, all of that's
important, and so is rest.
(14:46):
We don't have a healthy balancearound that.
So one of the things I said inthis episode is we live in a
society where we're constantlypushed to be other than human.
It's impossible not tointernalize on some level.
In order to release thatinternalized pressure, we need
(15:08):
to learn how to forgiveourselves.
Forgiveness allows space tostart relaxing, opening to our
humanity and embracing ourintrinsic value.
So some of this practice isengaging the story, the
(15:30):
resistance that we've beenconditioned with to not give
ourselves space that we have tokeep doing because there's so
much to do.
We have to keep doing it and tosay it's okay, it's okay that I
feel that pressure.
I'm going to be with that space, that pressure, I'm going to be
(15:54):
with that space, I'm going tobe with that need, that push,
rather than trying to say, well,don't feel that way, or
shooting on ourselves.
That's one of the other thingsthat I talk a little bit about
is that taking space for rest,taking space for checking in
with yourself, can feeluncomfortable.
We have a lot of stories aroundthat if you're doing the right
(16:16):
thing, it's going to feel goodand it will be easy, and that's
not true.
Anytime you're doing somethingdifferent, it's normal for it to
feel uncomfortable.
It rubs up against aconditioned value, not a chosen
value, but one that we'veinternalized from the world
(16:37):
around us.
It's going to feeluncomfortable and it's going to
be hard to do because we'reengaging those places of tension
.
We're changing.
Change involves tension,involves stress, and so, knowing
(16:59):
that, rather than shitting onyourself, beating yourself up
for being difficult, goingwhat's wrong with me, that I'm
not just getting this or it'snot just easy, take a breath and
know that's okay and be withthat difficulty.
(17:25):
Be with yourself and that partof you that is resistant to
taking space of you, that isresistant to taking space, to
resting, to change.
That's part of checking in andreconnecting is not trying to
(17:45):
tell yourself you shouldn't bewhere you are, but being with
the part of yourself that isthere, almost like you would and
maybe not almost, maybe exactlylike you might with a small
child who is struggling, who isfrustrated, who is scared, who
(18:06):
is upset, and just that part ofyourself that is having a
tantrum, feeling afraid.
Be with that part of yourself.
Allow room for that part ofyourself rather than rejecting
it, which can actually feel likeanother rejection of yourself.
That is caring for yourself.
(18:31):
That is caring for yourself.
So, if you need to do thatfirst, most of us do need to do
that first to care for that partof yourself.
That's not disassociating.
So I just want to be really,really clear about that, because
we have this push.
I got to do things.
I got to do things.
If you're not connected toyourself, it's going to be
(18:53):
really hard to truly connect andshow up, because this is part
of owning and honoring yourhumanity and it really helps to
be able to do that in order tobe able to hold space for other
(19:14):
people's humanity and fightsystems instead of people.
So, giving yourself that spacefor that care and then going
okay, where am I being called toshow up?
Where am I being called to showup?
(19:38):
So I'm going to give you theseven ways to relax that I've
referenced in this previousepisode.
One is releasing perfectionism,expectations and the idea of
good enough, so knowing whatthose expectations are and when
I said release, I hadn't done asmuch training as I have now
around that space.
So maybe even instead ofreleasing perfection and having
(20:02):
that be the focus, having thefocus be on holding space for
that part of you that feels likeperfection is necessary, you
that feels like perfection isnecessary and just being with
that part of yourself that feelsafraid of getting it wrong and
that ties into the forgivingyourself, which is number two.
(20:25):
Forgive yourself.
It's okay that you feel the waythat you feel or what you feel.
It's understandable and it'sokay.
And as you navigate thatdivesting from that laziness,
lie, self-awareness, self-growth, self-care and the ability to
(20:48):
show up for other people and todo the things that are important
to you depend on rest is acritical component of creativity
and intuition access.
So put that first, settingrealistic expectations for
(21:09):
yourself and allowing room tofigure out what those are and
making space to be you, listento yourself and build community
where you can be you, where youcan honor your humanity and have
(21:31):
that support to honor others'humanity.
This brings us to the idea ofecosystems.
I'm going to share a little bitabout what Deepa Iyer says about
ecosystems in this workbookSocial Change Now she writes.
Social change now she writes.
(21:57):
An ecosystem is a community, ahome or a place and space where
we feel a sense of belonging,familiarity and alignment around
our core values, goals andstrategies for the future and
where we emphasize theimportance of cultivating,
nurturing and sustainingrelationships, connections and
solidarity.
I know for me.
I love that idea and I find itvery challenging because it's
(22:23):
not how I've learned to operate.
There are pockets of that in mylife, but it isn't a pervasive
experience, and that makes sensewhen we are living in a society
that is focused onindividualism.
We don't engage our ecosystemand we don't even engage our
(22:47):
ecosystem as it relates to howwe are part of nature.
We are part of an ecosystem,whether we recognize it or not.
Whether we actively create oneor not.
We are contributing to theworld in how we engage and how
we show up.
Now I know, for me that also canfeel kind of overwhelming
(23:11):
because I'm like, oh my gosh,that's a big deal and collective
problems require collectivesolutions.
As an individual, I contributeand I get to be in charge of how
I contribute, where Icontribute, what I contribute.
I can find people that resonatewith that, that support that,
(23:36):
that amplify that.
I can't change it all by myself.
It's not an individual issue.
It's very tricky when we livein this society, doing all the
things, to figure out what thatlooks like.
So I want to hit on two pieces.
One is building an ecosystem,social change framework and a
(24:03):
routine and what we currently do, because I think checking in on
routine and what our routinesare is really key to being able
to shift them.
