March 19, 2025 • 50 mins
Identifying your true goals is the starting point to transforming your life from the inside out. In this powerful episode of Mindset Unlimited, I sit down with fellow Chicago-based life coach, Amy Pons, to unpack the powerful journey of breaking through learned limitations and discovering your authentic path. We explore how to lead from your truth center, navigate uncertainty, and create meaningful shifts in your life by embracing gratitude, curiosity, and self-discovery. If you're feeling stuck, yearning for authentic growth, or ready to unlearn societal conditioning, this conversation offers practical insights and inspiring perspectives on reclaiming your personal power and designing a life that truly resonates with your soul.
In this episode of Mindset Unlimited, I invited Amy Pons (she/her), a healer and life coach, to join me in a conversation about identifying your true goals so that you can find and lead your life from your truth center.
Some of what we talk about in this episode includes:
- The importance of the journey and what you accrue along the way matters as much or even more than the end goal
- Claiming your power begins by releasing control of what’s not yours
- Gratitude, embracing duality, curiosity and other ways to support a mindset shift
- When to get a coach and how to choose the right fit
LINKS TO REFERENCES MADE IN THIS EPISODE:
Women Making Moves: Coaches on Coaching with Valerie Friedlander
CONNECT WITH AMY:
CONNECT WITH VALERIE:
Sign up for Valerie’s newsletter
Apply to be coached on the podcast
This podcast was produced by Valerie Friedlander Coaching
Proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Valerie Friedlander (00:00):
Hello, my friends, and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of Mindset unlimited.
Today, we are talking aboutidentifying your true goals,
finding and leading from yourtruth Center. This is such an
important topic right now as wenavigate the world in spaces of
upheaval and recognize that weneed to create major shifts,
which requires us to let go ofour brain and our egos,
(00:28):
attachment to what feels safe,what we've learned fictitiously,
is secure for us and be able tostep into unknown spaces on a
solid footing, which is inconnection to our truth and so
that we can lead ourselvesforward, and we can co lead with
others forward into creating amore loving, a more caring, a
(00:53):
more supportive way of beingwith each Other. I am thrilled
to introduce you to Amy pons,who is joining me for this
conversation. She is a fellowChicago life coach and podcast
host. Her podcast is womenmaking moves, and I was thrilled
to be able to be on it recently.
(01:15):
We're talking about all thingslife coaching. If you have not
checked that out, there is alink in the show notes, and I
would love for you to listen andher other episodes, the other
interviews that she has are justincredible. I am a huge fan of
the podcast. That's part of howwe connected, is I reached out
to her around her interviews,and so she's just fabulous. She
(01:41):
is a warrior and a healer who,through empathetic coaching,
passion, spiritual guidance anda little bit of magic and a dash
hint of spice, guides humanityto create the balance we've
never seen in this lifetime.
What used to feel okay, fine oreven great, no longer does
you're being called inward, andit can be jarring or even scary,
and it's always worth it to livein a version of you that is your
(02:06):
favorite. We talk about that. Wetalk about the importance of the
journey and what you accruealong the way, and how that
matters as much, if not evenmore than the end goal. How
claiming your power begins byreleasing control of what's not
yours and identifying andclaiming what is gratitude,
(02:27):
embracing duality curiosity andother ways to support a mindset
shift and also when to get acoach and how to choose the
right fit. This is such a juicyconversation, and I know you're
going to love it. So withoutfurther ado, let's get started.
(02:58):
Welcome, Amy. I'm so excited tohave you on Unlimited,
Amy Pons (03:02):
Glad to be here Unlimited. What's that even
mean? In a good way.
Valerie Friedlander (03:09):
That's one of my questions at the end,
actually, is, what does thatmean to you? So we, we will
definitely talk about that. Butspeaking of unlimited, one of
the things that this podcast isreally focused on is taking off
our learned limitations. So Ilike to start off asking you
about what is a limit that youtook for granted, that you have
(03:33):
since unlearned.
Amy Pons (03:36):
You know, I kind of joke like, of course, I know
what unlimited means. I'm so intune with spirit, nature,
universe, us being at one withuniverse and source. There are
no limitations. It's the to yourpoint they lived human
experience at which like that,which places any limits based on
(03:56):
our lived experience. So I havelike, a million limit. My whole
life has been a big one, biglimit, meaning in my family in
particular, the lived experiencewas based on fear, scarce,
scarcity, lack. It's like beingbeholden to only those things
(04:18):
that which make you money orthere wasn't a lot of other
conversations. So thelimitation, or the lived
experience based on what myfamily only knew was doing life,
so to speak, one way, which wasgoing to mainstream church every
Sunday, and it never reallylanded for me, necessarily? I
(04:41):
was like, Okay, I don't really,I don't. Something didn't land
right with me, that we werelooking to, like one entity for
basically transcription of atext, I don't know. So it just
didn't land with me. But. Thatwas all that I learned. And then
(05:03):
you go to school, you you know,get a job, get a paycheck, pay
taxes, and retire to Florida,was kind of like the vibe. So it
was like, That's what I mean byone huge limit. And a lot of
people will say, Oh, you'refaulting your parents. The thing
about that is duality is a hugething for me, more than one
(05:24):
thing to be true at once,meaning I understand that they
only knew limitations. That'sthe only way that they knew how
to do life. And so that was, ofcourse, going to come through
with with me as growing up. Andfor the first 40 years, I
absolutely did that. Quote,unquote, did it. I did life
(05:45):
great. And around 35 which Ihave this other philosophy with
women, specifically, as we headinto a perimenopause, literally,
our brain chemistry is shiftingso a lot of times, and what
happened for me, what Iexperienced, is that I started
to remember who I was on thiswhole plane around 35 and
(06:09):
especially when I hit 40, it waslike a catapult or like fast
tracked. It was wild. Andeverything I knew, trusted,
believed, etc, etc, etc. Allcame unraveled two years ago,
and I was like, What is this?
You know, high octane corporateexecutive was what I was doing,
(06:31):
and I was completely unavailableto anything that I felt inside
as a unique, organic on a SoulPlane, like who were, who I was
here to be. And I did feel thatto some extent of my day to day,
(06:52):
because I didn't feel jazzedabout creating a digital a
global digital payment walletfor a Fortune 200 company that
wasn't my jam, but I could. Icould do it because I'm fiery
Aries and I'm I'm gonna crush itno matter what. But what did
start to feel good to me waswhat I now understand to be
(07:18):
coaching. I became the women'semployee resource group leader,
and I started coaching hundredsof women, women. I was like, Oh,
that's interesting. I'm like,but I can't make money as a
coach. Like, what does that evenmean? I gotta have a job. I
gotta have a job. What is that?
So what's coming through andexplaining all of this is that I
(07:44):
a limitation that I experiencedaround my relationship with
both, let's say Money andabundance, like holistic
abundance, was a limit that Iboth did not understand my
(08:05):
entire life, and that's stillkind of unfolding.
Valerie Friedlander (08:11):
Yeah, that makes sense. I think we're
taught that we're just supposedto know. I mean, that's kind of
what I'm hearing. And that likethe idea that, okay, I did it.
It's done, like, seeking all ofthose like, Oh, here's this rule
book. Here's how you're supposedto be. And you just do those
things, and then you get theprize at the end. And it's like,
(08:36):
there isn't a done point. So oneof the unlearnings that I have
had is actually being okay withbeing in process and not having
a done point. And what does thatlook like to not be done? I
(08:58):
mean, like I think about thevarious chores. There was a
cartoon years ago. My dad had ittaped to one of our cabinets,
and I can't remember which itmight have been like, for better
or for worse, or something likethat, where the dad was doing
the dishes, and he left like acouple dishes at the side of the
(09:20):
sink, and they turn the lightsoff, and he turned them back on,
and then there was a huge pileof dishes, and he goes, I knew
it. They multiply in the dark,and I feel that way with dishes,
with laundry, with with all ofthose things. And we think of
those kind of ongoing things asthose are the chores, those
(09:44):
things we have to get through.
Those are the things that areweights. Those are the things
that are like, gosh, if I wereliving in a perfect life, I
wouldn't have to deal with themwhen I get to this point. Then,
Amy Pons (09:55):
Is that true?
Valerie Friedlander (09:56):
Right?
Well, exactly, is that true?
Amy Pons (09:59):
I mean, supposedly, I guess, yeah, it's like feeling
beholden to like, Okay, once Iget there. But what is there?
And, okay, sure, one could saythat if you made a certain
amount of money, you could hiresomebody to do everything in
your life for you. And what isthat living look like? Are you
(10:24):
living? Yeah, because for me,like the shift and the
unlearning, for me is youmentioned chores, it's like I
get to do these things. Because,wow, I have a home. I have clean
water. And this might seem triteto some folks, or like toxic
positivity, you would be shockedhow much gratitude plays a role
(10:50):
in what's enough, what is whatyour actual goal might be. Is
your goal to be a millionaire?