And, as I mentioned, in aperiod where there are shifts
happening in your regularroutine, it can be really
helpful to harness that time tochange things up, to do things
(24:25):
differently with intentionality.
So part of that is that takingthat space for yourself to check
in, rather than disassociating,we are associating with
ourselves and associating withwhat our routine is how to
(24:48):
create a schedule that works foryou.
Six ways to engage what yourcurrent schedule is.
That may help you engage what'sgoing on for you and kind of
meet yourself where you're atwithin all of this.
So the first is to identify yourcurrent routine.
(25:12):
What is your present normallook like?
A lot of people are like Idon't have a schedule, I don't
have a routine, I just kind ofgo through things and you do
have a routine.
We all have routines.
It might be a chaotic routine.
It might not be a routinizedroutine.
(25:33):
Is that a word?
I don't think that's a word.
Anyway, you know what I mean.
It might not be that kind ofroutine where it's like, yeah, I
do this and then I do this andI do this phone and start doom
scrolling or reading the news,which can feel like doom
scrolling.
Maybe it is ways that you thinkabout things.
(26:06):
It's what you tend to go to therefrigerator for, or to drink,
or to move or not move thosesorts of things where you start
to notice what are you tendingto do.
That's the routine.
So maybe you don't call it aroutine, but what are your norms
?
And maybe it's changed up a bit.
(26:27):
Noticing what they are rightnow.
Noticing what they are rightnow is really helpful because so
often we are just not thinkingabout it.
There's a majority of our daythat is autopilot, so noticing
what those things are bringingthem to consciousness helps you
engage them.
(26:49):
So, identifying your currentroutine and then taking some
time to explore what your valuesare, what's important to you,
what do you want to emphasizeand prioritize?
What do you need to do?
Right, like allowing room andagain going back to that
(27:13):
forgiveness, forgiving yourselfIf finances need to be higher up
on your priority list than youwant them to be.
As an example I know that's abig one that comes up for me
it's well, I got to make money,so I need to have that in my
priorities.
Even though I might not want to, even though I might not want
(27:36):
to, the society I live inrequires that for me to survive
and to care for my family.
So, identifying what thosevalues are and noticing how they
align or don't align to yourcurrent routine, but also even
noticing where they come intoconflict with each other, and
going back to that,reassociating with yourself,
giving yourself that forgiveness, that care, being with the
places, the parts of yourselfthat are in tension with other
(28:01):
parts of yourself.
Then designing a routine basedoff your values and how you want
to experience life, not justyour goals, not just the things
you think you should beaccomplishing or maybe the
things you want to accomplish,taking a step from the
(28:24):
accomplishment.
This is a place that I think isreally, really challenging.
So many of us have beenconditioned with this idea that
our value is based on what weaccomplish, that that is what
matters, and a lot of ournervous system is tied up in
that.
So, even though we might beengaging the idea that it's not
(28:47):
what matters, our nervous systemstill thinks it does.
We still have stories that getactivated in our system around
doing things and accomplishingstuff and outcomes.
We are living in a time, rightnow, where the work that we do
(29:09):
especially if we're thinkingabout social justice and we're
thinking about social change thework that we do and the efforts
that we make, we may not seethe results, we may not know how
they matter and I've said thisa few times, I think, mostly on
(29:29):
social media.
But whether something works ornot isn't what makes it worth
doing.
What makes it worth doing iswho you choose to be by doing it
and who you become through thedoing.
(29:52):
I'm going to say that againbecause I think it bears
repeating Whether somethingworks or not isn who you become
through the doing.
(30:19):
So, as we navigate this presentmoment, being able to release
that idea of outcome and knowingit's going to work, we want
that certainty.
There's so much around that oflike.
I want to know that what I'mgoing to do is going to work and
that it's going to be worth it.
And so that can createoverwhelm, because we don't know
(30:46):
so much of what we're dealingwith in life in general, but I
think it's heightened in thismoment.
We don't know, and the peoplethat we admire, who lived
through moments like this, thepeople who stood up and took
(31:07):
action and sat in and marchedand spoke up and helped and took
risks.
They did that Not because theyknew what they were doing would
work, but because they knew thatthe doing of it mattered.
So, as you think about whatyour values are and how you want
(31:27):
to experience life, it's notjust about whether it's going to
work or not, it's how and whodo you want to be and what
supports that.
The other piece is allowing roomfor flexibility, because there
(31:48):
is so much activation out there,there is so much going on,
there are so many things youmight want to show up to that
you don't know.
Allowing more room than youthink you need for that
flexibility, so that you canstay true to what's important,
not just checking boxes oh, I'msupposed to do this, I should do
that but giving that room forthat, associating with yourself,
(32:14):
for that, checking in withyourself, for that rest, for
that recalibration, for theactivations, and allowing the
movement of the activation to bemobilized towards what you
(32:40):
choose and not know, and tochange when you try something
and it's like oh, that wasn't,that didn't have the resonance
that I was hoping it would, or Ididn't like how I was in that
space and I want to do somethingdifferent.
So allowing room for that, todo something different, so
(33:05):
allowing room for that.
I also want to highlight thatwhen we think about all of these
things, it's hard because wehave a pressure of time, because
time is energy and how muchtime you have relates to how
much energy you have and ifyou've been activated, that's
going to take more energy.
It's going to give you energyto mobilize towards something
(33:29):
and it is going to take moreenergy.
So you might have what isperceived as less time.
You might get more done in ashort period, but depending on
how much associating you've donewith yourself and how much
awareness you have and access tochoice in that is going to
(33:51):
depend on okay, where did I go?