When you unpack that, it seemslike so many goals today. I'm an
elder millennial, so many goalsgrowing up through my time was
(11:11):
all about getting as much moneyas you could get. I'm like, oh,
Valerie Friedlander (11:21):
there was never enough,
Amy Pons (11:22):
And there was never...
and there will never, will be.
And what, how do you actuallywant to feel when you do become
a millionaire? You don't feelhappy, cool, also getting to
that point, I don't think a lotof people think about what you
accrue along the way, whether itbe mind, body, spiritual,
(11:44):
getting to that point of being amillionaire, and you might have
a whole new set of onslaughtthings that you're like, Oh, I
didn't want that.
Valerie Friedlander (11:53):
Well, yeah, if you're singly focused, and
one thing is the thing that,once I get that, then I'll be
then you're missing out on aholistic view of life and all
the other pieces that go alongwith that. Like, I'm not
interested in making a ton ofmoney by exploiting people,
(12:16):
yeah, because what does my soulaccrue when I do that exactly.
Amy Pons (12:22):
That's a great point.
Part of my role throughout mycorporate life was in marketing,
was getting people to spend moremoney on their credit card. How
icky that feels. And like,that's when I started to feel
like, well, this is I don't knowthat this was what I came here
to do Earth. This is what Idon't know. This is what I came
here to do. And so I was makinggreat money by getting people to
(12:44):
make, or, you know, to spendmore money. And I think there's
nothing wrong with setting anygoal in your life. Awesome. The
question is, what is theintention in which you're
setting that goal and and induality, especially if we talk
(13:07):
from a soul perspective,nothing's innately good or bad,
but it's again, the intentionbehind it is way. Is the way we
feel satisfied or dissatisfiedon the other side of the thing
that we did. That's where Ialways start with all my
clients. It's like, I purposelyask. I'm like, What are your
(13:29):
goals? And it'll be like, Dothis, do that, do this, do that.
I'm like, Cool, cool. How do youwant to feel on the other side
of this? And they're like, Idon't know, like, accomplished,
cool, why? And like, you know,you know, as a coach like that,
will head into a reallyinteresting conversation. Not
everything excavating thingsthat they didn't even realize.
Valerie Friedlander (13:54):
Yeah, those underlying things that motivate
us, that are beyond ourconscious level, that then often
there shoulds sometimes they'relike real nuggets in there,
right? But some, a lot of timesit's it shoulds based on stories
that we were taught of whatdoing something or having
something would mean about us,about who we are, about what we
(14:19):
can have, who we can be and allof that. And you mentioned the
idea of toxic positivity, I liketo highlight there, because I
think sometimes it getsconfusing of what is actually
being positive and what is beingtoxic. And it, I think of it
(14:39):
like math, right? Like, toxicpositivity is when you pretend
you don't have what you have,right, right? And so to be able
to, like, if you, if you feel aburden from something, well,
what about that like, that'swhere you do that reflection,
like you were talking about oflike, well, what about that
(14:59):
like? What would. You feel likeif you didn't have that, and
also the not imposing it onother people like you should
anytime the shoulds involved,like you should be grateful.
Okay, now we have a problem,because now you're glossing over
the the feelings that areactually present and that can be
done to oneself, like, oh, Ishould be grateful for all these
things. Okay? But if you're not,what's stopping you from feeling
(15:21):
grateful? What's in the way ofthat? Because just telling
yourself to feel a way you don'tfeel isn't gonna that is that
toxic positivity we'repretending we're gonna but, but
gratitude is so powerful, and itis so helpful to get to actually
also get in touch with reality,like anything that pulls us away
(15:43):
from what is true for us,humanly, as well as that, what's
what's possible. I used to getoverwhelmed by my mom would say,
like, well, the realm of allpossibilities. I'm like, That is
too big. Which is why I'll talkabout like this idea of the
(16:07):
learned limitations versus thechosen limitations, the choices
that we make that that create acontainer for ourselves and
knowing okay, what? What is itthat I actually want? How do I
want to feel in my life? And howdo I move with that in mind? And
(16:28):
that's something that comes uparound this. You know, the this
transition from one year toanother in our calendar system,
where we think about the idea ofgoal setting and resolutions.
And people who listen to thispodcast know that I'm not into
(16:50):
that like, and talk about, like,maybe intention setting and that
sort of thing. But even like,anything that that we're so
conditioned to focus on thefuture all the time. But I think
people get confused about, like,how do I plan into the future
but stay present? And especiallyin a time like this, where we're
(17:11):
in such a massive shift with somuch uncertainty, people are
still carrying the weight oflike, within the intensity of
COVID, or the initial intensityof that, like, Oh, two weeks,
wait two weeks. Wait two weeks.
And that did something where,like, I'll say, of course, you
were struggling with any kind ofplanning, because there's a
(17:33):
trauma in that of, like, youcan't see forward. But within
change, there's a there's aperiod of like, I don't know how
to plan because I don't knowwhat's going to happen. And of
course, we also know we onlyhave power over ourselves. I'd
love to hear your thoughts onlike, that idea, because as I'm
talking, I'm seeing thisintersection of like, when you
(17:55):
know that you can't controlanything outside of you. Things
are going to impact you, but theonly person, the only thing that
you truly have power over, ishow you show up and what you do.
The intersection with beingpresent and planning ahead.
Amy Pons (18:14):
I think it comes back to when you feel yourself
forcing and overriding in anypossible degree. Meaning, I have
no idea what the future lookslike, but I'm going to plan
something you know, like withgusto, and you become beholden
to that idea of of you've got totake a moment to consider, do
(18:37):
you got to and Where's thatcoming from? That's such an
invitation, and it's reallyeffing uncomfortable because,
and like COVID was the bestexample for especially those who
only felt good when they were infull control of every moment of
life. So you saw so much mentalhealth deterioration, because
(19:02):
there was so much lack ofcontrol. So it's finding, for
me, it's finding a balancebetween feel your feels like if
you are overriding like ifyou're if you genuinely and
here's the difference, droppinginto your body, feeling into if
you, if you vibe with chakras,energy, energy centers,
(19:24):
literally feel into yourphysical body of what there
might be kind of a pinch. Andyou know it. You know when your
body maybe you don't. This isthe invitation feel your body,
ask your brain to take five feelinto your body what is actually
(19:44):
true and what I also I'll shareon that, in terms of planning
for the future, versus stayingpresent or not, versus in
contrast or with it gets to beboth, so dropping into your body
and saying {breath]. Yeah, Idon't have capacity at all to
(20:04):
set a goal today, amazing. Feelthat, allow it to feel, ask your
brain then, which is likely theone that's like, set this goal
now, ask your brain to come,like, show your brain where in
your physical body that youdon't have capacity today, and
(20:25):
see if the two can meet, becausea lot of times we'll come up
with this internal bath betweendifferent energy centers, no
matter what you subscribe to.
For me, it's chakras, it's it'slike, how do I feel? Can I allow
that to be felt and then set theintention in the future? I want
(20:48):
to feel calm and peace, and Iwant to feel ready to be able to
set goals cool that will tell mybrain, oh, okay, so she's not
overriding me. We get to getthere. But for now, I'm going to
hang back with the rest of theenergy centers and hang out
(21:10):
because we don't have capacity.
It's allowing your brain to workwith you, rather than like a
push pull, because that's aconstant battle, and depending
on where you feel it, therecould be within your energy
centers working against eachother inadvertently. And it's
not your fault. It's a lot ofthe conditioning training that
(21:32):
we've brought up with, a lot isgoing to happen with our root
chakra, which is our safety,stability and security. So if
you don't, quote, unquote, dothe thing that might head toward
something that keeps you safewhere it's going to have some
things to say, feel into it. Itall gets to be both. It's not
(21:56):
ignoring any part of you. It'slike, I want to plan for the
future, and I don't havecapacity today. The other thing
I'll say about that too is a lotof times when we get into
planning for the future, we willattach ourselves and become
beholden to the how, the what orthe when. Ooh, and my clients
(22:18):
hate it when I say this, butI'll say, I'll say, how do you
want to feel? And they'll say,Okay, I want to feel abundant.
Great. Now, the how, what andwhen is none of your business.
And they're like, What? Yeah,it's none of your business. But
you've set the intention thatyou want to feel abundant
(22:42):
amazing. That's almost likereaching up into the sky with a
lighthouse so that the universe,or whomever you subscribe to,
God, Source Creator universe,can see your light and send you
the energetic matches that willco create with you to get to
that abundance. Yeah. So notforcing. Don't override anything
(23:08):
that's trying to come in. Alloweveryone to be in the thought
pool or the field pool, anddetach from the outcomes and all
of the sounds like, gobby, go tothose who are like, how the
possible F do I do that? You geta coach. That's what we're here
for.