Do I need to backtrack a littlebit?
Do I want to come back to that?
And that's okay, there'snothing wrong with that.
That is helpful, even and it'sgoing to come up into conflict
with some of that conditioningaround effectiveness and
efficiency and all of that sortof stuff.
(34:13):
So, giving yourself that extraroom in yourself, in yourself,
going back to that idea offorgiveness and going back to
that idea of having extra spacefor the things that we can't
plan for and for caring foryourself and that reconnection.
(34:37):
I'm going to finally touch onsome of the roles in a social
change ecosystem that Deepashares.
She has a visual that's beenshared on social media and I'll
try and find a link to that.
That is depicted, as well asthree components values,
(35:03):
ecosystems and roles.
The roles are disruptors, whichare the most visible, I think,
generally, you know, protestingand that sort of thing, and
sometimes we have this push toall be there and it can be
helpful to see the numbers, tohave the visual.
(35:25):
And it's not the only way.
There are also healers,storytellers, guides, weavers,
experimenters, frontlineresponders, visionaries,
builders and caregivers Allcontributing to equity,
liberation, justice, solidarity.
So this workbook that, whetheryou say you want to do the study
(35:51):
group with me or not, I highlyrecommend picking up it's
something you can absolutelywork through on your own and
I'll have a link in the shownotes course is helpful to
identify which one or ones ofthese resonate for you, where
you are and how you want to showup, and what gifts and skills
(36:15):
are you bringing to this work.
She also lists somecharacteristics that we often
find in thriving social changeecosystems.
So these are things to look atcultivating for yourself within
yourself and an ability to showup with other people with these
characteristics.
(36:36):
One is interdependence.
Another is shared energy source.
We hold a shared set of valuesand goals that fuel our actions.
Reciprocity, activelyexchanging resources and
information rather than hoardinggatekeeping, canceling or
competing.
There's an accountability withthat to the ecosystem not
(37:00):
necessarily to an individual,but to the ecosystem as a whole.
Adaptation to change, going backto flexibility and being able
to pivot and meet challengingsituations and changing
conditions.
Diversity, inviting andexperimenting with different
strategies, narratives and ideas, including those that make us
(37:23):
uncomfortable.
So this is where thatunderstanding of your nervous
system and being able to checkin with yourself, associate with
yourself, hold space for thosetensions within yourself is
really key, so that you knowwhen you're actually in danger
and when it's just uncomfortableand something's being
challenged in you that maybeyou're actually in danger and
when it's just uncomfortable andsomething's being challenged in
(37:44):
you that maybe you had a storyaround.
So that work is so so, so key.
It helps address what you mayoften hear about as fragility.
So it helps engage thatPreservation we tend to our
relationships.
We preserve what futuregenerations may require in terms
(38:06):
of stories, values andhistories, complexity.
Again back to that nervoussystem, being comfortable with
nuance and complexity and notboxing ourselves in in binary
thinking, which is what happenswhen our stress response
activates and we're in fight,flight, freeze, fawn, stress
(38:27):
response those blinders come on.
I talk a lot about this whenI'm talking about stress in
several episodes that I'll linkin the show notes and capacity
to evolve, welcomingtransformation.
Remember, transformation andchange involve tension.
We believe that people,institutions and systems are
able to change.
(38:48):
So holding space for thatchange to occur, even if it's
not presently occurring that itcould occur.
Valerie Carr had a beautifulquote in a speech that she gave
at one of the protests I believeone of the ones in LA that said
the brief high that comes fromdomination is nothing compared
(39:14):
to the infinite love and joy oftrue community.
In that speech she talks aboutthe importance of holding that
hand out, saying no, but alsohaving the other hand reaching
out and saying you can join us.
And so to be in a space of thatkind of nuance, to be open to
(39:34):
humanity while fighting systems,is so critical and requires
that nervous system support.
Finally, one of the things thatI keep holding on to is an
aspect of my value system, whichis about being part of life and
(40:00):
living and how.
What matters isn't howsuccessful I am accomplished,
how long I live, it's not aboutany of those markers, it is
(40:20):
about embracing the experienceof being alive.
I've always loved the quote.
We are spiritual beings havinga human experience and to me
that means experiencing.
I get frustrated when I thinkabout, well, what I want to
(40:41):
experience.
There are all these obstaclesfor, namely, money and time and
all of these resource components, and none of those change that.
It's still my life, it's mineand I get to decide how I show
up to it.
I get to decide what values Iuplift.
(41:02):
I get to decide how I move inthe world with other people.
Those are things that are mineand I get to do the work to be
able to choose those better thanI naturally do because of all
the conditioning that I have andall of the societal stuff that
(41:25):
I have inherited.
Those are mine and those areyours.
So this is my invitation to youto embrace your life whatever it
looks like, wherever it is.
Embrace your life whatever itlooks like, wherever it is.
(41:46):
Hopefully this has helped withsome tools and some perspectives
and some approaches, to engagethat experience that's happening
, both to move through it butalso to hold space that it is a
very real thing that we arewalking through and to access
joy in your life, because thisis your life and it can inform
(42:10):
how you move in the world andknowing that there's tension
there, and having space for thatand holding space for that.
I appreciate you, I appreciateyou being here, I appreciate you
engaging this.
At whatever level you are ableto engage this, it matters and
I'm here for you.
If you're interested in a studygroup, please see the link in
(42:35):
the show notes and sign up tolet me know that you're
interested.
I will be figuring outlogistics about when we would
meet and what exactly that wouldlook like through that
communication.
So if you're interested, putyour email there.
I will not be requiring paymentfor it.
(42:55):
I just want to be very clearabout that.
If I do put up anything forpayment, it will be based on
what feels good for you.
So there will be no requirement.
I think this work is veryimportant and I am here to hold
space for that.
It helps me as well.
So if there is any paymentinvitation, it will be based on
(43:19):
what feels good for youinvitation.
It will be based on what feelsgood for you, so don't let that
hold you back from signing upwith interest.
I have so much more to talkabout coming up.
I have stuff around more onself-care.
I did an amazing interview withRaquel who I'll be sharing
shortly, and I want to talkabout empathy and all these
(43:42):
ideas around.
Is empathy good?
Is empathy bad?
What's going on, also AI, so Ihave so much coming up.
Please stay tuned.
Thank you for being here and Iwill talk to you all next time.
Hello, my friends, and welcome to another episode
of Mindset Unlimited Mindsettips, tools and inspiration for
women in a time of change.
I'm your host, valerieFriedlander, icf-certified coach
, sociologist, intersectionalfeminist, artist, mom and nerd.
Today, we are talking about howto avoid overwhelm and access
(00:21):
joy in a time of crisis.
I wanted to talk about thisbecause, obviously, we are
navigating some unprecedentedtimes.
There is a lot going on.
Now.
I'm not going to get into allthe things that are going on and
I really wanted to make surethat I made some space for them.
(00:44):
I have several other episodesthat are kind of lined up
waiting to come to you, and thisjust felt particularly
important because I'm hearing alot of people struggling with
what to do, doing too much,doing too little, feeling
overwhelmed, and a questionthat's been coming up for me has
(01:08):
been how do I experience,embrace, invite joy in my life
right now without checking outof what's going on, or worrying
or feeling like I'm checking outor normalizing what's happening
(01:30):
?
How do I stay present to thosethings and recognizing that it
can be so overwhelming,everything that's happening and
that's part of the point rightTo be bombarded with so much
that we freeze, that our freezeresponse activates or our fight
response activates, and we thenbuy into dehumanizing other
(01:51):
people in the effort to createsafety when things are so
volatile and feel so unsafe andthere are real threats to people
happening and we don't want tobuy into that dehumanizing when
being dehumanized and thenturning around and dehumanizing
(02:12):
others.
And how do you do that whenyour survival mode is getting
kicked into gear and embracelife and do all of the things,
not to mention if we are innormal quote unquote normal
times?
We're navigating the summertransition.
(02:32):
For those of you who areparents and have kids in school,
and going from school to summerschedule and schedule overwhelm
which I know for a lot ofpeople over the past 10 years of
doing this work, thattransition feels overwhelming
and stressful to a lot of people.
So there's like normal life, asit were, and then there's like
(02:53):
all the other things going onand it's just so much.
How do we navigate this?
I have thoughts, I have tools,I have things that I wanted to
share and I just wanted to makesome space for that.
So that's what this episode is.
(03:13):
We're going to be talking alittle bit about the difference
between disassociating andself-care, making space for rest
and recharging, creating asupportive routine schedule,
some sort of grounding,navigating the stress response
and connecting to an ecosystem,which I think is really key to
(03:38):
all of this.
And it is also very muchoutside of what we are familiar
with and used to doing for manyof us, because that's just not a
society we have lived in.
So that's what this episode isall about.
I invite your questions, yourcomments.
This is something that I don'thave all the answers to.
(04:00):
I have, as I said, thoughts,ideas, tools, hopefully some
inspiration to share with you,and I would love to know what is
supporting you, what is workingfor you, what do you find
yourself doing?
If you would care to share,please reach out.
There are many ways of doingthat and they're all in the show
notes, pretty much, so you canfind them there.
(04:22):
And then the other thing isthat one of the things I'm going
to talk about is thatconnecting to an ecosystem, and
I am considering puttingtogether a study group for the
book or workbook, social changenow a guide for reflection and
connection by Deepa Iyer, andI'm going to have a link to sign
(04:42):
up for interest in that.
So it's not saying yes, you'regoing to do it, it's signing up
for interest to do this studygroup and I'll have more
information.
But I just I wanted to gaugehow many people might be
interested in doing that beforeI really fleshed out what it
would be and how we would do it.
So if you're interested there'sa link in the show notes.
(05:03):
Please sign up and let me knowand I will be in touch with more
information.
And now, without further ado,let's get started.
Let's talk a little bit aboutoverwhelm.
Overwhelm is a normal responsewhen something feels bigger than
(05:25):
you.
So overwhelm is this turninginward, it's kind of a freeze
response because there issomething that feels bigger than
you and it's dangerous.
So we freeze up and we're notsure what to do.
So it might look like spinningin your head, rumination,
(05:47):
multiple ideas and so likeanalysis, paralysis sort of
thing, those sorts of thingswhere you're just you're not
sure what to do.
And so what we do to addressoverwhelm is to.
What we do to address overwhelmis to right-size something
(06:10):
sometimes, because sometimessomething feels bigger than us
and it actually isn't.
It just is activating somethingin us that's sending off
dangerous signals, and sometimesit is bigger than us.
(06:33):
One of the important thingsabout doing work in yourself is
to be able to sense and findrest, find a calm in your
nervous system.
So to be able to do the healingwork to deactivate the
over-activation of your nervoussystem allows you then to be
able to know when are you safeand when are you not safe.
Because if your nervous systemis always activating or
hyperactivating, you are notgoing to know the difference
(06:54):
between when you're safe andwhen you're not safe.