Valerie Friedlander (23:25):
Yeah, absolutely, because we're not
meant to do this alone. That'sone of the things that I say is
like your inner work, the onlyyou're the only person who can
do that work, and you're notmeant to do it alone. So we're
not just like as you're talking,I was thinking about how much we
(23:47):
have over emphasized ourintellect, placing so like the
brain, right? The cognitiveability we have, over emphasized
our cognitive ability as theprimary, and we have learned to
bypass our heart intelligence,our gut intelligence, which also
(24:10):
have neurological centers,right? So if you want to get
biological about it, there arenerve centers clusters where
those are essentially otherbrains, but we don't listen to
them, because our systems can'tfunction if we spend the time to
listen. But hey, guess what? Oursystems aren't functioning. We
(24:32):
are about to see that in areally big way. So now is a
great time to slow down and payattention to you.
Amy Pons (24:40):
Your bodies will set you down if you don't
proactively. And we here'shere's something I want to
share. And I'm not a doctor, amedical SME on any level, and I
also am an energy coach, thatenergy will be stored whether
we. Want it to or not, until thepoint where it has nowhere else
(25:03):
to go and it will sit us downwhere we have, we don't have a
choice. So that's where the Ialways everyone's like, Why do I
have to do the work? Yeah, youdon't have to do anything. Free
will, autonomy, and you couldget to a point where your body
makes the choice for you. Andthat's where I feel that we come
in, where we're like, what ifyou want to explore it by any
(25:26):
degree, that's where to yourpoint. The ego and the brain are
always going to keep us inquote, unquote, safe and
familiar territory. Well, ofcourse, the work of the unknown
brain is going to be like, No,nope. And if you gave yourself a
minute to be like, Whoa, Ihaven't pooped in a week. Cool,
that's your invitation.
Something doesn't feel good, oris something of your body like,
(25:49):
do you have? Do you have a it'sgonna someone's ringing your
doorbell, someone meaning yourown body, your guides, universe,
God's creator, someone'sinviting you to explore or or to
excavate, and you get the choiceto ignore that until you can't.
Valerie Friedlander (26:11):
Yeah,
Amy Pons (26:12):
In my experience,
Valerie Friedlander (26:13):
Yeah, and mine as well, also, because I've
seen it with so many clients whocome to me after they're
starting to feel the breakdown,or have been hospitalized for a
breakdown, or are dealing withsome sort of chronic illness
because they didn't listen to orbecause of early childhood
(26:38):
trauma, which is also a facettoo. So it's not all like you
can sit down and do the work,but to recognize that there's
more care that's needed, and tocreate spaces of that. Because
just because our society doesn'tnaturally provide it doesn't
mean you don't deserve it.
Amy Pons (26:54):
Oh, you so deserve it.
I found that to be like, one ofthe earliest things that I'll
work with with people is, do youtrust yourself? Do you love
yourself? Do you think you'reworthy? Are you valuable, and do
you deserve it? Like those arethe kinds of conversations we
even start with. And it'samazing how many people don't
even know that they can't, fullbody say, like, yes to some or
(27:17):
all of those, and it's like, oh,okay, those are the invitations
our birthright is to exist onthis plane, like, literally,
which is it an automaticdeserving of? Feeling into the
favorite version of yourself. Alot of people say best or
(27:50):
highest. That suggests there'slike one, or like better, or I'm
like your favorite. When yougive yourself butterflies, ooh!
Valerie Friedlander (28:01):
Yeah, I like that. I I've also struggled
with those terminologies,because so much of our words
which are symbols that arerooted in our social
understandings. And so words canbe really clunky and and so what
(28:24):
we have access to utilizing canactivate certain parts of
ourselves that aren't even whenwe're trying to say something
else, like, you know, your bestself, or your higher self, or
whatever it's like, there weit's almost like we missed
something. I This has beencoming up a lot, the idea, well,
(28:47):
Audrey Lords quote about theMasters tools. Can't dismantle
the master's house. And in someways, our words are like that.
Amy Pons (28:56):
I host a workshop through this organization. I'm
with the Human Array, which iscalled words or spells, and it's
like thoughts and words orspells. And exactly what I mean
by that is like, before we evenknow it, there's like a thought
that's run through our head.
Because here's here's, what Ifeel is we all have a truth
center within us, in our in ourinternal or energetic field, and
(29:23):
that truth center. At the sametime that that's true, our
bodies almost act like a shockabsorber to our words and our
thoughts, so your body couldtake on something that's not
true, but your truth center isnot necessarily accessible to
(29:46):
your body in that moment,because your thoughts and words
are so powerful, so your bodytakes on imagine just over
myself an example. Over 40years, my body was a shock
absorber. For so much that didnot align with my truth center,
but my body was I'm theimpression that that was all
(30:06):
truth. So through my ownphysical illnesses and chronic
things over the past two years,hospitalizations, I went through
a massive purging, like myphysical body did, getting back
to that truth center. So thatall sounds really heavy, and I
don't mean to ever like, neverscare anyone again. It's just
(30:27):
like, take the tiniest degree ofwhat you and I are saying and
saying, like, Okay, what's thetiniest degree that lands with
me that I could kind of excavateand explore, and it could be
like, how's my heart today? Howdoes my stomach feel? Does my
head hurt? Because whensomething and this goes back to
(30:49):
what we were talking about,about setting expectations,
we're not saying that you can'tset goals. Goals are great, but
when you set yourself up foreither expectations or attaching
to any sort of outcome, which isin the how, what or when, and it
doesn't happen. Before you knowit, you have a thought which is
(31:10):
like, which could be around, I'mnot good enough. Ooh, before you
know it, your body took that asas fact, and oh shoot, now we're
at odds with our truth center,because is it true that I'm not
good enough? No, that's nottrue. So then there's work to
do.
Valerie Friedlander (31:30):
Yeah, well, and the tricky part is that then
our brain creates a story thatwe're that's rooted in what
we're familiar with about whyour body is responding the way
it's responding, and we thinkthat's what's true, instead of
actually digging further tounderstand what is, what's
happening within ourselves andour truth center and and that is
(31:52):
that's so often that that deeperpart of actually looking at will
almost like, like what you weresaying of what is The what is
the thought? People talk about,the thought, feeling, action,
sort of model, right? Thecognitive behavioral analysis
design, right? But what I havefound is that it isn't really
(32:14):
it's like the thought that wedon't know the feeling and then
the thought that we have fromthe feeling, or the belief that
that activates, and then themore feeling, and then the
action that creates patterns inour life. So when we can go
further than that, of like, whatis my body feeling? And I love
(32:37):
the modeling that you're doingright now, I don't even know
that you you probably just thisis part of how you do this, but
the pausing, the pausing evenwithin the phrase How you're
really taking that moment toaccess what you're seeking to
(33:03):
convey. And I have heard so manystories come through, as I've
done work with clients, aroundpausing, of this resistance, of
pausing because we oh, it lookslike I'm slow, it looks like I'm
this, that, or the other thing,like these stories, and I have a
(33:25):
kid who whose brain is slower,and I actually, through that
work of like, understanding slowprocessing, I'm like, Oh, I'm a
slow processor. But if we bypasstaking that space, that's where
we're going to grab the toolthat's most available, and it's
(33:48):
going to be the one that we wereconditioned to use, because that
is naturally going to be theit's like you put your hand out
looking for something, andsociety will just hear, this is
the tool you're looking for, andso You will use it. It's the one
that feels the the most familiarin your arm. And so taking that
pause, you receive that tool,and go, No, that's not, that's
(34:10):
not the tool I'm looking for.
Let me find it.
Amy Pons (34:15):
You put it down.
Valerie Friedlander (34:16):
You put it down!
Amy Pons (34:18):
Not yours.
Valerie Friedlander (34:20):
Yeah, well, I think it's really important.
Yeah,
Amy Pons (34:20):
And that's a really beautiful acknowledgement. And
the good news is, the more youget in touch with your truth
I'm glad that you brought thatforward, because that is
center, and I'll give you anexample. I'll give everybody a
really easy, tangible example ofyour truth center coming through
when there has something there,when there's been something
(34:42):
that's unfolded in your physicallife, people, places and things,
and later on, you might feel badabout it. Something feels icky.
It's likely that somethingwithin that interaction did not
align with your truth center.
That's why you're feeling somepeople might call it guilt or.
I'm just feeling somethingdoesn't land, something doesn't
(35:05):
sit right. That's the invitationthat is an example of what you
just said, where you've used orleveraged something from your
lived experience that does notalign with your truth center.
That's where you start to unfoldwhat is and is not your truth
center. And what's beautiful iswhen you start to discern, and
(35:28):
you said this earlier too, likeit's either a feeling, thought
or a thought feeling, tounderstand which one is the
root, when you start to figureout which is the discernment and
which is actually your truth andwhich one is your conditioning.
It's still important not tojudge that conditioning, because
(35:50):
that's beautifully part of youas well. It's saying, Hey,
welcome. And when you'reallowed, when you allow yourself
to step outside of the copypaste, like if I sit here in
process for a minute, somebody'sgonna judge me. Cool. That's not
mine. That's theirs. When yougive yourself that moment to
(36:13):
discern that pause, then you'relike, Okay, I honor that. This
is the way that I have beenconditioned, and I would love to
explore what would be a responsefrom my truth center. Then
again, like I picture head andheart, but like also I have
sacral authority. So I picturemy sacral energy and my brain
(36:35):
like walking together, the moreyou can have that discernment
and help them both to feel seenand heard. Hmm. That's where,
that's, like the on any degree,that's if someone needs a how,
that's a step toward the how, atleast in my practice,
(37:03):
something that I often see, isthat people that I work with
have done enough personaldevelopment through our
traditional modes of developmentthat they know how to beat
themselves up with it. Oh,right, right. And that's what
that's what happens. Oh, I, Ishouldn't be shoulding on
myself. Ah! Like, no, let's letthe should in.
Valerie Friedlander (37:25):
Yeah, just give it some room. Let it be
heard in its fullness, so thatyou can care for that part of
yourself that needed that, thatfelt like it needed that.
Amy Pons (37:39):
Yeah,
Valerie Friedlander (37:40):
And, you know, I had someone important in
my life say to me at one pointthat they wished that they could
have been the person in thatrole, that they thought that I
wanted them to be. And I waslike, Whoa, that's a that is a
loaded thing. And I understoodthe like, the message behind it,
(38:05):
of like, there was a certainamount of regret that they
weren't able to show up the waythat they wanted to show up. But
that was, there's a lot of like,I think that you think that
should have this and that andthat and the other thing. And it
was like, Okay, well, I can holdspace for the feeling of that
(38:28):
and also recognize that it was,it wasn't perfect, whatever that
means. It wasn't what if I, if Ias that person that that I was a
long time ago, had been able tosay, this is what I want for
somebody in my life, in thatrole, to be like I probably
(38:49):
would have you said a number ofthings that that person was not,
and all of those human pieces,all of those things that weren't
what I would have said I wanted.
Are part of how we are able toconnect the way we are now, and
part of who I am now and why Ican show up with people the way
(39:15):
I can now. It's all part of mystory and my journey and my
work, it's given me an awarenessand access and a journey that
allows me to to be who I am now,and so I can hold space for all
of that and all of them. Thatdoesn't mean that, you know,
(39:36):
were they still to be the sameperson that they were at that
time. I wouldn't set boundariesdifferently as an adult person.
And so yes, both and in that.
Amy Pons (39:52):
Both and always, you get to feel, and this is what a
lot of people in my. Experiencelike struggle with is that on
the Soul Plane again, there's nogood, bad, right, wrong,
everything just is. And so, forinstance, as an intuitive I have
(40:18):
glimmers peaks behind thecurtain of things that might be
transpiring. Just because I knowand feel what's unfolding
doesn't mean sometimes thatdoesn't hurt in my human
experience. So so I thinkthere's an assumption it's like,
(40:39):
if you're an intuitive or intune with spirit and coach like
you know why everything'shappening. You understand the
why it doesn't make it any anyeasier, sometimes, on a human
experience level, some days Ijust allow myself, Oh my gosh. I
just had one Saturday. I allowedmyself to be so mad all day
(41:01):
long. Did it serve me? Maybe,maybe not, but I allowed it in,
because I'm like, okay, but I'vehad this energy for probably,
like two weeks now it's like,what I'm going through an
upgrade, like my I get toexperience an upgrade. So I I
(41:25):
feel it. I get all ragey, andI'm like, okay, all right, a lot
so much of it is just allowingand never forcing. And some
people are like, Well, I gottago to I just gotta go to work.
When there's things as humans,as responsible adults, that we
gotta just do again. It'sfinding on any degree that you
(41:49):
allow yourself to feel at all,maybe get your favorite drink on
the way into work, or whateverit is, find a way to find space
and softness for that,whatever's coming in, yeah, and
to your point, by pass it,
Valerie Friedlander (42:10):
Yeah.
Amy Pons (42:11):
Turn it all the way up if you can.
Valerie Friedlander (42:14):
Absolutely, really feeling Your feelings,
because there's so muchinformation in there and and it
can be information that you needto do something different, that
you're missing out of alignmentwith your truth, and it doesn't
necessarily mean do somethingright now. Like, sometimes I
(42:36):
don't know, oh, what it is,right? Like, sometimes I can
just know that it's notsomething is not fitting,
something feels off, and I don'tget to know what it is yet, or I
do, but I don't have the choicesavailable to me yet. And so what
(42:56):
is the choice that I can makethat honors that space that
moves me in a direction towardthe choices that I'm seeking to
make that was a big aha for meof like, oh, maybe it's not all
about like, the choices. Maybethey're not choices I can make
right now because of my humanexperience, because of what's
(43:19):
happening in my life and theconstraints that I have and the
other choices that I've made,but when I can recognize that
it's something that I'm calledto, something that I desire,
then I can make the next choicetowards that in that direction,
honoring whatever it is that'scalling me in that direction,
(43:39):
even if it's not the thing thatI would choose right now,
because of other things that areimportant to me even,
Amy Pons (43:49):
And that's why having a coach is so cool, is to be
able to mirror back, of course,like what you're walking
through. And we are trained toextract those nuggets, even if
you don't realize it's anuggets, like, here's what I'm
hearing. It's so cool to havethat kind of mirror. And
coaching as a profession is, isjust, has just been exquisitely
(44:12):
interesting to me, because whenI left corporate in the
corporate world, coachingexisted on if you're not
familiar, you got a companysponsored coach once you got to
a certain level within theorganization, otherwise you
don't get that. And so that'sall that. It occurred to me that
(44:33):
it was only about I actuallydidn't even know what they were
coached about. It was like, whatare they getting coaching on? I
know doesn't make sense to me,and then I get it now, and I
don't know if those executivesbecause they were in their own
path, the folks that are coachesand that are the ones helping
(44:56):
you step through that next best.
Just feeling and action. For me,I call it like a soul aligned
action, or a truth centeredaction. That's the really cool
stuff that I feel the collectiveis is feeling so strongly right
now, and they're like, how thehell do I actually start? Start
following people that somethingabout content that lands with
(45:23):
you. Start following them, setup time with them, build a
rapport. The number one successcriteria with a coach is making
sure you have that two wayrapport.
Valerie Friedlander (45:35):
Yeah, that is absolutely I very much
encourage. And I think sometimespeople resist reaching out if
they don't know, and I thinkthat's the perfect time to reach
out, because if you're talkingto somebody who is really doing
that work, their goal and thefocus of that conversation is
(46:00):
going to be on helping youassess if they're the person to
help you do whatever it is, orbe wherever you are, whatever
that looks like, whatever reasonyou're reaching out and you
don't have to, you actuallydon't have to have the right
questions, like, you don't haveto be like, Okay, I'm
(46:21):
interviewing you. It doesn'thave to. We can just be like, I
just wanted to talk, and that'sactually okay, but I just felt
like I needed to get on a callwith you. Amazing. Don't worry
about wasting anybody's time,and we have a calendar for a
reason. Not wasting our time,that's part of our work.
Amy Pons (46:39):
I actually encourage, I'm like, if you feel like
you're like, something's bad, Igive or something's off, and I
have no idea what it is, cool,that's the best time to start
chatting. And yeah, and bemindful of those that are one
wanting to expedite or have theprocess be fast, folks that may
(47:03):
not be the best fit. So trustyourself. This goes back to
what's your gut feeling. So
Valerie Friedlander (47:10):
Yeah, absolutely, that's so, so true.
So thank you for thisconversation. This has been a
lot of fun. I like to wrap up aswe started, we talked about,
like, what is, what does it meanto be unlimited? And one of the
reasons I put this at the end isbecause sometimes what we talk
(47:32):
about, because I don't scriptour conversations, and it's, you
know, I don't have setquestions. It really is more of
a conversation than aninterview. Sometimes the energy
in the conversation helps unlocklike, what are the what are the
words that are vibrating withthat energy? So to that, what
(47:55):
does it mean to you to beunlimited,
Amy Pons (48:00):
To have unwavering faith and allowment for my
runway of life to be extendedall the time, to have A
regulated central nervoussystem, the trust and the
(48:22):
problem. Process to be okay withthe unknown, to set intentions,
and knowing when I set theintentions toward my energetic
matches. I shine my light sothat others can find me and the
(48:50):
universe can give me, kind oflike a high five energetic match
to send it back to me.
Valerie Friedlander (48:57):
Awesome.
And when you want to tap intothat unlimited feeling, what
song do you listen to?
Amy Pons (49:10):
This is me, Keala Settle from The Greatest
Showman.
Valerie Friedlander (49:16):
Awesome.
Well, that'll be on my Unlimitedplaylist. Thank you so much Amy
for joining me today. Iappreciate it.
Amy Pons (49:27):
Thanks for having me.