And that can actually be moredangerous, because if you're not
sure when you actually aren'tsafe or like everything is
dangerous or too many things aredangerous, then that sense,
that awareness, is muted.
So when things are actuallydangerous, that is harder to
(07:18):
tell, because everything feelsdangerous, or too many things
feel dangerous feels dangerousor too many things feel
dangerous.
So doing that work to engageyour nervous system and the
healing around that is reallyimportant.
Now there are a lot of thingsgoing on that are way bigger
than any one individual person,and so when we are on our own,
(07:40):
feeling overwhelmed in ourcurrent situation is a natural
response to have.
So it's not necessarily aboutright-sizing it, it's about
connecting to what we do havepower over.
So to be able to do that, we doneed to practice that care for
(08:12):
ourselves.
It is important in that andI've talked about this before.
I'll link some of the episodesabout stress, but recently I was
on a call with Dr Scott Lyonsand he said stress is how we
mobilize energy to meet life'sdemands.
Stress is not something to avoid, it's something to complete.
(08:34):
So our stress response getsactivated to meet a potential
demand, threat, something that'scoming up.
So when that activation happens, then we need to complete the
cycle of why it's there andsometimes it's coming up because
of past things that our brainthen goes oh, this is dangerous,
(08:58):
or it makes an association andactivates, even if it's not
proper for the present moment.
So knowing that difference isreally key and it doesn't
actually matter in, like how youengage it Once it's activated.
There needs to be a completionto that.
So the activation then we needto utilize that stress and then
(09:23):
be able to deactivate andrestore.
This is something that wehaven't had a lot of tools
around.
I've been taking a class aroundattachment and the relationship
of the stress activation to thesomatic experience when it comes
(09:44):
to how we relate to one anotherand so having some of the tools
to be able to re-regulate andso checking in and not checking
out, some of the things we haveused to check in with are not
always the proper tool for themoment.
(10:05):
So knowing that, like usingthat energy, we need to know
where it's coming from, why isit there, what's it there to
support us with, and then movingit through our body, being
present to it.
So this is where I want tohighlight that difference
between disassociating andself-care is something that I
(10:28):
worry about, like when I need totake a step away.
I don't want to stop listeningto the news and you know we
start doom scrolling and ournervous system is activated
because there is something tomeet, there is some demand,
there's some need in the worldand our relationship to the
world that we are feeling calledto meet.
And what is that?
(10:50):
So taking the time and space toknow what is it that you need
to meet or where is your part inmeeting that, and that takes
some reflection, that takes somechecking in.
So disassociating is when we'rechecking out.
(11:12):
So this is where I want todifferentiate, like taking that
space away from the places whereyou're going to be activated,
like the news, like social media, like certain conversations in
certain spaces, knowing thatyou're going to be activated.
Your stress response is goingto be activated because there is
something to meet before you gointo those spaces, or maybe
(11:37):
it's after.
I mean, we're kind ofsurrounded by it, but knowing
that there needs to be somespace to check in and you're not
checking out, you're checkingin that has to happen first so
that you are able to discernwhat is the mobilization that
needs to occur in this situation.
(12:01):
That checking in isn't just inyour brain.
It's not in that prefrontalcortex that understands things,
that tells stories about things.
It's in your body.
Unfortunately, a lot of ushaven't been taught to really
check in with our bodies andsometimes that in and of itself
(12:23):
can be activating if we havesome trauma around our bodies.
So it's not a one-size-fits-allsort of thing.
Like I'm not giving you anykind of prescription, it's
really just these are the thingsto be aware of and stuff to
start exploring of and stuff tostart exploring.
So knowing that stress is inyour autonomic nervous system,
(12:55):
it's in your subconscious, it'sthe chemicals and hormones, it's
in the body, not in the storiesin the brain, the stories in
the brain can actually activateit more.
That's always fun and that's aplace that I do a lot of work
around is like where is thatactivating more, so that we are
not actually addressing what'sreally going on and able to
engage the moment that we're in?
(13:16):
So, knowing that it's in thebody, knowing that we need to
take space, I want to remind youof some things that I shared in
an episode a while back.
It was called Seven Ways toRelax this Summer and Beyond,
and I talk about how the summeris an invitation to relax.
(13:38):
I mean, I think we always havethat invitation, but in a time
of schedule transition, so goingback to like what's
quote-unquote normal lifehappening, when we're in a
schedule transition, there's aninvitation to explore and create
space that we weren't before,because there's already change
(14:00):
happening, happening, there's alittle bit more room to add in
or shift up what we're used todoing because we're already in a
change period.
So this is not easy to createspace and self-care because we
have all this conditioningaround laziness and the
(14:24):
importance of productivity andpushing ourselves and
achievement and earning rest,earning care, and it's all
muddled up in how we contribute,because contribution is
important, participation,engagement, all of that's
important, and so is rest.
(14:46):
We don't have a healthy balancearound that.
So one of the things I said inthis episode is we live in a
society where we're constantlypushed to be other than human.
It's impossible not tointernalize on some level.
In order to release thatinternalized pressure, we need
(15:08):
to learn how to forgiveourselves.
Forgiveness allows space tostart relaxing, opening to our
humanity and embracing ourintrinsic value.
So some of this practice isengaging the story, the
(15:30):
resistance that we've beenconditioned with to not give
ourselves space that we have tokeep doing because there's so
much to do.
We have to keep doing it and tosay it's okay, it's okay that I
feel that pressure.
I'm going to be with that space, that pressure, I'm going to be
(15:54):
with that space, I'm going tobe with that need, that push,
rather than trying to say, well,don't feel that way, or
shooting on ourselves.