Valerie Friedlander (49:28):
Thank you so much for tuning in to this
episode. It is always a pleasureand an honor to have you join
me, and I invite you to be partof the conversation. Leave a
note under the episode, leave acomment on the blog post for
this episode on my website, sendme a text, send me an email. I
(49:50):
really, truly love to hear fromyou. So whatever way feels most
accessible for you, let me knowwhat came up for you in
listening to this episode. Isthere a nugget that you took
away from. It, or did it bringquestions forward that you would
like to have answered in afuture episode? I want to hear
from you. So please don'thesitate to reach out. And of
course, if you are looking forcoaching, support, my
(50:12):
information and a link toschedule a free exploration
session is in the show notes aslong with Amy's. So please reach
out. We are not meant to do anyof this alone. I'm here for you.
I'm sending you so much love,and I will talk to you all next
time.
Hello, my friends, and welcome to another
(00:02):
episode of Mindset unlimited.
Today, we are talking aboutidentifying your true goals,
finding and leading from yourtruth Center. This is such an
important topic right now as wenavigate the world in spaces of
upheaval and recognize that weneed to create major shifts,
which requires us to let go ofour brain and our egos,
(00:28):
attachment to what feels safe,what we've learned fictitiously,
is secure for us and be able tostep into unknown spaces on a
solid footing, which is inconnection to our truth and so
that we can lead ourselvesforward, and we can co lead with
others forward into creating amore loving, a more caring, a
(00:53):
more supportive way of beingwith each Other. I am thrilled
to introduce you to Amy pons,who is joining me for this
conversation. She is a fellowChicago life coach and podcast
host. Her podcast is womenmaking moves, and I was thrilled
to be able to be on it recently.
(01:15):
We're talking about all thingslife coaching. If you have not
checked that out, there is alink in the show notes, and I
would love for you to listen andher other episodes, the other
interviews that she has are justincredible. I am a huge fan of
the podcast. That's part of howwe connected, is I reached out
to her around her interviews,and so she's just fabulous. She
(01:41):
is a warrior and a healer who,through empathetic coaching,
passion, spiritual guidance anda little bit of magic and a dash
hint of spice, guides humanityto create the balance we've
never seen in this lifetime.
What used to feel okay, fine oreven great, no longer does
you're being called inward, andit can be jarring or even scary,
and it's always worth it to livein a version of you that is your
(02:06):
favorite. We talk about that. Wetalk about the importance of the
journey and what you accruealong the way, and how that
matters as much, if not evenmore than the end goal. How
claiming your power begins byreleasing control of what's not
yours and identifying andclaiming what is gratitude,
(02:27):
embracing duality curiosity andother ways to support a mindset
shift and also when to get acoach and how to choose the
right fit. This is such a juicyconversation, and I know you're
going to love it. So withoutfurther ado, let's get started.
(02:58):
Welcome, Amy. I'm so excited tohave you on Unlimited,
Amy Pons (03:02):
Glad to be here Unlimited. What's that even
mean? In a good way.
Valerie Friedlander (03:09):
That's one of my questions at the end,
actually, is, what does thatmean to you? So we, we will
definitely talk about that. Butspeaking of unlimited, one of
the things that this podcast isreally focused on is taking off
our learned limitations. So Ilike to start off asking you
about what is a limit that youtook for granted, that you have
(03:33):
since unlearned.
Amy Pons (03:36):
You know, I kind of joke like, of course, I know
what unlimited means. I'm so intune with spirit, nature,
universe, us being at one withuniverse and source. There are
no limitations. It's the to yourpoint they lived human
experience at which like that,which places any limits based on
(03:56):
our lived experience. So I havelike, a million limit. My whole
life has been a big one, biglimit, meaning in my family in
particular, the lived experiencewas based on fear, scarce,
scarcity, lack. It's like beingbeholden to only those things
(04:18):
that which make you money orthere wasn't a lot of other
conversations. So thelimitation, or the lived
experience based on what myfamily only knew was doing life,
so to speak, one way, which wasgoing to mainstream church every
Sunday, and it never reallylanded for me, necessarily? I
(04:41):
was like, Okay, I don't really,I don't. Something didn't land
right with me, that we werelooking to, like one entity for
basically transcription of atext, I don't know. So it just
didn't land with me. But. Thatwas all that I learned. And then
(05:03):
you go to school, you you know,get a job, get a paycheck, pay
taxes, and retire to Florida,was kind of like the vibe. So it
was like, That's what I mean byone huge limit. And a lot of
people will say, Oh, you'refaulting your parents. The thing
about that is duality is a hugething for me, more than one
(05:24):
thing to be true at once,meaning I understand that they
only knew limitations. That'sthe only way that they knew how
to do life. And so that was, ofcourse, going to come through
with with me as growing up. Andfor the first 40 years, I
absolutely did that. Quote,unquote, did it. I did life
(05:45):
great. And around 35 which Ihave this other philosophy with
women, specifically, as we headinto a perimenopause, literally,
our brain chemistry is shiftingso a lot of times, and what
happened for me, what Iexperienced, is that I started
to remember who I was on thiswhole plane around 35 and
(06:09):
especially when I hit 40, it waslike a catapult or like fast
tracked. It was wild. Andeverything I knew, trusted,
believed, etc, etc, etc. Allcame unraveled two years ago,
and I was like, What is this?
You know, high octane corporateexecutive was what I was doing,
(06:31):
and I was completely unavailableto anything that I felt inside
as a unique, organic on a SoulPlane, like who were, who I was
here to be. And I did feel thatto some extent of my day to day,
(06:52):
because I didn't feel jazzedabout creating a digital a
global digital payment walletfor a Fortune 200 company that
wasn't my jam, but I could. Icould do it because I'm fiery
Aries and I'm I'm gonna crush itno matter what. But what did
start to feel good to me waswhat I now understand to be
(07:18):
coaching. I became the women'semployee resource group leader,
and I started coaching hundredsof women, women. I was like, Oh,
that's interesting. I'm like,but I can't make money as a
coach. Like, what does that evenmean? I gotta have a job. I
gotta have a job. What is that?
So what's coming through andexplaining all of this is that I
(07:44):
a limitation that I experiencedaround my relationship with
both, let's say Money andabundance, like holistic
abundance, was a limit that Iboth did not understand my
(08:05):
entire life, and that's stillkind of unfolding.
Valerie Friedlander (08:11):
Yeah, that makes sense. I think we're
taught that we're just supposedto know. I mean, that's kind of
what I'm hearing. And that likethe idea that, okay, I did it.
It's done, like, seeking all ofthose like, Oh, here's this rule
book. Here's how you're supposedto be. And you just do those
things, and then you get theprize at the end. And it's like,
(08:36):
there isn't a done point. So oneof the unlearnings that I have
had is actually being okay withbeing in process and not having
a done point. And what does thatlook like to not be done? I
(08:58):
mean, like I think about thevarious chores. There was a
cartoon years ago. My dad had ittaped to one of our cabinets,
and I can't remember which itmight have been like, for better
or for worse, or something likethat, where the dad was doing
the dishes, and he left like acouple dishes at the side of the
(09:20):
sink, and they turn the lightsoff, and he turned them back on,
and then there was a huge pileof dishes, and he goes, I knew
it. They multiply in the dark,and I feel that way with dishes,
with laundry, with with all ofthose things. And we think of
those kind of ongoing things asthose are the chores, those
(09:44):
things we have to get through.
Those are the things that areweights. Those are the things
that are like, gosh, if I wereliving in a perfect life, I
wouldn't have to deal with themwhen I get to this point. Then,
Amy Pons (09:55):
Is that true?
Valerie Friedlander (09:56):
Right?
Well, exactly, is that true?
Amy Pons (09:59):
I mean, supposedly, I guess, yeah, it's like feeling
beholden to like, Okay, once Iget there. But what is there?
And, okay, sure, one could saythat if you made a certain
amount of money, you could hiresomebody to do everything in
your life for you. And what isthat living look like? Are you
(10:24):
living? Yeah, because for me,like the shift and the
unlearning, for me is youmentioned chores, it's like I
get to do these things. Because,wow, I have a home. I have clean
water. And this might seem triteto some folks, or like toxic
positivity, you would be shockedhow much gratitude plays a role
(10:50):
in what's enough, what is whatyour actual goal might be. Is
your goal to be a millionaire?
When you unpack that, it seemslike so many goals today. I'm an
elder millennial, so many goalsgrowing up through my time was
(11:11):
all about getting as much moneyas you could get. I'm like, oh,
Valerie Friedlander (11:21):
there was never enough,
Amy Pons (11:22):
And there was never...
and there will never, will be.
And what, how do you actuallywant to feel when you do become
a millionaire? You don't feelhappy, cool, also getting to
that point, I don't think a lotof people think about what you
accrue along the way, whether itbe mind, body, spiritual,
(11:44):
getting to that point of being amillionaire, and you might have
a whole new set of onslaughtthings that you're like, Oh, I
didn't want that.
Valerie Friedlander (11:53):
Well, yeah, if you're singly focused, and
one thing is the thing that,once I get that, then I'll be
then you're missing out on aholistic view of life and all
the other pieces that go alongwith that. Like, I'm not
interested in making a ton ofmoney by exploiting people,
(12:16):
yeah, because what does my soulaccrue when I do that exactly.
Amy Pons (12:22):
That's a great point.
Part of my role throughout mycorporate life was in marketing,
was getting people to spend moremoney on their credit card. How
icky that feels. And like,that's when I started to feel
like, well, this is I don't knowthat this was what I came here
to do Earth. This is what Idon't know. This is what I came
here to do. And so I was makinggreat money by getting people to
(12:44):
make, or, you know, to spendmore money. And I think there's
nothing wrong with setting anygoal in your life. Awesome. The
question is, what is theintention in which you're
setting that goal and and induality, especially if we talk
(13:07):
from a soul perspective,nothing's innately good or bad,
but it's again, the intentionbehind it is way. Is the way we
feel satisfied or dissatisfiedon the other side of the thing
that we did. That's where Ialways start with all my
clients. It's like, I purposelyask. I'm like, What are your
(13:29):
goals? And it'll be like, Dothis, do that, do this, do that.
I'm like, Cool, cool. How do youwant to feel on the other side
of this? And they're like, Idon't know, like, accomplished,
cool, why? And like, you know,you know, as a coach like that,
will head into a reallyinteresting conversation. Not
everything excavating thingsthat they didn't even realize.
Valerie Friedlander (13:54):
Yeah, those underlying things that motivate
us, that are beyond ourconscious level, that then often
there shoulds sometimes they'relike real nuggets in there,
right? But some, a lot of timesit's it shoulds based on stories
that we were taught of whatdoing something or having
something would mean about us,about who we are, about what we
(14:19):
can have, who we can be and allof that. And you mentioned the
idea of toxic positivity, I liketo highlight there, because I
think sometimes it getsconfusing of what is actually
being positive and what is beingtoxic. And it, I think of it
(14:39):
like math, right? Like, toxicpositivity is when you pretend
you don't have what you have,right, right? And so to be able
to, like, if you, if you feel aburden from something, well,
what about that like, that'swhere you do that reflection,
like you were talking about oflike, well, what about that
(14:59):
like? What would. You feel likeif you didn't have that, and
also the not imposing it onother people like you should
anytime the shoulds involved,like you should be grateful.
Okay, now we have a problem,because now you're glossing over
the the feelings that areactually present and that can be
done to oneself, like, oh, Ishould be grateful for all these
things. Okay? But if you're not,what's stopping you from feeling
(15:21):
grateful? What's in the way ofthat? Because just telling
yourself to feel a way you don'tfeel isn't gonna that is that
toxic positivity we'repretending we're gonna but, but
gratitude is so powerful, and itis so helpful to get to actually
also get in touch with reality,like anything that pulls us away
(15:43):
from what is true for us,humanly, as well as that, what's
what's possible. I used to getoverwhelmed by my mom would say,
like, well, the realm of allpossibilities. I'm like, That is
too big. Which is why I'll talkabout like this idea of the
(16:07):
learned limitations versus thechosen limitations, the choices
that we make that that create acontainer for ourselves and
knowing okay, what? What is itthat I actually want? How do I
want to feel in my life? And howdo I move with that in mind? And
(16:28):
that's something that comes uparound this. You know, the this
transition from one year toanother in our calendar system,
where we think about the idea ofgoal setting and resolutions.
And people who listen to thispodcast know that I'm not into
(16:50):
that like, and talk about, like,maybe intention setting and that
sort of thing. But even like,anything that that we're so
conditioned to focus on thefuture all the time. But I think
people get confused about, like,how do I plan into the future
but stay present? And especiallyin a time like this, where we're
(17:11):
in such a massive shift with somuch uncertainty, people are
still carrying the weight oflike, within the intensity of
COVID, or the initial intensityof that, like, Oh, two weeks,
wait two weeks. Wait two weeks.
And that did something where,like, I'll say, of course, you
were struggling with any kind ofplanning, because there's a
(17:33):
trauma in that of, like, youcan't see forward. But within
change, there's a there's aperiod of like, I don't know how
to plan because I don't knowwhat's going to happen. And of
course, we also know we onlyhave power over ourselves. I'd
love to hear your thoughts onlike, that idea, because as I'm
talking, I'm seeing thisintersection of like, when you
(17:55):
know that you can't controlanything outside of you. Things
are going to impact you, but theonly person, the only thing that
you truly have power over, ishow you show up and what you do.
The intersection with beingpresent and planning ahead.
Amy Pons (18:14):
I think it comes back to when you feel yourself
forcing and overriding in anypossible degree. Meaning, I have
no idea what the future lookslike, but I'm going to plan
something you know, like withgusto, and you become beholden
to that idea of of you've got totake a moment to consider, do
(18:37):
you got to and Where's thatcoming from? That's such an
invitation, and it's reallyeffing uncomfortable because,
and like COVID was the bestexample for especially those who
only felt good when they were infull control of every moment of
life. So you saw so much mentalhealth deterioration, because
(19:02):
there was so much lack ofcontrol. So it's finding, for
me, it's finding a balancebetween feel your feels like if
you are overriding like ifyou're if you genuinely and
here's the difference, droppinginto your body, feeling into if
you, if you vibe with chakras,energy, energy centers,
(19:24):
literally feel into yourphysical body of what there
might be kind of a pinch. Andyou know it. You know when your
body maybe you don't. This isthe invitation feel your body,
ask your brain to take five feelinto your body what is actually
(19:44):
true and what I also I'll shareon that, in terms of planning
for the future, versus stayingpresent or not, versus in
contrast or with it gets to beboth, so dropping into your body
and saying {breath]. Yeah, Idon't have capacity at all to
(20:04):
set a goal today, amazing. Feelthat, allow it to feel, ask your
brain then, which is likely theone that's like, set this goal
now, ask your brain to come,like, show your brain where in
your physical body that youdon't have capacity today, and
(20:25):
see if the two can meet, becausea lot of times we'll come up
with this internal bath betweendifferent energy centers, no
matter what you subscribe to.
For me, it's chakras, it's it'slike, how do I feel? Can I allow
that to be felt and then set theintention in the future? I want
(20:48):
to feel calm and peace, and Iwant to feel ready to be able to
set goals cool that will tell mybrain, oh, okay, so she's not
overriding me. We get to getthere. But for now, I'm going to
hang back with the rest of theenergy centers and hang out
(21:10):
because we don't have capacity.
It's allowing your brain to workwith you, rather than like a
push pull, because that's aconstant battle, and depending
on where you feel it, therecould be within your energy
centers working against eachother inadvertently. And it's
not your fault. It's a lot ofthe conditioning training that
(21:32):
we've brought up with, a lot isgoing to happen with our root
chakra, which is our safety,stability and security. So if
you don't, quote, unquote, dothe thing that might head toward
something that keeps you safewhere it's going to have some
things to say, feel into it. Itall gets to be both. It's not
(21:56):
ignoring any part of you. It'slike, I want to plan for the
future, and I don't havecapacity today. The other thing
I'll say about that too is a lotof times when we get into
planning for the future, we willattach ourselves and become
beholden to the how, the what orthe when. Ooh, and my clients
(22:18):
hate it when I say this, butI'll say, I'll say, how do you
want to feel? And they'll say,Okay, I want to feel abundant.
Great. Now, the how, what andwhen is none of your business.
And they're like, What? Yeah,it's none of your business. But
you've set the intention thatyou want to feel abundant
(22:42):
amazing. That's almost likereaching up into the sky with a
lighthouse so that the universe,or whomever you subscribe to,
God, Source Creator universe,can see your light and send you
the energetic matches that willco create with you to get to
that abundance. Yeah. So notforcing. Don't override anything
(23:08):
that's trying to come in. Alloweveryone to be in the thought
pool or the field pool, anddetach from the outcomes and all
of the sounds like, gobby, go tothose who are like, how the
possible F do I do that? You geta coach. That's what we're here
for.
Valerie Friedlander (23:25):
Yeah, absolutely, because we're not
meant to do this alone. That'sone of the things that I say is
like your inner work, the onlyyou're the only person who can
do that work, and you're notmeant to do it alone. So we're
not just like as you're talking,I was thinking about how much we
(23:47):
have over emphasized ourintellect, placing so like the
brain, right? The cognitiveability we have, over emphasized
our cognitive ability as theprimary, and we have learned to
bypass our heart intelligence,our gut intelligence, which also
(24:10):
have neurological centers,right? So if you want to get
biological about it, there arenerve centers clusters where
those are essentially otherbrains, but we don't listen to
them, because our systems can'tfunction if we spend the time to
listen. But hey, guess what? Oursystems aren't functioning. We
(24:32):
are about to see that in areally big way. So now is a
great time to slow down and payattention to you.