That's one of the other thingsthat I talk a little bit about
is that taking space for rest,taking space for checking in
with yourself, can feeluncomfortable.
We have a lot of stories aroundthat if you're doing the right
(16:16):
thing, it's going to feel goodand it will be easy, and that's
not true.
Anytime you're doing somethingdifferent, it's normal for it to
feel uncomfortable.
It rubs up against aconditioned value, not a chosen
value, but one that we'veinternalized from the world
(16:37):
around us.
It's going to feeluncomfortable and it's going to
be hard to do because we'reengaging those places of tension
.
We're changing.
Change involves tension,involves stress, and so, knowing
(16:59):
that, rather than shitting onyourself, beating yourself up
for being difficult, goingwhat's wrong with me, that I'm
not just getting this or it'snot just easy, take a breath and
know that's okay and be withthat difficulty.
(17:25):
Be with yourself and that partof you that is resistant to
taking space of you, that isresistant to taking space, to
resting, to change.
That's part of checking in andreconnecting is not trying to
(17:45):
tell yourself you shouldn't bewhere you are, but being with
the part of yourself that isthere, almost like you would and
maybe not almost, maybe exactlylike you might with a small
child who is struggling, who isfrustrated, who is scared, who
(18:06):
is upset, and just that part ofyourself that is having a
tantrum, feeling afraid.
Be with that part of yourself.
Allow room for that part ofyourself rather than rejecting
it, which can actually feel likeanother rejection of yourself.
That is caring for yourself.
(18:31):
That is caring for yourself.
So, if you need to do thatfirst, most of us do need to do
that first to care for that partof yourself.
That's not disassociating.
So I just want to be really,really clear about that, because
we have this push.
I got to do things.
I got to do things.
If you're not connected toyourself, it's going to be
(18:53):
really hard to truly connect andshow up, because this is part
of owning and honoring yourhumanity and it really helps to
be able to do that in order tobe able to hold space for other
(19:14):
people's humanity and fightsystems instead of people.
So, giving yourself that spacefor that care and then going
okay, where am I being called toshow up?
Where am I being called to showup?
(19:38):
So I'm going to give you theseven ways to relax that I've
referenced in this previousepisode.
One is releasing perfectionism,expectations and the idea of
good enough, so knowing whatthose expectations are and when
I said release, I hadn't done asmuch training as I have now
around that space.
So maybe even instead ofreleasing perfection and having
(20:02):
that be the focus, having thefocus be on holding space for
that part of you that feels likeperfection is necessary, you
that feels like perfection isnecessary and just being with
that part of yourself that feelsafraid of getting it wrong and
that ties into the forgivingyourself, which is number two.
(20:25):
Forgive yourself.
It's okay that you feel the waythat you feel or what you feel.
It's understandable and it'sokay.
And as you navigate thatdivesting from that laziness,
lie, self-awareness, self-growth, self-care and the ability to
(20:48):
show up for other people and todo the things that are important
to you depend on rest is acritical component of creativity
and intuition access.
So put that first, settingrealistic expectations for
(21:09):
yourself and allowing room tofigure out what those are and
making space to be you, listento yourself and build community
where you can be you, where youcan honor your humanity and have
(21:31):
that support to honor others'humanity.
This brings us to the idea ofecosystems.
I'm going to share a little bitabout what Deepa Iyer says about
ecosystems in this workbookSocial Change Now she writes.
Social change now she writes.
(21:57):
An ecosystem is a community, ahome or a place and space where
we feel a sense of belonging,familiarity and alignment around
our core values, goals andstrategies for the future and
where we emphasize theimportance of cultivating,
nurturing and sustainingrelationships, connections and
solidarity.
I know for me.
I love that idea and I find itvery challenging because it's
(22:23):
not how I've learned to operate.
There are pockets of that in mylife, but it isn't a pervasive
experience, and that makes sensewhen we are living in a society
that is focused onindividualism.
We don't engage our ecosystemand we don't even engage our
(22:47):
ecosystem as it relates to howwe are part of nature.
We are part of an ecosystem,whether we recognize it or not.
Whether we actively create oneor not.
We are contributing to theworld in how we engage and how
we show up.
Now I know, for me that also canfeel kind of overwhelming
(23:11):
because I'm like, oh my gosh,that's a big deal and collective
problems require collectivesolutions.
As an individual, I contributeand I get to be in charge of how
I contribute, where Icontribute, what I contribute.
I can find people that resonatewith that, that support that,
(23:36):
that amplify that.
I can't change it all by myself.
It's not an individual issue.
It's very tricky when we livein this society, doing all the
things, to figure out what thatlooks like.
So I want to hit on two pieces.
One is building an ecosystem,social change framework and a
(24:03):
routine and what we currently do, because I think checking in on
routine and what our routinesare is really key to being able
to shift them.
And, as I mentioned, in aperiod where there are shifts
happening in your regularroutine, it can be really
helpful to harness that time tochange things up, to do things
(24:25):
differently with intentionality.
So part of that is that takingthat space for yourself to check
in, rather than disassociating,we are associating with
ourselves and associating withwhat our routine is how to
(24:48):
create a schedule that works foryou.
Six ways to engage what yourcurrent schedule is.
That may help you engage what'sgoing on for you and kind of
meet yourself where you're atwithin all of this.
So the first is to identify yourcurrent routine.
(25:12):
What is your present normallook like?
A lot of people are like Idon't have a schedule, I don't
have a routine, I just kind ofgo through things and you do
have a routine.
We all have routines.
It might be a chaotic routine.
It might not be a routinizedroutine.