Amy Pons (24:40):
Your bodies will set you down if you don't
proactively. And we here'shere's something I want to
share. And I'm not a doctor, amedical SME on any level, and I
also am an energy coach, thatenergy will be stored whether
we. Want it to or not, until thepoint where it has nowhere else
(25:03):
to go and it will sit us downwhere we have, we don't have a
choice. So that's where the Ialways everyone's like, Why do I
have to do the work? Yeah, youdon't have to do anything. Free
will, autonomy, and you couldget to a point where your body
makes the choice for you. Andthat's where I feel that we come
in, where we're like, what ifyou want to explore it by any
(25:26):
degree, that's where to yourpoint. The ego and the brain are
always going to keep us inquote, unquote, safe and
familiar territory. Well, ofcourse, the work of the unknown
brain is going to be like, No,nope. And if you gave yourself a
minute to be like, Whoa, Ihaven't pooped in a week. Cool,
that's your invitation.
Something doesn't feel good, oris something of your body like,
(25:49):
do you have? Do you have a it'sgonna someone's ringing your
doorbell, someone meaning yourown body, your guides, universe,
God's creator, someone'sinviting you to explore or or to
excavate, and you get the choiceto ignore that until you can't.
Valerie Friedlander (26:11):
Yeah,
Amy Pons (26:12):
In my experience,
Valerie Friedlander (26:13):
Yeah, and mine as well, also, because I've
seen it with so many clients whocome to me after they're
starting to feel the breakdown,or have been hospitalized for a
breakdown, or are dealing withsome sort of chronic illness
because they didn't listen to orbecause of early childhood
(26:38):
trauma, which is also a facettoo. So it's not all like you
can sit down and do the work,but to recognize that there's
more care that's needed, and tocreate spaces of that. Because
just because our society doesn'tnaturally provide it doesn't
mean you don't deserve it.
Amy Pons (26:54):
Oh, you so deserve it.
I found that to be like, one ofthe earliest things that I'll
work with with people is, do youtrust yourself? Do you love
yourself? Do you think you'reworthy? Are you valuable, and do
you deserve it? Like those arethe kinds of conversations we
even start with. And it'samazing how many people don't
even know that they can't, fullbody say, like, yes to some or
(27:17):
all of those, and it's like, oh,okay, those are the invitations
our birthright is to exist onthis plane, like, literally,
which is it an automaticdeserving of? Feeling into the
favorite version of yourself. Alot of people say best or
(27:50):
highest. That suggests there'slike one, or like better, or I'm
like your favorite. When yougive yourself butterflies, ooh!
Valerie Friedlander (28:01):
Yeah, I like that. I I've also struggled
with those terminologies,because so much of our words
which are symbols that arerooted in our social
understandings. And so words canbe really clunky and and so what
(28:24):
we have access to utilizing canactivate certain parts of
ourselves that aren't even whenwe're trying to say something
else, like, you know, your bestself, or your higher self, or
whatever it's like, there weit's almost like we missed
something. I This has beencoming up a lot, the idea, well,
(28:47):
Audrey Lords quote about theMasters tools. Can't dismantle
the master's house. And in someways, our words are like that.
Amy Pons (28:56):
I host a workshop through this organization. I'm
with the Human Array, which iscalled words or spells, and it's
like thoughts and words orspells. And exactly what I mean
by that is like, before we evenknow it, there's like a thought
that's run through our head.
Because here's here's, what Ifeel is we all have a truth
center within us, in our in ourinternal or energetic field, and
(29:23):
that truth center. At the sametime that that's true, our
bodies almost act like a shockabsorber to our words and our
thoughts, so your body couldtake on something that's not
true, but your truth center isnot necessarily accessible to
(29:46):
your body in that moment,because your thoughts and words
are so powerful, so your bodytakes on imagine just over
myself an example. Over 40years, my body was a shock
absorber. For so much that didnot align with my truth center,
but my body was I'm theimpression that that was all
(30:06):
truth. So through my ownphysical illnesses and chronic
things over the past two years,hospitalizations, I went through
a massive purging, like myphysical body did, getting back
to that truth center. So thatall sounds really heavy, and I
don't mean to ever like, neverscare anyone again. It's just
(30:27):
like, take the tiniest degree ofwhat you and I are saying and
saying, like, Okay, what's thetiniest degree that lands with
me that I could kind of excavateand explore, and it could be
like, how's my heart today? Howdoes my stomach feel? Does my
head hurt? Because whensomething and this goes back to
(30:49):
what we were talking about,about setting expectations,
we're not saying that you can'tset goals. Goals are great, but
when you set yourself up foreither expectations or attaching
to any sort of outcome, which isin the how, what or when, and it
doesn't happen. Before you knowit, you have a thought which is
(31:10):
like, which could be around, I'mnot good enough. Ooh, before you
know it, your body took that asas fact, and oh shoot, now we're
at odds with our truth center,because is it true that I'm not
good enough? No, that's nottrue. So then there's work to
do.
Valerie Friedlander (31:30):
Yeah, well, and the tricky part is that then
our brain creates a story thatwe're that's rooted in what
we're familiar with about whyour body is responding the way
it's responding, and we thinkthat's what's true, instead of
actually digging further tounderstand what is, what's
happening within ourselves andour truth center and and that is
(31:52):
that's so often that that deeperpart of actually looking at will
almost like, like what you weresaying of what is The what is
the thought? People talk about,the thought, feeling, action,
sort of model, right? Thecognitive behavioral analysis
design, right? But what I havefound is that it isn't really
(32:14):
it's like the thought that wedon't know the feeling and then
the thought that we have fromthe feeling, or the belief that
that activates, and then themore feeling, and then the
action that creates patterns inour life. So when we can go
further than that, of like, whatis my body feeling? And I love
(32:37):
the modeling that you're doingright now, I don't even know
that you you probably just thisis part of how you do this, but
the pausing, the pausing evenwithin the phrase How you're
really taking that moment toaccess what you're seeking to
(33:03):
convey. And I have heard so manystories come through, as I've
done work with clients, aroundpausing, of this resistance, of
pausing because we oh, it lookslike I'm slow, it looks like I'm
this, that, or the other thing,like these stories, and I have a
(33:25):
kid who whose brain is slower,and I actually, through that
work of like, understanding slowprocessing, I'm like, Oh, I'm a
slow processor. But if we bypasstaking that space, that's where
we're going to grab the toolthat's most available, and it's
(33:48):
going to be the one that we wereconditioned to use, because that
is naturally going to be theit's like you put your hand out
looking for something, andsociety will just hear, this is
the tool you're looking for, andso You will use it. It's the one
that feels the the most familiarin your arm. And so taking that
pause, you receive that tool,and go, No, that's not, that's
(34:10):
not the tool I'm looking for.
Let me find it.
Amy Pons (34:15):
You put it down.
Valerie Friedlander (34:16):
You put it down!
Amy Pons (34:18):
Not yours.
Valerie Friedlander (34:20):
Yeah, well, I think it's really important.
Yeah,
Amy Pons (34:20):
And that's a really beautiful acknowledgement. And
the good news is, the more youget in touch with your truth
I'm glad that you brought thatforward, because that is
center, and I'll give you anexample. I'll give everybody a
really easy, tangible example ofyour truth center coming through
when there has something there,when there's been something
(34:42):
that's unfolded in your physicallife, people, places and things,
and later on, you might feel badabout it. Something feels icky.
It's likely that somethingwithin that interaction did not
align with your truth center.
That's why you're feeling somepeople might call it guilt or.
I'm just feeling somethingdoesn't land, something doesn't
(35:05):
sit right. That's the invitationthat is an example of what you
just said, where you've used orleveraged something from your
lived experience that does notalign with your truth center.
That's where you start to unfoldwhat is and is not your truth
center. And what's beautiful iswhen you start to discern, and
(35:28):
you said this earlier too, likeit's either a feeling, thought
or a thought feeling, tounderstand which one is the
root, when you start to figureout which is the discernment and
which is actually your truth andwhich one is your conditioning.
It's still important not tojudge that conditioning, because
(35:50):
that's beautifully part of youas well. It's saying, Hey,
welcome. And when you'reallowed, when you allow yourself
to step outside of the copypaste, like if I sit here in
process for a minute, somebody'sgonna judge me. Cool. That's not
mine. That's theirs. When yougive yourself that moment to
(36:13):
discern that pause, then you'relike, Okay, I honor that. This
is the way that I have beenconditioned, and I would love to
explore what would be a responsefrom my truth center. Then
again, like I picture head andheart, but like also I have
sacral authority. So I picturemy sacral energy and my brain
(36:35):
like walking together, the moreyou can have that discernment
and help them both to feel seenand heard. Hmm. That's where,
that's, like the on any degree,that's if someone needs a how,
that's a step toward the how, atleast in my practice,
(37:03):
something that I often see, isthat people that I work with
have done enough personaldevelopment through our
traditional modes of developmentthat they know how to beat
themselves up with it. Oh,right, right. And that's what
that's what happens. Oh, I, Ishouldn't be shoulding on
myself. Ah! Like, no, let's letthe should in.
Valerie Friedlander (37:25):
Yeah, just give it some room. Let it be
heard in its fullness, so thatyou can care for that part of
yourself that needed that, thatfelt like it needed that.
Amy Pons (37:39):
Yeah,
Valerie Friedlander (37:40):
And, you know, I had someone important in
my life say to me at one pointthat they wished that they could
have been the person in thatrole, that they thought that I
wanted them to be. And I waslike, Whoa, that's a that is a
loaded thing. And I understoodthe like, the message behind it,
(38:05):
of like, there was a certainamount of regret that they
weren't able to show up the waythat they wanted to show up. But
that was, there's a lot of like,I think that you think that
should have this and that andthat and the other thing. And it
was like, Okay, well, I can holdspace for the feeling of that
(38:28):
and also recognize that it was,it wasn't perfect, whatever that
means. It wasn't what if I, if Ias that person that that I was a
long time ago, had been able tosay, this is what I want for
somebody in my life, in thatrole, to be like I probably
(38:49):
would have you said a number ofthings that that person was not,
and all of those human pieces,all of those things that weren't
what I would have said I wanted.
Are part of how we are able toconnect the way we are now, and
part of who I am now and why Ican show up with people the way
(39:15):
I can now. It's all part of mystory and my journey and my
work, it's given me an awarenessand access and a journey that
allows me to to be who I am now,and so I can hold space for all
of that and all of them. Thatdoesn't mean that, you know,
(39:36):
were they still to be the sameperson that they were at that
time. I wouldn't set boundariesdifferently as an adult person.
And so yes, both and in that.
Amy Pons (39:52):
Both and always, you get to feel, and this is what a
lot of people in my. Experiencelike struggle with is that on
the Soul Plane again, there's nogood, bad, right, wrong,
everything just is. And so, forinstance, as an intuitive I have
(40:18):
glimmers peaks behind thecurtain of things that might be
transpiring. Just because I knowand feel what's unfolding
doesn't mean sometimes thatdoesn't hurt in my human
experience. So so I thinkthere's an assumption it's like,
(40:39):
if you're an intuitive or intune with spirit and coach like
you know why everything'shappening. You understand the
why it doesn't make it any anyeasier, sometimes, on a human
experience level, some days Ijust allow myself, Oh my gosh. I
just had one Saturday. I allowedmyself to be so mad all day
(41:01):
long. Did it serve me? Maybe,maybe not, but I allowed it in,
because I'm like, okay, but I'vehad this energy for probably,
like two weeks now it's like,what I'm going through an
upgrade, like my I get toexperience an upgrade. So I I
(41:25):
feel it. I get all ragey, andI'm like, okay, all right, a lot
so much of it is just allowingand never forcing. And some
people are like, Well, I gottago to I just gotta go to work.
When there's things as humans,as responsible adults, that we
gotta just do again. It'sfinding on any degree that you
(41:49):
allow yourself to feel at all,maybe get your favorite drink on
the way into work, or whateverit is, find a way to find space
and softness for that,whatever's coming in, yeah, and
to your point, by pass it,
Valerie Friedlander (42:10):
Yeah.
Amy Pons (42:11):
Turn it all the way up if you can.
Valerie Friedlander (42:14):
Absolutely, really feeling Your feelings,
because there's so muchinformation in there and and it
can be information that you needto do something different, that
you're missing out of alignmentwith your truth, and it doesn't
necessarily mean do somethingright now. Like, sometimes I
(42:36):
don't know, oh, what it is,right? Like, sometimes I can
just know that it's notsomething is not fitting,
something feels off, and I don'tget to know what it is yet, or I
do, but I don't have the choicesavailable to me yet. And so what
(42:56):
is the choice that I can makethat honors that space that
moves me in a direction towardthe choices that I'm seeking to
make that was a big aha for meof like, oh, maybe it's not all
about like, the choices. Maybethey're not choices I can make
right now because of my humanexperience, because of what's
(43:19):
happening in my life and theconstraints that I have and the
other choices that I've made,but when I can recognize that
it's something that I'm calledto, something that I desire,
then I can make the next choicetowards that in that direction,
honoring whatever it is that'scalling me in that direction,
(43:39):
even if it's not the thing thatI would choose right now,
because of other things that areimportant to me even,
Amy Pons (43:49):
And that's why having a coach is so cool, is to be
able to mirror back, of course,like what you're walking
through. And we are trained toextract those nuggets, even if
you don't realize it's anuggets, like, here's what I'm
hearing. It's so cool to havethat kind of mirror. And
coaching as a profession is, isjust, has just been exquisitely
(44:12):
interesting to me, because whenI left corporate in the
corporate world, coachingexisted on if you're not
familiar, you got a companysponsored coach once you got to
a certain level within theorganization, otherwise you
don't get that. And so that'sall that. It occurred to me that
(44:33):
it was only about I actuallydidn't even know what they were
coached about. It was like, whatare they getting coaching on? I
know doesn't make sense to me,and then I get it now, and I
don't know if those executivesbecause they were in their own
path, the folks that are coachesand that are the ones helping
(44:56):
you step through that next best.
Just feeling and action. For me,I call it like a soul aligned
action, or a truth centeredaction. That's the really cool
stuff that I feel the collectiveis is feeling so strongly right
now, and they're like, how thehell do I actually start? Start
following people that somethingabout content that lands with
(45:23):
you. Start following them, setup time with them, build a
rapport. The number one successcriteria with a coach is making
sure you have that two wayrapport.
Valerie Friedlander (45:35):
Yeah, that is absolutely I very much
encourage. And I think sometimespeople resist reaching out if
they don't know, and I thinkthat's the perfect time to reach
out, because if you're talkingto somebody who is really doing
that work, their goal and thefocus of that conversation is
(46:00):
going to be on helping youassess if they're the person to
help you do whatever it is, orbe wherever you are, whatever
that looks like, whatever reasonyou're reaching out and you
don't have to, you actuallydon't have to have the right
questions, like, you don't haveto be like, Okay, I'm
(46:21):
interviewing you. It doesn'thave to. We can just be like, I
just wanted to talk, and that'sactually okay, but I just felt
like I needed to get on a callwith you. Amazing. Don't worry
about wasting anybody's time,and we have a calendar for a
reason. Not wasting our time,that's part of our work.
Amy Pons (46:39):
I actually encourage, I'm like, if you feel like
you're like, something's bad, Igive or something's off, and I
have no idea what it is, cool,that's the best time to start
chatting. And yeah, and bemindful of those that are one
wanting to expedite or have theprocess be fast, folks that may
(47:03):
not be the best fit. So trustyourself. This goes back to
what's your gut feeling. So
Valerie Friedlander (47:10):
Yeah, absolutely, that's so, so true.
So thank you for thisconversation. This has been a
lot of fun. I like to wrap up aswe started, we talked about,
like, what is, what does it meanto be unlimited? And one of the
reasons I put this at the end isbecause sometimes what we talk
(47:32):
about, because I don't scriptour conversations, and it's, you
know, I don't have setquestions. It really is more of
a conversation than aninterview. Sometimes the energy
in the conversation helps unlocklike, what are the what are the
words that are vibrating withthat energy? So to that, what
(47:55):
does it mean to you to beunlimited,
Amy Pons (48:00):
To have unwavering faith and allowment for my
runway of life to be extendedall the time, to have A
regulated central nervoussystem, the trust and the
(48:22):
problem. Process to be okay withthe unknown, to set intentions,
and knowing when I set theintentions toward my energetic
matches. I shine my light sothat others can find me and the
(48:50):
universe can give me, kind oflike a high five energetic match
to send it back to me.
Valerie Friedlander (48:57):
Awesome.
And when you want to tap intothat unlimited feeling, what
song do you listen to?
Amy Pons (49:10):
This is me, Keala Settle from The Greatest
Showman.
Valerie Friedlander (49:16):
Awesome.
Well, that'll be on my Unlimitedplaylist. Thank you so much Amy
for joining me today. Iappreciate it.
Amy Pons (49:27):
Thanks for having me.
Valerie Friedlander (49:28):
Thank you so much for tuning in to this
episode. It is always a pleasureand an honor to have you join
me, and I invite you to be partof the conversation. Leave a
note under the episode, leave acomment on the blog post for
this episode on my website, sendme a text, send me an email. I
(49:50):
really, truly love to hear fromyou. So whatever way feels most
accessible for you, let me knowwhat came up for you in
listening to this episode. Isthere a nugget that you took
away from. It, or did it bringquestions forward that you would
like to have answered in afuture episode? I want to hear
from you. So please don'thesitate to reach out. And of
course, if you are looking forcoaching, support, my
(50:12):
information and a link toschedule a free exploration
session is in the show notes aslong with Amy's. So please reach
out. We are not meant to do anyof this alone. I'm here for you.
I'm sending you so much love,and I will talk to you all next
time.
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