(25:33):
Is that a word?
I don't think that's a word.
Anyway, you know what I mean.
It might not be that kind ofroutine where it's like, yeah, I
do this and then I do this andI do this phone and start doom
scrolling or reading the news,which can feel like doom
scrolling.
Maybe it is ways that you thinkabout things.
(26:06):
It's what you tend to go to therefrigerator for, or to drink,
or to move or not move thosesorts of things where you start
to notice what are you tendingto do.
That's the routine.
So maybe you don't call it aroutine, but what are your norms
?
And maybe it's changed up a bit.
(26:27):
Noticing what they are rightnow.
Noticing what they are rightnow is really helpful because so
often we are just not thinkingabout it.
There's a majority of our daythat is autopilot, so noticing
what those things are bringingthem to consciousness helps you
engage them.
(26:49):
So, identifying your currentroutine and then taking some
time to explore what your valuesare, what's important to you,
what do you want to emphasizeand prioritize?
What do you need to do?
Right, like allowing room andagain going back to that
(27:13):
forgiveness, forgiving yourselfIf finances need to be higher up
on your priority list than youwant them to be.
As an example I know that's abig one that comes up for me
it's well, I got to make money,so I need to have that in my
priorities.
Even though I might not want to, even though I might not want
(27:36):
to, the society I live inrequires that for me to survive
and to care for my family.
So, identifying what thosevalues are and noticing how they
align or don't align to yourcurrent routine, but also even
noticing where they come intoconflict with each other, and
going back to that,reassociating with yourself,
giving yourself that forgiveness, that care, being with the
places, the parts of yourselfthat are in tension with other
(28:01):
parts of yourself.
Then designing a routine basedoff your values and how you want
to experience life, not justyour goals, not just the things
you think you should beaccomplishing or maybe the
things you want to accomplish,taking a step from the
(28:24):
accomplishment.
This is a place that I think isreally, really challenging.
So many of us have beenconditioned with this idea that
our value is based on what weaccomplish, that that is what
matters, and a lot of ournervous system is tied up in
that.
So, even though we might beengaging the idea that it's not
(28:47):
what matters, our nervous systemstill thinks it does.
We still have stories that getactivated in our system around
doing things and accomplishingstuff and outcomes.
We are living in a time, rightnow, where the work that we do
(29:09):
especially if we're thinkingabout social justice and we're
thinking about social change thework that we do and the efforts
that we make, we may not seethe results, we may not know how
they matter and I've said thisa few times, I think, mostly on
(29:29):
social media.
But whether something works ornot isn't what makes it worth
doing.
What makes it worth doing iswho you choose to be by doing it
and who you become through thedoing.
(29:52):
I'm going to say that againbecause I think it bears
repeating Whether somethingworks or not isn who you become
through the doing.
(30:19):
So, as we navigate this presentmoment, being able to release
that idea of outcome and knowingit's going to work, we want
that certainty.
There's so much around that oflike.
I want to know that what I'mgoing to do is going to work and
that it's going to be worth it.
And so that can createoverwhelm, because we don't know
(30:46):
so much of what we're dealingwith in life in general, but I
think it's heightened in thismoment.
We don't know, and the peoplethat we admire, who lived
through moments like this, thepeople who stood up and took
(31:07):
action and sat in and marchedand spoke up and helped and took
risks.
They did that Not because theyknew what they were doing would
work, but because they knew thatthe doing of it mattered.
So, as you think about whatyour values are and how you want
(31:27):
to experience life, it's notjust about whether it's going to
work or not, it's how and whodo you want to be and what
supports that.
The other piece is allowing roomfor flexibility, because there
(31:48):
is so much activation out there,there is so much going on,
there are so many things youmight want to show up to that
you don't know.
Allowing more room than youthink you need for that
flexibility, so that you canstay true to what's important,
not just checking boxes oh, I'msupposed to do this, I should do
that but giving that room forthat, associating with yourself,
(32:14):
for that, checking in withyourself, for that rest, for
that recalibration, for theactivations, and allowing the
movement of the activation to bemobilized towards what you
(32:40):
choose and not know, and tochange when you try something
and it's like oh, that wasn't,that didn't have the resonance
that I was hoping it would, or Ididn't like how I was in that
space and I want to do somethingdifferent.
So allowing room for that, todo something different, so
(33:05):
allowing room for that.
I also want to highlight thatwhen we think about all of these
things, it's hard because wehave a pressure of time, because
time is energy and how muchtime you have relates to how
much energy you have and ifyou've been activated, that's
going to take more energy.
It's going to give you energyto mobilize towards something
(33:29):
and it is going to take moreenergy.
So you might have what isperceived as less time.
You might get more done in ashort period, but depending on
how much associating you've donewith yourself and how much
awareness you have and access tochoice in that is going to
(33:51):
depend on okay, where did I go?
Do I need to backtrack a littlebit?
Do I want to come back to that?
And that's okay, there'snothing wrong with that.
That is helpful, even and it'sgoing to come up into conflict
with some of that conditioningaround effectiveness and
efficiency and all of that sortof stuff.
(34:13):
So, giving yourself that extraroom in yourself, in yourself,
going back to that idea offorgiveness and going back to
that idea of having extra spacefor the things that we can't
plan for and for caring foryourself and that reconnection.
(34:37):
I'm going to finally touch onsome of the roles in a social
change ecosystem that Deepashares.
She has a visual that's beenshared on social media and I'll
try and find a link to that.
That is depicted, as well asthree components values,
(35:03):
ecosystems and roles.
The roles are disruptors, whichare the most visible, I think,
generally, you know, protestingand that sort of thing, and
sometimes we have this push toall be there and it can be
helpful to see the numbers, tohave the visual.
(35:25):
And it's not the only way.
There are also healers,storytellers, guides, weavers,
experimenters, frontlineresponders, visionaries,
builders and caregivers Allcontributing to equity,
liberation, justice, solidarity.
So this workbook that, whetheryou say you want to do the study
(35:51):
group with me or not, I highlyrecommend picking up it's
something you can absolutelywork through on your own and
I'll have a link in the shownotes course is helpful to
identify which one or ones ofthese resonate for you, where
you are and how you want to showup, and what gifts and skills
(36:15):
are you bringing to this work.
She also lists somecharacteristics that we often
find in thriving social changeecosystems.
So these are things to look atcultivating for yourself within
yourself and an ability to showup with other people with these
characteristics.
(36:36):
One is interdependence.
Another is shared energy source.
We hold a shared set of valuesand goals that fuel our actions.
Reciprocity, activelyexchanging resources and
information rather than hoardinggatekeeping, canceling or
competing.
There's an accountability withthat to the ecosystem not
(37:00):
necessarily to an individual,but to the ecosystem as a whole.
Adaptation to change, going backto flexibility and being able
to pivot and meet challengingsituations and changing
conditions.
Diversity, inviting andexperimenting with different
strategies, narratives and ideas, including those that make us
(37:23):
uncomfortable.
So this is where thatunderstanding of your nervous
system and being able to checkin with yourself, associate with
yourself, hold space for thosetensions within yourself is
really key, so that you knowwhen you're actually in danger
and when it's just uncomfortableand something's being
challenged in you that maybeyou're actually in danger and
when it's just uncomfortable andsomething's being challenged in
(37:44):
you that maybe you had a storyaround.
So that work is so so, so key.
It helps address what you mayoften hear about as fragility.
So it helps engage thatPreservation we tend to our
relationships.
We preserve what futuregenerations may require in terms
(38:06):
of stories, values andhistories, complexity.
Again back to that nervoussystem, being comfortable with
nuance and complexity and notboxing ourselves in in binary
thinking, which is what happenswhen our stress response
activates and we're in fight,flight, freeze, fawn, stress
(38:27):
response those blinders come on.
I talk a lot about this whenI'm talking about stress in
several episodes that I'll linkin the show notes and capacity
to evolve, welcomingtransformation.
Remember, transformation andchange involve tension.
We believe that people,institutions and systems are
able to change.
(38:48):
So holding space for thatchange to occur, even if it's
not presently occurring that itcould occur.
Valerie Carr had a beautifulquote in a speech that she gave
at one of the protests I believeone of the ones in LA that said
the brief high that comes fromdomination is nothing compared
(39:14):
to the infinite love and joy oftrue community.
In that speech she talks aboutthe importance of holding that
hand out, saying no, but alsohaving the other hand reaching
out and saying you can join us.
And so to be in a space of thatkind of nuance, to be open to
(39:34):
humanity while fighting systems,is so critical and requires
that nervous system support.
Finally, one of the things thatI keep holding on to is an
aspect of my value system, whichis about being part of life and
(40:00):
living and how.
What matters isn't howsuccessful I am accomplished,
how long I live, it's not aboutany of those markers, it is
(40:20):
about embracing the experienceof being alive.
I've always loved the quote.
We are spiritual beings havinga human experience and to me
that means experiencing.
I get frustrated when I thinkabout, well, what I want to
(40:41):
experience.
There are all these obstaclesfor, namely, money and time and
all of these resource components, and none of those change that.
It's still my life, it's mineand I get to decide how I show
up to it.
I get to decide what values Iuplift.
(41:02):
I get to decide how I move inthe world with other people.
Those are things that are mineand I get to do the work to be
able to choose those better thanI naturally do because of all
the conditioning that I have andall of the societal stuff that
(41:25):
I have inherited.
Those are mine and those areyours.
So this is my invitation to youto embrace your life whatever it
looks like, wherever it is.
Embrace your life whatever itlooks like, wherever it is.
(41:46):
Hopefully this has helped withsome tools and some perspectives
and some approaches, to engagethat experience that's happening
, both to move through it butalso to hold space that it is a
very real thing that we arewalking through and to access
joy in your life, because thisis your life and it can inform
(42:10):
how you move in the world andknowing that there's tension
there, and having space for thatand holding space for that.
I appreciate you, I appreciateyou being here, I appreciate you
engaging this.
At whatever level you are ableto engage this, it matters and
I'm here for you.
If you're interested in a studygroup, please see the link in
(42:35):
the show notes and sign up tolet me know that you're
interested.
I will be figuring outlogistics about when we would
meet and what exactly that wouldlook like through that
communication.
So if you're interested, putyour email there.
I will not be requiring paymentfor it.
(42:55):
I just want to be very clearabout that.
If I do put up anything forpayment, it will be based on
what feels good for you.
So there will be no requirement.
I think this work is veryimportant and I am here to hold
space for that.
It helps me as well.
So if there is any paymentinvitation, it will be based on
(43:19):
what feels good for youinvitation.
It will be based on what feelsgood for you, so don't let that
hold you back from signing upwith interest.
I have so much more to talkabout coming up.
I have stuff around more onself-care.
I did an amazing interview withRaquel who I'll be sharing
shortly, and I want to talkabout empathy and all these
(43:42):
ideas around.
Is empathy good?
Is empathy bad?
What's going on, also AI, so Ihave so much coming up.
Please stay tuned.
Thank you for being here and Iwill talk to you all next time.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com